Tumgik
#i feel dead inside aaa
trendywaifus · 10 months
Note
Stelle nsfw and sfw headcannons…Pleasewe
Tumblr media
ye ye!! since you two buds said please-
Tumblr media
— aaa being in a relationship with stelle is a ride. she’s so pretty and weird that you even wonder how someone like her exists. oh well, you ain’t complaining. despite her weird traits, when it comes to you, she’s protective and almost always seen by your side! she’s like a cat y’know?
— stelle flirts but it’s..pretty random? i feel like she doesn’t know how to be romantic all like that but tries her best in unintentional silly ways. like one time, she shows up at your cabin door in the middle of the night with a rose in her mouth casually asking to be let in. if you’re wearing an outfit that she never seen before and likes it, she’ll stare at you for the longest before commenting how good you look. she’ll prob say “ your butt fits nice in those pants, can i touch?”
— the way stelle looks at you whenever you’re around is adorable. march describes it as “a happy puppy who’s happy to see its owner! “
— def touch starved. every chance she gets to cuddle with you, she plops on top of you like a dead fish and now she’s apart of you. stelle’s pretty strong so if her arms are wrapped around you. . .good luck! also, please give her forehead kisses, it makes her all puddy inside and her love-sick grin is just precious.
— her kisses aren’t bad at all. they’re languid but a little sloppy since she’s ofc inexperienced. she’ll kiss you like that before and after missions, and in the heat of the moment like after a chase or fight; it grounds her.
— there’s a few times where stelle randomly suggested on making out with you behind a building during a mission and you just look at her like she took a dive in one of the trash cans on a street.
— you know that one idle when stelle is playing on her phone? yeah, imagine her challenging you to play with her and you almost always beat her. when she finally wins, for some reason she’s smug? like you’re sore loser, why so smug? she’d be the type to ask for a rematch and try to make you lose by casually using cheesy pick-up lines or making some random jokes that’s weirdly funny.
“ wow, i’m first place, again. “ you laughed, taking delight in seeing your girlfriend’s shoulders sag in defeat as she frowns at the sight of 2nd place in front of her name. “ losing in mario kart mobile is depressing, i know. it’s a skill issue though, the game’s easy. “ you shrugged, tucking your phone back into your pocket.
“ . . . .your mom. “ she mumbled.
your head whipped towards her, a look of surprised etched on your face. “ wh-what did you just say? did. .did you just make a mom joke, stelle? “ stelle clears her throat, golden eyes twinkling with mischief, she smiling cheekily, “ no, i obviously said good game, (name). “
nsfw
— stelle’s a service top and bottom so basically a switch. she prefers top though because she enjoys pleasing you. that dazed expression on your face; it’s almost like you’re seeing stars, she’s so enthralled by it. she’s so obsessed with the way you moan her name, she does whatever means necessary to hear your voice like a broken record in her ear.
— pervert! stelle is real. she’s sneaky with it, if you’re in the shower, she shamelessly undresses and invites herself. you won’t really realize she’s there until you hear the sliding door creak open and soon after, wandering hands makes theirselves known on your stomach then travels downward; hair ticking against your neck. she grins when you say her name in a breathless voice.
— she likes to touch herself and goes off at the mere thought of you alone. even when you’re asleep beside her, she can’t resist the urge in fingering herself while watching you sleep. she’s fine in relieving herself like this and doesn’t wanna wake you up. but sometimes, she gets a little too loud. is it on purpose in hopes of you waking up to help her out? maybe.
— i can imagine her throwing you a suggestive glance as you travel your fingers up her skirt from under a table, wandering a little too close to her cunt. she spreads her legs a little more, silently inviting you to go farther.
360 notes · View notes
Text
Protection of the Abyss
Synopsis: When Childe's too injured to think, Foul Legacy soothes him to sleep in search of you.
Foul Legacy Childe x Reader Pronouns: Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff Warnings: Injuries, mentions of crying, near-death experience, pain, mentions of medical supplies
Requested by Cottagecore Anon 💐: hihi! so uhm i have a FL scenario brainrot rn and i might forget about it cause there's so much im doing rn in college (AAA—) so imma immediately send this. 💐 what if foul legacy takes over childe, like, not to transform into his foul legacy form but like, takes over childe's consciousness and body and tries to find reader as childe and reader just doesn't know its FL. its okay if you dont wanna do this request btw!! (since it is a bit uncomfortable for a being to take over —) - cottagecore anon 💐
~ * ~ Childe is used to injuries. As the Eleventh Harbinger, he holds an unprecedented position of power over the endless troops of the Fatui, and as such it seems only natural for others to be against him, to fear his control and desire to put an end to it. The Fatui are distrusted in all other nations- that much he knows- but very few are courageous or foolish enough to attempt to confront the infamous Tartaglia, the Fatuus renowned across Teyvat for his battle prowess, and the ones that are quickly find themselves left for dead with a warning to never approach again. They would return home, terrified, whispering to their companions that yes, Tartaglia is truly unmatched amongst the common folk of the world. Childe has heard the rumors, and allows them to grow and flourish. He sees them as true- of course he’s unbeatable by simpletons like treasure hoarders and hilichurls- with the power he wields, how could he not be? He keeps his Foul Legacy, the art of the Abyss, grasped tightly in his hand; powerful, deadly, controlled; ready to unleash at a moment’s notice, and together he and the Abyss could even tear down the heavens from the sky. How foolish. Trembles run through Childe’s body as he limps away from a pile of dead bodies, slumping against a rocky cliffside and letting out a slow exhale. The twin blades in his hands lose their shape before dissipating into mist, the effort of using his Vision too taxing on his weakened body, and Childe curses himself and his idiotic hubris. He got sloppy- thought he wouldn’t be attacked so far from civilization- although he won, his opponents were smart with how they used their own blades. He squeezes his eyes shut as another wave of pain washes over him, awful and nauseating. His Foul Legacy whines in the back of his head, echoing faintly, distressed at Childe’s wounds and attempting to soothe his rapid, delirious thoughts, a moment of calm in the turbulent ocean of memories. He grasps and clings to a bright piece of the past amidst the Harbinger’s flickering consciousness- the first time he met you, at Bubu Pharmacy, and how you had held his heart and treasured it like it wasn’t corrupted by the Abyss and the starry sea. Childe hears Foul Legacy growl determinedly, once, twice, before everything fades to darkness. Foul Legacy blinks, squinting at the sun and sitting up. Everything is numb, a thin blanket spread over the searing pain of their shared body, and he glances down at his- Childe’s- hands, tentatively flexing them. They’re human enough, minus the way his skin is stained night-color from his forearms down, even fitting inside the bloodstained gloves Childe always wears as part of his uniform. The monster shivers- everything feels smaller in this form, squishier, more vulnerable- he hates it. Briefly he considers slipping the mask on the side of his head over his face, for some semblance of protection, but ignores it in favor of rising to his feet, the pain of Childe’s injuries just barely masked by Abyssal power. You- he needs to find you. You’ll help him and Childe, with your gentle hands, and erase the fear that lingers so steadily in his being. The sun is setting as you write up another prescription, clicking your tongue. What a horrible cold going around! The number of people falling ill only rises by the day, and you’re simply grateful that neither you nor Baizhu have gotten sick yet, with seemingly the entire city needing the Pharmacy’s services. With a flick of your wrist you sign the paper, stamping and rolling it into a scroll to take to work the next day. At least Qiqi can’t catch any bugs going around, you’re not sure what you’d do without your best herb collector, and you toss the scroll into your open bag where at least ten others of the same type are waiting. There’s a knock at your door, and the lateness of the hour makes you tilt your head in slight surprise as you set down your empty mug and venture out of your office. Idly humming a tune, you unlatch and open your front door, your little song dying away in an instant when you’re greeted by the sight of Childe, blood splattered across his clothes. Immediately you panic, brain going into overdrive as your eyes jump from injury to injury, only stopping to wonder how in the world he’s still standing upright. “Wh- Childe?! What happened?!” You pull him inside, sitting him on the couch and turning to run for your medical supplies when a hand catches your wrist. Childe tugs gently on your arm, and slowly you lower yourself and sit beside him, worried at his silence. His fingers brush your chin, urging you to look up into his shining blue eyes. Shining. Your own eyes widen as you stare, the sparkle in Childe’s eyes unnatural yet beautiful all at once. You begin noticing other unusual features, from the staining on his hands to his pointed ears to his hair, now fading from ginger to white at the tips, and your next words are hushed, whispered. “You’re not Childe… are you?” A head shake, and the sensation of a face buried in the crook of your neck prompts you to wrap your arms around Foul Legacy, running your fingers up and down the back of an Abyssal creature in a human body. You can feel him shaking- partially out of fear, partially from adrenaline- and your heart almost shatters right there and then. Without another word you slip away and climb the stairs, Foul Legacy following right behind you, to retrieve your medical kit. The next moments are filled with comfortable silence as you tend to the injuries peppering Childe’s body, cleaning the dried blood with a delicate touch. Foul Legacy merely watches, eyes glimmering and flicking from your face to your hands and back again, fascinated by the process and how the veil over the pain grows stronger and stronger. A few times you catch him mumbling quietly in Childe’s voice, then hastily covering his mouth, blinking in confusion as you attempt to hide your laughter before hunching over the bandages once more. Finally, finally, Childe’s body is wrapped and treated, the snow-white gauze stained deep red in several places, and you let out a tired sigh and lean against the wall, Foul Legacy slotting himself in place beside you. There’s a tentative brush of his hand against your wrist, the deep purple-charcoal color strange but familiar, and without thinking you lace your fingers with his and hold tight. Foul Legacy squeaks in surprise, the sound coming out as more of a yelp in Childe’s voice, pressing his forehead against your shoulder, pointed ears twitching in embarrassment. You smile, raising a hand to ruffle his copper locks, and suddenly there’s a cheek smushed against your palm, Legacy closing his eyes and pouting. His sulky expression, adorable as it is, quickly fades as you begin rubbing your thumb against his cheekbone, turning into one of awe and contentment. This- This is what Childe feels when you cup his face in the morning, at times when Foul Legacy is securely locked away. Everything is soft and gentle, his blackened hands holding yours as you trace across all of Childe’s freckles, making little galaxies and constellations out of them, and Foul Legacy wishes he could stay forever even if he feels his strength waning. He shifts slightly, attempting to curl around your body like he usually does, but settles for resting his weary head in your lap, consciousness faltering as Childe’s body begins to heal. Just barely does Legacy feel your hand stroking his hair, and involuntarily he lets out a whimper, not wanting to leave just yet. There’s a slight pressure on his forehead, your voice whispering something he can’t quite place, and Foul Legacy’s eyes drift closed into slumber. Childe wakes up aching, pain humming constantly in his bones, but not unbearably. Golden rays of sun splash across the blanket tucked over his body, the scent of food wafting from the kitchen- your kitchen- a tasty-smelling broth simmering while you read at the table. Your head jerks up when Childe peeks around the doorway, a broad smile gracing your features as you leave whatever novel you were skimming behind in favor of pulling the Harbinger into a gentle hug. He doesn’t even bother to wipe his tears as he mumbles out “thank you”s and “I’m sorry”s, merely leaning into your touch with a hum of relief. He’s alive. He’s alive, and he’s here with you, where he can heal safely unlike all the times before, accepting the soft blanket and warm broth you bring as he nestles back down onto the couch. The tips of your fingers dance from freckle to freckle, and with a quiet laugh Childe asks you what exactly you’re doing. There’s a little gleam in your eyes as you chuckle. “Oh, I just thought I’d give you some attention, too.” In the back of Childe’s mind, Foul Legacy purrs sleepily, treasuring the memory of your gentle hands ghosting over his face.
1K notes · View notes
Note
This is the same josiah anon, if i can request this: Perhaps a yandere Josiah? Thank you!!! I was so happy because you're my favorite writer aaa///
Yandere Josiah x male reader
Headcanons
Tumblr media
Guess who’s not dead. I bought a new game, Knights of the old republic, and I’ve been playing during all my free time forgetting all about writing.
Here’s some good ol Josiah, I’m not sure how good I captured the yandere feel since Josiah in general is just kinda… like that. Not that it matters but I always imagine Josiah with Manlybadassheroes voice.
-          Josiah had never really felt attraction to anyone before, sure he had found people attractive, but most people tended to avoid him or talk to him as little as possible since he’s always been kind of a loner or weirdo.
-          Then you swaggered into the office building on your first day and went around introducing yourself to everyone, and when you caught what Josiah was playing on his computer, instead of scolding him like everyone else you asked him about it in interest.
-          After that the two of you started talking more, and Josiah’s interest in you only grew until it became a borderline obsession. It wasn’t an unusual sight in the office building for Josiah to follow you around like some puppy.
-          Everyone just assumed it was because you were the only person in the building that actually put up with him and all his pranks and lazy behavior. Josiah was like your shadow even when you both had other tasks to do, he was always right behind you, looking over your shoulder.
-          People around the building swore they’d catch Josiah glaring at them from under the shadow of his cap when they spoke to you, but they could never catch him in the act or prove it. It became almost a joke, to prod at Josiah by getting a little too friendly with you and making the other man jealous.
-          Again they all assumed he was jealous because you were his only friend, some even joked Josiah was in love with you.
 -          Josiah’s obsession became so bad it got in the way of his everyday life, especially when one day Damian was scolding Josiah again and you defended him, even lying at times to get Josiah out of trouble.
-          Up until then he had just seen you as his soulmate, now you were more like a god for him to worship, which also meant he didn’t want anyone to taint you and your perfectness, so he stopped hiding his glares or scowls as others got too close.
-          When Josiah one day came in late to work, he caught you and Damian talking and it looked like a heated conversation, especially the pensive expression on the blondes face which turned into a tight scowl as Josiah approached.
-          When Damian told you “Just think about it” before leaving, Josiah couldn’t help the burning jealousy that flared up in his chest, and when he asked in his lazy voice what you two had been talking about and you just said it was nothing, Josiah bit roughly into the inside of his cheek to keep himself from doing or saying anything.
-          The conversation with Damian was because he was worried for you because of Josiah’s behavior, how possessive the man was and how he seemed to always be in your business, he had even seen Josiah take pictures of you or go through your things.
-          You don’t believe him of course, because its no secret Damian doesn’t like Josiah, and Josiah is your friend and is down to earth, so what that he likes to hold your hand a little to tight, or hugs you for a little too long. That’s just how he is.
 -          The first time you invite Josiah over to your place he’s over the moon, you two hang out and play video games, and when you fall asleep against his shoulder he keeps himself as still as the dead as he doesn’t wanna wake you up.
-          It becomes a regular ordeal, you two hanging out at your place. You never really wonder why you don’t go to Josiah’s place, since yours is closer to the office building so it’s a no brainer its your place the two of you hang out.
-          Josiah starts taking some of your things, starting small but growing bolder over time, going from taking tiny knickknacks or stealing your sleep shirt or your toothbrush. You never suspect Josiah and just assume you’ve misplaced it, though you do grow quite sad when you lose your favorite hoodie.
-          The hoodie returns after a while, so you just assume you must have misplaced it or overlooked it. You don’t really realize or question that its folded in a way you don’t fold clothes, or that it smells like Josiah’s laundry detergent and not your own.
-          Josiah had returned the hoodie to you after wearing it himself nonstop in his own apartment, in the beginning it was just so he could feel close to you, until he ended up arching in his bed wearing nothing but your hoodie, pressing another of your shirts close to his nose and inhaling your scent.
-          After that he had to wash it so it wouldn’t be retuned with mysterious stains, and when you didn’t seem to mind that it smelled different or that he had obviously taken it, at least in his opinion, he assumed in his delusional mind that you knew he was the one taking your things and you returned his feelings.
 -          The first time you kiss is during one of your hangouts at your apartment, Josiah had grown even more touchy after he came to his earlier conclusion, hugging you from behind or brushing his hand through your hair.
-          When you win one of your games, you cheer and as if to show off your victory you snatch the cap right off his head and tuck it on yourself.
-          Seeing you wearing his cap makes a mix of love, possessiveness and lust explode inside Josiah’s chest, so when you turn to him to gloat he leans right in and pressed his lips against yours.
-          At first you don’t respond and Josiah feels fear plummet in his stomach because he’s scared he’s ruined it, but when you start kissing him back and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him in closer, Josiah lets himself run wild.
-          He starts devouring you like a starving predator, his hands going up your shirt and his tongue exploring your mouth, both of you moaning and grasping at each other like you need the other to survive.
-          Josiah litters your neck with bites and hickeys, and he grows so weak and whimpery when you leave your own hickeys and bites across his tan neck.
-          He is a mix of possessive and pathetic, in the way that he has his moments when he grabs you so possessively, growls to himself and goes on muttered rants about how you are his and his alone.
-          But then where are times where he’s cuddled into your chest and you run your fingers through his hair or rub his back, and he whines and whimpers, growing teary eyed as he kisses your neck so softly and grasps onto your shirt like he’s scared you’ll disappear.
 -          No one at the office is surprised when they learn you two are dating, they’re actually more surprised that you weren’t dating before.
-          Josiah will now use it as an excuse to hang on you even more, though he never goes too far since this is a workplace and he doesn’t want to get you in trouble. He will kiss your neck and cheek a lot though, or hug you from behind and rub your hips.
-          There will be some of your coworkers who jokingly ask you how you can put up with Josiah of all people, and when you respond that he’s super sweet and perfect for you, he just falls for you even more.
-          What you don’t know is that Josiah has most definitely threatened Damian, when the blonde had tried on a couple of occasions to show you just how creepy or how many red flags Josiah showed.
-          If Damian kept it up it wouldn’t be too surprising for the Blonde to go missing one day, and people will assume he just moved on to another job, that is if Damian’s body isn’t found somewhere in your town.
-          No one suspects Josiah since he’s just a lazy nerd who’s a little too touchy with his boyfriend, but its all blamed on him lacking a lot of social skills that comes from living the life he’s lived until this point.
-          Josiah will also use it as an excuse to be able to comfort you, holding you and kissing you and muttering about how he will keep you safe from whoever killed Damian, though he’s half convinced in his delusional mind that you know he did it and are just playing a role like he is.
-          Now with no threat around Josiah doesn’t feel like he needs to be just as protective as before, and at some point you two most likely move in together since he already spends most of his time in your apartment.
-          He openly steals your clothes now, since its more approved since you’re dating. He is also very obsessed with you wearing his clothes, so if you wanna drive him crazy just do that.
-          He’s a little, or very, crazy, but he loves you very much and would kill god for you if it meant making you smile.
304 notes · View notes
jessoloslemons · 2 months
Text
I found a song that just reminds me of john dory-
Tumblr media
John Dory seems to be most stuck in the past out of all his brothers.
Ex: keeping memorabilia inside Rhonda, still having this perfectionist mindset (although it's slowly getting broken - when they rescued floyd singing better place)
Tumblr media
C'mon man, C'MON!! when you have grown up with a set mindset, it's almost impossible to unlearn it and learn a new one. John being a perfectionist clearly is very toxic, and had led to the disbandment of Brozone, and has hurt his brothers the most, even if he didnt mean to. Clearly, this mindset of his needs to be changed, but it's what he has grown to have, it's probably all he knows. :(
Tumblr media
Pride. Refusing to humble himself and listen. Too proud to admit he was at fault (at least in the scene where they disband. He says "this is what happens when YOU guys dont follow MY lead." Puts the blame on others. But it's too late to apologize now, so he gives in)
Tumblr media
The past just catching up, years has passed, and yet all his regrets just keep on coming back. (20 years is a long time, and a LOT of time. Imagine the thoughts he must've had, especially when he probably believed all his brothers were dead)
Tumblr media
Him feeling like nobody's gonna save him, because who'd want to save him? a troll who abandons his brothers for 20 years and has been horrible to them when they were still kids? A troll who fucked up as a brother so badly?
--
AAA i've been wanting to talk about this song for so long now 😭 i've wanted to make a short comic, or an animation short regarding this but..bro im no artist ;-; and so here i present it on tumblr HAHAHA
I love John Dory as a character, and would just really wanna see him fleshed out more! And since the 4th movie would probably take years (sobs), it's enough time for us fans to do the job
Thoughts? I'd love to hear them!! Check this song and artists! The best <3
24 notes · View notes
thelaurenshippen · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
this is perhaps an exceptionally silly post to make but: it took me 8 and a half entire days (204 hours over 5 years, out of the over 600 hours I’ve logged on this game), but I’ve finally actually completed Red Dead Redemption 2. it is bonkers to me that I have spent so much time in this world and only NOW have I seen the very last teeny bit of dialogue that rounds out the story (iykyk). it speaks to the depth and breadth of the universe that rockstar created (and also the true grinding pain of some of the challenges (those fucking teeny tiny goddamn hunting request birds)) that I was STILL discovering new details in a game I know better than any other.
all these years on, since that fateful day in late 2018 when I bought the game after my friend Jordan spent weeks convincing me I would love it despite not liking westerns (oh the fool I was), I can safely say that this game changed my life. I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, but it was one of the things that dragged me out of one of the worst depressive periods of my life, that provided some relief in one of the worst bouts of insomnia I’ve ever experienced (though probably not doctor recommended lol), and opened my eyes to what storytelling could be on so many levels. I rediscovered a childhood love of console video games that had been dormant for years, got into other pieces of media I never would have tried that led me to truly deep fandom spirals and friendships I couldn’t live without, and inspired me to write a story that is, to date, the story I’ve had the most fun writing in my life.
this is not the end of my time spent in the world of red dead, not by a long shot, but it does feel like a culmination. it was so fun running after this somewhat arbitrary accomplishment (there’s still so much left to do! how!) and a wonderful reminder of how the best art can sustain us forever, even if not all of it has endless challenges to do and herbs to pick. and I hope this post can be a reminder to any artists out there that you never know what your art is going to do. a AAA 100+ hour video game made by hundreds of people can feel like the most intimate story to someone who needs it; a story you write on your own and share with only a few people can open up a world inside someone's head that they'll never stop exploring. a serious contemplation on humanity can be someone's relief; a shoot-em-up action adventure can bring someone peace. you just don't knonw. so always make your art and share it, it will find those who need it most.
22 notes · View notes
brineffxiv · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
So... This was a lie.
Tumblr media
In the aftermath of Quintus' suicide, many of the people at Tertium - soldier and refugee alike - opt to relocate to Camp Broken Glass where they can partake of our food, warmth, and medical care. We are in the process of settling these refugees in and serving them supper. It is peaceful. Possibly the first moments of peace many of these people have known in a long time.
Tumblr media
Jullus arrived with the final group of refugees, and... He's having a bit of a hard time. I think the kindness and camaraderie are getting to him. He's lost so much, and been under such strain, for so long. It's no wonder when he can finally relax he's going to pieces.
Tumblr media
While reminiscing with Lucia and Maxima I notice the flower glowing a soft blue. Because of how thankful and content we are? It is a beautiful moment.
Tumblr media
Ah, but of course, it cannot last. Shattering the peaceful silence, the radio in the command room crackles to life, and from it issues the voice of Emperor Varis.
Tumblr media
From the Tower of Babil comes a mighty roar, and our warding scales flicker to life.
Tumblr media
But lo! None of our newly arrived refugees have yet been given warding scales, and their tempering begins.
Tumblr media
In the chaos, as we rush to restrain the tempered and distribute warding scales to those yet able to be saved, a soldier of the Maelstrom calls out to me. But he is not a solider. He is Fandaniel. And then I am gone.
Tumblr media
I come to slowly, seated across a long table from Zenos, with the voice of Fandaiel in my ear.
Tumblr media
...aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
I don't think there are appropriate words for the sheer stomach-churning horror that was this moment.
Well, Zenos, this definitely takes the cake for the most uncomfortable date I've ever been on. Kudos.
Tumblr media
Fandaniel's incessant chatter contrasted with Zenos' ominous silence is possibly just as unnerving as waking up in a borrowed body. The tension is building, and I dread when it breaks.
Suddenly, a roar, and there it is. The primal is near. We're in the Tower of Babil, then.
Tumblr media
...excuse me, "Daddy?" Is Varis not quite dead after all?
Oh, but it is much worse than that. Varis is quite dead, but his corpse, animated by the desperate "prayers" of the people of Garlemald - for salvation, for safety, for a return to the days of old - is what has become the primal.
Tumblr media
AAA! Holy FUCK.
Holy goddamn fuck!
Tumblr media
Incidentally, I was right about the towers. They're part of the primal and siphoning aether back to the... main... body... Oh, eew, they've all got pieces of Varis' corpse inside them, don't they?? That's why there was a man's limb inside the core of the Tower of Zot?
Tumblr media
Finally, Zenos speaks, and he is...
I could almost read his previous silence, not as a deliberate tactic to unnerve me, but as hesitation while he sorted out how to pitch the idea to me. After all, Fandaniel has already confessed that this entire plan was his own idea: Zenos probably didn't have the opportunity to think up his speech in advance.
Zenos is talking like he's trying to convince me to sleep with him. Like we had a grand one-night-stand and he's trying to persuade me to "re-conquer" him.
Which does highlight the problem with Zenos' assessment of the situation: he's got such a skewed understanding of emotional motivation that he's only capable of parsing it in terms of the negative. He sees himself as a conquest - either in battle or in bed - that he must persuade me to experience again, by tempting me with unrealized potential. When, if we were actually the "friends" he professes us to be, we could engage in... whatever it is he wants to engage in... for the sheer enjoyment of the activity.
Tumblr media
And so, he would cause untold pain and suffering, that he would become an irresistible target for my attention and my ire.
Tumblr media
He has mistaken me though; I am not angry, I am only sad. Aghast, horrified by what he has done... but I feel I understand him too much to hate him as he desires. My enemy. My friend.
Tumblr media
And so, you will now do something "worse." Won't you?
Tumblr media
He wants me to experience, as he did, fighting in another's body.
Tumblr media
Get out of my body Zenos!
Not what I thought he meant when I surmised he wanted inside me.
Tumblr media
Gee, thanks, Fandaniel.
Tumblr media
You're a dick, Fandaniel.
Tumblr media
Thus commenced the most nerve wracking, emotionally fraught, paradigm shifting....
Goddamn. "In From the Cold" is Art. That's all I can call it. It's a work of art, and it must be experienced - in context - to be truly appreciated. I am positive every one of you who has played the game knows exactly what I'm talking about. It was HARD too. It took me two tries to get through it. Holy shit though, holy shit...
Fuck. I am not okay.
Tumblr media
Back at camp, my friends have managed to get a handle on the situation with the tempered and are preparing to send out search parties to look for me. They realize they timing of my disappearance is suspicious and are aware the two are likely connected, but don't have enough information to connect the dots.
When suddenly, who should come walking up the path but me.
I take some small satisfaction that my Black Mage glam forced Zenos to walk across the breadth of Garlemald in 2B heels. That's what happens when you kidnap someone for a date, Zenos. Serves you right.
Tumblr media
Ooo! I get a good look at Zenos' avatar. Cool.
Tumblr media
I made it just in time. Able to save G'raha and Alisaie by throwing my sword through the avatar just as it was about to slice into them.
Tumblr media
I launch myself at Zenos!Me. But I collapse to the ground as whatever spell-thing Fandaniel did to move my soul out of my body hits its limit. I am incapacitated as my soul starts to return to my body.
Tumblr media
Fandaniel reveals his master plan!
All that we have encountered since arriving in Garlemald has been by design. Tempered soldiers, refugees, he's even behind the missing ceruleum in Tertium! All planned to delay us just enough for Anima to siphon enough aether to awaken Zodiark! And somehow make the Final Days happen!? I'm not 100% clear how that's going to work, but Fandaniel would know, I suppose.
Tumblr media
Ah, Zenos, you horrible, deranged, sexy man. Unf. Be evil at me some more.
Tumblr media
But my friends are here! They are here for me! They love me! They are unharmed, and now it is time to storm the Tower of Babil. Which is good. Because I hit the max image limit on this post and had to take out several good jokes, if I do say so myself. Time to start a new post.
105 notes · View notes
brainlessrot · 2 years
Text
AU in which yuu has a tumblr acc and idia knows what it is
idia would definetly be one of those people that when they do an anon ask they sign off with an emoji
he would talk to yuu without the worry of what would yuu thinks bc!! yuu doesnt know that he is "-💀" anon!!!
he absolubtely exploits that and just sends a thousand of asks everyday without SHAME
but hes EXTREMELY bad at hiding himself
(first time after you responded to him)
"Anon : OH MY SEVEN YOU NOTICED ME, im rlly panicking rn bc ure?? SO COOL?? and you just responded to my ask aaaaa alsjosjs - 💀"
the first ask in question:
"anon asked : hey hey yuu have you watched (insert here an anime with a long ass name) yet?? its a really good anime and i rlly recomend it to u if u haven't seen it- 💀"
kantokusei-yuu responded : aaa i just saw the first couple of episodes and youre so right!!! my fave character is (generical anime girl name) what abt yours 💀 anon??
thats the same character he loves (and feels represented by) and dies inside a little bit
(you post a picture of grim and you)
"Anon : HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT URE LIKE, RLLY PRETTY, also, please pet Grim-shi for me!!!! i would DIE if you did -💀"
Kantokusei-yuu responded : awww thank you so much 💀 anon!!! ... wait how do you know Grim’s name
After that slip up he makes it know that he (kinda) knows you irl
he might even try to flirt with you when hes feeling confident
"anon : you go to NRC, right?? i do too! i believe i saw you a couple of times on the halls, but i ran away bc i got so flustered, but thats such a coincidente, almost like were soulmates or smthin!! hahahahha - 💀"
but he will regret it inmediatly
"anon : oh seven please ignore and even delete that last ask, i think my little brother logged onto my acc im so so sorry - 💀"
HE WOULD FORGET TO PUT ANON ONCE AND THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASING (also his name being one that a middle schooler would probably put fits so well dont tell me it doesn't)
"shrouded-misery asked : i just saw you on the halls, i really loved the pin you had on ur backpack!!! was it from (insert here another long ass generic name of a game)??? if so thats a banger and your taste is great - 💀"
when you click on his url his whole blog is anime/cat themed, probably even anime-cat themed
his pfp is a random anime character, the only posts he makes are pictures of cats and reblogs of his fav animes and idols, and when you see his name-- The Great Idia-- everything clicks
you go to ortho and ask him to bring you to his brother
he does so, extremely confused
when you finally capture-- i mean, get to him, hes also really confused... until you show him your inbox, with his not-anon ask there
he dies
like, legit dies
hair's bright pink, hes laying fetal position on the floor type of dead
after he comes back from the world of the dead hes apologizing and saying that if youre uncomfortable with him that he wont go to your blog ever again
and after you tell him that you dont mind and that you had wanted to be his friend for a while he dies again
now 💀 anon is both your irl and online friend!!
however he wont stop with 💀 anon asks if you let him
he just feels more comfortable that way!
432 notes · View notes
coelii · 4 months
Note
ok so hi! sorry! im bigender and uh. what made you realize yoi wanted hrt? because i don't know. i want to be more masculine but i dont want ot be less feminine?? but?? aaa???
If this anon is who I think it is take everything below with a healthy grain of salt. This is my story and how I feel about things. Your story is, by definition, different from mine. And your feelings are no less valid if they don’t involve the suicidal shit I’m going to talk about. Dysphoria comes in all shades of fucked. If you feel it though, no matter how intense, there are steps to take to remedy it and HRT is only one possible step - not everyone needs it or wants it. For me though it’s been exactly what I was missing.
So I felt I was supposed to be a girl around age 8. That was when I first started experiencing what I now know is dysphoria. It involved me wearing a pair of my cousin’s socks that she’d left behind after staying in my room and reading a Babysitter’s Club book she’d also forgotten. I would act as girly as my 8-year old brain thought girls acted and I had the most intense rush of warmth cover my whole both while I did it. I now know that feeling was euphoria.
I chased that euphoria for the next 25 years of my life. I thought for many different reasons at many different times of my life that the feelings I had about being a girl were wrong, they were sinful, they were a fetish, and I did my best try at being the best “man” I knew how to be. And I was miserable. Not always of course, I have a lot of good memories from being a man, some of my best in fact. That said, there was always something missing in my life.
I thought about suicide just about every day. Then I started making plans to kill myself, but moving those goal posts at every major life event.
“I’ll kill myself when I finish college and still feel this way”
“I’ll kill myself if I get a real job and still feel this way”
After my son was born it became “I’ll kill myself after he becomes an adult and can take care of himself”
And then I finally woke up and realized that all the gender fuckery feelings I’d felt almost my entire life were because I was transgender. And when I found out that not only could I transition but by reading others people’s stories I realized I could look good and I could be happy? I knew I had to give myself the chance to be happy.
I knew HRT was for me because I wanted all of the benefits: I wanted the softer skin and nails, I wanted the sleeker hair, I wanted the fat retribution, I wanted breasts. I didn’t know if the hype surrounding emotional changes was real but I thought it couldn’t hurt anything.
And so far HRT has saved my life. Those suicide goalposts are gone - now I’m sad when I get intrusive thoughts about killing myself. My mood, even being all fucking over the place, has improved dramatically over the “dead inside” shell of a man I used to be. And when I look in the mirror I see someone smiling back at me who I finally feel, for the first time in my life, is Me.
On the whole I don’t think I minded being a man. I actually think he looked halfway decent, he made people laugh, and people liked to be around him. But in my opinion he wasn’t a good friend, he wasn’t a good husband, and he wasn’t a good father - because he wasn’t fully committed to being here. He was staving off ending his own life on a daily basis and he was never fully present. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of “what if I had been born a woman” or “I wish life had a character creator so I could just look however I wanted”. He had gender dysphoria, he had body dysmorphia, he had depression stemming from both those things and he negatively impacted the people who loved him because of it.
HRT isn’t for everyone by any means. It’s an intensely personal choice, but for me it has (so far) done everything I wanted it to do and more. It has helped me see and feel like the woman who was always there all along. The woman who was sending threatening messages in my subconscious that I interpreted as suicidal and dysphoric thoughts. She’s out now and I’ve never been happier. I finally feel like the good friend, the good wife, and the good parent I always wanted to be. And I’m incredibly happy with my choice. :)
13 notes · View notes
starglowwos · 4 months
Note
Wait I wanna know which warrior songs you've associated with the life series and why
Tumblr media
@in-the-abyss
aaalright so i only know of blixemi ones but here we go :> it's not all of them but it's the ones i have stronger associations for
(quick warning that this post isn't super plain text friendly, i don't have the spoons for it right now, sorry)
shared eyes
this one fits martyn so well i think
here's some specifics - i'll highlight some eyesandearsy things as well :>
i'm not who you think i am, if you think of me at all
i wish your silence came from hate then at least i'd know why i'm to blame but a fool i'd stay to pray within a drought to drown in the rain
it seems to me that i have always been the problem though i'd wish to solve it, foolishly, i've gone and charred each star that's fallen
i'm not who i think i am when you think you've seen it all in this frozen state of apathy i've blossomed with every flaw
what good is it to even try? you'll never hear or see or face all the parts of you you despise come to life, standing right fore your eyes in spite reminding both of us have wished on a starless night
you can try as you might you can lie, fantasize but we both see your eyes your eyes in mine
and these ones fit limited life so well ↓
this feels wrong… it's not playing out right. how am i colder now, upon a bridge i chose to ignite? am i all wrong? it doesn't feel like it should this hollow triumph doesn't fill the pain i thought it would… i've spent so long why do i pity you now? you've yet to change, so in your place, i've learned to torture myself
like. AAA
and he runs
this one kinda fits double life cleo, i think? and martyn by proxy. it's a biiit of a stretch in places though
off you go inside your mind again your legs must shake from the memories you chase round your head i beg you no, but there you go, to find a version of you that's dead
your body's here, but it is clear you're always searching for what you cannot find
gives vibes of martyn missing ren kinda. even though that doesn't exactly involve cleo
i'm not fine
jimmy probably, canary curse?
i'm a wreck, i'm in a downward spin and i don't know what it feels like to win but they tell me, "just gotta put in the work, you'll be fine!" and they tell me, "everyone falls down, time to time"
i'll be the best they've ever seen! you'll fall, you'll trip, you'll make a scene. …it'll take some work to get to where i need to go..! they're better off without you, you know? oh…
and though i try, and though i reach for the sky there's this voice that's getting louder in the back of my mind saying i'm not fine it's screaming at me saying i'm not fine!
and they tell me it's alright everyone takes their own time but my time is moving backwards i don't think i'll get it right cause i'm losing my own battles cannot find the will or might cause the little voice that's s'posed to cheer me on is the one i have to fight!
just one heartbeat
i don't have anything really specific for this one, but it definitely feels watchery
you've been trapped in your mind, your doubts tucked down below but it's okay to be afraid! i'll show you all that i know all i need is a heartbeat—just a breath, and i'm through i can open up your world, i do this all for you
just when i thought i'd won, one stunt left me undone and my fate has plunged and spun into the paws of someone who is eager to believe her destiny's a high achiever so i'll reach her, and i'll teach her, and eventually deceive her but she can see that i lack her beliefs but if she gives me just one heartbeat, their defeat is in reach she is wrapped in her deceit, soon my task will be complete they'll be banished to a blackout; endless shadows i'll release
but i can see they don't trust so easily so let me share a breath of time trapped within my memories there's a group of three who plead—they're so blinded by their greed!— —who will make all of my work compose completely seamlessly!
bold sol's an old soul, i desire full control old sol's bold soul's goal's to envoke revolt your prophecy's my bait, and soon i will dictate all the choices of the voices who're around this lake
you stand faced here before my truth, yet you continue to hide you need me more now than ever! i'm an escape for all your lies! i see darkness in your heartbeat! this clan life you will lose! you have opened up his world, his blood was spilt on you.
one not two
mean gills. scott. mean gills scott and the limited life finale
storm, it was you and i, side by side, since our mother had died back then we had no one else, just ourselves, no one was left in our defense we had each other, there was no better brother you were my best friend until it was my end
we walked through hell together, we weathered every weather the stormy wind carried along my weary withered feathers would i rewind and change my mind, and leave it all behind? not on your life
we came into the world in a whirl split by our blood and our loyalties we walked upon a line, you and i, plagued by floods of brutality
i can feel my heartbeat racing, i don't know if this is my place and yet i feel inside, i must die for you to survive—my brother, i i love you so, more than you know, it's time to go but you won't ever be alone
if i could rewind and change my mind, and do it all again with all the answers ahead of me, and knew how it would all end would i make the same choice? like, before i knew? that our destinies were tied to each other? it was me and you—one not two, one not two
if i could rewind and change my mind, and do it all again with all the answers ahead of me, and knew how it would all end i know i'd make the same choice, and now i know it's true that our destinies were tied, i would die for you
shifting roots
technically not a warrior cats song anymore but its on the list oops
anyway. just, life series in general actually
all that's familiar to you suddenly feels strange the calm and steady now marked with scars you can't explain the friendly faces now have faded into foes it went unnoticed—now it's all you seem to know
one breath, the world's turned backwards two blinks, nothing's the same memories are frayed and fractured can you hold to what remains?
the hunt becomes the hunted haunted days and sleepless eyes what you knew cannot be trusted buried truths uproot tonight
your history cracks and crumbles like stones beneath the sea no time for falls or fumbles, must go and take the leap move quick, don't lose your balance; don't sway or look behind below you creeps greed and malice; you cannot stop your climb
and you'll bend, and you'll break, and you'll burn as the ground claws you down to the dirt
and you'll love, and you'll lose, and you'll learn while your prayers and despairs go unanswered
everybody's got a secret to hide keep it close, keep it locked inside but, though they try, it'll find the light something lurks, something's coming to life
sink away
scott in the limited life finale again
we're barely floating now, we can't keep up this pace something must sink away for you, i'd sink away
we've clawed so desperately for a future out of reach to keep our heads above the truth beneath our feet i know we're only now prolonging what awaits love shapes a heartless fate for you, i'll sink away
in this pain, an island stands with warm and white inviting sands i wish that, somehow, i could reach this place but the more i swim, the more i see i simply just can never be living all the dreams i planned to make still, i'll fall unafraid so you don't sink away
hope lifts my weighted mind, and though my heart will break love's left within my wake that cannot sink away
in this pain, an island rests where all i loved are safely kept somehow, i've found myself here in its place and the more i see, the less i grieve—i fade away so you can be living all the dreams you planned to make and you'll live unafraid i know you'll be okay for you, i'd sink
walk without the stars
last life martyn and the watchers. just. yeah
you and i had plans that we would stand up strongly for our clan but something changed, pushed me away, left me estranged… how could you be so blind and turn your eye to my decline? what once was ours has turned to scars as i walk without the stars
i'm torn by two sides, stuck with my paws tied do i embrace my pride and ally with the dark side? or do i rewind; turn heel, and decide to do what is right, beside my bloodline? but can i change it, explain it? put on a front and contain it? or is it probable my soul's already tainted? do i belong in the dark? my actions have made me marked to continually march with those who walk without the stars
i was in their plans, that i'll stand strongly up against my clan but something changed, pulled me away, left me dismayed… how could i be so blind and turn my eye to their demise? i closed my heart, clan torn apart, cause i walked without the stars walked without the stars
you and i had plans that we would stand up strongly for our clan but something changed, pushed me away, left me estranged… how could you be so blind and turn your eye to my decline? what once was ours has turned to scars, as i walk without the— i was in their plans, that i'll stand strongly up against my clan but something changed, pulled me away, left me dismayed… how could i be so blind and turn my eye to their demise? i closed my heart, clan torn apart, cause i walked without the stars
way to you
martyn missing ren in limited life especially. maybe also flower husbands after jimmy dies?
i don't know the way to you you can't be gone, i just won't say it's true my world won't change, i won't be broken down for you're not lost, you're just not yet found
the path is broken, and it's incomplete i trip and stumble, i can hardly breathe so many choices, but no clarity so many voices, but no melody
i am broken, and it's hard to breathe without you here, i feel so incomplete there's no more choices and no melodies with you gone, i've lost a piece of me
in the blink of an eye, everything's washed away it takes no more than just a breath for everything to change and nothing's right, and it feels like i've lost the way but i feel changes—something's telling me i'll be okay
9 notes · View notes
abeillecoco · 1 year
Text
is my first time writing in english jaksuja, anyways ...
sorry if i misspelled some words, it is proofread, i read it like 89283938 times, it took 4 hours to finish no kidding........but, still, i'm sorry in advance aaa
SORRY, LAST ADVICE THE READER IS GENDER NEUTRAAAAAL (but still, sorry if it gives the wrong idea in some parts), there, done.
(if someone reads this story, thank u<3)
Tumblr media
く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡✧⁠*⁠。
Just like heaven.
Castiel always knew, deep down, that the love he felt for you was slightly different than the kind of love he felt for Sam and Dean. There was an adrenaline rush when he was with you or his heart was like a person in a marathon when Sam and Dean mentioned you.
If you were feeling sad, he felt worse; he hated to see you hurt. He would do everything, even if it was beyond his capabilities, to make you smile. It could be something simple, like that time you mentioned how much you missed a certain food you ate a long time ago on one of your trips, and suddenly you all hear the sound of wings and clothes fluttering.
Before either of you could ask "where did cas go?", he showed up as quickly as he left, with the exact plate of food you mentioned. It was half eaten and he had to admit that he stole it from a woman while she was in the bathroom.
When you asked for an explanation, he replied: "I-...I don't know. I just wanted to do this for you."
Or that one time he healed you ten times in a day, almost passing out on the eighth time because vampires kept appearing out of nowhere, and even when he was half dead he wanted to stay by your side on that hunt. "In case you get hurt", he insisted, grabbing your shoulder as if his life depended on it so he wouldn't fall unconscious on the ground.
That night you had to carry his unconscious body to your car and to your motel room. He had to sleep forty-eight hours to recharge his energy.
You didn't plan to stay for two more days in that town, so you had to improvise to earn more money.
The attention he gave you was overwhelming to anyone but you. You always found it cute. You didn't think he was doing it with double intent, the idea that castiel might be romantically attracted to you seemed impossible, so you dismissed that thought saying: "he's doing his best to show me that he cares."
Even when everyone told you how oblivious you were.
You fell in love with him the first time you met him, even though he knocked you out with the touch of his fingers on your forehead. So, the affection he began to show you when he rebelled against heaven was welcoming, even if it was "too much".
It was never too much for you. It was never enough.
He clung to you like gum when all angels fell from heaven and he became human.
He began to feel, to hurt, and you were there for him. You never left him. For god's sake, you shook the earth and its realities to find him when Dean told you the news.
You didn't want to leave Sam and Dean alone in the hospital, but Castiel was human now, and he was alone too, but surprisingly, Dean let you go find him, calling once in a while, obviously.
You both shared the same worry for Castiel, so he felt a bit of relief when you left in order to find him.
"Wait for me in a motel while I get there!" was the only thing you said through Dean's cellphone before running out of the hospital.
He smiled for the second time that day when he heard your voice, but that time, his happiness felt more strong and passionate than ever. Like fire inside his chest, in a good way.
And even if you didn't hear him, as you were long gone, driving rapidly to his location, he muttered: "I'll wait for you." with the biggest smile his face ever had.
Dean didn't comment on the matter, as he was too worried for Sam's health at that time.
It did not matter all the obstacles, all the angels and monsters you had to fight in order to find him. It took you a while, given that he had to constantly hide and earn money to call you via public telephone. But when he did, he would cry for hours.
It was the first time he felt so alone, cold, hungry, empty. You were the only good thing in his life at the time, the only thing that kept him going.
The only thing that prevented him from kissing that woman. He thought of you, how'd you feel if you found out, how he didn't really want to kiss her, because you weren't her.
So, when you found him, alongside Dean and Sam (whom you reunited with midst your travel), lying on a couch with a blade in his chest, you felt your world shake and start to fall apart.
You don't really remember that moment, because it's too traumatic (along with other times he died). But you do remember when Dean told you about the angel Ezekiel possessing Sam, since Sam healed Cas right in front of you.
There were good and bad moments, mostly bad and horrific, but it all felt meaningless when you two were together. When Dean told Cas he couldn't live with them, you followed with him, you rented an apartment and worked together.
You even babysit together. And he still has that picture of you holding the baby as his wallpaper.
You remember that day. You told him he should go out in a date with the woman that asked him out at work, that he deserves it, even if it hurt you a little bit, but as long as he was happy you were happy, thrilled even.
But unfortunately, the woman only used him as his babysitter, so he called you.
You felt bad for him, really. You had reached a level of maturity and love that allowed you to say with confidence that, if Castiel ever fell in love with someone other than you, your heart would be so big that you would love that person too.
He never felt happier. Seeing you cook for him and smile at him as if he wasn't the one at fault for causing the angels fall from heaven.
You never complained about it, you never blamed him.
He never cared about dying, as long as you were safe and he could remember you smiling at him on the verge of death.
Being a human sure was complex and difficult at times, but you made being human something beautiful, because being able to love you was a privilege.
One night, when he saw your sleeping figure beside him, he thought: «If regaining my grace means I can't keep falling in love with you then I don't want it back, ever.»
It was the first time he admitted he loved you.
He didn't care what he was, angel, human, it didn't matter as long as he was by your side.
And he a hundred percent would have rejected his grace if it wasn't because he was dying in that moment, and he couldn't bear the thought of leaving you. But when he got it back, and was safe of danger, he thought of you, making sure he still felt that strong love for you, and when he did, he smiled, even if Metatron was now on the loose.
In the end, it was always you and him. He saved Dean from hell and you saved him.
Heck, you even went to purgatory with him because your love was so strong, you cling to his arm when you saw that Dick Roman was about to explode. You'd rather die with him than live without him.
To say every time he died destroyed you completely was an understatement.
God Cas, Crazy Cas, Leviathan Cas, Purgatory Cas, it did not matter. You loved him. You were loyal to him and only him, even if you two never expressed your feelings out loud. Everybody knew you two belong to each other.
But now that he sees you so grown and mature, being so close with Jack as if you were his parent, he wonders why hasn't the empty come take him if every second he has spent with you is his happiest day and moment.
Then he realized, when Death was knocking on the door, and you were right in front of him alongside Dean with that horrible frightened look on your face that made him want to cry and hug you, that...he could never have a happy ending with you.
He won't ever be your husband, the father of your children or your boyfriend, because he will outlive you. And his fear of not being able to save you as a human, was the only thing that stopped him from giving up being an angel.
But, seeing you now, crying as he's saying his last words, he feels at ease, because he knows that you are stronger than him, that you deserve to outlive him, because before you, his immortality had no number, nor he had age, because it was meaningless.
He, with his last breath and a smile, gives you the rest of his long days with a tender kiss on your forehead, telling you, without the need of words, that you deserve them more than he does. And you accepted them, because it was his gift.
"I love you."
"I love you, Castiel."
34 notes · View notes
tornioduva · 6 months
Text
A rant about spaces in games
As a person who's not in the industry and has never been yet in a development environment, and so has mainly just seen things from a player perspective:
Many, MANY, years ago was understood that if you wanted to give the idea of a big place, a big city, a big valley, a big landscape in general, OF COURSE you wouldn't just make it 1:1 in size and just put it there, it would be a waste of resources, time, effort, all for something that's needed only to convey a sense of scale and nothing else. Instead you would put some 2d images in the distance, an elaborate skybox, maybe some 3d more detailed object and bam, you had a big scenery, though fake. if it was a city, you would just put a wagon with fruit and vegetables, or a car, in front of a road that extends and bam, you have the image of a city that extends beyond the corners of the playable map.
Now more than ever instead there is this toxic obsession with "if the player sees it, then it must be explored, or have an active gameplay purpose", and a general perceived distaste for the concept of creating illusion, while going full simulation.
Now, to clarify: this is not a condemnation of all modern games, this is mainly a thing in AAA and AA games, also i'm not blaming any developers (i don't know how a game is made, how much pressure from above you have, how this might be the only way to keep the boat afloat in terms of sales and marketing), and also i can clearly see that this is not a dead concept; the contrary even! There are a lot of modern (though indie) games that take advantage of limited visibility to convey scale, or complexity, guiding the player imagination but leaving it work by itself. The success of games like Iron lung i think speaks volume about it.
The fact is, even among AAA games i liked and had high hopes for, i can't avoid to be a little sad about how bloated they are with this mentality. The two games that sparked these thoughts are mainly elden ring and tears of the kingdom.
In TotK case, i was sad to see how little they learned from BotW, at least in this regard; instead of closing in on the freedom of the predecessor to give a different, more intense and story driven experience, they doubled down on the original formula and expanded even more. Instead of removing, or readapting, the useless empty space in hyrule, the created even more empty space somehow, and filled it with junk that bloats everything even more. I like this formula, don't get me wrong, just...more often than what i wanted to in both games i found myself on the edge of a cliff, on the backside of a mountain, in a small hole, with nothing there and nothing particularly interesting to see or get, and i thought "why am i here, why am i allowed to be here, why isn't this just background seen from a distance"
In elden ring though i think there is the perfect, more poignant example: Leyndell. The first time i was inside the walls and saw the city, i was awestruck. it was beutiful, intricate, interesting, full of peculiar places. i couldn't wait to explore it all and for once in that game i wasn't overwhelmed with "toomanythingstodotoomanyplacestogo"itis, because i wanted to see it all. i love cities, especially old and ancient ones, love exploring them, lose myself in small streets and alleys. i was genuinelly amazed by the fact that it was completely explorable, and absolutely happy for it. After i've seen it all though, it hit me: ...it's a really small city. like, it's big from a player perspective, there is a lot to do and explore. but it's a pretty small city. I live near Lucca, in Tuscany, so i have a pretty good reference to judge it on, and i think (roughly and without measures, have mercy uhuh) Leyndell and Lucca are nearly the same size, Lucca might be bigger infact uhuh. And even if it's not and Lyndell is bigger, still, after seeing it all it FEELS small. because you've seen it all. Compare Leyndell to Anor Londo instead, and tell me which one of the two FEELS like a gigantic, enormous capital, full of streets, palaces and places for people; and of Anor Londo you only explore like a handful of rooftops uhuh. This might be just a sensation of mine, but the fact the capital of the biggest game Fromsoft has made to date feels smaller than in DS1 where you were dramatically more limited in where you could go....well, that to me is a failure of environment design, at least on an artistic side, in regar to setting up the atmosphere, not in regard to gameplay.
Do i mean with this that open world are always bad, that you should always be limited in where you can go? absolutely not! i love having freedom of exploration, and i like the idea that i can go where i can see! i just wish going forward that developers with the resources to do big projects like these are given the freedom, and the guidance, to guide the players more, to build rails on which our explosive passion of playing can be directed on without letting die out on a rock in the middle of nowhere that you're standing on for no reason. A good example for this i feel is outer wilds! you're free to go where you want, but you are limited by what there actually is to explore, plus the central gimmick. also, all there is to explore is interesting and meaningful, without collectables!
Also, i'm not criticizing empty space at all even. I recently played BABDI, and that is a masterful example of empty, "meaningless" space that is there for a reason, which is the atmosphere of the game. the fact you can explore almost all of the city while there is almost nothing interesting to discover aside from few things, contributes a ton the overall atmosphere.
So, what i'm saying is: developers, go to more theatre plays; not the big budget ones, that can afford all they want, i mean the small local ones, that are able to make you fell like you are in a ballroom with a fancy chair, a stool and a lamp.
7 notes · View notes
liliallowed · 4 months
Note
Does the Player have a name other than well... Player? Dust called them a brat and we call them a Demon but do they have a name?
this one's a bit of an angsty one.
you wondered what this demons name was... or ghost... or whatever they were.
surely their name wasn't just... demon? right? that'd be like you being named human...
"you can call me anything you like since you remember though." they wink at you.
you watch them frown. "does it really matter?" "they'll just forget it anyway." they chuckled.
you roll your eyes. were they asking you to nickname them? "why?"
"why not? you under cover or something?"
"you'll be calling me that a lot of times from now on. the reset won't let you forget me or dusty bones over there. I figured you'd have the freedom to choose it. it's not like I'm going to use my real name here anyway." they grin.
"names carry identities and powerful memories with them. if you called me by my... original name then you'd be referring to a dead person. it doesn't exist. but if you're SO curious what it was? it's ______. "
"what... how do you even pronounce that? is it like silence?"
"I also go by "AAA" and "jhFsru" hehehe. "
"THAT'S JUST KEYBOARD SMASHING WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?"
"what can I say? I had zero interest in naming myself something consistent since I'd be changing it anyway to trick that demon into thinking it was the first time i-" they stopped talking.
"wh... what's wrong? demon? are there others like you?"
"no. the original angel. Chara." they muttered halfheartedly as their red eyes flashed with distain.
"huh? is that your name?"
"shared a name with em once... though it was just a gimmick. hehehe they thought they could take this world from me. thought I'd let them erase it... and bragged about being in control. in the end they lost and I took over it all. do I guess I am. hehehe. I wouldn't go as far as to steal their identity though."
you feel a bit nervous. it felt like a triggering subject. they had the same sad look on their face as sans when you'd ask him about his past. guilt masked by pride. shame hidden away by confidence. they didn't feel particularly dangerous... instead they felt VULNERABLE. open and honest... you didn't know how they'd react if you made the wrong move. SOMETHING about this made you furrow your eyebrows with concern. was it pity? empathy? or were they just emotionally manipulating you? it didn't... FEEL like it. unlike sans this person was highly unpredictable and their mood swings would always give you whiplash... pull you close and push you away both figuratively and literally... still. something about their solemn voice made you feel like this wasn't part of their mind games.
"how about... crimson?" you suggest.
their eyes widen as they turn their face at you.
"you know... cuz your eyes are... red and your soul and magic n stuff..." you fiddle with your thumbs.
"I like it!" they smile and for the first time it felt almost... almost genuine...
it felt strange. you didn't really think they'd be able to make that expression since all you had seen of them was a playful sadistic grin. was that also a facade? how much of the persona of a demon was real and how much of it was an act? peeking into a tiny crack of their mask made you feel... a sense of grief. sorrow of a self destructive caged bird buried deep inside. one that willingly threw away the key to it's own freedom out of spite.
/what happened to you?/
you quickly recoil from those thoughts. it wouldn't change anything. you'd still take them down after getting rid of this reset and help sans...
they glance at you, the smile fading into the casual playful smirk.
"don't be so blue y/n. morally grey is much more your style if you ask me."
aaaand they're back to being an asshole.
5 notes · View notes
brick-a-doodle-do · 2 years
Note
So I did a spin the wheel and your name got picked first, and I have a prompt.
Also, TW: Mentions of being held at gunpoint.
It be a RaccoonInnit and Size Shifter Dadza prompt. Thing is, is that Tommy doesn't know that Phil is a size shifter who wants to adopt him.
Storyline starts with Tommy being held gunpoint with Phil trying to get the person to let go of Tommy.
Things really ain't going well since the person takes off the safe lock from the gun.
Phil's instincts start acting up, really ain't having a fun night and seeing Tommy being held at gunpoint is just really pushing it.
Tommy is panicking cause, who wouldn't?
Imagining being in Tommy's position, being held by gunpoint while your father figure is trying to get the person to let you go.
Phil is trying his hardest to get his instinct under control until he finally loses control.
He falls to the ground, wrapping his arms around himself.
He tries to stop the changing but can't, once he shifts sizes, he growls at the person to let Tommy go.
The person does that and runs away.
Phil, running on instincts, scoops Tommy up and walks away with Tommy safely.
If you wanna do this then go ahead.
Makes this as angsty as you want, but also have fluff at the side. If you want it to have noms, go ahead.
You can pick the person who held Tommy at gunpoint.
You can also have a backstory on how Tommy and Phil met.
Also, if you wanna send me a prompt, go ahead.
Quack
AAA I feel so special :0 (AND I'M HONORED I WAS ON THERE?? Helloo?? Fuckin awesome!! :DD)
Yoo holy shit, Orchid thank you a ton for the prompt!! I feel fufilled as a G/T Tumblr user now,, I’ve got a real prompt in my ask box!!!!! *vibrates intensely* I obviously had to write something for this, it was too good to pass up!! This is just so efregewydfhverd /pos,,,,,, sizeshifters and hybrids, it's perfect >:DD
I'll Run Away and Hide with You 
(chapter #1)
(not read over...)
⚠️ : Being held at gunpoint, mention of death, panic, swearing, mention of dehumanization, implied dehumanization !!
2024 words ‼️
────────────────────
There were one too many things that could occur when taking a hybrid outside, into a human-heavy, busy city. Too many that Phil didn’t take into consideration. When he had asked Tommy if he wanted fresh air and a chance to stretch his legs properly for the first time in weeks, he had only thought there would be the occasional dirty look with the additional rude remark. But, he had underestimated just how far people  will go to get the point across that if someone isn’t fully human, they’re as good as dead to the rest of society. He’s putting both of them in danger just stepping outside of their homes, but he couldn’t bear to see the kid that he’s now responsible for sit on the couch for hours on end, finding the most addictive shit to watch and never getting up until he turns in for the night. Phil wanted, and probably needed to add excitement to his day. And, he will admit, there are a lot of different ways they could’ve spiced the day up, but they ended up choosing to go on a walk. 
Phil doesn't think either of them could've guessed how it would end. He had been too caught up in his thoughts of someone looking at Tommy and saying congratulations. It was the worst he’d heard that evening, and it just twisted his mind too tight for him to even process what the hell was going on inside that man’s mind when he said that. While he knew there were plenty of people who treated shifters like him and hybrids like Tommy as if they were a disgrace for something out of their control, he never really understood why. 
But, as Tommy stood at gunpoint, his tail swaying quickly to show his anxious self, he didn't have time to ponder on the mysteries of humans and instead focused on trying to slowly, gently talk the gunman out of the act that would end in Tommy’s death or his imprisonment. “Listen, mate, he’s a child.” He said, careful to keep his words firm, while still holding  a respectful and soft voice — one wrong move and Tommy is as good as gone; he must be careful. 
He could see the gunman tense, as if he was growing more agitated with every syllable that left his lips. “We can talk about this,” 
A sharp sigh echoed through the alleyway. Phil, for a moment, thought he had done something. It turns out he had, but the outcome was the opposite of what he wanted. “Shut up.” The man said sharply, pushing the gun against Tommy’s head, causing a cry of pain from Tommy when the sudden pressure was enough to shove his head against the brick wall behind him. Panic grew in Phil’s heart, instincts going haywire, spilling out of the container he’d spent so long getting them into. “Please, put the gun down.”
“I would, but, it’s not your decision to make,” There was a short pause, where tension grew even thicker. Phil could feel himself slipping. There was a sudden click, and Phil’s emotions ran cold when it registered in his mind that the gunman had cocked the weapon and pressed it further into Tommy’s skin. The teenage victim’s eyes widened as he presumably caught onto what had happened, and Phil could see how he desperately wanted to find a plan that wouldn’t end in his death. “What do you say?” The man asked, an uncomfortable amount of amusement behind his words. They replayed in his mind as he lost control, the contained completely collapsing in on itself, allowing all of his instincts to take over his mind. Inch by inch he could feel himself grow out of his body and into a new one, one where he could keep Tommy safe. Safe, safe, safe, safe, safe- words that he had outgrown when as he grew up returned, a weird feeling of familiarity returning to him. He eventually got himself under control. Opening his tightly shut eyes, he recognized himself as a size he’d been itching to grow into. He easily towered above the gunman and Tommy, narrowed eyes nearly flaming with anger boring down not at Tommy but at the man holding the innocent child at gunpoint, simply because he had features unhuman-like. It did not make him any less of a living, breathing person.
“Put the gun down,” He repeated his words, venom lacing it, much more so than it had been when he stood a few inches shorter than the duo ahead of him. Now crouched behind the two, his voice echoed around the alleyway that he barely fit into. The gunman tensed at the words, and down the gun went. It collided with the gray pavement darkened by his shadow with a loud thud, and the man spent no time running out of the place, leaving Tommy staring up, startled and possibly even more scared than he had been with the gun against his skin. “Wha-” his friend choked on his words, and Phil could see the tears forming. As much as he wanted to go back to a human size, he still had a lack of control over his abilities. He had a good idea on how to control himself, but everything had been tossed out the door when he saw Tommy’s threatener go a step too far. “Tommy, Tommy-” Instincts wanted to take over, they craved control, however he pushed it down to the best of his ability. He kept his hands away from the hybrid, just staring down at him with concerned eyes. 
– 
He had trusted Phil to talk the man down, but he didn’t want him to scare the gunman away in the particular way he did. Because now he stared up, wide-eyed at the man he’d grown to call a makeshift father, who towered over him. His shadow overcasted his shaking form, eyes simply looking at him, nothing more. They stared into his soul it felt like, and he couldn’t help but grow uncomfortable at the stare. The pace of his tail had picked up and his ears had gone slightly flat against his head. Tommy swallowed nervously. He no longer had a weapon against his forehead, but he had something far worse ahead of him. He had tried not to show emotion while a man was threatening him, but he released all the suppressed and new emotions with a quick, open sob. He wanted to run, to scream for help. But he knew that wouldn’t work, no one would help his kind.
Tommy’s body still begged to run.
He inched his way to the side, slowly quickening his pace until he made a last ditch effort to run from the alley and escape the shifter, the traitor, his friend, whichever title. However the attempt was useless, for Phil was calling his name and he had no time to react to the shadow of a hand creeping behind his form and effortlessly lifting him from the ground and raising him much too high for his comfort. “No! Fuck- no!” He choked, his voice cracking what felt every second. He sobbed, pushing away at the hand that fisted him, placing his hands against the edge of Phil’s forefinger and pushing up to try and escape. He couldn’t. “Shh, sh, Tommy, please, mate, you’re okay,”
“No, you- you dick, put me fu- fucking down!” He cried out, sniffling in as he continued to make a terrible effort to get away. Logically he knew he would have nowhere to go if he truly did manage to escape, but the hope of trying tugged at his mind and he continued, tiring himself out without even properly realizing, or even caring. “Tommy, please,” Phil pleaded, teary eyes looking down at him. Some part of him felt bad, but no part of him was showing. “Put me down.”
“Okay, listen, okay? Just listen to me,” Phil said with soft words. Tommy stopped instantly when he caught onto the single speck of harshness Phil had put into his words, somehow only catching onto that instead of his attempt of being comforting. It’s like he was only interested in the brutality Phil offered in his words, even when all he wanted was to know Phil wasn’t going to hurt him. “I won’t hurt you, alright? I- I assumed you’d feel more safe- I just wanted to scare him off.” “No- no you didn’t, you lying asshole! I trusted you, you massive dick!” Tommy spat, baring his fangs at Phil despite knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to intimidate the giant. No matter how much he wanted to believe Phil, he simply couldn’t. There was a tense silence, one where the only thing that could be heard was Tommy’s labored breaths from his panic and struggle, which had easily tired him. He was moving far too quickly and with much too many words going through his mind. “Listen, Tommy, there’s a certain point where my instincts take over and won’t let me.. change,” Phil began, and Tommy for once listened, skepticism still sitting in the front of his mind for a front-row view of whatever the man had to say. “But protecting you is literally the only thing I want to do right now.” He confessed semi-quietly, like he was guilty of the fact. Tommy furrowed his brows, his tears slowing down as panic packed up and took its final leave. For now, at least. “Y- you can’t change back?” He echoed. “No. But, I can, just not right now.” Tommy still shook his head in disbelief. “Why- why are you still holding me? Put me fucking down, I can get home on my own without your stupid, lying ass to take me there. It’s not like-”
“Over this way.” Tommy was cut off by the sound of a loud voice, not belonging to Phil, but the same gunman from before. Both of their eyes widened as they recognized the formal voice instantly. “Shit,” Phil mumbled, shoving, and he means shoving, Tommy into the pocket of his hoodie instantly. He yelped at the sudden change of surroundings, His ears flattened once more, and a whine escaped his throat. He shuffled around, attempting to get steady footing after he stood, but he was merely tossed against the fabric. The outside speeded past him as Phil began moving at a rapid pace, taking no time to check in on the unsecured passenger in his pocket. He was jostled slightly with every running step Phil took, every comfortable spot he found immediately being pushed out of place. He looked outside once more, now recognizing the assortment of green and brown colors morphing into a blur of the two colors to be a forest. The forest was just outside the city – it was likely Phil had simply gone over the fence blocking the alley from the outside.
A feeling of dread pooled down into his stomach mixing with the feeling of sickness added to his rapid heart breath and struggled breathing. He did not know when Phil would take the time to slow down and reveal the situation to him, but for now he had to settle with watching the world pass by him in a stretch of colors while trying to adjust to being tossed far too many times for his liking.
Frankly, Phil had no idea where he was going when he stood and stepped over the fence. He began running, just placing one foot in front of the other as the forest came closer and closer to him. He had inches against the trees, making for a difficult run, but he managed as well as he could. The thoughts of Tommy rotated around his head a hundredfold, never settling down. It was likely that they wouldn’t until Phil was able to stop and check in on him. But, for now, he must find a place to hide out before the hunter – and some type of cop or other hunters – found him, and worse, Tommy.
────────────────────
47 notes · View notes
bluecanarybirdhouse · 9 months
Text
it's finally done lets goooooo :]
companion list below the cut containing a full track list sorted by album (in release order, descending) with my personal favorites in brackets
Tumblr media
they might be giants (1986)
everything right is wrong again
[put your hands inside the puppet head]
[don't let's start]
hide away folk family
rabid child 
[nothing's gonna change my clothes]
[she's an angel]
youth culture killed my dog
absolutely bill's mood
i hope that i get old before i die
[rhythm section want ad]
Tumblr media
lincoln (1988)
[ana ng]
[lie still, little bottle]
where your eyes dont go
[mr. me]
the worlds address 
[i've got a match]
[they'll need a crane]
shoehorn with teeth
stand on your own head
[snowball in hell]
[kiss me son of god]
Tumblr media
flood (1990)
theme from flood
[birdhouse in your soul]
[lucky ball and chain]
istanbul (not constantinople)
dead
particle man
twisting 
[we want a rock]
someone keeps moving my chair
letterbox
whistling in the dark
[sapphire bullets of pure love]
they might be giants
road movie to berlin
Tumblr media
miscellaneous t (1991)
[hey, mr dj, i thought you said we had a deal]
lady is a tramp
nightgown of the sullen moon
it's not my birthday
Tumblr media
apollo 18 (1992)
[i palindrome i]
she's actual size
my evil twin
mammal
[the statue got me high]
the guitar
[dinner bell]
narrow your eyes
which describes how you're feeling
Tumblr media
why does the sun shine? - EP (1994)
jessica
[whirlpool]
[spy - live]
Tumblr media
john henry (1994)
subliminal
aka driver
i should be allowed to think
[no one knows my plan]
[dirt bike]
destination moon
[a self called nowhere]
meet james ensor
[thermostat]
[the end of the tour]
Tumblr media
unsupervised - mono puff (1996)
[guitar was the case]
[unsupervised, i hit my head]
don't break the heart
hello hello
Tumblr media
factory showroom (1996)
[till my head falls off]
exquisite dead guy
metal detector 
[your own worst enemy]
[spiraling shape]
Tumblr media
it's fun to steal (1998)
[creepy]
[it's fun to steal]
backstabbing liar
Tumblr media
severe tire damage (1998)
[doctor worm]
severe tire damage theme 
[birdhouse in your soul]
[she’s an angel]
she's actual size
[till my head falls off]
Tumblr media
long tall weekend (1999)
drinkin'
[reprehensible]
lullaby to nightmares
Tumblr media
state songs - john linnell (1999)
the songs of the 50 states
south carolina
[montana]
pennsylvania
arkansas
[maine]
[oregon]
[new hampshire]
louisiana
Tumblr media
mink car (2001)
cyclops rock
[man, it's so loud in here]
i've got a fang
hovering sombrero
[hopeless bleak despair]
Tumblr media
no! - they might be giants (for kids) (2002)
fibber island
[sleepwalkers]
Tumblr media
they got lost (2002)
[rest awhile]
on the drag
i am a human head 
empty bottle blues
certain people i could name
Tumblr media
indestructible object EP (2004)
[am i awake?]
ant
Tumblr media
the spine (2004)
[experimental film]
thunderbird
museum of idiots
the spine surfs alone (2004)
i'm all that you can think of
Tumblr media
the else (2007)
[i'm impressed]
[upside down frown]
climbing the walls
bee of the bird of the moth
[contrecoup]
Tumblr media
cast your pod to the wind (2007)
[brain problem situation]
metal detector (live)
no plan b (live)
Tumblr media
coraline (2009)
other father song
Tumblr media
join us (2011)
[can't keep johnny down]
[you probably get that a lot]
canajoharie
celebration
in fact
[when will you die?]
Tumblr media
album raises new and troubling questions (2011)
marty beller mask
[havalina]
tubthumping (feat. the onion av club choir)
Tumblr media
at large (2012)
[when will you die]
[can't keep johnny down]
Tumblr media
nanobots (2013)
[you're on fire]
lost my mind
stone cold coup d’etat
[9 secret steps]
replicant
the darlings of lumberland
stuff is way
icky
too tall girl
Tumblr media
glean (2015)
erase
answer 
end of the rope
[unpronounceable]
[i’m a coward]
aaa
Tumblr media
phone power (2016)
[i love you for psychological reasons]
i am alone
trouble awful devil evil
[encalubma]
it said something 
[i'll be haunting you]
shape shifter
bills, bills, bills
Tumblr media
i like fun (2018)
let's get this over with
[i left my body]
by the time you get this
mrs. bluebeard
[push back the hands]
[last wave]
Tumblr media
the communists have the music - single (2018)
the communists have the music
i've been seeing things
Tumblr media
book (2021)
i broke my own rule
i can't remember the dream
part of you wants to believe me
7 notes · View notes
wonderhoyimagines · 2 years
Text
Byakuya's S/O dying in their sleep
Requested by: @truecrimeez
includes: angst, reader dies, byakuya in shock, reader has bad health, reader is unable to walk due to sickness, reader is hospitalised twice
aaa actually sobbing why are you making me do this
Tumblr media
Byakuya knew about your poor health. He didn't mind, he knew about all of the hospital visits and hospitalisations. He only started focusing on your health more when he started having to carry you around the house, your legs had become far too weak to even work anymore.
That was one hefty hospital visit.
He didn't want you in a wheelchair, or just laying in bed all day. He felt like you'd be able to walk if he carried you. He was wrong.
He couldn't work thinking about you. "Is S/O going to be okay?" Runs through his mind for the 12th time. His fingers stop typing away at the computer he worked at. He closes his eyes, falling back in his chair. He'd paid all the hospital bills, he picked you up, he loved you through it, so why couldn't you just be okay? He needs you to be okay, he can't do it, he just can't. He hates seeing you like this.
A few weeks later, You're finally home and are able to walk relatively well. Walking through the big house feels nostalgic in a good way. If you figured you were going to live here with him again, you'd have to adapt to the feeling. You were on the phone with Makoto for a while, chatting away. There was this weird sick feeling in your stomach, but it was ignorable. It wasn't that bad, so you didn't tell him or grab some pain killers. After talking for a while, she puts the phone down, hanging up. Finally, you layed in bed next to Byakuya, giving a small kiss on his cheek and looking at him with a smile, turning over before your eyes closed.
12AM
1AM
2AM
3AM
4AM.
Byakuya wakes up, looking over at you. You looked peaceful. He says nothing, grabbing your arm to wake you up to check on you. His hand shoots back. Why are you so.. cold? Wait, no.. no, it can't be, you aren't dead, right? No, no. "S/O, wake up." There's no reply from you. "S/O!" Nothing. He starts to panic, feeling your pulse in your wrist. Nothing. He checks your pulse in your neck. Nothing. He takes out his phone, calling an ambulance. Once they pick up, that's when the tears begin. They're rolling down his face, he's barely able to keep his composure. They come and take you away, bringing him with you. He's covering his face. Nobody can see him like this. He's so vunerable. He's the Byakuya Togami, he shouldn't be crying!
He holds your hand once they've used the Defibrillator on you, and you're staring at him blankly, rubbing your thumb against his nuckles. "s' okay." You say, your words slurred. "you'll find a new S/O." Byakuya starts to yell. "I don't want to find a new person! I want to spend my life with you, damnit, S/O!" (theres a lump in my throat im actually crying.)
You don't respond, smiling weakly at him. "m' scared too, m'kay? but.. i've lived as long as my body has let me, haven't i? you're gonna have to say goodbye, love." He says nothing. You reach your arms out to him, wanting to be picked up. "one last time." He nods, picking your frail body up as you fell asleep in his lap. He knew deep inside you were suffering. He rubbed your back soothingly as you pass on in his arms. When you died, your body felt light. So he knew instantly.
For weeks, Yasuhiro and everyone else tried to get him to move or eat. He just couldn't do it. Byakuya was so overwhelmed, Sakura had to drag him out of his and your room so he would do anything. He'd groan and sob if anybody were to bring you up, or maybe your favourite colour or something that reminded him of you.
After the funeral, he wakes up, his eyes red from tears.
You wouldn't have wanted this.
A few months later, Byakuya decides to start working again.
He never forgets about you, he never did.
-------
-mod emu.
27 notes · View notes
ganbarachie · 8 months
Text
Milk Crown on Sonetchka
youtube
Well I only really laughed cause they were laughing at me So then_ why is it they seem so angry? Whenever how I want to be isn’t like reality Why do I always have to say I’m sorry?
Don’t really care about my hair, but mom is angry at me And I can only every say “forgive me” You said that hurting other people ends up hurting you too But now I’m thinking that you didn’t mean that, did you?
No I can’t do it, there’s no way that I could just do it, don’t just say that Sure I could do it, don’t you get that I don’t have the talent, I know it for a fact hey
Whoever’s up there, hey if you’re listening Surely you’d help this scum with one thing Suddenly right there, just like a spell, a ceremony with a crown and a sceptre If only I could go and replace her - prim and proper? No! I can
Can’t you see that this tiny tiny world is full of sins and lies? Maybe you’ll curse it, say you don’t deserve this But will it make things all better, better? And as for all of the textbooks claiming to show true love you sell Just forget them, burn them, they’re nothing but lies as well
“Wait, just why are you so terrified whenever you speak? You don’t always have to say you’re sorry!” I couldn’t formulate an answer, getting harder to breathe I started crying cause it felt so silly
T his egocentric thinking permeated every belief To the point where it was blocking any sun from reaching Looking to the sky with a fake big sigh, but the crows overhead had something else in mind
AAA
Getting good at wasting time by lying down so often that I felt like I was fusing with the bed, dead, unbreathing Even so I still prefer it better than the feeling of them pointing at my back, there’s nothing worse than that!
Maybe if you could spare some time Could you teach me the proper way to smile? Yet in the end I buried it away this dirty little wish i had, as i kept crying inside
What should I do with these emotions, sister - true and normal - that I feel? Should I discard them? Or throw em or guard them? How do I tell if they’re dirty, dirty? Don’t just give me a grossed out look, hey! give me a real answer! “Treat me just like an equal,” begging, a soft whisper
Left by herself, was a half-drawn sketch, never painted in, with no love left Though I begged and begged and begged, I was left to fend here for myself! AAAA it’s too much, am i not enough? is it my fault? am i just that hard to love? Or is it just that / no matter what anyone does / it’s never enough?
Can’t you see that this tiny tiny world is full of sins and lies? Maybe you’ll curse it, say you don’t deserve this But will it make things all better, better? And as for all of the textbooks claiming to show true love you always sell They’re over complicating things It’s easy so don’t overthink
The flower blooms in brilliant shades of pink
5 notes · View notes