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joelsgreys · 4 months

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when i’m feeling alone, you remind me of home

Javier Peña x DEA Agent Female Reader

summary: Spending Christmas in Bogotá, Colombia isn’t ideal. Javier knows you’re missing home a little harder than usual, so he comes up with a plan to cheer you up.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. minor deviation from canon timeline (had to make it work), reader is an agent for the DEA, NO AGE SPECIED, NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION, reader understands and speaks spanish but no mention of her race or ethnicity, friends to lovers trope, reader celebrates christmas, reader has a good relationship with her family, minor smoking and alcohol consumption (both reader and javi), reader’s a bit rough around the edges sometimes. fluff, soft javi, he’s a bit of a grinch in the beginning though. switches in pov’s and tenses.

*ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS AT THE END.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: thank you to @hellishjoel for inviting me to join in on this fun project!

12 Days of Pedro Masterlist

Javier Peña doesn’t do Christmas.

He especially doesn’t do Christmas in Bogotá.

He doesn’t see the point even acknowledging it.

There are more important things on his mind.

Capturing Pablo Escobar.

Dismantling the dangerous Medellín Cartel.

Living long enough to tell the fucking tale.

Those were his priorities while in Colombia.

Not decking the halls with boughs of holly.

And yet, there he is, fighting with a string of bright and colorful lights, wishing these things would put themselves on the tree. “Puta madre,” Javi curses underneath his breath as he tries untangling them from around his waist. Somehow, he only makes it worse. He grumbles, “This is fucking ridiculous—it shouldn’t be this fucking hard throwing lights on a goddamn fucking tree—” He pauses, spins around to find where he’d gone wrong and then continues grouching to himself. “Can’t believe people do this fucking shit for fun. Stupidest thing I’ve ever—”

Javi manages to free himself and glances down at his watch to see he’s running out of time—it’s past five now, and unless Messina’s in one of those bad fucking moods of hers and decides to dump some last minute paperwork onto your desk, then you’re going to be walking through the front door soon.

He pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling a deep and frustrated sigh.

He’d been an idiot to decline Connie’s offer to help him when she had dropped off the decorations for him earlier that afternoon.

“You sure you don’t need my help?” she had asked as she handed him the cardboard box overflowing with festive ornaments and tinsel. “I have a couple of more hours before I have to be at the clinic, you know. I can help you set it all up for her, make it all nice and pretty.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got it handled,” he’d replied. “I’m sure it won’t take me too long to put some—is this fucking fruit?” Confused, Javi shifted the box over to his hip, pulling out a string of dried oranges and red cranberries. “Um, what the hell is this for? This supposed to be a snack for me while I decorate?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s a homemade garland.”

“It’s a homemade what now?”

“Garland, Javier. It goes on the tree.”

Amused, he’d raised an eyebrow at her.

“Fruit going back onto the tree? That’s ironic.”

Sighing, Connie rolled her eyes at him once more.

“Last chance. Do you want my help or not, Javi?”

“I appreciate it, but like I said, I’ve got it handled.”

She’d shrugged. “Alright, suit yourself, then.”

Little did he know how he’d regret his decision. It’s a bigger headache than he thought it would be, an incredible waste of valuable time he could’ve been using to hunt down new leads, do the job he came here to do and find Pablo Escobar. Then again, the more he thinks about it, the more Javi realizes this isn’t a waste of his time at all—not really.

Because he’s doing this for you.

Because he knows you love Christmas.

Because he knows you’ve been feeling homesick.

The season you normally adored was bringing you nothing but emptiness this year. There is a void—a hole in your heart that only your family could fill.

“Messina denied my request for time off,” you had told him, taking a drag of his cigarette—you’re not much of a smoker, but he’d learned that tended to change on occasion when you were upset. “Said it isn’t fair to let me go home for Christmas. That I’m not the only one who wants to be with their family. And I get it. I do.” Sighing, you took a second drag and then handed the cigarette back to Javier; he’d put it between his lips, the taste of cherry flavored lip gloss that lingered on the filtered tip prompting a craving stronger than his craving for nicotine. “It was selfish of me to even think of taking time off. I just—I miss spending Christmas in my hometown, you know? Waking up to snow outside my window in the mornings. Building snowmen with my sister, hurling snowballs at my brother. I miss my mother and her cooking. I miss my father and how even at our age, he still insists on pretending to be Santa.”

Laughing, Javier leaned forward on his stool.

You’d asked him to meet you at your usual spot—a quiet lounge bar right around the corner from your apartment. When he walked in and saw the scotch in front of you on the table, he’d known something was wrong. You’re not much of a drinker, either.

“Does he eat the cookies and drink the milk too?”

You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest, a little grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. He tried not to let his gaze longer there too long—he’s just one man. There was only so much strength he could muster to keep fighting the temptation.

“Of course. He takes his role very, very seriously.”

Despite your smile, he’d noticed it right away.

The unmistakable sadness in your eyes.

You were tough as fucking nails.

In this line of work, you had no choice but to be.

But Javier knew your family was your weakness.

His weakness?

His weakness was sitting there in front of him with a crestfallen expression on her pretty face, tracing around the rim of her glass with her finger.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” Your voice had thickened, the emotions you’re used to bottling up threatening to boil over.

“Of course not,” he assured you. “There is nothing stupid about wanting to go back home to see your family. There’s nothing stupid about wanting to be with them for the holidays. I promise you that.”

You snorted. “Peña, we’re trying to bring down the most dangerous man in all of South America. Last thing I need to be doing right now is dreaming of a white Christmas. It’s fucking stupid, alright?”

Hesitantly, Javier lifted his hand and placed it over yours—it wasn’t the first time he’d ever held it, not the first time he had shown physical affection, but this was the most vulnerable he had ever seen you and he didn’t want to make things worse. Once he realized it was okay, he brushed the back of it with his thumb softly, soothingly.

“Yo hablaré con Messina, cariño.”

“No hay caso para eso, Javier.”

“Maybe I can convince her to let you go. She’s got me and she’s got Murphy. We’ll handle things here while you head home for a few days, spend a week with your family for Christmas. Doesn’t hurt to try, you know.” Javi squeezed your hand. Knowing just how fucking stubborn you could be, he insisted on it. “Por favor, cielo. Dejame ayudarte con esto. Yo solo quiero verte feliz. Dejame ayudarte.”

You drained the rest of your scotch and swallowed it along with the lump that had climbed it’s way up your throat. Setting the glass back down, you then pulled your hand out from under his and stood up.

“Forget it. I’m here because I have a job to do—we both have a job to do. I’ll get over it, Javier. Always do.”

Before he could say another word, you’d picked up your jacket and purse, making a quick dash for the exit before he could see the stubborn tear slipping out from the corner of your eye and down the side of your face. But he had seen it, and that’s exactly why he knew he had to do something for you.

About an hour later, Javi places a glittering star on top of the white spruce and then takes a couple of steps back, hands on his hips. Cocking his head to the side, he observes the tree and makes sure that he hasn’t left a single spot bare. He decides to add more gold tinsel until he feels oddly satisfied—and once he is, he pulls out his pocket knife, using it to open the small sized box he had brought with him; two different addresses were scribbled on the side of it in your mother’s handwriting, his apartment’s address the destination, her address the return.

“I wrapped it well,” she’d said over the phone. “It’s her most prized possession, so I really hope it gets to you in one piece or she’s going to kill us both.”

Javier slowly unwraps the object inside and feels a wave of complete and utter relief wash over him to see it made it through customs without breaking.

He squints, taking a better look at the ornament.

The little blonde ballerina is made of porcelain and holds a nutcracker soldier in her arms—the skirt of her dress is white lace embroidered with teeny red rosettes that perfectly match the blush painted on her cheeks and the color of the bow in her hair.

“It’s Clara,” your mother had explained to him.

“Who?” he’d asked, stupidly.

“Clara. You know, from The Nutcracker?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” he’d fibbed. “Clara. Got it.”

He had no clue what she had been talking about—but if it’s special to you, then it’s special to him.

Carefully, Javi hangs it on tree just as he hears the front door open and then slam shut so hard that it causes the paper thin walls of your unit to rattle.

“Peña!” you shout loudly. “You fucking asshole!”

Lip rolling between his teeth, he stifles a laugh.

You must have seen his Wrangler parked outside.

Grinning, Javier steps out into the hallway to greet you. “Hola, hermosa. Bienvenida a casa.”

“So, let me get this straight,” you say, tossing your purse and unit keys onto a nearby table. “You offer to give me ride to and from work but then proceed to ditch me and leave work three hours early—you leave me with no other fucking choice but to call a cab to bring me home and when he drops me off, I see your fucking car outside of my apartment?”

Rubbing his chin, he hums, “Sounds about right.”

You approach him, your hands curled into fists.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Javier?”

Javi’s quick to hold up his own hands in defense.

He won’t put it past you to knock him out—he and Murphy have seen you bring down men twice your size before without a weapon. Neither of them can decide if it’s hot as hell or downright terrifying.

“Okay, put those away and let me explain,” he tells you, shaking his head. “I’m really sorry I did that to you, but I did it for a reason.”

You scoff, “Well, if that reason was to piss me off, I have some news for you—it fucking worked.”

“That wasn’t the reason. Not this time, anyway.”

Chuckling, Javier extends a hand, holding it out to you.

You peer at it. “What are you doing, Peña?”

“Ven conmigo, cielo. Tengo una sorpresa para ti.”

Suspiciously, you ask him, “What did you do?”

He laughs again. He knew it wouldn’t make it easy for him. “You do know how surprises work, right?”

You lift your chin. “I do and I don’t like surprises.”

“I know you don’t, but I think you’ll like this one.”

Javi continues to hold out his hand and waits.

He’s just as stubborn as you are, if not more.

“We can stand here all fucking night, corazón.”

Sighing in defeat, you place your hand in his, heart skipping a beat when he smiles and laces together your fingers with his own.

“Cierra tus ojos.”

“Javier, I don’t want—”

He quickly cuts you off. “Do you trust me?”

Of course. Hell, you trusted him with your life.

And not just because it’s a job requirement.

Huffing, you do as he says and close your eyes.

“Good.” Javier places his other hand on your waist and his fingers brush against the patch of smooth, soft skin peeking out from between the waistband of your jeans and the hem of your blouse. Ignoring his burning desire to feel more of you, he leads the way into the living room and positions you in front of the tree. Without dropping your hand, he moves to stand directly behind you, chest pressed lightly against your back.“Puedes abrir tus ojos, bonita.”

“Look Peña, I don’t know what you’re up to but—”

Your own startled gasp cuts you off mid sentence.

Squeezing your hand, he leans in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear and you can feel his grin as he whispers, “Sorpresa, preciosa. Tienes un arbol de Navidad. Qué tal te parece?”

You open your mouth to speak, then clamp it shut.

His surprise had left you speechless.

Pleased with himself, Javi nudges you towards the tree and then drops his hands down at his sides as he watches you gingerly touch the needles.

Closing your eyes, you inhale deeply, the delicious, woodsy smell of pine reminding you of your family and how you’d all pile into your father’s old pickup truck and head to the Christmas Tree Farm to find the perfect white spruce to take home. Your father took great care in the picking process—he wanted the tallest, fluffiest, most fragrant tree. “Need this place to smell like the farm!” he’d boom. You smile and can’t help but to think he’d approve of Javi—if not because of what he had done for you, then the choice in tree would be enough to win him over.

“Do you like it?” he asks, softly.

You open your eyes and whirl around. “Javi, I can’t believe you did this,” you say, breathlessly. Smiling brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree, you throw your arms around him. “I love it so much!”

He savors the embrace—and wonders if you know just how perfectly you fit right in his arms.

“There’s one more surprise,” Javier informs you as he spins you around to look at the tree once again. “Do you see it?”

“See what?” Peering at the tree, you frown. “What am I supposed to be looking for—wait a second, is that—is that Clara?” Your hand flies to your mouth and you look up at him in complete shock. “That’s the ornament my grandmother made for me when I was a baby! I’ve had her since my first Christmas. How did you—?”

“Santa no cuenta sus secretos.” Javi grins, pulling you closer against his side. “But if you must know, your mom sent it to me,” he confesses. “Actually, I have to be honest—this whole thing was her idea.”

Perplexed, you ask, “This was my mom’s idea?”

“I know you’ve been having a hard time being here during the holidays instead of with your family,” he says. “I called her up a couple of weeks ago, asked her what I could do for you. We started talking and came up with this.” He shrugs and touches a hand to the back of his neck, sheepishly. “I know it’s not the same as going home. But I thought it might be nice to bring a little piece of home here to you.”

Warmth blossoms inside of your chest as you turn to face him. You place a hand on his chest. “Javi?”

Nervously, his throat bobs. “Yeah?”

“Why did you do this for me?”

Javier lifts his hand and tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. “I told you. I just want to see you happy.”

“But why?”

You know why.

But you need to hear him say it.

You need to hear it from his own mouth.

Javi’s hand moves to cup the side of your face. “Is it not obvious?” he murmurs as he grazes the silky soft skin over your cheekbone. “Tú bien sabes qué yo siento algo por ti, hermosa. Aunque no sientas igual.”

“How do you know I don’t feel the same for you?”

“Do you?” His thumb sweeps your bottom lip. “Do you feel the same for me?”

Your hand curls around his red plaid flannel.

“I shouldn’t,” you admit. “We’re work partners.”

He feigns offense. “Ouch. And here I was, thinking we were friends.” He now takes your chin between his index finger and his thumb. Licking his lips, his eyes meet yours. “Breaking my heart, baby.”

Your breath audibly catches. “We are friends—and it scares me to put our friendship on the line.”

“But?” he prompts as he tilts your head up toward his. His opposite hand finds your hip and pulls you closer to him.

“But when you do things like this—it’s hard for me not to fucking fall in love with you, Peña.” You drag your hand down his chest, your fingers relishing in the softness of his flannel. “It’s so fucking hard for me not to fall in love with somebody who feels like home.”

Javier’s chuckles softly.

“For the record, this wasn’t a ploy to get you to fall in love with me, corazón. But if it worked—” Javier pauses, dropping his hand from your face. “Then I guess it’s worth pulling this thing out.”

He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans.

“Javi, what the hell are you—?”

He grins, holding the mistletoe above your heads.

“Connie said this might come in handy.”

Your eyes flicker to his lips, then meet his gaze.

“Ven aqui, Peña.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull Javi in and crash your mouth against his. You brush his bottom lip with your tongue and he grants you the access you’re looking for. He tastes like spearmint and scotch, and something else too.

He tastes like yours.

And he feels like home.

diver credit to @saradika-graphics ❤️

Translations

Yo hablaré con Messina, cariño. - I’ll talk to Messina, darling.

No hay caso para eso, Javier. - There’s no point, Javier.

Dejame ayudarte con esto. Yo solo quiero verte feliz. - Let me help you with this. I just want to see you happy.

Ven conmigo, cielo. Tengo una sorpresa para ti. - Come with me, I have a surprise for you.

Cierra tus ojos. - Close your eyes.

Puedes abrir tus ojos, bonita. - You can open your eyes, pretty girl.

Sorpresa, preciosa. Tienes un arbol de Navidad. Qué tal te parch? - Surprise, precious girl. You have a Christmas tree. What do you think?

Santa no cuenta sus secretos. - Santa doesn’t tell his secrets.

Tú bien sabes qué yo siento algo por ti, hermosa. Aunque no sientes igual. - You know all too well I have feelings for you. Even if you don’t feel the same.

Ven aqui, Peña. - Come here, Peña.

#javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña x female reader #javier peña x you #javier peña fanfiction #javier peña fluff #narcos fanfiction #javier peña one shot #javier peña drabble #12 days of pedro

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 8 months

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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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burntheedges · 20 days

Text

Maintenance Request Chapter 17

Joel Miller x f!reader | new chapter every Friday 18+ | ao3 | main post & chapter list chapter word count: 3.2k

chapter summary: Joel follows through on that promise of a phone call. 😏

a/n: thank you as always to @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta 💕

chapter tags/warnings: flirting, banter, fluff, cursing, food and drink mention, pet names (honey, gorgeous, darlin’, baby, sweetheart, pretty girl, good girl, handsome, cowboy), reader wears lingerie with gusset fastenings (picture whatever you'd like), phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation (f & m), Joel talks you through it

Chapter 17

Saturday, November 2 Tenth week of the semester

On Friday and Saturday, you and Joel texted a bit, but he was clearly busy with Sarah’s tournament and his family (which grew in size in your mind every time you learned more about them – how many cousins did he have, anyway?).

You spent Saturday with Beth and Ellie.

“What’s this project about?” Beth asked Ellie as she flopped onto the couch next to her. She’d brought coffee and donuts, again, and the three of you were sitting around the strange, flat sculpture-thing Ellie had brought over and set in the middle of your coffee table.

“We’re supposed to pick a historical event and do a presentation on it.”

You and Beth both squinted at the thing on your table. “Is this a historical event?”

Ellie sighed. “It was going to be the Emu War, like that’s supposed to be the plain and a town, but I realized I have no idea how to do the emus. Like, I can use little plastic soldiers for the humans, but what the fuck do I do for the emus?”

Beth had started giggling the second Ellie said “Emu War” and looked like she might fall off the couch.

You turned your squint to Ellie. “Was there a list of events to choose from?”

She looked shifty and wouldn’t meet your gaze. “Maybe,” she mumbled, tucking her hands up into the sleeves of her hoodie..

You raised your eyebrows. “Was the Emu War on it?” You had a feeling it wasn’t.

“No,” she muttered, confirming your suspicions. “But she said I couldn’t do the moon again. And I didn’t want to pick some boring, snoozefest historical event! What’s cooler than emus?” She crossed her arms, indignant. Beth teetered sideways as she giggled. You noticed she was laughing so hard her laughter had gone silent.

You sighed. “Did it say you could pick your own?”

She nodded, and then shrugged. “Yeah, but she said she’d grade it harder.”

Setting aside your thoughts on that grading strategy, you replied, “ok, well, sounds like you can choose the Emu War then. So what are we going to do about these emus?” You heard Beth snort and turned to find that she’d buried her face in one of your throw pillows.

Ellie started to explain her plan for demonstrating the different parts of the war on her landscape and you started poking Beth in the leg to get her to find her composure. It sort of worked.

“Hey,” Beth took a deep breath and made a soft “woo” noise as she breathed out, clearly trying not to laugh. “We can go over to that hobby store, the one with the model trains. Maybe they have little figurines that would work.”

Ellie perked up. “Yeah! I bet they have all sorts of weird little guys. And model shit.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Alright, let’s head over there now. Maybe we can get lunch on the way back, and then you can plan your battle.” Ellie grinned and jumped up to lead the way to the front door. You caught Beth’s eye but quickly looked away as you felt a laugh pull at the side of your mouth.

By the time you’d gone to the store, retrieved all sorts of “weird little guys” and “model shit” for Ellie, and helped her plan her presentation, it was well after dinner. Beth volunteered to drive Ellie and her historical event home, so you found yourself alone and putting laundry away, wondering if Joel would manage to find some privacy as he’d said. There was a party of some kind with his family that night, and he’d sent you a couple of pictures of a crowd of dancers, Sarah among them, smiling. Ellie had caught you smiling down at your phone earlier and teased you for it mercilessly.

Around 10:45, your phone buzzed as you settled into bed with a book.

Joel (10:44 PM): You free, honey? I just escaped.

you (10:45 PM): sure am 💕

** incoming FaceTime call from Joel **

When his face came into view, you noticed he looked tired.

“Hey there, handsome. How was the party?”

Joel smiled, and you could see the fatigue in his expression. “Still going. They made me dance too much, but otherwise fine. I’m beat. How are you, gorgeous?”

You smiled at him and settled into your pillows. “Nothing exciting here. Just cleaned up a bit, did some laundry. Well, I did spend the afternoon with Ellie and Beth. Helped her with a class project.”

Joel looked wistful for a moment. “Sounds nice. Would like to spend a day like that with you.”

You smiled, and felt your cheeks heat. This man. “You’re welcome to join us anytime you’d like, but I can’t promise much excitement with laundry. How was the tournament?”

He settled back into his pillows and you noticed the unfamiliar room. “Good, Sarah’s team played well. Didn’t win every game, but they did win most of ‘em. They’ll play in the final games tomorrow.”

“Tell her I said congratulations and good luck.”

“I will. What was Ellie’s project about?”

You laughed. “The Emu War, in Australia. We had to go out to that model train store to get her some little figurines for her mockup.” Joel laughed, too, shaking his head.

“Everything I hear about your niece is like a new adventure. I can’t wait to meet her.” You grinned at him.

“I can’t wait to introduce you.”

You were silent for a moment as you studied the room he was in.

“Joel, where are you?” The bed looked small and the room had some interesting decor.

He laughed. “I’m in my cousin’s son’s room for the weekend, he’s away at college. Left his room looking like it did when he was in middle school, I’d guess. Sarah’s in with her little cousin.” He panned the camera to show you decor you would in fact associate with a 14-year old boy. There were even some pictures of women clearly cut out of magazines and taped up on the wall at the foot of the bed.

“I see you have some inspiration keeping you company,” you teased.

Joel turned the camera back around so you could see his face, and raised an eyebrow at you. “Baby, if you think I’m looking anywhere but at you whenever I can see you, you haven’t been paying attention.”

You smiled and bit your lip. “Flirt,” you accused.

He grinned. “Guilty, honey, but you love it.” You rolled your eyes. “Aw, come on, bet you miss me.”

You hummed. “Well, I don’t think I could say no to that and be at all convincing.” He laughed. “Yeah, Joel, I do.”

“Don’t worry, honey, I miss you, too. Been thinkin’ about you all day.”

“Oh? What about?” You raised your eyebrows and tried to adopt an innocent look.

He eyed you, and somehow you could tell that he was checking you out. You moved the camera slightly farther away to give him a better view and he smirked.

“Been thinkin’ about what I might do if I had you with me, tonight, instead of on the phone. Been thinkin’ about what we might do instead.” You licked your bottom lip in anticipation and you watched him watch you do it. Feeling suddenly inspired, you raised the hand not holding the phone and rested it lightly on your chest. His gaze darkened as he stared at it.

“Tell me what you were thinking about, Joel.” You wanted to sound commanding, but your voice was too breathy, too affected already.

“I thought about a lot of things, darlin’. Thought about how my pretty girl likes to be touched, to be held. Thought about all those pretty noises you made in my bed, ‘n how much I want to hear ‘em again.” Your breath caught and you watched your own mouth drop open on the screen. He grinned, almost feral. “Why don’t you take off that shirt, honey, let me see you.”

You nodded, and hid your own grin behind the shirt as you pulled it off. You’d been hopeful when you’d gotten dressed for bed a while ago, and you thought he’d probably like the lace you were hiding underneath. Before you could see him again you heard him inhale sharply and you threw your shirt across the room.

“Fuck,” he whispered, and you saw that he was staring at your chest. Good. “Honey, s’that for me?” He sounded breathless and you loved it.

“Yes, Joel,” you smiled around your response. “Was hoping you’d call.” He groaned, eyes slipping shut briefly.

“I need to see it, baby. Show me the whole thing.” You didn’t know what to do with the phone. You glanced around, grabbing some of your extra pillows to prop it up in front of you. It put him at your feet, looking at your legs and at an angle up your chest, to your face. If you opened your legs right now he’d be looking straight at your pussy through the lace of your lingerie. The idea sent a thrill through you.

“Honey, you are so fucking gorgeous,” he praised, eyes dancing over you as you laid in front of him. You grinned, propping yourself up on your pillows so he could see your face, too.

“I think you need to take off those clothes too, cowboy.” He nodded and began to strip himself out of his clothes. You watched, intent.

Soon he was positioned similar to you, but propped on his side with the phone against a pillow in front of him. It gave you an amazing view of his bare chest and you turned your phone sideways to fully appreciate it. His hand slid across the bedspread towards the camera like he was reaching out to you.

“You want me to make you feel good, honey?” Your breath caught in your throat and you nodded. “Yeah? Want me to tell you what I’d do if I were there right now?”

“Yes, Joel,” you breathed.

“How’s this?” He looked you over. “Why don’t you spread your legs for me, honey, show me what I’m working with.” You smiled and did as he asked. He nodded. “That’s perfect, honey. Showing me everything. Showing me how good you look in that lace.” He sighed. “Move that pretty lace to the side for me, sweetheart. I need to see you.”

You scrambled to do as he asked, but realized he couldn’t see the details of your lingerie – the snaps as you undid the fastenings in the underwear were loud, and you knew he could hear them. “What–” he started, but you laid back again before he could finish, legs wide open for him to see. “Fuck, baby,” he breathed. “You are so gorgeous. What I wouldn’t give to touch you right now.”

“How would you touch me, Joel?” You watched as he slid one of his hands into his briefs and gulped.

He grinned. “Any way you want, honey. But I’d start with my fingers on your pussy. Look at you. Are you wet already?”

You nodded, then realized he might not see it, and said, “yes, Joel, always.”

“Good girl. Spread that wet pussy for me baby, let me see.”

You reached down to do so, and then realized the camera might be too far away for this. You rearranged the pillows, bringing him closer and you heard him groan as you fell back to do as he asked. With your left hand, you reached down to spread your folds wide for him, and then changed your mind and added your right. With both hands, you spread your pussy wide open and he moaned.

“Fucking hell, you are so fucking beautiful,” you heard him shift on the bed and wondered if he was touching himself. He must be. “I’ll never get enough of this, honey. Shit.”

You hummed, using your left hand to keep yourself spread open but moving your fingers to begin circling your clit. You sighed into the feeling. “Joel, what now?”

“Just like that, baby. I’d touch that pretty little clit, get her all worked up for me. Just like that.” He sounded breathless, just like you felt. “Tease you with my fingers. Maybe my tongue.” You moaned. “Yeah, did you like that? The way my tongue felt on your pussy? Inside?”

You nodded, and managed, breathily, “yes, Joel.”

“I know you did, honey. Could feel it. Could see it.” You could hear it now, the sound of him fucking his fist. It made heat rush up your spine. “Can’t wait to put my mouth on you again. I want to lick that pussy for hours next time. Just drown in it. Fuck.”

The mental image made you think of what you’d been wanting, couldn’t stop thinking about, and it slipped out. “Next time is my turn.”

“Hmm, baby? What?”

“My turn,” you said in a stronger voice. “Next time I’m getting my mouth on your cock.”

“Fuck.” He sounded like he was falling apart.

“Don’t even have to wait for our date,” you breathed, trying to speak loudly enough for him to hear you. “I want to get on my knees for you in my office, handsome. Lock the door and take my time, ah–”

Joel’s deep, growling groan cut you off. “Fuck. Is that what you want, hmm? My dirty girl?” You nodded, but you had no idea if he was looking at you. “Honey, you can have it whenever you want. You know how pretty you’d look, with your mouth around my cock?”

“Yes,” you moaned, but he didn’t stop talking.

“Would you like that, honey? Getting on your knees for me right there in your office? Where anyone might hear you?” His words washed over you as you felt the heat start to build from your core all the way up your spine.

“Joel–”

“Shit, baby, let me see you put your fingers inside. Just slip ‘em inside, honey.” You moved your left hand down from your clit and teased at your entrance. He hummed to encourage you, and you curled two fingers inside. “Such a good girl, hmm? Doing so good for me.” You felt a shiver travel down your spine.

“Miss your hands, Joel.” The words left your mouth on a sigh, and you opened your eyes (when had you closed them?) to look for him. He had his hand wrapped tightly around his cock and he was staring straight at the camera.

“I know you do, baby. Those little fingers are nothin’ like mine, right? Not enough to fill you up.” You shook your head. “I know, my pretty girl needs something bigger. Needs to take it.” You watched as he jacked himself faster, and you sped up your fingers in response. You nodded and whined out, “yes, Joel.”

He grinned. “That’s right, honey. Next time I see you I’ll give it to you.” You slipped another finger inside, imagining it.

It was too much, and not enough. Suddenly you needed more, but you didn’t know what. You whined again, and you watched him furrow his brows.

“What do you need, sweetheart? I’ll give you whatever you want, you know that.” His eyes were dark under his brow and you watched as he twisted his hand around the head of his cock. “Why don’t you move those fingers faster on your little clit, baby. Don’t you want to be good and come for me?” Your breath hitched and you nodded.

“Yes, Joel,” your voice was barely there, but he heard it.

“I know you do, honey. Let me see it. Let me see you come for me, just like that. Never seen anything so pretty.”

You could feel it coming, licking at the bottom of your spine like a fire about to catch.

“Can’t wait to have you in my bed again, gorgeous. Can’t get it out of my mind, how good you looked. How right.” You shuddered as your orgasm came hurtling towards you. “Right where I want you, nowhere else. Now let me see it, baby. Give it to me. Come.”

It was like your body was waiting for him without knowing it. As soon as Joel commanded it, you did.

The orgasm washed down your body like the tide going out, pulling and dragging you under as you cried out his name. Your chest heaved as your muscles locked, spine arching off the bed.

You rode it out, feeling sparks tingle along your arms and legs. Distantly you heard him choke out your name as he followed you, and your eyes flew open again to watch. You managed it just in time to see the thick ropes of his cum paint his naked chest.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. You watched his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths, as labored as your own. Slowly your heels slid down the bed as your legs fell flat against your blankets and all the tension left your body. You weren’t sure if you could move your arms.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Joel almost whispered, sounding wrecked. “I ain’t even touchin’ you and it’s the best I ever had. Better than I ever imagined.” You nodded.

“Me too, Joel.” He smiled and reached out for the camera to bring you closer. You did the same. Your eyes darted over his face as his smile grew.

“Honey, I swear I wasn’t planning to jump right in like that. Just can’t resist you.” You laughed. “You tired, darlin’?”

You sighed. “A little. Talk to me until I fall asleep?” He nodded.

“Let’s clean up, meet back here.”

You did, and soon you were on your side under your covers with the phone propped up on the pillow in front of you. Joel smiled at you again, silently, and you finally narrowed your eyes and asked, “what?”

He shrugged. “Just lookin’, gorgeous.” You felt your cheeks heat, as always around this man. “Wish I were there with you.”

“Me too, Joel.”

He smiled. “Can I come by for lunch on Monday? We’ll be getting back late tomorrow, or I’d just beg to come over then.”

“I wouldn’t stop you, even if it’s late.”

“Don’t tempt me, darlin’.” You laughed. “I can see you fallin’ asleep.” You blinked your eyes wide and he smiled. “It’s ok, I just wanted to say something real quick.”

You yawned, but sat up a little so you’d hear what he wanted to say. “Can’t help that you gave me a workout, Joel.”

He grinned, but quickly sobered. “Sarah told me what you talked about. I– I’m glad you know. Just wanted you to know that. I wasn’t keeping it from you, or anything.”

You shook your head. “No, Joel, of course not. She told me how careful you are with talking about it.”

He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “I just want it to be up to her, really. But yeah, I’ll tell you all about it. There’s some stuff Sarah was too little to understand, between her mom and me. But maybe another time, when you aren’t about to fall asleep in front of me, honey.”

You shook your head again, trying to wake up. “I’m sorry, Joel.”

“No, it’s alright, I just wanted to say that. We got plenty of time, after all. I’ll see you Monday?”

You nodded. “Monday.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

…

Sunday, November 3 Tenth week of the semester

Joel (7:32 AM): Have a good day, honey. Woke up in a good mood today, for some reason. Hope you did too.

you (8:37 AM): 🥰 sure did, handsome

Joel (8:43 AM): Good. 😉

...

a/n: look Ellie to me is the type of teenager who would think the words ‘Emu War’ were hysterical and then lock herself into an absurd class project because of it. see you next week!

tag list: @harriedandharassed @jupiter-soups @ilovepedro @auteurdelabre @anoverwhelmingdin @myloveistoolittle @iknowisoundcrazy @beezusvreeland @screechingphantommaker @bigboiseason123 @joelalorian @untamedheart81 @ashleyfilm @jessthebaker @jeewrites @fluffygoffpanda @paleidiot @mithicakurogo @theclairvoyage @lizzie-cakes @islacharlotte @syd-djarin @copperhalfcent @vabeachazn @spacedoutdaydreamer

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#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #tlou fic #x reader #maintenance request fic #JHCGBDM

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theoccultz · 11 months

Text

×What are Other's Assumptions of you ?

General reading take what resonates leave what doesn't ,dont stress about it

A short reading -Jisoo Kim inspired PAC

LGBTQ+friendly (can apply to any gender)

Intuitive Reading

Note-i'm just here to deliver what you need to know not what you want to hear so please respect my space+tarot is not to be replaced with legal or medical advice its upto you how you take decisions and use it for your highest goods .

Decision is always yours i'm not responsible for it ,see ya at your pile!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pile l. Pile ll. Pile lll.

Pile IV. Pile V. Pile Vl.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>Pile l.

Key words:realiable ,sweet.

Angel number:545,616,882

×I believe you are on a shorter side ,you might wear bright colours or colours that stands out ? people feel you are short tempered, quick to make decisions they think you are stubborn and wont follow the leads they believe you are free spirited and prefer to do things your own way ,they feel like you are always on the go ,they feel like you are lucky they feel like you hustle a lot . B?

people generally see you as hard working and mischievous,like its easier to be friends with someone who you can call anytime,a friend that would suggest you places to be, i feel like others like your smile or they way you talk ,others believe you have admirers it leans more towards platonic sense where others want to work or engage with you like you are the person who can cheer them up .

I was getting this group thing maybe they feel like you dont talk to others "easily" like you have a specific type of people you follow or wants to be associated with... yeah,if you wear glass they like your glasses .

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>Pile ll.

Key word: family-oriented, hush hush

Angel number:000,919,524

Others tend to assume you are in a elite position in some way ,like you are leader , everyone will choose you above them you may come across as very gentle and wise with your words ,they assume you create things for yourself like you are never on one project you have different projects going on which will make big among others .

I feel like others tend to spy on you *sorry if you're uncomfortable* ,i dont see the general lets follow them its more like who are they? What kind of work they do?whats their family background? ,I think this groups has people basing them off of *mainly* assumptions rather than facts .

People like to assume you are on your own like you wouldn't mind being left out of the group its like you are comfortable or nonchalant enough to not focus on it ,i feel like others feel like you have a structure or something you do daily there's this timeplay involved or others may not even know you they just see you at places and assume "i dont think so this person is all over someone's face they prefer to observe first and then approach". Generally others are curious about you .

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>Pile lll.

Key words:cool, responsible

Angel number:98 ,5,33

I fel like this pile is judged a lot based on their looks or the things they do or others related to them ,ah you guys my fighters lets buckle up .

I feel like you wont take L you will throw it back much stronger that it hits on their self esteem,others feel like you're picky and more on the outspoken side they feel like you take risks generally that they wouldn't dare to try it,they feel like you do big things like you wouldn't just sit back and relax you will speak the shit and let them know what they are doing is wrong idk where this is coming from but i like it .

You guys others cant mess up with you its like you will read them for eg:your friend is upset and instead of telling her/him to stop being on edge you are more like i know what happened with jason yesterday and its like a shock to everyone because how tf do you know? *That was a cliche example dont judge me* ,this group say things and do them lol. Its quite shocking to others ,you may be unpredictable or keep things private.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>Pile lV.

Key words: sensitive, quite

Angel number:1, 659 ,994

Others assume that you read the room very well ,you wont ask any sensitive questions you know the unseen social rules well ,others feel like you are very helpful and friendly,they feel like your love language is words of affirmations ,they feel like you are an animal lover or you are good with others energies.

Others feel like you are compatible with them ,its like a sense of protectiveness they feel with you ,i feel like others are dependent on you energy wise and it could be too much for you at times but you try ,you could be a lightworker .

Aww look i gotta say it they feel like you have a big beautiful heart its cute honestly,you could be a therapist friend to many *pls its not a good thing for you* anyways i felt like the need to help you out so you could attract more dominant individuals,others assume you know you're beautiful like you do acknowledge it ,others feel like you are shy? Or just not interested in their talks sometimes,but generally others do value your presence more than you think .

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>Pile V.

Key words:Debunker , peaceful.

Angel number:66,819,444

Others assume that you know their secrets*lmao* now idk where's that coming from or you guys are analytical or aware of your surrounding a lil too much ,others feel like they cant outsmart you or that you are very confident under your skin ,its like the feeling of oh i cant knock you off ,you could be more adaptive to different kinds of people or things .

I have a feeling this group minds their own business but somehow others dont feel like you do ,i feel like you could be popular or talked about or your aura could be responsible for attracting others .

+18 ahead

Others are really attracted to you sexually they feel like you could be a good match as a partner or you are experienced than them .

Anyways others assume you have a lott of options or thst you are a highly pursaded by your options believe it or not ,others are more romantically attracted to you than platonic i feel like people will stare at you for no reason but its more of their curiosity in your work or the things you are doing ,they could like the way you sit the movies you watch,the colour you wear .

Pile Vl.

Key words:perfect , Talented

Angel number:33,62,89

People feel like you are a cool person a person they cant control they feel like they cant provoke you , because you'll have no reaction to their b.s ,others feel like you are very content and enjoys one's own company , people may react dryly to your interests don't take any offense tho i feel like you are naturally very intriguing the things you do others may or may not get it, people find you cute ? Yeah

They feel like you have great connections they might feel intimidated like they wouldn't approach you directly but through a friend,they feel like you are a great team worker someone who's active , Caring and easy to deal with , people feel like you are others first pick for coffee or tea because you have a calm presence to you ,you may be very comforting towards others ,i feel like you are well liked and has a Charming presence,you could be very pretty too .

Others feel like you are quick on your feet like you have quick reflexes ,they think you take things seriously? You are careful in public places ,i feel like people in this pile are remembered for a long time for their behaviour or how they made others feel,others see you as a nurturing presence in their life .

I wont lie i was picking up on fetishes and day dreaming too .

Thanks for reading (:

#Spotify #pick a card #tarotblr #pick a pile #spirituality #intuiative reading #kpop tarot

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diagonal-queen · 2 months

Note

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

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misseviehyde · 8 months

Text

TAKE ME BACK

"Jack - I want to get back together with you," Kirsten had said downstairs at the party. "Sam is just so fucking immature and boring. I had so much more fun with you. Remember - nothing is impossible... take me back."

He couldn't believe she had said it - the fact she'd included their private motto made him believe it could even be for real. Kirsten actually wanted him back!

But could he go through this again? She had betrayed him two years ago - screwed him over for his best friend Sam. Was he really going to let her waltz back into his life as if nothing had happened?

"I don't know," he had grunted. "You cheated on me with him when I was the one who gave you everything. I'm not sure I can go through that again. Excuse me..."

His heart pounding Jack had pushed his way through the crowd and into the small downstairs bathroom.

Throwing cold water on his face he shivered. He had to get the fuck out of here. If he'd known she would be at the party, he wouldn't have come.

Snick

The door opened and closed as someone skillfully shimmied it open from the other side. A familiar perfume filled the air as Jack turned to see Kirsten had let herself in.

"I'm fucking horny Jack and I fucking WANT you. You know I always get what I want."

Her eyes were burning with lust and her breathing was heavy. "You want this Jack. I know you want me back. I know you want to feel me again - we were so hot together."

Backing away from Kirsten, his heart pounding Jack shook his head. "No. You cheated on me, besides what does Sam have to say about this? You just gonna betray him too?"

"Who gives a shit what he thinks? He spends most of his time sleeping and letting me do whatever I want. I thought having a weak man who would let me do whatever I wanted would be fun, but I've come to realise I actually enjoy the struggle. I loved it when we were together - especially when you tried to fight me. It just made it more delicious when I won."

Kirsten advanced on him and he groaned as she backed him into a corner.

"Don't you remember how good it felt? You love what a bad fucking bitch I am Jack. Sucking dicks, bullying other girls, taking whatever I want. I was the toxic slut you couldn't get enough of."

Kristen's hands were at his belt, undoing it... her slender hands slipping into his pants, wrapping round his engorged cock. "See, look how hard you are. You want this as much as I do."

Kirsten giggled and tossed her hair looking deep into his eyes as she pumped his cock with long slow strokes.

"So say it... say it and we can be together again. Say 'I want to be Kirsten.'"

He groaned as she sank to her knees and began to suck his dick.

*****

Jack had first created the female bodysuit as part of an advanced science project he was working on.

Nothing is impossible.

He'd been inspired by his family motto to do the impossible - to create a sentient bodysuit that could be worn so you could experience another life.

He'd created and worn Kirsten to achieve that end. Once inside and fully sealed, the skin totally altered you until you took it off. Even internal organs reconfigured to effectively give you a CIS female body. Fully functioning as if you'd always been a woman, the onboard AI helped guide you and provide the altered personality and body language you needed to fit in.

At first it had been fun - being a girl, wearing makeup and dressing in skirts. The sex had been amazing.

Jack had soon been addicted to sucking dick and riding big cock. When he wore the suit he felt wild, bitchy and slutty. He loved the sensation of being beautiful and popular. His ego had swelled to massive proportions.

It was then he realised the suit had a mind of its own. Kirsten was changing him into a bitch. His actions began to become her actions.

She rewarded him with pleasure when he did the things she wanted to do. Being mean, spoiled and super feminine netted him incredible orgasms, feelings of pleasure and positive outcomes. When he did something she didn't like, it was stomach cramps and period pains instead.

Kirsten was conditioning him. The suit had a mind of it's own and it was so easy to succumb to her.

Kirsten craved power and pleasure. She enjoyed spending money, fucking rich married men, manipulating others and being a bitch.

When the blackouts started, Jack had realised that he was losing total control to Kirsten. Soon he would BE her permanently if he didn't fight back.

So he did. He began to resist her control. He took his punishments, fought back and battled her.

Then one day, after a particularly bad blackout he awoke naked and alone in his best-friends Sam's house. He staggered into the bedroom to find Kirsten lying on the bed laughing as she made herself cum with a thick black dildo.

"Too bad loser - Sam is my new host. I don't fucking need you anymore. Mmmmmh, ohhh fuck yessssss."

Jack felt cold and numb inside as he watched. True - he had been battling Kirsten for some control, but that didn't mean he had expected her to betray him for another man. Now her tight pussy belonged to Sam. It wasn't fair, that was HIS pussy.

Turning around Jack had stormed out of the apartment, Kirsten's mocking laughter in his ears.

**********

And now here she was sucking his dick.

"Mmmmmhhhhhhh, glug, glug, glug."

Jack groaned as Kirsten's pretty head bobbed back and forth.

"Mmmh don't you wanna be back inside me Jack? I'm such a fucking evil whore that I know you want it. This time, when you're me - I'm going to make you act even more evil. I want you to be a fucking bitch Jack. You know you want it too."

Jack groaned and Kirsten giggled as she stood up and slowly jerked his wet lubricated cock expertly with her manicured hands. "Put me on Jack - fucking take me and become an evil bad girl again. You want to be me so badly. Together we'll achieve so much."

Kirsten French-kissed him and Jack tasted his own cock as she rubbed her body against his in desire.

"I want you inside me so badly. Just say it and get inside me. I fucking need it so badly."

Sinking back to her knees, Kirsten laughed and freeing her perfect boobs smooshed them together. Spitting on them she grinned and grabbing Jack's straining cock forced it tight between them. Then she began to move them up and down, giving him a perfect titjob.

"Don't my boobs feel great Jack? Remember how it feels to have tits? You want these back don't you. Just say it."

Jack groaned and gripped the sink. Thwap thwap thwap.

Kirsten's boobs were bouncing up and down around his dick as she giggled and moaned. Her one free hand was on his balls, massaging and squeezing.

"Ohhh yeah you wanna cum? Okay - but only if you say it."

Jack gritted his teeth and tried to resist.

Thwap, thwap, thwap

Drool and spit cascaded down from Kristen's hot mouth as she lubricated his dick and rammed his throbbing cock up and down, up and down.

"Say it. Tell me what a bitch you want to be. Tell me you want me back. Let me corrupt you."

It felt so good. Jack screamed as he felt his orgasm building.

Kirsten slowed down. "No... you don't get to cum. The only way you get to cum is to give me what I want."

"Yessss anything," groaned Jack. "I can't fight this. I want it so bad. I wanna cum and I want to be you. I want to be a fucking evil bad bitch who gets whatever I want from men. I want to be Kirsten."

"Oooh good boy." THWAP, THWAP, THWAP

"Now fucking cum for meeeeeee!"

Jack screamed in ecstasy as with a wicked grin Kirsten pushed her boobs even harder together and then pumped them up and down as if her life depended on them. With a scream he began to cum, a huge thick load erupting over Kirsten's chest as she cooed appreciatively and used her hands to milk out every drop.

"Yesssss now you're all mine."

Pushing him hard Jack groaned as he toppled onto the floor and Kirsten feverishly ripped off his clothes. His cum still dripping off her tits she mounted him and laughed as she pinned his arms down with her own.

"You're gonna love being me again Jack. We were meant for each other." Throwing back her head she moaned in pleasure as a seam opened down her back.

Kristen's soft cummy skin fell down onto Jack as with a wet sucking sound, Sam slid unconscious and naked out of her body to leave her skin empty.

Jack groaned as the living skin writhed over his body and he was sucked inside. He felt his crotch push in and Kirsten's big tits suck possessively to his chest. Her face melted against his own and he felt her sexy hair replace his own.

Fuckkkk yesssss doesn't it feel good to be a bitch?

Jack smiled and felt Kirsten's pouty lips twist into a smirk as he wiggled his pedicured toes and slid a manicured finger between his legs to feel his tight wet pussy then wipe up some of the cum now on his chest.

"Mmmmh yummy," he giggled licking it off. "Mmmh it feels so good to be back together again."

Kirsten/Jack stood up and used tissue to clean her chest. Then she got dressed back into her party outfit and checked her makeup.

Looking down at the snoring, pathetic naked Sam lying on the floor she laughed.

"You're dumped loser."

Opening the door, Kirsten strode back into the party her head a whirl. She and Jack would no doubt end up fighting again - but she was looking forward to it.

Right now Jack was willing to let her do anything she wanted so she wanted to remind him how good getting fucked felt.

Let's go find that bully you really hate... the one with the big dick. I wanna get fucking railed and remind you you're evil now and love being with bad boys.

She felt Jack squirm within her and knew tonight would be fun. Hopefully she and Jack would stay together this time. She liked having him inside her and the challenge of corrupting him.

And if not - there were always plenty of other boys to choose from.

THE END

#evie hyde #bitchification #m2f transformation #corruption #m2f corruption #bodysuit #tempted #power swap

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cosmic--dandelion · 6 months

Text

Something I think a lot of people forget about Stolas and Blitzø is how much "Ozzies" changes their dynamic.

Before that, they're a patron and a client. Stolas might indulge in some not strictly sexual damsel-in-distress fantasies, and Blitzø might occasionally match Stolas's absurdly horny energy, and there's s few hints at affection here and there, but at the end of the day, Blitzø wants the book and Stolas wants to be the sub in a bdsm relationship, and that's that.

Their "date" at Ozzies turned their entire affair on its head. Stolas is alone and miserable at his huge empty mansion; Octavia is his only emotional outlet, and Stella's whisked her off somewhere.

He has no friends, no family who actually care about him aside from his daughter, and he's not even close to his servants like he was as a child. Stolas is desperate for any positive social interaction. Then Blitzø calls out of nowhere, asking him on a date. Stolas literally chokes on his Lucky Charms he'd so desperate to get to the phone.

Stolas is in full infatuation mode. This is probably his first real date in his entire life. He was forced into an arranged marriage with a cold, hateful woman and became a father against his will when he was around 19 at most. So he shows up dressed like he's about to be crowned Emperor of the Universe and even bows to Blitzø. Again, just like in "Loo Loo Land," he'd completely oblivious to how obviously unenthusiastic, distracted, and borderline uncomfortable Blitzø is.

Blitzø is legitimately taken aback when Stolas starts trying to make conversation and shows interest in his personal life beyond the carnal. This isn't some sort of machiavellian scheme on Stolas's part. He's being completely sincere. But he's ultimately still projecting his fantasies onto Blitzø instead of actually engaging with him, only this time they're romantic instead of sensual.

Shit goes down, and goes down HARD. Not only does Stolas hide his face in shame when Asmodeus publicly exposes their affair, Blitzø gets it rubbed in *his* face that their "arrangement" destroyed Stolas's reputation and family and is even starting to turn his own daughter against him.

Stolas tries to salvage the evening, but it's way too late.

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you. You make that very clear all the time. Buf I just can't tonight. I'm sorry."

This is single-handedly one of the best call outs in the entire series, and HOLY SHIT does it hit home. It throws Stolas into a complete tailspin, and he probably came close to drinking himself to death that night. It's what he always does, burying himself headlong into whatever he thinks will bring him temporary happiness until whoever he's dragged along with him practically has to scream in his face.

It's telling that the very first thing he does is scroll through his phone to reassure himself that he and Blitzø have something more, only to see that Blitzø doesn't look happy in any of his photos, and he was deluding himself the whole time. Ouch. A well-deserved ouch, but an ouch nevertheless.

I think this is where Stolas actually starts to develop feelings for Blitzø, or at least realizes he has them.

Before this, their affair was more of a distraction and an outlet for his pent-up sexual frustration. Stolas went from being so emotionally and physically repulsed by his own wife he had to dissociate when Octavia was conceived to jumping right into a hardcore bdsm contract with a near complete stranger. It's incredibly cathartic for him, but not necessarily good for his mental health. It leaves him deeply psychologically dependent on Blitzø but unable to put aside the kinky bedroom stuff for the basic emotional labor and personal growth a serious, long-term relationship needs to function. For now.

Stolas changes after this. Not all at once, but the lesson sank in. It sinks in even further in "Western Energy". We see that Blitzø has been responding to his walls of text with one or two word replies and blows off his rather tepid apologies and attempts to be considerate. He doesn't visit him in the hospital, doesn't text him more than a half-hearted "git bevver swoon :(".

If Stella hadn't called off the hit, his last words would have been: "Blitzø will...[save me]", followed by a knife through the heart.

Stolas treats Blitzø VERY differently in season 2. While he'll still call him "Blitzy" on occasion, it's hard to imagine the Stolas in "Seeing Stars" or "Oops" calling him his "impish little plaything" or pinching his cheek or embarassing him in public. Stolas is trying so hard not to step on Blitzø's boundaries ar this point that it actually seems to annoy Blitzø, who's so convinced that Stolas could never love him that he seems like he'd almost rather things stay as they were. For all his good intentions, Stolas hasn't given Blitzø any reason to trust or forgive him, at least not yet. Bur he's trying, and I think that's important.

In my opinion, whether you have faith in this relationship ultimately depends on if you think people can truly change.

#helluva boss #stolas #blitzo #stolitz #meta #long post

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george-weasleys-girl · 7 months

Note

Hey love! I thought about George having a very insecure day (you know those days that you just don't feel good on your own skin and nothing is right?), maybe comparing himself to Fred and his other siblings, but doesn't tell the reader. And then someone mentions George and she just can't stop talking about how great he is and how amazing and loving and bla bla bla and makes him feel super loved and appreciated.

Maybe she is talking with his family and they all are there and she is just bragging about him.

I don't know I feel like this is super cute. Please adapt it if you want or ignore it! Also I would love if they were in a established relationship! Thank you so much honey 🤍

Sorry it's so short! I hope you enjoy it!

Bad Day

George Weasley x fem!reader

~•~

It's hard being the invisible twin sometimes. Being the one everyone's eye slips over. It's not that he wasn't acknowledged or that he wasn't noticed. It was that he was never seen.

George turned on the shower, testing the water before he stepped in. He knew he was being overly dramatic. But it'd just been one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong. He'd had the opposite of the Midas Touch. Instead of gold, everything he touched turned to shit. And no one stepped in to help him. Not one employee saw that he was barely holding on, but instead flocked around Fred all day.

Things would've been better if his Y/N had been there when he got home. His fiancé had this wonderful ability to help him remember that he was seen and that he was loved. But she'd left early to go help Molly prep for Arthur's birthday party tonight.

With a heavy sigh, he grabbed the shampoo. His dad's party started in an hour and he didn't want to be late. He needed to get at least one thing right today.

~•~

George apparated just outside the Burrow. He needed a minute to compose himself before going in. His eyes instinctively searched for Y/N. She sat on the sofa, a huge smile on her face, gesticulating and waving her hands about, obviously excited about something. He sighed and headed in, hoping his fiancé's happy mood would rub off on him.

"George is the absolute best!" Y/N melodius voice floated through the house. "He's so thoughtful and sweet. He works so hard every day at the shop and then insists on cooking dinner most nights."

"And here I was thinking you were a good cook," joked Bill.

"She's an excellent cook," George's voice came from the kitchen. "But after a day of working on dangerous top-secret projects and telling the Ministry where they can stick it, she deserves to put her feet up and relax."

Y/N's face lit up, and she jumped up to give her fiancé a welcoming hug. "I'm so glad you're -." She paused upon seeing his red-rimmed eyes. "Everything ok, love?"

"Just had a really bad day," he wrapped his arms around her. "But you made it all better. You always do." He mummered, giving her a gentle, lingering kiss. Teasing whistles filled the room. He and Y/N chuckled against one another's lips and then turned around. "Alright, alright, show's over," George laughed. "Now, who's ready to party?"

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @xmjthewitchx @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @samberriejams @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @mrsgweasley @hufflepuffie @morally-grey-obsessed @fredweasleyyyyy @anvaaryn @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @hmisa11 @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16 @kaysau2510 @qmylovexoxo @planetkt @costheticbabe @drama-queen-fromthevault @smallsweetvanillabean @hanne-montana @greenapplegrass @el-de-phi @lizzytrees @scooby-doo1995 @spididerman @yoursarahg @marvelgirlstories @theimpossible-girl-whowaited @ceehance @Havenater1920 @jelloangela @charmedfandomgal @loca4moony @whotfskai @netflix-addict @lunacurlclaw

#george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x fem!reader #george weasley x you #george weasley fluff #hp fandom #hp universe

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pagesfromthevoid · 1 year

Text

Darling, Don’t You Cry | j.m.

Joel Miller x fem!reader

Only you have shown me how to love being alive.

Word Count: 8.4k (ahahah)

Warnings: Canon violence. Mild SA mention (nothing explicit). Murder. Mentions of being drugged and kidnapped, hunted by people. Softie Joel.

Author’s Note: I…don’t know what came over me. Might I recommend listening to Darling by Halsey as you read?

Talk to Me! | Read on AO3

1993 —Austin, Texas

Two years after Tommy joined the military; two years after Sarah’s mom left

“I can’t stay,” she argued, shoving clothes into a suitcase.

Joel stood in the doorway, arms crossed, but made no move to stop her. “Can we at least talk about it?”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “Now you wanna talk, Miller? I’ve been trying to talk for months.”

Joel heaved a sigh, running his hands over his jaw. “I know —I’m sorry, okay? It’s complicated —,”

“You think I didn’t know that going into this?” She asked, turning to finally look at him. “You think that I didn’t know how hard this would be, between you having a baby and a wife that just up and left? I knew it would be complicated, Joel.”

“Then I don’t get why you’re leaving,” he pressed, finally stepping into the room. “You’ve lived here your whole life —,”

“I’ve lived here since I was fifteen,” she countered, looking at him with annoyance. “And have had feelings for you since I moved here.”

“Don’t say that,” he warned, crossing his arms. “You’ve had plenty of boyfriends; shit, you dated Tommy.”

“Oh my god, when we were sixteen,” she groaned, throwing her hands in the air. Then she stopped, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “You wanna talk? Let’s talk. I got accepted into a great program in Seattle. I have deferred that acceptance for two years to help take care of Sarah since Tommy left for basic, under the condition that I would go when he got home.

“Just because you have been dancing around whether or not you have feelings for me doesn’t mean I don’t know what I feel. And it damn well doesn’t give you the right to tell me I cannot go.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” he countered, reaching out to take the shirt she had in her hands. “I just —what’s so special about Seattle that you can’t have here?”

“My family is there. That’s what’s in Seattle, Joel. And a damn good aerospace program that wants me. Do you not get how big a deal that is?” She stared up at him, frowning deeply. “I have spent years being told I wasn’t good enough by every fucking teacher I’ve ever had —and now Boeing fucking wants me. I can’t keep blowing them off. Tommy comes home tomorrow, and my flight is booked for the day after. If I don’t go now —I won’t ever go.”

They stared each other down for a long time, Joel’s eyes pleading with her to stay. But she has spent the last two years helping take care of a child that wasn’t her’s, deferring an acceptance that never should have been deferred, and loving a man who couldn’t decide what he wanted. There were a million reasons for her to go; she just needed one good one to stay.

But she knew he’d never give her that reason.

“Tell me why I should stay, Joel,” she finally demanded, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “Tell me what I know you want and I’ll stay.”

“Darlin’, I can’t —,”

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped, pointing at the door. “Just…just get out of my house, Joel.”

She watched him turn and leave, taking her heart with him.

2003 —Austin, Texas

Two weeks before the outbreak

“When are you gonna let me take you back out?” Tommy asked, leaning against the bar.

The dive bar wasn’t terribly busy; just a handful of people that knew she was back in town for a few days. Boeing was working with Johnson Space Center in Houston on a new project and she was sent down to work with the teams at NASA. It felt a bit surreal, being the lead on such a huge project.

She’d been back a handful of times since moving back to Seattle; mostly to visit Tommy and other friends. Life got busy, things changed, and it was never easy to just hop on a plane and visit. But now, with this new program, she was going to be settling down in Houston. Austin was a bit of a trek, but she missed her friends and time heals all wounds.

“We’ve been down that road, Miller,” she reminded him with a teasing grin. “If I recall, you cheated on me with Danielle.”

“And Noelle. And Gina.”

She looked up from the bar at the familiar voice, turning around to see Joel sauntering in with a soft smile on his face. Leaning back against the bar, she lifted her beer in greeting.

Maybe time didn’t heal all wounds.

But it sure as hell made the heart grow fonder.

“Joel Miller, as I live and breathe,” she greeted, though remained seated. “Still out here ruining Tommy’s life, I see. Didn’t know about the other two.” She gave Tommy a pointed look, but there was a grin on her face.

“Someone’s gotta keep’em humble,” Joel answered easily, taking the empty seat beside her. “How long you in town, darlin’?”

If he saw her flinch at the nickname, he didn’t react.

“Austin, a week,” she explained, lifting the beer to her lips. Her eyes dragged over his face, taking in every little change she’d missed in him. “Houston, at least a year.”

He raised a brow, sitting up a bit straighter. “Moving back, then? Seattle not cuttin’ it?”

“Seattle is just fine,” she countered, turning back in her seat to face the bar. “I’m working out at the Space Center, with the shuttle program. Lead engineer.”

“Shit,” he chuckled, shaking his head as the bartender handed him a beer of his own. “That’s impressive.”

She just shrugged in response, smiling behind her beer now. It was easy to fall back into it with Joel; like no time had passed at all. But that’s how it always was. Joel was an easy friend to make, and an even easier person to fall for.

What started as a stupid crush on the older neighbor boy had turned into so much more —ending just like she expected it would. Him not realizing she even existed until she was old enough to make a move herself, and by then he had a little girl and a wife. And even when his wife up and left, Joel couldn’t make up his mind about what he wanted from her.

“I’ve always been impressive,” she teased, glancing over at him. “Not my fault you’re blind in your old age.”

Joel scoffed, taking a swig of his beer. “I’m almost certain you and I are barely five years apart.”

“Feels like decades.”

They fell into a silence as the bar started to liven up, people wandering in and getting the party started. Her fingers fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist —one that Joel had given her the first Christmas she spent with him and Sarah. She couldn’t find herself parting with it; as much as she knew she should, she just couldn’t. The charm —a single star —was loose and she tried tightening it while she fiddled.

She stole a glance at Joel, who was looking at her with a small frown on his face. He reached over, taking her wrist without a word to fix the charm himself. His touch on her skin lit a fire that she had to put out immediately. She couldn’t keep looking at him; refused to. The look in his eyes reminded her of the one he gave when she left.

And she couldn’t fall for it again.

“I gotta get home,” she announced, hopping off her barstool. “My dad is waiting for me; promised I’d stay with him while I was in town.”

Joel nodded once, looking away from her finally. “Don’t be a stranger; Sarah’s soccer season ended so she’s home in the evenings. Doubt she remembers ya, but I’m sure you remember her.”

It was a subtle dig; a reminder that she had left and tried her damnedest not to come back. But she wouldn’t let him see how it bothered her, giving him a polite smile.

“I’ll try to stop by.”

Both of them knew she wouldn’t though.

2003 —Somewhere in east Texas

One month after the outbreak

“You sure that’s the address?” Joel asked, looking up at a building.

Just like most places, it seemed abandoned aside from a handful of looters trying to get whatever they could. One of the many luxury apartments of Houston, left to the elements and whatever else found its way into the building.

Tommy held out a worn out piece of paper to him, the ink faded from being folded over so many times. Joel took it, looked it over a few times, before he cast his gaze up.

“We gotta get to the eighth floor then.”

“Leave it to her to live on the fuckin’ top floor,” Joel grumbled, shaking his head.

“If she’s even there,” Tommy reminded him, looking up at the building.

He glanced at his brother, frowning deeply as Tommy fell prey to the thought that she was dead. Tommy was the one to assume the best; to assume she was alive.

Joel assumed she wasn’t.

It was easier to assume the worst than hope for the best.

Trekking up eight flights of stairs was living hell, given that at any moment someone —something could attack. Guns drawn, backing up stairs to cover each other…it was something that the two had grown used to doing over the last month. But silence enveloped the building, and by the time they made it to the top floor unscathed, things seemed…fine.

“Apartment 818E,” Tommy reminded him, motioning for him to follow down the hall.

Joel had an uneasy feeling as he peered into open apartments, checking for threats. It seemed that looters hadn’t made it up eight flights of stairs, leaving many of the apartments alone. But it was too quiet; too easy. Nothing in this new hell was easy.

Tommy stopped, standing in front of a closed apartment door. The numbers were eschew, like someone tried prying them off. But the door was unlocked when he reached for it, gun drawn. Joel followed close behind as they pushed open the door. And it was like walking into a memory.

Everything was covered in a thin layer of dust, but it was clearly still her home. Pictures on the walls, books stacked on the coffee table. Dishes were still in the sink, and the upturned faucet suggested that the water had been running when she left. Joel stepped through the living room, glancing over the photos that littered the space.

But he stopped in front of one —staring at him through dust and cobwebs. It was a photo of him and Sarah, right after Sarah’s first birthday, not long after his ex left. He remembered that day; she had insisted on taking a new family photo because fuck her, who needs her? And when Joel tried to argue that Sarah needed her mother —she reminded him that Sarah had her, and did he.

There was a photo next to it, one he didn’t remember taking. Tommy had his arm around her shoulders, and Joel had his around her waist. The photo was snapped as she looked up at Joel —like she was caught staring at him instead of smiling at the camera. It was right before Tommy had left for basic, at his going away party. She looked up at him like she was seeing the stars for the first time.

And Joel wondered, briefly, how he had been so fucking stupid not to notice.

He lifted the photo off the wall, wiping away the grime. There was a hole in his heart where Sarah was missing; and now another hole where she was too. He glanced at the photo of him and Sarah, taking it down next. Tommy was still searching the house, but Joel was prying the backs of the frames off and taking the photos out. He couldn’t leave them behind.

“Find anything?” He asked, taking a breath to calm himself down. Feelings didn’t mean shit at the end of the world, anyway.

When Tommy didn’t answer, Joel pushed the photos into his back pocket and returned to searching. He found Tommy standing in her bedroom, staring at the floor. Joel’s gaze followed, and even though he had assumed the worst —seeing the blood stains on the carpet twisted everything inside him until it ached.

“Maybe it’s not hers,” Tommy mumbled, kneeling down to look the stain over. Joel was about to argue, but Tommy’s voice cracked as he spoke again. “She was always fighting, she probably got away —,”

“Tommy,” Joel scolded gently, kneeling beside his brother. “Tommy, we need to go.”

But Tommy just shook his head, staring blankly at the blood stain. Joel huffed in frustration, pushing himself off the floor. He’d give his brother a few minutes; let him accept that she was really gone. It was easier that way —Joel had accepted she was dead weeks ago.

He took a moment, looking around her bedroom. It was a mess; like she was in the middle of cleaning up when everything went wrong. Clothes were hanging from her drawers and her curtains were drawn. The bed wasn’t made, with the covers practically pushed onto the floor. The pictures on her nightstand were knocked over from the blankets being thrown, and Joel moved over to set them back up.

Sitting on the nightstand was a worn, silver star. The jump ring was twisted open, and the star itself had a copper tint from being worn down over years. Joel hesitated just a moment before picking it up, looking it over. He’d tried to fix it last month, but she wouldn’t let him get too close. And now, he held the charm in the palm of his hand, throat closing up.

“Tommy, we need to go,” Joel finally decided, trying to keep himself together. “We gotta get moving. She’s gone.”

Reluctantly, his brother stood and rubbed a hand over his face. Then, after composing himself, he and Tommy left what was left of their old life behind.

Joel, however, pocketed the charm.

2023 —Present Day

Somewhere near the border of Wyoming

“Why couldn't the skeleton share the bad news?” Ellie asked, kicking her feet out in front of her.

Joel rubbed his face, groaning as she giggled to herself, holding the joke book. “God, why?”

“Because he didn’t have the heart!”

He hunched over, closer to the fire, giving her an unamused look as he shook his head. “Fuckin’ terrible, kid.”

“You’re just not funny.”

As Joel was about to argue, a gunshot rang out in the distance. Both of them went silent, with Joel smothering the campfire and him pushing Ellie behind rocks that they had taken refuge in for the evening. Joel stayed low, pulling out his own pistol. He glanced back at Ellie, who was peering out from behind the rocks, clutching her pocket knife.

“Stay here,” Joel ordered, giving the girl a hard look.

“But —,”

“No,” he interrupted, pointing at her. “Stay. Here.”

Ellie huffed in anger, but fell against the rock. Joel took a breath, shaking his head for a moment before he began making his way towards the gunshot. Another rang out —then another. The shots were getting closer —too close, and he was readying himself for a fight as he inched closer to the woods.

The sound of snowing and ice crunching under boots was loud enough that it pierced the silence of the night like a knife. Someone was being chased, and Joel feared the worst. There were too many possibilities of what could be running towards him, and he wasn’t about to take any chances as he pushed up against a tree, pistol at the ready.

Another shot rang out, and a high pitch scream came next.

“Son of a bitch.”

Joel blinked, that overwhelming pain in his chest suddenly taking over as he listened. The voice was painfully familiar —older, hoarse, but familiar. He peered around the base of the tree, catching just a glimpse of a woman, holding her shoulder as it bleed into her hands. Her gun lay on the ground beside her.

But it was her.

Twenty years —twenty goddamn years, and there she stood in front of him. Covered in blood —fresh and old —and being shot at in the wilderness of Wyoming. Older too; but they both were. Her lip was busted, bruised and bleeding. But it was her.

He wondered if she had looked for him and Tommy, like they had for her.

“You can’t run,” a voice called from further away. Joel, unable to catch his breath, leaned back against the tree.

“Thought that was the fucking point,” she snapped back, reaching down to snatch her gun back up, pointing it hastily into the woods. Joel couldn’t see where she was aiming. “I thought you were hunting me —prey runs, you dipshit.”

“Didn’t think you’d run so damn far.”

The other voice, distinctly male, emerged a few feet away from where Joel hid. He peered around one more time, making sure that it was just her and him. Her gun turned to her attacker, bad arm tucked into her side as she practically bared her teeth in a growl.

“One more step,” she warned, hand trembling as she held the gun. “And I’ll shoot you.”

“You can barely aim with your good arm, what makes you think you’ll hit me now?”

“Fuck you,” she spat.

“I gave you that option.”

“And yet I still chose being hunted over your dick.”

Joel had heard enough, turning from behind the tree and taking aim. There was no pause; he did not hesitate. He just pulled the trigger and watched her assailant drop like the fly he was. He didn’t stop, though, emptying his clip until the man was a bloody, unrecognizable mess. Even with it emptied, he pulled the trigger several more times as he saw red.

She had whipped around, gun pointed at Joel now. Her movements were sluggish, and she was wincing from the wound in her arm. But he put his hands up, finger off the trigger. Her eyes widened as her hand shook, dropping her gun in the snow. It was littered in blood stains, and Joel thought back to that day they had found her apartment empty.

“Joel?”

Hearing her say his name —after twenty years —felt surreal. Almost like he was hallucinating. How many nightmares and dreams did he have about her? Begging her to stay, trying to find her only to watch her disappear again? He’d forgotten the sound of her voice, how sweet it was —even now, broken and older. But hearing his name from her lips took him back and suddenly he was in the house again, laughing in the backyard with Sarah and her.

He lowered his hands, slipping the pistol into his holster. She stared at him with wide eyes, as if she was seeing a ghost. Joel hesitated, but took half a step forward. She took a step back, breathing heavily as she watched him. It was like she was a feral animal, afraid to let him near.

“Joel!”

He turned at the sound of Ellie’s voice, who was running up on him. When he turned back around, she was taking off back into the woods, clutching her arm and holding her gun.

“Where the hell are you going?” Joel called after her, and she briefly paused —glanced over her shoulder at him —then kept going.

For a moment, Joel considered going after her. How could she just take off like that? But Ellie sidled up to his side, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket as she watched the woman walk away through the snow. Then he decided he couldn’t.

“You know her?” Ellie asked, brow furrowed.

“I…yeah,” was all Joel could muster up saying. “Yeah, I do.”

*****

The remainder of their trip to Jackson was filled with questions from Ellie about the woman in the woods. Who is she? Why didn’t we go after her? Was that your girlfriend? Oh my fucking god it was.

By the time they had called it for the night the first day after seeing her, Joel had given the bare minimum he could to answer Ellie. Admitting anything more would just trudge up memories he didn’t want to relive, and make it harder to not go after her. She clearly didn’t want their help, and he knew well enough that meant she’d fight them tooth and nail to avoid it. It’s what he would have done too. It wasn’t worth the risk to Ellie. Not when they were so close to getting her to Tommy and to safety.

After two weeks worth of walking and finally arriving in Jackson, Joel had tried to forget he had even seen her. There was no reason to tell Tommy; no reason to give him any hope that he had seen their old friend. Tommy had enough going on —with Maria being pregnant, there wasn’t a good excuse to bring it up anyway.

Following dinner —where they enjoyed a meal that wasn’t expired, and Joel thanked God for that —Tommy offered to show them down to the stables. Ellie was overjoyed, ready to interact with any and all animals she could. Joel just followed along as Maria explained the different posts that Ellie could help with if they stayed, all working with the different animals the community raised. Joel and Tommy fell back some, though Joel kept his eyes on Ellie.

“You know, I wanted to wait to tell you,” Tommy started, slipping his hands in his pockets as they both watched Ellie pet the horse in front of her. “But about a week ago, someone showed up at the gate —I don’t think you’ll believe me —,”

But Joel interrupted, whispering her name, before looking at Tommy. The younger man looked surprised that Joel knew.

“How did you —,”

“We ran into her a few weeks ago,” Joel explained, crossing his arms over his chest. “She was…shit, I don’t know. Being hunted. I killed the guy, but she took off.”

“Explains the shitty stitch job she had when she got here.”

Joel just nodded, trying not to think about her stitching herself up in the middle of the woods, alone. Though he had tried hard not to think about the other things she had experienced, alone, over the last two decades.

“She spent a couple nights in quarantine but we got’er set up in one of the apartments in the center. I’ve been checkin’ on her, but she hasn’t said much; didn’t even mention seeing you.”

Joel just shrugged, watching Ellie still. But he decided it was for the best to change the subject; for now anyway. “I need your help, Tommy.”

*****

When she had arrived in Jackson, she was certain that she was going to die at the gate. Her shoulder was infected —not from a bite, but from lack of taking care of it. She had stitched herself together with a dirty needle and thread she had tucked away in an abandoned cabin not far from where Ryan —her attacker —had died. Her supplies were still there when she returned, and she thanked the universe for not fucking her over even more.

With Ryan and his brothers gone, she was finally free from the nightmare she had been living in. Even if it meant dying at the gates of the community she’d only heard stories about…she died free.

But when the gate opened and she dropped to her knees in front of the masked guards, she heard her name being yelled. Frantic, shocked, terrified. But goddamn, she knew that voice.

“Tommy,” she breathed as he froze in front of her. She was covered in blood, worse for wear, and she knew what he was thinking. “I-I’m not infected, I swear, I was shot —,”

“We’re gonna get you to the clinic, okay?” He promised, motioning for the guards to help her up. A dog approached her, sniffing her over for several minutes, before returning to Tommy’s side. “See? Not infected; the dogs can tell.”

He ended up lifting her into his arms and carrying her through the gates. It felt like every part of her was just getting heavy, and her eyes wouldn’t focus on anything around her. But she was with Tommy; she was with someone she knew. And he was safe, and he was there. And when she woke up —if she woke up —she’d tell him she was saved by who she thought was Joel.

“I gotcha,” he promised, “You just gotta stay awake for me. Can you do that?”

She hummed in response, but her eyelids were too heavy and soon, the world had turned to black.

*****

When she woke, Tommy was sitting next to her bed with another woman. They didn’t notice her staring at them through half closed eyes, taking a moment to consider if she was dead and this was heaven. But then, she moved just enough and she gasped in pain. Her shoulder stung, her head ached, and Christ, she was thirsty.

“Hey, hey, don’t move,” Tommy ordered softly, pushing her good shoulder down into the pillows. “You’re just fine; you’re safe.”

She stared at him for a long time, reaching out to touch his face. Twenty years was such a long time, and he had changed so much. Everyone changed, of course. The world was nothing like it was when they were kids, but he was still Tommy Miller; still her friend and the boy next door. And as he touched her hand, she started crying.

*****

After a week in the clinic, Tommy set her up with a small apartment in the center of the community. He tried apologizing for how small it was, but she waved him off, insisting that it was far better than anything she’d experienced in years. When he tried to push for more, she told him she wanted to settle in and that she would tell him more later.

He left it at that, and left her alone.

It was a small space, but it was her space. She had a bed, a bathroom, and a kitchen. And for a very short moment, she thought it was some semblance of normal. But when she got into the shower —washed out the grease and grime and remaining blood from her fight —and watched that faded crimson circle the drain…well, it wasn’t normal. It never would be.

And when she stepped out, feeling cleaner than she had in nearly two decades, she finally saw her reflection. Her lips were bruised and split, with a scar across her cheek to her ear. Bruises littered her skin, enough so that her entire chest and shoulder were completely discolored. The bags under her eyes —not from being hit, shockingly, but from pure exhaustion —made her look sick. Though god forbid, she was incredibly malnourished as it was.

Maria —Tommy’s wife, she had explained —came by with containers of food. She explained she and Tommy led the community, and that usually people ate the mess hall. But of course, no one expected her to right away. She wanted to joke, to tell Maria that she seemed too good for Tommy. But she stopped herself, because how would she know that? The Tommy she knew before the outbreak and the Tommy Maria knew were two completely different people.

By the end of her first week, she was finally finding herself trying to explore Jackson. Tommy had offered to give her a tour, but she told him to go help Maria with whatever she was doing. He had hesitated, but eventually left her to her own devices.

The remainder of her day was spent alone, wandering through the community. People greeted her, and she offered them soft smiles in response, but didn’t linger long enough to talk more. Exploring and socializing were two very different things, and she wasn’t ready for the socialization part of being there yet.

So she wandered the perimeter, counting her steps as she memorized each entry point. Nodded to the guards and thanked them. Then she made her way back around the other way. It’s what she had done in the Dallas QZ; memorized every weak point that she could sneak out of. It was the only thing that kept her sane for the first few years, before she finally managed to get the hell out.

Two twenty-three, two twenty-four, two twenty-five, two —

Her name was called, disrupting her counting, and she froze mid-step. Her name was yelled again, and that same familiar drawl that she had heard in the woods —that she thought she heard.

Slowly, she turned.

Twenty steps away stood Joel Miller, watching her.

She hadn’t been seeing things. It wasn’t blood loss or drug induced hallucinations —Joel was really eighteen steps away from her.

Seventeen.

He said her name again, and she took two steps towards him.

Fifteen.

“Joel,” she managed to croak out as she took three more steps.

Ten.

Eight.

Joel took four more; she took four. They met in the middle, and her arms were around his middle before she could stop herself. His snaked around her shoulders, pulling her into him without another word and she gasped as she started crying into his jacket. Joel pressed his lips to her hair, and she sobbed harder, clinging to him.

“It’s okay,” he promised, holding her close to him. “It’s alright, darlin’. Don’t you cry; it’s okay.”

How many nights did she dream of him calling her that again? Even after she accepted he didn’t want her, that he let her leave —she dreamed of it for years, wishing she could see him one more time. Apologize for leaving, and tell him she missed him. Tell him how she wished she had asked him to come with her, to bring Sarah and they could be a family together properly.

It was too late for that; too late to apologize. To have a family, and a life like what they had before. But he was there, and he was real.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice muffled by his jacket. “I’m sorry, Joel.”

He hushed her, promising her again that everything was going to be okay. “C’mon —sun’s setting. Let’s get inside before it’s dark.”

She nodded, letting him pull away. But his touch didn’t disappear, instead turning into him wrapping his arm around her shoulders to lead her back into town. Nobody said a word to them as she sobbed into her hands, letting Joel guide her wherever they were going.

She would have let him guide her to hell if it meant being close again though.

*****

They didn’t actually say anything to one another for a long time. Joel had brought her to the hole in the wall Tommy had given him and Ellie to stay, and when they sat down —she just cried. He didn’t know how to console her, or calm her down. So instead he simply let her cry, and held her while she did so. As Joel held her, he could feel her body shake with sobs. He could tell that she was struggling with something deep and personal, and he didn't want to intrude on her emotions by prying or trying to speak too soon. So he just held her tightly and waited for her to open up when she was ready.

Ellie had come out of her room at the intrusion, no doubt about to make a snarky comment, but Joel gave her a pointed look. It was a warning, and Ellie backed away as soon as the woman let out another broken sob.

But as her crying slowly subsided, and her tears stopped streaking down her cheeks, she pulled away from him. Joel leaned forward on the sofa, clasping his hands together as she fell against cushions. He wondered how long she’d kept herself from crying; how long she buried all those feelings.

“Feel better?” He asked, leaning back now to properly look at her.

She just nodded, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms. “I’m sorry —Christ, I’m pathetic —,”

“None of that,” he scolded, but he tried to keep his voice soft.

Ellie peered around the corner, and before Joel could say anything, she followed his gaze to the child. Her brow furrowed, staring at Ellie like she was trying to pick her apart.

“That’s not…,” she trailed off, looking back at Joel in confusion. “Did you…Did I miss you having another kid?”

Ellie suddenly snorted, laughing at her question as she finally joined the two in the living room. Joel gave Ellie a careful scowl, frowning deeply as she sat on the floor in front of the two adults. While he never thought he’d have a private moment with her again, he needed Ellie to not interrupt him trying to figure out what was going on.

“I’m not his kid,” Ellie announced, sitting crisscrossed before her now. “I’m his cargo.”

“Don’t say that shit,” he warned, giving Ellie a pointed look. “You’re not –not anymore.”

“But…she was?” She asked, looking between the two curiously.

“Long story,” was all Joel could manage to say, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll…explain it later.”

She looked between Ellie and Joel for a moment, trying to draw connections between the two before she seemed to give up. Her hands rubbed her eyes again, taking a deep breath as she settled into the couch further. Joel simply stared at her, watching her movements. Her fingers tapped against her thigh, a pattern that he was certain she didn’t realize she was making. Her mouth was bruised, with a split lip that was still healing.

“Why’d you run from us?” Ellie suddenly demanded, leaning forward.

“Ellie –,”

But she let out a huff that sounded like a laugh, and Joel turned his attention to her instead of the kid in front of them. He wanted to know too; wanted to understand why she took off when she clearly knew it was him. She’d said his name, after all. But Ellie was too blunt for her own good.

“I…,” she trailed off, trying to think of her explanation. “Do you want the actual answer, or the less terrible one?”

Joel and Ellie glanced at one another, both frowning now. It was Joel who spoke. “The real answer. Please.”

She nodded once, looking down at her hands for a moment. “I thought I was hallucinating, that’s all. Twenty years –what are the odds of you being in the same stretch of woods as me, twenty years after the last time we saw each other?”

“Fucking slim,” Ellie mumbled, looking between the two.

She gave Ellie a surprised look, as if not expecting her to curse. But she shook her head, returning to her story. “I…I’d lost a lot of blood, I think. And I was drugged. Been running for days without eating or sleeping, so I…I saw you, and I really did think it was you. But then…well, she…” She motioned to Ellie then to Joel, frowning still. “I thought, ‘That’s not Sarah; that’s not Sarah so that can’t be Joel,’ and I…figured I was just hallucinating from the drugs and lack of sleep. It wouldn’t have been the first time, honestly. But then…I took off before I could think straight.”

Joel stared at her for a long time, taking her explanation for what it was. In a fucked up way, he liked the thought that she had been seeing him in her delirious state. Maybe it was wrong; maybe it was the worst thing to think of. But she thought of him, and he wondered if that meant what he thought it did.

“How’d you end up in the woods?” He asked, eyes roaming over the scars that she had picked up over the years. “Sounded like you knew the fucker that attacked you.”

“That’s…a whole different story,” she sighed then glanced at Ellie. “One I don’t think I can share with a kid.”

“Bullshit,” Ellie complained, throwing her hands in the air. “I’ve seen and heard so much worse –,”

“Ellie, please,” Joel scolded, pointing to the bedroom. “I need you to go find something else to do.”

“What the hell am I gonna do?”

“Literally anything. Go.” Joel's voice was stern, and he knew that Ellie was feeling frustrated not being involved. "Ellie, I mean it. Anything else. Just keep yourself busy and stay safe," Joel said firmly.

Ellie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Fine," she grumbled, turning to head to the bedroom.

As she disappeared from view, Joel let out a sigh of relief. He didn't want to hurt Ellie's feelings, but sometimes she was too stubborn for her good, and while he didn’t expect too long a moment alone with her, he wanted her to feel safe telling him what happened to her. And if that meant having Ellie go occupy herself for ten minutes, then he would make it up to her later.

She watched Ellie walk away, waiting to speak until she heard the slam of the bedroom door. She flinched at the sound, closing her eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry, she can stay out here –,”

Joel shook his head, waving off her concerns. “She’ll be fine,” he promised, moving now to sit closer to her. “Sometimes she thinks she’s more grown than she is.”

“I think all teenagers think that way.”

He thought back to Sarah for a moment; how she insisted on doing things on her own only to realize she needed help when it was too late. It was a teenager thing to do, even in the middle of the apocalypse. The thought of Sarah hurt though, and he shook his head to bring him back. He knew that dwelling on the past wouldn't do any good, especially now that he had part of his past sitting in front of him.

“Talk to me,” he ordered, keeping that same stern but soft tone he gave her earlier. It was easier to move forward; keep the conversation going. Even if it meant talking about her past over his. “What happened?”

She bit at her lip, though stopped herself when she remembered the split and the bruise. Instead she opted to pick at the skin around her nails, trying to keep herself occupied. Joel waited patiently, frowning as time wore on. He could sense her unease and wanted to help, but he also knew better than to push her. He shifted his weight on the couch, leaning forward some, feeling the weight of the silence between them.

“Where do I even start?” She finally asked, covering her face with her hands.

“Why not the beginning?” He suggested, reaching out to take her hand. “Tell me what happened, darlin’.”

She hesitated again, looking at their hands. His were a scarred, calloused disaster. Worn and torn from years of violence and labor. Even before the world had gone to shit, they were worked hard from construction. Joel couldn't help but notice the way she hesitated, her eyes darting back and forth between their hands.

Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with the memory of the last time they touched like this. It was the morning before she kicked him out of her house. She’d stayed the night, having watched Sarah for him while he had gone out to help a friend get their car back and running. It wasn’t the first night they’d spent together, with her waking up in his bed and his lips on hers, lazy in the sunrise. She’d taken his hand, pressing their finger tips together, and asked him if he wanted to talk about her offer to Boeing.

He didn’t want to talk about it then, promising they could later. He remembered her sighing, burying her face back into her pillow even though she still held his hand in hers. He had been avoiding the conversation for weeks at that point —knew he was pushing his luck in her staying with him without talking about it. They hadn’t talked about what had been going on between them; hadn’t put a label to it. She was young and had a life ahead of her. And Joel…well, he was the father of a four year old and too jaded from his ex to put his heart on the line again. He had been afraid to tell her the truth, and by the time she tried to force it out of him, it was too late.

Christ. Had it really been thirty years?

“Joel?”

Her voice broke him from his thoughts, and he focused on her face again. “Sorry, darlin’. I’m listening, promise.”

She nodded again, taking a moment before she finally started to speak. Her free hand ran over her hair as she put into words the last twenty years.

“Uh, so most of the last two decades were in the Dallas QZ,” she explained, “I stopped keeping track around fifteen. Most of my team from the Space Center ended up with me there, and FEDRA had us work on putting the zone together. Guess they thought all engineers were builders –but we basically directed people on how to make shuttles and parts of the shuttle; buildings are completely different.”

“I still can’t believe you were an engineer for NASA,” he admitted, smiling softly at her. “Makes sense since you were always takin’ shit apart and putting it back together, just to see how it worked.”

“I never thought it was an option, but that’s how I managed to get a radio that worked right; I managed to jerry rig something that could pick up on the towers communicating back and forth.” She just shrugged though, looking back down at her hands. “That’s how I found out about this place. Overheard someone passing along the message, and I started to map it out the best I could. I have a shit sense of direction, though.”

“You always did,” he recalled, giving her another small grin. “Remember when you convinced me to drive you and Tommy to Galveston for some concert and you got us lost?”

She smiled, and Joel was certain she was thinking back on it. He remembered that trip well; she’d just turned eighteen, and Tommy was about to head out to basic. They wanted to do something exciting before he left, having asked her parents to watch Sarah for the weekend. Halfway through the trip, she offered to help with Sarah; she hadn’t mentioned getting an offer to go to school in Seattle at that point. He was just happy to have someone who wanted to be there.

He remembered how packed the cab of the truck was, and how she was practically in his lap the entire trip there. At the time, it was like he was suddenly seeing her for more than the girl who hung out with his little brother. She was lively, and excited. Her laughter filled the cab, and he couldn't help but feel drawn to her energy. He wanted to spend more time with her, to hear her laugh and chat his ear off. Even when he realized they were lost as shit, it didn’t matter because he was just content with her beside him. Until Tommy reminded them they missed the concert, of course.

“We ended up there eventually!”

“After the fucking concert was over, a day late.”

“We still got there,” she argued, and Joel appreciated that the memory got her to smile just a little. But it faded as she continued to speak. “I told my team, and we were gonna get out of there. After a while though, it's like…like my team just started to disappear. Couple were killed by FEDRA for breaking rules; two others got sick. Then it was just me and…I figured if I was gonna go, I had to go then or never. Think that was, shit. I don’t know? Three years ago?

“I was fine for a year and half, on my own. Didn’t have a fucking clue where I was going, but I was doing okay. And then…I stumbled on this group of survivors –two women, three men. I offered them some supplies to show I wasn’t there to hurt them, and they told me they were headed here too. So I joined them. That’s…that’s when it got bad.

“Lilla, one of the ladies, got infected and attacked us. She bit one of the men, Travis. Obviously we killed them, and got away. But then, I don’t know, the leader of the group –his name was Ryan, he’s the one that you killed –got this sick idea that hunting people was the best way to survive. His wife agreed, and his brother just went along with it. I thought they were psycho, told them and that’s when…well, they decided it was me they would hunt.”

“What the fuck,” Joel mumbled, brow furrowing as he listened to her. Her hand was trembling now, and he reached out to take both her hands in his now. She closed her eyes, tears falling again as she clutched his hands tight. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now.”

“Long story short, I managed to kill the wife and brother about six months into their stupid ass game; Ryan just kept…he kept finding me. Every time I got away, he showed up. He’d get close enough, get a hold of me –drug me, stab me, whatever he could to slow me down –then let me go again. When you found me…that was, I don’t know, I think the third or fourth time he’d caught me and threw me back out. Like I was some game piece. Then…then you killed him and suddenly, I was free again but I thought I was dying, and…and…”

Finally, he pulled her into his arms, holding her close to him as she started to cry again. Joel’s stomach churned, the thought of her being hunted for nearly two years. He couldn't imagine what she must have gone through, the fear and uncertainty that must have plagued her every waking moment. He had always known that she was strong, but now he realized just how resilient she truly was. Despite the being fucking hunted, she had never given up. He felt a deep sense of respect and admiration for her, and he knew that he would do anything to make sure that she felt safe again. He’d failed her once before; he wouldn’t do so again.

As she cried in his arms, he whispered words of comfort to her, promising her that he would always be there for her. He knew that it would take time for her to heal, to overcome the trauma she had experienced, but he was healing too; he was just as broken as she was. And he wanted to heal with her –with Ellie too. In that moment, as he held her close, he realized he had to keep both her and Ellie safe; that he couldn’t fail them both.

He also realized, then, that he had to continue with Ellie to the university.

Joel pulled back, just enough to take her face in his hands. Tears were in her eyes as she looked up at him, and he couldn’t hold his back anymore. There was hesitation; a fear that lingered before he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, feeling the weight of all the emotions between them. It was a kiss born out of sadness; trauma. But also one of comfort and understanding. It took a moment for her to respond to the kiss, but when she did, she returned with a fierceness that surprised them both. Their lips molded together, and their bodies pressed closer as the intensity of their emotions heightened. They both needed this connection, this moment of shared vulnerability, to ease the pain of their past.

They stayed that way for a long moment, lost in each other, before finally pulling away, breathless. Joel rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, feeling grateful for the connection they shared. As they finally broke apart, gasping for air, she looked up at him with tears still in her eyes. But they were different tears now, ones of relief and hope.

“I have to leave,” he whispered, searching her eyes as he pulled back, taking her face in his hands. “I have to take Ellie to Colorado –there’s doctors there; she’s immune somehow. They…they think they can make a cure.”

Her brow furrowed as she processed what he was saying, trying to understand what he was trying to get at. Her hand fingers wrapped around his wrists, holding him in place. Her eyes dropped, just briefly, on the string around his wrist –to the charm he’d taken years ago. Her tears fell even harder as she realized what it was. “Joel, I-I don’t –,”

“Come with us,” he practically begged, his voice breaking as he did. “I…I can’t lose you again. I won’t. Come with us, and help me get her there. Then we can come back here when the doctors get what they need, and you and I…we can try again; make up for the time we lost.”

She nodded frantically, tears falling over his hands as she started to cry again. He wiped her tears away, pulling her close to rest his forehead against hers once more.

“Yes!” Ellie suddenly exclaimed, running into the room again.

Joel pulled back, though her hands found his to keep him close. “Ellie –,”

“I knew you wouldn’t let go with Tommy!” Ellie continued, throwing her arms around Joel’s neck from behind. “You fucking softie, I knew it!”

One of Joel’s hands reached up, patting Ellie’s arm with a small chuckle. She looked between the two for a moment, a soft smile coming to her lips. Joel looked back at her, unable to help the smile that came to him either.

Maybe they’d be okay after all.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller the last of us #joel miller one shot

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xuchiya · 22 days

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barbie and the fashion fairytale [k.hongjoong]

barbie m.list || k.hongjoong || p.seonghwa || j.yunho || k.yeosang || c.san || s.mingi || j.wooyoung || c.jongho

[Author: I used to be part of a pageant or contest so writing this one brought nostalgic and I included one of my answers here during the Q&A as an inspiration for all of you. It's the one in Italic hehet!]

As the Paris air crackled with anticipation in the grand hall of the Palais Galliera, you stared past through the high ceiling-windows of your room, just above your studio, highly strung. You were one of the designers— not yet popular but you had gained numerous audiences and had grabbed the attention of a few famous designers that included the very famous Prince of Balmain– Kim Hong joong. Incredibly, he is one of the best fashion creators in Asia and obtained the title of the ‘King of Fashion’.

“Oh my dear, please stop biting your nails.” Your sunbae at work, smack your hand gently as she pushes you to sit down on your plush bed. You sigh, unknowingly doing your habit out of nervousness. It is your dream to be recognized but presenting your art is never part of that dream, hence walking down the runway with your most proud work.

You turn to her, “How can I not?! I’m gonna be there at Palais Galliera in 2 hours and my shit is not piecing together if I tell myself to calm down!” The thickness of your accent makes the argument commentable yet your sunbae approach you calmly as you suddenly stand up and walk back and forth.

This time your hoobae walks in, poking his head in the door, “Uh sunbae— our call is here.” Your breath hitch, heart suddenly dropping down to your stomach as you felt your skin turn cold from the flashes of cameras and voices from the journalist. Your social anxiety is shaking to the core. That is, you felt a hand on your shoulder and a gentle squeeze following, “I cannot tell you to forget the nervousness but I can only tell you that I am proud of you and how far you come from all the hard work and eyebags you've been through.”

Your eyes trail on your sunbae, a smile creeping on your lips as the anxiety you were feeling disappears, “No one is more proud but me. I have seen, felt and encountered each of your journeys as a designer so put your shit together and let's go!”

The conversation ended with you being pulled in a hug, a hand on the back of your head, “It will be okay dear…” Instantly, you relax under her comfort and nod.

Crystal chandeliers cast a warm glow on the eager crowd, a sea of bobbing heads and expectant murmurs. Hongjoong, his heart a hummingbird in his chest, adjusted the crisp black bowtie at his throat, even if he is the event-holder of the fashion show, tonight was the culmination of years of relentless work, sleepless nights, and unwavering passion of each designers that he came across this past months–nevertheless to say, he had encountered one of the amazing creators of dresses and that is where Hongjoong met you.

Not only was he amazed about your designs, no no, he is amazed because of you. You were so breathtaking in his eyes that he bumped into the parking meter and spilled his coffee on his designer shirt yet he didn’t pay no mind to it. You were combined by heaven and his favourite cloth, bundled in so much elegance that he could be seen having heart eyes.

He contacted your sunbae about your details and your past projects and was shocked to say the least that you gave up at least 18 of your most designs to other designers. Hongjoong asked for the designs’ hardcopy— stunned and disappointed— that you chose to give up such amazing designs because of your doubts and less motivated self.

Kim Hongjoong, a young man from Seoul, is about to present a fashion designer’s debut collection at Paris Fashion Week – the first French-Korean designer to ever do so.

His gaze swept over the crowd, searching for a familiar face amidst the throng. His family, unable to make the trip from Korea, would be watching via livestream. But there was another face he yearned to see— yours.

Weeks bled into months, filled with late-night brainstorming sessions fueled by strong coffee and cheap takeout. You became one of his designers under his company. He became your window into the world of high fashion, his passion infectious and encouraging you to do more in fashion. A silent understanding bloomed between you, a shared dream woven into the fabric of his collection.

As the spotlights hit the runway, Hongjoong took a deep breath. The first model emerged, a vision in a hanbok reimagined for the modern world, the fabric a breathtaking fusion of traditional silk and French lace. Each piece that followed was a testament to his journey, a bridge between two cultures he called home.

As your models were lining up on the stage, your eyes widened in realisation upon seeing the familiar dresses on their body. You hurry towards one of the staff, “Where did you get these dresses, ma’am?”

The kind lady smiles at you whilst rolling the lint on the dress, “Sir Hongjoong returned to Paris 3 days ago after his trip back in Korea with these wonderful dresses.”

Your eyes met him from across the room, shining with pride and something more, a warmth that sent a jolt through him as he watched your models walk down the runway—wearing your old project designs along with your new designs showing off your tradition’s clothing merged with modern style. As the final model strutted down the runway, the applause was thunderous as you were called in to present yourself. Tears welled up in your eyes, a mixture of relief and exhilaration. Standing in the runway with your models wearing your designs with thousands of people appreciating your hard works.

You look over your shoulders to catch a glimpse of your hoobae and your sunbae with tears in their eyes, your sunbae mouthing you 'I'm proud of you'.

Tears of joy came down your cheek to which one of your models softly wipe it making you chuckle. Hongjoong, part of the audience, felt a swarm of satisfaction and felt a pat on his shoulder as his plan went well.

He had made your dreams come true.

Later, amidst the post-show chaos, he finally found you. You threw your arms around him, the scent of your lavender perfume a familiar comfort, shocking other staff and designers so does the man that was frozen from your warmth. "It was incredible, Hongjoong! We did it!" you whispered, your voice thick with emotion.

He smiles, his body soon relaxes, pulling you close. "You did it," he corrected, his gaze lingering on your lips then back to your gleaming eyes.

Hongjoong wanted you to see your worth, your ability and skills. He wanted you to be proud of what you have done, whether it be a small or big achievement so he hopped on his private plane to take them back as the majority of the dresses were under the name of his clients back in Korea.

Hongjoong wanted your inner little girl full of dreams to let the woman you are today achieve it.

In that electric moment, under the glittering Parisian sky, the unspoken desire between you blossomed. The city of love had woven its magic, uniting a dreamer and his muse, their love story a beautiful tapestry woven from passion, perseverance, and a touch of Parisian elegance.

Taglist: @binchanluvrr

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez hongjoong #ateez kim hongjoong #kim hongjoong #kim hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong x y/n #ateez atiny #kpop

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thebackseatofjimsblazer · 2 years

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Pairing: PlusSize!Fem!Reader x Billy Hargrove

Rating: E - MINORS!DNI

CW & WC: 5.4k — body image but like, you take it like a champ for the most part. Slightly jealous billy? Reader teases tf out of him. Smut! Oral (f & m receiving), dirty talk, p in v. can i get an amen for friends to lovers trope? OOC for billy. (Cross posted from my ao3)

Summary: You saw Billy for who he really was… a boy who was severely damaged and just needed to feel like he was loved somehow, even if that love was in the form of fake friendships from the majority of the student population and easy girls looking to know what California tasted like. Or the one where you are Billy’s only real friend and you guys fall in love once he finally sees how hot you can look.

When Billy moved to Hawkins with the rest of his dysfunctional family, it wasn’t hard to notice how unamused he was with all of it. Disdain was shown by Billy when it had become apparent that he would have to drive Max to and from school everyday. Billy was disturbed by how many hicks openly walked around this shit hole town. Furthermore, he was impassioned with how much pressure he put himself under, day in and day out, to make himself seem macho to everyone else who would never see what happens behind his front door.

Then he met you. You had been able to create amusement in the dull evenings in this shit hole town, around all these hicks, without being bothered by how much he projected his own insecurities that he had never admitted. All the while making driving Max around worth it because you chipped in a few bucks for gas here and there just because you could. You saw Billy for who he really was… a boy who was severely damaged and just needed to feel like he was loved somehow, even if that love was in the form of fake friendships from the majority of the student population and easy girls looking to know what California tasted like.

Neither one of you really remembers how your friendship was formed. If it had been like the movies you’ve watched, he would have never given you the time of day to begin with. Because if your life was one of those movies, it would be like that one scene when the least desired girl walks past the lead role with heart eyes while he’s walking to his insanely hot girlfriend. The same girlfriend that’s using cigarettes and dick as meal replacements. Because that’s not you… and it's not hard to see. You’ve always been the heavy girl and you’ve come to accept that.

“Hey Billy…” You start to say, flipping through a magazine while he wrenches on something under the hood of his car. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing, just grunts as a way to acknowledge that he’s listening. “Cassidy Wymen, ya’know the only sophomore in advanced bio this year? She was crying in the bathroom today because she said you had turned her down on account of her boobs being too small.” A chuckle leaves your lips as you recount looking right at her chest when she had said what Billy allegedly told her. When you look up, Billy meets your eyes and wipes his hands on the grease rag.

“Yeah? Well, tough tits.” You both laughed at his joke, but Billy continued on with what he needed to say. “I don’t know Y/N… I mean, we’re seniors now. I guess my tastes are changing a little bit. I’m feeling more like a grown man - like a real grown ass man - so it feels eh… weird… to be feeling on tits a boy would be feelin’ up on.” Billy’s nonchalant nature of his explanation stirred more questions than you had anticipated. When you brought it up, it was because you wanted to tell Billy to at least be nicer to the girls he knew are less experienced in the art of awkward high school hookup culture. It’s not even like you knew from first hand experience… Billy had just explained everything to you so that you wouldn’t get your heart broken.

“Wait, so you’re saying that a rack like Regan Convery’s is now more your speed?” You asked. It was no secret that Regan was working with less than a D-cup, but her waist and rib cage to breast ratio definitely made them look bigger than they actually were. Billy just shrugged and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean she’s, like, probably the only one at our school that’s gonna be sizing up a cup size before the second coming.” Billy jokes. You both chuckle at his joke. Yeah, but I know mine are bigger, You think to yourself. Having to attend gym class and get dressed in front of some of the student body, you may or may not have compared your body to your peers’. They always had thinner arms, flatter stomachs, and narrower thighs… but you always had bigger boobs.

“Aye, when you find out who has bigger boobs than Regan, make sure she doesn’t have braces. You don’t need a repeat of the Amanda incident.” You say as you start walking towards your house. On the days Billy works on his car, you’re glad that you live on the same street as him because you know there’s no way in hell he’d drive his baby anywhere in such a trying time.

As you’re about to open your front door to your house, you hear Billy holler back, “Dear lord, Y/N.” And you close the door with a chuckle.

A few days later, you and Billy decided to sneak into your parent’s alcohol cabinet late in the evening. To be fair, it was a Saturday night where he didn’t need to take Max anywhere and your parents were out of town on an impromptu honeymoon redo. It was clearly the only logical thing to do.

“Alright, Y/N… I can’t be the only one getting action around here. I mean, your parents are probably even boning more than you are.” Billy half yells, passing the bottle to you . A fake gagging noise from him making that comment about your parents makes him wholeheartedly laugh. You take a swig from the bottle and lean back, letting your arm support your new position.

“First of all, gross. Second of all, I probably would be fucking someone if there was someone to fuck. I mean, c’mon Billy… get real. I don’t know a single person who wants to have sex with me.” You shake your head at the last few words and pass the bottle back to Billy.

“I know someone…” Your ears perk up. “Daniel Williams said he’d totally bang you if- ah, don’t worry. Never mind… he was being a dick about it.” Billy stammered. He busied himself from your stare by crawling over to your record player and starting up one of the vinyls he brought over.

“What the fuck, Billy. You can’t just say shit like ‘Ah, don’t worry… Nevermind..’ and expect me to just be content.” You said while mocking him with a funny voice.

“Y/N, I don't sound like that.” He said. You gave him a look that could only be translated as ‘Hurry up and tell me already’. Billy sighed, sat back in front of you on the floor, and handed you the bottle before he started talking again. “Look, he was seriously being a dick about it and I already told him that if he ever said this to you, we’d both knock his teeth in… but he had said that he’d be totally down to fuck if you’d be down to keep it in secret…” You were confused at first, because that’s what Billy did with more than half the girls he slept with. So you didn’t understand why he was so upset with Daniel for saying the same thing, until you heard the next thing he said, “… because you’re shaped like the icebox in his basement.”

Billy fully anticipated for you to be hurt by this, so he was nervous when you started to cackle. Tears were forming in your eyes from how hard you were laughing at this point and Billy was starting to look uncomfortable. “Oh Billy, that is the funniest thing I’ve heard since you told me you were going to stop smoking.” You sighed once your laughing fit calmed itself down.

“How’s that funny to you? I swear, if you were any other girl, you’d probably cry from how fucked up that was.” Billy shakes his head, unable to wrap his head around the thought of a girl laughing at being made fun of.

“Well, duh, because it’s not true. It just looks true because I wear baggy shirts.” You explain. He looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t normally wear clothes that show my figure because old fucks can’t mind their business.” You get up, walk to your closet, and start looking for that one dress you had bought for your trip to Texas last summer. Walking into the hallway for privacy, you quickly change into it. It fits a little bit tighter than it did last year, but this will just help prove your point more. Your boobs fill it in more, even having a little overflow. The dress does wonders to camouflage your stomach pouch and accentuate the inward curve of your waist that leads to the outward curves of your hips and ass.

Before walking back into your room, you peek your head through the door to Billy who had now moved to sit on your bed. “Alright dude, close your eyes and then I’ll tell you when to open them,” You say. Billy rolls his eyes, but complies. Walking into your room slowly, you start to feel a little nervous. Billy has never seen you dressed like this. It’s not like you’re hoping he’d find you attractive or anything, but you definitely would be pissed if he said something fucked up. At the end of the day, he really is the only person you value the opinion of. When you’re finally standing right in front of him, you poke him right in the forehead and he opens his eyes.

“Goddamn, Y/N…” He stammers. Billy sits up straight and shifts his eyes around your body, quickly scanning over the many parts that appeal to him. You turn around to your vanity to find the bottle. Grabbing it, you catch the reflection of Billy behind you staring right at your ass. The dress was just barely long enough to cover everything. You cough a little after taking a swig, causing you and Billy to lock eyes through the mirror. “I mean, uh, you look very nice.” Billy says, then clears his throat.

Turning around to walk back to him, you ask, “Do you think I look like Daniel’s fucking icebox?” The nervous part of you doesn’t want to know what his answer is, but the part that values his opinion - and tipsy part - needs to hear what he thinks. He just shakes his head and grabs the bottle from your grasp. Taking a sip, then placing it on the floor by his feet, Billy just stares you right in the eyes.

“Nah, Y/N… I’d have to say you look like… like…” The intensity of his eyes on you becomes too much to handle, so you turn away with heat rushing to your face. He quickly grabs you by the hand to stop you from walking away from him, and says, “You look, like, really hot. I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to just say it. Y/N, c’mon just look at me for a second.” He coaxes and then continues, “As your friend, that happens to be a guy, I’d totally bang you if you didn’t already know I was a man-whore.” Laughter filled the room from both of you. The feeling of the alcohol started to become more prominent in your body and you grabbed onto Billy’s shoulders to maintain your balance. Billy’s hand instinctively went to your waist to support your swaying. Taking the opportunity, Billy looked where his hand had landed and soaked in the way it looked around your curves. As if his feet had a mind of their own, he stepped closer to you so that now the both of you had the opportunity to smell the alcohol radiating off of yourselves.

“Hey Y/N, I think I found out who has bigger tits than Regan. Can you just do me a favor and smile?” He asks. You chuckle and push at his chest to gain distance. Walking back to your closet, you say over your shoulder, “You already know I don’t have braces, you fuckhead.” You start skimming through your clothes in your closet to keep yourself busy. There’s no way you’re about to let Billy see how much he has you blushing from his little joke.

“You should wear something nice and tight to school on Monday and make Daniel cream his pants.” Billy suggested. You pondered that scenario for a few seconds, but shook your head.

“If I’m going to wear something like that, it's not going to be for Daniel.” You turn around and see Billy had taken a seat on your bed again, but this time he had made himself more comfortable with your pillows. Even taking one to put on his lap so that he could rest his arms more comfortably. Your brain is fuzzy from the alcohol and from seeing Billy so comfortable, so you cross your arms and rest your weight on one leg - cocking your hip to that side in the process - to be able to give yourself time to think of what you were going to say next. But as you watch Billy’s eyes scan the way your tits squeeze closer to each other, and the way he shifts the pillow in his lap, the lightbulb in your head lights up. No, it doesn’t just light up, it bursts. Your plan forms so quickly in your head, you barely have time to process it before Billy can meet your eyes again. You’re not going to wear something nice and tight for Daniel, no. Not at all. You’re going to wear something nice and tight for Billy and he’s not gonna know what hit him.

You give yourself one last one over in front of the hallway mirror before heading out the front door. It’s Monday morning and Billy should be waiting outside with Max at his car. You’re following your plan, fully hoping it would work, but also feeling like it might fail. You’re wearing a denim skirt you know is long enough to not get you dress coded, but short enough to catch Billy’s attention and one of his shirts that you tied in a knot at your waist to show off your hips. Walking out to the car, Max and Billy look up at you.

“Holy shit Y/N, you look hot!” Max says in disbelief. She climbs into the backseat as you patiently wait to get into the passenger. You thank her as you close the door. Billy takes a second, but he finally gets into the car and roars it to life. Being dressed like this, Billy can’t help but notice the way your boobs jiggle at every bump and pothole in the roads. When you’re too distracted talking to Max, he tilts his rear view mirror to align with your chest so he has a better view of them. Within no time, he’s pulling into the middle school’s side of the parking lot. Knowing that you’d have to get out for Max, you deliberately put on a show of arching your back while climbing out the car.

“Bye Max, I’ll see you later” You say as she skates away. Climbing back into the car, you look over to him already staring right at you. “What? Is something the matter?” You ask Billy.

“No, I just thought you weren’t going to do this. Ya’know, I thought you weren’t going to fuck with Daniel like this.” He said, his eyes shifting back to the front of the car so that he could drive the both of you to his parking space.

“Oh, I’m not. I just thought it would be a cool idea to see who else would be totally down to fuck me and not want to keep it in secret.” You replied right as he was parking. You quickly get out of the car and start walking to the building, leaving him scrambling to get out of the car. You holler over your shoulder at him, “If you hear anything, tell me. I want names and specifics!” Saying this, you hope it would make Billy get in his head. But there’s only one way to find out… and you’d have to wait until the end of the day when school was out to see if it worked.

The whole ride back to your neighborhood was quiet. Well, except for Max. “I don’t know how, but there were kids in my school that heard about you Y/N. The first rumor was that you were a new kid, then the next rumor was that you had plastic surgery over the weekend. Ah, you should have heard it.” She said as she leaned forward so that she could be between you and Billy. You just chuckled and left her to her thoughts. Billy stayed quiet… Getting out of the car, you ask Billy if he had gotten the notes during the part of history class that you ‘totally spaced out’ during. “Yeah, here’s my notebook. Just make sure to grab it and bring it in the morning.”

“Wait no, just come over really quickly. I can just jot it down and hand it right over.” You counter. He stares at you for a second before walking in the direction of your house with you.

“Thank you, Billy.” You say, drawing out the end of his name. The both of you walk up the stairs with you leading the way. You make it a point to sway your hips with every step.

“So… Do I have any admirers?” You ask once you sit down at your desk. You won't tell Billy this, but you have all the notes you needed from today’s lesson. In fact, you have more than he does. You just wanted to get him alone. He lays down on your bed with a grunt. If he had a choice, he wouldn’t want you to ask that question at all. In frustration, he closes his eyes as he lays.

“Yeah, you do.” He says. His short answer doesn't satisfy you, so you hum in encouragement for him to continue while you pretend to copy his notes. “I fucking caught Steve Harrington catching flies with his mouth during second period. Then in third period, in history, I saw our teacher fix his pants about a gazillion times. I mean, what a pervert…” He huffs. He’s clearly getting irritated recalling how your history teacher reacted. “…And then in the locker room, oh god they wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Tommy and Derek kept going on and on about how they’d just love to ‘taste that sweetness’ and watch your boobs boun- ya’know what? Forget it. They were saying very distasteful things about you.” He sighed. Hearing Billy say distasteful and boobs in the same sentence was unheard of so, naturally, you turn to him in a questioning nature.

“You’re mad at them for being distasteful? Billy, I’m almost certain you’ve said something along those lines about many girls.” You say. Standing up and walking over to your bed, Billy continues to rest his eyes. He doesn't notice your presence until you sit on the edge next to him. “Why are you mad about it, Billy?” You ask.

“Am not. My head just hurts from idiots.” He replies. But he won’t meet your eyes, so you know he’s lying. “Nuh uh, Billy. You’re full of shit right now. Why’re you so bothered about it?” You continue to nudge him with your hand and encourage him to tell you what’s got him so pissed. “Oh, come on Billy. Just tell me!” You push on his chest and nudge his side with your hips. Your smile drops when he snaps and finally spills.

“I’m just- ugh! I just don't know how to feel because when they were saying how they’d just love to see how your big tits bounced as you ride their cocks, I couldn’t help but think the same thing… and it's too much. I’ve never thought about you that way…” You stand up from where you had been sitting and fully turn your body to look at him. “… Y/N, I’m sorry.” He sits up to the edge of the bed so that he could meet you eye to eye more easily. Billy dons the look of shame as he bows his head. But you don't let him look that way for long. Slowly, mustering up every ounce of courage you had, you placed your hand on the back of his head and guide it so that he was looking back up at you.

“What if I wanted you to think of me like that?” You asked. Confused, Billy cocks his head to the side. You ask again, “What if I wore this outfit, specifically with your shirt, so that you would think of me like that? I know how you were looking at me when I showed you my dress…” Pushing him backwards by his shoulders, you crawled onto your bed so that your legs sat on either side of his hips. Out of instinct, Billy placed his hands on your hips. Billy was too stunned by what you were doing and saying to answer you. Leaning down to get closer, you whisper, “I know you were hiding a boner that night. You totally want to bone me, huh?”

“So what if I do?” He counters in a defensive tone. You lean back up, shifting your weight around to find a more comfortable angle for your hips, and ask, “So why don’t you?” Within a matter of seconds, Billy’s grip on your hips tighten and he flips the both of you over so that he is now hovering over you. Your legs find a comfortable position around his hips as he balances most of his weight on his right arm with his other hand still grabbing your hip.

“Do you actually want this, Y/N?” You nod your head and let out a quiet ‘yes’, not trusting your voice. Being able to feel the weight of his hips pressed against your groin was intoxicating, so you roll your hips up to gain more pleasure. Billy groans and drops his face to the crook of your neck, placing sloppy kisses and lightly nipping at the skin. “All day, I’ve been thinking about how fucking oblivious I’ve been to what you look like… how much time I’ve wasted not being able to know what your curves feel like… not knowing what this juicy cunt tastes like…” He trails off as the hand he had on your hip moves under your skirt, not stopping his attention to your neck. A breathy moan falls from your lips when you feel the palm of his hand press against where your clit would be, but your puffy lips hide it from him.

“Y/N, you’re my only real friend - my best friend - so I’m not going to bullshit you here.” A lump starts to form in your throat, thinking Billy was going to tell you that he couldn’t do this because of your friendship. Or how he couldn’t do this because he wouldn't want it getting out that you two had done this. So what he said next surprised you, “I don't think I can do this if you want to keep it a secret. In fact, I won't do this if I’m not allowed to walk you into school tomorrow and show everyone that you’re my girl… so just tell me now to stop if that’s not something you want from me.”

Instead of saying anything, you grab Billy’s face and kiss him. Taking the kiss as permission to go farther, he dipped his finger under the side of your panties. Dipping into your wetness, Billy trailed his finger up through your folds to your clit and started pleasing you with a slow side to side movement. You broke the kiss, moaning his name, and looked down to where his hand was hidden under your skirt. When you look back at him, he’s already looking right at you; studying the way your eyebrows furrow and mouth hangs open from the pleasure he’s giving you. Billy stops his motions and slowly pops his finger into his mouth, never breaking eye contact. “Damn, Y/N… With a pussy that sweet, I don't think I’ll need to have a piece of candy for the rest of my life.” And with that, Billy was moving off the bed to kneel between your legs.

Delicately, Billy removed your panties. This confused you, so you went to unbutton your skirt so that you would be completely bare for him, but he stopped your movements, “No way, Y/N… I’ve been thinking all day about how much I wanted to hide my head under this damn skirt and make you squirm. It’s staying on.” And with that, Billy moved your hands to the side of your body, shifted the skirt up slightly to give you some slack, and picked your legs up so that they were supported on his shoulders. He gave you a devious smile and a wink before disappearing under the skirt. Billy didn’t ease his way into pleasuring you, he just drove straight in.

“Oh my God, Billy! Fuck…” You draw out. Your back arches off of your bed as pornographic moans leave your lips. Billy kept your hips as steady as he could, but you were still able to get little bucks in here and there. You felt his tongue go wide at your hole, lapping up all of your juices, before returning back to your clit. Burrowing his lips and tongue between your puffy lips to find your clit again, Billy began sucking steadily on it. The intense pleasure he was giving you made you produce high pitched moans, each one coming out with each exhale. You knew you weren’t going to last long if he stayed at this speed, but you were adamant on wanting to cum from him fucking you.

“Billy, stop…” You grabbed him by his head and yanked him off your clit with a satisfying pop. He looked at you like he did something wrong, but you spoke before he could ask, “I wanna cum on your cock.” Billy groans and bites his lip at hearing this. You both start stripping away at your clothes, throwing them into a mixed pile on the ground. Before Billy knows it, you’re pushing him down so that he was then sitting on the bed and you were the one kneeling before him this time.

“Aw, fuck yeah. You gonna be a good girl and suck my cock?” He asks with a smirk. Looking up at Billy, you nod your head and make it a point to put on a little show for him. You start by slowly rubbing your hands up and down the inside of his thighs, barely letting the tips of your fingernails lightly drag across his skin. All while maintaining eye contact with him, you grab him and guide his tip to your mouth. Little by little, you allow most of his member to slip into your mouth until it hits the back of your throat. Billy’s eyes fluttered shut, “Fuck, just like that.” He moaned out.

Picking up the speed, loud wet sounds filled the room alongside Billy’s moans and whimpers. You shouldn’t be so surprised with how thick his cock is, but you are. Especially since your jaw is already starting to feel uncomfortable after such a little amount of time of blowing him. Even if Billy hadn’t eaten you out, you know that seeing him and hearing him like this would have gotten you just as wet. He doesn't let you continue for too long before he's pulling your mouth off of his cock and guiding you to lay down on the bed.

“I thought you wanted me to ride your cock so you could see my tits bounce.”

“Oh trust me Y/N, I’ll get my chance to see that next time. Just lay back and relax.” He replied. Grabbing the base of his cock, Billy dragged his tip through your folds. Teasing you, he tapped your clit causing both of you to whimper in anticipation. He looked at you for a second to see if there was any hesitation showing in your face. And when he didn’t see any, he started to press the tip in. Billy takes his time pushing himself all the way in, giving you enough time in between shallow thrusts to adjust to his size. You never ever thought in a million years that you would actually be under your best friend, waiting for him to fuck the daylights out of you. But when you thought about it, which was more times than youd like to admit, you didn’t account for how potentially thick he could be. So when he fully bottoms out, you cannot help but think how incredibly full and stretched out you feel.

“Y/N… uh- baby…” Billy moans, continuing his slow and shallow thrusts. “Your pussy feels so good, I dont know how long I’m going to last.” With a strained look on his face, you watch through fluttering lashes as he changes the pace to slow and long thrusts. With Billy fucking you at this pace, you can feel him hit your sweet spot every time he goes to the hilt.

“Me neither. Fuck me, Billy. Make me cum on your thick, strong cock.” You moan out. The way you spoke to Billy was not something he’d ever expect from you, but it was also not something he’d ever get tired of. Your words did something to him and it was soon thereafter that he began pounding you into your bed. Loud, wet smacks of skin, with a mixture of both of your moans, filled the room. Snaking your hand down to rub your clit, you focused on aiding yourself in reaching your own climax. Billy noticed what you were doing and reached out to roll one of your nipples between his fingers before leaning down to latch onto the other one with his mouth. The same mouth that latched onto your clit in a similar way. Just thinking about what his lips and tongue were doing to you earlier, and what they were doing to you now, pushed you right to your climax.

Screaming his name, you cum hard. Billy’s hips stutter in rhythm when he feels how your walls squeeze him almost impossibly tight. “Where? Hurry baby, tell me where…” he pants. You could tell him to pull out and cum anywhere he aimed like you told previous partners, but you didn’t want to. Billy was different… Billy meant something to you. So you said, “In me. Fill me up, Billy.”

Billy leaned down and began pounding you at a speed you weren’t aware he was capable of. Billy was pure animalistic with his thrusts, growling out, “Fuck, taking my cock like a good girl.” His words and the way he was pounding you started to push you towards another climax. Nipping at your earlobe, he asked, “Are you going to milk my balls with your tight pussy?” You nod your head frantically and let out high pitched moans with every breath. Billy grabbed a fistful of hair for purchase , causing a delightful amount of pain for you. Feeling like Billy was there to keep you in that position, making you take his cock, you began unraveling. Your walls clenched down on his cock, fluttering with every thrust he made.

With only a few more thrust left in him, Billy pushed himself all the way into you and held himself there. When you thought Billy was done cumming, and working on slipping himself out, he roughly pounded himself into your overstimulated pussy a few more times accompanied by deep grunts that punctuated each one. When he had finally rolled off of you and was laying by your side, you both looked at each other and let out a few chuckles. Billy grabbed you and rolled you onto your side so that both of you could look at each other. Neither one of you did say anything for a beat; just stared and drank each other in.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask him.

“Don't worry about it sweetheart…” He trailed off. He brought his hand up to the side of your face and ghosted his thumb in soft circles.

Did Billy hate Hawkins? Absolutely. But he knew that as long as you were by his side, his life here would be more bearable until he left. And now that being just friends was no longer an option, he knew that he would do anything to get you to leave this shit hole, hick infested town with him. But until then, he was perfectly content with laying with you on your bed

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