#i feel like I'd be applying for a job that requires 10+ years when im freshly geaduated u kno

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

pray for me, y'all.... im finally trying to actually read some of my old required philosophy readings from uni..... nearly 10 years later... all bc I could start to feel my brain rotting from the inside out, from all the fb watch bs and youtube shorts and general yt stuff bullshit that I've been watching non-stop since I left my job in march lmao.

part of this, is me starting to use my brain to actually read a Physical Book™️ as well.... bc last week I went to get the undercarriage of my car fixed at the car body shop..... I went to that area's local mall to kill the hour and a half they took to fix it. in the food court of the mall, they had a community library shelf thing, that so many places have now.... where people just leave their unused old books for people to peruse while eating a subway, or fish and chips meal, or whatever else for lunch.

on that shelf, I finally jumped onto/into Michelle Obama's memoir Becoming.... which i've been meaning to listen to the audiobook of on scribd (which I've deactivated since I'm broke rn); for ages. and y'all. I can't stop reading it. it's made me finally look into international relations, which was a subject I always wanted to do at uni... but just didn't want to do the debating side of it lmao (and also bc I was thinking of doing it if I'd applied for that cadetship at my local uni.... which I didn't lmao). I'm reading my old intro to philosophy textbook- philosophy for everyone (ebook).... which I completely and utterly ignored during undergrad on purpose.

just. say what you want about the Obama's. but at least Michelle has kicked my ass into paperback reading, and philosophy text overdrive.... making me realise just how dead and numb my brain has been; since I dropped causal reading of ANY books as a hobby..... for endless tumblr, youtube shorts (and now also actors reviewing their careers through vanity fair or GQ)..... endless make-up or skincare review/tutorial videos or endless repeats of some of my fave stand up comics bits from their netflix specials or w/e (which I've watched so often now that I can recite some of them word for word or paraphrase them well enough in a semi-okay impression of them).... just an endless stream of bullshit, really.

just yeah. at least im reading again. and finally using my brain. im not using my phone for like at least an hour or two (2) at a time, when I really get into the groove of reading. it's wild tbh. but I will really have to train my brain not to re-read and re-read and re-read, ad infintum, one or two sentences on a page; whilst trying to read philosophy texts like on liberty (like im attempting rn lmao). bc that's exactly how I gave up on all of my philosophy readings in the first place..... bc having to re-read a sentence like 3 times made me feel stupid asf.

yeah. im just here to say. for the love of god. pick up a print book every once in a while. or hell, even an e-book through your local library's e-book app (eg, libby/overdrive or borrowbox). or if you have one, your kindle (that's where some of my international relations stuff is and my old philosophy textbook) or other e-reader. and yeah I know. once I get a job (lmao the job markets shit) I won't be raving like this, about wanting to read anything other than an audiobook on the way to and from work everyday. I'll end up back in the loop of nothing but fb watch etc. I will be the last person to join, if at all, the company's book-club. I didn't even join the short lived one at my old work.

just try to make an effort to read something, anything. get the fuck away from youtube and other social media reels/shorts etc etc brain rot and read... idek comics or something fun. a kids' book, like Grug or the little miss/mister men, just for shits and giggles, to turn off your brain... instead of going down the reels and shorts or tiktok holes so often that you can literally feel your brain melting to mush.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona shares the most mundane shit she does with her followers lol

[nat-20s]

If anyone does end up in a romantic relationship with me good fuckin luck bc I will not have any goddamn idea what I'm doing

#what do you MEAN most most people work through the pitfalls of a first relationship in their high school or college year #i feel like I'd be applying for a job that requires 10+ years when im freshly geaduated u kno #also like not to be self deprecating in the tags or whatever #but i do think that im unlikely to be in a relationship eventually despite wanting one bc im what you call #someone who be very high work for very low reward #to extend rhe metaphor. the job application of people #ANYWAY #personal #negative