#i feel like all the progress ive made over these past 3 years has gone done the drain

[thefamoustownofyeadon]

Near-Death and other Travel Experiences Walking across Albania Part 3

Summary so far

I was in day two of walking the ancient Via Egnatia route across rural Albania. A country which had been a totally isolated totalitarian society since the 1940s and then a country largely controlled by Mafia-like organised crime since the 1990s. That morning I had great difficulty crossing a river which had resulted in a fall into a tree and an unknown knee injury. Further walking in the heat of the day had left me with probable signs of sunstroke. My body felt like it was emitting heat like a 3 bar fire and I was disorientated and intensely thirsty. Despite the risks from common blood-sucking parasites I had laid down in the shade, amongst a bed of ferns to try and cool myself and to rest and regain my strength. I cared about little else but seeking out coolness and shade but did eat a high sugar mint cake before allowing myself to sleep.

What happened next? 

I am not the kind of person who would walk into the middle of a patch of tall ferns and lay down and cover myself in them. Rucksack still on my back and caked in mud from the earlier river bed crossing but the compulsion driven by the heat exhaustion and sunstroke was irresistible. I was showing signs of body chemistry imbalances including wild twitching of the muscles in my hands and thighs. I fell into sleep very quickly, and it did feel like that. The next thing I knew maybe a couple of hours had passed. I was about to roll to one side and continue sleeping when a little alarm sounded in me which said I had to move or I would be in trouble. 

I pulled myself up by grabbing hold of the trunk of a tree and then took off all my clothes and threw them away. I had brought three simple changes of clothing which I had planned to rotate but the clothes I had on as well as being plastered with mud had been torn by the thorns by the river and stained with blood. I put fresh clothes on an felt a little better. I was also thinking better now. Weighing my options I decided to tack back and head for the quarry. Maybe there were people there but if not it would surely be connected to a road where I might get a ride.

 Half a mile further on I walked past the remnants of an experimental farm (it said that in English). The fields were lined with irrigation hoses but the water had been turned off even at the standpipes I wasted energy there trying to find water. All mine was now gone.

It was a vast limestone quarry. To the left on the far rim of was a cluster of what may or may not have been simple houses or a hostel for workers  (I guessed not). Otherwise, at first sight, the place appeared deserted. The light reflected off the rock was intense and so I had to walk with my hat pulled well down over my eyes. I looked at the ground and set about walking the dynamited road which ran around the interior of the quarry and up to a steep hillside overlooking this big hole. I am abnormally scared of heights so the walk up this stony road, just wide enough for a dumper truck was a real trial. I hugged the quarry side and kept my eyes strictly on the two-yards in front of me.

 I walked on like this for an hour or so until II came to the rim of the quarry and the further climb up the hill which circled it a little like a helter-skelter. From that point, I could see a similar road in the valley below. I saw no vehicles on that road during the fifteen minutes or so I was looking. This was very disheartening. By this time limestone dust kicked up by my feet coated by clothing and skin and made my mouth feel like a sandbox. I had set off walking toward the rim and the hill because there were absolutely no signs of life in the quarry or in the huts at the far rim, but just at the point where I began walking the road that circled the hill a dumper truck filled with crushed limestone emerged from behind the huts on the far rim and descended into the quarry. I sat on a flat rock watching its progress and hoping against hope it would follow the road that came in my direction. There were options and it would have been just too much if the driver had parked up somewhere and transferred to a pushbike of something. He kept on making the right choices and coming toward me. moving no faster than ten miles an hour. 

I made a decision to stand on the left side of the road near the drop as the road was so narrow standing at the right was too dangerous if he decided to drive past me without stopping. This was a very chunky truck, a not very sophisticated one built by the Chinese who in recent years had been importing their vehicles. 

As the truck came toward me it showed no sign of stopping despite me waving my arms frantically. Getting close the driver signalled for me to get on the right side of the road so that I would be able to climb into the passenger side of the cab. It dawned on me that he was only able to get up the winding hill in low gear and if he stopped would have difficulty getting the momentum going again. My knee had been painful all the way up the climb out of the quarry. I was walking stiff-legged and did not know how I would be able to run alongside the truck and jump on. I did manage a kind of very painful trot but there was no step to launch myself into the cab. The driver saw this and took both hands off the wheel and hoisted me up. I was expecting all the time to go over the cliff edge as there was only a couple of yards of the road on the other side of the truck. I threw myself across the passenger seat with my feet still dangling out the door. You find strength when you have to and I somehow flipped around, drew my legs in and slammed the door shut. Then lay there panting for a minute or so whilst the driver laughed

It seems everyone in Albania has travelled illegally to Britain at some time and worked in the black economy. The driver was one of those and had a few words of English. He passed me an old plastic cola bottle full of murky looking water. I drank this down before really saying anything. I poured the last of the water into my hand and wiped my eyes which were caked in road dust. I had been incredibly lucky. My new friend pointed forward and said “Pub, pub”. I nodded and manically made the thumbs-up sign.

 I was even luckier than I had thought. For maybe the next five miles we saw we saw not another human being or any kind of habitations. The buildings after that were no more than a shack. Maybe ten miles on we came to a proper village where our dirt road linked up to a proper tarmac one. My driver dropped me off opposite a shack a little bit bigger than the other ones with adverts for beer and football TV posted on the walls. I have no idea what would have happened if that truck had not come by. We saw no other vehicles in the drive from the quarry. 

The building was not a pub it was a bar. I got a bit over-emotional with the driver and then staggered across the road. Some old men sat on wooden crates pointed me to the door. The barman had been watching me climb down from the truck. He had also worked illegally in London, He pointed at the sports channel on the TV. Man United was playing some other premiership team. I wanted food but there was none. Instead, I foolishly drank a great deal of the local beer which was called Korca. That was stupid but nice, and I got extremely drunk.

 After about an hour, the barman left one of the old men in charge and drove me at very high speed along the tarmacked highway. Scaring the wits out of me even in my very drunk state. He dropped me at a flashy motel and refused to accept any money off me. The guy at the reception could see I was legless drunk but still checked me in. Up in the bedroom, I went straight for the wet room shower set up. I slipped and fell heavily on my back. I could not move for a few moments for the pain and all the while the shower was directed at my face. I laughed about the possibility of drowning in the shower after all I had been through that day. I was broadly okay though and the next day I got a fraudulently expensive taxi back to a place called Pequin and continued the walk. I cheated a great deal and eventually got as far as Elbasan which is the middle of Albania. I walked a little out of the other side of that town and then called it a day and came home as planned after two weeks. A lot more things happened but that’s for another time.

Over the next six months, I continued to have a lot of pain in my left knee cap. At first, I assumed it was just some exacerbation of my arthritis but  I eventually went to the doctor and he arranged an X-Ray which showed signs of a recent fracture of the bony cap of the knee. I was admitted as a day patient and given an IV infusion of something which strengthened the bone there and assisted healing. All the women there having the same treatment were elderly and had osteoporosis. They thought it very funny that I was there with them.

I am still in touch with people in Albania. Two are friends on Facebook. A young woman who served me a spinach pie in a café where she worked and told me all about Albanian history and what it was like being a young person in Albania. She was studying to be a social worker. Recently she has married and had a first child. I get updates. A young man who wanted to be a doctor, and who has the entry qualifications and the support of an American government aid organisation is being blocked by corruption from getting his university place. 

Tomorrow. Rat bites and poisoning in the Devils House in Belgrade

.Photos.

Korca beer

Odd and scary revolutionary art

Part of the abandoned and toxic Chinese steel plant at Elbasan.

The Roman road travelled by Julius Caesar and St Paul just outside Piquin. This man wanted me to meet his family

A Roman bridge where a river used to be

My Chinese dumper truck looked like this. 

#via egnatia #albania #long distance walking #memoir

[honeymeadeandwhiskey]

A Short Conversation on Space Exploration // k.l.b.

I. There’s something to be said about man’s eagerness to launch themselves millions of miles into space wrapped up in a titanium and aluminum box in search of greatness that is only able to be reached by those who NASA deems brave enough and bright enough. How lonely must it be to step onto the dusty surface of the moon, see the Earth 92,955,807 miles away, and for a split second think “What if I never make it back down there?” Is this how space Voyagers, Rangers, and Discovery robots feel when they’re flung out into the always expanding universe with only human words stored in their hard drives to keep them company? They fly past Jupiter, Neptune, and little Pluto and then just keep going. We send them to investigate the very stars that emit the light we eventually see as we lay on gritty sand and look up above wondering if we could truly be the only ones among all these galaxies lightyears apart.

II. The most terrifying possibility is one of those brave astronauts will be on a moonwalk and snap just like that the cord that tethers them to oxygen, safety, and Earth is gone. They drift alone, away from what they know and enter the embrace of never ending openness; the kind where you’re in an open room that’s pitch black and your hands are out in front of you and it feels like they’ll hit something at any moment but they don’t. The only thing is that in space it’s more frightening because you can see everything in the distance but you can’t reach any of it. Your crew members, your loved ones, the planet where you gave your first cries and planned on breathing your last breath are just right there. Yet all you can do is float gently into that encompassing darkness and wonder how long it will be until the oxygen runs out.

People willingly give themselves up for these missions because, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?” That progressing our understanding of a never ending, always expanding universe is more important than an astronaut’s life? Perhaps it is better to send our metallic friends who don’t have families waiting for them so they can spend the rest of their lives floating past comets, asteroids, and black holes in peace. That’s what these robots were made for, to go where no man dares to go or can go because we program the capability and boldness we cannot discover for ourselves into the grooves and ridges of our robot’s motherboards. They depend on us to devoid them of love and fear so that they can achieve the accomplishments that we cannot achieve ourselves.

III. Voyagers 1 and 2 were both designed with a 12 inch gold plated copper disk that contains the sounds and images that sum up all existence on Earth. Imagine that—thousands of years of cultures, languages, stories, and wonders contained in 115 images alongside “hello” in 55 languages and 90 minutes of music to be played at 16-2/3 revolutions per minute. 

That’s it. 

That’s Earth. 

That’s humankind. 

We can try to define our purpose and experience of living all we want, but nothing can do that more than the disks we sent out to say hello for us should one of our brave Voyagers encounter someone else in the universe. They’re still out there while we hope they’ll last for another 40,000 years until they even come close to another planetary system. We hope that we won’t have lost contact by then. We hope that our robots will do their job and find someone else out there who’s looking distantly at our Sun and wondering who orbits around it. Perhaps most of all, we hope that humanity will still be around in 40,000 years to see those discoveries happen.

Doesn’t that say something that we can have greater optimism for discovering something so far away that we will not reach it in this generation than the prospect that the billions of people living on this Earth will prevail just like the Voyagers, Rangers, and Discoverers created before us? It seems as if we spend more time arguing over the existence of extraterrestrials than discussing the possible methods of ending the issues that plague us daily. Maybe it’s because we’ve collectively given up on this planet and those who inhabit it. Why try to save a sinking ship? Find a bigger, better, and grander ship and sail that into the sunset; there are greater things to discover than the exact amount of time we have left on this planet.

IV. There is a black hole 21 billion times the mass of the Sun (whose mass is 1.989 × 10^30 kg) and one theory for why the universe is constantly expanding is: dark energy exists and our universe is 74% of this, meaning it weighs more than gravity and stretches out the universe. Why can’t we expand our thoughts like this? Allowing the dark things in our world to open our minds and broaden our horizons to solve issues. We all contain our own individual gravitational pull, bringing us close towards others in our lives. If the stars can do it, why can’t we? Watching a star’s gravitational pull can teach us something; not everything they attract is something extraordinarily wonderful for them, and not everything that attracts them aids them positively. Despite this, they determinedly continue to fuse together hydrogen nuclei into helium every moment until its last in a supernova that humbly reminds the star of its origins in the Big Bang.

And wasn’t that something, the Big Bang? Still just a theory, it was the split second when nothing went to everything, with protons and neutrons and electrons flying outwards at incredible speeds creating the canvas of the universe of which we get to paint the edge of the corner with our history. We remember when our atoms were just the same as any other atom in existence and demand that our place in the stars not be forgotten.

V. This is why astronauts fling themselves into space in tiny rockets and ships, to fulfill what we already are: daring souls ready to conquer anything, even unforgivable space because that’s where we’re from. We are made up of the stardust and elements that wish to go back to the great expanse we borrowed them from. Maybe that’s what makes the universe so lonely. It keeps expanding when all it wants to do is bring itself back together again with gravitational pulls that could almost be compared to the human experience called love. We are a part of that larger picture, a grand plan that was made by something or someone that even the universe doesn’t know. Maybe that’s why it’s expanding instead. Not dark energy, but rather a constant search for the spark that created the it. The universe expands past the known borders of itself, expanding into nothingness that cannot exist . . . yet something allows this expansion. Mathematical formulas can only say so much when the question of existence and creation is a feeling that when thought about too much turns a person away.

Because perhaps we were not meant to know. Actually, really not meant to know. Maybe that’s why we create our space robots, to send them out to the edges of the universe and then beyond and have them respond back to us their discoveries; that maybe they will be allowed to hear the answers we cannot, and just maybe they can tell us because we are desperate and hungry enough for what lies just beyond the plane of existence. But the cosmos has been hungry for far longer and still has not been able to find the answer. Something so phenomenal cannot find the answer and yet we are stubborn enough to believe that we will be the ones who piece it all together one day and take the first step past the edge. 

So we continue to believe that our space explorations and discoveries add to the never ending search of finding ourselves. We look up at the stars and try to comprehend the vast open territory between each pinpoint of light twinkling down at us. We look down at the earth below our feet and try to find a greater appreciation for the things that keep us alive at this moment in time. There’s always a possibility that one day we will not be here to receive the response of our Voyager robots, that it will just be a lonely satellite on the top of a plateau in the middle of some desert who will hear the answer. Even so, we will have discovered what the universe spent so much time pondering and looking for. It will still have been our robots that found that mystery beyond the edge and presented their gold covered copper disks to say, “look at what humanity was able to become.”

#writing #writers on tumblr #space #non-fiction #writeblr community #writeblr #my writing #userkasey

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Lost in Translation

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Explicit

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, possible smut down the line

Summary:

    “Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.”

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Special Thanks: wanted to give a huge shout out to my girl Katie, AKA @goingknowherewastaken for being a huge inspiration for this fic as well as for being a huge help (especially when it comes to putting up with my frantic ramblings lol) you're awesome boo <3

A/N: So this is a work in progress but it’s basically finished and I’ve been making great headway with this recently, so this will be the first fic I’ve ever finished! Woohoo!! And I’m thinking that I’ll probably stick to a Sunday post schedule.

    Also a little note for y’all to keep in mind while reading. I have tagged this fic “possible eventual smut” and that’s because right now I don’t have any planned buuuuut… I’m going to leave that option up to you guys! Between the readers here and AO3, if you’re still with me by the end of this fic, leave a comment and let me know if you would be interested in an epilogue or end scene with smut. I’ll post a reminder at the end, but keep it in mind while reading.

    And if anyone is interested in being tagged for future posts for this fic or any others I may post, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list! Thanks for reading <3

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Chapter two

    Forty-five days. Forty-five days and still nothing. No sign of the shuttle, or Jim, or the bastards that attacked them, nothing.

    Leonard sat at his desk with his head in his hands, staring blankly at the map of planets before him. The Enterprise had been hovering over a planet for the last four days now. Spock and a small landing party were down on the surface searching for any sign of Jim and his fourteen cadets, and Leonard hadn’t gotten word from them yet. All he could do at this point was hope, and he was worried that even though he was tying to hold on to what little he had left, he would soon abandon it all.

    With the red marker in his hand he circled the planet they were currently searching. As he did, his eyes glazed over the rest of the map covered in angry red X’s. Twenty-nine planets between here and where they were first attacked, where he lost Jim in the chaos, twenty-nine planets and they still had not found Jim. He ran shaking hands through his hair, replaying the scene over and over in his mind. The attack, Jim’s shuttle being bounced around as it tried to flee, then watching helplessly as it faded into the black. If he didn’t find him soon he was sure he was going to go crazy.

    He heard the woosh of the sickbay doors opening from where he sat in his office. He heard the commotion, the nurses running to the biobed being rushed in. Probably another superficial engineering injury, he thought, someone else can handle it.

    “Doctor McCoy!” The desperate cry of his name had his head snapping up from his desk. Mere seconds later a dishevelled looking Vulcan stood panting in his doorway. Leonard hoped, oh god he hoped that this was it, that they had found Jim, but reality was still present in his mind. Jim had been missing on a foreign planet for forty-five days… he was afraid to hope too much. “Doctor, we found him!”

    Before he could register his movements, Leonard was launching himself over his desk and running past Spock, the Vulcan right on his heels as he crossed the sickbay at a full sprint. He ran straight for the biobed being pushed in by Chapel and a few other nurses, his eyes instantly searching the screens for vitals. Once he found Jim’s heart rate on the monitor, proving to Leonard that he was alive and finally on the ship, his eyes and hands instantly rushed to Jim’s face. He was cold, dirty, pale, and covered in bruises and cuts. Some new but many old, he noted. His face was sunk in and he had lost a lot of weight while he was missing, and Len did not like that one bit. He hated seeing his friend, his best friend, in such a horrible state. The usually healthy Jim Kirk always came with a few cuts and bruises, but this… this was a lot for Leonard to take in. But the worst, he thought, were Jim’s eyes. Circled in darkness and shut tight, even as he called out his name, were red rimmed and wet. Len knew that could only mean one thing. As Jim lay alone in god knows what state, probably thinking the worst and accepting fate, he had been crying, thinking he would be dying alone on a foreign planet. The thought alone made Leonard’s stomach flip, almost enough to make him throw up, but Jim needed him now, he could be sick over it later when Jim was at least stable.

    With his hands still holding Jim’s face, his fingers sliding down to press against his neck feeling his pulse weak under them, he called to him, “Jim, Jim can you hear me?!” but he got no response, not even the slightest movement. “Jim!” he tried again but he was met with still silence.

    As they continued moving Jim through the sickbay, Chapel recited Jim’s condition in a steady voice to Leonard. Not only to inform the doctor of his patients condition, but also an attempt to bring Len back to reality and out of the Jim Kirk daze he was currently in. Jim would get through this, but he would need Leonard at his best. “Doctor,” she began “the captain is malnourished, severely dehydrated, and he has several injuries both internal and external that will need immediate surgery… Doctor?”

    Without pulling his attention from Jim he responded, “I’ll do the surgeries.”

    Though he hadn’t looked away from Jim, Chapel could tell that he was less “Bones” now then he was before, and more “Doctor McCoy”, hopefully realizing that Jim would both need and want the latter. “Good,” she nodded, “he wouldn’t want anyone else to do it.”

    He didn’t respond to that as they made it to the operating room, taking one last look at Jim before letting him go and turning to his team, “I need someone to set up an IV, he needs fluids immediately, and we need to start dissolving nutrition and protein packs into the line now!”

    At his barked words, two nurses left the room at a run, returning seconds later with the supplies he had asked for. They had the IV set and running in less time then it took to blink, and Len turned to leave the room to prepare himself. As he reached the door Chapel took his arm, holding him there to whisper between them, “Leonard,” in all his years with her, she had never once called him by his first name while on duty, “it doesn’t look like he’ll be waking up any time soon, I…”

    He spared a glance back at Jim behind him, still unconscious, still unmoving, before turning back to her with a sigh, “Let’s gets his injuries fixed and his health on a steady incline, we’ll worry about… about the coma later.”

    She nodded, letting him go and following him out to prep herself to aid him with Jim’s surgery. Neither saying another word to the other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

    Bones emerged from the operating room ten hours later with a sigh of relief. Jim was stable. The surgery went well, though this didn’t mean Jim was completely in the clear. He still had a long way to go in regards to healing, but the worst of it was the coma. Bones couldn’t tell when Jim would wake up or…. if he would wake up, and that scared the absolute hell out of him.

    As he took off his dirty scrubs and threw them in the bio bin, his eyes never left Chapel as she moved Jim to a private room at the back of the sickbay. As soon as he washed up and put on clean scrubs in his office, he made way straight for Jim’s room.

    When he entered, Chapel was still setting things up and taking vitals, and Len stood at the base of Jim’s bed and watched. He watched the drip of the IV fluid, he listened to the hiss of the oxygen machine, he watched the steady flow of the heart rate monitor and thanked god that Jim was still here. But that wouldn’t help him any, hell it wouldn’t help anyone. This coma, this god damned coma, it was keeping Len from the one thing he wanted more than anything in the entire galaxy. Blue, blue eyes, staring up at him in their ever continuous wonder, wide and beautiful as they gazed back at him. And although Len would admit he was a goddamn good doctor, he couldn’t pull Jim out of a coma, especially if Jim didn’t want to come out. He just had to hope with everything he had that Jim hadn’t already given up when he lay dying on that planet alone.

    A clearing of a throat pulled Len out of his thoughts, and he looked up to meet eyes with Chapel. Eyes filled with pity not so much for Jim, but for Leonard. “Doctor,” she nodded as he looked up, “I’ll leave you alone.”

    He didn’t respond, just returned his gaze to Jim as she left the room, closing the door with a soft click behind her.

    Once she was gone he moved himself to the side of the bed, sitting in the chair there. His hand hovered over Jim’s for a moment, and he thought maybe if he just held Jim’s hand, touched him, he’d wake up and this nightmare would finally be over.

    A knock came at the door and he pulled his hand away. A muffled, “Doctor?” was heard from the other side and Len recognized the monotone Vulcan instantly.

    The door opened slowly and Spock poked his head in. Finding Len, he opened it fully and walked in, padd in hand.

    “Doctor.” Len still could not bring himself to speak and Spock expected as much. “While you were performing surgery on the Captain I went through the communicator we found on his person when we rescued him. I reviewed all of his entries…” He fiddled with the padd in his hand, stepping forwards and thrusting the padd towards Leonard, “I merged the ships logs with Jim’s in chronological order for the board to review but… I think you should listen to them, Doctor. There are some things in Jim’s logs I think you should hear.”

    Len looked at the padd in front of him and shook his head, “Spock, I can’t.”

    “You must, Leonard, for Jim.” He pushed the padd towards him again and waited until he reached out a tentative hand and took it.

    When the padd was in Leonard’s hands, Spock retreated towards the door. “Doctor, I know this will be difficult for you, but know that when you reach the end of the logs it will all become clear. Jim wanted you to do this.”

    Before Leonard could say or do anymore, Spock had left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Len alone with Jim and the padd.

    He let it rest heavy on his lap for a while before he finally spoke out loud, “Computer, shade windows.” The large windows at the front of Jim’s room darkened so he could no longer see the nurse’s station, could no longer see Chapel occasionally looking in at him.

    With one final calming breath, he opened the padd and brought up the file Spock had left on the screen for him. There was a long list of logs, so he clicked on the one at the top and settled into his chair to listen as Jim’s voice filled his ears.

    “Captain’s log, Stardate 2264.81. It’s been three days since our attack outside of Harmonia VI by an unknown party. Our shuttle, manned by myself and fourteen cadets in training, crash landed on an unknown non-federation planet on Stardate 2264.78. I managed to escape the crash with minor injuries, but some of my crew were not so fortunate. Our pilot, Cadet Trever Velnium, perished upon impact, Cadets VooHok and Amanda Hollis succumbed to their injuries on our second day, followed by Cadet Kent Vel-Nick this morning. The rest of us are trying to hold on, though most are in bad shape.

    As for our supplies, we have rationed our small emergency kit of food as best we can. But between those of us who survived the crash, the eleven of us remaining, I’m afraid we won’t have much left to last past four days. And our medical supplies are dwindling fast, I… I don’t know how much longer I can keep my injured crew members stable, some of the injuries are far too extensive for my knowledge and lack of supplies… I’m afraid a quick rescue from the Enterprise and Doctor McCoy will be their only hope…”

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A/N: Ok, chapter two!! Getting more into the plot now! Let me know what you guys think and if you want to be added to the tag list. :)

tags: @goingknowherewastaken @bi-e-ne @weresilver-in-space

I’m also gunna tag: @medicatemedrmccoy @0dannyphantom0 @jimboy-mccoy @reading-in-moonlight and @flaminglupine

Y’all were tagged in another one of my mckirk fics, so i thought maybe you might like this one. if its not your cup of tea then just let me know :D

Thanks for reading <3

#star trek #star trek aos #mckirk #bones #leonard #leonard mccoy #mccoy #doctor mccoy #jim kirk #james t #kirk #captain kirk #spock #nyota #uhora #nyota uhora #Lost in Translation #chapter two #jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #star trek fanfic #trekkies #jim kirk x leonard mccoy #jim kirk x bones #minor character death #hurt #self destruction #slight bit of alcoholism

[juhlcho15-blog]

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A Review Of Marvel Future Fight

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[barelynakedthoughts]

Wow, the past few days have been unreal. I last updated on Thursday in the morning soon after they had started pumping in pitocin. From 12pm, May 12th, until 5 am, May 14th, I was dealing with contractions. 41 hours of early labor and it only led to being dilated by 4cm.

I used a fitness orb, a fitness peanut, slow dancing, varying leg positions. Nothing pushed me into active labor. They kept saying to make it to 6cm and we'll be in the home stretch. The contractions got so strong throughout the day, too. I didn't want an epidural because I didn't want to do it so early. If the beginning took this long, can the ending really be that short? I wanted the baby in my arms but I knew he wasn't ready so I waited for him to give me a sign. (Note we can freely say pronouns now)

I believe at 10am on May 13th, they broke my water because I had made it to 4cm. It felt like things were moving so nicely! The doctor who came in at 6 am wa snot very comforting -made me cry. She gave me minimal answers and her visit was brief. Had I obtained the knowledge of inductions and labor that I have now, I would have been okay, but it was all so new to me and she was very curt after working her 24 hour shift. I wish she would do people favors and just not do those shifts. It would give her a better bedside manner. She basically gave me my first crying spell and I felt so desperate for four hours.

A new doctor came in soon after that. She reminded me of General Holdo from Star Wars, except I have no clue if she had purple-ish hair. Though Jackie, the nurse who talked a lot, had purple-ish hair. I could see it sticking out through her hair cap thing. Our room was always dark so I didn't really see much going on. Anyways, they broke my water and the contractions quickly turned into pain, pain and more pain. Not cramping pain, but pain nonetheless. I was on 2-30 levels of pitocin (whatever that means), and when the water broke, I was contracting every 1-2 minutes for hours on end. I breathed through all of them, dealt with the pain and kept my mind on the goal.

-----

I was thankful for the nurse we had the night before they broke my water, Shawna, because she knew how to just be there for me. When the new nurse came in after that terrible doctor visit, I wasn't all too thrilled cuz she talked a lot and overexplained things, but she at least made it very apparent that she cared. Shawna came back later in the evening, but she wasn't my nurse. She just knew that I liked her and she just wanted to help. It was a relief to have her there for a little bits she came in on.

-----

May 13th was like one last date day between Ryan and I. Besides the constant pain and regular contraction pauses, he and I just talked, hugged, watched Falcon and Winter Soldier, cried, laughed, and appreciated the other one being there. We barely got any rest. Though Ry was able to get a bit more than me, but not much. It was honestly a blurry of a day for me since I spent most of staring at focal points (the red light from the TV being turned off or Ryan's eyes or the up button for the bed or even this white piece on a red container on the baby's soon-to-be panda warmer). Im trying to write as much down as possible, but I know I'll miss a few things.

-----

As the day progressed, my energy level dropped substantially. I gave up my fitness orb life and I embraced bedrest for the first time in the pregnancy. Going to the bathroom was difficult and I was constipated. Stupid magical hemorrhoids that appeared two days before going in the hospital.

Those pesky IV issues got worse. As my pain increased, I had to deal with a 5 IVs. After the one in my elbow went off sixty thousand times, the nurse finally called the anesthesiology team to try another spot but with a deeper vein. She found it with an ultrasound, which was neat, and she had to really numb my arm to get it in there. It was the best IV, though. It really stuck in there and I only had minimal issues with the IV tower. Thank goodness because I was at my wits end at that point. Though Jackie ended up finish the IV and reconnecting my pitocin and fluid drips...she taped the IV to my hospital bracelet. So when anyone tried to scan it, I had to twist my arm painfully.

The one time, the food people came. I twisted my arm to have them read it, and they didn't even scan it....but we'll the damage was done. I had accidentally disconnected everything. The IV started gushing blood like a fountain and I just sat on my fitness orb with nothing much to do but hope it stopped soon...or that someone would come in. My husband actually had to go get someone because there was blood everywhere. All the while, I was contracting every 3 minutes at that point. So a fountain of blood just pushing out while squeezed my own legs. What a trip! The final IV sat in my arm up until May 15th...it was annoying to breastfeed with it in. I had to finish my toradol pain meds before it could come out.

-----

As the day went on, I kept contracting but nothing changed...at 10pm, they finally told us our options: more of the same or having a c-section. We were looking at a failed induction if we didn't progress to 6 cm by 5am, May 14th. At the point, it would have been 18 hours post my water being broke and the chance of infection would then steadily increase. I didn't take the news well and I cried. My night time doctor, who I had seen in the office and who is actually a midwife, was the one who broke the news. She tried to say it was natural to feel sad about this, but honestly...nothing was going to console me after here the word "failure".

Just like my sister, the pitocin failed. Before they officially said it failed, they did a pit rest (a 1-2 hour pitocin break) and then started the process at 2 levels again. We made it up to 10 levels before they called it at 430am. My cervix stopped at 4cm and there was no changing it. Though at that time, I had finally accepted the c-section. It was the right choice and it meant getting to see our baby sooner. We just needed to pray again for safety, healing and life...plus tell our families that I was having a c-section. They were wondering where we went for so long because I just cried for a while and asked that my husband not share anything until we were ready.

-----

The surgery was interesting. I wasn't really contracting anymore but I was exhausted, starving, shaking, and ready to be done. They wheeled me over without my husband so they could give me a spinal anesthetic, still no epidural. I sat there breathing in and out. Using yoga techniques to keep myself present and prepared for a flexible response. I hate the idea of needles going into my spine. I don't care about needles...it's the whole losing movement permanently issue. I need to be able to move and fidget to breathe calmly and react appropriately.

After they were finished, they slowly lowered me back. My legs went numbs and I started to shake uncontrollably. My teeth started chattering. It was if I was extremely cold so they put 3-4 warm blankets on me. I can't remember how many but I do know there were 5 total on me when all was said and done. They splayed my arms out like I was being crucified and I made sure not to move them beyond the shaking. I have no clue how long the procedure lasted but it was light outside when they were done. I believe it was less than an hour, but I honestly don't know. Time had become irrelevant yet so necessary by then. Time still hasn't recovered and it's been almost 3 weeks. (Note: I've been writing this on and off since the hospital stay.)

C-sections are weird. You're awake for the whole procedure and you can feel everything happening to you - the incision, the hands rooting around your insides for the baby, the baby coming out with their arms and legs hitting the sides of your open stomach as they leave, the uterus flopping around. There's just no pain involved.

When my baby came out, he didn't cry much, but when I heard his first squeal, my husband and I cried, too. He was finally here. Our baby boy was alive and well. A 7lb 5oz baby measuring at 20 inches even though he was a few weeks early. He was fully grown and ready to be with us. They measured him, cleaned him a little and got all his vitals while the doctors finished up with my stomach. They gave him to my husband to hold and I got to slightly touch the baby. I cried the whole time because of how happy I was. It was the most fulfilling moment and it was just the beginning of my son's life.

The surgeon was the OBGYN who recommended us to the fertility clinic three years prior, almost to the date. We had come full circle. She still has a weird bedside manner, but the whole thing was surreal. She did a good job and we all made it out safely. My husband was so nervous holding our baby. It was his first time ever holding a baby. I didn't want a c-section, but I was glad when everything was over. My legs remained numb for a while - a few hours I think? In order to graduate to the mother/baby unit and to eat, I had to be able to move my toes. It was a weird feeling to be able to move my arms and not my lower body. Around my incision, I'm still a bit numb there and apparently, I could be for a long time.

We took our first picture together and I look terrible, as if I had gone through pain for 3 days straight. My husband, the always photogenic one, looked great and our son could barely be seen. At least we have this family photo - even if no one else is allowed to see it. My body was still shaking. My shoulders were starting to hurt and feeling was coming back to my lower extremities slowly. They were prescribing me motrin, tylenol and oxy. I only took tylenol because the rest seemed frivolous. Sure, I was in pain, but nothing compared to the contractions and well, I survived all of that with just a tylenol here and there for headaches.

By about noon, I was starving by this point. It had been 30ish+ hours of early labor since I had last eaten. We ordered food (with some hiccups along the way) and finally got to eat when we arrived the mother/baby unit. It was then we started our four day stay of recovering, figuring out parenting, breastfeeding, and personal survival, and being interrupted every hour by nurses, doctors, consultants, social workers and who knows who else. I had only gotten about 2-3 hours of sleep in total during the 3 days of delivery. I matched this during the first few days of parenting, too. Even when I got home, I lived on 2 hours max for about three days straight. A week+ of no sleep really did me in. I was exhausted and finally got rest when I slept through a few alarms. Thankfully my husband took over that night because I needed it.

While in the mother/baby unit, our son had dropped about 10% of his birthweight. He was dehydrated and having a tough time pooping because of the weight loss. It was getting much milk because my nipples wouldn't stay erect while he was eating. Plus he kept falling asleep and it was hard to keep him demeanor.

A lactation consultant visited 6 times. I didn't like the first one, but then we lucked out with Renee for the rest of the visits. She was understanding and she didn't pressure us to breastfeed her way. She thought of different ways to encourage us and give solutions, such as a nipple shield or supplementing formula. Renee revealed that her oldest went through this as well and that it doesn't help when the hospital staff tells you how to do everything their way without listening to your needs. I commend her for her absolutely genuine care and reassuring assistance.

A few nurses were stellar (not Shawna awesome, but still great to have). Katie gave us our first few hours of rest. It also hurt his weight cuz I was delayed on the feedings, but she gave us swaddlers, extra blankets, shirts, etc. She also made sure to talk to us like we were humans and not patients who were leaving in a few days. Kristie was the first one to see me cry and she knew exactly what to do. She brought us the right sized nipple shield and flanges. She brought us a ton of formula. She helped ease my feelings of hopelessness transition into a sense of pointed purpose. The other nurses - Salimah, Anna, Natalie and a few others in the mother/baby unit were the best parts of the stay. Even if they all provided varying levels of care.

The doctors were too quick with their check-ins and I didn't really enjoy their presence. They had the best intentions but we felt like a mark on their checklist. I assume they have too much to do in one day.

The room was small for a three person family but large enough for everything we needed to do while there. Our baby had a little plastic tube of a bassinet with two drawers of storage. My husband had to sleep on the most uncomfortable couch out of the three he ventured on. I believe it was this one that he caught an ear infection from because he didn't use the bed setting. He used the regular couch setup because the bedding was slanting.

The bathroom was pretty big, though. I put many mesh underwear and large pads on in there. It's where a nurses used a perineal bottle on me and showed me how to use it. It's where I took my first post-surgery shower and found out my stomach was numb still. I liked our original room with the induction unit best because of the couch for my husband, and I loved the huge size of the labor/delivery room. The bathroom for the mother/baby unit was best. It was right next to my bed during a time when it was hard to walk. Plus it served as a dish washing site and a great place to rest from all the noises in a hospital.

I had a catheter in from the c-section and by the time they took it out, I was very hydrated. Peeing clear impressed the nurses who took it out - I guess it's the little odd things that make the day better.

My husband and I fought multiple times in the hospital and since coming home. We're exhausted. We don't fight often, but when we do, it is normally because one of us is tired...and well, we're always tired right now.

-----

It's now 6 weeks post delivery and our little guy is doing well. He's a tad under the weather (doctors says a cold), but otherwise he is 11 pounds and 22 inches long. He grows pretty fast so he may be heavier by now.

These last few weeks have been very tough and I've gone through a lot of emotions. It's a lot of work and we asked for it. We really wanted a child and now we're finding out how hard it is to raise one. Yet would I trade my son for anything? No. This shows how bad we wanted a child and also how much we are still willing to sacrifice in order to hold him for many more years. The birthing experience was not what I wanted, but he came home. That's all I prayed for...and it's exactly what we got. I can only be thankful to God for his life right now. My heart feels warm.

-----

This post took six weeks to write because I don't have much time anymore. Most of it was done while in the hospital, but some parts had to be completed or filled in afterwards. It barely covers everything that happened during our 6-day stay. It was a long and arduous time, and now we are met we an harder time of caretaking. Parenthood is so glamorized and I'm here to tell you how much it shouldn't be. The afterglow is wonderful and the heart fuzziness is neverending. No, seriously. I feel joy even when my son is crying and I don't know what to do to help. Yet, we paint pictures of cuddling babies and doing fun activities, but it's a lot more than that. Make sure you want a baby before having one. It's a lot of work to get to the time where they can take care of themselves alongside you. It's years of waiting for them to grow old enough to just pee on their on own. It's many days wondering if you're doing okay as a guardian. You just hope they survive your mistakes and your novice-abilities of taking care of a human life. As rewarding as it may be, you are forever changed. For at least the beginning parts, you will not have much time to do anything for yourselves besides eat and sleep, which is still something you lose and have to reteach yourself and your baby how to do at the same time.

I'm not complaining, just not being dishonest. I'd rather be open about my struggles than to sink in self-negligence. Sure, I probably have postpartum depression in a mild sense, but I am actively working to go beyond it. It's been tough to not have much time for myself, but I can't give up. I have to do this for my baby and for my husband. I have to keep going for myself, too. I owe it to me.

[asoenews]

[news-monda]

[daveliuz]

[news-lisaar]

[news-sein]

[livingbutamireally]

AY2019/2020 Y1S2 Module Reviews

AY2019/2020 year 1 semester 2 review

Wew this semester was more of a honeymoon period for me still since I cant advance past CS1010S - this is only the first CS mod i have to take big oof. First half of the sem was spent mostly on (re)doing CS1010S AFAST and the rest went to catching up on other modules that are of relatively lower intensities compared to modules i imagine i will have to take next semester? The most challenging mods this sem goes to CS1010S, EC1301 and also.. ST2334? About half of the semester was done at home though due to the COVID-19 pandemic and so the never-ending heap of online lectures to review (for which i am always behind on unfortunately). I have no need to S/U any module this sem fortunately but that also means I might have effectively wasted my last COVID S/Us. I’m also the kind that is happy enough just to pass.

Modules taken this semester:

CS1010S (AFAST)

GEH1031

GES1041

EC1301

ST2334

MKT1705X

CS1010S Programming Methodology (Python) – AFAST

School of Computing

Prof: Ben Leong

Exam Dates: 16 Jan (Midterm Mock - not graded) / 24 Feb (Practical Exam) / 28 Feb (Finals)

Weightage:

Coursemology – 25%

Participation – 5%

Midterm test – NA

Practical exam – 20%

Final assessment – 50%

Since i took the alternative finals i have updated the final weightage for this module (last sems CS1010S had different weightages).

As we already know, this module (or any CS modules in general) easily has the highest workload compared to other modules, except this time without needing to complete missions every week? Also since its a re-module, there were no lectures/tutorials/recitations for this module and the prof spent lesser time than the first module with us. There is just one consultation slot per week that lasts about 1.5-2h, where the TAs/ prof Ben goes through exam questions over the past years and where students get to voice any doubts they might have. Hence, a lot of self-discipline is required on our part to grind past year papers consistently and drill our brains. Not sure if i’ve mentioned this before, but it’s nice of them to provide comprehensive worked solutions for about 50 exam papers (or maybe more) the profs claimed it was the only module in NUS to be doing this. Prof mentioned he was a bit disappointed in our batch as many werent putting in considerable effort right from the start aka ponning consultation slots arranged over the holidays (in December) - which is a lot of effort coming from the professor to arrange this just for our batch (first batch of CS1010S AFAST). Just name me any prof who does this for their students, coming back over the holidays to teach unpaid. Those who were not at level 50 in Coursemology had more time now to finish the missions/side-quests needed to achieve level 50 and get the full points for Coursemology (as we were expected to in Sem 1). Things were a bit rusty after the holidays at the start but it became better with practice. Was a bit disappointed at not being able to get question 2 right during the written paper (finals) it was a bit of an IQ-ish problem solving question. Anyways winged the 4m what-did-you-learn essay question (as usual) at the end as a saving grace and passed albeit by a very bit. I improved by 2 marks ?? compared to the last semester for finals, not the nicest thing to see after so much effort being put in but still. I think I’m just better at writing essays than coding....

Results for the PE

Mean is 14. Median is also 14. Standard Deviation is 7.6. Highest grades was 30/30 Question 1 turned out to be harder than we had intended, but Q2 was quite easy and most of Q3 was doable by most, as you can see in the results. Passing mark for PE is roughly 10/30. 

Mean is 51/10, median is 53/100 and standard deviation is 14.4. Highest was 81/100. Generally, the performance was much worse than we had expected. Pass grade for Finals is roughly 40/100.

Basically, if got 10/30 for PE and 40/100 for Finals and you have done your Coursemology assignments you can expect a C grade. If not, then prepare to SU. CS1010S is not graded on a curve. We set question to test that you have mastered certain concepts and your final grade is a reflection of what you seem to have mastered as reflected by your exam performance.

This whole module was done by recess week so we have more time to focus on other mods. Honestly will be happy enough just to pass. Now, how do i survive CS23030 and CS2040 rip.

GEH1031 Understanding the Universe

Faculty of Science (Physics)

Prof: Cindy Ng

Weightage:

Term Test 1 (3 Mar) – 25%

Term Test 2 (16 Apr) – 25%

Video presentation 5 Apr – 25%

Video critiques 17 Apr – 10%

Astrophotograph 17 Apr – 10%

Quizzes – 10%

Ng is relatively a slower-paced lecturer, which is good for someone like me who cant keep up with faster-paced profs. 2x on her elearning lecture videos makes the best pace imo. Her lecture slides are concise and simple, and will suffice in revision. While she does explain more in depth especially for concepts that are harder to grasp (not many) during the lecture i love that she keeps her lecture slides straight forward to the point. Everything was in point form, short and sweet much appreciated. Also if you pay attention to her lectures, you will do well for the quizzes at the end of each chapter for sure. Though i think you get the marks for quizzes as long as you did them before each deadline like participation marks kinda (?) rather than being graded on whether you answered them correctly. I didn’t do too well for term test 2 unfortunately and I also only just found out you can display the statistics of where you place among the cohort in LUMINUS and needless to say I didn’t place too well. It’s a relatively manageable module though there’s still a lot of content. Term test 1 consisted of MCQs and about 3 2m questions which she call “essay questions” which can be misleading for some (like me!). The MCQs are very tricky and most come in the format of these options: is A/ is not A/ is B/ is not B and you have to pick the right combination (2) out of these 4 options to score 1 point, which of course means less chances of getting them correct compared to the usual 25% in a typical MCQ. Term test 2 was held on LUMINUS at home, and this time since its an e-exam there was only 10mins to do about 25 MCQ, leaving only 0.4 minutes = 24s for 1 MCQ, which proved to be really stressful for many as voiced out by other cohort mates in the forum section (so very valid). The e-exam also had an essay component, 2m per question with 4 questions under 10 minutes. The implementation of this time constraint was to prevent cheating but the duration given was (I feel) unreasonable. As for the video presentation, we had to come up with a 7 min (at most) video most of which lasts 5/6mins on a news article in 2020 regarding astronomy. We had to form groups of 3 at the start of the semester, and were told to look for members on the forums if we did not have enough members. It is not necessary to show your face so you can be creative! For my group, we had a Germany graduate exchange student to work with us which was really cool.  Our group’s theme was NASA’s discovery of exoplanets with the use of TESS which was wrapped up in March, before the deadline in April. Really thankful for him to prompt us each week for progress and have it done and over with instead of rushing it last minute when things get busy during reading week. (I think the guy was really done with us im so sorry Philipp if you are reading this.) Also since term test 2 was done by mid-April we had more time allocated for other modules to prepare for finals (swee). Video critiques were supposedly 50 words long if i remembered correctly but i didnt find out until i hit the submit button and :_D i left 1/2-liners for each. One of the criteria of this video critique was showing that you have watched the videos of other groups well but i dont rmb my critiques proving that ive watched the videos carefully though i really did. I think our group did the best in our cluster though! (based on the critiques). For the astrophotograph, we could take part in the astronomy sessions held on a Friday of every month to use the telescopes but there wasn’t any this semester sadly due to the pandemic.

GES1041 Everyday Ethics in Singapore

Faculty of Arts and Sciences (Philosophy)

Prof: Chin Chuan Fei

Weightage:

4 Journal Entries – 20%

4 Reading Quizzes – 20%

Group Report – 10%

Group Presentation – 20%

Finals – 40%

Chin’s lectures are pretty enjoyable, his voice/tone really suits lectures. He is a very approachable person too and willing to share a lot of experiences relevant to the topic at hand. He includes snippets of related videos in his slides many of which are insightful that made me share with my friends too. There is a total of 4 main themes in the module which are namely inequality, meritocracy, multiculturalism and migration and he also introduced the use of an ethical toolbox to helps us reach a more definitive thought process especially for an abstract topic like philosophy. I didn’t realise this was a philo mod when bidding for it so I was really surprised when i went for the first lecture (like bro it clearly says ETHICS what was i thinking). I also thought it would be something similar to Social Studies but was proven wrong. There are compulsory readings to do each week, about 20 pages long usually per reading and they are all chapters from books written by other Singaporean philosophers regarding the themes gone through which helped to widen my perspectives and broadened my horizons, those were some really good selection of readings. I have learned more things than I previously knew about the foreign domestic workers, migrant workers, racism in Singapore among the many topics we have dealt with.

This module is for those who are : 

Comfortable with reading a lot every week (i put a lot here because i dont usually read)

Comfortable with writing essays (journal entry) 500 words each

Proficient in English (some of the expressions used can be quite complex and may take you a much longer time to process and understand especially with the reading quizzes that tests your comprehension of the readings - really just comprehension in true GP fashion)

Have a lot of experience in this field, those under social work would have many and will be able to share relevant experiences in the journal entry

Interested about the aforementioned themes

Reading quizzes are like comprehension style questions: do your readings and the questions tests you on what you have read so you just have to look for evidence of each option, the questions will refer you to the specific page/reading that will guide you (nice of them to do so). Journal entries and reading quizzes occur on an alternative week basis so reading quizzes followed by journal then reading quiz again and so forth. Nearing the end, you will be grouped according to who you sit close with and you will work together with your group members to work on a project that will have 2 overlapping themes about any policies/ observations of Singapore. It is advisable for the scope to not be too broad. e.g. we chose to talk about offering Muslim food in school canteens vs non-Muslim food (fewer food options for Muslims) and this encompasses both the multiculturalism and inequality themes. The group report will be due before the presentation and it helps identify some main points you will then talk about later during the presentation. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the group presentation this semester was done on Microsoft Powerpoint through voice-over slides. God bless, and there goes the need to memorise scripts especially with the finals season so near. The professor was really accommodating and gave us more time to prepare the voice-over slides when he announced that it will be held on powerpoint too. Finals was 20 MCQs in 1 hour on LUMINUS, the questions were similar to the reading quizzes (5 MCQs per quiz).

EC1301 Principles of Economics

Faculty of Arts and Sciences (Economics)

Prof: Ong Ee Cheng

Tutor: Devika

Weightage:

Pre/post-lecture Quizzes

Class Participation

Midterms 7 Mar

Finals 29 Apr

Can’t find the actual breakdown of scores sorry!

Bell-curve is really really steep for this one since its purely MCQ. Divided into micro and macroeconomics so first half of the sem was micro then the other half was macro. Finals was about 70% macro and 30% micro since micro was already tested for midterms. Every week, there’s a pre-lecture quiz to be done before the lecture and a post-lecture quiz due before the next lecture to reinforce your learning. There’s also supplementary readings that were given but i gave up on it by the third week. The way it is taught is a bit different from what I was used to in JC the things they focus on is also a bit different. There’s more calculations than JC whereas JC economics was more conceptual? I took only H1 economics so a lot of concepts were fresh for me like monopolism, comparative/absolute advantages, income elasticity etc. Both midterms and finals was held on Examplify with a lockdown on everything including wifi. The lecturer also provides additional practice questions in the form of quizzes nearing the exams instead of exam papers. To be honest, I felt this module was hard?? Not sure if anyone else felt the same way, it was a struggle.. I thought it was a fluff mod and boy was i very wrong about this. Also important thing to note is though this mod has MCQ-only exam, the MCQs are not 4 options but 6 options long with many tricky options and of course time constraint. Finals was 70/80 questions long in 1h iirc. Midterms was 40 questions. After the 3rd (?) tutorial, there was no more physical tutorials held just zoom tutorial sessions which only 3 ppl in my slot regularly attended. Towards the finals, a lot more zoom sessions were opened up and we could attend other TA’s zoom sessions this was a godsend thank you. My tutor wasn’t really clear in her explanations or maybe it is just me her accent came off a bit strong. I emailed her some questions but even now I have not receive any answers from her, she told me next week, and the next week became next next week and so on. I guess she must have had a lot on her plate. I didn’t think she was a good tutor. I flunked my midterms (5% percentile) so I was a bit dejected.

ST2334 Probability and Statistics

Faculty of Science (Statistics and Applied Probability)

Prof: Chan Yiu Man

Tutor: Li Shang

Weightage:

1. Quiz 1,2,3 (CA1) – 30% (?)

2. Finals – 60% (?)

Prof was really funny and friendly. Although his tutorials left me confused (my friends would care to disagree), his lectures were still pretty good. He always emphasised knowing what we are doing rather than doing the math blindly. The tutor was fast in his replies whenever I asked him questions by email. This module is an extension of statistics in JC, probability and many more probability distribution (F, chi-square, t test, z test) with terms we have never encountered before too (unless you took BT1101 but this mod focuses more on deriving the values than having a program-R calculate it for you). Ever since the outbreak, the lectures were converted to e-lecture slide style but each lesson would take 4 lectures (4h), instead of the 2 lecture per week so we had to spend more time watching the videos than usual. It is easy to be behind on videos when there is only e-lecture videos so much discipline is required to stay on task.

Finals was proctored with zoom and held on Luminus in the form of a quiz. We were expected to scan and submit a pdf with our workings after the exam. I did not have time to finish about 8 questions (a lot of marks gone) there were a total of 30 questions, spent too much time in front on the easier questions. I did study for the later questions but had no chance to utilize what I have revised (sad). I am really dead for this module i hope i dont fail this.

Update. God bless, thought i was really doomed for because i lost so many marks from not being able to finish 8/30 questions that have the most marks rewarded. Guess i really took time to make less mistakes on the previous questions.

MKT1705X Principles of Marketing

Business School (Marketing)

Prof: Regina Yeo

Tutor: Ms Canley

Weightage:

Individual Assignment – 15%

Group Assignment – 25% due in tutorials 4/5

Subject Pool – 10% *

Class Participation – 10% *

Final Exam 30 Apr – 40% *

* not too sure, checked from other reviewers

Individual assignment questions (total of 5) for tutorials 1-3 are given at the start for which the tutor will go through in the allocated weeks. We get to choose the question we want to do and if that week, the question will be discussed that week will be the deadline for our IAs. The other questions in the IA do not have to be submitted but will be discussed in class. There’s class participation for this module so people were more eager than I was used to, to answer questions in class. I had no opportunity to though in this module (halfway into the semester it became elearning), the tutor had too many hands to pick. The tutor was very accommodating and knew our difficulties and was willing to work out compromise. However, her classes were centered mainly on her experiences (which can be a bit boring) it could have been better if she went through the content. Understand that it is a fluff module that requires many examples, but would be good to relate them back to the content we are expected to master. Tutorials are held every alternate week and we are expected to do the individual questions even if we do not need to submit so that we have something at least to share in class. Subject pool was giveaway marks basically do 6 research surveys and u will get the full marks for that. Final exam comprises of 3 essay questions (40m, 30m, 30m) that you have to submit in 1.5h (i thought it was 2h during the paper rip mad rush for the end), no references/research needed but there’s a plagiarism checker by TurnItIn on luminus basically testing the application of concepts to examples.

I got a B+ for group assignment, and A- for individual assignment. I think i can only do essay styled questions, is this a sign to do arts.....

Oh the presentation was changed to a one-shot video recording (no stitching of individual videos together) instead of an actual presentation in front of your tutorial mates. I think a lot of other groups also read off their scripts but ours was really obvious. The tutor grades (structures her own bell-curve) based on those who attempted the same question to be more fair rather than comparing among all the different questions so in a way, the difficulty of the questions won’t affect your grade.

Epilogue. this is probably the last and only time i could do this well.... even if it does not fit the conventional definition of doing well......

#y1s2

[rahitwocents]

Rahi Rambles - 2017

Well...the one and only time I used to the Tumblr machine to ramble on about random shit, otherwise known as my year-end blog. Mostly because I have A LOT to get off my chest. So lets get into this.

Firstly absence from the Youtube side of things, well this is mostly due to me being busy the past couple of years with my jobs...all 2 of them. In addition the videos that I like to make take a looong time to make and fighting Adobe Premiere and the lack of resources and it was honestly disheartening to put all of my time and effort into a video and no-one seeing it and it not getting any views...except for the Loot Crate videos, fuck those. The landscape has also changed and unless you're an attractive squeaky clean Youtuber or a former viner its the worst time to be a "Youtuber" with the Adpocalypse and shit. Trust me just see Youtube Rewind 2017 That's not to say I've completely given up, once I have some space and better resources, ill definitely get back into it. Just that my priorities are elsewhere right now.

Besides I had my own stuff to focus on, that's not to say I've been completely out of the loop I always keep my ear the ground and there are things about it, I still love and certain Youtubers that I still love. but honestly if 2017 is known for any one thing its that well...it pretty much sucks to be a celebrity right now as well. But lets leave that at that.

So yeah for the life stuff that the 3/4 of you are here for.

At the end of 2015 I got my first real adult job, only a few months after graduating, now sure the job was definitely nothing to write home about and it was on a temporary contract that was flaccid as fuck yet they just kept on jerking off and jerking off and jerking off and extending instead of just giving me something more solid. But I can't lie that job did turn my life around in a lot of ways, I was sleeping and waking up normally, I made a bunch of new friends and I was hungry, motivated and eager to please even if the job was basic admin stuff, I loved it...for the most part. In addition to dangling carrots in front of me, every time I asked about a new contract and I was told I had to work up to it, they don't hand them out or whatever the fuck. Long story, short It was a massive lie perfectly corporate. While I did love the job, I always knew I never wanted to be there for longer than necessary, 1 or 2 years at the most. I became more and more frustrated when the writing was on the wall and I became pigeon holed...pigeon holed with someone who hated my fucking guts but you know you acquiesce right? especially when I was finally promised a fixed term contract(never happened). I then get moved to a different section of the office, a way from pretty much everyone and forced to work with someone who hated my guts lets call her...hmmmm...Satan or Miss Claridge whatever. So yeah im forced to work with Satan and pretending to get a long for the sake of my position. Eventually we get moved to a new team with new people as in completely new people who had just joined the company where as me and Satan had been there for 6 months to a year and WE all got promised Permanent Contract yay!! except wait...I thought we all had to earn it? and they don't just get handed out?...okay you just flat out lied to me for over a year. Thanx...but whatever I acquiesce even if I hadn't planned on being there much longer.

Fast forward about oh...I dunno 3 weeks give or take and I get fired over the phone...my permanent contract hadn't materialised...not that it was ever in progress to begin with, by the dude from the agency.

What's bizarre is how it all went down. On Friday, I get the call but I missed it because this dude decides to ring me after hours at like 6 so I missed his call, I ring back and he misses my calls so i'm like whatever and I leave it for the weekend. I go into work on Monday, no-one says a thing to me and everyone acts like its a normal day. but I call the dude and he says he'll call after work and I ask 'if theres a problem and he say's no' another lie. I get the call and I get fired rather unceremoniously. The reasons were because I said 'it is what it is' about the training we were in and I apparently I wasn't getting on well with the new team even though it was a new team and we'd only been together for...2 weeks? and in general i'm pretty shy, something that I told my manager but...whatever. oh and I said that training wasn't the same without my friend...on MY Facebook.

So I went back the next day to get my stuff and I'm not allowed to say bye to anyone or anything. So yeah that was shitty but...IT IS WHAT IT IS right?

So yeah I was devastated and felt crushed that all of my work over the year had gone to waste and i'm back to square 1. I was scared, confused and didn't think i'd get hired again. Especially when people had asked why I left my last job I had to make something up, I was THAT embarrassed.

I bounced around for a bit applying here, there and everywhere. Signing up to agencies, going for interviews etc.

So i'm driving one day and when I had lost all hope, I get a call about a job going in Hertford, real basic data entry on a 2 week contract. I took it, of course even if it was just to ease my conscience. Little did I know it would become the best job in the world, 8 months later and I feel better about myself and more valued than ive ever been.

And a lot of that has to go to my manager who has helped get rid of the massive chip on my shoulder. You see when I did lose my job, I lost a lot if not all of the confidence in myself and I was extremely cynical and negative despite all of the awesome stuff that was happening, went from temporary to fixed term within like 2 months, which was huge fro me. I always kept my cynicism to myself but my manager Terrance(I'll call her that because I got South Park on the brain) has helped me restore my confidence in myself and made me realise how awesome I am and I cant thank her enough for that. I know i'm aloof to all the nice things she says and does for me but hopefully that I always appreciate it, im just working on expressing it better. But yeah, thanks to her ive gotten back the confidence in myself and im ready to keep slayin em.  Thanks Terrance :) I'm in your debt.

As for 2018...well I dunno, there are things that I wanna do but im also enjoying not knowing whats gonna happen next.

Anyways im pretty tired...so yeah have a good one, yo!

[kwispayne]

The Top 10 Albums Of 2019

This year for music was spectacular. One of the better in a while. Usually I do a mini list of albums that were the worst that I don't release, but even the bad albums this year were just a bit bland or misguided (although this is from what I've heard, I know there is mountains of bad music out there). This year's top 10 is very much a list of artists who I have enjoyed or who was aware of who just completely laid out their A game. Some of these guys have been in my lists before and have barely scraped the top and this year they have just pushed their way in or completely floored me. Choosing this years list was hard as there are a lot of honorable mentions. You'll have to ask me which ones they are yourself.

Now before I go on I must explain that…

1. Yes, this is very biased, off course.

2. I haven’t listened to most great stuff which has came out this year. In fact, I have alot of CDs and stuff I still need to listen to, so this is of what I’ve heard so far. I really don’t have time to listen to alot of music and stuff at the moment.

3. All recommendations would be helpful for stuff that I should have listened to or reconsidered.

10. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Infest The Rats Nest

Genres: Thrash, Progressive Rock, Progressive Metal, Stoner Metal

Country of origin: Australia

For some strange reason I have kept these guys off my radar for a long time. I do not know how or why. These guys literally are for me. A group of crazy Australians who change their genre willy nilly and have experimented with some of my favorite sounds. So this year I decided to buy their first album for this year Fishing For Fishies (not in this list, but an honorable mention), a glam rock psych folk freak out. And then for them to turn around and release a progressive thrash metal concept album about sci fi and the environment...it just confused and intrigued me. The production on this album is one of my favorite little quirks. With less focus on modern compression, there's a very retro late 70's sound added to the early 80's thrash metal vibe, and it works perfectly. I'm also really impressed at Stu Mackenzie's ability to adopt a gruff thrash timbre when comparing to the voice he uses for their lighter material. Lyrically they have also been able to add a great niche to the eco metal trend, being not afraid to be honest with a good sense of satire and imagination.

9. Devin Townsend - Empath

Genres: Progressive Metal, Progressive Rock, Extreme Metal, Experimental Rock, Art Rock, Djent, Comedy

Country of origin: Canada

This proves how great this year is. Usually Devin gets a higher position, and while I have preferred his most recent material to this album, this is still an exceptional piece of work. Having disbanded the Devin Townsend Project, Devin decided to really take his sound and expand it to heights he hasn't been fully to achieve within the context of a band. With orchestras, choirs and harder compositions, Devin is the perfect example of an individual who under the stress of having too many big ideas, that he's able to create a piece of art and come out alive and well at the other end. Lyrically again we see Devin constantly seeking balance in the difficult world we live in, and as always Devin's approach to this is almost childlike, to the point where he even has a narrator reading out parts of what seems to be a children's story. Epic, grandiose, heavy, groovy and incredibly successful at pulling on the audience and the performers heartstrings.

8. Periphery - Periphery IV: Hail Stan

Genres: Djent, Progressive Metal, Extreme Metal, Experimental Rock, Pop Rock

Country of origin: USA

For a few years Periphery have always been on my radar and I have enjoyed a lot of their music, but as an albums band they have never really blown me away (the closest they got was Juggernaut: Alpha). But they are back again with their heaviest and most powerful album to date. I remember reading an interview with one of their old producers who claimed that these guys are their own worst enemies because they are obsessed with following their own path without the help of others and I'm glad that on this album they have stuck to their guns from what they've been building on for the past few years because it has all finally paid off. Musically brilliant as always, the real shining moment has to be Spencer Sotelo's vocals and lyrics. The range this guy has, from cleans, screams and growls, it really covers the full gamut of a metal vocalist. I think if this career doesn't work, he definitely could be an easy replacement for Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. I'm glad to finally have these guys in my top 10 lists, proving that djent isn't just a meme and can produce some great art.

7. Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

Genres: Pop, Art Pop, Experimental Rock, Electronic

Country of origin: USA

This was an artist I really didn't see to blow up as big as she did. Whenever she was originally presented to me, I thought she would be massive in the indie world with a potential for crossover. But wow, this really has been her year. I think the hype around this album is as true as it could get, but I'd like to think I get a little bit more our of her music as most people would. Being a big fan of artists like Björk & Imogen Heap, I thought this would be a lot more like a modern version of what they are doing, but she definitely will be the next big thing over the next few years. Production wise, this album is in a complete league of its own. In many ways its very quiet, but the quietness of it very much adds to a certain level of dangerous. In many ways you could say the effect of her music is a bit like an electronic version of Pixies. The song writing and lyrics on this album are fantastic and really are impressive as this whole album is very much just an experiment between 2 siblings. Billie's vocals too are also very unique. In many ways she is like a less dynamic Björk, where she has this childlike quietness, but unlike Björk, she has an added sinister undertone. Worth the hype and whatever she comes out with next will interest me.

6. Bring Me The Horizon - Amo

Genres: Pop, Hard Rock, Art Pop, Post Hardcore, Electronic, Experimental Rock

Country of origin: England

3 years ago, these guys were able to slowly morph their way into a poppy sound, but keep the angst and metallic vibes they were presenting years previously. Now on this album, they have very much gone full force into the pop world. Now, in many ways this could be seen as a band selling out, but with Bring Me The Horizon it very much isn't, because the version of pop that they have decided to enter into, isn't very much a cash grab. Instead, the band have experimented with a murkier electronic tone and whenever the album moves into more radio friendly stuff, they are seen experimenting with indie electronic artist's like Grimes, beatboxer Rahzel and even Dani Filth from Cradle Of Filth. Bring Me The Horizon in my opinion now are part of what I believe to be a new level of artist (along with other artists like Enter Shikari or Jamie Lenman), where genre lables are unimportant, but sound is very much a focus. Lyrically also, the band deals with some some rather unpoppy subject matter, so I can't see these guys going down the Take That road just yet. In my opinion this is their greatest work, and I'm hopefully for whatever they decide to experiment with next.

5. The Claypool Lennon Delirium - South Of Reality

Genres: Progressive Rock, Psychedelic Rock, Experimental Rock, Comedy, Art Rock

Country of origin: USA

I am so glad that this wasn't a one time thing. A few years ago, this album was also able to find a place in my top 10, and I'm glad that they're 2nd album is even better. Musically as always, Les Claypool's bass playing is out of this world, but Sean Lennon has to be one of the most underrated guitar players out there. While their first album was very much a very well crafted experiment, this album is a tiny bit maturer, with a great focus on the songwriting and clearer production. Lyrically the album is very much full of humor or odd stories, but overall they add to the psychedelic sound (Like Flea's though is a great piece of environmental satire). In many ways, choosing this album to be in my top list is mainly just to confirm bias, because the sound these guys make is very much just a box tick list of sounds I like.

4. Vampire Weekend - Father Of The Bride

Genres: Pop, Indie Rock, Experimental Rock, Adult Contemporary, Hipster

Country of origin: USA

I have been a fan of these guys for a long time now, and while they've never made I've been unhappy with this, I do believe this album to be their masterpiece. The quirkiness of these guys is still very much an important part of their sound but the best quality of this album would have to be a bigger and better focus on the songwriting. At times this album is very much a bow down to the past, but at times the production can change to a more modern and experimental feel, with the added flourishes of vocoder and electronics. In many ways you could say that the band have successfully been able to make a millennial album for boomers. But jokes aside, the songwriting quality, the catchiness of the material and the surprisingly at times complex song structures and musicianship make this album and Vampire Weekend a band that sticks out in both the popular and indie sides of music.

3. Motorpsycho -The Crucible

Genres: Progressive Rock, Psychedelic Rock, Heavy Prog, Hard Rock, Stoner Metal, Experimental Rock

Country of origin: Norway

Each year these guys make an album, they always just scrape the barrel to be left off my top 10. I always feel back about leaving these guys off, because these guys really are one of the best prog bands out there. The best way I can describe this album is that it's like a modern version of Yes' Close To The Edge...but in reverse. This time around, the band only have 3 tracks, with them all being within the 8-20 minute mark. But each one is very much a different mood or mindset, moving from epic suites, crushing riffs, beautiful crescendos and insane freak out sections. I also love how vocally imperfect the guys in this band can be. They sometimes tackle things outside their range, but it's done in a way which adds to the emotional impact of the music that they're making. In my opinion this is their masterpiece but it also keeps me excited for whatever project they next have in store for us.

2. Neal Morse - Jesus Christ: The Exorcist

Genres: Progressive Rock, Hard Rock, Musical, Christian Rock

Country of origin: USA

I have been a Neal Morse fan for over 10 years now. Even after his exit from Spock's Beard, I have always followed his career, from his prog rock carefree to his Jesus loving aftermath. Now, to be honest, when I first heard about this project...I thought it was a joke. The title...come on...Jesus Christ and The Exorcist. But, it's not a joke at all. In fact it might be the greatest piece of work Neal has done. Apparently this project has been a few years in the works, and I'm glad that Neal has graced us with the release of the music itself. In many ways you could say that musically it is Neal by numbers, but it is a genuinely well crafted musical that I hope Broadway or the West End can snap up, because there is a wide audience for this (I'm not religious, but I can jam to this message). The voice cast he assembled for the recordings is great too, but the real fan boy moment was being able to get all 3 vocalists who have been in Spock's Beard, and in one song even to get them all to sing. The smile I still have stuck to my face from listening to this is not an easy one to get rid off.

1. Elbow - Giant Of All Sizes

Genres: Pop Rock, Progressive Rock, Indie Rock, Experimental Rock

Country of origin: England

England have won again for creating an artist which takes the top spot of my favorite album of the year. Now Elbow have been on my lists before, but I definitely think they are band who is getting better and better, and this album only proves it, as I think this is very much their greatest work. While they're previous 2 releases saw the band experimenting with different sounds, this album in many ways is a mire grander and experimental album with a conceptual feel. One of the elements that has always drawn me to this band is how in tune they all are musicians, made especially focused on this album. Production wise it is pretty much clear and crisp, but there is the odd experiment heard throughout. One of the best elements of this album is that it is very epic in scope, but behind it there is a a raw heart to it, which very well bodes to the concept which I perceive to be a working class emotion to the chaotic times that we live in. Guy Garvey's vocals and projection of his lyrics are always one the strongest feats of the band (I don't think I've ever met anyone who could hate his voice). Elbow are very much a band that I could say are very much a modern Beatles, where they go deep into the pop stratosphere trying to make their music as perfect sounding, but never losing the quality of their songwriting. Also, the album cover is dope too.

[outlawqueenbey]

Forgotten Amnesia

@oqpromptparty Day 3:

Robin has amnesia. He falls in love with his Regina, his doctor. (#156)

Hospitals are….not her cup of tea. Everything smells stale and bleached beyond recognition. There is a constant whispering between hushed voices, muffled words and scowls between doctors and nurses over patient charts. Not much about a hospital is very happy. Sure, people come in with injuries and leave fully recovered, but sometimes they don't. Sometimes people never leave the confines of this white walled fortress, and other times they are taken out in a body bag. Pain is everywhere. Not just physical, that can be handled easily with IV's and morphine, but it's the psychological pain that lingers and claws it's grimy hands around this place. Patients in pain when they are told they will never walk again. Parents in pain seeing their children being wheeled off to surgery. Friends staring into the abyss waiting and praying to whoever that their person comes out safely.

No, hospitals are not her favorite place. But it's where her life now revolves around because of a particular patient, and the pain in her heart that refuses to go away. She's been his doctor for six years now. Walks the same hallway down to room 23 with his ever growing medical chart in hand, a glass of lemonade in the other, a favorite of his she's come to learn over their time together.

Each day is much the same, his condition hasn't improved, the car crash he barely survived has taken away all of his memories. Of his family back home who waits, his job he will most likely never return to, the friends that visit every now and again, and the family he has, who love him so much and miss him even more. Pain. It surrounds him though he doesn't feel a thing.

But every morning at half past ten she knocks on his door, hoping that it might be the day something has changed. Today is no different. With his drink in tow, she pushes his door open to find him staring rather intently out the window. A frown creasing his forehead and crinkling the lines around his bright blue eyes. It's an expression she hasn't seen before.

Sure there has been frustration for him in his recovery. The first few months after coming out of the coma. The braces around his legs and spine to keep him upright as he learned to walk again. Learning how to speak again. That was exhausting for her. But they did it. After nearly a year, he could finally form proper sentences to voice his thoughts and needs rather than shakily scribble on a pad of paper, or use their made up tapping code with his fingers on her palm. One tap meant yes. Two taps was no. That was their entire conversation. Filled with her asking him questions, and he tapping her hand. She damn near cried the first time he said hello to her. It was the progress she'd been waiting on.

But that feeling of utter relief and joy soon took a rapid downhill sink when he asked her what her name was. He didn't remember it. Didn't remember her. And that's how they figured out that the traumatic brain injury he had suffered caused extreme memory loss and day to day amnesia.

Other doctors had sighed and patted her shoulder, telling her there was nothing they could do. The brain is a fragile organ, and sometimes the damage is irreparable. She refused to believe them. Which is why she has stood in this doorway in the place she hates most, and told him her name every day.

But this look, the way he doesn't even turn to acknowledge her is jarring, and it makes her heart sink slightly. If this is another setback, she has run out of options with his rehab. They will just have to live like this, in two separate worlds, where his smile will forever have her stomach flipping over into a cloud of butterflies and that will be it. She won't leave him, but there will be no growth between them. Not anymore. He doesn't even remember seeing her yesterday.

"Robin?" She sets her charts and his lemonade down on the side table, sitting on the bed next to his hip. "Are you alright?"

He huffs quietly, scowls at the sun outside before turning back to her, scanning her face for any source of recognition. It's a longer look than she is used to. And something feels different about him. She should probably check his vitals and do her routine morning checklist of him. Hopefully he isn't declining. Her heart couldn't take that. The past six years have already taken a toll, and the threads are barely holding the beating organ together.

"I'm Dr. Mills. I just have to give you a check over okay?" She sits and reaches for her stethoscope. His eyes follow as she places the chilled tool on his chest, plugs in her ears as she listens to his heartbeat for a moment. "It's still going strong." Regina smiles, leaning back and jotting a few notes on his chart.

He doesn't say anything, just nods and follows her with his ever inquisitive eyes as she stands and moves to the other side of his bed. "You're beautiful, has anyone ever told you that?"

Little does he know, it's him who does. Every day she sees him. He comments on how stunning her eyes are. How impressive her brain is. The brilliance of her smile. Silly as it may be, she loves hearing him say them. She is no stranger to men admiring her, but he is the only one who can say something so simple and it has her heart banging a trumpeting chorus in her chest.

"Thank you. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I suppose."

He's always fine. Every damn day, that's all he is. Just fine. One day she hopes he will say he's good. That would be such an improvement.

She places her hand in his own, "Can you squeeze my fingers for me?" He does. On both sides, and at least his strength hasn't gone down hill. Physical Therapy has done him well. She squeezes back for a moment before letting her hand slide out of his. He frowns at that but says nothing, just stares at her with that same intensity.

"I'm going to check your eyes now okay?"

He shuffles to lay back on his bed, but when she brings the retinoscope up to his face, his hand wraps around her wrist, stopping her from coming any closer. The contact tingles in a way it shouldn't anymore. "This won't hurt, I just need to look at your eyes." Just like every other day.

His eyes stay locked on hers, fingers still wrapped around her wrist as he moves her hand to the side, and he scans her face over and over again until a small half dimpled smile parts across his lips.

"Is everything okay?"

"I know you."

The words steal the breath out of her lungs. Not once, in six years since he had been brought into her care has he ever had any inclination of knowing who she was. Tears flood into her eyes as she tries to stifle the urge to hug him. It could simply be fluke. A trick of the brain that is healing. And she dare not linger on the prospect of hope. She tried that before, and it didn't exactly work out in her favour.

"I'm your doctor. I see you everyday." She smiles, patting his chest softly. "For six years we've known each other." It's been longer, but again, he doesn't know that.

Robin frowns at that. "No. I mean I remember who you are."

She doesn't exactly know what to say to that, just tilts her head to the side curiously, "And who am I?"

"Regina. That's your name. Regina Evelyn Mills."

Her jaw drops. In the past six years her middle name has never been brought up. Not once.

"You're right." She swallows thickly at the bubble of hope caught in her throat.

"You grew up in Maine, in a small town where you used to be the mayor."

A tear falls from her eyes as she nods, bites down on her lip not wanting to interrupt his break through. It takes a moment, a long frozen second in time that he turns his eyes down to her hand that is gripped within his own, the single silver band around her left finger, one that matches a ring that sits on his left hand.

"You were my wife." He whispers out.

A half laugh half cry escapes her as she reaches with her free hand to tip his chin up, finding his eyes staring up at her in disbelieving promise.

"No," She leans into his lips, uncaring if anyone were to walk in as her forehead meets his own, "I am your wife."

He closes the distance before she can, pressing their lips softly together as her tears fall.

"I...I remember you."

Fin.

#outlaw queen #oq prompt party #regina mills #robin hood

[bluinary]

Tagged by @annieleonhardt

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

me phone

wallet

Keys

fidget cube

notebook and pen

Five Things In My Bedroom:

posters of shows ive been in

lots of books

clothes, everywhere

assorted half-filled notebooks

bottles filled with positive notes from others

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

Become 100% fluent in Japanese

Learn to play the guitar

Finish a multi-chapter story (almost there!)

Be a mother

Become a teacher

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

My friends. You all know who you are. <3

Acting/ performing

Working out

Pokemon (and, of course, assorted anime. Armin Arlert, specifically.)

Expensive coffee

Five Things On My To-Do List:

Get a new job

Become semi-fluent in Spanish

Finish Icarus & I

Pack for college/ clear out my room for storage

Shift my life across the state of Texas bc school

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I’ve been in theatre for two years (Varsity class for one year), and have been in 6 shows, four mini acting gigs for the public, and led one musical (Cinderella. A crazy show, that one.)

I have bipolar disorder and ADHD, and have lived a large chunk of my life in a large, incredibly dysfunctional family. Living with it and them has been a work in progress. I think college will do me some good.

I was in Varsity high school choir these past four years, and was the President the last two years. Got perfect scores in our annual competition, as well as regional and state Solo & Ensemble competition! Should get my varsity jacket in a month or so.

I may come off as intelligent, but I can be exceptionally airheaded IRL. I’m not nearly as knowledgeable as I make myself out to be.

I write songs, and half of them are raps. Performed one, recently, at a showcase, and it got great reception, which I’m really proud of.

Name?: Julianna

Nicknames?: Juli (what I go by), JuNANA, Jul, Jewel, Julia, Julio, Julius, Buli

Zodiac?: Virgo

Sexual Orientation?: Bi

Ethnicity?: Black, white, an insignificant percentage of Choctaw

Favorite Fruit?: Apple

Favorite Season?: Fall

Favorite Flower?: Either carnations or roses (basic, I know)

Favorite Scent?: Vanilla/brown sugar

Favorite Animal?: Orca whales. they’re so cool

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Coffee, def. Tea, if I feel like treating myself.

Cat or dog?: WHY NOT BOTH

Dream Trip?: hOOOO BOI do i wanna live in Japan. The culture seems so parallel to ours (U.S.); I think it’d be good for me to experience it. On top of that, I’d love to live in a place where you can just walk everywhere.

Number of Followers?: 424

What do I post about?: LOTS of snk, good chunk of Miraculous and Gorillaz, plenty of memes, and, mostly and specifically, Eremika, Armin Arlert, and Aruani

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: Not really. People have been messaging me about my writing, occasionally, though, so that always makes my day.

Favorite Band?: Gorillaz.

Aesthetic?: Old books and classic plays, tea/coffee, bodies of water and forests of trees, sunshine OR rain (either is great), sketches among poetry, laughing so hard your stomach hurts, singing in the shower after an hour-long workout, 90′s anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, lofi hip hop, vaporwave (its all over the place, I know)

Fictional Character I’d Date?: Hoo boy. Eren Jaeger got me thirsty, but honestly? Personality-wise, Avatar Aang (in his late teen years, of course). I feel like we would click.

Hogwarts House?: Gryffindor w a capital G

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (used to be, anyway)

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi (does Uber count?)

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone (technically, now, I do)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone 

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

I tag @gg-swiggity @swinsword @thecrowsare-watching @psychedelic-memes @fulloffckingsins @spoilerarlert @forthedying @ceruleena @lyssala @wonderinghopingdreaming @allysonarro

#about me #thanks for the tag katie!! #i didnt tag the people she already tagged

[homestucky]

hey guys,

in an attempt to be productive and to see whther it improved my mood, i havent really gone on tumblr for about two weeks? maybe? thats a guess idk

ok so ive looked at it a couple of times on browser on my mobile?? but not very much

but im back just cause i dont know any other way to talk about whats going on in my life to anyone hahah 

btw, not going on tumblr did not make me more productive, or happier. ive done the least work this past week probably since i got to university. im shattered, despite actually trying to get some sleep and not having gone out/drunk alcohol for ages. im so done with being here and i just want a break but instead i get handed two courseworks. one of which i must do in a pair. my pair person is rlly nice but im really not feeling good atm and i cant use my brain like at all like i legit cant comprehend anything so im absolutely just going to screw her over and drag her down. its a good feeling.

aaand while i got 89, 83, and 90 percent respectively in my three python courseworks last term which as far as i can tell is a decent grade (a first is 70%) the relatively ‘easy’ python coursework makes me feel like my brain is a potato and i can barely even look at it without even wanting to cry. i think ive developed a phobia of trying. my head is full of cotton wool balls. i cant make myself think or work. everyone has like.. half finished the coursework already and we only got given it on monday and i cant even start it. the most frustrating thing is that i dont even think its too hard for me or that im stupid. i got way better grades in python than some other people who apparently have made so much progress. thats not me boasting thats just.. me needing to remind myself that this isnt evidence that im an idiot. i just.. cant. cant do it.

nice guy friend on my course is being super helpful and patient and explaining me stuff because hes great and i lowkey love him (IN FRIEND WAY) but its just not enough.

i can feel myself just.. failing. ive been told how much fun uni is, how great ill find it. everyones told that. ive been told that its almost impossible to fail first year. yet ive got here and watched the first and closest friends i made here fall apart, drop out, and fail. of my original group of four that i made on my second day here, one is horribly depressed and is leaving for a different uni at the end of the year, one (THAT GUY) has dropped out due to depression and literally failed every module anyways, and my other friend has failed stuff too and is really emotionally vulnerable and struggling. and i can feel myself following their paths. im losing it. 

the past three weeks ive been going to the wellbeing centre and having ‘talking therapies’. theyve been nice for definite; i admire my therapist so much, and just people who work that job in general. last week for a couple of days i was in a good mood. but its gone now. hopefully the therapiy things will make a wider difference on my life? but really one hour a week feels like nothing, i still dont talk to anyone irl face to face about this stuff, nobody knows, and with work piling up therapys not gonna give me a quick fix that i feel i need. then again, nothing is. 

to anyone who i normally talk to on here, if you read this, hi. hope youre well. <3

#negative / #oon comes back to vent and then probs leaves again lmao