#i feel like someone blew a cannonball through me but i wasnt soft on the inside so theres just ugly gory cave walls with a hole in the middl

[knifebucket]

seriously nothing lets me down, makes me question everything I know, or hurts me more than when I talk to my dad and all of the sudden he's an asshole

#fought with him about rape culture last night #i legitimately cant tell if hes always been like this and i was terrified of conflict or he's gotten worse since i aged out #i really want to believe it's the last one #i hate feeling like i don't have a home because he suddenly reveals that he thinks and feels terrible things #i feel like i should cut him off but also then i would be an orphan and then my terribly abusive birth mother would win #i just cant. i just can't fucking deal. #i almost laid out of work today to be depressed but i had 3 meetings so i didn't and I'm glad i went #but now I'm home and i feel like there's something missing in my guts #i feel like someone blew a cannonball through me but i wasnt soft on the inside so theres just ugly gory cave walls with a hole in the middl #and i will never be able to talk with him about it because he gets SO defensive and SO violent. i would just feel like this again. forever! #i want you to be a good person i NEED you to be a good person but you aren't and that makes me hate myself more than anything ive ever exp #i hope this goes without saying but nobody reblog this. I don't even expect anyone to read it i just needed it out of my body