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#i feel like there were more but i forget

it would be disingenuous to act like there aren’t opinions I held as a young ace about the sort of issues the ace community face that I disagree with now, and there’s attitudes held in factions of the community that I once defended that I now believe to be kinda offensive (partially due to the fact that I also realized I am gay and trans), but like…. I will always be extremely critical of people who assume those bad opinions are core to the ace identity, rather than caused by either misunderstanding from differing queer experiences, or general ingrained bigotry from like… existing in Society. There are absolutely times when aces can be hostile and bigoted towards other sexualities, due to the false perception that those sexualities are more widely accepted than they are. But like, there’s equally times when queer allosexuals perceive aces as privileged in areas they most definitely are not. It’s almost like the tendency to punch down instead of up is incredibly common amongst all minority groups, bc we all live in a world where its easier to vye for the temporary acceptance of our oppressors than it is to fight them. That’s not an excuse for bigoted behavior, but targeting the identity itself as if its the cause is playing the same game. Nobody serves to benefit from community infighting except cishet people.

#ace discourse, #only using the tag bc i constantly forget to trigger tag these for someone i hope this works for u, #also i reflect a lot on opinions i held when i was younger, #and oftentimes its less that i disagree with them on the whole but rather i just had the wrong idea about like, #what was causing the problem, #or the wrong approach to a solution, #you know all the nuance and shit, #like assuming my sense of alienation came from individuals expressing their sexuality, #and getting mad at that instead of looking at how sex is literally used to sell us shit, #or how sex is used as a tool of control in almost all axis of oppression, #by either oversexualizing or desexualizing people against their will, #those are the things that contributed to my sense of isolation, #not people empowering themselves by taking control of their own sexualities, #but its easy to feel a sense of isolation and alienation and know you can't do anything about these big axis of oppression, #but look at some rando blogger talking about sex positively on tumblr and get mad they're not being ace-inclusive or some dumb shit, #i wont pretend that those attitudes were never encouraged by some members of the community bc they most definitely were, #but there's stupid people in every group, #and equally there's always been asexual people who have fought against those attitudes and had a more nuanced understanding, #and its frustrating to like, #have this ignored. to have people assume that the problem is just that all ace theory is bad and based in queerphobic rhetoric etc etc, #and not that like a bunch of dumb 15 year olds still figuring themselves out and feeling isolated might make some uninformed decisions, #of who the real cause of their problems are, #and say some dumb shit
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stanning spn during 15.18-15.19 is like. you’re the unpopular girl at high school and you’ve had a crush on the captain of the football team for ten years, and then one day he asks you out to your senior prom. and he says he loves you, he’s always loved you, you’ve always been important to him but he was too scared to tell you. and then you go to prom together and you get slimed because it was all a big prank and of course you’re just a joke. or like, you know. you’ve been best friends with your same-gender buddy for years. and you think you might be in love with them, but you’re so afraid to tell them. and you tell them, and they say kind words to you, and you think it might be okay, maybe even they might love you back, and then overnight your entire friendship group won’t look at you or speak to you because you’re a queer. or like, as a child you planted a seed in your heart. and all these years you’ve seen it grow and flourish into a beautiful tree, without you even noticing most of the time. maybe it could be the most beautiful tree in the entire world. and then someone just comes in and burns it all to the ground. anyway fuck supernatural

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friday the 13th.

i’m cold.

my laptop’s by my side in the dark.

playing piano music, of all things.

there’s a chill in the air; winter’s welcome.

i’m exhausted. no surprise there.

today is meant to be fatal.

unlucky. a testimony to evil.

but there are still birds singing.

and there is still you.

i know today is a big one, for you.

today is the day the clock ticks down

the day ‘all good things come to an end’;

the day we learn that nothing lasts forever.

but even still, i’ll be by your side.

for every moment - for the bad days and the blues,

for the dawn of new beginnings

and the hourglass of the end.

i can hear the birds singing.

why don’t we try our hand at forever?

#friday the 13th (i don't have a cool name for this one. just a message - as follows:), #i know today's gonna be big for you! a 12 hour livestream; a big goodbye. you're gonna miss them a lot and i know that. i am prepared., #i'll miss it too - maybe not as much bc you were always far more invested but i like the meaning of it all. nothing lasts forever, #and why is that something we should take as a negative? all the ARG hints aside - why not just use inevitability as an excuse, #to stop taking everything for granted? to experience every single little moment like its the best thing on earth?, #to savour friendships and relationships - to stop worrying about the future. we all end up the same way., #we only have one life and its made for living, #i think in a way youve taught me that too - its why we always forget to take photos - i get caught up in you, #because every second with you feels infinite - in time and in possibility - and no matter where life takes us, #memories are important, #i don't want to take a single moment with you for granted. i want to live each one like it's the best moment yet, #because it is! every time i see you is somehow impossibly better than the last. you're constantly improving and growing and i love you, #i love your art and your smile and i love seeing you relax and open up, #and im aware none of these tags make sense bc its 6am, #but yeah. im excited for today. in a strange bizarre way im looking forward to seeing the ending., #because i don't wanna be sad or upset when it goes, #i wanna look back at mark and ethan quite frankly making the most of an impossible year, #and in the face of death and inevitability and the reality of life itself: i want to remember to live, #and this is cliche as hell but finally i understand why people say someone can be their other half, #bc at my lowest moments - even if you're unaware of it - you've reminded me of how thats felt, #how it feels to geniunely be happy. happy and awake and aware of all the good in life. you've made me feel alive, #and while this year has been a rollercoaster - that's the thing ill take from it at the end, #you and me and us and everything in between, #anyway. enough rambling - time for me to sleep, #goodnight ♡
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  • 9: What topic do you know a scary amount about?

lol thank you for asking lunar!! as y’all may know, my claim to fame is corvids (ask me about them! ask me about the funky lil goth geniuses goin through the stone age of tool use!), but i also know far too much about the original Dracula novel. You can also ask me about ADHD, Greek mythology, and 17th-19th century English literature, in which case the odds are fairly good I’ll have an answer (but not to the same extent as the first two). Also like. just ask me any question. as long as it’s not about mathematics the odds are 50/50 i’ll be able to answer it (if only bc i’m liable to go on a research binge to give you a thorough analysis of the situation)

  • 10. What’s your favorite wild animal?

CROWS. I’M LOVE THEM. Ditto magpies and then all other corvids, as implied above. (I also very much love hedgehogs, though.)

24. What is something nice someone has done that you’ll never forget? 

Oh, gosh. There have been so many incredibly kind near-strangers and future friends who’ve reached out to me over the years, and honestly most of them have been tumblr-adjacent

(shoutout to you, lunar, for all the adorable animals in my time of need; also @hitsuaya for and @oliver-in-retrograde for each reaching out to initiate very different but equally meaningful conversations i’m still deeply grateful to have had; @imthesheikofaraby for that one audiorecording of my line of writing which I still pull out on rainy days; @existentialcrisisetcetera for being kind enough to share so many of your stories with me even tho i am a flake, y’all i cannot express how brilliant zach is or how happy hearing about his characters makes me on a regular basis; and if you see this, Snow Wyvern, the comment you wrote on my fic is still one of the kindest things I can remember anyone saying to me).

y’all are lovely, is what i’m saying 💖

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I have fanfics from like four/five years ago and I’m actually really happy with how I wrote them. They’re really easy to read and they’re exactly what I love to read in fics, but they’re not finished, which sucks, because the only way to read the whole thing is if I continue them.

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