#i feel so dumb and i'm so tired

[wardingshout]

Viridian trainers for day 5 of spesilverweek! they are my most beloved but Lance is a cursed character who is impossible to draw or portray in any way to me

#idk what's up with him but I have smth like 20 different scrapped things that contains these 3 #and yet I almost always finish my doodles of just Yellow and Silver.... sorry Lance #he's such a funny guy to me esp as part of this trio I'm sorry I always give up on you #anyway yeah no I'm so late bc I wasn't happy with this so I wanted to draw smth else but I was doing chwismas today and was too tired #so I stayed up late doing nothing... #I so badly wanted to shit on Green's dumb cape too (affectionate) #spesilverweek #pokespe #pokespe silver #my art #pokespe yellow #pokespe lance #I'm just gonna tag everyone like that I guess #anyway I feel like having a Viridian trainers prompt was a gift to my soul but I rly struggled I'm so sorry guys one day... #pokemon

[the-n3w3st-g1rl-g1rl]

I'm realizing that the fact that Rudy and Noelle call Kris "Krismas" implies that Christmas is still a thing in Deltarune's universe. Like, it's not called something else or anything. So even though their religion centres on an Angel, I guess Jesus is still part of at least a religion in their world idk I'm tired

#it's 1:00 am I'm thinking about things #I mean it makes sense that the same kinda religions would exist #I just feel like there weren't many other references to christianity specifically #idk shit about religion tbh hhhhh #like I know that the holiday family's whole aesthetic is very christmassy. #ofc I know that but like #with the monster holiday in undertale being established as a seperate thing #like with the gyftrot and all that #I guess I always felt like the holiday they celebrate would be. gyftmas or something #although I guess we haven't met a gyftrot in deltarune yet so maybe that's dumb #idk idk #I'm a mess please don't call me stupid I'm just a wreck right now because tired and foggy #thank you for reading my weird 1 am ramblings

[kyouka-supremacy]

Today was a good day :)

#Today three strangers were kind to me in three different occasions. It was such a nice coincidence :) #I've been working on Akutagawa's birthday the entire week and today Akutagawa posts were all over my dash. I'm so happy! #I managed to do all the edits I had set up to and I'm glad :) #I dressed rigorously black and white and wore the black striped pants I bought because they reminded me of Beast Akutagawa's outfit #I did my nails black and red!! #My mother called me to congratulate on Akutagawa's birthday #I even baked a cake with a friend and they were so sweet ///// #I'm so grateful they managed to make time for it even though they've been so busy and tired because of their job #More than everything I'm grateful they weren't weird about it #They found it a little silly but they never made fun of me. They helped me pick the cake. #And today they even told me that they looked up a video of the character to understand me better #Which TERRIFIES me because no way anyone could get a good impression of Akutagawa from a single video #But if we ignore that it was an unbelievably nice gesture :') #It's just such a foreign feeling because outside of my blog I NEVER talk about my hyperfixations irl. #Because when I used to when I was younger I was only met with scorn or mockery so ever since I started university I simply learnt not to? #And it's just so genuinely weird to talk with someone irl who wouldn't judge me for it– #and not really in the good way because part of me is still convinced that they *are* judging me for it. #Doesn't matter everything suggests the contrary. And I keep overthinking if I overshared about Akutagawa or if I said something dumb #But I'm trying it not to get to me. Today they've been nothing but nice through and through #Whatnot. The last months were very tough for some reason I'm just happy good things can still happen :) #I want to start the queue again now that I'm generally more free and done with Aktgw's birthday and everything. #I also have new exams the first days of April and the program is pretty heavy and wide. On top of following courses. I'll see what I can d #I'd like to start regularly posting again because I'm afraid if I don't I'll just sulk further in misery. We'll see. #Ah I need to catch up with the dash since I've basically not been on Tumblr for three days... #That's it just rambling. I hope everyone's days are nice too!!! #random rambles

[running-in-the-dark]

it's so funny when I rewatch a show but with a new/different/additional crush. like I'm rewatching the librarians with my partner right now and it just feels soo different lol

#anyway. Jenkins 😍 #on a completely unrelated note... #I need to learn more about pocket squares and ties. #because it's already driving me insane when they don't go together on night court but it's much worse on the librarians where I can actually #like. see stuff lol #I don't mean 'oh no the colour isn't an exact match'. more like 'these patterns and/or colours look fucking bad together' #but maybe there's like. reasons for that. rules that my silly little brain isn't smart enough to figure out #because all I'm basing that on is. my eyes and my opinion lol #anyway he's so baby. 🥰 and I definitely like him better now. very very huggable. #he takes that suit jacket off and I'm like 🥵 #man I feel so weird about this :') but I must talk about it anyway or I will never get over that :) #like it just feels like. ohh this is weird I'm not supposed to think he's hot because he's old 😬 but he just. is 🤷 #anyway touching his ears would fix me man it totally would #*with my mouth also. but whatever it's cool I'm not thinking about that #no haha why would I be thinking about it that :) #or when he sits on that table sometimes and I totally don't think about how I absolutely need to sit in his lap :) #haha noo I'm not thinking about fucking him at all who even brought that up #anyway i am very tired & have already taken my sleep meds so I am extra stupid rn :) and the dumb thoughts just keep coming out

[greenscreen-dress]

I wish all Precure seasons that attempt to force a reciprocated romance between young teen magical girls and animal-fairy mascots that turn into Ambiguously Adult Hot Guys™ a very Stop That Immediately Dear Gourd Why. 🫠

#this is about yes precure 5 because thats what i'm watching right now #but i'm aware of at least One other series that does the ikemen fairy thing (Hugtto) and I desperately hope they don't do that there #& I get that teen girls can & will develop crushes on an older teacher-figure. two in one season is a bit much (nozomi AND komachi) but FINE #← grudgingly #but to have both Coco and Natsu (i Refuse to call him Nuts it is Too Dumb) act like they reciprocate those feelings / play into them... #blegh. not a fan #Coco holds Nozomi to his chest a few times & this episode at the resort he refers to her as ''princess'' and i KNOW it's the writers #and the fact it's an older show too. but i'm SOOO tired of it #and Komachi... Komachi my sweet girl why do they do this to you. why do they make Natsu say ''i feel calm around you'' #why why why why why. augh. so tired #i read the episode summaries for a few eps ahead of where i currently am (ep 26) and oughaohghh it's gonna keep happening :/ #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 blargh #anyway #yes precure 5 #precure... salt? crit? neg? are there rant tags in this community idk i'm sorry #not that this is like. a particularly controversial opinion i think. i hope. #hard to catch up-recure (saa minna de) #eMerambles #eMerambles in the tags

[bandzboy]

hi tris, i just wanted to tell you that your passion and determination (when it comes to helping palestine and opposing zionism) is really inspiring me to be a better person. admittedly i had not been boycotting entirely because i really use my music as a crutch, but i'm going to try harder and at the VERY least decrease my consumption from those labels !! of course i have been helping in other ways (donating, sharing resources with my coworkers, imploring the people close to me to donate and help too), but i could be doing more. with all the backlash i'm sure you and other boycotters are getting i just wanted to send this message along to keep your spirits up :) <3 keep fighting, and i'll keep fighting with you !!!

~annabelle <3

i am glad that i could inspire you to do more! it's kinda hard to sometimes to be optimistic about this whole boycott (because that are still SO many people that oppose it and are disrespectful to those that are trying to do something) but at the end of the day, we are helping a big and greater cause and just trying to get rid of zionism in the industry and for them to not have a platform anymore! we must do this because it will help in the grand scheme of things. being okay with zionism in this industry is being complicit and truly we should not do that and be opposed to it. i love music with all my heart and that's why it hurts me that it is being tainted by these people every day with their awful propaganda and morals. they are still in positions of power and in every nook and cranny of the music industry and as a music listener and as an aspiring musician, i don't want this to be our future! i want people to listen to music without the possibility that they are giving money to zionists! i've been doing the best i can do share information and i'm glad it's getting through people and yes unfortunately there has been backlash in my replies and inbox sometimes but truly i feel like atp nothing will make me stop me from speaking and to do what is right. these people trying to stop others from taking a stand are cowards and quite literally stand for nothing and hate that their comfort is being compromised! i always think about how this is an important step to make things better! things like this take time and a lot of work and i, as well as the other boycotters, are willing go on with this until are wishes are met and everyone should think this way and not get discouraged because new people are joining every day and a lot of great advancements have been made and i believe that if more people join over time, this will end faster and we can go back to supporting artists normally

#i talk about this all the time but i'm tired kdjfgkd #that's the short version but #the long version is that it's frustrating especially having to see #people being so dumb about all of this and try to make others feel bad #for not wanting to give money to zionists... #no matter how much they try it's just factual they are in the wrong #but i am so determined and i've been and i'm putting all of my energy on #this boycott as well as sharing information about palestine and so on and so forth #honestly nothing can stop me on this #and i'm confident things will change soon #and i'm always asking people to join like a broken record #but i honestly believe this can work as long as we get together #and try our best to get the word out #so boycott hybe and free palestine #asks #annabelle 🐻🍯

[fourspiceblend]

Uuauaaahhhhhh why must people put their personal grievances with fandom on a ship tag or mention a ship without censoring it like whyyyy.... Some of them aren't even mean-spirited at all but they're also very much not in good faith either and just another way of saying "I like this ship in the Correct God-Honored Way™ unlike 99% of you bozos in the community" and it's like ok?? Good for you I guess...

#personal #delete later #yes i am back lol i just needed a break #I'm so tired of people feeling intellectually or morally superior just for their tastes #it's so dumb!! fandom is a HOBBY!! WE ARE HERE TO BE SELF-INDULGENT #shipping is about wanting pretty clumps of pixels to kiss it's not that deep!! #this is why i get for being into popular ships/characters for once i guess #anyways get your rant out of my otp tags pls and thank you #nonsense

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[sailor-aviator]

.

#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

[sga-owns-my-soul]

lol ignore this 🙃

i can't stop crying at work because everything in my life is going wrong and this stupid shit with my stupid cousin and family is upsetting me so much and it shouldn't be and i feel so fucking stupid for being bothered by this bc it's what i wanted!!! but no i'm wrong again and this time they're just all fully cutting me off and i'm working non fucking stop and still can't afford anything bc the world is going to absolute fucking shit and i'm just so sick of feeling like i can't do anything right ever and i've been feeling suicidal every fucking day for an entire fucking MONTH because of everything and my cousin was who i always reached out to when things got bad and i fucking can't because SHES NOT TALKING TO ME and i'm going to cry AGAIN FUCK

i'm so sick of this

i'm so sick of falling apart because of my family

i'm so sick of never being good enough

i'm so sick of feeling like this

i'm so fucking tired

#ignore this #i just need to cry about this #and i don't wanna worry my friends #so im gonna scream into the void #i know im just being dumb and dramatic im sorry #tw suicidal thoughts #please feel free to not read any of this and ignore me #i'm not going to do anything #i'm just #i'm so fucking tired #i haven't felt this consistently suicidal since high school #and im just. im so tired #im so fucking sick and tired of feeling this way #i just want a fucking break #i'm literally sobbing in the bathroom typing this up #why can't i catch a fuckimg break fuck #personal rambles #not important #not stargate

[stuckhereonearth]

I just read a goodreads book review that made me angrier than any inconsequential thing has made me in a WHILE. I loved the book, and I'm not a good critic of novels (or anything); I'm decent at analysis to be fair, but I like a read or I don't (on a spectrum of course).

But good goddamn, this review reeked with pretension and was written like the most unbearable food or music critic's diatribes. Adult character is lost in life, makes stupid choices out of grief/running away from issues/thinking distance from community will help/doesn't act logically as a character in a horror plot? Childish and not very bright! A large bustling family coming together for a major cultural and spiritual threat and asking the same damn questions over and over again, repeating the same arguments, etc.? Tiresome and muddled! Bro is your family (bio or chosen) totally chill? Have you never at least seen (in media or in others' lives) annoying family members beating dead horses for days on end out of concern and love and lack of knowing how else to help???

Dude I dunno, it just felt like legitimate criticisms one might have if they dislike a book or parts of its structure, but then those criticisms were a molehill buried beneath a mountain of hating some super fuckin' flawed characters making wild and awful choices in a time of grief and isolation. Screaming!!!!

#this was a review about Bad Cree by Jessica Johns which i gave five stars btw #i am unreasonably pissed lmao #it was like...just. gripes for the sake of bitching and being unhappy woth a short read that didn't hit typical horror benchmarks. dumb. #it's about multiple generations of cree women in the same family and naturally had a LOT to do with the cumture #and experiences and practices and just. daily lives of cree women mixed with A Horror Plot #but i was still sooo reminded of the chaos and aggravation and love and power and hurt and again love #of when the women on my mom's side of the family congregate #and the connections and rifts and stories memories legends among us all that get passed around rather than #passed down because it all feels so circular. we all repeat ourselves endlessly lmao #like this made me yearn for my family because i saw and felt them in this cast of characters #i'm not indigenous or canadian but i still saw myself and my family in this book and it was such a unique experience #bc it was so goddamn familiar in the midst of learning about this horror plot and how it mixed with cree culture #im emotional and tired and not explaining myself well. but JESUS i cannot wait for Johns to publish her next work #ann with an ie

[disdaidal]

Good news: your girl got a call from her school today, passed all her exams and is getting her high school diploma this spring/summer, so yay.

I’m “only” 34 after all, but what the fuck. I did it.

#personal #none of my grades were too good apart from english #where i scored higher than in my own mother tongue ldkglgklg #but even that was good not excellent #anyway i passed and i'm getting out of there and onto new adventures (and challenges) #might post pictures later when i'm actually graduating heh #i also took another test today. for another school i applied to this spring #it was a remote test and the first test out of many i guess #and my god it was so fucking hard. i took ages to write it and i couldn't even properly finish it in time because i'm such a turtle #when it comes to writing anything kdkfkg #so it's probably littered with mistakes and sounds dumb as hell and i doubt i'm gonna pass it but anyway #at least i got accepted to that one school already if anything #it's just that. it wasn't my first choice so. i'm still trying D: #anyway i'm feeling hyper and shit and i can barely process this all #at least my stress from the last two days got relieved a little bit #because i apparently have to buy new tires and wheels to my car and i can't fucking afford it right now so heh #but anyway life finds a way i guess

[hatake]

.

#started going to therapy again in the hopes of coping better with my fam situation #but my therapist is pretty adamant that the situation is too toxic for me to be able to heal in #and i know he's right but also i'm not in a place rn where i can leave said situation or have the emotional capacity to try #and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting #bc like before i was just like ''my mom is entitled to still be close to the ppl who sexually abused me'' #and was able to just blame all my rage and frustration and hurt on myself #but now that it is starting to resonate that Wait That's Actually Fucked Up #just existing around my mom has become so much more exhausting #& i've spoken to my therapist abt this but i'm venting here bc i'm really feeling it today #it's sounds dumb but having someone explain to u that ur rightfully at ur limit at all times makes it so real somehow #ofc i'm at my limit at all times in this environment most people would be too!!! #i'm just so tired 😭😭 #tired and overwhelmed and tired and overwhelmed #and #ugh

[xieyaohuan]

I want the dumb p*rn bots to stop spamming the Homelander and Butchlander tags. They're probably spamming ALL tags, but these are the two where I notice, and I want it to stop.

Or maybe we can convince the p*rn bots to include some Homelander or Butchlander p*rn?? Or at least a gif or a pic?? I'm open to suggestions.

#the p*rn bot scourge #homelander #butchlander #does reporting these dumb posts help??? #do YOU report them?? #I'm already so tired playing whack-a-mole with the p*rn bots following me #but i'll do it if it helps #(the followers and the tag spammers are two different set of p*rn bots it seems but equally annoying) #rant #I understand the irony of putting my personal rant in the homelander and butchlander tags #but I at least included a pic and this is also a community matter for the homie cozy corner so I feel justified doing it

[meatmensch]

.

#thinking again abt the horrible things he said to me bc some of them were so stupid and mean i will never truly get over it until i go to #his house with the hammer!! #'why are you interested in the yiddish language' 'well first of all most yiddish speakers are dead it's a dying language it's a fucking #murdered language and i think it's important to preserve plus it's cool' 'well by that logic most english speakers are dead too' here's #what i should have done in that scenario. get up grab my things grab my keys and leave. versus what i did. continued to try to explain to #him why i'm passionate about the culture for hours and he never truly got it. #and it was so funny because the next day HE was all mopey. i was like 'what's your problem' he was like 'i think i feel bad about some of #the stuff i said last night...' here's what i should've said. 'yeah you rat bastard you should feel really bad you suck i hate you beg on #your knees for forgiveness.' versus what i did. a simple dose of the silent treatment #i will never get over this i will never get over this because no one i have cared so much about and thought was so kind and understanding #has been so stupid he's just an antisemite. i was like he's not a nazi he's just dumb. girl when u gotta ask urself 'is he a nazi' get out #of there pronto. and of course i feel stupid for still having feelings about this a year later. but i don't need to feel that way it's ok. #ok i'm tired. goodnight #personal log #back again. reread the texts i sent to my best friend immediately after that conversation like righttt i'm not crazy that WAS mean. thank #you melanie from a year ago!

[backroadboy]

the thing is, I know it wouldn't change anything, but damn I really want to leave everything behind

#but i can't #because i still feel responsible for my siblings even tho they don’t really care #because they have their own lives #and i am here and i feel like I'm living a life i don't want to live and i am tired and i feel guilty for feeling tired #because there are people who are so full of love and light and they deserve time on this earth #i want to give them whatever i have left because fuck dude i always thought I'd die before i turn 30 #which is dumb because there is no reason just this little thing in my head telling me that's how it's going to be #and idk man i have wasted so much time being the responsible one but i have no idea what to do with myself #i need to feel useful and i need to be reminded that everything isn't about me and i just w– yeah j can't even say it #man...watch me unpack all of this while writing my stanford fic i guess #txt. #yearning for a home that never was and searching for a home that never will be #ahhhh #i am going insane