#i feel. empty and frustrated

[randomness-fullfilled]

Maybe I’m not good enough to have someone fall in love with me.

#love #i dont know #emptiness #frustrated #sad thoughts #feelings #im sorry #i miss you #emotional #happiness #dont fall in love #depressing quotes #romantic quotes

[cellsshapedlikestars]

I feel like I've had zero creative energy since I got covid, and it's annoying me. I did write one thing based off a small fever dream I had, but it's way too short and there's literally no plot so I can't bring myself to post it on ao3. Instead, I'm gonna post it here just because I do like it, even if my brain can't come up with an actual plot for whatever this is. Maybe some day.

.

The pickup bumps and rattles over the road, and Jon grits his teeth and tries not to curse. Where his taxes go, Jon has no idea, but it certainly isn’t to road maintenance. At least not out here. 

On the radio, they’re playing some song he swears he hasn’t heard in a decade, but somehow knows all the words to. Ghost lets out a snort as they hit another bump, and Jon meets his eyes in the rearview and says, “sorry buddy.”

As he rounds a bend in the road, his foot eases off the gas when he sees something up ahead.

No, not something. Someone.

It’s a girl, and when she hears the engine of his truck, she turns, sticks her thumb out. A hitchhiker. He didn’t think people did that anymore. He doesn’t even know how she got out here to begin with.

Against his better judgment, he slows. Hitchhikers can be dangerous, and he doesn’t need any trouble. He isn’t some bleeding heart. He left his childhood dreams of being a grand hero back in the North.

Yet still, he slows to a stop next to her, leaning over and rolling down the passenger side window.

She’s pretty. It’s the first thing he thinks.

The second thing he thinks is that she has no business being out here. Not with those earrings, or the heels he noticed before he pulled up, or the set of expensive leather luggage, now coated in dust and mud.

“I need to get to Riverrun,” she says through the window. A Northern accent, though much less harsh than his. Polished. It matches her earrings.

“How’d you get all the way out here?” he asks. The nearest town is likely a two hour walk in the opposite direction, especially dragging that set of luggage behind her.

“Can you take me or not?” she asks, eyes squinting against the sun. The baby hairs not caught up in her copper ponytail curl and stick to her forehead and neck. The rivers that crisscross the countryside make the humidity nearly unbearable in the dead of summer.

“Yeah, I can take you,” he says. He’s heading there anyway, and he can’t leave her out here by herself. She’ll get into trouble.

He watches her struggle to load her bags into the bed of his pickup, then she gets into the passenger side. She’s wearing a loose dress covered in pastel blue flowers, and when she sits, it hits mid thigh. He pulls his eyes away.

Definitely trouble.

“You know hitchhiking’s dangerous,” he says, pulling back onto the road as she buckles herself in.

Out of his periphery, he watches her look at him. “You going to murder me?” she asks. She doesn’t sound very concerned.

He lets out a breath through his nose, and says, “no, but you don’t know that. I could be anyone.”

“What if I’m the murderer and you’re the one in trouble?” 

His eyes cut to her. There’s no real expression on her face, she’s just watching him, waiting for an answer.

“I think I’ll be alright,” he says, looking back at the road. She gives a hum. He doesn’t know what that means.

She twists in the seat. “You’re big.”

Jon looks at her, then the rearview. Ghost pants happily, ears perked forward at the attention.

“Am I allowed to pet him, or is he a murderer, too?”

“No one’s going to murder you,” Jon sighs, hands tightening around the wheel. “I was just telling you, you shouldn’t be hitchhiking because it’s dangerous.”

Especially someone like her, but he doesn’t say it. She’d probably get offended.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

He blinks, then remembers what she actually asked. “Yeah, you can pet him.”

“What’s your name?” she asks, holding her hand out for Ghost to sniff.

“Ghost.”

He can feel her looking at him again, but he keeps his eyes on the road.

“Ghost,” she repeats, twisting around again. Jon can hear Ghost’s tail thumping on the leather seat. He tries to keep his eyes on the road. Tries not to notice the way her skirt rides up. It makes him feel like one of those people he’s trying to warn her against.

The ride is silent except for the radio and the wind through the open windows and Ghost’s thumping tail and happy pants as she scratches behind his ear.

“Almost at Riverrun,” he says eventually, as the roads become familiar, better kept. “Where can I drop you at? There’s a motel and a train station.”

He can feel her looking at him again. There’s a few moments of silence, before she says, “do you know where Blackwater Road is?”

Jon lets out a snort. Of course he does, it’s in the part of town where all the old money families live - but he knows where it is and so he drives her there. His pickup is out of place, but it’s not like he’s never been here before. His work takes him to every part of town.

He notices the car only a second before she sucks in a slow breath. It sits up ahead, at the entrance to the Tully estate, and it’s just as out of place here as his own, though in a completely different way.

The old money families drive nice cars, but they’re understated and elegant. This is a sports car, red and sleek and low to the ground. A man leans against the side, just as flashy as his car.

Jon knows without her saying anything that this is where she needs to be.

“Tully?” he asks anyway.

“Grandma’s waiting for me,” she says as his truck slows, her hand briefly curling into a fist on her thigh.

“What the fuck, Sans?” the man says, pushing off his sports car and walking towards Jon’s pickup. “You jump out of my car, but take a ride from some fucking hillbilly?”

“You alright?” Jon asks, as the girl reaches for the door handle.

She looks at him, and he sees it - the Tully resemblance. He’s only met Minisa a few times, but the eyes are unmistakable.

“I’m alright,” she says.

Then she opens the door and slides out, smoothing her skirt down. The man turns red in the face as she walks to the back of the pickup and starts pulling her luggage out.

“Don’t ignore me, Sansa,” the man says. His blond hair flops into his face, and Jon thinks he’d be handsome if he didn’t look like a petulant child. When she doesn’t answer, his face turns a shade of red Jon doesn’t think is healthy. “Did you at least pay the man for the ride? I bet you fucked him, didn’t you? Only thing that whore mouth is good for-”

Jon feels his teeth grind together, and he sets his truck in park and reaches over and pushes the passenger side door open, clicking his tongue. Ghost hops over the center console and out, ears flattening. The man makes a choked noise and steps back.

The girl pauses where she’s stacking her luggage, and she looks at Jon. What she’s thinking, he doesn’t know, but she doesn’t seem shocked at the language, or the situation. Then she reaches out and pets Ghost’s head one last time, before tilting the stack of luggage and carefully rolling it up the Tully estate driveway.

Jon waits until she’s out of sight before giving a sharp whistle. Ghost jumps back into the truck, and Jon reaches over and pulls the door closed.

Then he puts the truck in drive, and he knows peeling the tires isn’t good for them, but he does it anyway, kicking up a cloud of dust. The blond man lifts an arm to cover his face as Jon u-turns from the estate and heads back out to Riverrun proper.

#jonsa #jonsa fic #help i feel empty and devoid of creative energy #i mean all energy really #but it's frustrating

[ganondoodle]

ok so i saw a post (not mentioning it here directly bc no hate to the op of it, but im so annoyed by that plotpoint that i gotta rant) about the scene were they undragonfy zelda and it was all like

- no actually the people that are upset that both zelda and link returned fully perfectly intact dont get that it makes so much sense and is so cool actually bc its sonias time power amplified and reverseing both zelda and links arm so that she was never a dragon to begin with (thats why she doesnt retain any of its features) and link never lost his arm and its such a cool callback to when sonia amplified raurus light laser thing and the reason sonia didnt do it earlier is bc ghost cant be everywhere i guess :) -

i talked about this once before so i wont go super into detail but ... yeah that doesnt make that any less unsatisfying imo

aside from it just feeling like a thinly veiled excuse to return everyone to perfect and unblemished status quo more than a 'cool callback' it also annoys me on a game design level bc (as i mentioned in that older post too) why would you not include ANY of the signifiers of the time power when they do it? like the TÖK sound that goes off when you activate it, the world going black and white with that wave animation, and zelda actually transforming back like a reverse tp link wolf thing, ANYTHING? no its just sparkly light beam in ghost dimension town and sparkly poof everyones back :)))

also the implications of that even being possible is just .. making everything even more messy imo like if you can time reverse not just a persons body, or just PART of a body but also a SOUL being lost, over such a long time too.... that raises so many questions, if sonias able to do something like THAT how come she cant send someone back in time bc that tbh sounds way less complicated (on a sidenote is it jsut me or did anyone else feel like sonia talking to zelda -lol i cant help you control your powers you just gotta vibe with it and figure it out yourself bro- was a lead up to zelda .. actually getting control of her suddendly revealed time powers? or was that meant as in oh look she reversed a few weapons once :) bc it felt like it was meant to be she has to find out how to return to her own time USING HER POWERS .. and then its jsut kinda dropped, like so many more things and oh look a dragon :) )

but overall i just .... ok you can find a flimsy excuse for that scene but it still feels ... bad? like oh cool bad guys deaded once again for sure totally this time and everyones back to normal like nothing ever happened and also it even reversed even zeldas memory i guess so she literally cant remember anything and why anything like that was never done before that is bc of reasons(tm)

it just feels so meaningless, sure you can find some wobbly explanation for why something went like that instead of all the other possibilites but its just ... unsatisfying

am i meant to feel whole having returned everythign as if nothing ever happened? bc i just feel empty, especially on top of all the things that left me with such an empty feeling in the game it just puts the cardboard cherry on top of a cardboard cake, pretty to look at but shallow like cardboard and just as tasteless

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #i think was the tag for that #of course im not telling anyone else how to feel about it #but TO ME its all just #did they run out of time and just started making the flimsiest excuses to why something went like that bc theyspent 3 years testing the glu #it jsut amplified my empty feeling #also it just solves itself #i thought about how it could go to bring her back so much and then it just kinda happens #no matter in what cool visuals and music you wrap something if its core is a tasteless mush i wont like it #it just all feels so much like an afterthought #and its making me sad over what could have been #even without rewriting it all like im doing #just changing a few things would make it much better #but what do i know #im just a random guy on the internet being frustrated about a video game

[parabolizacja]

LOAssumption practitioners upon the slightest pushback against their community and beliefs. I wasn't even being mean exactly, just expressing my frustration. And yes, while my method is based on assumptions on the end of the day, it is still different from mainstream most popular LOA usage that you think of when you hear "LOA" that's why I'm making the distinction

My tags:

vs LOA fanatics

Why are you so fucking fragile? Just assume I don't exist lol or go shift yourself to a DR where I don't exist

Also the use of the word "bitch" for some random woman on the internet... Really telling on you. You could have at least got off anon and maybe used an account that wasn't an empty burner one lol But you're a fucking toddler so not a surprise

#Anon I hope you get fucking run over by a a car no joke #You're vile #But other than this post I won't be responding ❤️ #Proof 1 that this community is a cult #Can't say shit at all #Otherwise some braindead loser gets all huffy and puffy and comes into your anon box lol #And Question Of The Day: which part of my tags indicated I'm jealous? #Projecting much? #Because “angry”? Ok you're already overdramatic and whiny I can understand how my slight frustration could be taken for genuine anger by yo #But I don't shake and have an increased heart rate and go off the rails while typing anything on the internet lolll #Did you feel anxiety in your stomach writing this anon? did you? 🥺 #(i'm also almost sure those are the same person bc I got sent anon on Saturday and this person responded on Sunday #their account is completely empty and seems as if it was made recently) #(+ no one else got all angry and bothered literally no one else has cared so far)

[pokimoko]

I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.

#personal #tumblr stuff #vent post #spam bots #i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS #wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore #it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win #i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots. #tribble #the trouble with tribbles #a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place #but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo #also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog #i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you #because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now #(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real) #but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test #anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops

[sizzleissues]

criticism of your art does not reflect on your morals or abilities in their entirety but rather the merits of a piece and the critics subjective opinion

in other words

feel free to tear off your art teachers head she’s wrong you are the next Van Gogh

#sizzle rambles #So guess who just got back from art critique #I don’t want to swan dive into a lake - totally #WOMEN I MADE THE CHANGES YOU SUGGESTED AND YOU HAD THE GALL TO THINK IT LOOKS #WORSE NOW #ITS YOUR FAULT #’your technique and skill is quite good but *the idea she had* really brings if down’ #‘There’s just something missing - something wrong that I can’t place’ #WELL THEN MAYBE THERE ISN’T #MAYBE MY ORIGINAL IDEA WAS TO IT TO FEEL LIKE THE EMPTY SPACE WAS JARRING #LIKE A DISCONNECTION #AND YOU JUST DIDNT GET IT!! #I’m fine actually it’s just frustrating #Should have trusted my gut

[mirrorhouse]

.

#maybe i am a little annoyed or. whatever over stuff i put some effort into getting right clicked and saved and cropped and posted on twitter #or pinterest or wherever #even tho its not really '''art'''' technically so ? am i allowed to feel like that? idk #it feels silly to get frustrated over.. screenshots and gifs and little mods i never even published #but things do take time to make and then seeing them posted by someone who talks about how much they like thembut not where they found them #or who put that effort into making them......... ahh #And. because i dont know how im supposed to feel im definitely not gonna roll up to people like 'hey i made this credit me now' because #i tell myself who cares its not that big of a deal. but then it is . but it isnt. #i have bigger problems but when its late and my brains getting empty i think too much about nothing #★

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i dont kno whats wrong with me. ive wasted so much time in the last 2 weeks doing nothing #like. i dont kno how to explain it. its just empty time. i dont kno how to make myself do things #i have things that have to get done so why am i not doing them? #and i dont even like have any things i want to draw. like i dunno. my motivation has disappeared. im not really obsessed with anything #im just wasting the time away #i dont want to do anything. i cant compell myself to do anything. i just want to lay on the floor until time dissappears #its so frustrating. im not even that anxious about anything. i just dont feel anything about anything #unrelated

[jasonisaacs]

oh i really feel like such a failure because i can’t find the motivation to write or draw or do anything creative anymore!! i am so frustrated and upset… i genuinely feel terrified that my creativity will never come back… i have never ever felt like this before.. this won’t last forever, will it? 😣

#katie.txt #i feel so incredibly guilty that i’m not writing anymore… please know that i am trying! i really am! #i’ve desperately been trying to finish this next chapter but.. i want it to be perfect. i want it to be good but my brain won’t work!!! #it’s so frustrating pls give me some tips on how i can find my spark again :( i am so empty and tired

[fjoundfjamily]

me: can't work out which fun activity i want to spend my precious leisure time on

brain:

#gah it's frustrating! #i have actually been relatively productive today tho #i did 2 job apps and made hummus and apple crumble #and like. emptied the dishwasher and did a thing i've been putting off since october #plus i finished my firefiy rewatch! #i think the reason i feel Unproductive (tm) is cause i had a nap because i had a headache #hopefully if i crochet for a bit i will reset myself ready for bed

[randomness-fullfilled]

Why am I the only one who misses you so much when we both have the same memories?

Why am I the only one stuck in this broken place which was once our home?

#i dont know #emptiness #frustrated #im sorry #sad thoughts #emotional #feelings #love #happiness #i miss you #depressing post #depressing thoughts #depressing #break up #memories #attachments #broken #quotes

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[teabreaking]

i need new hobbies and interests so badly…

#personal #it’s incredibly frustrating because nothing really ‘clicks’ for me anymore #i just end up feeling empty inside

[hecksupremechips]

I think the best way to describe my feelings about aini is like if you were craving this specific meal from some distant restaurant you haven’t been to in ages and you try to replicate it on your own and it actually tastes decently good but then you get to eat the original again and you’re like “oh god what the hell I’ve been making garbage this whole time why did I think I could beat the original”

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #ai nirvana initiative #aini #aini is a good game i like it a lot. but damn it just does not compare to the first game #i read a critique of the game that pointed out how in an attempt to avoid spoilers for the first game they kinda screwed over #all the characters from the first game by just removing their character development #which yeah i have to agree characters like iris ota and moma literally contributed nothing to aini #and moma in particular was suuuuch an uncomfortable character cuz he was just completely reduced to a tesa fan which. was done very creepy!! #but the big obvious one is date like ighhhh. they couldnt have him be connected properly with mizuki or aiba AT ALL #which is shitty given how those dynamics were the best part of the first game #but yeah his relevance to the plot is weird cuz they also couldnt be bothered to properly write he and ryukis relationship either #or really ryuki at all- #hes just kinda reduced to haha funny sex jokes haha #and naturally thats how hes gonna be remembered by fans who finished aini #like aaaa in general they did a shit job incorporating the old and new characters where only a select few were done okay #and its the frustrating kinda bad cuz its not glaringly obvious until you finish the game and theres just like #this big empty hole it feels like where something important is completely missing #so yeah its like some okay replication of grandmas chicken that you can enjoy #but its garbage compared to the real thing

[aceofstars16]

Getting hit with the sadness again…🫠

#that moment when you realize the church you want to go to is your church two months ago…but that church doesn’t exist anymore…. #like I don’t even want to go to any church and I know I should I just…don’t want to cause I don’t feel at home… #I should just sleep but yeah I don’t want to the emptiness and sadness is real and I’m just tired of this all #prayer appreciated I guess…for this and for my neck #I wrote some tonight and I’m really hoping my neck will be okay #I just want to write to get away from stuff sometimes but I feel like I’m walking a tightrope if I do and it’s frustrating #aceo rambles

[eliias-bouchard]

it does get really annoying to see all those like "pick your gender but its esoteric / nature descriptions / random / whatever" polls and know that none ofthese are even slightly going to align to my gender. like yeah its an extremely personal experience of a poorly defined concept which is influenced by my life (which in and of itself is about as complex as the fucking universe) but sometimes it gets tiring

#i think its less about none of the descriptions fitting me and more so that everyone else seems to align with them?? somehow??? #idk i mean #i get that being what i am makes me FAR more attuned to descriptions of my gender / me that are about nature #(ender u can ask for elaboration on that although to be clear it will probably be incoherent) #so maybe it just frustrates me more because of that or maybe its autism taking things literally #no my gender cannot be described as an empty and decrepit chapel in a ghost town because iam. a man #(an a woman and ultimately those descriptions are futile etc etc etc you get it) #but on the other paw. i already feel so disconnected from the queer community. itsj ust another thorn in my side yknow