#i figure elwing eventually catches up with them but there's pretty much no way i can make a scene with her and the feanorians funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feanorianethicsdepartment · 3 years

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heeey! so back when @eirianerisdar posted chapter 12 of their fic the ransom of the house of fëanor - that’s the one where they finally let the brothers hellspawn and their idiot dad out of the void, but they have to throw elrond in, all very sad - i thought up my own somewhat fluffier vastly dumber au for the end of that chapter. in honour of the fic being finished, i’ve decided to write up the various scattershot ideas i’ve had for it, with the caveat that i’ll be working off my own slightly different background headcanons

the divergence point is roughly when elrond announces that he’s totally going into the void now, for realsies, the local ainur are nodding solemnly, and the fëanorians are running preliminary can-we-take-them calculations. except for maedhros, who’s very sad to hear that they must sacrifice his nephew to the eternal dark for their freedom, ‘tis truly a shame, they will honour his memory and GET THE BOAT, BOYS

or, the original elf mad scientist, his murderous blood-hungry spawn, a guy who’s extremely grouchy about not getting to do his dramatic self-sacrifice, and their somewhat-less-reluctant-than-he-should-be getaway driver go on the lam

how they got away from the valar:

námo: already knew this was going to happen, but it’s not like anyone ever listens to him, is it? in the moment, was a little more concerned with how morgoth had started belly-crawling towards the doors of night

manwë: never wanted to throw elrond into the void in the first place, and has been silently hoping elrond would call his bluff for the past week. the children are all safe and inside like they should be, and isn’t that what really matters?

eönwë: no it isn’t boss the fëanorians are a completely unpredictable wildcard we cannot afford to let them run around unsupervised!!! would probably have at least delayed the family hellspawn until backup could arrive, except

olórin: realised what maedhros was planning almost immediately and had to consciously force down a shit-eating grin. as soon as the brothers started moving, divetackled eönwë

[from a note attached to a harpoon lodged outside the highest window on the white tower of the isle of seabirds]

elwing - it went better than i expected, honestly. the sons of fëanor took about as much offense to elrond’s plan as everyone else has, except when words didn’t work they resorted to action. they dragged him onto vingilot and i followed them, and then we cast off together. we’ve set sail for as far away from the doors of night as we can get. i’m coming with them, of course, i’m not letting these lunatics crash my baby

i’m not entirely certain when we’ll be back? the fëanorians seem worried the valar might come after us, which wouldn’t surprise me, really. i’m taking us out towards middle-earth, we’ll see where we go after that. they’re all screaming at each other and running across the deck, i’m not convinced they have much of a plan. elrond is yelling too, he’s arguing with either caranthir or curufin, can’t tell which. the one i suspect is maglor has wrapped himself around his neck and refuses to let go. our son is alive and healthy and not in the eternal darkness, and for that, at least, i am grateful

the redhead who’s co-opted the harpoons says we’re coming up on your tower. no one’s done anything to threaten me or elrond, or even looked at the silmaril. there’s something nice about sailing with a crew again, no matter who it is. i love you, and i’ll be back as soon as i can - eärendil

[from a note attached to a harpoon found among the ruins of a house in the tirion stonecarvers’ district]

you were right, nerdanel. you were right about everything, and i was wrong. i’m sorry. the boys and i are going on another adventure right now, but we’ll come back to you someday, i promise

[from the same note, in much neater handwriting]

tell tyelpë i love him, and also that the coordinates are [rest torn off]

the first sign of this mess that reaches arda is the morning and evening star disappearing from the sky. gondorian astronomers, haradren scholars, avarin priests all stare flummoxed as the star of high hope simply fails to appear before the sun. no matter how unsuperstitous they are everyone agrees this is a really bad omen, and all across the globe the high halls of power tremble in fear over the new horror this must portend

the first sign of this mess that reaches the shire (except for that one took who’s really into astrology) is when eight-year-old elanor gardner rushes into bag end the next day, all ‘dad! dad! there are elves in the woods!’

sam is pretty chuffed to hear this. the fair folk don’t pass through the shire half as often as they used to, and it’s been some years since he heard their song. if they’re in the neighbourhood, why, it’d only be polite to say hello, wish them luck on their journey, hand them a letter. he packs up a nice tuck-box full of goodies to share, and then sam and elanor (and frodo, who’s going through a following-his-big-sister-around-and-copying-everything-she-does phase) set out to meet the elves

first they hear the shouting. then they see the smoke

at the end of the path his daughter leads him down, sam finds the wreckage of what looks like a crashed boat strewn across the forest, still faintly smouldering. at least a dozen elves are rushing between and up the trees, yelling at each other in the angriest quenya he’s ever heard. in the middle of the impact crater stands a blonde elf carrying a stone that shines like the phial of galadriel, wailing something sam knows just enough sindarin to recognise as ‘MY SHIIIIIIIIIP’

as sam’s gaze pans over the unfolding catastrophe, his eyes land on one of the last elves he’d expected to see, master elrond. elrond is rubbing his temple, groaning like someone who knows he’s the most responsible person around and really wishes he wasn’t. a vaguely familiar sketchy-as-fuck elf is clinging onto his shoulders, in a not-dissimilar way to how frodo-lad is currently riding on sam. elrond catches sam’s gaze

‘greetings, master samwise,’ says the wisest elf-lord of the west, ignoring the scuffle that’s breaking out behind him. ‘i must apologise for my relations’

(fëanor and elanor become fast friends, teaching each other their languages and exploring the shire together. absolutely no one else is okay with this)

fëanor, dragging an incredibly-put-upon elrond around the citadel of minas tirith: grandbabies!

fëanor, marvelling over the embroidery arwen is showing him: great-grandbabies!

fëanor, carrying a tiny giggling eldarion all the way up the tower of gondor: great-great-grandbabies!

fëanor, staring fixedly at an increasingly apprehensive aragorn: great-great-great...

celegorm, on dad-watching duty: actually if you lay the maths out it’s very likely every human in middle-earth is descended... from... elros... fuck

fëanor: has gone completely still

fëanor: massive grin spreading across his face, eyes sparkling like the two trees brought back to life

fëanor: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

#feanor is basically that one hishe darth vader 'i have a SON' skit brought to life change my mind #i love the demographic-math everyone-in-me-is-descended-from-elros thing and i'll bring it up at every possible opportunity #i'm sorry eirian i needed to exorcise the brain worms #anyway #my terrible fic #fic #house of feanor #elrond #earendil #feanor #samwise #elanor #pretty much all my fic content for this fandom is stupid feanorian aus i'm sorry #the sons of feanor do indeed get a bag end breakfast. it is deeply weird for everybody #they're also way way way too eager to potentially fight the eagles #feanor is having the time of his goddamn life and doesn't care what he breaks along the way #earendil may be exploiting the opportunity to talk to humans again #and elrond is the designated driver more or less by default. poor guy #they go on adventures. elrond gets to see his kids again. shit happens #i figure elwing eventually catches up with them but there's pretty much no way i can make a scene with her and the feanorians funny #the cool calm lady of the white tower front is going up FULL FORCE #also idk what's up with those coordinates curvo told tyelpe about but there's no way they don't lead to chaos

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twentiethcenturymoviesandtv · 3 years

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The Princess Bride: The Story

The story of The Princess Bride doesn’t even open with the actual story at all. In fact, it opens on something out of the realm of fantasy entirely: in a little boy’s bedroom, circa 1987.

This is The Grandson (Fred Savage), and he is home from school, sick.

The Grandson is interrupted from his video games by his mother, who tells him that his grandfather is here to visit him. The Grandson is less than pleased. His grandfather will pinch his cheek again. He hates that.

True to form, The Grandfather (Peter Falk) enters the room and does just that, but he’s not here for any ordinary visit. He is here to keep The Grandson company while he is sick. It turns out that he has brought the Grandson a book to read to him: The Princess Bride.

The Grandson isn’t exactly blown away by the title, but the Grandfather assures him that this is a story full of adventure and excitement. The Grandson reluctantly settles back to listen to the story, admitting that it doesn’t sound too bad, and that he’ll try to stay awake for it.

The Grandfather begins to read: (Spoilers below!)

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Buttercup (Robin Wright), who lived on a farm in Florin. Working on the farm for her was a young man named Westley (Cary Elwes), who Buttercup calls ‘Farm Boy’. Buttercup loves ordering Westley around, but oddly enough, every time she gives him an order, he responds with a smile and a quiet: ‘as you wish’.

The Grandfather reads that as it turns out, ‘as you wish’ is Westley’s code for ‘I love you’.

Eventually, Buttercup figures that out, and realizes herself that she loves him too. However, they don’t have much time for pursuing their relationship, as Westley decides to take to the high seas to see his fortune. Shortly after leaving, we are told that his ship was captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who is famed for never leaving captives alive.

Once the news arrives, Buttercup locks herself in her house, and declares that she will never love again.

Five years pass, and the ruler of Florin, Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon), announces to his kingdom the identity of his new bride: Princess Buttercup.

The Grandfather explains that Buttercup may have agreed to marry Prince Humperdinck, but she doesn’t love him. The only joy she takes anymore is riding her horse, as it provides an escape from his company. As she leaves the castle grounds on horseback, she meets three interesting figures: Vizzini, a short Cicilian, (Wallace Shawn) Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin), a Spanish swordsman, and Fezzik (Andre the Giant), a giant. They claim to be lost circus performers, lulling Buttercup into a false sense of security, an instant before they abduct her.

Vizzini, Fezzik and Inigo load up their boat and prepare to push off with Buttercup on board, while Vizzini explains his plan to frame Guilder, Florin’s sworn enemy, for the death of the princess, who they plan to kill once on Guilder’s shores. Vizzini also reminds Inigo and Fezzik that he hired them to help him start a war. The trio head out to sea, preparing for step two of their plan and noticing that they are being followed by a strange ship in the distance.

The next morning, they discover that their pursuer has gained on them, now considerably closer. Vizzini isn’t worried however, as they are approaching the Cliffs of Insanity, and there, he is certain, they will lose him for sure. The group docks in a secret harbor and all climb onto Fezzik, who climbs a rope hung there previously. Their pursuer, a mysterious Man in Black, docks shortly after, and immediately sets to climbing himself.

Despite Fezzik’s great strength, the Man in Black gains on them pretty quickly. Fezzik beats him to the top, but not by much. In an attempt to stop him, Vizzini cuts the rope that the Man in Black is holding onto, but it doesn’t work: the Man in Black manages to hold onto the cliffside, continuing to make slow, but steady progress towards them.

Vizzini decides to take Fezzik and the princess and move on, leaving Inigo to deal with their pursuer once he gets to the top. Inigo, as it turns out, is an incredibly accomplished swordsman, who has been training for years, ever since a man with six fingers on his right hand killed his father and left Inigo scarred.

“I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, ‘Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.’.”

All of this he explains to the Man in Black. Inigo helps him up the cliff by throwing him the rope, allows him to rest, and even shows him his superior sword, before commencing with the fencing match. It’s an impressive setpiece, one that demonstrates both swordsmen’s abilities and wit, but in the end, as good as Inigo is, it’s not quite good enough. The Man in Black knocks Inigo out, and continues on after Buttercup.

Vizzini, seeing the Man in Black still approaching, leaves Fezzik behind to deal with him, his way: brute force.

Eventually, the Man in Black shows up and Fezzik fires one warning shot with a boulder, just to let him know that he could have killed him. He then offers a ‘fair fight’, as fair as it can be.

“We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.”

“You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?”

They commence the battle, and while Fezzik’s incredible size and strength give him an advantage, eventually, the Man in Black manages to beat him with a chokehold, knocking him unconscious.

While all this is going on, Prince Humperdinck and his men, led by Count Rugen (Christopher Guest), are searching for Buttercup. Humperdinck, as it turns out, is a great tracker, and somehow gathers exactly what went on with the Man in Black’s battle with Inigo. He continues to follow the Man in Black’s footprints, which lead towards Guilder, admitting that it could be a trap.

Meanwhile, the Man in Black catches up with Vizzini, who has Buttercup at knifepoint. Vizzini freely admits that he can’t beat the Man in Black in a fight, as he’s already bested his swordsman and his giant. The Man in Black agrees, and offers an alternative: a battle of wits, to the death. Winner gets the captive.

The battle of wits begins. Vizzini pours wine into two goblets, and the Man in Black takes the goblets, and, keeping his actions hidden, pours iocane powder (a deadly colorless poison without odor) into one of the goblets. Turning back around, he places the goblets before Vizzini.

“All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.”

Vizzini demonstrates his ‘dizzying intellect’ by stalling, going around with circular logic a few times before distracting the Man in Black, switching goblets while his back is turned. He then chooses the goblet in front of him, (the one that had been in front of his opponent) in utter confidence, drinking only after watching the Man in Black do so himself. In the middle of his gloating, however, he falls down, dead.

The Man in Black unties and un-blindfolds Buttercup, taking her along. Surprised, Buttercup remarks on the fact that it was the Man in Black’s cup that was poisoned the whole time.

“They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

Behind them, Humperdinck discovers the scene of the wrestling match with Fezzik, and again, correctly deduces the events of the tussle. A little further on, he discovers the empty container of icoane powder, and the footprints that Buttercup and the Man in Black left behind, gathering that they’re gaining on them.

Meanwhile, the Man in Black allows Buttercup to stop for a breather, where she informs him that he won’t get away with this: her fiance will hunt him down. The Man in Black doesn’t seem very concerned. Buttercup also tells him that she knows who he is: he’s the Dread Pirate Roberts, her beloved Westley’s murderer.

They spot Humperdinck and his men riding towards them, far in the distance, and while he’s distracted, Buttercup pushes the Man in Black down a steep hill, telling him that he can die for all she cares. As he falls, he calls out Westley’s familiar catchphrase: “As..you..wish!”

Realizing that the Man in Black is Westley, Buttercup throws herself down the hill after him.

Humperdinck, watching the fall, concludes that they are heading for the fire swamp, not remarking on the unusual method of transportation.

Westley and Buttercup are reunited, but before they can get much further romantic celebration, the Grandson pipes up, griping about this development. To pacify him, the Grandfather skips ahead: to the Fire Swamp.

The Fire Swamp is a dark, cramped forest, with areas that spontaneously erupt into flame, patches of lightning-fast quicksand, and Rodents of Unusual Size. Despite these perils, Westley and Buttercup press through, while Westley explains to Buttercup how it came to be that he survived an attack by the Dread Pirate Roberts.

As it turns out, when he was captured, he managed to catch Roberts’ attention with descriptions of Buttercup and his love for her. Curious, Roberts let him live, bringing him aboard as his valet for quite some time. Every night, Roberts would say the same thing:

“Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

But he never did, obviously. During this time, Westley learned as much as he could about fighting and survival, until one day, Roberts called Westley in to talk to him.

“Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. ‘I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts’ he said. ‘My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.’”

After a few narrow escapes, Buttercup and Westley come out the other side of the Fire Swamp, but find themselves cut off by Humperdinck and his men. Afraid for Westley’s life, Buttercup surrenders on one condition: Westley is to be returned to his ship, unharmed.

Humperdinck swears it, wholly dishonestly, and orders Count Rugen to deal with him. Before he’s taken away, Westley notices that Reugen has six fingers on his right hand: the key trait of the man Inigo Montoya was looking for.

Rugen orders Westley taken to the Pit of Despair, where he is healed of his wounds and then strapped to Rugen’s torture machine, a device he constructed specifically to suck the life out of his victims. Meanwhile, Buttercup begins to suffer nightmares about marrying Humperdinck, feeling guilty about turning her back on Westley when she knows he’s still alive.

With the wedding ten days away, Buttercup tells Humperdinck that if he insists on marrying her, she’ll kill herself. Humperdinck convinces her to accept a deal, promising to send his four fastest ships to try to get word to Westley’s ship to tell him of the wedding. If Westley still wants her, he’s welcome to her. If he doesn’t show though, Buttercup has to consider marrying Humperdinck as an alternative to suicide.

Reluctantly, she agrees, not knowing that Westley is nowhere near his ship.

Humperdinck later reveals to Count Rugen that he actually hired Vizzini and Co. to kill Buttercup themselves, framing Guilder for her murder so that he could have an excuse to go to war with them. Humperdinck then explains that, with Buttercup recovered safely, the plan has been changed somewhat: on their wedding night, after the ceremony, Humperdinck is going to kill Buttercup himself, blaming Guilder so he can still get his war.

To help with this plan, Humperdinck calls in his chief enforcer, telling him that killers from Guilder are planning to murder Buttercup, saying that he wants security measures to be taken. He orders the Thieves Forest to be emptied, and for security on the castle to be expanded so that no-one can get in.

Ten days later, on the day of the wedding, the king’s brute-squad rounds up the thieves from the forest, all except one troublesome Spaniard: Inigo Montoya, who is drunk out of his mind and waiting for Vizzini, unaware that he’s dead. Before the king’s enforcers can attack him, Fezzik, a member of the brute squad, steps in and nurses Inigo back to health and full strength, filling him in on all he’s missed in the meantime. He also tells him that Rugen is the six-fingered-man that Inigo has been chasing nearly his entire life.

Once Inigo is restored to full vim and vigor, of course, his first goal is to find Rugen and take his revenge for his father. However, Fezzik explains to him the security measures around the castle: thirty soldiers, far too many for both of them to take on. Inigo concludes that the only way they can win is if they have one more ally: the Man in Black, Westley. Inigo and Fezzik immediately set to looking for him, even though they have no idea where he might be.

Meanwhile, Humperdinck’s enforcer tells Humperdinck that the Thieves’ Forest has been emptied, and there is only key to get into the castle, which he himself has. Humperdinck has him double the guards still more, and as the chief enforcer leaves the room, Buttercup enters. She’s onto Humperdinck, and knows he’s lying about the ships to tell Westley. However, she tells him that it doesn’t matter: Westley will come for her anyway.

Humperdinck, now enraged and abandoning pretenses, locks Buttercup in her bedroom and races to the Pit of Despair, turning on the torture machine that Westley is hooked up to on it’s highest setting: killing him.

Westley’s dying scream is so loud that it can be heard throughout the kingdom, literally. Inigo and Fezzik hear it and follow the sound to the forest, as Inigo has deduced that this scream can only belong to the Man in Black.

Arriving near the area of the Pit of Despair, Inigo asks his father to guide his sword to the Man in Black, so he can find him and have revenge. Somehow, the sword does seem to ‘take over’, leading him to the entrance of the Pit of Despair. Entering in, Fezzik and Inigo discover Westley’s body. Only momentarily discouraged, Inigo tells Fezzik to grab Westley’s body, to take with them on their way to “buy a miracle”.

Inigo takes them to a man named Miracle Max (Billy Crystal), who tells them the good news: Westley is only ‘mostly’ dead. Max initially wants nothing to do with this, but eventually relents thanks to prodding from his wife, Valerie (Carol Kane) and the promise that Westley will humiliate Humperdinck, who fired Max from his previous job. He gives Fezzik and Inigo a Miracle Pill for Westley and sends them on their way.

Westley is revived, but he is weakened, as the pill is slow to take full effect, and can’t really move on his own. Thankfully, his brain is working fine, and he comes up with a plan to storm the heavily armed gates using nothing but themselves, a wheelbarrow, and a holocaust cloak. They dress Fezzik in the cloak, put him on the wheelbarrow, and set the whole thing on fire, moving towards the gates with Fezzik bellowing to all that he is the Dread Pirate Roberts. Terrified, the guards flee, leaving only the King’s enforcer, who the trio take the gate key from.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, Buttercup’s wedding is underway. With the commotion going on outside, Humperdinck starts getting nervous, and has the Impressive Clergymen (Peter Cook) speed through the rest, claims Buttercup as his wife, and takes off.

Once in the castle, the trio comes face to face with Rugen and four of his men. Inigo dispatches the foursome in seconds, without taking his eyes from Count Rugen, and delivers his practiced line:

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Rugen flees.

Inigo runs after him, but runs into a locked door that he can’t break down alone. Fezzik props Westley up and comes to assist, and while Inigo chases after Rugen, Fezzik returns to find Westley gone.

Inigo continues his battle with Rugen, and although he sustains a few wounds, he continues to goad Rugen with his catchphrase, gaining strength until finally, he runs him through. Rugen dies, and Inigo’s father is avenged.

Meanwhile, Buttercup arrives at her chambers and prepares to kill herself, stopped by the sound of Westley’s voice. After another happy reunion, Westley explains that since she never said ‘I do’, technically, she’s not married. In the middle of this discussion, Humperdinck enters the room, declaring he’s going to make sure he kills Westley for real this time. Westley threatens right back, challenging Humperdinck to a battle ‘to the pain’, describing how Westley will dismember Humperdinck, leaving him in a painful state of awareness of his freakishly mutilated appearance, forcing him to go through life as monstrous on the outside as he is within.

At this, Humperdinck drops his sword, and allows Buttercup to tie him to a chair.

Inigo enters the room, vengeance taken care of, and offers to take care of Humperdinck as well, but Westley, saying that he wants Humperdinck to live with his own cowardice, turns him down. Fezzik arrives outside the window with four white horses from the prince’s stable that they can make their escape on. Westley offers Inigo the job of the next Dread Pirate Roberts, the foursome ride off into the sunset, and Buttercup and Westley enjoy a kiss, one that this time, the Grandson doesn’t object to hearing about.

The book finishes, and as the Grandfather gets up to leave, the Grandson asks if he can come again and read it some other time.

The Grandfather smiles and nods, parting with the words: “As you wish.”

The end.

So, now’s as good a time as any to discuss something that tends to ‘plague’ The Princess Bride: the story doesn’t really make sense.

Humperdinck comes up with an overwhelmingly complex plan instead of just killing Buttercup himself. Somehow, Westley knows exactly when and where Buttercup was taken so he’s able to follow her. The fight scenes are civil, the villains never actually follow through with the simple solution, Inigo can identify the Man in Black’s scream, loud enough to be heard kingdom-round, and follow it to the forest, and the ghost of Inigo’s father momentarily possesses his sword and leads him to the cave. Westley miraculously has enough strength to drag himself to where Buttercup is going to try to kill herself. Fezzik somehow has a holocaust cloak with him. Buttercup and Westley’s relationship is founded on, as the end credits say, ‘storybook love’, an ideal more than an actual relationship.

This is a story that is so unrealistic, with so many lapses in logic and leaps to conclusions that it could very easily be rendered completely ridiculous. However, miraculously, it’s not.

The Princess Bride is played extremely sincerely, albeit with a hint of tongue in cheek. Inigo’s grief is not played for laughs, and neither is Westley and Buttercup’s love. Dialogue may be funny, but the overall story is meant to be taken seriously.

Occasionally, the story’s ridiculousness is tempered by the Grandson’s questions and interruptions, waved off by his Grandfather so that he can continue on with the story, but overall, the audience is left to contend with this bizarre world where these things just happen. Characters don’t seem surprised by anything. In fact, they take everything in stride, nodding as though this is the only option that makes sense. Even stranger, their attitude is contagious: until you stop to think about it, the audience just nods and goes along too.

In another story, they wouldn’t get away with this. Plot holes would be torn wide open by fans pointing fingers, demanding to know how this happened. In The Princess Bride, it doesn’t seem to matter. And there’s a pretty simple reason for that:

The Princess Bride is a fairy-tale.

This is not supposed to be a ‘fantasy’ story, not in terms such as Ladyhawke, anyway. This is a fairy-tale, a storybook. The rules are different here. When events happen, the how is not important, only the why matters. It doesn’t really matter how Westley finds Buttercup, because true love always brings them together. It doesn’t matter how Fezzik has the holocaust cloak. What matters is that it works out, and they get to continue the story to get the fulfilling end of the story, for everyone. In the end, good wins, evil loses, and the good guys all get what they want: revenge, true love, and the prince’s humiliation.

In a way, it’s almost anticlimactic: there’s no final duel with Humperdinck, Westley’s too weak to even stand for too long, and Inigo doesn’t even get to finish him off. Like the Grandson complains about: Humperdinck lives, and the good guys merely escape.

So…is this a satisfying ending?

Yeah, actually.

The question of The Princess Bride was never one of ‘will Westley kill Humperdinck’, because that’s not what Westley’s story is about. As swashbuckling as Westley’s story is, it has nothing to do with revenge or things like that, like Inigo’s is. Westley’s end goal, his reason for going on, is exactly what he tells Miracle Max from the great Beyond:

“True love.”

Westley couldn’t care less about Humperdinck other than the fact that he’s getting in the way of his and Buttercup’s storybook love. Humperdinck is an obstacle to his true goal and drive, and he’s not worth the killing. Once he’s out of the way and Westley and Buttercup are reunited, Humperdinck ceases to matter to Westley. If the story had been from Miracle Max’s point of view, Humperdinck would have died or at least, have something more horrible happen to him, but since Humperdinck never really succeeded in doing much of anything throughout the story, he’s actually so pathetic that he’s not worth Westley’s time.

So, yeah, Humperdinck is left to live with his cowardice because his death wouldn’t have provided the characters anything except maybe catharsis, and honestly, that’s not really a good enough reason to off your villain.

On the other hand, Inigo’s villain, Count Rugen, is killed, for a very simple reason: that’s the logical end to fulfill Inigo’s story. It does no good for Westley to kill Rugen, or for Inigo to kill Humperdinck like he offers to do, because it doesn’t contribute anything to the respective hero’s story. In the end, the story balances out perfectly, and both heroes get what they want: revenge, through Inigo’s climactic battle with Rugen, and true love.

Westley’s driving force is reuniting with Buttercup, and as a result, the climax of the movie, the real climax, is when they reunite for the last time, proving Westley’s previous words true:

“Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”

In short? The ending fits as perfectly as Westley and Buttercup themselves.

Thanks so much for reading! Join us next time for an analysis on the genre and themes of The Princess Bride! If you liked it, please leave a comment or a like, and I hope to see you in the next article.

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