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leithianxx · 2 years

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I've been trying to tease apart why I've gone so terminally feral for this show in particular, and I think a big part of it is because it captures the feeling of falling in love so accurately that I feel like I'M falling in love. Butterflies in my stomach, nauseous when I think about it, can't STOP thinking about it love.

As much as we all love a classic rom-com/love story flick, they have wreaked havoc on our expectations of romance. The purpose of those films or shows are to play out our most grandiose fantasies of love and relationships, a level of drama we could never actually attain, as a form of escapism. There are no manic pixie dream girls whose sole personality is a brand of quirky that fits your interests and saves you from your disillusionment in life. In reality, pursuing someone so intensely without ever giving up or taking no for an answer until they finally win their love interest over has become a trope so pervasive that its bled into the insidious romantic imagination of Nice GuysTM world wide. In the real world, you probably will never have that spinny camera kiss in the pouring rain after you've beaten the odds and live happily ever after, and you might feel like nothing you can experience will ever live up to that feeling. Not to mention they're all heteronormative as fuck.

In OFMD the friends to lovers journey is tentative and slow. There's no moment where one of them takes their glasses off and they suddenly see the other in a whole new light. There's no one sided whining and pining, where there's no real interest in friendship and they only stick around hoping to someday get in the other's pants. They deeply care and fret about not ruining their friendship, about not making the other uncomfortable or pressured. Most of my personal long term relationships started out as friendships, and it was a delicate drawn out testing of the waters before it naturally evolved. And this is particularly common in queer relationships where the lines between platonic and romantic love are often blurred because there are no models of courtship to look to for guidance.

I've seen people talk about how their kiss was too awkward, but that's how real first kisses are. Confessing your feelings is mortifying and nerve wracking, and hearing it makes you blush and stammer. You miss their lips and knock your heads, you don't know where to put your hands. You're nervous. It's not perfect but it's sweet.

And hats off to Taika for absolutely nailing true heartbreak. It feels like your world is ending and your life has come crashing down like they show in the movies but it also makes you feel small and soft and scared. It's the squeak in your voice when someone asks you how you are and you can feel yourself trying not to cry but you can't stop it. It's feeling so emotionally exhausted that you can't even bring your self to be angry, you'd just rather curl up into a ball and die. It's thinking you're moving on until something small reminds you of them and you ugly cry until snot is running down your face and you can't catch your breath. It's hiding under your covers and writing shit poetry in your notes app.

OFMD isn't "I wish I could experience this love story." OFMD is "I have experienced this love story." Falling in love can be the most huge, overwhelming, transcendental part of the human experience. It doesn't need exaggeration. It's the little things, it's like Mary says. It's them understanding your idiosyncrasies and finding them charming. It's exposing each other to new things and new ideas. It's laughing a lot. It's passing the time well.

It's mundane and it's amazing. It's easy, it's like breathing. This show has made me fall in love with the idea of falling in love all over again.

#our flag means death #ofmd #our flag means death meta #ofmd meta #our flag means death analysis #ofmd analysis #david jenkins #edward teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #edward x stede #taika waititi #rhys darby

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ciellunee · 5 months

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Seeing him tonight, it's a bad idea, right?

Pairing- nanami X reader

Chapter 1- Yes, I know that he's my ex, but can't two people reconnect?

Synopsis- kento Nanami is your ex-boyfriend. He's cold, stoic, and more importantly, the crush of your new friend. Being the good friend you always are, you should keep your hands off him....but can you?

You and Nanami kento were that golden couple at jujutsu High. You made the monotonous man smile. He found his peace within you, the way you understood his wants and needs, how your lips curled into a perfect smile everytime you wished him 'morning' saying the same words ever so lovingly in his ears, he was mesmerised.

High-school nanami was emo. He hated loud parties, never spoke much, and was always tired. You, however, were the exact opposite, loved wild parties, spoke a lot, and were never tired from all the adventure jujutsu sorcery provided. The only thing you both enjoyed equally was poetry. Gojo always teased Nanami how him and you were polar opposites and how one day you might dump him for someone more like you. However, what actually happened was quite contrasting to Gojo's prediction. Nanami was the one who dumped you. Why? Because he wasn't sure if he could handle another heartbreak.

After haibara's death, nanami made sure to never get attached to anything. Attachment only leads to heartbreak, and that scared Nanami to the core. You, you were someone he deeply cared about, but he'll choose loneliness over attachment after all he's supposed to be that way, lonely, tired, and awaiting his death.

Months passed, and you both graduated. It's now been 3 whole years since your breakup. You heard nanami started working as a Salaryman, but rejoined as jujutsu sorcerer. You worked in the medical department alongside shoko and your friend Midori.

Gojo wouldn't shut up about how happy he was that "NANAMI FINALLY UNDERSTANDS WHERE HE BELONGS". That helped you in no certain way. Even after so many years, you felt anxious and nervous, just the thought of Nanami working in the same place as you made your stomach bubble. You hated to admit it, but you never truly moved on. How could you? He was everything you ever wished for. Your mind was overwhelmed with thousands of questions. "Should I go greet him?" "What if he gets awkward?" ..... "Should I call him kento or Nanami-san"....."is he seeing someone?", "what if he was married ?" ...

Hearing a knock on your door, you finally give rest to your thoughts. Opening the door you're met with a very tired looking shoko and behind her is Utahime and Midori.

Utahime gives you a smile while midori gets in blabbing something you're not really focused on. "You weren't there to greet him" said shoko catching you by surprise. "I thought he might get awkward seeing me so I stayed here."

Shoko and Utahime know you better, they can see you diverting your eyes whenever his name is mentioned, a little pink blush settling on your cheeks. Smug smiles on both their faces.

'Y/N...... do you know the grade 1 sorcerer who rejoined jujutsu high today? Oh my god he's a dreamboat!!!!' Midori squealed. You felt your heart sink, her eyes gleaming with excitement as she spoke about the blonde man. ......

After about an hour or so, Utahime decided to drag shoko and midori to principal Yaga's office to discuss a few things. "Least you can do is text him a greeting." Shoko whispered to you as they left, leaving you contemplating if you should text your ex boyfriend and friend's possible crush or not.

Texting the stoic sorcerer sounded like a bad idea but you had nothing to lose......

FUCK IT, IT'S FINE!!!

#Spotify #jujutsu nanami #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk smau #jjk drabbles #jujutsu sorcerer #jjk nanami #nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen #nanami smau #jjk x reader #jjk gojo #shoko ieiri #utahime iori #ask #request #jjk #jujutsu geto

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merrivia · 1 year

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I’ve finally read Pet and am kicking myself I didn’t read it sooner!

I’ve measured out the short stories like I’m nibbling on chocolate, Charlie Bucket style, and I was leaving this till last partly because of that, and partly because I didn’t feel that interested in Ancel (sorry Ancel, I take it back).

It’s fascinating reading about events that occur in Captive Prince but not from Damen’s POV. The idea that everyone has complexities under the surface, and that things aren't always as they seem, is only understood by Damen negatively in the first half of Captive Prince I think. Veretians are untrustworthy and slippery and Machiavellian. And that's not, not true! The Veretian court IS a pit of vipers. But people are also still human, and it's that extra step of understanding the humanity underneath even these acidic, performative snakes which is interesting. Ancel is sharp and smart (and really needs to be taught how to read forthwith). Berenger is morally admirable, and isn't actually sleeping with him. Vannes cares about Berenger in her own small way. Laurent emits a great deal of power and is "instantly commanding" to others (but not to Damen, which must have really infuriated him).

Here’s some more snippets of my thoughts in general:

Waxing is canon! So interesting. Why does no grown man ever shave in the books also? Why isn't attending, also shaving? I think we'll just have to accept that as Pacat's choice. Maybe the only blade she wanted between them was the ghost of swords from a long ago fight/swords in the present?

Isagoras the writer/poet- any connection to Isagoras the historical figure who was embroiled in a power play in terms of Athenian politics and democracy? Who Aristotle called ‘friend of tyrants’? Obviously he’s not meant to be that figure but is it a sort of irony and foreshadowing for the political choices Berenger has to make?

And Akielon writing/poetry is popular among men with status? Interesting. You wonder if Laurent approved a poem waxing lyrical about Ios, or really anything that suggested the Akielons aren't barbarians.

I feel as if Damen would know this poem, and read it to Laurent as part of courting him 🥺

Interesting to see a first impression of Laurent from the viewpoint of someone not instantly obsessed with him- severe and harsh, but no mention of his beauty till later.

I mean this nicely but Damen really has no idea how naturally arrogant and superior he comes across as in this situation, does he? I mean, it’s completely understandable if you think of Akielon society, and how he’s been raised and treated; in fact it would be implausible any other way based on his character traits too. He’s just so bad at pretending to be a slave even as his life is at risk if they find out he’s a prince 😂 oh Damen /pets his curls/. And oh, a *lion* you say....

Just really bad at acting servile, it's so funny. Love him.

Speaking of Lamen, it is a little unsettling how quickly Damen starts to fall for Laurent in Captive Prince and how Laurent truly does hate him, yet…is clearly on some molecular level, attracted to him, I think? It’s just a really heartbreaking and stressful dynamic. His "complete attention" on him...let's face it, if Damen had looked like Govart, Laurent wouldn't be fixated in the same way (I mean this nicely).

Oh my baby Laurent. You know this isn’t right. Are you reenacting a past trauma? Making him suffer what you suffered? Even if you aren’t, your flaw is letting your hatred and anger blind you to your morals. (Lucky a man is going to fall in love with you who is pretty much always on your side even when you don’t always deserve it…). Damen will help you be more honourable /pats blond head/

"Locked” is an apt word isn’t it, considering all that ties them together (and not to mention the gold cuffs and collar…) and oof, Laurent's sexual domination in this scene is quite apparent.

and…

I mean, we all know this is sex by proxy and so does Ancel, who just met Laurent and Damen!

And lastly, I am team Berenger. He's a Good Man and would probably get on pretty well with Torveld and Nikandros, the other dark haired, loyal and responsible men in the trilogy.

Nice to see someone see commoners as people all year round (not simply when their villages are being massacred and their humanity is thrown into stark relief by it)!

#captive prince #pet #ancel #berenger #damen #laurent #lamen

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aziraphales-library · 6 months

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Hello! Thank your for your service 🫡 it’s really appreciated 🫶

Is there any Romeo and Juliet AU? I would looove to read one!

Have a nice dayyy

Hi. I'm not aware of an out-and-out AU, but here are some fics featuring or referencing Romeo and Juliet...

if i profane by Waywarder (T)

“I think I’d like to be in a play someday,” Aziraphale pivoted. “Oh, it must be absolutely thrilling.” “How’s that?” “Oh, I don’t pretend to really know,” Aziraphale went on, brightening a little. “But I imagine that it must feel quite freeing to lose oneself in a character. To get to live inside romantic, beautiful stories, if only for a moment. To simply do whatever the poetry tells you to do.” And a positively terrible idea crept into Crowley’s head. After their sixth showing of Romeo & Juliet, Aziraphale and Crowley drink and argue about the play and, eventually, Crowley comes up with an idea.

Arms, take your last embrace by stormsonjupiter (T)

Alternate Universe: What if Crowley hadn't used his holy water by the time he though Aziraphale was dead? Would he use it on himself? This is my version of Az/Crow's Romeo and Juliet suicide scene. TW: suicide.

Oh speak again, bright angel by HolyCatsAndRabbits (G)

Happy Good Omens Celebration, everyone! This fic ties in with the GOC prompt “Contrast.” Written to go with this amazing art by Selene-yoshi-chan, which was a DTIYS by PinkPiggy93. Selene gave me a run-down of their thoughts about this piece, and I wrote the fic from those.

A Pair of Star-Cross’d Lovers by Libbyfay (T)

They attend the opening performance of Romeo and Juliet, and it hits a little too close to home. -- It all starts out so innocently, “palm to palm” in the first act. Then, it’s nothing but a torturous, slow descent toward heartbreak and oblivion. Aziraphale could see the writing on the wall, and he refused the fate which was playing out before them. Unfortunately, Crowley wasn’t going to understand, and simply could not be trusted to keep himself in check. The soft-hearted demon sniffling at his side was nothing but a liability. It was all going to be up to him.

Paradise Regained by ThetaSigma (T)

Wouldn’t it be nice, Aziraphale thought, if they could be on the same side finally? But of course demons couldn’t unfall. It was silly to wish for that. And rather dangerous, since thinking that a demon might unfall and become Heavenly again was tantamount to saying that God had erred and that demons could be redeemed. And things like that led to falls. Aziraphale froze. He could Fall. Crowley couldn’t rejoin Heaven, but Aziraphale could Fall from Heaven and become a demon, and then they would be on the same side. **** or, A showing of Romeo and Juliet leads Aziraphale to consider Falling.

Hell is Empty, All the Demons (and One Angel) are in Verona by Lost_Stories (M)

"Gloomily, Crowley swirled the red liquid in the cup in front of him and looked up to the other side of the tavern. There, just out of earshot, sat Aziraphale and Will. He scoffed. Not only was he having a bad day, Aziraphale and Will seemed to be having an entirely too good one. Aziraphale’s cheeks were a (beautiful) shade of red as he leaned close to Will, hand resting on his arm. He was clearly drunk, and Crowley would love to grab that tankard of wine from Will’s hands and throw it out the window. If looks could kill, William Shakespeare would never write another play..." One night when William Shakespeare gets drunk in a tavern while he's stuck on his writing, Crowley and Aziraphale tell him the story of Verona, with which they were much more involved than anyone would be able to tell from the story today...

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #romeo and juliet #shakespeare #mod d

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shitpostingiris · 2 years

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The last time

Part 2

Warnings-angst, loose mentions of Suicide, dark(ish)dream,

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Y/n sat in her bathtub letting the shower run above her. The scalding hot water soaking through her clothes. The salty tears that ran down her red face mixing with the freshwater that rained down on her. She replayed everything in her mind as she sobbed quietly alone.

The last time she saw the man who ruined her. His words bit into her leaving a never closing wound on her soul. A man who possessed her entire being for the last few years. A man who she loved more than life itself. A man who she killed for. A man…no a being who was now her end.

Y/n remembered how Dream treated her like a queen the first years they spent together. His kind words and soft touches. Slowly disappeared into nothing but bitter words and cold behavior as the years passed. Y/n knew now she should’ve taken everyone’s warnings about him to heart. If only she could go back in time to warn herself. To be able to spare her from this hurt. She knew how quickly she fell in love with morpheus wasn’t normal. The word Love couldn’t come close to really describing how y/n felt for him. He possessed her entire being, she did and would do anything for him. He owned her truly and he knew that.

Y/n remembered the last conversation she had with the endless. She remembered how cold the marble floors were on her clad skin as she kneeled below dream. Tears falling so fast It was as if a dam had finally broken. Letting all the unshed tears it had blocked, building up as the years passed finally fall.

She remembered every word he spoke to her that night hanging onto them as if they were scripture. His smooth cold monotone voice never letting an ounce of emotion seep through as kneeled and took her face into his hands “I’m sorry your first heartbreak was from someone who was supposed to love you the most. You deserved to feel love as soon as you came to this earth. I’m sorry that you people who were supposed to take care of you couldn’t love you in the way you needed. I’m sorry that everyone you’ve ever loved has hurt you. I’m sorry that you find it hard to love knowing it always ends in heartbreak, but I hope one day you are loved the way you deserve to be and I hope you can love yourself like that too. And I am sorry that person isn’t me y/n. I’m sorry I hurt you again but this is always how it ends for you and me.” His voice almost sounded mocking as he spoke Maybe to y/n's imagination. Y/n died that night maybe not truly, but she might as well have.

Y/n couldn’t do anything but mull over that one quote he spoke to her. One he often said to her those last few months. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you again’ Y/n often wrote poetry and quotes. Her writing was fueled by dream. The words flowed beautifully as they were transcribed from her mind to paper.

Y/n's last piece of poetry she wrote shot through many people's hearts once they read it. Written in beautiful chillography and red ink on teardrop stained paper. Written in a journal gifted to her by Morpheus himself. A man she once called her lover, her soulmate. Now that version of him was only a distant memory.

He says:

I’m sorry I hurt you again

And I say:

let me collapse at your feet, let my body fold around you, let my legs go numb enough that I may understand how your heart feels

He looks at me with what I can only describe as indifference and I look at him with what can only be called worship.

And I think how nice it must feel to be loved. How nice it must feel to be him

Death visited y/n that night in the shower. The running water stained a light red as it was washed down the drain. Y/n couldn’t help as relief washed over her in seeing death. Their eyes spoke a thousand unspoken words and their hands clasped together. The only sound heard in the quiet room was the sound of deaths wings as y/n left the living plane.

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As always feed back will always be appreciated!

These quotes are not my own! found them on google when writing this

@nebulosa-reina

#dream #dream fic #dream x reader #dream of the endless #morpheus #morpheus x reader #sandman #sandman fic #sandman x reader #tom sturridge

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queerfictionwriter · 2 years

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It’s Here!

So, I’ve mentioned recently that I was going to be launching a Patreon page, and here it is! It’s been a little nerve-wracking to figure out—what can I offer? How much should I offer? What’s a reasonable, sustainable amount for me? What’s a fair price to ask for?

So, in short: I’ve launched a page that’s specifically about helping writers. Writers of fanfiction and original fiction, mostly, but there’ll be some stuff in there about poetry and non-fiction, too. The overall tone is “tools, not rules”, because good writing isn’t so much about Right and Wrong as it is using all the different elements—word choice and punctuation, grammar and tone, pace and symbols and motifs—in a way that’s effective, that helps you achieve whatever your goal is with what you’re writing.

And I picked this particular topic for a couple of reasons: firstly, because I have a lot of thoughts about this, and have been very willing to help my fellow writers by sharing those thoughts, as anyone who’s ever shared a Discord DM with me can tell you. Secondly, because I think a lot of professional writing programs and books and courses have their methods, and those methods are often rigid and don’t work well for a lot of us, to say nothing of the fact that I’ve heard of a heartbreaking number of people who come out of MFA programs having lost their words. And I think that’s both a tragedy and a crime. I’m a writer, and I want to help other writers along their journeys and move towards their goals—and I want to do it in such a way that feels helpful and encouraging, but also, above all else, constructive. Discouraging someone from putting words on the page is the exact opposite of my goal, here.

The other reason I picked this topic is that I’ve come to realize I have some knowledge that isn’t necessarily common, and that would probably be beneficial to a lot of writers: specifically of English grammar, but in layman’s terms. And also some advice on how to approach and structure sex scenes. Because English is a bastard language that chooses violence, and its grammar is an ouroboros that seems to require knowledge and understanding of every other English grammar concept in order to grasp This One Thing. And also because sex scenes are tricksy fuckers (heh) to write, and I know it can feel intimidating to just dive into the deep end with them, because “failing” at them can feel very vulnerable and very discouraging in ways that “failing” at an action scene or piece of dialogue often doesn’t.

Which leads into those final points, about sustainability and price. I’ve noticed a tendency to want to help and support as many writers as I possibly can, and it’s meant I’ve overextended myself in the past. To say nothing of the fact that I can only provide so much in-depth, one-on-one help because of time constraints, and also because I only personally know so many people who are both interested in and open to that kind of help. A Patreon page, where it’s more widely available, where the tools I want to provide can be lined up and amassed like some kind of writerly gardening shed, is a more sensible, sustainable way to offer those tools, and might feel more comfortable for writers who don’t want to share their writing with me personally but do want to pick my brain for useful bits. I won’t lie, it also feels weird to monetize those skills, especially when I know that a lot of useful knowledge and tools for writers are inaccessible due to high costs and paywalls.

With all of that in mind—and that I also have bills to pay, and that what I’m offering is, in fact, of value—I tried to set a fair price point for what I’m offering, which will be a couple of posts a month, in addition to the handful that are currently up to kick things off with. I have a list of topics I want to cover, and if anyone is curious about what’s on that list, or has other questions about how it’s going or what I’m doing over there, feel free to send me an ask about it!

#K speaks #writing #my writing #Patreon #writing community #writers #writing is hard #non-fiction #shameless self-promotion

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ella-cooper · 7 months

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“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”― Mary Oliver

For as long as Ella could remember, they had always wanted to belong. The middle of three children, they often found it hard to find their own footing, let alone their own personalities. Their parents had been the most genuine reflection of love and even when Ella didn’t quite know who they were it was still easy to feel taken care of, loved, and at home with their family. But after losing their parents right before their high school years, they set off on a path of self-destruction that they’re only now minorly recovering from. And even that is generous.

For as long as Ella can remember they have wanted to be a part of Los Santos. Growing up in Tonopah Valley it felt like the thing to be. All of their friends growing up were either children of capos and sicarios or narcos and halcones themselves. They felt like they had spent so much of their life adjacent to the cartel that it would only be a matter of time before they were part of it. Ellla knew their parents would roll over in their graves at the idea of it all but they were gone and the more Ella got into drugs and alcohol the more logical it seemed that this could all be their world too.

But perhaps almost as heartbreaking as losing their parents was losing their shot with Los Santos. They could barely make it through one round with a member, let alone two. They had spent all that time being observant, knowing the streets, and the science, but they hadn’t trained nearly enough to withstand what it took to really become a member. So…they failed. And in that failure, they found a self-loathing they still have not recovered from.

For years after this loss, Ella found themselves floating. Going from job to job, ignoring calls from their sisters, sleeping their way through town and drowning themselves in whatever they could. They had passions and ambitions but none of them seemed to amount to much. Until one night, when they came upon a vacant building and got an idea. Something to pour their heart into. Something that could save them. But with all good things that felt too good to be true, it all came with a price.

Now the proud owner of The Scarlet Lounge for the past five years, Ella seems like they’ve found their footing. They show up to work on time (mostly) and are well-liked by their staff and everyone who comes through their doors seems to have a good time. They throw themselves into helping out with cocktail concepts, prides themselves on knowing all the people brave enough to step up to do poetry, and is extremely dedicated to running a business that actually makes a profit.

And none of it would have been possible without the Enterprise. It had all happened so quickly, the conversation, the agreement, the enterprise taking advantage of Ella’s vulnerable state. It was almost as if they could see the future and their pitch had sounded s]to good to be true. Ella didn’t have enough to buy the building, and they didn’t have enough to do the construction or hire people. But the Enterprise did and in exchange, Ella was to let them use the Scarlet as a front for whatever they wanted. One week it could be laundering, the next it could be letting one of their own lay low in their back room for an extended period. On the worst days, it included getting their hands dirty, but they tried to avoid it as much as possible. Come off as someone who at least had minor boundaries. But there’s no denying how much they own Ella’s ass and how much they give in, figuring it’s their consolation prize for never making it with Los Santos. If drunk enough, they would admit that maybe, in all of this, it was spite that caused them to say yes to the Enterprise. Or maybe they just finally wanted a fucking break.

Headcanons:

Ella’s two greatest loves are skateboarding and dogs. They usually prefer to skate around than drive but do own a shitty car that once belonged to their sister.

Avid devil’s lettuce smoker. Tbh has been trying to convince someone to let her turn The Scarlet into the part dispensary.

Heavily tattooed.

Really fucking smart but terrible with commitment. Graduated from college with their bachelors in English and could have easily gone onto a graduate program but said fuck it.

Was briefly engaged to a woman she loved deeply and dearly but she fucked it all up by self-sabotaging.

Is a hot mess but also a really loyal and loving individual (platonically at least). Super charming and loves to flirt. Can talk your ear off and then just ghost you.

A Libra Sun, Scorpio Rising, and Taurus Moon (YIKES)

#about ella #intro #tv.intros

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thefaketattoo · 1 year

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I just watched the HDM finale and, as expected, I am... shattered.

I've got a lot of thoughts. On what I like, on what I don't like. There's many of the second (mainly in relation to timing/pacing and the directing of acting), but overall, I get the feeling this was a show done with care, by people who loved the story and tried their best to convey the things that most spoke to them. I think it did quite well as an adaptation.

Whilst I didn't like episode 7, episode 8 had me entranced. It was beautiful. And so I thought I needed to jot somethings down before they slipped my heart and mind. Because in truth, in the end, this is such a heartbreaking tale. When I read these as a kid, I think I had the feeling that Will and Lyra's separation was something that I would only understand as an adult. That it belonged to the adult universe, so to speak, to the beings of rational thought and settled deamons. And though it broke me apart, it consoled me to think there was some poetry in it.

Well, maybe I was a wiser 10 year-old than now, at 28. Because each time I face the story (I've read it several times), I just feel the weight and injustice of it. I don't understand it more. It's weird, coz Pullman's connotation of the Fall is very Christian -- the whole idea of temptation and whatnot -- but if we stretch it a bit, maybe he meant (or maybe we can interpret) that the Fall also means to actually fall: to fall in love and then break, to suffer, to have to deal with loss. That maturity, and so... But honestly, I don't know if I am that mature. I suffer heaps when I have my heart broken, and I find Lyra and Will's tale increasingly sad. I still wish for a romantic ending for the both of them. Even what the other characters say to them before they separate, however filled with good intentions (like "it will hurt less in time), just sounds almost insensitive to my ears. Is it not downplaying something, making it a first love kind of yhing, a childlike infatuation that will pass... and the theme of martyrdom progresses! They've already lost so much. Must they sacrifice it all?

Ahhh, fuck this shit. Why can't people just get happy endings once in a while?

Anyways. Will post furyher rants in the future, maybe. I accept recommendations of good, well-written fics to soothe my soul.

#his dark materials #lyra silvertongue #will parry #hdm

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moth--knight · 6 months

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[staring at you with eyes like a cat about to get the zoomies] how are you liking harrow the ninth!! and happy halloween!!

HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HIIIIIIIIII SPOOKY ^_^

happy (belated, sorry) halloween!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you had lots of fun and got to enjoy both tricks and treats <33

I FINISHED HARROW. I FINISHED IT. AND GOODNESS GRACIOUS GOLLY. I AM UNDONE ! ! ! ! ! (I am assuming you have read it but if not / for other unsuspecting folks I am gonna put some spoiler heavy rambles below the cut)

the SOUP SCENE!?!?!?!?!? harrow is an icon and legend i love her so bad. half dead half asleep and still can make a killer (hahahhahahahhahahHAHAHAHAHAH) soup. she IS wife material but ianthe keep ur golden skelly hand OFF OF HER!!!!!!!!

it was such a delight to see abigail and magnus since we didn't get much of them last time for obvious reason <33 and the POETRY deus ex machina??? tamsyn is a genius i fear.

i was screaming crying throwing up at harrow's brain writing essentially meet cute fanfic for her and gideon. she's just like me fr.

ianthe is horrible and i love to hate her and love her. like christ. she is rotten to her core and it is so fascinating to try and parse out why she does things. her constant manipulation of harrow is so harrowing (ha).

jod (john god) my mortal enemy. that final confrontation scene with him had me on the edge of my seat. seeing him go full mask off after killing mercymorn.....yeah. yeah.

i nearly cried seeing camilla and sex pal again. god how i missed them. it is so heartbreaking how much everyone from canaan house seems to love (or at least respect) harrow. she doesn't know what to do with herself!!!!!!!!! oh and it was a treat to finally properly meet ortus. so good.

GIDEON!!!! HOW I MISSED GIDEON!!!!!! CHRIST BUT HER NARRATION IS SO UNIQUE I WANT TO HUG HER!!!!!!!!!!!

every twist is done so brilliantly i think.....finding out WHY harrow stabs cytherea's body, understanding what was going on with gideon prime......speaking of which-

PYRHHA DVE THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE PLEASE CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahem. sorry.

tamsyn has this great ability to like, unravel the mysteries all at once (toward the end of gideon and then again at the end of harrow) in a way that doesn't feel hollow. like it unfolds perfectly and the OH!!!!! moment feels deserved even though a lot of it happens all at once.

I went into reading harrow knowing the "twist" and it didn't ruin the experience - if anything, it enhanced it and made me more cognizant of the smart little details she peppered throughout the text. augh.

the tldr is I fucking LOVED harrow and I am starting nona today, so hopefully I enjoy it just as much ^-^

but to end on the most important question of them all: HOW does harrow know that "frontline tiddies of the fifth" is not an actual publication. hmm?? HMM???????

#asks #hi spooky i'm sorry i've been mia i will respond to your other messages soon #BUT please know i miss you and seeing you pop up in the server/on the dash always feels-#like wandering into a warm patch of sunlight!!!!!!#thank you for being you and thank you for this lovely ask <333 #tlt

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finishinglinepress · 10 months

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NEW FROM FINISHING LINE PRESS: Learning to Breathe by Cindy Buchanan

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/learning-to-breathe-by-cindy-buchanan/

RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Learning to Breathe explores a #mother’s journey through years of attempting to navigate the guilt, confusion, and loss that comes with being the parent of an #addict. It includes poems of grief and sorrow, as well as poems of endurance, strength, and praise. Through poetry as a form of prayer, the speaker realizes she has control only over herself. If she is to survive and be of help to her child and to those she loves, she must find how to be resilient. This is a parent’s story, and the poems are an offering of hope to the many others in similar relationships: despite almost unbearable sorrow, we can learn to breathe again.

Cindy Buchanan was raised in Alaska and has a B.A. in English from Gonzaga University. She studies poetry at Hugo House in Seattle, Washington where she currently lives, and is a member of two monthly poetry groups. Her work has been published in Chestnut Review, Evening Street Review, The MacGuffin, Hole in the Head Review, and other journals.

PRAISE FOR Learning to Breathe by Cindy Buchanan

Cindy Buchanan‘s mesmerizing chapbook moves with centripetal force around the story of losing—yet not losing—a child. Teeming with love, warmth, and beauty, Learning to Breathe intimately charts a mind searching for answers, a heart as it slowly breaks, and a soul in pursuit of the sublime. The poems bravely confront what it means to grieve when the object of grief is not dead, only gone—”when I turn to face/the sun but find it missing.” Buchanan conveys a higher understanding of longing and love that breaks and warms the heart all at once.

–Kim Kralowec, author of We retreat into the stillness of our own bones, The Saplings Think of Us as Young.

Cindy Buchanan‘s stunning and heart-wrenching debut depicts a harrowing world in which a speaker-mother has lost her daughter to addiction. Saturated with emotion—sorrow, guilt, and most of all, grief—these poems, heavy as they are in their implications, lift off the page with their poignant, elegantly-crafted lines. “I had to turn from not you/ and not call her by your name,” the speaker says of another to her absent daughter. The natural world is a solace, yet can never be enough to turn the speaker from her loss, as she begs: “Pick up the phone. Hear/ my blood pound in your veins.” We ourselves experience the pounding as we move through this collection, each poem building on the last to create a final sound—a swoosh, a pulse—that ultimately chooses breath. Learning to Breathe is a survivor’s story and a must-read for anyone who’s ever experienced loss—which is all of us.

–Jeanine Walker, author of The Two of Them Might Outlast Me

“How to grieve a loss that’s ongoing? How to tell a story when the main character is missing? The poems in Cindy Buchanan’s Learning to Breathe contend with these difficult questions and so many more with deftly wrought, emotionally wrenching poems that paint a vivid portrait of a daughter’s absence, a mother’s love, and the messy complexities of addiction. While this collection roams the house of grief and does not flinch away from painful truths, it also attends—at crucial times, in aching ways—to beauty, making space for the flowers that remain in view, enduring, to bloom.”

–Gabrielle Bates, author of Judas Goat

The poems in Cindy Buchanan’s Learning to Breathe capture the heartbreak and powerlessness of being the parent of an addicted loved one. These poems are full of love, loss, and that eternal question, “Why?” I know this grief, and Buchanan renders it well.

–Susan Vespoli, author of Blame It on the Serpent

“How do you cry a prayer?” Cindy Buchanan’s poems are beautiful, breathtaking expressions of a mother’s remembrances of a daughter. As a bereft mother myself, this collection profoundly touched me and gave me comfort.

–Susan Knox, creative nonfiction and short story writer, author of Financial Basics, a Money-Management Guide for Students.

Please share/repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #read #poems #literature #poetry #addiction #parenting

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just-my-type-x · 1 year

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People just love to throw the word “misogyny” around, do they even know what it means?? They act like this is a smear campaign on women around Colby in general. But in fact i like Amber, i think she’s absolutely lovely and from i can tell most on here do too. Michelle is cool, Kris is funny, Celina is a little much but still okay. Stas is manipulative and no its not because shes suuuper close to Colby because shes really not, hes done more with Amber thats intimate but this girl wont give it a break. Just take a scroll through her likes on twitter, her activity during their Europe trip, how she always seems to become weirdly active and present when she spots a camera, normal? No. They ask HER not Kat for sam and colby content and Colby content alone and guess what her response has been to them and why they thank her? Look at her tiktok.

They moved to Vegas and immediately she told people she was abandoned, made all these subtweets about being used and heartbreak, STARTED A POETRY BOOK FULL OF DEPRESSED POEMS, posted tiktoks crying, shared her spotify playlist with all rave songs for when shes lonely but made sure to add one song that doesnt fit at all by none other than Colby Brock. They were giving her the cold shoulder and her way back in was Kat. Her supposed friend who she never supported and showed no interest in, suddenly she was her biggest cheerleader.

They claim to hate la because of clout chasers when they have the biggest one following them around and riding their coattails.

I remember seeing someone talk about them leaving stas behind cuz they wanted to take a break from her, i imagine they were joking but tbh, if they really were that close and had the friendship of their lives, she would've moved, at least, in vegas, cuz in the same house it's a bit too much. I don't even understand why they went to that festival cuz it only fits Colby and not even him fully.

She adds a lot of fuel to the edits of the fans and she gives more insides about snc's and Kat's personal lives than she has to/has the right to. Personally, and i don't really care what stas stanners say, she built her ig subscription on the naivety of the fans who wanted and wished for more colby content, she knew she was adding that one bit that would make everything grow. I think she became so casual staying with them, that she felt like having tge freedom to talk about some personal stuff that's not even her business (hence the videos from Colby's room in Wales)

Oh and talking about her supporting Kat, i bet she doesn't listen to any songs on her album. She threw an ig story and kat reposted it, boom, noticed. Sometimes she acts like a fan. I understand being happy and glad that u finally have a platform and u don't go to work like other people on the planet and u jump for a living on techno music, but the stuff that happens between closed doors that do not put u in first position to make public or to even discuss them casually with fans should stay behind closed doors

#colby brock #sam and colby

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tilbageidanmark · 1 year

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Movies I watched this Week #121 (Year 3/Week 17):

This week I watched more “Foreign” films (19) and more films by female directors (15) than usual. The best ones were: Lynne Ramsay's 'Gasman' and 'Ratcatcher', 'All night long', and 'Summer 1993'.

🍿

Carmen Jones squarely belongs to the beautiful Dorothy Dandridge, for which she was nominated for Best Actress Oscar, first for an African-American. Harry Belafonte played the sap who falls for her, is betrayed by her and who finally kills her in a jealous rage. The song numbers were all done in single shots, and the opening title sequence was the first one created by Saul Bass.

RIP, Harry Belafonte.

“About my own life, I have no complaints. Yet the problems faced by most Americans of color seem as dire and entrenched as they were half a century ago.”

🍿

Scottish Auteur Lynne Ramsay X 7:

She only made 4 feature films and before this week I’ve only seen her most recent one, the dark and ‘Taxi Driver’-violent ‘You were never really there’, which did not speak to me. But because I keep reading that she’s one of the most important female directors of our time, I wanted to check out the rest of her work.

🍿 Morvern Callar, her second feature, took a while to get me. Driftless, precarious supermarket worker Samantha Morton seemed to have no center. One Christmas morning she finds that her boyfriend had killed himself on their kitchen floor, and like Meursault in ‘The Stranger’ by Camus, she’s overwhelmed by her inability to process her emotions. But he left her a manuscript of a novel, and she replaces his name with hers and sends it to a publisher mentioned in his suicide note. Another modern classic it resembles is Antonioni’s ‘The Passenger': As she reinvents herself with his persona, she travels from her small Scottish town south to Andalusia, and eventually finds herself in the middle of nowhere, on a dusty mountain road without any plans, or idea what to do. By the ‘Dedicated to the One I Love’ ending, it all falls into place.

🍿 Her early, 15-minute masterpiece Gasman became an immediate favorite. A poetic gem without a single unnecessary frame or word. An 8-year-old goes to a Christmas party at the local inn with her dad and brother, and on the way they meet a woman who leaves 2 other children with the dad. The way the story discloses that the girls are half-sisters is silently and unbearably heartbreaking - 10/10!

🍿 “The very thought of you”...

Things left untold in the haunting short Swimmer, pure cinematic poetry in motion, all exquisite allusions without any explanations. 8/10

🍿 All her early shorts won prestigious awards and established her as a superb visual filmmaker. Small deaths was her film school graduation short. It captures a young girl’s pain.

🍿 But only when watching her poetic debut feature Ratcatcher, that I understood why Lynne Ramsay is considered to be one of world cinema’s best visionaries. Not knowing anything in advance about it, I was not prepared for its visual gut punch. Beauty and misery among “the garbage and the flowers”. The non-redeemable, poor children of the working class neighborhood in 1973 Glasgow. Mesmerizing pain, transformative guilt, transcendental grace - one of the best well-made movies I ‘ever’ saw!

🍿 I was reluctant to finish with the depressing We Need to Talk About Kevin, since I’m not big on dramas with Omen-like psychopath children, school shooting tragedies and damaged, long-suffering mothers. Throughout the movie, mom Tilda Swinton is washing blood out, trying to atone. Disturbing and not a pleasure trip for sure.

🍿 All her films are about parental abandonment and existential sadness. Now that I’ve seen them all, I can understand her appeal. So meanwhile, here’s Tony Zhou, of ‘Every Frame a Picture’, talking about The Poetry of Details of Lynne Ramsay (From 2015).

And I can’t wait for her next feature “I feel fine”.

🍿

Ang Lee’s 2nd feature, The Wedding Banquet, part of his early “Father Knows Best” trilogy. Surprisingly, it’s another unapologetic mainstream story about a gay couple, done more than a decade before his ‘Brokeback Mountain’. It tells of a young Taiwanese immigrant in Manhattan, whose parents want him to marry a nice Chinese woman, not knowing that he's been living with his boyfriend [Roy Lichtenstein’s real son] for the last 5 years. Like Peter Weir’s Green Card, he agrees to fake-marry a nice woman who needs a green card, but his parents come and throw him a huge party. It gets a bit implausible.

🍿

2 surprising Othello adaptations:

🍿 My second intelligent enigma by forgotten British director Basil Dearden! A week ago I discovered his seminal gay blackmail Noir ‘Victim’ about closeted barrister Dirk Bogards, and I promised myself to look for other works by him. His very next All Night Long did not disappoint.

It re-creates Shakespeare's ‘Othello’ in a 1962 Swinging London jazz jam. Patrick McGoohan is drummer Johnny, a scheming, pot-smoking Iago who prowls the party stirring up jealousy and fear to tear the interracial couple of regal bandleader Aurelius Rex and his wife Delia apart, so that Delia will sing with Johnny when he leaves Othello's band.

It’s a superbly tense tragedy that takes place in one location and in the course of one evening, It mixes a thriller with authentic jazz performances and score, and it casually presents Race (2 mixed race couples are treated in matter-of-fact way) as well as marijuana usage which is part of the plot, but used without any comment.

With young Richard Attenborough and several prominent Jazz musicians including Dave Brubeck and Charles Mingus. There’s also the majestic performance of black lead actor Paul Harris as ‘The Moor”: Magnetic and unforgettable!

The trailer. 9/10!

🍿 Desdemona, one of the earliest screen adaptations of Othello, a silent film from 1911. It was directed by August Blom, a pioneer of Danish ‘golden age’ of erotic melodramas. Hard to figure out what’s happening, but what great hats the dames wore.

🍿

My first by Danish director Martin Zandvliet, A funny man (”Dirch”). It’s a traditional bio-pic about legendary local comedian and actor Dirch Passer. I loved the way it depicted theatrical life in Copenhagen of the 50′s and 60′s. With good performances by current stars of the Danish screen, Nikolaj Lie Kaas, Lars Ranthe and Lars Brygmann. A solid, personal 8/10.

🍿

The 2 award-winning Catalan dramas made by Carla Simón:

🍿 Alcarràs, a Spanish drama about a family of Catalan farmers, whose peach orchard which they had tended for 2 generations is sold from under them to be uprooted and used as a solar farm. Played convincingly by non-actors, especially the little girl Iris was pitch-perfect. Some scenes (like the family singing) were superb. 7/10. (Photo Above)

🍿 Her debut feature Summer 1993, was a heartbreaking story about a 6-year-old orphan who has to live with her uncle’s family in the country, after both her parents had died of AIDS. It’s a tender and intimate description of small gestures and inner turmoil. Tremendous “acting” by two little girls, the main subject, as well as her new 3-year-old step-sister.

100% ‘Fresh” on Rotten Tomatoes from 97 reviews. This film is also auto-biographical, as Simón’s real parents also died from AIDS when she was 6, and she had to live with her uncle's family in Catalonia. 9/10.

🍿

Fat, Bald, Short Man, my second Colombian film (after the masterful ‘Embrace of the serpent’). A singular animation feature, using minimalist, nearly abstract, rotoscoping. A story of an invisible middle-age salaryman, Antonio Farfán, who is hampered by his ordinary looks and low self-esteem. 5/10.

🍿

2 more by Sarah Polley:

🍿 Her debut feature, Away from her. Adapted from the Alice Munro short story, another difficult topic: Julie Christie suffers from Alzheimer's and must be put away in a home. There’s no surprise here, and it goes only in one direction.

🍿 Take this Waltz, a standard Ménage à trois romantic comedy whereby Michelle Williams is happily married to chicken cookbook author Seth Rogen, but falls in love with the rickshaw driver / hipster-artist across the street. It’s hard to take husband Seth Rogen seriously, and even the Leonard Cohen montage doesn’t elevate the story to more than what it is.

Now that I’ve seen all four of Sarah Polley films, her documentary ‘Stories we tell” is the only memorable one, in my eyes.

🍿

“The gorillas beat him to death before the zookeepers could gas them all...”

“Frag Waving” Team America: World Police, one of the few action movies I can stand, a vulgar satire of Bush’s militaristic war on the “Terrorists”, and a parody of cliches for everything from Hollywood to politics to American values. The version I saw did not have the complete X-rated puppet sex scene I remember from before, but oh well. Still 7/10.

Also: “You are worthress, Arec Barrwin!”

🍿

2 by french director Rebecca Zlotowski:

🍿 Grand Central, my 14th infatuated film with Léa Seydoux (who seems to have a permanent clause in all her contracts that she must have at least 2 crying scenes in each - not that I mind). She starts a lukewarm romance with some block, an unskilled laborer with no personality, while living with the guy’s supervisor in a trailer next door. At the same time, they all work at a French nuclear plant, as manual sub-contractors, without having any qualifications, and get exposed to dangerous radiations all the time. Two arbitrary and unconvincing plots that fell flat. 3/10.

🍿 Zlotowski’s latest drama Other People's Children was better, because it had a more ‘normal’, adult story. A childless 40-year-old woman falls in love with a divorced man who has a four-year-old-daughter, and tries, unsuccessfully to fit in their lives. 5/10.

🍿

I was the biggest Beatles fan there was in the 60′s, but I never saw the reconstructed, cheesy Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band with Peter Frampston (?) and the Bee-gees before. Embarrassing and Disneyland-style kitschy, it made me ashamed to be alive during the excessive 70′s. Many atrocities involved (George Burns ‘Fixin’ a hole’, Donald Pleasence as a pimp, Steve Martin in Maxwell Silver Hammer, Aerosmith ‘Come Together’, nearly every other “parody” song), with zero redeeming qualities. 1/10.

🍿

Cracks, the only film directed by Jordan Scott, Ridley Scott's daughter. The genre of British period films about Boarding School for Girls is not my strong cup of tea, and neither is this one. A lesbian love triangle and sexual jealousy between a teacher and her two students on the diving team ended up clichéd. With young Juno Temple and neurotic Eva Green. 2/10.

🍿

Re-watch: Play it again, Sam, an early and typical Woody Allen comedy, written by him, starred by him (together with past and future girlfriends), but directed by Herbert Ross. 50 years later, it’s dated and unfunny. 2/10.

Should I now re-watch ‘True Romance’, my favorite Tarantino film, in which he based Val Kilmer’s Elvis on the Bogard character from here?

🍿

There were already 70 Covid-19 films, according to Wikipedia. Of the ones I saw, ‘Bo Burnham: Inside’ and ‘Locked Down' were my favorites.

But the new Life upside down is not. I only watched it because it was directed by a woman, and starred Bob Odenkirk. But these 5-6 shallow LA-characters were tiring and uninteresting. The only innovating aspect of this boring film was disclosed during the end credits: The fact that it was shot remotely over Zoom. 2/10.

🍿

(My complete movie list is here)

#movies

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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So the reason I could understand Haiku's problem is because of my own trauma... Well, at the very least my trauma it's useful for something. Honestly I remember this episode and how I couldn't believe how good it was, like, seriously, this episode is amazing. Every scene with Haruka and Haiku were amazing and heartbreaking. There's also that last Haruka Taro interaction it's adorable and also the whole say it again was so emotional. God I love the Donbrothers they're all so much fun.

Also, it's official Kamen Rider Geats has started now that Revice is officially over. First episode dropped already like yesterday/today, and it was really fun.

👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆

Thnks for reminding me Geats is out btw lol

Yeah, I could understand a lot of Haiku's problems too. It was really enlightening and interesting seeing him encounter this problem. Like it hurt seeing just how upset and shook both him and Haruka were at losing Tarou.

Those two were the ones who were/are closest to Momoi. They took care of him when he was ill for gosh sakes. They were the first to know Momoi's identity. They constantly try to talk to and seek out Momoi's POV.

And then this seemingly perfect and strange dude that they've been spending all their time on/with is just suddenly killed in front of them.

Again, none of the Donbrothers really have friends.

So Tarou was probably Shinichi's and Haruka's first real-real friend. Someone who doesn't give a lick about Haruka's plagiarism scandal, and someone that sees through Shinichi's flowery poetry.

And it's also important to consider, that Tarou TOLD THEM that he doesn't know what happiness is like (relatable) and so he brings joy/helps others to perhaps learn.

They know Momoi isn't someone selfish. They know his heart is pure, even if he constantly acts whacky in their eyes. AND they've seen him be take advantage of.

(In Haruka's classroom, once again, "What color are your underpants teacher?")

Haruka recognized that there was something wrong in this scenario and that her classmates were making fun of Momoi. And I don't doubt for Shinichi and Haruka, learning that Tarou CAN'T lie because it KILLS him just compounds this.

It's like you can't help but worry for this guy, who doesn't seem to have anyone else to take care of him, and who doesn't even know or realize when he's being laughed at/bullied/made fun of.

PLUS Haruka DOES know about Momoi being abandoned/his tragic past, thanks to Jin's story time avoidance of answering the question asked LOL.

And now, someone they desperately were trying to revive, is actually brought back, thanks to a bunch of combined effort.

Plus, Haruka watched her close friend die in episode one, so this is an especially touchy subject for her. I'm not surprised she got so emotional that he was finally back.

#There's a lot of details between that trio that really moves me #I think their squad is SO cute.#my thougts #avataro sentai donbrothers #donbrothers #donbrothers liveblog #15 peach falls #who let delivery boy bring a parade float to a gun fight #sentaisouped #cross zmagma #asks #before harvesting season #momoi tarou #haruka kitou #shinichi saruhara

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wthisw · 1 year

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Plot Holes

I horde too many clothes They fill every chest & drawer Of a home that I don't own Every workday's buttoned down Each end's rests left still pressed Hung in an alter to Sunday dress What if I force both to fit? I'll wear away my loneliness

Swollen wardrobes store dual lives Only one of which steps outside

I sway alone without memories Of who you are or I used to be Waltz with plot holes & fall swiftly Twist my ankle, ice with whiskey Pick up my skirts, tip into the pit Meet me down in Tartarus Maybe if I turn to face this Plot holes cave in

Cold coals & profuse poetry be my lonely company Candles promise me concessions Rafters cackle at my questions I do not eat, I do not keep The garden laid out front In my boudoir I wain of want Lie back a lush covered in dust Condemned to my cabin of consciousness The cracks in my mirror cannot conceal The badged Blackbird's bad luck

I sway alone solo with my score of curio antiquities Pluck the pen from my corpse & compose your histories Pick up my skirts, tip into the pit Meet me down in Tartarus Maybe where query won't exist Plot holes cave in

Eyes mulled over, coughing up cork in haste Swathed in someone else Who won't reach past my waist Truth be known I size thirteen Lables babble trinities Pick at truths til holes are seen I'll lap up proofs til clues leave me be I sway alone! Without memories Of who you are or I used to be Waltz with plot holes & fall swiftly Twist my ankle, ice with whiskey

Apollo's jumped chariot out of sheer embarrassment Constellations tumble like lead My moon's a tumbler turned on it's head She shines on my lips akin to epiphany Choking me slow between twilight's knees

Pick up my skirts, tip into the pit Meet me down down down in Tartarus Where under the weight of temptation! Plot holes cave Like a stack of bricks with mortar omitted I quake at the stakes of my lack of foundations Swallow this house Sink it all down! Into the mouth of Magdalene She knows her own name but not faces I know my own home but not this place

It's

Broken windows Rotten floors! Obstinate hinges Open drawers! Knitted, fraying Entryway mazes the Beauty that babbled away from my memories Keep asking questions Answer me, dammit! Let me understand Maybe my identities only read vertically Trip & fall for continuity Of the woman who became of me I long for you, dawn's truth, to bury she But there's no grief where there lies no peace!

Forget me not! labor's lover left me fraught Such haste ever chase after old wanton loss! Food for thought left stomachs starved Paper tastes ever addled, spat ink spells out dabbles So clear to me like charcoal on chalkboard Who is this woman hung in my wardrobe? With gowns sewn from scorn Her girdled throat swore! Lifelines to nevermore Fallen to her knees to grieve garments never worn Her gilded fingers cling to Devil Palm's Apollo But she's a fools gold widow with no stone to show for I found cold vows between the floorboards Engraved to 'other half's' But who the fuck is that?!

I sway alone without memories Who let moth holes eat our love story? Shot of sorrow, chase with dissonance Disregard heartbreak, dance in ignorance Picked up our skirts, tip into damnation The long way down she's beckoning "Half's whole, jump in..."

Final speck of loyalty Hung on an apostrophe O, don't you turn away from me! Sweet duet of lost miseries You forgot your damn'd Eurydice! Alone I shriek obscenities!! So close at once so out of reach You never did belong to me...

Entwined in lace at false alters Tell me my name you gardener Show me your face in Tartarus Maybe if you turn to face me Forget me knots be unwoven

Waltzed with my woes awoke so cold Alone on old floors of our home I don't own Hidden in a chest Tucked beneath the bed I found twin wedding gowns One silken white, one satin red Which one was worn? And which Did you run away with?

#poems on tumblr #a long poem #original poem #original fiction #poetry #sorry for the length #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #long poetry

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qnewslgbtiqa · 15 days

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Get to know Big Gay Day performer TINY

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/get-to-know-big-gay-day-performer-tiny/

Get to know Big Gay Day performer TINY

Each month we ask local entertainers to spill the tea about themselves, their craft and the local scene. This month it’s regular performer on the Brisbane scene, including this year’s Big Gay Day, DJ, producer and singer TINY.

I first got into music…..

When I was six, I was taught chords on a guitar by a family friend. It wasn’t until I was 10 when I received lessons. In high school I was pretty big on writing poetry and won competitions for that so naturally I moved into writing songs and singing when I was 14.

My big break was…..

At the age of 17, I completed my first album and entered one of my songs into a national competition held by Universal Music and APRA called the Bali Song Summit. I won and was flown to Bali to write and collaborate with producers and artists from across the globe. This led to me becoming a top-line writer for other artists (helping them write lyrics and melodies).

I went to LA and did a lot of collaborations, however I left the industry shortly afterwards. I had lost my passion for music and my mindset was brainwashed into “you need to write a hit” rather than, “let’s write from a place of how we can connect to others.”

DJ career

I became a DJ because…

I had a lot of early success and people wanted to know me for what I could give them, but not wanting to know me as a friend.

So after a few months of being depressed, going through a breakup and living a life without music I realised my life didn’t have much meaning without it.

I decided to become a DJ so I could learn to produce during the week. I didn’t tell anyone about my previous success. I wanted to connect with people in the LGBTQIA community and I wanted people to know me for me. I didn’t expect DJing to take off as well as it did, but I guess that was because I fell in love with the process.

My best skill is….

Discipline and perseverance. There was no luck in my success. That was the result of putting in the work every day and still showing up for the love of music, even after experiencing a lot of heartbreak throughout the industry.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by TINY (@tny_bass)

Best and worst experiences

The best gig I’ve done is….

Splendour In the Grass was very much a surreal moment. I felt like years of dedication, commitment and hard work that people don’t see behind closed doors had finally paid off.

The best audience I’ve had is…

When I played Snowbombing in Austria. The support and love for music that I felt in Europe is something entirely different to Australia.

Being a female DJ is…

Becoming a version of myself that I wish I had to look up to as a child so future generations can feel like they can do the same.

Being a female definitely drove me to work hard. I put more pressure on myself to learn as much as possible in all areas of music, not just as a DJ but also as a producer and artist so the proof of my actions was in the pudding itself and nobody could question it.

The worst experience I’ve had performing is…

Well, I’ve played a lot of gigs so I couldn’t say there’s just one. I’ve had the music stop on me whilst performing, I’ve had a glass thrown at my head (I dodged it) and I’ve completely cut the music in a club just to kick a man out who was harassing me and wouldn’t leave. Like every job, there are good days and bad days but it still beats working in an office!

The rudest thing you can say to me is…

“Your music is $#it can you change it.”

I’ve kicked people out of clubs for it as it’s not necessary. Because:

It’s another artist’s music

Most people don’t understand when you play residency gigs you are playing what the venue wants to maintain their brand

Don’t complain unless you’re willing to pay the DJ.

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The scene

The scene for queer women is….

Biggest In Sydney. I’ve travelled the world and have experienced pride in Europe and the US. Newtown was where it was at when I was there. Safe to say I do miss it and everything was different back then before lockouts.

Unfortunately, there isn’t enough community (YET) on the Gold Coast to create a sustainable ongoing venue for the queer community due to tall poppy syndrome. I hope to see performers within the community eventually come together so it can benefit the collective.

The next big artist on the scene in Queensland is….

Siala is definitely coming up. Her flow and sounds as a rapper is something I felt drawn to. What she stands for, how she presents, I think she is someone that younger people within the LGBTQIA community can look up to.

We recently connected and I’m excited to see what the future holds for her. I just played for her at The Zoo with Haiku hands. It was a vibe.

Outside of DJing I….

I am “Into-resting” contrary to popular belief. I need a lot of downtime to recharge. I love making music, spending time with the people who are closest to me, working out and surfing.

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Self-discovery

Something people may not know about me is…

I recently realised thanks to my girlfriend that I identify as Non-Binary (still as she) that language didn’t exist when I was growing up. I would have called it being androgynous. I always used to get asked if I was a boy or a girl and was mostly mistaken to be a boy.

When I was younger I struggled to come to terms with being a female and wanted to be a boy. As I’ve grown older I’ve embraced and felt the empowerment of what it means to be a woman and I am happy with dressing to how I feel energetically on the day.

Something surprising about DJs people don’t realise is…

It can be extremely isolating if you’re doing it full-time. You’re in a room full of people but you don’t get to have conversations. It takes a lot of balance, knowing your limits and maintaining a healthy lifestyle to have a career with longevity.

Regular DJs don’t make as much money as people think. It’s important to consider making and releasing your own music if your aim is to be in it for the long run.

Most DJs want to do it full-time but generally have a burnout rate of 3-9 months.

In 2024 I hope…

To head back overseas and release some new music. I haven’t had the chance to travel since before Covid and I’ve got a lot of upcoming musical projects that I have been working on.

You can follow TINY on Instagram @tny_bass