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#i find it hard to believe im in any way intimidating
paradoxicalrising · 10 months
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Astro Observations Pt. 2 !
**again just prefacing: im not a professional, these are my personal opinions based off my experience with these placements :) enjoy
Virgo Mercury @ 24 degrees: these people are the best at making passive aggressive comments. depending on the mars sign and where it’s placed they may come off as rude/ bitchy. such great liars. they will lie with a straight face about something stupid and right after break the facade and tell you they were lying. it’s so easy to believe them. deadpan, dry humor. i’ve seen that they laugh at intelligent, witty comments. i’ve also seen them be more interested in psychology, reading body language, and asking personal questions to strangers.
mercury square pluto, mercury rx, debilitated mercury: struggle with social anxiety and public speaking. the anxiety is very high when it comes to talking in front of an audience or even an authority figure. may physically shake while presenting, wavering voice, and losing breath bc they’re talking so fast.
moon square mars in men: tumultuous relationship with the mother. may cause problems in relationships with women, taking anger towards the mother out on the girlfriend/ wife. this placement has been seen in domestic violence situations. may actually be attracted to someone who acts and looks like their mother.
mars conjunct uranus: unpredictable, wild card. when really angry, they may explode. energy levels are rarely stable, they tend to fluctuate often. prone to cut people off out of nowhere once they’ve dealt with enough. may act/ speak before they think when they’re angry.
sun conjunct venus: it’s so hard not to like these people. they are full of charisma, and tend to be attractive. may be arrogant at times, and think they’re better than others physically. they’re easy to get along with but their niceness may be seen as fake/ superficial.
MC in scorpio: sexualized by the public. everyone has a crush on them but no one is brave enough to tell them. intimidating aura. this placement tends to dominate the public image. a lot of people are scared of them bc of their intelligence and beauty. powerhouse of a person when it comes to success. nothing will get in their way, resilience runs in their blood. hold a natural power and immediately demands respect with their tone of voice and body language. even if they’re insecure or in pain, they never show that to the public. gain a lot of unwanted attention. also seem to succeed at a low key rate until later in life when they finally get recognition.
4th house: truly the house of the darkest parts of yourself. if you wanna look for childhood trauma, look to the 4th house and any aspects made to other planets or houses in the chart. this is who we are when we’re alone. this is the house of our instincts, generational trauma on the mothers side or the more feminine parent, fears. it’s ruled by cancer which is ruled by the moon so it naturally has a light and dark side like every sign and planet. this is the house of where you feel you’re at home and depending on what you grew up with, one person could be happy with attention, stability, and honesty but another person could seek out unavailable people, they might self sabotage just to feel like they’re at home. the sense of home changes over time and it is capable of changing for the better but this is where i’d recommend you start with shadow work find the sign, house, aspects, and degree for more insight.
empty houses: i’ve noticed that with my empty houses, it’s almost like i just don’t think about those things, they don’t concern me compared to houses with stelliums or major planets. it’s not that i’ve mastered them or anything, they’re just not a big deal in my life. of course problems and success still arise in the areas of these houses but it’s not as heavy compared to house with planets in them. with empty houses, pay attention to transits that make aspects to your natal house sign but other than that these houses usually don’t create major problems in one’s life.
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pillarsalt · 1 month
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hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)
I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.
I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)
but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,
And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.
And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!
But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.
I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.
I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.
I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:
"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."
Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.
I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:
Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine
Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez
There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.
Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.
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hms-no-fun · 9 months
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Currently struggling a lot with getting very excited about a project, writing a lot, editing that writing until it's way more polished than what I can come up with off the cuff, and then being too intimidated to add to the document anymore since the previous good writing still gives off this looming intimidation if that makes sense? The more I write the greater the fear is I'll crash the story into a ditch that reveals the premise can't work. have you had that "its not all coming together shit theres a snag thats really important that i missed" moment? I realize it's pretty inevitable for that to happen, but whenever I write myself out of a moment like that I always second guess that I'm still overlooking something important or taking the easy way out. I know it's probably just all about pushing through but I worry that by pushing im just further diluting the original spirit of the project? Sorry for the all over the place ask, hope you have a good day :3
this is always a tough situation to navigate as a writer. happens to me often, and it has taken me a very long time to come even remotely close to being able to deal with it productively. believe it or not, i actually have quite a lot to say about this, so prepare for that below the break.
first of all, no, it's absolutely NOT all about pushing through. i find "pushing through" can just as often make the problem worse. keep in mind that i can only speak to my own experience and process, so any advice i might give here should only be taken insofar as you personally find it useful.
this is a form of writer's block. there are many different types of blocks, each with their own causes and hypothetical treatments. a big part of becoming A Writer as such is learning the difference between them, and developing methods for dealing with them on a case by case basis that don't involve substance abuse. don't do cocaine. that's step one.
most of my blocks are in the vein you describe. i'll be writing a scene that feels good, until i cross a threshold somewhere and suddenly the whole thing feels dead in the water. the first thing i do when this happens is stop writing. it's hard to stop when you're on a roll, i know. life is short and it's hard enough to write even on a good day, but sometimes you can just tell that you're on the wrong track and at that point you're probably not gonna be able to write your way back on.
once stopped, i check the basics. have i eaten recently? am i hydrated? have i taken my medications? these are rarely my problem (i keep a big water bottle with me at all times and my gf makes sure i'm fed), though you never know how useful a snack break can be. most of the time if the problem isn't with the text, it's that i've been writing for too fucking long and i need to clock out. learning to clock out is SO hard. but as i've been getting into the habit these last couple months, while i generally write less per day i ultimately end up writing more over time. i can feel my brain cooking when i've been writing too long. it's a muscle like anything else. if you did a bunch of overtime shifts at a more physical job, you'd need time to recover too. your body isn't a machine, your brain isn't a computer, and living things are inconsistent. it sucks but you'll have a better time all around when you learn to work with your body instead of against it.
another question is, have i showered recently? i find showers tedious and boring. also i still have depression even though my life is a lot better than it used to be. i lived on my own for a very long time as a deeply closeted self-hating trans woman, so my hygiene habits are not always up to sniff. as much as i hate to admit it, showers help. i can't tell you how many times i've sat at a godfeels chapter or video script and just felt fucking miserable, only to come back forty minutes later from a shower, full of creative energy. i despise self-help shit. just not a fan of the culture of positive attitude wellness check stuff because you can't self examine your way out of your class position. sometimes the problem is that you're broke. sometimes life fucking sucks and you just don't have the art in you, and that's okay. there's a common misconception that if something bad happens to you, at least you can make an art to get through it. but in my experience it's actually a lot harder to make art about bad times when you're still in them. most of the time it takes months if not years of safety and recovery before you can really face it head on artistically. so like, be nice to yourself. it's not your fault that you live in a society.
but also sometimes literally you just need a shower or to eat some leftovers or to go to fucking bed. i hate it every time that is true because i want my problems to be real and philosophical and not just some dumb body thing that happens to everyone. alas, no one can escape the quotidian obligations of simple mortality.
THAT SAID! this stuff isn't usually my problem, and often i find that what's solving the problem when i do step away to eat/drink/shower isn't even the specific activity, but the act of stepping away at all. getting my mind off it for a sec. when i hit a block that doesn't feel completely insurmountable, i like to back away from my computer and pace around a bit. then i'll stare at my big whiteboard with a marker in hand and just let my mind wander. i don't even write anything half the time! but the mere act of trying to compartmentalize the problem into something brief enough for shorthand helps me spot the pain points.
one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which despite what you might assume from its title is NOT a self-help book but instead a work of philosophy from 1974 taking the form of a travelogue. what Robert Pirsig explores in this book is what he calls the Metaphysics of Quality. basically he's trying to understand the split-second judgments we make of things we like and things we don't. i absolutely do not have time to go into the specifics, just know that his Quality refers to the abstract certainty you have when something is Good or Right or Correct or Qualitatively True. like how you pull your hand away unconsciously when you touch a hot stove, but for ideas. you just Know.
a scene that really sticks with me from that book (probably the most famous scene) is when Pirsig describes needing to fix a mechanical problem with his motorcycle only to be stopped dead in his tracks by a stripped screw keeping him from removing the engine cover. he talks about being so focused on the obvious solution to the primary complex problem that, on encountering a smaller, simpler problem that has to be dealt with first, he finds himself completely stuck, calling this "a zero of consciousness." it's a problem so annoying and minuscule and stubbornly unsolvable that you just want to hit the thing with a wrench and throw it in a river. addressing this new problem, this block, requires an adjustment in thinking. and here i'm going to quote a pretty lengthy passage, but don't worry, i'm typing it out by hand with the book in front of me so there's no time saved on my end:
Consider, for a change, that this is a moment to be not feared but cultivated. If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then you may be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas. The solution to the problem often at first seems unimportant or undesirable, but the state of stuckness allows it, in time, to assume its true importance. It seemed small because your previous rigid evaluation which led to the stuckness made it small. But now consider the fact that no matter how hard you try to hang on to it, this stuckness is bound to disappear. Your mind will naturally and freely move toward a solution. Unless you are a real master at staying stuck you can't prevent this. The fear of stuckness is needless because the longer you stay stuck the more you see the Quality-reality that gets you unstuck every time. What's really been getting you stuck is the running from the stuckness [. . .] Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. It's this understanding of Quality as revealed by stuckness which so often makes self-taught mechanics so superior to institute-trained men who have learned how to handle everything except a new situation. Normally screws are so cheap and small and simple you think of them as unimportant. But now, as your Quality awareness becomes stronger, you realize that this one, individual, particular screw is neither cheap nor small nor unimportant. Right now this screw is worth exactly the selling price of the whole motorcycle, because the motorcycle is actually valueless until you get the screw out. With this re-evaluation of the screw comes a willingness to expand your knowledge of it. [. . .] What your actual solution is is unimportant as long as it has Quality. Thoughts about the screw as combined rigidness and adhesiveness and about its special helical interlock might lead naturally to solutions of impaction and use of solvents. That is one kind of Quality track. Another track may be to go to the library and look through a catalog of mechanic's tools, in which you might come across a screw extractor that would do the job. Or to call a friend who knows something about mechanical work. Or just to drill the screw out, or just burn it out with a torch. Or you might just, as a result of your meditative attention to the screw, come up with some new way of extracting it that has never been thought of before that beats all the rest and is patentable and makes you a millionaire five years from now. There's no predicting what's on that Quality track. The solutions all are simple-- after you have arrived at them. But they're simple only when you know already what they are.
this is, in brief, my entire creative philosophy when it comes to writer's block. i share such a lengthy passage because i think it's useful to underline that we're not talking about a problem that is necessarily unique to the labor of writing. this process is a human process. it's just that with writing, the nature of the block itself is often much more difficult to identify than a stripped screw.
there's a couple things i do to try to identify what's got me stuck. a lot of times what happens is that everything in a scene felt good until it didn't, and then everything after that moment fell flat. so i'll go back and read the whole thing and just try to feel the scene. is everyone in character? is their dialogue too quippy, or too aggressive, too expository? are we in the midst of a conversation that has simply gone on way too fucking long? i know it can be torturous to reread your own stuff but idk what else to say except get used to it. especially when you're still early in the drafting phase! like if you know you're not gonna release this thing imminently, there's no reason to be precious about the stuff that's good or to beat yourself up over the stuff that's bad. i know that compulsion to try to Get Everything Right The First Time is strong, but it's completely unsustainable.
sometimes the block is that i just don't feel like writing narration. i've always sucked at grounding a scene with descriptions of the place. lately i'm trying to get away from relying solely on descriptions of staging/blocking, but it's hard for a bitch like me who mostly prefers writing dialogue. i've gotten a lot more comfortable with putting notes between dialogue exchanges like [character moves, looks at picture, has a dramatic thought, other character fiddles with object]. it can feel like cheating sometimes but it's not. there's no such thing. no one will know the route you took to get to the end. they will only see what you show them, when you decide to show it to them.
sometimes the block is in some minor or major betrayal of the story's spirit. the (Terezi) & Jade scene i talked about in this ask is a good example. i hit a point where nothing was working anymore. no one would talk to me. the light was gone. i can always tell when i made the wrong choice. it's such a particular sensation. as though i'm walking and i realize i no longer recognize the road i'm on and must've made a wrong turn somewhere. the solution to this particular block is introspection, retracing my steps, because the wrong turn isn't always obvious. maybe it's that someone in the scene is being too mean, or that i've failed to accomplish what the scene exists to do in some way, or that someone's made an uncharacteristic choice that now everyone in the scene is arguing about and it's like, man, this is taking too long, i'm not enjoying this anymore.
another example from A1 is the second half of the solo. i'd had most of the jasprose scene, the karkat-calliope-roxy scenes, and the vrisrezi-jade scenes written since i posted the A1 chorus. where i ran into trouble was that i needed to get jane, jake, and (terezi) to show up. my original plan was to have them arrive one by one, thus allowing their individual dramas a moment in the spotlight before being subsumed into the group. not a bad idea in theory but in practice it was fucking tedious. here we have a bunch of characters already immersed in the scene captured by the intrigue of Jade being enigmatic, and then some unawares jagoff wanders in and suddenly everyone has to stop what they're doing and be like "hey hello how are you what's up" and then they explain how they got there and then they ask what's up and it's such a DRAG. honestly i would say the majority of my creative blocks by volume are moments when the story really wants me to just cut to black for a smoke break and come back when somebody gets mad enough to throw a punch. i mean that's the the development of A1 in a nutshell. originally everyone was gonna start the track locked up in space-jail on the hopebringer, jade would show up all apologetic and say what she expects padua's deliberation to be, then the whole cast would see her throw a fit over a decision she knew was coming, they'd all be absolved of guilt and let free, then they'd all argue about who's staying or going with Jade in the morning, they'd split up to go pack their stuff and then...
well that was exactly the problem. i wanted to get all the pertinent things out of the way. jade's code switching, voidthought, some EWL teases. give the whole cast a chance to react to it. i thought that would be expedient, because it got the Plot out of the way and gave time to characters for Feelings. if that version of the scene had come at the end of chapter 8, it might have worked. but i realized that as soon as jade's audience was no longer captive, i had no fucking clue what to do with them anymore. we already knew who would go with jade, so acting like that's some kind of mystery is just lame. i started writing A1 from a place of desiring informational density & a quick pace, because we've got places to go and things to do. but if the real purpose of A1 is to explore why these characters choose to go with Jade, then that needed to be done with a lot more care and precision. that's when i decided to let Jade spend two days underground making the earth right again, so that she has to come to everyone individually rather than the other way around. and it muddies her motivations, if you don't mind the pun. it puts her at an appropriate remove from the others. i ultimately wound up conveying all the same information as in the original version, but i did it in a way that was more appropriate thematically and artistically. it wound up being longer road than i anticipated, but this is a long story and in this case the longer road was better for the journey.
take the chapter where Jade visits Roxy. i needed some time with Roxy alone to set the scene, since she's the first person Jade decides to visit and i like writing about the insides of trailer homes. i wanted to get some politics from Jane in this chapter, so hey, why not throw in a televised speech? oh, and then i can have some tucker carlson types remind us that Earth C is a fucking mess. i wrote all that, and it was good, but it was just Roxy watching tv. i tried to get into Jade's arrival and couldn't. so i went back and realized, oh, Roxy should be yelling at the tv the whole time! now we get Jane's politics, Roxy's reactions to those politics, as well as bits and pieces of context re: Jane's relationships with Karkat and Roxy. now when Jade arrives, we can play with the question of whether she heard the speech from outside Roxy's door, and why neither of them was physically at the speech in the first place. there's tension and imbalance in Roxy's state of mind when Jade does arrive, so we're more inside her perspective than we usually are, which in turn helps us identify with her when Jade starts infodumping about antimemes.
so often for me, working through a block is a matter of doing a better job utilizing what's available to you. going back to the A1 solo and trying to bring Jake, Jane, and (Terezi) into the scene. i finally returned to it after a couple months of being sick and dealing with life problems. i was frustrated because i'd hoped to be several tracks in to 3.2 by now, and instead i was confronted with just how much more of this thing is left and how long that might take if i couldn't pick up the pace. this thing NEEDED to get done.
and then i remembered that Jasprose is literally right there.
and that was it! problem fucking solved! i had jasprose drop all three of them into the scene completely unceremoniously using manic teleportation through a fenestrated plane, and from there the entire rest of the chapter erupted out of me in a single go. it's such an obvious solution to the problem that you as reader probably assumed it was the plan from the very beginning. but it's like Pirsig says: the solutions all are obvious-- after you've arrived at them.
then there's the problem of overwriting. i actually did i think four different versions of the opening to the A1 solo. the first person narration was a late addition. i tweaked that scene so so so many times. it kept feeling close but not quite. when i did the thing where i reread to find where the block happened, instead of actually reading the thing i just kept finding spots where i could write more. i can extend this anecdote. this line could be better. maybe a comma here would work better than an ellipsis...
this can be good because sometimes what's blocking you is that you skipped over something that needed more time. maybe some information or a dramatic emphasis that gives the stuff you can't yet write the momentum it needs to get going again. but i've gotta be real careful doing this, because i can do it forever. and then, as you describe (hey look, i'm actually talking about your specific problem now!), that hyper-polished section sets everything else up to fail by comparison.
i think the trick is knowing the difference between when a scene needs an editing pass vs when a scene just straight up isn't working. when it's not working, sometimes you do just have to throw it all out and start over. but if it's good enough that you feel like all it's missing is better dialogue and some more description, then you can hold off on that polish until the rest of the thing is done. this conundrum is most common at the beginning of a chapter or story in my experience, precisely as a result of the process i've been describing this whole time. when you hit a block and retrace your steps, you can always find things to fix. so it's sort of natural that any given chapter becomes less polished the further along you get in to it. that's why it's so important to understand the differences between all these different types of blocks, and to remind yourself that literally nothing you've written is finished until the moment you've made it public.
a big part of getting the A1 solo out the door was me swallowing my desire for perfection in every exchange and saying, no, this is good enough. it's not 100% what i want, but it's close enough that it just isn't worth the effort it would take to get there. sometimes there are scenes that are worth that effort, but they are always rarer than you think and they're never the ones you'd expect. i will freely admit that there are a lot of characters expositing their motivations in this chapter. i tried to embed as much of that in humor or drama as i could, but sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and walk away and hope your readers will be nice to you.
of course the funny thing is, once i finished the chapter and had all the panels sketched out and wiped my hands clean of the whole affair, janet needed two weeks to make the images. so i ended up having time to polish up a couple of those things that i felt were lacking after all. but those additions were radically small and intuitive, because i'd divorced myself from the raw production and had committed to so many directions that i *couldn't* change much. i'm so used to writing for release that i don't know what to do with myself when my part of the job is done before i can kick it out the door. i've come to find that waiting, taking breaks, walking away and coming back, do wonders for your ability to egolessly examine your work and identify what's wrong. sometimes you just need a day or two to sleep on it.
and sometimes you realize that you've really just over-written a scene, out of preciousness or insecurity or whatever else, and the result is so much bigger than everything else you want to do that it's more expedient to just scrap it. i hate when this happens, man. i did this with an early version of the A1 chorus, when Jade is stuck in space alone and shouting about how unfair her life has been. you know sometimes there's an emotion in a scene that's addictive. some bit of pathos that you just feel down to your bones, fuck me man, this is so GOOD, this is so JUICY, this shit has QUALITY. it's so good you don't want it to be finished. so you keep writing it, and writing it, and you rewrite it, and you add to it, because you really want to squeeze every drop of emotion you can from the thing. and then you wind up with a bloated melodramatic mess that's so overplayed you've annihilated everything that compelled you to write it in the first place.
i want to be clear that this isn't wasted work. nothing you ever put to the page, no matter how ultimately useless it might prove to be, is wasted work. the way i see this whole process, top to bottom, is that there's this thing. i don't know what it is, but it's there. maybe it starts with an image, or a line of dialogue, or a relationship, or a natural vista, whatever. it can be anything. what matters is it's a sign pointing you in a direction. it's something that has Quality that you can feel with such potent immediacy that you have no choice but to write it. the act of writing is something of an expedition, because the real magic of it comes when those disparate signs start colliding with one another. an image becomes a scene, a house, a world, a universe. sometimes these signs lead to dead ends, but with experience you learn to tell the dead ends from the rough patches. you learn how to make your own way. you do this by listening to what this thing is telling you. every story i've ever written has known better than me what it wants. i can impose so much onto it, i control 90% of the process at least. but that other 10% cannot, should not be quantified or controlled but simply understood. if you try to bottle the flame, you'll just end up snuffing it out.
no artist really knows why they do what they do or how they're able to pull it off. they can tell you their methods, their process, their coping mechanisms, they can write ludicrously lengthy diatribes on tumblr in response to an innocuous ask, but you can't pin down the soul of the thing. Quality is ephemeral, because it's first. it happens before you've had time to think, like putting your hand on a hot stove. you just know. and you have to trust that knowledge to carry you forward, not second guess it too much, not try to wrangle the thing into a shape it doesn't want to assume. sometimes this requires writing scenes that you don't love, because it's easier to build a messy bridge between the moments that drive you than it is to perfect every single moment out of an artificial commitment to like, Being A Good Writer or whatever.
a lot of this is just practice. you get better at communicating with your creative impulses. but also i think it helps to internalize that nobody sees the rough drafts, nobody sees the duct tape. and nobody knows the perfect vision you'll be convinced you failed to meet. nobody has ever made a perfect thing, and no one ever will. who wants to be perfect, anyway? godfeels wouldn't be what it is if i wasn't willing to let it be messy. if i'd tried to do it better, it never would have gotten done, and nothing i'm doing now would have even conceptually gotten to exist.
also, it's okay to abandon shit when it stops feeling good. i have so many unfinished books kicking around from my 20s, dude. i feel bad about some of them, but ten years not finishing books is still ten years spent writing. it's actually quite rare for good ideas to result in finished works, because good ideas are cheap and they're not all for you. but you gotta keep trying anyway because sooner or later you'll catch a spark that has real gas, and if you've done the work you'll be ready for it. it'll feel like destiny. it'll feel like magic, how matched that idea is to your skill level. but it won't be magic, it'll be skill. if you hadn't put the work in to know how to follow that intuition, it'd be just as dead an end as everything else you never finished. you do the work so that when you get lucky you can take advantage of it. so in that context, writing is quite low stakes. if it's not good enough, fuck it, try something else!
anyway i hope there's some decent insight buried in here somewhere. thanks for such a good question!
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watatsumiis · 1 year
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Ah, greetings, dear author.
I noticed that your work suggestions are open right now and since i love your writing, i thought about giving it a try. But if smth not to your liking, feel free to ignore. Ill respect your final decision regardless.
So, suggestion itself is, maybe you wouldnt mind writing for a tall reader that looks intimidating and acts like it, but inside they are really sweet? Im not sure about exact idea, but maybe how characters would defence/comfort reader when somebody says bad rumors about them? Or like, they say really mean things cause of their apperiance?
I wasnt been able to find any rules for such asks, so ill undertand if u would want to change smth here.
So, character wise, maybe for Albedo, Xiao, Aether(?) and Wanderer(?) ?
By the way, hope ull have a nice time of the day.
Hi there!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words about my work, it really does mean the world to me, every little comment does <3
This is such an interesting request, I’ve been sitting on it for a while and I just hope I can do it justice! Disclaimer though, I’m the shortest and least intimidating person ever, so let's hope I can channel my inner tallscary (/lh) and go off of that :3
I added Heizou and Venti too so this could just be a fun little Anemo boy (+ Albedo (and -Kazuha I forgot him I'm sorry)) miniseries (and since I know you also like Heizou!) :D I haven't really written for Aether or Heizou before (and very minimal amounts of Scara) so here's hoping I've done alright! 
Content: Gender neutral reader who is described as being tall and intimidating. Nameless characters spread mean rumours/say mean things (nothing explicit is mentioned), some hinted violence in Xiao and Wanderer/Scara’s sections (because of course there is)
Aether is like a sweet little golden retriever from day one. Despite your intimidating looks and stature, he follows behind you and dotes on you until your hard outer walls crumble and he can waltz on in like he owns the place. He always believes in the kindness of people, so no matter how many times you push him away or try to intimidate him, he’s always back for more because he just knows you’re a softie on the inside - and he’s right! He’s delighted to have been correct and will be all smug and happy with himself because of it. 
If others were to insult you and talk badly about you behind your back… Aether will take it personally. He can be a bit overly-empathetic at times, and if he ever catches anyone saying something mean about you, he'll tell them off, only to get himself so worked up that he ends up in tears as he continues to scold the person who did it. He doesn't care about his reputation or causing a scene, he only cares about defending his friend from some big mean bullies. Once all is said and done he'll reassure you so many times that you're one of the kindest and loveliest people he's ever met and anyone who says otherwise is obviously someone so miserable with their own lives that they take it out on others.
Albedo may approach you with some caution at first - not because of your appearance, more because the signals you give off make it seem as if you don't want to be talked to. Once he's realised that's just one of your normal mannerisms, he disregards it entirely and will happily work to befriend you. He may sometimes ask you to help out around the lab (usually getting things off high shelves for him) and will use that time to get to know you better, away from prying eyes and people that may try to interrupt your budding friendship. It fills him with accomplishment to realise that you're letting your guard down around him and exposing your softer side - it may not seem like it, but he does keep note of a lot of your actions and behaviours and documents any changes.
At first, Albedo is rather puzzled when he hears about the unkind rumours going around about you and your 'unfriendly' demeanour. It's just not something that's ever occurred to him and he simply doesn't understand why people would be wasting their time spreading such obvious lies. He doesn't hesitate to point this out, blatantly calling people out in such a deadpan and genuine way that there's not much anyone can say to him that will convince him otherwise. He'll go into this psychoanalysis of why humans tend to gossip and encourage them to take up more productive hobbies instead while they just stand by, gobsmacked at his audacity. Once all is said and done, his way of 'comforting' you is still rather detached. He'll just smartly inform you that these assumptions people make based on your appearance are 'illogical and shallow' and encourage you not to worry about it. If you're still upset 
Heizou often sees people as a puzzle to be solved, a mystery box to be poked and prodded at until they give up all their interesting little secrets, and you're no exception. He's not put off by your appearance in the slightest, approaching you almost every time he sees you to ask questions and try to find out more about you. No matter how you react or push him away, he bounces back nearly immediately and continues to test your patience as he tries to get you to let him in. He knows there's an aspect that you're hiding, and he wants to know what it is. Once you've revealed your softer side, he may lightheartedly tease you for it, but never in a mean way, and if you seem upset, he stops right away. He revels in being one of those stubborn enough to have befriended you.
Heizou hears a lot of rumours in his day to day life - most he tends to disregard unless they're useful to him. When it comes to you, however, he will matter-of-factly correct each and every person he overhears speaking about you, backing his arguments up by citing times he's noticed you being nice to others (and to him of course), refuting every argument that people may make until they're stuttering and stumbling over their words, absolutely turned around on themselves because of how thorough he is in his dressing-down of them. It's like watching a court case. If the person continues to be nasty, he might just dig up some unpleasant dirt on them and pass it on to a known gossiper and watch it pan out from there. One way or another, he'll make sure your pride is avenged, and will always comfort you if you happen to hear anything that upsets you.
Scaramouche is flighty around you, especially at first. He isn't quite sure how to act, and vacillates between trying to antagonise you and essentially clinging to you. He'll push your boundaries time and time again, waiting for you to snap, but you just… don't. It frustrates him to start off with, the fact that you seem so unshakeable, but eventually it becomes a source of comfort for him, especially once he picks up on your softer side shining through. Of course, he's as stubborn as anything and will completely deny the fact that he draws any comfort from your presence, but there's no mistaking the way his shoulders relax and his breathing slows when you're nearby. He quite likes having a tall, 'intimidating' friend to scare off all the goody-two-shoes that seem to be drawn to him. 
Upon hearing the rumours about you circulating, Scaramouche is furious. If there is no one there to stop him, he is throwing hands the moment someone says your name in a vaguely disparaging way. He'll puff his chest out and walk right up to them, growling at them to repeat what they said one more time. There's no doubt at all that he'd be ready to fight someone on your behalf and kick up a huge fuss. He’ll make a big scene and is probably more upset than you are by the whole debacle. He has his own signature way of comforting you if any of it gets you down that consists of him grumpily insisting that none of this should get to you and that you should ignore all the idiots.
Venti has no qualms about approaching and befriending you - he’s not one to judge based on appearances or outward attitudes. He’s very good at reading people and picking up on how they’re feeling, so from day one it feels like he understands you on a deeper level than most people do. He sort of hangs off of you in a way reminiscent of how birds linger around tall trees, and will use you as a springboard if he needs to get to something higher up, just grabbing you and pulling himself up easily. He’ll also ask you to carry things for him so often that it just becomes second nature for you to hold your hand out the moment it seems like he’s unsure of what to do with something he’s picked up. 
Venti isn’t really one to police people on what they can and can’t say, but he just can’t stop himself  when it comes to you. They’re so obviously wrong and just being mean for no reason that it makes him physically hurt if he doesn’t correct them. There’s just such a sense of wrongness that seems to claw at his chest and throat that even if he’s long since passed by he’ll do a 180 in the middle of the street to go talk to the people he heard. He’ll keep the tone of the confrontation pretty light and jokey, but to anyone who has known him for some time, it’s not hard to tell that he’s genuinely pretty upset on your behalf. He may get carried away and say some pretty coldhearted/downright cruel things to people (still in that same light and airy tone) if they continue to insist on spreading mean rumours. 
Xiao is wary of anyone and everyone, so of course this includes you too. Your height and general demeanour mean nothing to him, he’s more focused on whether or not you’re an impending danger to him or anyone he cares about. He methodically observes you on and off for a while (sometimes you can catch glimpses of him following you, or perching on high places near your usual haunts to keep an eye on you), peeling away your tough outer layers until he’s able to get a look at the softness beneath. Once he’s deemed you to be of no threat, he drops it for a while and disappears back to his usual duties, but soon begins to notice that his days feel almost… empty, in a way. It doesn’t take him long to gravitate back towards you, but now he’s keeping a lookout for you, not because of you. It’s a little flattering, really, and he’s much like a bird in the way he may pick up things you’ve dropped or lost and leave them at your doorstep for you to find. He’s much too shy to approach on his own, but if you catch him on a good day, you might be able to exchange a few words, and he won’t immediately dismiss you if you come to visit him while he’s keeping watch off of his favourite balcony in Wangshu Inn. 
Though Xiao doesn’t directly interact with humans unless the situation directly calls for it, sometimes he does listen in to their conversations, just so he has a good idea of the goings on in the areas he guards. If he happens to hear your name, he might just go out of his way to figure out why. With all of his observation of you, it doesn’t take him long before he figures out that they’re just spreading nonsense rumours. It’s not something he really takes into consideration as something that would be upsetting - he’s had plenty of rumours about him passed around. But the moment you express any discontent at people saying these things about you, any future offenders may just happen to find themselves in a rather… misfortunate situation the next time they’re wandering around the wilderness. Nothing lethal, of course, but enough to scare them out of their wits. Xiao isn’t very good at comforting people, and the most he can offer is his company and some reassurance that those people are wrong and that they likely have many more skeletons in their closet than you ever have or will.
Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites (without credit + permission).
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strangewiggles · 7 months
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pathologic furry designs because im a nerd
(aglaya, rubin, and lara, *ft artemy)
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i usually dont post uncolored drawings/doodles but i plan on making a few of these
HUGE thanks to my buddies for help/input on these..both are huge brained and awesome at art follow them now
heres the thought process (spoiler free, mostly based on patho 2)
me and my buddies were in a call for all of these and we had a very intellectual conversation about all of them. when looking for furry designs i usually think of personality, mannerisms, and likeness.
Aglaya, Shoebill
both of the friends i asked havent played the game past day 5 (one of them is on day 2) so i asked “what animal would she be” with just a picture of her model. i was interested to see what 2 people who’ve only seen her once (in the intro) would think of her purely on vibes and brief dialogue. the first suggestion was “some kinda bird” and that seemed to stick.
a bit tall, a bit intimidating. so we threw out Herons, Ostriches, Peacocks…
Shoebill seemed to fit. I wanted a bird that was either grey or black, some kinda desaturated color but also one that was tall and a bit scary. Shoebills are definitely considered pretty scary. theyre also super tall and i remember saying in the call "these things are huge if i saw them flying i would cry." when it comes to shoebills, i imagine them towering over most other animals, especially with that neck and beak! they're also ambush predators i believe. shoebills fit Aglaya's first impressions perfectly.
i almost made her a Dalmatian... im glad i didnt...
Rubin, Skinny Pig
I wasn't even going to initially draw Rubin here... it started by me asking "who'd be a naked mole rat?" and the immediate answer was "Rubin..." which made me remember that he was bald LMAO. I figured that fit a little, and the original drawing was him as a naked mole rat. a few things werent quite right though.
first, digging. i cant imagine Rubin as an animal who's entire thing is digging around and being dirty, he's a doctor and, other than blood, i can't imagine he'd wanna be dirty...
second, social groups. as far as i know, naked mole rats are very social within their own circles? just from the early game (as early as the first 3 days?) he's pretty antisocial and seems to have a distaste for the Kin, even if influenced by grief(the emotion not the person). he even seems reluctant to be close to close friends.
and, of course, moles have to be saved for someone else... we'll get there. WINK
..i dont remember how Skinny Pigs came up, i think i was just googling them and thought they were funny since i have a friend who owns some.. i did a bit of googlin and asking my buddy in the call about skinny pig mannerisms.. theyre pretty...territorial? at least males to other males, theyre pretty aggressive as far as i know. this definitely fit Rubin. the OTHER reason for any kind of guinea pig was considered was because of the concept of "test guinea pigs" and not in a literal sense, but just the concept, because of Rubin's connection to Isidor. i will say i felt like the smartest person on earth when i thought of that.
also the cute ears absolutely influenced the decision.
Lara, Generic Ass Wolf
Lara was genuinely so difficult... unlike the other two, there were literally no suggestions being thrown out. my description was something like "maybe something small, cute, short tempered, but social?" and, for some reason, that was a tall order. my first guess was a mouse, but that wasnt perfect... we thought we'd have to turn to bugs and fish, though a lot of bugs and fish are hard to find personalities for.. at a surface level at least. we decided to save bugs and fish for other people...
and then, the suggestion of "wolf" came up, albeit reluctantly. when it comes to furry-fying characters, wolves and dogs are definitely...up there, in terms of "most used/obvious".. but really, think about it.
Believe it or not, wolves can be a little anxious, if not in a way that presents itself as anger/defense. this is also how i described Lara, "anxious in a way that presents as anger." also, wolves, while sometimes being a little solitary, are commonly in packs. which is...Lara's, like, Whole Thing. a house for the living etc etc..
I don't think i need to explain wolves too much either way. theyre The Furry Animal. whatever you know about wolves is probably true for Lara. it seems low-effort but trust me this decision took forever LMAO
and i mean...look at her. she looks like a wolf
*Artemy here is a bull because... yeah. that's the most obvious one. as #1 artemy fan i couldn't in good conscious make him anything other than a bull even if it's low effort idgaf... ill look at types of bulls for him later.
hope you liked my rambles..
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canineluvz · 2 months
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flustering a tsundere werewolf boy (reimagined)
self ship fic
david shaw x felix last
two werewolfs run into each other not once, not twice, but three times. david thinks hes being followed, but felix is just happy to see another werewolf in their new town.
this… got a little long… (3.8 k words)
most of davids dialogue as well as the title for this fic is from the official video, so credit to redacted audio on youtube for that! i just wanted to rewrite the first video to be for my self ship :3
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“why are you following me?” the mans voice was harsh and had quite a bit of edge to it.
i knew the man. well, i knew of the man. he was tall and broad and he had an aura of seriousness to him. he seemed more agitated this time however. it seemed to only be building with each time we ran into each other. if it had been our first encounter like this it would be an odd question to ask. but we had both been at the same place at the same time multiple times now, and it was getting hard to believe this was coincidence.
i could tell he was empowered too, and that he was also a werewolf. in theory that should make him extremely dangerous, but despite the mans tone and the way he was acting, i knew he didnt want to cause any harm to me. the situation was just a curious one, and he wanted answers.
“why would i be following you?” i asked, tilting my head.
“because you’re everywhere i am dumbass.”
i shrugged at his statement. it was true, but i was just as lost in the situation as he was.
“did you think i wouldn’t notice? i have eyes.” he continued.
“you dont have to me so hostile. besides why would i be following you?”
“im sure there are plenty of reasons you could be following me.”
he glared at me when he said that which only made me smile slyly. not the best response to this situation but i couldnt help myself.
“and if i knew why you might be following me then i wouldnt have asked. what. do. you. want.” he ‘asked’.
“look im just as lost as you are. daliah may be a pretty big town but im sure its not unheard of for people to run into each other.” i said giving him a shrug.
“oh so we just happen to be ending up in the same places? convenient.” he said while crossing his arms.
i laughed at his statement, which made him shoot me an even icier glare. through my giggling i managed to speak.
“it IS convenient.”
“i meant the explanation, not the experience you little snot.”
his answer only made me laugh more. his bad attitude was growing on me, despite his obvious want to be intimidating i was finding myself wanting to talk to him more.
“why would someone want to follow you around anyway?” i asked earnestly.
“its none of your business why someone would want to follow me around. if you dont know already.”
“i dont know, youre welcome to tell me.”
i put on the most sickeningly sweet voice and smile while saying that. as a response he growled and scoffed at me.
“look, if it was once that’s coincidence. twice, whatever, we live in the same area. but three times? i dont buy it.” he said shaking his head.
“well, i mean, i was the first one at that little gift shop the first time we ran into each other.”
my logic was sound, how could i be following him if i was there first?
“it doesnt matter who was there first we were both there. clearly you were following me.”
i shook my head at him, before smiling. “well you could be the one following me.”
“i was NOT following you. why would i follow you?” he asked.
with the straightest face i could muster and in the most serious tone, i threw his own words right back at him. “wouldnt you like to know.”
he repeated my words in an annoyed tone and grumbled. my face broke out into a smile as he finally spoke words i could understand.
“i dont know what youre trying to do here, but im gonna find out. and i definitely don’t appreciate,” he paused and looked around before speaking again, this time quietly so no one but us could hear. “someone like you playing games with me.”
i chose to ignore his little comment about my empowered status, and focus on the first part of his sentence.
“how do you intend to find out what im trying to do huh?” i asked tilting my head to the side.
“by keeping an eye on you.”
i nodded along to his simple response before looking around and surveying our situation.
we had previously been standing in a line waiting to order food, however in our conversation the line had moved up and left us hovering around the back. we werent keeping anyone waiting, yet. so before we could cause any problems to the poor people around us, i decided to suggest an idea i already knew the man in front of me would hate.
“lets have lunch together.”
his face morphed into something shocked and he stuttered out a jumbled string of sounds.
“arent you here to have lunch?” i asked. it was a dumb question, we were at a restaurant, why else would he be here? but the way he was acting made it seem like i had just suggested something outrageous, so it felt appropriate to ask.
“yes im here for lunch, what the hell do you think they sell here?”
“so,” i drew out the sound for dramatic effect. “have lunch with me.”
“why would i want to have lunch with you?” he asked, sounding just as agitated as before, but still visibly shaken from my “strange” request.
“you said you wanted to keep an eye on me didnt you?”
“i can keep an eye on you from a distance.”
i thought over his response. obviously it was true but that wouldn’t work out for what i wanted so, quickly, i came up with what i thought was a very convincing argument.
“yes, but if we have lunch together maybe you can ‘find out what i want’. or even why ive been ‘following you’.” i said, putting up air quotes evertime i repeated something he had said.
“you know what, fine. i will have lunch with you, because i want to figure out what the fuck youre up to.”
i clapped my hands as enthusiastically as i could muster without making too much noise.
“perfect!”
he rolled his eyes, if i had to guess, already regretting agreeing to this and gestured for me to go up to the register. “well go up and order dumbass.”
i did as i was told and quickly went up and ordered my food and paid for it before stepping to the side and waiting for the man to order. he also finished quickly and before he could say anything i started walking towards an empty table. it was a small table in the corner. relatively private, so we could hopefully talk freely whenever the conversation circled around to things not for unempowered ears.
“so care to admit it?” he asked as he sat down.
“hmm? admit what?”
“that you’ve been following me.”
“as soon as you admit you’ve been following me.” i snap back with a smirk.
he clenched his jaw and growled at my response. “i havent been following you, thats bullshit. stop saying that to get a rise out of me.”
i clasped my hands on the table and leaned forward. speaking in a sweet tone i said, “then quit asking dumb questions.”
“im really supposed to believe that we just keep ending up near each other?”
“a fated lovers meeting! how romantic.”
he huffed and glared at me, but if i looked close enough i swear i could almost see his cheeks darkening.
“theres no such thing as fate.” he said.
i noted that he ignored the fact that i called us fated LOVERS but decided to drop it. for now.
“either way, im really not following you.” i shrugged.
“if you werent following me then why the hell would you ask to have lunch with me?”
why did i decide to have lunch with him? it was a fair question, i pondered it for a minute before ultimately deciding on the answer.
speaking quietly i said, “well its been a while since ive been able to talk to another werewolf in person.” i paused briefly before adding, “and youre hot so…”
i caught him off guard again. he started fumbling over his words for what seemed like the millionth time today, and this time i knew for a fact there was a blush spreading on his cheeks.
he composed himself enough to speak.
“thank you, but dont think compliments are going to make me trust you. im not that easy.”
i laughed, “not THAT easy?”
“im not easy at all.” he growled.
“oh trust me i can tell, but…” i trailed off leaning my face closer to his. “you are getting flustered.”
he was turning red again, but this time i couldn’t tell if it was out of anger or embarrassment.
“i am not getting flustered and you are mot the one in control of this conversation.”
“oh? you like being in control then?”
“yes, i do like being in control.” his eyes narrowed at me. “you’re not gonna fluster me with that one.”
he had just basically admitted that i had been flustering him which made me smile to myself.
“how predictable of you. ill keep that in mind.”
he rolled his eyes at me. there was a brief moment of silence were we both just sat there looking at each other. i certainly didnt mind, i meant it when i said he was a sight to look at. i took the moment to really take in his face. his skin was a warm bronze, and there was a mole below his left eye. his eyes themselves were a beautiful dark brown and were still hard with distrust even when he wasnt glaring at me.
his hair was a dark brown as well, but it might as well have been black, it was pushed back but there were a few loose strands that had fallen in his face. finally there was a scar through his lip. it wasn’t very big, but it was still quite visible making me think he got it relatively recent instead of a childhood injury.
after our moment of silence, he decided to break it with asking a question.
“whats your name?”
“whats you’re name?” i wasn’t even against giving him my name. at this point i was just pushing his buttons.
“ill tell you mine if you tell me yours.” he said raising an eyebrow at me challengingly.
i sighed in defeat, “my name is felix.”
he made a hum of acknowledgment, and i waited for him to tell me his name in response but the silence started to spread on a bit to long. i decided to gently prod for a reply.
“and your name is?”
he huffed a sigh, and appeared to be pondering for a moment before ultimately settling to tell me.
“its david.”
i hummed in response, which made a looks of scepticism cross his face.
“david shaw.”
i tilted my head at him, whatever he was trying to tell me i wasn’t getting.
“you dont know?”
“dont know what?”
“my name.”
i sighed, “are we back on the following thing? i promise it really was just a coincidence.”
“no i just,” david grumbled before changing approach. “you’re not from here are you?”
i snorted, “i thought that was pretty obvious.”
he sighed. i couldn’t exactly tell what the sigh meant, but the way he looked at me after that seemed to change. maybe he finally realized that i wasn’t actually someone out to get him, or maybe he just thought i was stupid for not recognizing him. i decided to hope for the first option.
“see! im innocent!”
he scoffed, “ive known you for ten minutes and even i know you’re not innocent.”
“you say that like its a bad thing.”
“i never said that. under the right circumstances that can be a very good thing. but i dont need to be putting anymore thoughts into that twisted head of yours.”
i smirked at him, “too late for that.”
“god you’re forward.” he grumbled. “this is not helping your case that this is a coincidence. unless you flirt with every random stranger you run into.”
“only the hot ones.” i said winking.
“eat your food!”
i laughed and did as i was told, picking up a fry and eating it while looking at him. he rolled his eyes at me and took a bite of his own food before speaking again.
“so are you going to tell me anything about yourself?”
“oh? you wanna learn more about me?”
“learning more about you is a strategic move dumbass. i want you to prove your innocence.”
i hummed. it seemed like a reasonable explanation, besides perhaps if i told him more about me i could convince him to tell me about himself, and that definitely peaked my interest.
i thought for a moment thinking about what could be relevant in telling him before deciding on the basics.
“well, i moved here about two months ago. i got promoted at my job and well my nee position would have required me coming here very often so instead of constant back and forth i thought it would be better if i just moved out here.”
“how long have you been at that job?” david asked, seemingly genuinely interested in it.
“a couple years. its not too difficult, just a lot of typing.”
“so its an office job?”
“dont be judgy.” i said pointing an accusatory finger at him.
“it wasn’t judgy. it was just a question. ive never had an office job.”
“of course you haven’t.”
“whats that supposed to mean?” he asked narrowing his eyes.
“nothing.” i said slyly.
he huffed but seemed to drop it for now. his voice was quiet when he asked his next question.
“do you have a pack?”
i expect this question was coming, but i hadn’t planned how to answer it. i sat there chewing on the inside of my cheek ultimately settling on an answer.
“i have one back home. but with the distance im not sure how often ill really see them anymore so… im lone wolfing it as of now i guess.”
an awkward laugh escaped my mouth for a moment. it felt bad to say that, but when i moved i knew i wanted to make a fresh start. it isnt like i had to suddenly shun my old pack, i still kept in touch with my friends and family who were still active members in it, but to call it my pack anymore wouldnt be true at all.
“im…” he paused, apparently looking for the right words to say. “…sorry to hear that.”
i shrugged. it wasnt a good situation, but i made my choice and there was no use wallowing in it now.
changing the topic, david spoke again. “what about hobbies?”
“i do a lot of things! recently ive been doing a lot of gaming.”
“what system?” he hummed.
“switch and pc normally.”
“well what kind of games do you play?”
“cozy games and visual novels mostly.”
david made a displeased noise which made me raise an eyebrow at him.
“you dont like games like that?”
“theyre not exactly my speed.”
i laughed at his response. i could have guessed that but hearing just how against them he was was entertaining to hear.
“what kind of games do you like then?”
“narrative heavy games, fighting games. something with a plot, or something quick. i dont want to just wander around aimlessly.”
“visual novels have a plot. so do most cozy games you know. theres a lot of story to uncover if you look closely.” i said mater-of-factly.
“uh huh, sure.”
he didnt seem convinced. maybe i could get him to play one of my favorite games one day, just to see if i could convince him that they were worthwhile.
“do you have any pets?”
“no. but! i would love to have some someday. maybe a cat! theyre so sweet.”
he chuckled, “all right.”
“you done with you’re interrogation now?”
“yes smartass, im done.” he looked me over for a minute before speaking again. “for now. you seem safe enough.”
“learned all that from me liking gaming did you?”
he pulled an unamused face and looked at me. he couldn’t deny it though. he didnt ask anything too serious even if i joked that it was an interrogation. he wasnt selling that he actually thought i was dangerous even if thats what he said.
“can i ask my own question now?”
“you’re welcome to ask. weather i answer will depend entirely on what the questions are.”
i shook my head but went ahead with my question, “what do you do for work?”
he sighed, “i run a private security company.”
“for empowered events or…?”
“yes. its a pack business.”
“oh.”
initially that sounded normal, plenty of empowered events needed security. but then the implications hit me. he runs it. why would some random member of a pack be running the business?
“so… youre a pack alpha?”
i dont know if it was my question or my tone but something about what i said made david laugh. the first full blown laugh i heard him give this whole afternoon. it was a very pretty sound, and if he wasnt laughing at me i would have taken the time to admire it more. instead my face scrunched up and i sighed.
“is that why you were so shocked when i didnt know who you were?”
“it was less me, and more the packs name. but yes. it was a pretty clear you werent from here when you didn’t recognize my last name.”
i puffed out my cheeks and frowned. “at least its good to know that youre not only hot but capable too.”
“and its good to know not even learning that im a pack alpha will keep you from being so forward.” he groaned.
i laughed, “youre not my alpha, i can say whatever i want. besides if you dont like it you could just leave.”
“thats awfully bold of you to say. what if i did leave?”
“id be very sad, i might even chase after you. then i really would be following you.”
he scoffed. “you’ve got a lot of nerve. i accuse you of following me and not only do you turn it into us having lunch together but you make jokes about it.”
“i turned it into a lunch date. say it like it is.”
“this is not a date.”
“not with that attitude.”
he growled and clenched his hand that was resting on the table. it probably could have been classified as a threat of violence but if i learned anything from david in our short time together it was that even if he acted big and tough he wasn’t going to do anything more than grumble and have a bad attitude.
the thought did cross my mind that he probably could cause me a great deal of harm if he really wanted to. anyone taking a look again david could probably draw that conclusion, but i had the added bonus of not only knowing hes a shifter but also the alpha of a pack. i should be intimidated, but clearly my animal instincts are a bit off.
“you are frustrating.” he trailed off.
instead of waiting for him to finish i pushed. “but?”
“but im also still sitting here so i guess that says something.”
pushing his buttons was too easy.
“oh? dose that mean you like me?”
it was a schoolyard taunt. one that probably made me look incredibly childish compared to the seriousness of david, but as he said, he was still sitting here.
“it says something you can infer dumbass. just dont go drawing too many conclusions.”
i laughed, partly at how he didn’t deny that he liked me and partly at the fact that we both knew i would draw way to many conclusions.
he shook his head before glancing at his phone.
“its getting late, i need to get going.” he started standing up while gathering his trash. “ill leave the where of that to your imagination, since youll probably find a way to show up there anyway.”
i frowned. “i thought we had moved past the whole following thing.”
he sighed and bit the side of his cheek. possibly regretting his previous statement?
“that was said lightheartedly… i’m willing to believe that this really has just been a coincidence.”
i snorted at his admission. “you could work on the ‘lighthearted’ bit”
“sorry, thats about as lightheaded as i get. so if that doesn’t work for you consider that when i ask my next question.”
“this really has just been a game of twenty questions hasnt it?”
he ignored me and continued, “you are annoying, AND youre mouthy,”
i pursed my lips and nodded along with his statements. i wasn’t going to deny it, that would be a lie. but at least i was aware of my personal faults unlike david here.
“and…”
i tilted my head urging him to finish whatever he was going to say.
“i wouldn’t mind getting to know you a little better.”
my mouth droped as his admission but quickly morphed into a cheshire grin.
“wipe that look off your face you little snot.” he said angrily.
“why david, i wouldn’t mind getting to know you better also.” i said placing my hand over my heart.
he seemed to be rethinking his decision at my little stunt. but after a moment of him angrily looking at the wall behind me he spoke again.
“then… can i have your number?”
i held out my hand for his phone, which he looked at me skeptically but ultimately handed it over. i put in my contact info, making a point to add a little heart next to my name, and handed the phone back to him. he huffed at what i assumed was my addition to my contact information however he was either not bothered enough to change or polite enough to not change it in front of me. either way i counted it as a victory.
“thank you. ill… shoot you a text.”
“i look forward to hearing from you.” i winked at him as i said that, which made him roll his eyes for what was at least the 10th time today.
“i guess well go with it was nice meeting you.”
i nodded enthusiastically as he started to take a few steps away from the table.
“see you around trouble maker. if our past history has anything to say about it, im sure i will.”
“bye for now david.”
he gave me one last look over and nod before he left. i watched him leave silently. it was a turn of events i hadn’t expected this afternoon to take, but i was more than happy with it. i hoped id hear from david soon.
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phobia-sweets · 10 months
Note
Well, it's time for a request!
Scarecrow (BTAS, Arkham Asylum, Arkham Knight - the last two separately, because his personality has changed a lot in two games), gender neutral S/O
Let's say that S/O died in front of Jonathan’s eyes, but after a week or a month they come back because they were resurrected using the Lazarus Pit or a similar method.
But they have some memory problems. They remember him, but vaguely, but it was enough to find him again. In addition, their memory is gradually being restored.
I'm still like having major writers block but this is better than not posting for another month SO HERE YOU GO :D (IM SO SORRY I HAD TO LEAVE BTAS OUT BECAUSE I GENUINELY COULD NOT GET HIM RIGHT FOR SOME REASON D:)
Arkham Knight!, Asylum! Scarecrow x reader
Warnings & Notes: could be ooc, im tired
KNIGHT
A Burlap-faced man was the only person you could remember when you woke up. Torn mouth, nonexistent nose, those milky eyes… You had questions. Who was that? Why did you have so many diosconnected memories of him? There was only one way to find out – Seeking him out. If you were lucky – he had answers. If you were unlucky, he didn’t even exist and you were back to square one.
You found yourself on founder’s island – carefully staying in shadows and hidden from the tanks – which was… to be honest, weird. This wasn’t the Gotham you remembered. Sure, it was rather restless every night, but… tanks? Really?
After maybe an hour of sneaking around, you found yourself in a warehouse. It was messy but almost comforting, in a way. You spotted a tall figure surrounded by vials and beakers full of orange, almost glowing liquids. You took a few wary steps towards him, careful not to startle him too much.
“You – I recognise you! I think.” You said quietly, narrowing your eyes at the man. “We have met, right? I remember you.”
“Hm…” The man hummed. “We have, in fact.” His gravelly voice caught you a bit off-guard, but it was… comforting. As he turned to face you, his expression was hard to read but you could spot a bit of a surprise in there. “We are… were rather close.”
“That so?” You asked. “I mean, that’d make sense since you’re… one of the only people I remember.” He walked up to you, taking off his gauntlet. “But I suppose we’ll see when my memories come back.”
ASYLUM
Despite wanting to stay in bed with your headache, you decided to go out in search of answers. You didn’t remember much, but you knew someone that could maybe help. In the middle of all the broken memories and pain, you had recognised a person. Not exactly who the person was, but judging from how often you thought about him, he must’ve been important to you, right?
The memories were messy to say the least – lots of laboratories, rust, chemicals… occasionally you’d remember something more, like the screams of someone or syringes. It was a bit intimidating, but this was the best chance you had at getting some answers, and so you set out to search for them.
The day felt slow – nothing seemed to wake up any old memories – well, except for an old warehouse. You slowly opened the door, walking in.
You spotted a man on the other side of the building – he was skinny and tall. You didn’t feel like he was a threat as he felt familiar, so you proceeded to walk closer to him.
“Have I met you before?” You asked, tilting your head at him. “I swear I have.”
“How…?” He looked at you, mouth slightly agape. “How are you…” He stepped closer to you, hesitating, before he put his hands on your cheeks, gently holding it. “Alive?” He finished his sentence, tilting his head at you – almost as if he didn’t believe what he was seeing.
“I, uh-” You hesitated, “I don’t know?”. You took a good look at his face. “To be fair, I don’t remember much in general.” You sighed to which he smiled, unable to hide his excitement any longer.
“How much do you remember?”
“Honestly? Almost nothing-” He tiled his head a little at your response. “But I can tell you’re important somehow.”
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Helllooo! Can I please request a tall gender neutral reader whos seen as an intimidating figure, like Malleus in a way.
Theyre extremely quiet and they tend to simply talk with their eyes, but they seem to have a soft side with the boys, often passing them doodles in class or even giving them food wordlessly ~ For the Savanaclaw bois if possible! Im not sure if you indicated a limit, but if you can only do one then Ruggie will suffice!
Thank you so much and stay hydrated!
Hi, hi! Thank you so much for requesting. Sorry if this is kinda off, I'm short. You too, stay hydrated, hun.
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Savanaclaw with a Tall and Timid MC
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Ruggie Bucchi
The first time you met Ruggie was when you had trouble with something and luckily he was there to help you out.
Of course, nothing comes for free with Ruggie Bucchi. Even if he didn't say so, you'd still treat him for lunch as an exchange for helping you.
It was some kind of unspoken mutual agreement. He'd help you and in return you treat him something.
You'd always help with the simplest things. Hanging the clothes, buying stuff, and many different things. It lifted some weight off his shoulder.
It was during the Spelldrive tournament, Ruggie (along with Leona) wasn't there for lunch so you assumed that they were in practice.
You came to the Savanaclaw dorm and there you saw them practicing. Rather than interrupting, you left the food on the bench with a little note and drawing.
"For Ruggie Bucchi and Leona Kingscholar -y/n"
Of course, it's Savanaclaw, you really think someone wouldn't touch their food?
Whenever someone would come near the food you left, you stared at them—thinking what to do to shoo them away.
The Savanaclaw students misinterpreted this as a piercing gaze and they ran off, minding their own business.
The practice ended and Ruggie took notice of what you left on the bench.
He looked around to find you while holding his food. Even though the dorm has its own set of tall students, it's hard to not take notice of you.
"You brought these? Thanks. I'll give Leona's share too but don't mind if I took some from his."
Leona Kingscholar
No matter how tall you are, you're still a herbivore in his eyes.
Although, he hated the fact that you somewhat reminded him of Malleus.
One good thing about Leona sleeping is that you could tell your worries to him without him telling anything. But sometimes he'd be awake, pretend sleeping, and gets annoyed by your rambling.
"If they bother you talk to them. Just don't get too noisy when I'm sleeping" type of thing would say.
You tried? I think. If talking with people isn't your forte, you tried to talk with gifts, touches, and eye-contact.
Although he gives half-assed advices, it kind of did help, sometimes.
So as a 'thank you' gift, you'd always fall in line first in the Cafeteria for the food he likes. (Even before Ruggie could stand in line)
Sometimes he's too lazy to even do his homework, Ruggie had to call you.
It was a habit of drawing doodles while helping Leona study. You'd pass him off notes with small drawings.
It made things easy to remember for this lazy lion.
"Have more faith in yourself, Herbivore."
Jack Howl
Jack Howl is a man, that I believe, that couldn't care less about what people look like. Everyone in the campus may feel intimidated by you but Jack would be that one person who will approach you if you seem to need help.
You tried to find words of what you will say but it was left in stares.
"I can't really know what your trying to say without any words..."
He'd try to find other ways to communicate with you without the use of talking. Overtime, he understood what you meant simply by looking at your eyes.
Whether it's assignments, projects, or exams, Jack will always be there to help. And you'd help him back too.
During Spelldrive tournaments you'd often give him an "Certain Victory" charm, to wish him luck in his games.
"Oh thank, I'll do my best!"
Without saying a word, your eyes sparkled with delight. He gave a large smile in return.
Win or not, he was happy to have a friend that wished him luck.
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A/n: I kind of based reader from Aharen-san.
Requests are Open!
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cornflakegetmilking · 10 months
Text
Bittersweet Cravings
Warning: this fic contains possesion, alot of killing, oh also some saucy moments
Sauce Warning - Sauceless
Chapter 4: Beneath You
Flakes sat on the desk in the trophy room still in disbelief about the situation they were in. They looked up seeing Jack sitting on his chair with a smug grin as he looked down at them. They would be furious right now if it werent for the fact they still in shock.
"S-so what?! Im now like some sort of property to you?!" They managed to finally speak up.
"Well i wouldn't say property but more as my living trophy! It's not often you see a shapeshifter!" He placed his palm under his chin still observing them, amused by their reactions and expressions as he usually saw the quiet and calm side of Flakes.
"Yeah cuz most of us are dead! While half of us still alive ones are hiding away from any civilization! Of course we're not oftenly seen!" They yelled only to receive a chuckle.
"And yet here's one right in front of me! Say can you tell me if all shapeshifters are this small? Or is it just you?" He teased and received a glare.
He was like a child who had just gotten a toy they had wanted for a long time. He was excited, amused and fascinated in this moment.
"C-can you please take this seriously for a second?! Why capture me? Why didn't you kill me like every other shapeshifters faith? How did you even find out i was a shapeshifter in the fist place-" They were cut off rudely by Jack pressing their lips together to shut them up.
He seem agitated but somehow still had a smile on his face.
"You talk too much for someone who's under my control..." He chuckled before letting go. "But I'm in a good mood so ill answer your questions! It's the least i can do after capturing you! Now first of all i didn't kill you because i would prefer you alive, just the mere sight of you makes people's skin crawl and i love that scare factor you give on others. Not only that but your shape-shifting abilities would be some use to me, sure i have a lot of men under my control but their power is ehhh... its not the best! But you on the other hand? Ohoho you're a killing machine!"
"Please don't call me that..." Flakes cringed a bit.
"And about me finding out you were a shapeshifter? Well it wasn't hard to find out! I had a book about all sorts of magical entities and after studying about your kind it was only a matter of observing you closely! Also you were pretty gullible and clumsy enough to believe all the things i say to get your little ewrs twitching!" He grinned.
Flakes pouted and touched their ears in embarrassment.
"Stupid ears..." They muttered.
"Oh also crystal ball! It was easy to track you down with it once i found you suspicious!" He held the ball proudly in his hands that showed an image of Flakes in the moment.
Flakes covered their body immediately after hearing this, feeling an immediate lack of privacy as their face went red in embarrassment.
"I think i saw you shapeshift at least 3 or 4 times this week? Also you have a lot of splotch marks on your furless skin!" He quietly laughed watching their facial expression of horror as they felt violated.
He's seen them nude?! They thought in panic and shock.
"I-im sorry- I- You stalked me?!" They barked.
"Well of course! How else was i supposed to be extra sure you were a shapeshifter?" He snickered as he got up to set the crystal ball away on his bookshelf of other magical items.
Flakes was fully enraged as they let out a growl and tried to pounce towards him to scratch him on his face only for him to move out the way quickly, making them slam face first onto the shelves instead.
"O-owww!!!" They whimpered holding onto their nose as they fell to the floor in pain, checking if their nose was broken or bleeding after the impact. Only for their arm to be grabbed harshly and pulled towards Jack's face in an intimidating matter.
"Well someone's being a bit feisty now huh?" He gripped tighter making Flakes let out a inhuman cry in pain. "I'd break your arm or throw you against the wall right now... but as i said i need you alive and whole..."
With that he lets go, dropping them to the floor. Flakes scooched away, trembling in fear and pain as they rubbed their arm in agony. Jack's eyes looked at the pained expression on their face before looking at their collar that seemed to shake a bit making him sigh and bend down to pick them up genty and set them on his chair for them to be comfortable. He caressed their cheek while a look disgust formed on his face as he did so.
"I didn't hurt you too much did i?" His voice was soft and gentle...
Flakes looked at him and frowned, they could see right through him, his lies and his acts... but despite everything they were still were an idiot in love... letting him pretend just to feel something.
"Im fine... you didn't break my bones, don't worry..." They responded with a sigh.
"Good... i wouldn't want to break you so quickly..." He checked their arm for a quick second for any bruises or damages before pulling away and opening his drawer to dig through and look for something.
"What are you doing now?" They asked anxiously.
" About your claws... since you tried to scratch me..." He glared at them for a while before looking back in the drawer.
Flakes looked at them worried and held their own hands and poked at their own nails.
"W-what about them?" They frowned.
"Well i don't want you getting any other ideas again..." He pulled out a pair of nail clippers and put his hand out, asking for their hand.
Flakes frowned more as they looked at his hand. They've always loved their claws and made sure to maintain them but now they were being taken away.
"B-but-" They wanted to complain but was cut off once again.
"You tried to scratch me didn't you? This is your punishment... maybe in time when they grow back I'll let you keep them... But as of now i need them off..." He looked at them sternly.
Flakes paused but nodded in sadness as they hesitantly placed their hand on his. Jack smiled and gently pressed his thumb on their knuckles and massaged them as if trying to soothe them while he started to trim down their once sharp nails. However it wasn't helping much as they watched their nails get clipped one by one they couldn't help but let out whines and whimpers as a few tears brimmed out their eyes. It felt like their dignity was being taken away. Jack noticed and let out an annoyed sigh so he wiped their tears off with his stained thumb.
"Shhhh it's okay. They'll grow back anyways okay? What do i have to do to rid of this negativity you feel right now?" He was forced to do something to make them feel better or else their capture would be all for nothing... he didn't admit it but he did keep the man's words in mind.
Flakes seemed upset still and didn't know how to respond so Jack groaned as he decided to think of something by himself. So he cups their cheeks and pets them in hopes that would soothe them even just a bit. It seemed to have work cause they finally stopped whimpering and started cooing in his hold, their ears twitching happily in his touch. Jack couldn't help but look away in disgust as he continued petting them.
"T-that feels nice..." They cooed softly.
"Yeah yeah you better be enjoying it you lil freak..." He then finally let's go and dusts his hands on his suit. "Feel better?"
"Uh... yeah i guess..." Flakes blushed, a bit surprised from the petting as they touched their own cheeks.
"Good. Now that you seem calm we can finally talk about what's next for you!" He held them by the scruff to make them sit on his desk so he could go back to his seat.
"W-what? What do you mean?" They asked genuinely confused.
"Patience! Let me talk for a minute here! You already did alot of talking in the past few minutes!" He growled a bit but continued. "Now you're gonna live with me for now on!" He was cut off making him pout in annoyance.
"What?! Why?!" They got their lips pressed shut again by his fingers.
"Cmon can't you be quiet for a second here and let me finish?!" He yelled making Flakes finally go quiet as he lets go of their lips. "Thank you! Ugh! Now as i was saying! You're living with me for now on so no other hunter decides to hunt you down! Since a part of your true form is exposed you could become an easy target for them! Since aparently your species is that terrifying to the point that everyone wants to kill you!" He laughed a bit in disbelief. "I personally don't see why!"
Flakes raised their hand wanting to ask a question which Jack rolled his eyes to.
"What now?" He groaned
"Why not just let me use my human form completely?" They asked straight forward not wanting to agitate Jack any more.
"Well i done want people thinking i just have some low life human next to me! I want them to know i have a rare powerful magical beast! Its bragging rights! And even if you kept your human form I'm pretty sure you already exposed your identity to the rest of the bakers out there!" He chuckled as Flakes frowned as if the realization just dawned on them. "Now i also don't feel like having to look through my crystal ball all the time just to see what you're up to! So to make it easier for me you'll be living with me! And don't worry about your stuff i already got my other servants to go get them for me!"
Once again Flakes raised their hand.
"You can talk now! Im done!" He groaned once more as he rubbed the brdige of his nose.
"Okay so uh- I'm not gonna ask about the whole sending your servants to get my stuff bizz since you already explained about the creepy stalking me thing. S-so i just got one question and that's... what makes you think I'll even stay with you at your place?!" They glared at him waiting for a response.
"Well you don't really have a choice! Unless you want to choke yourself with your collar be my guest!" He chuckled.
"Fuck..." Is all they could say.
"Also you clearly like the idea of staying with me anyways since your ears are twitching." He grinned wide.
"DAMN EARS!!!"
To Be Continue
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saetoru · 2 years
Note
TEE TEE I AM GOING TO YELL ABOUT RICH BOYS IN YOUR INBOX BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING DEATH GRIP ON ME 😟 quick warning bc I ramble LMAO
okay, so first of all, gojo satoru… I feel like when he was younger, he would buy a ton of really expensive shit purely because it was from a designer brand. like, it could be the ugliest fucking thing ever, but he would still buy it just because he could LMFAO 😭 he definitely had a ton of really ugly but expensive shoes… he looks like he would. he probably didn’t even wear them all 😔
thankfully, as he grew a little bit older, he stopped doing that and started buying things that ACTUALLY looked good. (only exception is those fugly rectangular sunglasses 😦 what on earth. I bet that bitch wears them just to piss people off smh. by people I mean me ☝️) even though they’re still really fucking expensive, it’s still a good upgrade from his childhood PFFT
his mama is glad, and so am I 🙏
I also wanted to talk about how gojo and getou are. they’re similar, meaning you don’t really have to put in a lot of effort to find out that they’re rich. gojo is the kind of guy who clearly flaunts his wealth in the most obnoxious way possible, but at the same time it’s not just the things he buys that makes him seem rich. You can see it in the way he carries himself. the best way I can explain it is like this; gojo is like a peacock. he likes to show off his feathers, but he’s already so naturally beautiful that people are already looking??? he just looks grand, if you know what I mean. he’s almost always got that air of confidence and superiority surrounding him that it can make you wanna BEAT HIS ASS UP 🤬🤬 but he’s also weirdly endearing :( he’s loud asf but we already know that LOL
AND when I said that getou is similar, I meant that he also just feels rich. he’s what you would expect someone from a high status family to be like tbh. he’s polite, respectful and is just all around elegant?? but he’s also kind of simple if you get what I mean. think of him as a swan — they’re plain, but everyone sees them as this really elegant and graceful creature. they also bite. hard. holy fuck. he’s a lot more subtle. even though he’s definitely intimidating and looks like a delinquent (😭), his actions show otherwise.
so, honestly to simplify what I’m saying, rich bitched getou and gojo are different sides of the same coin. both rich, but one formal and the other informal.
im kind of annoyed because there’s so much I want to say but I literally can’t articulate any of it properly. that’s my bad. but I can’t believe you’re not a mind reader smh how dare you 😡 I NEEDED TO WORD VOMIT SO BAD EHEHENR THANKS FOR READING IF YOU DID u are my lord and saviour ily 😸 BYE MWAH MWAH
I went from talking about how shitty satoru’s taste was to analysing rich boys getou and gojo wtf. what happened
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CRYINF THIS WAS SO FUN TO READ BESTIE FKWKFKR OMG i love the rich boy! au so much
gojo definitely had a HORRID fashion taste LMAO like he’s grown to be a bit better after ppl have told him over the years 🥲 but i just feel like gojo naturally has an awful sense of coordinating outfits 😭 geto in contrast is so simple like u said and elegant like he wears a simple white shirt but it’s ✨fancy™️✨ jfjsjfjs
GOJO IS THE OBNOXIOUS TRUST FUND AND BOASTFUL RICH BOY and then there’s his best friend geto who’s sweet and humble and he helps people get around campus with a sweet smile and a little wave and gojo’s just like “oh are new here ??” with a horrendous smirk and he’s so gosh darn annoying omg djrksjfj
i feel like rich boy gojo has a good relationship with him mom he’s a mommas boy for sure but him and his dad have a rough relationship that’s why he’s so attention seeking and also rebellious low key LMAO he wants to piss his dad off at every chance and do things the opposite way but he also just wants to be acknowledged u know. and then geto’s just a sweet lil boy who minds his business probably has polite convos with his moms friends while they have tea he’s like their favorite little golden boy they all want their daughters to be his wife ndnfskjfd god i could go on i rly do love this rich boy au sobs
TY FOR SCREAMING ABOUT IT W ME UR WELCOME TO ANY TIME I LOVE HEARING UR THOUGHTS i’m sorry this took me a bit to reply to !!
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so i just wanted to write a bit how daigo's hard on himself bc it's a thing i've noticed and it makes me sad
the most noticeable exhibits of this are in kiwami2 and ykz5 -- note that I've barely seen ykz4 so it's not being included here in detail. in kiwami2 the scene in serena tho with kashiwagi ??
the way kashiwagi bursts into the room and is like 'are you okay daigo?! you're not hurt, are you?' and daigo turns his head away/down?? as if he's feeling ashamed?
and what daigo says to him is 'sorry…i couldn't protect chairman goda' to which kashiwagi goes 'i heard. dont worry about it. you're alive, that's all that matters' and then offers him a cigarette&a light, which daigo accepts
its just such a short scene that always gives me a lot of feels and i feel is underappreciated but that’s also because i hyperfocus on daigo
but it's like, kashiwagi bursts in worried about daigo while daigo feels bad for not being able to protect the chairman but kashiwagi doesnt care about that, he's only caring about daigo at the moment and its just asdfghjk
all kashiwagi cares about rn is that daigo's okay!! but daigo's upset he couldn't protect the chairman -- as tho he's let them down, perhaps? 👀
srsly tho kashiwagi's interactions with daigo come off quite paternal, in a different way than kashiwagi's older brother interactions with kiryu and nishiki, which makes sense given context but it's something i always find cute/sweet
its a scene that i think shows that despite daigo being in his sort of 'angst, apathetic' 'phase', there's more to him than that&he actually cares quite a bit about things--his 'disrespectful' interjections at the meeting at omi hq i think are also supposed to be a sign of that, but i digress
and then there's the scene in ykz5. when daigo insists on like a proper duel/shootout with kurosawa to settle things and kiryu's all worried, daigo goes 'maybe i can finally say i lived up to the title of sixth chairman. kiryu-san' and that ???? that's absolutely in part related to the events from ykz4, and aaAH
not to mention what aizawa tells kiryu in the beginning of the game -- albeit aizawa is putting on a show -- "truth be told, all i know about you are the stories, fourth chairman. but it was the chairman who was always telling them. He said it was his duty to protect the Tojo Clan you left to him […] The other execs don't want us having these talks with the Yamagasa Family. say they're not even in the same league as the Tojo. how this equal alliance is anything but. but the chairman took it all in stride because of what he promised you."
not to mention daigo's "it may not always seem it…but i'm trying my best to walk this path" from the beginning ???
this is also sort of a tangent, but also the way daigo tells shinada that he didn't have any dreams of his own bc his path was already decided for him as a yakuza so he was fine with getting expelled to protect the baseball game was really sad, esp juxtaposed with how we're told that shinada remembers dojima-kun as having 'the top marks in the grade' aah
and i looked up the original japanese text to confirm that Shinada does specify 'Dojima-kun' as having first rank in the whole grade. assuming his father's reputation didnt intimidate the teachers' gradings -- and i dont think they did since it seems like daigo wasnt known for any yakuza ties in high school -- that means daigo was bright and could have potentially had a future with opportunities in another life aaah but i digress
and then in ykz6 when kiryu's writing that letter, aAH ;-; talking about children who believed they'd be loved and acknowledged by surpassing their parents/proving themselves ;-; the undertone of kiryu acknowledging he let daigo down by not being present for him despite his parental role and aaH i could go on about their relationship but im already rambling ;-; ;-;
daigo looks up to kiryu so much and it hurts me so much and makes the letter at the end of 6 so cathartic in a sense bc it's a validation of feelings for daigo and the shots of his face in the car during the scenes AAAhH
bc while kiwami2 shows that daigo's hard on himself outside of his relationship with kiryu, ykz5 makes it pretty clear that he feels like he's let kiryu down in a sense, by like failing to live up as chairman and stuff -- just that whole 'maybe i can finally say i lived up to the title of sixth chairman. kiryu-san' && 'it may not always seem it…but i'm trying my best to walk this path' is so !! heartbreaking !! and it's like, kiryu's distance, particularly post ykz3 but also like in general ever since Dojima died which is a whole !! other thing
this has gone offtopic a bit bc there's a lot about daigo that breaks my heart, so i apologize for the tangents
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cainightfics · 2 years
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have you seen the new batman movie? I saw a lot of parallels between the riddler and batman with tyrell and elliot and I want to know if you saw it too. feel free to ignore this message if you have genuinely no interest in batman that is totally fine lmfao, it's just that you always have really well thought out and interesting responses to your anon messages and I was wondering your thoughts on this if you had any!
thanks for the ask! i actually havent seen the new batman movie, but i feel like ive absorbed lots of info about it via cultural osmosis, so im gonna take a crack at this anyway, lol. please correct me if im off base here.
batman in general is kind of similar to elliot, although their worldviews are very different... batman is a vigilante who hunts down criminals under an anonymous alias because of childhood trauma, and elliot is the same. the difference is that elliot acknowledges more openly that he himself is also a criminal, lol, and his sense of morality isnt as black and white. despite being the protagonist, elliot isnt always particularly heroic. for example, its hard for me to imagine batman doing to anyone what elliot did to olivia. elliot is a huge believer in "the ends justify the means," to the point where by season 4, he begins to view peoples livelihoods as collateral damage in his mission. to elliot, anyone who works for "bad people" is essentially fair game -- hence why he so easily frames colby in s1e1, or sacrifices price in s4e9, or tries to cope with angelas death by convincing himself that when she began working for whiterose, the "real angela" essentially died, and dark army angela took over as some brainwashed imposter.
i think that like batman, elliots heroic deeds are often somewhat washed out by his more questionable choices. both elliot and batman have fallen so completely into their vigilante "second life" that these personas (superhero and hacker) have become their whole identities. obviously, with elliot, this is taken to the most extreme end possible, as we find out in s4 that elliot/mastermind is an alter created entirely to act out these vengeful, heroic fantasies host!elliot had. identity and morality are big themes for both batman and elliot.
in terms of tyrell and the riddler, i think the big tie-in is the theme of spectacle!! elliots vigilanteism is quiet and he revels in anonymity, whereas tyrell is narcissistic and genuinely sees himself and elliot as superior to regular humans. tyrell is very preoccupied with how other people see him, but ESPECIALLY with how elliot sees him. like mr robot says in s1e5, tyrell "cares what [elliot] thinks about him," and thats his biggest flaw. tyrell WANTS to be noticed. i think this is really emphasized with how elliot is framed in scenes with tyrell... take this one, for example. both elliot and tyrell are framed in the centre, with the camera angled slightly above elliots head, as though hes looking down on tyrell.
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now lets contrast that with another scene where tyrells obsession with power manifests again, this time with the e corp building looking down on him from above, and him clearly feeling the weight of his own inferiority:
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elliot is often framed in the position of the observer AND the superior party, even in situations where (seemingly) tyrell has the upper hand. in the conference room scene, for example, despite having been kidnapped and brought to this scary place with all these lawyers threatening him, elliot has the upper hand-- tyrell can intimidate him all he wants, but he still NEEDS elliot to say yes to his job offer, because its him who desperately wants elliot to work with him. tyrell is obsessed with getting elliots attention and approval -- think, also, of his preoccupation in s3e3 with having his suit when he goes to see elliot. "i have to look my best for him" are definitely the words of somebody whos trying too hard, lol.
the riddler is the same way. he requires batmans participation and attention, because without it, its no fun. villains only exist because they have heroes to fight them. in batman 2022, batman seems to quite literally ruin the riddlers plans simply by refusing to participate:
Batman: You think you'll be remembered? You're a pathetic psychopath, begging for attention.
The Riddler: No.
Batman: You're gonna die alone in Arkham.
The Riddler: No. No, no, no!
Batman: A nobody!
The Riddler: NO! AHHHHH! This is not how this was supposed to go! Ahhhhh! I had it all planned out! We were gonna be safe here. We could watch the whole thing together.
i would say the difference between tyrell and the riddler is that tyrell really does not seem to have a cause. i think the reason why its easier to sympathize with tyrell than other antagonists in mr robot is because hes just so damn pathetic. his obsession with attention and impressing people and being special precipitates his own downfall and makes him easily manipulated, dependent, and miserable. at least the riddler has some ideological underpinning to his actions (he wants to expose corruption in gotham) and that appears to attract followers to his cause. tyrell, however, is extremely uninspiring, because most of what we see him do is either 1) what somebody else told him to do (joanna, irving, mr robot, etc) or 2) the result of an impulsive temper tantrum (murdering sharon knowles immediately comes to mind). tyrell will never be a genuine revolutionary, because he just doesnt care. his core belief is that "power belongs to the people that take it," and this winds up being hilariously ironic, given that hes so easily controlled by others.
anyways, hopefully that was a decent answer lol. thanks for the ask, i do have loads of fun answering them!
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musashi · 1 year
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1, 12, 30, 32, 42, 50 for the fic asks?
tysm!
What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)
oooh thats hard and would depend on fandom too. maybe just chapter 1 of DTE? honestly i feel like DTE is me at my best i'd feel weird reccing anything else, but. its long x3
Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?
nope! i've been the same forever.
Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?
talked about this a little bit in a previous ask abt swallowtail :] but also, both my multichapters were WAY outside of my comfort zone. i did not think i had ONE complete multichapter in me, let alone TWO.
it just made me more cocky. i already genuinely believe i can do anything, but kicking so much ass at both of them really didn't help.
Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?
one time i wrote a very short fic about franziska von karma snotting like a toddler all over her brother's fucking work desk while passionately denying that she was capable of catching a cold and @pictureswithboxes left me a review that said 'you made franziska von karma so gross in this fic' and i think to this day it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. the fastest a comment has ever grown on me. idk how to explain this. idk how to explain why i loved it so much, its like
everyone compliments me on my tenderness. my caretaking. and its cool ig. but i don't think i'm good at writing that stuff, and it's not why i write sickfic. or like, it's not what i enjoy most about writing sickfic. my favourite part of writing sickfic is torture! obviously there has to be comfort or i dont enjoy the hurt, but i feel as though misery is what i write best. i am soooo good at writing low-level misery, itchy discomfort, little minute details. and i feel like most ppl focus on the other part. and im like, BUT DID YOU SEE THE MISERY?
and bailey's out here like yeah i saw it. if i was in that room w her i'd be spraying her with lysol. you made this hot lady a plague rat awesome job. one time this same mutual said something along the lines of "i wanna say i wanna eat this fic but i dont. its full of germs. im patting it gently, from far away, with gloves on, and disinfectant" ljsghsfhf
it's just nice to be seen for the craft i REALLY enjoy: giving hot girls messy headcolds. like yeah its cool that they get looked after. but did you see how disheveled i made them? <3
also just the complete lack of worry that i'd be offended by this comment, too. as i'm sure you all know i hate it when people are anxious/scared around me and try to butter me up with sweet/soft language. it makes me feel handled with kid gloves at best, and it makes me feel intimidating and scary at worst. having someone just boldly come into my comment box like "YOU MADE HER SO GROSS. THANK YOU" without a second thought about if i might find that phrasing indelicate, i was like oh my god please be my friend. i need to be friends with you or i'll die. speak my damn language some more i'm thriving. anyways this is now a bailey appreciation ask, sorry for party rocking.
not gonna answer 50 cause i dont do broad/nonspecific questions sghdfg
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neonun-au · 2 years
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1, 8, 23, 25, 39, 68, 85, 135 ❤️
oh my god berry fhdjsaj so many thank you haha
i'll put it under a read more after the first one since it will be a lot
book recs asks
1: a book that is close to your heart
there are so many different ways i could answer this, but i'll go with one that really jump started my deep love of reading and literature when i was a kid and that's the giver by lois lowry !
8: a book you finished in one sitting
ru by kim thuy. short but intensely beautiful and affecting. sort of a memoir, sort of fiction. a real gem.
22: your favourite thriller (oops read the wrong number but im keeping it in here)
genuinely loved the girl with the dragon tattoo by steig larson. i didnt finish the series but i loved the first one and i thought it was super effective and exceptionally well done. im a real sucker for nordic crime thrillers in general, i think they do them very well.
23: a book that is currently on your TBR
one that i just picked up and am excited to get to is the complete works of clarice lispector ! cant believe i found it shes so hard to find fhdsjaf
25: a book by your favourite author
it's really difficult for me to choose a favourite author. i love a lot of writers, but im not exceptionally loyal to any either. i think ive read the most haruki murakami out of any author in general, i hesitate to call him my favourite because i also have a lot of issues with his writing, but when he's good he's amazing. i would recommend after dark because i find it to be rather underrate and its quite digestible as far as size goes (but if you want a big one then 1Q84 hehe)
39: a book featuring your favourite character
the secret history by donna tartt has a lot of characters i really enjoyed reading. henry winter in particular. love a brooding, academic man.
68: your favourite piece of classic literature
i used to read a lot of classics, and the term is used so broadly its hard to sort of narrow down what exactly counts as a classic, but im going to go with persuasion by jane austen. something about it i just...i love. i almost went with it for the characters question, too, so maybe that's it haha
85: your favourite book about magical realism
ok now magical realism i LOVE. as an entire concept and genre and everything. everything about it i can just sink deep into. a tale for the time being by ruth ozeki is one that really stands out to me, if i stray away from saying murakami again. helen oyeyemi sort of straddles the line of magical realism, so i hesitate to say her but i also feel it would be remiss if i did not mention mr. fox here.
135: recommend any book you like!
the awakening - kate chopin. i think it's a very important book and one that more people should read. its a classic (early 20th century), but its not really intimidating as far as the writing style goes.
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jorvikcity · 2 years
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Vivien Questions
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i didnt realize i had asks turned off theyre on now EITHER WAY
3. Are they superstitious?  as superstitious as a dane would get ARJKFKJR folklore and myths have always fascinated her (which is also why she came to jorvik in the first place) and they do the knock on wood thing pretty often, but they never believed in ghosts or anything before they got involved with the keepers
7. What’s their fondest memory with one of their horses? she still remembers finding Elderberry (her JWH) befuddled and sleepy outside of Moorland Stables, and how majestic and strange he looked for a horse. and then she offered him an apple and he wasn't so intimidating anymore
as for Autumn, their favorite memory with him was when he spoke to her for the first time. her absolute bewilderment at that lmao
13. How did they meet the Soulriders? Are they on good terms with them? she was probably investigating the baroness for some petty rumor when she bumped into alex and heard about linda's disappearance, and her curiosity drove things from there! i think her bias for alex has been obvious from the start - they see themself in her a lot. i think the one she relates the least to is linda, but she enjoys her enthusiasm for her interests. lisa im not quite sure about, i think they appreciate her emotional honesty but can't (or won't) reciprocate. her music isn't their taste unfortunately, but they know she's very talented
anne? .... she tries :( but they have a hard time seeing eye to eye
25. If you had to describe them in 3 words, what would you say? curiosity, responsibility, regret
6. Are they a morning bird or night owl? id say both tbh? but leaning towards early bird. she finds jorvik especially beautiful at dawn
11. What are their thoughts on Pandoria? it scares the shit out of her T_T she has a hard time comprehending the chaos of it - she's usually an orderly person, but pandoria represents the spiral this journey has sent her down
12. Druids or Darkcore? druids, but she often wonders why DC are the way they are. her morbid curiosity has almost gotten the best of her before
15. Are they a magic user? How did they find out? only technically. she's supposed to be able to channel all four circles, but her ability to do so is extremely volatile and unpredictable, and it scares her. she prefers finding more mundane ways of solving problems
22. Do they have any hobbies or talents? they love nature photography, and have taken a great deal of pictures during their time in jorvik. they will occasionally mail one to their family, but they never receive any response.
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koneko-3 · 5 months
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Chapter 3 of "Far"
The crickets chirped loudly as the sun started to rise. Mai awoke and shielded her eyes from the bright sun. She soon got up and walked around the village. Everyone was staring at her. She didn't know how to react so she stayed silent. So many thoughts were racing through her head. "Everyone here doesn't hide their face. It's so strange." She whispered to herself. She continued to wander around. These were her people after all but it all felt so strange to her. Everything was just so overwhelming. She soon took a break as she was approached by a young girl that appeared about the same age as her. "Hey." She shouted. Mai looked up at her in surprise. "O-oh hello." Mai studder. The girl grew a friendly smile on her face. "I've never seen you around here. Where are you from?" The girl said in a friendly manner. "Oh… I don't really know how to explain…" "Well it's not like you're from the forest like those strange creatures out there." The girl giggled. "Well actually…" Mai blushed from embarrassment. "I did come from the forest but… I don't really know how to explain it. So much has happened and… and…" Mai started to hyperventilate and cry. The girl hugged her and patted Mai's back. "Its okay. You're here now. You're safe here." Those words reassured Mai. "By the way I'm Vara, what's your name?" Mai pointed at herself, "Well my name is Mai." Vara giggled but it was Intrupted by a voice if a young boy. "Vara, what did mom tell you about talking to strangers?" Out came a boy. He was significantly taller than Vara and Mai. He stared at Mai. "Who are you? And why are you dressed like that. It's so strange." He chuckled for a second until he was cut of my Vara. "Haruku, why are you like this?" She sighed. Mai started to tremble in fear. She felt intimidated by this guy. He looked over at Vara. "Look I'm just looking out for you Vara. Besides, she's looks like she came out of the woods anyway. Look at her clothes. She's dressed like one of those things out there." He sighed. Vara didn't say anything and just glared at him. Mai could feel the tension between the two of them. "Um… I may be from the forest but… I'm not trying to cause any harm." Mai spoke trying to break the thick tension. The boy sighed. "Look, I might not be as naive as my sister but I'm not going to trust some random girl that appeared from the forest. Vara, if you want to be around that girl for much longer please be careful. I wont tell mom and dad okay?" He said as he started to leave. Vara only nodded and looked back over at Mai. "Oh im sorry, that was my older brother Haruka. Don't worry he just likes to be hard on me." She smiled weakly, something about him bothered her. "Oh I have to go now. Sorry Mai but can I talk to again soon?" Mai nodded as a response which made Vara smile bigger as she waved goodbye to Mai making her alone again.
Mai soon started to miss her home. She really started to miss Moxi. It only seemed that being far away from her original home was worse than it was before. Now she was lonely. She soon went back into the woods and started to cry. "Why did I follow her!? I hate this place already! I don't belong here at all." Tears were streaming down her face. Something felt odd, like someone was watching her. She looked around only to see a figure of what appeared to be a Trax. Her heart stopped for a second, only to see it was Moxi. "Mai! Oh, thank god I finally found you!" Panic rose into her body, but she was frozen in place. Moxi noticed this. "Mai, are you okay? Look, everyone else is looking for you for a different reason than why I'm out here looking for you." Moxi reassured her. Mai calmed herself down a bit. "How did you find me?" She asked. "Well… let's just say I had some assistance." After he said that, there stood Aoi. Mai could not believe what she was seeing. "M-moxi?! B-but a Wisp and a Trax can't be together. I thought they're sworn enemies?" Mai shouted, but Aoi shushed her. "Hey, quiet down. We don't want to alert our presence, especially yours." Aoi started to stroke Mai's hair. "Look, they're looking for you. We want to help you go as far away as possible." Moxi sighed. "Look, Mai. I don't think I've ever told you this, but I've actually saved you once. A long time ago. You probably don't even remember." He shook his head. "Wait, really?" Mai sounded surprised by this. "It was when you were an infant, Mai. I'm the reason why they want to sacrifice you now, but you deserve a chance to live. We've lived for so long now that this life is just so… exhausting. But there's always these sacrifices we do on human infants that bring us life, which makes us immortal beings. But I wanted to change that. Mai, please understand you're the first step in that change. I don't want you to die!" Mai never heard Moxi act in such a manner before. It almost sounded like he was about to break into tears, but Mai knew she'd never see it. She started to realize so many things at that moment. Moxi was the only Trax that was actually kind to her. But he wasn't the only one to help her attempt to escape her death.
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