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#i get so like exhaustingly tired from literally anything
inkblackorchid · 10 months
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What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)
*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.
After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?
Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:
No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.
No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.
I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.
Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.
Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...
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We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.
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(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)
There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?
The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.
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(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)
As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)
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(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)
The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.
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(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)
After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.
However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.
We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.
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(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)
Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.
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(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)
And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.
However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.
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(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)
Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.
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(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)
This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)
And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.
Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.
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(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)
So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.
I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).
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(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)
Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.
And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.
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(Bird boy is angry, watch out)
This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.
At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.
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(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)
Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...
And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.
But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)
To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.
Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.
Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.
For now, see you in part two.
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solidgroundif · 2 years
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“I can be your family “ 😭 for kade and mc please
Who knew one look at a pair joined in a reunion hug could trample you so? And exes, at that. Exchanging questions, worries and concerns in the ways that shows effortless familiarity, the unspoken connection elusive to everyone else but them. A real miracle in the absolute, literal middle of nowhere.
And you are...here.
The emergency guidance strips are the only rebels in your small war on light, their neon colors dance around the turns almost in tune to the hum of the ship systems. To turn them off too you need to go into the maintenance room, which will call attention to this innocent sabotage all the way in the cabin, and that is the last thing you need.
You want to be alone. That is what you are. That is what you will be forever.
The world is crumbled, your world is, the little life you have just begun piecing together smashed, and now you have this on your hands, a problem the size of the universe, with nothing to look forward to in the end. Yes, despite everything, you still cling to the silly hope there will be an end. It is just bleak. No light at the end of it.
No one to reunite with. No life to stitch back together. No one who shares your memories of anything. The size of space is immense. The science of it is phenomenal. The views never get boring. And everyone, or maybe just you, is so exhaustingly alone.
You recall watching the reunion as if from behind a one-way glass. Shut off from the rest of the world.
Steps.
Steps tear through the silence and come to an abrupt stop. You do not bother looking up. Maybe they won't notice you. Maybe they will think you are sleeping. Maybe they—
"Hey. What are you plotting?"
Well, no. Of course Kade would not possess enough tact to let it go.
If this is a joke, you aren't laughing. You have found silence to be a good deterrent for bad jokes.
He clicks his tongue and makes a few tentative steps into the room. It barely has space for one, and now you can see his boots.
"What could I possibly be plotting?" you ask, words grinded into dust by your reluctance to let them out.
"Dunno. You left the hangar like you had lots on your mind."
He is paying attention. He always has. First it was guarded, and now it seems to have grown into a habit.
"Lots of things happened."
"Yeah? I didn't think so."
"Figures," you murmur, head still hung to see nothing but the steel floors.
All the invitation he needs.
With his innate agility, he flops right onto the floor, his presence not possible to shut out just as easily now. Lately, you think, he has taken looking at leisure when you talk up a notch, so much that it is obvious how much he tries. Even as he sits now, bent knee propping up his arm, peering up at your face, what should look effortless is instead somehow awkward.
"It's a human emotion," you deflect and pad what you say next with a smile. "You wouldn't understand."
"You are so perceptive," he says, face completely impassive.
"Takes one to know one."
He sighs.
"Which emotion?"
You look right into his eyes, unblinking, and he does the same. One part of you loathes to admit it out loud, still used to keeping all of your soft spots close to chest around him; another just wants to scream it out, admit the truth once and maybe, possibly, likely not, it will stop haunting you. And even you cannot say how tired you are of taking risks anymore.
"You saw that." A small admission would be fine, you tell yourself. The heavy coat of doubt slides off your shoulders at that thought.
"I saw a lot," he says in lieu of asking you to elaborate.
But not everything can be put into words, especially words that do not make one look so small and so weak and so...sad. That's just not something to come up with on the fly. Maybe there are angles.
"What they have," you say, hoping he would not need any more explanation than that. "And you... You have Priscilla, and she has you. And Charis—well, you know."
He frowns, knotting your ramblings together. Maybe from the comfort of having his sister by his side it is not so apparent.
"So..." His mouth opens and closes a few times. "What you're saying is you're—"
"Lonely," you hurriedly spit out, because the idea of him accusing you of this and you being unable to refute stings. Even Ward looks surprised. "Even if we somehow deal with everything and come out alive, I will be alone. Don't even have family to fall back onto..."
"Family," he repeats aimlessly, still absorbing what you have so generously dished out.
"Yes, Kade, family. Because what else can hold in here? It is why people come back for each other."
And they never stop searching.
"I mean," he briefly looks away, working a frown out of his face, "that's not the only reason."
"Is it now?" It feels like he is trying to take something away from you, some pain you feel oddly defensive about. He says that, but he would not have worked so hard to find her were Priscilla not his sister. "A biological family, an almost-family, a family of circumstance. Hm. I wonder what is there in common?.."
You can swear he is pouting—you still have the power of easily riling him up—but it is tough to look away from the overgrown pond in his eyes.
"Okay, fine!" he exclaims, breath hitched. "Then just point at someone and name them your family."
Your mouth cracks into a smile against your will. His jokes are only getting worse.
"Just like that, huh?"
"Just like that."
This back-and-forth finds it easy to bounce inside your chest, nonsensical humor tapping the hollowness left behind by your solitude until it aches a little less. You find it easier to just let him drag you along than pick at the thoughts inside your head.
"And who should I try this fool-proof method on, pray tell?"
You cannot say what it is, maybe because you have shown a smile or two in the past five minutes, but his guards seem to have evaporated.
"Fuck...Me, I guess?"
You repeat the moment inside your head. It does so to a thump coming from somewhere inside you.
And then you repeat it out loud. "You."
He bites his lip before he speaks. You can only hope the drum you hear is not too thunderous.
"I can be your family."
You can picture it vividly. He sees your one-way glass and takes a hammer to it.
"Family?" A throaty chuckle escapes you, long before you can sift the bitter surprise out of it. "Kade, are you proposing or are you adopting me?"
"Don't—Jeez!.." he scoffs, looks away and brings a palm to his forehead. A moment too late: his eyes has always been too expressive, his face too obvious. Of all the moments, he chooses now to dare look vulnerable. "Don't make it weird."
"Oh, for you to be self-aware," you lament with a weak chuckle. Its warmth spreads through you like sunlight.
For better or for worse, it seems like you at least have options.
76 notes · View notes
akaashiclub · 4 years
Text
girls chase boys ☇ t.k.
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☇ pairing: tsukishima kei x fem!reader
☇ genre: fluff, oc is an absolute babie who has no shame, tsukishima goes from ‘she’s annoying’ to ‘she’s aight’ to ‘i may be lowkey in love w her it’s nbd tho’, oc will literally not give up, tsukishima is still a first year (word count: 4.1k)
☇ synopsis: usually when experiencing such a soul-crushing rejection, one would give up on their feelings, right? right?
☇ a/n: i binge-read some haikyuu fanmanga and i was ~inspired~ plus like... this trope?? persistant bubbly x uninterested cold is?? literally everything?? (playlist link: here)
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“i like you!!!”
you kind of felt like the main character of a shoujo, with the wind making your hair dance in the air
standing face to face with your longtime crush
(and by longtime, you mean about two months)
that’s when it all started
no— it was earlier
the orientation ceremony
all the first years standing in neat, organized rows, listening to the principal give a welcoming speech
at least, that’s what you were supposed to be doing
in reality, your eyes were trained on the 188cm tall blonde in the row in front of you
you couldn’t see the stage— also, you didn’t care
bc ~he~ was in front of you
tsukishima kei
you learned his name later when you discovered you were in the same class
and he sat in the adjacent row, one seat forward
the absolutely perfect position to stare at his side profile the entire class
and that is exactly what you did for two months
that and gathering info on him
tsukishima kei, 188.3cm (now 190.1), born on september 27th, best friends with yamaguchi tadashi, #11 on the karasuno volleyball team
and then there you were, confessing your undying love to him
...or something like that
“no thanks. not interested.”
usually, that would soul-crushing enough to make them leave him alone
not you <3
the giggle that escapes your lips makes his eyebrow twitch on confusion for a second
“that’s okay~” you respond. 
(that’s okay ?)
(what the fuck kind of response is that being rejected ???)
(yours!!!!)
you’re exhaustingly persistent, as tsukishima comes to find out
or should i say—
“tsukki~!!” 
the hair on his neck rises when you flounce into homeroom with that sing-song tone
you plop down into the seat in front of him (key note: not yours) and rest your elbows on his desk with a little grin
“don’t call me that,” (he doesn’t look up from his book)
“what~! why not?”
“only my friends call me 'tsukki’”
you snort, scooting a little closer
“that’s mean. how many times have we walked home together, and we still aren’t friends?”
“you followed me home, i didn’t consent.”
“‘followed you’?” you pout. “we live on the same road, naturally we’d walk home together,”
he doesn’t respond, just flips to the next page in his book
“do you have volleyball club today~?”
ignored. 
lol
she stays strong!! she doesn’t give up in the face of adversity!!!
“you don’t have to answer, i already know you do.” you chirp. “it’s boring walking home without you... maybe i’ll come with you today~!”
it’s like talking to a wall
(a very cute, 190cm, blonde, glasses-wearing wall.)
(🥰)
instead of responding, he puts his headphones on and keeps reading 
a small exhale escapes your lips, and one of the girls in the next row over leans towards you
“y/n... i think it’s a lost cause...”
“he’ll come around eventually,” you shoot her a smile, and then turn back to tsukki
you lean forward, reaching towards his head and tugging the headphones down around his neck
and when he looks up (he does within an instant), you shoot him a sly smile
several students around you gasp
after all, who would dare bother tsukishima with his headphones on??? that’s some instant death shit
“move.”
“i like being this close to you though,” you tease
and he rolls his eyes, standing up and heading for the exit of the classroom
the shock in the classroom — that you’re still ALIVE — is clear
your friend from before gapes 
“y-y/n what are you playing at??”
“courtship,” you sigh dramatically, and hop to your feet to chase after the blonde monster
“tsukki~!! are you getting lunch?? wait for me~!!”
everyone on the first floor knows: it’s become the norm to see tsukishima, book in hand, headphones around neck, and followed by a chirpy pipsqueak 
even yamaguchi doesn’t stick as closely to him as ‘tsukishima’s lapdog’ (as you’ve started being called by the fellow first years) does
the nickname doesn’t really bother you
after all, it’s just a reminder of your determination and refusal to give up
which is a virtue, in your mind!!
some people feel bad for tsukishima, constantly being bothered by you for weeks on end
others admire your stubbornness
and one group of people you can always count on supporting you are the karasuno volleyball club <3
ever since you started showing up to their practices 
and all their practice matches and official games too
they all befriended you
but you grew tired of just sitting and watching tsukki on the sidelines, so you asked coach ukai if you could help out during practices!!!
there can’t rly be ... three managers... so you suggested retrieving balls or being tsukki’s personal assistant
he saw right through you <3 
but it’s ok bc he thought it would be entertaining and agreed
tsukki: angy
even when he’s annoyed he’s cute tho <33 and you make sure to tell him that <333
and so! you get tsukki’s water, towels, etc etc (ofc u help other ppl too when they need it but tht’s what the two managers r for... tsukki is ur #1)
the other players are like 0.0 she’s kinda scary... but cute at the same time doe... 
one day you’re in a particularly good mood (aka: a bad day for tsukki lol)
“tsukki~!”
“don’t call me that.”
“i want to tell you something,”
the whole gym is kinda just 👁️👄👁️ waiting to see what happens
“what? i need to change, hurry it up.”
ur inner monologue: kdNNN even when he’s mean he’s cute!!!!
but anyways:
“i like you,”
hinata, kageyama, tanaka, noya, literally everyone: 😳😨 mf what—
sugawara’s like “oh god he’s just reject her and crush her heart... right in front of EVERYONE—”
“not interested.” tsukki says, and his tone isn’t any less cold than usual
u kno that anime lightning effect when the character’s body is joLtED...
tht’s everyone else in the gym
tanaka and nishinoya are highkey ready to let you cry into their jerseys when—
you laugh
you right after being mercilessly rejected:��🥰
you can’t help it !!!!! it’s not discouraging you ok??? you alr knew what he’d say!!! but you had to tell him <3 can’t let him forget tht he’s the ✨love of your life✨
entire gym: s h o o k
“did she just  l a u g h??”
“is she okay?? no srsly”
“what... just happened”
tsukki walks off, water bottle in hand
you follow after him, bouncing on the soles of your feet 
“don’t forget your towel~! want me to wipe off your sweat~?”
“no thanks.”
cue fading banter between you two as he goes to change his clothes
he has to be like hOe GeT oUT for you to not go into the locker room lmfao damn... thirsty bitch... same tho
later tanaka and noya (feat. hinata who just wants to be included) jump tsukki
“shE LAUGHED WHEN U REJECTED HER??? IS SHE OK???”
“she confesses to me every week. she’ll do it again. it’s not that big of a deal.”
“not thAT BIG— can u imagine if kiyoko liked us that much.... ”
(cue tanaka sobbing)
tsukki was right tho
after the third time you randomly confessed to him in front of them they were just like
same shit different day, anyways rolling thunder
but they still highkey adopted you
so they go grr grr when tsukki rejects you all cold and shit
shockingly tho??? the more you confess the less it’s “not interested” and more just “*sigh*”
is this... PROGRESS???
but the zero braincell triad cornered him again in the locker room one day 
(it’s their trademark)
(nishinoya) “so why do you keep rejecting her??”
(hinata popping in) “yea she’s super dedicated and helpful!!!”
(tanaka lowkey shuddering) “she’d probably let herself get hit in the face w a volleyball if u asked”
(and tanaka would be: correct)
(but anyway)
“she was annoying,”
“she... ‘was’ annoying???”
“... she IS annoying”
“tsukki... do you possibly like her??? but you’ve gotten so used to rejecting her that it’s automatic now??”
tsukki’s like V.V
“you’re reading too much into it,”
sage!nishinoya is about to probe deeper but at that moment you pop your head around the corner of the locker room and shout
“tSUKKI~!!!”
and they all scatter to hide themselves while shrieking
except tsukki, who is already clothed and gives zero fucks lmao
but anyways!!! a couple weeks pass and takeda got y’all set up with a practice match !!
with who?? nekoma!!!
hinata is like 🤩🤩 kENMA!!
only players and members of the club are supposed to go rly....
but you’re like “??? i’m tsukki’s personal assistant are you trying to take away my rights??? i’ll sue you” and coach ukai gives in sdjfkf
“tsukki can i sit with you~?”
yamaguchi about to sit there: 👁️👄👁️ bruh
tsukki doesn’t say yes but he also doesn’t say no :D
 “what’re you reading?”
“english book,”
you’re like: wait— mf hold up... did he actually just answer ??
tsukki simp mode: ACTIVATED
“can i see??”
“you’re failing english, you won’t be able to read it.”
“ouch,” you pout, but there’s a small smile on your lips. “but how’d you know i was failing english?”
he doesn’t respond
“i guess it is unfair that i know everything about you and you don’t know anything about me...” you sigh
“you don’t know everything about me,” he retorts, still not looking up from his book
hehe~ gotcha
“oh? test me,” you grin, scooting closer to him
“don’t wanna.”
“you’re just scared i do know everything,” you say smugly, trying to bait him
“bet you don’t know everything about me!!!” hinata pops up from the seat in front of you
“you’re right, i don’t,” 
(he pouts and disappears again)
“tsukki~” you whine. “tsukkiiiii~ i’m bored.”
“so?”
“can i wear your headphones?”
“no thanks. i don’t wanna get headlice.”
you scowl. “mean,”
you bite your cheek, staring a hole in the side of his head but he doesn’t even blink
if tsukki could major in ignoring you people, he’d have straight A’s
fortunately, you have ways to counter this
“kei~~” you whisper a little too close to his ear, and he jolts up
you try not to let the amusement show on your face, but you can’t help it
glaring at you, he pulls his headphones off his head and puts them on yours
“now be quiet,”
“mm~” you chuckle
a couple hours later, you pull into the parking lot of nekoma
the friend groups pair off, and kuroo makes a beeline for tsukki, only to catch sight of you
“hey four-eyes— who’s this?”
tsukki glances down at you, to which you shoot him a sugary smile
“dunno,” he says, and walks off
you wave to kuroo with a sunny grin
“i’m y/n~! i’m tsukki’s personal assistant and future wife~”
his eyebrows rise, and with a quick bow, you bounce after the blonde
once the group is all in the gym, practice jerseys are handed out and you help yachi and shimizu prepare the water and towels
you’re about to make a beeline for tsukki, when someone calling your name stops you
“y/n! wanna get me some water?” kuroo calls
you only blink for a moment before hopping to it, darting across the gym
for the rest of the day, kuroo is constantly calling for you—
“y/n! can you wipe the sweat off my neck?”
“hey, y/n, get me some water~”
“y/n!”
“y/n, over here!”
and by the time the several hours is over, you haven’t gotten to speak to tsukki once 🥺 snnff :(
when you finally get a free moment, you look around for him, but he’s nowhere to be found
sad face :(
and then !!!! turns out nekoma paid for bbq for everyone 🤩🤩 cats are so generous
and somehow??? you find yourself surrounded by nekoma players???
“here y/n, want some of my bbq?”
“no, take mine!!!”
“do you want any fruit?? i have some!!”
“you were so helpful today!! how’d you stay so energetic the whole time??”
you flash a smile, ready to charm the shit out of them, when a voice interrupts:
"hey, personal assistant.”
your eyes light up, bc you’d recognize that salty ass voice anywhere!!!
the guys around you part to reveal—
“tsukki!!!” you squeal, maybe a little too excitedly
“aren’t you supposed to be assisting me?? get me some food.”
you shove your plate into the free hand of one of the nekoma players (his name was... liam? lief... lev?) and dart to get tsukki something to eat
when you hand it to him, you flash him your most dazzling smile
“eat up! you worked hard today~”
he eyes you silently before digging in, and you smile absentmindedly while watching him
“why are you staring at me like that?”
“because i like you,” you respond without hesitation
he averts his eyes, but doesn’t say anything mean 
your stomach flips a little 
i’m coming for you, tsukishima kei.
on the ride home, you’re once again sitting next to him, and he gives up his headphones without a fight this time
you’re so tired from running around helping kuroo all day that you find your eyelids getting heavy as tsukki’s music plays in your ears
you try to subtly lean on his shoulder but he pokes you away 
you glare at him, pouting, but settle for leaning against the headrest
and then, you’re drifting off
..
and you’re having a strange dream
a pleasant dream, with fuzzy corners and honey-colored light streaming across the scene, but still strange
in this dream, he’s kissing you
it’s not like you haven’t had dreams like this before, it’s just that this one feels so much more vivid
and yet blurry at the same time
even when the dream ends and you blink back into consciousness you can still distinctly feel his lips against yours
his glasses brushing against your cheek
his fingers interlacing with your hair
a warm smile curls up your lips as you grasp lingering wisps of the dream, when—
“you’re drooling.”
your eyes snap open and you jolt up, furiously wiping the side of your mouth
“am not!!”
tsukishima blinks uninterestedly from the empty bus aisle, arms crossed
“dreaming about something vulgar?”
you grin, resting your chin on your palm
“would you like to hear ab—?”
he’s just “nope,” and turns towards the exit
hopping out of the seat, you follow him
“it was such a nice dream,” you sigh
“must’ve been, if you were drooling that much.”
“i was not—”
and then you notice something
everyone else is already gone from the bus
“wait a minute... did you wait for me?”
you hear a scoff
bUt hE dOEsNt DeNy iT
“you WAITED for me!!!!” you exclaim, happiness radiating off you in waves
“if i’d left you on the bus, nishinoya and tanaka would’ve killed me if i didn’t,” he says curtly
but you are, after all, the human equivalent of ‘this sign can’t stop me because i can’t read’
or that tiktok trend 
tsukishima: i don’t like you, i only waited for you because i was literally forced at gunpoint 
y/n: 🎶i waited for you🎶
the next day, it’s practice as usual at the karasuno gym
but?? sniff sniff someone is here that shouldn’t be
this rando first year has been pacing around right outside the gym entrance
and all the vbc members are like 👁️ whomst?
and when you finally arrive (right along behind tsukki)
he yells out your name
and holds out a bouquet of flowers <3 how cute
“y/n, um— i, i know you don’t know me but i’ve liked you since the orientation ceremony!!! i think you’re really pretty and cute and smart—”
cue a quiet scoff from tsukki, “if she’s his definition of smart, then how dumb is he?”
cue sugawara jabbing his side (sugamama is protective of his child y/n)   
“—and i know you like tsukishima, but i hope you’ll give me a chance!! i can make you happier than him!!”
at this point, everyone in the gym is watching like 👁️ oh?? TEA?? 
and is that... is that an aura of raging irritation coming from tsukishima?? 
you open your mouth to politely reject the guy, when
literally out of nowhere tsukki just  a p p e a r s
“hey, idiot. aren’t you supposed to be my personal assistant?? go set out the volleyballs instead of flirting,”
you dip your head and smile apologetically at the guy before heading towards the store room
and after that, you notice tsukki is a bit harsher, a bit more off his game, a little more easily irritated than usual
during a free moment, you nudge tanaka
“doesn’t he seem like he’s in a bad mood??”
zero braincell tanaka is like “??? isn’t he always like that??”
“no... something is definitely off today...”
what . could it be . i wonder .
every time you try to do your usual “tsukki~!!” he just turns away and ignores you
doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, but you can just tell something is wrong
you still have no idea why he’s acting like this by the time practice ends
and when you go to the locker room to find him (so y’all can walk home together), he’s already gone :(
so, a little more droopy than usual, you head out
only to be surprised by a voice when you step outside
“took you long enough,”
you whip around to see tsukki leaning against the wall with crossed arms
he clicks his tongue and then sets off
and when you don’t immediately follow him, he glances over his shoulder
“are you coming or not?”
sdjfksjsdkjfsdjf smmpdfhsdf !!!!!!!
it’s just one sentence, and it doesn’t really mean anything
but hearing the words makes something incredibly warm bloom in your chest
you grin
“of course i am,”
that feeling lasts well into the next morning, but is replaced by a nauseating knot in your stomach when you arrive at school
because everyone’s whispering about one thing:
“tsukishima got called to the principal’s office!!!”
“whaaat ! why??”
“i heard he was caught with the answers for the upcoming exam!!”
your stomach . clenches
and before anybody can say another word, you’re sweeping out the door and down the hall
and in less than 30 seconds, you’re slamming open the door to the principal’s office
the principal and tsukki both look up, equally shocked at your sudden appearance
“y/n, what—”
you ignore him for the first time in your life
“sir, i need to tell you something.”
the principal is just like “... ?? can it wait??”
“no, it can’t.” you take several steps forward “the test answers, they—”
“y/n, don’t—”
you ignore him for the second time in your life again
“they’re mine,”
the principal blinks 
“then why was tsukishima found holding them before class??”
“yesterday, they must’ve fallen out of my backpack. he probably picked them up without knowing what they were, so please don’t punish him,” you bow. “punish me instead,”
.. y/n dumb bitch
yea, you’re suspended for two weeks
and ofc there’ll be a mark on your record
plus you’re automatically given a fail for the upcoming exam so you’ll have to retake it later oof....
but as much as all that sucks, you don’t regret it bc you’d rather take the fall than let tsukki be wrongly accused and suffer for it
but honestly the break from school is kinda vibes 🥴
don’t even think about the homework you’ll have to make up
your phone is blowing up with texts from your friends
including your surrogate dads and moms from the karasuno vbc 🤧 they’re so worried about you
you’re sad you have to miss practice for such a long time but... you don’t regret your decision
“y/n!!” your little sister knocks on your door “one of your classmates is here for you,”
“‘kay!!” you call back, checking the time
shidt bitch time flies when you’re watching anime alone in your bedroom
you hop up and open your bedroom door to come face to face with the one. the only. tsukishima kei
your eyes are like O.O 
“tsukki??? what are you doing here??” you grin “are you here because you’re worr—”
“no,” he cuts you off “i’m here to deliver your homework,”
“you could’ve given it to my sister, y’know,” you tease. “why’d you come all the way to my bedroom?? you missed me, hm?”
he doesn’t answer, instead surveying the room before sitting down on the edge of your bed
you blink, surprised he didn’t comeback with a cold retort
“tsukki?” you ask quietly, sliding into your desk chair
after a moment of silence, he fixes you with a stoic gaze
“why’d you lie?”
“because... because i couldn’t let you take the blame for that. i don’t know what happened, but i know you weren’t cheating. i know it.”
“neither were you. what’s the difference?”
you press your lips together in a frustrated pout
“the difference is that it’s you!!! i’m mediocre. i’m not outstanding. i’ll go to an average college either way, and it’ll be fine. but you..! you’re so smart!! and talented!!! you could do anything you want!!! you could get into an elite college!! the last thing you need is for some stupid misunderstanding to sully your transcript—”
“y/n—” he tries to cut in, but you bulldoze right over him
“— and i know you probably think what i did was useless and unhelpful, but i don’t care!!! i don’t care about a mark on my transcript, or being suspended, or failing all my exams, or even being expelled—”
“y/n—”
“— but i absolutely refuse to let that happen to you!! you’re too special for—”
this time, it’s not him speaking that interrupts you
this time, it’s him kissing you
you nearly combust on the spot
tsukki— tsukishima kei is kissing you
he’s leaning over you, with one hand on the chair’s armrest and the other steadying your head with his fingertips
your stomach does several full somersaults 
and then, all too quickly, he pulls away and returns to his spot on your bed
you stare, eyes wide as saucers, mouth slightly agape
“w— what was— why did—”
“you wouldn’t stop talking,” he mutters, eyes focused a little too hard on the wall
for a moment, you’re too shocked to move
and then your 🥰tsukki🥰 mode activates
and you just fuckin LUNGE at him
“y/n??? what—!”
kisses!!! kisses on his cheeks!! his nose!!! his forehead!!!
and shockingly he doesn’t?? push you off??
me heart just skipped a beat wjdkfjs
he’s just like “y/n, you’re fogging up my glasses, please stop,”
“i refuse!!!! i’ve been waiting months to do this!!!!!”
once he manages to de-suction you from him, you fix him with doe eyes and a cheeky grin
“hey, tsukki??”
“.. what?”
“i like you,”
he blinks
adjusts his glasses
“make sure to finish that homework. i’m bringing tomorrow’s homework too,”
as he’s leaving, you hope he can feel your glowing smile on his back
the next day, you get a message from the school letting you know that your suspension and other punishments have been retracted
as the real culprit of the cheating was found
an unannounced locker-search discovered several exam cheatsheets almost exactly like the one tsukki found in the locker of a student, and the school realized their mistake <3 how nice of them
and that meant you were free to return to school, name cleared!!!
the volleyball club was eagerly awaiting your return
so when they saw tsukki arrive for practice, they expected you’d be following right along behind him
but instead???
you were koala-ing on his abdomen
“bro... did you carry her all the way here like that??”
“the real question is why he allowed it,”
you shoot a blinding grin at the guys 
“he can at least do this much for his girlfriend~!”
the entire gym is like WhA T !!!!! 
“hE SAID YES???”
“nope,”
“he... asked you out?? then??”
“also no...” 
“did he at least tell you he liked you...?”
“...”
“NISHINOYA STOP SHE’S TEARING UP,” sugamama to the rescue
you let go of tsukki and half the team goes IN on him
“dude wtf!!! she got suspended for you and you didn’t even at least tell her you like her???”
“not just suspended, almost expelled!!!”
“yeah that!!!”
“i say we kill tsukki,”
“tanaka no,”
“GUYS!!” angry!daichi makes an appearance “it’s time for practice!!!”
grumbling, the team disperses
you’re about to head to the store room to help get out the practice equipment, when—
“y/n.”
you turn “hm?”
he’s silent for a moment
“i wouldn’t have kissed you if i didn’t like you.”
your face flushes a deep red
but then he adds, “either time.”
either...? time...?
W A I T
your eyes POP OUT
“that— that wasn’t a DREAM???”
he doesn’t answer, just heads onto the court
but you think you see a slight smirk
and maybe... just maybe?? 
his ears are a little more red than usual.
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