#i got myself a nice drink

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

#Chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #analysis #HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY #You know what yeah understandable have a good day #Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm #Anyways I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s #How he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺 #I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many #Compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol #He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!! #I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers #He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help #Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’ #Is nice in his opinion #This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost… #OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level. #‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc #Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 18

PREVIOUS

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​

#Fluent Freshman AU #FINALLY CAN PUT DOWN MY TAGS #You have no idea the number of times that I had to sing hollaback girl to myself during this #It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S #We have now closed the 'Andrew is going to crazy murder me' emotional arc #The 'Oh god if Andrew or Neil find out that I know Russian they're going to stop being my friends and hate me' arc begins #He's gotten a confirmed 3 friends today #And he got to go to the bathroom #He's riding a high #Not only is it 3 friends it is 3 friends who like him enough to invite him to spend the holiday break together #That's so nice #Andrew is so nice #FF cannot BELIEVE he thought Andrew 'eat these dried apples' Minyard was going to stab him #Captain Neil is lucky to have him #Also Andrew is lucky to have Captain Neil #Neil and Andrew are definitely down in the Speakeasy right now enjoying FF's bathroom break #Andrew's ordered FF another round of Banana daiquiri #Andrew: I can't believe he ate that ice cream. His stomach must have been killing him. #Neil: Yeah he was really pale and sweaty until he started drinking that banana drink #Neil: I'm a little worried about Smith finding the bathroom. Maybe I should go up? #Andrew hand on Neil's thigh: he'll be fine. We can go look if he's not back in 10. #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG #AFTG Shitpost #AFTG Fic #My Fic #Andreil #FF - Pt.18

[meowonhao]

artist made pop-up photo dump! :P

#yes hello hi i am alive btw… #did feel the need to come back and flex a bit just bc i was at this damn mall from 7am to idk like 1pm? #but i had a nice time and bought all the things i wanted to so i can’t complain too much #went in limiting myself to just hoshi’s big tiger wonu’s bag and hao’s 디팔이 set #ended up with all of that plus coups’ drinking glasses from last season bc i rlly liked how they looked in person #still counting that as a win for me bc only going one item over what i originally planned to purchase anywhere is amazing for me #i actually didnt love any of wonu’s stuff but i just got the bag to get the postcard gift thing haha #i’ll use it at the concerts i guess! #diamond life

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[thesmokinpossum]

I hope y'all had a great easter! Mine rocked, I cooked a big brunch for my family then we went to the museum to see an exhibit that turned out to be pretty mid tbh (still a good time tho) and then we went to a bar and I lowkey came out as bisexual to my family but I'm not entirely sure if they noticed because we were all a bit drunk, an all around great day.

#now i'm gonna go eat some turnip cream make myself another drink and do the dishes from the big brunch #i kinda want to end my day by reading the godfather in my bath but i'm getting real close to Sonny's death and i'm truly not ready for that #so maybe i'll just listen to some asmr videos instead lol #btw me coming out is honestly not a big deal my family truly don't give a fuck about things like that #i'm just a very private person even with the people i love the most i don't even know why tbh #but yeah it was a nice easter :) #i got a super cool sweatshirt too i'll need to post some pics tomorrow

[hella1975]

my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home

[icantalk710]

Staycation's over, third gym trip in a row over, and now working at home in the morning 🥲

#ore no kao #good time though hopefully i do get to go away in August or Sept #just didnt really get to plan much for myself outside of a High Line walk and getting a solo drink at Boxers last night #[am a bit miffed i couldn't connect with a guy on grindr tho] #[really would've been nice to blow that out... 😩 lol] #[or have some 🍸 company lol] #also first time in a while i got a good workout in three days in a row one part of the mostly wfh revolution i miss #[...also there was this cute guy i saw at this coffee shop yday that was there again when i went today #stayed this time and it seemed we were both flirting (cruising? i can never tell) as we plugged away on our laptops for an hour/hour.5 #only to both seemingly shy up... which might be partly behind the miffedness 😩]

[cinna-bunnie]

augh speaking of doing cute stuff w ur friends I'm thinking of when my friend n her bf took me out to dinner and paid for my movie ticket 🥺 i wanted to at least pay for snacks or somethn but i just got us some popcorn to share n they still got more of their own stuff.

i love to feel taken care of ૮ – ﻌ–ა ♡⁠

#it was when i saw that new ghibli movie :3 #it's been nice hanging out w them. i used to get annoyed when her bf would get home but he's grown on me 😩 he's a good boy #they r cool to hang with bc i never feel like a third wheel. i always feel included ‹: when he gets home he just clicks right in n we're al #hanging out. aa anda then my friend (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) she's a fun sweet gal. she is so so beautiful too i tell her all the time #she dyes her hair kinda often so i always love seeing what new color she's got going on 👼🏾 #she'd be so so SO beautiful w cotton candy pink hair 😵‍💫 she went for a certain shade of pink last time that didn't work out so #she went with something new. i am always stunned.. it never gets old. she makes me DELICIOUS drinks too omfg #i don't b drinking much by myself im more of a stoner girl but we get trashed together 💀💕 #i hope i get to meet more ppl like this when i move later this year (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠) #im a lil high n reminiscing rn the past yr has been great. that poll was a lovely question to answer (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) ♡⁠

[odtherat]

Yesterday we did a lil game thing with presents. Idk the name, but basically, everyone who played bought a random gift with a specific price. We each picked a a random one and unwrapped them when everyone got one. Then we got to swap them out at least 2 times before we couldn't anymore.

I got bathbombs and never had to swap :D

#oh #also #today i got a lil gift basket #it had stuff to like pamper myself with #and Russian tea stuff that can be made cold or warm. im drinking that later #it also had a note that made me cry coz how nice it was #od ratns

[sayorithot]

I've made my decision

I'm gonna treat myself this Tuesday with getting reaaally intoxicated~

if anyone wants, please send suggestions for drinks or such in my inbox~ or hell, even what you'd do to my drunk, stoned, pliant body~

can't wait for it~

#cherry.txt #cherry.intox #intox kink #intox #im gonna make myself a nice drink using strawberry soju and soda #and another with kinky blue 99 proof and pineapple 100 proof #and one more with coconut liquer and another 100 proof pineapple #or maybe shift stuff around #ive got a box full of alcohol and i wanna get sloshed

[pollen]

hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy

#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again #idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here #a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that #and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon #well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving #which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL #and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible #and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe #but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility #though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year #while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless #because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own) #experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing #moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one #i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving #started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore #and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself. #it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that

[advisorsage]

I think I've fucked up

#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though.. #my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to #and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit #and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships #and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet #and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him #i don't want to saddle them with my complaints #and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about #and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic #and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me #it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling #and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now #i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve #nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and #i can't even do anything about it! #fuck #i fucked myself over basically #anyway #drink water you heathens

[orchideae]

I managed to get my coffee machine to semi-work, I just had my first cup of coffee in what feels like over a week now, and I feel like I'm reborn as an individual. I know this sounds dramatic, but I promise you it's not. If you know, you'll understand me on so many levels.

#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. #[ i have friends that drink coffee because they enjoy it. and here i am at 34 going 'no. i'm a shell of myself without it'. ] #[ but also i thoroughly enjoy a cup or two of nice coffee when i wake up and also after dinner at night. like honestly. ] #[ i'm ridiculous. but i got such insane serotonin from this one cup of coffee. ] #[ but i know the tube will clog up again soon-- so i'm enjoying it even more. ]

[upperranktwo]

I had a fun day today!!! Going to a con with my sister is always a good laugh and glad to have managed to get some decent things!!! Has definitely made me super tired tho!

#spent £100 and I had 240 saved 😭 so i've got some spare money for extra things!!! can be used to help pay my dad for keep next month! #i promise I don't spend money I need on anime things! i'm very very good with saving #and I love my shows so much and stuff like KNY helped give me a reason to create and helps with my anxiety issues #so I have no problem buying things for something I love so much! #i have money aside for food and I don't smoke drink or do anything like that so I have spare funds #i know I shouldnt have to justify myself but I had someone irl claiming i lie about my financial situation when ???? #a) it has fuck all to do with him and b) who cares honestly? #i grew up so poor and struggled until last year and still struggle #so growing up we couldnt get things we loved #so it's nice to be able to get myself stuff #sorry for rant but yeahhhh #sky rambles ♡

[spockesque]

treated myself to a bag of matcha mochi with red bean paste filling and it’s taking every ounce of self control not to eat the entire bag

#also got myself some good oolong again #sometimes u eat a nice thing or drink a nice thing and ur like omg that’s why i’m alive rn #i thought jasmine was my fave but oolong might become my main girl #work was sooo exhausting the hotel is fully booked #so the restaurant is packed bc everyone wants to eat at the same time 😒 #getting up early for work is hellll #my alarm went off and i wanted to cry i was so sleepy and cosy #i have to get up at 5:30 on saturday 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 kms #anyways i had to get the little treat for my pain i have to treat my depressed ass like a toddler #it’s fine we’re fine i’m not losing my sanity

[iinmysights]

everybody praise me i just got through a 2hr dentist appointment i didn't cry ONCE!!!!!

#Ravage.txt #dl maybe #fr though i'm proud of myself! i had one yesterday and it ended in a panic attack so :) this was an improvement #cried once halfway through. cried again as we were scheduling the first of two cavity fillings (separate sides). cried again in the car. #cried again at home for about 20mins before i could pull myself together enough to open a fun etsy package and watch videos #with a LOTTT of freakout emotions in between. but this time i was still nervous but it was made easier bc the dentists were super nice and #understanding and let me put in my earbuds for the vast majority of the work (sometimes they had to ask me stuff so i'd take them out then) #and i just BLASTED metal. hope they enjoyed the mini concert because i am CERTAIN that it was loud enough for them to hear it over the mini #drills. i also got the laughing gas stuff but tbh i know how i felt before they put it on and while it was on and then off and there was 0 #effect. 0!!! but i didn't say SHIT bc what if i start feeling loopy??? i hateee not feeling like i'm fully present due to drugs/alcohol/etc #so i didn't say shiiit. mouth's still a bit numb but i can drink and eat just fine. won't be like that next time!!!!! (<- has to numb BOTH #SIDES OF MY FACE WHY COULDN'T THEY DO ALL THE LEFT AT ONCE)