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srjlvr · 6 months

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꒦꒷ enhypen ! the moment when fans started shipping them with you <3

idol-ot7!enhypen x idol-fem!reader .. fluff .. no warnings<3 not proofread!!

ε ї з — heeseung

fans started to notice how heeseung kept stealing glances at you when you were busy interviewing them.

you, a new mc in a rookie group got all heeseung’s attention. you’re giggling? heeseung giggles too. you’re smiling? heeseung’s smiling too.

“how do you feel about your comeback?” you made an eye contact with heeseung and your heart skipped a beat. “um…” he was left speechless because of the short interaction you both had.

jungwon took the mic and giggled, speaking instead of the stressed heeseung and making a joke about heeseung being too tired to focus.

fans couldn’t ignore how heeseung kept looking at you with a smile all smeared over his face, as if he just now fell in love with you.

not even a day passed after the interview and all the fans would go crazy with videos and tweets about you two.

“have you seen the way he looked at y/n? i swear we were all just witnessing this man falling in love with her for the first time”

ε ї з — jay

one of the things that your fans loved the most was to watch your lives and ask you questions.

you decided to do one on valentines day and one of the most common questions was if you got something for valentines day when you were younger.

“if i got something for valentines day…?” you repeated the question, thinking about your school days, “i did actually! it was a flower bouquet and a few chocolates with a cute little note on the side” you giggled remembering the cute gift you got.

“jay from enhypen was my classmate back then” you added right after.

fans went feral, making up conspiracies about you and jay being classmates and jay being the one who got you the valentine gift.

he went on live at the same day and his whole live was filled with questions about you and valentines day. he just giggled and confirmed that you and him indeed were classmates, no mentions of the valentines day gift at all.

that didn’t stop the fans from shipping the both of you and videos from yours and his lives became trending.

“jay and y/n confirmed being classmates! y/n also spoke about getting a valentines day gift and right after that she mentioned jay! if you’re asking me, jay has been crushing on her for a while ;)”

ε ї з — jake

a new jake en-log was uploaded and fans rushed to view jake’s vlog. jake was so excited to film a new en-log episode so he filmed everything literally everywhere.

he made a small tour in his room. completely forgetting your signed album that was hanged on his wall.

it didn’t help at all when you also posted a vlog and behind your room wall was an enhypen album, signed by jake—even though it was far, fans could recognize his signature

you and him once met, and he brought you one of your albums to sign on it, and you brought him one of enhypen’s album for him to sign on it.

both of your fans went crazy with theories about the two of you dating and giving each other signed albums as gifts.

“did you see their albums just hanging there on their room wall? they’re fr a power couple😭 jake teach us ways to get y/n signature on one of her albums!!”

ε ї з — sunghoon

a rumor has been going around lately that you and sunghoon were chosen as the new ambassadors for a famous brand.

the rumor kept on going until a new photoshoot came out, and not-so-surprisingly, it was a new photoshoot of you and sunghoon together, presenting you as the new ambassadors for the brand.

you and sunghoon stood extremely close to each other, posing extremely close to each other as well. you had an interaction that fans has never seen before between a fem and a male idols.

a few days later the brand posted a short video of the behind the scenes, showing the both of you really close to each other with such a good interaction between you two.

fans went insane, making your photoshoot trending everywhere and talking about it all the time. especially shipping the both of you nonstop.

“have you seen y/n’s and sunghoon’s photoshoot?? I’M GOING CRAZY OVER HERE!! i’m thankful for that brand for making them the new ambassadors and we better get new photoshoot every month🙇‍♀️”

ε ї з — sunoo

interaction between idols on award shows isn’t something new so are the reactions to other groups.

sunoo is already known as the king of kpop, who knows all the trends and new kpop songs. to other fans it wasn’t new when he was cheering for you when it was your performance, to his fans it wasn’t the case.

sunoo himself got up and danced to your performance, he cheered and chant for you, it’s something they’ve never seen before, even his members looked surprised.

you also went down the stage and interacted with other idols, when you got to sunoo, both of you danced together and had the cutest interaction ever.

the other fans started to notice the cute interaction and agreed that this is something they’ve never seen before.

sunoo and you went trending as the new kpop queen and king without even trying to do so.

“did you see their interaction and how he cheered? YOU CANT TELL ME THEY’RE NOT DATING!!😭😭 HE’S SUCH A SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND”

ε ї з — jungwon

new MCs were introduced, aka you and jungwon. the fans weren’t expecting for much interaction between you two. they mostly thought it’d be so awkward between you two at start.

it wasn’t the case at all. the minute the camera started rolling, you and jungwon had the best interaction MCs has ever had.

both of you looked a bit more than comfortable around each other, making jokes and playfully pushing the other.

the idols you interviewed together looked shocked mostly from the way the you acted around each other, they could’ve swore you two are dating but hiding it.

even you were asked multiple times by your idol friends you interviewed if you and jungwon are dating. the both of you left the whole kpop community in shock.

you made fans wait impatiently every week to see new interactions of the both of you, you got the kpop community wrapped around your fingers. both of you even won as the couple of kpop in one of the award shows.

“did you see their new interaction today? I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT WEEK HONESTLY!! if they’re not dating then i don’t believe in love at all”

ε ї з — ni-ki

you wanted to get some coffee since you craved for some. you argued with your manager and told her you’d be careful enough to not get recognized and she let you off.

ni-ki at the same time lost in a rock paper scissor game and had to buy coffee to all the members.

you both happened to go to the same coffee place without even knowing.

he accidentally bumped into you and the both of you had a short interaction of a ‘sorry’ and ‘it’s okay, no worries’ type of thing.

the fans who recognized you from afar and were respectful enough to not bother you, took some pictures of your short interaction with ni-ki, which made his fans and your fans go wild.

they immediately started shipping you, thinking that you were on your way to have a date together and didn’t have much interaction because you both were in public.

“they won’t go to the same place for no reason!! they probably bought some coffee and went on a date in a more private place after that!! they look so cute!!😭😭”

PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @lovelovelovebts

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bpdcarmyberzatto · 1 year

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it's so amusing that my first relationship with someone turned into me being complexly abused by someone from the UK. literally should have learned the first time never to trust english people bc they abuse you and yet.

#cao posts #they'd literally act like they'd killed themselves nearly weekly and blame me for shit and stress me out so bad i'd be searching for #reception on campus of my high school every second i wasnt in class because i was so scared. i was in year 12. and had better shit to do.#and then they just. told me in the middle of our relationship they were a lesbian but still wanted to date me despite me being vocal about #being a trans man. and would talk about being a lesbian non stop despite reiterating she wanted to date me.#it got to the point where she had a rage quit moment and then went completely offline for nearly a week and sent me into a psychosis #because i was so stressed about her safety and i was reaching out to the cops in the uk to make sure she was okay and then she just #logged on. told me i was abusing her and broke up with me and blocked me on all social media. it was wild.

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abbyslev · 1 year

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𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑺- 𝑨𝑶𝑻 𝑮𝑰𝑹𝑳𝑺 + 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬

A/N: hi guys! sorry for posting this so late, i just got around to finishing it. i am working on some other things, and as always feedback will be appreciated!! thank you all for reading and i hope everyone has a great day!

WARNINGS: literally pure smut !!

HANGE

LOVES THIGHS

would die in between some if they could

service dom

literally down to try anything if you’re down

100% into teasing you

when hange gets stressed at work… PREPARE FOR THAT STRAP

#1 pussy eater

overstimulation god

likes to restrain your hands

does not like quickies but will participate

into lap dances

the bra stays on AND ITS HOT

RIDING HANGES ABS IM USNSIDJSUKAS

into thigh riding too

is vocal

into praising (and degrading but you didn’t hear that from me)

they press their forehead on yours and makes the strongest eye contact im jejsieksks

loves to trace random shapes with their tongue

panty stuffing and sniffing 100%

aftercare is so sweet they love cleaning you up and they just fall asleep right after you do </3

MIKASA

not an ass, thighs or tits person, just loves you for you <3

LOVESSSSS giving but will not deny receiving AFTER you have had your turn

into pulling hair like when she eats you out and you pull her hair!!! YES!!!!!

wears the cutest lingerie

loves when you say her name it just sounds so pretty

blushes over everything it’s so <33

will finger you until she dies

making you suck her fingers makes her go wild

pretty vocal!!! mostly small whimpers

will die eating you out she loves it

loves to run her hands up and down your stomach with her long nails sending shivers all over you

her hair gets all messy

switch, mostly top but she has her moments

BEGS

not into quickies, she prefers to take her time on you and enjoy all of you

praise, refuses to degrade you</3

strap god 100%

literally so sweet will clean you up and make sure you’re comfortable when you guys are done :(

ANNIE

thighs thighs thighs thighs thighs

she sleeps on them like allllll the time

SHES SO INTO SPIT BYE

degrading god

yes pls :D

loves teasing

seeing you squirm and beg makes her go crazy

hearing her name following a string of curse words when you reach your peak makes her smile against you so hard

EATS PUSSY LIKE A GOD HELLO

depending on her mood, she’ll keep her sports bra on and it’s fucking HOT.

ughhhhh when she’s angry/ frustrated yk you’re in for a wild ride

can go as many rounds as you want

will always pleasure you before herself

“you’re so good for me.”

makes you ride her like crazy

that nose is GODLY to sit on

grabs your thighs and leaves nail marks

into thigh riding

will always top idc

she’s minimal when it comes to aftercare, she just makes sure you’re ok and cleans you up :D

SASHA

if you try and tell me this woman can’t eat pussy go ahead and log off for me

like one of the best pussy eaters out here ong

ASS AND PUSSY FOR DAYS!!!!

into food play

she’s so sweet and refuses to degrade you

“you taste so sweet, baby.”

her hair gets all messy from you pulling it

she’s so into it bye

switch

loves when you go down on her and tell her how good she taste

LOVES SCISSORING LIKE CRAZY

will pleasure you before herself ofc ofc

loves eye contact

will pour honey on your thighs/ stomach and lick it off while keeping strong eye contact UGHSHSNSUSJSJS

loves keeping you from touching yourself like maam pls

will also die eating pussy

amen

quickies are acceptable

aftercare queen like will get you water and clean you up and talk your ear off until you’re asleep

YMIR

do we really have to say it

tits

literally the god of degrading like HELLO

“stupid slut” while her long fingers are shoved down your throat IM JENSHMSS

will tease you until you can no longer take it

will make you cum 6 times in one second

is always a top

spit playyyyyyyy

overstimulation is her favorite

quickies are some of her favorites

loves eating you out like a starved man

makes you beg like it’s the last thing she does

HER SMIRK WHEN SHE SISNDUKSJ

will restrain you if you don’t listen

yes chef

will use her hands as your personal bra

eye contact for days

loved kissing you doesn’t matter what she’s doing she wants to kiss you </3

fingers you in like 5 different positions

will go 100 rounds she doesn’t care

lowkey good at aftercare she knows how tired you can get <3

YELENA

everyone grab your bibles and repent rn

ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS

loves spanking

brat tamer

strap game on 100

will tease you the whole day like stop it????

leaves her shirt unbuttoned a bit …..RAAAAAA

knows you like when she wears that damn suit

her hair gets all messy from you tugging on it and she gets all your lipgloss on her IMBEISJUS

will eat you out anywhere she does not care

degrading like a mf

“such a fucking slut”

just for you lena <3

fingering game also on 100

will overstimulate you in a second

will go as many rounds as your body can take

sex in her office >>>>

loves whispering in your ear and then kissing your jaw

leaves hickies everywhere

“so everyone can know your mine”

yes PLEASE NOW

will hold eye contact while playing with you through your soaking underwear with a stupid smirk on her face

chokes you OH MY GODHELP ME

spits into your mouth and almost dies watching you swallow it

keeps your panties sorry i don’t make the rules

loves when you sit on her lap and ride her

THIGH RIDING >>>>

“you made a mess baby…”

buys you matching lingerie sets NGHHH

heavy breathing and grunts

loves when you moan in her ear

she loves hearing her name come out of her mouth

edging god

fucks you dumb ANYWHERE

top<3

tbh her aftercare is so good she loves cleaning you up and thinking how else she can fuck you next time

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shiftingforyeonjun · 2 years

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How I Manifested $5,000 & Proof!

& how I manifested NOT to pay it back

Things I will cover in this post

- My affirmations

- How I changed my mindset

- How I acted as if

- The sentence that changed my manifestations forever

- How the universe tested me & how I passed

Why hello there!

I am now going to explain how I manifested $5,000 and how I am now able to get my own apartment because of the money I manifested.

So one morning a few months ago I was getting ready for work and doing my makeup. I felt so drained from needing to rely on my sister for a place to live and pretty much living paycheck to paycheck while working a part time job and being a student. So I looked in the mirror and said to myself “I’m gonna receive $5,000.”

& I believed it.

And when I didn’t believe it, I forced myself to. I affirmed over and over again, “I have $5,000. I have that apartment. I am moving out. I have $5,000 in my bank account. I am rich.” Even though having $5,000 isn’t rich, I still affirmed it.

I acted as if. I went to work and thought to myself “I don’t need this job. This job needs me. I have enough money to quit but I know they need the help and I have nothing else to do so why not?” I thought of going to work as doing them a favor and not needing to make money. Because I don’t.

I also would think of ways I would help other people once I got the money.

But even while doing all this, I still had the thought, “But how am I gonna get this much money?” and this next sentence is what completely changed my manifestations.

“It doesn’t matter.”

It doesn’t matter where the money comes from. I am open to receiving the money in any way the universe sees fit. I was flexible. As long as it doesn’t come at the expense of someone else and does not harm anyone, I am open to any way the money comes.

When I had a doubt, I immediately replaced the thought with “It doesn’t matter.”

But before any manifestation, the universe will test you. Sometimes it seems like you might manifest the opposite of what you want but in reality, that is progress. And I will touch on this in a second.

So after I affirmed and acted as if, I got the notification that I have received my financial aid rewards for the fall semester. So I logged on and saw that I had a surprising amount of aid offered to me that included grants and loans. So I said “fuck it” and accepted all of it, even the loans.

After my tuition for the semester was paid, I had $5,555 left over. I want to stress that I have NEVER had this much money offered to me before. Usually it is only around $1,000. This was insane to me.

I can’t even make this up. It’s the angel number for me. A literal angel number telling me, “here is the money you asked for.”

But of course, there had to be a test.

Throughout this whole process, I would find money everywhere. BUT, I would never keep it for myself. I would either give it back to the person it belongs to or leave it where I found it. I wasn’t greedy and I was honest. There was one time when I found what looked like a debit card and I called the number that was on it and it turned out to be someone’s business card that they made to look like a debit card. That was embarrassing.

But the real kicker was one day, I checked up on my refund before it got disbursed and it said $900. I freaked out because I was wondering where all the money went. I was suppose to get over $5,000 back but it only said $900?!

But then I stopped myself and calmed down. I told myself “It’s okay. I will make do with the $900 because it is still money and I am grateful for it.” I took the $5,000 off a pedestal and became genuinely grateful for my $900.

A few weeks later, refunds were ready to be disbursed and I got my full $5,000 straight into my bank account.

I literally cried.

I was so grateful to have finally gotten the money I asked for.

Now, when I found out the money was going to come from my loans, I thought to myself “it doesn’t matter if they are loans, I won’t have to pay them back. I don’t know how but I won’t need to.”

And then Biden announces the student loan relief which I qualify for.

The universe works in such magical and mysterious ways. The key is to trust the universe and trust the process and stay true to yourself and be honest.

Let my story inspire you and help you on your journey to manifesting your desires. You can manifest and have anything you want in life.

And also, I struggled terribly with mental health issues so during all this, I would get very depressed and anxious and not once did my mental health effect my manifestations.

Happy Manifesting!!!

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rhodesrider · 7 months

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Biting Habits

CG! Drew M. x Little! Fem! Reader

(Small scene with CG! Finn B. And Damien P. W/ Nicole (oc))

SFW! 18+ Minors DNI! Thank you!

Warning: Age regression, Topic of mastication, crying, stress topics

Mastication: its a synonym for chewing

~~~

Drew was humming along to the cartoon music as his little was watching tv in the main room, making some of her favorites as this was a small reward for her amazing behavior for the day. Picking up toys without him asking, eating and drinking what she needed for the day and taking a nap without making a fuss. His little is around the ages of 2-4 and she still has some issues with her sucking her thumb but drew also started to notice that she started bitting on her shirt a lot. “Lovely, time for some grub.” His little looked up over the couch to peer in the kitchen seeing him fixing her plate. As she did so she was naming on her t shirt near the collar. She hopped off the couch and hopped along to the kitchen to happily started eating but soon heard some sharp snaps that made her stop and whimper.

“Princess please stop chewing on ur shirt, come one now we talked about this honey.” she pouted and she released the wet top, Drew just sighed, “We have to figure out what’s with that.” Drew sat her colorful plate down and she hoisted herself up to the chair, “Daddy I sorry…” “I know pumpkin but you can’t be chew on your shirts.” She nodded and she started to eat her food as it was placed in front of her. Drew put his plate away since he wasn’t hungry at the time and had an idea with the free time he made for himself. He remembered that another person had the same issue that his little was dealing with. “Beauty, I’ll be back. Daddy has to make a call to a friend. No chewing on the shirt, just the food and I’ll get you some cheesecake. How does that sound?” She smiled and and nodded continuing to eat her food so she could get her other reward, her eyes watching Drew leaving the dining room.

“Ah the little one is chewing on her clothes? That’s easy, get her something to chew on.” Drew was on the phone with Finn as he was with Damian watching their little Nicole, Rhea and Dominic were out doing promos and pictures. Finn was rubbing Nicole’s back as she was coloring and Damian was getting a snack for her together, she was humming to the my little pony music playing in the back. “Literally all I need is for her to teethe on something? How does this even happen?” Drew ask as he looking up different teething necklaces from Amazon. Finn soon looked seeing Nicole show him the finished product of a colored page, he smiled and kissed her forehead. “One sec Drew, that’s so nice munchkin. Go ask DD to put it on the fridge so when mama gets home she sees it hm?” She nodded quick giggling and went to show Damien. “But yea as I was saying, It could be a number of reasons. But a main one is that she’s probably stressed about something or that’s just how she copes while she’s in her head space. But it’s not as bad, Nicole was dealing with stress and she would scratch her skin man.” Drew was worried but it seemed like an easy fix, it’s just he wants to know what is stressing her. “Finny! DD made Ants on a Tree!” Finn chuckled some. “Logs sweetie, and I’m coming!” “Thanks Finn, you have fun with the ants on a tree.” Drew smirked and chuckled as Finn said bye muttering an insult so the little one couldn’t hear. Hanging up Drew looked over at his little one seeing she was chewing on her lip as she was scrolling on her table done with her food. “Princess no chewing on your lip either, you’ll hurt your-“ “Ow!”

Drew got up quick going to her seeing that she bit her lip too hard by accident, she started sniffling and getting nervous not wanting to get in trouble. “Hey hey it’s ok baby you didn’t mean to, I’m not mad ok lass?” She nodded as some tears fell, Drew kissed her forehead and went to get the first aid kit to help clean her lip so it can heal properly. “Daddy also has a few questions for you bug. I wanna know what’s going on. Is there anything I’m doing wrong? That’s making you uncomfortable or having a noisy head?” He asked rubbing her hand after finishing up cleaning her lip. “…work…” Is what she simply said. “Well I know that you chill with Daddy to forget all about big bad work….” “Yes and I love spending time with you daddy but I’m still bleh…” She looked down playing with the bottom of her shirt. “I see…welp daddy got some stuff for you and it’s gonna come tomorrow. You think you can not chew on your shirt or your lip till daddy gets your gift? It’s gonna help.” She nodded and she hugged Drew kissing his cheek. “I’m sorry daddy…” “Hey hey no tears, big girls don’t cry when they don’t do anything wrong. Now let’s get the dishes done and we can watch a movie ok?” She nodded and she wiped her little tear happy about the sudden movie night.

The next day, Drew was waiting for her to come home from the meeting they were having for staff for this weeks shows. He finished his practice so he was gonna wait for her like always but she said for him to go ahead since its more work. She came in the house sighing slow and her body very sore. Closing the door the familiar smell of sweets made her melt, and soon she opened her eyes seeing Drew coming from the kitchen. “If you want to regress you can baby, I made some sweets and your gift is on the counter.” She nodded and she went to the stairs to go and dress down so she can be comfortable, get the work smell away with a nice hot shower. After fixing herself up, she came down and she zoomed to the kitchen. “All better muffin?” She nodded darting her eyes as the box on the table. “Are those my things?” She asked low as Drew nodded. She opened the box and Drew saw her eyes light up, She saw it was a big box of fidget and teething toys. “I know your anxiety has been nothing you pumpkin, so Daddy felt like this would help. You can even take a toy to work so it wont stress you as bad.” She pulled out a teething toy with a string on it. A necklace she could wear, besides biting on her shirt. She put it over her neck and she immediately started to nite on the toy in satisfaction. “I’m glad I disinfected the toys.” Drew chuckled happy she’s enjoying the toy. “Thank you, so much Drew.” She smiled shedding tears after she took the toy out her mouth. Drew leaned over and wiped the tears from her cheek smiling. “You’re welcome pumpkin. I don’t like to see you stressed or unhappy. So I fixed it, and when ever you need help I’ll always be there to fix it.” He smiled and she kissed his hand rubbing her arm. “Now looked through them baby there’s like 30 in there don’t just stop at one.” She giggled as he removed his hand and she continued to look through the box in glee.

Drew soon had a phone call, looking at the caller ID he smirked and he walked out the kitchen letting his little know he has a call to take care of. “What’s up Roman?…A project?…” He got the details and looked at his little fidgeting with safe magnets giggling to herself as she slipped into her headspace safely. “Sure, But why am I the gloom and doom man?” He asked in protest.

“Alright Aright, I’ll play along. Ill fell like I would enjoy it, and so will pumpkin. Update me when your ready mister Kent.”

#wwe imagine #wwe one shot #wwe smackdown #wwe raw #age regression #wwe drew mcintyre #drew mcintyre #age regression caregiver #age re safe space

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dozing-composing · 4 months

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Ur single handedly keeping the venture bro fanfics alive and honestly I love you for that thank you for all you do ❤️❤️🫡🫡

😭😭😭 I Literally Love Y'all So Much! You Guys Keep Me Going. Every Time I Log On, My Inbox Is Full And My Posts Are Blowing Up. And, We Hit Over 50 Followers! I Did Not Think I'd Get This Far, Much Less With My Previous Milestone Of Over 20. So As A Thank You, I'm Going to Gift Y'all A Little Holiday Special Featuring Our Favorite Henchman. I Hope You All Enjoy, And Of Course... Happy Holidays!

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴: "(Glittery -Kacey Musgraves, Troye Sivan)" 0:09 ━●────────── 2:47 ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ꜱɪɴɢʟᴇ ᴋɪꜱꜱ ɪꜱ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ɢɪꜰᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴇᴄᴏʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ

ᴏʜ, ꜱᴏ ɢʟɪᴛᴛᴇʀʏ

Warnings: Vulgar Language, Possibly OOC It's Christmas, and your boyfriend is nervous to give you a gift of a lifetime. ☆GN!Reader

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house A few creatures were stirring, each person arouse The mansion was decorated with garland and tinsel, In hopes that the air was more merry and blissful

...

It came as a surprise when The Mighty Monarch was hosting a Christmas party, albeit a small one consisting of himself, his wife, Gary, and one special soon-to-be guest: you. The whole house was furnished in Christmas decorations, making the place look jolly and bright. Everyone was surrounded by bells, wreaths, ornaments, and more. It was actually Sheila's idea to throw such a festivity. "To bring us closer together," was her reasoning. "And to give us a damn break from all Guild operatives." Still, everyone agreed and took this minute to breathe. All except for Gary, who was stressing beyond something mad. See, he had plans for this one particular person. Someone he's loved since that faithful day they met. He still has that coffee cup sleeve from the first date you both went on. A couple of days before the party (or rather, a small get-together), he had been looking for advice from his boss. Which became a lesson learned to not ask him. "But what if (Y/N) doesn't like it?" "THEN YOU MAKE THEM LIKE IT-" And then he gave the infamous "I'm The Mighty Monarch" speech, ranting that if it were up to him, you would faint on the spot because it was from him. Gary walked out in the middle of it. He then went to ask Sheila, who told him something that really seemed to help. "Listen, Gary. The only reason (Y/N) won't love your gift is if they don't love you." This really stuck with him. And she was right. But, there was still one other thing... What will you say?

...

There was no reason to get nestled and snug in their beds, While thoughts of cheeriness danced in their heads The Monarch in his cloak and Gary in his sweater, Were trying to keep calm and get things together

...

Seconds ticked by, and you had yet to show up. Minutes turned to hours. The night nearly escaped from them. But The Monarch wouldn't allow it. Being fed up by waiting and waiting, he slammed his fists down and arose from his seat. "Fuck this! I'm not going to sit around anymore and wait for someone for this stupid 'party' that isn't even a party to begin with!" He throws his hands up and waves them around as he exits the room. Sheila gets up to follow him. "Sweetie, it's also a big night for Gary. You don't want to support your best and only henchman?!" Her voice fades out as she leaves to catch up to him. Gary sat at the kitchen table, alone with his thoughts once more. The snacks that were laid out appeared to have gone to waste. He sighs and rests his face on his hand. A million thoughts passes through his mind. Maybe you're not ready yet. Maybe you got caught in traffic. Maybe you got caught in the snow. But if that was the case, wouldn't you give him a call? Wouldn't you be letting him know what's making you so late? Maybe this was a huge mistake... No! Despite his frustration, he fights to stay positive. You're just running late. No way would you ditch him. You would jump at the chance to spend time with him. Especially now during the holidays. He just had to give you more time.

...

When out on the street there arose such a clatter, He sprang from his seat to see what was the matter Away to the window he flew like a flash, Threw open the curtains and saw what caused the clash ...

Being so deep in thought caused more time to pass by. Each agonizing thought made the seconds etch by quicker. He was about to give up and call it a night, when all of a sudden... SCREECH! It was a short, but loud sound. A staccato of car tires stopping. Then came the sound of a car door closing. He jumped up and ran to the window. Instantly, he ripped away the curtains to see if it was you. And sure enough, it was! His eyes lit up as he released the curtains and dashed to the door. You couldn't even lift a hand to knock before Gary had swung it open. "(Y/N)!" He reaches out and pulls you in for a great bear hug. You smile, feeling the warmth radiating off him. It fades a little when he pulls away as quick as he pulled you in. "I was starting to think you gave up on us!" You look down in shame. "I.. tried to call but the reception out here is shoddy. I got lost and couldn't get ahold of you," you explain. You look up to see Gary's eyes full of understanding. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean for this to happen." You awkwardly clench at your coat sleeves. "Hey, hey. It's okay! Look-" He eases your hands in his. "I'm glad you made it," his eyes reflected the light outside. It made your heart melt. That's probably your favorite part of him. The way they always seem to reflect the light. Even in darkness, they'll never lose their glimmer. "Come on, it's freezing out here!" He leads you inside and takes your coat. Already, you feel out of place. This is the first time you've ever come out here, and to finally see this gorgeous mansion on the inside made you feel small. "It's beautiful," you whisper. "How come I've never visited you out here?" You turn to him. He shrugs, then rubs the back of his neck. "It's complicated." With that, he takes you and shows you around. Each room is more breathtaking than the last. And thankfully, you're distracted enough to not see how fidgety Gary was getting. Or so he thought. When he led you out to the balcony is when you caught on to his nervousness.

... The moon on the breast of new-fallen snow, Gave the luster of mid-day to to objects below When what to your wondering eyes appear, You boyfriend all shaken and taken by fear ...

"...Are you oka-" "GREAT! I'm great. Are you cold? I should have brought your coat back. I should probab-" "Calm down, Gary. I'm fine," you gently grab his hand. Your turn to lead. You take him to the railing. Letting his hand go, you lean over and look out. He does the same. Snow covers the ground, everything blanketed in white. The sky is surprisingly clear for it to be in the city. You take a glance back at Gary to see he's white-knuckling the rail. Everything about him is suddenly tense. You place a hand on one of his, accidentally startling him. You look at him worriedly. "Gary, something's clearly bothering you. What's the matter?" ... With his brain working overtime and thoughts flying quick, He knew in a moment that this must be it More rapid than eagles this time surely had came, Now here he stood, gift in hand, and asked you by name ...

He takes in a deep breath, then clasps onto your shoulders. "I love you. You know that right?" You cock an eyebrow. "Of course! Why would you ask something like thi-" "Because I love you so much," he starts. "I love the way you smile at the little things. I love that you laugh at anything and everything. You're so sweet, and you're quick to help out whenever you can," his grip on you loosens more after each word falls out his mouth. "Y-you are like, the highlight of my life. You helped me through a lot," his hands travel down your arms to lock with your hands. "We even fought tooth and nail to be with each other." You laugh at the thought. But when you found out he had to move to New York, your heart broke. So you did all you could to maintain a long distance relationship. And you eventually saved up enough to move there, even if you lived in a small apartment. "And most importantly, you loved me for who I was. E-even before my transformation." Your eyes begin to water as you give a slight giggle. You remember the way he first looked, but you didn't care. You loved him for him. His geekiness only added to his attractiveness. "And for the past few years, we've gotten to know each other so well that..." He gets down on one knee. "I wanted to give, er... Ask something special of you," he pulls out a velvet box from his pocket. His heart begins to race. Your hands fly to your mouth and your eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. Your heartbeat matches his. "(Y/N)," he lifts the top of the box to reveal a stunning, sparkling ring. "Will you-" "Yes!" You throw yourself on him and wrap your arms around his neck, almost knocking him over. You both burst into tears. After having a little happy cry fest, you both got up. He then slid the ring on your finger. You both share a much-loving kiss under the stars. The hardest part is over, he thought. ...

They spoke not a word, but went straight to surprise, And opened the balcony door to see their prize And they were happy seeing the two side by side, And were excited to see that you had not denied ...

You both were about to head back inside to warm up, but you were met with the other power couple. "Congratulations!" Dr. Mrs. The monarch walked up to give you a hug. "Now let me see that rock," she lifts your hand up to inspect your ring. All while you two banter, The Monarch shares a few words with his loyal henchman. "I knew you had it in you, you dog!" They exchange their secret handshake, to which makes Mrs. Monarch give them a disappointing look. Everyone starts to head back inside. Everyone except for you. Gary sees you stalling and goes over to see what you were waiting for. "You okay?" It took a moment for you to register that he had said something. "Yeah, I just... had to collect myself," you grasp at your heart. And then there's a small pause. "I'm going to marry the love of my life!" You flap your hands and bounce on your tippy toes. You are just exploding with pure happiness. "Me too!" You share another kiss, holding each other's faces. Then he draws back and rests his forehead against yours. "I guess this means I'm not your boyfriend anymore," he chuckles. "Gary, you're such a dork." "Yeah, but I'm your dork," he boops your nose. After that, you go in to finally party. Thankfully, there was a bottle of champagne that was saved for special occasions such as this. Everyone had their glasses full, and everyone commemorated the newly engaged. "Merry Christmas, my dear," you kiss Gary's cheek. The other two "aww" to this display off affection. Your fiancé's face turns almost as red as the bows arranged on the wreaths. The rest of the night is spent with joy and laughter. You're very excited to be joining the family. ...

Everyone sprang to the inside to celebrate this new chapter, And away they all honor you joining hereafter And there they make a toast, all doused in Christmas light "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" ...

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

Again, Thank You All So Much For All The Attention You Give Me. I Cannot Thank You Enough. Much Love To Everyone This Holiday Season! You're All The Best Gift I Could Ever Ask For!

#♡#the venture brothers #the venture bros #venture bros #venture bros x reader #gary fischer #gary fischer x reader #henchman 21 #henchman 21 x reader

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olderthannetfic · 11 months

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I feel like fandom activism has caused so, so many brains to rot.

How in the world is writing more fics featuring non-white characters going to show anything to the people behind End OTW Racism? And why in the world should I have an obligation to write it?

I write fics because I enjoy writing and immediately sharing with an audience, because I like characters someone else came up with, because constructing a little space for my creativity in fics gives me far less stress than thinking about creating original novels. It's not my job, and it's certainly not activism.

This idea that people should at least write one or two fics about characters of color because it shows they're not racist or because, somewhat, this stuff fights fandom racism, is absolutely unhinged.

I was in a fandom with a main character of color, and I had to leave because people were constantly at each other's throats and harassing one another because writing this character in any way would get you called a racist. He bottoms? Racist. He tops? Racist. He's described with his hair cut this way? Racist. He's vegetarian? Racist. He's not vegetarian? Racist. Literally you couldn't fucking win because the fandom split in two major groups at its beginning, and since then, if you write him in a certain way, you'll have one side accuse you of being racist, and if you write him this other way, it's gonna be the other side who accuses you! I got rape threats over this shit!

This is insanity! I work a shitload of hours a week and come to fandom to relax, reblog stupid posts, retweet porn drawings, listen to the worst Spotify playlists known to mankind, and share the fics I spend too much time working on.

Why the fuck should I treat fandom like it's a cause I should give my life to? I don't want to eat my vegetables because the vegetable you're presenting me with is unseasoned iceberg lettuce: it doesn't interest me, it doesn't have a flavor I'm seeking, and it holds no nutritional value whatsoever.

Stop pretending that things can be changed by writing more fics about that Star Wars character or that set of Marvel movies, because you know damn well they won't: you'll just get harassed more, and when you'll delete/orphan all your fics because just the idea of logging into Ao3 will make you want to anxiety puke, the people who supported all these movements will go to their Tumblrs and Twitters and whatever other socials the hip kids use and write shit like "Thank god that horrible racist left! People like them should never dare to write fics about POC ever again! Whoever harassed them out of the fandom did the right thing."

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melrosing · 5 months

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MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

#ask #sorry I think this really does have to be the last time I whine about my job on my goddamn Jaime blog #I mean I don’t even have the job anymore so #but yeah. fuck corporate jobs man. I’ll probably get another one soon enough but that company I am done with forever

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 2 months

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whats with the willy wonka ai stuff also hi metaru hows your day?

Still ruminating about being a dick to some people the past few days bc my triggers got really bad and I was paranoid and didn’t realise it until I blew up at them basically. They were very kind to me, but also very understandably they blocked me, and I feel very bad because I shouldn’t have taken my fear and anger out on other people at all let alone friends. I’ve left discord servers we've shared so they could be more comfortable and I’m moving on, but I do wish I could somehow take that hurt away because it was genuinely really awful of me. I haven’t been like that in years, and it’s a side of me I’m trying very hard to improve from, but I guess I just got overwhelmed and angry at myself and I lashed out at others. That’s not their fault- it’s mine, and I have tried to delete any of the paranoia spirals I have on my blog (if I haven’t, it’s because I don’t remember stressful events- literally my memories of the past few days are completely gone, I don’t have a fucking clue what happened outside of physical chat logs and stuff).

Other that that, I’m actually doing really well, though that is a struggle as always. I’m watching ATLA with my mum and loving that, I’m playing on Animal Crossing again, slowly but surely working on both my picrew and a longer c!Prime fic than I normally write, and just… honestly, even though I’m feeling a lot of things, I’m happy, y’know? I’m less angry, at others and myself. I’m still afraid but that’s bc I have panic attacks when I lose like one follower (which is inevitable bc I’ve been on this blog long enough to have a fair few) because I’m petrified of my friends being harassed. That’s something I do very frequently, it’s a nightmare trauma thing lol.

As for the Willy Wonka thing, it’s a scam AI event made by a scam company. Parents showed up with their kids to be met with a barely furnitured warehouse and actors who were trying their best but stuck on an AI script that had marvellous things like expecting the actors to do literal magic and introducing The Unknown, who's a masked evil man who lives in the walls, which I know I as a six year old would have adored, but obviously frightened a lot of kids. They had a single jellybean and a quarter of a cup of lemonade each to give the kids, by the way, and they ran out.

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echosong971 · 1 year

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GOOD EVENING. YOUR "VOID FRENZY" HEADCANONS. HAND THEM OVER 🔫

GEEZUMS OK-

so um.

for me to talk about my headcanons for Void Frenzies, I gotta first talk about the Void and how it relates to Nightstalkers especially, cause, y'see-

The Void is a quirky lil thing.

There are numerous accounts and lore bits that talk about how the Void is, even though it's technically Light, almost like an entity unto itself.

"...I've discovered another little trick to getting in good with that yawning mouth of nothing we call the Void: exhaustion. When I start slipping into that twilight, where I'm not sure if I'm awake or dreaming, I can feel the absence. It's close enough to touch. I guess it doesn't matter if it's literal or metaphorical. The Void just likes it when I'm running on empty." - Nightstalker

"The Void ain't special. It sure is creepier than Solar or Arc, that's for sure. But it isn't special. Just show it respect, thank it for a lovely evening, and make sure you always pay your bill. So to speak. Then you've got nothing to worry about. See?" - Shard of the Traveler (Nightstalker)

"There are those who see the Void as dark. It is the folly of the simple mind, unable to perceive the brilliant richness of nothingness. The Void is not only the absence of Light, but Dark..." - Apotheosis Veil

Even further, countless lore tabs talk about the risks of using the Void and the reasons why it can be detrimental to use, especially for Nightstalkers, who balance on the knife's edge of powers and abilities that could prove to be exceptionally dangerous if not exercised with paramount discipline:

"I've had a dozen Hunters ask me why it's so hard to summon a Dusk Bow. I asked 'em what they thought of the Void, and their eyes told me everything. You can't be afraid. That's the secret. No fear." - Tevis, Log Entry 19338

"Picking it up is the easy part, Hunter. Putting it down again, well, you’ll find that it’s addictive, that power. This weapon is something special. Your Light gets twisted. Changed. You find the power to punch through and borrow something from the other side. The Void opens up a hole, and draws from the deep. Go ahead. Carry it a while, Hunter. You’ll feel how heavy it can get.” - Cayde-6, The Nightstalker's Trail

"Doesn't matter how good you are—you stay out there too long, you're not coming back. Not the same way you left, anyway." - Tevis Larsen, Graviton Forfeit

So I asked myself, what happens when a Guardian does go too far into the Void? What happens when the Void they take from finally decides to take something back?

And that's when the idea of Void Frenzies came to me.

So, how do they work?

I imagine they happen to Nightstalkers more often than Sentinels or Voidwalkers just due to the nature of their class and how it works, as well as my own personal knowledge being more expansive when it comes to the Void subclass for Hunters compared to Void Titan and Warlock. So for brevity's sake, I'm going to solely be referring to Nightstalkers for this. Although y'all can feel free to add on your own thoughts on how this might happen for Sentinels and Voidwalkers!

There are a few ways that Void Frenzies can be triggered, but more often than not they tend to be caused when a Nightstalker overtaxes themselves and overuses their Void without giving themselves room to breathe or time to calm down. Huge bouts of emotional turmoil and/or copious amounts of stress can also make a Nightstalker more susceptible to snapping thus triggering a Void Frenzy.

The telltale signs of a Void Hunter experiencing stress that, if it becomes uncontrollable, could lead to a Void Frenzy are as follows:

Living things such as trees, flowers and grass begin to die and wilt around them and any living creature feels like its energy is being siphoned from their body, mirroring the effects of the power we know as Devour.

The temperature of the air around them suddenly drops and turns stagnant. It's not just cold, it's also thick and musty. Unnaturally still. Entropic. Dead.

Void energy begins to course along their arms and face. It creeps under their skin like dark tendrils that they seem to be unable to control, as if it's infecting their very body. The Light underneath the skin of Awoken Guardians turns a dark purple. Their eyes, and the lights in Exos' mouths and optics, turn a brilliant violet, and their sclera—the whites of their eyes—turn black. Energy seeps from their eyes like thick, smoky tears. Purple smoke also can escape from their nose and mouths, even billowing up from the hollow cheeks of Exos.

They seem distant. Hungry. Tired. They become far more prone to spacing out. More often than usual. The Void likes when they run on empty, and the emptier they are, the stronger their connection to the Void becomes until, without proper discipline and control, it consumes them.

When a Void Frenzy occurs, it begins with the Hunter expelling a MASSIVE amount of Void energy around them as if they were casting a Super. Void Light bathes their form and often times will manifest in bladed weapons that look much like Spectral Blades, or in some cases, claws. This varies from Hunter to Hunter.

After this point, they have slipped into the grasp of the abyss and it will refuse to let go. They're only goal will to be to kill and consume as much energy as they can to feed the insatiable appetite of the emptinesses gaping maw. They cannot differentiate between friends and enemies and will attack anything that they see. The Void does not discriminate between energy sources and now neither do they. They do not control the Void anymore. The Void is in control of them. They are ferocious, insatiable, and extremely dangerous and will not stop consuming everything in their path until they either pass out or get shot.

The only ways to combat a Void Frenzy is to wait until their own energy has become exhausted and they burn out (which is not recommended as trying to contain Hunters in a Frenzy has proven to be nigh impossible), by suppressing them with the very energy that is controlling them and thus severing their own connection to the Void, or by killing them and allowing their Ghost to rez them so that the Light bathes and grounds them. The Vanguard tends to opt for killing Guardians in Void Frenzies on sight as it acts as a sort of hard reset that has proven to be the most effective and reliable method for quickly snapping a Guardian out of a Frenzy without causing too much extraneous stress, trauma or damage.

Guardians that have suffered from Void Frenzies are often given a one to two week mandatory leave of absence from their duties—the length being determined by the severity of the incident—and are encouraged and given the resources to take care of themselves until they have recovered enough and feel fit for duty.

In the fight against the Darkness, the last thing they need are Guardians losing themselves.

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theladyofbloodshed · 7 months

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I struggle with a similar situation with my partner where his low mood really impacts me and in constantly trying to keep up both happy which is draining… how do you cope with it? Do you have any advice?

I'll put this under a read more.

For us, I have to be quite blunt sometimes. We have a phrase "miserable blob". Sometimes I'm like baby are we going to be a miserable blob today or do something about that? I call him that because at weekends sometimes he will just sit there and stare at nothing or it takes him 30 mins to motivate himself to like make a drink. He hates being called that so it snaps him out of it a little bit, or he makes a conscious effort to try and snap himself out of it.

Sometimes I have to be tough and say get on with it, do x, y, z that you need to do then you can zone out.

For my partner, a lot of the issues come from the fact he doesn't like our flat (or England, hence the upcoming move) so some days I just need to get him out of the house. We go for a walk, go for a cup of tea, or visit my sister, just so we aren't in the house but then it's like a big, grey cloud is descending when we get close to home again. Some times, I nurture that depression and we will have a day watching films and cuddling up or we will try and talk about things.

When we first met, he started to experience panic attacks and he used to call me. I was quite firm that I cannot be his only support as the guilt I'd feel if I couldn't get to the phone and something happened would drown me. I made him go to the doctors despite him not wanting to. But I think you just have to be firm. In his country, mental health isn't really talked about and he would not let any of his family know. He eventually went on medication and hated it. It was a battle to get him to take his tablets and in the end he took himself off of them, which I wasn't happy with, but he knows his body best. I did make him tell his family too because I reiterated that I can't be the only one responsible for him, and that his family love him and would want to know about this. I think I used the analogy of a broken leg - nobody would expect you to walk on it and people would want to help you.

He did do online group therapy and hated it because every week was a battle to get him to log on, but after 2 suicide attempts I told him that I couldn't stay with him unless he went to therapy. I cannot be responsible for my mental health and his. He needs to take ownership of it. It was a hard conversation but I got through to him!

A lot of his stress came from owning his own business. When he quit that, it was even more stress because he literally went home for 2 weeks and was like okay i'm not doing it anymore, came back to England and had no job/income. He'd also invested all of his money into the business so he had a lot of feelings of failure. Now he works a 9-5 job he doesn't really enjoy but he isn't stressed about ensuring he gets an income every day, he is turning off his work brain at 5 rather than spending all evening on the phone calling customers and re-arranging his whole day to suit them, no weekends etc. Removing that stress has had a big impact because he could be very irritable and snappy with me then regretful of his behaviour.

We've had a lot of ups and downs due to his mental health and it is hard. I grew up with a mum who had depression and also made several suicide attempts, so it wasn't really anything new to me. I'm always calm in these situations and quite rational which I guess helps when my partner is having panic attacks. He'll tell me he can't see and his heart has stopped beating, and I'm like yes you can, it's in your head, you need to breathe in.

Sometimes I'll just say to him can you go for a long bath or a walk when I know he needs that to chill out - or if I need time away. We've been together long enough that I can say I'm going for a walk and if he asks to come too, I can say no I'd like to be alone and listen to music.

TLDR: be firm with your boundaries, be calm and rational, look after yourself too.

#anon asks

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lapeaudelamemoire · 7 months

Text

1. Just logged onto Tumblr on my actual laptop for the first time in a long time. The dashboard looks different and doesn't. I'm liking the low-contrast Tumblr blue colour palette option. It's new and old at the same time. Updated and modern yet nostalgic and recognisable still.

2. Apparently this autosaves now, too. I mean, I guess that's a good thing - no more posts just disappearing after you've spent ages typing and then it just crashes. But I hate the little 'autosave' notification that appears at the bottom of the page while I'm writing; it's distracting.

3. I've been anxious all day. I'm busy as hell, but sometimes just thinking on something and an answer comes up, as if served up simply having been sitting on a conveyor belt, the next most natural, unassuming thought; the way realisations sometimes just visit. Except I don't have time to sit with them or really do all that much more with them; just realise them. So they come like 'regular' thoughts and I recognise them, suddenly big, and then they pass again making way for the next thought, crowded out, but still lingering like an afterimage, I knowing they're there. Sitting on it. Smothering it. The pea under the pillow, mattress, cushion that I am sitting on.

Maybe my first instinct of wanting to hurt myself or die when I'm stressed or feel like I've done something wrong or upset someone is because that is what happened when I was a kid. It's hard just typing this, actually; I sound just like one of my clients. But it's true, and it would explain a lot. Hearing my mum say she wished she'd never had me or caning me with a switch. That was generally the punishment for doing something wrong, or upsetting her. Maybe my wanting to peel my skin off my face like removing a mask or wanting to peel my skin back off my arms when I'm anxious or feel like I've done something wrong or not well enough isn't just because it's a visual representation of what it feels like to me emotionally, but also because physical punishment and pain is what I expect for having committed the sin of being wrong or upsetting someone somehow. Maybe that's why I hear 'Die, die, die!' in my head when I feel overwhelmed. Maybe that's what was sounding in my mum's head when she hit me with the cane. It feels like it could be. How else do you interpret that, really, especially as a child? Even now, as an adult, actually?

The other sticking point for me from and during the conversation with the other student clinician I had this morning was what they said about being concerned about a client having been seeing clinicians at the clinic for over a year and wondering if they were 'dependent' on the clinic, and if they were engaging because they were 'lonely'. Their concern sounded like over a year was too long to be engaging with mental health services. Lawdy, my my. This is the kind of thing psychologists would have been thinking about me as a client, then, most certainly; most definitely.

It really got to me how the mental health model is basically a Fix-It Factory. Get the client to a point where they can be independent and then goodbye, 'independence' being the goal. It's not entirely Wrong, per se, but in my time with my clients on placement I've come to realise - or at least feel - that really, what they're seeking and need is a community. And we are part of that community; we're literally practitioners seeking to provide services to a community, [and] the wider community. That's literally what it says on the clinic bio, and it's absolutely, definitely what it says on my bio, and what I want and aim to do. It's what I'm here for. I'm part of that community, the community. My clients are also part of the community, that community that I'm trying to provide for.

Yes of course the job is to hope that we facilitate people to be able to live their own lives well, and thus to some extent that they won't necessarily 'need' us any more, or rely [solely] on us, rather, but - there's actually nothing wrong and everything right with people seeking out support, from and in [their] community, but even more specifically, the actually studied and designated community counsellors and practitioners of a specific role and job/service, for that specific role/job/service.

Like yes I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health, but I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health within and as part of a community. I'm a mental health service provider, but I'm also a community member. And a fellow community member is coming to chat to me and talk with me about what's going on their lives and the troubles they are having, and - isn't that the most natural thing in the world? Isn't that what a community is for?

I feel like the fucking separation of clean and clear Roles in 'Western' and medicalised societies is a fucking scourge. The way when we say 'relationship[s]' we are often referring to romantic relationships, because that is the most prized and emphasised (outsized) kind of relationship in our amatonormative [also largely here referring to 'Western'] society. If you have troubles, you share them with your friends, family, and romantic partners. You don't share them with your neighbours, and you don't have a concept of a community.

I remember speaking to a client once during what I think turned out to be our last session (before our schedules diverged, not because it was going awfully, at least I don't think), and them noting that they would like to give back to society - which is a common feeling; we all want to feel like we're a member of something bigger, that we're giving back, contributing, a part of something larger than us - and I noted that there was mutual aid, and asked if they knew what that was. They said no. I explained. And they said, they had never thought about community as meaning outside of their family and friends before.

Because we never or at least rarely do, actually. We talk often about 'society' but almost never about 'community'. That seems to be a term reserved largely for parents in locales, probably most thought of like the 'PTA' in 'US' media, or 'Housing Association'-type suburb things, when or if ever spoken about in the mainstream. Else, it's an academic term, an abstracted one that clinics use or companies or businesses or localised organisations specific to a neighbourhood. But we rarely equate 'community' with 'society'. Those seem to be two different beasts.

Talking to my partner and friends is never going to replace going to see a designated, specified, trained and experienced person whose job and role in your life is to aid you in and provide a designated, specific space for you to work through your issues, for that express purpose, and who is separate from your friends and as 'objective' in that regard as possible. A professional.

And so - setting aside for the moment the fact that doing work on yourself takes time, and if you're actually doing Work on yourself that it takes a lot of time - actually, so what if people see mental health services for years? Especially in the world we live in (in this economy? In this society?)?

People are so often in horrible, awful situations for years. Years and years on end, even. And even just a moment of trauma can take years to address.

If someone is lonely g-damn yes please of course come talk to us, that's what we're here for. As part of your community, as part of literally providing mental health services. Go at your own pace. Finding friends is hard. Keeping in touch with friends is hard. Maintaining social connections is hard, especially when and/or if that's something you struggle with. If someone is lonely and I can help them be less lonely by providing them the service literally called 'talk therapy' then damn yeah what's the issue here??? And at a community clinic that doesn't charge a fee? That's literally what it's there for. To help. And if someone wants to pay at a clinic to talk to someone because they're lonely then yeah??? That's their choice.

Which also tangentially enough brings me to the fact that people are lonely in our isolating society, see again above about segregation of types of relationships that are 'allowed' or seen as 'normal' and 'expected' and what isn't; and also, there are plenty other professions where people pay for companionship, whether it's sex workers, host/hostess clubs, escort services, or so on. And actually, also, that those professions are often looked down upon. Fuck the nuclear family puritanist WASPy uptightness, honestly.

And then, of course - it's actually not uncommon for people to see a therapist for years. It does take that long to work on things. And mental health practitioners are themselves required to maintain supervision while practicing. What else is that if not similar?

In a community, what one might really think of as a community, or at least in my imagining, there is someone (or someones, even a group) designated who is turned to by members in the community when they meet trouble. An elder, tribal chief, shaman, healer, oracle, doctor. A pastor, or priest, even. And people in that community go to them throughout their life. There is no thought that goes 'Are they independent if they're coming to see the healer/priest/doctor repeatedly, or even regularly?'.

///

It's tiring looking at everything all the time. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me now, in this day and age, living in the times we live in, understanding the idea that if there was a singular, omniscient G-d, that they might have walked away. Imagine seeing everything all the time. Hearing everything all the time. We see and hear not even Everything individually in this digital age, but one might argue we already see and hear beyond the limit of which we can process things. (And sure, you could argue that G-d is different because they're G-d, but then generally when referring to G-d people are talking about the one whom they also say 'we were made in the image of', so.)

Posts about Palestine. Ads about the V referendum in "Aus". I click on someone's blog on Tumblr on my phone and as I look through their posts there's a sponsored ad for it saying 'Vote Yes'. My SoundCloud stops and I restart the track. It moves to an ad reminder about the referendum. It's been playing for over the last month at least now between tracks switching. I hear it at least once every day I use the app. I go into the city and there are posters and flyers for it everywhere. I pass by houses and apartments and cars that have 'Yes' stickers and posters and flyers pasted up everywhere. More posts about something in the 'US'. Posts about politics in the UK. (These are all colonial/-occupied centres, as one might notice.) Mutual aid posts. Posts about death and assaults and a litany of the rest of all of it.

If there is an omniscient G-d, they must not have a very good time, being the ultimate witness to all (and that's not even counting the probably sensory overload).

Everything clawing for my attention is like a pair of jagged claws scrabbling at my mind, tearing it into ragged edges like strips of cloth you might see become of the bottom of some ghoul's black robe. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

////

Suddenly my shoulders have dropped, at some point where I'd stopped noticing while writing. I forgot that this is why I'd wanted to speak.

Not to someone, actually - but to this blank page.

I go with my thoughts; to write them out I must discern them, to discern them I must hold them in my view. I ride them and ride them out of my mind and onto the page and then - all this space. Suddenly I am in my body again and not full to the brim with thoughts behind my eyes.

Ah space, you wonderful thing. Empty page, you who receives of me. I speak in my head and hear myself. Turn the thoughts over in my mind. Like leaves of a page a book. I handle them, like leaves from the Destiny Tree.

#personal

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caxycreations · 2 months

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Was mid-test, taking a practice exam to see how far I've gotten with my studies

Halfway through it blips and tells me I got logged out and need to re-log. I log in, it says there's an error. I refresh, log in, it works-

It graded my practice exam as having 60 questions answered (I had answered 81) and 85 questions "incorrect" (unanswered questions count as incorrect) and it gave me a total score of 10% accuracy.

25 minutes of reading questions. Answering. And so many more to go. Meaningless because of a site blip.

Fuck me.

Literally, I need the stress relief. @_@

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dearfuturehusbandblog · 1 year

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Let's Add to the Crap Pile

Dear Future Husband,

I'm broke. Have we ever discussed that? I don't remember for sure, though I think I may have mentioned it...

Anywho, the pain is still here.

It could be an ovarian issue, it could be a kidney issue, it could be dehydration, it could be a random pain that will go away on its own. But you know what, I'll never know! Because I can't afford health care. Because my ObamaDoesntCare has been pending for three years, despite my being reassured by the ObamaDoesntCare people that there's nothing that should be holding it up and of course it'll go through this time.

Wouldn't it be funny if this "looking for my beshert" blog turned into a "watch me die a slow death" blog?

On top of that, my bank account overdrew yesterday because I had a couple of bills that were paid automatically and I hadn't checked my account before to make sure there were enough funds there.

Now here's the kicker - I work for a small business and I've been gifted the wonderful role of paying myself for the work I do, which I zelle from my boss's account.

But, you see, I grew up in a dysfunctional and poor family with parents who did not instill in me a healthy relationship with money. And paying myself feels super weird, because I have to keep track of my own hours and when I track my time, even two minutes at work that aren't spent on work things feels like I'm stealing. I used to track my time by literal minutes, but when I first started working there, my boss would round up to the hour for pay. So now I round up to the hours. And that means if I'm paying myself for an hour, but part of that hour was spent on something non-work related, I feel like I'm stealing from my boss.

So I get weird about paying myself and I forget to do it. And it feels weird to do it at the beginning or in the middle of the week, so if I forget before Shabbos, I push it off to the next erev Shabbos. And at some point it's been like a month since I've been paid and my account gets overdrawn. Like a smart person.

But here's why I'm writing about all this now:

My boss apparently got a new phone and since it's not a recognized device, she had issues logging into her banking app and it completely locked her out.

So I can't even pay myself this week until she resolves that issue.

So the TL;DR is: my account is overdrawn and I can't pay my bills because I'm the one who pays myself and I'm so weird about money that I can't even pay myself like a normal person and pushed it off so long that I need the money this week because I live paycheck to paycheck and I can't even get a paycheck this week because of stupid tech issues.

My god, I'm a mess.

It's one thing to know it, but it's another thing to say these things "out loud" and see it from a normal person's perspective."

Either way, I can't afford medical care, so whatever this back pain issue is, it better go away on its own because I can't afford any other option.

-LivelyHeart

I googled it and there's something called Chronic Kidney Disease, which is apparently not reversible, and comes along with things like obesity (check) and high blood pressure (check).

My obesity is most likely tied in with two things - (1) stress and (2) food sensitivities.

My high blood pressure is most likely tied in with three things - (1) stress, (2) obesity, and (3) there's actually a genetic component for it on MotherLivelyHeart's side.

It's so funny how stress can cause obesity and obesity can cause stress. And my whole life is stress, so even when I try to get healthy, the stress is always there.

#jumblr #frumblr #frum #orthodox #shidduch #jewish dating #jewish #dating #shadchan #shidduchim #shadchanim #i am the shidduch crisis

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honnojis · 11 months

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hello Zumi have you ever tried competitive Pokémon on smogon?

Nop, never really was my thing. I used to play on showdown, sure, but it'd usually be random battles or hackmons. Actual competitive play stressed me out a bit too much, and I had a really terrible experience when i tried getting into it a bit more by applying for a spot as a leader for an online league, so I've just never bothered since.

Shoutout to Bibs for being a homie w/ hackmons/random battles tho. that shit was fun and i miss it sometimes

For the drama bit, I'll just put it under the cut bc no one really needs to see a wall of text ab me getting salty about it again but wow i sure still think about it sometimes. this was all skype era shit btw, but it's arguably one of the very few things that literally had me seething, which is why I've never bothered with anything comp related since

Funnily enough, the drama wasn't even related to the actual competitive aspect of the whole league that I was supposed to be a part of -- it was bc someone on the league's board committee was awfully petty and two-faced LOL… All bc they didn't like I was potentially going to overshadow their work.

I actually knew them well before this. They were pretty friendly towards me at first, and they initially approached me because wanted to learn how to do pixel art better, so I taught them! They acted really grateful when I gave them advice, and hell, they even did some sprites for Rejuvenation at the time as it was at a time that I was extremely busy with school.

Now fast forward a bit, and a group of ppl from the same community set up an online Showdown league, with leaders for each type. That person was on the board committee, but some other members of the board committee were going behind their back in order to actually recruit me for the league as a leader. I passed the tryouts, and got into the group.

Kicker is, the reason why they went behind the person's back, is bc apparently That Person(TM) was absolutely adamant about not wanting me on the team!

The reason for that?

They didn't want me there so I couldn't get a chance to do any art for the league, because they were afraid they'd get overshadowed by me.

This sounds like bragging, and god i fucking WISH I was kidding in that regard, but I'm completely serious 💀 Apparently ANOTHER league wanted my assistance for sprites, but because That Person(TM) was already on the team, they started throwing a shitfit about how they absolutely could NOT work together with me without wanting to give a real reason, they just kept insisting that they absolutely couldn't. The chatlogs of these moments were sent to me after a group of ppl who were getting aggression aimed at them from the person.

I kinda pieced things together because they were sucking up to me for art advice until they learned what they needed, then I lost contact with them until I got drafted for the league, after which they just... Wanted to chew me out instead, lol. despite never having done anything to prompt such hatred. all i did was help and be nice. and after seeing the logs it kinda clicked in my head that that's what was going on.

funnily enough this all happened around the time they were sucking up to jan bc they were asked to do some work for rejuv, but that shit fell through real quick once jan got the logs of all the shit they've been saying lmao

A whole bunch of shit happened after that, but basically I left the league, some ppl left bc I left, other members got fed up w/ That Person(TM)'s shit and the whole league crumbled before it ever got the chance to take off LOL.

It's genuinely one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced that someone abused my trust in a person like that, only using me for my skills, and it actually gave me some trust issues for a few years whenever people asked me for art advice!

i had a whole document of bullshit that this person pulled. i still actually have it somewhere, and frankly i probably should just delete it at some point bc it has no use and i haven't seen this person around in a long time bc they basically got chased out of the community for being a shithead. in my defense for that document though, the fact that a person drove me to get so mad that i started collecting receipts on them kinda tells how hurt i got about this whole situation. to say they were an awful person not only just to me but to a lot of my friends as well is an understatement

#zumi answers #Anonymous #anyways sorry for the rant under the cut im just. bitter i guess

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