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millers-planet · 3 years

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Concern - Obi-Wan x F!Reader

Storyline/ Prompt: we accept the love we think we deserve. (fic inspired loosely by that quote from perks of being a wallflower)

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of abusive relationships, SAPPY

POV: Obi-Wan’s

Word Count: ~2600

I only saw her once every so often, usually when she was with Padmé, who was always with Anakin. She was never happy when she was with the senator, always crying or fixing herself up, I could only assume how she got them. She had the wrinkles of what use to be a happy person, with defined smile lines around her mouth and less-obvious forehead crinkles. However, I’ve never seen the infamous smile that must’ve caused these indents.

I picked up on her name only once, when Anakin was saying goodbye to the two ladies, “bye Padmé, Y/N.” From the second I heard her voice, I couldn’t stop thinking about what other things there was to know about her. Has she ever left Coruscant? What did she do for a living? How did she meet Padmé? Why was she always hiding bruises? I regretted every missed opportunity and chance I had to ask her these questions. She was a forbidden book, only because I knew she’d lead me down a road I couldn’t follow, not without breaking the rules I’ve sworn myself to.

These bruises haunted the echos of my thoughts. Poorly blended makeup over dark discoloration wasn’t hard to miss, especially when she was constantly trying to keep her hand on it. It wasn’t often that I saw her, but when I did, these were always a continuous look on her. I never understand why people treat precious material, precious literature that must have hundreds of stories to tell, so poorly.

While she is that locked book, this never stopped me from having small and meaningless conversation. There was one incident where she seemed happy, giving me an opening to meet her formally on a positive note. “Anakin, who’s this?” I looked at her briefly and smiled, sticking my hand out.

When she flinched at my arm moving toward her, I had to plaster a pokerface to prevent me from dropping to a concerned look. “This is Y/N, Padmé met her through the senate,” Anakin looked to her with a face that said ‘you can trust him’ which made her release a bit of tension. “Y/N, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi, he’s my Master.”

“Obi-Wan? That sounds familiar..” she eventually shook my hand and smiled as her face lit up with the answer, “General Kenobi!” She had a contagious laugh that came out gently and warm, I was finally able to see the infamous smile that has caused all of those wonderful smile-lines. Y/N seemed sweet and innocent, I would’ve believed she was this kind of person if I hadn’t seen her patch herself up so many times or if I hadn’t noticed the nearly fully healed bruised on her wrist.

Padmé interrupted me as I was about to continue the conversation, “we should get going, there’s a meeting we’re going to be late for. It was great see you Obi-Wan.” She smiled when she looked at Anakin, “by Ani.” With that, she was gone, as quickly as she appeared.

Ever since then I tried to figure out some way to get into a senate meeting with Anakin and Padmé, with the hope of seeing Y/N again. Of course, this was delusional behavior because, realistically, she could be nothing more than a fantasy... not even that. She would be trouble for me, I know I should cut things off fully with her, but part of me remained worried about her.

I began visiting at his chambers less in the morning, meaning I’d have a lower chance of running into her. This was rough at first, not only because Anakin lectured me over how he enjoyed walking to training with me, but also because the thoughts of her only intensified. I hoped that by decreasing the exposure risk of her, it’d lower this mindless obsession, but it’s only increased with curiosity about how she was doing and if she was okay.

The one time I did walk to Anakin’s chambers in the morning, Y/N was there, so was Padmé. The door had just a sliver of it open, just enough for sound to get through and enough for me to see her. She had fresh bandages on her arms and new bruises over herself, she was frantic as she cried to Padmé, “why am I still with him?”

“You need to leave him, Y/N, there is nothing good coming from this relationship.” The senator’s voice was pleading to the other politician, trying to make her realize the truth and side with reason.

Y/N swallowed down a sob as she continued on, “he said he was done with all of.... this! I believed him, too, because he didn’t for awhile, so I thought we got past it, only it was temporary.” I saw her figure stop and sit down on some bench or couch, touching her eyes to wipe away tears. “I wish I could just walk away, but it’s so much more complicated than that.”

Padmé’s voice broke from calm to persuasive with hints of anger, “but it’s not! Y/N, it is not that complicated. Pack you stuff, come move in with me, get out of there.” Her arm draped around her friend, “I’m more worried about you than ever.”

There was a pause in the conversation before they continued onward, Y/N’s sighed and stood up, “no, Padmé, I can’t. There is too much at risk if I leave. If I go, there could be so many rumors started about where my priorities are at or other stupid things. But, we both know what gossip can do to someone.” I saw Y/N walk out of view, then a door opened and then closed after a second, it sounded like the bathroom.

“What was that all about?” It was Anakin. “Actually, tell me later, Obi-Wan is probably here. Bye.” He opened the door and swiftly closed it behind him, pushing a loose hair out of his face before smiling, “good morning, Master. I didn’t keep you waiting long, did I?”

I shook my head slightly before walking toward the training hall, “no, I got here only just a moment ago.” I shouldn’t ask about what just happened, though, what if she really is in danger? It’s not like it’s any of my business, though... “Early morning company?”

“Yeah, Padmé and Y/N came over again. She is going through a bit of a rough patch with her boyfriend, that’s all. When she wants to get away, her and Padmé come over to my chambers because-” Anakin caught himself as if he was about to say something he shouldn’t. “Because they know he won’t come searching near the Jedi area.”

Ever since then, not a moment passed by when she didn’t cross my thoughts. At night, I began romanticizing the idea of rescuing her, like some hero. I stir up dreams of following her back to her place and going to it when only her “lover” was home, just to show him a lesson. I have to remember, despite all this, that my job here is only to be a peacekeeper, but the idea of taking that forward step into this seems like the right answer.

When I was making pretend-scenarios of this rescue-op, I would imagine engaging in a conversation with her after I ran into her confessing the truths of her relationship to Padmé. I would generate possible starters of how I would ask her about all of this, possible things I would say to comfort her, or just all-around things to talk to her about. Maybe, instead of convincing her to just leave her boyfriend, I could convince her to leave him for me.

No, that’s selfish. I can’t do that just because I like the idea of her, just because she’s what occupies my thoughts most of the days. There are so many rules I’m breaking just now, without even talking to her anymore. If I was wise, I would talk about this to Master Yoda. If I was wise, I would have Anakin talk to her for me because he would have a bigger chance of making any impact, since I’m only a General she knows nothing about.

To compromise with myself, I’ll be... somewhat oblivious. I’ll forget what I’ve heard and seen, only if it doesn’t come up again. I will quit all of these meaningless thoughts and daydreaming because they are doing me no good, but if I run into her crying in Anakin’s chambers more than often, I’ll engage in those conversation that should remain solely as a fantasy. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened, three times in just a week.

It was the same conversation between Y/N and Padmé, only this time each of them was more emotional. I wasn’t able to hear anything other than, “Y/N, he is going to hurt you so bad you won’t recover, and I won’t know what to do.” This was the final straw, this has begun to spiral out of control and I need to step in, in some way.

Just at the perfect timing, Anakin came through the door. Before he could say good morning, as he usually does, I intervened. “I can’t pretend anymore that I’m blind to what’s going on between Y/N and her boyfriend. Anakin, what is happening? Why is she still with him?”

My padawan sighed as he guided us toward our usual walk, only slower. “They have been together for a few years, since they both began in the public sector of work. It wasn’t always like this, according to Padmé. They were both happy, for a long time, but ever since the trade issues began, the way she’s been treated has declined.” Anakin stopped talking and turned to face me, pulling me to the side, looking me head-on. “You can’t say anything about this, I’m technically not even supposed to know. Please, Obi-Wan, pretend this never happened.”

“Anakin, something has to be done, there has to be something we can do for her.” My voice was pleading, when I realized how concerned I sounded, I noticed how suspicious it was, as well, for me to be so concerned for a politician. “You know that if I could, I would leave this alone, but the conversations between Padmé and Y/N in the mornings have progressed so much. They’ve turned from conversations of advice to conversations of begging for reason,” my voice was firm and less emotional, making me seem more serious, hopefully.

He sighed and looked around, considering a response. “Do what you want, but you didn’t hear any of this from me. Talk to her tonight, she’ll be at my chambers again with Padmé, most likely.” I furrowed my brows together, in confusion. “It’s what’s been happening these past few nights, so it’s a possibility she’ll do it again. She leaves about 7 to go back home. Now, can we go?” I nodded and continued our normal regimen, only, my mind was galaxies away.

If she lives in her chambers, I could take the long way around to my chambers, then break off to head to Anakin’s, making me run into her. However, if she lives with her boyfriend in his room, then I’m out of luck. Though, if I take the main lobby, that increased the chance of our paths colliding, but it’d make it more public. I can’t walk back with Anakin because it’d be too obvious.

I need to clear my mind, I shouldn’t be trying to plan ahead like this, I will know what is right when the time calls for it. Whatever feels like the proper path will be the correct choice, but I can’t know what it is until then. If I’m going to talk to her tonight, I should have that clear head to make proper decisions. I’ll meditate until then, Anakin has his own tasks to do today, I believe he was meeting with the Chancellor.

Pulling myself together as I sat down on an open spot with a nice view, I took deep breaths. My focus drifted away from all of these issues at hand and just drifted off. Everything relaxed, everything was still, and everything made sense again. I forget what really matters in this universe, and coming back to here makes it all better. I was in this state of meditation for a few hours, occasionally interrupted from loud distraction that were brief as I pulled myself back into concentration. When I was finally out, it was just a little before seven, giving me plenty of time to take that long route to my chambers.

I walked at a steady pace, not thinking ahead of the conversations we might have or of anything else, other than my destination. Keeping this clear mind will be fine, whatever happens, happens. Me overthinking does nothing to help, these past few hours has helped me realize that. The familiar hall designs pulled me from my zen state, I was in my hallway, with Y/N just a few feet down the hall. “Obi-Wan?” she called happily, picking up the pace to catch up to me.

The biggest smile spread across my face as those beautiful smile lines beamed right back at me, her bubbly aura flowing off of her. However, her body spoke a different energy, it cried out with pain and discomfort as the bruises stuck out like sore thumbs. “Hey, Y/N, right?” She nodded. “Are you alright, you look a little.... shaken up?”

She sighed shakily, she smile never leaving her face as she hesitantly rubbed her arm that was coated with markings. “Yeah, everything’s all good, how are you?” I pushed her hand down, off of her arm, revealing the dark welts once more. “Obi-Wan, please, don’t. I hear enough from Padmé.”

“I think we both know what needs to happen, I think we all know what is the best.” Her smile finally broke off of her face, her lip quivering. “You are so strong, Y/N, but there is so much love in you that’s being thrown away by wasting it on your boyfriend.” I put her chin between my thumb and index finger and pulled her weepy eyes to look at mine.

My hand instinctively moved up to her cheek, cupping it gently, she leaned into it, obviously comforted by it. “I don’t know how to do it, I feel like I’m throwing so many years of my life away.” She pulled away as she dried her tears, “I know there’s nothing left for me with him, but I can’t let go, there’s so many things I’m ruining by letting go.”

I sighed, “what was there was ruined long ago, Y/N.” She began tearing up as she heard what I said, not calling me out on it, obviously realizing what I said was true. “If you want, you can spend the night with me. You can come sleep on this tonight and do it tomorrow. Or, I’ll take you to him and you can do it now, then we can head back to my place.”

Her sniffles quickly ended as she wiped her sleeve on her nose, looking up to me with those watery eyes that just melted every bit of me. “Really?” I nodded. “Can we do it tonight? I know I won’t have the energy to face him tomorrow.”

“Of course we can, I’ll walk you there. You just go inside, make things quick, stay in there for as little as possible, you might just make things worse if you’re in there for awhile.” I saw her hands fidget and shake as I went on, just wanting to prepare her. “I’m right outside, though. If I hear anything, you won’t be alone.”

She nodded and began to lead the way. “Obi?”

“Yeah?”

Y/N ran herself into me and let out a built-up sigh, “thank you,” she spoke softly as she briefly wrapped her arms around me before moving forward.

tags: @blondekel77 @mysticdeerpolice @gabile18

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#obi wan #obi-wan #obi wan x y/n #obi wan x reader #obi-wan x you #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi #star wars #sw fanfic #star wars fanfic #star wars x reader #jedi #jedi knight

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isabeladraws · 4 years

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harrington fam doodles 🌿🌟🌻 big headcanon dump below | ko-fi

jett phoenix harrington, air & metal att

thief player and very good at it (becomes captain eventually)

not so academic but get's good enough grades (beckett still pushes him a lot)

loves to travel (one year he suddenly hates it)

him and selene are T R O U B L E M A K E R S

mischevious and playful

knows the deans office like the palm of his hand

popular at school

takes every opportunity to show off like his mom

sunday's clumsy twin

cry baby

runs hot and biggest cuddler

loves animals. he would always bring an injured animal home to nurse them back to health

sporty and energetic, can't sit still for very long

kind and open minded

has sunday’s chaoticness with none of becketts caution lol

wears his heart on his sleave

beckett was the only one that could calm him as a baby

he starts to thrive academically at penderghast after picking his major (there was a lot of comotion surrounding this because beckett wanted him to choose the right path and be involved but the friction in their relationship made it seem beckett was disappointed and frustrated with jett instead)

selene maeve harrington, air & wood att

daddy's girl tm

can do no wrong in becketts eyes

very good at school with not much effort

teachers love her. sunday taught her all the tricks

her favorite subject is natural studies, anything with herbology and potions

butterflies are her motif

veeeery michisvious and is never caught. atlas taught her a few tricks to get past professors/beckett (she cant fool sunday though)

appears to be unapproachable but is very loving

atlas is her favorite person

loves to garden & animals (bugs especially)

bff with shreya's daughter (shreya and atlas may or may not be married in my headcanon)

she likes to travel and meet new people/species

keeps a journal that is spelled to leave you smelling like farts for 48h if you (jett) try to read it

has sunday's chaoticness with becketts caution/awareness

morning person, loves to watch the sunrise

loveees to dance and beckett is more than eager to be her teacher and dance partner

has beckett's snobby/expensive taste

pro at skiing

she hates how often dad pulls out his philosophy major card to scold them for using their powers on each other (they all do tbh)

she names her plants

very curious bub

marlow archie harrington, water & metal att

the baby tm

a bit of a wallflower compared to his siblings

beckett sees a lot of himself in marlow

loovees water related books

enjoys being near the water a lot

has very specific interests, like we'll just spit out random facts at the dinner table and beck and sunday look at each other like ??

he takes long ass baths (very particular with his bath bombs too)

he can be a bit blunt and rude if he's flustered and with strangers

atlas taught him how to breathe underwater and he spends a lot of time exploring

the merpeople love him, he brings them snacks

mister know it all, the smarty pants

beckett doesn't seem to be as hard on him as he is with jett

lowkey hates to travel

he enjoys routine and being in familiar places

observant and forgetful

big video game fan

he's better at metal than jett but jett has a better grasp of other attunements than he does

loves to sleep with his parents and it was a habit hard to kill

asked for a fish tank for xmas but felt bad for the fish so he released them in the middle of the night

he's the one that figures out the triplets together can make sun magick

sunday & beckett's grocery shopping buddy

loves to cook

vegetarian

he doesn’t have freckles like his siblings, just a bunch of moles

sunday & beckett as parents

not sure what their jobs would be (i would love to hear your thoughts on magickal jobs?) beckett maybe would have a job that he could do anywhere since his major is magick philosophy? sunday i think could go on to do thief professionally for a while but quits after getting pregnant. i don't think she'd want to go back afterwards. i wish we had more info what could be done post uni or an idea of the majors we could take. i could see both of them teaching later in life though.

in my mind, they travel aaaaa lottt. like maybe twice a year would be least they travel. sunday wants to see the attunned world and beckett is more than happy to give her that. they both love exploring and gives them opportunity to be espontaneous and nerdy at the same time. beckett loves teaching sunday about things he always knew growing up but she's only now discovering. it started when sunday was asked to join a pro thief team and beckett was studying away for his masters. they'd take mini trips almost every 2 months to escape their lives and have these unforgetable memories. they got the bug and never stopped since.

sunday after getting pregnant - which i think they were parents quite young at 25 - she wants to stay with her kids, beckett too, and they both find this need to be home all the time. they want to be there 24/7 and not leave the kids with nannies or babysitters. do not get me wrong, they ask the pend pals and the family to watch them frequently for sanity and date nights. beckett officially went back to work after 1 year of staying home, he started working properly after 8 months of the triplets being born though. sunday didn't mind being at home with them. she found motherhood to be the greatest code she could ever crack.

around 6 months of the babies being born, beckett and sunday tried to travel for a few days to a nearby lake town. there, they discovered marlow's affinity to water. they had a hunch, the kid loved bath time but being in untamed water sparked something in him. after that, they decided to keep travelling, to take their kids exploring. they went on a trip almost every 2 months after that. beckett went back to work and it was time to adjust a little and slow down.

sunday became an avid photographer. they had filled out 3 albums in a year. "they grow so fast!!" she would say when beckett made fun of her after pulling out the camera.

as you can tell, they travel a lot. after the kids get a big bigger, they try to stay places a bit longer, so they can really explore. they do settle when the kids reach school-age, but keep travelling during weekends, school breaks, etc. i think they'd make big moves every 3 years, until officially settling in in their forever home, before the kids join penderghast. (this could change, depending on their jobs. but yeah u get the gist)

sunday cant cook for shit when she becomes a mom. beckett is much better at that. she becomes better bc she cant lose to her husband, of course. the kids will say they prefer her food now over his.

WHEN DO THEY GET MARRIED? who knows folks jdsngk (secretly eloping after graduating penderghast?)

surprisingly, sunday is the one with an iron fist. she sets rules like cleaning up, curfew, no using their powers to hit or fight each other, etc and she’s the one the kids don't want to defy the most. beckett gets annoyed easily but settles down fast and lets them go do everything in the end. sunday doesn't disapprove of them exploring and doing kid stuff but she has a bit of fear given what atlas has been through.

sunday is the ultimate soccer mom. the kid's biggest cheerleader

beckett teaches the kids yoga super early, marlow and selene find it very relaxing

beckett makes the triplets wear penderghast's uniform

sunday packs them regular clothes so they can wear wtv they want when they aren’t visiting (beckett made a surprise visit once so now they have a backup uniform in their bags at all times)

every sunday of the month is tuneless food day. (get it) they usually also make trips to tuneless cities during weekends to get even more in the mood.

sunday and beckett collect postcards from wherever they go. they have a big wall full of mementos and family photos.

(i haven't decided on familiars for the kids and i kinda want a new type for selene *coughs* butterfly *coughs*)

sunday starts some homeschooling with the kids. being attuned to every element has its perks and she enjoys teaching them spells. they’re quite advanced for kids their age, magick wise

#grab a cup of tea u guys lmao #beckett x mc #the elementalists #beckett harrington #sunday olsen #te fanart #the elementalists fanart #te mc #harrington triplets #selene harrington #jett harrington #marlow harrington #fanart #my draws #choices #choices fanart #IGNORE TYPOS PLEASE

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cryinginthebackseat · 4 years

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ɪ ʙᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇꜰʟᴏᴏʀ

Fandom: It Lives In The Woods

Pairing: MC x Noah, MC x Connor

Words: 3.134

Summary: She rolled her eyes. "You heard me the first time, Marshall. Pretty please? Come on, consider this as our way to celebrate Redfield's defeat!"

Jesus, since when did he celebrate something in general? And now to dance? Amongst the crowd and with her no less? Noah's head said hard no, he already had a myriad of thoughts in his mind right now, he couldn't afford getting distracted and when there were feelings in the way, he feared if he couldn't trust himself to keep his emotion in check.

Yet his heart said otherwise. This was Zoey, Noah could never deny her. He would never deny her anything, especially when this could be their last moment on good terms together.

Warnings: nothing much, just swearing and some sexual tension

Author’s note: this headcanon is purely the brainchild of the amazing @noahmrshall where she requested me to write it down for her. after 84 years and a pandemic later, finally, frickking finally I manage to finish it LMAO I’M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, GIRL.

Anyway, make sure you tune in to feel real by deptford goth while reading, cause this is the song these are dancing to. And for those who haven’t read my first Noah x MC story, you can find it here on my main blog. Finally you know the drill, if you’re digging it or simply detest it, let me know, yeah? thanks!

Mamihlapinatapei (n.) the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start

Prom was a montage of lipstick stains on paper cups, rap music with devastating bass drops, multicolored balloons at everyone’s feet, and the strobe lights that flickered above, turning the entirety of the gym into a one flashy, neon show.

And then there was Noah, the reluctant cinematographer of this pandemonium of pubescents making rounds on the dancefloor, buzzing in excitement while he resided in the corner, sulking, contemplating, a punch in his hand-- spiked, courtesy of King Kang himself in which he’d passed the cup at Noah earlier.

Noah didn't have any idea just how many types of liquor he'd mixed into the beverage, nor did he have the capacity to ask. He simply drank in the corner, restless, alone, hand fidgeting with his jacket and beanie. He thought with the alcohol in his system, it would be enough to make him feel better, lighter. Made him forget, god forgive him, for the atrocities he was about to commit to the ones he called friends.

Friends who'd abandoned him in his time of needs, friends who barely recognised him, friends who made him laugh at one of their antics, friends who gave him an apron for his 18th birthda--

Wait. Noah shook his head, conflicted, internally berating himself. No, no, no, there should be no room for pity for them. Jane was his number one priority here, not… Not them.

And especially not Zoey.

His internal conflict somehow was aggravated when he saw a speck of galaxy's dust of hair on the dancefloor, twirling, cavorting, in the arms of another. Zoey. Her face painfully close to his, lips hovering over Connor's cupid's bow, not quite kissing him, but enough for Noah to look the other way. Suddenly, the bottom of the half-emptied cup seemed a lot more interesting.

He had no right to feel what he felt. He knew that. Especially considering how he was about to turn her whole life upside down. But feelings are feelings, it could creep up to anyone at any time, any place. It was beyond anyone's control.

And seeing her with Connor like this, laughing and dancing and kissing like fools in love they were, made his insides twist. Jealousy contributed a lot for the matter, obviously, but what hurt the most was because he knew that in all of his jadedness, hopelessness, miserable at the age of eighteen he could never give all of those to her. Zoey deserved someone who’d sit and sing to her about the stars, whom she could turn to when the chips were down, she deserved the world.

And the world was something he was about to take from her.

Jesus, could things just be fucking simple for once?

Zoey and Connor only parted once the song was finished. He kissed her cheek, a privilege that he was lucky enough to obtain and made a beeline out of the gym for a call. Leaving her alone, silver-haired amidst the sea of browns and blondes.

She craned her head to the side, her gaze finding Noah's across the room and smiled that smile of hers that lit up her entire face.

When Zoey made her way towards his position, Noah immediately straightened his posture, feigning nonchalance as if he hadn't been spending the last minutes yearning for her lips, her touch, her attention and his betrayal to her simultaneously.

“Enjoying the party, Kelmeckis?” Zoey sidled up to him, snatched the cup from his hand and sipped. Which floored Noah at how casually she handled her alcohol.

“No.” Noah eyed her confusedly then. “And Kelmeckis?”

“You know, Charlie Kelmeckis?” Noah gave her a look as if “who the fuck???” to which she simply groaned. “From the Perks of Being A Wallflower?”

“Jesus, Uttley, only you would throw a pop culture reference at someone as a greeting.”

“And only you would be the only one who don’t get it,” she countered, and then she laughed, matching his own.

He regarded her for what if felt like the first time tonight and thought to himself how lucky Connor was to have her.

"You, uh..." You look beautiful, it hurts my feelings. "You clean up nice, by the way."

Zoey looked at him oddly. "Damn, Marshall, did this come from?"

He shrugged. "I'd say the punch, but I guess 'cause I've never seen you in a dress since we were eight, so, yeah…" Tell her the truth, said the alcohol. Stop this fucking nonsense now, said the better parts of his head. "Yeah…"

He thought he saw her cheeks blushed, but wasn't sure given to the lighting. "Thanks, Noah."

His eyes found hers, hers found his. For a long moment, it was as if they were going to initiate something. Anything.

She was the first to look away and blinked, as if she had just looked at the sun for too long and now she was seeing double vision. Noah also tore his gaze from her, finding himself, unsurprisingly, unfortunately, disappointed.

“I thought you'd left. Or worse, on your sixteenth cigarette of the hour or something," she broke the silence first, eyes still not meeting his.

Noah squinted at her, mouth crooked. "So smoking is worse than leaving, huh?"

"Hell yeah. I don't want you to get lung cancer by 40-"

"Live fast, die young, Z," he interrupted, a sarcastic, lazy drawl to his voice that made Zoey shoot him a withering look.

"Not on my watch, Marshall. And I absolutely won't let those cancer sticks turn your mouth into," Zoey gesticulated, shrugging altogether. "An oral ashtray or something."

Noah chuckled, again-- God, it was so easy to laugh when she was around-- mid-eye-roll, his hand rifling through his blazer pocket for a pack of mint. Took one out and raised it to his mouth.

"That's what these mints are for."

With a small shake of her head, Zoey muttered, "Bastard." Though not without a great deal of kindness.

Ah, shit, he was going to miss this, bantering with her, laughing along with her-- just being around her in general. The thought rendered a profound pang in his heart, and he hadn’t got the chance to say he l--

No, his head said, internally berating himself. The moment had passed now. Zoey had Connor, someone who loved her unconditionally. His prime focus should be on what other scenarios should he reside so that his friends would follow him to the ruins? Or what should he do once Andy realized his phone was missing? So many things he should be ruminating, yet Zoey was where his head begged him to refer to.

Noah didn’t realize the smile on his face dropped into a frown until it was too late, until Zoey’s own also disappeared.

"Hey?" her voice so soft it could have been a caress for all he knew, taking a step closer. "You okay?" She asked, concern etched in that ocean eyes of hers.

“What? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Was his answer, but he tore his gaze away from her, the red balloon near his foot seemed like the only haven that could ward her off from delving into his soul.

Zoey cocked her head to the side, as if unconvinced. “You sure? Noah, you know you can tell me anything.”

I know. But not this.

“I know. I’m… I guess I'm still kinda tired from what happened. That’s all,” he lied, and it felt like he was slowly slicing his own heart.

“Hey.” Zoey stepped closer, craning her neck to see him due to their heights. Her hands on his arms, comforting. “It's over now, Noah. We defeated him and kicked his ghostly ass back where he came from. We did that. You did that- against all odds. I know it's bound to leave some scars, but I want you to remember that from now on, you don’t have to shoulder all of the world by yourself anymore. Do you hear me?” she asked again, more insistent this time. "I'm not going anywhere. The others aren't going anywhere either. We're all here for you, for better or worse."

Noah sighed, and made the mistake of looking into her eyes. All the while holding onto whatever strength he had to not to crumble completely before her and cry as he scrambled for a response.

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.

“I...” he stuttered, his voice tight.

God, I can’t hurt her. Not her.

“Zoey, there's something I-"

But the DJ suddenly began to play a different tune, interrupting him whereas her whole face lit up.

"Oh my god, I love this song!"

Noah frowned, whatever he wanted to say to her, forgotten. "Never heard of it."

"That's because you never care to broaden your taste, doofus! You're missing out a lot." Zoey laughed. She offered her hands to him. "Dance with me?" She asked, her eyes glowed hopeful.

Noah looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "You heard me the first time, Marshall. Pretty please? Come on, consider this as our way to celebrate Redfield's defeat!"

Yet his heart said otherwise. This was Zoey, Noah could never deny her. He would never deny her anything, especially when this could be their last moment on good terms together.

He accepted her hand. She grinned, like a molten California's sunset and tugged on his hand, soft against his callousness, dragging him towards the dancefloor.

Surreptitiously, Noah stole a glance at his phone when she was not looking. 9:47 pm. 13 minutes to 10. 13 minutes before Jane came barging in. 13 minutes before the final showdown.

13 minutes left to bask in her presence.

The dance floor was jammed packed with some of his classmates, mind lost in the music. And Noah was nervous.

As if she could tell, Zoey stepped toward him. On the dance floor, her gown shimmered like a glittering, silver moon and held his hands, giving them a comforting squeeze.

I'm here.

He squeezed back, I know. And felt his nervousness simmered.

Noah, tongue-tied, feet still rooted the ground, simply swallowed as he watched her before him, magnetising. He gulped, his cheeks flared when Zoey began to sway her hips lightly to the music. Her movements were innocent, but there was something in her eyes that commanded his attention. That girl had a flair in everything she did, alright, dancing being no exception.

"You sure you don't want to wait for Connor for this?" He asked over the music, making sure, eyes darting back and forth just in case Connor came back.

"Nah. He probably won't come back for the next 10 minutes and I'm not going to miss this song just to wait for him," she exclaimed back, flashed her widest set of a smirk. "Come on, bust out some moves, man!"

"I'd embarrassed you," he pointed out. "I'll look worse than Shepard from Mass Effect, I'm telling you."

"I wouldn't laugh." But she was smiling when she said that. "I promise! And do you think anyone would notice even if you move like a feral ghoul? And in this crowd?"

That made Noah laugh, reconsidering.

"Don't think about them," she said in his ear as she could still sense his hesitation. "But most of all, don't think when you dance, Noah. Just let the music flow through you."

"I don't think I know how."

"Let me show you," she told him, sing-song.

Feel real Now Forever meant nothing when we had nothing

As the music picked up its beat, so did Zoey's moves. Guiding them to the rhythm of the music, prompting him to mirror her, to let loose. He followed his instincts and began to actually dance, albeit still stiffly, but making sure to move in time with her. His pulse was racing, being so close to her for the first time. Sweat began to form on his forehead from heat, both from the crowd and their proximity.

The way she moved her hips, the way the music pulsing through his veins blurred everything; what was wrong and right, what was his and what's not as he gradually began to give in to the music, to the feeling. In hindsight, he'd like to think it had been the alcohol that drove him but he knew it wasn't true. He just needed an excuse for all of this.

As if moving in autopilot, Noah twirled her around. Earning her a laugh as she did so, the edges of her silver hair fluttering like a halo. She then pressed her back against his chest. His arms immediately snaked their way around her waist before he could stop himself. Pulling her closer until there was no distance between them. She leaned back into him, her head on his shoulder.

Noah met her eyes. She met his back.

Everything felt electric. Everything felt so wrong, yet the alarms were actually blaring like crazy sounded dim in his head, so he kept going.

The next thing he knew, Zoey spun around again to face him. Two hands reached up to wring her arms around his neck. Noah placed his hands on her waist, feeling the curve of her body for the very first time and he couldn't exactly make out what to feel right now.

A lover come back, I wanna dance like her, Like nobody's watching

The upswing of her warm breath against his cheek, her gaze kept on flickering between his eyes and lips, licking her lower lip. Noah's breath nearly stopped. Nearly toppled over at how intense they were; all-consuming, once again he felt her ocean eyes pulling him in, threatening to drown him. The muscle in his jaw clenched.

The moment stretched. Zoey inched closer until their foreheads nearly touched, the tip of his nose brushed against hers. Noah searched her eyes, his calloused thumb dragging down Zoey's cheek, torn between closing the distance between them, to finally taste her lips after all these years- improprieties being the last damned thing on his mind- or to push her away and wonder if she felt the same.

All too soon, the song ended. And all too soon, the spell broke.

As if someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on his face, Noah shook himself back to reality. Realizing what they had done and almost done and took a wide step back from her like he had stabbed her or something, looking into her flushed face. Her eyes widened by a fraction, her mouth slightly ajar.

They only stared at each other, speechless, even as the DJ played a different tune. An unspeakable terror passed between them and a single question that circled around their heads like a vulture:

What in the sweet fuck just happened?

"Hey babe, sorry for making you wait." The two craned their heads to the side to see Connor approaching them, placing his phone back in his breast pocket and kissed her cheek.

"The manager called, saying there's going to be new items coming in next week and he wants me to make the draft for the inventory list."

Once he realized she wasn't responding to his advance, he regarded her then Noah, wondering what on earth the two were doing that left the tension in the room.

"Is… everything okay?" Connor asked, creases appearing in his brows.

"Yeah." Zoey managed to say, shaking off of her trance and feigned a smile. But Connor didn’t seem convinced. "Yeah. We were just playing around-- I mean, we were playing-"

"Staring contest. On the dance floor" Noah nearly winced at how stupid it sounded. "It was her idea."

"Yeah, I saw a bunch of people do it on my IG feed and thought, why not? Though now that we did it, it does seem stupid, isn't it?"

"Yeah, probably, uh, shouldn't do that again." And bunched his pants between his fingers and wondered if Zoey caught the double meaning.

"Took the words right off my mouth," she concurred with a chuckle, but it sounded forced. She even avoided his gaze when Noah tried to look at her, focusing her attention on the floor instead.

He wondered if Connor could pick up on that? Could sense there was more than between the eyes, but he chuckled instead, shaking his head kindly at his girlfriend's antics and kissed her cheek. Again.

Noah looked the other way, feeling his cheeks pink either from what had transpired or jealousy or embarrassment for god knows what or the combination of the three until he remembered the time. He checked his phone again. 5 minutes until 10.

It was time.

He rubbed at the back of his neck and cleared his throat, noncommittal. "Yeah, I'm going to get out and smoke. Catch you guys later."

Noah pivoted around, shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn't smile, didn't even spare her a final glance. He felt her eyes on her, expectant, but how could one look at her again after what they'd almost done? How could he look at her again without thinking of her lips, her touch and knowing that not only he wouldn't be able to feel them, but she would never want to see him ever again? It was too much.

"Noah?"

Noah turned at the sound of her voice. His heart broke a little seeing her, just within reach but a million light years away at the same time.

"Yeah?" And nearly winced at how hoarse he sounded.

She was silent for a moment, conflict rose in her face. "See you later."

All too soon, Zoey and Connor made their way deeper into the belly of the dance floor. He stood there, his limbs felt heavy, as if there was a chain holding him down.

Suddenly, he felt a nudge on his ribs. It was Ava.

"So when are you going to tell her about it, loverboy?" She asked, an eyebrow migrated to her hairline. He should have known that even amid the crowd, someone must have noticed him and Zoey on the dance floor.

Noah took a deep breath, his heart felt jagged. "Someday."

Someday. But even he knew that was just another lie he told.

#playchoices #it lives anthology #it lives in the woods #it lives choices #noah marshall #noah x mc #choices #choices story you play #choices fic #choices it lives in the woods #ilitw noah #ilitw #ilitw mc #ava cunningham #connor green #andy kang #pixelberry #my writing ye #mine

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

What type of friend are you? funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc.

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so...

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties

If your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building? just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

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dontgotothenetherworld · 4 years

Text

love alarm au 2 (frankie x phoenix)

i really enjoyed this au, so i decided to write a second part! this one starts at about the same time as the last part ended, right after frankie walks off.

2005 words

cw: nbjo.

frankie was determined to figure out who had rang her alarm. she told y/n earlier that she didn’t care, but that was a lie. she just didn’t want you prying.

she was certain there was only two people who had runge her alarm. she knew that jo was one. it was incredibly awkward that she hadn’t rung their alarm, but they were bound to figure it out sooner or later.

but the second? frankie needed to know.

as she had been walking to y/n’s classroom, she had walked past the library, with her love alarm app open, obviously, and it had gone off. the number had quickly jumped back down to zero as she kept walking, so frankie assumed the person was inside.

she turned the corner, out of sight from you and her brother, and began running to the library. she wasn’t sure how long this person would be there, or if they had already left.

she ripped the door open. she quickly composed herself when she saw a boy, who had been walking toward the exit, staring at her oddly. the boy was familiar, recently transferred to her english class.

”oh! hi! phoenix, what are you doing here?” frankie asked.

”checking out a book, obviously.” he held up a thin green paperback. “is that not what you’re here to do?”

”uhh not exactly.” frankie pulled her phone out, “you see, i have love alarm, do you have it? anyway, i was walking by here earlier, and someone rang it. so, on the off chance that they’re still in here, i really need to know who it is. is there anyone else here?” frankie blurted.

”slow down there, frankie.” phoenix laughed.

”do you have love alarm?” frankie asked again, this time showing him her screen open to the app.

”i downloaded it this morning,” phoenix started, “but i deleted it a little while ago.”

frankie deflated a bit. “why’d you do that? also, is anyone else in here?” frankie looked over his shoulders.

phoenix looked back. “unless the it’s the librarian, which i think would be kind of illegal, i don’t think so.”

frankie squinted her eyes at the librarian. he was a recent college graduate, and had quite a collection of literature themed button up shirts. “y’know… illegal, but…”

”very illegal, please get that idea out of your head.”

”thought gone, head empty, happy?”

phoenix laughed, “sure.”

”wait, so why did you delete the app?”

phoenix shrugged, “it just didn’t sit right to me. i really don’t feel like love should be told by an app. and also i just moved here, so it’s basically definite that now one gives a shit about me yet.”

frankie, who really hoped that phoenix had rung her alarm earlier, asked, “did it ring while you had it?”

phoenix looked down, embarrassed, “i only checked in crowded places, because… more people, it’s more likely that one of them has a crush on me. that’s how it works, right? maybe not because it didn’t change from zero all day.”

frankie reached out to grab his arm, to try to comfort him.

”what about you? i mean, obviously at least one person did, because you barrelled in here.”

frankie hesitated for a second, “just the one.” she lied. she didn’t really think it over, the lie. but she wanted him to think that she would definitely be available to him, if he had a crush on her. she would be anyway, but it’s a bit harder to explain the best friends with benefits, where one person accidentally caught feelings, situation she had with jo. well, it wasn’t hard to explain, but she didn’t want to give phoenix the wrong impression. but he seemed understanding, so he might get it.

whatever, she had already said the lie. too late to take it back now.

phoenix was very attractive, she’d stop fucking with jo to fall in love with him in a heartbeat. frankie was suddenly glad that he had deleted the app, otherwise sometime during their conversation, his alarm would suddenly go off, and it definitely wasn’t the hot librarian.

frankie glanced at the hot librarian again. if only it weren’t so illegal.... frankie should read more often. damn.

”well, i’ve got to go. and since you involved me in this, i am now very invested in if you figure out who this person is, can i please give you my number so you can keep me updated.” said phoenix.

”uh sure.” frankie handed him her phone.

”i know this is a weird way to make friends, but hey, i’m new. text me even if it’s not love alarm related.” phoenix smiled and started walking out, towards the parking lot.

frankie briefly considered chasing after him, begging him to redownload love alarm, and rejoice in their shared ring, but decided otherwise. she had a book to check out, anyway.

phoenix was somehow able to act cool the entire time he was talking to frankie, but now that he was by himself, he was shaking like a car on an old wooden roller coaster. it was bad, but luckily most everyone else had already left the school. or else they were in the school, doing club stuff, or on some unseen field.

phoenix slid into the driver’s seat of his dad’s old car, even though he had no intention of driving home at that time. he needed to relax a little before he felt he would be safe enough on the road.

phoenix opened the book he had just checked out from the library. the perks of being a wallflower. the librarian, who frankie thought was attractive, had recommended it to him. phoenix had been expecting a less well known recommendation from a guy who looked like he considered ‘indie’ to be one of his personality traits. not only that, he looked like the kind of guy who had a superiority complex about liking things that no one else had ever heard of.

phoenix read about two and a half sentences before he noticed something moving from the corner of his eye. one of the only other cars in his row, a good five or so spaces down, there was someone hunched over their steering wheel.

phoenix turned back to his book. he had decided that whatever they were going through was none of his business.

he looked up again. the person had straightened up, and he was able to see their tear streaked face.

phoenix turned back to his book, but he was contemplating why they were crying, instead of really absorbing the words.

phoenix turned back to look at them. this person just looked like they needed someone to vent to. or at least just know that they could vent to someone if they needed to.

phoenix had made up his mind, he was going to walk over to them. he felt a little bit of anxiety, worried that they might be rude to him, even though he just wanted to help, but he decided that potentially making them feel better was worth it. but what if he made them feel worse? shit...

phoenix knocked on the driver’s side window. they lowered it.

pawing away at their tears they said, “what do you want.”

it slightly bother phoenix that they phrased a question as a statement, but he said, “you were, um, crying and stuff, and i wanted to know if you needed to, uh, vent to someone. but if that’s stupid and i shouldn’t have walked over here, i can drive off and pretend this never happened.”

they stared at him oddly. “y’know what? i do need to vent, thanks.” they unlocked the car doors, and gestured for phoenix to sit shotgun.

”i’m phoenix, by the way.” he said as he sat.

”jo.” they rolled up their window. “so... “ they tried to figure out where to start, “my best friend and i, well… a while ago we started hooking up. i thought that she had feelings for me, right? but thanks to this fucking love alarm, she knows that i have feelings for her, but my alarm hasn’t gone off once! all day!”

”that sucks, but you know people can’t control their feelings…”

”i know that! i’m not really even upset about that. it’s just… she hasn’t addressed it. she hasn’t mentioned it. and she seems to still want to hook up with me!”

”and you want more than that?”

”hell no! not if she doesn’t have feelings for me! i just want her to stop using me. i either want her to be just my friend, or my girlfriend.”

”have you tried telling her that?” phoenix was trying to be supportive, but he was pretty sure he was just become the combination of every scene like this that he had seen in movies or tv shows, and he was just regurgitating those words.

”i don’t think she’d listen…” jo said glumly. “frankie cares about herself far more than she cares about anyone else.”

frankie? wait a minute, what’s going on here… “frankie healy?” phoenix asked.

”yeah, why?”

phoenix started thinking out loud, “so… i was just talking to her in the library, and she said that only one person had rung her love alarm all day, but… you just said you rang hers, and she told me that she was trying to figure out who it was that rang hers.”

”she was trying to figure it out? she told me that she didn’t care. and why the fuck would she say that only one person rang hers?”

”i’m trying to figure that out too. what would she have to gain from telling me that?”

”probably avoiding talking about our relationship, like she always does…”

the two sat in silence, mulling over their newfound knowledge.

jo suddenly realized something. they looked up at phoenix, “she likes you.”

”what?”

”she didn’t want you to think that there was anyone else in the way of you dating her, so she conveniently didn’t mention me.”

”that’s ridiculous, she doesn’t even know who rang her alarm. the other person, that is.”

”did you open the app with her?”

”no, i deleted it like an hour ago.”

”do me a favor, and don’t download it again.” jo advised. “she definitely thinks it’s you who rang her alarm, and i don’t think she cares if she’s wrong.”

”what do you mean?” phoenix asked.

jo groaned. “this damn has probably just made it easier for her. she’ll use it to find people who like her, then use the people until she’s done with them.”

”wait a minute, you don’t know that.”

”yes i do, i have super psychic powers, and i’m predicting the future for you! you don’t want to just be the first person in her string of flings, do you?”

”i… don’t think so. but wait, frankie seems so nice.”

”that’s how she gets you! ugh i am definitely going to tell her how i feel.” jo got their phone out and started texting. “thank you so much for this, phoenix.”

phoenix took that as them asking him to leave.

”oh, wait. what’s your number? i need to keep you updated on this.”

phoenix told them, and they sent a smiley face.

”i should probably get going.” he said, glancing at the time on his phone.

”okay, bye! seriously, i really needed this conversation, so i’m going to thank you some more.” they smiled at him.

phoenix weakly smiled back, and jogged back to his car. he started the engine, even though his head was up in the clouds.

was that a good thing? did he do jo a favor with that? or was he just the catalyst in their radical conclusion?

he figured that jo would’ve ended up at that, no matter if he had talked to them or not, but he still felt personally responsible.

he checked the time. shit, he was going to have to hurry home if he wanted to drop his school stuff off before work.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi

#jagged little pill #jagged little pill musical #jagged little pill broadway #jlp #jlp broadway #jagged little pill fanfiction #jlp fanfiction #phoenix #phoenix jagged little pill #phoenix jlp #frankie healy #frankie x phoenix #love alarm au #fic

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cadlrs · 4 years

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[ jordan fisher, cis male, he/him ] ⁠— * oh, here comes CALVIN ADLER ! the twenty-one year old scorpio is often referred to as the recluse. people say they have a tendency to be overwrought and meticulous, but from what i’ve seen, they can be insightful and quixotic too. when they walk by, you’ll probably hear it’s only natural by crowded house playing out of their headphones, but they’re also associated with ink stained hands, glasses that always seem to slip down your nose, and sound of cracking the spine of a new journal. i hear they’re studying graphic design & english and want to become a graphic novelist when they’re older, but who knows what will become of ‘em !

hi !! i’m sam and i’m so unbelievably excited to be here !! i’ve been eyeing this group for far too long...i had originally intended to apply for the recluse before the first round of acceptances, but didn’t end up getting to it so when i saw the skeleton was still open...i had to apply ! anyway, i’m a cap sun, taurus moon, aqua rising...we stressed in this home. i live in the wondrous state of california that the group takes place in, i love it dearly, and i am just so so excited to finally get to play my bb calvin ! if you wanna plot (and i’m hoping to plot with all of y’all) you can hmu on discord @ capricorn dad#1278

FULL NAME : calvin jones adler

NICKNAME : cal, cj, he’ll take anything. nicknames are endearing to him.

BIRTHDAY : tuesday / november 3, 1970 / 4:41 pm

ZODIAC : scorpio sun, capricorn moon, taurus rising

NATIONALITY : american

RELIGION : christian

SEXUAL & ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : pansexual, panromantic

HOMETOWN : san francisco, california

ACCENT : standard californian

LANGUAGES SPOKEN : english

MAJOR : graphic design & english

MINOR(S) : fiction writing

HOBBIES : drawing comics, writing in his journal,

PETS : a twelve year old tabby cat named pickles

CHARACTER PARALLELS : charlie kelmeckis (perks of being a wallflower), cameron frye (ferrie beuller’s day off)

background/about

born and raised in san francisco. calvin is an only child. his father (robert adler) is a loan officer at a bank and his mother (diane hawke) a professor of english at san francisco state. they were your average, middle class family

his parents had him pretty late in their lives — they were both already in their 40s. they didn’t meet until they were in their early-mid 30s, got married in their late 30s, and enjoyed a few years of marital life without children before actually trying for a child. not that they had to try hard — calvin was conceived within a short few months of their decision to try for a baby

growing up, calvin had always been a pretty sensitive kid. he was quiet and shy, even around his own family. the one person he could talk and talk to for hours was his maternal grandmother. she had been an english teacher too, like his mother, but she taught high school. she had this one specific rocking chair, and many of his childhood memories are sitting right there curled up in her lap while she read a book to him or told him stories. she had a really vivid imagination, and everyone says that’s where he gets it from.

Didn’t have very many friends in elementary school. maybe one or two (wc?) friends/neighbors that he walked home with, or ate lunch with in the schoolyard, but he certainly didn’t have a best friend. he always felt like he was missing out on that, but didn’t really know how to take matters into his own hands. his mother would always say, “just march right on up to those kids and say you want to play with them!” but cal didn’t have that sort of mentality or charisma or bravery.

He wasn’t tormented, but he was bullied by his peers. He spent recess drawing comics, which was looked at as weird. If he wasn’t drawing comics, he was reading them. One boy, Gage London, had been somehow so offended by Calvin reading his comic at lunch that he’d stormed over and ripped it in half, and then in fourths, and had walked away laughing, leaving Cal in tears because...he cried a lot. And his comics were special to him. (bonus wc: your muse gave Gage a piece of their mind? stood up for Calvin?thank u)

He didn’t join the group until he was a freshman in high school, though he may have known your muses prior to that, depending. He tended to blend into the background, so if they had no idea who he was, that would make perfect sense too. The group were the first people to ever take him to a party, where he surely avoided alcohol like the plague because he was nervous, and stood on the sides, watching everyone else, only speaking when spoken to.

He was 16 the first time he got drunk, obviously with the rest of the group or at least with some of them. It was...a whirlwind of a night. He was drunk on a mixture of wine and cheap vodka, and for a good hour, he felt on top of the world. You would have thought it was a different Calvin. Flash forward an hour later...he had his head in the toilet and was moaning about how he would never drink again. He now knows not to mix drinks like that, thanks very much

He is to this day not much of a talker. He’s a quiet observer but that means he notices the little things. He’s very intuitive and picks up on group dynamics more than the average person might (so if any of y’all were secretly dating...eye emoji...he probably found out LOL)

He feels A LOT. Any emotion he feels, he’ll feel it tenfold. So whether it’s good or bad, happy or sad, he tends to find it draining and overwhelming. He will feel everything very deeply, so as much as he might appreciate constructive criticism, he’ll probably start crying while hearing it. He cries a lot.

So, in regards to feeling things deeply, he falls in love...a lot. Maybe it’s not love and he’s confusing it with infatuation, but it feels like love. He’s probably been in love with half the group for at least one point in his life. He definitely never came clean about any of his feelings for anyone, sooo...

Speaking of that! He’s not quite positive about his sexuality. He knows he’s not attracted to just one gender, because he’s felt a deep love for both. but he also doesn’t know how to put a label on it. he doesn’t feel straight or gay or bi, but he’s figuring it out.

Senior year, Calvin received his acceptance letter plus a scholarship to attend New York University. He was ecstatic about it. New York was his dream. But he didn’t tell anyone in the group. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them to know, it was that he didn’t want to say goodbye. They were the closest thing he had to feeling like a true family...they were his found family!! And he didn’t know how to leave. But he knew (or thought) when he went to New York, he wouldn’t come back. So he kept his acceptance a secret until the night before he left for school, and when he told them, he had shown up at each of their doors to say goodbye.

He went to New York, and like he had expected, he didn’t return. His family didn’t have the money to fly him back for all the breaks, so he stayed out there during the winter breaks, and for the summer holidays he found internships which required him to stay in the city. He kept in touch with most (if not all) of the group via letters and the occasional phone call, but even those became sparse as the years went on.

It’s been 3 school years since he has been back in San Francisco, but he has just returned after finishing his junior year at NYU. He’s back in San Francisco after receiving an internship at the San Francisco Chronicle.

He’s come out of his shell a little bit more since moving to New York. After all, it is the city. He’s still fairly quiet though, still quite sensitive, and still feels things very deeply. Basically, he’s the same old Calvin, but he can actually start a conversation now.

#i forgot to write a third aesthetic on my app bc i was on a time crunch KJSHG #but i have included it here #⟡ * ˖ ° . 𝓲𝓲𝓲 . 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓿𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓻 / INTRO .#i didn't proofread this so i'm sorry in advance

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lanamemories2 · 4 years

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clip clops in on horseback wearing a pointy little dunces hat n sipping frm a rly long crazy straw tht says ‘goblin’ w all of the swirls. Hlo. i’m nai n it’s rly nice to meet u all!!! 23 n she/ha pronouns. i’m one of the three admins here (cleo lazuli on the main) n i’m literally So Excited to get started i cld honestly beat my chest like caesar the ape over it. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here 👺🌚

『KRISTINE FROSETH ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like LANA JAMESON is here for HER JUNIOR year as a DANCE student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be VIVACIOUS, ALLURING, CHILDISH & IMPULSIVE. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him. jst a leetle bit Fractured in its intentions.

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents including a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in and out of hospital twice nw n he’s currently dipped off the radar after starting to use. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her. she doesn’t talk abt this tho. when she feels the urge to cry she usually jst smiles

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Very Pretty

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended radcliffe n lived in a house w a group of guys near campus. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially…ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n a guy called zeke slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). ANYWAY he ws found guilty n sent to jail so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually ever been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess.

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her?

a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

a fake dating plot cld b fun honestly

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh

umm a good influence too mayb?

oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it.

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

#radintro #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #hospitalisation tw #violence tw #death tw #grief tw #ptsd tw #dissociation tw #drugs tw #ok this is literally insatiably beefy bt. feel free to jst skip right to personality n plots #anyway shrieks in glee n hits post

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loudsuitlover · 6 years

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College Harry

“Hey, Fair Lady.” Styles smiled smugly as he walked inside the Starbucks where you worked to get his every day order.

You had grown used to his frat boy’s self-centered flirty behaviour by then and it didn’t really bother you anymore. As a matter of fact, you would be lying if you said you didn’t wait for him when you were on your morning shift. He had started calling you Fair Lady ever since you sat next to him on the only class you had together because he remembered that you had played Eliza Doolitle in the annual play of your Uni the year prior, when you were a fresman. You wondered if he treated Maggie- the girl who worked on the bar when you weren’t working- the same way he treated you. He probably did, you decided, for you knew he did flirt with any female on his way. He had quite the reputation.

You didn’t come back with a witty reply as you usually did that day though. No, because you were stressed to death. You did not know what you were going to do for the life of you and the thing was your so very competitive cousin Kylie was coming to campus to visit you for the weekend.

“Y/N?” Harry asked with a teasing smile widening his lips. “Where did you go?”

He was chuckling at you. You sighed frowning, thoughts about Kylie still running through your mind as you had a look at him. He was wearing a white cotton shirt with short black sleeves and his signature black tight jeans. He looked good. You on the other hand, had your hair worn up in a messy ponytail and looked stressed under the green Starbucks apron. Only he thought you looked cute.

“Sorry, I was out of it.” You told him. “Do you need anything else, Harry?” You smiled, handing him his coffee and a free biscuit that you only gave to special clients- those being the ones you liked.

He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I was just asking if you were coming to our party on thursday night.” He smiled, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No.” You said.

“Hey! And why not? You can’t have anything better to do! It’s on a thrusday.”

“Your assumption that I wouldn’t have plans is nearly offensive but I’ll just say that anything- even Netflix and chill- is better than going to some lame frat house party.” You smiled and he laughed at your backlash. He loved it.

“You know when people say netflix and chill they don’t actually mean watching movies right?” He teased, getting closer to you so he could whisper that.

You shook your head and bit back a smile as he walked away, leaving a generous tip for you.

Jess had taken over your dorm to be able to do her makeup without having to deal with Annoying Alice, her roommate whom she hated. You were lying on your bed looking at her as you tried to decide on a movie. Thrusday night had arrived sooner than you expected and Kylie was to come the next day. By then you had decided on telling her that your boyfriend, the one that you had told her about when she was making you sick at Christmas bragging about her gorgeous man, had gone to visit his family in Nevada. There were many things that could describe that boyfriend of yours, such us fictitious, but hey sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

“Are you seriously not coming?” Jess asked as you laid back on your mattress.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” You chuckled.

“Come on, Y/N! I mean hello? Harry Styles is flirting with you, girl! Get your lazy ass out of the bed and go to this fucking party.”

“Because my life revolves around Harry Styles.” You said sarcastically.

He had sent you a snapchat then, a selfie with the caption you better come that made you laugh. You sent him a picture of your laptop with netflix opened. He sent you a selfie very funny.

“I am just saying” She shrugs “You are smiling like it actually excites you.”

“He’s just playing.” You rolled your eyes. “And so am I.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to let me go alone to this party.” She dramatically complained as you pushed her out of your room. “You know what going alone means? It’s like a direct social suicide, don’t you mind?”

“Have fun.” With that you closed the door on her face bitting down a smile.

Harry was resting the lower part of his back against the counter and having a beer as people kept arriving. He couldn’t stop glancing at the door, hoping you were just teasing him and would actually appear. He would never admit it- and in fact he hated even thinking about it- but you had something on him.

He had met you last semester in a class you both passed so now you didn’t share any more lectures so that’s why he started going to Starbucks every monday, tuesday and wednesday morning so he could hang out for you if it were only for those fifteen minutes. He liked that you flirted back to him but had him on his toes, never quite giving him all the attention he wanted. It was as if you didn’t care and you might as well not care for all he knew but despite that- no matter how much he was thinking about you lately- you were friends. You were probably the first girl he’s had a friendship despite the physical attraction for the thing wasn’t that he didn’t have girl friends. He did, in fact Louise was his best friend, but he felt in no way attracted to her whatsoever despite her being a beautiful girl whereas with you... All he had to do was think of you with your wet hair after a shower to have him going.

He started looking for you the moment your friend Jess walked in the house but he frowned when he realized she came there alone. He snatched a quick picture of her looking for someone and snapchatted you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? he wrote. Go talk to her you texted back over a pic of your popcorn. That looks cosy he sent you a picture of his kitchen. Jess is pretty anyway, a selfie of you crossing your eyes. Mmm Irresisitble.

He wouldn’t admit it but he was disappointed. For some reason, the idea of seeing you outside of Uni, wearing something other than the green Starbucks apron had him excited. He imagined you would wear your hair down, maybe some makeup, a dress; but he would also liked you if you were wearing jeans and a sweater as you usually went to your lectures. He just wanted you there really.

You were halfway through The Perks of Being a Wallflower when Harry dared to do it. He had been thinking about texting you with no jokes involved for a while now. He could blame the alcohol then he thought for if he texted you something out of line and he wasn’t clearly teasing, you could take it the wrong way and he could ruin whatever it was that you two had but he could blame the alcohol then.

Miss you x

Your mouth was stuffed with popcorn as you read his Snap. It was a picture of his thigh and surprisingly enough there was no girl sitting on it. You had seen it a lot, when you were a freshman and he had a different girl on his leg at every party you attended to. Of course he hadn’t even noticed you back then- why would he? But everyone knew who Harry Styles was so so did you.

You swallowed. What did you answer to that? Was he just messing around? He was probably just joking. He was Harry Styles for crying out loud. You received a call from Jess as you held the phone in your hands still thinking what to say back to him.

“Hello, Y/N?” Some guy you didn’t recognize asked.

“Yeah? Who’s this? Where’s Jess? Is she okay?”

“Hi, my name is Niall.” He said. “Jess is okay, don’t worry, she’s just had too much to drink and I thought it would be best if I called a friend of hers? I really think she should go home.” He said.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I’ll go pick her up.” You stood up from your bed, putting on your jeans as you held the phone with your shoulder. “Where are you?”

“We’re at the frat house.” She said. “I saw some guy took her into a room but she wasn’t even walking straight so... I just got her out of there.”

“Fuck.” You cursed as you put on your vans. “Thank you, mate.” You told him. “She’ll appreciate that. So where is she now? Can I talk to her?”

“Yeah, sure.” The guy had a thick Irish accent what made you think you had never talked to him before, you’d remember. “Jess, this is your friend Y/N. She wants to talk to you, okay? I’ll hold your hair.”

Fuck it Jess must be really pissed. You heard as she puked, then the sound of her legs against the floor and then she sighed on the phone.

“Thank you.” She whispered, surely to Niall and not to you.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you left the room, your key and wallet in your hand. “Jess, are you safe? Do you know this guy?”

You can never be too careful.

“Hi, Y/N.” She blurred. “Don’t worry. Niall is gooooooood.” Hiccup. “He saved me which makes him a hero.” She said. Fuck she was hammered.

“Okay, listen to me, Jess.” You said sternly. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. In the mean time, you go to the living room or the kitchen or any place with lots of people around, yeah?”

“But I’m throwing up.”

“That’s okay.” You reassured her. “But I don’t want you to be alone with a guy you don’t know in this state okay? No matter how nice he seems.”

“Oh, that’s fine.” She reassured you. “Harry missed you by the way.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can I talk to Niall now sweetie?”

“Sure.” She said.

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” You lied, just in case. “Thanks for calling. We owe you big time.”

“No problem.” He said. “I’ll stay with her.”

“Thank you.”

The minute you hang up- and while you ran as fast as you could towards the frat house because of course your car wasn’t working at the moment- you called Harry for the first time in all the time you had known him.

“Hey.” If you hadn’t been so nervous you would have heard the smirk on his voice.

“Hey Harry.” You breathed. “I need you to do me a favour, please.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Calm down, Y/N. What’s wrong? Were are you? Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. It’s not about me.” You told him. “It’s about Jess. Somebody called saying she’s had too much to drink but Jess doesn’t drink, Harry. She has diabetes.” You cried. “So I think someone must have drugged her and-”

“Where is she? Do you know where she is? Who called you?”

“A guy.” You said. “His name was Niall.”

“Thank God.” He sighed. “She’s okay, Y/N. I know him. He’s a friend.”

“Really?” You stopped your running for you felt your lung was going to jump out of your throat. “He won’t hurt her?”

“No, no, I’m a hundred percent sure. Don’t worry, okay?” He soothed you and you nodded even if he couldn’t see you. “Now where are you?”

“I’m on my way to the house. I’m picking her up.”

“You’re running to the house?” He asked. “You live like 25 minutes away.”

“I know.” You breathed. “But my car is broken and I didn’t have time to get an Uber or anything.”

“How far are you? Do you want me to pick you up?”

“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“Shit.” He cursed. “I can ask Louise. She doesn’t drink.”

“No.” You told him. “That’s fine, I’m 10 minutes away anyway. Can you please find Jess and stay with her until I arrive? I know Niall is a friend but... I would feel better if I know she’s with you.”

“Sure. I’ll go find her and call you when I do, yeah? Call me if there’s anything you need though.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

“No problem.”

He called Niall the second you hang up and he told him they were still in the bathroom upstairs. He ran up the stairs and almost flinched when she saw the state Jess was in. She was sitting down on the floor, her skin was pale and covered in sweat and she was trembling. Niall was standing next to her, keeping a close eye on her.

“Shit, mate.” Niall said. “As soon as her friend comes pick her up I’m going to beat the shit out of whoever did this to her.”

“Did you see him?” Harry asked.

“Yeah. I basically pulled her away from the prick.”

Jess threw up again and Harry creased his nose, the stink of alcohol was disgusting. You had said Jess didn’t drink because she has diabetes but her puking over the toilet said otherwise.

“Fucking hell, Jess.” Harry kneeled down next to her and held her hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Did you have anything to drink, sweetheart?”

“Hell yeah, Haz! What sort of question is that? Can’t you fucking see her?”

“She doesn’t normally drink, Niall.” Harry explain patiently. “She has diabetes.”

“I don’t know.” Jess cried. “I never drink, I swear but I don’t know what happened. I was feeling okay and then... I don’t know.” She cried.

“Okay.” Harry rubbed her back. “Let’s say you have drunk. What do you need to do when that happens?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done it so I don’t know.”

“You don’t know why you’re not supposed to drink, love?”

She turned her head towards the toilet and puked again. Harry should probably call you and ask you what to do but he didn’t want to worry you anymore than you already were. He knew you had been worried for a few days, he had told, so he didn’t know if you would just full on cry on his phone if he were to tell you.

“Find Louise.” He told Niall.

You were now walking faster but you couldn’t run anymore. You were barely four minutes away and Harry wasn’t answering your texts. You felt awful and now Harry’s teasing text from before seemed to haunt you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? And he was right, what sort of person does that? You had betrayed it- that secret silent agreed code between girls- of never leaving one of us alone, always going together to the bathroom. There was a reason for that and it was this and it had hit you in the face and now Jess was suffering having the worst best friend in the world.

Louise made it to the bathroom with a worried expression on her face. She was on her last year of nursing school so she managed to bring some calm to that bathroom once she collected her thoughts.

“What happened?” She asked Harry as she took Jess’ temperature and pulse.

“She has diabetes and she probably got drugged and then drank or different order. She doesn’t remember but I mean smell this- she drank.” He nodded.

“Okay. We need food.” She told Niall. “And water. The food, the more sugar the better, so chocolate or sweets, even candy. If there’s none, fruits or bread.” She said to Niall and he nodded making his way to the kitchen and asking people for help. “Hello, sweetie.” Louise rubbed her back. “Do you have anything to measure your blood glucose with you?” She smiled at her and she nodded, reaching for her bag.

Louise took the monitor and pricked her finger while Harry just sat there dumbfounded. She sighed after a few seconds.

“Thank God.” She breathed out. “She can eat and she’ll be fine.”

“I got Coke, chocolate and Y/N.” Niall said as he opened the door.

You started crying again the moment you saw her sitting on the ground, the stink of alcohol didn’t even bother you as you sat on your knees next to her, you didn’t even look at Harry not because you weren’t grateful but because you were too worried about Jess and because you were terribly embarrassed. He was right.

“She’ll be okay.” Louise smiled at you. “She just had hypoglycemia because of the alcohol but it was nothing too crazy so she shall eat and she’ll be fine, just like any of us really.”

“Thank you.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Thank you all, really.” You looked around you and Harry smiled dismissing your gratitude.

“I think you should take her to the hospital though.” Louise said. “So they can have blood samples and find out which drug they used on her in case she wants to sue the asshole who did this. Usually this kind of drugs disappear very fast from the blood so I’d take as soon as she’s feeling better.”

“Sure.” You said. “Thank you again really.”

“No worries.” She smiled, placing her hand on your arm. “And Harry can give you my number in case she does decide to sue him and needs a witness. I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” She shook her head. “It could have been me or... Anyone.”

Four hours later Jess was sitting on the litter pressing a piece of cotton to her arm where the doctor had pricked her. She had filled the report and you were currently waiting for the police to arrive so you could make it official. Jess was so much better and you had noticed Niall had had a lot to do with that.

You were sitting on one the chairs on the waiting area on your own for Harry had gone to get you both a good cup of coffee. He had driven you to the hospital for by the time you had left he was sober enough but you hadn’t exchanged much words. You were still feeling awful and you didn’t want him to see you. Somehow you blamed yourself a little for what had happened, after all Jess had insisted a lot about you going to the party and sure she was an adult and blablabla but she was also your best friend and you were supposed to take care of her.

Harry walked to the waiting room with two plastic cups of coffee on his hands. He didn’t know how to approach you or how to talk to you because now that he came to think about it, he was always teasing you and you would always reply with a witty comeback, it was always a laidback enviroment and he didn’t know how to act when it was actually serious but he knew he wanted to be there and the thought of not being him the one silently sitting next to you or bringing you a cup of coffee, the jealousy that came with thought of it being someone else gave him the reassurance he needed to stay.

“Thanks.” You said, holding the cup between your hands.

Kylie had just sent you a text, that she wouldn’t make it on friday, that she would probably arrive Saturday for brunch. Nice. Kylie was the last of your worries then anyway.

“You’re very quiet.” You mentioned and Harry raised his eyebrows surprised that you’d talk to him.

“Frankly I just don’t know what to say.” He shrugged and you chuckled making him smile because he had made you smile if unintentionally.

“Who would have thought huh? Harry Styles having nothing to say.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He hit your arm playfully. “You’re also very quiet Miss I-became-a-barista-because-I-wouldn’t-shut-up.”

“That’s a long name for a miss.” You smiled and he chuckled.

“Yeah, I should have just probably said Miss Chatty.”

You smiled and snorted through your nose having a sip of your coffee and he nudged your knee with his gently when he sensed you were about to submit again in your penitential silence. He had known something was troubling you since monday morning when he had visited you on the coffee shop.

“What’s up?” He asked gently.

His green eyes stared into yours, gentle, trustworthy. You had never talked to him about real things and when you came to think about it, you didn’t really have many people to talk to about real things other than Jess in Uni. For some reason, even though your conversations had always been on a joking note, you felt like you could trust him.

“I’m just embarrassed.” You recognized.

“What for?” He frowned.

“I feel like I’m a terrible friend, like I just failed Jess and... I just don’t want you to see that.”

“What?” He turned his body so he was facing you inasmuch as the chairs allowed. “That is not true.” He placed his hand over your arm. “You’re a good friend. She kept saying that. Over and over again and I believe her, yeah?”

“What sort of friend leaves their friend alone?” You reminded him before looking ahead.

He sighed and placed two fingers on your chin, pulling your head so you were looking into his eyes.

“That was a joke.” He said. “This was not your fault. In any way.”

You nodded your head and readjusted your position on the chair so you could rest your head on his shoulder. Again, you had never done such a thing. The physical contact between the two of you was reduced to playful swatting, nudging or legs touching as you sat in class but that was all yet for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong to rest your head on his shoulder then and it didn’t feel wrong either when he turned his head and left a kiss on the top of yours.

“I’m sure you had your reasons for not coming.” He whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, something’s off.” He shrugged, forgetting about your head there so it moved up and down with his shoulder. “I can tell.”

You sat down straight, looking ahead at the way Jess was smiling to Niall, him being the one pressing the cotton against her arm now. You liked Niall and apparently so did she.

“It’s nothing.” You told him, because in that moment it really was nothing, compared to everything else.

“Well, you can talk to me.” He offered. “Even if it is about nothing.”

You faced him just so you could give him a big smile. You certainly didn’t know this side of Harry and you quite liked it. It seemed like the cocky frat boy had a sweet, caring side as well and the fact that he had such nice friends said a lot about it too.

“This coffee is terrible.” You shook your head with a laugh.

“I wouldn’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t really like coffee.”

You looked at him with a confused scowl and he smiled. He ordered a capuccino every morning before going to class.

“I didn’t use to go to Starbucks until you started working there anyway.” He shrugged.

Part 2 <3

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles part 1 #harry styles chapter #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles prompts #harry styles fantasies #harry styles love story #harry styles love #part 1

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dear--charlie · 6 years

Text

Dear friend,

October 14, 1991

Do you know what “masturbation” is? I think you probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow! I thought that in those movies and television shows when they talk about having a coffee break that they should have a masturbation break. But then again, I think this would decrease productivity. I’m only being cute here. I don’t really mean it. I just wanted to make you smile. I meant the “wow” though. I told Sam that I dreamt that she and I were naked on the sofa, and I started crying because I felt bad, and do you know what she did? She laughed. Not a mean laugh, either. A really nice, warm laugh. She said that she thought I was being cute. And she said it was okay that I had a dream about her. And I stopped crying. Sam then asked me if I thought she was pretty, and I told her I thought she was “lovely.” Sam then looked me right in the eye. “You know you’re too young for me, Charlie? You do know that?” “Yes, I do.” “I don’t want you to waste your time thinking about me that way.” “I won’t. It was just a dream.” Sam then gave me a hug, and it was strange because my family doesn’t hug a lot except my Aunt Helen. But after a few moments, I could smell Sam’s perfume, and I could feel her body against me. And I stepped back. “Sam, I’m thinking about you that way.” She just looked at me and shook her head. Then, she put her arm around my shoulder and walked me down the hallway. We met Patrick outside because they didn’t like to go to class sometimes. They preferred to smoke. “Charlie has a Charlie-esque crush on me, Patrick.” “He does, huh?” “I’m trying not to,” I offered, which just made them laugh. Patrick then asked Sam to leave, which she did, and he explained some things to me, so I would know how to be around other girls and not waste my time thinking about Sam that way. “Charlie, has anyone told you how it works?” “I don’t think so.” “Well, there are rules you follow here not because you want to, but because you have to. You get it?” “I guess so.” “Okay. You take girls, for example. They’re copying their moms and magazines and everything to know how to act around guys.” I thought about the moms and the magazines and the everythings, and the thought made me nervous, especially if it includes TV. “I mean it’s not like in the movies where girls like assholes or anything like that. It’s not that easy. They just like somebody that can give them a purpose.” “A purpose?” “Right. You know? Girls like guys to be a challenge. It gives them some mold to fit in how they act. Like a mom. What would a mom do if she couldn’t fuss over you and make you clean your room? And what would you do without her fussing and making you do it? Everyone needs a mom. And a mom knows this. And it gives her a sense of purpose. You get it?” “Yeah,” I said even though I didn’t. But I got it enough to say “Yeah” and not be lying, though. “The thing is some girls think they can actually change guys. And what’s funny is that if they actually did change them, they’d get bored. They’d have no challenge left. You just have to give girls some time to think of a new way of doing things, that’s all. Some of them will figure it out here. Some later. Some never. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” But I guess I did worry about it. I’ve been worrying about it ever since he told me. I look at people holding hands in the hallways, and I try to think about how it all works. At the school dances, I sit in the background, and I tap my toe, and I wonder how many couples will dance to “their song.” In the hallways, I see the girls wearing the guys’ jackets, and I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are. Bill looked at me looking at people, and after class, he asked me what I was thinking about, and I told him. He listened, and he nodded and made “affirmation” sounds. When I had finished, his face changed into a “serious talk” face. “Do you always think this much, Charlie?” “Is that bad?” I just wanted someone to tell me the truth. “Not necessarily. It’s just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.” “Is that bad?” “Yes.” “I think I participate, though. Don’t you think I am?” “Well, are you dancing at these dances?” “I’m not a very good dancer.” “Are you going on dates?” “Well, I don’t have a car, and even if I did, I can’t drive because I’m fifteen, and anyway, I haven’t met a girl I like except for Sam, but I am too young for her, and she would always have to drive, which I don’t think is fair.” Bill smiled and continued asking me questions. Slowly, he got to “problems at home.” And I told him about the boy who makes mix tapes hitting my sister because my sister only told me not to tell mom or dad about it, so I figured I could tell Bill. He got this very serious look on his face after I told him, and he said something to me I don’t think I will forget this semester or ever. “Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.” I just stood there, quiet. Bill patted my shoulder and gave me a new book to read. He told me everything was going to be okay. I usually walk home from school because it makes me feel like I’ve earned it. What I mean is that I want to be able to tell my kids that I walked to school like my grandparents did in the “old days.” It’s odd that I’m planning this considering I’ve never had a date, but I guess that makes sense. It usually takes me an extra hour or so to walk as opposed to taking the bus, but it’s worth it when the weather is nice and cool like it was today. When I finally got home, my sister was sitting on a chair. My mom and my dad were standing in front of her. And I knew that Bill had called home and told them. And I felt terrible. It was all my fault. My sister was crying. My mom was very very quiet. My dad did all the talking. He said that my sister was not allowed to see the boy who hit her anymore, and he was going to have a talk with the boy’s parents tonight. My sister then said that it was all her fault, that she was provoking him, but my dad said it was no excuse. “But I love him!” I had never seen my sister cry that much. “No, you don’t.” “I hate you!” “No, you don’t.” My dad can be very calm sometimes. “He’s my whole world.” “Don’t ever say that about anyone again. Not even me.” That was my mom. My mom chooses her battles carefully, and I can tell you one thing about my family. When my mom does say something, she always gets her way. And this time was no exception. My sister stopped crying immediately. After that, my dad gave my sister a rare kiss on the forehead. Then, he left the house, got in his Oldsmobile, and drove away. I thought he probably was going to talk to the boy’s parents. And I felt very sorry for them. `from parents, I mean. Because my dad doesn’t lose fights. He just doesn’t. My mom then went into the kitchen to make my sister’s favorite thing to eat, and my sister looked at me. “I hate you.” My sister said it different than she said it to my dad. She meant it with me. She really did. “I love you,” was all I could say in return. “You’re a freak, you know that? You’ve always been a freak. Everyone says so. They always have.” “I’m trying not to be.” Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be. By the way, I figure you are probably curious about my dad. Did he hit us when we were kids or now even? I just thought you might be curious because Bill was, after I told him about that boy and my sister. Well, if you are wondering, he didn’t. He never touched my brother or sister. And the only time he ever slapped me was when I made my Aunt Helen cry. And once we all calmed down, he got on his knees in front of me and said that his stepdad hit him a lot, and he decided in college when my mom got pregnant with my older brother that he would never hit his kids. And he felt terrible for doing it. And he was so sorry. And he would never hit me again. And he hasn’t. He’s just stern sometimes.

Love always, Charlie

(CHBOSKY, Stephen. The Perks of Being a Wallflower (1999). MTV Books, 2010.)

#the perks of being a wallflower #dear charlie #the book #Stephen Chbosky

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heather-in-heels · 6 years

Text

Sam

This is a love story, but it is only love in the sense of meeting a person who changes you forever. You meet them at a time in your life when you need their fresh set of eyes the most. As a result, you wind up in love with them. Not a romantic love, but a thoughtful love where you know you left an imprint on their heart and they left one on yours, too.

Sam was a New Yorker, I live in the Los Angeles Valley. East Coast. West Coast. Over 2000 miles in between. That has all the trappings for a romcom waiting to happen, but in reality it doesn’t pan out as meet cute as you imagine.

We met on Tinder. Another setback. This is the end all, be all, of the apps for hookups. Swiping and uploading your best photos — voila, maybe you find your true love because an algorithm and narcissism said it should be so!

I’ve always liked to read the captions. His read, “If you have a good world view and you enjoy movies, candy, wine, and adventures... I think we would get along just fine.”

Swipe right. Hard right.

So I gotta ask what you do for work cause you clearly have more than the rest of us :-)

Also... hi :-)

That was his first message to me. I had to dig far into the recesses of my Tinder profile to find it. The message made sense if you know me. Most of my online dating photos are me with brand mascots. I write about characters and they’re in 70%, if not more, of my iPhone’s photos.

Hi Sam. Winking emoji.

That was my first message back to him.

Sam was staying in Canoga Park, a part of the San Fernando Valley I knew well(ish). It was a little more foreign to him. Kind of like how I felt about Brooklyn, where he lived and I had never been.

We talked for several days, on and off the app. He asked me out. I said yes and our first date was on March 12th. Sunday. I never go out on Sunday nights. That’s because I am boring. I go to bed early. There was something about him, though. If the conversation in person was half as good as the one through text, I had to meet him. This could either work for or against me, but that’s the bet you take on any date.

When Sam walked into the restaurant/bar, my eyes felt like a row of jackpot symbols at a casino. He looked like the actor Patrick Wilson. He dressed well. He was funny and thoughtful and witty. I felt like I won some kind of lottery I didn’t know existed. We all put our best foot forward on the first date, but this wasn’t the best version of him. This was him. I was seeing every bright part right now. The color gold in a world gone gray.

This was exactly the kind of person I wanted to be with when I saw my future. Previously in this episode of Heather’s Life, I had dated nothing but scrubs as my girlfriends liked to call them. I didn’t know what it was like to date a good guy.

I went to the bathroom at one point and when I came out, he was chatting with the people at the table behind us. He had also hung up my coat, that I had carelessly tossed onto my chair, onto a hook. I stood and watched him speaking with these people for a moment, smiling. It was so him. Charming the whole room and everyone in it.

I’m leaving out my favorite detail. He came bearing a gift. We had been talking about our favorite candy before we met and I said mine were Twizzlers. He brought a pack with him.

I never ate the Twizzlers. It was such an unspeakably simple, kind act that I wanted to hang on to them.

We talked about our lives and selves and dreams. He told me about how he saw Daft Punk live at their Alive tour. We talked about our mutual love for EDM. He talked about his DJ’ing he had done before. Rick and Morty, and how he identified as Rick. Anne Hathaway, his celebrity crush. His dream of becoming a late night talk show host. How he hated missing the turn exits on the freeway and having to drive further out.

Sam was a man of spontaneity, something I, as a person, have never been able to do. No, wait. I was spontaneous once. I used to take trips, even though I had debt and little money to spend. Then I turned 30 and stopped doing a lot of things. Sam insisted that this was no excuse. No way to live. He had debt too, but it didn’t stop him from showing up or living life.

Hours later, we got ready to leave. He offered to give me a ride home. I never say yes to these kinds of offers. But, I felt safe with Sam. I knew it would be okay.

We drove the short distance back to my place, singing along to Taylor Swift on his Apple Music. Full blast to “Style.” We missed an exit on the way, but he laughed it off.

A good first date. An even better first kiss.

Life went on. He went home and I stayed put. Both of us worked a lot. I should add here that he worked so much. Rivaling myself, and that is not a good thing either.

A few months later, some texts in between, me going on dud dates with other guys, Sam texts me to say he’s coming back to California. “Let’s hang out!”

I jumped at the chance to see him again.

See, it happened. A second date. We weren’t supposed to get another, but we did and the catching up was even better the second time around. Things were changing for the both of us, on the up and up. I was getting my student loans paid off. He was interviewing for new design clients in San Diego.

Another drive back to my place together, and then we decided to go out again the next night.

Three dates? Inconceivable! He had a surprise for me this time. We were going to a carnival. He was the driver and I was the passenger. But, even though I had no idea where this carnival was, I still directed him to the right place. I had a feeling I knew where it was when he mentioned seeing certain landmarks and it wasn’t in Van Nuys. I won a stuffed otter as a prize.

Later that night (well, it was more like later that morning), we drove back to my place. I had a thought on the way there. Why go home at all? He had always wanted to go to Malibu and I live close enough. It was a beautiful night and I suggested that we drive down to the ocean.

Sam was so excited to do it. The drive was a straight shot down one road. The top to the car was down, the wind was blowing, and Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” was blasting on his Apple Music. It reminded me of that moment in the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower when the main characters are driving through a tunnel listening to David Bowie and feeling, as the protagonist Charlie called it, infinite. Every time I turned to look at Sam, he was grinning from ear to ear. He was having the time of his life. And even though I was a mess, with my hair everywhere and no makeup on, I was too.

Life and time went on after that night and we went back to our respective worlds. October approached and with it the New York trip I was going on. I had been working myself to the bone every night after work for months and was exhausted and excited for it to finally come together. Sam had mentioned we could hang out when I got to New York. We FaceTimed a few times together and he, somewhat begrudgingly, admitted he would go with me to Katz’s Deli. There were way better food places than Katz’s to go to, he said.

What was our last conversation about? The last conversation I had no idea would be the last one? Bob Ross. He loved Bob Ross and I found a game on some website that you could play and told Sam about it. We admitted that it did look a little challenging to play and maybe it could be played by someone else later on.

That was the last time I talked to him.

I found out about Sam’s death on Friday September 28th. I was packing my suitcase for the New York trip. Then, I saw a Facebook post about him. He had died.

The five stages of grief rolled out fairly quickly. Denial, because it felt like a sick joke. Anger, because I could not understand. Bargaining, because all I could see was this beautiful, living, laughing boy. Why did he die when so many horrible men get to live? Depression. Acceptance.

I haven’t gone through the fifth stage yet. I think I’m still stuck in the fourth.

I put a black dress in my suitcase first, rolled into a tight ball. The Twizzlers occupied their own side pocket. I gradually packed throughout the night in between taking calls and answering texts from concerned friends and family. Sometimes I would pause while packing and stare off into space. Or I would pack while crying because my brain kept telling me to move forward.

When I arrived to the airport on Saturday, I felt like I was walking through JELL-O. Everything was a dull roar. I stared off aimlessly into space for about an hour before I decided to go sit at a bar. I drank at a rock and roll themed bar and talked to a stranger sitting next to me about what had happened. I don’t know how we stumbled into this conversation. He was a VP for a banking firm in New York. Had 500 employees under him. Knew what it was like to lose someone and shared his own story with me. I felt less alone.

The turning point, which I tell everyone about, happened at 12:30 AM on a Sunday morning. I had arrived to my hotel by then and didn’t know what to do with myself. I was hungry and went to the pizza place next door. In front of me was a couple from Australia. Behind me was a guy from Atlanta. Behind him was a woman from Fort Lauderdale. Everyone was from a different place in the world, all gathered together for pizza.

It changed everything for me, this moment. This was the first time in years where I felt a connection. I haven’t gone out or done much in awhile now. I sleep, I work, I go home, and work some more so I can pay my student loan off. This loan has taken over my life and it totally shows.

I don’t live, and I am trying very hard to get better about that. This is something Sam, in the little time I knew him, told me I needed to do. I used to fight him on this. Everything is too expensive. He would counter that he also had debt. I need to be working during this time. He told me you can work at any age. Finally, I would get to the bottom of it all and admit that everything was so fragile. My life is like a carpet that is always close to getting yanked out from underneath me. I don’t have a husband or children or a house or anything that a lot of people have at my age. I’ve gotten to the point where I am grabbing this carpet and refusing to let go because I am too afraid of what happens when there is no more carpet.

At the core of myself, this kind of behavior infuriates me. The me that I am and have always been. The me that Sam saw. She sees me doing this and knows it’s actually childish behavior. She is a person who tells me to be kinder, keep doing more, and do not believe one state or city or country can stop you. She keeps the faith that it will all work out even though she doesn’t know how.

That Sunday morning was the first time in awhile I felt connected.

Several hours later, I prepared to say goodbye. I had asked his cousin in advance if I could go to his service, out of concern that it would not be appropriate since I knew so little about him. She graciously said I could go. The outfit I had to wear, the drive into Brooklyn, the absolute feeling that this was concrete and final. He was gone.

The drive to Brooklyn was my first one there. As the car got closer to the building, I saw all of the cop cars blocking off the streets and everyone heading into the building. There were so many people. Every single one impacted by him. Most of them were crying.

I had never been to a funeral for an Orthodox Jewish family before. The actual burial would take place off-site. No cremation. No flowers or wake. A shiva would be held on Wednesday. The men and women sat on opposite sides of the room with folding tables standing in place between us. We may have been separated, but grief held everyone together like a nasty cobweb we were all trapped inside.

The first moment I heard the fine print details behind Sam’s debt was when his brother delivered his speech. I knew Sam had debt, of course. Knew how much and how he had incurred this debt.

What I didn’t know that even in debt Sam kept giving to everyone he knew. He continued to financially support his family. He paid for everything he could with the little he had. He gave what a reasonable person would not or what they would try to excuse themselves from doing. When I told him I was coming to New York, he offered to let me stay at his place. I laughed when I heard that. Part of it was because it was funny, since I assured him I already had a hotel room. The other part was that I could not imagine making an offer to a person I barely knew.

In retrospect, I saw that every action, every decision, came from a place where kindness and love were put forth first. Give, and maybe ask questions later. He loved you for who you were and wanted to be there to support you at every turn.

I cried a lot.

When I left, a monarch butterfly flew in front of my Lyft car. That butterfly was completely Sam’s spirit. I just knew it. He would not want me to go back to the hotel and cry. This was a big week for my career and my dreams. Months of hard work went into this week. I could not disappoint the people involved. This meant just as much to me as it did to them.

What followed, in light of a deeply dark day, was a beautiful week. The gala was a hit, I walked up to the NASDAQ stage instead of crawling this year (young me crawled so I could walk... I get it now!), and the panel was amazing.

“Great minds unthink alike.” It was the company 15th anniversary theme and one I felt throughout the entire week. Connection remained a personal running theme for myself. I felt myself connect in New York City. This was a city that used to scare me during previous visits because I didn’t think I had a place there. It was different this time. I have friends, I have work. I have a network that I did not have years ago. I can walk anywhere. Everything is open 24/7, there’s something new to explore, and new faces just waiting to be met.

I saw a similar monarch butterfly a week ago. It made me smile. I knew it was him. Don’t ask me how I knew something like this. I just do.

Sam came into my life at a time when I needed a new perspective. He taught me that there are men out there that will love me for who I am. He also taught me to go out there and chase adventure. I’m 30. I’ll be 31 soon. It sounds like it’s a little late in life to learn lessons like these, but I don’t think it is.

I wonder if this is just the beginning.

For the rest of my life, I will be thankful to have known him. A little bit of time is better than no time at all and he was, and will always be, a teenage dream to me.

#personal

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confessionsofaloudmouth · 4 years

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The Half of It; a blog post by Chelbey Trump

Okay, so I kinda fell off the face of the Earth for the past 2 months. I was so dedicated to uploading on here, but then I felt it was disrespectful to post my own work directly after the death of George Floyd. I spent a few weeks educating myself by watching various documentaries and signing a ton of petitions. Of course, that didn’t take up all of my time. I read a lot, got a killer tan, and basically just procstatinated the idea of uploading on here.

But, today I have sparked inspiration! I am going to write about The Half of It, a Netflix original movie, directed by Alice Wu, and starring Leah Lewis. The movie was released on May 1, 2020 and has a 97% rate on Rotten Tomatoes.

Characters:

Ellie Chu; I saw so much of myself in this character, yet felt so much different than her. Like Ellie, I am witty and snarky and, yes, sometimes a bit of a smart aleck. On the other hand, Ellie was much more quiet than I, her family situation was unique, and I have never made money off of writing papers for other students. Ellie was the perfect main character for my favorite genre of a movie. She had the mindset of getting out of the small town, of wanting more from like. To me, she was very similar to Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower, which is my all-time favorite movie. She’s on the outside of everything, looking in, until a sudden move makes her the center of everyone important’s attention. I was worried she would live up to the generic, slightly rude Asian stereotype that so many movies choose to enhance. However, while her heritage played an important role in the relationship she had with her father, it didn’t take up the entire storyline. Yes, it painted realistic obstacles of being made fun of in high school and being different in the whitewashed small-town. Yet, again, it wasn’t all about how she was different because of her race. I think it’s important movies do that in order to highlight the struggle of POC in America, however, I think we’re all sick of POC main characters only getting a storyline that stems out of their race. Moving on, I loved Ellie. Her character arch was so delightful to witness: We watch her literally come of age, accept her sexuality and embrace the love she feels for someone else. I love seeing women become confident and happy with what they already have in themselves.

Paul Munsky; I think you all know I’m about to say he is the cutest character ever. Like, ever, in the history of...ever. Another storyline we always get is the POC sidekick best friend who provides the humor and never gets a deeper connection with the audience. However, Paul was a straight, white man and the story didn’t revolve around him! How delightful. Paul had his own subplot which I think balanced well with Ellie’s. I believe that it was testament to the whole, “You never know what someone’s going through.” It also provided the support reflected from Ellie that extended from just writing letters for Paul. His sausage storyline is super cute and it compliments well with his football player demeanor: He has poor communication skills, and he only knows how to make sausage because he helps work for the family business. However, hes bored with that life, so, as hes trying to literally spice up the sausage, he wants Ellie to spice his life up with a love letter to Astrid. In the end, Ellie helps him learn to be more of an individual than just another football player. I don’t the fact that he ended up falling for Ellie, however, I can see why he did. She was a light in his boring darkness, saved him from carbon copies. She saw the very best in him. How could you not fall for someone who helps you love yourself?

Aster Flores; I love, love, love, love, love Aster. She was the perfect mixture of girl-next-door turned art-nerd-you-never-expected. She wasn’t the weird, quirky, “I’m not like other girls,” stereotype. She sacrificed her personality for the sake of pleasing other people. She kept her own feelings, sexuality, inside in order to satisfy the people who looked to her for guidance, which was, conveniently, popular blondes and her own ‘boyfriend.’ Her dynamic with Ellie was beautifully tragic. I wanted them to fall in love so badly, yet I was perfectly okay with them simply being best friend. Yet, i guess, in a way, aren’t those sometimes the same thing? A best friend and a lover? Maybe Ellie was wrong in saying there was no perfect person for everyone... Overall, i want to see more of Aster. She didn’t really step out of her cocoon until the movie was ending. I want to see her in art school, flourishing both in grades and, ya know, sexuality. She told Ellie she had to find herself, and I want to see that happen. Sequel title: The Whole Thing. Idk, to me, that’s perfect.

Honorable Mentions; Mrs. Geselschap was on-point for the common, small-town English teacher. I always form deep connections to my English teacher, for obvious reasons, and I felt that connection with this character. Trig Carson was annoying and I hate him. His character was good, yeah, it paid omen to the gross, rude, homophobic, racist, jocks that attend every American public high school. That’s why I hate him... Mr. Chu was deeply symbolic for Ellie, but also just a comedic relief for the audience. The moments he was asleep, or talking during the movies, I saw the lovely dynamic of a broken, yet still close family that doesn’t really get displayed on television. Its possible to be missing a parent and still be a well-functioning citizen. Finally, Mr. Chu made me cry a lot at the end, so he gets extra brownie points.

Settings:

I was reminded so much of my little hometown, with the football games being the biggest moment of every fall, the cornfields stretching far and wide, and the usual, broken-down pickup trucks. I loved the detail of Ellie’s father operating the train system, which Ellie ultimately took over for him. That small detail was symbolic for Ellie, showing her that there was a way out and that she didn’t have to settle in Squahamish just because of her dad. In the end, the trains she directed ended up taking her out of town. The small-town aspect also let us feel closer and more deeply connected to the characters. They were exactly like every teenager around them, but tiny little aspects which made them unique- their love for art, their sexuality- made them stand out and gave their story more prevalence and relevance. All good coming of age movies rely on a geographically convenient setting, and this one worked very well.

Plot Lines:

Ellie vs. Other Students; Ellie didn’t care when they made fun of her. She wasn’t afraid of their bullying or even offended by it. She simply turned her cheek and literally helped them all by writing their papers for real cheap. She outshined all of the other students with her educational and musical abilities, yet she never once stood up to them or let that light do it’s thing. She stayed behind the line, opting to play her piano at the talent show. However, when those bullies broke the piano to embarrass her, Paul swooped in with a guitar and forced her to do her thing. Without even wanting to, Ellie showed them all up. She needed to do this, to cross the line without a big, grand gesture to fully become herself. Additionally, I loved that Ellie wasn’t even hateful towards Paul, who was seeking after the girl Ellie was in love with. She stuck to her devices, never wanting to hurt others or outsmart them by actually trying. It made who she ended up being a complete shock, yet it was comfortable, because they sneakily morphed her throughout the movie.

Family Dynamic; Paul was expected to stay small-minded by his own family. They didn’t care if he went above and beyond because they never pushed him to even do so. Paul wasn’t encouraged to do that well in school or social settings. He had a fate, which would be taking over the family business. Maybe that is what he ends up doing, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Ellie’s dynamic was similar, however, with her mother dead, she ultimately took over the paternal position while still a high school student. I felt angry with her father for not being strong enough to be a proper father- and, yes, mother- figure for Ellie. In the end, he found his way again. I liked, though, that Ellie was able to go on without her mother there. Her mother meant a lot to her, but her world didn’t fall apart without her. She carried her sadness as motivation to make her mother proud.

Homophobia; I know I was not the only one shocked by Paul’s declaration that Ellie was going to hell when she admitted to him that she was gay. I think this was obviously upsetting, but it was a true testament to a small-town, driven and united by religion. It showed that, though Ellie knew Paul well and they were really good friends, Paul’s religious ‘morals’ were beyond any relationship he might had formed. In the end, I was happy that he accepted her for who was she was. Homophobia is not excused by any god, including my own. It is with love that we begin to truly wash out sin and Paul was able to understand that. I felt sad that Aster was driven into the closet somewhat by the unspoken homophobia obviously laying in wait in the town. However, I do understand that she also didn’t want to come out because she didn’t really know herself, either. There was a nice balance of reality and self-assurance here.

Quote Corner:

“Love is being willing to ruin your good perfect for the chance at a great one.” (The entire scene where Aster and Ellie exchange paintings on the side of a building added 3 years to my lifespan, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m serious, I’ll cry.)

“How you could live in an ocean of her thoughts.”

“I’m like a lot of people which kind of makes me no one.”

B-Sides:

These were the songs which touched my music soul the most;

Overall Rating: 4.75/5

Literally the only reason I took off .25 points is because this wasn’t one of those movies I could watch again and again. Of course, I’m going to watch at least five more times within the next year. However, I only know 2 movies I can watch again and again: Tangled and Bohemian Rhapsody. Even then, I get bored after awhile. This movie was in my favorite genre and it satisfied every single detail required to successfully tackle that specific trope. It wasn’t cringey, though movies in this genre tend to be, and the characters were spot on without being annoyingly so. I want to see more of all of them and I’m hoping Netflix would consider a sequel. We shall see, friends.

Next time I decide to actually put effort into something other than a book or swimming, I want to discuss a classic: Mystic Pizza.

In the meantime, here is a Google Doc containing various petition links: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwj7wKips77qAhXYlnIEHZiuCBsQFjAAegQIAhAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fu%2F0%2Fd%2F1wtawPIxNuYuYlPTIBMxPe6jmaMSN7aH0pJO5x7cy4nc%2Fmobilebasic&usg=AOvVaw3MAVKPgC70UwkdV2rH2PlN

#the half of it #ellie chu #netflix original #netflix #the half of it netflix #netflix the half of it #the half of it review #netflix review #paul munsky #aster flores #movie review #movie reviews #review #reviews #blog post #blogger #bloggin #book blog #movie blog

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amberandmetal · 7 years

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Happy birthday, Sammy

Author: @waywardkitten Featuring: Wincest Square filled: Weecest Warnings: Slight angst. John’s A+ parenting. Mostly just fluff Rating: Teen and up Word count: 3320 Summary: Sam presents as an omega 2 weeks before his fifteenth birthday. John comes home, finds out and acts like John does. Cue big brother Dean and his Cheer Sam up masterplan. A/N: Okay. First of all, I took some creative liberties here because this story is more or less set to a playlist that you can find here (I strongly suggest you listen to it while you read) but the song of most significance (Pearl jam- Just breathe) was released in -09. But for the sake of the story let’s just pretend that that song is a cover of some obscure band who wrote it sometime in the early eighties, mkay? Second, this is inspired by this scene from The perks of being a wallflower and this scene from SPN season 3. Thirdly, I mostly write smut but when I do write fluff, like this, it tends to be tooth-rotting and sappy beyond sanity. Don’t judge me. But yes, if it is indeed super cute fluffy a/b/o weecest you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place. Enjoy ~ Kind words & feedback are food to a creative mind ♡

“Son of a-”

“Aouch”

“Godammit”

His fingers were stiff from the cold night air and his face felt clammy and wet from his own warm, wet breaths as he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel of his father’s Impala.

He could still hear the disappointed tone in John’s voice ringing in his ears; and the look of complete devastation on his brother’s face was something he feared would never fade from his memory.

“Almos-”

“What the hell”

“Come on you motherfucki-”

A loud noise from inside the ratty old house made his body jolt in fear before he realised it was only his dad’s drunken snores from the living room couch. Closer to him was the bedroom he and Sammy shared, and if he listened closely, which he really tried not to, he could hear a soft muffled crying coming from the other side of the frostbitten window.

Dean could picture his little brother way too vividly, curled up on the bed with his face pushed hard into his pillow to conceal the sobbing; the reason he could picture all of this so clearly was that he’d seen it on one too many occasions, and that knowledge was enough to make his heart break a little. He knew how ashamed Sam felt every time their father made him cry.

Dean sighed and gritted his teeth in a gesture of determination. “Come on, Baby. For me?”

He connected the exposed wires again and with a roar the Impala’s engine came to life. Dean slumped back on the seat with a satisfied huff and patted the dashboard. “Knew you had it in ya”

He let the engine run as he got out and carefully sneaked up to the living room window. John hadn’t moved an inch since he left him on the couch, the TV on full volume and the half empty bottle of scotch still in his hand. Dean clenched his jaw and fists as the 7th replay of the night’s events began playing in his head. “Omega? You’re an omega?”

The disbelief and disappointment on their father’s face was evident even though he tried to conceal it and keep his face neutral. “Dad.. it just happened- I’m still me”, Sam tried.

The smile John gave his youngest was the halfhearted hard-set kind you’d give someone who’d just handed you a big fat bill or told you you’d just been served. “You can’t hunt, Sam. You won’t be safe and..you’ll be a liability”

Sam’s face fell and that was the last straw for Dean who stepped up from the couch. “I can take care of Sammy, just as I always have. Won’t be a problem, sir”

Sam looked up at his older brother, a mixture of emotions ghosting over his face. Dean hated how his father treated Sammy at that moment but Dean was also a good soldier and he knew his place. John laughed bitterly and scratched his neck. “No.”

“No?!”

John threw his hands in the air, giving Dean a look like he’d just told him he was positive the earth was flat. “He. Is. An. OMEGA! You can’t keep him safe. Not while hunting. And I need you there with me.”

He gave Sam one last look before taking the bottle of scotch he’d bought on his way home and sunk down on the couch. He stared blankly at the TV. “This discussion is over. Tomorrow I’m taking Sam to Bobby’s”

The thought of just taking Sam and running away had entered his mind on more than one occasion. But he knew it was useless. An unmated omega without a legal guardian was fair game as far as the majority of the world’s alpha population was concerned and Dean couldn’t do that to Sam.

It gnawed at him. The knowledge that he could help and protect him- be everything Sam needed- if they just weren’t brothers.

Dean had presented as an Alpha about two years ago. He’d supposed it was late but he wasn’t bothered since he was sure he’d be a beta just like both his parents. When he popped his first knot saying he was confused would be putting it mildly. But it had in some way come as a blessing. He was sure Sam would be an alpha too as it was common for siblings to present as the same gender, and that meant they couldn’t possibly be together. And that was a good thing. That made it easier. He couldn’t remember when he started feeling differently about Sam, when his goofy dork of a brother sparked something other in him than brotherly love. He hadn’t exactly woken up one day and been hellbent on kissing his brother, it had just sneaked up on him over the years until he couldn’t deny it to himself anymore. He never acted on it. He kept it to himself and focused on keeping his scent under control.

Sam’s first heat had been mild and only lasted for three days, but it had still been hell on Dean. Absolute torrid hell. He knew Sam had probably been able to smell the arousal on him from a mile away and he was beyond thankful for Sam having the good sense not to mention it.

They had decided to not tell John over the phone, that maybe it would be easier if they delivered the news face to face with their father. And oh, how wrong they had been. John had just come home that same day, a notebook and pencil-set badly wrapped under his arm; it hadn’t taken long before he’d scented the air and the makeshift gift had came crashing down onto the floor. He’d been away on a hunt and just barely been able to make it to Sam’s birthday. Dean had a feeling they all wished he’d been held up.

Tap, tap, tap

“Psst.. hey- Sammy!”

The sizeable lump of blankets and pillows on the bed stirred a bit. “Come on, hurry up! It’s freezing!”

A bedhead like no other rose up and looked bleary-eyed at Dean. He rubbed his eyes and dragged his hand under his nose as he made his way towards the window. It took a few tries but he finally managed to work it open without making too much noise. Dean had to swallow down the growl that threatened to rip through his throat at the distinct smell of distressed sad omega that came wafting through the window. “D-dean? What’re you doing out here? Where’s dad? Is he dragging you out on a hunt again?”

Dean willed the last of his alpha instincts away and then chuckled. “Easy, or you gonna go hypersonic”

He swatted Sam’s hands away from the window sill and climbed in. “I don’t wanna wake up dad”, he shrugged as an explanation at Sam’s confused expression.

“Get dressed. Warm! And don’t ask any questions”

When he turned to Sam and realised there were still tears in his eyes he got closer and wiped them away gently. “Trust me, kid, this’ll be fun”

Sam dragged his hands under his nose again with a sniffle and nodded an ‘ok’ before he started rummaging through his duffel- they had as usual not cared to unpack.

When they both were dressed in warm sweaters, jackets, scarves and gloves (Sam had insisted that if he needed them, so did Dean) they made their way out the window as silently as they could. When Sam saw the Impala he looked at Dean “Dad sleeps with the keys to that car, how did yo-”

“He has his tricks. I have mine. Come on, Sammy”

They got in the car, both rubbing their hands together for warmth; it was unusually cold for May, even by northern standards. Dean experimentally gave some gas, seeing if the motor vehicle gods were still in his favour, before deeming it okay and backing out of the driveway. Sam curled up on the leather seat in an effort to keep himself warm as he looked out through the window. “Where’re we goin’, Dee?”, he asked without turning his head.

“I don’t know”

Sam turned his head to his older brother with a raised eyebrow. Dean gave him a crooked grin and a wink and started fiddling with something in his inside pocket. “I just wanted to give my little bro a nice end to his birthday”, he laughed and threw a small cassette in Sam’s lap.

Dean glanced sideways while trying to watch the road at the same time, scanning Sam’s every expression to determine if the gift had been a bad idea after all. It was hard to figure out how Sam was feeling since his scent was more or less blocked by the excessive layers of clothing. “It’s just songs that makes me think of you, or us. Shuck it if you don’t want it”, he rushed out.

Sam looked closely at the cover with various songs and artists scribbled down in Dean’s rushed handwriting. He stroked the sides of it carefully and chewed on his bottom lip before taking the cassette out and popping it in the stereo.

Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone Your demons come to light and your mind is not your own Lonely is the night when there's no one left to call You feel the time is right, say the writing's on the wall

Dean shifted his gaze nervously back and forth between the road and Sam as they made their way through the outskirts of town. Sam just stared intently at the stereo, looking very focused. “Have the stereo offended you or something? What’s with the look?”

Sam didn’t look away from the stereo as he answered “‘m just trying to make out the words. It’s really good, Dean..”, he looked up at his brother “..it’s kinda how I feel right now”

And that, that kinda hurt; and Dean wasn’t having any of it. He leaned forward and teasingly pushed Sam back in his seat before pressing fast forward for a couple of seconds. He smiled proudly when the last few notes of the first song rang out. “Every time”, he smiled as Sam scoffed.

“Yeah, great talent there, Dee.”

“Shut up”, he huffed as the next song came on.

“Try an have some fun!” he pushed his elbow playfully at Sam and started singing loudly and off key while using the steering wheel as a drum set

“Guess who just got back today, them wild-eyed boys that had been away! Haven’t changed that much to say but man, I still think them cats are crazy!”, he chanced a look at Sam and felt a jolt of happiness in his gut when he saw the smile his brother fought to keep down. “Come on, Sammy! I know you know this one”, he grabbed Sam’s knee and shook it playfully before continuing his nails against chalkboard singing.

“They were asking if you were around, how you was, where you could be found- come on, Sam. I won’t stop until you join me- drivin all the old men crazy. The boys are back in town the boys are back in town, th-”

“THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOO-OOWN!”

The grin on Dean’s lips was wide enough to break his face as his little brother continued to belt out the chorus. They kept on like that, driving fast through the night towards the tunnels that were the wall between the rundown suburbs and the city, and singing so loudly they were practically screaming, with big dopey smiles on their faces.

A couple of songs later the tunnel lights became visible ahead and Dean began to roll down the windows on his side of the car. Sam eyed him down with a quizzical expression. “Roll yours down too, Sammy. Wanna show you something”

Sam looked a bit unsure and his scent that had started to seep through his jacket changed slightly bringing in a hint of nervousness, but he did as his brother said, reaching back to first get the backseat window down before he made quick work of the front one.

Pearl jam’s Just breathe started playing softly as they entered the warmly lit tunnel and Dean turned the volume up as far as it’d go.

Yes I understand That every life must end As we sit alone I know someday we must go Yeah I'm a lucky man To count on both hands The ones I love Some folks just have one Yeah others they got none

Sam’s eyes were big as saucers as the music flowed out their windows and bounced against the rounded walls creating what could only be described as an acoustic marvel. The song seemed to amplify itself in waves until it felt like it was going around them, constantly growing in volume. Sam couldn’t help but smile wide and happy at his older brother who smiled right back before tousling his hair and speaking a soft “Happy birthday, Sammy”

Sam didn’t even mind his hair getting messed up. He just grinned as his eyes lit up as they always did when he had an idea. He grinned mischievously at Dean before he removed his gloves and got up on all fours on the car seat and slowly started getting up and out the window. “Sammy, wha-”

“Dean, shut up for a second. I want to try this”

“Fine, just hold on” Dean watched worriedly as Sam snaked around and planted his butt on the car door, holding on tightly to the handle on the car ceiling.

Yeah, I don't want to hurt There's so much in this world To make me bleed Stay with me You're all I see Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you? Oh if I didn't, I'm a fool you see No one knows this more than me As I come clean I wonder everyday As I look upon your face, uh huh Everything you gave And nothing you would take, uh huh Nothing you would take Everything you gave

Dean quietly sang with the words as he looked at his brother in the periferi. He could just about make out the lower part of Sam’s face, and the blissful smile that looked like it’d almost split his face in two made his heart beat impossibly hard in his chest.

He was very well aware of the fact that he was probably giving off some serious Happy Alpha in love scent right then and there but he didn’t care. All the windows were open and Sam and his nose were outside the car so he figured he could allow himself this just this once. Just reveling in the happiness of seeing Sam smiling for the first time in a long while without pushing down and restraining every thought and feeling that arose. “This is incredible, Dee”, Sam hollered from outside the car.

He had let go of the handle with his right hand in favour of leaning out more. Thankfully it was the middle of the night and there was zero to no traffic- especially out there. The song kept growing around them, gaining momentum in the cylinder formed space, the flickering orange lights ghosting warm shadows over their faces.

Sam held his arm straight out and leaned his head back, letting the cool air whip and dance over his skin and hair. He laughed gleefully as the last notes of the song bounced of the concrete walls. The tunnel came to an end and they re-entered the darkness and star spangled sky. Sam got back into the car and flopped down in his seat with a new dopey grin plastered on his face. “Thank you, Dean. This was amazing”

Dean just smiled back and petted Sam affectionately over the neck like he used to do when they were younger.

He was driving them towards a lookout point near the tunnels where kids had probably gone to make out once upon a time before parents had stopped caring. Springsteen’s Born to run came and went before the cold started to seep in under their clothes; they quickly rolled all the windows up again as a song Sam didn’t recognise came on.

Looking for a way Maybe now, maybe in a day Cause nothing gonna change If we stay around here We gotta do what it takes Cause it's all in our hands We all make mistakes But it's never too late to start again

“Dean..?”

Dean didn’t answer or even acknowledge that he’d heard him. He just started to quietly sing along, acting as if he was unaware that Sam was with him in the car.

“If this life, gets any harder now don't ever mind, you got me by your side and any time you want we can catch a train and find a better place cause we won't let nothing or no one keep getting us down. Maybe you and I should pack our bags and say goodbye and fly away from here. Anywhere, I don't care. We'll just fly away from here, our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere. We won't let times pass us by, we'll just fly”

Sam shifted a bit in his seat and that seemed to be the moment he chose to scent the air. Dean peered over at Sam just in time to see his nostrils flare, his nose stuck up high in the air. Sam opened his eyes and returned his head to its normal position slowly. He had a faint look of disbelief adorning his features. Dean’s cheeks heated before he could do damn much about it.

“Dean? Wha- I.. wait, hang on. You said those songs were about us?”

“Don’t take everything so literal, Sam!”, Dean snapped. He felt terrified though he tried to not let it show. He clearly hadn’t thought things through when he made the mixtape- he just knew all these songs that started playing in his head whenever he looked at Sam and the natural reaction to that was wanting to let Sam know about it to make him happy- it hit him then like a ton of bricks; to make his omega happy. He was a stupid, stupid man.

Sam’s scent suddenly grew stronger and Dean tried to focus on breathing through his mouth, too scared to read the rejection and confusion that undoubtedly was there. “Just the feeling, the sense of the songs made me think of us. Not- I mean.. How easy is it to find songs with the exact right words? It came out weird and let’s just forget it. We’ll shuck the tape when we get back and I can make you a new one with some Bowie or something instead.”, he muttered, eyes fixed on the road as he parked the car next to a tree.

They had a view of the whole town up there. There was silence for only a few seconds before Sam cautiously spoke up “Dee.. you smell like..-”

Dean crumpled, closing his eyes and leaning forward with his head and arms against the steering wheel. “Just let it go, Sammy. Please”

Sam reached out a tentative hand and looked like he was just about to say something as his head snapped up towards the stereo. David Bowie’s Heroes flowed out through the speakers softly and Sam let out a faint rush of air. “That’s my favourite song”

Dean sighed. “I know”

The first touch underneath his upper arm came as a shock and made him jerk at first. He was then unceremoniously but gently pushed back against the backrest as Sam cuddled up against his chest and wrapped Dean’s arm around his smaller frame. Dean held his breath.

“Calm down”, Sam grumbled as he began nuzzling Dean’s clavicle and neck; and Dean just sunk into it, letting out all the air he’d been holding in one big exhale.

“I just wanted to say that you smell amazing, and I love you too”

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kellexplainsitall · 5 years

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The bad news is that my back is still really, really hurting and not getting much better. I am so stressed about *potentially* not being able to run - and not being able to run until at least May - I am a basketcase. The rest of my weekend sure was lovely though!

On Friday, my office volunteered at the food bank. I am sure that did my back NO favors whatsoever, but it's always a fun day. We stuffed boxes and packed green beans in the morning, ate a pizza lunch and then stuffed more boxes in the afternoon. I got home around 3, and was EXHAUSTED!

Tim and I continued our Friday night tradition of catching up on television and I ate halo top and I went to bed after reading Imaginary Friend for a bit.

On Saturday, I gingerly climbed out of bed. My back was killing me, I got ready to run, but packed a bag to go to the pool too, just in case. It was my favorite weather - long sleeves and shorts! It felt like fall! I got over to the island, and my back felt OK, a little janky, but OK. I ran two miles with Shauna and then we picked up the rest of the group. I was cruising along, my back feeling a little better, when about three miles in, I tripped over a stick. I paused my Garmin in record time, sat up and immediately announced, "I am going to start crying now." I can't help it, when I fall, I cry. I really didn't feel well at all, I got very dizzy and nauseous and felt as if I may pass out. An executive decision was made to call Tim to pick me up and then I wailed that he was going to be mad because he was watching soccer. Fortunately, he was not mad, just worried. I was fine, he bandaged me up and got me something to eat at home.

Tim's family was in town about 45 minutes away for a wedding and in my stupor, I agreed to go with him to get breakfast with everyone, which I regretted as soon as I got into the car, as my day was already fairly full. It was really nice to see my favorite twins and Brynn though!

WE got home around 12:30, and my stiff back and I went out to finish my run. I was super surprised to average 8:09s for this run, I felt pretty good and my back wasn't too terrible. Once home, I got changed, ate lunch as I was walking out the door and headed to the cinema to watch Perks of Being a Wallflower. I almost skipped it, as I was feeling so overbooked, but I am so glad I went. It's one of my favorite movies and it was nice to just watch it for two hours with no distractions.

Once home, I walked Miles, got something to eat and then headed to the bookstore. The signing began at 7 p.m., but I had no idea what the crowd would be like, so I got there around 6:15, and joined my coworker right in the front. The chairs were TERRIBLY uncomfortable, which did not help my back, but what can you do? Stephen Chbosky and a local host came out around 7:15 and he read from his book, did a discussion and then did a Q&A. Through an act of God, the way they opted to do the line meant we were near the front, because it was already nearly 9 p.m. and the line was LONG.

He was so warm, kind and friendly. I told him how I was one of those kids that wrote to him and he wrote me back and how much it meant to be. Oh, it was just so wonderful to meet one of my heroes. I feel really lucky. Perks has been my bible for so long.

Of course, on the walk home, some guy tried to corner me, but other than that, I ate a bowl of cheerios and was in bed by 9:30!

And up early, of course. I was in EXCRUCIATING pain, walking down the steps felt like being stabbed in the butt each step. I was panicking, I didn't know how I could possibly run. I went down the Google rabbit hole and learned that a lot of people use a belly band to help with lower back pain............ which is what I use when I run............ which may be why running has felt OK? I cautiously took Miles for a walk and my back/butt loosened up slightly. I got ready, headed out the door... and I COULD RUN.

I was so relieved, I almost cried. It was a perfect fall morning, 50s and overcast, with some rain. I ran to the coffeeshop, smiling the whole way, picked up Tim, Jenny and Rebuck and just felt so, so, so grateful to be out there. I really thought I was going to be in the pool that morning. I felt so happy! They got coffee after and I got warm apple cider, which was delicious.

Since we didn't get errands done Saturday, after we finished our drinks, we headed to Alid and Giant and then back home. The rest of the day was nice - I did laundry, napped, helped with food prep and read a bit.

Today, I awoke with the same pain, but it seemed OK on my run. I felt so fatigued on this run, it may be time to cut the mileage, which I knew was coming.

17 weeks today! Baby is the size of a pomegranate or a large onion or a taco! I am going for a prenatal massage with my favorite massage therapist today, I am so relieved she does prenatal and I hope she can help with this back. I also ordered another belly band to wear during the day. I know I have to give up running eventually, I am just praying and praying it's later rather than sooner.

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dustandthunder · 5 years

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ive had a lovely few days.

almost everyone is back in the flat now which is cool, feels like forever since I’ve seen them.

Gina and I went to the gym and then I had an assignment to do so Scott came to my room to do it. We FaceTimed Jaz which was awesome cause I haven’t seen her in ages and ages. And then Gina and Shannon came in too while we were doing the work (I use ‘we’ very loosely, i didn’t understand anything so Scott did mine for me). The three of them sat on my bed and I sat in the desk chair and Jaz was in the phone and it was so cool. Scott only got 50 % on my test but I don’t really care. I did ok in the other assignments for that module so hopefully it won’t make too much difference. Pretty sure I’ll pass regardless anyway (I hope so haha)

Anyway, while Scott was doing the tests, I was doing my makeup cause matt was coming to visit!

The night before we were talking until pretty late. He’d had the day off cause it was Sunday and was on early yesterday so he had to be up at 4 in the morning, but because he’s been on lates a lot recently he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep until around 3. And of course I don’t like to sleep when I could be talking to him so I stayed up too. It was one of those nights where we discuss old stuff and he asks all the questions because we can do that now and it’s ok because we’re over all the shit things and it’s not awkward at all (literally nothing is awkward between us I don’t know why I even needed to say that). But we were talking on FaceTime for ages and I said he should come and see me after work tomorrow (which is now yesterday if that makes sense) cause he finished at 2 and then had the next day (now today) off, and the day after (now tomorrow) he’s on late. So it worked pretty perfectly really !! And he was like yes sounds like a plan .... so yay !

He got here literally as soon as I was done, oddly perfect timing really haha. I was so excited to see him :) it was so lovely, I’m so sad now cause I’m writing this after he’s left and I feel so lonely again haha. Not like properly lonely, just weird cause I’m sat in my room on my own now and it’s all tidy, when earlier all of his stuff was everywhere and my mattress and the air bed were on the floor and there were pillows and duvets and blankets and cushions all over (cause we always make a double bed on the floor and push the single bed frame on its side against the wall cause it’s too small for both of us). Feels like a really awesome sleepover. I guess that’s literally what it is anyway but you know what I mean.

So anyway last night we made the makeshift bed on the floor and then we went out for dinner. We went to this cool place not too far away which is like an American diner and grill. I’ve noticed it before but we’ve never been. It was so lovely inside, with all the booths and red and cream upholstery and Coca Cola fridges and neon tube lights and a big motorbike hanging from the ceiling. It was pretty empty, only two other tables of people. That was nice too, cause I could take photos and have a proper look at it without looking accidentally at people . Haha. The food was good too I would definitely go there again, although it was quite a lot . I think my stomach wasn’t used to a big meal because I haven’t really eaten in a week or so. It was still amazing though. Afterwards it was getting dark but we went for a drive like we always do and we listened to soft songs and it was so nice to be back together, even though it’s not even been very long.

Side note here: I feel so clingy because I miss him so so so much and it’s crazy how much I want his constant company, I hope it’s normal haha. I just really love him to a point I didn’t even realise was possible, and I’m so grateful for every second. I really can’t help being so soppy.

We drove through the mountains and we parked in the lay-by that we always do and we talked about how the new car he’ll get has a retractable glass roof so we can do this sort of thing and look at the stars. I think with that roof I would really want to kneel or stand on the seats and be half way out of the car while he drove, like Sam does in The Perks of being a Wallflower. And listen to stevie nicks singing landslide and maybe cry too, because I’m thinking about that now and it’s making me get a tight chest.

I mean that’s pretty illegal anyway, so maybe not. I’ll settle for holding my hands up through the roof and singing along with Matt and smiling like crazy and him holding my thigh and grinning at me in a way that still makes me cry. Why is my go to thing crying. Everything makes me cry. That sounds amazing anyway.

We sat there in the car for a while. The air was really still and pretty warm compared to what you would think it should have been. There was no signal there so we were listening to the shit on the radio and I had my head on his collar. Perfect nights man

Then we drove back, going too fast as always, and it was pitch black so you could just see the mountaintops either side and I called my mom and it was just great.

Matt was tired so we didn’t go to sleep too late really, he was completely gone by half midnight. I was sleepy but still awake, just listening to his breathing and kissing his shoulder blades and feeling the warmth. god tonight is gonna be shit being back on my own again. I was thinking earlier, in some ways i think it’d be better to not visit because it makes it a million times harder to readjust after yknow ? But at the same time I’d definitely rather deal with that than not see him. I can’t wait til it’s just very single night. I mean it is every single night when I’m back there but I always have to come back to uni. Summer will be good though. Going to work or whatever every day then coming home to falling back into bed next to him. I feel like I sound like one of those people who puts on social media about how their dream is to have a husband and a ton of children and just make it their life to look after them all and never have anything for them self. Haha . (Not that i have a problem with those people at all). But I’m just saying it’ll be nice to have such a long period of not being away.

We got up pretty late, obviously he hadn’t slept the night before so it was understandable, although I was getting pretty restless. We didn’t do too much today. We just went to a town further along the coast and got lunch and went around there for a while. There were lots of sweet dogs everywhere :)))

Talking of dogs, Matt and I have finally decided what dogs were gonna try n get when we have our own place. To be honest this may well not happen but as of now it’s the plan, so @ future me, don’t hold me to this. Ok so we’ve decided we’re going to have three, a Labrador because they’re just lovely, a lil spaniel like Lexie because she’s adorable and I can’t imagine life without her now, and a little sausage dog because we both love them so much. I hope we can rescue some that would be amazing :)

Oh also, when we were walking from my place to matts car, we just randomly saw matts cousin. So weird, turns out he goes to my uni and he lives on my accommodation site ??? Matt had no idea, we just saw him out of the blue. I’ve never met him before I had no idea who he was cause when their family all went to their grandparents at Christmas he didn’t go cause he was ill so I didn’t see him. He’s two years older than me but he’s in first year apparently. How crazy... small world haha.

After we got back from that place, we were going to go to the beach we always go to, but we forgot and came back to my flat. We just got back in bed and cuddled for agessssss with the curtains drawn so it was all dark.

I didn’t want him to go. Obviously. I always get pretty sad when he leaves but hey its only a few weeks now til I’m done with the first year ! That’s so mad honestly . Every single day I tick the date off of the calendar poster I have on my wall, and as of tomorrow I’ll be in the last month .

Anyway, I walked him to the car and helped carry his things down. And then he was gone ! (After a looooong hug) :(

He’s home now, back safe thank fuck. Scares the shit out of me everytime he drives pretty much anywhere that I’m not with him. But he’s ok, so I am too.

After he went I played monopoly with Gina and Shannon, and Gina and I went to do laundry. She paid mine again. She’s always like yeah no worries I’ll pay and I’m just like ???? Thank you so much. It’s not like i couldn’t pay myself but she just insists that she’s got it. Really so grateful .

Right now, like I said, I’m sat on my bed on my own. Matt keeps sending me photos of the dog, she’s so cute. I’m pretty tired, it’s after midnight. I need to take what’s left of my makeup off and go to bed.

It’s been a nice few days, and much as I’m a bit sad now, I am appreciative and happy for that.

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twobrokegirlswithbooks · 7 years

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50 BOOKISH QUESTIONS TAG

Thanks for tagging us, @kafkalit!

1. What is your favorite book and/or book series of all time? Nerdy Panda: I always say The Catcher in the Rye miss kitty: I love anything by Patricia Briggs

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages? Nerdy Panda: Les Misérables with the grand total of 1,463 pages miss kitty: Definitely A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin 1138 pg

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date) Nerdy Panda: Pride and Prejudice (published in 1813) miss kitty: Maybe Black Beauty

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not? Nerdy Panda: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (I didn't even finish the first book) miss kitty: Most young adult. I try to stay away from them since they tend to more expensive except for a few.

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series? Nerdy Panda: I'm waiting for The Lunar Chronicles to be adapted somehow miss kitty: Harry Potter the TV show made by a true fan. all animated kinda like game of thrones but again animated

6. What is your favorite stand-alone book? Nerdy Panda: Never Never (a Peter Pan retelling about Captain Hook) miss kitty: Anything by John Green

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading? Nerdy Panda: no clue miss kitty: 50 shades. I can find that stuff for free and better written to boot.

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth? Nerdy Panda: The Infernal Devices miss kitty: Lots lol (born in America)

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading? Nerdy Panda: I don't really feel guilty about not reading a certain book miss kitty: Pride and Prejudice

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of? Nerdy Panda: I own multiple copies of books but the book I have the most copies of is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe miss kitty: Got rid of my extra copies and I’m not counting mom’s copies

11. What horror book made you really scared? Nerdy Panda: Horror isn't my thing miss kitty: I don't read horror

12. What book do you passionately hate? Nerdy Panda: Say What You Will miss kitty: When Zachary Beaver Came to Town. I loathe that book.

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it? Nerdy Panda: Chronicles of Narnia (7 books) miss kitty: The cynsters. I dont know she keeps writing more. Plus the other series by Stephanie Laurens all connects and is one big world. But last I checked there was 39.

14. What book gives you happy memories? Nerdy Panda: The Mouse and the Motorcycle. My happy memory of that is always checking it out from the school library when our class went in elementary school. miss kitty: This Disney short story book. Mom used to read it to me every night before bed.

15. What book made you cry? Nerdy Panda: So many books made me cry. I cried for about five minutes while reading Cress and The Raven King miss kitty: The Fault in Our Stars

16. What book made you laugh? Nerdy Panda: Me and Earl and the Dying Girl miss kitty: Nerd Gone Wild by Vicky Louis Thompson

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character? Nerdy Panda: Carry On miss kitty: In the Mercy Thompson series there's an adorble gay couple. One iss a werewolf cowboy, the other a divorce attorney

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it? Nerdy Panda: A lot miss kitty: A lot of romances switch point of views

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it? Nerdy Panda: I read a couple of pages of The Martian (set on Mars) miss kitty: Zodiac by romina Russell. Planets are named after the different signs (thanks for the bday gift nerdy panda)

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which? Nerdy Panda: I don't know about finishing, but I haven't picked up the fourth book in the Dorothy Must Die series. I'm gonna pretend everything gets wrapped up in the third book miss kitty: Hmmm nope can't think of one.

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured? Nerdy Panda: Yes. Everyone keeps on talking about how great (insert hyped-up book) is. Sometimes I like it, other times I don't get it. miss kitty: No

22. What famous author have you not read any books by? Nerdy Panda: Sarah J. Maas, Emily Bronte miss kitty: Charles Dickens even thou i hav a copy of his complte works

23. Who is your favorite author of all time? Nerdy Panda: John Green miss kitty: Patricia Briggs

24. How many bookshelves do you own? Nerdy Panda: Four. One is dedicated to holding my books. miss kitty: I have 3 over spilling ones mom has one. I need more.

25. How many books do you own? Nerdy Panda: 266 miss kitty: Over 300 i just found 2 more boxes of books i need to go thugh

26. What is your favorite non-fiction book? Nerdy Panda: The Diary of a Young Girl miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass

27. What is your favorite children’s/middle-grade book? Nerdy Panda: The Mouse and the Motorcycle miss kitty: Where the Sidewalk Ends

28. What is your next book on your TBR? Nerdy Panda: After the book I'm currently reading, I'm picking up We'll Always Have Summer miss kitty: No idea. whatever I'm in the mood for

29. What book are you currently reading? Nerdy Panda: It's Not Summer Without You miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass and A Bite to Remember

30. What book are you planning on buying next? Nerdy Panda: Hmm, who knows? miss kitty: What ever catchs my eye

31. What was the cheapest book you bought? Nerdy Panda: I got a copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them for about 50 cents miss kitty: I got a big box of books for 2$

32. What was the most expensive book you bought? Nerdy Panda: The Infernal Devices box set was around $38. For an individual book, Heartless was around 27 dollars. miss kitty: Not including text books Braiding Sweetgrass

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series? Nerdy Panda: Marley and Me miss kitty: Harry Potter. I was stubborn as a child. I refused to read it because it was popular then my parents bought the movie.

34. What is the newest book you have bought? Nerdy Panda: Always and Forever, Lara Jean miss kitty: I got 5 new books on my vacation

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year? Nerdy Panda: Wonder, The Silver Linings Playbook, Emma miss kitty: my new books

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc) Nerdy Panda: Les Misérables has a love triangle but I like the trope in the book because it works miss kitty: no clue

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it? Nerdy Panda: No miss kitty: I wish

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born? Nerdy Panda: The Perks of Being a Wallflower takes place in the 90s miss kitty: Lol most of my books are in a different time periods. I like my historical romances

39. What book offended you? Nerdy Panda: No books have offended me... yet miss kitty: 50 shades of grey. The DUFF she was neither ugly or fat!

40. What is the weirdest book you have read? Nerdy Panda: Perfume: The Story of a Murderer was pretty weird miss kitty: Alice in Wonderland

41. What is your favorite duology? Nerdy Panda: Maus miss kitty: Don't have one

42. What is your favorite trilogy? Nerdy Panda: To All the Boys I've Loved Before miss kitty: Hunger Games is the only one i can think of lol

43. What book did you buy because of its cover? Nerdy Panda: A Little in Love. The cover reminded me of Les Misérables and then I realized it's a retelling set in one of the character's point of view miss kitty: Too many lol

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover? Nerdy Panda: Books I love tend to have nice covers miss kitty: Umm cant think of any

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favorite poem from it? Nerdy Panda: Milk and Honey. It's hard to choose a favorite miss kitty: Yes i love We wear the Mask

46. Do you own any coloring books based off other books? Nerdy Panda: Alice in Wonderland miss kitty: I used to hav the harry potter one

47. Do you own any historical fiction? Nerdy Panda: Yes miss kitty: Yup and if historical romance counts a lot of it

48. What book made you angry? Nerdy Panda: Clockwork Prince because the line 'his blue eyes' kept coming up every other line and I just got annoyed. miss kitty: When Zachary Beaver Came to town

49. What book has inspired you? Nerdy Panda: Fangirl inspires me to write more miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass

50. What book got you into reading? Nerdy Panda: I think it would be The Mouse and the Motorcycle miss kitty: No clue

Tagging: @contentreading, @gracebook-page, @princessofbookaholics, @myliteraryromance, @the-girl-who-lived-to-read, @jasminereadsbooks

#50 bookish questions #tag #long post

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