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#i guess I'm obligated to be happy when things go viral
krem-does-stuff · 1 year
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World's dumbest spymaster (part 2)
Azriel/Eris
Summary:  The way in which Azriel’s family learns about his relationship with Eris is not exactly the way he envisioned it.
Word count: 2795
Warnings: none
Part 1
Read on AO3
When Azriel arrives in front of the Cabin with Eris by his side, Rhys and Cassian are already outside and their slightly snowy clothes suggest that they have started the warm-up early. Rhys levels him with an indescribable look and Azriel suddenly regrets that he didn’t choose to avoid the confrontation for a little longer.  
Heart in his throat he looks at Eris trying to discern what he's thinking but Eris is as composed and nonchalant as possible. His face is a perfect picture of relaxed confidence, shoulders straight but not stiff, chin up, eyes on the enemies. Well, probably not enemies anymore, they are a family now, right?
The thought makes him feel a bit hysterical so he abandons it for the time being.
His hand itches to grab Eris's shoulder and pull him close so he balls it forcefully and tries to compose himself. Cat's out of the bag now, it's too late to be nervous, the only thing he can do is own it.
Actually he would very much prefer to really own it, for example by taking Eris hand in his own or kissing him in the cheek or brow or just do anything, really, to show them all that he's not embarrassed. He's not ashamed of his relationship with Eris. He's not ashamed of Eris.
But he's not doing anything of the sorts in fear that this public display of affection would be unwelcome by Eris. Even in Autumn, when absolutely nobody would dare to threaten the High Lord if their relationship goes viral, Eris is very careful with maintaining appearances. He doesn't exactly hide Azriel, but he's not hugging him in courtiers' presence either.
The thought that Eris might pull away from his kiss or take his hand back now, in front of Rhys and Cassian, is unfathomably painful so he just stands there, ramrod straight, not touching Eris at all and waits for the hellfire.
"You look like you arrived at your own execution," Rhysand says and Azriel is not entirely sure if his tone is teasing in a nice way or more hostile way, the way that ends with him banished forever.
"Did I?"
"Execution by snow won't be easy but we can surely try." Cassian is already bouncing a snowball in his hand, the look in his eyes as amused as in Eris's room before. Pity that Rhys isn't sharing this sentiment.
Azriel can read people, he can read people really well, okay? But Rhys's face is purposefully closed and guarded and Azriel cannot say if he’s pissed, or disappointed, or sad, or one step from telling him to go fuck himself to Autumn and don't come back. Certainly he isn't vomiting rainbows and sunshine right now. Cassian's easy approach to the topic made him assume that all the inner circle is fine with the news. He assumed wrong.
"Can you just be out with it?" He snaps and Rhysand raises one eyebrow, the first sign of emotion on his passive face.
"Out with what?"
"With whatever you are hiding behind this mask of indifference right now. Are you angry with me?"
"I'm certainly not happy that my spymaster has been keeping secrets from me."
"Apparently I haven't since you already knew about it."
"I didn't know, I guessed. Cassian only confirmed it twenty minutes ago. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not the spy report, it's my personal life. I'm not obliged to tell my High Lord about my relationships."
"I thought I was your brother as well."
The implication that Rhys is the victim here doesn't sit well with Azriel. It sits extremely unwell. He does feel guilty but it's not like he was choking himself with this secret without a good fucking reason.
"You threw a fit when I wanted to pursue Elain. Was I to believe that you will pat my back when I tell you I'm in love with another High Lord?"
There it is. The L world just spilled out of him and he's so fucking angry at himself that he said it now, that it wasn't during private conversation when Eris learned about Azriel's hopeless little feelings.
He must admit though that he doesn't remember Rhys being so bewildered in the last decade and it gives him a little rush of satisfaction. His High Lord probably didn't anticipate any declarations of love on this fine day. How could he when even Azriel didn't anticipate it and it was his traitor mouth that got the best of him.
Cassian is stunned into silence as well but in his case it's not an exactly unusual occurrence. Cassian is sometimes stunned by a particularly appetizing cake. Probably none of them realized how deep Azriel's feelings for Eris go.
Idea of looking at Eris right now fills him with dread but he has to, the alternative of not knowing Eris's reaction to this confession is much much worse, so he dares to look. Numb relief washes over him as he sees that Eris doesn't seem to be angry or shocked or prone to any mocking. There's warmth in his amber eyes and the same warmth fills Azriel's heart to the brim.
He already feels like he threw himself off the cliff and doesn't have anything to risk anymore so he finally lets himself take Eris' hand into his own. Time seems to stretch and his heart thunders in anticipation, half expecting to be rejected, to be considered pathetic and weak, but Eris only squeezes his hand ever so gently.
The gesture feels monumental. It's earth shattering.
"So what, you forgot Elain and found the next most problematic person in Prythian?" Rhys's words interrupt Azriel's epiphany and his mood goes from elated to seething with anger in a nanosecond.
"Yes. That's the only thing I was thinking about when going into this relationship: you and how it will affect you."
"I'm sure you are aware that your choice of partner is not easy to navigate politically."
"You really think I didn't agonize about it for the last few months? But you know what conclusion I reached? I don't care. I'm sorry Rhys. I'm happy. For the first time in gods know how long I am really, truly happy. I won't give that up." The work he had to put into not letting his voice crack at the last sentence is immense but he's relatively sure he managed it.
"I'm not asking you to." Rhys's tone is suddenly much more gentle and now it is Azriel's turn to be stunned.
"Then what are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that I'm disappointed you thought you couldn't trust us with it. It's a very different situation than with Elain. She is mated to someone else.”
Azriel feels a miniscule twitch of Eris's hand and he wishes desperately for Rhysand to stop bringing up Elain. He wishes for himself to go back in time and kick his own ass for the mere idea of mentioning her. What the fuck was he thinking? He doesn't want Eris to feel like he's the second choice. It couldn't be further from the truth but it's probably not the best moment to assure Eris about that.
"I’m not trying to forbid you from having a relationship or being happy,” Rhys continues, oblivious to Azriel's inner turmoil. “It's a political nightmare but I'm sure we can think of something that works for everyone."
"You are not going to fire me from being your spymaster?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course not."
“Then I won’t”.
All the fight he had stored inside suddenly leaves him and Azriel feels exhausted and adrift in his own overloaded mind that tries to shut itself to limit the stimuli. Eris’s hand is the only thing tethering him to reality.
Rhys is not going to banish him or punish him. He’s visibly not ecstatic about Eris but he’s not unkind either. He offered to try and make it work and it’s enough. Actually it's everything. It’s everything Azriel was hoping for - to be given a chance.
Some sincere congratulations and best wishes wouldn't be unwelcome either but let’s not push it.
He’s suddenly aware that Eris hasn't said even one word during all this exchange. His presence is steady and comforting but the silence seems uncharacteristic for someone who can decimate people with his charisma. Is he uncomfortable to stand here in front of Azriel’s brothers, while their relationship is being poked at with a stick like a dead carcass?  
"Is that your idea of a snowball fight? Standing and looking menacingly at each other?" Lucien materializes out of nowhere, like he suddenly sprang from the box at the slightest mention of his mate.
“Yes, as you can see we are changing the formula this year,” Cassian snorts, throwing the snowball in his hand higher and higher, like he’s itching to put it in someone's face.
Lucien eyes the bouncing snowball warily for a moment and then his gaze goes to Azriel's and Eris's clasped hands. He doesn't seem surprised even one bit and a gnawing suspicion bites Azriel in the ass.
"You knew as well?"
Does everyone fucking knew? When Cassian said ‘the whole inner circle’ Azriel somehow didn’t think that it meant they were discussing his private life with Lucien as well.
"Yes. Well, ah-" Lucien is wincing in Eris's direction and Azriel turns to his lover trying not to stare accusingly.
"You told him?" It comes out extremely accusing.
"Yes.” Eris shrugs unapologetically. “It's not like Lucien would judge us."
"I honestly couldn't care less about who you fuck." Lucien is quick to assure.
Azriel can only stare and stare and stare. He didn’t anticipate the blow coming from this direction.
"Who else did you tell?”
Now, finally, Eris is starting to look a bit guilty.
"I might have told my mother as well."
"You told your mother?"
Eris's eyes become even more shifty and now Azriel is sure they’ve only scratched the surface.
"Who else?" he asks with a sense of impending doom.
"All my other brothers. And my second in command. And my stableboy, he’s a really nosey bastard. And judging by his comments I'm sure my mom informed Helion by now but that's not on me."
The only thing Azriel is capable of doing now is gaping. Eris just went and told half of his fucking court, didn't he?
"You spend a lot of time in Autumn, what was I supposed to tell them? That we are playing chess? Some of them are dumb, but not that dumb."
No. Apparently no one is as dumb as Azriel. He might be the dumbest spymaster ever. He was the only person still thinking that their relationship was a secret, when everyone in Azriel's and Eris's families and probably dozens of other fae talked about it freely with each other during their morning tea.
How are you Helion? Do you know that Azriel is fucking Eris? Oh sure, even my handmaiden knows, yesterday I heard people talking about it at the market…
"I'm not ashamed of you." Eris’s voice is suddenly very serious and something grips Azriel’s heart painfully at the implication that Azriel might be.
"I'm not ashamed of you as well," he says quickly but it doesn't erase this suffocating feeling of guilt. He didn’t exactly behave like someone who is not ashamed. Did Eris feel like he was some dirty secret, worthy only of sweeping under the carpet?
“That’s all very sweet but the snow is going to melt if we will stand here for one fucking minute longer.” Cassian looks like he reached the end of his patience so Azriel packs all his feelings in his pocket and dutifully starts rubbing snow in Cassian’s face. He will talk to Eris later. He will apologize and grovel and do other things to prove that he really cares, that he’s proud and not embarrassed at all. Right now there's a snowball fight to win.
They do manage to have fun in the end. After Rhysand alleviates all his hurt feelings by bombarding Azriel with snowballs, that’s it. Throwing each other face-down in the piles of snow seems to marvelously dissipate all the tensions.
Azriel assumed, again very wrongly, that the fight will be easier to win while having an obvious ally in the field. Eris turned out to be much more of a distraction than anything else though, with his hair mussed, cheeks pink from the frost, snowflakes on his eyelashes. Azriel stopped counting times when he got hit while staring at his lover sometime after twenty.
Usually he would be much more disgruntled to lose a fight but this time he just cannot find the will to care. Not when he gets to sit in the Cabin's huge bathtub, soaking in the hot water, while having naked Eris relaxing between his thighs and leaning on his chest. They did give up on the birchin in favor of this and he cannot possibly be more pleased and satisfied.
“I seem to recall you bragging about usually winning the snowball fight.” Azriel’s satisfaction seems to ebb away a little with Eris’s quip.
“You were distracting me.”
“I did nothing of the sort.”
“You very much did.”
“Care to say what exactly I did?”
“You were looking pretty.”
Eris snorts and lets his head fall back to Azriel’s shoulder and Azriel distracts himself by stroking Eris’s wet hair out of his forehead and feeling blissful about the fact that he can.
"My mother wants to meet you, you know. She's still a bit nonplussed about this whole strangling me at the High Lords meeting so you will probably have to say that you're sorry but other than that she's overjoyed that you are making me happy."
"Am I?"
"Didn't you notice that as well?"
This reminds Azriel just how dumb he is when it comes to things pertaining to relationships. He probably should have just talked with Rhys at the beginning of things and spared himself months of torment and Eris months of thinking that somebody is ashamed of him.
“I’m not ashamed of you,” he tries again, though he very much doubts that the damage can be reversed just as easily.
"I never thought you were. And just so you know, I love you too."
The words make Azriel much warmer than the hottest bathwater ever could and he closes his arms around Eris’s shoulders a little tighter.
"I'm sorry I said it first in front of everyone".
"I don't mind. I'm sorry that I told everybody about our relationship and didn't inform you.”
“Why didn't you?”
“You didn't seem to be ready. I didn't want to force you or rush you into anything but I had to talk with someone or I would go crazy. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to brag to everyone interested that I managed to snatch the great Night Court’s Shadowsinger for myself.”  
Azriel hides his snort in Eris’s hair.
"The great Night Court’s Shadowsinger is all yours.”
“Good.”
Good. Yes, that’s the word, it’s all good now. Azriel finally feels truly peaceful and truly relaxed, without the stress of hiding this relationship constantly gnawing at his consciousness. He could very well stay here forever, closed in a small, cozy space with Eris in his arms, a little tired after physical workout, but not tired enough not to start something more. They are both already naked after all, it seems like a wasted opportunity not to utilize it.
“How awkward do you think it is for Lucien to sit there with your brothers, naked?” Eris asks and promptly shuts all of Azriel’s thoughts about physical intimacy.
“It's very concerning that you keep circling back to this subject.”
“You will have to take me there some year, to alleviate my curiosity.”
“Over my dead body.”
He will sooner level the birchin with the ground. All the birchins in the Night Court in fact.
“What exactly do you think will happen when your brothers see my naked body? They are both mated. To females.”
“Yeah and I don't recall them showing their naked partners all around just because they are already mated.”
“Are you sure? Because I remember Feyre being practically naked the last time you officially visited the Court of Nightmares.”
The idea of Eris ogling Feyre's almost bared body is raising all his hackles all at once. It’s almost as bad as the cursed topic of his naked brothers.
“What are you trying to achieve with this discussion?” Azriel asks darkly.
Eris raises his proud chin with studied nonchalance and smiles serenely.
“I’m trying to get you mad with jealousy so you will fuck me in this bathtub.”
Azriel doesn't have to be told twice.
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FAQ (´,,•ω•,,)♡
Because It seems like I've got a sudden wave of followers, here are some FAQs! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
1. What hardware and software do you use?
Hardware : My laptop is Lenovo Legion Y7000, for drawing I use Wacom Cintiq 16.
Software : Clip Studio Paint EX
2. What brushes do you use?
For line art I use JiWa Pen (downloaded it on Clip Studio Assets) It's a textured pen rather than a very smooth one. I think it gives more character since I'm line art-based)
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For the coloring brush I use just a flat oil paint brush and just the plain ol' blender. Nothing special.
3. How long have you been drawing?
I've been drawing since I was 4 years old. Now I'm 20 so I guess I've been drawing for 16 years now. Still a lot to learn tho.
4. Who are your inspirations in drawing?
for linearting : Yuto Sano (author of Lawless Kids), Tite Kubo (author of Bleach)
for coloring : Kim Jung Hyun (Artist of manhwas Riot, Viral Hit, and Brave Citizen).
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art by Yuto Sano (left), Tite Kubo (center), and Kim Jung Hyun (right)
If you see my artstyle, it's kinda the mix of these three.
5. Do you go to art school?
Yes I do! I'm majoring in Visual Communication Design in Bandung Institute of Technology. Going strong on 5th semester right now!
5. Do you take requests?
Sometimes I do. You're very welcome to send prompts or stuff in my asks, but remember that I'm not obligated to do it. I will do it when it piqued my interest and when I have the time.
6. Can we use your art as headers/icons/etc?
Yes you can! Just remember to CREDIT me in your bio @sleepyconfusedpotato I work hard on that thing ( `ε´ )
7. Can we buy your fanart or anything posted in your blog? How about commissions?
All of my arts on this blog is NOT for sale nor I am interested in monetizing it. This blog is just a way of me having fun with my fav video games. I am a professional artist in real life but this is also my hobby and it makes me happy.
For commissions, yes sometimes I do. Currently it's closed.
8. But I really love you art and I would really love to print it!
I'm deeply honored that my art is loved by you, and you have my permission to save my art and print it. What you're NOT allowed to do use it to make money by reselling on merch sites for profit, reposting it, or claiming it as yours. If you do that Imma haunt you in your dreams ٩(ఠ益ఠ)۶ (jk but please have mercy on me).
If you want to print it, please, be my guest. If you do post it tag me tho I'd love to see it LMFAO (´꒳`)♡
9. How do you deal with artblock?
Sleep. Eat. Watch some wholesome feel good romance movies. Art block means your brain is deep fried 10 times over. Do something else other than drawing. When I'm ready to draw again, I force through it. No easy way out.
10. How do you motivate yourself to improve?
This might not work for some people, but I do it with self bashing LMFAO. I just tell myself that my drawing SUCKS and is UGLY AF people don't wanna even double tap it JSGAHAGGS 😂
So I practice and try to GIT GUD. No shortcut ᕙ⁠(⁠⇀⁠‸⁠↼⁠‶⁠)⁠ᕗ
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