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#i guess this could be termed as manifestation but idk
rnilkyway22 · 1 year
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trying to redesign the god tier outfits in a way i think suits the taste of the character, first tav.
i kinda based his outfit very loosely on rufioh and the summoner. i still tried to keep it simple cause i like that theyre kinda like pajamas. felt bad getting rid of the short shorts because they are just so iconic but alas i feel this suits him more. not shown is his hood which i picture looking like one of these. beware of rambling in the tags
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asakurahaos · 1 year
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me the past few days, especially today after finding out i cant see my therapist anymore: i have to run away like srsly just get away from here and like go around the world on my own at my own pace and just find myself and my purpose i cant be here i need to go
random live tiktok shoved me in: 'now were doing a reading for aries, in this year youre going to find a new thing for yourself and become a leader of some sorts, and will do this by traveling to many places, youre going to go around the globe on your own and make your own way and find your life path and calling
BITHCJ THE FUKC DONT DO THIS TO ME
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marsfa1ry · 1 year
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astrology observation 𓇼
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(pics from pinterest)
capricorn mercury i love their dry sense of humor and dark sarcasm. my scorpio mercury be giggling like a baby when they tell a joke while everyone else blank stare the native, concerned about their dark humor. also their choice of words is so calculated and careful if developed, no sugarcoating tho, with well aspected could also be poetic. it’s so cute. ahhh my favs
lilith 3h knows how and when to push the button and let that intelligent communicator self take over lol literally can talk themselves out of anything and could wrap someone around their fingers by their words. school and/or siblings might be a hit or miss for them. it’s either good or bad, nothing in between.
mars 1h idk if it’s just me or not moving body when mentally in a better place for a whole day can cause natives a great emotion turmoil like (esp in virgo degree i guess💀) that’s why coping mechanism and serotonin booster includes deep cleaning room, groceries … oh maybe it’s just me ok
not to mention that healthy routine HELPS natives a lot i mean i guess it helps every human being but i feel like it emphasizes when it comes to mars 1h let me know if you resonates or not^^
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earth moons with uranus prominent aspects/placements yes earth moons do need a stable routine to help them maintain their mind but with uranus influence esp if making aspects to mc, i think will most likely hate to have a 9-5 work, plus with prominence 9h/sagittarius, spontaneous career life is their go-to. their earth moons still want the stability tho so it could be that they have a stable morning and after work routine etc.
leo moon something about their hair that never fail to catch my attention. it’s like tho they did nothing their hair be thriving.
also something about head bumps because there was this one time i dreamed of a leo moon head bumping me just for me to wake up to an astrology observation (i can’t remember which one😿feel free to inform me so i can put credits here) says head bumping is a lion thing so leo placements tend to do that helpp- but tbh it’s so cute ><
earth moons w fire moons i rarely see astro community talk about this two together like it’s SO underrated. earth moon say the most straightforward, simplest compliments that get fire moon all flustered up and stuff like 😳 and firey do this most random, unprovoked things just to get reaction out of earthy. purely just vibing together. fire moon get earth moon out of their comfort zone, earth moon makes fire moon more grounded. seen them in many long terms relationships.
ex: EDIT : i just found out that brian groomed megan fox and actually so problematic so i deleted this example 🤢
ross lynch (aries moon) - jaz sinclair (capricorn moon)
aishwarya rai (capricorn moon) - abhishek bachchan (aries moon)
ryan gosling (capricorn moon) - eva mendes (leo moon)
moon conjucnt mercury synastry : moon be like ‘bruh you speak my mind’ while mercury ‘you read my emotions and know what to do with them without me talking it out so’ love this
moon conjunct chiron chiron making hard aspect to luminaries (emphasize on moon bcs istg…the pain towards deepest part of ourselves um) can manifest such a big impact in native’s life :,) and which part will be effected depends on houses where it sit in. however, as much as how diverse the conjunction can play out🤭 the same thing that wounded the natives could be the same thing that heal the natives. the key is to mastered the cruel (💀for real like who have this aspect would understand what i mean) chiron. as much as it makes you a severely wounded soldier in inner world’s field ffs, breaking the pattern of chiron can manifests a really great result.
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moon prominent aspect in mother’s chart can be presented in your s/o’s chart or someone you like. for better or worse. 🧍‍♀️
mercury in sagittarius degree (9°,21°) philosiphize their words unintentionally and left people who had a conversation with them thinking about their words a lots esp when they give advice, they brought a whole new perspective to the person.
scorpio/8h prominent the struggle is real when someone they close with or trust don’t also hate their enemies. it’s a sign to retreat for them😠 ride or die. all or nothing.
lilith prominent/dominant men try so hard to hide their feelings and reactions when lilith prominent/dominant women come around. might even bully/pick on them at an extreme end. horrible at it finest when undeveloped ugh
taurus lilith square ascendant attract a lot of taurus mars and i have love-hate relationship with most of them
pisces rising really do get away with things. wittiness and chameleon energy of mutable + slyness of water = slay 💅
aries in big 6 literally always there in charts of ppl who heavily watch or fond of anime, manga
capricorn/cancer sun pair with scorpio/taurus sun no matter what others perceived them individually, they seems like a traditional couple to me lol when they’re together it gives ‘of course they’re together’ vibe. capricorn-scorpio and cancer-taurus more often than vice versa
pluto 3h i found myself thinking about what these natives say a looooot like even if it’s the most silliest stuff they said, it still echoes in my mind like ‘i think yellow is a really bizarre color’ and my mind goes 😮🤯😦😵‍💫🙀 wtff
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; hihi, first i didn’t expect my previous astro notes to blow up this much so i want to say that i appreciated all the interactions and support <33 thank you so much and i hope whoever come across this astro ranting HEHE a really nice day/night and much fun reading this ⭐️
© @marsfa1ry
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nothorses · 8 days
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I think there's a Thing where any transphobia known to be against a transfem gets called "transmisogyny", which is fine I guess, but idk I feel like transmisogyny is supposed to be the word for the Specific Type of oppression that trans women face, not "transphobia that in this case is against a trans women". Does that make sense? Like if somebody misgenders a trans woman and that's it, that isn't anything more specific than "transphobia", right? Like if somebody were to call me a faggot, I wouldn't consider That transandrophobia simply because I Am a trans man, I would just think of it as generally anti-queer. Does that make sense, or am I misunderstanding the terms transmisogyny, transandrophobia, etc?
No I think you're right, and tbh I think it's a manifestation (and a really good example) of the "identity = oppression" framework a lot of folks are operating under in these conversations.
It's not something anyone really says out loud, but I've noticed it as a pattern in certain circles; mostly a lot of primarily young, online queer circles.
It's the same framework that, imo, spawned "Transmisogyny Exempt/Transmisogyny Affected" (or "TME/TMA") in which one's identity is directly equivalent to the oppression they experience.
The logic goes: If you identify as X, you experience anti-X oppression. If your identity is not X, you do not, and cannot, experience anti-X oppression.
This is also where we get, like, "misdirected misogyny" as a concept: the logic is that trans men* do not identify as women, therefore they cannot experience oppression meant for women.
Or "slur discourse": if you do not identify as X, you do not experience anti-X oppression, you have never been called this anti-X slur, and therefore you cannot reclaim this anti-X slur.
A lot of other gatekeeping arguments follow similar logic, as do a lot of arguments against acknowledging "transandrophobia" (or anti-transmasc bigotry as a specific concept). Personal identity is understood to be directly equivalent to experiences with oppression, and trans men's identities are thus broken down into their two parts, and assigned corresponding experiences:
Trans experiences
Man experiences
Even understanding "trans man" to be a third identity, with additional, unique "trans man experiences", creates a lot of friction within this framework: a lot of the unique "trans man experiences" we talk about arise from interactions between transphobia and misogyny. But misogyny must be woman-only; our experiences with misogyny are considered incidental, or "misdirected".
If we consider identity to be directly equivalent to oppression, then what, exactly, could these unique "trans man experiences" be?
In this framework, they can only ever be the combination of "trans experiences" and "man experiences"; and "man experiences" cannot contain any unique "man oppression" (unless all men are oppressed just for being men), so "trans man experiences" can only ever be "trans experiences".
When people say "transmisogyny" to refer to any and all oppression that impacts trans women, it's because they understand identity and oppression to be one and the same. Trans women's experiences with oppression cannot be understood as complex & nuanced interactions between different systems of oppression- they are always considered transmisogyny, because the person experiencing them is a trans women, and the oppression of trans women is called "transmisogyny".
It's a reductive and honestly immature understanding of how identity and oppression interact with and relate to one another, but I find it really helpful to understand it when breaking down the flaws in arguments like these ones.
*Some trans men (as well as other transmasculine people) can and do identify as women, and this logic is often applied to transmasculine people as a whole, which erases those folks as well. I'm just not sure what the most accurate term to use here is, honestly.
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kindlespark · 11 days
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this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here
MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //
i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.
and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.
WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee
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lotusmi · 1 year
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lotusmiii.. i really need your help. so a few weeks ago while i was in a mental hospital my mom went through my phone, my room and literally anything i owned (because they are required to do that without your permission sadly…) as she saw my manifestation list which was literally everything that was going to be in my dream life (and basically i planned on being a whole different person (from past, to parents, to my physical looks, my personality, where i live- you name it) and im guessing she showed the staff and my mental hospital doctor too and while i was there they were giving lessons based off of the things that were on there (“insecurities”, “learning/forgiving mistakes”, even some of the mental health numbers i texted in a crisis) cause they also do that.. but the problem is everytime i think of my dream life list or whenever i see something that reminds me of what i wrote (ex. my desired body) i cant stop thinkin about them seeing it.. like i tried to revise it but i failed on changing self because i couldn’t stop thinking about it and feeling all type of emotion (like guilt, embarrassment and so and so).. idk it really makes me feel hopeless of manifesting my dream life just thinking about them seeing it all. idk i just really need help and this is fucking up my mental health even worse when it comes to terms of manifestation
kind long post, read it fully to know one of my success storys! :)
Look, I used to be completely afraid of my parents discovering things about me. I would keep imaginating what they would thought or if they would punish me. The fact is, always when I was doing something I did not wanted to be discovered, I would be thinking like "oh so certain they seeing, I am so sure they will discover" etc. And hmm.. What men gives in their imagination is always reflected, right? They always discovered, I always was punished. They discovered about my previous sub channel, my mom read all my manifesting lists too. She thought I was part of a cult. It was hell like. I was so afraid of her.
The point is, as I learned the law and I learned everyone is me pushed out. I learned I could change their behavious towards me by changing their behaviours within me. So i stopped wondering "what if they discover, what if this that..."
”Don’t hold onto anything on the outside; hold on only in your imagination. If something is taken from you, it is because at one time you assumed its loss and for a moment wondered what you would do if it were. You forgot the thought (the assumption made and felt real), but its message had already been released to fulfill itself." - Neville Goddard
By constantly assuming my mom would discover and punish me. By constantly imagining how would she punish me, I was always and always punished, humiliated, etc. It was depressed by daily hearing my mom joking aroud saying stuff like "Oh is my skin more white? i just listened to a biokinesis video". I was literally obligated to confess "my sins" becaus of this "whichcraft" and the "cult". Literally, she wanted even to follow my thoughts, I was obligated to be catholic etc.
✉ So my advice IS do not re-think and remember, or even wonder if a person discovered something or if a person will punish you, judge you. DON'T EVEN WONDER. Why? because you will start feeling worry and afraid, and because you feel this emotions, you would start thinking that that you are imagining will manifest, and I know exaclty how it feels. That's why I am saying this. So if the thought of "oh but they saw", or even "oh but what she is thinking of this" cames, tell yourself IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, IT IS DONE. I AM SAFE. And ignore those thoughts, thoughts don't manifest, states do. What is a state? A state is what you indentify yourself having or being. So tell yourself that those things will not happen and they won't, since what you do in imagination is reflected! What they doing, thinking? WHAT YOU WANT. They don't know it! Black point!
♡ My SUCCESS STORY DOING THIS:
Back at december, I really wanted to have Neville Goddard books. I really wanted. So I have a kindle (it's like a tablet with ebooks), and I found this ebook with all Neville works, so I downloaded. I was really afraid my dad would saw it since of all shit I had to deal in past, but I was assuming he won't see. The problem is, It was a free sample of only 20% of the ebook, and as most of you know, amazon has this BUY WITH ONE CLICK option, and I BOUGHT BY ACCIDENT! That's when I got super anxious, I BOUGHT THE E-BOOK! It was kinda of expansive in my country coin and I know my dad would question me about it, he would receive the email and see the book.. He would ask me about it! I was so worried!!! But then I put myself in track, and even doubting, I told myself he won't see and he won't bother me. I kept telling this to myself and affirming to keep myself in the state that I was safe. I control my reality. I sent amazon a return request but it occoured an error, I was so worried at this point because i was afraid he see that.
At the end, he saw. He really did. But he only said "did u buy this ebook?" i said "yea, it was by accident, I sent the return request". Then he ignored and never talked about this anymore.
The SUCCESS part is: I STILL HAVE THE EBOOK. I have the ebook with all Neville works and all lectures (more than 400) FOR FREE! So that's most it! We are the power and we decided what will happen to us or how people will treat us. :)
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irritablepoe · 2 months
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favourite poe hcs??
:))))
oh anon i don't think you know what you've done
okay i'll list some headcanons and then i'll make a cut and list some further headcanons which contain spoilers for my fic that i haven't published yet, so they'll be major spoilers of what's to come!! you can decide if you wanna read them before ranpo finds these out hehe >:3
(if you don't read the fic that's irrelevant tho, enjoy the hcs ^^)
also pls note these are my personal hcs you ofc don't have to agree with them :3
ok first of all poe is absolutely unscareable, he could watch any horror movie and be deeply fascinated by it rather than afraid
exceptions are when there's a scene where many people talk over each other, he gets very overstimulated by that (also like in general not only in movies)
he can hear heartbeats more sensitively than a normal human being
he has relatives in america but doesn't talk to them a lot, especially since he isolated himself after ranpo defeated him
similar to irl poe i'd say his father left and his mother died when he was young leaving him and his siblings behind - they get adopted by their aunt & uncle, tho henry and poe move out quite quickly to get their own place
used to host big events in his mansion, he is very prideful of his deduction abilities after all and he's actually quite famous for solving multiple big crimes that got a lot of attention (like scandals and stuff)
(that's why he's so bummed out when ranpo defeats him too)
karl lingered outside his mansion before poe took him in; poe realised he was injured and took him to a vet; they bonded over that and karl just stayed bc poe got him food and was comfortable to sit on
always has candy for ranpo everywhere despite not being a big fan of candy
deals with dissociation and intrusive thoughts; has problems with idealization of people (see ranpo)
has been dealing with some sort of substance addiction in his time between his duel with ranpo and his revenge part
has issues with chronic pain bc of that as well
has a raccoon plushie for karl for when he's gone
loves writing with an actual quill but has been made fun of
has some odd knowledge about the human body that might or might not be concerning
hates swimming. i mean hates. loathes, in fact.
loves to rot away in bed and think while drifting in and out of consciousness (sameee)
is always cold (uses ranpo as a heater lol)
can solve basic code
loves bitter tasting things (tea, dark chocolate, strong coffee etc)
is insecure about his face + his body in general that's why he wears his hair like that and so many layers
ok now for the spoilers (if you don't want to read further than this, ty dear anon for letting me ramble about this and ty ty for reading :3)
i love the theory that an ability manifests as a kind of response to either trauma or a major change in their life, so - my theory or hc, whatever, is that poe wasn't an ability user before he met ranpo. obviously the first time they meet ranpo doesn't know about his ability and hasn't experienced it before. poe seems to find confidence in his ability and i think he'd have mentioned it before if he'd met ranpo in a setting that would also be in relation (in terms of mysteries and stuff) to it
i'm very sure or i'd like to think poe manifested his ability as a way of escapism but also as a way of determination (drawing people into his story i mean, you can't get further in being a successful detective writer than this ability yk)
also poe was a detective before they met, i'd guess he still wrote stuff but he switched almost completely once he was defeated by ranpo and barely solved any crimes anymore (maybe only over text or sth idk)
all this results ofc in a feeling of inferiority in poe who before ranpo came along was probably quite prideful - which leads me to believe he thinks of ranpo as a rival that has corrupted his mind but also as someone he is thankful for, which makes all of this wayyyy more complicated than it seems on the surface
poe thinks he's tied to ranpo and therefore cannot say no to him or pretend for long enough that he doesn't care; he actively puts himself in situations he doesn't like bc of ranpo and helps him when he really doesn't have to - he could just walk away. but he doesn't
he also exclusively uses his ability for or against ranpo, we've not seen him use it outside of it and tbh i don't think he's ever used it otherwise (except when it manifested, tho i don't know how it could've manifested tbh. like how do you find sth like this out?)
in my fic henry (his brother) knows at least a fraction of all this and asks for poe to get himself something unrelated to ranpo, which he does, which is why i think poe is also an artist, tho less skilled than in his writing but he finds fun in it
he keeps it a secret from ranpo (he will eventually open up tho)
yea. i think that's it for now, ty again anon and ty for everyone reading so far, i hope i'll not disappoint in putting this into the fic :D
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astrologanize · 6 months
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2023 october sun horoscope pt. 1
sun in aries: thankfully it is looking like this should be an easier month for y'all to jive with - the new energy from last month seems to be opening things up. this is a month that is going to allow you to dance with possibilities! who knows what could happen honestly, there may be some unexpectedness or surprises but regardless this should be an overall easygoing month that feels like one big "idk, maybe, let's see!" followed by a smile and a shrug. if you are in the dating scene or if you're in a relationship then romance will be highlighted, if you're single then maybe you meet someone or start meditating on the kind of person you want to meet. throughout october you're going to be taking chances, as an aries thrives to do so - it's like making the decision to do something or give something a try without letting doubt hold you back because you are going to be in a more lenient mood and willing to experiment, do be wary of overindulging/overspending/impulse buying tho. utilize this leniency and try to be more considerate, be open, be receptive, be direct and honest with your intentions. otherwise, you could be actin like a real scrub this month..."no scrubs" by tlc is in my head lol..."a scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a busta, always talkin' 'bout what he wants and just sits on his broke ass".
sun in taurus: rip to y'all for the bittersweet symphony that's been happening. last month brought you some sort of reality check and this is a month where you are going to know what needs to be let go of, it may be mournful at times but it is for the best as you learn to come to terms with a new reality. throughout october there will be endings - maybe literal ones or ends to your own habits/cycles, there will be a push towards resolve, maybe something in your life finally finds a solution, and there will be acceptance washing over life. something has to change!!! i guess this month songs are coming through because "something has to change" by the japanese house is in my head now. you need to properly assess your life and do what you sincerely need to do, not want to do - lol sorry taurus, because the way you've been maneuvering and the routine you have had is not conducive to your fulfillment. otherwise, this could be a month of being mindless and maybe even called out/penalized for such.
sun in gemini: last month's surrendering is bringing you to this month of forward movement in your life. this is a month of being stirred and restless for more and being able to make things happen, but not without the help and support of others, last month's theme of others is still prevalent so don't be surprised if you need to lean on others this month as well. throughout october you will be nurturing yourself and others more, you will be moving on from what you need to, you will be making strides and you will be following through on your intentions. you may also have notably positive interactions/feelings towards your mother or a maternal figure, or have something notable happen with your car or a car. let life happen this month, mingle and have good times with others - it's reminding me of going over to someone's house for a get together/cookout/something of the sort! you don't need to be in the driver's seat this month and you don't need to venture, you can find love and light with those around you. otherwise, this could be a month of putting your nose to the grindstone and being unfeeling towards others.
sun in cancer: all the introspection of last month has this month looking a lil somber, a lil despondent as you try to push through to the other side to what you're wanting. this is a month of needing to keep feelings in check, feeling low energy and needing to be mindful of your vitality but also a time of trying be more adult-ish and brimming with goals/achievements/material manifestations in mind. throughout october you will have moments of feeling unfulfilled, you may having a falling out with someone close to you, you will have a more aloof attitude, you will be focused on the material realm and plans you have, you are in a mode of being dedicated to your aspirations and persisting with such. there is no need to be unrelenting so try to keep in mind that slow and steady wins the race because we don't want to push ourselves to the point of crumbling, and it's important to note that not everything is worth persisting with and sometimes pulling back is the answer. otherwise, this could once again be a month of being stubborn, but in the most heartless way possible, it's giving ms. ariana's "7 rings" and not in a cute way.
sun in leo: last month you were getting things in order and this month is about putting forth action, you are going to be willing to put your pride aside and take chances, you may not be feeling at your best but you're still willing to try. throughout october you will be shaking off feelings of doubt, you will be letting some things go, you may have moments where you or others are not the most kind, you will be getting what you deserve - whatever that means, so if you are unkind then expect consequence and if others are unkind to you then it will bite them in the ass. at this time it's best for you to prioritize self-care and self-discipline because it will save you from letting ego issues get the better of you. have a chip on your shoulder but in a positive way that motivates you to be who you really want to be and achieve what you really want to achieve - it reminds me of starting a fitness/wellness journey or dedicating yourself to your studies, it's you really wanting to prove yourself in some way. otherwise, this could be a month of ego issues negatively impacting your connections.
sun in virgo: you're in new territory now and this is a month where you're just swimming along because you're not too sure what to think as you shed what you once knew, and the truth may start to look different as you wade through clearer waters. throughout october you will be feeling at ease and this is a chance for you to feel like a virgo in the most flattering way because you won't be coming from a place of critique or shrewdness - this month you will be committed, you will be accepting, and you will be prioritizing comfort. try to be productive this month, try your best to stay focused, try to be a virgo with a to-do list that you seek to finish, last month it was important for you to rely on others but this month you can and should rely on yourself - because you got this! otherwise, this could once again be a month of feeling lost and/or reverting back to old ways that no longer serve you because they are 'comfortable' for you.
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heliosoll · 8 months
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I have been feeling demotivated to shift, manifest or go to the void and I feel like every blogger is leaving and seeing anti manifesters and shifters. but I think my mindset is in the wrong place because no matter what intention I set it doesn’t work. And I have trouble visualizing because it is hard to force images and I have adhd like symptoms. Idk what to do if I should use aff tapes or subs because when I affirm I feel like I am lying with my ocd. Any advice?
I'll be honest, I can't help with the ocd part since I don't have ocd nor do I know enough about it to recommend anything that could actually help or resonate. If anyone else reading this does have ocd and knows how to help with that, feel free to respond and give advice :)
As for everything else, I'd definitely recommend working on your mindset and getting to a place where you trust yourself more. It seems like you're putting a little too much thought into what others think (like caring about anti manifesters). What's important is what you believe, not anyone else. It really helps to be able to trust yourself and your ability, even if you have trouble believing in the law or shifting.
Intentions can seem like a fickle thing, but it's not impossible. I want you to pay attention to how you're actually thinking throughout the day, especially in regard to manifesting and shifting. You say, "no matter what intention I set it doesn’t work" and that's a belief! It's an unintentional intention. The law is all about your beliefs! You believe that it doesn't work, so your brain goes "okay, guess it doesn't work". You are the source that's manifesting so if you don't truly believe it works then it's not going to. Trust me, I know that's frustrating but try to do away with those thoughts in whatever way you find most helpful (whether that's letting them pass, flipping them, relentless positivity, etc). You can also start to assume that you can manifest even with doubts or that you never get doubts!
Remember, it's not about what you do or how you do it, it's all about what you believe. If you believe that you can manifest no matter what, regardless of anything, then that's going to be true. On the other hand, if you believe that manifesting never works for you or that the methods you use don't work, then that's going to be true. The quote, "the universe is not happening to you, you are happening to the universe" really sums this up nicely I think. I know it can be hard to come to terms with, but you control your entire reality. Manifesting always works. It literally cannot fail - it's called a law for a reason! If manifesting isn't working for someone, more often than not it's because they don't believe in it or they don't believe in themselves. Cultivating more faith, trust, and love in yourself will tremendously help you.
In regard to what you should do, you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with. If that's subs, then go ahead and listen to subs. If it's affirming, then keep affirming. If it's setting intentions, then set more intentions. You don't need to force yourself to visualize or do anything that you have trouble with. Again, it's not the method that manifests, it's you. What you do to manifest doesn't matter, it's all about your internal beliefs and assumptions.
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panlight · 6 months
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For the sake of equity, what would each shifters' enhanced flaw be?
I guess Leah's flaw is being 'mean' but again I feel like so much of Leah's behavior is situational and, frankly, kind of justified. I keep thinking about the central premise of The Good Place. "People improve when they get external love and support--how can we hold it against them when they don't?" Her boyfriend left her for her cousin, who was also her best friend. Then she is the first woman to phase AND her dad dies. And other than her mother cutting her hair in solidarity (setting aside the problematic nature of the hair cutting for a moment), she gets NO support or sympathy from anyone. They just resent her being around, resent her being upset having to see the perfect bliss of Sam/Emily, like . . . no wonder she's lashing out! And again HER. DAD. JUST. DIED. All the characters, and SM too, seem to make it about Sam but there's a lot more going on here.
But anyway sure, let's enhance her devastating 'mean' streak; she can literally wound you with a cutting remark. Incapacitate enemies with a well-timed insult.
Paul is already hot-headed, so I guess that's his flaw. Enhanced as a possible power, idk, breathe fire?
Seth is so happy and bubbly despite *gestures vaguely at everything, including his recently deceased father* that his flaw might be just . . . not dealing with negative emotions at all. Just pushing it all down and ignoring it, or putting on this fake veneer of happiness to cope. How that would manifest if intensified . . . hmm . . . maybe he can manipulate other people's emotions like Jasper does? Or he can force all the negative feelings he won't deal with on other people.
Sam is wracked with guilt and overburdened with responsibility despite being only 20. And like, actually 20. I know fandom is like "wow I'm 23 and couldn't lead a family like Carlisle" but Carlisle is also 350+ so he's not really 23. Mentally, maybe, but in terms of life experience? Nope. Sam REALLY IS ONLY 20 and has to be Pack Dad. That's a lot. Maybe an enhanced negative thing for him could be the Alpha Order, maybe he uses it too much to force those under this care to obey For Their Own Good or whatever. That whole lack of free will gets really dark really fast. I guess Quil was sort of jealous about being left out of the pack initially? He thought his friends abandoned him to join Sam's cult. I don't know how enhanced jealousy manifest as a power, though. But I guess not all enhanced vampire traits become powers, either.
Jared in the books is not especially distinct to me; Jared in the movies is kind of a jokester, so maybe he becomes a sort of like Joker/Riddler kind of figure if flaws are enhanced?
Embry's flaw is, idk, having a chip on his shoulder about not knowing who is father is? Feeling like he doesn't quite belong? Not sure what that looks like enhanced. Maybe it goes back around to invisibility power; he feels invisible and sometimes or he just wants to disappear.
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malusienki · 2 months
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Hi! This is for the random WIP ask game but your asks aren't turned on on your sideblog, so I'm sending this through here:
12. 🎧 HEADPHONES: Share a song that inspired your WIP
10. 📚 BOOKCASE: Share a paragraph from your WIP
(idk if you write anything, so feel free to ignore that last one)
OH SHOOT i’ll fix that! but for now i’ll answer here (thanks for telling me :’0)
12. headphones — hm. i was sort of inspired by a couple things for cecilia. shamefully i will admit part of it comes VAGUELY from handel’s alcina, i really love ombre pallide so i’ll say that as one of them. but in terms of non-opera, i’d say slipping through my fingers by abba.
10. bookcase — let me dig up some older writing because as of right now i’m in a huge— i guess you could say renaissance— in terms of writing / revamping stuff. i do plan on writing more once this semester is over though!
“Everything in this forest was manifested by Cecilia. The frowning trees, the near-mute animals, the way the slightest sound would echo around, magnified by some unknown force. This was the only thing she had control over, and even then, it was dictated by the only emotions she was able to embody— sadness, anger, and anything in between. As for her appearance? She had no sense of identity. She didn’t know who she was… nor what she used to be. The only thing she knew is that she was “dead”, yet cursed to roam this forest as long as the sun rose in the mornings and set in the evenings. She did not eat nor sleep, for she had no need to. It seemed like her only role in this world was to be a wanderer, one who never found their destination.”
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mysisters-bike · 6 days
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a discussion of ethics in true crime and psychology
last night, i was perusing reddit and saw a comment on a post asking if the community thought if both eric and dylan were psychopaths. we all know how i feel about this, but at this time, it’s a bit beside the point. the comment that got me thinking and inspired this post was this:
“Not sure what definition of Pyschopath you are referring to but:
Dictionary: a person affected by chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.
I think that checks the box, he was abnormal and he certainly was violent.
Merriam-Webster: he meaning of PSYCHOPATH is a mentally unstable person; especially : a person having an egocentric and antisocial personality
Check, Check, he was anti-social to a T, his journal showed huge amounts of egocentric red flags
Dictionary.com - a person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships.
IDK I don't see anything in there about self-preservation. We can't study him because he's dead, yes, he's dead because he committed one of the most heinous acts in our lifetime, which to me is something a psychopath would do. I guess you could argue, if given the right treatments, could he have lived a normal life? I'm sure, he could have yes, that still doesn't make him any less of a psychopath in my book. At the time of his death, he was a living, breathing psychopath in my eyes. I am also not a doctor.”
what is wrong with this? first, let me actually ask you what you know about ethics in psychology?
as you all may know, i am an actual psychologist. i have a BA in psych and my MS in forensic psych. i currently work with first-time offenders but i’m transitioning into long-term incarcerated populations. i have conducted my own research on the efficacy of cognitive behavioral interventions on substance use disorder in prisons with backing from my university. this is the same introduction i gave to this person. it’s important to acknowledge my background because, all i’m trying to say is that i’m qualified to speak on this.
YOU CANNOT DIAGNOSE SOMEONE FROM A DICTIONARY DEFINITION. the same example i posed to this person was: “does this mean that, based on your criteria, that every guy who robs an old lady of her purse in a park is a psychopath?” because that’s abnormal and violent, right? on the other hand, we have the DSM-5 for a reason. you know?
the reality is that conditions like psychopathy are highly intricate and have many moving parts, comes with a lot of background information, and needs the absolute correct recipe to actually be defined and diagnosed.
something we do in the field of correctional psychology (which is different from forensic psychology) is helping the offender understand why the did what they did and how they can be better. in order to correctly assign a treatment plan, we need to correctly diagnose the patient. this means, as psychologists, we need to keep in mind the scope of treatment, the patient’s social and familial history, family risk factors, socioeconomic risk factors, etc. the biggest thing i mentioned is SCOPE OF TREATMENT.
to ethically carry out the correct scope of treatment, correctional and forensic psychologists must put aside biases and judgements of those who may have a criminal background. in correctional psychology, we are not treating the crime, we are treating the person. forensic psychologists, on the other hand, do have more of a hand in treating the crime or, rather, serving as expert witnesses and trying to prevent future criminal activity. we may not judge the patients who enter our case load.
lastly, i am never saying the perpetrators are victims in their crimes but they are often victims to their upbringing, mental illnesses, and society. even beyond prison, the formerly incarcerated continue to be societal victims and face a social death that is akin to banishment. they can’t find work or housing and end up repeating the same vicious cycle; it’s abhorrent.
i’m posting this because it upset me. i couldn’t change the person’s mind and that’s okay, but it bothers me to see people thinking so plainly and unethically. at the very least, we need to educate ourselves as a society to stop judging criminals because half the time, that’s the reason they continue to find themselves in prison to begin with. put on your psychologist hats.
as a final parting thought…it’s interesting to me that when i bring up the need for EMPATHY when facing the treatment of criminals, it’s okay because i’m a psychologist. but it wasn’t before i entered this field. isn’t that weird?
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malaierba · 4 months
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Honestly, the Osomatsu-san Persona post is freaking brilliant. My biggest question is how Nozomi can correlate with The Sun? I see her more as The Priestess or maybe Empress (idk why I think Empress). I did do research, and one of the characters in the Sun Arcana was terminally ill, so maybe that's why??? Also HELP WHY DO I THINK NOZOMI MIGHT BE WEALTHY???? (I saw that her room was by the sea and somehow thought she had money??? What am I thinking???)
Full disclosure, most of my knowledge about Tarot comes from when I played The Arcana 🫣 I tried to get into it and I do use an app to get readings every now and then but I'm not very... Knowledgeable. I know some things, but I'm far from well-versed.
For example I didn't know that The Sun was used for terminally ill people? 🤔 I guess it makes sense now.
The post seems to be focusing on the major arcana which is a big limitation. Personally, I would've given Nozomi the Six of Cups:
The six of cups is a card about nostalgia and the safety and pleasure in memories. It focuses particularly on memories of childhood. Oftentimes in readings it can also indicate an old flame of the past turning up, or it indicates a general return to ways or things from the past. It can be a card of remembered, small joys as well as safety and security.
Which covers a lot of the themes seen in her character arc. That, or a card related to closing cycles, like The World (THE card of closure afaik)
The World card shows a naked woman wrapped in a purple cloth, dancing inside a large laurel wreath. She looks behind her to the past, while her body moves forward to the future. In her hands are two wands or batons, like the one The Magician holds. It is a symbol that what was manifested with The Magician has now come to completion with The World. The wreath is circular, symbolizing a continual cycle of successful completion and new beginnings because, as the woman steps through the wreath, she is completing one phase but beginning another one almost straight away
The Priestess and The Empress, for this I actually talked to my sister lol (my family's bruja/witch frfr) and also relied a bit on The Arcana (otome game lol 💀). Both cards are very similar in that they signify influence and an ability to change the outcome of a situation, but where The Empress has more agency and hard power, or can actively affect an outcome, The Priestess is a "hidden" figure. There's an element of occultism, of soft power, like a king's childhood friend who can affect the king's outlook on something but can't change an outcome themselves.
When I explained the context to my sister she actually agreed that Nozomi could fit the High Priestess arcana! So that was a good catch on your part 👀 I guess what had me hesitating is that I correlate the card with having the means to influence something (usually a social position, or expertise in a field that makes your opinion trustworthy) but my sister correctly pointed out that said means of influence can be achieved after one takes action. In this case, making a wish and leaving a card in the past empowers Nozomi in a subtle, backstage way.
I kind of like The High Priestess card for Nozomi too because the major arcana are often read as more permanent, like the situation has more longevity, while the minor arcana can be more incidental. As in, they address single events, their timeframe is not as wide, something like that (correct me if I'm wrong though again I'm not that good at tarot 💀). So I think it gives Nozomi the opportunity to have a more long-term role in the story.
Man this was fun thanks for bringing it up 🥺🩷
And about Nozomi coming from a wealthy family! I got the same feeling! If nothing else because sadly chronic illnesses aren't cheap, and while Japan's healthcare is quite good, it's my understanding that most resources are veered towards older people. I mean, it's still one of the best among developed nations, and the National Health Insurance Scheme (public, universal) in theory ensures that everyone has access to health services. That still leaves a 30% of any medical costs incurred to be paid by the patient, and since Nozomi is implied to have been sick for a while, it was probably her family who shouldered the costs.
Hmm I wonder if our perception of her wealth is influenced by us being American 🤔 I'm thinking so many things lol. Like, in our continent (exception being Canada and a few Caribbean islands, and maybe Cuba, maybe?) longevity when one is chronically ill tends to affected by income, because our healthcare is generally so bad. I know that in France chronically ill people live for longer because the system is better, and it's not as shocking to them (or at least, talking to regular, able bodied, mainly white folk will lead you to believe that... France's healthcare system scores high internationally in any case).
But that also raises the question, was Nozomi chronically ill? Was she managing it for many years with reasonable ease, until it took a turn for the worse? If so, WHEN did this happen?
Because assuming that Nozomi did in fact die (PERISH THE THOUGH) she was, like... Very young??? I think that at the time the movie came out the sextuplets were estimated to be 28 (10 year reunion). Of course it would depend on what it was that landed Nozomi on the hospital, but seeing as she was young, isn't it a bit worrying that she lost the battle so soon? I can only assume that it happened if she had been sustaining cumulative damage from her illness + potentially any medical treatments she underwent for a while. Which, would mean that her family was covering for at least 30% of whatever she required for something close to ten years.
Once again, we are left with many questions 😔 Not sure those will ever be answered either, since OSOSAN is on the bad habit of using its female characters only once, and I fear that may be the case for Nozomi too.
On the bright side, this gives the fandom a lot of material to explore in fanwork.
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stinkrascal · 4 months
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A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.
hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3
umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.
the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was
unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.
you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.
also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.
so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol
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zaenaris · 2 years
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The things Shin does for love - ch.271
It’s really interesting what Wakui decided to do with Shin and little by little we are learning something more on the lore of TR universe. It seems that to actively become a time leaper, you need to kill another time leaper. But I guess something is missing because Takemichi didn’t kill anyone, someone pushed him under the train, (and this person could become relevant soon) he presumably died in that timeline, went back to 2005, talked with Naoto about time leaping and coming from the future, they shake hand and of course they have the same desire. In order to work, time leaper and trigger need to agree and to have the same strong desire on something. Then he comes back in a new 2017 where Naoto is alive. Takemichi didn’t chose to become a time leaper. There has to be some condition, or other rules we still don’t know. We will see.
Anyway, I absolutely adore the fact Shin was so desperate that he killed a random guy that was apparently talking nonsense. We are seeing Shin at his absolute worst and not described by Mikey, or Inupi, or other people that idolized him but couldn’t know him in his entirety. His eyes, usually pitch black, are void (just like Mikey with dark impulses) and when he kills himself in front of Haru (poor kid, he was worried for Shin even before witnessing his suicide and had to see all that) and it seems he is either trying to go back to the past killing himself, or is too tired and just wants to end it.
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He manages to come back and it seems it’s the day of the accident, but of our current timeline. In fact in this case Shin was at home. We’ll see if this is “our” timeline. Our timeline is  hard to define tho, since Takemichi altered the story a few times. But he never went to back earlier than 2005 and Mikey accident happened earlier so maybe there are some “fixed” events, idk😵‍💫
I wonder at what part of the story Shin decides to involve Wakasa in this mess or if he ends up learning about Shin time leaping by chance. Again, we  will see.
The most evident thing is that the Shin in our “current”  (for the lack of a better term) timeline dies the same way he killed the old time leaper guy. Coincidences?? Does it mean Kazutora could be a time leaper? But he didn’t know (as far as we know) that Shin was a time leaper. Can you inherit the time leaping power if you don’t know you killed a time leaper? Is it just a cruel coincidence?? 
But, was the Shin that died in 2003 future!Shin? Why would have been there if he had managed to save Mikey? Was the Shin that died in 2003 unaware of all the fact?
Oh! Another thing we don’t know if the “past selves” remembers what happens when “future selves” occupy the body of themselves in the past (at least, I don’t think it was ever explained, I could be wrong). Anyway, if it was  never explained, maybe this could be right moment. And what if Shin dies in our timeline unaware of what he did? I need answers
In this chapter, Shin doesn’t need a trigger to leap to the past, but in the end Takemichi didn’t either when he was pushed under the train and went back in 2005. He needed Naoto to come back in 2017 tho, after talking with him. Idk, from this chapter it seems Haru may be the trigger (idk of course, maybe the fact it makes me think about it means it’s too easy and the trigger will be someone else) : maybe in “our timeline”, future!Shin informed Haru about Mikey’s terrible fate (in between the scenes, we never saw them interact “on screen” in ch.241), he believed Shin so he decided he would have done anything to help Mikey. That's why he was happy when Mikey attacked him: the toy was broken and this meant Mikey was safe right? Also, too bad that, apparently, that was the first time the “dark impulses” manifested.  Probably Shin realized something was wrong. But this is too much theory with no evidence, I want to see what actually happened lol
Furthermore, we know that Mikey attacking Haru was Senju’s POV, so something else may have happened. 
Idk, too many questions but everything is so interesting, I’m excited to learn more and  more!
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rivetgoth · 2 years
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I think for me transsexuality is just like. very physical and not very mental, if that makes sense which it probably doesnt. One of the biggest primary things that kept me from being able to actually come out as trans confidently was the terminology that the community was switching over to at the time ie. replacing terms like transsexual with transgender or replacing sex reassignment surgery with gender affirming surgery, replacing ftm with trans man, the prevalence of terms like transmasculine to refer broadly to any afab person who identified with anything broadly considered “masculine,” this would have been back in like 2013 or early 2014 when i first recognized that i was vaguely “not female” but didnt have a full grasp on myself and what i actually wanted yet.
i think so much of the trans community discusses identity and “gender” as this like. mental thing, or even societal thing, this idea or this concept thats intangible and like. thats all fine but i feel like i never necessarily had a relationship to this idea of gender or one’s gender being changed or affirmed by various means. my desire to transition came from a physical discomfort with my body and any desire for differing treatment socially came from the awareness that i was being treated in accordance to my physical body and how people perceived it, when it wasnt the body I wanted at all to begin with. Like. uh. I remember my early questioning as a young teen and preteen usually was stuff like, “if I could just step into a machine and immediately change my sex to male I would but its not worth the trouble of transitioning and having to undergo these big surgeries and hormones” and frequently trying to like, mentally bargain with the universe basically being like “i would HAPPILY be a woman if i could just have a male body.” etc.
in a world where gender didnt exist i would still be trans because i would not be able to live a comfortable fulfilling happy life in the body i was born with, regardless of how we conceptualized gender or identity or pronouns. if i lived in a society where every human being used she/her pronouns and was called girl i wouldnt care abt that but i would still have been literally unable to have healthy relationships with other people until i had my top surgery. i still wouldnt have been able to even jerk off without feeling suicidal until I was on T.
stuff like being misgendered or treated “like a girl” is purely like, the social reminder of my physical self and as ive transitioned further and further towards a body i’m happy with the blow has been lessened to being practically nonexistent, altho i still dont like. want to be called a girl lol i still would like to be perceived as a man in society. i dont feel any attachment to womanhood or being female and i never ever have. i never identified with being a lesbian or a bi woman, i never really had female friends, i always related to male characters and had primarily male friends and looked up to men, i never even really felt like the misogyny i experience/d was the same as the misogyny experienced by peers who identified with womanhood. but i also dont feel like womanhood or manhood or whatever is some complex deep intrinsic thing tied to sex or whatever idk.
i guess like, it harkens back 2 the fact that i feel like being nonbinary or genderqueer or whatever is almost inseparable from transness, even if you are by definition “binary.” I dont actually think nonbinary/binary is a binary lol. i think my identity is so tied to like, my physical body, and my desire to craft my body into something i actually feel comfortable with, to create an exterior that matches what i feel on the inside, my dysphoria manifesting as something similar to phantom limbs or severe dissociation and disconnect, and by EXISTING in society as someone who is transitioning and transsexual thats not going to exist in a binary.... especially as like, a bisexual man, and as someone who has fully decided by choice to keep my vagina and enjoys being penetrated by men and women alike, like that alongside an identity that is contingent on the physical being makes me feel kind of innately “not binary,” even if i dont identify as “nonbinary.”
i dont think sex is binary. i think its something that is very much mutable and changeable and its also not really a real construct, like there are objective realities found in nature of basic expectations of different sexes but theres literally no reason that these things need to be permanent and unchangeable, i feel like i DO relate to the concept of both defying my natal sex as well as changing it, hence the terms like transsexual, ftm, or sex reassignment like, resonating much more than anything 2 do with “gender” which i dont really even feel a connection to. when have trans people ever been fully given the privilege of being perceived as a certain gender? i dont even feel like cis lgb people fully have that privilege. being kinky and gay and trans its like abundantly clear how much of these identities are hinging on cishetero reproduction and the nuclear family and if i dont have access to or the desire to partake in any of that then what does being a man or being a woman even mean?
idk. this is very rambly and i dont necessarily expect it to make sense or for everyone to read it, but its just a lot of thoughts i have about gender and sex and shit. i feel like my identifying as stuff like “a trans man” and sometimes even a man at all feels like... out of.... practicality? because its the best easiest way to convey an innate desire to change and shape my physical self and how i want to be perceived by society. i feel as much “male” as like, the way society perceives male animals lol, like contingent on the preconceived notions of a physical reality that i am actively choosing to manipulate and change. gender isnt something i feel like i have much relationship to, i dont even really relate to like, masculinity or femininity really, as concepts, i dont relate to the term transmasculine for that reason, i wouldnt even call my presentation inherently masculine or feminine, and i think in part that has to do with being goth too, as ive said before goth presentation is genuinely, unironically very different than non-goth gender nonconformity and its literally perceived differently both within the community and at large lol. like i feel like as masculine as someone like nivek ogre or al jourgensen but it feels kinda jarring to realize that they themselves fit the definition of “gnc” by most people’s standards. hm. idk!
i wish i could just look like this
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