#i guess this is just me freaking lut about music as always cause i just love it so mucg | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleepingwonders · 7 years

Text

04162017

Dude. Happy Easter. I realise that my body just HATES smoke so I’m just going to accept that. Also found out that my ‘thing’ in my friend group that is highly notable is dissociation in the middle of hanging out. I will legit just like lay down anywhere and just like forget everything. And it’s great like, of you don’t know me well enough you’d think oh god she’s insane but I mean… yeah I am, but like I’m a chaotic neutral….. IM NOT GONNA GO OUT OF MY WAY to burden others nah boiiiii I’ll let you just set fire to yourself lmao. Speaking of Fire ok let me just start this over but with like what happened.

LET ME JUST STATE THAT I JUST ENJOY WRITING DOWN MY THOUGHTS ON THIS SITE AND BEING ABLE TO LOOK BACK. I also really like when people like reply to my diary posts bc like… I’m just o h your read it and don’t think lowly of me omf and I get happy.

Ok end rant let’s get on

So about 8 I made it to Mukilteo beach (finally) and met up w Mikayla, Jake, Annalise, Zane, and Kaitlyn(?)(just met her) then I found out Kevin and his gf were coming and I was like o. (Cause last time I saw him I completely switched on him and was a shit. A big shit. I feel bad but I had so many feelings against him that like it was impulsive…. he hurt me and doesn’t even know he did me wrong…. anyways) so I met his gf and whatever fine and dandy, bUT BOY WAS IT COLD so they left and we were all planning on meeting up at Zanes house; bc we can make a fire there, perfect. So we get there and jake tells me that Kev and gf didn’t come bc he had some thing and whatever (aka he didn’t wanna come or his gf didn’t wanna come whatever either way he didn’t come. Oh well) So we all get to Zanes (I got there last cause I got lost af ended up in Everett whoops) and I just like hang out for half a second but I looked up and soO MANY STARS BOI and then like I completely forgot that I was a person in a group of people for a solid 20 minutes… and I was lying on the ground, just looking up at the stars completely forgetting about everything around me until well mikayla gets a hold of the gasoline bottle and starts spraying the bottle RAPIDLY and jake is freakingout. Then Jake gets the bottle and IT BROKE HAHAH SO LIKE HE GOT GAS EVERYWHERE AND THE FIRE NATURALLY SPREAD TO THE GRASS AND LIKE EVERYONE WAS FREAKING OUT TRYNA LUT THE FIRE OUT AND AH HAHA SO FUNNY. but eventually they got it out, Hahaha then like I get up finally and join and andrew ended up coming and he was able to bring me my BTS posters !!!! I was HAPPY. anyways I get up and sit w the group it’s great and like I get super into the fire and zone out again and like forget everything again, I’m far enough away from the fire that my body cold af tho. So I’m freezing and also like inhaling smoke from the fire (no prob tho cause 'it hurts so good’)(plus like it makes me feel like I got the dankest fickin vape cloud cause all that’s in my body is fuckin smoke hahaha. And like andrew notices and was like dude chill that can kill you. So because again I’m a big shit, I start INHALING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS SMOKE. I made it a point to inhale the most smoke. He was not having is hahaha. Oh well. Then something happened and andrew tried to take the posters and I like, fuck I have ZERO CLUES as to what came over me but yo I bit andrew like alySSA WHATTHEFUCK. and then realised I needed to chill. So I let someone out (I was blocking them in the driveway) and came back and like everything was fine again. Then Zane brought ou t CATS ANF I WAS ALL FOR IT HECK YA. Then like the fire started dying and you know what that means (SMOOOOOOKE) well andrew again wasn’t having it so he stood in front of me lolol. Darn it. Then Jake and andrew, and annalise left and it was just Zane, Mikayla and I. So like I don’t know how it happened but eventually the three of us ended up hanging out and Zane got his vape and bc I’m always so interested in everything that I know nothing about I’m like BRO LEMME DO IT FUCKIN VAPE NAAAASHUNNN and hahahahahah my dudes I CANNOT INHALE SMOKE FOR SHIT. (Will post a video later or something) it’s so bad. I kept choking on the smoke and coughing it was bad. But it was really fun at the same time and I got some cool photos of Zane. I want to edit them and make them look cool and stuff and maybe I’ll post them or something sometime. (Probably will everything ends up on here) and yeah. Anyways we were talking about what our things are (Zane has this like shivering thing he does, mikayla has this face of utter disgust at something she’s displeased with, and I guess my thing is my Dissociation in the middle of everything and just laying down and looking at the sky.)(again I totally didn’t know it was so obvious). And then we dispatched. So on my way home I was listening to music at level fucking 30. (Mind you I never put it past 13/15 so I’m just BLAAASTING this stuff and I’m like hell ya and singing along and it was greeeeeat. All in all good night I was satisfied. But I’m gonna like stop it here because nothing else really happened after that. But I’m glad I was able to hang. Now. I have to sleep bc I have to wake up in about 8.7 hours to go to church! So excited. I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter. And to those who’ve already experienced their day, I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Day. Much love, and Bless up. (:

#diary #mikayla #dissociation

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