#i hardly understand it myself

[bonetrousledbones]

whatever you do DON’T think about how papyrus undertale’s biggest motivations lie in encouraging the people around him to improve themselves and finding the joy in friendship and how he doesn’t have any of that in deltarune whatsoever and instead he’s just hiding inside of a dark house while everyone else is outside going about their lives relatively fine without him just dont think about it

#trousled rambles #deltarune #papyrus #undertale #its 1am and im having deltarune papyrus thoughts again dont look at me #was just thinkin more abt his possible knight motivations and. well what would he do when he has no one to keep on the straight and narrow #and when there's no one to keep HIM on the straight and narrow..........................yknow #his brother runs a whole grocery store by himself so i think its safe to say he didn't need papyrus to push him into it like in ut #and undyne's BORED sure but she's still okay. she's still forming a connection with alphys without papyrus having anything to do with it #alphys is more confident without ANY of papyrus's help at ALL #head in hands HE HAD SO MUCH INFLUENCE IN UNDERTALE AND NOW HE HAS HARDLY ANY AT ALL......HIS NAME ISNT EVEN MENTIONED...................... #i need to go to bed BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THE VERY CONCEPT OF HIM FUCKS ME UP AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR #edit had to make this more accurate to what im feeling rn #blood //

[gayvampyr]

i love being able to speak spanish because it allows me to also understand written portuguese and italian pretty often which i think is cool

#i don’t consider myself a polyglot or fluent in portuguese or italian #i can hardly understand spoken word #but being able to read it and get the gist without having studied it is cool i think #text post #bilingual #language

[gently-decaying-flowers]

well that was awkward

#rant in tags #i coulda sworn i told my mom i didn’t wanna go to college #apparently not #she didn’t go tho so why was she so weird about it #and my brother “oh they’ve always been inconsistent about what they wanna do with their life #like yeah #and i know im young #but can’t yall just be supportive #i just wanna get a job and publish stories #i have dreams #i have things i wanna do with my life #why would i go to college and waste my energy and MONEY #on a degree i’m probably not going to use!! #i would rather save my money to move out and write and care for myself #i just don’t think college would benefit me #my mom of all people should understand that #sorry i’m not successful like my brother is #sorry i’m not winning awards and being an adult #sorry i don’t live up to anyone’s FUCKING standards #i hardly live up to my own #i just want a future where i’m happy #and i guess academic and creative success and achievements are the only way ill have any sort of life #sorry i’m not a top student #sorry i’m not a perfect writer #sorry i’m not good enough #vent #char’s diary

[no1ryomafan]

Not to make another mecha rant at unholy hours about something particular that isn’t shocking and only shocking to me bc my autistic ass learn stuff so slowly but I think after enough observation I finally clocked why people are so hard on mecha: Nobody realizes robots are the appealing aspects but can still be used as story telling tools.

People think mecha fights diminish character development when that’s far from the truth. A mecha in a show is a secondary vessel to the protagonist. It has a connection to them, a relationship, even if it’s not sentient. It is an extensive of their own sheer will power and most mecha fights can be seen just like any anime fight: driven by its pilots determination and it’ll overcome the obstacle. Being in a big robot over fighting hand to hand with super powers doesn’t change this.

If shounen can prioritize cool fights but still tell interesting stories, why do people think mecha can’t do the same? When it being in the realm of sci fi opens up even more deep story possibilities? Why can’t people realize you can have “WAH COOL ROBOT” but also a deep narrative? Why do people always pick one or the other?

People who don’t realize this end up making mechas that don’t fit into both appealing categories because they think having more character focus over robot fights is better story telling, but why would I watch a mecha if the thing it IS isn’t present? Why strip mecha of its identity? Why not just make a media in a different genre if you aren’t going to respect what it is?

There is no “deconstruction”, you simply refuse to watch the actual influencers of this genre. You pick at something you don’t understand and don’t want to learn from because you think you know what you’re doing. You think you know what you’re talking about when you only watched maybe one show and put it on a pedestal without actually trying things.

It’s fine if you did try and don’t think it’s your cup of tea, but most people don’t. They just assume. This isn’t even asking to watch more mecha but to be OPEN MINDED. To LISTEN to people at least when they mention it and be aware of what the genre actually is, and not the fabrication you made up. Learn. Don’t refuse.

#meg text #evening mecha ramble #this is trying to sound deep but probably come off shitty lol #probably gonna be more like myself in tags #Moral of the story If you don’t like old things or toxic fans whatever but don’t talk about shit you hardly know lol #I don’t even like to be involved but as a getter fan im strapped to this #just like ryoma to fate fr fr #(god kill me for that one) #Also no this did not stem from twitter as I look at it less but this also ain’t a twitter issue #we have western mfers make mecha and not understand it and that’s a curse in itself but it’s worse here #also this isn’t aimed Eva hate bc Anno LITERALLY made Gunbuster (a huge getter homage) and mecha fans hating a lot doenst help #but at the same time please stop with saying it’s special or a expectation #your better saying it clicks with you and that’s fine #if you say it’s a deconstruction your pulling it out of your ass

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[tvrningout-a]

a lil note about muses on here!! i’m going to reduce the amount of muses on my roster, removing characters i rarely use. this may include muses that we write together, but please don’t worry!! i’ll still write these muses with my partners who currently have dynamics with them; they will just no longer be available to the general public and will not be listed on my roster.

i’ll be honest and let y’all know that my focus has drifted away from kny a great deal, and that will be reflected when i edit my roster. most kny muses will be moved to the tertiary list, removed, or reworked for another fandom. i apologize bc i know this will be disappointing for some of you, but i need to make some changes so this blog feels neater and more accurately reflects where my interest lies. i don’t think this comes as a surprise tbh? but still i know it’s not what some people want to hear.

all that said, i do understand if you want to break mutuals — no hard feelings whatsoever!! but i hope we can figure out new dynamics and continue having fun smushing our dorks together if you stick around 💜

#i’ll probably start editing when i get home from class #but i’m just giving y’all a heads up first! #like i said there’s nothing to worry about if i write certain muses with you already bc i’ll still write them for you #but i just want my roster to be cleaner and to be more accurate as to where my interest is #which is fantasy and jjk and general modern verse stuff #and there’s just some muses i hardly ever get to use so it’s like?? why keep them here honestly uvu #i end up forgetting about them myself bc no one requests them/i don’t reach for them first #and really i’ve been thinking about this for a long time so i just!! need to do it!! #i hope y’all understand and i’m sorry to disappoint anyone!! #get ready to ramble | ooc

[diamondseaside]

.

#i post a lot about my job struggles but i don’t think anyone really understands the extent to it #i’m so burnt out from having to do everything myself and that is only compounded by the job search #i literally spend most of my time when i get back from work laying in bed and procrastinating #and then i’m just stuck in a shame/guilt spiral for not being able to do basic tasks #i hardly relax or watch tv or work out or do anything for myself these days #it’s so hard

[greppelheks]

I've really actively been working on myself for the past ten years, only to realize the way I was trying to be, just ain't for me.

I've gotten rid of my social anxiety, I've learned how to do small talk and be really good at it, I've learned how to be in groups and how to communicate, I've learned how to connect with others, step out of my comfort zone and get rid of my fear of trying new things.

And now I'm like huh... I'm actually happiest at home in my comfort zone. Its not that I can't do all the things I could never so anymore, but I don't really want to? Its kinda peaceful.

#personal #I'm so happy I learned all those things #because I do feel more connected to people and I'm more at ease around them and myself #but I worked towards having a normal life so much #a life I saw others live where they had lots of friends and social outings and cool hobbies #and I'm like I could do all those things now #but I'm actually happiest with one max two social outings a week for maybe an hour or two #and I'm not all that interested in cool hobbies I'd rather do crafts and cooking and going for walks #and it's like.... acceptance #it's ok to live a smaller life #a bigger life would make me unhappy #it's actually so funny (read: frustrating) #because I had to ACTIVELY learn how to do all these things I've gotten really good at it #only for me to realize that most people #(the people I thought I had to be like) #are actually pretty bad at it #so now I'm the best conversationalist and host and deep questions asker and connector #and most people I meet aren't actually all that good at it #so now I'm the designated social person #and I'm like no thank you :) #endless books and videos and therapy to learn at how to talk connect communicate only to realize most people hardly do it lmao #I'll never understand the way people communicate I've been studying it for years but it doesn't make sense to me

[erstwhile-elster]

Oof

#yeah not going out again by myself any time soon #wound up coming home and just crying myself asleep after getting overwhelmed by an oppressive sense of loneliness #i just don't get why it anymore #why is it so hard for me? why do I seem to be so out of place everywhere i go? #i know to some degree i do it to myself but even when i try #it all just seems to not be enough #I'm just left feeling like I'm something so wrong #sometimes i feel like I'm being punished having a good day just for the next to hurt #and I'm hardly good in any way but i can't imagine I've done anything to deserve to feel like this so often #i just don't understand why I seem to have to feel so alone no matter where i am what's happening who I'm with #a constant outsider even when surrounded by people I've known for so long who call me their friend even #i just want to feel like i belong somewhere

[valentinesparda]

I want to talk more about self insert and self ship stuff but my god I feel like I need to be sat down and applied torture methods to be able to talk without being like *avoids topic with deflection avoids being nice by being mean avoids saying positive things by deflection etc etc*

#val.txt #like i have been thinking tboights but i also dont know how to put those thoughts into coherent strings of text #and im into way too many things that hardly anyone cares about and most of my selfship and insert lore requires like. #deep introspective thought and an understanding of the source material that makes one seem mentally unwell in how much detail they know #like yeah its one thing to be like 'yeah such and such character is my ex' or 'we are reincarnated soulmates' #but it is entirely another for you to actually understand the painful backflipping i have to do to even #a) allow myself the pleasure of being able to imagine we are kissing eachother #and b) the absolute mental gymnastics and lore ive had to fuck with to make my ships even exist in the first place #its practically impossible to hold a conversation with someone who doesnt know the source of my ships or inserts #simply because of how much my logical brain has to work through to be able to have me be even remotely happy #and idk if thats because of how i treat self inserting and self shipping or if its the acearo talking. perhaps both being in the same space #kind of makes it hard to exist in the current state of the selfship community #idk maybe im just a little insane lol

[angelmateria]

will never forget when i first started endwalker and started sobbing purely because you could explore sharlayan with graha and i was so happy about it i just cried

#LIKE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE #i hardly make personal posts so i don't really have a tag for myself lol should i make one..... #text #not aes

[mars-ipan]

being asexual is so weird sometimes bc i will have an experience or feeling that isn’t sexual or horny like i /know/ it isn’t but if i tried to explain it in words it would just sound like a sexual/horny thing. and like it is at first glance but it really isn’t at all

#like. ok. #i’m not gonna super delve into my personal relationship with sex #(trust me i wrote a bunch of tags and went ‘hm. no i don’t wanna share this’) #i’m calling it ‘pseudosexual.’ in my head #bc it’s the best way i can describe it #it’s sorta like. mimicry. but with an emotion #is horniness an emotion? i don’t know i’ve literally never experienced it #i don’t think i’d be able to properly explain it bc i don’t fully get it myself #hey fellow aspecs. do you know what the fuck i’m talking about #obvi our experiences are all varied n shit but like surely someone understands what i mean #even tho i hardly understand what i mean #bc it’s REALLY HARD to translate into words #idk. may decide this was an overshare later n delete it #i wanna talk about being ace a big lot but i don’t wanna talk abt my feelings on sex at all #bc that is. more than i’m comfy sharing #idk. i’m not worried abt it in an insecurity way but i /do/ want to understand it #it’s mainly frustrating when i’m looking for fanworks ngl #sigh. guess i gotta make the content i wanna see in the world. idk if i wanna make it tho

[disdaidal]

Sorry for coming to you for this. A mutual I've been following for years posted "If you still like harry potter in 2023 you deserve the electric chair" and tbh it's...scary. Tumblr is more hostile everyday. First the withhaunt for Billy fans now even HP. Can't one enjoy anything anymore in this world???? I don't follow JKR. I Don't support JKR. Demonizing a whole fandom and franchise though wishing death upon fans is going too far imho. Everyday I'm thinking on leaving tumblr for good.

As a long-time (unapologetic) Harry Potter fan and a fan of Billy, I feel ya there. I've had to unfollow and block people for posts like that because guess what: I don't come here to be judged over a fictional thing that I happen to like. 😒 Nor do I actually care about JK Rowling, so my bad I guess.

Wanting to leave Tumblr (or Twitter etc. etc.) under these circumstances is understandable. Fandoms and being a fan should be fun. Not an excuse to bully other people online or tell them to kill themselves because they disagree with you. 🤷‍♀️ Your own comfort and well-being should always come first.

#replies #anon #discourse #thanks for sending me this. please don't apologize #because truthfully i've been having similar thoughts lately #i don't think i'll ever quit my tumblr because i've been here forever #but i've definitely spent less time here since october #hardly participating in any of my fandoms (besides letting my queue run daily) #and not even feeling that guilty about it #i guess it was my path to finally understanding that I need to look better after myself and doing stuff that actually matters irl #and right now it feels good #i miss interacting with certain tumblr ppl ofc #but at the same time what i really don't miss is coming here every day just to see the same old billy discourse repeat every few days #or reading these posts on my dash saying that liking hp makes me a degenerate or a supporter of the Current Bad Thing™ #i just don't have the energy or even interest in these complex pretentious woke mental gymnastics. because it's fucking pointless #so i've tried to focus on my real life instead and i've managed to get stuff done and it actually feels good for a change

[mgs3dickeater]

ohh

#i very rarely talk about stuff like this because i tend to be a very personal person on social media but #ive only really just realized that i guess its true most people will let things fade away on purpose if they dont deem the friend important #and that theyre not like me and will be happy to jump right back into conversation after not speaking for years #ill do anything to keep a friendship and im starting to think thats a problem? that its abnormal? #i dont know. ive always been the one reaching out to try to rekindle something. and after so many turn downs and no effort to hold #conversation i really dont have much of an option to assume that its being done on purpose #believe me im really not the type to immediately assume negative intention in fact quite the opposite #which again... i cant really ever tell when im unwanted versus just feeling unwanted #i think the worst thing is that looking back on conversation i wasnt always the best friend. not the best conversation partner #so then naturally ive got to be like... well... youve made your bed‚ i suppose #its really funny how many times in my life ive found myself thinking 'i really wish i had the insight back then that i do now' #unfortunately it was hardly ever a conscious decision i ever made to act like that. but saying i didnt know any better feels like a cop out #i really did try to know better‚ though. growing up felt like violently clawing my way into trying to understand anyone and everything #i dont know. a lot to think about