#i hate being a student i really do

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

#life update nobody asked for lol #I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies #I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow #still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow) #is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr #I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa #downgrading to a flip phone actually #I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER) #I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most #delulu is infact not the solulu #daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey #it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me #if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit #Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand #As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you #The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends #Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that #Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again #But I just wanted to share what's been going on #And I miss you guys a lot #I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart #I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme #Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person #But I hope you all are doing GREAT #Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy #You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything #xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥

[exausta-verytired]

I'm bringing all of you to the capoeira practice

#also wondering how many of you are only siblings because I'm pretty sure the first place I learnt to throw a punch was at home #I also got in a lot of physical fights because I took no shit with homophobic bullying and cat calling #but but. both football and capoeira in my neighbourhood were important to me growing up because it gave me the knowledge that I could in #fact beat up a man because physical strength isn't the only thing at play #and I do think the fact most boys grow up having very physical games while girls don't plays a huge factor in women being conditioning to #not react #genuinely think the most important thing when you're in a real fight. is how many real fights you've been on before #a lot of men are very weak for pain. you can beat them in endurance. like I understand there's disadvantage but I hate the DOOMY way some #women talk about men being larger/stronger as someone who's successfully fought off many situations #but this is also why I hate most self defense. like regularly practicing martial arts does help. but a 10 hours course will not kick in a #desperate situation where you need muscle memory. my best advice is if you don't know how to throw a punch just DON'T you can do more with #your elbows or slapping. just. a lot of fights it's being willing to let the desperation kick in and go for the throat yk #honestly I KNOW how to throw a punch and even I tend to go for elbows because I'm 160cm and not that strong lol #anyways my worst opinion as someone who works with teens is that I think sometimes we should let kids solve some problems with their hands #will always pretend I don't see gay students or women who get harassed throwing punches #some of you truly should've caused more chaos in your school years #also it's really sad that women were banned from capoeira for a long time some 'tradicionalists' still complain #it's all about being nimble and smarter in order to beat an opponent you ASSUME it's stronger than you. it just feels great #gave me a lot of confidence when I really needed ot

[spellmage]

what if i applied to a masters course. just. for funsies.

#sigh #i feel nauseous thinking about The Future again #i miss being a student #i’m not very good at it but i miss it #if i did it part time it might be better? #idk i think i just miss being in a community #and also learning i miss learning #i miss writing academically #as much as i also hated writing papers i really miss how proud i felt when they were done #i also just generally miss academic settings i felt like i fit in there #i feel a little bit like crying maybe this is what i need to do maybe this is what i should do

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tfw youre hanging out with friends and u throw out controversial take after controversial take #like its me hi im the hater its me #u wanna hear them? i mean thrm in in like the silliest way possible. its not that serious lol #i hated h4n solo growing up and still do. i dont think i like the writing of ne1l gaim4n and only liked the 1st season of g0od 0mens #i thought the 1st season of 0ur flag was fine and didnt really like the 2nd. i dont think anyone in l0rd of the rings is hot. especially #not 4aragon. leg0las is like whatever. sam is my favorite character. i also didnt like l0rd of the rings when i 1st watched it #the gathering was a watch party for that 1st movie and i like it way more now lol. also i dont like overt romance. i like the implication #of romance. if u kiss onscreen im like 99% of thr time not interested. also while im being a hater. i dont thibk steven king is a good #writer and domt like his books. i like the idea of them. wish they were written by anyone else lol. also im too dyslex1c to read physical #books :-( which no one vibes with bc everyone's a grad student overachiever lol. and back to back it all sounds like im trying to b #contrary but i promise its maybe just that i have weird standards. like i also hated movies about animals growing up. it made me mad that #those movies were trying to manipulate my feelings. like jesus child chill tf out. i would also randomly decide i hated lots of things and #characters. some of which i stand by today but most of which im like lol chill #so idk maybe i just have bad opinions. i also wander the earth wearing outfits that i pick out bc it feels like im playing dressup #and i have unhinged options abt narut0. sas and naru fall into the 1% of kisses i care abt lmao #and unhinged options abt bleach the show. idk maybe im just kinda weird. i also study organisms that most ppl look at as globs of goo #and i used to study bits of dirt. my brain was just build ever so slightly weird. not too weird. just enough that i have quote unquote #controversial takes ans im not afraid to say them in a room full of ppl who disagree with me bc its really not that serious lol #i dunno i just think its kinda funny i guess #im just slightly weird in the least interesting way possible #unrelated #also i don't yuvk other ppls yum im just like ay not for me i guess

[caramiaaddio]

hi how does it feel to be an internationally acclaimed composer for a hit 1973 movie

its pretty surreal to find out I’ve been composing music since my parents were infants but I never really watched mafia movies growing up so I guess it’s on me for not figuring it out beforehand. honestly im just hoping we don’t find anything out about me that renders the movie unwatchable in hindsight…can’t trust older people in the industry yknow

#main theme from goncharov #for real tho it’s so cool everybody like my music so much! #I wasn’t trying to like…compose for serious I just wanted to be a part of the joke o #so it actually is kind of overwhelming the sheer amount of people telling me what they think about it #considering printing out some of the sweet things people have said and putting it in my office at work to look at #for when my students are being real difficult and I get kind of demoralized about myself #plus its a real nice lesson for my anxiety brain that’s always like DONT PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU #cause like :) no actually everybody is really nice and human beings are not naturally cruel #you probably did not want to hear all of that lol #hello strangers welcome to my blog this is what about 100 people have been watching me do for a decade lol

[pogasm]

.

#kinda chronically offline so idrk much ab what’s going on (too busy being homeless #but if anyone has some links to support gaza nd palestine pls dm or tag me? id like to do smth #also ive kinda kept myself away frm this bc i’m scared of c*n*ry m*ssion (i am a student) #and i’d like to not get kicked out of school? but like. isn’t it insane that speaking against genocide can cost you ur livelihood #anyways. idk i hate talking ab this ive seen the news and death tolls and it’s really depressing ive seen enough beheaded babies #my heart hurts sm for all these people being killed and it hurts feeling like i can’t do anything? #i havé so much rage at the injustice but i don’t have an outlet for it so. hi do what to do? i feel like a bystander and i hate that #anyways. idk why i made this ab me i just need some ways to support palestine so if u find any send them my way

[stupid-dyke]

I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP. #Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity. #AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis. #no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

[silenthillbunni]

🚬🧸🧃🎀

#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance #so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life #and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future #so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D #what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk) #i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it #i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months #then i'll start my other 4 classes in january #i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery) #(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..) #also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt #if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may #if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless #i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university???? #i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education #bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it #also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move #i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!! #but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try #i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

#taylor.txt #the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych #we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol #i hate it here…i hate it #but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance! #some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is #for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field #notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this #i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes #but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field #i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average #semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel #also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents #AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel #in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off #while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day #currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed #i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers #ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project #i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy #and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol #and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine #also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks

[kimbapisnotsushi]

i for real think bnha should be academically studied honestly

#bnha #ESSAY IN THE TAGS YOU GUYS SCROLL DOWN FOR TLDR #the way it went from being like . . . normal mainstream popular to like. ig still mainstream popular enough #but being bashed upon and jeered at and called cringe #among other things via fandom culture #i really do like it!! #it's fun and feel-good and makes me want to cheer for people #and it's SO creative #like my head would hurt if i had to come up with that many individual powers AND give them all distinct names #AND come up with that many superhero/villain names #AND design them based on aforementioned powers #i think this is one of the few rare cases where it being gimmicky and cheesy works bc that's part of the charm of a superhero story #superheroes ARE gimmicky and cheesy #you know they're about doing the right thing!! you know they're about being the good guys!! #yeah yeah i know it goes a lot deeper than that but. you get what i'm saying? #and like how could i possibly hate bakugo becoming better #how could i possibly hate hawks being a kickass mentor and being a hero who strives for something different #how could i hate aizawa defending his students so dearly and monoma and shinsou being underdogs who rise up to the challenge #how could i hate a group of kids who are so kind and good and are so keen on helping each other??? who are trying to protect each other??? #i simply can't!! #tldr i have a soft spot for bnha and this is my love letter for a series that quite frankly doesn't deserve half the vitriol it gets #sou says stuff

[nashvillethotchicken]

While I enjoyed the 2nd season of clone high, I wish the characters got to be bona-fide dickheads like in the first season

#like the characters i really like are the ones that get to get a lil rowdy like harriet and frida #the rest of the students feel neutered #and while i hate topher i like the fact he gets to be genuinely the worst #i wish the characters got to be dickheads again #i know people were mad at the harriet/jfk kiss but i actually liked it a lot because it gave some much needed conflict and some edge #i dont like that they continually apologized for being edgy and 2000s in the 2nd season #like please you can do non bigoted humor without making ut like SpongeBob with fucking u know? #clone high #clone high spoilers

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[pinguuu-ni]

everyday I spend in my residence in the hospital is a day closer to actual practice and that's honestly the only thing that's keeping me in this course

#truly I only endure studying medicine because I deeply believe that practicing medicine is infinitely rewarding #I hate being a student. I have no authority and no one really teaches you how to do stuff or allows you to. and I feel like I'm not in the #place for asking to do stuff #honestly can't wait to start working . thank god this is the last year already #Last year I had primary care residence and it was amazing bc my tutor would let me be hands on #I would help her with the appointments and whatnot and honestly it helped me a lot in building confidence #but now it feels like I'm losing that lmao

[meezer]

spending this much time and effort and energy working towards a career path I really do not like or want or will ever go into is really taking the wind out of my sails not gonna lie. and making me hate the humanities 😍

#I hate teaching with every fiber of my being #I like translation but that's a dead-end field if nobody cares about the languages that you know (and nobody cares about romanian) #also any good translation job would probably require me to live in brussels. I do not want to live in brussels. you see my problem here #I used to like reading but then I stopped because video games is more fun #then I started reading a little more (just poetry but it's a start) and then I majored in literature and now I can't stand reading #absolutely fucking hate it #there must be THOUSANDS. of students who study in the same building as me. and yet. the bathrooms are insanely small. no bathroom has more #than 3 stalls. oftentimes you will spend your whole 10 minute break waiting in line for the bathroom. not to mention the fact that #the bathrooms never have basic fucking neccesities like toilet paper or soap. #I must've built up a reputation as a pissboy and a freak because ever since uni started I've basically been taking jabs at #the bathroom situation in conversations with T. she knows too and she hates it because she also uses the student bathrooms. AND YET. NOTHIN #HAS CHANGED. DESPITE US rightfully complaining for A YEAR about the horrible conditions. #man I'm just really angry. that this is how I spend my time. it's a waste of time the time will pass anyway yes #but it seems like an especially horrible way for the time to pass #it's like oh I could spend the next 30 minutes in this empty room looking at the wall #or I could spend it giving myself electric shocks for fun and stimulation #and I was essentially forced into giving myself the electric shocks cause other people think it would be good for my future. whatever man

[pepprs]

hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

#purrs #delete later #not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really #comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel #where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it #all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly #and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking #getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest #colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w #we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight #we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the #participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a #and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of #them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we #did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i #have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also #HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a #failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as #emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i #failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year #and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs #like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE #PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and #we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting #everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid #bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i #get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i #am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done. #ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that #just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol