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#i hate being aro sometimes. i feel like men would never talk to me if they knew they could not date me lmao.

redheadbigshoes · 4 months

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honestly im an aro lesbian and i tend to say (though i waver between this and going yeah everyone is - im ultimately undecided) aro heterosexual and ace heteroromantic cis people are apart of the community if they connect with that, because there is no denying that many aromantic heterosexual cishet men have never experienced an identifying queer experience that would have them connecting with other LGBT+ in any way, and many cishet aro men wont even realise they're aro in the first place because of the societal structure around sex for men (casual, flings, fwb, high body count, bachelor lifestyle, being emotionally/romantically detached from partners) all being in their favor while for aromantic straight women they're shamed for those things and are expected to settle down, love and care for their partners, be a homemaker and be a perfect wife not to sleep around as a single woman. they don't have to think about their lack of attraction to women and identify it because societally this is expected of them and gets them a pat on the back from other men u know what i mean? a man like that who is benefiting from modern patriarchal standards of what sex should be for a man and how it shouldn't be for a woman has literally nothing in common with a queer aroallo imo.

idk i know u aren't aro or ace but you often talk about men being men and misogyny + patriarchy so id love to hear your thoughts about this from that perspective even if its disagreeing with me in places because i don't think this is something people often talk about or think about when it comes to aromantic - specifically - straight cis men. asexual cishet men have a vastly differing experience because of the same structure which can cause more distress and pressure to perform. but cishet aro men can fly under the radar in their "queerness" in comparison.

it sort of reminds me (and i am also polyamorous) the idea of "polyamory being inherently queer" where-in a polyam cishet allo man has two gfs who are dating each other, has never interacted with the community aside from his bisexual gfs dating each other in his vicinity, would be considered lgbtq+ based off that statement when he quite literally could just turn around and immediately hate crime or fetishize us (which is super common with these types of guys)

i feel sometimes blanket statements being thrown like a net to cover the most ground in inclusivity can lack nuance in discussion

No but you brought up very interesting points that I hadn’t thought of. I agree with everything you said, in this case it depends on what the person feels more connected to. Not only because it’s not really my place to have an opinion about it since I’m not ace or aro, but also because of the points you brought up.

Though I see some similar things when comparing being cishet and aro or ace with polyamorous, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same (in terms of comparing) because one is about attraction while the other is a choice, you know? But I definitely get it it’s not something simple to discuss.

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 2 years

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omg i felt weird abt sending that ask but i was hoping it would inspire some dumping of thoughts, hell yeah i relate a lot actually being autistic/adhd and a trans guy. which is honestly why i’m caught off guard by my recent izzy fascination. i think i’d be less fascinated if i was involved in the fandom and had been bogged down by discourse lol. like i fully HATED him on my first watch when the show came out a few months ago and prayed on his downfall but then i set the show aside for a while and rewatched it last month and since then i can’t stop thinking abt him. i think it’s bc i’m at a place rn where i find it rlly hard to connect to ppl, have to shove down my feelings to get by on the daily, i’ve have a bunch of very emotional ppl around me my whole life who i’ve had to manage things for, and bc of my autistic interest with character tropes starting from a super young age i sometimes have to work to see other ppl as archetypes of themselves rather than fully fledged nuanced ppl. so i’m interested in psychoanalysing him but not excusing his stuff bc he’s fr the most unhealthily coping person in the show which is saying something. but tbh i think if i let my walls down i’d relate to ed more? but the walls existing makes me relate a lot to izzy rn i think. but not that much bc like hey sucks and i’m gay. i will say i never got the repressed sexuality stuff from him but that’s just me. i read it more as him being completely repulsed by romance and emotion bc it stirs something in him he rlly doesn’t want to confront. idk i’m in my izzy hands blorbo era rn and trying to avoid talking to the wrong ppl abt it dbsnbd sorry if it’s annoying

Dude you're so valid. I hope you get better at letting people in and keep working on your empathy. I usually see Izzy kinning as a red flag but it sounds like you're relating to the fact that he's the only character on the boat who isn't in the found family and to the fact that he projects things onto people which you seem to be self aware of so ill let it slide. Onto Blorbo from my shows.

I suppose one doesn't have to read him as repressed. Although I don't think that him being a repressed gay guy and him being completely repulsed by romance and emotion because it stirs in him something he doesn't want to confront are necessarily so different. Either way the vibe is that he's scared or resentful of his own feelings for Ed. I've never thought that he was necessarily pretending to be straight or anything. This is all head canon at this point but to me I think he's probably willing to admit his sexual attraction to some men. (He knows he's attracted to Ed and would probably admit it if the right person asked him in the right way but he'd never even let himself form the thought "I want to fuck Lucius" much less say it out loud despite it being objectively true) But I that being said I think a repulsion to gay love, which we know he has because of the whole "He's done something to my boss's brain" bit (and all of the baggage that implying queer love is a corrupting influence carries), is still repression. I suppose if he's aromantic (I have seen that head canon floating since Con said that he isn't interested in a romantic relationship at the C2E2 panel) maybe not but Aro people don't choose not to love, they just don't experience romantic attraction. Izzy Hands seems to actively choose not to love, romantic or otherwise, because he thinks love makes you weak (if the way he treats a love sick Edward is any indication anyway). So IDK how comfortable I am with putting him in the aromantic category, just because there are so few aro characters and one of them being a man who despises love and is the villain in a rom-com trying to keep the alloromantic main couple apart isn't a great look, but that's a whole other thing.

But yeah avoiding certain people is a good plan because you really have to avoid certain takes. Because it's not like Izzy is Kylo Ren, right, he's not utterly deplorable in that sort of way (I know Kylo got a redemption arc but it was a shitty one that failed to actually redeem him and he was still a space fascist don't at me). He's just a fucked up guy on a pirate ship, if there was ever a place to be a fucked up guy it would be on a pirate ship. But if we're gonna sympathize with him we have to avoid certain takes and certain people. Like we just can't be pretending that he's not motivated by homophobia, we can't be pretending that Ed's abusing him somehow, we can't pretend that there's nothing to the reading of him doing some racist things, we can't pretend that he's some hypercompetent babysitter who is the only one getting things done on the ship (even if that's how he sees himself it's not true, it's proven wrong by the events of the show).

All that to say I guess he's a fun blorbo as long as you're not vilifying Ed or missing the point of the character. Probably keep avoiding Izzy stans tbh.

#izzy critical #ofmd #our flag means death

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mcrmadness · 2 years

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I have always been more or less of an outsider and an outcast, but some days I really hate it how every aspect of me just seems to strenghten that even more. Somehow I ended up with the identities that make me different and to not fit in with the others in such "marginalized" groups.

I am:

Neurodivergent: so I ever really fit in my peers of which majority were neurotypicals. Back then (late 90s to mid 2000s) there just were no words for this, so I was just Weird and Different, and bullied for that.

Agender: I don't relate to the term "trans". My gender simply does not exist, so there's nothing about it to fix either. Which means I don't relate to trans memes, and I don't relate to gender memes (unless it's another agender making the meme), and I don't understand gender envy because I simply don't feel it.

Asexual and aromantic: so I don't really fit in lgbt+ places. The rainbow flag does not repsent me because it's still so strongly associated with gay people, as well as allosexual (and alloromantic) lgbt+ people, and I'm neither gay nor straight, nor allo. So I don't feel like using the rainbow flag, because it would give the wrong impression of me to people. I, also, do not feel connected with individual flags either, so I've never used the ace/aro/aroace flags.

Loveless aro: I don't connect with any post talking about love or about loving humans. I simply don't love humans. I don't know wha that feels like. I can care deeply about people and animals and things, but it's not the same. It does not mean the same as what "loviing" means to so many. However, I do think I love objects and concepts and ideas. Just not any specific living creature.

Sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed: so at least I fall under the stereotypes of an aroace... but at what cost.

Because of all this above, mainly the aspec aspects (lol you see what I did there), I don't fit in fandom spaces. People go nuts when they see their favorite celebrity, and I don't understand why. That's just a human being? Why are y'all going nuts over a human being? Or why are y'all so keen on seeing skin? Or men in dresses/skirts? What's so special about that? Reblogging posts about my favorite celebrities is almost impossible because of all that commentary added that I cannot relate to because I don't understand what is it so special about that that it causes people to act such ways.

Finding fanfiction is impossible because I don't read mature content. Finding audience for my fanfiction is difficult because I don't write mature content. I am wondering if other aspec people face this same problem, and this is actually why I started writing this post in the first place. My fandom is already very small and the number of fanfics has only two digits in it, so it's not like finding a needle in a haystack, cos the haystack is almost nonexistent but also there is no needle to find.

I try not to compare my AO3 stats to others', but it's really difficult. And it makes me sad sometimes. Mainly because I've gotten the impression that so many people in fandoms treat fanfiction as a way to just find explicit smut to read. Bit like how maybe back in the day, before fanfiction, people would read and write books (about original characters maybe). And as someone who does not write mature content, I feel like when people see that G or T rating there, they don't even give the text a change. I'm not sure if people are there to read stories/hopefully well written text or just to read smut. I mean, there is nothing wrong in either, I'm not saying that there would be. I'm only saying that it makes me, an aroace with sex-repulsion, feel myself so lonely when I write something that means so much to me and then people see it's G or T and don't even want to take a look at it because there's no smut. It could also be just my age, but I've figured I enjoy reading and care about well writen text actually more than the actual plot or events (as long as it's not smut, cos that just is not my thing anymore).

And it also makes me sad that there ARE so well written stories out there but I can't read them because they go into smut so quickly and there's nothing left for me to read because I prefer to skip those scenes from fanfics. So basically I understand that it's probably the same the other way around: G or T is just not their cup of tea. And that's valid. But do they ever even give those a chance? I often try to give a chance for everything, which is why I know well written text exist, and it's a bummer I can't read those because of my preferences.

I also should never ever read other fanfics' comments because, idk, seeing people commenting about those and often focusing on how the smut was written... yeah, just makes me feel like my work is waste of time. Or maybe not waste of time, it's never waste of time to me, but posting them might be waste of time, if reading them is not really anyone's cup of tea. Especially now when I have started to back away from even fluff. I used to love writing fluff, because no one was writing nice fluff without smut, so I had to write it myself. But lately I have been writing fluff so much that it has lost its magic. It's boring now. I have gone through every possible scenario and can't come up with new ones that would be exciting anymore. Everything is just repeating itself. I'm kiss-repulsed, so I have never enjoyed writing or mentioning the kisses, but they still were a big part of the fluff I wanted to read about, so I included those. But now they also feel pointless. I don't like how they feel like the peak of a scene every time. It's not. There are other important things too than to always end a scene with two people kissing, I don't like it being the climax of a scene anymore. I'm more into the emotional intimacy now, but I'm afraid people are even less into reading my fanfics if I stop writing even that physical fluff.

I wish I had OCs to write about. That way it could be a G as I just want and people could read and rate it without expectations. But I don't know what I should write about. Nothing interests me, you know? What I said there about me nowadays valuing the text over the events and content, this also applies to my own writing. I LOVE writing, but in order to do that, I must write about something interesting to me, but I can't come up with any kind of interesting plot or character I would be INTERESTED in writing about. I always play with ideas of a story but I feel like everything has veen invented already and it could accidentally turn into a knock-off I did not even realize would be copying something. The worst case scenario would be to invent something and have someone else tell you you're plagiarising something, you have never even heard of before, but people would not believe you because people are so keen on lying anyway. (Or then I'm just traumatized by that case when I was 10 and drew a comic book character and someone claimed I had copied it from a comic I had never even heard of, and she did not believe me when I said I don't even KNOW what that comic is. She was convinced I was just lying to her.)

I don't know. Maybe I should try actual brain storming. Writing down and doodling stuff in case it would open some loot boxes in my brain I did not even know about. Even an OC comic would be great, or something that was a combination of these two...

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #long post

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ceoofanticatradora · 3 years

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We need more anti C//A who are Adora stans (like you seem to be) so that people can understand that C///A is bad for Adora. Heck C//A is bad for Catra too, but the shippers don't seem to realize it. If Catra had been able to let Adora go maybe she could have healed instead of her festering and the abuse may have ended instead of escalated.

Hello Dear, welcome on my Blog and a big thank you for your message! Firstly I wanna apologize that this response is reaching you more than three full days, almost four later. Just real life getting into the way of my online presence (at least I got my A-Levels admission!) but I assure you that replying to you was on my To Do List the entire time. And while I could've typed something quick, I thought you deserved a full length response just as much as the person before you received. That goes for anyone really to ask/write me anything in the future.

Adora is a character that has flaws, her own interests, things she struggles with/is insecure about etc. but she also still works on being better (up to Season 5). This makes her relatable, fleshed out and overall three dimensional. Overall for me that makes Adora very likeable. Which is funny because when I first watched the show I thought of her as too goofy and felt like she as a character was overall just flat. Her character design did not speak to me either, the ponytail with the weird hair poof and these pointy shoulders of her jacket just really were not my taste. Isn't it amazing how perceptions can change?

As you can guess from that description I did not always stan Adora and she's probably still not my favorite character but over the almost two years I've been in this fandom I've grown rather fond of her. Other important characters to me are Kyle (a very relatable comfort character of mine, he learned to stand up for himself and others and I support that, f*ck Season 5 for barely acknowledging his existence), Lonnie (apart from treating Kyle badly (which I really do NOT support or excuse) I really love her, man, some women just do me like that, I mean she really stood up to Catra like that), Entrapta (I'm autistic too! It's great to have some representation, seeing the ableism/treatment she experiences in the show is not so much though), Seahawk (I don't even know why, I have some issues with his behavior towards Mermista at times but overall I love this dork), Scorpia (she reminds me of myself so much and I really wanna give her hugs, I'm so glad she chose to no longer let Catra treat her like that even though I will be forever salty she just immediately forgave her), Peekablue (I can explain this even less than Seahawk, especially since it was not even really him in the end but his existence somehow helped me cope with Season 5, without him I probably would've left this fandom ... and also my favorite color is blue) and Double Trouble (now there's enough people already critcizing how they're not exactly great Non-binary representation but this dramatic lizard will forever be in my heart, that reality check they gave Catra, basically slapping her in the face with facts was satisfying as h*ck, also I like lizards overall).

Now there's plenty of characters I like, dislike (or even hate) or am simply indifferent about but after all this is not a tier list but me talking about Adora, Catra and Catradora. Adora started off as this girl that was so sure what she was doing is right but once she was taught differently she was willing to leave everything she knew (except Catra, because she valued her despite everything) behind. And not only that, she broke out of the abuse cycle that Catra tried so hard to keep upright. And that is exactly what makes Adora such a good role model. She teaches children (or people) that:

Your past doesn't define what/who you are or what/who you can become

-> Adora used to be a Horde soldier and did not know where she came from, but nonetheless she found herself a family and became a hero that saved thousands of people

You can always change your mind and start a new life if you feel disappointed in what you are doing/who you are as a person

-> Basically the exact same point, Adora started a new life as she saw what the Horde really was and changed her mind about who to fight for

You deserve love too, be it platonic or romantic (or se*ual???) (If you're aro and/or ace just ignore the part that does not work for you)

-> While Adora for various reasons thought her only use was to please others and meet their needs and expectations (mostly due to Shadow Weaver and Catra) she learned to accept that she too deserves love and validation (if the love aspect would not have been focused on it being romantic love so she could smooch Catra in the finale this would've been a billion times better because she got love from her friends that showed her her real value)

You can walk away from something/someone, that does not make you egoistic/selfish

-> Adora walked away from the Horde, after Catra stubbornly refused to come with her despite many offers (basically Catra broke the promise, not Adora) from her too and that did not make her a "traitor" or "selfish", h*ck, Adora in the end did this for a bigger purpose too, even if part of it was her not wanting to live with such wrong morals

Your opinions, feelings etc. about a person/something can change and that is perfectly fine and valid, being able to change is part of what makes someone human

-> Adora's views on many things changed throughout the show: The Horde and the Rebellion, the First Ones, Catra, being She-Ra, herself, her priorities and so on ... she actually makes use of her brain, which is why Catra saying "Don't you ge it?" or calling her an idiot and dumb never sat right with me, she's a realistic character for shifting with her thoughts, feelings etc. and sometimes just does not fully think things through

You don't have to let other people treat you like sh*t (just because they have some issues they never worked through does not give them any right to let it out on you)

-> This point is obviously centered mostly around Catra and her abusing Adora almost every chance she gets, which is why Adora standing up for herself and not letting Catra blame her for her own decisions and mistakes is so important, "You made your choice, now live with it" is one of the most powerful lines throughout all the five Seasons

Now I'm sure there is still more to Adora's character than what I just listed and unfortunately almost all the points basically got pushed aside, well, Adora as a character got pushed aside in Season 5. All her growth, the things that made me love her, see her as great role model for so many people robbed of their value for the sake of making everything revolve around Catra. That brings me to her and how you are absolutely right that Catradora is harmful to both characters. Of course Adora is affected most by it in the end but Catra too is obviously suffering under the fandoms obsession and just the overall idea of them being romantically involved.

Just like with Adora the stans make almost everything about Catra over her relationship with Adora. She too can barely exist outside of it and if she wasn't the fan favorite she'd most likely would too be mostly in Fanarts that include Adora and not just her (if you google "Catra Fanart" most content is still Catra and Catra only but here and there Catradora still peaks through). But for whatever reason the fandom still views her more as her own person as the other ones? Catrouble and Scorptra Shippers might actually still get less hate than Glimmadora Shippers (I'm not denying they don't get any, they most certaintly do) which is just plain hypocricy and favorism. Kinda like the: A woman needs to be loyal to her husband and her husband only but if the husband wants to be active with other women that is perfectly fine because "that is just how men are" or how i like to call it ... sexism. Now in this case they are both women so it's not sexism but yo do get my point.

But much more importantly, Catra has an unhealthy obsession with Adora. Signs of that are for example:

Constantly talking about Adora, even when said person is not around (to Shadow Weaver, Scorpia etc.)

Obsessing over having control over Adora like in that one Episode "Are you kidding? I finally got control over Adora, I'm not giving that up!"

Building her entire character and her actions around Adora "We need to take Adora down", "Adora left me", "I'd rather see the whole world end than see you win!", also shown in Season 5 where she states she does save Glimmer only for Adora and not for Glimmer or to do the right thing

Getting aggressive or very emotional over Adora like clawing the wall, having nightmares etc. (destructive behavior towards herself and others)

Having no or barely any characteristics outside of her relationship with Adora like, we don't know her interests or likes and dislikes outside of being evil, obsessed with Adora, being abused by Shadow Weaver ...

Trying to force Adora to meet her needs and expectations regardless of Adora's owns

Sacrificing her oppurtunity to be happy in the Crimson Waste for the sake of her Adora obsession and being better than her at all costs

So yes, you were very right with saying that not putting Catra in a relationship with Adora would've benefited both characters. Catra could've learned to exist on her own, develop interests and a life outside of Adora. Learn to accept herself and eventually come to terms with her childhood abuse. She could've been free and not "the abusive cat girl that ended up with the person she unhealthily obsessed over to the point of no return" she kinda is now. Even if we ignore the whole "dating your long term abuser" part from Adora's side and "being rewarded" for horrible behavior, Catra alone is not giving a good example to people watching. As much as I dislike Catra, disdain her even, an ending where she is dependent on Adora, unable to stand on her own two legs after she led armies in war is not what I would wish for her, even with a decent redemption arc (that she did not get).

#anti catradora #anti c//a #anti catra #spop critical #response #my post #spop salt #ocd #role model #anti catra stans #anti catradora stans #comfort character #adora deserves better #honestly its worse once you know its not just bad for adora #anti+catra #anti+catradora

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heartless-symphony · 3 years

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Ace Cream - Ace!Spencer x Ace!Fem!Reader

Hi ! I had this idea stuck in my head for a moment. I’m not ace, nor aro, so this might not be perfect but i really think Spencer would be really intersting (even more than he is, i mean) if he was ace. It would be nice to have a representation!!

Thanks to my two proof readers !!

MASTERLIST

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~ ~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~

Ace Cream

Ship : Ace!Spencer Reid x Ace!Fem!Reader

Type : Some fluffy fluff

Warning : maybe some curse words, talk about sex and maybe murder ??

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~ ~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~

Your eyes were wandering between the doors and the buttons of the elevator, your fingers tapping the side of your thighs in a fast rhythm. Your other hand anxiously played with the strap of your bag, lifting it closer to you. You took a shaky breath, trying to focus on something else. You remembered clearly how you had gotten here. Since you were young, you had been interested in police work and criminals, which kind of scared your family. As soon as you could, you joined the police unit of your city, using your free time to learn more and more, always more. You were never tired of learning. After spending days and nights working as a low-rank cop, you were finally promoted to detective, and you worked even harder, hoping to get captain one day. However, after a pretty hard murder case, you had received a letter. You were invited to pass the tests and training at the FBI after your “astounding” work. You had almost jumped in happiness. Since you had spent most of your life traveling, following your father in different countries, you had learned a lot of languages, a lot of different cultures, and it was one of the assets helping you to join the FBI. You were soon recommended to join the BAU, which you happily did. You had always admired the team and their work, using the little knowledge they shared about profiling for your own work. You had been waiting a long time to finally get where you were, and the day had finally arrived.

You tried to ignore your anxiety, closing your eyes to breathe. Your heart almost stopped as the doors opened, and you slowly walked out, looking around. Here you were, standing in front of the doors leading to the BAU bullpen. Through the glass door, you could see a whole lot of people working, and you bit your lip, trying to contain your excitation. Near the door were standing two men, and you shyly took a step forward. Agent Hotchner, in a simple black suit, was holding a file, reading through it, as a young man stood beside him, talking to him about what you guessed was a case. You recognized Agent Hotchner from the TV, but he was also the one you had talked to as soon as you got invited to the BAU. As for the other man, you could only remember him from all the interviews and press conferences they gave. The young man with curly hair and bright hazel eyes was no one else than the famous Dr Spencer Reid, who couldn’t be much older than you. You knew you were one of the youngest FBI agents, and you knew he was one of them too.

As you took another step forward, both agents glanced at you, stopping mid-conversation. Agent Hotchner sent you a little smile, before closing the case file.

“Agent Y/L/N, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. I’ll introduce you to the other. This is your first case, agent. Be prepared.”

You shyly waved at Spencer, before nodding. Hotch immediately started walking to the conference room, and the young boy gently gestured at you to follow him, letting you go first. You blushed a bit and thanked him with a nod, rushing behind Hotch, Spencer right on your tail. You walked in the room, all eyes falling on you, and you sent a shy waves toward everyone. You already knew them, obviously, but they didn’t know you. You hesitantly sat down next to Spencer, who seemed to have pulled the chair out just for you, but looked away very quickly.

“Team, meet Agent Y/N Y/L/N. She will be the new asset to the team from now on. You’ll have all the time to learn about her on the jet. Garcia, the case.”

Very quickly, the team accepted you as one of theirs. Emily, JJ and Penelope never forgot to invite you at one of their girl’s nights, you shared recipes with Rossi – he loved talking Italian with you –, Hotch treated you like a daughter and you always had fun with Morgan. The only one who seemed to avoid you was Spencer. When you did talk, you always had fun, sharing facts, teaching each other stuff. However, he often stopped talking and suddenly looked away, almost ignoring you for the rest of the day. You didn’t understand the way he acted with you.

Since the day he first saw you, Spencer knew he was doomed. He immediately liked you, your knowledge, the fact that you always carried a notebook full of quote and colorful pencils, the smiles you gave him, the attention you ported to the victims and their family, the way you knew all the Disney songs by heart and the fact that you were almost as badass as Emily. Everything about you made him smile. He even wanted to hug you, which usually didn’t happen after such a short time. Everything you did, everything you said, made him feel like a complete idiot, but in an awfully good way. It was pissing him off. Since he was a kid, he had refused to let himself fall for anyone. He had let his guard fall down for Maeve, and he ended up getting hurt. He didn’t want to make the same mistake once again. He knew how hard it was for people to deal with him on a daily basis, and he also knew that his asexuality wouldn’t help. Nobody knew, of course, because they wouldn’t understand, but sometimes, he just wished he wasn’t so different. When he saw you smile, he wanted to pull you close. When he saw you cry, he wanted to wipe away the tears and kiss your forehead. But he couldn’t. He obviously liked you, he clearly had feelings for you, he knew that. But he couldn’t act on it. Even if you liked him back, which seemed almost impossible to him, he knew that you would run away as soon as you knew about his secret. He knew it was hard for people to not have sex when they were in a relationship, and it was something he just couldn’t offer you. So he shielded himself, or at least tried. Every time you talked for too long, every time you smiled, every time your connection seemed to grow closer, his heartbeat would remind him of his feelings, and he knew he had to run away. It’s almost as if he wanted you to hate him. It would be less painful.

You had joined the team almost a year ago now, and it had become like a second family to you. You loved spending time with them, and they seemed to love spending time with you too. You were sitting at your desk, JJ sitting on it, a cup of coffee in hand. You were supposed to be doing paperwork, but the both of you had decided to take a little break. You glanced at Spencer, who was sitting on the other side of the alleyway. He seemed to be reading – no, devouring – a book, and you smiled softly. JJ glanced at the both of you, before letting an exaggerated sigh.

“So, Y/N. How’s that guy you told me about ?”

You looked down, blushing a bit. You didn’t see Spencer’s eyes shooting up, immediately falling on you, but JJ definitely did and she smiled. You let out a soft whine and leaned against your chair.

“Horrible ! He spent the whole date trying to feel me up. No matter what I said, he just wouldn’t stop. It’s like he didn’t know what being ace means. I was pretty clear about not wanting to have sex, though ! I’m giving up, I swear. I’m gonna die alone.”

Jennifer let out a soft laugh, throwing her head back, and you quickly joined her. At some point, you glanced at Spencer –you just wanted to see if you had bothered him, it was definitely not to secretly look at him. You immediately stopped laughing, blushing furiously. Spencer had put down the book, very obviously looking at you. JJ let out a soft laugh as she watched you both, before leaving. You didn’t even look at her. It had been a while since you had let yourself fall in his eyes, and you just realized how beautiful he was. You knew he was beautiful – how could you ignore it ? – but now, something seemed to have changed. He got up, slowly walking toward you. You ran a hand through your hair and cleared your throat, reaching for a case file.

“Hey.” His voice was so soft, so calm. You looked up at him and waved shyly. “Hi.” He smiled softly.

“I, uhm. I couldn’t help but hear you complaining about a guy to JJ.”

You blushed even more and it felt like you could die of shame. You weren’t hiding the fact that you were asexual, but something about him knowing made you feel incredibly anxious. You looked down and nodded slowly, trying to shrug it off. “It was nothing. Guy was a jerk anyway.”

He smiled and gently lifted your chin up. Your eyes met again and you shyly bit your lip. “I didn’t know you were ace.” You tilted your head and his hand left your face, almost making you whine at the loss. He had never touched you before, but it felt like home. You shrugged. “It’s not like I’m hiding it.” You hoped your voice didn’t quiver, or that it didn’t make him uncomfortable. It didn’t seem like it. He smiled widely and held out his hand, which you shyly took. He gently helped you up, and your faces were suddenly so close that you could see every little detail on his face. He smiled shyly and you did too, trying to calm your burning cheeks, in vain. You knew that you were most likely red as a tomato, but you didn’t care. He was close, so close. You almost took a step back, but his hand on yours pulled you even closer, and, almost too slowly, your lips connected. It only lasted a second or two, but it was enough to make your heart rate go up. He sent you a sad, sorry smile, almost letting go of your hand.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I miscalculated the way you’d stand up and I didn’t know you’d be so close and- oh.” You shut him up, hesitantly connecting your lips again. After a second of shy, hesitant kissing, you both pulled away. “I thought you hated me.”

His eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. “What ? of course not ! Why would you say that ?” You shrugged and looked down, and he gently lifted your chin up again. “I could never hate you. I just thought that I had to stay away so my feelings would go away.”

You frowned and bit your lip, making him stare at them. “Why would you want to do that ?” He shrugged and mindlessly stroked your cheek. “Everyone I ever had feelings for either died or left me because of my asexuality. I didn’t want that to happen with you. But now that I know..”

You smiled widely. You couldn’t believe it. All this time, all you had to do was to tell him about your sexuality. You let out a soft laugh and he blushed, obviously embarrassed, so you gently pecked his lips. “I hope you won’t take this much time to take me out on a date.”

He smiled and shook his head and pulled you a bit closer, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He gently stroked your back. “Of course I won’t. How about tonight ?” You nodded happily and leaned forward to kiss him again, smiling widely.

You heard a whistle and you suddenly remembered where you were, pulling away to see the whole team staring at you. You whined in shame, hiding your face against Spencer’s chest, making him smile.

Hotch smiled sadly. “As happy as I am to finally see you two together, the date will have to wait. We have a case.” Spencer let out a loud growl, obviously unhappy about it, and you all chuckled. You didn’t care that you had a case and would have to miss your date. You were just glad today happened.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid #ace spencer reid #ace reader #criminal minds #criminal minds reid #criminal mind x reader

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

Changing the theme a bit, since I saw you dont hate Jonathan thank goddd, maybe Jonathan having to ask Steve and Billy for tips because he's aro or ace? Or something he knows Lonnie wouldve actually killed him for, which Billy gets and Steve is fully willing to help soft Jonathon be a THING and they are just his gay mentors and mayhaps. Nancy just doesnt get it and it gets messy and Will just stands up for his brother in full anger and slams the door in her face and hugs jon so tight he falls

Steve is sex-positive ace, Billy is sex-repulsed, and Jon is greyace bc I’ve gotten so many messages about how many people were affected positively by showing ace diversity in that one drabble I wrote, so we’re keeping this goin’ because you’re ALL VALID. 😤

Jonathan had been crashing on their couch for a week and a half and has yet to say anything about the situation more than Nancy and I had a fight.

Billy and Steve didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Jonathan was obviously fucking heartbroken over whatever the fight had been about, but they didn’t wanna pry.

“Thank you guys for taking me in. I’m sorry, I’ve probably been cramping your style.” Steve just shook his head, serving three plates of eggs and toast.

“There’s not a lot of style going on in this apartment for you to cramp.” Steve smiled at him as he placed the plates on the table. Jonathan gave him an odd look.

“What do you, what do you mean?”

“We don’t really fuck.” Billy was always the blunt one. Jonathan’s fork clattered to the table.

“You don’t, why not?”

“Neither of us are really into it.” Jonathan looked like he could fucking cry.

“Me neither. That’s what the fight was. Nancy kept asking why we don’t have sex, and if I stopped loving her, and I do! I love her so much, but I just, sometimes I feel that way about her, but I usually don’t, and I’m so fucking confused.” Steve reached out, placing a firm hand on Jonathan’s arm.

“Jon, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t think we’ve had sex in like, a year?” Billy nodded.

“It was before we actually talked about how we both felt about it.”

“And is that-” Jonathan trailed off, but they got it. Is that like me.

“I don’t mind sex. If I’m with someone who wants to have it, I can be cool with that, but I don’t always get off, and it’s more about making the other person feel good, or using it as another way to be like, intimate. But I don’t really think about it, and I can definitely go without.”

“I actively don’t like fucking. I kinda think sex is, is fucking gross. I mean, you do you and all that, but like, every time I had sex it just, it made me feel gross.” He pulled a face.

“I just, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel for her, honestly.” Jonathan ran a hand down his face. “Sometimes, sometimes it just feels like a fucking chore. And she just, she kinda confronted me about it, and I probably could’ve worded it better, but she got so angry, and hurt, and we just, we decided to take some time apart.” He pushed the eggs around his plate. “And there are some situations that I just, I want it with her so badly, but most, most of the time I just, I just want to be with her, like just spend time with her. And she, she’s never been very good at being sensitive about things, or, or, sympathetic, and she just, she made me feel fucking broken. Like there was something wrong with me.”

“First of all, fuck her for making you feel like that.” Billy had one eyebrow raised.

“Bill-”

“No. Jonathan, you are not broken, and it sucks she made you feel that way. If she can’t be in a relationship that respects your boundaries, then she is not the one.”

Steve sighed.

“Jon, Bill’s right. A relationship should be safe. She should be more mindful of your boundaries and feelings, and should not be making you feel bad for those things. I’m not saying you should like, dump her-”

“I am.” Steve batted a hand at Billy.

“-but, if you have an open conversation with her, and nothing changes, then you are always welcome here.” Steve squeezed his arm again.

The talk with Nancy had been bad.

She had taken everything really personally, said that Jonathan needed to sort out his priorities and to let her know when he’s attracted to her again.

And he tried, he tried so hard to explain the way he felt, that it all comes and goes like the fucking tide, but she had put her foot down.

So he showed up back to Billy and Steve’s apartment with two more suitcases and tears in his eyes.

“I just, I know I can fake it when I need to, I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Because forcing yourself to do shit like that sucks. Fuck Nancy for being a bitch. Figure yourself out, and then find someone who respects your boundaries.”

Billy was pacing in front of the sofa, talking sharply, pointing at Jonathan a lot. Steve had one arm over his shoulders.

“You deserve respect, Jon. And you deserve to feel safe and happy in a relationship.”.

He couldn’t sleep that first night.

The fight was circling in his head, over and over and over and over-

He heard the bedroom door open, and someone creep out through the living room and into the kitchen.

He looked over the back of the couch, saw a bleary eyed Steve filling a glass of water for himself, wearing one of Billy’s faded band shirts, and a pair of panties.

Jonathan laid back down before Steve could see him looking.

The next morning, he found himself staring at Steve.

He had put shorts on, and even a chunky cardigan while he made breakfast, but Jonathan knew.

“Can I, can I talk to you about something?” Steve smiled brightly at him. “I, um, I noticed you coming out here last night.” Steve just nodded, a look of recognition in his eyes.

“You wondering about panties?”

“Um, yeah.” Steve shrugged. “I just like ‘em. And it’s not like, a sexual thing. Sometimes they make me feel sexy, but that’s not what it’s about. I just like them. Have a lot of women’s thing.”

“What about them do you like?” Steve shrugged again.

“It’s hard to describe. I’ve never felt like, super masculine. Like, big macho tough guy, I wanna hunt and never talk about my feelings.” Steve put on a stupid-sounding deep voice for his macho man. “And I mean, not all men are like that, but that’s kind of how you’re expected to be. And women are expected to be pretty and delicate, and I’ve always related to that more. Women’s clothes help me feel that way.”

“I’ve, um, I’ve always felt that too. Not necessarily the kinda, pretty and delicate part, but the, not feeling connected to masculinity and like, what’s expected from you.” Steve set down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Jonathan, putting one down for himself as well, and one in Billy’s empty space.

“Hold that thought, I’m gonna grab Billy. He doesn’t like it when I yell for him.” Steve patted him on the arm, and was gone for a few minutes before he returned with Billy in tow. “Okay, Jonathan. Please continue.”

“Well, not much to say. I feel like my dad kinda always shoved that like, macho man shit on me. Would take me hunting and stuff and I just never liked it.”

“Jesus, mine did that shit too. Not with hunting, but he was all about men having their place, and women having their place.” Billy took an aggressive bite of his bacon.

“Mine was too! I got sad once when I shot a rabbit, and he called me a pussy for like, a week.”

“When my dad was layin’ into me, if he ever saw my cry, it would just get that much worse.” They were nodding at one another, trading shitty dad stories back and forth. “He would like, get mad if I helped my mom cook and shit, too.”

“God, it’s like we had the fuckin’ same dad.” Billy raised his mug at Jonathan. “It’s hard to break outta that shit, even though he’s not in your life, anymore.”

“I think so, too. I haven;t seen him in years, but every time I do something he would’ve thought was too soft, I can still hear him in my head. And you know, that’s one of the things I like about Nancy. She’s really hard, and tough, and never expected me to be that way.” And he knows that in the end, Nancy was bad news for him, not being able to love and accept him, but that aspect of their relationship was so nice, so easy.

“There doesn’t always have to be both. I mean, Steve’s more outwardly soft, but we’re both real mushy at our cores. There doesn’t have to be a big tough one and a sweet soft one. Sometimes you have elements of both and you make it work.”

“You just have to find the balance within yourself, I think. And learn to embrace the parts of you that are soft and the parts that are hard.” Jonathan was nodding vigorously at Steve. “And it’s always different. I love getting to feel soft and pretty in a dress or something, whereas Billy finds ways to be soft by taking care of things, like me and all the plants.”

“Do you think, do you think you could help me? Find that, I mean.”

“Of course! Just think of the things you already feel, things that feel right when you do them, and that’s a good starting point. And maybe that’s your photography, and maybe it’s something else.”

So they let Jonathan experiment with things to find his softness.

He would help Billy tend to the fucking garden they had on the balcony, or bake with Steve. He took a million pictures, and Steve was thriving under the camera, would put on make up and something pretty and pose around the apartment.

It was just nice.

Getting to live with these two, and train himself not to be ashamed, it was nice.

Will would come and visit quite often, and he and Jonathan spent a wonderful Saturday evening coming out to each other, and validating the ever loving shit out of one another.

Billy and Steve came home to the two brothers hugging one another on the couch and trying to hold back tears.

Steve had inserted himself into the hug while Billy patted each one of them on the head and started making dinner.

But he figured of course this would happen.

His perfect little cocoon would crumble apart at some point.

Will had come over, and Steve and Billy had gone out to dinner together, leaving the two of them to order pizza and have a movie night.

It was great, hanging out with his brother like when they were little, not a fucking care in the world.

There was a knock at the door.

“Jon, it’s me. It’s Nancy. Can we talk” Jonathan’s heart stuttered to a halt in his chest.

Will was staring at the door like maybe he could set it on fire if he glared hard enough.

Jonathan sighed, opening the door to face his fate.

“Are you seriously still mad at me?”

“Yes.” She huffed.

“C’mon. Come back home.”

“Nancy, I can’t. Not if you’re not going to respect me.”

“We were fine. I don’t know why we can’t just go back to the way we were-”

“Because I was forcing myself to do things I was uncomfortable with just to make you happy.”

“Relationships are compromise, Jonathan.”

“I know that, but when I brought up to you what wasn’t working, you refused to listen. I was the only one forfeiting my boundaries and comfort in that relationship, and I deserve more.” She rolled her eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Jonathan, this is-” Will was shoving Jonathan back, stepping between the two.

“Nancy, he’s done talking to you about this. Unless you can respect that he doesn’t always feel that way, then move the fuck on.” He slammed the door right in her face. “You don’t need her.”

Jonathan was gobsmacked. Will had never spoken to anyone like that, at least not that Jonathan’s every seen.

“Why did you...?” He trailed off, still staring at the door.

“She was pissing me off. You’re right. You compromised everything in that relationship and she couldn’t even give you the bare minimum.”

Jonathan swept Will up, hugging him as tight as he possibly could.

“Thank you.”

“You deserve better than her.”

“Yeah, I do.”

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vampireqrow-moved · 3 years

Text

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

#if u have follow up questions ill probably answer them 2morrow #if u ask something just be nice its my birthday 🙄🙄#anyways time to tag this lol !#pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #q slur #long post #my post #ask to tag maybe??

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Text

Askplosion #12 4/4:

(I would like to state for future reference that, while I do not mind long/multi-part asks, if you’d like to engage in actual discussion with me over a non-Miraculous topic, my DMs - Tumblr Messenger - should be open; I lost pieces of three multi-part asks this time just due to Tumblr not sending the remaining part(s) so yeah, I just wanted to make that clear)

(like, this askplosion ended up being super long because of this section and that’s not really what I want to have going on since I’m supposed to be a primarily Miraculous blog; I don’t want to have to stop answering non-Miraculous related asks but I might have to if this keeps up:)

.:New non-Miraculous Asks:.

Anonymous said:

What are your experiences with some really rude anons?

It’s partly my fault when it happens. Like I’ve said before, I’m an aspie, and part of what that means is I struggle to understand situations emotionally. I can come off as insensitive or read the mood wrong which often leads to people misunderstanding my intentions or where I’m coming from.

More often than not, what I’m saying will make 100% sense to me but not the person/people reading it. I also stick a lot more firmly to my opinions than I should because people tell me I fold too easily, and I come off as more egotistical than I actually am to cover up my low self-esteem lol.

So yeah, can’t think of any experience in particular but sometimes it might be my fault? At least I suspect that it is?

Anonymous said:

“Killed by kindness” makes me think of an assassin who kills people by giving hugs and compliments to people and the occasion gift that isn’t tampered until thre target does like Conrad Birdie making women swoon into fainting by singing.

omg

yes

Anonymous said:

You're watching Yashahime right now? rip

MARINETTE TAKE 2 MOROHA DESERVES BETTER

SETSUNA HAS SO LITTLE REASON TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER TWO GIRLS

IF I SEE ANOTHER DEUS EX TOWA I’M GONNA KICK SOMETHING

(so yes, I’m watching Yashahime)

Anonymous said:

Since someone recommended Remarried Empress, I would like to recommend my own webcomic: Princess Love-Pon! It's about a young girl named Lia Sagamore who becomes the titular magical girl and purifies people's hearts when they're tainted by the Dark Queen! It's really cool due to its diversity, the main character is black and her best friend is Afro-Latina, the villain and her prince son are also black, and there's a Japanese girl, a black guy, and an Indian girl. Plus, loads of pink and frills!

Thank you very much, though I actually don’t take recommendations, even from close friends. The Remarried Empress anon wasn’t a recommendation; they were more pointing something out to me and then I went to confirm.

Anonymous said:

Unrelated to MLB: Which Pokémon are your favourites?

I used a “Favorite Pokemon Picker” because I prefer going by generations to pick favorites and that was the easiest way of going about it. I struggle picking super favorites so here’s what I got form each generation! (my only rule was “one Pokemon per evolution line” with an exception of the Eevee line since they’re different types, and also Alolan/Galarian forms)

(note: the blue-patterned Vivillon is my favorite and I honestly don’t like Charizard normally but the Y version actually slims him down and gives him the wings I feel he should have; it’s an improvement of the design so it gets my seal of approval, I don’t like the X version at all)

(lol I was looking through this after I was done and find it really funny how it’s like, 50% cute things and then the other 50% is just EDGY, there’s very little in-between with me I guess)

Anonymous said:

Bridgerton the Series: Yay or nay? Sorry if you haven’t seen it or it’s not your thing. I was just curious.

Never seen it, though when I brought up to someone, they didn’t recommend it to me at all ahaha.

Anonymous said:

I previously kept having this argument about The Bechdel Test with someone. She keeps insisting that the test is invalid because there's nothing wrong with talking about men and that it was created for lesbians only, and not for feminists, with the implication that being a lesbian somehow means that you dislike men or want them gone. And she also thinks the test is about NEVER talking about men, rather than merely occasionally talking about other things. I keep telling her otherwise, but...

jdfhkgdfhjgdfg “lesbians only”

now all I can imagine is “lesbians only” sections at restaurants and such

Anonymous said:

Have you ever played Akinator, with or without the Miraculous Ladybug characters? Because I played it with Ochaco from MHA and Marinette and he guessed them within a second(can your character control gravity? Is your character a protagonist?). I even played it with myself as the "character" and he guessed "your shadow" lol. How about you?

I’ve played Akinator before but I don’t specifically remember what I was searching for lol.

Anonymous said:

The cast for the newest Power Rangers series got revealed, and I hate that as soon as I saw the Pink Ranger's bio mentioned she was an internet journalist, I thought of Alya. I really hope she doesn't have the same problems as Alya in the series proper.

fhgdfkgd journalists have been ruined for us forever

Anonymous said:

Have you noticed that in many shows, especially shonen shows, people tend to hate the most "feminine" female character? Like, in Naruto it was Sakura, in Death Note it was Misa, in My Hero Academia it was Ochaco(although a lot of people like her so I'm not so sure about that last one?). The most hated character in one too many a shonen is almost always the "girliest" of the characters. They're always claimed to be useless or reliant on a man. And this is within the fandom who should know better!

It probably didn’t help with Sakura that she was decked out in pink hair; that’s an instant girl label for you (or lesbian label, depends on the person :P).

I don’t think I’ve been in enough fandoms to have such an experience but I definitely see where you’re coming from.

Anonymous said:

Rewatching Chat Blanc and Here To Help from Star vs. and hearing Adrien/Marco tell Marinette/Star that they always liked the girls from the beginning makes me so pissed. It's not that I don't ship Starco(I do! But I also like MarcoxJanna), although I don't ship the love square, but I'm so annoyed with writers finding the need to make the audience "know" that the main ship's characters "always" liked each other, as if that makes their love for each other more true, even if it's obvious they had other crushes? Like, what happened to Kagami Tsurugi? Jackie-Lynn Thomas?

News flash: Teenagers are allowed to have crushes on multiple other people before they find "the One". It doesn't mean their love for that "One" is any less valid. And if you still want to pull the "they always liked each other since they first met", at least make it actually TRUE!!! Don't have them have crushes on other people before moving on to the "official" crush and be all like "Oh, by the way, I liked you from the start," when it's dead obvious they didn't. You're doing a disservice to the romantic "false" leads.

I'm willing to forgive Star's crush on Oskar and Tom since she's not the one claiming she always liked Marco(even though she fell in love with him LONG before he fell in love with her, which is a nice turn of events), although her "love" for Oskar was merely an infatuation at most and I personally don't see why it was needed. Why don't they just say that their old crush didn't do it for them???

UGH, I remember watching that show and being so annoyed because I really liked Marco and Jackie and wanted them to be a thing but I knew that they’d pull Starco in the end because of course they would.

It also totally makes it seem as if love is the most powerful relationship there is (aros would like a word), which is so bizarre when there are so many “power of friendship” tropes. Like, a male and female lead have to get together because their relationship is the strongest.

The love square would hold so much more meaning to me without this love drama nonsense. It’s tiring.

Anonymous said:

Have you seen Yuki Yuna Is a Hero? If so, then what are your thoughts on it? I was thinking of watching it but it seems to be another "taking away the empowerment of the magical girl genre by making the girls suffer instead" type story. I read about it on TV Tropes and apparently it's a deconstruction that takes after Madoka Magica which already puts a bad taste in my mouth, but then I got to the examples and they're basically about how girls who get magical powers lose their body parts one by one and that the reason only girls can be heroes is because "young girls have always been sacrifices".

Not to mention it was written by a man and aimed towards a seinen(adult men ages 17-35) demographic, making it torture porn for adult men. Also, both the laconic page for Yuki Yuna and Madoka Magica say "Being a magical girl sucks."(though for Yuki Yuna it adds "Unless you have the power of friendship.") and to be honest that kills any desire in me to watch the show. Should I give it a chance?

Oof.

Yeah, after bringing it up to a friend of mine, it was instantly recommended of me not to watch it, so I’d say, “no.”

Anonymous said:

Let's make one thing perfectly clear. I, love, love, LOVE Sailor Moon. And I love the transformations, too. But if there's one thing I don't love, it's that their outfits all look pretty much the same but with different colors/different lengths of gloves and shoes and stuff like that, and that they all have the exact same body type save for the one fat girl who's made to look bad. I don't like Madoka Magica, but at least they all had unique/different costumes(but they still have similar bodies).

We’re not allowed diversity here. Take your different body types to a show that cares; we’re all about femininity here and how girls can be beautiful and powerful no matter wha--oh wait...

Yeah, I don’t care for the design in Sailor Moon, but that’s because skirts don’t interest me design-wise unless it’s really unique/interesting.

(note that there’s a lot of talk about tomboys, sexism, and TV tropes and such below, and then Madoka Magica after that; that’s basically the rest of this askplosion:)

Anonymous said:

I just saw the thumbnail for a video called "Why You Should Watch Princess Tutu(Yes, I Know The Name Is Stupid)". Umm, why is it stupid exactly? Because it's "girly"? What is with people thinking that in order for a girly show to be good they have to first separate the show from its girliness in order to enjoy it? It's like how men will say a show is good despite it being girly, or that since it's good it's no longer girly. Nobody does this for boy shows, because boy things are "never" stupid.

Princess = girly thing

Tutu = girly thing

girly things = bad

That’s the formula~ They should’ve called it something edgier and manly so that more people would be interested.

Anonymous said:

I'm wary of any woman or girl who says, "I'm a girl, but I'd rather read books about guys" or "I'm a female writer but I mostly write stories about male characters". I feel like those women are the "not like other girls/one of the guys" type who suffer from internalized misogyny and don't like female characters. I also feel like they're the type to not care about female representation, because in their minds, girls shouldn't care about female role models. We can enjoy males just as much! I do!

To be fair, they might also just be writing about shirtless men doing “handsome” things. ;P

But nah, I see your point. Me personally, I try to find a balance of writing both, but I do think there can be bias.

Anonymous said:

Do you think it's okay to like a ship but acknowledge that it wouldn't be safe or healthy or condonable in real life? Because I was just thinking of how a lot of people like some really "toxic" ships like Veronica/JD in Heathers, Yuno/Yukki in Future Diary, Madoka/Homura in Madoka Magica(although some people don't like it because of its toxicity/like it but don't realize it's toxic), almost any villain/hero ship, the list goes on. But they're aware of the fact that it's not a good standard for healthy relationships in real life.

An alternative I've seen is people having a crush on "dangerous" characters like JD and Yuno, or Karma from Assassination Classroom(there's not a single video on YouTube with him in it that DOESN'T have comments full of people saying they want Karma to father their children), but still being aware of the fact that the character is a) not real and b) wouldn't be a good partner if they were real(and that's assuming they even want to be with you. But sometimes there's a good reason for falling in love with a "toxic/dangerous" character.

Take Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club! She's obsessed with the player(not the player CHARACTER, the flesh and blood player themselves) to the point of killing off all the other girls and "trapping" you in a room with her where she talks endlessly about lots of things. But she's actually a lonely girl who's driven insane by the fact that nothing around her is real. She latches on to you because you're the only other person who's real and sapient and has got a mind of their own. You're literally her outlet to the outside world.

She's personally my favorite character in the game due to her actually being a more fleshed out, sympathetic(and not in the idealized "moemoe" way), and realistic take on the Yandere archetype(which, like many moe archetypes, is kinda misogynistic in nature in that it reinforces submissiveness; it's basically animes version of "woman scorned".). So it makes sense that people would sympathize with her and want her to become real, because all she's ever wanted was to be real and to talk to real people. Especially since she really did care about her friends and even returned them back to life because she saved their backup files, taking herself out of the picture.

I read a few "Monika becomes real and lives with you" fanfictions where she's really sweet and not at all crazy and cares for you a lot, and it's never felt the same as all those other "Yandere/psycho lives with you and is your girl/boyfriend" type stories precisely because those stories tend to just glorify possessive partners that kill your loved ones, drive your family members to commit suicide, and tear up your stuffed animals and dollies for the sake of it, rather than go into why they're so crazy for you, and often reinforce Stockholm Syndrome.

Plus, those "things" she talks about in the empty room? They're actually quite smart and make you think about the world for a bit. Not many "crazy" type characters actually get that. They're all about how "I'll slice your boyfriend open with an axe if you don't date me wa ha ha", and even if they're not, it's all the fandom will focus on, to the point of ignoring any and all other aspects to their character. Because that "crazy in love" aspect is the most appealing part of them. Maybe it's due to forbidden fruit/bad boy(or girl) appeal? Who knows? But I'm starting to wonder if it's still as bad if people recognize the problematic aspects of "crazy in love" characters or "dysfunctional" relationships.

Because if they recognize it's not real and don't really want it for themselves, then it's probably not much of a problem. But if they just go on wanting it to be real and never take a step back and go "wait a minute, this isn't real love; they're only together because he latches onto the first girl to show him any kindness and affection and she's a doormat who doesn't want something bad to happen if she leaves him", then that's bad.

Obviously it's not as bad as being in love with literal stalkers, killers, and rapists in real life(which is an actual thing, believe it or not, it's called hybristophilia), because fictional characters will never be real. Karma Akabane will never be real. Yuno Gasai will never be real. JD will never be real. But loving fictional characters who do those things and not realizing the problem with it may cause people to seek out real criminals, so it's best to separate fiction from reality.

I can’t help judging a little internally, but yeah, I think people can ship whatever as long as it has that “not in real life” scenario going for it. It’s ultimately fiction, so just because I don’t like it and/or think that it’s bad doesn’t mean other people can’t ship it.

Anonymous said:

I'm getting tired of all the racists on TV Tropes getting upset whenever a trope has a Japanese name. Whether it's Tsundere, Yandere, Meganekko, Genki Girl, Bokukko, or any Japanese anime name, people will complain that the trope exists beyond anime so it shouldn't have a "cute anime name", and that it should instead just be given a broader(read: English) name with the same meaning. Or that the site is too obsessed with anime. I'm just sick of people saying that anime names are bad.

The other thing is that we don’t actually have English words for certain things? I mean, the whole reason we say, “tsundere,” is because it says everything in one word. It’s easy.

(Also, people are aware the the English language isn’t some unique thing that takes no inspiration from other languages, right? It’s a mix of things, so accept that other languages exist because we literally wouldn’t have English without them.)

Anonymous said:

Have you seen the TV Tropes reviews for "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic"? Holy crap, they are all a perfect example of the "Real Women Don't Wear Dresses" phenomenon that I have mentioned earlier and is so fucking present on this site. While some reviews praise the show for showing that "it's okay to be strong AND girly"(such as Hadles' review, which was really splendid), and that girl shows are no less good, others either insult the show by calling it "girly, saccharine, and stupid" as if "girly" is synonymous with anything bad about a show, or feel the need to distance it from its girliness in order to praise it as if a show can't be good if it's also girly.

Some people were saying things like "the show might seem girly at first, but it's actually a good, brilliant show with intricate plot twists, well-developed characters, and even some scary moments" and "the characters aren't just shallow girly-girls, they have depth!" So what, girliness is mutually exclusive to anything of value? One person even said that the Girl-Show Ghetto was the reason they couldn't get into the show or respect it. Just...wow.

And one review even said "Rarity's pretty tough for a girly girl!" Excuse me? Tough FOR a girly girl? So being a girly girl somehow automatically disqualifies you from being tough? Like "yeah, she's tough despite being a girly girl! Because girly girls aren't supposed to be tough."

It reminds me of the phrase "you're pretty for a black girl", which, while it's never been said to ME, I have heard other people complain about. It's sick and it hurts, just like this. And the few people who didn't say things like that still said that they couldn't get into the show at first because it looked "girly and vapid", before changing their minds and thinking that the show either proved their biases about girly shows wrong, no longer think it's girly since girly shows "can't" be good, or like it "despite" it's girliness.

And there were 70 reviews in all. 70 reviews full of this misogynistic "girly is bad" shit. So in conclusion nearly all the reviews on TV Tropes for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic were along the lines of one of three things. 1) "This show is girly so I looked past it because girly shows are dumb." 2) "This show is good despite being girly/the characters are good despite being girly." and 3) "This show is not girly to me at all because it is well-written and captivating and girly shows aren't capable of such things."

Granted, some people there were able and willing to call out those who judged the show badly for being girly(or gave it the "not like other girls" treatment, but in show form), as well as people warning other potential viewers to get rid of any potential bias they may have against it due to it being girly. But there were still more people insulting its girliness as a reason they think it sucks or denying its girliness to justify their liking of it than the other way around.

I would've accepted it in the form of "If you think this show is bad because of its inherent girliness, then you are wrong!" or "This show is proof that a show being girly or aimed at girls doesn't and shouldn't take away from its value, as people seem to believe." or "A girl can be girly and be a strong female character.", but no, instead I got shit like this. It's especially insulting when TV Tropes is a site that devotes itself in part to critiquing sexist tropes found in media, only to turn right around and reinforce them.

I don’t read TV Tropes that frequently, so I fortunately missed out on all of these complete idiots who associate girly products with being bad.

(that “pretty for a black girl” comment makes me hate all aspects of “expectations of beauty” and it’s like--plz let these die)

I could maybe see an argument for criticizing a girls show for being “saccharine” if it were like, “girls’ shows written by men who clearly don’t know how to write girls are usually bad,” because then it’s not a criticism of girls’ shows exactly but rather who keeps being put in charge of writing them.

Anonymous said:

I get so annoyed when people get upset when confronted with the matter of female representation with "what's so wrong with one show having a male protagonist or mostly men and one/a few women? Why do we have to include women in everything?" These people clearly do not understand that one show doing it is one thing, but when multiple shows do it, it's an obvious problem. It's even worse when they turn around and diss shows with largely female casts for "not having enough men".

And as for people getting upset that "every show has to include women/come with a checkbox nowadays", as if it's bad to include women in your story...look around. Women make up 50% of the population. They're literally everywhere. What reason do you have to not include a substantial amount of women?

These people act like male is the default and women are a last resort. They see no problem with men dominating a cast because it's justified(despite that not reflecting real life), and yet having female characters, or, hell, a female-dominated cast(I know they also don't reflect real life, but there are still female-dominated spaces; most colleges are 2/3 female) is "unrealistic" trying to fulfill a quota, or a straw feminist agenda, as if characters can't be female for their own sake. You shouldn't have to be forced include women because their presence should be a given.

How many stories nowadays take place in the war front in Viking times or whatever? A lot of men just don't want to include female characters or see them represented(well) in media because those who are overrepresented tend to want to stay that way. They likely also have insecurities about their masculinity and are worried about female characters flooding their shows with estrogen and ruining the shows they love, because they can't relate to female characters or enjoy shows about them without negating their girliness(ie. This show seems girly, but it's actually good), since they're ashamed to associate themselves with anything feminine due to looking down on women or seeing them as bad.

Plus they want to be the center of everything so the second a show is about mostly women they get upset and claim it's "sexist against men" because it's not about them. Hence why bronies(bless their souls) are made fun of for the grave sin of enjoying a female-centric show with a female protagonist and largely female characters. Granted, there are some freaky fans, but there's still some sexism at play here.

This reminds me of a post I saw about a boy who actually looked up to female characters because you can pick a role model who doesn’t fit your gender. Crazy concept, I know. ;P

And yeah, that’s how it goes with equality. People who are best/most represented don’t want equality because they think it means less for them and they don’t want that, like a child who doesn’t want to share their cookies with everyone else.

Anonymous said:

I love TV Tropes, but if there's one problem I have with it, it's how often it associates femininity with weakness. The "Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy" trope is a good example of this, but the worst offender in my opinion is the Girly Girl With a Tomboy Streak, as most of the examples there are simply of girls who are strong-willed or fierce or can fight. Because you know, those traits are male. It's bad because there are ALREADY tropes for girly girls who can fight, Girly Bruiser and Lady of War (which TV Tropes even goes out of its way to SAY shouldn't be counted as a "Tomboy Streak" and yet does stuff like this), but it's also bad because ANY girly girl with these qualities, no matter how feminine they are otherwise, will be seen by TV Tropes as having to be at least somewhat tomboyish(read: masculine) in order to have those traits. Because regular girly girls are just weak and fragile and only want to be housewives.

It's even worse when you realize that much of these characters are created with the exact purpose of subverting the stereotype that girliness equals weak, and instead present a new and more empowering form of femininity: that femininity is strong and DOES NOT equal being a passive sex tool for men's pleasure. They're MEANT to show that being a tomboy is not the only way to be strong, and TV Tropes acknowledges that! But then they also go and claim these characters have "Tomboy Streaks" thus undermining the positive message by insinuating that you have to be tomboyish to be strong and that even girly girls have to have some level of masculinity to be deemed respectable and equal human beings, plus manipulating many impressionable folks into thinking strength and bravery is automatically tomboyish.

Worse yet, they often put a character here because "she's a big eater" or "she burps/farts a lot". Gee, I didn't know women had bodily functions? I didn't know women had digestive systems? So basically any time a girl shows that she is a human being and not a pretty, passive doll to be idealized, she is acting like a man. Because only men are fully-fledged human beings. Even outside of that, look at basically any masculinity-femininity contrast trope(Tomboy and Girly Girl, Sensitive Guy and Manly Man, Masculine Girl Feminine Boy, etc.). The "masculine" character will often be described as dominant, assertive, or outspoken, and the "feminine" character will often be called weak-willed, passive, emotional, and timid. It's fucking sickening.

The Tomboy With A Girly Streak trope is similar to its inverse in that a tomboyish girl will often be placed under this trope with their proclaimed "girly" streak being that she's tender or cries a lot or is soft spoken/a doormat. Because being girly is about not taking up too much space, not having any ambition or aspiration, and overall being a weak and shallow waste of space. For a site that claims to dismantle such sexist misconceptions, it sure does reinforce them just as much.

I almost want to stop using TV Tropes based on that and many other reasons, but it's a genuinely informative site that at least tries to avoid these stereotypes(plus it's edited by more than one person), it just doesn't do enough. For example, they made an awkward claim once that women can't fight while on their periods, and even have an Improbably Female Cast trope, as if it's abnormal that a cast could consist of mostly women and demands an explanation. To them, femininity=inferior.

And then in comes the “anti-girl tomboy” characters who basically do everything “girls don’t do;” glares at things like make-up and such, rolls eyes at the subject of “girl talk” or “romance,” drinks anything carbonated and spreads their legs wide open, etcetera.

Guys really don’t get the same version, at least not that I’m aware of? Like, at best, they don’t participate in “guy things” but that’s about it.

Having characters acknowledge it just makes everything more blatant, like if a woman comes by and the guys have to assure “DON’T WORRY, SHE’S LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS.”

It’s like a woman can only hang out and engage in “guy talk/time” (the concept of which I hate but that’s besides the point) if they can crush a beer can against their forehead.

Anonymous said:

OMG TV Tropes called Cirno the Ice Fairy from Touhou a "tomboy"? Why? Because she's boisterous and outspoken and not a "shy girly-girl" like Daiyousei! TV Tropes clearly believes that any girl or woman who is more than just a pretty face(which ALL women are, by the way), who takes up space, who has a dynamic personality and isn't just a weeping wallflower(which I'm not saying Daiyousei is) is a tomboy. Because she's acting like a man that way. Ugh, so over TV Tropes and their sexism.

And all the girls in Touhou(including Cirno) wear big frilly dresses anyway so it doesn't really make sense to see ANY of them as tomboys. But no, apparently any girl who is rowdy or tough or is active and not passive is a tomboy. You gotta be a tomboy to have attitude. You can tell they think so because they often say things like "strong, but still feminine" as if those things are opposites. They even described femininity as "weak and susceptible, vain and superficial". Like, ugh, kill me now.

I legitimately want to see a bullet point list here of what qualifies as a “tomboy.” Like, what, anyone who does one thing that isn’t “girly”?

Can we just throw out all of these terms; not even replace them, just throw them out?

(the below ask is incomplete - the first part is missing - but the asker clarified after I asked them, so clarification is below:)

Anonymous said:

Tropes is because I'm working on a story and I hope when it becomes famous that TV Tropes will write about it, but as it stands, I'm beginning to wonder that TV Tropes undermines most stories or plots to do with women one way or another. I mean, they constantly create tropes with the intent of calling out inherent biases, yet reinforce those biases themselves.

For example, they have a trope called Men Are Generic, Women Are Special, which points out the bias of male being the default, and yet on almost every other page on the wiki describing a trope, the default character will be a "he"(especially if it's a character trope), and whenever they mention "The Hero" or "The Big Bad" it's always a he unless it needs to be female(like if the heroine is in a romance story, or if the villain is a seductress). Female characters at best, can hope to be "The Heart" or "The Chick" of the group(which is often used in a demeaning way).

They even have a trope called "Improbably Female Cast" in which they point out all the instances of a story's setting having an "over-abundance" of women or girls with no men in sight, and claim that such stories have majority female characters when it is "unusual" "unlikely" or "lacks justification". Someone even suggested that the trope should be called "Where Are All The Men?" as if there's something inherently weird or wrong when a story is dominated by female characters, and like the story is in dire need of men, as if only men can be protagonists.

Even if the story has a justifiable reason for having mostly women, the fact that the writer made that choice at all is somehow deserving of mention. The mere fact that there's no "Improbably Male Cast" trope shows where the site's biases lay. They don't see anything wrong with a show being dominated by men with little to no female representation(ex. Death Note), and yet a show dominated by women(ex. MLPFIM) is somehow an anomaly and demands an explanation(even if the story does provide a reason for it, TV Tropes will still list it and presume it "improbable", as if to say "I mean, yeah, but there's no reason why you couldn't just make them mEn instead", as if writers who have mostly female characters are going out of their way to steer away from the "default" males.

In fact, they even admit that "Men Are Generic, Women Are Special" is their reason for having such a trope, but not the inverse. They even say that it's not the trope if the show revolves around a group of girlfriends with no indication of the gender ratio in the wider setting. So any time the females outnumber the males a story it's instantly labeled "improbable" because there's NO WAY any setting AT ALL could have more females than males. That's improbable! You see, this is why when women are 1/3 of the people in a given space men perceive it as "majority female" because they're uncomfortable with women having more of a presence than men.

We'll never have true equality if shows with majority female casts continue to be scrutinized under a microscope and assumed to be of inferior, lesser quality, just because there's no male characters around and it's women who are driving the plot. My problem isn't that they have a trope for majority female casts, it COULD be a testament to gender equality(ie., "there used to not be a lot of shows revolving around women, but now they're becoming increasingly common and well-known), but it's that they single out such stories as "unlikely" and thus discredit them.

And worse yet, they refuse to change the name, because they don't see a problem with it. So now every single show that doesn't have an equal number of males and females or more males than females is going to be called "improbable" by TV Tropes, because there's something(bad) to be said about shows that choose to make most of their characters women. Death Note and Naruto can slide by the radar of having loads of men, but Madoka Magica and Touhou are "improbable"? Because they have loads of women?

the clarification:

Anonymous said:

I started out complaining about how TV Tropes says that boys will watch Star Vs. The Forces of Evil only because of Marco(who's great, but it comes off like boys can only relate to boy characters) and that the show only looks girly but has a deep complex plot with scary moments(as if a show can't be dark and complex and still be girly; girly=shallow, watered down fluff), hence my complaint about TV Tropes undermining girly shows or anything "girly".

Yup, exactly like I said.

Good stuff in “girly” things is the exception. Good stuff in “manly” things is expected.

Which is funny when you consider stuff like “edgy” reboots of things. Like, Disney remakes their original movies and that usually means making them worse (like in Beauty and the Beast - god I hate that remake - where the objects are going to become complete objects when the last petal falls even though the enchantress is explicitly a good person and it comes off as super cruel and unnecessary), but that seems to just be its own breed of bad I guess.

Then there are terms like “chick flicks” and “soap operas” which are usually women-oriented and tend to be considered dumb/over-dramatic.

You know, not like MEN shows with their sexualization of women, guns and MEN things.

Anonymous said:

Remember what I said about TV Tropes being sexist? Well, they also have a trope called "Girly Run". Like, that's literally the name. Girly. Run. Thankfully the first example(which is under advertising due to the forms of media being in alphabetical order) is an aversion from the blessed Like A Girl campaign, but...just reading the page lets the casual-yet-bold-faced sexism speak for itself.

why can’t things just be like the Sims where characters can wear whatever the hell they want and have any personality without any judgment or criticism from other Sims?

(more Madoka Magica talk - and ONLY Madoka Magica talk - below because I’ve unleashed a monster apparently:)

Anonymous said:

I know you don't like Frozen but I saw a theory somewhere that Elsa's powers came from making a contract with Kyubey and her wish was to impress her sister and anyway I can't stop rolling my eyes. This isn't(just) because of my distaste for Madoka Magica compared to my love for Frozen, but if Elsa's a Puella Magi then why didn't she become a witch long ago? How did she make it to adulthood? How did she become emotionally stable? And why do her powers have to come from a negative source?

I think it might just be people looking for excuses to do their crossover fanfiction which--yeah, I’m not crazy about that.

Anonymous said:

Did you know that Cristina Vee voiced Homura Akemi in the English Dub? It's very noticeable, especially during the Cake Song, where I could've sworn she sounds exactly like Marinette. By the way, I'm still not sure what the hell was going on in that song. Could you please explain it to me(if you know)?

Nooooo don’t make me think of Homura when I think of Marinette!! fjkdgjnfdg

lol but seriously, I think the Cake Song is just meant to be one of those “weird but meant to be dEeP” things that shows do sometimes to be cool (not a criticism technically; depends on how it’s used).

I think the cake is the labyrinth and Homura saying that she’s the pumpkin makes her the odd one out since pumpkins are associated with scares and halloween, so it’s “foreshadowing” her being the witch. The things that they say they are... they’re like--ingredients for a meal, but not a cake, so the the cake is the labyrinth and they’re the things that would go inside it.

Homura and Madoka are the only ones who really get descriptions to go with them. Homura says that she’s “full of seeds” (despair?) and Madoka implies that it’ll bring sweet dreams once she’s sliced (which is either referring to the godly freedom given to magical girls before they turn into witches, or foreshadowing Madoka being “split” after Homura stops Madoka from purifying her, leading to Homura’s “sweet dream” of what it’s like when everything is “normal” after her reality twisting).

Anonymous said:

May I ask what you don't like about Kyoko's character? Is it because she was the stereotypical "jerk with a heart of gold"? Or because the writer made her flip from hating Sayaka and wanting her dead to suddenly dying for Sayaka even though she barely knows her compared to Madoka(because the writer doesn't understand how girls' relationships work)? For me it was a mixture of both(though I still don't mind KyoSaya!), but I still liked her enough, she just felt a tad stereotypical. Your thoughts?

It’s both. I just don’t like characters like her at all and the runtime of Madoka Magica can’t maintain all of these characters, “developing” them, and then killing them off. I don’t even have any time to get attached to them because they’re dead within a matter of a few episodes.

And it’s always like, “okay here’s this character’s backstory to make you feel emotionally attached--HA NOW THEY’RE DEAD. SEE??? WE TOTALLY GOT YOU.”

Like, no, you didn’t. I didn’t even have time to care about THEM, much less their actual death.

Anonymous said:

What about the girls in Madoka Magica? Do you think they're strong female characters? Now, obviously the show is not feminist, since it misses the whole point of Magical Girl, which is to empower girls and show them that girls can be powerful and feminine and can find strength in solidarity with each other by instead making them suffer and fight each other and have their power come from their emotions, which are exploited and turned against them because women can't be powerful, but still...

It’s the same way I feel about Marinette; there are some who I want to say are strong characters, but the writing is ready to just kill them off at any time and bully them for essentially having emotions.

Basically, imagine a male writer hands you a character sheet and is like, “AW YEAH CHECK OUT THIS sTrOng FEMALE CHARACTER I WROTE.”

Like, even if they were right, their ego and obnoxiousness about the whole thing, along with what they actually do to said character, makes you not want to give them any credit for it.

Anonymous said:

How do you think Puella Magi Madoka Magica would be different if they had magical boys as well(which can mean either gender-bending canon magical girls or introducing original magical boys)? Do you think the show would be better? Worse? Or would it be just about the same?

Personally I feel like having magical boys would be good and bad; good because there would be no more of the “teenage girls are hysterical” crap and it wouldn’t just be girls suffering because they can’t handle power, and bad because it would still be problematic(for stereotyping all teens as over emotional and deserving to be taken advantage of by the Incubators, and it would still be about kids suffering in a genre meant to empower girls, having some of them be boys wouldn’t help that much).

I also feel like Gen Urobuchi would still make the girls suffer more and have them be more emotionally and mentally unstable. Holy crap it feels like he read up on Aristotle’s views on women while making this show.

It would at least be more balanced I guess? Like, teenage years are a fragile time, so it would make sense for both girls and boys to be taken advantage of. I still wouldn’t like it but it would be nice to point out, “there are emotional boys as well as emotional girls.”

Anonymous said:

Literally all the problems with Treatment of Marinette, Chat's Entitlement(TM), and the sheer sexism in general(ex. all the teenage girls and even women villains being catty and bitchy, while the male villains are cool, suave, and calculating; female villains being irredeemable scum while male villains are "not as bad as they seem", etc.) could all be solved if the show just got some more female writers! You know a show isn't feminist like people claim if none of the writers are women.

That's what I love about Friendship is Magic; the show is written and directed by a woman and actually has a variety of both male and female writers! Plus, Lauren Faust explicitly identifies as a feminist and claims her works are meant to empower women and show them that there's no wrong way to be a girl. And the show reflects that! There's no "token girl" who checks all the boxes; the females have realistic flaws, diverse personalities, and let's not forget ARE THE HEROES!!! Not to mention that the cast is actually PREDOMINANTLY FEMALE. Do people have any idea how refreshing that is?!

And that's why whenever people claim that shows like Madoka Magica are feminist when it's written by men for men while also dismissing actually feminist shows written by women for women as "sexist" or "demeaning", I cringe inside. It's not just what the show looks like, it's what the people behind it say.

And Gen Urobuchi is not a feminist. At all. Just listen to the things he says about the girls, that they're terrorists who are full of hubris and destined to be alone, and that actual magical girl shows weren't his inspiration beyond the show's cosmetics, he just based it off of porn games. He only watched those shows after making Madoka Magica and admitted they were weird to him. Well, maybe they wouldn't be weird if you actually used them as inspiration! Why are you even making magical girl? So basically he admitted that all the suffering the girls go through is because it's his fetish.

I knew I wasn't imagining things when I saw all those weird shots and angles(ex. zooming in on Sayaka's thighs and breasts when she collapses to the floor, Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her legs when agitated, zooming in on Kyoko's ass when she takes her phone out of her shorts' back pocket, it's all for cheap titillation). And yet people keep saying the show is devoid of male gaze and sexism and why? Because apparently men know how to represent women better than women themselves.

you said “Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her thighs” and it gave me an immediate flashback, I hate it

I find that it’s a similar thing with gay anime/manga; I’m more likely to trust a F/F story if it’s written by a woman since they’re less likely to sexualize everything.

Anonymous said:

Homura in Puella Magi Madoka Magica: But Madoka, what's going to happen to you? You'll end up all alone here forever! You'll never be able to see your friends and family! Homura in Rebellion: Haha, screw Madoka's friends and family! Only I am worthy of Madoka's love! That girl belongs to me! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!(I'm sorry for the over exaggeration, but this is how it felt for me.)

Apparently, it was better for Madoka to just have all of her memories and powers yoinked away.

Sayaka is Madoka’s right hand girl so idk why Homura has this idea that she needs to sAvE Madoka. The fact that this whole thing comes out of a misunderstanding (because Madoka doesn’t have her memories) is so irritating.

Anonymous said:

I actually love Madoka Magica, but I completely agree with you on the hysterical women thing. Why couldn’t they just have... both magical girls and magical boys? Like, just mention that magical boys are a thing? They don’t even have to change anything but that, they don’t even really have to show it, just be like “yeah there’s magical boys too but that’s not really what this story is about, it’s about our characters we have here”. I don’t know, feels like that would have at least helped stuff.

Yeah, they don’t have to bother having the magical boys around. Just to know they exist would be enough. I mean, the fact that the focus is on them would still be bothersome (they’d probably do a thing where each girl represents a different emotion that is easily manipulated/easy to control), but it’d be something.

Anonymous said:

One thing that weirds me out when people are talking about Madoka Magica is when people refer to the characters as "little girls". Like, excuse me? They are not "little girls". They are teenagers! All of them are at least 14 years old! I hate when people call them "little", it's just so condescending and infantilizing, especially when the show does enough of that to them already. After all, no one makes that mistake with the heroines of Lucky Star and Hidamari Sketch(who are also drawn by Aoki)!

I feel like it’s the equivalent of when people call women “girls,” y’know? Sort of a “treating females as younger than they really are,” which is probably what gives guys the feeling that they have control.

For a gender that claims to be so dominant, certain ones sure have to delude themselves a lot to make themselves feel better.

Anonymous said:

I was thinking about what you said about Puella Magi Madoka Magica passing the Bechdel Test, and if it counts if there's barely any men to talk about. And while I do agree that it counts, I also feel that it doesn't really matter much in shows such as Madoka. This isn't even about feminism, this is about the fact that if a show has next to no men in it at all then it's pretty much a given that they won't talk about them since it would be impractical to talk about something that doesn't exist.

So because of that, I think there should either be an alternative test which only applies to shows that have a significant or equal number of male characters and yet the ladies still pass the test(making it feel more "real" since the option to talk about men is there), or the test should be rewritten entirely so that it only applies to shows in which the cast is either equally gender-split, or has a majority male cast/significant amount of males even if the females still outnumber them.

Reminds me of how, on TV Tropes, someone suggested that there should be a "Weak" and "Strong" Bechdel Test, where "Weak" refers to the women talking about something other than men because it is literally what's relevant at the moment(such as two female police officers discussing how to catch a female killer), thus applying the Bechdel Test there seems semi-void, while "Strong" is when they could talk about men but choose not to(ie. two female students talking about their grades during lunch).

And just to clarify about the "Strong" one, when I say they could talk about men but choose not to, this isn't to imply that female characters should talk about men, or that something's wrong with them for not talking about men, just that there's nothing stopping them from doing so, but they choose to talk about something unrelated to men. I think this strategy is much better than the test we have because it makes conversations between female characters seem more real since they're discussing things other than men of their own volition, rather than the non-male-centered talk being because they have to talk about it in-universe. I say that because The Bechdel Test serves to show that women's lives don't and shouldn't revolve around men, and they can talk about other things if they want to, but if the conversation is because they have to(like the example I gave), that gives sexists the opportunity to go "Yeah, well, they're only talking about it because it's their job!"

But if the female characters talk about things other than men of their own free will(as in, when the option is still there), then it shows that women really do have their own free will to talk about their own things and that there is NO REASON to not pass the Bechdel Test in today's day and age(I keep hearing people claim the test is stupid and doesn't matter, but then it should be easy to pass). "Oh, but if they had the choice, they would talk about men." No, because men don't sit around and talk about the women in their lives all day so why should women talk about the men in their lives all day? And to the people saying these types of tests are getting in the way of their "creativity", well, now that we know that you think female representation is stupid and something you have to be forced to do, we don't have to listen to a word you say. ;)

I like the idea of adjusting the Bechdel Test for other circumstances and expanding it as such!

You could also extend it to things like sexualization, because--I mean, having two female characters who talk to each other probably doesn’t mean much if they’re half-dressed or the writer wanted to make them bisexual for “The Fanservice.”

Anonymous said:

To be honest deconstructions of Magical Girl confuse me. There are some good ones out there(such as Princess Tutu and Revolutionary Girl Utena, so I know they're not all just torture porn, my only gripe with Utena is the implication that girls who take on the feminine "Princess" role are weak), but at its heart Magical Girl has always dealt with death, gore and pain just as much as female empowerment.

It makes me feel like the people who write these stories haven't seen magical girl and think it's all just sunshine and rainbows and that just because it's "girly" it's vapid and has no substance, and since the only way to have substance apparently is to be "dark", they go "screw it with all this princessy magical shit! Let's make our show dark instead!" When in reality if they had just sat down and watched a magical girl anime, they would understand that this is not the case.

Not to mention that many of them tend to have fanservice and the idea that magical girls have to suffer, so instead of empowering young girls, they end up misrepresenting the genre and turning it into fetish fuel torture porn for adult men(Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna are very good examples of this; the writer of Madoka says that the girls are terrorists and full of hubris and that he was inspired by porn games). It's not that you can't deconstruct the genre at all, but it's almost never done tastefully and the magical girl themes are just a cover used to explain the suffering the girls go through. :(

Another thing about magical girl deconstructions is that they often reinforce patriarchal themes, like that girls shouldn't want things for themselves and that genuinely doing something for someone while also having ulterior motives that help yourself are a BAD BAD BAD thing, no matter how ultimately harmless they are, even if they help everybody involved. They also tend to reinforce Tall Poppy Syndrome and portray the powers as harmful or a bad thing, implying that girls shouldn't have power.

Honestly, I think there can totally be even more substance in magical girl anime that doesn’t have to resort to “make it eDgY” (which I feel like is a slippery slope that can easily come off as lazy); for example, I’d really enjoy seeing something deeper to magical girl powers than something like, “oh, this magical girl happens to have the power that fits their personality,” such as a magical girl who has a power she feels she doesn’t fit but it’s a matter of perspective/seeing herself differently, or a magical girl who does have the powers that “fit” her personality - like a “fiery” girl with fire powers - and the weaknesses in her powers correlate to the weaknesses in her personality, so she has to either iron out those issues or find workarounds, as true “perfection” isn’t possible nor practical, which is something all the girls have to accept despite whatever pressure they’re under.

.I dunno, I like lore and powers revolving around metaphors. It’s fun.

Anonymous said:

About what you said in regards to "no pueri magi because it doesn't hit the shock value threshold enough", I remember this interesting comment I saw on an article called "The Problem With The Dark Magical Girl Genre"(which I would totally recommend checking out, by the way!) which said that shojo magical girl and seinen magical girl both embrace a different philosophy regarding strong female fighters. In shojo, they tend to embrace femininity as a strength and show girls that they have the power to do whatever they want and undergo dangerous professions. But in seinen, which conveniently enough is more likely to "deconstruct" the genre(ugh), rather than admiring the girls and supporting them in their endeavors, the girls are meant to be pitied(often to the point of infantilization) when bad things happen to them, with the fact that they are girls serving to make everything worse. It operates under the idea that girls are fragile, in need of protection, and shouldn't be fighting at all.

That's why deconstructions like Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna don't sit right with me, and also why I don't consider them feminist series. People can say whatever they want about Sailor Moon and Pretty Cure, but ultimately they also had dark and dangerous themes(to the point where some kids had nightmares), but ultimately allowed the girls to rise above the hell they went through and find the strength in them to save the day. We feel bad for them when they die, not because they're moe girls, but because we were actually given the time to form a connection with them and want to see them succeed, rather than just be expected to pity them because they're cute manipulated girls. That way, when they ultimately save the day, it's all the more satisfying. Princess Tutu was a deconstruction that actually went about it in the right way, because the girls eventually found the courage to defeat their enemies in a way that made sense. Why the hell is it a "good" thing to subvert that?

No clue, but I basically agree with everything there. I mean, Madoka Magica’s entire stick is basically that all the girls are like “uwu” in terms of the style (with Madoka being the “cutest” of them all) and then being put in this dark and edgy plot+setting; it’s for both the shock value and the “contrast” of having “moe” characters be thrust into these situations to essentially die.

And the conclusion doesn’t end up being satisfying (at least to me) because the villain doesn’t have emotions so he’s just like “owo” (seriously, I wouldn’t hate on Rebellion so much if Kyubey had been given emotions rather than going crazy; Homura can basically do whatever she wants and it was SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY) so it ends up being more about the journey getting there like wow look at all the sUbvErSiOnS and dEaTh we had along the way!

Because at the end of the day, it’s still like, “the girls give into their ‘hysterical emotions’ in the end basically no matter what,” even if they get saved by Madoka in the end.

Anonymous said:

Do you remember, in Madoka Magica, when Kyubey said that humans would still be living in caves if not for the Incubators? First of all, keep in mind what Incubators do. Their entire purpose on this earth is to feed off the emotions of young teenage girls as they spiral into despair as a result of their delusions of power. Like wow, let that sink in. Apparently humanity's advancement relies on the exploitation of women. We are literally the punching bags of the universe. Isn't it lovely?

No! You see--we’re so important to the world! If we weren’t emotionally exploited, the world wouldn’t be the way it is now! :D

(kill me)

Anonymous said:

I once saw a tag on tumblr that read "The only good magical girl anime is Madoka Magica because it's gay, and even it has problems." Like, ugh. Really? Has this person not watched ANY other magical girl anime? Such ignorance. So many things wrong with that statement that I can't--and WON'T--even begin to unravel here.

MADOKA MAGICA IS NOT GAY AND I’M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE CLAIMING IT IS

s T O P

I DON’T EVEN CONSIDER YURI ON ICE TO BE GAY. MADOKA MAGICA? NAH MAN.

Anonymous said:

Do the girls in Madoka Magica even have transformation phrases? You know, like how Marinette says "Tikki, spots on!" or how Sailor Moon says "Moon Prism Power! Make-up!" or how Iris in LoliRock says "Iris! Princess of Ephedia!" etc. But in Madoka Magica, there doesn't seem to be any of that. At least in Yuki Yuna they pressed a button on their phones. But how do the Puellae Magi even transform? Just goes to show you how Gen Urobuchi knows next to nothing about the genre he claims to deconstruct.

Transformation phrases are magical and cool and you can’t take that away from me.

Anonymous said:

I had a shower thought about Madoka randomly in bed last night: If a Magical Girl's Soul Gem loses control over its user when 100 metres or further away from it, that meant that when Homura got Sayaka's Soul Gem back for her, Sayaka should've regained consciousness once Homura was less than 100 metres away, even if she didn't have her Soul Gem yet. I also love to ponder why on Earth Homura would even bother retrieving Sayaka's Soul Gem if she only cares about Madoka and Madoka's well-being.

I think it’s just a complicated process of Homura trying to make sure Madoka doesn’t fall into despair herself (in a non-witch way) and is convinced to make a wish.

Anonymous said:

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Sayaka really got the worst deal out of the whole thing. While her story may seem more "mundane" compared to the others(she just wanted the token Ill Boy osananajimi to like her back), she's the only one who somehow isn't brought back when Madoka recreates the universe, loses her Soul Gem on more than one account(and on the second, she starts decomposing and her crush sees her and calls her a monster because he thinks she's pretending to be the REAL Sayaka), is supposedly the weakest Magical Girl, getting swiftly taken out by both Kyoko AND Homura(the latter of which doesn't even make sense, if her body can heal why was she taken out so quickly?), takes a long while to show up in Magia Record, and Gen somehow finds it suiting to single her out as the one who is "destined to die" every time she makes a contract. Apparently the series director wanted Sayaka to live/be brought back, but Gen refused because it just had to be edgy.

Of course, MEN are allowed to have wish fulfillment power fantasies and dream like the sky's no limit and aspire to be all they want to be, but the second WOMEN try to be the strong ones, the powerful ones, or dream of something for themselves and others, they have to learn a lesson about how unrealistic their fantasies are and how they'll never live out their dreams. Hence why Sayaka puts the blame all on herself, saying that she's not a hero and was stupid and selfish the whole time.

"token Ill Boy osananajimi“ dfhbgjhfdgdfg

It was a real shame because I liked Sayaka somewhat (not saying much but still) and she was such a predictable one to go. Like, “oh wow, an angst-y anime all about shock value? so basically the best friend is dead then with no chance of survival.”

I think I do remember being told/reading somewhere (so don’t quote me) that Sayaka is the one that’s hardest to keep alive in the games, so you have to work hard for it. It just sucks.

Anonymous said:

Yet another thing that bothers me about Puella Magi is how the show frames the young ladies as if everything is their fault even though they have no idea what they're getting into because the person who makes the deal doesn't even bother explaining shit to them and all the show's attempts at deconstructing is just taking lighthearted elements meant to empower girls and show them that they can be brave and strong as well as feminine and make them dark and morbid.

Like, I get the whole "having young girls fight is a little unrealistic" aspect, but most magical girl shows actually do touch on that! Only difference is that over time, they become stronger and better at fighting(which is only to be expected, whether you're a teenage girl or not) and become more competent along the way because the whole genre is about FEMALE EMPOWERMENT.

Not to mention how the show seems to forget that the Incubators are villains and even seems to put them in the right and the girls in the wrong, what with the claim that they rationalize with the girls they make contracts with like sentient human beings(yeah, because emotionally manipulating young girls and literally taking their souls out of their bodies and making them liches without their consent is definitely treating them like sentient human beings), and that they always follow up on their end of the deal whereas it's the girls' faults their wishes go sour because they never wish for what they truly want(I'm sorry, but I simply DO NOT buy that. Homura and Mami outright wished for what they wanted. Their wishes went sour because the plot "decided" that they should have wished in a different way; plus, you're telling me that if Sayaka had outright said she wished "for Kyousuke to love her back" that the show wouldn't just "make" him mind-controlled or have Sayaka "outgrow" her feelings by the time he falls in love with her, all the while making it out to be "her" fault he's so heartbroken because she was some kind of tease or whatever, further demonizing girls' sexualities?).

Plus they explicitly claim that every woman in history was a magical girl and that without them, humanity would still be in caves(as in, humanity wouldn't be able to progress without the oppression and exploitation of women, and women can't gain power without going insane because female power is some unhealthy, inhuman, infernal thing.). Even if we take this all as a reflection of patriarchal society(which I highly doubt it was, if anything, it reinforces it), all it does is imply that the oppression of women is the natural order of things, required even.

As for the girls themselves, they routinely beat themselves up and the show makes no effort to tell them they're wrong(up until the massive cop-out of an ending), like how Sayaka's last words before becoming a witch are literally her "admitting" that she was "stupid, so stupid" for wanting a boy to love her and be healed of his infirmity. It just seems like we're supposed to think "you know, maybe the Incubators aren't that bad!" while ignoring that the girls are being treated like the disposable trash bags of the universe. This show already does the magical girl genre dirty but treating it like everything the Incubators did was necessary and like it's all the girls' faults these things happened to them in the first place is the icing on the stale, sour cake. Nothing like a giant heap of sexism to help get you through your day. :/

I’ve noticed this a lot in Miraculous, but Madoka Magica somehow does it worse; this “one (supposed) mistake leads to all of these consequences you never saw coming.”

Like Ladybug calling Lila out. We know that Lila’s pettiness in “Chameleon” shows that it wouldn’t matter whether Ladybug yelled at her or not; the simple fact that Marinette opposes a liar led to Marinette getting expelled, even if only for a while. Then there’s “Miracle Queen” and all that garbage that came with it.

These two shows put their teenage girls through hell for having emotions and there’s no way to undo it.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, the Madoka Magica fandom is basically the magical girl equivalent of "not like other girls" type women. I can't say I'd be surprised if they didn't watch a single magical girl show other than Madoka because they're all "stupid and girly but this one is edgy and dark" just because those shows are written by women to inspire other girls and show femininity as a strength while Madoka Magica is written by men for men who want to see young girls suffer without any actual feminism.

Like, let's go through their arguments one-by-one to prove that they don't hold up. They love to say that Madoka Magica is better than other Magical Girl shows because "it's dark and edgy and shows the downsides to being a Magical Girl unlike other shows where it's all sunshine and lollipops". First of all, other Magical girl shows also got very dark. Princess Tutu and Utena are also "darker" takes on the genre, but even more lighthearted shows like Sailor Moon and Precure had scary moments.

The only difference is, with them, they still managed to critique problematic aspects of the genre and actually provided ways to improve it, while STILL managing to keep their target audience(FEMALES) in mind, without condescending to them and infantilizing them. And they still showed the girls being empowered and overcoming the darkness.

In Madoka, there's none of that, there's no actual critique of the genre because Gen didn't have the respect for it to do his research, it's aimed at men so it doesn't keep female viewers in mind by definition(which is also another reason why it can't be a deconstruction; deconstructions should be done FOR its target audience), and the girls are constantly put down and treated like Moe crybabies by the narrative even when they're not(cause, you know, teenage girls are "emotional"!). And it doesn't offer ways the genre could improve, it just takes a female-empowering genre and twists it to be this system of oppression that the genre is meant to avoid.

Magical Girls tend to have a very strong focus on girls empowering girls and all that awesome stuff, and yet when Madoka and Mami form a special bond and Madoka encourages Mami by telling her she's not alone? It makes her big-headed and overconfident and she gets devoured by Charlotte. See what happens when girls rely on each other? Madoka is Sayaka's best friend, but gets pushed aside in favor of Kyoko, who later dies for Sayaka because girls who want to help each other had better be prepared to suffer and die for their beliefs. Sayaka loses everything, which happens to include her best friend, over a guy. And the whole witch process means that any female solidarity that could be found in the show is thrown out the window since the core concept of the show is girls being forced to brutalize and kill and exploit each other.

People act like Madoka is Yuri when it's not, Gen was asked if Homura really was in love with Madoka and if Kyoko really was in love with Sayaka, and what did he do? He beat around the bush. Naoko Takeuchi and Kunihiko Ikuhara(the latter of whom also worked on Sailor Moon R; woah, what a surprise) both admitted that there was gay love in their stories, yet people act like Madoka is super progressive regarding homosexuality when it's just implied and those shows were MUCH more open! Doesn't stop people from claiming the show is "honorary yuri" and saying that the meaning of "yuri" should be broadened to include any close bonds between two female characters, whether or not it's actually romantic, AND favoring the show(and HomuMado) above actual yuri shows that are made to appeal to women. If all this were actually valid, Sailor Moon would be yuri as hell.

I hate seeing people fap over this show and act like it's so revolutionary for recycling things that the genre was ALREADY DOING, because I know full well that the ONLY reason it gets this wide acclaim is because Magical Girl shows have traditionally been written for women and this show is aimed at men. That's literally it. Because nothing a woman writes is good enough, especially when it dares to go against patriarchal constructs of femininity as weak and docile by portraying it as cool and awesome. It doesn't matter how cool and dark and diverse and inclusive and complex Sailor Moon and Precure and Princess Tutu and Utena are, they're written by/for women with the intention of empowering them so they're automatically invalid, cheap, happy-go-lucky crap where nothing bad ever happens and anything those shows try to do ought to be discredited because they don't appeal to men like they should so what's the point?

But the second a MAN comes in and intrudes on a female-dominated space by doing all of those things but with a very shallow understanding of how they ought to be executed, people are all over it because a MAN did it and now it's interesting and respectable! I have seen so many people say that they don't like Magical Girl because it's girly and shallow and stupid, but then they praise Madoka for things that the girly and "shallow" shows have already done! Men are always taking away things meant for women and distorting it to fit their patriarchal views and yet when they do it it's somehow better and anyone who complains is simply a whiny straw feminist!

The fandom does it all the time, someone complains about the show and why they don't like it and find it sexist, and the response is always "you're just not smart enough to understand it; you have no idea what you just watched". Because obviously since it's made by a man it's sooo much smarter then the traditional sappy stuff made by women. That's why it's so annoying when others praise it at the expense of other works in the genre: they know their reasons for liking it are, more often than not, rooted in sexism against female-aimed and female-empowering works, so the only way they can praise it is at the expense of said works, hence them being just like girls who claim they're "not like other girls" when there's nothing wrong with girls being feminine and in fact many of those girls may like the same things you do!

So while I'm not saying there's anything inherently WRONG with liking Madoka, I DO have a problem with people who act like it's better or more serious than other shows in the genre and simply discard them on the grounds that they're "for girls", since they obviously didn't watch them.

me when I initially watched Madoka Magica: I don’t get why this exists.

me when I learned it was written by a man: ohhh, now I get it.

I also take issue with people comparing things that are made for different demographics. Like look, I don’t care if you enjoy your angst display over here, but also maybe don’t compare it to the stuff not even made for you unless you’re willing to get into a fight over it?

It comes off wrong, like they have to trash on stuff because it wasn’t made for them, y’know?

Anonymous said:

Honestly, I am so sick of people saying that Magical Girl shows are sexist or anti-feminist, when all they do is portray girls being awesome and powerful while also being feminine at the same time, because "Well in Japan it's actually gender conformity because it's telling girls they can only be strong if they're feminine! You're just projecting your Western values onto an Eastern work!".

First of all these shows are made by women for women and often have explicit feminine messages that you literally cannot miss unless you are simply blind or trying not to see them. And they also tend to have a very strong focus on women supporting or empowering other women. Just think of Sailor Moon, which constantly gets this "criticism", and yet there's an episode where the girls explicitly protest against a villain who claims women are all shallow and useless and can't do anything without men's help. Would Naoko Takeuchi put that in the show if she weren't a feminist?

And then there's the fact that she has said that one message she wanted the female leads to convey was to value their relationships between other girls because girls are strong and don't need to waste time depending on men. There's also the fact that most Magical Girl shows tend to treat the powers as something special and awesome that's unique to women and girls, paired with the coming-of-age themes present in the show, and you get a magical equivalent of female puberty, with magic mixed in.

But no, all of that gets thrown out the window because they dare to be "feminine" while doing all of that stuff and the Japanese are forcing their girls to be girly through Magical Girl propaganda. And I just HATE when people act like anything feminine must be societally forced onto girls, rather than girls just happening to like them. In addition, stating that they are simply reinforcing gender roles by being feminine is such bullshit because the whole purpose isn't about conforming to patriarchal femininity, it's about reclaiming femininity.

Too often, femininity is associated with being weak, powerless, helpless, submissive, docile, vapid, catty, bitchy, petty, vain, stupid, the list goes on. Magical Girl saves femininity from a bad reputation. It shows femininity in a new light, as something strong and powerful and, hell, even admirable! It's about telling girls "Hey, you can be strong and powerful and smart, but you don't have to be a tomboy or act like a man to do so". Girls are always told they have to act masculine to be taken seriously because the only way to be respected is to be like a man, which is an indirect way of saying that only men deserve respect.

Magical Girl does away with all that in favor of showing the feminine as something innately powerful, and yet naysayers MISS the point and say that it's just stereotyping girls instead. To see people claim that Magical Girl forces girls to fit a feminine ideal to be respected is just disappointing. It's supposed to be a female power fantasy for young girls that shows them as the ones being powerful and empowering each other.

Take how in Sailor Moon the heroine often says something along the lines of "I won't let you take advantage of girls", which Wedding Peach went on to imitate. The purpose of the genre is for girls. To empower girls. So why on earth would they show them fitting into a "male" mould of power? Do these people think that any time women are shown acting distinct from men that they are doing something wrong?

And the hypocritical part is that nobody pisses on male-oriented anime for reinforcing a harmful narrative to boys that they have to be masculine to be valued and respected. Of course they don't! Because being "masculine" is never seen as a bad thing to be. It's assumed that masculinity is always strong and good and awesome and there's nothing wrong with boys being forced to be masculine because you're supposed to want to be masculine. You're not supposed to want to be feminine.

So of course people will shit all over Magical Girl for embracing, empowering, and reclaiming femininity, because it's not supposed to be that way! You're not supposed to be feminine and also be strong. You're supposed to deny your identity as a woman and assimilate into the boys' club because only boy things are worthwhile! And they cover it up by saying that Magical Girl forces girls to be feminine, when in actuality the WORLD forces girls to be MASCULINE. Magical Girl doesn't force girls to be feminine, It ALLOWS them to. Do you see the difference there?

Another thing I'd like to bring to the table is that the claim is racist and here's why: The claim that "Magical Girl shows are seen as feminist in the US for portraying femininity as a source of strength but not in Japan because it's telling girls they have to be feminine"...what does that mean? Japanese people can't be feminist? All Japanese people are sexists and think girls have to fit in a certain role? Do Japanese feminists HAVE to be anti-femininity? Are there literally no Japanese people who think you can be feminine AND strong(who also obviously identify as feminists?) Because it seems hella sexist to insinuate that Magical Girl shows are sexist because they're made in Japan and they don't believe you can be feminine AND strong there.

While there is some credibility to it since Japan IS, by and large, much more strict with gender roles, hasn't it ever occurred to these people that these types of shows exist to counter that belief? Not only that, but it implies that people aren't allowed to have opinions on works that aren't made in their culture, and that anyone who sees those shows as feminist are just projecting their Western beliefs onto an Eastern work. And even worse, when people say that, they don't have the same opinion of Western Magical Girl works.

Just look at LoliRock, Miraculous Ladybug, Winx, W.I.T.C.H., Star vs the Forces of Evil, and countless other European/Western Magical Girl works. Where are the people saying "They get their power from femininity and that is sexist!"? Nowhere! They're silent! Even though those are very much like Magical Girl works from Japan(although I don't think the genre originated from there), while still being original.

It's because people think that any media exported from Japan is automatically sexist and demeaning and so anything they create, no matter how empowering their intentions, gets twisted into something that's somehow toxic or unsafe for girls to watch. But when Europeans do the exact same thing nobody complains. Because Japan is not allowed to do anything empowering whatsoever; something's always wrong with it, apparently.

So that's why I have a problem with people who say those things; it's so problematic because they think they're being all open-minded and aware/respectful of other people's cultures, but all they're doing is reinforcing negative stereotypes further. It's kinda like what I said earlier(in another ask) about how people love to praise Madoka Magica for being a unique, dark, and interesting take on the genre when all it did was rehash elements of the genre that already existed, strip away the female empowerment, and gear it towards grown men, which is why people like it more. How about instead of speaking for Japanese people you let them speak for themselves?!

I would also like to add that there’s even a limit to women acting masculine because that’s still “not enough” for those kinda of men who would promote those beliefs. Women need to act more masculine to “be taken seriously” but then you have men who’ll tell them to “dress less” or whatever.

I think what it comes down to is that they want women to not be “emotionally taxing” with all those dAmN eMoTioNs of theirs (unless it’s for the sake of their angsty magical girl anime where the girls suffer for having emotions), but they also need to look pretty and be sexualized.

We can’t win.

#other: ask and answer #other: non ml talk

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fallout-drabbles-n-stuff · 3 years

Text

“There is no me without a you.” (Paladin Danse x Reader)

(Au! Where Danse doesn’t read rivet city and the reader is a friend of his and Cutler’s. Also I guess the reader technically isn’t sole..so enjoy! It’s an idea I had brewing for a long time.)

The thought made your stomach turn. That was putting it lightly.

For years it had been just you, Cutler, and his weirdo buddy- Danse. You were family, the only one you’ve known or at least cared to consider as such. So many nights had passed where your friends laughter was the only thing that kept you willing to face the next day, both of their grins forever imprinted in your mind and usually serving as the only things you could trust in the life you led.

It was rough. You had came to the shelter of Rivet City seeking to make a fortune as a merchant, having left home and everything you once knew to do so. The first couple of weeks hadn’t been easy, you had barely even gotten by but..then, by some miracle, some flame-haired man with a seemingly permanent smug grin came strolling up to your stand, a tall- handsome fella with dark hair close behind him. That fucker that interrupted your business introduced himself and his bashful friend, Cutler and Danse were their names...and of course, you started the beautiful relationship off by asking them just where the hell they came up with such “crap-tastic” names. Indeed, it was the start of a beautiful friendship.

It was the recollection of memories such as these that made tears blur your vision, each step you took forward feeling more labored than the one before. Days ago those same goofy men you met all those years ago, the ones you’ve grown to love so much, had said they were going off to join some crazy ass organization in the capital- begging you to come along as well.

As much as you adored your friends, neither of them were all that bright. At least not if they couldn’t see just how dangerous this thing they wanted to run off and join was. You had an uncanny gift of being able to see when something was a catastrophically bad idea, and this was certainly one of them.

Shaking your head, you did the best you could to blink away the built up tears- having realized that you were at your desired location.

Danse’s rickety shack.

The poor man really needed to brush up on his building skills.

At least that made you laugh, even if it was choked up and sounded more pitiful than anything. Regardless, you carefully knocked on the door- unaware of where to begin. All you knew was that your time was limited to figure it out, the much expected rattling of metal being able to be heard from the other side within seconds, signaling that Danse was both indeed home and also on his way to answer the door.

Fuck.

Much too soon, the door opened up and revealed the man you once ridiculed for his unfortunate name. His stoic, yet lovely amber eyes softening as soon as they fixated upon your familiar form. Damn, he was such a sight to behold. Even wearing a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up and some ripped jeans, he was undeniably attractive. The acknowledgment of this fact made your heart skip a beat, your breath hitching in your throat as your eyes met his own.

Over the years you’ve known him, danse and yourself had became close- very close. You grew as people together, spent a couple nights out alone while Cutler reaped the spoils of being able to trick some person from the bar into bed with him, and even danced around the line of becoming a little more than friends every once in a while.

“(Y/n)..? What’s going on? Is something amiss? Nevermind that, please, come inside.” That deep, raspy voice tore you away from the invasive thoughts you were so deeply enthralled with. With a graceful like motion, the bulky man stepped to the side and allowed you to enter the his humble little home.

Of course you obliged, your knees growing week as you bumbled to his beaten up couch- sinking down into it’s plush as soon as you sat. However you weren’t alone long, Danse quickly following you, having no problem with sitting right beside you.

Funny, years ago when you first met, he barely seemed to be able to talk without Cutler doing the legwork of the conversation.

Now here he was, his arm resting on the back of the couch right behind your hunched over body. Practically beckoning you to just say “screw it” and cuddle right up into his side, hell, the man practically radiated warmth so there was very little holding you back at the moment. There were more important things to tend to now...

Steadying yourself, you tried your very best to put on a strong face. Straightening your back and giving him the “serious” look, or as Cutler called it, your “bitch face.” Whatever the look would be called, you just hoped he couldn’t see right through you. Because as it stood now, anxiety courses through your veins like a terrible icy brook- threatening to steal your spirit itself and make you retreat and forgo this plan of your’s.

For just a moment, it almost won. Your gaze shifted over to Danse’s coffee table, taking notice of the disassembled pistol that laid upon the horribly scratched wooden surface. Heh, he might’ve been a terrible architect but Danse sure as hell could modify guns. It was cute really, how invested he’d become in something so complex. Sometimes you’d come over in need of a friend and he’d keep you company by explaining how to modify a 10mm pistol’s barrel, all while doing so.

Your eyes fell close now, a hollowness in your chest. It was time. It was now or never. Later wouldn’t exist, especially since you refused to run off and join the brotherhood.

“D..danse..?” Your voice stammered out in a way that you despised, sounding so scared..like you truly were. That in its self was enough to make the relaxed look on danse’s face morph into one of concern, his weight shifting as he leaned more towards you.

Did he feel it too? Did he also want to embrace you as badly as you wanted to embrace him?

After a moment of waiting, he audibly gulped. Your obvious distress filled the poor man with worry, he..he didn’t like seeing you feel this way. “Yes?” Now even his own voice was demure as it urged you to continue.

The muscles in your legs clenched in response, adrenaline beginning to run its course.

Why was this so hard? All you had to do wa-

“I can’t stand it Danse.” Real Nice. Real good start. God you hated yourself already. “You two..you two asshats want to go play soldier and I can’t stand it..” oh yeah, only getting better, but the words just wouldn’t stop coming..and the affects of them wouldn’t heel either. “You-you’re Just going to leave me..and I..I get it because you want to find purpose b-but..”

Now you truly felt foolish, your face contorted and the anguish you felt deep inside made itself blatantly apparent by your expression. As though that wasn’t enough, those tears you thought were gone away came back with a vengeance. The longer you looked at the now confused man, the more your chest hurt and the more obvious the feeling a hot tears rolling down your cheeks became.

Everything just hit you all at once and it wasn’t fair. How could they just decide to leave what you all had together? Was it not good enough? Was it not what their purpose was? Better yet, how could he leave you like this? How was it right for him to swoop in one day, make you feel something and fall for the bastard, only to one day down the road decide that no, this isn’t what he wants? How was any of this fair?

“I..I um, I didn’t realize how much this affected you..” Danse’s shaky voice replied, his hands cautiously reaching out to pull you towards him. Countless times before when he felt emotional distress, you had grabbed him, embraced him without second thought and each time you did it, it crazily enough brought some degree of comfort to him. “I apologize but I’m not the-..oh (y/n)..” His chest heart seeing you cry.

In a way, as it stands now, you’re not the only one in need of a hug anyways- so as he pulled you close to him, the relief was felt on both ends.

For you, he’d try anything to help ease the sorrow you felt. However it was no secret Danse was absolutely terrible at these kinds of things, any extreme display of emotion generally made him uncomfortable..but seeing you like this? It made him feel a deep, sorrowful pain in his chest. Why? He didn’t entirely know the answer, at least not a straightforward and simple answer at that. You somehow always managed to elicit such passionate emotions in him, ones that he hardly understood- after all he was not by any means an overly emotional man.

As sobs wracked your body, he couldn’t help but feel the compulsion to shed a tear as well in response to your pain. A pain that he knew that ultimately, he caused. That hurt. That hurt really bad. Before he could even process what it exactly was he felt, a single tear slid down his cheek as well, his arms tightening and squeezing you the slightest bit in search for the comfort your embrace usually brought.

Time slowed down in an almost ethereal manner suddenly, all that pain you felt facing reality slowly began to subdue to a throbbing ache in your chest- sobs transforming to soft sniffles and a vivid embrasser blush as you hid your face in his form chest- his scent providing a minimal amount of comfort despite reminding you of how much of an idiot you probably seemed like.

Now there really wasn’t anything to say...except what you came to say anyways. Well..it was somewhat of a sad win/win situation. If you confess to your more than platonic feelings for the brooding man, he could either return the feeling and maybe, just maybe you could convince him to stay....or he doesn’t and then at least you won’t have to live with the shame of ruining your friendship for long seeing as he’d be leaving with Cutler soon.

Feeling as though your whole world was on the brink of shattering right before your eyes, you withdrew from the man- not daring to go back enough to break away from the comfort of his arms around you, instead only enough so that you could get a proper look at his dumbfounded- almost heartbroken looking face.

“Please..Danse, don’t..don’t leave me. I can’t take it. You- you mean the world to me..” your voice was barely over a whisper but you knew he heard you loud and clear, his eyebrows scrunching into a slanted, concerned look as guilt flashed in those beautiful puppy dog like eyes.

He cleared his throat, carefully contemplating his next words as he licked his lips- his eyes unconsciously gazing down to look at your own as he did so. “I’m sorry (y/n), I..I didn’t think I’d hurt you so badly..I should’ve been more considering..” for a second he paused, the next words sounding painful to even utter. “Especially considering how close of...friends..we are.”

That’s it. That’s fucking it.

Without better sense, you leaned forward right after his words- knowing words would get you nowhere with him. Actions. Actions worked. As such, you willed yourself not to scream as you finally connected your lips with his own- the very thing you’ve wanted to do since he first lowered his walls and let you get to know him all those years ago.

A muffled groan of surprise could be heard but you didn’t care, he wasn’t trying to push you off yet..so that was good. In fact, unbeknownst to yourself, Danse’s eyes fluttered closed as soon as the shock of the situation subsided and suddenly he found himself pressing back and trying his very best to let you know he returned the affection before it was too late.

Damn, he’s wanted to do that since he first laid eyes on you at your stand. How crazy..

As the kiss deepened, Danse could feel his heart pounding in his chest, all the feelings hitting him like a charging raider in power armour. Regardless of how confused he was, he couldn’t help but follow his instincts- which landed him laying back on his raggedy old couch with you laid lazily on top of his body, his legs on either side of your hips. For it being an entirely innocent moment, it surely was a provocative position and had he been in his right mind- he likely would’ve flipped out and had a heart attack.

Eventually you had to end the fantastical moment, the need to breath becoming too great to deny any longer. So, with a viciously bright red blush and pure terror in your eyes despite your watery grin, you gazed down upon him.

“A..actually, that’s what I wanted to..to um talk to you about.” It was about now, as you panted, you realized just how you were sitting. “Danse, I want to be something more than just your..your friend.”

The very second he processed what you said, his thick eyebrows practically ascended half his forehead, his jaw dropped and his eyes became the size of saucers.

Boy, his expressions never ceased to amuse you. Even now when shame should’ve been consuming you, he made you giggle.

“Are you...are you saying that you’re in love with me?” He asked in pure disbelief, his hands courageously settling upon your hips to rest despite his sudden urge to fidget and twitch his fingers. Nerves making his stomach tighten painfully even though you just plainly made your intentions clear.

“Yes Danse, I’m in love with you..you fucker, I wouldn’t act so crazy if I wasn’t..”

Once again, words usually didn’t suffice with Danse..so, you leaned in for another kiss. This time he was prepared and he sure as hell wasnt going to disappoint.

He loves you too, you truly are crazy if you think he’ll ever leave you now.

Who knows, maybe one day you and Danse will get to live the happily ever after. Run a decent stand, Get hitched, maybe even have a couple babies way down the road and be the parents you both wished you could’ve had. Cutler, that bastard, was just going to have to stay too if he liked it or not.

Besides...what fun would it be to be whatever the hell a Brotherhood of Steel soldier is? Pfft, what even is a Paladin?

#fallout #fallout 4 #paladin danse #paldin danse x reader #danse x sole #paladin danse x sole #cutler #fallout companions #fo4 companions #brotherhood of steel #fallout au

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thoughtsdying · 3 years

Text

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another.

And I’m ok with that.

#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #personal #real experiences and problems

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angelofthequeers · 3 years

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hi, i was making an aroace sapphic character and wondered if you could give me any tips? :)

I can sure try! If anyone is uncomfortable with semi-explicit talk about sex (in terms of smutty writing and vague personal anecdotes) then feel free to skip over the asexuality part. I’m mostly going to talk about my own experiences as an aroace sapphic to try and offer more depth than just generic character advice. And this is my experience; not every aroace is the same. I’ll also refer to your character with she/her pronouns but they might not be the ones that she uses, so I apologise in advance if that’s the case.

So this is assuming that she’s fully aroace instead of, like, somewhere else on the aro and ace spectra (such as demisexual or greyromantic). I direct you to look up oriented, angled, and electio aroace to get a better idea of ways in which this entire package of aro, ace, and sapphic might come together - you don’t have to use or adhere to these labels but they do provide handy information in case you want a better understanding for your character. Basically:

Asexual

I don’t experience sexual attraction (or if I do and I’m demi like I first thought, I sure as hell haven’t noticed it yet). I never look at someone and think “hmm, they’re so physically hot and I want to smash them specifically”. A lot of my smutty writing was heavily influenced by other people’s smut at the start because, like...I didn’t know what was supposed to be hot. I didn’t inherently know what to describe when writing sex scenes. I had to rely a lot on other people and put together what they found “hot” in terms of physical descriptions of bodies because I don’t feel that kind of draw to people. Back when I was into Supernatural, everyone always went nuts over Misha Collins’ hipbones and I was like...yeah, they’re nice aesthetically because they stick out and they’d probably be sharp and cool to touch, and I incorporated that into my writing by often focusing on Castiel’s hipbones from Dean’s perspective. But I truly didn’t understand why they were considered so attractive. I wasn’t physically drawn to any part of Misha or Castiel (apart from things like his hair and eyes, and even then it wasn’t a sexual draw) and I had to absorb what parts allosexual writers found hot and then translate that into my own writing. I claimed to have a crush on Brendon Urie when I was 16 purely so I wouldn’t look like a “freak” to the other girls in my year, and I made that claim based on my aesthetic draw to his looks and assuming that that was what sexual attraction had to be.

(Look up aesthetic attraction. It’ll blow your mind once you realise that you can be drawn to people without it being sexual in any way. This is a very good definition of it).

And it’s important to separate libido (sex drive) and attraction (the draw to specific people) because a lot of aces can have an average to high libido and even sleep with people but just...not feel sexually drawn to anyone. So in the case of your character, you have to decide whether she’s going to have no libido and/or is squicked by the concept of sex, or if she’s got a higher libido and is drawn to the concept of sex, or anything in between. Me personally? My libido and my draw to the concept of sex fluctuates - sometimes it’s as high as what you’d expect from a typical allosexual, sometimes even the vague idea makes me cringe and my engine is flat - but I’m never attracted to anyone specifically. That lack of attraction is what makes me ace, because you can also get allosexual people (non-asexuals) whose libido and relationship with sex is like this.

There’s that misconception that ace people are pure virgins who cringe at the very idea of being touched and sure, some ace people are sex-repulsed and touch-averse, but a lot of us aren’t. Some of us might enjoy sex as a bonding activity in the same way that you’d enjoy yoga or another form of exercise; it’s nice and feels good, but it’s not exactly our highest priority and we could go without it for a good while if we wanted. Some of us actively enjoy sex and initiate it often. Some of us are okay with one-night stands because we’re not attracted to anyone specifically and just want the sex. Some of us don’t want to do it with someone else but enjoy some self-love every now and then, whether as stress relief or because that’s just the kind of sex we enjoy. Some of us are okay with touching someone sexually but don’t want that touch reciprocated.

Even if you’re not planning on putting your character into a sexual situation, it’s handy to figure out her relationship to sex and touch because that can give her another dimension, such as where does she draw the line with touching? At what point does she see it as going from non-sexual to sexual? What kind of touch does she crave? Does she not want any touch at all, either because she hates it or because she’s afraid that it’ll inevitably stray into sexual touching? I crave touch because I’m a very tactile person, but when I’m touching someone who’s not a family member, I’m always uncomfortably aware of how one tiny shift in position or one slide of a hand can make things stray out of my comfort zone and send the wrong message. And I hate it when people unexpectedly draw me into contact, such as someone suddenly hugging me. That could also be a dimension of my autism, but I do feel that my asexuality plays a part because touch from a family member of mine is always different to that of anyone else.

Aromantic

And then we come to romantic attraction. I...don’t know what that is. I mean, I do know what it is in theory, but where’s the line between platonic attraction and romantic? Some of us aros might enjoy romantic-coded things like kissing, yet not feel that romantic draw to a specific person. And what makes these things romantic in the first place? Dates are just a hang-out between people where you get to know them better. Kissing can be a sexual thing, and many one-night stands or friends with benefits kiss without it being romantic. Family members cuddle. Friends compliment each other’s appearances. All of these things can potentially be reshaped to remove the romantic element, and that’s what makes it so confusing for me personally to figure out wtf romantic attraction is.

Just like with asexuality, we can range from romance-repulsed to craving a relationship that’s romantic in nature. Some of us are okay with being in a romantic relationship with a friend who’s attracted to us in that way because we want increased intimacy and don’t mind it taking on a romantic tone. Some of us freak out when a friend confesses to us. Some of us don’t really want or don’t care for a romantic relationship but want to not look like an outsider to alloromantics. Some of us do it for the tax benefits.

(But in all seriousness, the world is currently heavily skewed in favour of romance. Some places only accept your next-of-kin if they’re legally family i.e. your spouse, and just being their good friend won’t cut it. Capitalism makes it so that we basically have to live with others to survive in certain places because living alone is inaccessible. Marriage comes with certain benefits that other relationships don’t. Queerplatonic relationships can be just as deep as romantic ones and incorporate everything that romantic ones do yet in a deromanticised way, yet they’re not seen as valid. Look up alterous attraction to see how love and attraction can be so deep and yet something that doesn’t slot neatly into romantic or platonic. Once you start seeing all this, you just can’t stop).

I had a month-long online relationship with a girl back in 2017 and I thought I was feeling romantic attraction. I was giddy to talk to her, I had 7-hour phone calls when I normally had anxiety around phone calls, I felt good and happy when she sent me selfies...but there was something about the relationship that I couldn’t put my finger on. I thought at the time that it was just because it being online meant that I didn’t have the physical intimacy (like cuddling) and that affected it, but now I realise that I’m aro and I was trying to force myself into this idea of an ideal relationship because I didn’t know that you could be close and not be romantic partners. I still talk to her and we’re still close, but there’s so much less pressure and panic now that I’m not trying to force myself to be attracted to her in a way that I think I should be. But I’m still drawn to her in a way that I’m not drawn to men and in a way that’s not just platonic, which is why I call myself sapphic aroace. And even if I figure out whether I am drawn to men as well, it still feels...different. More on that later on in this ask. But it’s basically why I just call myself queer and why I’ve given up on trying to find the Perfect Microlabel for myself, because I never will.

So regarding your character, the first thing to do is figure out where exactly she sits on the aromantic spectrum. Is she fully aro? Does she feel romantic attraction once in a blue moon, and who does she feel it towards? How close would she have to be to someone to feel that attraction? Does she constantly question what romantic attraction is, or does she not even care what it is? Does she want a romantic relationship, or does she crave close friendship? Does she not understand where that boundary between close friendship and romance is? How would she react if a friend confessed romantic feelings to her? Is she okay with doing things like cuddling, or does she fear that it’ll be misread as romantic? How does she react when people tell her to stop flirting or otherwise imply that she is? Can she tell when others are flirting with her? What even is love at first sight? Why is romantic love so much more important than platonic or familial or any other form? Why are people so obsessed with finding The One™? Why can stories only be relatable/attractive/amazing/etc. if there’s a romantic relationship in them? Why are the ‘greatest love stories of all time’ romantic? Why can’t those greatest love stories be between friends? What do you do when you’ve got a wlw or mlm relationship and you want to offer this representation but don’t want to feel pressured to make them romantic just because of that? Why even is love itself seen as such an important thing, like we’re inhuman robots if we don’t love someone in any way? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Like I said, once you start questioning this stuff, you can’t stop. That was basically my raw thought process while I was writing that paragraph, and that last one about the wlw/mlm relationships is my current struggle with my original characters).

Sapphic

So, tying in a sapphic draw with being aroace, I once again urge you to look up oriented aroaces, along with angled and electio. I recommend starting here and here. Basically, what we feel isn’t romantic or sexual, and it might not be just platonic, but it’s something. It’s something important enough that we feel like it’s a key part of our identity because it shapes how we interact with people and it might make us feel separate enough from aroaces or aspec people that we start to question ourselves and where we belong. Going back to an aro who might crave or be okay with a romantic relationship or an ace who might be into sex, they might be an oriented aroace who wants this partnership with someone they love or wants sexual experiences with only those who would fall under her sapphic attraction umbrella. In the case of your character, how does her sapphicness interact with her aroaceness? How does her attraction to women or woman-aligned people differ from her attraction to those who aren’t included in the sapphic umbrella? (Look up non-binary sapphics, for example). Does she feel like she has to call herself sapphic/a romantic-oriented term and leave herself open to potential relationships because she doesn’t want to be alone, or does she genuinely feel that attraction? Once you add in the aroace dimensions, it changes the gay/bi/pan/etc. dimension to something that can’t just be defined as “attracted to this gender” and it’s something you have to think about to know how your character would interact with different people in different circumstances.

Good luck with your character! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need any more help 😊

#ask #aotq answers #aromantic #asexual #sapphic #aroace #oriented aroace #sexuality #cw sex mention #just to be on the safe side #aroace character #writing help #character help

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mcrmadness · 3 years

Text

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #aspec

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kimyoonmiauthor · 3 years

Text

Gender

Lower engagement, but higher personal satisfaction... let’s go for that.

How I define my gender.

I’ve never really been 100% committed to being a woman.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-I-am-cisgender-Ive-heard-some-cis-people-do-question-their-gender-and-Im-trying-to-tell-whether-Im-trans-or-one-of-these-cases Taking the questions from here... it would split this way: Gender dysphoria- when I was younger, a little. Gender Euphoria- never. Gender Politics (beyond basic empathy for others)- Oh fuck no. I don’t get why so many, particularly cis men are hung up on men must wear pants and not pink. I *do* look for women in history, but it’s more like a solidarity and hating erasure of marginalized groups and celebrating those marginalized groups. So political one way, but not particularly on the philosophical performance part. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things I don’t understand.

“Do you feel equally comfortable in men and women’s fashion, only noticing the practical differences?” Pretty much. If you give me a man’s suit I’d wear it. I had no issues with playing as a man for a skit.

Are you basically ambivalent about makeup? 50/50. Sometimes I do care and do it for “funsies” but most of the time I don’t care because I don’t like “woman as object and consumerism.”

“Do you ‘play along’ when someone tells you what your assignment should be doing, but also don’t really care?”

Pretty much true. Like I was told girls aren’t supposed to like dirt. Screw that. girls aren’t supposed to like sports. I was like screw that. Girls aren’t supposed to like bugs. So what?

I did tend to read more women-led fiction over men’s fiction, but that’s mostly because men’s fiction has “gems” that sexualize women in ways that made me squirm. Cis het men’s writing about women usually piss me off, so I usually don’t try. And I’m all about the fairness. (But also note I’m gray-aro and read a crapton of romance, so who knows how that all works. I’m also gray-a and read a crapton of romance, though not sex repulsed (more like somewhere between sex neutral and receptive? I rated myself a 6-7... on a 0-9 scale.)) Gender tests I’ve taken: 50/50. Usually get something like demi-boy or demi girl. Though I don’t really have that much dysphoria. I do occasionally feel pissed off about my sex presentation, but that’s not really dysphoria as in I hate my body parts actively. It’s more like, why do I have to bother with it? It’s so much work to have to worry in the first place.

When you look in the mirror, do you feel like there’s nothing that really needs to be changed?

This one is more like why do I have to care so much? I feel gender fucked. Like why do I have to go through the steps?

Are you happy with your hair, your chest, the shape of your face?

50/50 on this one.

Aside from maybe wanting to bulk up, wash your hair, or lose a few pounds, are you generally pleased with your appearance?

I give no shits?

Do you appreciate your genitals?

75%/25% appreciation/hate. Sometimes I hate they exist.

Do you like the idea of using them in sex or to make a baby?

This is more like my ace side, I think, but meh? Take it or leave it.

Do they make you feel connected to other people with the same genitals socially, such as complaining about periods, or talking about dick length?

Not really. I’m more like why do you care so fucking much? But I’m not sure how much this is an ace thing.

Do you feel like even if you don’t use them, it’s comfortable just having them around?

Sometimes, not always. Might also be an ace thing.

If you were in a social group of only your assigned gender, would you be happy with it?

Not always. I don’t evaluate that way. Trans people are cool. I pick usually by belief systems and who the person is, morally.

Would it be fairly easy to communicate and find things in common?

I feel ambivalent sometimes towards other women, especially when they go off on tangents about mall shopping, clothes, etc. I feel the same about men talking about watching sports and warfare.

Would you feel harmonious and homogeneous with the group, if the individuals had personalities you liked?

Meh? I also listen to people I don’t like.

If you took away all the physical features that made up your assignment, what gender are you now? Where does that feeling come from?

I’m still me. I don’t care.

If you got to choose your gender upon reincarnation, what would you pick?

Flip a coin. Roll a dice. I don’t give a fuck.

If a wizard changed your sex permanently, would you be pissed or excited?

Meh. Don’t care.

What gender characters do you generally play in RPGs, and what options do you wish were more frequently available?

I’ve generally played women, given no other options besides binary, but also moonlighted as men, but then felt sick because male privilege.

“Do I FEEL like my assigned gender?”*

Shrugs. Not that committed. If you got an all-expenses paid trip to womanhood spa central, and became a socially idealized version of yourself, THEN would you feel like a woman?

No. I oscillate between liking make up for the pure knowledge of it, and not giving a fuck. I’ve never understood the hours of make up, hair performance, etc.

As a child, I was the type that wanted to be good at *everything* and was upset that my Dad wouldn’t give me the time of day for “masculine” things. I was *also* good at figuring things out. I *also* wanted to be good at sports. I *also* like girly things occasionally. I wanted it all and didn’t see why my brother or me got compliments for different things and felt deep insult when I couldn’t do that too and also get compliments for it. (If you’re imagining an annoying precocious child--that’s about right) I don’t see the point of the gender construct when it re-enforces ideas of genders can do only certain things, when it’s never been proven true. So why are people so effing committed to performing it? I wear hanbok. I’ll wear a male one. I’ll make an androgynous one. I wear those without issue. I’ll cross dress if I like, because I don’t really see the point and European and European-derived defined genders as fucked in the first place. What is this men==violence and horses thing? What is this women==weakness and capitalism thing? I don’t get it. And why do I have to wear European-derived clothes in the first place? Plus from my academic study of gender and gender history, that just cemented for me how fucked up the White European and White European diaspora is about gender in the first place and I feel even less committed to it. I do perform usually more like a woman than a man, but it’s more like whatever is convenient, rather than an absolute commitment to the role. ‘cause you know, my gender is my least concern here, (probably along with ace aro) while not quite hating on it. I wear my hair long, because money and I don’t feel like cutting it very often and I like to be able to keep it out of my food, as well.

I don’t mind masculine pronouns in theory, because whatever floats your boat. But I do care if you think foreign name==men, because that’s giving into masculine hegemony and that is rude to other people unlike me who might be more committed to their genders, and that I definitely care about.

#gender #gender identity

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dayawantstosleep · 3 years

Text

His Name

Summary: Aria wants to pay her sister's medical bills. She donates blood to vampires for money. Falling for Jisung was not the plan. Jisung is one of Aria's clients, a rich vampire who wants more than her blood.

Genre: Vampire! Han, Supernatural Romance

Word Count: 5,155

Warnings: Mentions of Blood

Notes: I've decided to make this fic because of Han's birthday so this is a gift you could say. I've come to love everything about this man in the past month I became a STAY. This man has it all: the looks, the rap and singing skills and his ability to be both cute and hot at any given time. Anyway, happy birthday to one of the most beautiful men that has crossed this Earth besides the rest of Stray Kids. If Han Jisung ever reads this story - I love you, darling and I will support you and Stray Kids forever! 😍💕💜

Han Felix Seungmin Chan Minho

"What are you doing here?" I rolled my eyes at the boy in black hair and piercing gaze that spoke.

He took a sip of a red liquid in a glass cup. The same liquid everyone here was drinking. If people weren't drinking, they were dancing. I sighed and looked at the small paper in my hands.

"Came looking for you." I said, thrusting the piece of paper at him. He glanced at the piece of paper and made a small choking sound.

"This is too much. I don't have that kind of money."

"I could always leave you to starve. You're the son of the CEO, who by the way is CEO of one of the most famous entertainment companies in Korea."

"You're mean." He growled and took his cellphone out. I watched him click buttons and my cell phone beeped.

"You'll get the other half when our job is done." He grumbled, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"It's dangerous here, you know?" He walked towards me slowly and I rolled my eyes. They always had a thing for dramatic flair.

"I can handle a couple bloodsuckers. Just like I can handle you." I grabbed his hands and put them on my waist. His eyes seemed to sparkle with lust, just like every other time he feeds.

"If you drink more than a few liters, I will rip your fangs out."

"Noted." He inched closer to me, lips trailing my neck.

I closed my eyes and he bit into me. I let out a soft yell as a flash of pain hit me. His grip on my waist tightened, a sign he was almost finished.

"I have more clients in a few hours." I said, opening my eyes.

"What did I say about having more clients?" He growled.

"I need the money, Jisung. Hannah needs to get better." He licked the wound and pulled away from me.

"I could pay for your sister's treatment."

"I don't like charity, Han. I'd prefer earning my own money. I'd need to pay you back and I don't like owing people."

"You could always be my companion." I laughed. Companion usually meant walking blood bank.

"That's funny, Jisung. I have to go." He nodded and took his phone out. I strapped my small crossbody bag over my shoulder and heard a familiar beep.

"When do you want to meet?"

"I'll tell you when I'm hungry." I laughed at his lame joke and pecked his cheek.

"Thank you." He smiled at me, his cheeks proofing up, making his appearance seem like a squirrel's.

"No problem. Have a safe trip home." I nodded and walked to the door before going out, away from the glowing red eyes.

___

Meeting in a dark alleyway was not my ideal place for a job. Alas, my client always preferred that and he gives me money so who am I to say no?

"Sorry, I was busy. Needed to see my sister, plus I met Jisung at the club." I yelled out to the seemingly empty alleyway. It was never empty.

"How is she?" A smooth voice called out. No matter how many times he does this, it still gives me chills.

"She's surviving but barely. The treatment is keeping her alive."

"You could always ask Han or I to turn her."

"You know how I feel about that."

"I also know you go home weak and sometimes pass out from the loss of blood, Aria. If she becomes one of us, you wouldn't have financial problems."

"She's my responsibility, Chris. If she gets turned, whoever turns her needs to check up on her. I don't want to feel like a burden."

"Everything would be easier."

"Does it look like I care, Bang? All I care about is paying her medical bills. Now, are we going to do this or not?"

He came out of the shadows and smirked. He motioned with his head for me to go to him and I rolled my eyes. I've had it with the dramatic flair.

He wore all black with the exception of his hair, which was silver. He was handsome, with a strong jawline, pale skin and beautiful brown eyes.

"Here." He held a white envelope and I grabbed it.

"You're supposed to give me half, and give me the other half when the job's done." He shrugged and turned to the floor.

Am I seeing this correctly? Did I make a vampire shy?

"Is this pity money? I need to do my job."

"No. I just don't feel like feeding."

"You could've texted me instead of making me come over."

"Would you just take the money? I know how important this is for you." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Fine. I'll see you later." I turned around and felt a hand on my wrist.

"Wait." He said softly. I turned to him and he walked closer to me.

"I want to do something. Will you let me?" His eyes seemed to sparkle.

Han and him were my favorite clients. Some clients were absolute slobs, but they were not. They were kind and gentle souls. Unlike most vampires.

I nodded and he leaned towards me. He stopped inches from my face and I felt my cheeks go red. He closed the gap between us as he kissed me.

____

"Hannah!" I yelled out as I opened the door to our house. The house was quiet, not even the TV was on. My mind flashed back to the kiss with Chris.

I can't hide it anymore. I like you, Aria.

"Hannah! Are you here?!" I walked through the hallway and into her room.

It seemed untouched, her bed and pictures on the desk were in the same place. I walked out and walked to my room. Everything was in its place. Why do I feel like something's about to happen then?

An ear piercing scream cut through the air and I ran. I was probably stupid to run towards the scream but I kept running. I entered the kitchen and gasped.

A man in black was hovering over my sister. She was on the floor, blood poured out of her neck. The man turned to me, an evil glint in his eyes.

"Whose this, Hannah? Your sister?" The man smiled evilly, blood coating his teeth.

He looked like a monster. Not like Jisung or Chris. I felt myself unable to move, as the man stood up straight.

"Don't touch her." Hannah said weakly. The man walked towards me, and I wanted to run away but my body wasn't complying.

"Her? No, I won't touch her. I already did what I came to do. Goodbye." The man disappeared in front of me. I ran to Hannah and applied pressure to her neck.

"What did that man want? No, nevermind. Don't talk right now. We have to get you to the hospital." I tried pulling her arms but I couldn't move her.

I was weak from Jisung drinking my blood earlier. I rushed to get napkins and put it on her neck. The blood just kept coming and it was making me panic.

"You'll be fine. Hannah. Just hang on, okay? You can't die on me." I felt the waterworks coming.

"I feel fine, Aria. Don't worry about me." All hell broke loose as I cried. I looked at the blood on my hands and cried even more.

"You have to be fine. What will I do without my big sister? I don't think I'll survive on my own, Hannah." She put her hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be fine. Now, I'm going to take a quick nap, ok?" Her eyes began to close. I grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

"What? No. No. Hannah! Don't close your eyes! Hannah!" Her eyes closed and I felt some part of me die.

Hannah was dead and it's the monster's fault. I closed my eyes tightly. It must be a dream, right? I'll wake up any second now.

In the back of my mind I knew this was real. Being with Jisung at the club was real. The kiss with Christopher was real. Everything was real.

I stood up from the floor and walked to my room. I'll deal with her body later. Right now, I need a shower.

___

"Aria, wake up!" I let out a groan and turned around. I need sleep to forget that my sister is dead. In my dreams we'll be together.

"Aria! Breakfast will get cold!" I turned around and hugged my pillow. Someone was being rude. Can't they let me sleep.

"Aria Park. Get up right now!" My eyes shot open as a feminine voice called my name. I turned to Hannah on the foot of my bed, looking concerned.

It was a dream then. I imagined everything. I wasn't with Jisung or with Chris and Hannah is not dead. I stood up and smiled.

"Hannah? I had a nightmare. You were there and Jisung and Chris were there too."

"Tell me over breakfast." I pulled the covers off me and frowned. I wore these exact clothes in my dream.

I walked out of my room and followed Hannah to the kitchen. Two plates with eggs, rice, bacon and toast were on the table. I sat down silently, glanced at Hannah.

Something was off about her. Her hair seemed darker and her skin seemed paler. Reality hit me and I ran a hand through my face.

"It wasn't a dream, was it?" She looked at me with sad eyes. I gripped my fork tightly, blinking back my sobs.

"You're not like me anymore then? You're like Jisung. I should be happy right?" I took a bite of my egg. Happiness is the opposite of what I felt.

"It's not like I promised mom and dad when they died that I would protect you. That nothing would harm you."

"I know you feel bad, but you won't have to do odd jobs to put food on the table. You won't be a blood bank anymore."

"Just for you? I- I gotta go." I pushed my plate away and walked out the door.

I took off in a sprint, not caring that I left my undead sister in our house. I could not stay there anymore.

In a couple minutes, I reached the woods. I used to play with Hannah alot here as a child. Tears pricked my eyes at the memory.

"What are you doing here?" I turned around to see Jisung walking towards me.

"Jisung." I said and I let out a curse. I really hated when they popped out of nowhere.

"Aria, are you okay?" I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him as soon as he was within arms reach.

"I-I don't know what to do. I feel really bad. There was this man who broke into our house yesterday. He..." My voice broke and I began sobbing.

"He bit Hannah. She- I thought she died."

"She didn't?" Concern was laced in his voice. I shook my head, tears starting to fall.

"She got turned."

"Isn't that good?" I sighed and groaned, pulling away from him.

"She-I- I made a promise to our parents on their deathbed that I would protect her. I failed. While I was out with Chris, the man attacked her. I should've been there."

"You couldn't do anything. It's not your fault."

"It is. Now, my sister's a monster! Like the man! She's..." I trailed off and widen my eyes. I had screwed up.

"You think we're monsters, then? That explains a lot." I turned to him, his eyes were full of hurt. It hurt me to see him that way.

"The way you always called me a job. Making it seem like I wasn't human." He chuckled bitterly.

"No. Jisung. That's not what I meant."

"I know exactly what you meant." His eyes turned dark. That was bad.

His eyes glowed red and his claws were out. He wouldn't kill me. He can't. Out of instinct, my hand grabbed a small knife from my pocket.

"You're even afraid of me." His eyes stopped glowing, turning their normal shade of brown. My lips felt dry and my.palms started to sweat.

"Jisung." He shook his head and turned around, walking away. I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Jisung." He went rigid and stopped. I hugged him tighter, afraid he would disappear.

"No, Aria. You're right. I am a monster. So, stay away from me." He pulled me off him.

"Jisung. Look at me." Tears ran down my cheeks, regret eating me.

"Jisung." He turned to me, slowly. His gaze was cold, lifeless. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

I did the only thing I could do that I've been wanting to do ever since I met him. I ran to him and crashed my lips to his.

He pulled away and frowned before shaking his head. I couldn't have broken him, he's stronger than that. He'll bounce back and it'll all be normal again.

"You smell like him." He snarled and walked away from me.

Chris. He smelled Chris.

Just like that all the world's left unsaid disappeared. All it took were four little words for me to crumble.

___

I knocked on the white door, waiting for it to open. My mind wandered back to Jisung as I stood outside the white mansion.

Did Jisung really care what I think? I was just human, nothing special. But I have known him for a few years now. That must be why he got hurt.

"Aria?" Chris looked at me quizzically.

"Can I come in?" He nodded and moved aside. I walked into his house and he closed the door.

He must be rich. His couch was leather and the center table looked to be marble. I plopped myself on the couch.

"What's up?"

"Well, I made a mistake. Lots actually. When I got home yesterday, Hannah was hurt. She got bitten by a man who broke into our house. At least I think he broke in, I'm not sure. And I got so mad because she turned. I couldn't even talk to her this morning."

"What did you do?"

"I ran away. Got all the way to the woods and Jisung was there."

"Yeah. You smell like him." He wrinkled his nose and I remembered Chris' kiss.

"Shut up. Anyway, I told him what happened exploded. I call him Hannah and him monsters. I didn't mean it but he got hurt and left."

"You really care about him huh?"

"Is it very obvious? I was pissed over Hannah. Now I think I lost both of them." He hugged me and I pressed my head yo his chest.

"You'll always have me. And Hannah is a vampire now, but she's still your sister."

"I know. But I felt really useless. I promised my parents I would protect her and I didn't. I let the man turn her. I just want to find him and rip his damn eyes out."

"He'll kill you love." He sat on the couch with me.

"I don't care. As long as he dies too." He pulled away from me and his finger grazed my chin, lifting my head to face him.

"Don't say stuff like that. If you died I don't know what I'd do." He leaned towards me and closed the gap between us.

The kiss was short and sweet. I felt guilty kissing two guys knowing I like both of them. I ended the kiss and leaned my head against the couch.

"I don't know what to do. This shouldn't even bother me that much. Ok, sure, Hannah got turned, medical bills got fixed. But, she doesn't have a job, at least this pays for food. And don't even get me started on Jisung." I closed my eyes, feeling drained.

"Relax, Aria. I could help you. My mom's one of the top models of Korea, so I'm loaded." He joked and I let out a weak chuckle.

"No. But, will you let me stay here for a while? I really don't want to face my sister right now."

"You can stay here whenever you'd llike.You can stay in any guest room you want."

"Great. Let me take a short nap on your couch. I'm digging the leather." I took a deep breath and let sleep consume me.

___

"Aria, wake up." A male voice said from far away but I just turned around.

"Aria, I brought a friend." My eyes fluttered open to see Chris smiling at me. I stood up and stretched, trying to ignore Chris eyeing me up and down.

"Where is your friend?" I asked, cracking my neck.

"He's in the bathroom. C'mon." I raised my eyebrows at him but followed him. He opened the door and I turned to him.

"Why would your friend be- whaaaa!" He pushed me lightly into the room and closed the door.

"Chan Christopher Bang! When I get out of here I will grab some mistletoe and shove it up your ass!" On the other side of the door I heard him chuckle.

"Laugh while you can, Bang. You won't live to see the light of day!" I turned around and my breath hitched.

Han Jisung was staring at me amused, eyes red. He must've been crying. Even when crying he still looks cute. Ugh, don't distract yourself from your goal; killing Chris.

"Ok, Chris is definitely dead. I will kill him painfully and slowly when I get out!"

"Do you need help? He invited me to play Fifa a few minutes ago so I came and he locked me here."

"You can bury the body." I joked and he smiled slightly. Then I realized how bad the situation was.

I was standing in a huge restroom with one of my crushes, unable to get out because my other crush locked us in. Fantastic.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into Chris. I really really messed up. You're important to me and I wasn't thinking. I ended up causing more harm than good and it's the man's fault. Since, now my sister is going to drain all my blood and- mmmmph." I stopped in my tracks as Jisung's lips crashed into mine.

"You talk too much." He pulled away and I just stared at him, moving my lips like a goldfish. My brain short circuited as I just stood there.

"You're not mad?"

"I was at first. But then, Chris called me and I spend an hour listening to him. I realized that I care for you too and I'm sorry for overreacting." I smiled at him brightly and laughed.

Why was I laughing? I did not know. Maybe I was finally crazy after spending time with vampires. Maybe I really adored both Jisung for being in the bathroom, and Chan for locking me in here.

"Go out with me?" He asked, walking towards me and I nodded. He wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back.

"I'm still killing Chris." I said and he let out a laugh.

___

I knocked on my house door, feeling nervous. Was she mad at me for leaving her almost all day? She must feel so alone now that she's a vampire. Maybe I should introduce her to Jisung and Chris.

The door opened and out came my sister. I opened my mouth to speak but she grabbed my and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't scare me like that again. I didn't know where you went." She pulled away and I closed my mouth.

"Sorry for leaving. I was just shocked, still am. How do you feel? Hungry?" She shook her head and I walked inside the house.

"I ate some food from the fridge. Should we call the hospital about my medical bills?" I nodded and took my cellphone out.

"We should say it was something you drank. Or a vaccine they put you." I said as I dialed the hospital's number.

"Hello? This is St. Adam's Hospital." The receptionist said from the other line.

"Yeah. I'm Aria Park, calling about Hannah Park and her medical bills."

"What's the patient's ID number?"

"4469."

"Do you need help knowing how much you owe? Or how many treatments there are left?"

"Both."

"You need one more treatment and it would cost about $200." I winced at the amount. That would be at least two more blood transactions from me if she were human.

"Alright. I'd like to cancel everything. The last vaccine did the trick."

"We still need to check to make sure everything is in order. You need to make an appointment for that." I sighed but nodded, as if the woman could see me.

"When is the earliest?"

"Tomorrow at ten. Is that alright?"

"Yeah that's fine. If she doesn't need treatment can you cancel everything?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Thank you."

"Thank you for contacting us. Good day."

The line went dead and I pocketed my phone. I turned to my sister and smiled at her. She smiled back, fangs visible.

"Since you're all better, you should get a job." I joked and she pushed me playfully.

___

"Guess who just got a job!" Hannah bounced around the living room. I lifted my gaze from my phone to her.

"You got a job? Where?"

"Well, at the hospital."

"What?"

"Yeah. Shift starts in a few hours. Do you mind being alone for a few?"

"Nah. Jisung might be down to hang out."

"You mean your new boyfriend?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. I felt my cheeks heat up.

"He's not my boyfriend yet. He barely asked me yesterday. We're going with the flow. Anyway, how did they give you the job so fast?"

"I used some of my compelling skills for it." I clicked my tongue and put my phone in my pocket.

"No, really. How did you get a job so fast." She glared at me and I frowned.

"If someone catches you, Hunter's might come, Hannah."

"I know. I was careful. It was only one time."

"It better be."

"It will. Anyway, don't you have better things to do than nag me? Maybe go out with Jisung?" I chuckled.

"Nope. Since my sister came back to life, I'm dedicating all my life to protect her." I partially joked.

"You should get a life."

"Says the one whose dead." I laughed and turned my attention back to my phone. I quickly asked Jisung a question and clicked send.

Jisung, do you want to hang out. You can meet my sister

I turned to my sister and smiled at her. Maybe it would be nice for them to meet. I have been gushing about him to here for a while now.

"Do you want to meet Jisung?" She nodded and my phone beeped.

Be there in five. 🐿

___

I turned the TV on and checked what was on. My sister was next to me, a bowl of popcorn in her lap. Jisung was on my other side, with his arms around me. I kept changing channels until I stopped at Channel 5.

"Breaking news. A man was found murdered a few blocks from the Metropolitan Library. According to the FBI. He was a mass murder, murdering innocent women all over the globe."

The screen flashed black with a warning that said warned viewers of the grotesque scenes and a picture of a man came up.

There was a huge slash on his neck with dried blood around it and a few cuts on his body. All that was visible was a mop of black hair and pale skin. His face was blurred out.

"That's him." My sister stood up, spilling the popcorn on the floor.

"Him who?"

"The man that turned me. He's dead." I sighed and rubbed a hand through my face. Jisung's grip on me tightened and I leaned towards him.

"Let's go to Julia for the weather report." The anchor woman said as the screen turned into a map.

"At least he won't be terrorizing more people." I grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

"When does your shift start?"

"In thirty minutes. I gotta go guys, have fun. But, not too much." Hannah turned to me and winked. I felt my cheeks heat up as she stood up.

"Have fun." I called out as she walked out the door. I turned to Jisung and he smiled at me.

"What do you wanna do? You wanna feed?" I asked him. He shook his head and kissed my cheek.

"Let's watch a movie." I grabbed the remote and clicked on Netflix.

"Which movie? Or do you want to watch a show?" I scrolled down, watching movie titles.

"I don't know yet. But, I'll watch whatever you want to watch." He kissed my cheek again and I clicked on Teen Wolf.

My phone beeped and I turned to my phone. Chris had texted me. I quickly sent him a message and put my phone in my pocket.

"I have work, Ji. It'll be quick so we can watch Netflix." I stood up and he just stared at me.

"What's with the stare?" I asked.

"You called me, Ji."

"Was I not supposed to?" I grabbed my crossbody bag and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You've never called me Ji before."

"Get used to it. You can call me Ari. Or just stick with Aria, either way I don't mind. But, I have to go. See you in a bit."

"Wait, do you want a ride?" I gave him a puzzled look.

"You don't drive, Jisung."

"But I can run really fast, Ari. We'll get there in seconds." The way he said Ari made me happy.

"Ok. Do you know Chris' address?" He frowned and shook his head.

"Ok then. Let's go." I turned the TV off and walked out the door.

"Hop on." Jisung knelt down and I laughed.

"You're going all Twilight on me."

"Yep. So, hop on." I rolled my eyes but jumped on his back.

"You should eat more, you barely weight anything." I hit his head playfully.

"It's because of your hellish strength. Anyway, Chris' house is near St. Adam's Hospital."

___

Jisung stopped outside Chris' mansion and I got off him.

"Well, spider monkey, let's not do that again. I felt like barfing halfway." I said as I walked to Chris's door and knocked.

"Hey." Chris said as the door opened. He smiled brightly at me.

"Yo. Ji, can you wait for me in the living room? I don't like when people watch." He nodded as Chris let us in.

"Ok. We'll be back." I walked to Chris' bedroom with him in tow. I closed the door behind me and turned to Chris.

"Hey." I sat on his bed and smiled at him.

"Hey." He walked to me and took his phone out. He clicked buttons and put his phone in his pocket.

He leaned towards me and I held my arm out. He looked at my arm, then at me.

"Do you mind biting my wrist this time?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Not at all." He said as he grabbed my arm and bit it.

I let out a yell as he drank from me. He pulled away and licked my wound.

"Is he treating you well?" I nodded and he took his phone out to send me money.

"Yeah. He's great." My phone beeped and he put his phone in his pocket again.

"Good."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on."

"It's fine. Even if I really like you, I don't want to lose our friendship."

"I don't want to lose it either."

"If you ever need me, I'm here. As a friend or anything more. Although I will destroy Jisung if he hurts you." I let out a laugh and smiled.

"He won't. I'll see you around." I stood up and walked to the door.

"Yeah. Have a safe trip home." I nodded and both of us walked out the door.

"Let's go, Ji. See you later, Chris." I opened Chris' front door and walked out the door.

"Hop on."Jiisung knelt down as soon as I closed the door. I chuckled and hopped on his back again.

___

My phone beeped and I took my phone out as soon as we got home. My sister sent me a message and I groaned.

"We have to go to the hospital. They're giving Hannah some tests to make sure she's healthy."

"Alright." Jisung knelt down again and I hopped on his back once more before he started running.

We got to the hospital quickly and I opened the door to the hospital. The smell of alchohol and cotton balls made me want to immediately leave. I never liked hospitals.

"What room is Hannah Park in?" I asked the receptionist at the counter.

"Room 456." She said smiling.

"Thank you." I said as I walked through a hallway.

"Hey, you!" I announced as soon as I passed the door to Hannah's room. She was in a hospital bed with a doctor next to her.

"Aria." She said as I walked towards her.

"Hello, I'm Aria Park. Her sister. How is she?" I asked the doctor.

"Somehow she's healthy. It might have been the last vaccine we gave her. She's free to leave but please give her lots of electrolytes to hydrate herself. If she feels worse, bring her back."

"Of course. Thank you doctor." I turned to her and smiled brightly.

"The amount due for the medical procedures will be canceled within the next twenty four hours." The doctor said and I nodded.

"Thank you doctor."

___

"You know I really thought I would be forever trying to pay Hannah's bills." I said, laying my head on Jisung's chest.

"You worry too much." He kissed my temple and I sighed.

"I guess I worry a bit. You know, I never really thought you and I would become a thing. I always thought I would always be just a blood source for you."

"You thought wrong. I never told you because I thought you would always look at me as a monster."

"I'm sorry again, for what happened two days ago. But hey, at least you're here with me. And that's all that matters." Jisung turned to me, a sultry look on his face.

He put his hands on my waist and pushed me lightly so that my head was near the armrest of the couch. He climbed on top of me and grabbed my hands, placing them over my head. His hands kept mine in place as he smirked. He looked hot like this

"What's my name?" He growled, eyes flashing. Vampires loved dramatic flair. Not that I minded, it was enjoyable. I rolled my eyes and raised my head to kiss his nose.

"Jisung."

#jisung #han jisung #stray kids #Started: Sep 13 2020 Finished: Sep 13 2020

4 notes · View notes

saltyaro · 5 years

Text

[Image description: The cover of the 5th book of Aromantic (love) Story. It features a drawn woman in a red tank top, a white skirt that hides her heels, and red high heels shoes. She has her hands on her hips and looks confident.]

You know what I forgot to do? That review on the 5th and last tome of aromantic (love) story. For those who weren’t aware yet, I’m not going to keep the suspense going on any longer: yes, it is safe, no, the heroine doesn’t end up as a straight woman. That’s already a victory in itself, so now all of you can go ahead and buy it if it’s available in your country ;)

The actual review is under the read more, it’s not spoiler free so!

So, Futaba (the main character) tried dating to see if she’s able to develop romance, or not. The person she chose to do so with of course knows about it, and they’re actually both trying it to see if they can understand romance. Futaba still can’t imagine romantic attraction outside of sexual attraction, which frustrates her, because she *knows* allo aces are a thing so obviously, sexual desire isn’t necessarily linked! The viewpoint of her (straight dude) partner-in-crime is...well, not surprising at all, actually. His opinion is that romantic feelings are born of, on one hand, wanting the other person’s happiness, while also wanting to possess them and keep them all to yourself.

This is, well. A very Straight Man™ way of seeing things, but, on the other hand, this point of view isn’t limited to them. (I promise, I’m not going to ramble about how it’s scary that society puts such a violent feeling as the most beautiful and important. Not on this post at least)

Fun note, at least for me, you have the classical “guy is sick, girl brings him medicine” except...Futaba gives him the medicine and just. Leaves. I love her. Well, she ends up going to his apartment, but that’s where her being aro really stands out. Usually, in a basic romcom, everyone’s flushed, and it’s annoying. But Futaba is aro, so she isn’t embarrassed, she just sees someone she cares about being sick and wants to help. She’s very natural and stoic about the whole situation. It may seem like a detail, but honestly I find that so important!

She explains that, when she was a teenager, she avoided men as much as possible (to avoid romance) and I relate. So fucking much. I don’t know if any of you did the same, but with my parents bugging me about boys, I just avoided them as much as possible (with a few exceptions). I didn’t feel unsafe around men yet back then, so I know that’s not what it was.

She explains she was afraid of creating misunderstandings, and ended up not using the world “love” at all because of that. I relate to that so much too, I’m trying to heal from that, and I think it’s important, really important, for us as a community, to learn to separate love from romance. Anyway, this kind of struggle that just...hinders your vocabulary options is really a shame, and I’m glad to see a character mention it (and not be shamed for it!).

Are you ready for some Hetero Bashing™? Because Futaba reunites with her friends and they talk a bit. The Straight dude (Kyosuke) asked Futaba to think about marrying him, and she’s a bit “huuuuuh” so she talks about it to her friends. Friend 1 is like “well, you don’t need to be *in romance* to get married. I have friends, a straight dude and a lesbian, who got married by necessity” and Futaba expresses that she never thought such a thing would happen to her, she never thought of marriage being an option for her. Friend 2 they says that it’s the contrary for her, impossible to avoid the idea of marriage and children, despite not wanting either, because it’s been so ingrained in her head. “you know, the “to perpetuate the specie” argument, like having descendance is every human’s mission...”

And the friend 1 says “ah...the perfect exemple of a notion made by straight people to validate their point of view!” and I love that?? I mean, in general, even in the larger queer community, we’re dancing around the argument, finding proof that there are non-straight animals in all species, and all. She then adds “If reproductions is *that* important...then rich single people could have a ton of kids using articifial fertilization and bingo, they’d have contributed to society’s well-being!” Friend 2 is like “uuuuh, that would raise ethical issues” to what friend 2 answers: “Personally, I kinda reaaally don’t care for lessons of morality from a society that considers sexual minorities and childfree people as useless. If we consider that humanity will necessarily go extinct one day, then mating to reproduce is nothing but a useless cycle”. I really like that take which’s why I *had* to share it despite it being so long to read haha.

Futaba is surprised by her words, so friend 2 explains that friend 1 is worried that a straight guy is going to steal Futaba from them, and she doesn’t want to be abandoned. Friend 1 is bi but that’s a very aro sentiment here tbh.

(Straight bashing, over)

You have the usual meeting with the family...god, how realistic is that, you see your aunt and uncle you haven’t seen in maybe years and the only thing they’re interested in, is whether or not you’ve found a romantic partner. I swear, I got annoyed for the character cause it’s so true. She’s bothered (and I am too) by her grandma’s affirmation that everyones gets married someday. I hate that, it really, really annoys me that I supposedly can’t be free to make my own decisions! But she also knows that it would be useless to explain to her grandma that her words are paternalism, so she lets her be. Because she means well, and maybe that’s the worst thing about amatonormativity and its assumptions...that the people upholding those mean well.

The manga also touches (rapidly) on Futaba feeling of guilt for not being sincere with her family. Her parents aren’t pressuring her to get married, but she knows that seeing their only child, still single, and over 30, is sure to make them worried (especially given she’s not exactly wealthy). I can’t express how much I love seeing a character like that, she knows what she wants, but there’s still this lingering feeling that keeps you from feeling totally at ease, regardless of how much confidence you’ve got. It’s only natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

I think one of my favourite moments of this book - maybe of all the serie? is after Kyosuke’s friends remotivates Futaba by, basically, telling her to do what she always did, fight out of spite, even if that means to accept to sometimes take hits (this happens throught the phone). Kyosuke says to his friend, that he would never have neeb able to say such things to him, and his friend answers that love blinds him, and prevents him from seeing what she really needs. To that, Kyosuke doesn’t answer, and his friend understands immediately and says “That look...maybe you actually nurture this self-deception.”

And I love this moment because, for Futaba to be happy, she needs to be single, and free. From him, and his expectations of romance, because even though he knows, rationally speaking, that she won’t ever feel the same, he still wants her, and still wants to be the one at her side - when no one should be. Not in a partnership way anyway. He’s actually choosing to ignore the rational part of him because he still hopes for her to make the difficult choice, and stay at his side, because it’s not really that he wants her to be happy but rather, that he wants to be the one to make her happy, which is of course, extremely selfish and possessive. I love that it’s just laid here, without ambiguity. What’s great also, is that the straight dude in romo realizes what he’s doing, even if he tries to ignore that. Later in the manga, Kyosuke thinks to himself that he couldn’t help but hope that she would concecede, yield, and accept him, despite knowing that’s not what she needs, and knowing that’s not the way you build a positive relationship. I...don’t know if alloro usually know they’re doing such things? I don’t know what’s worse, to be confident you’re not doing that shit when you’re doing it, or to keep on doing it even though you’re aware.

On a sidenote, I really, really like that she got boosted by the least expected person? They don’t like each other, they’re more or less at each other’s throat most of the time cause he’s sexist and unsentitive, but in the end, he was touched by the anger in the beginnings of her work, and it built a sort of...professional trust between the two of them. Like, those characters won’t ever be friends, but there’s still that little place of trust between them, it’s a delicate portrayal of ambiguous relationships.

Basically, what ends the manga, if the end of Futaba’s own manga (the romantic comedy). And I really like the outlook she has on it, at the end of her 2 years and a half of work. Even though she didn’t want to write such a thing, in the end, she met a lot of people thanks to it, and, through challenging her own vision of relationships and romance, she finally managed to complete her certitude in herself and who she is. I think that’s a lovely parallel.

It also ends her questions, and she rejects Kyosuke (I usually can’t help but laugh when a Straight man gets rejected in fiction I’m an asshole I know). Their conversation is really lovely after that, and challenged the expectations of partnership. Kyosuke asks her if she would have accepted his proposal if, like one year ago, he didn’t feel anything towards her. And her answer is no. She did think about it, imagining their marriage as a fake straight couple, and how she knew that, while it would have asked concessions and sacrifices from both of them, they could have been happy. But what she needs isn’t some stability based on renunciations, but ton confront reality, so she can live in agreement with herself.

Also, the moment after her choice, loneliness and worry strike her, and she acknowledges that feeling, because it’s okay, it doesn’t mean she made the wrong choice. It will pass.

The younger guy who’s also in romance with her, interestingly enough, resolves the situation in a very mature way. He asks her if she’s found her answer, when they’re about to part ways (he’s no longer her assistant), and she says that, yes, she doesn’t feel romance - and he thanks her, for having endured his weirdness all this time, and bids her farewell. And we then have his thoughts - while his decisions, to act that way, was difficult for him, he did so because it was the right thing to do and he realized that insisting would have bothered her. That was nice. The situation is weird for Futaba too, because, as his senior, she kinda felt responsible for him, protective maybe? And she’s a bit overwhelmed by how much this kid’s grown.

There’s an epilogue of sorts, and we can see that Futaba decided to entirely live while being true to herself, which also means making some changes.

To conclude: I really liked this serie! It’s nice to see a woman over 30, finally embracing herself - despite having gone through doubts, even at her age - after making sure she was right about her feelings. She’s, well, asexual I think, but it’s the aro part that matters to her, and really has an influence on her life, the ace part is more of an afterthought. It’s also nice to see a nonamorous aromantic woman! Aro women are already hard to grasp in our amatonormative and migogynistic society, so a nonamorous one probably even more so.

It was overall a really nice experience, I’m not going to say everything was perfect, and her aromanticism is the topic of the story, but Futaba is also her own person and this is never downplayed in favour of talking about her identity. Definitely something too rare and, as such, very enjoyable.

#my post #Aromantic (Love) Story #Aro representation

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