#i hate being so preachy i really do but i fucking hate idiots

[black-rose-writings]

Watching Shadow and Bone Season 2: Episode 4 - I don't like how far we are in the timeline already

Last one, then I'm going to bed. Not worth messing up my finally normalising sleep pattern for this shit of a show.

Love the intro. Yes, please, tear Ravka down, if you wish to do so.

I hate Vasily, but that is a fair reaction.

I notice an interesting change in the dynamic here. This is Nikolai's turf and they're discussing it over dinner, insetad of being marched into the throne-room and looked down upon by the King.

Less than year... If I have the timeline right, it's been barely half a year.

Also, Zoya of all people is one to talk. I mean, she's tellingthe truth, for once, but like...

So... if the ugly uniform the Queen's idea? Like, sure, I guess, but why the fuck would Alina choose to wear it later?

And I see Baghra is back to being preachy.

Ah, yes, the Fold is the reason people hate Grisha. Definitely no pogroms happening before that happened. And Kirigan will definitelly stop trying to change the world if its gone.

And I see the "West Ravka" plot has been forgotten.

Alina "My responsibilities start and end with tearing down the Fold" strikes again. And Vasily is watching her... making out with her boyfriend. Dear Saints, if he's going to accuse her of being a traitor because she's kissed another guy, I think he'll have to execute his own mother, too.

I like this Alchemi kid. And Baghra's being preachy again.

"Endured years of abuse at your orders". Genya had her agency. Had being the operative word, because she unfortunately became popular and that necessitated that be removed.

"Everything I learned, I learned at your knee" Finally, someone said it.

"Redemtion" my ass. Still don't know what exactly she imagines under those words.

Well, that's a change from taking four whole episodes to kill a person.

I guess everyone believes in the Saints, now.

I mean, I guess we have to have a fake plague somehow without Nina being maimed by drugs.

Ah, yes, the two options: Evil villain and sunshine idiot.

Dear god, I wish he was a spy. Unfortunately, autistic people make for terrible liars.

"There's always a cost" he says as if he knows anything about it.

Dear lord... I... I think I know where the crows are headed.

The Crows are going to be heisting the fucking sword from Amrat Jen. Fucking calling it now. I have seen no spoilers.

Called it. It would have been more impressive if it hadn't been like 2 minutes later, but this show presumes the viewers have no concept of memory, so they can't really bring it up once and then bring it back an episode later.

I'm like 90% sure Nina is faking betraying him, but okay.

Now, that sounds like a trap if I've ever heard of one.

Or not.

This was a good scene in the book and they've made it good in the show. No complaints here.

Except maybe that I still have trouble deciphering the fucking Irish accent, but that's on me.

Wow, would you look at that, a previously unadressed plot point we're bringing back.

I mean, that's one way to distance Alina from the monarchy so her stance is not as dumb, but like... the show needs to pick its villains and stick to them. I hated getting constantly hit with "Well actually" in Fate and I will hate it here. I have absolutely 0 faith that the show will actually make this work out in a remotely satisfying way.

Oh, look, corsets suck joke.

Also, like... Alina, I don't think insulting the crown prince is a good idea. But given that we're deaing with Alina "I like to give big men with guns lip" Starkov, I shouldn't be expecting a sense of self-preservation.

Pekka's getting what he deserves.

Very awkward crush confession.

Oh, they did actually bang previously.

Wow, look at that, Kaz is being snarky about *checks notes* a slave he just freed being concerned about slaves.

Okay, nevermind, Alina really went for the first army chic on her own. She's really commited to Grisha assimilation.

I am not a make-up expert (in fact, I don't know jack shit about it), but I'm not a big fan of Alina's make-up in this scene. IDK what it is, it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. I think it's the lipstick.

"Coming from you that means a lot"... what? Why? What does she know about ruling? Like, yes, I just don't think her input in private is all that valuable.

Vasily deserves to get his arm ripped of by the Nichevoya. In fact, it can't come soon enough.

Just on time.

Yes, please, have the confrontation.

Baghra? Protecting anyone but herself? I mean, everyone else is being remade into a better person, why not her?

That's some weak-ass table, if she's able to break it.

"You obsession with the Fold is naive" my man is spitting facts.

"We're going to change the world" "That is never going to happen" So you do admit change is evil and only morally correct choice is perpetuating the status quo. I mean, I knew that already, but sure.

The Fold? The Fold is the only thing he has left? Okay. I personally think you're full of shit, but sure.

I personally prefer the book version of this confrontation... that one was intimate and she had a goal and an agency.

I didn't agree with that goal (sacrificing herself to destroy Aleksander), but it was a goal, it was intention.

I'm honestly angry I kinda want to watch another episode to see what more they fuck up, however... I should really go to sleep. I'm cooking tomorrow and I'd rather not hurt myself because I'm sleep deprived.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone season 2 #review #grishaverse #long post #I'll get back to this first thing in the morning

[incensuous]

im gonna have a fucking stroke im so tired of people just reposting other people’s art and/or fics as if this is ok???? even the naive ones who repost and then “credit” the artist

it doesn’t mean shit if the artist themselves has said “REPOSTING PROHIBITED” and you’re reuploading their work without permission

even if you’re not claiming it as yours, it’s stealing if you didn’t ask for permission???? the BIGGEST offenders are the idiots who learned to use pixiv just enough to search for fanart of their ships and then they repost it elsewhere. why???? why are you doing that??? don’t you want to support these amazing artists? don’t you want them to feel encouraged and loved?? imagine how you’d feel if you spent hours working on something, wanting to share it, thinking people would interact with your hard work respectfully... and then someone who doesnt speak your language decides “well i’ll just ignore the rules they posted clearly on their profile” and then posts it without your consent or knowledge to a diff website?????? imagine someone just *right click* *saves image* *types tumblr dot com* *uploads image* to try and get some fucking attention off the hours you put in for that piece

#if u see me reblog reposted shit #feel free to let me know #it happens SO OFTEN #SO OFTEN!!!! #PEOPLE HAVE NO BRAINS AND IT DRIVES ME INSANE #not that my artwork is good enough to be stolen but i sure as shit dont feel encouraged to post any of it now!!!! #why am i so pressed abt this? bc i just imagine how that would make me feel #i'd feel LIVID. i'd feel honestly discouraged #i've seen ppl just say theyre not gonna post their stuff anymore #is that what u want u IMBECILES #to DISCOURAGE PEOPLE FROM MAKING THE FREE FANART AND FANCONTENT WE ARE DESPERATE FOR??? #i hate being so preachy i really do but i fucking hate idiots #incensuous personal #idk... just ignore me... im ranting bc im so angry

[nitewrighter]

Hi Nite :) Could use some cutesy Gency fluff rn. Have a quick short or interactions in mind?

I miss them... 🥺

Here's some pre-fall stuff from when Genji was still getting used to his limbs.

----

Genji's arms thudded against the limbs of the training dummy as Mercy stood tensely by with her tablet, observing and taking notes. The impact didn’t feel quite right--he could feel the reverberation of the metal at his organic stubs on impact. He was in a gray training jumpsuit--more of a wrestling singlet, really--that left his organic arms and legs exposed. 

“You don’t have to--” Mercy cut herself off at a particularly loud thump of one of Genji’s blows landing, “You don’t have to go too fast, it’s just about maintaining blood flow and muscle movement, and building up coordination.” 

Genji didn’t respond, mostly just glad he had something to hit now. He let Mercy’s commentary dull to a quiet buzz at the periphery of his consciousness as he fell into the movement of punching and kicking. He heard an audible sigh from Mercy, recognition that he wasn’t actually listening, and just let himself fall into the motions more and more. Not strong enough. Not fast enough. None of the blows hitting right. Get it better. Get it right. How could he avenge himself against the clan and Hanzo otherwise? How could he make them pay if he was just a stupid, pathetic, bloody little science experiment--? He moved to pivot into a devastating back hand strike when a sharp pain suddenly flared along his side and he seized up with a grunt.

“Genji?!” Mercy looked up sharply from her tablet and her eyes widened.

“Nngh--” Genji’s hands went to his side as she briskly walked over and stooped a bit to where his hands were.

“How bad is it?” said Mercy.

“I wouldn’t stop if it wasn’t bad,” Genji said through gritted teeth.

“May I?” Mercy said, her eyes flicking up to him.

Genji scoffed and glanced off, shoving the shoulder strap of his jumpsuit/singlet off and letting Mercy pull it down slightly to examine his ribs.

“No bruising to indicate internal bleeding--skin irritation near the prosthetic is well within normal range...” Mercy murmured, “Where specifically does it hurt?”

Genji pointed at the bottom of his ribs with his thumb with a grunt and Mercy felt at that point for a few moments.

“Is the pain still as sharp as it was when you were moving?” Mercy asked.

The question came so easily to her but Genji felt his ears burning

“...no,” he said a bit stiffly. 

Mercy gave a sigh of relief, “Just a muscle stitch then.” 

“A muscle--?!” Genji scoffed, “No--something has to be--I don’t get stopped by cramps!” 

“Maybe not with your old body, but---” Mercy caught herself.

“There’s--there’s stuff in me now, how do we know it’s not... stabbing?” said Genji.

“If you want, we can stop for the day and I can take a closer look,” said Mercy, tucking her tablet against herself.

A low growl of a scoff rumbled in Genji’s throat and he glanced off. He didn’t want that. He was glad to be standing again, he was glad to be moving again, he didn’t want his own paranoia about all the things jammed into him to leave him bound to an infirmary bed or examination table again.

“Or I could give you something mild for the pain--?” said Mercy

“No,” Genji nearly cut her off with his answer. He didn’t want his rage to be dulled. Didn’t want anything slowing him down.

Her brow crinkled and her mouth drew to a thin line, and he couldn’t maintain eye contact with her when she was making that face.

“Just---” Genji made a pushing gesture at her, “Give me space. I can handle it.”

“We still need to take it easy--” Mercy started.

‘If it’s just a stitch, I can handle it!” Genji snapped. He remembered Sojiro’s voice. Breathe through it. Breathe through it. He took a few deep steady breaths. “It’s fine,” he said, the pain dulling with his breaths, “I’m fine.”

Mercy backed up a bit and Genji re-centered himself to a ready position. He gave himself one more steadying breath before he threw himself back into punching and kicking again. The stitch was still burning in his side but he ignored it as best as he could, focusing on the breath, focusing on the impact of the punch, the recovery. But he had already begun to feel the creep of exhaustion with that last pause. No, he couldn’t be tired, not yet. Did all those hours looking like an idiot in horse stance until his entire lower body was on fire mean nothing? All those early mornings sprinting around Shimada Castle, racing after Hanzo with the cold damp on his skin and his breath fogging in front of him? All that conditioning, all that work, all of his time that the clan ate up for their own ends, Hanzo had taken it all away from him. And here he was struggling to work up to a fraction of what he was previously capable of. Keep at it, keep at it, let the rage power the limbs. But even rage could only take him so far. There was a high pitched ringing in his ears as he watched his own strikes get slower, sloppier, but still he kept pushing himself. 

“Genji--” Mercy’s voice was distant with the pounding of his own heart in his ears, and the strike of his limbs against the training dummy, “Maybe you should--” But he just kept going, just kept hitting, and she quieted down. She was making that face again. He could feel her making that face, and he kept striking.

Don’t pity me. Don’t you fucking dare pity me.

That burning stitch in his side was little more than an afterthought, but the limbs were slow, heavy. His lungs were burning and he was drenched in sweat. With his prosthetics he smelled like pennies. Smelled like blood.

Metal. Stupid. Useless.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, didn’t want to know how much time had passed, when he finally slumped forward, supporting himself on a training dummy that was just as damp with his own sweat.

“Just--breathe--pushing yourself too hard could make the healing process even slower,” Mercy warned. 

“I know what I can do!” Genji said through gritted teeth. He hated the metallic ring of his own voice now.

"I know it’s frustrating, but even with state of the art prosthetics, you can't expect to get back to your original speed that fast," said Mercy.

Genji let himself drop to his hands and knees, panting.

“You have no idea how frustrating it actually is,” he snarled, not looking up from the floor.

"Your body has lost a significant amount of its original mass... it's going to be a while before your stamina returns, too," she said quietly.

Genji kept panting. She stepped away from him briefly and he looked at his own hands on the floor. He clawed his fingers, both organic and prosthetic, across the mat in frustration.

“Here,” She stooped over and held a water bottle out to him. He glared at the water bottle.

“You’re still human and humans need water,” said Mercy flatly. 

His eyes flicked up to her face and he reached out and sullenly took it. He didn’t break eye contact with her as he drank from the bottle, trying to read her expression. There was exhaustion in her eyes, there always was, but there was something in the line of her mouth now, not quite that pitying pursing, her lips nearly parting like she had something to say, and yet at the same time didn’t. She settled down to a kneeling position beside him on the mat. 

“All these... things I say... I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings. I know you’re angry. I know you feel cooped up here and you want to get out there so you can get to work stopping the people who did this to you.”

Killing. Stopping’s just a side effect of killing, Genji thought but he said nothing still panting. 

“I want you to have your body working the way you want it to just as much,” Mercy went on, “But this isn’t something you just... power through to. You’re angry--I know you’re angry--but the more you fall into that anger, the more cortisol and adrenaline your brain pumps out--the more your body believes it’s trying to survive and shunts down numerous vital functions, rather than putting its energy towards repairing itself.”

Genji was still panting but hearing it put in such technical terms caught him off-guard. The body believes it’s trying to survive...

“Just...” Mercy sighed a little, “Have a little faith. Everyone here wants you at you at full capacity as quickly as possible just as much as you do. Even if we’re all...” she shrugged a little, “Annoying and preachy about it.”

Genji snorted at that before letting himself collapse onto his side and then roll onto his back, his chest still rising and falling with a shudder of exhaustion. Mercy pressed one hand against the mat, then lowered herself, laying down flat on the ground as well, staring at the ceiling.

“...why are you on the floor?” muttered Genji.

“Seemed like the right place to be,” Mercy mused, “...there are multiple times a day I wish I could curl up on the floor, and this seemed like a good chance.”

Genji snorted again. “You’re funny,” he said glancing over at her.

Mercy glanced over at him and smiled.

Genji sighed again and looked up at the ceiling. “You want to know a really stupid thing that’s pissing me off about all this?’ 

“What?” said Mercy.

“It’s... hitting me that I really liked my body. I mean, I was hot before all this.”

Mercy snorted.

“I was!” Genji insisted.

“I know!” Mercy blurted out and then caught herself, “I mean--” she cleared her throat, “Yes, it’s very jarring to have your appearance suddenly changed without your consent.”

“...so you agree I was hot,” said Genji, a bit smugly.

Mercy scoffed.

“OKay--Sorry--I’m being obnoxious. What I’m saying is... there was so much about it I took for granted, even with all the training and the conditioning the Shimada clan put me through...” he sighed, “And it’s gone now.”

“Not gone, necessarily. It’s... different. It’s changed. That doesn’t mean you can’t make it your own,” said Mercy, “That doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. That doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful now.”

Genji paused, then gave her an ‘Are you fucking kidding me’ look. 

“Okay, we can work our way up to that,” said Mercy with a slight eye roll, “Just.. in my line of work you see a lot of... nastiness... so you kind of have to look for the things that give you hope. And a lot of the time that can make you come off as...” she huffed, “Completely out of it to some people. Stupid. Ignorant.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” said Genji, “Preachy, sure, but stupid?”

“Just as much of a charmer as your dossier stated,” Mercy said flatly.

Genji huffed and a long pause passed between them on the floor. Genji took stock of the exhaustion in all of his limbs and lifted his prosthetic arm up toward the ceiling, examining it the way the light hit it. “...you think I’ll be able to do what I could do before?” 

“Do you want my honest opinion?” said Mercy.

The question-as-answer made Genji tense slightly and he propped himself up on his elbows, glancing over at her. “Yes...?” he said slowly.

“I think you can be even more,” she said, not looking at him, staring up at the ceiling, “I just hope who that is, is someone you like.”

#gency

[adultswim2021]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force #46: “Gee Whiz” | August 22, 2004 - 12:00 AM | S04E04

This one’s half real good, half okay. The plot: a new billboard purportedly has the face of Jesus Christ hidden on there, so people are going there to pray and leave gifts and all that stupid shit you do when you are a religion idiot. The main problem is that on Adult Swim you can’t actually say “Jesus Christ”. This was an apparent issue way back in 2002, Don Hertzfeldt‘s “Rejected” short was supposed to air. I THINK it was supposed to air on November 3, 2002, which was the night they premiered “Finkel Files” and also inexplicably reran “The Lewis Lectures” with a fucked up soundtrack. I wish I’d remembered this detail because I literally wrote about that without going into WHY Lewis Lectures reaired. I don’t think I touched on “Rejected” at all on this blog. They actually did run promos for “Rejected”, but it never came to fruition.

All that in mind, this ATHF has a memorable opening where Frylock explicitly discusses Turner’s standards and practice which prevented the characters from saying “Jesus”, though they were able to hint at it strongly and settle on calling him “Gee-Whiz”. George Lowe hosts this segment and blows off a nun’s head with a shotgun to demonstrate what you can and can’t do on this program. It’s very funny. But the rest of the episode is about Meatwad being with child, a perceived immaculate conception. All this stuff is fine, but nothing beats the hilarious opening (I’m trying to remember if I liked this opening back in 2004 when I originally saw this, because I vaguely remember hating fourth-wall breaking even in absurdist comedies. I ain’t mad now. At that)

Mild spoilers: Ted Nugent is in this. I never really feel that easy with him being used as an ironic cameo, because he’s a legitimate racist scumbag. But he had a little era here where he was just a right-wing kook that was fun to laugh at. He showed up in an episode of Undeclared around this time (that didn’t air, but is on DVD), where the characters sorta acknowledged that they enjoyed him ironically. Smug limpdick liberals all thought Kerry was going to take the White House from George “Woah homer” Bush, and that we could just complacently giggle at genuine fascists like Nugent. Now those same limpdick liberals are all like “WE MISS YOU, SIR” to GWB and it’s sickening. If I can get preachy for a second, I think it’s important that we all remember this: Bush was a war criminal. and he looked like a freaking monkey.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #aqua teen hunger force

[hopelikethemoon]

Help (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Help  Rating: PG-13 Length: 1300 Warnings: None Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in September 1998. Short chapter is short.  Summary: Reader meets up with Steve. 

@grapemama​​ @seawhisperer​​ @huliabitch​​ @pedropascalito​​ @rogrsnbarnes​​@thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns​​ @gooddaykate​​ @livasaurasrex​​ @ham4arrow​​@plexflexico​​ @readsalot73​​ @hdlynn​​ @lokiaddicted​​ @randomness501​ @fioccodineveautunnale​  @roxypeanut​​ @snivellusim​ @lukesrighthand​​ @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts​@synystersilenceinblacknwhite​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ @exrebelshocktrooper​​@awesomefandomsunited​ @ah-callie​​ @swhiskeys​​ @lady-tano​ @u-wakatoshii @space-floozy @cable-kenobi​​ @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes​​ @findhimfives​ @pedrosdoll​ @frietiemeloen​@arrowswithwifi​ @random066 @uncomicalhumour​ @heather-lynn​ @domino-oh-damn​ @cyarikaaa​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl  @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx​ @punkass-potato​ @coredrive​ @pascalesque​@theduchessofkirkcaldy​ @queenquazar​ @sabinemorans​ @buckstaposition​ @holkaskrosnou​@yespolkadotkitty​ @fleetwoodmactshirt​ @seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie​ @jaime1110​​

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Murphy.” You remarked as you took a sip of beer, “I can’t believe you pulled that shit.”

“I didn’t want to freak her out, alright?” Steve shrugged his shoulders. “With her mother in town, it was just… it was easier to call it a work thing and handle it on my own.”

“What were you going to tell her if you had cancer? Do you really want to handle a prognosis like that alone? Without giving her a chance to react in real time?” You shook your head slowly. “I used to think you were the smarter one. You know, between you and Javi, but… he’s not even stupid enough to pull that shit.”

“Look, it’s been handled. It’s been hashed and rehashed at home. Connie’s not mad at me.”

“Well, she was.” You said flatly. “Do you know she thought you were cheating?”

He shifted uncomfortably, “Yeah. I’m aware.” Steve glances down at the table, running his finger through the ring of moisture left behind by his beer bottle. “Look, I recognized that it was a bullshit plan when I was doing it, but the alternative was just as unpleasant. Her mother is…”

“I know.” You made a face. “She’s a rival to my own mother.” You took another sip, swirling it around in the bottle. “I get it, I really do, but… communication is really important, especially when you’re going through something like that. I mean, what would your girls have done if one day their father was just…”

You stopped yourself, shaking your head. 

“You good?” Steve questioned, resting his arms on the table. 

“I’ve told you about my father.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I just know what it’s like to wake up one day and find out you lost your father.”

Steve nodded solemnly, “Look, I recognize I fucked up. Connie reamed me out, Javier reamed me out, and now you are. I get it.”

“What did Javier say?”

“That I fucked up.” He shrugged, “Oh, how the tables have turned. I’ve lectured him a dozen times over and now he gets to do the same.”

You smirked and chuckled, “Becoming a professor has made him extremely preachy.” 

“I noticed.” He took a sip of beer. “So, speaking of work… have you given my offer any thoughts?”

“I did.” You tapped your fingers against the bottle. “I’ll work with you. I miss being involved in that capacity, but I have no intentions of getting back in the field. I tried that with the P.D. at the beginning and it wasn’t for me.”

“It’s going to be a lot of seminars.” He admitted, making a face. “I’ve already got a handful of departments lined up, I just need help on the admin side. We both know you’re a hell of a good public speaker.”

You flipped him off, “You and Javier both…”

“Well, you are. Even if you hate it.” Steve arched a brow. “I can offer you a decent rate. I can’t match the P.D., but it’ll be a fair wage.”

“I just need a flexible schedule.” You told him. “I’m thinking about the adjunct position at the university.”

“Sounds like the three of us will almost be back to working together.”

“Don’t try to get Javier in on this too,” You warned him. 

“Why?”

“Because, I know how he’ll react.” You took a sip of your beer, before finishing it off and sitting it aside. “There’s a lot of baggage there and we’ve just finished packing what the articles pulled out.”

“Gotcha,” He nodded, pursing his lips together. “I thought he might’ve moved on, you know? House, two kids, good job…” Steve rolled the base of the beer bottle against the top of the table. “But I guess those ghosts don’t just go away.”

“He’s got a lot of guilt,” You explained. “And I’ve tried my best to alleviate him of that guilt, but it’s not that easy.” You pushed your fingers through your hair and sank back in the chair. “Colombia can be a real trigger for him. Getting back into that line of work… I don’t think it would be good for him.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before—“

You cut him off, “I know, it’s not as obvious anymore, but—“

Steve held up a hand, “No. That’s not what I’m saying. You and Javier used to do this in Colombia. Look out for the other person, guide people away from saying shit that might upset each other.”

You shrugged, “We’ve always been like an old married couple.” If only he knew the truth. 

“After the shit he went through, I guess he deserves having someone to look out for him like you do.”

“Connie would do the same, if you actually told her what was going on.” You pointed with a stern look. “And I know things are getting better, but you’ve got to make Connie feel like a Queen from time-to-time.”

“I do!” He protested with a short laugh. “Goddamn. She knows she’s the only woman for me. We’ve just got chaotic schedules. Sometimes we’re just two ships passing each other.”

You lowered your voice, “Then take time to enjoy those passing moments.”

“We are not getting into my sex life with my wife. Nope.” Steve waved his hands. “This was supposed to be about working as a consultant.”

You snorted, “This is nothing I haven’t already told your lovely wife.”

“I’m aware.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. “We’re working on things, alright? Things have been off for awhile.” He sank back in his seat looking defeated. “You’ll understand it eventually. Kids, work, life… Marriage changes shit”

“I do actually understand it, but we still make ‘us’ time a priority. Our girls are my heart and soul, but one day they’re going to grow up and move out and then it’ll just be the two of us.”

“You know I love Connie.”

“I do know that, but I do know that you two need to take your own advice and go on a vacation together. Just the two of you.”

“When?”

“We could watch the girls early October. First weekend?”

Steve scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, “Alright. I like the sound of that. Where do you think she’d like to go?”

“I think that’s a question for you wife, Steve.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, “I miss how it was before the girls. Before Colombia. It was just the two of us taking on the world. It was fresh and exciting.”

“A vacation will help you with that. I promise.” You met his gaze, “And I’m certain being married doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re still the same people you were at the beginning.” Four months in and nothing had changed for you. 

Steve rubbed at the back of his neck. “I just want her to be happy.”

You nodded your head, “Me too. I adore Connie.”

“She’s pretty partial to you too.” Steve grinned. “I’m glad you two ended up being friends.”

“Me too.” If you hadn’t had Connie and Steve in Colombia, you were certain you would’ve lost your mind. They’d been the family you desperately craved. 

And the fact you could turn around and help them now made everything feel like it had been worth the difficult periods. They’d helped you and now you were helping them. 

#javier pena x reader #javier pena #pedro pascal x reader

[scribblesandsnark]

“Days Gone Bye” (TWD 1.1)

There’s so much about “Days Gone Bye” that is well done – not least because it operates primarily on silence and visuals rather than the preachy dialogue that takes over down the road. (Yes, season 2, I’m looking at you.) That said, not gonna lie, it took me bloody ages to figure out where the opening scene falls in Rick’s post-hospital, pre-Atlanta adventures. (And when I say ages, what I really mean is it took me about six or eight times watching the episode. Ye gods.)

I feel like Rick might have lucked out in the apocalypse. He’s a cop, so there’s obviously a uniform to wear as he waltzes off into the unknown. What would you opt to put on if you were in his shoes and didn’t have a uniform to default to? (Personally, I’ve realised I have a serious lack of practical apocalypse shoes on hand. Although I’m inclined to think that my high heels would come in handy for breaking dead limbs and stomping in undead brains, so there’s that to consider.)

Burnt out and/or flipped cars are popular for set design in post-apo/dystopian TV and films, as are buildings with blasted out/shattered windows, but until fairly recently I’d always viewed them as sort of abstract decorations without really registering how they might get that way. Indeed, in earlier drafts I spent some time snarking about how the zompocalypse must infect people’s driving abilities (a terrifying thought considering the actual driving ability of your average non-zompocalypse-affected person) and, to quote myself,

Given the amount of fire damaged/cars upturned/miscellaneous damage inflicted on cars, you’d think that fcking flamethrowers and grenades and rocket launchers were being wielded by random Georgian citizens as they frolicked through the streets escaping the dead.

But this year [2020], between the port explosion in Beiruit, which flipped cars with the force of the blast and turned high rises into ghouls with hundreds of gaping mouths, and the fires in California, leaving burnt-out hulks in their wake, it’s really come home to me how easy and careless that kind of destruction can be – and how swiftly it can come to be seen as a norm. No flamethrowers or grenades necessary.

Even the empty streets and the silence we’re greeted with in this opening scene, as Rick drives down a barren street and walks through an abandoned campsite, now has more resonance since the 2020 lockdowns brought that apocalyptic empty street into reality. I don’t think I’d ever really thought to walk down the middle of a street before, because, you know, traffic – and yet for a time, when there were no cars on the road and people were hidden away in their homes, that became a new normal. There was a freedom in knowing you could walk in the middle of the road with almost no risk, because all normal rules had been suspended indefinitely. Why stick to the sidewalk when you know a car’s unlikely to drive through?

I guess apocalyptic fiction only ever seems apocalyptic and unimaginable until the real world catches up.

There are a lot of things I could say about this opening scene, aside from the great visceral pleasure of getting absorbed by the camera work, feeling one with Rick as we witness the destruction, the abandonment, the death… There’s a stillness that I wish we saw more of in the later episodes. The introduction of the little walker girl sets up Rick’s hope and his despair in a wonderful way. Having the first appearance and first death of a walker be a little girl in her jammies really shows us just how much the world has been turned on its head – Rick’s a police officer, whose job is to help people (ideally, at any rate), and the realisation that in this new world the only way to help is to kill those he used to protect sets up a(n albeit inconsistent) through-line for the rest of the series.

So yeah, I could wax lyrical about the excellent beginning of “Days Gone Bye” – but because I’m a snarky arsehole, I’m going to talk about the dead. And I’m going to do so with the caveat that while I’ve read some of the behind-the-scenes commentary etc., I am not actually a Walking Deadhead, and consequently do not have at my fingertips the reasons why certain production decisions were made.

There’s an oddity in the first…two seasons? when it comes to cars and the dead, in that there are a startling number of people who seem to have just…died, while in the driver’s seat of their cars. We see two clear examples in the opening scene, as Rick passes between two cars, facing opposite directions, each with their own definitely dead driver slumped at the wheel. This appears, rather more egregiously, in the traffic snarl at the start of season 2, but for the moment we’ll stick with season 1. The camera’s shown us an abandoned camp, any number of cars that seem to have become part of stationary living. Yet we’ve got two dead people behind the wheel, in cars facing opposite directions. Now, I’m not disputing that people could die at the wheel. As the show later goes on to show us, you can get chomped, die, and resurrect within minutes. The problem is in the fact that a proportionally ridiculous number of people seem to die at the wheel. I suppose the logical conclusion is that said individuals stupidly had their windows down and their arms out, got chomped, and sent away the rest of the car’s occupants or anyone else in the vicinity, and then opted to just hang out in the car until death – at which point zombrain kicks in and any attempt to use a door handle is moot. (See, e.g., the number of zoms hanging out in closed cars.) Combine that with people more likely than this show’s putative heroes to shoot someone who’s been infected in the head before they turn and simply move on… Eh. I suppose it’s plausible. It’s just not very realistic. (Not least because oh my god, there are undead people, roll up your fucking window you fucking idiot. I know it’s hot in Georgia but roll those windows up, babe. You might sweat, but at least a stealth zom won’t use your hand for a snack. Gah.)

…not going to comment on the inconsistent zombehaviour in which a smolzom stops to pick up her teddy (see, later, other zoms climbing ladders, scaling fences, and using rocks to bash through windows – and in one instance, tugging her zip hoodie back up over her arm). Instead, my issue is with smolzom’s slippers. How has she not lost those by now??

(Total aside, but I’ve been bingeing L&O:SVU lately, and boy howdy do a lot of TWD people pop up like daisies there. Daryl, Shane, Noah, Dale, Beth, Lori, Amy, Tyreese, Lizzie, Liza (tbf from FTWD)…)

The fries that Rick and Shane are eating just look sad and wimpy and not worthy of eating. Do better, cops. (Do better, fries.) Really, it’s almost a surprise they’re not nomming doughnuts and coffee. There’s no doubt that the two are meant to be close, though; you have to be close to dab your fry in your partner’s ketchup (oh no, Lori).

Jon Bernthal is a good actor. I just wish they hadn’t given him a character who was so all over the place. (I’ll delve more into this in later episodes.) The first scene he appears in, after the opening credits, clearly sets him up as a chauvinistic dick, in contrast to pauvre Rick, whose relationship with his wife is suffering – and, critically, this is not because of Rick, but because of Lori. Her first introduction as a character is as a woman at odds with her husband – and the fact that her husband is in law enforcement really should not be glossed over here, not given America’s contentious relationship with LEOs. (We’ll get back to Rick and Shane eventually.) It’s no secret that spouses of people in law enforcement, or in the military, often struggle because their partners are always absent. I’m not trying to apply blame, here; law enforcement and military positions require a lot, and there is absolutely a high degree of trauma that can result due to the kind of work in which they engage. That said, the way Lori is set up as the antagonist from the get-go is just…distasteful. Rick is presented as reasonable, as wanting to try to make things right, as trying to do what Lori wants and yet always being the bad guy. The sad thing is that Lori is no one’s favourite character, and yet the character never had a chance. She was fucked over long before she actually turned up on screen, ensuring that our perspective of her is negative from the start.  In a show that takes years to establish strong women, Lori stands out as a particularly egregious example of a woman, wife, and mother who realistically could have been a positive representation of a woman that instead was turned into a caricature everyone loves to hate. (We’ll get to Andrea eventually, I promise.)

I think perhaps, most egregiously, the fact that Rick says something like “It’s like she’s pissed at me and I don’t know why” sets up Lori as being irrational and Rick as being patient and anxious to fix things without knowing why. Lori is fucked in terms of character development from before she ever  appears on screen and never has the opportunity to claw back some of that lost ground. Rick literally labels her as cruel – and cruel in front of their son, to boot. Who doesn’t view a person cruel to their child as a villain? Gah. Lori was absolutely fucked by merit of being Rick’s wife.  And it’s really a shame, because every so often Sarah Wayne Callies absolutely kills it (no pun intended, but leading up to Lori’s death is perhaps the character’s best scene).

Of course, too, the whole convo between Shane and Rick sets up Shane as a “fuck me, women, man” – and yeah, absolutely, this attitude ends up extrapolated to his behaviour towards people in general. Yes, it bonds our two good ol’ boy policemen as lads who love each other and try to jive each other into better moods but are sensitive enough to listen to actual emotional shit… But ultimately it establishes Shane as a dick and Rick as a victim. Shane’s absolute disdain for women’s emotion/women talking about their emotions is in some ways bizarre when you look at his future relationship with Lori – and yet at the same time, that disdain echoes through all of anything he does with Lori, with Carl, and with Rick in future.

Okay, so, let’s move on to the fuckfest in which Rick gets shot. (Twice, Lord help me. These fuckers are alarmingly inept.)

Pro: they fling out the spikey “stop the bad guy” chains.

Con: …well, at least one dude doesn’t know about the safety, so that’s … not ideal. (His death: not surprising.)

Pro: Rick can apparently drive backwards with skill. I can’t even back around a corner.

Con: Leon is a fucking moron.

Pro: Rick and Shane disposed of their hats??

Con: what happens to the Black cop? Why is he the only one we don’t know the fate of? (See TWD’s treatment of Black actors in general…)

Pro: the car does not flip in their general direction.

Con: pretty much everything else in this scene.

I dunno about the average viewer, but I feel like the two apparently competent cops – Shane and Rick – should each be assigned to one of the shitty cops, rather than riding together, because really, do you want cops rolling in to save you when they clearly don’t know the first thing about gun operation? (Yes, as any number of viewers have pointed out, there’s no safety on the gun that Leon is holding, but the fundamental point is to articulate how much of a fuck-up he is as a cop. If you’re out in the field and don’t know how your piece works, should you even be out there? Don’t they give cops gun training? You’d hope so…yikes. Although I guess it does sort of set up the absolute nightmare of season 2’s gun control plot line. (Oh god, season 2. Help.))

Am I the only one amused by the name Leon Basset? He’s a cat and a dog at once!

It takes Rick and Shane and co. an embarrassingly long time to put down the baddies – one of whom manages to hit a cop in a spot not covered by his vest, after having been flipped violently upside down in a car crash. Seriously, the fact these dudes are able to crawl out of the car and start merrily firing away, much less actually hit someone, is fucking insane. Have they trained in post-car crash shooting? I have to conclude they have, because otherwise the fact they have better aim than the multiple cops shooting at them is absurd. (Also hilarious: bad dude #1 crawls out of the completely totalled, upside-down car with, like, a scratch on his cheek. Until bad dude #2 takes a shotgun blast the chest, he appears to have lucked out with almost zero wounds from the crash. Are we sure *they* aren’t actually already dead??) And really, Rick’s an idiot in this scene – his fellow cops are intelligently hanging out by the cop cars, using them for cover, while Rick displays a high degree of absolute idiocy in waltzing straight out into the open; it’s made even worse by the fact that he’s brandishing his cute little Colt Python revolver while at least two of the cops behind him are wielding shotguns.

Bad copping, Rick. Cop better, please.

There are several shots right before Rick gets shot the first time where the camera angle makes it appear that Shane has his shotgun pointed straight at Rick, including the actual frame where he *does* get shot in the vest – when he’s shot in the side closer to Shane than the unnamed assailant. Now, this is probably due to bad blocking, although you’d think Rick would know better than to walk directly between the baddies and his fellow cops when there’s active gunfire, since it makes him a liability (seriously, I doubt the efficacy of the cop training programme in whatever bit of Georgia this is), but with the benefit of hindsight you could also see it as foreshadowing the eventual deterioration of Rick and Shane’s relationship. Think about the scene in “Wildfire,” the penultimate episode of the season, when Shane and Rick are in the woods doing a sweep, and Shane sights down that shotgun at Rick walking through the trees ahead of him for a long moment before Dale turns up. In that later episode (and moving on increasingly through all of Season 2), Shane wants Rick out of the way, but it takes a very long time in terms of screen hours to actually get around to making his final move. Ironically, it’s only ever here in the opening episode, following Shane appearing to be aiming through Rick’s back at the assailants, that Shane ever successfully gets Rick out of the way. Unintentionally, of course, but there is nevertheless an odd parallelism created here due to blocking and weapon of choice.

Dammit, Shane.

You know, on thinking it over, I’m surprised that this police force functions at all. Yes, the dispatcher only noted two individuals in the car, but if I’ve learned anything from watching procedurals it’s that before stopping to chat about anything you clear every possible place an unknown assailant could be hiding. I’d think that would especially be the case for a car chase, because how accurately can you see inside a speeding car? (That’s a legitimate question; I have no idea.) And actually, entirely aside from the possible existence of a third assailant, if you shoot someone with a gun, surely the follow-up after they’ve gone down is to immediately approach, ensure any weapons are out of arms’ reach, ascertain if the individual is dead, and if not, call immediately for medical attention. I know the baddies took several shots to the chest, but come on. They also emerged almost entirely unscathed from a totalled car, so clearly they’re already marked as practically unkillable. And yeah, following procedure wouldn’t have allowed Rick to get dramatically shot for real after the first fake-out, but they could easily have had him get dramatically and unexpectedly shot by the third dude when following procedure and checking to see the other two were dead. Most of the dialogue could have been retained as well. But oh well. I guess the show sets up the failure of authority figures to function effectively from the very start; not following procedure proves to be useful to Rick, considering his future actions as leader of the Merry Undead crew.

Further proof these cops don’t know how to cop: literally no one notices the third dude crawl out of the car, not even to go “hey!” Dude literally has enough time to crawl out on his hands and knees, stand up, point a gun, and actually hit his target before anyone (aka Shane) so much as notices his existence. There are at least three other cop cars in the vicinity – the other car that arrived with Rick and Shane (the “wait what’s a safety” cop and his partner) and the two cars that were chasing the criminals in the first place (four more dudes) – and yet apparently no one noticed a third guy standing up with a gun in his hand. And yeah, I’ll cut some of them a bit of a break on the theory that they probably couldn’t see the guy until he stood up because of the car in the way, but with seven people standing, *someone* should have seen him. Given Shane’s angle when he shoots, the two cops behind him definitely should have noticed something. The fact that someone only shouts to move in after Rick gets shot is just…shoddy copping. Seriously, this is the kind of stupidity that leads you to wish characters would just die. I’m sure someone would miss these people, but the world isn’t likely to notice they’ve gone. (Also, Shane blowing away the third dude on the first shot is pretty much the only time any of these professionals have actually hit their target immediately. Glad to know the safety of the Merry Undead crew is in the hands of people with worse aim than people flung around in a totalled car. Hurray!)

I’ve decided that after Shane goes with Rick to hospital in the ambulance, the rest of the terrible cops get eaten by the reanimated baddie crew. It’s what they deserve, really.

Moving right along…

Rick has a frigging massive hospital room. Either he or Lori is secretly a drug runner, or else the local cops have some pretty sweet health insurance. Lucky for Rick; if he’d been in a shared room or on one of those corridors with multiple beds separated by curtains, he’d have been walker munchies asap. Unforeseen side-effects of the zompocalypse: healthcare edition.

I…am not going to deal with the time issues of Rick being in hospital and then waking up to a hellscape. Suspension of belief, yeah?

I think the weirdest thing in the cut from Shane with the flowers to Rick waking up on the bed is the silence. The background beep of the machines has vanished, telling us the power’s gone off; the off-screen background hospital noise – heard most notably in the undiscernible PA behind Shane talking – has also vanished. Rick’s harsh breathing under Shane’s words also vanishes when the shot does, though I’m not sure if that’s meant to suggest Rick is better, worse, or otherwise. The scene doesn’t show it, but it sounds vaguely like a ventilator is functioning when Shane’s in the room, which would suggest Rick’s still hooked up to breathing support following surgery; if that’s the case, Rick was taken off the ventilator to breathe on his own at some point after that, since he wakes up only with oxygen to his nose. The shift from all that background noise to absolute silence is incredibly effective, because though we can’t register it visually, and may not consciously notice the shift in audible sounds, it nevertheless conveys to the viewer that something has changed before Rick even opens his mouth.

Horrifying thought, though, being stuck in hospital in Georgia without aircon. (I’d melt. Not just in hospital, but in general. Heat and humidity are not my friends.) Frankly, I’m surprised Rick manages to get any words out of his mouth given he’s probably a wee bit on the thirsty side; my mouth goes a bit dry and I might as well be trying to talk through a damn desert for all the words I manage.

It’s kind of amusing that there’s a lingering shot of the clock on the wall. Yeah, it adds to Rick’s confusion and disorientation because dammit, he can’t even tell what time it is – and what is the world without timekeeping?? – but what are the odds it happened to run out of battery in time to inconvenience the last man standing in the zompocalypse? “Oh no! I’ve missed the end of the world! Ah well, better late than never.”

Helpful that Rick woke up during the day – can you imagine how disorienting it would have been to wake up in pitch dark with zero sound? Anyone who lives in a vaguely urban or suburban area is almost entirely unaccustomed to the dominance of both anymore; when I moved back to suburbia after living in a sort of downtown-y bit of an offshoot of the nearest city, I had serious issues for months because at night everything was so quiet and so dark, especially during the period when the house next door was unoccupied. Seriously creepy. (Although I’ve also seen raccoons, deer, and a coyote as well as the ubiquitous squirrels and birds and neighbourhood cats, so that’s exciting. Actually, weirdly, there’s a surprising dearth of animals, to say nothing of pets, floating around in the apocalypse. We see dogs occasionally as time goes on, running about the streets of Atlanta, eating the dead, getting eaten when times are desperate; deer pop up every now and then, and crows alight ominously all over the place, but…where are all the dead goldfish? The cats??)

Does Rick just have a super special water faucet in his private bathroom, or are the utilities still working? (Nice to immediately have a way to quench his thirst. It also apparently gives him super strength, since he doesn’t keel over again despite the probable weeks he’s been flopped out in bed not using his muscles.) Alexandria has running water, but if I recall correctly it was also designed as self-sustaining. Hospitals usually have generators, since if the power cuts for whatever reason (earthquake, hurricane, T-rex attack) you want to make sure a bunch of people don’t cut out as well as a result, but as far as I’m aware that…doesn’t affect the water systems? (I am definitely not a water engineer. Are there water engineers?) And since he later goes down stairs to get out of the hospital, is there really a system still functioning that pumps water up several stories when the electricity appears to be dead? Convenient water is convenient.

Obviously there must be a generator or some kind of power still functioning, since there are some lights on in the hall, complete with requisite horror-themed buzzing and flickering. (Help, I’m having flashbacks of my mother’s kitchen.) Useful, in any case, since otherwise Ricky boy would be tripping over the debris in the hall before he got to the nurse’s station. (I guess we’ll put his continued unclothed state down to disorientation, but if I looked out my door and saw that much of a hallway disaster, I think I’d find some shoes first. Yikes.)

The clock at the nurse’s station has also stopped. These are battery-run, guys, they don’t go off when the power does. Speaking of electronics, though – it’s 2010, right? Why doesn’t the nurse’s station have any computers? I mean, I got my first laptop in 2006 and I think we always had a family computer when I was growing up, so it’s not like this predates the computer era. Actually, that’s a point – in all of the places that the Merry Undead crew break into/crash at, I’m struggling to think of instances of computers, laptops, mobile phones, etc. Rick has an mp3 player at the start of season 4, when he’s in his farming phase, and Olivia in…season 6? still carries her long-dead mobile around, but aside from the CDC and actual hospital-related machinery, there’s a startling lack of technology. I dunno, it just seems odd. Like the lack of feral cats.

I know Rick wants to illuminate the situation (hah), but his first thought is RUMMAGE THROUGH SHIT TO FIND MATCHES. Like, seriously, open a drawer or something, there’s probably a flashlight in there somewhere? I suppose we couldn’t spend too much time on finding lighting resources, though, considering that would delay the DRAMATIC DISCOVERY of Rick’s first dead person.

On which point – what are the walker rules for nomming a corpse, and what are the rules for reanimation? If the only way to actually put down a walker is through the brain, why isn’t our eviscerated lady corpse in the hospital undead? Her head appears entirely intact, although we might be missing a wound on the far side. (Although jeez, given how many facial bites and tears we see throughout this series, including the little girl at the beginning of this episode, how has no one snacked on her delicious face??) A single bite will kill and turn you, and some people do manage to get an initial chomp and then remain unconsumed before turning, like Sophia and the little girl at the start of the episode. But is there a maximum limit of flesh that can be consumed before a person is thoroughly dead and won’t reanimate? A severed head sans body will reanimate, as we see later with Hershel and the Whisperers’ victims, so it seems like percentage of bodily consumption can’t factor in. Certainly bike lady later in this episode is missing her entire lower half without it having affected her walkerdom eternity. Yet we have people like hospital lady corpse and T-Dog in season 3 who get more or less entirely consumed without reanimating. And that’s without even talking about all of the dead who appear to have croaked in their cars without becoming undead despite the lack of a head wound. So where’s the boundary?

At least some of this we can probably attribute to early days inconsistencies, since most shows don’t dive in with all of the rules for new worlds and supernatural creatures laid out and set in stone, but the amount of consumption has always bothered me. From the other side, too, actually, because walkers appear to be wholly driven by a single purpose: consume. So when a walker has a nice juicy item in front of them with plenty of flesh left on it, why would they leave it behind to drift off after something else? Walkers are later shown to be drawn by light, by sound, by smell (operating on the suspension of disbelief that undead would retain any of the senses of sight, hearing, or smell, but never mind), but since the underlying drive remains to consume, why would light, sound, or smell be sufficient to draw them away from a meal directly in front of them? I could see it if, for instance, a corpse were being devoured by a whole bunch of walkers and so those who couldn’t easily get to the body went “welp fuck it, Imma go follow that gunshot I just heard,” or if a body has pretty well been picked to the bones, since then there’s not anything left to consume and the drive would push on to the next. But there are plenty of times over the course of the series when walkers abandon a perfectly delicious human with plenty of meat left on the bones in order to go chase something else. I’m not saying walkers are meant to be intelligent hunters or anything, since as Jenner shows us there’s just some sad little sparkles at the brainstem that are still operating, but if you boil it down to the most basic drive, walkers are driven to consume, and it makes little sense that they’d abandon something consumable in front of them that’s a sure thing to chase something else (I could see maybe abandoning an animal to chase a human, like dropping the pigs’ feet to chase after sirloin). But to leave something not completely eaten… Unless they get full? The human stomach can only contain so much at one time, so maybe there’s a default survival code that overrides the consumption drive to stop a walker eating if continuing to do so would explode the stomach. Although that doesn’t really make much sense, either, since any number of walkers are wandering around with their innards more or less exploded without it being a problem. Hmm. No real answers, there, other than that overriding logic of THE PLOT. I guess the only thing I can say with some confidence is that at least part of the walker digestive system seems to still operate, because when Rick and Daryl gut a walker to make sure it hadn’t eaten Sophia, not only is the woodchuck turned from fur and flesh into nasty black goo, the skull of the woodchuck has also been stripped clean. (Then again, I have difficulty envisioning how a walker manages to swallow an entire woodchuck skull, but that’s neither here nor there. Who’s up for woodchuck chilli??)

Anyway, back to Rick and his terrifying exploration of his new world of doom.

I have to laugh when I look at this disaster of a hospital. Did someone, in the last throes of the world ending, just take medical records and fling them everywhere? When is there ever that much paper floating around loose in a medical facility? Ye gods, Rick could learn confidential patient information! Nooooooo…

Ahem.

Like the episode’s opening scene of Rick working his way through the abandoned streets, silence is used to great effect from the time Rick wakes up through to his encounter with Morgan and Duane. The audience takes in everything along with Rick, unfettered by exposition. The silence, the dark, the emptiness, the dead – it all unfolds through Rick’s shocked and bewildered eyes. I mean, what would you do if you wandered down the hall and suddenly discovered a mostly devoured corpse? (I’d probably hurl. Ew.) Alas that so much of the series later gets bogged down by humans who never shut up. (Yes, Rick, I do mean you.)

Of course, in order to do that, the episode also, to quote CinemaSins, conveniently conveniences a bunch of its walkers. Where are they? Where they can’t hurt Rick before he knows what to do. Which is…kind of ridiculous. Logic be damned! I mean, if there’s one thing this show has been consistent about, it’s the inconsistency of its walkers.

Wait.

Man, I would not want to be walking across that floor barefoot. Ew. And ouch.

I’d be a terrible candidate for the apocalypse. I’m afraid of the dark.

I do like the background details of all the blood spattered on the walls. It’s more quiet filling in the blanks of what happened when Rick was in his coma – all that lovely show, don’t tell that later gets left by the wayside. BUT HE’S WALKING BAREFOOT THROUGH GLASS OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP AND FIND SOME SHOES AAAHHHHHHH.

PUT ON SOME DAMN SHOES.

DON’T DEAD OPEN INSIDE.

The fact that the doors are bound with a chain AND with a slat of wood just makes me laugh. I don’t think that wood’s going to do much if the chain breaks.

That’s a shockingly good manicure for a dead person. She might be stuck in a locked room for eternity but at least her nails look fab.

I know Rick is freaked out by the groaning and dead lady manicure and chained up door and blood all over the place, but charging into a pitch-black stairwell armed only with a fold of matches seems really stupid. This is perhaps the most egregious instance in this episode of convenient walker placement. The fact that Rick not only makes it down the stairs and outside without tripping and smashing his pretty face is one thing, but it’s really stunning that there are no walkers who got trapped between the stairwell doors. I guess maybe that was the military exit route so they cleared as they went (and…took the bodies with them, as well)? Then again, I’d rather rappel out a window using bedsheets than make my way through an endless stairwell of night, so…

I’m going to be *extremely* nitpicky here and wonder why Rick hasn’t noticed the smell. Between lady chewy and the not insubstantial blood puddle he walks by, you’d think there’d be at least a whiff of the smell of decomp, especially if the power and thus the aircon are out and humidity reigns supreme. Blood is a biological hazard, and it…is definitely not odourless, especially after it’s been sitting around for days. Rick does grimace when he first goes into the stairwell, implying he’s caught a whiff of the dead, but he doesn’t encounter anything going down the stairs that seems likely to have caused it (maybe the dead laid out that he encounters outside?). Scent’s an ongoing problem with this show, though; it crops up when it’s a useful narrative point, like smearing yourself with guts to escape detection or realising there’s an ocean of the dead nearby, but otherwise, not so much. Okay, yeah, maybe I can buy that after a while of living in close proximity you’d acclimate – humans are stunningly resilient – but given how quickly humans tend to get tetchy when in forced contact with disgusting smells, are you really telling me that Rick just…doesn’t notice? Or is his own “I’ve been in a coma for an indeterminate period of time” smell so bad that it overpowers the death smell? Yikes.

That said, the moments of tension when Rick’s match goes out and he’s left alone breathing in the dark of the stairwell are lovely. It carries the audience along with Rick’s fear and anxiety and confusion, knowing he knows something is hinky without actually knowing what’s happened and what’s going on, while as a viewer conversant with the horror genre you keep expecting something to happen, to lurch up out of the dark. That nothing does actually is a delightful defiance of expectations. And after a silence and darkness punctuated only by the dim, narrow light of a match and Rick’s harsh breathing, the overwhelming brightness of the outdoors combined with the sawing of the cicadas almost begs you to retreat back into the contained, comparative safety of the stairs rather than venturing out into the huge unknown of the world outside the hospital and its endless supply of the dead.

Shame that the hospital’s flickeringly dodgy power doesn’t include the EXIT sign. Aren’t those supposed to work even if nothing else does? Maybe it was crashed with whatever took out the clocks. (Hah.)

Every barefoot step Rick continues to take hurts. Like, there’s all kinds of shit on the ground, and I’m not just talking bits of wire and other stabby pieces of metal. There’s blood and guts – do you really want to be squishing that between your toes?? Also, I’ve let it go this far, but Rick is wearing his hospital gown backwards, and if he’s been in a coma he…really shouldn’t be wearing boxers (and should have been hooked up to a catheter, but I think watching Rick rip that out instead of pulling the IV from his hand might have been a bit too traumatising for the average viewer). So out here in the open air, with all the wrapped rows of the dead, we get our first obvious sign of decomp in the number of flies buzzing around, and some of the limbs look like they might be mottling from decomp (kind of hard to tell, though). I know I said I wasn’t going to get into the time problems, but I promise I’ll try to keep it to this paragraph. The fact that the hospital and town are both almost entirely deserted, as we’ll go on to see, certainly suggests a decent amount of time has passed, since it takes time for that many people to up and leave somewhere. (I’m really surprised that in this show they only ever seem to encounter major traffic pile-ups on freeways or similar; if the people in my town were trying to skedaddle, we’d all get stuck on the road outside my neighbourhood. Hell, until they put in roundabouts it backed up horrendously just for getting to the schools in the morning! You’re telling me everyone was able to get out of their neighbourhoods to get to the freeway in the first place? Bullshit.) The state of the dead half-lady Rick runs into outside also seems to support that, since she’s pretty decomposed (though weirdly looks more mummified than not, which is odd considering Georgia’s on the humid rather than the dry end of the heat spectrum). On the other hand, though, the state of decomp of the lady in the hospital hallway and the corpses outside the hospital point to not much time having passed; they’re still juicy, if you like. As the following episodes will go on to show via characters’ minimal clothing and copious amounts of sweat, Georgia is hot and humid, and I hate to tell you this, guys, but if you keel over in a climate like that, you decompose quickly. You bloat up and your skin slides right off, and it’s all extremely disgusting. But here there’s a stunning amount of intact left on these corpses considering, again, it’s Georgia. (Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor, so my observations might not be medically valid. Then again, the very idea that dead people are wandering around eating people is … also not medically valid.) In any case, Rick should be walking through a soupy mess of liquefying human tissue seeping through the sheets wrapped around the dead (yum. One more reason to acquire footwear, mate). The bodies piled in the truck should be sliding over each other as decomposing human makes the sheets slippery. I suppose that’s a major flaw in zombie construction in this particular zompocalypse; it forgot to take account of actual decomposition in the specified climate. (The smell also ought to be enough to pretty well bowl Rick over, but again, everyone apparently has the opposite of super smell in this series, so we’ll let it slide). Of course, if corpses actually decayed like normal, they’d be rid of most of the zombies in no time.

There’s a weirdly small amount of damage that’s been done to this hospital, from what little we’re shown. The hospital scene in “TS-19” suggests that bombing of the hospital, or nearby, has commenced, but all we see is a relatively small chunk of building missing, rather oddly in the middle of a wall, a downed ambulance sign, and then a bit more horizontal damage behind the military encampment when Rick gets up the hill. You’d think they’d have kept bombing, not least to eradicate the piles of corpses, but unfortunately we never really get to see much of the early days and the military reaction; we get snippets about bombing Atlanta and see Shane and Lori watch as Atlanta’s struck, and when Daryl and Carol stalk Grady Memorial there’s at least one shot of the city where it’s clearly suffered aerial bombardment. But there’s really not a lot of engagement with the drastic measures taken to try to control the situation, just the idea that those existed. Fear the Walking Dead, from my understanding, doesn’t really do much to deal with this either, despite ostensibly aiming to initially tackle the very period of time that The Walking Dead skipped over. So that’s a shame.

The military encampment is odd. Surely you’d only bail on things like helicopters and Humvees if you absolutely had to, since otherwise they seem to me like the first thing you’d hop into as an escape route (and certainly in season 3, the Governor indicates that military playthings are highly prized). Sure, maybe your random joe couldn’t commandeer a helo, but surely joe schmo could yoink a Humvee. I mean, if I were fleeing a hospital and there were a whole military encampment hanging out in the back yard that no one was minding, I’d be inclined to hijack something and zoom away. Operation Save the Toes! If a herd had passed through, surely we’d see more damage to what remains (for instance, would that nice tent still be standing?). Points, though, for framing of Rick against the broken military might that both visually and metaphorically shows us how small he is. Okay, so I have to ask: how far away from hospital did Rick and his family live? Because he appears to walk for quite a while – with a bullet wound that’s still healing! – and their house looks like it’s firmly in a nice suburban neighbourhood. So did he walk several miles to dead half-lady and steal her bike, or did he literally just walk down the street? Maybe the unhappiness in the soles of his feet is just being overwhelmed by, well, everything. All I can say is that I ran away from home barefoot around age 8 or 9 and ended up with such bruised and blistered feet – after maybe twenty minutes of walking total – that I couldn’t go to school for several days because I couldn’t walk. And I wasn’t even recovering from a gunshot wound!

(Also, can we talk about that hospital wristlet. That sucker should have waaay more info on it. Really, if nothing else I think we can conclude that the hospital Rick was admitted to post-shooting spent all their money on giant rooms and then forgot about actually hospitalling. Do we blame that on Georgia, America, or bad TV writing?)

CORAAAL!!

Further proof of the rapid adaptation of the human species: Rick spots the bike and goes AH YES MINE, sort of clocking the half of a lady ten feet away without really being fussed; maybe an hour (?) into his re-entry into this waking nightmare of a world, he’s already become so numbed to dead bodies hanging about that it barely registers until she moves. And, mind you, while he’s seen plenty of dead people, and seen undead fingers poking through the crack between doors, this is the first undead person he’s actually seen. His reaction to just…flee is very much in line with his general “holy fuck okay moving on” attitude that we’ve seen thus far; each thing is weirder and worse than the last, layering up the horror as a surreal reality that’s made even more bizarre by the utter lack of any living people to ground him. While his collapse and “is this real?” moment at the Grimes household is, I think, a bit misplaced, it’s also really understandable because everything he’s seen is so far out of the normal realm of expectation that the only logical reaction is to question reality. He’s almost certainly both dehydrated and undernourished, on top of which he’s been utilising muscles that haven’t been used in some time; probably the most unrealistic aspect of his first hours after waking up is that he actually manages to get out of hospital and home so easily, rather than keeling over somewhere in the street and becoming Walker O’s (part of a balanced breakfast!). Although I feel like I would have hit the “wake up” whacking yourself in the head point long before getting home and realising my family wasn’t there. I think I’d be more likely to believe I’d walk through the door and my family would be out than to believe that all of the dead or the moving dead were real. Obviously the latter for Rick makes the fact his family isn’t home that much more surreal and distressing, because thus far he appears to have awoken to a world where there are no living people aside from himself, thus leading to the conclusion that if there are only the dead and himself, Lori and Carl must be dead – but I think I’d crack before getting to that point. (Though I sometimes wake up in the morning and literally can’t tell reality from what happened in my dreams, so who am I to judge?)

Weirdly as well, there’s very little in the Grimes household that tells me anything about any of the family. I know Lori and Carly frolicked off with Shane super fast when everything went to hell and took pictures and photo albums, but this house (as excellent as it is) looks very much like a set. There’s nothing really personal. It’s weird. Who are the Grimes, even? It reminds me of my ex-boyfriend’s flat. No pictures, no posters, no books (!!), nothing on the walls, no trinkets or files or any personal touches at all (please don’t be a serial killer eek). No wonder Carl settles into the apocalypse quickly and Lori has no personality other than being a disaster. They had practically no pre-pocalypse life other than “I’m Rick’s child” and “I’m Rick’s bitchy wife.”

As Rick walks back out of his empty house, you can see that the letterbox appears to be full of envelopes. Do you suppose Lori wrote a bunch of letters to people on the off-chance they’d get picked up after she and Carl left town with Shane, or do you think the post carried on even after everything else collapsed? (Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds… Nor zombies either, apparently. Now I really want a series of shorts following a postman as she strives to deliver every letter she can (well, not the bills, obvs) even as the world continues to collapse around her head.)

Okay, so if you get home and discover your family is not there, and everything is topsy turvy and haywire and omg what the hell is even happening – who just goes and plonks outside to think? Surely you’d think “hmm, okay, maybe I should check the neighbours”?

Are overhead fans on the porch a southern thing? I can’t imagine having one here in the Pacific Northwest.

Can we talk again about how absurdly lucky Rick is when it comes to the existence of walkers in this town? The only ones in the hospital are literally chained behind doors with an explicit warning to piss off. The only one he encounters on his journey from hospital to home has no legs, and thus poses minimal threat to a man able to walk (or cycle, as the case may be). The first mobile walker he sees is in the distance and hasn’t noticed him yet, and before he has a chance to shout out and put himself in danger, Morgan and Duane ex machina themselves into position to not only take out the walker but also provide medical support. (I guess Rick’s just been running on…adrenaline? And yes, I know Rick also takes a shovel to the face – we’ll ignore the fact that there’s no apparent lasting damage from a shovel to the face, good grief – but that’s a far cry from the fate of having his flesh ripped from his bones before he even knew what walkers were. Boy, would that suck.) A whole bevy of walkers turn up that evening, ostensibly because Morgan had fired a gun, but then they all vanish by morning aside from a single walker still skulking around for the convenience of whacking practice. (I wonder what would have happened if the single walker still hanging around had been Morgan’s wife. Somehow I doubt he’d have been as willing for Rick to practise his new world survival skills on her.) Quite aside from his dubious hospital survival, Rick Grimes should be dead. I really wish this could be attributed to his cop training (but we know that shit is dubious as fuck), but unfortunately he’s just a dude wandering aimlessly who gets super lucky. Sigh.

(I can’t be the only one who looks at the walker Rick sees and thinks he must be either a mortician or a goth kid. That much black? When it’s apparently warm enough in Georgia that Rick is totally fine in your not-standard-issue hospital gown and boxers? Also, thanks camera for keeping the walker blurred out so we can’t tell he’s dead (did you save on makeup?), but in retrospect it kind of makes you wonder if Rick has eye problems. Now there’s a real problem in the apocalypse.)

Two things about Duane’s first appearance. First, he was inches away from Rick; how did he get enough room to swing a shovel? Second, wtf is Duane doing shrieking for his dad? He’s been living in this world for at least a month and his mum’s a zom: he has to know that walkers are drawn to noise, yet he’s yelping out like a wounded dog here. Apocalypse better, kiddo.

Rather hilariously, it’s when Rick sees Morgan casually shoot the walker through the head that he starts to panic. OMG HE KILLED A DUDE. I feel like with everything Rick’s seen so far he ought not to jump so quickly to the assumption that Morgan killed another living dude. Then again, he did just get whacked in the face with a shovel and should probably have a concussion, so…

Convenient that Rick passes out when Morgan threatens to kill him if he doesn’t answer, since given his current state I’m not sure he could have done coherently. Note to self: when faced with difficult or awkward questions, keel over. It’ll give you time to think.

The first conversation Rick and Morgan have when Rick first wakes up tied to the bed raises far too many questions related to how long Rick’s been in hospital and how bad his wound is. I…am not going to spend much time on this, because it’s a never-ending chase with no real answers. This is the scene that rips us out of the glorious silent exploration of Rick’s new apocalyptic world and thrusts us into exposition, which at least in this case has a reason given Rick’s total ignorance of the current state of the world – but it’s still exposition.

Anyway, briefly – didn’t Rick get hit from behind, under the armpit? Shouldn’t Morgan have had to change two dressings? But there’s only one, and moreover, Rick’s original bandaging didn’t come close to covering where the original gunshot entry wound was. Magical moving bullets! Mystery wounds! Exposition! Hurray!

Ugh, reasons never to work on The Walking Dead: you have to film in Georgia, and it’s hot and disgusting and everyone sweats, even at night. Blech. Thanks but no.

Morgan’s stupid use of the gun to kill the walker provides helpful exposition, but his reason for why he did it – “it all happened so fast, I didn’t think” – doesn’t make much sense. It was one walker, with no others anywhere in the apparent vicinity, and while his son had potentially whacked down another walker, there wasn’t exactly an urgent need to use the gun. And while I’m not sure that Rick would be able to articulate the idea that what Morgan killed was something other than a living human being, the fact that he’s so insistent that it must have been a man speaks to his desperation to cling to anything resembling normalcy, while unfortunately ignoring his experience since waking up in the hospital. What do you do when you don’t have the vocabulary to articulate what you’ve seen?

As an aside, Rick chained up to the headboard wearing his boxers and hospital gown kiiinda looks like he’s ready for someone’s doctor dom fantasy playtime fetish. Good thing Morgan’s not into that, right?

There’s something deliciously hilarious about Morgan warning/threatening Rick with his tiny little knife when the backdrop is such delightfully mundane floral pillowcases. Laura Ashley does not approve!!!

Why couldn’t Morgan have found Rick a snuggie? Or, I don’t know, slippers? Or socks? Or an actual bathrobe? He’s stuck with blankie chic.

I do love that shot though.

Sidebar, your honour, I have a digression to indulge.

Morgan’s “friend, you need glasses” is kind of hilarious given that now they’re into the apocalypse, sucks to be you if you have non-perfect sight or any medical problems requiring medication or other intervention. There’s a surprising lack of your average American with lots of health problems on TWD, perhaps in part as commentary that many of those individuals would have stood no chance against the relentless people-eating horde. While the introduction of Connie offers a welcome insight into how someone with a disability is able to survive in an apocalyptic situation, the show on the whole oddly glosses over that whole issue. America is not a healthy country (we weren’t pre-Covid and we’re certainly not doing well lately). Nearly half of Americans take prescription drugs, according to a survey from the National Center Health Statistics. Some of these are vital, in that without them the person would die sooner rather than later; others treat conditions that won’t kill you immediately if untreated, but will kill you eventually or will cause significant problems as time goes on; and still others treat conditions that, while usually debilitating, you can usually survive and be at least vaguely functional. Some medications can be substituted by herbal remedies (digitalis, marshmallow root), but many can’t. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and deal with chronic pain and migraines; I take daily meds to counter both pain and migraine, as well as an assortment of supplements (and hayfever tablets, oh god) that I *can* function without, but which to do so would seriously suck. Where are these people in the apocalypse? There are so many people with disabilities or on medication who would be able to keep functioning as potentially beneficial partners in the post-apo world. Where are they? And where are the characters grappling with the choice of whether to sacrifice themselves or let their family and friends deal with an ongoing and worsening condition? The only times we really encounter that sort of thing are Milton’s test subject Michael Coleman, who ultimately dies of prostate cancer, the vatos’ little senior citizen safe haven, and Lilly and Tara’s father, all of whom are elderly. We only ever get a little blip of each of those instances, as well, in what appear to be relatively comfortable and secure locations, so we really don’t get a sense of how their frailties or differing abilities play into the survival of those around them. Hershel’s worst health problem was the leg amputated post-walker bite, and that ultimately was irrelevant to how he lived and died. I might be missing someone – I probably am – but it’s an oddity, one that I suppose arises out of both a narrative need – the elderly and disabled and sick are often viewed as less capable and thus less interesting except as an emotional zinger – and a practical in-world need that wants to focus on the strongest and most active rather than devoting time to people who’ve not only had to adapt emotionally but also physically and psychologically. I’ve got a main character in a post-apo situation who’s not only hauling herself through cities and forests with a bad lower back and weak hip and reliance on a cane but who also is unquestionably the leader of her group, because while her disability is not ideal in this post-civilised world, it doesn’t negate her value. The apocalypse doesn’t eradicate every non-fit, medicated adult, and leaving them out or using them as plot conveniences isn’t ideal. To get back to Morgan’s glasses comment – a quick google search suggests that around 61 percent of the population is reported to wear reading or visual aids at least occasionally. This probably isn’t nearly as many once you wipe out the need for reading glasses among the older population (and, you know, people in their 30s like me… *sob*), but nevertheless there’s a significant portion of the population who can’t see very well without glasses (and let me tell you, good luck getting contacts during the apocalypse). My sister is pretty well blind as a bat without glasses and has been since she was in middle school. Imagine how differently things might have played out if Carl’s vision had been super shitty.

Sidebar complete.

I like the all-male hand-holding over the meal prayer. There’s something sweet about it, a clinging to old habits even in chaos.

It’s interesting that Morgan asks Rick if he even knows what’s going on, because by this point it must be at least a month into apocalypse (per Morgan’s line later in the episode that the gas mains have been down a month or so) – what are the odds you’d run into a random person so utterly clueless a whole month in? I guess maybe the hospital gown, boxers, and bare feet clued him in.

I’ve been thinking this all episode: Rick’s beard is beautifully trimmed for a dude who’s been in a coma.

Rick’s response to Morgan’s “yep, the undead, they’ll try to eat you” line is so blasé it’s funny. Like he’s just so overwhelmed by everything of the day that zombie cannibals or whatever are hardly worth getting fussed over. He jumps right from sort of reacting “oh dead people” to going “so they’re out there? Okey-day then”. Meanwhile, Morgan’s cool air comment about drawing zoms never occurs again, and there’s such a time gap between the firing of the gun and the walkers skulking around outside the house that it’s odd they’re still hanging around. Actually, you see this too at the end of season 2, when the herd of walkers wanders out of Atlanta and eventually ends up on Hershel’s farm – they turn when they hear the gunshot, but how good are their powers of perception? Like, they’re attracted to sound – fine, whatever, I can buy that, fine – but a gunshot, for instance, is a single instance of noise that then dies away. If you’re not in the immediate vicinity, as a walker, how do you continue knowing where to go? The show suggests that when zoms are drawn by noise it’s like a magnet, pulling them in unerringly to the source of the sound, but how do they continue to know which is the right direction for ages after the sound has ceased? It’s not like they have a compass or GPS.

Aww, we’re still early enough in the apocalypse that car alarms still work.

Morgan’s wife makes me sad in a lot of ways. Obviously she’s undead and roaming around looking for her next snack and her son and husband love and miss her and find her undead state to be traumatic, but it’s not that specifically so much as the consequences down the line. Morgan and Duane stayed in the same house where Mama Morgan died, meaning they’re regularly within eyeshot, thus inflicting pain and anguish, or suffering the threat thereof, long after her actual death. (Yes, of course, they had a secure and safe base in the house and didn’t want to move, but still.) Morgan couldn’t kill his wife when she dies, the first time around (although that makes me wonder at what point she was booted outside, considering she died in the house; did they chuck her dead body out the front door before she turned, or wait until she was ambulatory and forcibly eject her?). This – I guess you could call it weakness – proves tragic. When Rick gives him a rifle, he sets out deliberately to kill her and still can’t. And then, because Morgan repeatedly failed to put her down, she ultimately causes the death of Duane – and Morgan takes the blame, flipping into a state of madness that operates until he meets the cheesemaker. (I’ll come back to Morgan in later posts. I have *thoughts* about him as both killer and pacifist.)

How do you grieve loss or try to move on if you can’t actually lay the dead to rest? It’s a question that I don’t think gets explored enough in the show, because most of the time everyone is so concerned with pressing on and surviving that grieving is set aside. I’m not going to go into this here, because there’s ample opportunity to do so in later episodes without needing to jump seasons ahead.

Early days: walkers attempting to work doorknobs are a thing, rather than just pawing at the door.

Man, I miss having a bat. I have a wok and a kitchen knife to protect against the undead these days…and assorted high heels, should it come to that. (Oh god the humanity. My shoes would be ruined!!)

There’s something adorable about Rick wearing a damn headshield mask as he waltzes out the door in the morning with his wooden baseball bat and WHITE T-SHIRT to whack the undead dude on the front walk to death. Where did the headshield mask come from? Did the Drakes just happen to have one in the back closet in case of a pandemic? (*sad hollow 2020 laughter*) In any case, it’s a laughable contrast with rest of the show; by the end of the season, no one gives a shit about facial protection or protecting the skin. Potential backsplatter? Eh, give it here, I bathe in zomgoo for the health benefits daily.

Lori appears to keep a glass jar of pinecones on a shelf. She also apparently took framed photos from the wall in addition to the photo albums. At least one photo album makes an appearance in this season, but unless Morgan repurposed the empty frames for defensive purposes, there’s no indication ever of what Lori did with those framed photos. (Sadly, the photo album is lost when they flee Hershel’s farm. One assumes, anyway, since Carl later gets hold of a single photo for Judith because there are no others.)

Atlanta as a safe haven/refugee centre is…well, it’s a plot point to get Rick where he needs to go. Realistically, you don’t want to go into an urban centre when there’s a pandemic. In America, Covid is now hitting rural areas with force, but pretty much all of the early outbreaks and spread were in urban areas. And that’s without the added complication of the dead getting back up again! Cities obviously have more resources, but… I dunno. Although, to be fair, unlike Covid or the flu or the common head cold, zombieism appears only to transmit through bites (since we don’t yet know that everyone is infected!), like rabies, rather than being so contagious that if someone breathes on you, you’re sick. But even then – even accepting that people think that it’s passed solely through bites and not any other way – being bitten doesn’t necessarily mean instant death (Carl is perhaps the most obvious example of this, I think, but Jim and Deanna both also survive for a time after being chomped), so you could conceivably be bitten in a non-obvious area (your side, for instance), waltz into a populated area with only minor symptoms or hop on a plane and then be released into the population of another country, only to then actually die and start to nom people. Eh.

How many sets of keys do the Grimeses have??

I’d suck in the apocalypse because without showers I’d be so sad.

Ah, bonding is always best when undertaken half-naked and wrapped in a pristine white towel.

Duane is adorable. Why couldn’t we get a show following Duane and his sass?

This episode is almost entirely about following Rick in his discovery and acceptance of this new, batshit life, but in some ways I wish we’d got a snippet of flashback with Morgan and Duane and Lady Morgan. It wouldn’t really have fit into the episode, but I can dream.

Rick showers and puts his uniform on rather than civvies. The implication here is that the uniform retains a certain power – protect and serve – so anyone living who sees him would know that here’s a person whose job is to help. Contrasts sharply with the police officer in the second episode of Fear the Walking Dead who’s stockpiling water and clearly has already shifted over to an every-man-for-himself mindset. In light of America’s current epidemic of problematic police officers, it’s interesting to contemplate differences had TWD first aired in 2020. Or had it aired, for instance, in the Pacific Northwest or Northeast, which generally tend to have a more left-skewing and police-condemning attitude.

I mentioned guns briefly earlier, but seasons 1 and 2 have this cute “must respect guns” thread underlying any use of a firearm. Here Duane wants to learn to shoot, but both Morgan and Rick make sure to emphasise that he has to respect the weapon – “Yeah, it’s not a toy, son, when you pull the trigger you gotta mean it.” Season 2 has Shane (and Andrea) flouncing about articulating THOUGHTS about gun ownership and use and training. After that? Welp, fuck it. You get a gun! And you get a gun! And you get a gun! To be clear, I do think if you’re going to handle a gun you should know how to do so properly and safely, but in the context of the Walking Dead it’s an early seasons thing that’s totally dropped by season 3 as the zompocalypse marches on and nobody got time for that shit anymore. (I’ll get around to discussing the shooting practice in season 2 later…)

I don’t know if it’s just the camera angles, but when Rick remarks that a lot of the armoury is gone, it seems like a massive understatement – from what we see, almost all of the guns are gone. Which might be a prop issue (although given the number of guns floating around on this show you wouldn’t think that would be a problem), but does sort of make season 3’s trip to the ol’ hometown with Michonne and Carl kind of funny given that all the guns are gone if there were never really any left to begin with. (And, thinking about it, when Rick is trying to justify going back into Atlanta to get Merle, he comments that he cleaned out the armoury, which makes it even odder that Rick decides to go back for weapons against the Governor et al.

“Conserve your ammo. It goes faster than you think, especially at target practice.” Unless you’re in season 2 on Hershel’s farm, in which case everyone has so much ammo that they’ll never run out.

I know Rick is still in early days of understanding the apocalypse, but it’s still sweet, and ridiculous, that he gives Morgan a radio with the expectation they’d continue chatting and catch up with each other. It also highlights Morgan’s downfall: the unwillingness to get involved in others’ business. He could go with Rick and probably be safer, not least because there’s two grown men to protect one boy, but he instead waits – ostensibly to up his and Duane’s shooting proficiency, but ultimately we see that it’s very much about the unfinished business with his wife.

As an aside, it seems the police station was useful for (1) hot showers and (2) guns and ammo. I’ve never been in a police station, but weirdly I’d have thought they’d have supplies stashed away. Rick and co. didn’t even have a gander at what might be there. But again, early days, I suppose!

RIP Leon Basset.

I love how Morgan hammers the shit out of the wood he’s using to barricade the door. I guess the zoms are conveniently faffing about elsewhere. Especially funny given that he then goes upstairs to snipe walkers, none of whom seem to have noticed the hammering. Are hammers just soundproof??

Christ Morgan’s wife is beautiful.

There’s something…poignant about Rick tracking down the first living dead person he ever knew in order to put her to rest. It’s the same kind of early apocalypse care that we see in “Guts,” when he stops to look through the walker’s wallet so they know the life of the undead man they’ve killed. His sorrow and tendency towards mercy are both here clearly indicated and provide a sharp contrast with the man he becomes. The mercy and drive to do what’s right is what results in him feeling he has to go back to Atlanta to get Merle, what makes him so adamant that they don’t kill the living and should strive to go where there might be a cure, what drives him to hop off the road and go after Sophia and to keep optimistically searching for her. There’s a sweet innocence there that still exists because he came to the zompocalypse after the fact and still retains a strong need to do what’s right that time living in zombieland will beat out of him. The parallelism in this section of the episode, which switches between Rick and Morgan’s actions after leaving the police station, also highlights the difference between having to kill someone you love vs. killing someone you don’t know (or, rather, have no personal attachment to; Rick kills Leon Basset with few qualms, but also frames it as mercy).

Rural Georgia looks hot. And sticky. Thank God my sister didn’t end up moving to the south.

Are the cracks in the windshield and the dirty appearance of the glass supposed to be the result of the apocalypse, or just their police department being a bit short on funds? (Also, it’s Rick’s face in a cracked mirror! Premonitions of mad Rick??) At least Rick’s got his windows rolled up like a sensible person.

Initial observations of Camp Outside Atlanta:

Dale is wearing glasses that I *think* never appear again.

Amy is carrying an armful of kind of hilariously long twigs.

WHY IS AMY WEARING WHITE TROUSERS IN THE APOCALYPSE THIS IS A TERRIBLE DECISION.

Who on earth is on watch on the RV? From a distance it looks, frame-wise, like either Shane or Daryl, but Shane makes his appearance to the side and Daryl is off on a hunt, so who’s this? Actually, in general, it’s kind of amusing that there’s a whole slew of other people in this camp (mostly older/heavier people, based on visibility) that are just sort of vaguely there until the walker attack. It’s actually a shame, really that they didn’t do anything other than plonk some irrelevant extras in the background; it means that when they all die, it means pretty much nothing as a viewer. (I’ll come back to this.)

Shane has great hair. Shame he shaves it off later…

It’s difficult to see when you’ve watched the episode multiple times, but we don’t know what either Lori or Carl look like before they appear in the quarry group receiving Rick’s radio call – we only actually realise who they are when Rick flips down his visor. And, actually, despite what I said above, Lori’s first appearance is not that bad. She observes that there are others – Shane sort of dismisses it with “oh well we knew that.” And then she says that they ought to put up warning signs on Highway 85 to warn people away from the city. Which is smart. Yes, it’s potentially dangerous, but as we’ll go on to learn, they’ve sent people to Atlanta with no previous problem, on top of which the road into town is absolutely empty – Glenn’s exit from Atlanta on the same road Rick rode in on tells us that the road Lori is talking about here is the same road Glenn and Rick have been in and out on. And this is the first time that Shane puts forward an argument that’s just plain wrong. He says they’ve had no time. Okay, fair enough – but they have a group of five literally in Atlanta as they speak. And based on Glenn’s exit path on the way back to the quarry, that group of five followed the same route in. Setting aside the question of why the hell their scavenging team apparently couldn’t stop along the road to place a “Stay Away, Walkers Ahead” sign, Shane’s argument is that they can’t spare the time to place the sign, because it’s “a luxury we can’t afford.” This makes no sense. As we’ll go on to see, this isn’t the first time someone from their group has gone into Atlanta (although it turns out that Glenn, their “go to town” man, has previously only gone himself, without anyone else). Everyone else up by the quarry is basically just fucking around doing nothing. The fact of the matter is that putting up a sign to warn people away from the city isn’t a luxury, but rather a helpful, logical, and overwhelmingly safe thing to do. Shane’s objection comes, in the first instance, from a man reluctant to relinquish control; it’s clear that Shane is viewed as a decision maker with practical knowledge the other survivors lack, and as a result of that knowledge is viewed as a leader. It’s an important if subtle moment in which Shane is established as the leader of the camp, a position that he then unwillingly gets shoved out of when Rick turns up. It is interesting, though, that here Lori is gung-ho about leaving their mountain and going down to put up a sign, while she later adamantly vetoes her husband going back to Atlanta. Shane’s argument is that no one goes anywhere alone, but given later events, it seems that Shane’s objection is not that someone wants to go warn people away from Atlanta, or that they want to risk Atlanta itself, as much as it is his desire to not let Lori be in danger. And Lori’s frustration at Shane’s decree is obvious – and yet she relents and gives in once kisses are to be had. Shane following Lori to verbally whack her for even thinking of putting herself in danger just points up Shane’s chauvinism. NOT LEAST BECAUSE, OH MY GOD, HE CALLS HER GIRL. SHE’S A WOMAN, YOU TWAT. If the argument had been made that Lori shouldn’t go because she has a son, and she shouldn’t risk him being an orphan – that I could understand. But Carl is so side-lined here that he’s really just a reason to make Shane and Lori stop kissing. Sigh.

God I wish Lori would have socked Shane in the eye. He does have nice hair, though.

Also, those are some *really* nice giant tents. Although my best friend’s adventures have made clear to me that I have unrealistically small expectations about tents.

I’m a little concerned about the condition of the windows of Rick’s cop car. They’re…disgusting. The driver’s side front and back windows look equally awful – I guess it’s good the apocalypse happened, because good luck seeing traffic out those windows. His windshield doesn’t look much better. Is over-enthusiastic pollen a thing in Georgia??

So, about the dead couple whose farm Rick encounters/steals a horse from. They’re both dead, woe, sadness, etc. What I’m fascinated about is that dude took the time to shoot his wife, and then decided to write a message IN HER BLOOD on the damn wall. I mean, okay, you wanted absolution for killing your wife and being about to kill yourself. But you kill your wife and then use her blood to write on the wall??

Signs that Rick is still in early days acceptance: he doesn’t enter the house with two clearly dead people (and thus likely no walkers) and then has a sit on a bench, throws up, and then goes in search of alternative transportation.

…that poor horse.

Is horse-taming a southern thing? I feel like I’d be terrified enough of the giant heavy horse to…not approach it.

Iconic shot!

It’s stunning that Rick has encountered zero walkers aside from the little girl. Works with the need for the story to move along, but is silly in terms of later walker distribution (ignoring season 2, which is its own special disaster).

Is everything flat in Georgia? Legitimate question. The extent of my knowledge of Georgia is a flight transfer through Atlanta. (Atlanta airport employees are all super nice, though.)

There’s something about the two zomdudes hanging out on a bus that cracks me up. How do walkers decide to just park it somewhere? “Ah yes, I recognise this bus, I’ve taken it to work every day for ten years. Definitely the best place to spend eternity.” It’s also odd but entertaining that the two dudes on the bus are repeatedly seen once Rick is in the horde and then in the tank. Why these two? Yeah, they’re the first Atlanta walkers he passed by, but they’re not exactly presented as special or important enough to appear repeatedly. Rick pops out of the top of the tank and whacks the one across the face, and the other skulks around the base of the tank and makes eye contact.

One of the weirdest and most uncomfortable moments in this episode, for me, is the two crows nomming the dead military officer. Caw caw! There’s a mild horror at the thought of ever being carrion. Though I guess everyone is just food for something else…

I can forgive Rick for a number of odd decisions based on the fact that he’s really only been awake for, what, two days? Maybe three? He’s still adapting to the new world, learning its rules, etc. But he rides a damn horse into a major city and is just generally not concerned. He comments to the horse when they pass the bus with the two walkers that it’s no big deal, they can outrun them – and yet somehow doesn’t think ahead about the existence of the dead in a major city. I guess it can sort of be attributed to the fact that he’s encountered remarkably few dead, plus in his brain Atlanta and its refugee centres are the answer to everything. He just hasn’t actually thought about it.

And, again, I’m stunned at the amount of abandoned military equipment. I guess the moral of the story is “don’t trust the military, don’t trust the government, they can do fuckall to help you.”

So Rick sees a helicopter. When he meets the others after Glenn rescued him, they ridicule the idea that helicopters still exist. Which brings up two instances. Firstly, beginning of season 3, when Andrea and Michonne witness a helicopter crash with military dudes who’ve got others attached to them. Secondly, the helicopter that rescues Rick and has apparently set up Rick Grimes’s future films. I just wish I knew where this particular helicopter was from and where it was going.

For a cop, even one with minimal experience with the world as it is now, Rick is an idiot. He lunges forward as stupidly as he went forward alone in his confrontation with the idiot car guys. Surely you should be thinking ahead? He’s in relatively unknown territory in a relatively new world. I’m not saying he should have anticipated a horde of dead people, but you’d think he’d exercise as least some caution, especially when his nearby décor indicates that the damn military was swamped with the enemy, such that they fucked off elsewhere. But maybe it’s just me.

Ooh, look, an extra drinking water.

I like that the makeup artists decay the walkers more each season. Season 1, most of them are sort of “hai I’m a regular human, I just have some dramatic injuries and some zombie eyes.” They look like people who are mostly dead but haven’t started to decompose. (I’d never be hired as a walker – the longer the show goes, the more they need skinny people so the makeup and prosthetics aren’t so obvious…and I am not skinny.)

That poor horse…

Yet again, Rick seriously lucks out. We see him multiple times with “omg dead people” face, with walkers just sort of lurking/dancing in place because they can’t lunge in or he’d be dead. And then there’s conveniently a tank above him. I’ve never been able to decide whether Rick going “Lori, Carl, I’m sorry” and then putting his gun to his head is a genuine “Oh no, I’m about to die” or if he’d realised the hatch was above him and so it was a “welp if I die, I love you.”

Men have huge feet. Yeek.

It’s stunning how long Rick’s in the tank with a zombot before said zombot wakes up and attempts a menacing growl. Not least because Rick’s so overwhelmed at having been upwardly mobile that he completely fails to take in his surroundings. (Although, as we’ve seen, Rick has never been great at checking his surroundings. Dude should be walkerbait by now.)

Oh no, a walker. Haaalp.

I do appreciate that Rick suffered auditory pain from firing a gun in an enclosed metal space. I also find it funny that one of the buszoms comes into his eyesight, like for some reason he's important.

“Hey, you. Dumbass.” Glenn is fucking amazing and iconic. I wish he'd been the main of this show. No offense to Andrew Lincoln, of course, but Steven Yeun is great, and Glenn's development from a kid into an adult is just lovely.

Anywho, that marks the end of "Days Gone Bye." Good in so many ways, eh in so many others. What's not to love?

love  em

#scribbles and snark #the walking dead #twd #walking dead #review #s1e1 #days gone bye #rick grimes #glenn rhee #andrew lincoln #steven yeun #zombies #walkers #walkerbait #walker bait #zoms #shane walsh #welcome to the apocalypse #hope you enjoy your stay #unfortunately hospitality has been eaten #so good luck filing any complaints #2020 #apocalypse #apocalyptic #apocalyptic fiction #dystopia #dystopian #post-apocalypse #post-apocalyptic #post-apo

[mysterious-prophetess]

4 AM thoughts on the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy-A Rant

So, firstly I’ll say this: If you like them-More power to you. You do you. 

My thoughts are mine and I will not claim that they are the only opinion to have because that’s a wrong way to be.

Secondly: It is literally 4 AM as I write this. So, I will probably go off on tangents and there won’t be a lot of structure to this.

So, approx eight and a half months since I was dragged to The Rise of Skywalker and I go back to a trilogy and a franchise for that matter that I was kind of DONE with. 

Yeah. Disney Star Wars ruined my love of Star Wars in general and I even liked the Prequel trilogy!

I liked The Force Awakens when I first saw it, but I think it was my nostalgia goggles blinding me to its issues.

One of which it was almost a beat-for-beat remake of Episode 4. Being that 4 is my favorite of all the Star Wars films, this also worked in its favor as it was just fresh enough for the nostalgia and partiality to its predecessor to work in its favor.

Also, the new trio--Finn, Rey, and Poe-- had a lot of great potential. Especially Finn. Former Stormtrooper & taken from his home to be raised as a soldier to find he no longer could stay with the First Order, but terrified of them. Yet, despite that fear deciding to go save Rey--who was one of his first real friends. That was a character’s journey with so much potential and the marketing made it seem like he’d be a jedi. 

Yet, I wasn’t too upset when it was Rey. 

In retrospective, Rey winning against Kylo Ren was dumb. She should have been decent at the weapon since she was able to protect herself and Kylo was injured but, the planet falling apart could have happened sooner to prevent her from going on a ass-kicking spree of Kylo Ren.

Then we get to 8 which had an opening crawl it didn’t need since it was literally just after 7. 

I hated that btw

Then we get Poe who was shown as a smart ass in 7 but talked up as this great pilot but shown to be an IDIOT in 8. Rose’s whole storyline was badly handled.

People were shitty to Kelly Marie Tran over shit out of her control. Rose Tico was a terribly written character and the actress did what she could with what they gave her. 

What they did to Finn was undid ALL of his character development from 7 and turn him into a joke for the rest of 8 and nothing in 9. I’ve recently learned that this was done to appeal to a certain market that has never liked Star Wars anyway. Way to go, Disney. You fucked up your new character with the most compelling backstory to appease a market that hates this product in the first place. Bra-fucking-vo. 

The Light Speed tracking thing was bullshit. Canto Bite was a pointless side quest. Cut that stupid shit out of the movie and you lose nothing of value. You could cut from them landing on that pointless planet to them ending up in jail for parking illegally and saved the audience around 20 minutes of wasted time.

It didn’t advance the plot. It didn’t make Rose any more sympathetic. It just felt preachy. Also, Rose x Finn was so fucking forced. Kelly Marie Tran tried to sell it but again, she was given shit to work with.

I recently found out that who Rey was kept changing and It’s SOOO fucking stupid to not have a solid plan for a fucking trilogy. (and to find out my favorite idea of Rey as a Kenobi was the first one before Johnson came in and she was No One also is irksome)

Idk what Abrams planned but by not having it implemented over all and letting Johnson piss all over it with his ideas for a subversive mould-breaking story ruined any flow the films had.

Yeah, I am aware 4 was all but stand alone, but it was set up so it could connect to 5 & 6 just in case it was successful enough for 5 & 6 to be made. It was very stand alone because there was a chance nothing would come after 4.

7, 8, & 9 however, could be planned for there to be three because it was fucking STAR WARS. Which meant, they should have had people fucking plan out what they were doing. Instead, they didn’t, it shows, and it also seems to take an almost savage glee at pissing on the past.

Ruining Luke I-see-the-good-in-my-Father-who-committed-genocide Skywalker by having him give up on Ben/Kylo was one of the biggest betrayals of character I’ve ever fucking seen. 

Trying their best to get all the other OT characters out of the way so their new shiny replacements can take center stage without any nuance was also irritating. And this is at the parks too. It’s apparently all Sequel shit now with no legacy characters. 

Killing off Luke in 8 in a stupid way in how the force does not work. Continuing the force bullshit in 9. Wasting our time on a redemption arc for Kylo Ren/Ben only to KILL HIM AT THE END. 

No. Make him face what he’s done and atone as a living person. No more redemption=death. Death is too easy.

And I hate that they brought Palpatine back in a corporal form. Nice way to piss on the BEST moments of the OT where Anakin, finally throwing off the ties of bondage to Palpatine and the dark side and destroying the man to save his son, sacrificing himself in the process, dying at peace. Nope. That now means NOTHING. Palpatine survived.

Force Ghosts fucking exist. Sith Ghosts FUCKING EXIST TOO. Just make him a force ghost possessing some fucker and I might not have been as pissed off.

That force diad shit? Either play it up more or cut it out.

Snoke being a Palpatine puppet was fucking dumb. If he’d been Darth Plageius’s creation then that might have been better than “it was palpatine all along.”

It’s just such a waste. Star Wars was a film series about hope. The first film was retitled to have its subtitle be “A New Hope.” These films? Are not about hope at all. They’re about cynical cash grabs and trying to signal the right virtues to try to exploit the movie going public of their money and attempt a moral high ground. 

One more thing that bugs me: the fact they shunted a lot of shit per film to the novelizations. Fuck that shit. If your medium is FILM, you tell all your shit in that damn film. I shouldn’t have to read your tie in materials to understand your fucking film.  e.g. Palpatine’s son is really his clone is in the last film’s novelization. That stupid casino world allegedly has a full explanation too. 

No. It’s a sign of really poor planning and command of storytelling that you shunted this information into your peripheral materials. Then agian, we know the planning was shit because they couldn’t even fucking settle on who Rey was WHILE FILMING THE DAMNED TRILOGY AND EVEN DURING 9 THEY WERE CHANGING THEIR MINDS. 

And there are lots of other things but better minds than mine have talked about them-like everything wrong with Poe’s backstory. That can of worms I won’t touch because I don’t have the expertise beyond wondering if Disney has a single person with any sort of common sense or any awareness of optics on staff.

Final mini-rant: 

I fucking hate the way they’re trying to push their oh-so-special OC’s as better than the original cast at times. Luke and Leia were presumed to have been born the same day the empire was founded because THAT’S THE FILM’S APPARENT TIMELINE. But now. Now, somehow that took 2 days and now their new special snowflake character from Rebels Ezra Bridger has that Empire Day birthday and is force sensitive too and has a jedi teacher. 

Like, I’m sure that the character isn’t as Gary Stu-ish as I just bitched about there, but from the outside looking in, it pisses me the fuck off because of all the other shit Disney’s been pulling with Star Wars to distance themselves from legacy characters and push the new characters at all costs.

It’s just I hate what they’ve done in their corporate greed.

#rant #anti-disney star wars

[victory-cookies]

and the universe said i love you (IT MAY BE TOO LATE FOR THIS BUT HEY FALL FAIR JUDGES THIS IS INDEED MY STORY)

“Why am I still here?” she asked the night sky. 

It sat down beside her and brought its legs to its chest. After a brief silence, it replied, “Why do you think you’re still here?” 

She shrugged and didn't offer a response, instead looking down at the water below her.

For a long while, they just sat there, the only sounds the quiet rushing of the river and her soft breathing. The moonlight danced across the water’s surface, reflecting shifting patterns of light up onto their faces. 

“It was just like any regular Sunday…” she began suddenly. “Jamie and I were at home, chillin’, y'know… and then suddenly, the sky is falling, the sun looks like it’s burning out, there are things moving in the shadows, and like the godforsaken idiot I am, I’m pulling Jamie outside to go see what the hell was happening!” She ran a hand through her hair and then dropped it back down onto her lap. “And now she’s gone. Because of me…”

The night sky looked at her, eyes filled with stars and sympathy. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t know, and you couldn’t have stopped it.”

“I know, it’s just… it should’ve been me,” she said quietly. “I hate that I got to survive when she didn’t.”

“I take it you’re not just sitting on the wrong side of this bridge’s railing because you enjoy it, then?”

She didn’t answer.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She turned her gaze skywards, her eyes unfocused. “I’ve just— I’ve seen so many corpses. So many people who have been torn to bits by things I couldn’t even imagine before this. And just the fact that I’m almost used to that at this point? That’s what messes me up. The other day I watched a guy get his guts torn out by some sort of shadow monster and I was only kinda distressed by it. Like, what the hell?

“I don’t want to have to experience things like that anymore. I don’t want to keep having to question my morality every time I do something in order to survive. I don’t want to keep having to sew my own sutures in a half-destroyed building after getting injured scavenging for supplies. I don’t want to have to wonder whether the next monster I meet will be some sort of cosmic abomination or someone completely human. I’m so fucking tired of it all.

“It’s just… I’m scared. I know this isn’t what Jamie would want me to do. And I’m really scared. I… I dunno. I don’t know how I can carry on.”

“Well, is there anything good that you’ve found has come from this? Someone to care about, something to fight for, s—”

“Hold on, you’re joking, right?” she interrupted, barking out a rueful laugh. “I lived through the fucking apocalypse! And I understand that you may think the world being overtaken by supernatural insanity is a good time because it means you and your fantastical buddies get to exist or whatever, but there’s nothing left for me! Everyone I love is dead and the things I cared about have been destroyed!”

“I didn’t mean it like that…” it murmured. “It’s just that when there’s so much chaos and anger and darkness in your life, the only way to keep going is to be fighting for something. And sometimes it gets so dark that you lose what that is, and you need to find it again to keep fighting.” It placed its hand on her shoulder. “You’re not going to find that if you end your own life.”

She stood up violently, throwing its hand off her shoulder. “You don’t have to get all preachy at me! I’ll— I’ll jump if I want to jump, and that’s none of your fucking business.”

“Hey, woah, stop—”

She leaned back against the side of the bridge and slid down into a crouch. Tears streamed down her cheeks, shimmering in the moonlight. “There’s nothing left for me here, okay? The world is a living hell and I guarantee that whatever comes after this will be a piece of cake compared to the bullshit I have to live through right now! It’s not like I’m doing any good here anyway!” She took a shallow, shaky breath and looked down at the water. “I’m better off dead.”

The night sky put its hand on hers. Its skin was cool and smooth and the entire universe danced across it, tiny pinpricks of light streaking across its whole body to form an ever-changing map of the cosmos. For a while it just sat there, thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.

“I don’t think that,” it said finally.

“Mmm, well.”

“No, honestly. I have seen how much you have done to help the people around you. I have seen you fight for those in danger, work to help better the lives of those who, like you, had their lives torn apart. You’re doing a lot of good, and you underestimate how much you matter to those people.” It squeezed her hand. “I know it’s hard, and sometimes you just want to give up, but you are stronger than you know. I want you to see that. You have a fight within you; that is why you’re still here.”

“How do you know that?” she murmured. “What makes you think I’m strong?”

It smiled softly. “Because I’m the goddamn universe. I’ve seen a lot of things. And I know strength when I see it.”

She buried her face in her hands, face wet with tears. 

“And hey, whenever you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you, okay?” it said. “You are not alone.”

She let out a small sob, and then grabbed it and pulled it into a tight hug. 

It gently wrapped its arms around her. “Jamie would be proud of you.”

***

They sat there in silence until light began to peek over the horizon, turning the sky a pale orange. As soon as the light hit the night sky, it grimaced.

“The sun is rising... I will have to go soon,” it murmured.

Her face fell. “But… I don’t want to be alone again.”

“I didn’t say the sun was up, not yet.”

“Well… will you sit with me a little longer, then?”

“Of course.”

#my writing #suicidal ideation tw #yeah i named it after a line from the minecraft poem sue me #anyway the protag and jamie were gfs if that wasn't clear #i felt bad about burying a gay but i needed gay in here somewhere #originally i was gonna make it a romance between the night sky and the protag and it was gonna be hella queer #but then i remembered i was submitting it for school so that was out the window #idk when the apocalypse part happened but you can blame tma for it #I needed some sort of plot fodder/explanation as to why the sky was a person #anyway i hated writing this #enjoy #EDIT: I added the swears

[amethystroselily]

Interactions I really want to happen in Bungou Stray Dogs

Yosano and Elise: I want Yosano to meet Elise and realize she was based off of her and be devestated. She’d remember how Elise used to be, and be horrified that Mori was so desperate to keep her that he’d made Elise into her. Yosano could take it as a chance to apologize to her younger self.

Akutagawa and Kunikida: I know they fought that one time, but I want them to have a conversation. It could go one of two ways. Kunikida might be intimidated by Akutagawa and be very formal and polite. And I think if Akutagawa would act politely back. Cold, but still polite. Kunikida already earned a little bit of his respect in that fight. Or Kunikida would get preachy and criticize Akutagawa kind of like how Atsushi does, but without the relatability to back it up, and Akutagawa would think he was a pretentious asshole.

Kunikida and Chuuya: AKA the interaction the entire fandom wants to see. (I know they’ve technically interacted, but that barely counted.) I think Chuuya would be a bit underwhelmed by Kunikida. Then Chuuya would see Kunikida  and Dazai interact and be flabbergasted. He’s seen Dazai kill and torture people, how could that guy yell at him with such confidence? Kunikida probably thinks Chuuya’s a bad person and is probably kind of terrified of him. (I’m pretty sure Kunikida has a general distaste for the mafia as a whole) He’d probably be surprised that an idiot like Dazai could have any influence on someone as imposing as chuuya. (There first meeting was Chuuya flying in on a helicopter, throwing bullets, and yelling something along the lines of “what’s up Agency Motherfuckers”, so yeah he probably has a weird opinion on him)

Kunikida and Mori: This one’s kind of random, but I find it interesting. Kunikida probably hates and fears him, and Mori would probably just be amused. Also Kunikida would probably be mildly horrified once he noticed the similarity between Mori and Dazai.

Akutagawa and Gin: Yeah, we know they’re siblings and we’ve seen them walking next to each other, but we’ve never actually seen them have a conversation.

Tachihara and Gin: I want Gin to try to get revenge on him, and maybe he’d apologize (But he’d obviously think he’s in the right) and explain where he’s coming from. And then Gin or her brother would try to kill him.

Hirotsu and Dazai: I want more of Hirotsu acting like a parental figure towards Dazai.

Yosano, Mori, and Dazai: I want those three to be in the same place at the same time. I think Yosano would find it weird that Dazai and the man who had tormented her through a significant part of her childhood and ruined her life were talking with familiarity and like equals. Mori does seem to respect Dazai as a person a lot more than he respects Yosano. He respects her ability, but he’s terrible to her. there’s lots of interesting possibilities here.

Kunikida and Dazai: I want them to actually fucking talk about Dazai being in the mafia.

Atsushi and Akutagawa: I want Akutagawa to tell Atsushi about the things Dazai did to him. (This one might actually happen)

Q and Dazai: I want to see how they interacted when they were younger. I assume Dazai was left in charge of him at points, saying he’s the only one who’s safe from Q’s ability. I bet Dazai was horrible to Q.

Dazai and Elise: I’ve always wondered if they know each other. I assume they do, saying Dazai lived with Mori for at least a year and worked with him for about four. They probably didn’t get along and probably had a lot of childish arguments.

Kunikida and Ango: I think they might actually get along. They kind of remind me of each other. 

Kunikida, Yosano, and Ranpo: I don’t know. I just like their friendship and would like to see more of it.

Hirotsu and Gin: I wonder how long they’ve known each other. I like to imagine that Hirotsu helped train Gin and is somewhat of a parental figure to her.

Dazai and Gin: Gin probably hates him for what he did to her brother, but she also might be thankful that he gave them somewhere to stay. I wonder if Dazai treated her like he treated Ryuunosuke. 

Dazai and Kajii: I feel like these two would have really weird conversations.

If you want to write fanfictions based on any of these, please do. Also send me links. Also do that if you find any previously written fics that fit any of these, please.

Edit: I would also really like these ones.:

More Kouyou and Dazai: I feel like they could have a brother-sister like relationship.

Tanizaki and Akutagawa: I feel like Tanizaki is super pissed at Akutagawa about their first meeting. them interacting again would be interesting. I also like comparing their relationships with their sisters. I feel like Akutagawa might judge Tanizaki a bit for his relationship with Naomi.

Fukuzawa and Ranpo: I want more of Fukuzawa being ranpo’s adoptive father.

Kouyou and Elise: I feel like Kouyou would feel motherly towards Elise. She seems to like young girls. Not in a pedophilic way, obviously, but yeah.

Kouyou and Kunikida: I have no basis for this one, I just think it would be interesting.

#Bungou Stray Dogs #bsd #Dazai Osamu #kunikida doppo #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa gin #bsd elise #yosano akiko #atsushi nakajima #Mori Ougai #tachihara michizou #Hirotsu ryurou #Sakaguchi Ango #motojirou kajii #Edogawa Ranpo #Nakahara Chuuya #bsd Q #yumeno kyusaku #this was kind of rambly #sorry #interactions #I really wish I could find fanfiction for some of these #yukichi fukuzawa #koyou ozaki #my post

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Natural Born Killers

Long before Joker taught us that we lived in a society… there was Mickey and Mallory Knox.

Natural Born Killers is a satire that focuses on the relationship between crime, media, and pop culture, and how the latter two make the former a hugely exacerbated issue. This movie is from 1994, mind you. In 1994 a movie came out talking about how the media sensationalizes murder and violence to the point where perpetrators become household names and counterculture icons years before Columbine happened, years before the internet made it horrendously easy to find access to gruesome true crime stuff, it was just a film that was absolutely ahead of its time! And yet… as is the norm for works like this, some people take it at face value, because no matter how blatant or obvious a satire is (and trust me, “subtle” is one thing this movie IS NOT), some people take things too far. The thing is, in this case, “too far” translates to “actively committed horrible murders in twisted tribute to the main characters of this film.”

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves; let’s look at the actual substance of the film, first and foremost. 

The movie is actually an altered version of an exploitation screenplay written by none other than Quentin Tarantino, Mr. Foot Fetish himself. Tarantino has gone n record as absolutely loathing this movie due to the extensive rewrites and unlike the other screenplay he wrote but did not direct, True Romance, he refuses to acknowledge this as part of his Tarantinoverse. Here’s the thing, though: I honestly think whatever Tarantino had planned for this would not nearly have been as memorable as this movie is. Yes, this movie is over the top and really beats you over the head with its message, but I think the performances and surrealism really carry it, the latter in particular being something I think Tarantino would not have utilized well. Tarantino does a lot of things well, but he doesn’t do surrealism, at least not to the extent Oliver Stone does in this movie.

Perhaps the best example of this surrealism is the sitcom-style flashback sequence, which shows our leading lady Mallory’s shitty home life before she met Mickey and began her career as a serial killer. There’s a laugh track, an offbeat corny vibe, and Rodney Dangerfield is even here playing Mallory’s dad! Haha, so wacky! He’s a rapist who abuses his own daughter and is absolutely horrifyingly creepy! It’s actually a brilliant use of an actor playing against type; it kind of reminds me of how they used Jon Lovitz in Southland Tales, except this movie is marginally less insane and is legitimately good rather than hilariously bad. The entire sequence, and numerous other chunks of the movie, feel like an insanely bad trip, and that’s exactly what I appreciate about it. I’m a big fan of surreal movies in general (I love Lynch’s Eraserhead and unironically love Death Bed, for instance), and the fact that this one has such a solid message underneath it all helps a lot.

Of course, the surrealism only gets you so far, and Rodney Dangerfield is only in a small part of the movie; who’s carrying it the rest of the time? Well, we have our leads played by Juliette Lewis and Woody Harrelson, with Harrelson in particular defining his career for the next couple of decades with this role. Gone is the lovable idiot from Cheers, here is the crazy gun-toting violent loner we’d see in just about every role he’d play after this.Even to this day, this is still one of my favorite roles of his. Rounding out the rest of the cast are the likes of Robert Downey Jr., Tommy Lee Jones, and Tom Sizemore, all doing the jobs they need to do excellently.

So overall, this is a very good movie, with a great cast, lots of surrealism, and a message about how the media just loves to glorify murderers that resonates strongly today. Still, there are some problems with the movie, such as the lack of subtlety. I get that with a message like this it might be best to not hide it behind smoke and mirrors, but I really feel like Stone could have reeled it in a little bit and still made an effective movie. Sure, I think Tarantino is a moron for hating the sitcom sequence, which is absolutely the highlight of the film, but seriously, some of this could have been dialed back, particularly the ending bits which do drag on a fair bit and at the point they occur are kind of beating the moral into the ground. I also feel like the fact Mickey and Mallory get away with everything is a bit of an awkward ending, especially since an alternate cut has them killed by another killer, but at the same time it might be surmised that Stone may have done as many audience members did and just liked Mickey and Mallory too much to kill them… ironically falling prey to the very thing his movie is raging against.

Ah, but now comes the elephant in the room… unlike movies like Joker, which journalists seem to really want to inspire shootings and violence, this movie ACTUALLY DID inspire killings perpetrated by sickos who decided to emulate the characters in the film. Most of it was done by teenagers, which means yes, there are a lot of school shootings tied to this, and yes, the Columbine cunts are one of the copycats listed on the Wikipedia page. It’s honestly depressing this movie inspired so many sick fucks to commit murder and become glorified for doing so that it warrants an entire Wikipedia page. Again, though, I really don’t want to put a lot of blame on the film here, because the movie is so relentlessly in-your-face about what the moral is that it kind of baffles me how anyone could misconstrue it so badly as to see it as an endorsement for murder. Maybe it just worked a bit too well at highlighting the problem of sensationalization of violent crime in the media, and when twisted minds see a movie saying “This is bad that the media does this!” they end up just hearing “...the media does this!” and from there go to horrible extremes to achieve the very fame the movie is telling you is disgusting and abhorrent.

I still definitely think this movie is good, and if you can stomach intense violence and preachiness that would make Parker and Stone blush and turn away, and you also have a taste for surrealism, this is a really solid film, one I’d argue is one of the best films of the 90s even. It does a lot well, but I feel like its legacy was unfortunately muddied by the very worst kind of fan you could possibly have, which has led to the movie having a weird level of obscurity where it isn’t unknown, but I hardly ever see it talked about on the same level as other 90s films. It’s definitely not a film that teenagers or anyone who hasn’t fully developed their moral compass or critical thinking skills should watch, but it’s definitely an underappreciated classic, albeit one whose underappreciated nature is understandable due to the numerous tragedies attached to its name. It isn’t the movie’s fault at all, but when the Columbine cunts are citing you as inspiration… it’s hard to ever really detach yourself from that.

#Michael After Midnight #Natural Born Killers #NBK #Woody Harrelson #Oliver Stone #black comedy #satire #sensationalism

[fuck-customers]

I really hate this environment I work in.

I work in a family-owned vegan restaurant, and I thought it would be fine, but shortly after starting I realized that I do not belong here. And it’s not just that I don’t belong here, this place, it’s customers, and it’s workers (owners and all) have a lot of fucked up mentalities.  They’re classist, healthist/ableist, fatphobic, pretentious, shaming, and apparently have no problem with PETA. I have to listen to everyone talk about and sell a lot of bullshit about vegan~raw~healthy~organic~detox~juice-cleanse shit because “That’s just science!” because it easily aligns with their mindsets already, but can’t be bothered to do any actually research about why the bullshit they think and say is wrong and/or harmful, probably because they’ve been so steadfast and preachy they’re afraid of being wrong. So much of what they tout is considered disordered eating as well. Obsessing over food like this… These already-healthy people I work with portraying an ideal of “fitness” and health with all this “If it worked for me it’ll work for everyone! And you’re an idiot if you don’t behave like me.” bs. (AND they only focus on just physical health and not mental health, and it should be obvious why that is also bs). It’s all so bad. It’s just all really gross. And it especially really bothers me because this is a restaurant… and it seems like the owners just buy into the labels on the shelves and the next health fads just like their customers without doing extensive research, which is necessary ESPECIALLY FOR THEM because this is a restaurant and they can really harm people. This is a “health food” restaurant where a lot of gullible people trust what we say; it can (and does) do some real harm. (And their gullibitlity isn’t their fault. All this “healthy lifestyle” bs culture plays on and takes advantage of people’s insecurities and fear, which is fucked up). They’re selling people bullshit and people cannot live off of bullshit (but they sure do try to). It’s like so much of what they say is a 180 from what I believe in. Like, I may be a vegan but I know better, and I know a hell of a lot more than them because I don’t have an ego that I let control me, my thoughts, words, or actions, and I actually seek the truth, not just what I already agree with. And I wish I could say something, but they won’t be likely to believe me because I don’t have all the books/time to counter them and they’ve built their business on falsehoods and I just, I don’t know. I am not one of them and I do not belong here.

#submissions #submission

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Until it Hurts

Until it hurts is not a book I’d typically read for my blog but I think it SHOULD become the kind I read more regularly.  Not just to discuss more balanced queer media but simply…for fun. It is a wonderful book!  I’m actually going to avoid spoilers with this one because, since Wanda is a small independent creator and want you all to buy her book if it sounds like something you’ll enjoy.

It’s only 4 bucks!~

TW: The story contains references to child abuse, incest, homophobia, rape, severe violence, and drug-use.

               The story is about Mateo an effeminate gay lantix man, his old friend Laurtaro, and his new fuck buddy Clint. Teo is a tough, stubborn, occasionally over-bearing, drag-queen.  He is also the (not often seen) combination of dominant and bottom.  Clint is basically a sex-driven idiot who cares too much for appearances.  Lautaro is a friendly, flighty, clingy person who is working through issues of acceptance, independence, PTSD, and Heroin addiction.

The story is part love triangle, part character-based drama, part romance, part porn, with a smidge of drug-related thriller thrown in.  The flow/pacing is well done.  It’s an easy and fun read.  The story in itself hits the points it needs to without feeling cheap or forced. Without going into detail I did feel as if the Brayden/Rob subplot was a bit of a dangling thread.  Otherwise very well done, and the bonus chapters were nice additions.

So the story in itself is not filled with any big twists or turns.  While it dips dark on a few occasions, it overall has a positive mood. Wanda touches on gay male hook-up culture as it regards to racism, hatred of effeminacy, shallowness, sexual predators, and even a little bit on alcohol abuse.  The big one would be the condescending view some in the gay male culture take toward effeminate gay men.

I didn’t find the soap-boxing too distracting, but there’s also the fact that I agree with pretty much everything she says so that probably softens the blow.  For those who aren’t fans of preaching, it ends almost entirely by the halfway point in the book.   The dialog is pretty well written.  I find it easy to become annoyed with some of the quirky back and forth some characters engage in but did not have that problem with any of the banter here.  

For the most part the sex is pretty well written.  It’s a bit more explicit than the average, but I personally kinda prefer that.  I hate when smutty scenes are afraid to use words like butt, cock, or pussy.  I dislike that because one of two things happens when I see that.

1 - It’s hard to follow what’s going on with all the cutesy euphemisms. (Ex: 50 Shades)

2 - The euphemisms are so flowery, or ridiculous it’s hard to take seriously. (Ex: Space Between.)  

I did find myself a bit confused at points but for the most part I was much better able to follow this than what I usually read. (I suppose this isn’t that high a compliment considering what I normally indulge in. Oops!)

As a note, the story features some roleplay, sex toys, D/s, (slight impact play if I remember right), and even a bit of consensual rape-play.  Don’t worry the story doesn’t get bogged down in non-disclosure agreements or ramblings on the nature of BDSM.  Though sorry super-freaks, but it doesn’t get REALLY kinky.  However I think a little play without getting too serious suits this story well.

As to the characters, I was a bit worried that Lautaro was going to end up as, “That poor drug addicted little angelic cinnamon roll who’s suffering is just a catalyst for the more important characters to get their shit together.”  Instead Lautaro feel like an independent person that is highly falwed in their own ways.  So much so, they’re a bit hard to like in certain parts of the story.  Yet, they have consequences and are not irredeemably bad person for it.

I will say I think there are too many side characters for a story of this length.  While it’s refreshing that the author doesn’t write the story as if every human being REVOLVES around our leads it felt a bit cluttered at points.  Sophie and Mary (who I think are solid characters at heart) get regulated to pretty much 1 snarky joke because they’re not important to the story as a whole.  That being said it is a very diverse and believable cast.  It has lots of unpatronizing and unstereotypical depictions of people of color and gay men.

It was quite cool to have bilingual characters that are unashamed to embrace their heritage….don’t make this a but Faps don’t make this a but…UGH I HAVE TO!  I don’t know much Spanish at all, and while characters don’t have full conversations in Spanish there are a lot of lines and words in Spanish that I could not understand and I frequently felt as if I was being left out. Perhaps this is to help some readers feel closer to Clint who’s out of the loop when it comes to Mexican culture, but I couldn’t help feeling frustrated personally.  Maybe just a little asterisk with a translation at the bottom would improve this for me?  Or perhaps I should be more comfortable with feeling like an idiot every now and again. Siiiigh.

I do enjoy that Teo is described consistently as being of average looks.  At the beginning Clint is (in part) dismissive of Teo because of his so-so features.  However Clint comes to find that what’s sexy about Teo is not that he’s got the perfectly chiseled jaw, but rather that Teo is mentally strong and has his own brand of sexual charisma.  I’ve definitely known in my experience that you can have all the abs and pretty hair you want but what will make a person ACTUALLY sexy would be charm, confidence, and an eagerness to please.  

TL;DR

Until it hurts is a bit preachy and perhaps has too many side characters, but it’s a fun story that’s delightfully unusual for this genre.  People of color, queerness, and BDSM while remaining unproblematic on all fronts?  SIGN ME THE HELL UP! 

PS - I believe Wanda said something about providing rebates for reviews. Just want to say I don’t want one, I was glad to spend the money.

#comic critique saturday #comic critique #until it hurts #something good for once

[tsukishima-tadashi]

a list of characters from dragon age i will defend until i die:

Goldanna (oh no! she doesn’t trust/instantly love a stranger who shows up claiming to be her brother!! how will poor alibaby survive? how drae she be bitter after being kicked out following her mothers death and forced to survive on her own as a child!! boohoo)

Queen Anora the One True Monarch of Ferelden (god, how dare a competent ruler who knows what shes doing want to maintain her throne! what a bitch! and what, what a backstabber, lying about being kidnapped after we tell loghain’s men shes with us when she just got done telling us she was in disguise because she doesnt want loghain’s men to find her. ugh! my poor listening skills are totally her fault)

Isolde (I’d need to explain why I hate Eamon to say why I like Isolde but while I dont forgive her for how she treated Alistair I sympathize with her and think the situation in Redcliffe is actually Eamons fault ngl)

Branka (heavily implied she went insane because of how becoming a paragon made her more of an icon instead of a person and that when she says “I am your paragon” its her giving into the role of someone who only lives for the dwarven people - again I dont forgive her actions but I want to acknowledge how she was affected by being put on a pedestal)

Loghain (a man abandoned a doomed military operation and a king who refused to attend tactical meetings in favor of pestering the wardens for stories because he was more concerned with glory than making sure his men had the best chance? the nerve. and now he doesnt want to accept help from the imperialistic nation that raped his mother in front of him (after threatening to kill him, a little boy, to get her to comply) and then bashed her skull in (again, in front of him), saw beat unarmed farmers to death,. etc etc, that he risked life and limb to gain independence from, watching friends die for the same cause? the nation that he knows “helped” nevarra during the 2nd blight only to take it over rigth after? how obtuse.)

Bhelen (he honestly loves Rica to the point where he felt safe crying in front of her after his dad died, when asked about fathers death he says “father just couldn’t live without you, implying jealousy re: the fact that bhelen is canonically the unfavorite of Endrin’s children, he forces Orzammar to give up the traditions that are strangling it, and in the Descent DLC (if you played an Aeducan) we find out that he hasnt given up on searching for the warden (whereas harrowmont does) after they go to find a cure for the calling, and (if the warden was a dwarf) spared no expense on the wardens paragon statue (whereas harrowmont cuts corners with the costs and is probably jealous)

Velanna (obv not NT and she Gets Better and her resolution to create new culture for the dalish is admirable)

Merrill (she’s not dumb. she knows what shes doing. nothing wouldve gone wrong if it wasnt for the fact that Marethari refused to leave her be. everything is maretharis fault. the eluvian isnt evil, its a tool. an object. morrigan fixed an eluvian and no one calls her an idiot.)

Fenris (hes a survivor of slavery, abuse, and rape. i think hes entitled to a little bitterness and distrust even if i disagree with what he says)

Gamlen (this is like. the one im least passionate about but. he had  no obligation to leandra. she ran way. he had no reason to think she was coming back. and hes right to be bitter that his parents only cared about leandra when he was taking care of them until the day they died. and when he asks leandra to clean hes right to say she can help out a little. she isnt a noblewoman anymore. theyre in poverty. if she wanted to have the kind of life where she didnt have to lift a finger she shouldnt have ran off with malcolm.)

Sebastian Vael (hes literally the least preachy chantry faithful character ever?? he suggest dalish beliefs and chantry beliefs arent neccesarily incompatible. he doesnt shame isabela or try to get her to repent. he offers fenris a job despite his being an elf. he acknowledges that “preaching seldom works”. he tells tallis that he knows the chantry has failed the elves. hes very wise and open minded. he just isnt willing to tolerate a terrorist)

Carver (he has an inferiority complex due to his father’s (neccesary) neglect. cut him slack.)

Sera (she has a right to resent people who treat her like crap - the dalish can be nasty to city elves. she says in trespasser that they made her feel “broken”. and she matures a lot in trespasser so shut up.)

Vivienne (she cares a lot about mages. thats why she hates the rebel mages. theyve killed people. theyve killed other mages. theyve made the common man afraid of them, made them hate them. as divine she gives mages both freedom and responsibility and keeps the templars on a tight leash. shes passionate about this issue because she believes in the circles. shes also one of people who goes out of her way to make sure the inquisitor is feeling okay after stressful events. she is very compassionate. and nasty to people who are nasty to her. thats her right.)

Solas (too long for this post)

Blackwall (hes trying)

Celene (long drawn out sigh)

Calpernia (do i really need to)

Clarel (let me BE)

Fiona

Alexius

Mayor Gregory Dedrick

Mistress Poulin

Characters I will berate until I die:

Alistair (I dont HATE him I just thinks hes a little selfish and needs to get over Ostagar and start taking responsibility and thinking more about others)

Eamon (UGH. UGH!! Sexist traditionalist asshole. Wants to use Alistair as a puppet. Married a girl years younger than him. Probably knew Connor was a mage and did nothing because hes so concerned with blood! what the fuck)

Harrowmont (he isnt nice. hes a conservative. those things arent nice. he level dust town if you give him golems. he refuses outside support for orzammar that he desperately needs)

Anders (UGH. its not even just the terrorist bit! hes an asshole to EVERYONE. he tries to “educate” merrill on chantry beliefs. implies shes stupid for not accepting what the circle spoonfed him. and then expects her and other dalish mages to care abotu circle mages. he calls isabela a “side dish”. he compares fenris, a former slave that has survived rape and abuse, to an animal and constantly antagonizes him, going as far to ask why he didnt kill himself. he calls aveline an idiot on multiple occasions. he tells a city elf warden that “you dont get locked up for who you are” when. hello. alienages?? aight. doesnt give a damn about elf oppression, just mages. hes an asshole. the terrorism is just icing on the shit flavored cake.)

#crows squawking loudly #about me

[michpetersjones]

“Are Supporter Groups Killing Supporter Culture in Edmonton?” - Well, Kinda.

I am new to Edmonton. Well, if by new, you mean living here for the past eight years. My family and I moved here from Liverpool, England, and previously I’d been living in London. I am a passionate football supporter (yeah, I support the Arsenal, now just deal with it, y’all). I’ve watched live games, I’ve travelled with supporters. You know, your average football fan.

This response, though, in particular, is to this blog post by a FC Edmonton fan. In it, Nathan laments the infighting among the two main supporter groups that cheer for FC Edmonton. As someone who has recently started following and cheering for FCEd, I want to offer a slightly different point of view as to why FC Ed supporters groups are hemorrhaging supporters who are willing to sit and cheer in the supporters section.

I think supporting a local football team is one of the best things you can do. No only does it foster community, loyalty and friendships among diverse people, it also is one of the cornerstones of promoting a healthy interest in sports. My first point is that, yes, FC Ed as a club has chosen to promote itself as a family friendly atmosphere, and yes, that is OK. As we Brits know, football loyalties are hereditary. It is not unusual for families to have season tickets for generations. And by positioning itself as a family friendly FC, FC Ed is actually being quite smart, business-wise. Bring in the kids young, and you have lifelong supporters. It’s a long game, and well done to FC Ed for having the foresight. It’s not like they are out to make much money, not as it stands with a stadium capacity of 4000 odd fans (the club would need at least 10K fans to start making a profit).

Meanwhile, the younger demographic might feel sidelined. To be specific, the 18 - 35 group of young males (though, Nathan doesn’t specify gender). This is one of the main demographics of football supporters in England, as well as most of the rest of the world.

Now to answer the question that Nathan poses - are supporter groups killing supporter culture in Edmonton? Well, my answer to this, as a new and very vocal supporter of FC Ed would be, “well, kinda, but… yes!”.

Let me explain. I started the season off in the grandstands, having gotten my tickets from an incredibly enthusiastic FC Ed executive (thanks, K!) I wanted my daughter to experience real, live football games with all the cheering and the chanting that I was used to as an English fan. And she loved the experience, wanting to go again. In the meantime, though, I was a bit disappointed at what I felt was the lack of atmosphere in the grandstands, and so I reached out to FC Ed fans on Twitter, connecting with Dallas Walker, ESG’s Director at Large (gee, some title there, buddy). He invited me to the supporters section and I was excited for it.

The next game, my kid and I were in the supporters section. It was the Sunday game after the pride parade and the pride flags were flying. As my child and I sat in the higher seats, I heard one supporter complaining vociferously about the pride flag. His comment, and I quote “I don’t need this gay shit shoved in my face.” Now in defence of FC Ed supporters, another supporter told him to shut up and not be homophobic, which was heartening. But let’s face it, having a pride badge on my jacket made me instantly uncomfortable, and we moved seats to the front, where I said hello to Dallas and then enthusiastically proceeded to sing, chant and drum.

Now here comes the problem. I am a liberal woman. I don’t give a rat’s ass about bad language and swearing. Fuck that shit and I dare you to out-swear me. However, I am not happy with racist, misogynistic cheers. Neither am I comfortable with the Brexit-style, St. George flag waving and race baiting. The English clubs are trying hard to get rid of this. So there is no need for Canadian clubs to try to emulate the football hooligan culture of English clubs, no matter how much we may want to be like the English fans. I am English. And I was not comfortable with it there, and I don’t want it here.

The next game, I brought my family along. And my partner and daughter were both very uncomfortable at the high level of tension that they felt between the two supporters groups, trying to out chant each other, spraying beer about. It is everything about the hardcore Brit thug culture that we hated in England. It scared away my polite Canadian partner and child and I myself, despite wanting to invite friends to share in this unique fan experience that I was used to in England (the singing, the chanting, the good-natured insults, the flag waving and heck, even the drumming), have been wary of doing so. Thankfully, I am a bit harder than them (you tend to be when you’re the only brown person in a white English seaside village) and I continue to chant and drum with my besties (yo, Gord and Keith). Even then, the whole “pineapple on your head” chant left me weirded out (as a football history nerd, I actually knew the connection, and one of the funniest moments for me in that situation, was the little British Asian girl desperate to have that pineapple on her head, not knowing the context. But hey, I am all for claiming back symbolism, why not?)

But here’s the rub. Supporter tensions and hostility drive away those fans, the fans who could be potentially vocal, happy, chanters, those who couldn’t care less about the politics of supporter groups, aka, who drinks beer where (um, I’d prefer a wine bar next time, just sayin’). These fans are the ones who could then spread fan culture to the grandstands (you know, the ones who cheer for tee shirts right now). Those fans, whose kids who will be the new generation of FC Ed supporters. Those fans, who are diverse, of all colours, who know and care about the history of clubs, who make the history of those clubs.

If you want those kind of fans in the supporters section, supporters groups need to get their heads out of their asses. As a neutral, football loving, brown, British woman, yeah, I am being preachy here. I am not telling you to stop insulting the other team. And please, I really don’t wanna bang a woman, so I’ll keep banging the drum, thank y’all very much. But stay Canadian, y’all. It is all about building supporter and fan cultures, but within the overall context of respect. Respect for the game, respect for the people playing the game, and respect for the fans, no matter what their stripes. Screw your divisions. After all, it’s the club you’re here for. You want to see more people in the supporters section? Then let go of those ‘he said, she said, but he started it all, and they don’t love us’… kinda shite. We’re not in high school anymore.

We have a chance to build something truly amazing in Edmonton. Don’t throw it away by being idiots. So there you go. Next time I see y’all, I want the ESG and the RCE to hug it out, and sing kumbaya. K?

#fc edmonton