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#i hate cheese
meilas · 2 months
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listerbirdloml · 7 months
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for my "give me a word, ill write an IWBFT short on it" the first one we have is Cheese from @0s3manv3rse !! tyvm for commenting :))
theres no real content warning apart from maybe excessive wealth, strong language, angry rowan, and Bradley Walsh. wrote this in twenty minutes pls enjoy. 729 words.
Cheese 
“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?”
“What?”
As Jimmy looks up from his phone and sees the positively miffed look on Rowans face, he can’t help but feel the need to laugh at him. He’s got a pink sheet face mask on with, honest to god, cucumbers under his eyes. But beyond the hydrating sheet, Jimmy can see the creases of his eyebrows and the frown distorting the mouth of the mask.
“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?” He’s holding up an empty container and waving it around. “I got it ordered yesterday. Jimmy, this cheese cost me, I shit you not, five hundred quid.” Jimmy gawks and Rowan ignores him. “I just wanted to try it, and now it’s gone.”
"No, Rowan. I didn’t eat your ridiculously overpriced mouldy cheese.” Jimmy puts his phone down. “You spent five hundred quid on cheese?”
“We all make bad decisions after wine, Jimmy.”
“Heard.” 
They both look at the new addition to the room, a grinning Lister Bird who props himself up on the counter, crossing his legs. He too has a face mask on, blue, with a ridiculous headband pushing his hair out of his face. It has comically large white bunny ears on top, and Jimmy truly doesn’t care to know where or when he got it. but unhelpfully, his brain reminds him of his Halloween costume from the year before.
“Hah hah, very funny.” Rowans tone is dry and rolls his eyes as he continues digging around in the fridge in the hopes that his cheese has simply been misplaced. Jimmy stands next to Lister, so they can both watch him.
“What’s he doing?” Lister asks as he crosses his arms. Jimmy sighs and leans slightly closer to him, his eyes never leaving Rowan.
"He's trying to find his cheese. He thinks I ate it.” Jimmy doesn’t necessarily whisper it, but he doesn’t speak loud enough to alert the occupied rowan. 
Lister has other plans. In a loud, chirpy tone, he happily informs them:
“Oh that? Dude, that reaked! It was all mouldy, so I threw it out.” Jimmy closes his eyes and counts to ten. He misses how Rowan's hands freeze in their shuffling of refrigerated items. His back is tense, and his eyes are also closed. Perhaps he too is counting to ten.
“You what?”
“I threw it out." Lister, as per usual, seems unbothered by the shift in tension. He looks genuinely confused. Jimmy almost feels bad for him. Almost.
“You threw it out?”
“Yeah? Dude, it was rancid. There was lit-“
Rowan peels off the cucumbers one at a time. Objectively, it’s hilarious to watch. But Jimmy is more concerned at the maiming Lister is about to receive to find it in him to audibly laugh. He does, however, have to cover his laugh behind a cough when Rowan also peels off the sheet mask and flings it onto the linoleum floor. His face is shiny with the serum of the mask, but still murderous looking.
Lister now seems to catch onto the tension as he laughs nervously and hops down from the counter. He has his hands out placatingly, and it’s not lost on Jimmy that he’s got them flat palmed. 
“Allister. That cheese was five hundred pounds.” Listers gulps, loudly. He laughs again but it has no humour, only fear. “I bought that five hundred pound cheese to enjoy with my relaxing face mask. I was supposed to be relaxing. We have Celebrity Chase tomorrow, and I intend to win. And to win, I need to relax tonight. Do I look relaxed, Allister? There was three steps to my relaxation. Fancy cheese, fancy wine, and a lovely calming face mask. And now two of those things are ruined. So, I ask again. Do I look relaxed?"
“You look great.” Lister is backing away from them now. “Gorgeous. Definitely the world's second sexiest man. You're glowing, really. I love what you've done with the eyebags. That cucumber worked a treat.” He trips over the bin but ignores it as he keeps making his way to the kitchen door. Rowan is advancing on him.
“Just run.” Lister doesn’t need to hear it from Jimmy twice before he’s turning and bolting down the corridor and up the stairs. Rowan follows him, hot on his heels.
“No murdering; we need him alive!” There is no answer to his call, but a second later, he hears a ridiculously high-pitched scream from Lister. Jimmy just sighs, opens Safari, and looks for replacements for Rowan's cheese.
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rossisrad · 1 month
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livw without cheese or live without chocolates
Cheese.
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zarthhearth · 1 year
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One more mission with the boys before putting this game down for a while.
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I earned those legendary skins with the power of ~friendship~
This game is basically a dating sim. Unexpected, yet exactly what needed.
The mystery of who is leaving out all this cheese will never be solved.
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disgustinggf · 2 years
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when i say i hate cheese i don't mean mozzarella and feta
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messianicfigure · 1 year
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why do i have to do work for my job when all i wanna do is plot my pursuit of tumblr clout?
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greencheekconure27 · 9 months
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Okay, we've had plenty of those "popular food that you hate" polls.It's time for:
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ruffaloon · 6 months
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dying at wilson obliviously eating his sandwich while house is sitting there consumed with lust trying to use blatant homoerotic imagery to blast the idea of hot gay sex directly into wilson's brain
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rats-k1ng · 1 year
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i was eating dinner with my mom and was thinking about the metaphorical signification of understanding that what food you like changes overtime and the acceptance of that fact in comparison to emotional maturity. and, i must have looked very thoughtful because my mom asked what i was thinking about.
i paused for a few seconds, searching for an answer that wasn’t insane, then spoke
“existential thoughts about cheese”
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blorboy · 1 year
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good afternoon to former niche internet micro celebrities, girls who are only allowed to have pinterest, men with short toes, chromebook haters, people who hate cheese, and anyone who has ever tucked a stuffed animal into bed.
everyone else,,,, afternoon ig 😒
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For those who are unfamiliar with Deltarune
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This is Kris, they're the main character of nutdealer 2
(their skin's not usually blue. it just does that sometimes)
we know almost nothing about them. However, we do know this:
They are nonbinary
They like (most of) their friends
They do NOT like us
They enjoy eating moss
They are going to touch the cheese
that's it that's all we know
Other additions:
They play piano (probably) courteousy or @/mystykmarigold
They are "normal" courteousy of many people
They like to flush bath bombs down the toilet. Their mom doesn't like that courteousy of @/sacrificialcat
They are a knife enjoyer, as well as a chocolate enjoyer
They like(d) to mess with their childhood friend both courteousy of @/the-beasts-have-arrived
They use apple shampoo, and apparently smell enough like apples that a friend associates it with them courteousy of @/spyret-the-shitposter
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bonefall · 5 months
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⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️
I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.
But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.
Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.
I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!
OH LET'S GOOOO
Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.
The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.
As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.
BIG POST. Glossary;
INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River
ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.
DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.
For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.
INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River
Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.
But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,
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From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.
Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.
He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.
(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)
As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.
In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;
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Crowfeather.
Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.
(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)
So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.
We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.
The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.
When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,
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Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.
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And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.
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All this to point out,
Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.
We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.
ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.
In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.
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Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.
They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;
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They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.
When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...
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Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.
But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?
Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.
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Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.
Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.
The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.
Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).
Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.
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I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.
In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.
At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.
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EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.
Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.
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The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.
And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,
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And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"
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Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.
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This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.
It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.
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It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.
Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.
That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.
As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.
DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.
Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.
But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.
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Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.
When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.
When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."
Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.
Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.
We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;
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The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.
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This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.
At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.
A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.
Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.
In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.
But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.
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Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!
(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)
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ieatedrawegg · 1 month
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Evil evil evil evil evil evil evil
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greghatecrimes · 9 months
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(house doing a horrible british accent) wilson! come on, wilson! we’ve got to hide the malpractice! there’s no vicodin in prison wilson!!!!
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random-fandom-society · 2 months
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The Knuckles series trailer sent me reeling for many reasons, not limited to the fact that Knuckles eats Cool Ranch Doritos
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angi-writes-filth · 11 months
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G E T C H E E S E D
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