#i hate feeling like a burden or something people have to put up with until i move on

[traitorsinsalem]

goodness gracious mama mia

#succ speaks #fuck the bts team for not showing them divorce court btw. #i never thought i would see such a disappointing mianite-related stream. and i watched all of isles! [old man laugh track] #somehow this was the greatest video game event i have ever taken part in thanks to the awesome community (including the one ending in mc) #but this stream sucked absolute donkey dick. glad we can get back on the server and this wasn't the end of it. #not the streamers' fault though i think. the event was just nothing like promised. i'll be honest i was an isles apologist until now. #something something they worked so hard to make it happen and keep it running why the unnecessary hate....i can't lie to myself anymore man. #a lot of us thought the stream was going to be more lighthearted and not hardass objective build judge w/ half the plots taken out for time #like sure the prize was a good amount of money but tom and jordan were clearly trying to have fun but felt like they couldn't that much. idk #the absolutely brilliant times we had building and having fun and talking and helping each other on the server felt like they were erased... #...from this stream. EVEN THE END was super watered down and dec definitely did his best to give them the background of it all. #idk. madspy and dec were super cool i feel like some other factors and/or people behind this caused it to flop with the community. #the mods can only do so much 'your build was amazing and unique you should be proud of it' or whatever without showcasing the things... #...we were all talking and laughing and excited about while on the server. it feels like this wasn't an event that was meant to leave... #a certain circle. this is just my view but personally i would have enjoyed this way more if there WASN'T a streamed judging. #or that the judging was a couple of days long so they didn't have to rush through it and everyone could be seen. #i think the mods should take our gripes into consideration rather than trying to cheer us up or act like it's our problem. #but hey. [old man laugh track] thaaaaat's our good ol' mianite! #the event itself though was incredible and i'm really happy it happened. like the actual building part. i got a lot out of it and got to... #...meet so many people. we all had a lot of fun and put in a lot of time and work but it didn't feel like a burden to partake in it yk! #having dec and madspy and wh (i forget his name all the time) on a lot was really fun too! they were really kind and fun to be around... #...and we got to learn some cool little bits of bts info. finding out that dec was 16 when mianite started was INSANE especially. #and like i'm not just salty cuz my build wasn't featured. being able to make it in the first place was enough for me bc it was my first... #...serious build! and the other people on the server really enjoyed it and to me having the community appreciate it is so much more... #...heartwarming to me and makes me happier than if this would have been a 'private' thing and the streamers looked through every bit... #...and praised it. i loved being able to take part in this event but honestly i wish i wouldn't have watched the stream. it made me upset... #...to see so many INSANE builds and aspects of builds i got to watch people work on and help them with get mere crumbs of recognition. #i know tom in particular appreciates mianite fan content so splitting this up into multiple streams so they didn't get bored or tired or... #...have to rush would have been a pretty obvious solution. but again you can always count on the mianite bts team to make things... #...unnecessarily complicated or simple while ignoring the very clear best paths! [old man laugh track]

[zukkaoru]

dazai needing a cane post-meursault and he clearly hates using it so to make it more ~fun~ kenji buys several different packs of stickers for dazai to decorate his cane with. and dazai pulls out a fake smile and thanks him and proceeds to shove the sticker packs in his desk drawer and forget about them entirely. until kyouka approaches him a few weeks later and quietly tells him that kenji is worried he didn't like the stickers. and dazai, lying through his teeth says "oh, no, i really did like them! i just haven't decided which ones i want to use yet, they were all so good!" and he watches kyouka report this back to kenji and kenji looks so relieved that dazai figures. what the hell. and he digs out the stickers and pulls off the first one he sees and sticks it on his cane, then lifts it up so kenji can see. and kenji just starts beaming

for several more weeks, that sticker is the only one on the cane. and dazai keeps looking at it. and he'll rub his thumb over it. and it does kinda make having to use the cane more fun, because he's got a little cartoon cow with him wherever he goes too, and he can hear kenji's voice in his mind whenever he sees it saying something supportive that he fully believes with his entire heart to be true. and dazai runs his fingers over the cow so much that the colors start to fade and it starts to peel. so he takes all the stickers home, scrubs off the first one, and he spends hours painstakingly mapping out where to put different stickers and decorating the cane.

and it helps! because kenji didn't just get farm animal stickers - there are sticker sheets reminiscent of all the ada members. tigers for atsushi, bunnies for kyouka, cats for fukuzawa, snowflakes for jun'ichirou, candies and desserts for ranpo, a school-themed sticker sheet with notebooks and pens for kunikida, and one with various weapons for yosano. he still thinks the cane is stupid, and the stickers are stupid too, but they make him smile and it's easier to use the cane when he can at least get some entertainment out of looking at it. and maybe he buys slug stickers himself to add to the collection, and lucy gives him a sticker with the cafe's logo, and ranpo gives him a raccoon sticker and naomi and haruno find a cute flower-themed sticker sheet and suddenly the cane doesn't feel so much like a burden or a hinderance or a weakness. suddenly it's just another new part of himself he's found while with the agency, and it's a tangible reminder that he has more friends than he ever thought possible - people he trusts, people he cares about and who care about him in return. he has something like a family now, and they want the best for him, even when he doesn't want the best for himself

#thinking Thoughts #found this in my drafts and ohgmy god i'm going to start crying #i was literally so right for this i'm obsessed with it #dazai osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #hello grace here

[zykamiliah]

So we know SQQ uses The Wives/The Women as a stand-in to talk around his attraction to Binghe, but another thing SQQ does is use the Original Shen Qingqiu as a way to talk around his own personality, (negative) emotions, and even self-esteem, either by contrasting himself against him, or by finding similarities. It makes a lot of sense, since he's inhabiting the body of the original, the person he needs to, to a certain point, imitate to survive.

From the very beginning, SQQ finds similarities between o!SQQ and him, and says he doesn't get why someone with reputation, good cultivation and the biggest sect backing him up would be so envious of other people's potential to the point of scheming against them. The Original Shen Qingqiu was not satisfied with the things he has and instead of idling his life away, like Shen Yuan in his previous life, he's digging his own grave.

When rummaging through the carriage interior, SQQ finds a lot of stuff that was frankly unnecessary to take on such a short trip, like "five or six different tea sets". And noting this, SQQ thinks,

No matter that in his past life he could have counted as a wealthy second-gen, he still hadn’t been this pointlessly indulgent in his pursuit of first-world affluenza, okay? (Chapter 1: Scum)

He's saying, "unlike him, i wasn't needlessly indulgent".

Another example is when he compares his own competency to that of O!SQQ. He does this a few times in the first volume.

The original Shen Qingqiu’s skill at facing down demons should have made this quest as easy as killing a chicken with a knife. Shamefully, the knife had failed to even hit the chicken. In seconds, Shen Qingqiu discovered something that made his mood even worse. (Chapter 2: Mission)

In other words, "unlike the original goods, I am so uncool right now". But the best thing about this part is that... it puts SQQ in a bad mood. I want to call attention to the fact that he feels shame for failing, for being being weak when he should be strong. Shame doesn't come out of nowhere.

Rereading this volume and noticing this few hints of his character and emotions really challenge the notion that SQQ/SY is just an easygoing person. There's a lot of mental gymnastics being performed so he doesn't have to confront his own emotions. If the unreliable narrator tells me he's easygoing, should I believe him? I am questioning everything he says until it's confirmed by his actions.

Now, going back to how he uses o!SQQ to talk about his own competency, and most important, how he feels about being competent, strong, etc.

Surrounded by the cheers of the sect’s disciples, Shen Qingqiu attained a complete victory in the first match.

At this moment, Shen Qingqiu realized why the original flavor had clung to being a poser like it was his lifeline—it was unbelievably satisfying. (Chapter 2: Mission)

Why is it so hard to say "being cool feels so so good"? Being admired, strong and capable is something he comes to enjoy, and I wonder about Shen Yuan, and what was his life like. Why does he have to use o!SQQ to open a sentence about why being "a poser" feels good. He won't say he himself is a bit of a poser, or that it feels good to be cool.

The original flavor pushed Luo Binghe onto the battlefield because he was shameless! He didn’t care about the sect’s reputation! He hated Luo Binghe to the bone, enough to want to vicariously torture him via the hands of demons!

The current Shen Qingqiu didn’t share any of those three motives! (Chapter 2: Mission)

SQQ is not shameless, in fact there's a lot of shame in him. He cares about the sect's reputation, even if he's been in PIDW for, what, a few months? And most of that time he spent it in a cave cultivating. I wonder why he latched himself to the sect so quickly? As if a part of him always wanted a place to belong to, be part of, play an important role, a place he could contribute to.

“Do you think that the burden of peak lord will be too heavy, Qingqiu?” asked Yue Qingyuan.

The original Shen Qingqiu would most likely have suspected that Yue Qingyuan was trying to undermine his authority or something of that sort. However, the current Shen Qingqiu knew that Yue Qingyuan was genuinely worried about him overworking himself and damaging his health(...) (Chapter 3: Favor Points)

He's saying: "unlike him, i don't misunderstand people", which is... clearly not the truth, but he doesn't know that. SQQ thinks he has a pretty good grasp about people's intentions and that he's good judge of character.

All that said, the quote that actually made me connect the dots about how SQQ invokes the original to talk around his own emotions is this one, when they're facing MBJ:

“Unusually inferior talent,” [Mobei-Jun] said. “Foundation and techniques inflexible. Leave.”

Shen Qingqiu said nothing.

He wasn’t some unmatched genius in the Human Realm, but his talent was still at least one in a thousand. And Cang Qiong Mountain’s foundation and techniques weren’t inflexible, they were orthodox! Mobei-Jun still described them as he would a pile of garbage. If the original Shen Qingqiu had heard this, he would have coughed up three liters of blood and run away crying to make a voodoo doll. (Chapter 4: Conference)

But wait, that first sentence kind of sounds familiar, doesn't it?

From early on, he’d known that even if he idled the rest of his life away, he’d never want for food. Perhaps due to this carefree upbringing, devoid of either competition or pressure, he came to believe that ranking in the top ten of a competition was good enough, so long as it had more than ten people. (Chapter 1: Scum)

He's saying "as long as I score among the best I don't have to be a top ranker". Like, if he's comparing himself to others, he won't feel bad because he's not at the bottom. He's average, and average is good, right? Like a "at least I passed the test, I don't need a top score" type of thinking. It feels like something he'd tell himself to feel better about his own performance.

The middle child, saying that as long as he has an average rank everything is fine? Hahaha. Yeah ok, Shen Yuan. (wtf are you hidinnnng)

But I want to draw your attention to this sentence

If the original Shen Qingqiu had heard this, he would have coughed up three liters of blood and run away crying to make a voodoo doll.

because it's so fascinating how SQQ is mentally incapable of admitting to himself that his pride has been hurt by MBJ's words. He feels insulted, and he channels that emotion by projecting his feelings on and picturing what the original would feel in that situation.

Oh, but zy, isn't this just SQQ's humorous running commentary on everything that happens to him? Maybe he's not really upset about what Mobei-Jun said about him having "unusually inferior talent".

Nope. He's really, really pissed off

Just as the sword array was about to come down like sheets of rain, Shen Qingqiu snarled within his heart.

I’ve done my best, but he still thinks I’m low-level trash, so what can I do?!

How loathsome! If I have to die, couldn’t it at least be in a better-looking way? After being stabbed with hundreds of black swords, I’m going to be a sieve! Who could bear to look?!

He SNARLED in his heart. MBJ didn't call him low-level trash, he did that himself. It pisses him off that he's going to die in such an uncool way that will leave him looking like an ugly bloody pulp.

Is this really a guy that doesn't care about his reputation or how he looks to others, that calls himself an "easygoing person"????

This is a guy that has had to repress every emotion related to his own pride and self-esteem. And this is something he was doing in his previous life. Again, what the fuck was going on with the Shen family?!

I don't think this is the way a man that is satisfied with his lot in life would think.

Shen Qingqiu was a man of few needs; he would have been satisfied just idling away to a ripe old age. In that way, it wouldn’t be that different from how his previous life had been going.

youre LIYING. I'm not going to trust anything you said about yourself EVER AGAIN. you were so satisfied to "idle your life away" you died from eating expired yogurt! you were clearly repressed and depressed and unhappy and pretending to be okay!

#svsss #svsss meta #shen qingqiu #zykamiliah-svsss #shen yuan #i'm never shutting up about sqq

[vanilladove]

Hello, I am writing to you anonymously out of shame but you can call me Emy I was reading your blog and I was totally delighted with how you wrote and I wanted to make a request: could you write for Chuuya, Jouno, Dazai and Poe (you can add more if you like) with a reader like Mikan from danganronpa If you don't know her, her personality is a little (very) shy and she is surprised by the slightest show of affection (she is even surprised if you say good morning), often despising herself, asking others to forgive her existence and when people Annoyed with her, she tends to ask if she can take off her clothes or imitate a pig so that they can forgive her for all this because she suffered harassment in the past. I'm sorry if the request is very big 😭 but I would be grateful if you accept it (nothing happens if you don't either) I'm sorry if there are spelling errors but English is not my first language and I am using Google Translator. ♡

~ bsd men with a v shy + fragile reader

bow divider yeribbon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader (dazai, atsushi, chuuya, akutagawa, jouno, poe)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: comforting fluff!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! also i'm not v familiar with daganronpa, so apologies for any inaccuracies! i'm just going off what wiki fandom says (。-∀-)

~ dazai osamu

doesn't mind your personality, although at first he teases you mercilessly until he realizes it isn't just an act.

as someone that has also gone through trauma, he would gradually soften up to your personality and reassure you of your worth.

dazai is a very impatient man though, so expect his method of choice to be exposure therapy...like extreme exposure therapy...like bro might slap some sense into you like atsushi & akutagawa ( ó × ò)

when you start over-apologizing, he'll put a finger to your lips and stroke your face and hair to calm you down (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

expect lots of subtle displays of affection like hand kisses, kissing away tears, and general affectionate flirting.

~ atsushi nakajima

your demeanor confuses atsushi at first, to the point where he cries after the first time he meets you :,(

you're going to get a sentimental, heartfelt speech about how you deserve to live, and how you aren't a burden to anyone.

poor atsu cries over you--you guys probably have daily cry + cuddle sessions.

will do random things to cheer you up and give you many words of affirmation.

buys you a tiger plushie sprayed with his cologne to cuddle with when he isn't with you for comfort ♡

i'd like to think that through helping you, atsushi also helps address his own self-esteem issues ^w^

~ akutagawa ryunosuke

hates you at first and sees you as a cowardly weakling.

it isn't until one day he randomly compliments or helps you and catches your shy/flustered expression that he begins to feel some sympathy.

will gradually visit you more until you stop flinching whenever he approaches you. he can tell you're intimidated by him because of his personality and notorious reputation.

it's definitely hard for akutagawa to be soft with you, since he's a rough person, but he tries his best to be gentle with you.

shows his care through actions more than words (sharing food with you, doing constant check-ins, guiding your back when walking with you, etc.)

promises threatens to kill those who have harmed and harassed you in the past.

becomes overprotective over you, getting mad when anyone--even jokingly--teases you.

~ chuuya nakahara

tough love~!!!

expect a lot of "huh, what the hell are you talking about?" anytime you apologize for something small or suggest some self-sabotage

since you aren't used to affection and often try to reject gifts, thinking you aren't worth giving them to, chuuya will 'lovebomb' you with gifts until you get used to them as the norm and accept them willingly.

although he may seem short-tempered and easily irritated, he'll always make time to sit down with you and listen to your rants/past stories and engage in deep conversations.

holds your hands and reminds you of how strong and talented you are--will keep drilling it into your head until it sticks.

carries tissues in his suit for when you cry.

~ edgar allen poe

this man may be your twin...honestly he's a bit of a mess himself, so he doesn't know how to help you.

i think poe would be relieved to find someone similar to him--also very shy and awkward/bad at socializing.

if you started apologizing when there was a pause in conversation, he would probably apologize back, and you two would go back and forth until karl bites him (꒪▿꒪)

since you both mainly only find confidence in your talents/skills, he would get to know your strengths as much as possible and encourage you to do your best!

will also share his book plots with you, taking you with him into the books and getting your feedback, never missing the chance to show you something beautiful he secretly wrote just for you

overall, poe would make you feel less alone and isolated, helping you gain confidence overtime!

~ jouno saigiku

since you're already so fragile and frantic, jouno wouldn't find any pleasure in torturing or messing with you

ends up helping you under the pretense of "calming down your raging heartbeat and nerves that are too loud"; in reality, he notices how you're always on edge and just wants you to experience some peace and quiet.

jouno's sensitive to others' emotions, so i think if you were having a panic attack or extreme anxiety, he'd immediately hug + hold you until you calmed down again (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

like the rest, he'd offer you words of affirmation and hold your hand in public/around other people.

will stick around you to ward off anyone who tries to bully you or exploit your personality; blushes uncontrollably if you thank him for his simple acts ♡

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd fluff #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #atsushi x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #jouno saigiku x reader #jouno x reader #poe x reader #poe bsd #edgar allan poe

[heeseung-min]

[21:14]

You eyes started to blink when you heard screaming nearby. It's not one. It's like a bunch of girls screaming for help. Slowly, you finally gained consciousness and looked at your surrounding. You realized you were in a basement. Few metres in front of you there was a big cage that can fit few people in there and you recognized every single one in there.

"Y/n, you wake up? HELP US! Someone has abducted all of us and you!

Dami, one of the girls yelled to you. You looked at yourself who were on bed that is perfectly fine and in comfortable clothes while all of them looked miserable. You wondered what makes the treatment towards you and them are different.

"YAH!! WE TOLD YOU TO HELP US OUT!! ARE YOU DEAF, BITCH--"

Everyone and you gasped when the girl who were shouting just now got shot straight to her head. The girls were screaming freaking out when they saw one of their friends die. You turned to the left where the man who shot the girl just now put down his shotgun.

"Damn it, yall can't even shut your mouth for a minute?"

It was Jay. Your classmate.

The girls went silent and sobbing quietly because they don't want to get shoot by him. Jay turned himself to you and started to walk closer.

"How do you feel? Do you want to eat something?"

He asked as he caressed your hair gently. It's like two different people. Just now you saw Jay shot someone and now he was being gentle and soft to you. But you can't deny the scene traumatized you too. Your hands were shaking when he leaned closer.

"Stop....stop it."

"What? What do you mean, sweet?"

"Let ...us go. Why are you doing this, Jay?"

Jay stopped caressing your head and chuckled when you asked him that.

"I did it for you, Y/n. Don't you like it? I made your bullies suffered. They don't deserve to live after what they had done."

You looked at the tray that was moving to the girls. Your eyes widened at the sight of hot wax getting closer to them. Jay watched the scene with wide smile on his face.

"Stop it."

"Why? I know you like it too, Y/n."

"I said stop it, Jay!!!"

He pushed the button to stop the tray from falling to the girls. Jay sighed and looked at you.

"Don't pretend, baby. I know you are happy to see people you hate suffering. Just like what you did to your father."

It's like Jay just dropped a bomb on you. Your hands became shakier after he said that.

_________

_________

"Why I have a daughter when I can have a son. Raising a daughter bring so much burden."

That's what your dad always said every single day. He never teaches you anything but will ask you for many favors. If you refuse, you will heard he complain about it later.

"I can't believe your mother would ask me to keep you alive. Bitch, the doctor should make you die instead. At least if your mother was alive, we can still try for a boy."

Your last straw was when you cooked dinner for him.

"Feed this to a dog. I don't want to eat anything from you."

You watched he throw the food you cooked to the floor. After that, he went to the living room and watched his favourite show. You listened to his laugh while cleaning up the floor. You waited until he fell asleep and rolled your eyes when you heard his loud snoring.

"You wanted to meet mom so bad. Maybe I should do a favor for you."

__________

__________

"And I remember how you cried in front of those people when they said your father died due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Your acting was really impressive."

Your fists clenched while listening to what Jay said.

"But they didn't see you from the side. Your lips were smirking when your dad is finally dead."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Most people feel bad for you but I watched how you laugh after all of them left the funeral."

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

Jay finally stopped talking and stared at your fuming expression. He looked so proud when telling about it. You made sure that no one find out about this.

"All I want is you to stop pretending, Y/N. You cannot lie to me. I know everything about you."

You sighed and tried to relax your body. After few seconds, you opened your eyes and Jay smirked when he saw your eyes changed. It is similar to what he saw when your father died.

"Give me a gun. I want to practice shooting."

The girls started to screaming and begging to you to not let them die.

"Let's play a game, okay? Try to avoid being shot as long as you can."

You said and started to fire the gun while Jay watched you admiringly.

💀💀💀well i hope it come out well, having writer block is no joke...i hope you guys still remember me🙁and hope you guys enjoy this as well.

Taglist: @stacey-stonem @huggyuvita @duolingofanaccount @obsessed1with1straykids @rowretro @eeunoia

#yandere kpop #yandere enhypen #kpop yandere #enha x reader #lee heeseung #park jongseong #park sunghoon #jake sim #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #yandere enha #yandere drabble #yandere jay #enhypen jay #enha scenarios #yandere

[krashoutluv]

What ifffffffff AK! Jason with an s/o who's like the overworked therapist friend? Also congrats on 90 followers! Hopefully it's 100 soon!

GOTCHU ANON, I FUCKIN GOTCHU. N’ we hit 100+!! Thank you so much!

While I am not an overworked therapist friend, I have experience with people in my life leaning on me as an emotional crutch so I’m gonna do my fuckin’ best for u anon.

also reminder to set healthy boundaries for yourself, you’re not a bad person if you aren’t capable to handle someone else’s mental and physical problems. If someone ever gets mad at you for not handling THEIR shit, please know that it is not a good person and you are not wrong for cutting them off or setting boundaries with them. anyways—

AK!Jason x “Overworked Therapist” Friend as an S/O

SFW Drabble + Headcanons

You had just gotten off an three hour long call with a friend, deciding to make some pancakes. You leaned back on your counter as you set two pancakes on the pan and pondered. Your friend was going through a lot, a break-up seemed like the end of the world. But you understood that. Thats why they confided it all in you. You could understand and advise when needed. The physical toll, the constant conversation filled with overwhelming emotions, the never-ending turmoil other people always seem to stick you in, one after another. It made you wonder at times, if understanding, if being able to put yourself in other shoes, if being able to see at different angles, if being able to see every detail in a never-ending portrait that is someones life, is it worth it? Would it be easier to close your eyes, to turn off your phone? Is it worth? Losing the beauty of understanding, of being able to see the finer details that most seemingly can’t quite pick up?. Is it a burden to bear but a blink of someone’s life?

Oh shit!

Jason snapped his fingers at you twice while walking to the stove. You hadn’t even notice the burning smell of the pancakes that Jason was now flipping. “I don’t get it.” his husky voice was flat. You could tell, he wasn’t mad or upset, genuinely confused trying to wrap his head around something— oh the pancakes!

“Oh, I was spacing out and lost tra-“

“Not the pancakes.” He paused for a few moments, eyes furrowed as he thought to himself before speaking once more. “You work yourself off just by talking. I can see how tired you are after talking to someone about whatever bullshit they’re going through.—“ You always had noted that even if he spoke vulgarly he didn’t necessarily have aggression towards the topic. ”—You analyze over, then over, until you get it. Shit, you’ve probably thought to yourself something about me while I’m talkin’.”

Oops! He gotcha! He turns to you and reaches above your head for the cabinet with plates in it. “I don’t get why.” He said again flatly. He was closer to you breath just skimming your skin, but he really was just there for the plates lol. He took one then turned away, plating your two burnt pancakes with the one that looked a little undercooked, one that he made. Also noted. You took them and you murmur out your response,” I can’t just leave them, you know, they really feel safe with me and I can’t just blow them off randomly-“

“—Why not? They don’t do the same for you, some of them don’t even listen to your advice, and they don’t even fuckin’ pay you.” He attempted to sound humorous in that last one, but it his tone was still flat. He really did try though. You respond,

“The same reason you’re doing it for me, you care—“

“—The difference is, you do it for me too. So I do it for you, because we both..” his voice sounded endearingly soft spoken ”..care about each other.” You both paused, he was looking off to the floor leaning back on the counter across from you. “Listen, fine, I get it. You, care about them. But it’s taking a lot of your energy and time. So like, I don’t know fuckin’ pace yourself or somethin’.” He crossed his arms. “I hate— I don’t like to see how you get when people dump all of their shit on you. It’s not fair.” He was right. It wasn’t fair. Countless hours of you being up late because someone decided to keep you up with a dilemma, or someone making you late to something, you skipping meals cause your just too damn tired to move after coming home from someone’s monthly mental breakdown. He was right. It wasn’t fair. He stood up straight, his arms and legs crossed ‘Mean Girls’ style ,”Or I’m gonna start hanging up those calls on them in the middle of it. Thirty-minutes max or you’re charging.” You started giggling, trying to explain how he can’t do that in-between laughs. He smirked,

”Uh-huh, I will. Card only too.” He walked over to you, taking your emptied plate from you and putting it in the sink besides you. He propped himself up and looked into your eyes,”Just… Take it easy.” He reached for your hand, making a grabby motion at it. You place it into his scarred palm, his big ole’ hand making your hand look small. He took it softly and brought it to his lips and kissed softly. “Please.” He spoke softly again, voice cracking a little too. You nod, promising to find a way to get a even ground on it all instead of being overwhelmed with every call, text, conversation, you promised.

THE RED HOOD pulling up to someones house cause they won’t stop emotion dumping to you IK ITS A YT SHORT BUT ITS THE ONLY LINK I COULD FIND PLS SPARE MEEE — “Run yo’ pockets’ 😭😭

genuinely upsets him

He’ll still cook for you if you find yourself too tired after a that thirty minute call.

cause ong he wasn’t lying about hanging up.

had you lying to someone talkin about some..

‘ommgg sorry my phone died. 😭😭’

HE MEAN BUSINESS !!

He just hates how overworked you get, especially doesn’t like when he’s at a low moment and he already knows your overstressed and still comforting him.

JASON comin’ for that damn phone as soon as the call hit 30:01

HE DEF BE LISTENIN TO THAT DRAMA FR THO. MF LISTEN TO THAT SHIT LIKE A PODCAST. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS N’ EVERYTHING. 🙄😐😑😮😵‍💫😤

i had fun writing this. i need ak jason wtf☹️

PSPSP INBOX OPEN IF U WANT MORE! RQ SOMETHING! OR JUST YAP OG!

#arkham knight x reader #jason todd x reader #arkham knight #jason todd #jason peter todd #i ramble about arkham knight heheheej #red hood x reader #red hood #skullkidwithsunglasses #arkham knight jason todd #jason todd headcanons #arkham knight headcanon

[nanaminsmoon]

hiiii, so sorry if this is a lil long but bare w me pls, i love ur writing btw <3

ok: reader & plug!ony broke up about a year ago bc of something ony did (something bad but not like 100% unforgivable) but the feelings never left. he’s been tryna get her back over the year but she wasn’t budging cus she hadn’t seen any growth. recently tho she’s noticed he’s growing & she misses him. then at a function, she sees him pop out w a new girl & all their friends are staring at her like waiting for a reaction and in a littleee moment of jealousy, she goes up to ony like “you’re mine for life right?” and he jumps away from the other girl so fast like he BEEN waiting on this news 😭😭

omg thank you!! i was about to write something just like this but this is so much better!! i hope you like it and i'm sorry it took so long i just wanted it to be okay😭

cw: kinda angsty, oral (f receiving), car sex, ony calls reader 'ma', n word usage, mentions of breeding.

wc: 3913

atonement is hardly ever easy, and ony knew that first-hand. closing the gap between you and the person you once held closest to you can, surprisingly, be very difficult. even if a year of ‘separation’ is spent showing up at your ex-lovers’ door, or workplace, nail tech, or hair lady’s house. sometimes getting back to where you once where is needlessly difficult. especially if your definitions of said place are vastly different.

from the outside looking in, you and ony’s relationship had been picture perfect. he loved you as much as you loved him, and he wasn’t shy about it. everyone knew not to even look at you wrong, because they knew that they would have ony to deal with—and no one fucked with ony’s girl. except for him. because that picture had been held by a fraudulent frame; purposely hung over the large dent in your relationship. that being, his occupation.

from small kickbacks, to rich white kids who want to snort rebellion off their house keys, everyone had one thing in common—ony. no party started until ony got there and, as happy as you were for him, that didn’t come without its burdens. ony was almost always out dealing, giving you very little quality time to hang out. on the few occasions you got his undivided attention for more than a few hours, your peace would be interrupted by the ear-splitting noise erupting from his stupid nokia burner phone.

of course, small huffs of disappointment would slip past your lips when he told you that he had to leave. but you were used to it now, and that’s what helped ony sleep at night; knowing that you had become inured to his disconcerting disappearances, and abrupt reappearances. you knew that other people needed him, even if it meant that your needs were temporarily pushed aside. one time you had asked him, why it always had to be him that they called, and his response had been:

”my shit is the best, ma.”, said through a chortle, as he put his shoes on by your front door.

”i get that, but what about me?”, your arms crossed, as you tilted your head at your man—ony’s weakness. once you did that, with that look in your eyes, he couldn’t say no to you. but tonight, his priorities were different.

just let me do what i gotta do, and i’ll come right back to you. then i’m yours for the whole night.”, he had reassured, kissing your temple.

”just for the night?”, you scoffed.

”for life. now stay here, and i’ll be back.”, and that would appease you for the evening. but there’s only so much cracking one heart can do, before no adhesive can keep it whole, and it shatters into a million pieces. that night, you stripped yourself of ony’s shirt you had been wearing, and threw it into the corner of your bedroom; it smelt too much like him, and you hated it.

harmless hatred became deep disdain on the evening of your birthday. you had organised a dinner for a few of your closest friends and family, and had vehemently stressed to ony that he had to be there on time. because, if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t just be wasting your time, but he’d be wasting that of those closest to you as well. and he had promised you that if there’s something that had to be handled during the time of your dinner, he’d get connie or eren to do it so he could be with you. but 15 minutes of waiting for him became 30. and 30 soon became an hour, and your friends grew reasonably irate due to hunger. so you said they could order, and you’d just call ony one more time. but in a time where all you wanted to hear was your boyfriend’s voice, all you were met with was rings on the other line. that sound resounded all over the side of your face. and that feeling grew once the realisation hit that had you been a client, he wouldn’t have let the phone ring for more than five seconds. and that gave you a lot to think about.

you didn’t know how long the dinner lasted because your focus had remained on keeping your tears from falling into your food. you hated how pitiful you looked, lifting your head up every time someone walked into the restaurant, and the crestfallen expression that landed on your face each time you saw it wasn’t ony. it made no sense to you how the man who swore he would do anything for you, the man who placed a band on your ring finger, promising you that one day he’d marry you. the man who swore he had never loved anyone more than you, refused to put you before something so fleeting.

ony finally did show up though…two hours after the dinner had ended. heartbroken cries in your bedroom, had constantly been interrupted by calls coming from ony’s contact. but every single one went unanswered; he needed to feel what you felt when he had embarrassed you in front of your loved ones. though mere missed calls could never compare to the taste of your celebratory dinner food meshing awkwardly with the swallowed cries in your throat, you had to make him feel a morsel of the anguish he had put you through.

if ony could’ve gone full 2000s rnb music video; shirtless, singing outside your window with his chain blowing in the windy rain, he would’ve done. he would’ve even started throwing pebbles if he could, but your apartment was too high on your building. so he just settled on incessantly pressing the button next to your door number. and, after the nth try, you opened the door for him and he ran inside—pressing the elevator button a thousand times once he got in. and, just as he was about to knock on the door, it opened. and you stood on the other side, utterly unimpressed; bonnet on, your own pyjamas (instead of one of his shirts), and eyes reddened by tears. the impact caused by his heart unceremoniously dropping to the pit of his stomach caused a soft sigh to leave his mouth. then his lips began moving to explain himself.

“look, i'm sorry. i lost track of ti—”, his explanations were waved off—your own thoughts outweighing whatever he had to say to you.

“we're done, ony.”, was all you said to him before closing the door, and ony’s brain turned off, then back on again because what the fuck did you just say??

“y/n, open the door”, he banged on the door. and, not wanting any noise complaints, you opened it.

“what?”, you scowled.

“the fuck you mean done? talk to me”, ony’s hand reached out to yours, but quickly retreated when you pulled back from him. you had never done that; even when you were mad at him, you at least gave him a chance to get back into your good books again.

“you missed my birthday dinner, ony”, your voice was small, tears about to fall yet again.

“i know, and i'm sor—”,

“two years in a row.”,

“like i said, i'm sor—”,

“and my graduation, the party we had when i finally got my drivers license, the lunch you promised me on my first day at my new job. and you were meant to be my date at my sisters wedding.”, every example was punctuated by your fingertip harshly poking at his chest, and the tears just started falling on their own.

“i'm sorry, y/n”, ony’s voice started cracking, as his hand embraced the hand you had been poking him with.

“sorry isn't good enough anymore, ony. i deserve someone who prioritises me”,

“but everything i do is for us.”, he kissed your hand, “imma use this money to buy you ever—”,

“do you not understand that i don't want your money or gifts? i want you, ony.”, your breathed out, exasperation deeply set in your voice, and in your slumping posture, “anyone could give me bags and shoes, ony. but only you could give me your time. but you won’t, and that's the problem”

“so what, this is it?”,

“until you figure yourself out, yeah.”, you slid your hand from him, “it pains me because i love you so much, but i can’t keep living like this. if you're not ready for a girlfriend then you should've never got with me”

“but i am ready”, he pleaded.

“then act like it.”. were the words that echoed in ony’s head every time he showed up to the places he saw you posting on your story—heart holding hopes that your paths would cross. you didn’t know how he did it, but ony became your shadow for nearly the whole year you spent separated. even when you told him to give it up, he refused; sending bouquets of flowers to your workplace every few days, talking to you through your friends and family, and even showing up to your job to make up for that lunch he promised you. it hurt you to turn him away when you could see in his eyes that he would give up the world to have you in his orbit again. but, when you would ask him about where he got the money to even buy you these flowers in the first place, his silence was very telling.

but word on the street was that ony was a changed man now. your sources told you that he wasn’t dealing as much, and he had gotten a job. those sources being his instagram story that you watched through a burner account. seeing him everywhere made it impossible for you to wash yourself of him completely, so desparate times called for desparate measures. you missed that man so much, it was driving you crazy. it pissed you off seeing him being the man you had asked him to be, but not having the chance to bask in his progress. your love for ony wouldn’t vanish overnight, but it sure as hell hadn’t faded in the year you had been separated either. you kept his shirts and hoodies, and the promise ring he bought you was still on your finger.

so elated didn’t even begin to explain the feeling in your chest when, upon arriving at some house party, one of your girls told you that ony was there too. you tried to not seem so eager, but you had no control over your heart beating rapidly at the idea that you might see him again. all you needed was for him to apologise one more time, and you’d be all his. that was until you came to find that there was a hole blocking your reunion—that hole being in the shape of some girl giggling in his face, as his arm sat around her waist. every fibre of your being urged you to stomp over there, and scream his ear off. but he wasn’t your man anymore so there was nothing you could do but kiss your teeth and glower that them.

no man, not even ony, could get in the way of you and your friends enjoying yourselves. so that’s exactly what you did. for an hour, or two, ony didn’t exist and you just laughed and danced with your friends. however, the end of that would be marked when you stood, talking some guy you had just met, and one of your friends nudged you and nodded in ony’s direction.

“that doesn't bother you?”, she asked, obviously asking about the girl sat on ony’s lap.

“why would it?”, you shrugged back.

“you ain't say you missed the nigga?”, your other friend chimed in.

“okay? that doesn't mean i want him back”, you lied through your teeth.

“so you’re just missing him as hobby?”, sasha laughed.

“leave me alone.”, you chided, and your friends dropped the whole thing. but you wished those saltine whispers of jealousy would leave your eyes, and let you at least pretend to enjoy yourself in peace.

and if it wasn’t them ruining your fun, it was the girl’s friends staring at you.

“why are her friends looking at me?”, you whispered to connie. he had come over to speak to you, and that had caught ony’s attention. mainly because he wondered why you were willing to speak to his friend, but not him.

“they’re gloating.”, connie put a comforting arm around you, and pulled you closer to himself.

“well, tell them to stop.”, as if you could feel ony’s eyes on you, you moved connie’s arm from you, and connie laughed before putting it back where it was.

“they won’t. in their mind, she stole ony from you.”, he explained, and you scoffed.

“pfft, i could get that nigga back anytime i wanted”, you retorted, earning some knowing looks from your friends, before unprecedented words fell from sasha’s mouth.

“then do it.”, she nudged you, “you keep saying you want him so bad, go get him. he’s your man. go collect him”, that didn’t sound like a suggestion, it sounded like a dare. and you were never one to back down from a dare.

“fuck it”.

you didn’t know where your strides were leading you until you were barging past ony’s friends to link your arm around his own. at first, his body went into fight or flight because he thought he was about to be robbed, then calm came in the sound of your voice,

“ony, baby, where did you go? i've been looking for you everywhere”, you made sure to stick yourself onto him, and he didn’t move from you because he was too busy comprehending what the fuck was going on.

“y/n?”,

“i thought you guys were done?”, miss.whatever-her-name-was, linked ony’s other arm with her own, and pulled him towards herself.

“yeah, so did i”, ony spoke under his breath, looking down at you in bewilderment as he thought to himself; ”how much did i fucking smoke?”.

“who’s done?”, you looked up at him, “you’re mine for life, right?”, you pouted up at him, and all those memories of that night he had promised you he wouldn’t be long, came flooding back—ony folded immediately.

“always.”, he grinned at you, simultaneously yanking his arm away from whatever her name was.

“ony?”, she complained—now it was your turn to gloat.

“what?”, he sneered at her.

“you told me you guys were done”, she whined, and he rolled his eyes at her.

“well then don’t believe everything a nigga tells you”, was his final rebuttal before he pulled you outside.

at first, you just sat in silence, taking in the cool summer breeze. but ony had questions and, more importantly, he wanted to hear your voice.

“you forgive me then?”, his elbow gently met your arm.

“who said that?”, you stared down at your feet, kicking into the ground beneath you.

“you don't forgive me but you wanna do all that shit back there?”, he laughed.

“she didn't look good for you”, you finally looked up at him, and ony just laughed at you.

“you don't know her”,

“i just got that vibe”, you feigned a shudder, eyes still on him.

“what'd you really want, y/n?”, his index finger lifted your chin.

“you.”, your frank demeanour, and sincere eye contact, blew ony’s eyes wide open.

“well, you got me.”, as much as ony had changed in that year, his love for you remained incorrigible, and he’d be dumb to try and convince you otherwise. so he wouldn’t; he’d been wanting you back for far too long, and he’d finally gotten what he wanted.

“that easy?”, you teased.

“even if you’re not mine, i’ll always be yours, y/n. you know that”, ony’s words directed themselves at your lips; brown irises stuck onto your shining gloss.

“well then…can i be yours again?”, you muttered apprehensively, and the pause after that comment was unreadable.

“y’don’t even have to ask, c’mere”, ony reached his hand out to you.

gentle fingers, interlocked with yours, led you out of the party, and down a road that would end at ony’s car—parked overlooking the local area. he wasted no time; unlocking it before opening the back door, and gesturing for you to get in.

"already? you don’t at least want to talk first?”, you laughed at how keen he was, and a lazy smirk graced his face.

”we’ll talk after. get in.”, any anger, or disappointment, built up over the time you were together, had been mollified with just one comment. missing ony was something you never wanted to do again, and seeing the person he had apparently become, meant that you probably never would. all memories of past arguments, and splits, dispersed in ony’s mind once his lips met yours in a fervent kiss. it was one of longing, and regret. the heat emanating off his body causing particles of his internal regret to fill the inside of the car. you could feel it bouncing off your skin, as his tongue met with yours, and his hands kneaded at your flesh through your clothes. ultimately moving south to help you shimmy your way out of your jeans and underwear. he wouldn’t take them off completely, just leave them by your ankles as he laid you on your back, his mouth already placing soft kisses on your upper thigh. that lasted all of five seconds before ony’s tongue was wrapping around your clit, sucking on it gently. for him, this was a meal that was long overdue, and you could feel it in the way he ate you out like a starved man. taking no breaks; wet noises and thirsty moans, omitted by the ever-moving mouth entertaining your core, pervaded the vehicle.

ony had always luxuriated in eating you out, so it wasn’t long until you came; a rivulet dousing his lower face, before he finally came up for air.

”you still taste as good as i remember”, he uttered lowly, moving to give you a taste of yourself as he pressed his lips against yours. his kisses were haste as his hands fumbled to pull down his jeans and boxers, to angle himself at your entrance. the way you took in that first inch of him had him incapacitated; his forehead dropped to meet yours, while deep groans left his mouth.

”fuck…”, ony had to pause to compose himself before he gently pushed the rest of his length inside you. once he did, he just stayed there; eyes locked with yours, thanks to the streetlights, and you could’ve sworn that this man was close to tears with the way his eyes were glossing over.

the way he was fucking you was ineffable; a year was nothing compared to the others ony had spent studying your body, and the things it reacted to. like the way you’d grow tighter around him at his hands pressing your legs against your chest, as he fucked into you. even in the confined space, head crouched down so he didn’t hit the ceiling, ony still fucked you like you were in the comfort of his bedroom—with all the space, and time, in the world. his ireful tip would caress that spongy spot inside of you, over and over again, making your head spin. all those years of learning your body had not been in vain, because a few minutes in that position, and you came around him. keening his name, as your back lifted off the leather seats. ony was planning on taking you back to his place, and making up for lost time properly. but, for now, he would just turn you around and fuck into you from the back—your hands immediately finding the steamy windows,

”don’t do that, ma. people will know what we’re doin’ in here”, he chuckled at you and you moaned out a distorted version of,

”and the moving car doesn’t make it obvious?”. somehow, ony understood you; he was just used to your fucked out rebuttals, and he scoffed at you before giving the moving flesh surrounding your hips two quick slaps. your hands grabbed at anything they could to gain balance, ultimately deciding on the arm rest on the door. and ony’s hands would follow suit, but as he went to intertwine your fingers, his hands were met with cold metal. it was pretty dark in there, so he couldn’t really make out what it was, but a fleeting headlight revealed the ring he had bought you.

“still got that ring on?”, he smiled to himself.

“you p-promised me…”, you stammered out.

“that i’d marry you.”, his eyes softened at the fact that you had been wearing that ring, despite not being together. all because of that lovestruck vow he had made you,

“and imma keep to that promise. imma marry you, then imma fuck some babies into you”, he spoke to you, “that okay with you?”, you moaned out in loud agreement, and that drove ony to fuck you harder.

“good.”, the thought of you being his wife, sat in your marital bed, with his child in your arms sent him over the edge, and ony came in you. deep hums, containing declarations of his love, spilt all over the back of your neck. but his hips didn’t still because he could feel you coming again.

once you both came down from your orgasms, ony laid you down on your side, before pulling his boxers and jeans up and leaving the car momentarily to turn the car on. he opened the windows slightly, before returning to the back of the car. his back would soon be attached to the back door, yours against his chest as your fingers intertwined. even though you hadn’t covered yourself yet, and his nut was leaking out of you onto the leather seats, everything just seemed perfect. in its own weird way; you in ony’s arms again, and his lips pressing loving kisses on your temple.

”y’know it would’ve taken just one more knock at my front door for me to forgive you?”, you looked up at him. and, once the initial shock subsided, he chuckled at you.

”but i kinda think it’s better this way.”, he shrugged.

”how?”, you sat up to face him properly.

”it felt good to finally be able to give you my attention when you asked it of me.”, he smiled, reaching out to stroke your cheek, ”no interruptions. just us.”, after all the emotional turmoil, it was nice hearing that word again; ”us”.

”for life.”, you kissed his knuckle.

”for life.”

© Rights owned by nanaminsmooninc. Do not repost without permission.

#nanaminsmooninc #aot x black reader #aot x black y/n #onyankopon x black reader #ony x black y/n #aot onyankopon #plug!onyankopon #ony x black reader #onyankopon smut

[dancermk]

HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

#fellow travelers #hawk and tim #hawkins fuller #tim laughlin #hawk and skippy #matt bomer #jonathan bailey #lgbtqia #queer media

[asthronauta]

WOUNDS THAT NEVER HEAL | Remus Lupin – Son! Male Reader.

Summary: Remus had within him a destructive beast that destroyed and destroyed itself. And on one of those nights he gives himself a wound that cannot be healed.

Warnings: Angst, the kind of Angst that will destroy you. Happy ending tho? There is some Fluff (father-son bond) but mostly Angst. Description of wounds (the wolf attacking itself). Sensitive topics (I don't want to say it because I don't want to give spoilers but it is a pretty painful topic). Remus is a great dad :( Enjoy?

Btw, english is not my first language so there may be some errors in my writing. I'm still learning!

Remus' body was covered in scars of all sizes. Some longer, some shorter. Some more painful, some less painful. But they were all there. Written on his skin, telling his story. Like a brand that would stay with him forever. The evidence of his pain, his past, his present and his future. The wounds he had inflicted on himself as a result of his own desperation, of his own pain, of that beast that lived inside him and escaped from his interior every full moon. Remus hated himself, he always had. And he didn't believe he ever stopped doing it. It was something he couldn't help. His condition, his curse, that burden that he carried with him everywhere. The burden that he forced everyone around him to carry. His family, his friends... His son. Remus felt like that, a burden. A nuisance.

That's how it was for many years. Eventually, he learned to live with it. Maybe it was all the nights that Sirius had comforted him or the responsibility of being a father that had made him put his own pain aside, but Remus felt happy. Happy because, despite his lycanthropy, he had a wonderful life. He had people who loved him. He had friends, he had family. He had lost many loved ones, yes, but he still had many more to carry on for. The most important person in his life; his son, would soon be graduating, and Remus' only wish was to see him grow up. That was the only thing he wanted. Remus was happy because for the first time in his life he looked around and didn't see pain, he saw love. He saw a future that he was eager for. Seeing his son grow up, graduate, fulfill his dreams, was enough for him to forget everything that had been tormenting him for so many years.

But life is cruel, isn't it?

Just a few days after his son turned seventeen, Remus had a particularly rough night. He didn't have Wolfsbane, he had spent that month's money buying his son a gift. It was a sacrifice he was willing to do for him, so he simply decided to find a place where he can spend the full moon. Just like old times. He had already been through that many times so he didn't thought this time would be different. What a mistake. Remus would never be able to get that night out of his head. It would repeat itself in his consciousness over and over again like a broken record because that day his life changed completely.

His wolf was enraged. Out of control like it hadn't been in many years. He dug his long nails deep into his own skin, Remus could feel the burning pain course through his body as his wounds spurted blood. It was horrible. Maddening. A pain that Remus had forgotten and didn't want to remember. But there it was, reminding him once again like a macabre joke. His wolf bit and tore his own skin, almost skinning himself. It seemed like the animal wanted to kill itself. Hitting against things, banging his own head against the wall until he almost lost consciousness, biting and scratching his own skin until the floor was painted with his own blood.

It was a blurry night. The only thing Remus remembered from that night was all the pain he had felt and waking up in the hospital the next day. Bedridden. Not being able to move, not being able to speak. Completely paralyzed.

•

•

•

•

Time had passed since that night.

It was a cold morning. Christmas was near, the year was ending. Many people were celebrating with their families and friends, but Remus couldn't. Not in the condition he was in. His son dragged the wheelchair to the kitchen, settling it in front of the table where [Y/N] hurried to put the dishes. “Today I cooked your favorite, dad” the teenager said, speaking with a naturalness unbecoming of the situation. Remus watched him carefully, the boy was serving breakfast with a smile that Remus knew he was forcing onto his face. “I tried to do it like you used to. It was a little difficult because I had to do it from memory but hey, I don't think it's that bad” [Y/N] said, showing him a weak, gentle smile, sitting next to him.

[Y/N] still spoke to him, and Remus was deeply grateful for that. He understood that it wasn't easy to talk to a person when you know you won't receive an answer. [Y/N] was strong enough, thoughtful enough to still talk to his father. And Remus was grateful. He never in his life wanted to say ‘thank you’ as much as in that moment, but he couldn't. Even if he tried, only a few sounds would come out of his mouth. Nothing more. [Y/N] looked at his father, motionless in that wheelchair. He felt a horrible lump in his throat, and the deep need to cry. But he held back. He couldn't. Not there, not in front of his father. “...Here, let me help you,” he said, bringing the plate to him.

Helping him, that was what [Y/N] had been doing for him since the accident. That and so much more. Since that night, since that full moon, Remus had been confined to a wheelchair. His body was completely paralyzed. Weak movements with his face and hands were all he could do. He couldn't speak either, a few moans were the only thing he could let out with effort. Remus was imprisoned in his own body, a body that had become useless. [Y/N] had practically become the man of the house, Remus couldn't work anymore, he couldn't do anything for himself. And the responsibility had fallen on his son, who wasn't even an adult yet. “Wanna try?” [Y/N] said, holding the fork to Remus' mouth as if he were a baby. Remus swallowed, one of the few things he could do on his own. He felt useless. “It tastes good, doesn't it?” [Y/N] couldn't help but let a small proud smile leave his lips. He didn't usually cook, he had been forced to learn to do so after the accident, and every small achievement was a source of pride for him, and for Remus too. Remus was happy for him and at the same time he was so sorry. “I'm not that bad of a cook after all, huh?” he said with a boyish smile. He felt so proud of himself, Remus wanted to smile at him so badly. Tell him that of course he was a good cook, that he could be the best if he wanted to. But he couldn't. He was trapped behind his motionless body.

Remus never felt so miserable in his life. He felt so useless, so desolate. He was screaming in pain inside but he was silent outside. A silence that drove him crazy. It was a pain and desperation that he couldn't show and Remus had never in his life appreciated being able to speak as much as he did now. He couldn't stop thinking about all those times he didn't speak, all those times he kept things to himself. All those times he had something to say and didn't say it. All the things he had to say and couldn't. It was an overwhelming anxiety, wanting to scream and not having a voice.

But you don't appreciate what you have until you lose it, right?

“I've talked to mom.” [Y/N] continued talking while feeding his father. “She said she will send us money this month too. Luckily she's been.. ehm, nice.” Remus didn't get along with [Y/N]'s mother. It was a strained and uncomfortable relationship. The woman seemed to hate Remus and has stayed away from him since [Y/N] was born. She only spoke to her son's father because she had no other option, and Remus was sure that if she could make him disappear she would. But her heart seemed to have softened when she learned of Remus' new condition -which only made Remus more miserable-. She had been the one who had been helping them financially since the accident, because Remus could no longer provide for himself or his son. “Still, I've got a job for this vacation,” he smiled at him, “I want to help, you know? Even if it's just a little.” The teen said, giving Remus a small smile that reminded him of his own. Remus felt so guilty. His son was still a child, Remus still saw him as a child. A teenager who didn't know anything about the world yet. A boy Remus had yet to finish raising, whom he still had so many things to teach. He was just a boy. His boy. His son, who had been robbed of his teenage years. He, with his limitations, had taken away his teenage years. Even so, [Y/N] continued to help him in every way possible. Cooking for him, helping him bathe, change clothes, even getting a job to help financially. Remus was so proud of him and at the same time he felt like he owed him so, so much.

“It's in a bookstore, that bookstore where the old lady who always wears flowers on her head works, remember?” [Y/N] spoke normally, as if it were just another day in his life. One more of those days before everything happened. Remus remembered that lady. She was a kind, chubby lady, a lady who had practically seen [Y/N] and even Remus grow up. In Remus' first memories of that woman she was already old. And she already worked in that old, small bookstore. Remus remembered a little [Y/N] standing on his tiptoes on the counter every time he went to buy a book there, trying to see over it with his eyes barely catching the old woman's tender smile. Remus would give anything to live those days once again. “She told me that she heard about… you know, the accident. And she said that she wouldn't hesitate to give me a hand if I needed it.” Remus sighed, everyone had been doing that. Feeling sorry for him. Was that supposed to make him feel better? Because he only felt more miserable.

Remus rambled on about that lady for a moment. He had been doing that a lot lately. He couldn't do anything but think, so he had become something of a gossip lady. He couldn't remember the lady's name, but he could remember something very specific. He remembered that that lady's daughter had died, and that she was taking care of her grandson by herself. It was curious, that thing in particular seemed to have been erased from his memory until now. He was surprised to notice all the suffering that that lady had been hiding behind her smile for so many years and Remus not only didn't give it any importance, he also cared so little that he simply forgot about it. He couldn't help but wonder if that would happen to him too. If everyone would eventually forget about his suffering, about his accident. Remus couldn't help but think of his friends turning their backs on him, of his son turning his back on him.

At that point he was just rambling. But his mind had become a black cloud of negative thoughts that followed him everywhere. Maybe they were just stupid thoughts, but he couldn't help it. It's just that he felt so, so useless. He felt like a baby that needed to be taken care of, and he didn't believe that anyone would want to take care of him forever.

It seemed curious how everyone seemed to have so many experiences, so much pain within them. And how simply everything that makes a person cannot be seen behind a look, behind a smile. It was even cruel how everyone just continued with their happiness when so many others were suffering in silence, forgotten. Remus assumed that; everyone suffers in their own circumstances, but that we were always selfish enough to put our pain above that of others. No matter what. Because at the end of the day, we are all a little selfish. Even him, completely forgetting the suffering of the lady he saw almost every day on his way to work.

And no one cared about the pain of a man who couldn't even move.

“And then I remembered that I hadn't seen her grandson in a while, I asked her about it and she didn't hesitate to tell me” He couldn't help but let out a small giggle at that. [Y/N] remembered how much that woman liked to talk and vent about her life. “She told me that her grandson moved, that he was studying at a university. Then she started complaining that her prince” He rolled his eyes at the nickname, smiling. Remus would have smiled alongside him if he could. He had never before noticed how beautiful it was to smile at his son. “left and given up the cashier job. So I didn't hesitate and asked her when I could start working.” He said, with a boyish, victorious smile. Like a child proud of his little achievement.

His son was growing up alone in front of his eyes and he couldn't do anything to accompany him. It felt horrible to miss out on his son's life as time continued to pass and pass before his eyes. Remus looked at his boy, barely noticing the innocent features of his little boy on the face of the teenager about to become a man in front of him. [Y/N] was so much like him, in some way or another. Molly had mentioned it several times, his son looked like him. Sometimes it was small gestures, sometimes it was the way he explained things, or sometimes the angle where he looked at his face. But his boy had a lot of him in him. Sometimes Remus looked at [Y/N] and couldn't help but see himself. To see in his son's eyes the same eyes he had been looking in the mirror for years. Remus couldn't help but think that [Y/N] was an improved version of him. And he was so proud of his son.

“Mhm! I haven't told you” [Y/N] said, removing the fork from Remus' suddenly, just when Remus was about to make an effort to swallow. [Y/N] raised the fork to his mouth casually, as if he didn't notice. Remus watched as his son swallowed the food that was meant for him and couldn't help but want to giggle. It was such an innocent, dumb action. [Y/N] hadn't even realized and for some reason it touched him. Remus really, really wished he could hug his boy right then. “I had a new DADA teacher this year” [Y/N] began to tell, Remus' interest quickly piqued. “I think he's my favorite so far.. he's not as good as you, of course, but I like him. His name is Edward.. I hope he lasts and doesn't leave after a year like all DADA teachers, I don't want Snape to be my teacher” [Y/N] said, making a small expression of disgust that Remus would laugh at if he could. He was happy to know that [Y/N] liked his new teacher. Remus regretted not being able to continue being his son's teacher, but at least now he knew that his replacement was good and that his son would continue to maintain a good education. Although he would love to be able to teach his son himself.

Remus looked up, meeting [Y/N]’s eyes again. But this time [Y/N] was silent. Remus knew his son well enough to know he was thinking about something. [Y/N] seemed hesitant this time, his lips pressed together, trying to decide if he should express what he was thinking. Finally, he decided to do it. “...They miss you... your students, they miss you.” Remus knew it, he had received many letters from his students after the accident. He loved teaching DADA. Teaching, communicating, connecting. He missed it so much. His classes, his students. And they missed him too. He was missed, and he didn't know if that made him feel better or worse. “...You were a wonderful teacher, dad.”

A bitter tear ran down his cheek. And then another, and another, and Remus couldn't stop it. He tried to swallow the heavy lump in his throat but the bitterness ran through his body and swallowing hurt. His eyes clouded over and Remus couldn't see his son's worried face anymore. Remus missed so much, so much, that he would give what little was left of him to relive a single day of his old life. “Dad…” [Y/N] murmured worriedly, terrified to see his father crying. He reached out and gently placed his hand on top of Remus'. Oh, his boy. His sweet boy. Remus owed his boy so much. His weak hand struggled to move, finding his son's and giving it a gentle squeeze, a squeeze that was the only thing he had left from those old hugs. He missed being able to hold his son. Remus remembered his baby, his little baby boy, so small and fragile in his arms. So innocent and so pure, sleeping in his father's arms with all the tenderness of a small being. Remus couldn't believe that that tiny baby was now this amazing young boy in front of him. Remus didn't know how he managed to raise someone so wonderful but he was so proud. Remus didn't deserved him, he just didn't.

“Dad don't.. don't cry” He stammered, feeling emotional himself. His father was the strongest person [Y/N] knew, and seeing him like this, so vulnerable, so fragile, so hurt, broke his heart. Things weren't easy for [Y/N] either, he had cried entire nights missing his father. It was all so scary, so sudden. He was just a young boy who now had to face everything by himself. And he still needed his dad, he needed him so much. His care, his guidance. Now he was the one who had taken over as caretaker, and although [Y/N] knew he would do anything for his father, he was terrified. And lost. “I…” [Y/N] bited his lip, trying to hold back his own tears. He didn't know what to say. Seeing the man who raised him break down like that in front of him scared him so much.

[Y/N] could feel the weak grip on his hand. His father's desperate attempt for contact, to feel him close again. He squeezed his hand back, feeling completely destroyed inside. Was this all that was left of his father? [Y/N] missed him so much. He would do anything to be able to hear his father's voice one more time. [Y/N] trembled, swallowing the lump in his throat. His father used to tell him how brave and strong he was when he was little, he wanted to have those words present at all times. Especially now that his father couldn't use his voice to remind him himself. He knew that's what his dad would want him to do. He wiped away the tears with his free hand and then leaned towards Remus, giving him a soft, gentle kiss on the cheek. “It’s okay dad… don't be sad.” He said with a trembling voice, not knowing what to say to take away his father's immense pain. He looked at him, his father's gentle face now static and haggard. He could see the deep sadness behind those empty long-suffering eyes. His father's warm chocolate eyes seemed to have darkened.

“I… I love you so much, dad” His voice had become small and weak, no matter how hard he tried to keep it steady. “And… you don't know.. how much it hurts me to see you like this” this time he just couldn't hold back his tears. “I just… I miss you so much… You don't know... You don't know how much I need you... I need my dad, I...” he trembled “I know you raised me to be brave but... Dad… I'm so scared” He looked at the ground, unable to look his father in the eyes as he finally broke down like a little child. “Please.. come back… I still need you…” He whispered weakly, sobbing as he looked at the ground. Trembling with no one to comfort him.

[Y/N] let himself cry, cry like he had been crying all those nights since the accident, cry like a scared little boy. He liked to imagine his father's long arms hugging him, hiding him in his chest, away from fear, away from everything. Just him and his father's warm love. He wanted to be comforted one more time, just one more time, like when he was a little. He needed it more than ever. He remembered his small form, tiny in front of Remus' large body. He remembered how he used to crawl under his father's sweaters and long coats in the winter, refusing to leave. He remembered his father's sweet chuckle, looking down at him with his warm eyes “So you're going to live in there, huh? Then I guess I'll have to pay you rent.” [Y/N] perfectly remembered his father's voice saying that and it hurt him so much.

It was at that moment when he felt a subtle, soft, almost phantom caress of his father's thumb on his hand. [Y/N] looked up, thinking that perhaps it had been his imagination, that his mind was cruelly playing with him. But there it was. His father's long, weak fingers were moving ghostly. Caressing him. Speaking without speaking. [Y/N] began to cry again, but no longer from sadness. He trembled as he felt his father's caress, because it was a caress that provided comfort, it was a caress that provided love, it was a caress that said 'I'm still here.’

#i have no idea what i write #kinda like it tho #it took me four months to write this 💀 #im not proud of that #remus lupin x male reader #remus lupin x male!reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #marauders x male reader #marauders x reader #harry potter x male reader #hp x male reader #x male reader #x male!reader #male reader #male!reader #male reader insert

[lovelybrooke]

Could I request some platonic inosuke with a slayer who's his polar opposite? I thought it'd be fun! Thank you.

Inosuke x polar opposite reader.

Check out my other works here.

Reader who is polar opposite from Inosuke would be someone who is more quiet, soft spoken, and not as brash as our favorite boar head. It's honestly a surprise that you and Inosuke became such good friends, but you balance each other out nicely, which is precisely why you're so close.

Inosuke doesn't care about that much other than becoming stronger. You, however, are the one exception. I think the only way you could get so close to him is through taking him seriously and seeing him more than just some loud-mouthed hooligan.

You wouldn't be able to tell when Inosuke first started taking interest in you since he doesn't treat you any differently than anyone else. He'll roughhouse with you, take your food, call you weak, the whole works. It's only in the little details that you can truly tell he cares for you. He isn't a tough on you compared to others, he makes sure you always eat a good amount of your food before taking from your plate, his teasing never goes far enough to become mean.

Inosuke feels like you're the only one who truly understands him, not Tanjiro, not Zenitsu, just you. It's why he's so protective of you. Inosuke, regardless of what he says, doesn't believe you're weak, but that doesn't mean he likes it when you go out on missions or fight demons without him. In fact, he hates it. It's why he basically never leaves your side. He always goes on missions with you and protect you with everything he has. He's constantly worried about losing you to something out of his control.

Inosuke doesn't let anyone step on you, metaphorically and physically. He'll destroy anyone who hurts you and expect you to praise him endlessly for it. He also knows that your quiet and that might lead to people not taking you seriously, so he's ready to defend you at any point. He takes any insult to you personally and will not let any person who hurt you live.

Inosuke hates it when people bring up how different you two are, so what if you're quiet or shy? That doesn't change a thing about you. Whenever someone makes some stupid comment like, "It's so strange you put up with Inosuke" or "I know Inosuke's hard to deal with, I pity you" his blood boils. He isn't a burden, is he?

Due to your more kindhearted nature, Inosuke does have moments where he thinks the only reason, you're his friend is because you pity him. You're just so...nice, always worrying about him and making sure he's okay. He's never had someone like that until now, so don't blame him when he hugs you tight and doesn't let go. Don't blame him when he tears though the flesh of someone who hurt you during a mission. Don't blame him when yells at someone from across the room for looking at you weirdly. Just, please don't blame him for anything he does, just be there for him, and he'll be happy.

A/n: Hopefully you liked this. Please like, reblog, and comment if you enjoy.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer #yandere demon slayer x reader #yandere demon slayer

[skepsiss]

Tooth and Nail pt2

Part 2 of this mini-series. I guess I'm writing like 4 mini-series right now. This story is about Eddie being the one to question his sexuality after Steve comes out first. Read the first part to get the full details.

This part is pretty darn sad with a lot of introspection. I put up a mini-poll asking people what they wanted to read the most and Eddie being introspective was winning when I started writing this. I'm likely to write all the options on that poll still, so don't fret. I want to say clearly too that I do not agree with Eddie's thoughts. Sharing your emotions is never selfish and I think the fact that he feels like a burden is something he needs to work through. He is unwell. I'll admit I made myself cry writing this so if you're emotionally fragile like I am (lol) read at your own risk.

TW: Internalized homophobia (he's working through it), self-hatred, brief thoughts on death, mention of war (Vietnam and Korea).

PT1 PT2 PT3

---

"I kissed Steve."

"What?" Gareth said, startled as he stared at Eddie. 

Eddie was sitting on a beaten-up old armchair in Jeff’s garage; it was night and they’d opened the garage door to let in the summer air. The whole block was having a party and despite the time of night, the street was still alight with lamps and Christmas lights as people mingled in the street. Eddie had taken refuge in the garage (slightly paranoid that someone was going to touch the band equipment) after the first hour of forcing himself to be social. He had a beer in hand, even though he was underage, but it didn’t seem like any of the adults cared as long as they behaved. Hell, Eddie didn’t even live on this block but he was here enough that the neighbours didn’t seem to mind.

“A week and a half ago,” Eddie answered. He was slouching badly with one leg up on the seat, looking as if he was trying to lounge on a satee instead of a corduroy, La-Z-Boy from the 60s.

“Wait–sorry, what?” Gareth asked again, holding his own beer between his knees as he stared at Eddie. He had come to join him a few moments ago since Eddie had been moping by himself, and then they had proceeded to sit in silence until now.

Eddie flicked his gaze over to the younger boy before taking a long sip of his beer as if to say, yeah, you heard right without the willingness to repeat himself. He was quietly pissed, actually, but was chomping at the bit to talk to someone about it.

“So, are you like…” Gareth started, waving one of his hands as if that would fill in the blank.

“I’m fucking straight,” Eddie muttered, looking away and taking another long drink from his beer.

“Then why–” Gareth wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise and anyone who came to talk to Eddie when he was in a mood like this knew that coming in.

“I don’t fucking know!” Eddie grumbled, crossing his other arm over his chest and slouching all the way down in his seat so only his neck was being supported by the back of the chair.

Gareth frowned at him and looked away, no doubt wondering what he should say to all of that. It gave Eddie a moment to calm down and he eventually sat back up.

“I just…” he muttered, speaking into his drink, “I don’t know; it’d be easy if he was a girl. I just wish he was a girl.”

“Eddie…” Gareth mumbled a bit incredulously as he pinched his brows in. His expression was pitying and Eddie hated that it looked like he felt sorry for him. That was annoying and he scowled before looking away. 

Eddie’s logic was sound, it didn’t make sense why Gareth would be questioning it. Things would be easier if Steve was just a girl, that way if he had kissed him it wouldn’t be a big deal. Just an oops, sorry, that was uncool, well, anyways, and then they’d move on. He wouldn’t have to be dealing with this crisis of conscience and saying that he was just joking around wouldn’t have blown up in his face–maybe, he wasn’t sure. If Steve was a girl saying that he was joking actually might have blown up in his face more now that he was thinking about it… probably wasn’t cool to yank a girl’s chain like that.

“We were high and I don’t know, I wanted to talk to him about it being fine that he’s gay or whatever and I wasn’t thinking at all and I just…” Eddie sighed heavily and chugged the remainder of his beer. He twisted the pull-tab off and flicked it across the room, aiming for the bin and missing.

“You always want to kiss people when you’re high?” Gareth asked an edge of humour to his voice. He was teasing lightly, but Eddie didn’t have the patience for that kind of crap right now. 

“Fuck no,” Eddie grouched, crossing his arms and resuming his earlier position where one of his legs was up and he was slouched into the corner of the seat. “I wouldn’t kiss your ugly mug for money.”

Gareth snorted lightly and took a swig of his beer, letting the moment simmer.

“So…” he continued, glancing at Eddie before looking away sharply, “he get mad or something?”

Eddie groaned as he covered his eyes with the side of his hand, cupping his forehead as he tipped his head back. Why had he brought this up? He didn’t want to talk about this. It had been eating his insides alive, but he didn’t actually want to talk about it. What was Gareth going to do? Tell him the magic words to make Steve like him again?

“I told him I was joking,” Eddie mumbled, “and that I didn’t mean it–I even apologized, and I don’t fucking apologize to anyone.”

“Tell me about it,” Gareth muttered under his breath and Eddie hucked his empty beer can at his head, forcing Gareth to duck.

“Jesus–” he half laughed, the can knocking against him harmlessly and clattering to the ground, “just saying.”

Eddie flicked him off and motioned to get up. He didn’t need to be here for this, he didn’t want to be around people. This sucked. He could tell that Gareth was trying to be helpful–trying to be a friend–but he didn’t have the patience for it and he didn’t want to have another fight with another friend over something stupid.

Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and shuffled over to Gareth before picking up the empty can and chucking it into the garbage. He wasn’t about to leave trash in Jeff’s garage, his parents let them practice there and store their gear most of the time and Eddie wasn’t going to burn this location. 

“Say bye to Jeff for me,” Eddie muttered, grouching out of the garage, “and thanks for the food.”

“You going home?” Gareth asked, leaning over the side of his chair to watch Eddie.

“No, this is an illusion,” Eddie mocked, turning and waving his hand in front of his face and giving a manic smile, “the Eddie you know died a long time ago.”

Gareth half laughed, but his brows pinched in at the same time. Eddie didn’t stick around to see if that meant he wanted to say something. He just continued to walk away, turning and hunching his shoulders as he walked past energetic little kids chasing one another and people starting to pack up their dishware. He didn’t feel like unpacking what he had told Gareth or why stating that he had died twisted his guts up into knots. He also didn’t like that he could tell that his upset wasn’t due to the fact that he was lying, but rather that it felt too close to the truth. 

Eddie lit a cigarette and started the long walk home. He lost the last of the dusk light halfway through his walk, already two cigarettes down as he got closer to Cherry Street. He wanted to say he ended up there by accident, but that would have been a lie. He walked this way often, actually, and it had been convenient once upon a time. Steve lived on Cherry Street… and Cherry Street backed up onto the forest that connected to the trailer park. A funny coincidence, he had said once to Steve, makes it easier to bother you. That was all too true now though. He was more than a bother.

Eddie stood looming at the end of the street as he stared off towards Steve’s house, the large, stark white structure easy to spot even in the dark. The lawn was lit up by small pot lights and the street lamp across the road shone brightly down onto the sidewalk. Eddie was out of view of any of the windows from his vantage, but he could see the side of the garage and the front of Steve’s house still.

He grumbled miserably and flicked the butt of his cigarette, not bothering to stamp it out before rerouting and taking the long way home. He didn’t want to walk past Steve’s place and risk seeing him, he didn’t know what he’d say if he saw him… he still didn’t really know what had happened. The whole thing felt jumbled in his mind and then crystal clear all at once. He could remember everything so vividly, but it was as if they had been speaking a foreign language to each other: none of it made sense.

Why did he kiss Steve?

Why had that led to Steve getting so angry he nearly got hit?

Why was he such a jackass that seemed to ruin any good thing that happened to him?

It was pitch black by the time Eddie made it home, but he knew the route well enough. The trailer park didn’t have any lights other than the rinky-dink porch lights that some of the homesteads had. It wasn’t that late, but things got dark this far away from town. He came home late like this all the time though, so it wasn’t a surprise when the flyscreen slapped open and Wayne was lounging on the couch. Wayne wasn’t working right now, which was a problem, but they had a small nest egg from the government to live off of for at least a few more weeks. It was amazing how far you could stretch a dollar when you’d been doing it for 20 years. 

“That you, Eddie?” Wayne asked, sparing a glance towards the door as a commercial popped onto the screen.

“Yeah…” Eddie mumbled, standing by the front door with his hands in his pockets still. He was looking at the ground, and Eddie wasn’t sure why he felt paralyzed. He didn’t want to move, but he didn’t want to be standing there either… stuck in some kind of limbo.

“You’re home early,” Wayne commented, his tone sounding cautious as if he wasn’t sure if a conversation was going to come out of this, “everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Eddie answered, again, not really sure what he was expecting.

Silence drew out between them as Eddie shifted from foot to foot, just wanting to… be around someone. He wasn’t sure if that was right, but he wanted to be invited in or something. He selfishly wanted to be comforted even though he was the problem.

“What’re you watching?” He mumbled, still not looking at Wayne.

“Mash,” Wayne answered easily, “reruns.”

Eddie nodded and sniffed, feeling like a stranger in his own home. Though he supposed that wasn’t right, this was Wayne’s home, he was a guest. He was a guest that had worn out his invitation by years and years. The deal had been until he graduated, but he still hadn’t done that and it was starting to feel like an impossibility. He didn’t want to be a burden though and he knew that getting a job was the next best thing… but he hadn’t been able to force himself to do that yet either.

Slowly, Eddie shuffled over to the couch and sat down a cushion width away from his uncle, looking up at the TV. The commercials were ending and Eddie felt his throat tighten as he tried to push himself into small talk.

“Is it a good episode?” He asked, having seen most of MASH living here with Wayne. He liked the show, and Eddie could understand why. All the characters questioned why they were at war and the ethics of it all. Made sense for someone like Wayne to get some kind of catharsis from the show after coming home from ‘Nam all those years ago.

“It’s the one where Hawkeye tries to get ribs sent from Chicago to Korea,” Wayne explained, sipping the drink he had in his hand and looking back at the TV.

Eddie snorted slightly, remembering the episode. He toed his shoes off and tucked up onto the couch so he could rest his chin on his knees, the room falling into silence except for the murmur of the TV and the tell-tale M*A*S*H song in the background. It was easy to watch and Eddie stared at the grainy images on the screen as Wayne and him shared the living room. He always liked that he could be quiet with Wayne, but it felt a bit forced on his part tonight.

A commercial broke up the episode and Eddie sighed, not looking at Wayne as he tipped his head to the side before chewing his lip and finally speaking.

“You ever… had a fight with a friend?” Eddie asked quietly, not liking the sound of his own voice right now. It was quiet for a beat before Wayne responded, his tone calm.

“Sure,” he said easily, obviously waiting for Eddie to continue, “you… have a fight with the band?”

“Steve,” Eddie mumbled, shaking his head no to Wayne’s assumption as he picked off the black polish on his nails.

“What did you do… to fix it?” Eddie asked, still not looking up.

“Apologized… talked, bought them a beer,” Wayne offered loosely, “depends on what the fight was about.”

Eddie nodded solemnly, not liking that there wasn’t some magic answer to his query. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he didn’t feel like elaborating his problem either. So he just nodded and picked at his nails, waffling for a long time before more words tumbled out of him.

“Do you think… people just… dislike me?” Eddie asked, his lip quivering a bit before he got control of it, swallowing hard to hide his emotions. Wayne didn’t say anything right away which forced a bitter laugh from Eddie’s lungs.

“Like, I’m difficult, I know it, people don’t like difficult but sometimes…” Eddie smiled sadly as he held back his emotions, hiding his face between his knees again, “something even when I’m around people that are… like me, I’m just… different.”

Eddie didn’t like the words that were slipping out of him, why he felt like this was related to what had happened with Steve, or why he was saying it to begin with. He didn’t want to talk about this and he didn’t want to put this on Wayne to think about, that wasn’t fair. Wayne dealt with enough of his bullshit, more than any Uncle should have to, but sometimes Eddie couldn’t help that his uncle felt like the only safe person to talk to.

“It feels like it’s just so easy for me to–” he laughed quietly again, having a harder time holding back the wavering tone of his voice, “--to just–fuck things up with people.”

His body betrayed him and Eddie felt tears slipping down his face and he rushed to push them away so they wouldn’t be seen, still shielded by his knees as he hunched like a gargoyle.

“Eddie–” Wayne started, too much sympathy in his voice.

“Sorry,” Eddie muttered, trying to put levity into his tone, “I know you don’t like it when I drop the f-bomb.”

That was partly true, but Eddie also knew that Wayne didn’t care that much. They swore all the time, he just didn’t like being sworn at.

Wayne went quiet for a moment and Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of any lingering tears that might be holed up in there.

“What’s going on, boy?” Wayne asked, his voice incredibly gentle.

Eddie felt his bottom lip bunch up, hating that any time Wayne sounded like that Eddie was doomed to start breaking down. It was like a superpower or something–he didn’t know, but Wayne had made him cry dozens of times when he felt on the verge of tears. He always felt selfish seeking out comfort from his uncle when he had already saddled him with so many problems.

“I hate people–” Eddie blubbered, not sure if that was what he really wanted to say but that felt like the strongest phrasing he could find to describe how he felt. He felt so small and so selfish, reverting back to some kind of scared kid who didn’t know how to deal with his own emotions. 

Eddie finally looked up, his face wet and his chest tight, and he crawled across the seat cushioned and collapsed onto his side, pressing his face into Wayne’s thigh. He was so pathetic… he was twenty years old and he was crying into his uncle's lap? Eddie the demon, the freak, the devil, metal head, satanic worshipper – yeah right.

“Sometimes it feels like–people just–I’m just–-I’m made to be hated,” he blubbered, hiding his face and gasping through his words. He felt miserable and like he wasn’t really saying what he meant, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say or even why he was doing this right now. It was like hundreds of emotions were trying to fight their way out of his chest and he couldn’t do anything about it. He hated it.

Wayne touched the top of his head and Eddie felt himself choke.

Wayne’s touch was gentle and Eddie couldn’t help but sob as he started to stroke the back of his head. It was a subdued affection, but one that Eddie knew was genuine. Wayne wasn’t a man of many words, so sometimes a touch was the best he was going to get. There was a reason why Wayne sometimes felt like the only safe person–even if Eddie still felt like he was a burden to his uncle.

“Everything about me just—” Eddie sobbed, gritting his teeth as he just let his thoughts and feelings freefall from him. “Why am–I—I–why do I like everything people can–can just hate–about me? I don’t like anything normal—I’m just–nothing about me is normal.”

Usually, Eddie was the first one to proclaim that he was different and scream it loudly for people to hear. He’d shout and point and own it and draw all the other weirdos towards him. He was the king of all the freaks, but it felt like he was still an island amongst them. He was always somehow different. Like there was this wall he bumped up against far too easily that would crop up out of nowhere. How he’d say or do something and just fuck everything up in one fell swoop. 

Why did he keep giving people new reasons to call him a freak?

“I hate being like this–I hate–I hate that I can’t just–be normal for—for five minutes,” he gasped, feeling that swell of self-hatred rising in his chest, “it’s always my fault–it’s–I’m always… so… difficult. I just—I can’t—...I don’t know why–I don’t—I hate it, I hate it so much.”

He was feeling sorry for himself again and that felt unfair. It didn’t feel like this was something he got to be upset about or something that Wayne or anyone else cared about. It felt unfair to complain to a man who had probably watched dozens of friends die right in front of him during the war; to complain to a man who had taken him in when no one else would and had to bear this kind of responsibility when he hadn’t asked for it. To have a snot-nosed-brat sobbing in his lap because people didn’t like him. But Eddie was nothing if not selfish.

“I’m so tired of being different–I don’t… I don’t want it anymore–why does it matter so much to people? I just–I don’t want it anymore–It’s–like—I know, I know people hate me—everyone in this goddamn town–people–pe—everyone hates me. Wayne–” he was heaving now as he rambled, everything just spilling out of him in these waves of emotions as each ugly sound crashed into the next. “It’s not fair—I don’t—I don’t want to be the freak–I don’t what—I don’t want to be a loser–to be a drop out–I don’t want—I don’t want to like men–”

The last of his confessions slipped out and Eddie felt his body tighten; his throat felt like it was being ripped apart and his lungs couldn’t pull in enough breath to satiate him. It hurt so badly. It hurt and he hated it and he didn’t know why he said it.

Eddie felt Wayne’s pets pause briefly before picking back up again. That more than anything made Eddie feel ashamed. It made his jaw shake and his shoulders tighten. How fear and sorrow rattled around inside of him at the consequences of his words. He didn’t know what saying them would do–he didn’t mean them. He knew he didn’t mean them–he couldn’t have meant them. Those words were a death sentence.

“It’ll be alright,” Wayne mumbled, the words not sounding as hollow as Eddie thought they would, “I like you plenty.”

Eddie tucked in at the compliment, feeling weak and small as his sobs quieted a bit. His tears didn’t stop, but his chest heaves changed into fluttering gasps as he slowly regained his composure.

“Freaks run in the Munson blood,” Wayne continued and Eddie blubbered a small laugh shifting to press into Wayne’s hip. He was such a child, but he couldn’t help but soak in the comfort.

It was quiet again for some time as Eddie’s crying turned into hiccups and then sniffles, the TV quietly rambling in the background. It took a long while for Eddie to calm down, but Wayne never stopped stroking his hair. He felt wrung out and hollow now, his emotions dull and his body aching from how hard he had cried. Still, it did feel better than when he walked in here.

“I kissed him…” Eddie said quietly. He felt Wayne shift to look down at him, a question in his movement.

“Steve,” Eddie explained, mumbling, “I kissed Steve the other week.”

“I see,” Wayne answered back, obvious awkwardness in his delivery. He had never been good at talking about stuff like this–anything really–but it was obvious that he was trying. “And he doesn’t like that you’re a guy?”

Eddie shook his head, and closed his eyes, tucking in closer still as he pressed his forehead against Wayne’s stomach.

“Steve likes guys,” Eddie sighed, breathing heavily as he wrangled his emotions.

“Alright…” Wayne replied slowly, obviously puzzling through everything. Eddie frowned and tucked in again, hiding as he felt shame wash over him.

“I kissed him…” he explained, sniffing, “and then I told him it was a joke, that I didn’t mean it…”

“Ah…” Wayne answered, sighing a knowing breath. “Did you mean it?”

Eddie swallowed thickly, taking a long time to answer as he pressed hard into Wayne as if he could disappear this way.

“I don’t know…” Eddie replied, his voice muffled. Wayne stroked his head again and Eddie breathed deeply through his mouth, feeling bad for crying all over Wayne’s lap.

“Alright,” Wayne answered simply, not pushing the subject at all. He was good at listening and Eddie quietly appreciated that Wayne always seemed to have time to listen to him ramble. Slowly, Eddie sat back up, his back to Wayne as he hugged his knees and rallied.

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbled, feeling like he had to apologize for the way he had acted. 

Wayne just patted his shoulder and Eddie felt a few tears slip down his cheek as if they had been knocked out of him by his uncle’s kindness. He sniffed hard again before getting off the couch and stumbling into the kitchen to splash water into his face and clean off the snot and tears. Eddie lifted the hem of his shirt to dry his face and then leaned against the kitchen counter, going quiet once more.

“Eddie?” Wayne spoke up and Eddie peered over at him through the cabinet shelf, “try telling your friend the truth.”

Eddie frowned at the suggestion, but he didn’t have it in him to be angry. Still, he didn’t think that was a great idea. What was he supposed to say? He wasn’t even sure if he knew what the truth was. How did he feel? Did he like Steve? That felt stupid and the idea made his stomach turn over. What good would a confession do anyway?

“And what’s that?” Eddie asked a bit flippantly, wiping wet strands of hair out of his face. 

“That you’re figuring it out and you want to stay friends,” Wayne offered, looking over at Eddie for a moment before turning to look at the TV again.

Eddie stared at the back of his uncle’s head, not sure what to say to that. Was it that simple? It felt like he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that he didn’t know how he felt about something. That he was unsure and vulnerable and scared—it didn’t feel like things were allowed to be that simple.

He didn’t answer Wayne as the TV flicked from image to image painting the dark little trailer in different colours each time. It felt comforting and Eddie appreciated that his Uncle wasn’t smothering him. He was more grateful that Wayne had just… accepted him. He had accepted him like he always did. He hadn’t said anything when Eddie started to grow his hair out or when he got a tattoo, when he flunked school, and now when he had said… he liked men. It had been a surprise to hear himself say those words and there was still deep-rooted shame attached to all of that, but that felt like something he had to unpack on his own. Still, Wayne’s reaction had been the same as it was for all of Eddie’s past transgressions. He’d quietly support him or sigh with worry, but it never seemed to change anything between them.

Eddie shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and went to the fridge. He pulled out a can of beer and walked it over to his uncle, touching the cold metal to Wayne’s forearm so he’d look up.

“Thanks,” he muttered gruffly, looking at Eddie briefly before redirecting his attention to the TV.

“Yeah,” Eddie replied quietly, wiping his nose and touching his uncle’s shoulder before stepping away, “thanks.”

PT3

#we stan Wayne Munson in this house #Wayne Munson = best uncle #Eddit is dumb cause he spent all of last fic (the week prior to this) #proclaiming that he loved queer ppl cause they were treated like he is #he thinks queer people are cool but now he's like I CAN'T BE QUEER #that's just cause he's scared of what that means and he has to face so many horrors all the time #doesn't like being hated and sometimes the RSD gets to him #the “being straight” thing is like armor that has just been stripped away and he's been shown he can be hurt here too #he'll learn and grow and eventually love his queer-ness #my_writing #steddie #steve and eddie #eddie munson #steddie fic #my writing #wayne munson #I'm bored so take pt2 early

[scribiel]

Bad Omens — Ryomen Sukuna x fem! Reader

cw // explicit content , toxic relationship , blood , stalking , manipulation , gaslight , misspellings and grammar errors (sorry, english isnt my first language)

Three months into the relationship, it was beautiful. You began to unravel many sides of him: the clingy one, he didnt want to let you go in public places, which you found cute; the jealous one, for simple reason such as a waiter hitting on you, which ofc, again you found it cute. You noticed that he was so posessive yet so loving, which made you think it was cute and tolerable.

Eight months into, you started to realize that Sukuna had loved you enough to show you his true colors: tough love. There were times, he didnt give you shelter when you were vulnerable. You thought, 'oh, maybe that's his way of loving. To strengthen people he loves.'

And you thought, that was okay. Maybe you really needed that. A hands to strengthen you, not to share your tears and burden.

Sukuna told you how much he hated to see you cry. So you never did.

The love grew stronger, but so did the jealousy and other bad omens he showed. There was once, where you accidentally set his jealousy on fire, then he cornered you—just as usual— you couldnt lie to yourself that it was hot. But, then he pulled a sudden move that put you in a shock. He punched the wall next to your head. And it wasnt once. He had to do it again. Again. And again. Until he pulled it, placed it next to his body; and you saw red blood dripping from his knuckles.

Seeing horror in your face, Sukuna suddenly looked down, He didn't have courage to look you in the eyes, but somehow, his hands managed to cup your face. He placed a soft kiss upon your forehead as he whispered softly, "I am so so so sorry. But you have to understand that it was also your doing. I was so scared to lose you."

He continued, "I cant lose you. And please please don't leave me."

You set into shambles. "I am so so sorry, Sukuna."

His words had gotten into you. Maybe bcs it was the feeling when someone didnt want to lose you, or the sense of belonging, or just a blind devoted person in the name of love.

There were many times you fought. Most of the fights were caused by how wierd his ex behaved, Uraume. You told him that it was very unusual to have your ex do whatever you ask. It was more like a master and servant not like a romantic relationship. But, again, he shook it off. And the way he acted—the i never want to lose you, the i love you, the possessiveness, the clinginess— made you believe that he loves you.

One day, you told this to your friends—Satoru and Suguru. Shoko couldn’t be there due to an emergency operation she had to perform— and both of your friends agreed that it was very weird for Sukuna and Uraume; and he might not love you that much. But you opposed their opinion, you firmly assured them, “No! I do think he treats me the way I deserve to be treated.”

Suguru frowned. “That isn’t love.”

You shook your head. “It’s tough love!”

Suguru looked concerned. “You know, you should really run away. Stat.”

You got home and Sukuna was frowning. He was irritated. You thought something was wrong with his day … or you did something that made him irritated. Satoru’s jacket. On your shoulder.

Oh. Wow.

He stood up from the sofa, began to walk toward you, caged you in the corner. His knuckles brushed against your cheek. “You know I don’t like it.”

He whispered in your ears, “I saw the guy with the dark hair taking you home. What a whore. Wearing another man’s jacket and taken home with a different man? And then come home to me?”

“What?! You saw?!” You realized he was stalking you.

You pushed him, getting out from that corner. “We should break up!”

Two steps away, and Sukuna grabbed your wrist, a little too tight that it made you whine from the pain. “There’s no breaking up with me.”

You tried to shake his grip off, trying to pull back your hand. “Let me go!”

Somehow, you managed to. Three steps ahead, he pulled your hair, and it made you turn around and face him. And his hands swiftly moved to your neck, applying a small pressure to your neck. It was a reminder about who was in control. You could feel the air start leaving you, making you feel dizzy. And when Sukuna realized, he took the chance by whispering sweet nothings, “You know I love you. And I can’t live without you.”

Suguru’s words flashed in your mind. You really should run, but Sukuna’s words started to corrupt your mind, leaving you no choice but to be in chains. You cried, mourning for the sanity that was left in you. All you thought was how helpless you were.

You cried, “Your ex! Cant Uraume just get away from you!? Fuck … you are insane, Sukuna.”

“I love you,” he repeated. “You should know that you made me behave like this. I am losing my head at the thought of you leaving.”

Another bad omen that you chose to ignore the moment he continued his sentence, “And I’ll harm anyone who tries to take you away from me. Even both of your beloved friends.”

So then, your wings of freedom had just been chopped into small.pieces. You felt his hands moving to your cheeks, cupping them and wiping the tears away. And back to the starting point of the cycle, he kissed you again, rough and aggressive, like a man who had not known to feast at all. The problem was you melted from his touch again, you felt your heart beating faster. So then you closed your eyes and kissed him back. It was painful, yet thrilling. So bitter, yet so sweet. Heart beating, be it adrenaline or love, you couldn’t care less. You could only feel this good, confused, as if your head was in cloud nine, with Sukuna and Sukuna only.

“I’ll show you why Uraume shouldn’t be your concern.”

You realized, like many nights you had fought with him before, the solution always came to one place: the bed. Angrily did the deed; leather whip; and handcuffed.

And this morning, you woke up because you heard Sukuna was moaning your name. Or perhaps it was just a dream. But when your vision became clearer, you saw Sukuna rocking his hips against Uraume, he was doing it with her while moaning your name.

Handcuffed on the bed, you couldn’t escape or run. As he realized you had woken up, he stopped and pulled out from Uraume. He smirked at you. “I take back my words when I said tears don't suit you. It does.”

Sukuna walked to you and started kissing you. “You see what I did? Fucking her and only you in my mind. I could never dare to do you if you are unconscious”

Tears flowed more and more, and he licked them. You saw Urame approaching the bed. “Master Sukuna ordered me to please you more as he does the deed with you later.”

“See? She doesn't mind. She’s a servant and you are a lover. My lover.”

The moment Sukuna’s knuckle brushed softly against your left cheek, you had come to realize that you were a bird with wings chopped into pieces in a red and bloody cage

#jujutsu kaisen drabble #sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna x female reader #jujutsu kaisen angst #dead dove do not eat #sukuna fanfic #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x you #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

[iravinirattu]

ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

#haikaveh #al haitham #kaveh #kavetham #genshin impact #alhaitham x kaveh #⥽ • chaos and chasms #try denying the allegations now bitches (affectionate) #i shld be al haithams translator fr

[mazeinthemiroh]

you need a holiday. [part 1]

pairing: hongjoong x best friend! reader

genre: friends to lovers, slow burn / slow romance, slight angst, and, of course, a sprinkle of crack

word count: 1.6k

warnings: cursing, allusions to mental health issues + insomnia

summary: hongjoong feels like he is just going through the motions in his life. the spark has gone. but you have the perfect solution that will solve all his problems... [part 2, part 3]

author's notes: to get in the summer holiday spirit, i present to you part 1 of this hongjoong holiday series. we all deserve a rest every now and then, and time off is just what you need to get back on track. stay tuned for part 2 which will be published shortly! let me know if you want to be tagged in the next one <3

Hongjoong felt all his days blended into one. He was, quite truly, going through the motions. Sometimes he woke up not knowing what to do. Not feeling like he had a purpose. Which, of course, was not the case. He was a captain, a producer of fine music, a rapper, a dancer, a writer. His work was his life and people relied on him for things only he could accomplish. So he had a purpose. Of course, he did.

But things started to feel vacuous. They held no meaning. 'What was the point of it all?' He would think to himself as he stared at the keyboard in front of him, sitting by himself in the studio in the early hours of the morning yet again. Alone. Very much alone.

He needed something else. Something. Just a little kick up the ass, a slap in the face to give him the wake-up call he needed. He wanted someone to say 'You've got it good, you ungrateful bastard. Money, fame, charm. You've got it all, so stop whining about such trivial things and get back to work.' He needed to hear those words.

So he picked up the phone one night, another night in the studio, and his thumbs lingered over the screen before deciding to search for a name. Your name.

'Let's meet up for coffee tomorrow. If you're free, that is.'

He couldn't tell if his text sounded abrupt and rude due to his sleep-deprived mind waning slowly away. He knew you might not be up at the same time he was so he decide to wait until morning.

And a couple of hours later, he was fighting the urge to settle and sleep for the hours he deserved, instead getting ready for work. He shoved himself into the shower and 'cleaned the tiredness away', as he liked to put it. Because apparently, according to the wise Kim Hongjoong himself, a shower could cure you of most things, especially sleep deprivation.

So he went to work, going about his business, knowing that he would see you for a coffee break at around lunchtime. You had replied to him in the late hours of the morning, ignoring the fact that he had texted you at 3 am. It was typical Hongjoong behaviour and you knew him all too well to question the time in which he was up.

Lunchtime came around and there you were together, opposite each other as you tucked into the delicious sandwiches before you.

"So, how have you been?" Your voice was light, but you had your suspicions on your friend, who never usually made plans so out-of-the-blue, instead preferring a week in advance to prepare himself, ideally. That's why you were so surprised to have read his message.

"Me?" Hongjoong asked as if you were talking to anyone else in the café, which obviously you were not, "I've been good."

'This is not why you invited them out' Hongjoong's mind scolded him. 'There's a reason why you're here with them. Speak.'

Hongjoong let out a sigh, knowing that he was right. He needed to just... express himself.

"Well actually..." Hongjoong winced at the upcoming awkwardness, as if trying to brace himself for having to open up to you. He hated burdening people with his problems. A burden is truly what they felt like when expressed and left hanging in the air like that, all exposed and vulnerable. A person's problems could change your perception about someone, which Hongjoong never liked risking because his reputation was important.

But you were his friend. And if you ever confided in him about something, he would embrace your openness with a kind heart. Why did he think you wouldn't do the same?

So, taking a deep breath, he tried his best.

"I've been struggling, to be honest."

Already he could feel a lump form in his throat. That felt like a massive confession in itself, when it really, in hindsight, was just a simple statement. Everyone struggles, sure. But saying it out loud and solidifying these feelings verbally felt intense.

You nodded, already understanding where he was coming from. He looked tired. Not only because of the dark circles under his eyes and the occasional yawn that rose in between sentences. But also, in his eyes, the casual and chipper sparkle that he always held had dwindled tremendously. He was still as handsome as always, but his spark had gone. And that very concept exhausted him more than any lack of sleep could.

"You need a holiday," you decided aloud. It felt like more of a command than a suggestion. But after you had heard all of Hongjoong's worries and concerns and rants about anything and everything, you confirm that it was the only right thing to say.

He looked at you in bewilderment. In utter fascination.

"No, that's not what you should be saying," Hongjoong shook his head, "you should be telling me to get a grip and stop moping about."

You laughed at his reasoning, but he looked dead serious, biting the inside of his cheek impatiently.

"What good will that do?" You hummed, not waiting for an answer, "You're allowed to feel this way, Joong. And you're allowed a holiday too."

"Okay, if I went on holiday every time I had a problem, I wouldn't be at work at all. I'm not like you, I can't just run when things get tough," he snapped, one hand turning into a fist, before unclenching. He realised he sounded very harsh there and his eyes grew wide.

"I..." he swallowed harshly. "I'm sorry. That was over the line."

"No, no," you shook your head, trying hard not to take offence at his harsh words. You knew he was stressed. "You're right. I don't have the same circumstances as you. But I don't run away when things get tough. I just allow myself to get away, just for a little bit, every now and then. A slice of fantasy before going back to reality. Everyone needs a holiday. Everyone needs to get away from the mundane routine of their lives. So when you do have some time off, why not embrace it?"

Hongjoong stared at his now empty plate, still feeling guilty about being hurtful with his words. What had gotten into him? He sighed and sank back in the chair.

You watched him for a moment, before continuing:

"You want me to be serious and honest with you? Fine. You will destroy yourself if you don't give yourself a break. A little rest, Hongjoong, you owe yourself at least that. And if your life is not full of joy like it used to be in, despite having your dream job and dream life, a little break will do you good. Otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy," you shrugged, a frown on your face to match his, "which you're in the process of doing now."

Hongjoong looked up. It wasn't the sternness he was expecting, but it did make sense. He licked his dry lips and fixed his hunched posture.

When he didn't say anything you said your last bit.

"I am going away to Spain for 5 days in about a fortnight," you placed the cutlery delicately on the plate, "just 5 days, that's all. You're more than welcome to join me, if you feel it's worth your while. Because, trust me, it will be."

On getting up, you had slipped your jacket on elegantly as he watched you, eyes glazed over with deep thought. You pushed him out of his daze by placing a kiss on his cheek, something you wouldn't usually do. He blinked and looked over at you curiously.

"See you, Joong. Thanks for lunch. And I hope to see you soon."

"Y/N thinks I need a holiday."

Hongjoong didn't know why he was confiding in yet another person today. But here he was, talking to Seonghwa about the conversation you had with him earlier that day.

They were both standing in the kitchen, Hongjoong unmoving whilst Seonghwa worked around him, making himself a late dinner.

"Of course you need a holiday," Seonghwa said without looking at Hongjoong as he reached for the top shelf, moving around his standing friend who gazed at him, baffled.

"You think I need a holiday too?" Hongjoong was perplexed, clearly not seeing what everyone else was.

"We all need a holiday," Seonghwa looked at him now with a playful smile, before sinking into seriousness, "but you need it just a little bit more than the rest of us."

Hongjoong pursed his lips and sighed, shaking his head.

"You work so hard for all of us. 5 days is nothing, Joong. We can cope without you for 5 days!" Seonghwa tried to convince his friend.

"Oh is Hongjoong leaving? That means I get to be captain, right?" Wooyoung butted in, reaching over Seonghwa in an awkward position just to ram his mouth full of the already opened popcorn left on the counter.

"You wish. I'll be in charge when Hongjoong is gone, obviously," Seonghwa rolled his eyes and gently shooed Wooyoung away, who shrugged and disappeared without another word.

"Good to know I'll be missed," Hongjoong snorted as his gaze followed the disappearing Wooyoung.

"You won't be missed," Seonghwa stated, "because we would all have peace of mind knowing that you were finally relaxing for once. Or, at least, I will."

Seonghwa always knew what to say, and Hongjoong couldn't help but feel a little better about entertaining the idea of going on holiday with you.

But that doesn't mean he had been fully convinced.

"I'll think about it," Hongjoong nodded, before making his way back to his room.

He wasn't convinced. Not yet.

taglist: @a-wandering-stay, @xlovehwa, @yeosangsbiceps, @anyamaris, @acciocriativity, @hawaiian-angel, @toolovelyforyou, @honeysugarbby, @dutchessskarma, @saltedplum-squid (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

#hongjoong #kim hongjoong #ateez #kpop #atz #ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez x gn reader #hongjoong fic #hongjoong fanfic #hongjoong fanfiction #hongjoong x reader #ateez angst #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fics #hongjoong fics #kpop x reader #kpop x gn reader #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction

[echo-stimmingrose]

Pjo Show Spoilers. C.W.: Mental health Talk, Hallucinations (That aren't)

Percy trying to tell his mom that he's been seeing things that "aren't there" That he thinks something is wrong with his mind, that he is broken.

This is something he's wrestled with for a long time. He's been building up the strength to come clean and say out loud that he thinks he needs help with his mental health.

He only talks about it with Grover because Grover won't judge and he can convince himself that he's not going crazy, that's it's all his imagination. His daydreams. He's the only person he's been able to talk about it with and he's overjoyed with finally having a friend.

He knows he didn't lay a hand on Nancy. He has no idea what happened but he knows he didn't push her.

He's going to be expelled, he knows that, he's been through this before. It's pretty much inevitable that he's gonna be kicked out where he goes.

What he doesn't expect is Grover ratting him out to the principal. He finally found a friend he thought believed him and liked him only to be betrayed.

After the initial feeling of betrayal he goes numb, feeling like he should have expected this from the beginning. He just wants to get home, of course he'll have to deal with Gabe, and with disappointing his mom all over again; but he wants her, she never fails to cheer him up.

His conversation with Mr. Brunner doesn't help. "I know that's what you think happened." he says, and it makes him feel worse. He knows what that means, that his mind is obscuring reality. Even his favorite teacher thinks he's going crazy.

His ride home is made in silence, leaving him to with nothing to do but think. He tries to focus on things outside the window, to keep his mind from spiraling; until he sees another one. Another creature that doesn't exist that seems to be following the truck. He avoids looking out the window for the rest of the drive, fearing he'd see another winged horse.

He decides then that he's gonna tell his mom what's been happening to him. He can't keep going like this, something is seriously wrong and he is scared. Not of the monsters, he has no reason to fear creatures that don't exist. Instead of what ever is broken within his head.

He's not as scared of telling his mom but he is downright terrified for what's going to happen after. He's heard stories of what happens to people who see things that aren't there, people who hallucinate. He fears being sent away to some kind of mental hospital, or put on some kind of medication.

Everything he's heard about mental health has been negative, especially when it comes to people who hallucinate. He's preparing himself to be taken to doctors and phycologists; just like he did when his teachers insisted he be put on meds for his adhd. He hated being on meds, they made him feel horrible.

Once he gets home he's struggling to tell his mom, to actually say out loud what's been happening. Because then its out there. He can't take it back once he says it, he won't be able to continue trying to ignore it. But he has to say it, even if they send him away, even if they medicate him. Maybe then he won't be as much of a burden on his mom.

Once he finally gets the words out, his mom starts telling him that he's not crazy, that the stories are all real. And he's pissed. He doesn't want her to try and convince him that there is nothing wrong with him when he knows there is. He doesn't want her pandering to his broken mind. He's not a child with a ramped imagination, he's losing his mind and he wants it all to stop. He'll take any treatment at this point because for God's sake he just wants to be normal!

Then everything goes to hell and he quickly realises he will never get the luxury of normal ever again.

#In case you can't tell: I'm having some very strong feelings after watching the first two episodes #percy jackson #sally jackson #grover underwood #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson tv show #pjo tv spoilers #pjo tv show spoilers #mental health #pjo angst

[toxictoad]

In furtherance of my agenda to make Tavs that are sorta cringe but that I love...

Wouldn't it be fucked up if Tav was Gale and Mystra's kid but he never knew about them until they both get tadpoled. Like wouldn't that provide so much potential for angst

(Obscenely long rant about my take on this under the cut, as I tend to do. Also trigger warnings for SA adjacent topics, grooming, brief pregnancy mention, parental neglect, and suicidal thoughts (Of the 'I wish I didn't exist' variety). I'll tag things accordingly)

As a member of the "Fuck Mystra" brigade (As we all are) she's gonna suck as a mother and a lover and all, HOWEVER, for the purposes of this post, I'm making Tav 19, because that's young enough to make a certain amount of sense (Forgotten Realms lore being put to the side for a moment) and making Gale 37, because even if you subscribe to the idea that Mystra was a nonce I don't feel like going there right now. Okay? Okay.

That being said; Mystra only wants a kid for like shits and giggles. Kids are inconsequential to a goddess and she doesn't tell Gale because who fucking knows. Maybe she thought if he had someone other than her to care about he would realize she sucked or something.

So Gale just never learns that he has a whole ass child out there for whatever reason.

With the math Tav (I named him Cosmos because I can do whatever I want) is born when Gale is at least 18, and deities are weird so I imagine that pregnancy is either not like a noticeable physical thing or it's accelerated or there's just something ephemeral about it, so it's not like Mystra is gone or actually physically pregnant or anything.

I think it would be funny if she just gave the baby to Elminster and was like "Hey I'm your goddess so you have to raise my kid also don't tell Gale bye" Because like... He's fucking Elminster. He's an immortal archmage and one of the most powerful people in the Forgotten Realms, and now he has to take care of a baby?! He doesn't know how to do that! He doesn't know what babies need! And what is he gonna do when this thing gets older?!

(Yes I know that Elminster has canonical children but as far as I can tell he didn't raise any of them so it tracks probably)

So Cosmos is raised by Elminster and grows up in a hazardous wizard tower and gets taken on perilous adventures in one of those baby slings because I think it's funny. Also, I think that Cosmos is a sorcerer and it lowkey pisses off all of his weird fucking parents. Cause he's an Aasimar. A child of a goddess. His blood is hella magical and he has an ego about not having to learn spells and shit. He has Gale's disposition but also he has actual charisma to back it up and it's a terrible (Read; Funny as hell) combination.

The result of Cosmos having actual charisma, confidence (Highkey arrogance), and skill is that he is... Well, he's a lush. Not in any practical sense because he is a teenager and lives with a bajillion-year-old man, but like... He's the guy from your high school who was nice enough but also he had a new girlfriend every week and does a little too much partying. He's a playboy and we support him in that endeavor. It really is a miracle that he isn't super obviously weird because he was raised by a cooky old wizard, never knew about his father (I think when he asked Elminster would just tell him he didn't know, because he does care about the kid and doesn't want to burden him with the knowledge), and got a visit from Mystra like... twice. She's literally your dad who texts you every six months and doesn't remember your birthday (I hate her so much).

But somehow he's kinda well-adjusted, and he moves out of Elminster's tower to go do sorcerer things and maybe go on adventures, who knows?

And then he gets fucking tadpoled.

And at first, it's like "Okay, I'm definitely adventuring now. Maybe it wasn't planned but I'm gonna be alright" and then he meets a wizard who was stuck in a rock and is obviously a devotee of Mystra, and he's like "Oh, okay. He could be cool to have around. The dynamic is a little weird but fuck it we ball" and then the wizard is like "Hey I need to eat magic or I'll explode can't tell u why tho" and that's a little sketchy, but he likes the guy and doesn't want him to die, so he gives him his magic shoes.

And things go... Well. He gets the hang of this whole adventuring thing and saving people is pretty cool, actually. And he does kind of indulge in the wizard/sorcerer rivalry because he thinks it's funny, but ultimately he just... likes these people, even if they're all kinda keeping secrets (Him included, because how in the hells is he supposed to unload all of that Mystra baggage to his new tadpole buddies?)

He's the youngest but Lae'zel and Wyll are close enough in age that they get kind of clique-y (I'm a Wyll simp so they're gonna end up married sue me)

And then the tiefling party happens, and he talks to Gale... and oh my god this is so awkward I do not wanna hear you talk about my estranged goddess mom. And like he indulges Gale in his magic trick but the whole thing sets off some warning signs that he's like... HM.

And he isn't sure yet, but he thinks that, maybe, Gale might be his father.

And that is just... Ah. That is both kind of cool and also makes him a little sick.

Because he doesn't know everything, but he does know that Mystra is maybe not the best when it comes to mortal men. And he might've been born out of some stuff that was ethically dubious at best.

So he has the brilliant and not at all stupid plan to never tell anyone ever.

And he tries his absolute hardest to not talk to Gale at all the entire time they're going through the Underdark (The order of the adventure is optimized for maximum drama). Everyone notices but he just... pretends that absolutely nothing is wrong and Gale eventually comes up to apologize like 'Hey man sorry if I was like too much :(' because he's a sweetie and will feel bad about things that are not his fault. And Cosmos tries to say that it isn't about that but it also kind of is, so he just accepts the apology and goes back to being a bit of a dickhead.

And the party is getting ROCKY by the time they get through the Underdark. Everyone knows some shit is up but they also all have their own issues so it's a mess. A hot goddamn mess.

...And then they go through the Mountain Pass... And Elminster is there...

And Cosmos sees him and wants to turn around SO badly but that would be weird and then Elminster sees him...

I cannot paraphrase this accurately to my vision so have a snippet of writing here;

*****

He feels like he might anxiety vomit, but hopefully, it doesn’t show on his face. Gale walks a little faster and waves, “Elminster. Fancy running into you here”

And he doesn’t look very surprised to see the younger wizard, but he does look surprised to see Cosmos. He prays to every deity he can think of that Elminster says nothing.

But who the fuck listens to prayers anyways.

“Gale, my boy… I have some, um, business to attend to with you, but…”

He turns his eyes onto Cosmos and he knows that his face goes white right then.

“How did this-?”

“I haven’t said it yet” He blurts out, swallowing bile, “And you aren’t going to”

Elminster blinks in surprise, glancing between him and Gale for a moment.

“What- You know Elminster?” Gale looks incredulous, and he wants to snark back with some taunt about wizards and sorcerers and useless teachers but he just bites his tongue and nods. He is… so fucked.

He and Elminster are locked in some bizarre staring contest, and Cosmos communicates as much as he can with his eyes that he will try to punch an old man. They say nothing, and Gale is growing increasingly exasperated, “I’m sorry, can someone please explain what’s going on? What have you not said?”

He looks at Cosmos with sad eyes- the same way he’s looked since the Tiefling Party. He can see it out of the corner of his eyes, but he doesn’t acknowledge the words. Cosmos grits his teeth and feels his breath catch in his throat.

“Camp. Now”

He is… so fucked.

*****

And then the big reveal happens and Cosmos is emotionally stunted and maybe has a panic attack or something and runs away for an hour and Gale finds him and tries his best to be an awkward dad. It works, somehow.

And then Cosmos finds out why Elminster was there, and...

Well in short he decides that he's going to punch his mother in the face. Divinity be dammed. It's an incredibly awkward situation at best, but fuck, man. He actually likes Gale- his dad- whoever you are- and immediately jumps on the 'Fuck Mystra' Train. He just got this parental figure and you want him to blow himself up? Yeah, no. Not happening. He has no mother anymore.

(Sidenote; I think that concurrently with all of Cosmos' shit Astarion and Gale would have a thing. This is mostly irrelevant but at some point, Cosmos is like 'Bloodline ended with Mystra. Astarion is my mom now' because it would be funny. Astarion can't take care of a child but he CAN be a weird step-dad to an adult child and give advice about how to get blood out of cotton shirts)

And Gale reacts... more or less like he does in canon, but it's a little different because like... Shit, this is his child. His child who... doesn't want him to blow up. He's devoted to Mystra, but I think an inkling of doubt would emerge with that. It's a little strange, finding out that your companion who you thought was just uncomfortable around you is actually your son with your ex-gf/goddess who is now righteously angry on your behalf. It feels... kinda nice, in a weird way.

I think Cosmos has enough charisma that he can make things sort of not awkward. He just makes jokes about Gale being his dad and everyone is just like 'Well I guess this is how things are now?'

Gale doesn't know how to be a parent, much less to an adult child who also has Mystra baggage, but fuck it if he doesn't try. Awkward conversations about love interests ensue (I like to imagine Gale trying his hardest to give Wyll a shovel talk but it ends up as just him and Wyll having a nice chat. He's trying to be intimidating, dammit!)

I do think Gale would have an 'Oh shit' moment at some point in the Shadow-Cursed lands. If Cosmos gets too low on health, or gods forbid if he has to be revived? Maximum angst potential there. Maybe it makes him start to realize how valuable his life is or something who knows.

Cosmos yells at his dad for even considering blowing himself up at Moonrise Towers (He says sorry later, but still)

A lot of Act 3 is getting through awkward conversations tbh. But it's good for them. But Gale's confrontation with Mystra... Oh boy.

Like Cosmos obviously doesn't approve of the whole crown of Karsus thing, but more importantly; he will scream at Mystra for as long as Gale will let him. Some very choice words are thrown around. But also (And this is where we get some of my own indulgence in angst) I think during this... very amicable conversation between adults... Cosmos would end up saying something akin to 'I wish I was never born' and... Oof. I don't think he would realize it at first, and Mystra wouldn't really care, but it sticks with Gale.

Like the man just kind of realized that his life means something other than benefitting other people, and now he hears that? Heartbreak. Immediate heartbreak. He doesn't know how to broach the subject and just ends up standing around Cosmos' tent until he finally asks what's up.

Cue Gale blurting out that he's glad Cosmos exists and that he wouldn't change any of the bs with Mystra because even if it's new and awkward he's his son and that means something and he doesn't want him to think about his own life the way Gale did and-

Cosmos... genuinely does not know what he's talking about at first, but when he gets it he's just like... Oh, that? Yeah no I just wish I didn't exist because I hate the way that I was made and it feels like my existence hurts you lmao

I think that Cosmos legitimately does not realize that most people don't feel that way sometimes. Like he knows, but he doesn't really internalize that there's something "wrong" with the way he feels

And... Okay why is Gale crying what did he say oh shit-

He had to hammer it into Gale's head that he's deserving of life and love, and now it's Cosmos' turn! Get loved, idiot

(I have so many feelings about so many other bits of Act 3 but this is SO long now so I'm just gonna skip to the epilogue or I'm never going to post this because I just keep adding things)

So Bloodweave happens, because tbh I don't see Gale with any of the other companions in this scenario (Spawn Astarion, obvi) and... look, I LOVE Karlach and I love Wyll's Blade of Avernus ending, but I just want them to be a weird fucked up little family, okay? Karlach got a Deus Ex Machina and her heart is fine for some reason in this case idk.

I just really like the idea of Wyll and Cosmos adventuring around the Sword Coast and occasionally popping into Gale's tower in Waterdeep to visit. The dynamic between Gale, his morally grey Vampire boyfriend, his dumb magic son, and his dumb magic son's hero husband who is also his friend is just... Mwah. Chef's kiss. Weird gay family over here I love them. Wyll's father is so confused. Christmas dinner is insane. Morena Dekarios is thrilled to have a grandchild. Tara is basically Cosmos' aunt. Withers is there sometimes. It's pure chaos and I can't get enough of it.

#tw: sa #tw: neglect #tw: grooming #tw: pregnancy #tw: suicidal thoughts #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #tav posting #tav bg3 #tav oc #bg3 tav #tav #my tav #gale dekarios #gale bg3 #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #baldurs gate gale #bloodweave #In passing but it felt weird not tagging them #wyll x tav #fuck mystra #Toad's Tavs