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fbfh · 2 years

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chillax, I got you - JJ maybank x reader smut

word count: 2.3k

genre: SMUT, comfort, fluff at the end

pairing: JJ x afab reader (referred to as "my girl"/girlfriend as petnames)

warnings: reader has a bad fear of bugs (bug type is not specified), JJ is a good boyfriend, descriptions of something akin to anxiety over said bugs, JJ rails the shit out of you to distract you, fingering, praise, nicknames (pretty girl, my girl), "ask nicely to cum", JJ spits into your mouth so that's fun, creampie, begging, aftercare

summary: JJ is a really good boyfriend; he's so sweet, he kills bugs that you hate without you even having to ask, and he fucks you absolutley stupid to distract you when you see one in the middle of the night.

song rec: idk how well it fits but I listened to guy.exe by superfruit the entire time I was writing this and I'm a little sick of it now lol

a/n: this was bc I saw a certian type of bug I l o a t h e a foot away from me like three nights in a row!!! love that for me!!! /s

anyway trying to knock out my wips so I have enough room to write a shit ton of stranger things fics after s4 comes out so wish me luck with that lol

tags: @afidiofobia @justbookworm @yesv01

as with all nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+!!!

One thing that sucks about living in the Outer Banks is the way your least favorite bug always seems to be practically everywhere year round. Some people hate bugs, and honestly, you’re pretty jealous of those people. You always convince yourself you don’t mind bugs that much, that they won’t freak you out next time you see one, only to end up doing exactly that. From the way you shake and cry and try to fight an anxiety attack every time you so much as see one, you think it’s safe to say you’re well into phobia territory.

The good news in all this is that JJ is not afraid of bugs, and actually loves kicking their asses when one shows up. He hates how upset they make you, and if there’s any way for him to stop that from happening, of course he’s going to. He’s gotten very good at finding them before you do, and getting rid of them before you even knew it was there. The other pogues have even begun pointing out the bugs you hate to JJ so he can get rid of them before you even notice. Ever since he found out how much you hate these bugs, he’s made sure you basically never have to see them.

“Thanks,” you croak, and he pulls you to his chest. He rubs your back reassuringly as you cling onto him tight, trying your hardest to fight back the terror that surrounds you. He kisses your forehead. A moment later, you inch back into your room, JJ at your side. You inspect the walls and windows and bedding under your bright phone flashlight for several minutes until you feel satisfied that there’s nothing of any concern hiding anywhere.

However, on the rare occasion you see one before he does, you really do try to take it in stride. Especially when you find a massive motherfucker six inches above your head at 2am, like today. Even though you’re standing in the other room, shaking and crying, biting your hand, you’re still trying your hardest to stay as calm as you possibly can. A moment later JJ’s in front of you.

“Gone.” he states, voice croaky and thick with sleep. God, he’s so hot. You nod silently. You both know if you say anything you’re going to cry, and you’d really like to avoid that right now. You have shit to do in the morning and you don’t want to lose an hour and a half of sleep just because of a stupid bug, just because your stupid brain won’t stop telling you there’s more of them when you know there’s not. JJ knows this. He knows how bad this is for you. How hard it is to get rid of the paranoid thoughts, how draining it gets.

JJ stands behind you, wrapping his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your neck.

“I know there’s nothing there, I’m just…” you breathe, throat still tight, “so worried…” You’re worried there might be more bugs, worried about having nightmares after this, worried this whole ordeal will consume the bulk of your thoughts for the rest of the day, worried you won’t even be able to get back to sleep. He sways with you in his arms a little, skin warm against yours, breath fanning across your neck and jawline, and he feels you start to relax in his arms. There’s only one thing that can distract you from these distressing fruitless worries, and that’s JJ.

“I know,” he says, voice comforting as he spins you around to face him. There’s only one thing to do on nights like this, and relief and warmth spread across your skin as he begins to press kisses to your neck. He looks at you, with that signature loving, playful gaze of his that seems to melt distress away. He takes in a breath, then sighs.

“I guess I’ll just have to fuck the worries right out of you.”

You feel your cheeks flush, temperature rising on the already warm night as he pulls you closer to his bare chest, hand keeping you securely close on the small of your back. He rubs his thumb across your lips, taking you in for a moment with that signature look of his. God, no one looks at you the way JJ does. Your hands caress his cheeks, gently pulling him in for a kiss, and in the moments before your lips connect, he can see the gratitude and adoration in your eyes. You’re already smiling against his lips, the tides of your mind beginning to turn from impossible ideas that would keep you awake for an hour at least, to your very hot, blonde surfer boy who is currently feeling you up and will keep you up all night, writhing in pleasure.

JJ's lips are warm against yours, and he leans into you, curling your bodies together. His hand moves down, touching you slowly, sending heat through your body, then squeezing your thigh and wrapping it around his waist. Simultaneously, he dips you, causing you both to fall into bed. He kisses you and kisses you, mouth open as you giggle against him. His chest warms with each one of your bubbling laughs, knowing it means you're feeling better, knowing he's doing his job and making sure you're as happy and carefree as possible.

One hand holds the back of your neck, guiding your head and deepening the kiss. The other glides up your torso, caressing the curve of your hips, your waist, easily making its way under your shirt. It soon finds its place on your chest, enthusiastically groping the soft flesh of your tits. He kneads and squeezes, thumb rubbing over your hardened nipple, sending jolts of electricity to your core. Your temperature is already steadily rising at his touch, and you're ready for more.

JJ's ready for more too, rock hard on top of you and pressing into the soft flesh of your thigh. All those cute little moans you’re breathing into his mouth spur him further along, and soon he begins to grind into you slowly. He continues to kiss you, playfully nipping your lips and fucking his tongue into your mouth, murmuring dirty thoughts under his breath. You sigh and moan against him, sounding so pretty and growing increasingly flustered. You can feel yourself getting more turned on by the minute, body growing hot at every rock and bump of his throbbing bulge against your soft dripping heat.

You try your hardest to suppress the breathy sighs and little moans he’s already drawing from you, but he doesn't miss a single one. Every noise you make gets him harder for you, throbbing and humping against you faster. You were never that vocal before you met JJ, but now… god, he has you moaning so fast it’s embarrassing.

"JJ…" you finally moan against his lips, and he can't help himself, finally moving his hand down to toy with your clothed cunt. His mouth moves to your neck, and he grabs your hips, lifting them up to pull down your little sleep shorts and panties. He takes a moment to grope you as he does, savoring the feeling of you humping against his hand. You know how much he loves it when you wear little shorts like that, what it does to him. He plunges his long fingers into your dripping heat, spongy walls seeming to suck him in. He groans into your mouth, anticipating when you’ll soon be wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. You flutter around him as he stretches you out.

“JJ…” you moan again, an unmistakable whine in your voice. Your hands move from his back to tug at his boxers, soft skin brushing against his hips. The feeling of you tugging at his underwear, desperate for his cock while you clench and drip around his fingers is almost too much to bear. You both need him inside you, right now. He retracts his fingers, causing you to whine, fluttering against nothing.

“Easy, pretty girl,” he comforts, shimmying out of his only remaining article of clothing, and you watch, eyes wide, as his cock springs free, red and dripping just for you. He works two fingers back into your burning cunt, scissoring his fingers and stretching you out one last time before lining himself up tantalizingly with your entrance. You're about to start whining, needing his touch more than anything, when he pops the head of his cock inside you. The whine that had been building up falls from your lips as a mewl instead. He joins you, moaning out a breathy chuckle, sighing against your skin. He grabs your thigh, groping you as he works his way deeper inside you.

“Atta girl, just like that,” he coaxes, until he’s finally buried all the way inside you. You sigh, full and satisfied. Heat radiates off his chest, as he starts to roll his hips, fucking you with deep, deliberate strokes.

“There’s my good girl,” he breathes, “takin’ my cock so well, such a good girl for me…”

He continues to pound you into the mattress, hips speeding up when you tug at his hair and drag your nails down his back. One thing you can say for sure about JJ is that he sure knows how to move his hips. He hits every single spot inside you with each thrust, reducing you to a whimpering mess faster than anyone else you’ve ever been with, and he can tell from the fucked out look on your face that you’re enjoying every minute of it.

Before long, he can feel your walls gradually tighten around him, and your eyes are already glazing over. He continues to press hot, open mouthed kisses against you, his tongue fucking into your mouth, muffling your moans and whines. When he pulls away, it’s to ask if you’re close, ask if his pretty girl is gonna cream around his cock. Before he can, you watch, eyes wide, as a strand of spit connects your mouths. You squeeze around him, fixated on the sight. He chuckles, knowing where this is going.

“You gonna cum, pretty girl?” he asks, hot breath panting over your skin, “Huh? You want to be a good girl, cream around my cock?” You nod, eyes squeezed shut, whining with every thrust. Your eyes snap open when he turns your face towards his, a smoldering expression painted over his face.

“Ask nicely.”

The instructions send heat rocking through you.

“Say please…” he tantalizes in a breathy chuckle. Before you can even think, you’re babbling out messy pleads and prayers for him to let you cum.

“P-please, JJ-” you choke out, “cum ‘nside me, fill me up…” you slur in his ear, drunk on his touch. He does not need to be told twice. Your noises, your words, the way you cling to his muscular shoulders and clench around him have him even closer than before. After listening to you continue to beg a satisfactory amount, he chuckles, catching your lips in another hot, open mouthed kiss. But this time as he pulls away, he grabs your jaw, coaxing you to keep your mouth open.

He puckers his lips, letting a glistening bead of spit fall from his mouth into yours. It hits your tongue, tasting like him, and you clench hard, eyes rolling back as you let out a beautiful moan. He grabs your thigh, hiking it over his hip, reaching even deeper inside you. His thrusts become messy as his hand reaches down for your clit. The added sensation has you climaxing in seconds, burying your face in his neck to muffle the torrent of moans and screams of pleasure falling from your beautiful lips. Within moments of your orgasm, JJ reaches his. You’re always pleasantly surprised by how full you feel when he cums inside you, stretching you out like this, and you revel in the feeling.

“F-fuck,” he moans, face contorted with pleasure, “shit…” his hisses. He continues to pound into you until you’ve both thoroughly come down from your highs, and you sigh at the empty feeling when he eventually pulls out, peppering kisses all over your face.

After you catch your breath, you try to get up so you can clean yourself up in the bathroom, but wobble as soon as you stand.

“Woah,” JJ’s right beside you, holding you steady. He glances down the hall, then scoops you up, setting you back down on the bed.

“Stay here, gorgeous,” he punctuates by pressing a warm kiss to your lips. You’re so wrapped up in everything he just made you feel, his taste still on your tongue, that you don’t even hear the thwack from the hallway, where JJ has just gotten rid of yet another one of those buggy motherfuckers you hate.

“Stay the hell away from my girlfriend.” he states to the smudge, before grabbing a couple warm washcloths.

Soon you’re cleaned up, cuddled together with a fan on high. The windows are opened for a little cross breeze, and you can smell the ocean air from here. You should go surfing tomorrow, you want to tell JJ, you know he’d think it’s a great idea. But you can feel yourself slipping into the warm embrace of sleep, safe in his arms.

‘Oh well,’ you think, ‘I’ll just tell him in the morning…’ It’s your last thought before you’re out like a light, and you look forward to it. Waking up next to JJ is your favorite part of the day, and you can’t wait to wake him up by pressing kisses to his sun kissed cheeks.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #outer banks #outer banks x reader #obx #obx x reader #jj maybank smut #outer banks smut #obx smut #also my routine got super fucky wucky for like two weeks so I've been both exhausted AND unable to sleep #so it's been trickier to write lately which i hate for the single reason of i'm addicted to writing fics at this point /lh #so it's annoying that i don't have the brain cells for smth i like #anyway there's way more where this came from #also i'm taking care of myself and stuff so dw babes #make sure you're taking care of youself too <3333 #ily <33333 #admittedly i did get hella dehydrated but I do have my emotional support waterbottle w me rn so that's getting better too #hell yeah working on it!!!!#anyway hope you enjoy this #I wrote half the outline between 2 and like 3am one night when I was so freaked out abt those goddamn bugs #rip me #but yeah I think it turned out well #jj deserves way more love

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plusonetm · 4 years

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My leg's going bouncy bounce today. Scared vibes and good vibes mixed? Is that possible? Idk but I'm feeling it.

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moonknightly · 4 years

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Now You Know : Professor! Poe Dameron x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Excerpt: “He knew it was wrong. He knew he should’ve looked away, should have reminded the class that he could see each and every one of them, even though they couldn’t see each other. Hell, maybe he should have just ignored it completely, and pretended not to notice.”

Warnings: 18+ only kiddos — smut, mutual masturbation, implied age gap. Voyeurism, exhibitionism. Lots of fucking cursing. Unedited because I couldn't look at this any longer.

Online learning, in Poe’s personal opinion, was complete and utter bullshit.

He didn’t become a professor to deliver his lectures over the computer to a bunch of students who probably had him muted and only showed up for attendance. No, Poe loved being in the classroom. He loved the engagement, and how he was able to captivate his students with his words and various lessons. Not only were his students less enthusiastic over Zoom, but he felt like he was as well. He felt like he was reading straight from the textbook and powerpoint slides.

Bullshit. Literal bullshit.

But, he understood why virtual learning was necessary, of course he did. The safety and health of himself, his colleagues, and his students came before anything else. Still, he was allowed to hate it though.

And his students were allowed to hate it as well, and he knew some of them did. He knew many of them enjoyed being in class just as much as he did, but he also knew some of them liked being able to attend class while still in bed. Those were the same students who hardly raised their hand in class, or who sometimes even fell asleep, if they even decided to show up that day.

There was one student, however, that was always so entirely enthralled in his lectures. A student who always took the most organized and detailed notes, and who often stopped by during his office hours or stayed after class to talk to him. Even now that everything was being done on Zoom, she still gave his course her all, and it always made him smile, maybe just a bit too much at times.

You were without a doubt his favorite student. Probably his favorite student that he had ever had, though he hadn’t been a professor for too terribly long.

And that’s why Poe often found himself watching you as he taught, both in class and online, because there was just something about you that made him feel like what he had to say was actually important, actually meant something. Even when he felt like he was lacking, you still paid such close attention, hanging on his every word. It was intoxicating at times.

But there was something wrong, something off. You weren’t scribbling away in your notebook like you usually were, or chewing on the tip of your pen as you focused on the words spewing from Poe’s mouth. You were looking at him, sure, but your eyes were unfocused, and it was obvious that you weren’t really paying attention at all.

He kept his eyes on you, deciding that fuck it, he’d recite the goddamn powerpoint from memory word for word, because he couldn’t focus on anything except ending class so he could send you an email and figure out what was bothering you. He felt like you both were close enough for that, right? It was only a harmless email.

Poe liked to think that he would do the same if it were any of his students.

He paused a moment to take a sip from his waterbottle, clearing his throat and glancing at the time. He still had twenty minutes to go, but he was sure he could get the powerpoint done in fifteen. Maybe more like twelve, if he really rushed and pushed himself.

He wiped away a droplet of water that trailed down his neck, refraining from quirking an eyebrow when he saw you lick your lips before diving right back into his lecture, leaning forward in his seat, his attention right back on you.

But you didn’t remain in frame for very long after that, and Poe felt himself frown just a little bit, eyes briefly fluttering to the rest of his class but no one seemed to notice the change in his expression, or they just didn’t care. That was fine with him.

You came back into view just a few seconds later with a towel in your hand, and again, Poe had to hold himself back from showing any kind of emotion. He just wondered what the hell you were doing. Had you spilled something?

Wait-

No. Definitely not.

The tips of Poe’s earns turned pink as he watched you lay the towel down flat over your sheets, and he hesitated for only a split second when you straightened and slid your panties down those gorgeous legs of yours.

Fuck, had he just called you gorgeous?

And fuck, had you not been wearing any pants this whole time?

You laid yourself back onto your bed, and Poe’s jaw nearly dropped as he watched you grope your own breasts through your shirt, all the while your eyes remained glued to your laptop screen.

Had you switched tabs? Were you watching porn?

Or were you watching him?

He was definitely watching you, even more so than he had been before.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he should’ve looked away, should have reminded the class that he could see each and every one of them, even though they couldn’t see each other. Hell, maybe he should have just ignored it completely, and pretended not to notice.

But Poe couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, naked from the waist down, trailing your fingers down your body as you started to play with yourself. He couldn’t bring himself to look away or to speak up or do anything but click on your frame, feeling like some sort of fucked up pervert as he made your image take up his entire screen.

He didn’t know how he still managed to speak without stuttering, how he managed to continue his lecture without stopping to fully admire the way you almost immediately started driving your fingers into your soaking wet cunt — he could see your arousal glistening off your folds.

Poe shifted in his seat, clearing his throat as he adjusted himself out of the camera’s view, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in again but he was squirming. He couldn’t believe he was actually fucking squirming, and that it was one of his students who was making him so painfully desperate and hard.

It was so fucking wrong.

Maybe he’d feel a little less weird about it if he hadn’t been harboring a stupid, inappropriate, completely outlandish crush on you since the start of the semester that he just now admitted to himself.

He felt like that only made it even more fucked.

Whatever. That was something that he could think about later. Right then, all he wanted to think about was you and your body and how tight his pants were becoming with each passing second.

You were taking your fingers so well. God, you were so, so fucking wet.

Poe wondered how your slick would taste on his tongue, how sweet you were. He wanted to suck your fingers clean of your juices and drink directly from the source, let it coat his lips and his chin. Then he’d kiss you and kiss you and kiss you and let you taste yourself as he explored your mouth.

He honestly didn’t think he’d ever been so hard before.

He wished he could hear you. Your lips were parted, your chest heaving already and he just knew that you were making the most sinful of noises as you pumped your fingers in and out of your perfect little pussy. He was near positive that he’d never hear a sound as erotic as your moans, and he was desperate for them.

Even more so when he watched your lips form his name, watched as it dripped from your tongue like sweet honey.

You just moaned his fucking name, his. He was sure of it.

His cock fucking hurt as it twitched in his jeans, begging to be released from its confines, and as wrong as Poe knew it was, he couldn’t not do anything about it.

He made sure his lap wasn’t anywhere within view of the camera, coughing to silence the sound of the zipper on his pants — thank fuck he hadn’t been wearing a belt.

Poe felt like he managed to be pretty inconspicuous in getting his dick out — he hadn’t made any sudden, obvious movements, hadn’t moaned when his fingers brushed against his tip. He had wanted to, though, God had he wanted to moan, to let you hear him.

There was no way in hell he was going to be able to keep himself quiet if he actually started touching himself, he realized that in a matter of seconds.

And so he only teased himself, continuing to lecture as if his fingers weren’t brushing along his cock as you brought your own fingers to your clit, your back arching almost immediately from the pleasure that moved through your body.

He spent minutes watching you like this, and your eyes stayed glued to your laptop screen the entire time. He’d taken his cock into his fist, but wouldn’t move fast enough to give himself any real stimulation, and he wished he could do something to let you know that fuck, he was thinking about you too.

Maybe he could get away with a subtle bite of his lip.

Oh, you liked that. Your eyes nearly rolled into the back of your head, even without knowing that the simple action was directed at you and held a far deeper meaning than what it appeared to be.

Poe was going to lose it.

He was going to do something to give himself away, and he had no idea how he was going to get himself out of it, how he was going to explain it. He would lose his job and you would be completely mortified and disgusted and you’d never speak to him again and-

And you lost it before Poe did, literally so, back arching even further as you gave way to your orgasm, your thighs trembling from the force of it. Your jaw fell completely slack, and Poe could tell that you were screaming for it, for him — his name rolling off your tongue again and again.

He’d never seen anything so beautiful, so completely memorizing and enticing and oh so erotic.

And he was still lecturing, voice still strong and steady and fuck, he needed to end class. He needed to end class and he needed to fuck himself and wait, fuck, you just winked.

You just fucking winked at the fucking camera.

And Poe actually lost his ability to speak. Every word from the powerpoint he’d had memorized for so long completely vanished, and he felt himself blushing as he stared at your picture on his screen.

And then you giggled.

He was losing his goddamn mind.

But he managed to make himself cough again before he mumbled out some lame apology for his momentary distraction, saying he’d gotten the notification for a very important email and had taken a second to read it. He minimized your screen again, just to gauge the reaction of his other students. It didn’t seem to phase anyone.

He stole another long sip of water as he wracked his brain, trying to remember where he had been in the powerpoint, but he couldn’t for the life of him.

Poe wanted to kiss that stupid smirk right off your face.

A small laugh, another lame excuse, and he was signing off of Zoom, ending class only two minutes early.

He thought about emailing you right that second. He thought about asking you for your phone number so that you could FaceTime or even text, but something kept him from doing so. Maybe it was the fact that he knew he wouldn’t last more than a couple of minutes and he did not want you to see him that desperate, or maybe it was the guilt over watching you come.

But you’d kind of given him permission, hadn’t you? You’d known the entire time that he’d be watching.

But then again, Poe hadn’t known that, and he still touched himself with you, still watched you fall apart on your fingers.

He didn’t want to think about that just then. He was still so fucking hard, and every stroke of his hand along his length felt electric — so sensitive in the best possible way.

All he wanted to think about was you and how you’d feel bouncing up and down on his cock. How he’d split you open, stretch you out, fuck you until you had tears streaming down your face.

Something told him you liked it rough, just like he did. You’d take it so well. Each smack he would land on your ass, each thrust — fuck, he could practially hear the sound of skin slapping against skin, see how red your cheeks would be from the force of his hips alone. He pictured his hand wrapped around your neck, fingers digging into small purple bruises that littered your skin, the dull ache pulling pitiful whimpers from your throat that barely escaped when he squeezed-

Poe growled as he came, his release shooting from his cock in thick white ropes that covered his thighs and his stomach and his fingers. He was breathless, mindless, your name flying past his lips as he pictured it landing on your face instead, and how you’d lick it from your lips and taste him, beg him for more.

He felt himself twitch again, and he groaned, suddenly wishing that he’d let you watch so that you could see exactly what you did to him.

He was gonna send you that fucking email.

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fanfic #star wars #tros #my writing #flyboy

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

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immj2 16.11.20 lb

chanchal interrogating ishani, ki did riddhima spill about what happened that day. ishani like no dice, but imma beat it outta her so help me goddddd.

aryan coming throwing shit around. coz vansh has left everything in his will to dadi. thank fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk. none of you snakes are worth 5000 cr. i mean, ishani is, but idk, maybe not that whole amount at once.

ishani is like THANK THE LORD, VANSH HAD AT LEAST ONE WORKING BRAIN CELL. “kahin uss riddhima ko nominee banaa dete, toh humaare sar par chadhke tandav karti woh.” snort.

chanchal telling aryan ki “vansh ke baad saara business toh tuney hi sambhaalna haina”, and lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo ishani’s face:

i honestly love her the most. MAKE HER THE NEW KING OF THIS EMPIREEEEEEEEEEE. SHE DESERVESSSSSSS IT.

ishani saunters off and chanchal is telling aryan ki anyway dadi ke haath laga hai sab, she’ll write it all to you; coz siya is in a coma, who knows when the fuck she’ll wake up, and ishani is walking talking TNT ka khaaaaan, that’ll blow up any second now. tujhe hi sab milna hai. lol bohut hi zyaada khushfehmi. can’t waitttttt for vihaan (whether he turns out to be vansh or not.......) to come show them thenga.

some parcel came outta nowhere for mummyji and it’s filled with all the stuff of her “long lost son who got kidnapped”. veryyyyyyyy conveniently opened by riddhima.

mummy has started filmfare nom-worthy performance on discovering the relics.

there’s a letter too! basically says i kidnapped your kid for money, but when you didn’t pay up, i threw him in a river. i’m confessing all this coz i’m now dying of cancer and want redemption. sounds to me like someone watched both ‘the prince of egypt’ and ‘badlapur’ in one day and did a mashup of those stories to write this letter.

watch out meryl, viola, jodie.......... mummy has gone beyond filmfare and is now doing OSCAR worthy performance about how she keeps losing kids.

lmao i am aryan, watching this nautanki:

mummy like it’s all coz i neverrrrrrrrrrrr accepted riddhima as a motherrrrrrrrrrr, mujhe maaaf kar dooooo.

of course riddhima’s dumb ass forgave her. god, this chick just tooo easy to scam.

someone’s come to say “final goodbye”. coz he’s taken a transfer. sure.

lmao riddhima is the biggest mood when dealing with an ex who just won’t leave you the fuck alone.

is it just me or has his hair become more........... vansh-y??? like, height-wise.

blah blah he wants to apologize to everyone........... for what exactly? he said he was just doing his job, why to say sorry for that??

lmao ishani has appeared and is ready to kick kabir’s ass. omfg i think this might be my new fav dynamic of this show, ishani v/s kabirrrrrrrrrrr.

RIDDHIMA DOING NOTHING TO STOP HER ALSO, LMAOOOOOO

whole family has appeared and he’s like sorry kehne aaya tha and all and THENNNNNNNNNNN....... NAZAR PADI ON THE TABLE FULL OF ARTIFACTS.

anupriya like don’t touch my son’s shit and........

“yeh sab mere hain!!!!!!!!!”

hahahahahahahhahahahaha ishani is truly my absolute favourite character of this show from now on.

“maaaaaaaaaaaa?????? iska matlab aap meri maa hain??????” lol bohut hi bhadddda actingggg.

riddhima agrees with ishani.

kabir narrates exact story mummy did like 5 min back.

he’s giving proof ki i know the collar of this uniform has a K behind it and everyone’s shockedddddddddd ki oh god yet another middle class orphan is gonna make their way here

wow the terrible acting from mummy and beta is just.......... peak today. i can’t take it.

my question is, kabir has come to this house and seen anupriya a million times before, it never clicked for him then????? anupriya looks to be baaaarely in her 40s, she wouldn’t have looked much different when she was younger. why didn’t he recognize her then. SOMEONE USE YOUR BRAIN AND ASK HIM THAT. ISHANI, ARYAN, SOMEONE?!!!?!?!

ok ishani didn’t ask that but she’s like that kid was thrown into a river, i’m pretty sure he’s dead. and kabir doing extra naatak ki yes, i was thrown into the river but a policewaala saved me and raised me and that’s why i’m police now.

ugh itnaaa sasta acting lol.

high time this pinky and the brain team up and take the rest of these fuckers downnnnnnnn.

lmao riddhima is soooooooooooooo angry rn. she didn’t even get this mad when her fucking husband paralysed her. that’s just how much petty hatred male exes deserve. the fact that that their bitch ass is even alive and wasting oxygen on the damn planet is fucking unacceptable.

OMFG MUMMY BETA ARE LEGIT WHISPERING INTO EACH OTHER’S EARS WHILE HUGGING, GIVING SHABAASHI ABOUT THIS BRILLIANT PLAN. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. SERIOUSLY, YOU COULDN’T WAIT TILL YOU WERE ALONE???????????????????/

“kamaaaaal ki acting, KAMAAAAL KI ACTING!” lmaoooooooooooo honestly, this show would be fucking unwatchable if not for vishal cheesing it up in every other scene and making it so damn hilarious. kabir played by anyone else would never be this likable. his dialogue delivery of these lines is just A+

lmao he’s hamming some more about how he’s been searching for his mom allllll his life and today he’s leaving the city and finally found her.

LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE AROUND THEM HAS A FACE LIKE SOMETHING WITH 8+ LEGS CRAWLED ACROSS THEIR DINNER PLATE. IT’S SO HILARIOUSSSSSSSS.

he’s like mom, come with me, and she’s like “tum yehi ruk jao!” and omfggggggg the reactionsssssssssssss:

“ab yeh bhi yaheen rahega?????” alkjdsalkjdlaskjdlaskj chanchal’s no filter ways really come in handy sometimes.

kabir’s like no no mom will come with me. starts leading her out and dadi is like no anupriya is a part of this family and will not leave. and if you can live here in this house................... riddhima will decide that. lmao this should work out well.

kabir trying to jedi mind trick her.

even ishani is pleading in her mind, please riddhima no kehnaaaaa. aaaaaand....

“haan.” great.

big mood.

lmao booooooo, the amount of shit you get away with just coz you’re so stinkin’ cute. you’re exactly like my asshole cat son. just worming your way into my heart by the power of your adorable faces, you absolute bastardssssssss.

oh of course. she had this conversation with vansh, about if mummy ever found her son, he’d like to welcome him into this family as his brother. sentiment mein aakar haan keh diya. BITCH HE DIDN’T KNOW THAT IT WAS GONNA TURN OUT TO BE YOUR EX WHO WAS HAATH DHOKE BEHIND HIS GODDAMN LIFE. IF HE DID, HE WOULDN’T HAVE THOUGHT TWICE BEFORE PULLING THAT UGLYASS GOLDEN GUN ON HIM AND SHOOTING HIM BETWEEN THE EYES.

this is a sweet scene and all but dude how the fuck am i supposed to overlook the fucking ugly beetlejuice suit. if i never have to see this godforsaken garment ever again, it’d still be too soon.

also jesus, were you a goddamn kid just 10 years ago, COZ HOW ELSE THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A MINION WATERBOTTLE FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD?!!?!?!?!! OH GOD YOU GUYS, IS VANSH JUST 19 YEARS OLD OR SOME SHIT, AND THE BEARD AND THE VOICE THREW US OFF INTO THINKING HE’S 30?!?!?!?!?!!?! OH MY GOD, I FEEL LIKE A PEDO NOW. 28 IS MY LIMIT ON HOW YOUNG I’LL GO FOR WHEN I LUST AFTER SOMEONE.

anyway i’m fwding this scene so that my mind won’t dwell on these horrible possibilities. and that horrible fucking outfit.

lmao riddhima is like kaash tum yahaan hote, tum bhi yehi karte. snort, okaaaay sis.

“tumhari riddhima hoon main. aur hamesha wohi karoongi, jo agar tum hote toh karte.” ok everybody start monitoring your drinks from now on. pata nahi kab kya mila de yeh madam vansh 2.0.

ishani is, how you say................ LOSING IT.

ahahahahahahahahahaha aryan, who's going to town on the punching bag, is like i already picture him here, hence the vigorous mid-day cardio.

“mera toh mann kar raha hai ki main 2-4 jamaa ke aaoon. kabir ko nahi, uss riddhima ko!!!!!!!!” The Biggest Mood, Ever.

“pehle woh bhai ki tarah sochna toh seekh le?!?!?!?” bhai ki tarah chodo, pehle BAS SOCHNA HI SEEKH LE, WOHI BOHUT HAI.

ishani like i’m sureeeeeeeee kabir found out the story about mom’s missing son and now that vansh isn’t here, wormed his way into the house. PRESENTING TO YOU, THE ONLY ONE WITH A BRAIN IN THIS HOUSEEEEEEEEEEE. THE FACT THAT VANSH SLEPT ON HER AS A FUCKING PILLAR TO THIS HOUSE IS FUCKING RUDE.

“yeh sab kuch hua hai uss stuuuuupid riddhima ki wajah se!” that’s what they should call the show.

ew kabir is in riddhima’s room and getting all touchy and LIKE BACK THE FUCK OFF MAN. SERIOUSLY, YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED, NOW GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR MOM ALL DAY LONG, INSTEAD OF ACTING SKEEZY.

yeah riddhima pretty much told him that. threw in some more shit about how she’ll hate him till she dies, coz he’s the reason vansh died.

he doesn’t look happy about that. this fucker still wants herrrrrrr. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. kabir yaaaaaaaaaaaaar, you can do so much bettterrrrrrrrrrr. get yourself an hot evil shawty with 4+ brain cells dude!

she’s dragging him out. nice.

kabir still talking and she’s like do i literally have to kick your ass out?????? damn girl, there’s the spine i like to see.

askljdaslkjslkdjlaskdjlaskdj he’s like main bhi vansh jaisa hoon, iss ghar ka beta hoon. lmao good you said this in front of riddhima and not ishani, warna ***** phaad ke tumhare haath mein de deti.

riddhima also handing it to him, but verbally. but it’s lameass shit like no you’ll never be like vansh, not in 7 janam. like, ok i get she’s really mad at him for what happened, but i don’t get what’s this sudden hatred of his personality?????? she doesn’t know the whole truth and abhi se itni nafrat??? based on what?????

lmao he muttered “woh toh waqt hi batayega” as he was leaving and she’s like BITCH WHAT YOU SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!

hee hee hee hee. i loveeeeeee when he makes his exasperated faces.

some more sweet talk about how she’ll see his intentions aren’t bad at all, and she’s like justttttttttt gtfo my room man.

"kahin kabir ko yahaan rehne ki permission dekar kuch galat toh nahi kar diya???” LMAO YA THINK?????????????????????/

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye. finally. aankhein taras gayi thi.

bro refusing more shady work coz “abhi mere paas chote-mote kaamon ke liye time nahi hai. kuch bada plan kar raha hoon.”

mmmmmmmmmmmm baby what that mouth do??????

“vansh ki body ka toh main antim-sanskaar main kar chuka hoon.” ohohohohohohohoho symbolism samajhhh rahe ho aap loggggg???? new identity, who disssssssss waala scene hai.

“riddhima vansh rai singhania, main aa rahaa hoon.”

oh aaja, aha aaja, aha aaajaa, ah ah aaaaja, ah aa aaaja, aha ha aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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captainimprobable · 5 years

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List of Things Customers Do That I Hate But Cannot Post About On Facebook For Fear of Getting Fired

When they walk behind the register. Bonus points if they do it specifically to look at my screen, when it is EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ONE IN FRONT OF THEM. Did you grow up in a fucking barn????? You’re gonna get hurt and then I’m gonna be to blame and youll end up rich while I end up fired. Fuck you.

When customers try to “help” make me go faster by passing me items before I’m ready for them, then stand there holding a bag of sugar or a waterbottle or some shit sighing and acting like I’m making them hold up the entire fucking world a la atlas when I didn’t even fucking ask them to pick anything up in the first place. Try to help??? Thank you!!!! Trying to make me go faster by forcing things into my hands??? fuck you.

When they think it’s cool to scan their own shit. Excuse me!!!! Are you working here all of a sudden and I missed it??? It’s literally so fucking rude

When they ask “are you open?” as I am legit scanning someone’s stuff, actively, right in front of them. And then when I look down, wondering if MAYBE I MISSED SOMETHING, then look up again and say “yeah”, and they barrel up to me with their shit and start putting it on my register

When they Backseat Pack. “No, I want that in this bag, and those things together, and DON’T YOU DARE PUT THE APPLES WITH THE TOOTHPASTE I WILL LOSE MY SHIT IF YOU DO”. Or they have the audacity to??? Get mad at me???? When they DON’T SAY ANYTHING about how they want it packed, wait until the end, and then complain that I packed it wrong, and how could I not know they wanted the frozen green beans with the goddamn lemon cookie scented candle. Hey!!! Hey bitch!!!! Pack your own fucking bags.

I’ll for sure be adding to this as days go by. feel free to add your own retail pet peeves. because FUCK.

#jaytp #retail #i have so many more but i will break my computer if i continue #because of my supermarket's reputation I have to be DOUBLE as polite as other stores and they completely take advantage of it #fuuuuuuck

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stormstruck-angel · 7 years

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SCREAM GOD I SERIOUSLY HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW

i have approximately 48 hours and 20 minutes until an assignment is due that i HAVEN’T STARTED and that i am wELL AWARE I SHOULD BE DOING AT THIS EXACT MOMENT AND YET AM STILL NOT?? I HAVE ALREADY RESIGNED MYSELF TO PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER TO WORK ON THIS SHIT AS WELL AS DOING IT TOMORROW (thank god for pre-easter class schedule changes) bUT JFC. APPARENTLY MY MIND IS LIKE “oh!! 48 hours? that’s fine, just start it at like 9pm tonight and you’ll have a shitty version done in time to submit” and I WANT TO SCREAM AT MYSELF. BC I’M SO FUCKING STUPID, I DO THIS EVERY GODDAMN TIME. but GOD i think this is the worst its been so far??? and mostly because i don’t actually like the classes for this assignment so im just. FUCK. and i STILL haven’t gone to talk to the counsellors about this as a Problem even though i’ve promised SEVERAL people that i would?? and it’s mostly just bc i’ve been fucking sO BUSY TRYING TO SMASH OUT ASSIGNMENTS 24 HOURS BEFORE THE DUE DATE that i haven’t had the time to SPARE to visit the campus counsellors?? bc every time i plan to be on campus, i always have assignments that need to be done ASAP BECAUSE OF MY PROCRASTINATION PROBLEM. GOD. the reason i can’t go see the counsellors is the very reason i NEED to go see the counsellors. bc for the love of god i was awake for 29 hours last week and it FUCKED ME UP. I was SO ON EDGE JFC. i started panicking and almost cried on the bus to uni bc i didn’t recgonize the route we were taking and somehow thought i was on the wrong bus despite the fact that you can only catch like one bus from my bus stop. i very nearly had a goddamn HEART ATTACK when somebody sneezed a little loudly. i jumped out of my skin when somebody dropped their metal waterbottle at the crosswalk. and for the last half-hour of class i literally had to sit there pinching myself and digging my nails into my arm to stop myself from falling asleep mid-somebody else’s design presentation

the only consolation out of this whole mess is that i haven’t actually cried about it yet. that’s happened before with other assignments i’ve also left until the last minute. i only suspect i haven’t cried about these though bc as mentioned i kind of hate the classes they’re for

#prsnl #i am having a very bad time and it's all my fault

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made-of-rain-and-velvet · 7 years

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Terrible time today.

So today I went back to Victoria's secret! Aww fuck it was just as bad. The first thing I get when I enter the store is an overly enthusiastic employee who gave me the same voice the other woman had who freaked me out previously. She was working on the pink side of the store. "Heyyyy! Hiiiii! Welcome to pink! Can I help you find anything todayyy!?!" She had taken approximately 2 and a half steps too close to me and was using a voice that could fill the whole store. I nearly felt like running out of there instantly. "Oh, ummm just looking" I stammer out. I'm better about presenting myself now because of my job but being a customer instead of an associate still weirds me out. I try to match her body language and what I ended up doing is staring right back into her goddamn unblinking eyes. They burned into my soul like they eye of Sarumon. She was the type of white woman who would never make any sort of contact with me unless she was getting paid, and oh boy, did she want my money. "Yeahhhh Yeahhhh! Totally get that! Hey we've got this incredible sale that I'm going to tell you absolutely everything about while peering through your hearrrrt!" Then it fucking happens: "HEYYYY! I remember youuuu!" Aww fuck. Instantly my memory kicks into overdrive when I was less than 20 feet away from my current position when that lady did the same voice and made my life super uncomfortable. Stack that with the discomfort given by her space, presence, volume, tonality, and the overwhelming sexual nature of the store I was fucked. I have to respond "I don't think so" cause fight or flight was kicking into overdrive. "Aaarrree youuu suuuurrree???¿¿¿" My mind is like "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fucking fick fack fuck she's gonna ask me about me dick I know it" I'm like "I'm pretty sure" my feet were nearly turned backwards with the intention of breaking my knees so I could run in reverse. "Ohhhh okkkkkk" She says and takes a step closer. "Hey let me show you this this this and this! What's your Bra Size?" Ok I don't like having to talk about my non existent boobs with a woman who had been touched by the grace of God in stereotypical white girl blonde hair fake tan, let alone one who was missed on social situation skills. There was a guy working there and I think I would have been more comfortable even talking to him about it. "Uhhh... 36a..." I stammer. Before I knew it i was whizzed into a fitting room with more boob products than I was aware that existed. I spent a good 25 minutes in there and eventually found something that looked kind of cute on my Flat chest. I decided to buy a new bra from the store I had so much trouble with. My anxiety was starting to go down, but there was this other group shopping in there the whole time. And by shopping, I mean that the two guys, one really tall and one probably just 4 inches shorter than his friend were distracting the girls while the girl in the group was stuffing her foot locker bag full of lotions and scents. She's literally doing this in front of me in the cash out line. I'm in such disbelief of whats happening I just try to turn away to maybe look at something else... nope, boobs everywhere... I turn again.. oh fuck obnoxious sales associate again turn completely around... and that's when I realized the giant of a man of the group has been standing behind me watching me. I'm literally frozen in fear. His eyes say "don't fucking do a thing you p***y b*y" I'm the only one who knows what's going on, the associates scare me, this man scares me, this STORE scares me and I just want to buy a new bra in peace. So what do I do? I say nothing. I purchase my bra in awkward silence with the cashier while feeling the looming eyes of the behemoth behind me. I could almost hear him breathing down on top of me. They kept trying to offer me free shit I didn't want for "being a valued customer" and my brain is just like "run... run.. RUN!!" No I don't want a free goddamn water bottle and sunglasses please I'm dying here and the lady behind the counter is like : "are you suuuureee? It has a built in bottle opener! You neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed this!" Like fuck you! You're being robbed blind, I'm being threatened, by both your staff and a man who could kill me by stepping on me, and you're trying to give me a fucking 2 in 1 sunglasses and bottle opener! Fuck you! My glasses turn to shades when I'm exposed to the sun and they're real Ray Bands I don't need your shitty nonprescription knock off Bullshitt in either florescent pink green or blue! Let me go ooooo! I nearly swipe the bag from her as I'm trying get to leave and fucking the handle breaks on the way out, spilling my previous waterbottle and fucking dumbass shades on the polished tile. Instead of asking for a new baffled I just grab my shit and book it. I fucking hate Victoria's secret.

#VS #victoria's secret #transfeminine #trans problems #me #theivery #transphobia

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