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#i hate how ppl use it to mean afab and amab trans ppl instead of masc or fem trans people
desiresign · 11 months
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there has to be some sort of better words instead of transmasc/transfem cuz everyone changes the definition every day
for transmasc at least
its 'afab people who are trans men in some type of way' one day and then its 'anyone transitioning to be more masculine' (what do you mean by this? to what extent do you mean this?) the next and then after saying that its 'transmascs arent women' (despite the previous definitions including women, whether those who are 'transitioning to be more masculine' or if you are multiple genders) and then its... and so on! it keeps changing every day
it feels like its becoming male/female/nonbinary now its transmasc/transfem new binary and its annoying as fuck, i kind of hate the word transmasc... just because like i said it feels like a new binary people are making
also doesnt help that, again like i said the way people are using transmasc to describe seems to change every second - but people are always stereotyping as a group term - and its like, i am not you, i dont want to be shoved under this label for the sake of a 'relatable' 'meme', i dont like it, overall also just seems to heighten the not-so-secret afab vs amab divide in the nonbinary community, regardless of how much u wanna deny it or being aknowledged of being afab theres still a lot of transphobia and transmisogyny from us against ppl who were amab that is like still a whole lot
(well, the last bit can also go into general cissexism assumptions...)
idk i just. well i dont want people to assume things about me or how i identify, basically??? i dont like it! im not a part of your new version of boxing people ....
im nonbinary and i use several other labels sometimes for more specific gender feels rarely. but i feel like this happens -> nonbinary and goes by a 'masculine' name, must be -> transmasc/? no, no, and dont assume things about me yadont know ok!
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de-rune · 1 year
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Vent/rant (it’s like 3 or 4 long paragraphs because I rambled…. Sorry…)
tw : transphobia , fakeclaiming , etc
(You don’t have to respond)
(you probably will know who I am lol)
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so tired of people telling I’m faking DID because there’s so many fakers out there and it’s become this trend and I hate it. I found out I had DID before it got “popular” and it took me years to accept that that’s what it could even possibly be. I also didn’t use social media whatsoever and found out about it through a mutual friend who had it. I’d already been noticing some of the symptoms and I started doing research into it, realized it could be what I had, and then proceeded to spend the next 2-3 years pretty much gaslighting myself into thinking I was faking to be like my friend or something or that I was faking for attention. Now, my bio father refuses to accept I have alters (a psych already confirmed I have alters and my therapist and I regularly talk about my system and she can tell the difference between alters even when we’re trying to mask) because he refuses to accept how severely traumatized we were. So instead he ignores all professionals and has told his friends about it (who know nothing about the disorder and already think we’re a lying faker because we’re trans and they’re incredibly transphobic) and they agreed we’re faking for attention and just… we’ve only even seen them maybe a dozen times in the past 3 or so years and that’s it.
just very annoyed. And our father said he’d accept us for at least being trans, but still doesn’t and won’t and is literally grasping for straws to “prove” we’re cis… an oh so lovely example? /negative /sarcastic
(tw : porn mention, no details ; another rant below)
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he said because I told him I don’t like to watch porn that means I am “female-brained”… what??? Because I said it’s not realistic so I don’t like watching it, I’d rather do the real thing. And he used that as an excuse to pretty much say “oh yeah, well, if you were a real man, you’d like it. Women don’t like that sort of thing because they prefer emotional connection” (he heavily emphasized the bolded words). Which is just… omfg so fucking wrong. I’m ngl, there’s a handful of videos I haven’t minded. Because they were actually realistic. I’d usually rather use my imagination or do stuff irl though. Or watch stuff of my partners. And I know more AFAB ppl that like those types of videos than AMAB people… also, what about sex-repulsed people?? What about people who don’t like watching videos? Like there’s all these damn people you’re excluding sir- just because YOU had an addiction to that shit doesn’t mean everyone has to. And if an AMAB guy doesn’t like watching that stuff, then what, is he secretly a female?? Like you’re logic is so fucking flawed it makes me wanna scream…
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I’m just so fed up with him… and our mom
and how they say we don’t do anything to help out… but yet we do almost every damn thing. Especially now that our mom is currently incapable of doing much for medical reasons. Which means I’m usually the one getting her drinks, getting her meds, getting her food, cutting up her food, helping her sit up and down, making sure she doesn’t fall, etc
but we’re ya know… the useless child…
we’re expected to be an adult, but then get babied whenever we do act like or try to act like an adult… our father doesn’t think we can do anything for ourself. It’s fricking ridiculous
and his anger issues are getting bad again which scares me because I’m afraid he’ll get physical like he used to… so far, he just hits or slams things or throws stuff (not at anyone). And our mom gets on to him sometimes, but it doesn’t do much
he also was supposed to retire or get a different job or something but his job wants to keep him so they promoted him but he’s ducking miserable and takes it out on everyone else, especially us
we’re kinda just expected to be the adult of the house. But then get told we don’t do enough… but we do more than our parents or our siblings when it comes to helping out and taking care of stuff.
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if anyone has any advice or anything.. it’d be greatly appreciated…
our therapist wants us out of the house ASAP… I’m struggling to get a job but almost nowhere was hiring and we don’t have our license yet but we’re working towards getting it and we’re finishing up high school… it’s just so much shit but living here is making our mental health just rapidly decline and our family ignores our mental health issues (even the ones we’re diagnosed with…) and just… idk… sorry, I’ll stop rambling
im so sorry i hope you get out of there. hes honestly a transphobic mysogynistic asshat and needs to smarten up
you deserve so so much better than thaT
fi wanna just buy a house so we can live safe there together away from all the jerks bzz
givving you all the hugS bzz
fi dont know about advice, we're kinda struggling with the same thing but if our followers have any advice that would be great toO! all wy can say is keep indulging in the things that make you happy, make sure you get time for yourself to destress and relax, take breaks when you need them and keep doing your best to look after yourselF bzz
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eurocentrics · 2 years
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some of us are transmasc AND transmisogny affected
it's called being a transsexual butch
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andersfels · 3 years
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man okay can we like...break the idea that all terfs just see afab trans people as innocent victims of the patriarchy? some of them are violently hateful. NOT near as much as to trans women and we don't need to be stealing the topic away, but it disturbs me to see ppl getting told they aren't victims of terfs. you don't have to be the target of a terf to be the victim of them.
when terfs campaign to remove trans rights, like the ability to use bathrooms or the ability to transition, it affects everyone, even though their targets are just trans women. and as someone who has been through direct harrassment from terfs, i will literally block anyone on sight who tries to tell me terfs don't "actually" hate me.
terfs are aggressive and mean spirited. they turn on EACH OTHER over every little thing, constantly tearing each other apart. they don't accept afab trans people and they don't just pity us, not as a whole. they just give us a chance to "see things their way," and when we refuse, they get violent.
and no, again, they don't target us or seek us out like they do trans women; but let me be clear. the "sympathy" they have for afab people is not harmless. they agressively try to brainwash afab trans people into denying our gender using transphobia and it HURTS. it's not just seeing us as victims and leaving us alone, it's not a kindness, it's literally transphobia.
you can emphasize the difference in how they target trans women specifically without reducing the transphobia they enact on afab people as some sort of mercy. they're still aggressively worse to us than your average, non radicalized transphobe. terfs viewing us as women is not a good thing, it's transphobia, and it hurts as much as when anyone else does it. that doesn't need to be painted as a desireable option in order to make clear how much worse they make things for trans women.
the options for how to treat trans people are not "either see them as victims and try to brainwash them," or "rage violent attacks on them."
the options are to respect us, or be transphobic. terfs are transphobic. they don't treat afab trans people well, they just treat amab trans people markedly worse.
hate is hate. something they let simmer on a backburner most of the time instead of being their driving ideology is still hate.
terfs hate afab trans people and any one of you that actually thinks any different needs a goddamn reality check.
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nothorses · 3 years
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Why is it that (ime) every single time I see people use "cafab" and especially if they say it "cafabs" or refer directly to "cafab trans people" there's like, at least a small majority chance they're somewhere on the spectrum of "actually I just fucking hate trans men" and also sometimes enby ppl but I notice it in regards to transmascs more. To me it instills the same gross feelings as most dogwhistles lol.
Sry, sidenote about the cafab thing. Just wanted to say that those are useful terms with good faith meanings but jesus most of the time when I see people use cafab specifically, when not used as a self identifier, it feels so often like the person is spitting it at me lol.
(To clarify, I think “CAFAB” specifically is for intersex folks- the “Coervicely” on the front there was added, iirc, to touch on the medical abuse associated with this process for many intersex children. I’m assuming you’re using it as a synonym for “AFAB”, so I’m gonna use that instead.)
This is super valid, tbh. I don’t personally have gripes with the term for the most part- it’s a label that should be highly optional to apply to yourself, and it helps us talk about differences in trans experiences in general. I kinda watched it come around and evolve, too, as an alternative to stuff like “born [gender]”, “biologically [gender]”, or “[gender]-bodied”, and as a way to move trans theory away from the whole “gender vs. sex” idea.
But there’s definitely a tone some folks will use it with when they toss it around, and I think a lot of sensitivity to it comes from the whole “AFAB privilege” conversations from a few years back. The idea is that being AFAB is actually a privileged position, as long as you’re not cis, which is just... mind-bogglingly detached from reality. The implication that AFAB trans people are privileged over cis women is fully unhinged. 
And to be absolutely clear- neither AFAB nor AMAB trans people are privileged over one another. Lateral aggression is a serious issue, but this “AFAB privilege” idea is linked to the whole “women become men to escape misogyny” narrative that TERFs have propagated as justification for the abuse, harassment, and sexual assault of transmascs for years.
The “AFAB privilege” stuff died out pretty quickly, and didn’t get very big to begin with, but the essential ideas have kind of lingered in a lot of trans theory for a while anyway. I think folks keep trying to present the same idea in different words as time goes on, and imo, it has a lot to do with the popular idea that transmascs in general are The Perfect Opposite of transfems. Everywhere they’re oppressed, we must be privileged; which of course just isn’t how trans oppression works.
I get the exact same vibe you’re talking about when folks call us “AFABs”, anon. I try not to jump to conclusions about it, but you can usually tell from tone and context what they mean when they say it, and I think it’s pretty okay to trust your gut a little.
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