#i hate how tumblr has the funniest of situations like

[opinated-user]

LO did NOT just receive a message from a blank tumblr claiming to be a mother to a 16 year old kid apologizing to her for her child's "obessive hatred over LO".... *facepalm* This is literally the "I received a message from a father who says his kids are in a incestous relationship and asked my opinion on what to do about it." That's just WAY too elebrate a narrative. A mom makes a tumblr just to send a message to LO, or any tumblr personality for that matter, because their kid is being mean to them???? Nah, smells like fish to me.

oh no, anon, you don't understand. this is absolutely one of the funniest thing that LO could do. if it wasn't because LO gave such a long and obviously crafted response, i'd even believe this is a random troll just messing around because it's that good. LO has never been funnier in her life. this, anon, this is quality nonsense. you have to appreciate it how utterly out of this world someone needs to be in order to do this and think no one will think weird about it. that's a great joke on itself. read how this "concered mother" is so very obviously southern and utterly polite. read how the mother tries to assure that her son "is a really sweet boy". read about how she's "concered" that her sweet baby boy is going to find a "problematic" person to hate online and this is bad, awful, horrible, because he might start blaming everything wrong on his life on this person. he hasn't done it. but he might someday, so the best course of action is to go to tumblr itself and make sure if that person is truly problematic. by asking that person directly. and obviously, everyone would admit point black to being a predator who has molested their siblings for years, catfished a friend, sexually abuse people, groomed a minor, etc, etc, right? right? that's a very smart thing to assume, right? so obviously, as a very reasonable, very maam, this woman is going to directly ask to the people accused of these acts if they're true instead of looking at any of the evidence. just read again how apologetic this woman is to someone she has no idea why people keep calling a predator. no, anon. this is gold. this up there with the kind of absolute nonsense that the whole "i was stalked by a online harasser and i drop kick him in front of my house in the street, i receive a concussion too but no medical assistance required, thank you" saga was. the cancer history can't compare. it's even funnier than the "concerned" father because that was just one random anon that maybe, if you really wanted to, could believe came from someone else. in this ocassion, LO made that account. she actually went through the trouble of making it. the answer of LO too is so funny. first of all, i need to ask: what does "minor therapy" even means? do they come in categories now? there's a "high therapy" that you only get once you have grind enough, i wonder. "reinforcing that he needs to do something else with his time" is so extremely vague that you might as well said "the solution to your problem is to solve it", but somehow making it this big declaration that is supposed to be the biggest help you can get on that situation.

she's treating this reply as it were this big moment of her declaring the truth of the matter... while addressing actually nothing at all. if you were a real mother who thinks your son is following someone that people are calling a predator... well, the first question is obviously why would you write that "predator" at all. but then the other question would be, is that actually a good reply? there's no screenshots, there's no archives, there's no proof of anything of what LO's saying. this is literally just "source: trust me" and it's meant to be taken seriously. LO has found LO innocent of all charges, as LO has declared. she thinks this is going to assure people that she's innocent. that's amazing. that's a great joke. the funniest joke that LO has never made in her entire career. i literally can't stop laughing just imagining LO doing all of this and thinking to herself "take that, Brittanies! now you won't ever doubt the harm you cause! even though i actually completely failed into portraying any real harm done, but nevermind that! take that!"

even in the case that this was a real person who saw her son's entire internet history and somehow felt necesary to make a tumblr blog just so she could message a youtuber out of the blue, LO's answer would mean nothing. if i was a parent, this reply alone would set a new field of red flags everywhere. and that's why it's so funny that LO still has this account pretending to be grateful for receiving what is essentially a big sandwich of nothing.

#lily orchard

[slowbrunette-archived]

my experience on here-is-boston-hq-rpg

⚠️ tw for trauma, SA and harassment related topics ⚠️

by the beginning of this month, i went through this mentally and emotionally traumatic experience on this NSFW rp server. it took a significant toll on a half of my energy to try roleplaying. even though i try to keep it up and not let ruin it but is difficult. therefore, i'm tired of remaining silent about it.

the situation is long and i will do my best to make it shorter. i joined there on april and things started very well, so well that i was thinking i could stay there for a long time by how easily things went by. this is for venting matters. for security and privacy purposes, i will not link their promo tumblr URL or mention the admin names.

if you happen to know the individuals who run and/or write on the server, please don't send direct hate to none of them or the parties involved. i will be more than glad to answer any questions, doubts or details through dm.

i applied with my ocs and the reception was rave. it made me quickly and easily attached to the people as i also grew to admire their writing too, besides wanting and trying to befriend them. however, it all started to change and go downhill by mid-end of may as i started experiencing one-sided vibes, feeling ignored, left out and pretty like the energy was no longer being returned. as someone who has experienced these patterns on several previous times before in rp, the way my gut, along with my PTSD sense this is quick.

i tried to talk about this in private and properly to the admins in the most polite way i could, that how i pretty much felt like the affective responsability was no longer there. i remember physically shaking and crying as i broke down how i exactly sensed these patterns to the admin, i went as specific as i could in hopes to make some sense. however, all i got in return was that admin asking me to tell this to the lead admin and away, tag me on something in a server with my name on it and basically telling me to say what i just told them.

obviously, this made me much uncomfortable and baffled as of why they'd only say that and think me going through that on the server with the admins would be a great idea. yet i still kept the patience and told them that it was more comfortable for me to discuss things 1x1 rather than the tag at the server and doing the whole opposite. seconds after and in return, i was falsely accused by the server main admin of such vile and disgusting things i never did. like guilt-tripping, manipulation, coercion and being a creep overall by the main admin of that server. after i stated i preferred to discuss things in separate, the admins still created the "private" tag circle in which they added me. not only i was accused of such gross things i've been through, they literally cornered me to...try to punish me for voicing my feelings, for properly asking for basic human respect. i literally haven't felt so cornered since all the bullying i went through in middle school.

the funniest part and one of the many hypocrite moves here is that there were people doing truly questionable things in which they turned blind eyes for and got more insensitive like writing fantasy r*pe, dub-con and non-con. some creep submitted millie bobby brown on the 'wanted fcs' tag - this is a rp server of pure smut. millie is barely 18 or 19, has been objectified and sexually harassed by many people in the industry ever since she was a child. none of them seemed to be bothered by that. talking about selective hatred and them also having me as the scape goat.

i've been doing my best to move on, not give up on rp, finding ways to recover but frankly is very difficult still. it has open many fresh new wounds on my trauma layers. it is not fair that a server that so claims to be "very open, welcoming and accepting" of all people, minorities, with all kinds of mental struggles and everyone acts the opposite, while hurting others like me with their favoritism and witch hunt schemes.

#rp discord drama #discord rp wank #discord rp #cheri talks: discord rp drama #cheri talks: discord rp toxicity want #toxic discord rp #discord roleplay #toxic discord rp discourse

[sweettsubaki]

Girl, you guys are too sensitive when it comes to Buck. NO ONE is bashing him, it's all about feeling sympathetic towards Eddie and the position he's in / his point of view. But then again there's always been a MASSIVE favoritism towards Buck over anyone in the fandom, leading you guys to become misogynistic and apologists of tbh shitty behaviors. Like Taylor? Yeah I never liked her at all, but that shit that Buck pulled with her? Fuck no. Season 1 Buck? Fuck no. Buck has really grown as a person, we love him, but the majority of you have a favoritism that's always been based on attraction and it shows on the way you speak and showcase your opinions.

Usually starting a sentence by "you're too sensitive" is very much used to gaslight someone so, heads up, I'm likely not gonna take what you say afterwards very seriously. Especially since you're on anonymous. Also I'm known for a lot of things but sensitivity isn't one of them...Kinda the opposite even. But I am easily frustrated and I did vent, which as far as I'm aware shouldn't matter to you.

"no one is bashing him it's all about feeling sympathetic toward Eddie".

Ok so either you haven't seen the numerous posts I'm talking about and you took it upon yourself to speak for everyone or you don't know what bashing is. Either way not the best look for you but I have seen many (stopped counting at around 50 posts) talking about how Buck is an ass for daring to say that to Eddie. Not "poor Eddie's been rejected" but very much "Eddie deserves better than someone who doesn't appreciate him" posts (I've literally seen at least a dozen variation of this sentence), often followed by people using that as a proof that Buddie is toxic actually. And just generally very little critical thinking involved and changing the whole scene to mean what they want.

There might be favoritism toward Buck. Probably, most likely tbh. I mostly follow buddie blogs with either a buck or Eddie focus and other more general blogs with no focus at all. Buddie's the most engaging part of the fandom and the funniest for me in general. Because I follow Eddie girlies as much as Buck ones I don't see the difference and I generally don't venture too far away 'cause Chim is my favorite and I've seen too much racism when wanting to look for him so I stopped venturing too far off the fun people who make meta that seem a bit too much but are still enjoyable.

Now even if I personally didn't witness it because I've curated my own experience on Tumblr and don't interact about 911 on any other social media, he's the young White Adult in a fox procedural. So I'm not surprised there'd be favoritism towards him in a mostly American/western fandom. I've just been talking about this specific situation because it managed to hit my recluse corner which is a feat in itself.

Now that also doesn't matter in this case. Like there being favoritism in general doesn't change that there has been bashing here. If you don't care about it or feel vindictive about it then good for you but that's clearly not my case. That's why I avoid it in the first place.

Now I'm probably biased because I've curated my experience but as far as I'm aware, most people don't like season 1 Buck ? Never seen someone who loved this side of him. Because he was the youngest and most immature, it's easy to focalize on him if you like long ass development, but that's it. And most ppl who talk about s1 talk about it in a "look how much he grew" way so I have no idea why you're bringing it up?

As for TK, you can despise her without it being related to Buck. I personally found her appealing as a character, but the same way I find villains appealing. I very much loved to hate her. The woman does not care about others and will step on them to get what she wants even if she violates all moral ethics and loved ones to do so. You can dislike what she did to Buck without caring for Buck, like in a collateral damage way. But I get people absolutely hating her (I draw the line at mysogynistic behaviors which I luckily mostly avoided but I don't doubt they were there). Buck was an ass yes but he felt guilty about it and also learned and grew from it ...still is learning from it actually. That's a huge difference in my book and probably others. There are no unproblematic characters, just characters willing to be better and those which aren't (relatively speaking since it depends on what the writers find problematic). I mean Hen cheated on Karen (which I still do not comprehend in the slightest), Bobby is linked to the death of his kids, Eddie abandoned his child for years. Chim is the one who did the least problematic thing in general because he's the one with the most empathy and the closest thing I can think of is punching someone he loves when distressed and panicking about someone he also loves. And I've heard Chim got a lot of racist shit from it and while I have no doubt it's true, my curated experience means I didn't have to deal with it.

As for your last point, I happen to be aroace and I'm the kind who only understand what attraction means as a very abstract concept. (I especially don't think muscles are all that interesting but I'm happy for the people who like thirsting over big muscles).

And so like...yeah I've seen people thirst over the actor (as much as Eddie's), but thinking that people who are basically just talking about media literacy and "how the fuck are there enough posts that they ended up in my circle that's usually undramatic as fuck", are doing so just because they're attracted to the actor seems a bit bad faith.

So maybe the bashing only happened in this corner I thought would prevent me from seeing character bashing and needless drama, but it's still happened and it went from funny memes (which I liked and still have queued) to literal tirades of how Buddie is toxic and Buck is the worst. That wasn't me exaggerating, they literally said stuff like that. Which is a terrible take, like how do you even get to this point. So I vented and you thought it was a good idea to come to my inbox to ...I'm not even sure what this is for...warn me ? Annoy me? Insult me? Something else?, well whichever, I'm just using it to vent some more...because holy shit have I seen dumb takes in the past few days.

[squidbol]

How much do you guys wanna bet the girls from tramp stamps read my immortal

#tramp stamps #i can't br- #i'm wheezing #i hate how tumblr has the funniest of situations like #w t f

[harryforvogue]

ok ok so don't know how long tumblr will allow me to go. I separated them in colour depending on the fic they belong to. They aren't fully developed at all but it's a huge start, I literally stayed up till 4. It's definitely a move for someone that was crying abt "idk how to make a personality, i dont even have one"

The Savior: royal au enemies to lovers (the one we talked abt on the asks)

Alma:

jealous

analyses everyone and everything: doesn't exactly judge out loud but she has a lot to say if anyone asked her opinion.

out of the norm: she will never stick to the norm or what is expected of her, both as her role (given its royalty there were loads of contradictions but girl boss doesn't give a fuck apparently)

ah, she doesn't like being told what to do or bossed( this later on is something she has in common with her spouse)

her actions are unexpected, you don't know how or when she did things or appeared at a certain place but she's there. Girl is a mystery.

She's mysterious, quite sexy of her. Not even her husband can decipher if he tried.

Ms know it all. Somehow, someway she knows.

can make friends easy, but enemies easier. 😎

Her husband is constantly at the brink of losing his shit if Alma makes yet another decision without thinking. "What were you thinking?" "I wasn't"

fuck off is their way to say I love you to each other.

When it comes to sex, neither of them like being bossed around so sadly not a lot of dom situation. They take turns and sometimes argument which ends in hate sex and thats 👀👀 hot as fuck. Poor guards tho.

Untitled: archaeologist x paleontologist enemies to lovers

Lou: all i got so far.

Most annoying dickhead. why was he assigned for this?

"Have you ever thought about shutting your goddamn mouth for a second? No"

He just gets stuff done, no questions asked. Need that cave dug up by tomorrow? deal, close your eyes blink for a second and boom, touch the ground.

Sometimes you're not sure if he bought the degree or actually got it by own merit.

Share with me the sun: Landlord x single mom (still debating with neighbor! but this is hot so)

Aster: She's a single mom that escapes an abusive relationship with her toddler child. They move all the way to Brooklyn where at the new apartment, her landlord is incredibly sweet and king as well as hot.

Naturally she's adventurous, she didn't fear a thing. However this faded with the years.

trust issues

resourceful (the amount of diy's this girl has going on istg, finding every solution to anything and everything)

generous: She alleviates others pain or sadness, however there's so much built inside of her. if only she could trust someone or like girl go to therapy, unleash. Part of her being so resourceful is that she makes the best gifts, always knows what everyone likes or needs and brings it asap (or hell she builds them something that poof! ✨problem solved)

Often times gives more than what is asked/ expected of them which sometimes ends up with people abusing her kindness and stepping over her.

Funniest motherfucker in the world when she gets confident/ feels comfortable with a person.

Can be impulsive at times, taking fast decisions (often times her partner has to take the upper hand before her)

Restless hopeful lover: reads too many romance books

One Way Ticket: Sidney. only got her name okay? but this ask got too long and i NEED TO GO TO THE VET w my dog. shall develop later.

Empire: mob au (listen im thinking of going vampire mob)

Sephira:

her husband is a simp. You think he is the head of the relationship bc he has an unbelievable amount of power? no. He tends to argue but falls back into the realization he's not the head of anything.

Whatever she asks for, he gets it for her because you know? love

Hungry all the time.

Snuggling 24/7

Stubborn - always right. "I'm right, you're wrong shut up"

Best insults and sarcasm

Unquestionable loyalty and love. Caring and nursing her husband, especially when he comes back hurt. The soft side of her is only for him to see.

Surprisingly kind (unless you disrespect her or her husband) Boy if you disrespect her husband maybe you should say goodbye to the sun.

She's a taurus.

Do not rush her or bother her. (her husband is constantly annoyed bc god we are gonna be late)

Do not. provoke her.

has never gotten lower than 5 stars on Just Dance.

Best style and fashion advice.

Bloom:

Dorian: he's there just...not built but at least i decided on the name.

Some remain undeveloped, therefore are out of the list but have patience, I am literally loving what i've got so far.

YESSSSS NATE!

it's so hard to get into the groove of OC's but you did it!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THEM. THEY'RE LIKE OUR LITTLE CHESS PIECES!!!!!! sephira is my kinda person

#LOOOOVE THIS

[whattheheehaw]

Hey I hope ur okay, all the mess that went down on twitter must've overwhelmed you. I hope you are doing well

Oof I haven’t checked Tumblr until now, but thanks for checking in on me! I’m doing well! :D

For people who don’t know what happened yesterday on Twitter, I got ratio’d/cancelled because I made a tweet about the popular trend of saying “I hate hets”. If you look for it, you can probably find a screenshot of my tweet, but basically I was stating how that joke has spiralled out of control to the point at which it’s socially acceptable to hate and harass a group of people based on their sexuality. And my conclusion to that thought was that people shouldn’t be subjected to hate and harassment based on their sexuality. I notice that a lot of people on the internet advocate for equality, but also turn around and invalidate the opinions of heterosexuals solely based on the fact that they are heterosexuals. And this raised the question: Why is it socially acceptable for me to say “I hate heterosexuals” but not “I hate homosexuals”? Where do POC, people with disabilities, and members of the trans community that are heterosexual fall upon the spectrum of “I hate hets” and “if you’re het, you’re invalid”?

In hindsight, I recognize that my tweet wasn’t worded in the best way, considering that most people interpreted it as me saying that heterosexuals are oppressed and heterophobia exists which is not true. At all. And I think a large part of that is due to the fact that tweets are limited to 280 characters and it’s difficult to bring nuance into a conversation with such a small character limit.

That being said, I think the community on Twitter is very close-minded because anything that someone says that is remotely different from the status quo is immediately shot down and clowned upon. I feel like Twitter users rely solely on their first reaction/instinct when seeing an opinion that differs from theirs, and that usually manifests in quote retweets that say “pee pee poo poo” with a little fancam attached or “you should be embarrassed”. From my short time on Twitter, the best way that I can describe it is “how can I make the snappiest comment in the shortest amount of time so the person that I’m arguing with doesn’t have a chance to make a comeback?” And for someone like me who is not succinct in her replys, this is not an ideal situation.

Looking through all of the quote retweets on my tweet, I realized that nobody had brought up a valid rebuttal of my statement. The closest comment to a valid rebuttal that I received was “you’re cishet”, which isn’t even a true statement. I dislike how Twitter uses race and sexuality as a way to discredit someone’s argument, seeing as that is a textbook example of a logical fallacy. I’ve tried to avoid talking about my sexuality online, mainly because I’m scared of someone I know finding my fandom account and outing me, but seeing as a lot of people were calling me cishet, I didn’t feel like I had any other choice than to come out on the internet as queer. I’m bisexual, and it kind of sucks how this drama was what caused me to share this information.

I think the funniest part about this Twitter drama is that people started going through my profile and looking through my tweets and retweets. Somebody found my retweet of a statement about proshipping, screenshotted it, and used that to discredit my arguments. I fail to see how proshipping is relevant to the “I hate hets” joke but I guess that’s how Twitter works. 

I still stand by my stance on proshipping, which is that people shouldn’t harass others over what someone ships. I know that there are people that ship incest and pedophilia, and as much as I hate that it happens, I acknowledge that whatever I say or do will NOT stop someone from shipping what they ship. I know some people use shipping as a coping mechanism for their trauma, and it’s not my place to decide whether or not shipping something that I find distasteful is a healthy coping mechanism for them. I just have to hope that whatever they ship doesn’t manifest into their real, personal lives. And I advocate for curating your fandom experience so you avoid seeing stuff that you don’t want to see. The block button exists for a reason, and I choose to use it liberally.

As for the weirdest part of this Twitter drama, I’d have to say that I found it odd that 20 year olds were clowning on a post made by me, a minor. This isn’t the first time that adults have taken issue with what I’ve said and put words in my mouth, telling me that I support something that I don’t. This was just the first time that it happened in the ZK fandom. And I guess this experience was a learning curve for me. I’m not going to agree with everyone in my own fandom and I should expect people to say negative things about me when they disagree with my opinions. And when this happens, I shouldn’t expect a nuanced and informed debate to occur; I should expect a quick snide remark and then a reaction image as the end of the conversation.

Frankly, I don’t care whether or not these people on Twitter hate me or talk badly about me. I’m the only person who can determine my own self worth, and I’m not about to let some anonymous people on the internet impact the way I see myself. I’m not close with these people and I don’t hold them in high esteem, considering the way they present themselves online. If these people want to spend their time “shaming” a minor and making callout posts, I’m not going to stop them. They can stay mad.

#wow that was a long response i'm sorry anon #but yeah #i've definitely left my mark on zk twt and i'm not that mad about it tbh #hopefully this means people will stop ss and reposting my metas on there because they don't want to associate with me #will i ever come back to twt? who knows? #i'm just too nuanced for that site lmao #anonymous #ask and ye shall receive

[milknette]

chapter 02 - rebellion

i move slow and steady, but i feel like a waterfall.​

tumblr month: @adrinetteapril​​

links: ao3 | ff.net chapter: previous | next

ALYA'S the one to pick her up from Ms. Mendeleiev’s class, waiting outside the door so that she can’t actually get out escape her.

She smiles as soon as Marinette exits, and the latter can’t quite swallow down the grin that threatens to escape her lips as she sees her friend’s hands crossed over her chest.

“So…,” Alya starts, as they begin to walk down the hallway. “I skipped class an hour ago.”

“ Ah, ” the mermaid only says offhandedly, “you know, you shouldn’t be skipping. That’s not the kind of role model behavior you should have for your ward .”

“Right,” the girl only nods alongside her. “It’s just that I was trying to help out a friend, so I rushed down to the quad with tons of towels in hand— looking absolutely insane , might I add… and imagine my surprise when she wasn’t there!”

“Shocker!” Marinette only responds drily, eyes widening unrealistically in shock. “I mean, to her defense, she would’ve been late if she’d waited. At least one of us should’ve been a good student today.”

Alya only narrows her eyes, before lightly bumping her companion to the side. “ You know , I’m thirsty,” she starts, slowly grabbing a bottle from the side of her backpack as she opens it.

Marinette takes a brief step back, and glares. “You wouldn’t dare .”

They have a brief staredown for a second, with Alya raising the bottle up… before simply taking a sip and immediately putting it away. She rolls her eyes as Marinette relaxes, laughing lightly as she hooks her arm around hers. “Come on, you didn’t really expect me to do that to you, did you?”

“Wouldn’t put it past your species,” she only responds curtly.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. All us land mammals suck, huh?”

A brief pause, before Marinette nods.

(But not brief enough— as Alya’s head flips towards her direction, an eyebrow raised and excitement almost bubbling out of her expression.)

“Hey,” she starts slowly, as they come to a standstill in the middle of the hallway. Alya moves uncomfortably close to her face, scrutinizing her friend’s expression. “What was that?”

Marinette doesn’t answer, instead looking in the other direction. “What do you mean?”

“That pause.”

She still refuses to look at her directly. “What pause?”

“When I said that you hated land mammals, you hesitated .”

She scoffs. “I did not .” Marinette struggles to get herself out of Alya’s grasp. (She has absolutely no problem swimming against strong currents in the ocean, but was increasingly realizing that her human body was largely just a useless and inefficient lump of flesh.)

“Yes, you did ,” Alya protests back, eyes squinting as she tries to make out what her friend’s expression means.

Marinette tries not to let anything show. Thinks about anything else. Not about the very cute TA, or the way he carried her, or the way his god-awful puns made her laugh like he’d just told the funniest joke in the world. Not about Adrien, and especially about the way he made her feel — ah, crap .

The red on her cheeks is subtle, but it doesn’t go unnoticed.

(Damn Alya and her investigative skills.)

“You met someone,” her friend finally deduces, voice slowly increasing in volume. “Do you have a crush on a human!?”

At that, Marinette manages to free herself (the power of embarrassment does wonders to the human body, she realizes), and pulls Alya to one of the empty classrooms. “Do humans always feel the need to speak so loudly? Mermaids are never this noisy.”

“That’s because you don’t have lungs ,” Alya only responds, rolling her eyes — before grabbing her friend’s hand, and using the other to point at the mermaid accusingly. “And don’t you even try changing the subject; I need to know everything. Right now.”

Marinette shakes off her arm, opting to lean upon one of the desks. “There’s nothing to say! You’re just making things up from thin water.”

“Thin water?”

“Yeah. Like when you make something up without any basis? Do humans not have expressions like that here — “

“No, yeah, we do, but that’s not…,” Alya pauses, then exhaustedly rubs at her forehead. “Look, we’ll get into human and mermaid language later. A lot more interesting is that a mermaid has fallen for one of us .”

“I did not fall for him…!” Marinette stops in her tracks, realizing with her friend’s smirk that she’s fallen right into her trap.

“Ah, so there is a he to fall for?”

Marinette scoffs, tries to find an excuse or brush it off, before realizing that it’ll ultimately be a fruitless effort. Running a frustrated hand down her still-damp hair, she sighs. “Fine!” She finally mutters, defeated. “Look, it’s not a big deal. I just found him cute, that’s all.”

Alya raises an eyebrow. “Not a big deal?” She asks, shaking her head. “You’ve been here for a month , and I haven’t even seen you be interested in talking to humans, much less making friends,” she points out. “Actually talking to a guy without wanting to murder him, and finding him cute… now that’s what we call progress.” She grins, then leans forward.

Personal space, Marinette figures, is likely a concept that she isn’t all too familiar with.

“What’s his name?”

“I don’t —. “

“ Marinette ,” she finally deadpans. “We both know that you’re gonna end up telling me, or at the very least, I’ll end up figuring it out with my amazing detective skills, so let’s save the time on our part and just… tell me who he is.”

(She wants to say she knows Alya’s bluffing. But the determined look in her eye and tilt to a smile, and the fact that she knew how stubborn her best friend could be when it came to getting the “latest scoop”, as it is — makes her know that the statement is nothing short of the truth.)

“Adrien,” she finally breathes. “I don’t know his last name, but — “

“Agreste?” Alya suddenly interrupts, eyes widened in slight surprise. “Adrien Agreste?”

“Look, I can’t tell you if it is — “

“Blonde, green eyes, model figure, speaks only in corny puns but somehow endearing, and basically drop-dead gorgeous?”

“I — ,” Marinette pauses, trying to get her thoughts together. “How did you know that?”

To the former’s surprise, Alya doesn’t even respond. At least not with words.

Instead, she bursts into a fit of laughter . “Of course, it’s him,” Alya only cackles. “Of course it’s Agreste, isn’t it?” She pauses, then mutters to herself: “can’t believe I didn’t figure that out earlier on.”

“What do you mean?” Marinette only insists, trying to stop herself from mentally drowning her best friend. “Do you know him?”

“Adrien?” She finally catches her breath, before cackling again. “I think the better question to ask, Marinette, is who doesn’t ?”

“ Stop laughing! ” Marinette huffs, evidently getting more irritated. “What? Is he popular or something?”

Noticing the mermaid’s growing annoyance with the situation, Alya finally calms herself down, wiping a stray tear from her eye. “Adrien? He’s not just popular. He’s like the equivalent of an actual prince we have here in Francois-Dupont.”

“A prince?”

“Ever heard of the Agrestes? His dad’s on the board of directors here, and they’re loaded . Piss off Adrien, and he could definitely have you expelled in a second,” Alya states, before shaking her head. “Not that he would ever do it; Adrien’s one of the kindest people here — there are rumors that he’s actually an angel who’d come to visit us mortals.”

“Now that’s a little farfetched.”

Alya pauses, then stares her down while gesturing at her feet. “ Really? And a shapeshifting mermaid with supernatural powers is absolutely normal?”

Marinette looks at herself, then begrudgingly nods. “You have a point. But go on .”

“Well, that’s it, really,” she only says. “Adrien Agreste’s what you’d call your token golden boy . He even has a fanclub — “

“Really? There are a bunch of girls who set up a fanclub here?”

“ Oh ,” Alya shakes her head. “Not just here. It’s an international fanclub, and they have like, different branches or arms within and outside university. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t made it to mermaid media yet.”

“Mermaids don’t really care about the human world,” she only mutters, head still reeling from the onslaught of new information. “All they really want is to be left alone, remember?”

“Right,” Alya states, then suddenly looks at her in worry. “Are you okay?” She finally asks. “Don’t worry about having a lot of competition,” she points out. “He’s nice, but he hasn’t shown interest in any of them. You still have a chance.”

“Look, I don’t care about that,” Marinette only mutters. “I just want to be friends.”

Alya rolls her eyes. “Sure,” she drawls, “just be friends, says the girl who’s curiously asking about his life.”

Marinette stares back at her, deadpan. “Yes, and also that same girl who’s going through more than enough just by being the sole mermaid for miles.” She shakes her head, willing the thoughts of the blonde boy to escape her mind. “I’m not fanning the waves by going after someone who I’m sure has relationship drama following wherever he goes.”

“Okay,” Alya starts, “we’re going to circle back to ‘fanning the flames ’ later, but come on! Shouldn’t you chase after love regardless of the obstacles?”

Marinette can’t quite hide the disgust in her eyes. “Who talks like that? Are all you humans so cheesy?” Alya looks unimpressed with the response, but simply shakes her head. “I’m thinking strategically. Adrien’s cute, sure , but he’s not worth starting a revolution for.”

“A revolution? Aren’t you being a little too dramatic?”

“Fine then,” Marinette instead amends. “A rebellion.” She walks over to the window, starkly aware of the amount of people who’d prefer she not be here at all. “There’s already a manhunt over me, and I just want to finish the rest of this program in peace.”

“But…!”

She finds her way back to Alya, taking the latter’s hand and interlocking it. “See? You’re more than enough for me.”

“Initiating touch with a disgusting land mammal like me?” Alya dramatically puts a hand to her forehead, voice accentuated to sound like some stereotypical damsel-in-distress in early black-and-white movies. “Am I dreaming?”

Marinette cracks a small smile, then rolls her eyes. “All humans are so dramatic.”

“ Not all of us ,” a third voice suddenly chimes in, making the two pause in their tracks.

Leaning upon the door’s entrance, the so-called golden boy enters the room, eyes bright with visible amusement. “You know, students aren’t allowed to use the rooms without a permit.” His eyes gloss over to land on one figure in particular. “ Water you doing here?”

Oh, that’s objectively terrible.

Yet she finds herself smiling anyway.

Damn it.

“I was— I mean, we were, uh…”

Alya looks at her companion in evident surprise (she’d never seen Marinette quite so… adorable , if she were being honest), then stifles a laugh.

Marinette makes a mental note to throw her in the swimming pool later.

“We were just looking for Madame Bustier!” Alya finally responds easily, “she told us to meet her after she finished class, but we must’ve been in the wrong classroom. Sorry about that .”

Adrien looks at the two of them for a moment— perhaps looking at one not-person, really, then breathes a light chuckle. “She’s having lunch right now, but you can visit her office later if you still need to schedule an appointment.”

Busted.

“Thanks!” Alya only responds brightly, choosing to skip over how easily she was caught in her lie. “I guess we should take a head start, then.” She pulls Marinette, who seems to be paralyzed in place. “Let’s go , Marinette—!”

“ Actually , if it’s okay with you, I’d love to talk to her for a bit,” Adrien says, cutting them off. They both pause, and after a mental conversation between them (more on with Marinette saying something along the lines of ‘don’t leave me with him’ , and Alya either not understanding or willingly ignoring the statement— she really bets it’s the latter), giving an obnoxious thumbs up and nodding.

“Then I’ll see you later, Mari!”

Marinette updates the mental note. Throw her into the ocean , then.

“I’m starting to think your hobby’s eavesdropping on my conversations, huh,” she finally says, hands folded over her chest in an admittedly feeble attempt to assert dominance. Then, in a slightly more meek (and panicked, really) volume: “what did you hear?”

“Just dew- ing my job,” he grins back. She can’t even comment on how awful the pun is. “Can’t have you getting into more trouble.” Then, a thoughtful pause. “And don’t worry, I only got in when you called us disgusting land mammals.”

“Wait but that wasn’t me, that was Al—!”

She pauses, noticing the amused smile on his face. “And you’re messing with me, huh?”

“You need to learn how not to take things so sea riously,” he jokes. “Just go with the flow .”

Marinette huffs. “I can absolutely go with the flow…”

“Really?”

“De fin itely.”

The pun escapes her mouth before she can think about it, but it’s more than enough to make Adrien grin like an absolute maniac. “Then prove it over dinner? Tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to start a rebellion, though…”

They both pause.

Now why exactly did that come out?

He laughs. “I don’t know what you mean, but what do you have against rebellions?” Adrien pauses for a moment, thoughtful. “You’ll never get what you want or need by not doing anything about it.”

“So you’re telling me that…?”

“Well I don’t want to incite a whole-out war, but I think there are some things worth fighting for.” He turns to face her, eyes still beaming with a look that she can’t describe as anything other than kind . “Don’t you think?”

Marinette stops in her tracks, thinks, then carefully offers a hand.

“What time?”

“Hm?”

“The time,” she repeats. “For dinner tomorrow, I can meet you there.”

She hadn’t known it to be possible, but the smile on his face widens. “ Seaven,” Adrien says brightly. “I can pick you up at the girls’ apartment. You live there, right?”

Marinette nods.

“Fintastic,” he responds, still grinning as he jokingly bows and tips an invisible hat in his direction. “Until then, Marinette.” Adrien concludes, before walking away, a little bounce in his step, as she’s left to her own devices.

Marinette knows she’s going head over tails for him.

But she’s surprised to find that she doesn’t quite mind it.

#sandbar nine #adrinetteapril2021 #adrinette april #adrinetteapril #adrinette #adrienette #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #ml #miraculous ladybug #milk writes #ml fic #ml fanfic

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

omg so I read this manga this morning called Sesame Salt and Pudding and it’s ab this 22 y/o girl who gets drunk and accidentally marries a stranger, who happens to be 42. it’s the cutest lil slice of life just a really healthy relationship and all i could think was this would be the funniest meet cute for Erwin.

Thanks for linking me the manga website anon omfg you're a real one💙🐛

Alright so below is my 1am thoughts while reading it as i listen to a daddy/mommy issues playlist i found online and drinking green apples monster energy.

Tw: mentions of sex | Tw: suggestive words

Chapter one

The girl is really pretty, I'm really gay.

Wait so she married him while drunk and now can't remember anything?

This lowkey does look like Erwin without gel in his hair

...why can i see Erwin as the type of drunk to not only sign a wedding registration paper but also demand both of you must go get wedding ware, paying for your dress or suit.

Consent 👏yes👏100%👏the bare minimum👏Erwin values consent above literally anything else👏Erwin wouldn't touch you without permission even while drunk out of his mind👏again it's the bare minimum👏

An older dude that cooks & cleans while staying home as i go out and provide for us? This is my dream. Stay at home husband Reiner stay at home husband Reiner stay at ho

Ngl i think Erwin wouldn't know anything past basic cooking despite him reading all these cooking books and watching videos, i think if he really was dedicated he'd sign up for a cooking class go get high level skills just to impress you but treat it like it's nothing

...he didn't wanna stare at her chest so he went to clean the fridge- Erwin would def be that kind of gentleman to change his own attitude instead of ever telling you to change or cover up.

I love her job oh my god yes.

Ooo a love rival huh👀 is this gonna turn into a triangle situation

The only love rival I'd ever see for Erwin is Nile tbh, like i think if it was Miche, Hange or Levi then he'll talk it out and either him or the person backs off.

He gets gloomy when jealous huh~

THIS IS FUNNIER THAN IT HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE DOAKDJKAKSN I CAN'T.

I can't even imagine Erwin's reaction if you said this to him, like he won't even be mad he would just be really taken back, standing there like 🧍🏼‍♂️...he'd even be amused.

Okay- okay this is a good reaction...I think Erwin would say something similar but rephrase it to he more subtle yet somehow making it sound dirtier.

Something along the lines of, "well, if you're so sure then why don't you find out yourself."

And "after all i can't deny that i haven't thought about how beautiful looked last night...how the more beautiful you would've looked laying down."

"You looked like a really delicious treat"

"All pretty and alone, tearing about your worries, i just wanted to make you forget them all and leave the rest to me"

I should stop-

Chapter two

HE SAID HE IS HER UNCLE I CAN'T BREATHE I LOVE THIS

Oh shit he overhead them oh shit

Shit is going down oh god

Man if it was Nile in this hypothetical insert then he'd be hold this information like the petty bitch he is and use it at the date instead.

Chapter three

Ngl dude, i really hate it when they treat it like a women's reputation is all she has. I especially hate the purity culture of that a young women can't be a roommate with a man because "what will people say" like...if they're fucking who cares and if they aren't literally who cares? Do they realise gay people exist too and two women have an equal chance of sleeping together too?

It feels like they treat women as children, maybe I'm just projecting bc i live in a similar kind of culture where all these rules apply here if not more.

Anyway that manga is cute, it just angred me that these two men think they're responsible for solving her problem or as if they have any right to scold her or be angry like she's some kind of child and should listen.

It's her life, it's her problem and it's her who will solve it.

DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP. he's really acting like a bitch as if he has any right to be angry or even judge her oh my god.

"Impure background..." Get fucked.

The only ONLY reason he even can be angry is because she didn't mention being married while they were going for a date but they didn't even go on that date and nothing was official so why does she have to tell him her private life.

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG HUGE RED FLAG

"get divorced immediately" HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG

Controlling Insecure cunt.

I'm sorry anon that I'm really going off on him and I'm sorry if you like him- it's just that i really really can't stand these things

THE MANGA IS LOVELY THO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RECOMMENDING IT I'D LOVE MORE WHENEVER💜

Oh baby, oh angel I'm so sorry you had to go through that, in no way is it ever right to get angry and yell no matter what especially since you apologised and admitted to your mistake.

Especially since he knew it was something you did while drunk and deeply regret it but he still took out his angry on you like you betrayed his trust when you weren't even together or like you intentionally did it.

Narcissistic dick.

I'm not talking about the next scenes because it might be triggering.

Chapter five

4 is missing :( idk how her parents visit went

We just started the chapter and-

Fuck her. Like what's up with toxic abusive people being too comfortable saying these things lmao like they actually take themselves seriously omfg.

Imagine saying this about Erwin tho, like it feels powerful to say. John maloney was right after all huh

Oh

Oh

So we doing this huh

👀

....oh :( we were just getting to the god part, man Erwin wouldn't have let a phone stop him.

Also bless the translator for their note at the end, it's good we're seperating fiction from reality and clarifying things to people on how to act in these scenarios.

Like drama is fun and all, I'm a huge sucker being extra, but things are different in real life and using fiction as a guide to how to deal with these, clearly written to be extra, situations should never ever be anyone's first choice.

Well that's all the 10 images tumblr will allow me in one post, i hope you had fun anon because i sure did! And i can definitely see this as a sweet wholesome Erwin/reader story, and if i ever did a an inspired rewriting of that manga with Erwin i can definitely see it being really fun to write!

Although i will change some stuff like that guy, i know people have good and bad sides but the guy specifically made me uncomfortable for personal reasons, i also Don't like mentioning serious things like anger controlling issues without diving deep into them.

Imma go finish the manga, if you want a part two, or have a different thing to recommend, please let me know💙

#talking🕯 #Erwin🕯 #recommendations🕯

[tsukidrama]

hi!! i’m sorry it’s been a little while, life got really busy so i missed your replies and trnt’s new chapter but i’m here! :)

aaah i didn’t know! tsukiyama is such a good character, a bit underrated too.

this is such a beautiful poem! i can totally see how it applies to the fic or even annie in general, you did a good job at capturing the poem’s spirit.

i’m not surprised by your top 5 ladies, but i was so surprised to see onyankopon in your top 5 men! especially since he’s a very minor character, but i agree with all the characters tbh.

welcome back!! do you like / are you cool with me replying in this new format? i know it's a little different but sometimes it confuses me to have to scroll back n forth, and idk unless you totally hate it i'm gonna do this with longer messages?

i miss tokyo ghoul sometimes, the 2015 tumblr fandom was sooo good and the porn was unparalleled ngl. he's incredibly underrated i could write an essay on it.....

oh wait rly? thats so nice oh my god. i felt like the title and poem relevance would make more sense in later chapters but that's reassuring af! 🥺

i guess so, but he's not any more minor of a character than Yelena is 😭 Onyankopon supremacy!!! he is super smart and capable, plus he's kind and one of, if not the ONLY person, who genuinely cares. he helps Paradis because those are living there human beings and not for whatever convoluted reason. his voice is rly sexy as well 😍

NOW ABOUT THE NEW CHAPTER: this chapter was so sweet (but still deep) aaah so many feels!!! i think this is my second favourite chapter (after chapter 4). i loved the humour in it!! some lines are funny despite the seriousness of the moment like “whose poker face is out of the world.” because this is the most annie thing ever, though i know the context of the line is very serious, guilt is eating her here. just like the whole situation with the trap, it’s very light hearted then it gets so serious, annie really takes it to heart, you can see she wanted to accomplish something good and be in control again. this garden so important for her but it’s nice she has a goal to work on. this line : “You had once laughed about it, but now you wonder if it was a stress response all along.” pretty much sums up the atmosphere here.

EEE THANKS!! AKWJENFJRN THANK YOU THANK YOU I ALWAYS GET SO EXCITED WHEN I GET AN ASK FROM YOU AFTER A NEW CHAPTER! this is one of my favorite chapters too!! i tried to add some humor since the reality is actually really upsetting, they're struggling real bad right now. Annie is drowning in guilt and the only thing reader wants is to to minimize it for her. even if it she fails at it.

exactly 🥺 to everyone else the garden is just plants and they'll grow again - but it's one of the things she put the most effort into on the farm, so seeing it 'vandalized' represents more than just the lost veggies. to her, it's about a threat to the life that she's worked so hard to make for herself. she's never had a home like this and she's terrified that if she can't keep up with it, then she'll lose everything. even if it's just a rabbit in the garden. you're absolutely right.

“Shut up,” she fires back, and halfway hides her face behind her hands.” was so funny when she was being romantic not even 30 seconds before lmao. and then “Annie’s face lights up. She throws her arms in the air and shouts: “Vindicatiooooon!” in triumph” was hands down the funniest part of the fic, annie seems that type of person that are funny without trying/wanting to and this moment is exactly it lmao. the scene with papa when they come out of the barn is i think the second funniest part adkhfjdh talking about him, the relationship with papa is so well developed! and i love how you portray his character. “Is it the same reason you’ve been putting on so much makeup lately?” was so expected from him, it’s not surprising that he’s a very observant person, he is the one who raised annie after all.

one thing i love about writing Annie is that no matter how serious a scene is, she'll nearly always reaches a point where it's suddenly Too Much and she gets so embarrassed/starts to shut down. it's so quintessentially 💕 her 💕 yknow?? hehe

isn't it though? if you've never seen brooklyn 99 it's a not so subtle reference & something i often quote to make my wife laugh

LMAOOO i ain't gonna lie, Papa is my favorite character to write. in canon he's........... a real piece of shit. but he clearly loves Annie so i can fix him. he has the potential to grow so much and to be such a positive influence for her if he actually made the effort to step up.

“...offers you the seat next to him. Each time, you..” this part hurts though, he’s really trying to understand what is going on and is trying to help but i understand reader, it isn’t easy for her either and even if it’s not really comparable to what annie had to endure, she went through some stuff too, she has her own things to process. ““Whatever you’re doing,” Papa says, more quietly and to you this time, “it’s working. Keep it up.”” was so cute!! he cares so much about his daughter, i love the relationship he has with reader and annie as a couple.

it hurts me too 😰 yes reader definitely has her own trauma! and she is NOT dealing with it and just pushing it down. and she won't let Annie see how she feels, so Papa is her only real option. chapter 7 will be his big chapter and i am SO excited to write it akfshkswj

he notices everything that happens. he may not bring every little thing up in conversation, but at this point Papa knows their relationship well enough that he can tell when their dynamic is off. she's the best at watching and waiting because her dad is, too.

and once again the little details!! like : “across her face by sweat.” it’s a simple line and probably overlooked by people but you always add details like these which make the story realistic instead of trying to write perfect looking characters with no flaws. it really makes the characters more human you know?

oh yeah her hair!! i often try to plan for some kind of super hot look from Annie that's also just a casual house/yard work outfit. her being disheveled with dirt on her hands and sweat all over her face really truly does something to me... there are no limits!!

“I was, uh, the best, you know?” she says, “At the waiting, and the watching… It was easier to tune everything else out when I was focusing on something else. (....) Not every night, but tonight. Right now.” “She bursts into tears as well, sobbing as she leans her head back against yours. You sit up on your knees and wrap your arms around her. You hold her for as long as she cries, which ends up being quite some time.” i had to write these two extracts again because they’re so important, annie is finally opening up a little. i’m so proud!! it was such a big step for her!! “Annie sniffles again. “I don’t deserve you. I never have, and I never will. I love you so much ”” please annie know your worth!!! you deserve all of this!!!

I KNOW RIGHT LKSJAFHEIFHAE SAME, YOU'RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE!! I LOVE U SO MUCH BBYGIRL.

it's a very emotionally vulnerable moment, which for Annie is a lot scarier than all the horrible murderous shit she's used to. she's trying, even if trying is what's fking her up the most. she wants to once she sees how her past is affecting her girl.

“The other Warriors didn’t ever talk about it, either. I don’t know how to even put it into words sometimes.” these kids really needed group therapy growing up. but reading this made me wonder, did you ever think about annie inviting other people (from marley or even paradis)? or any characters? do you think annie would keep contact with the remaining warriors, at least in letters? it probably hurts her too much and brings back too many bad memories though. and sorry for all the questions at once omg lastly : rosemary is a very brave cat and i love her. have a nice day!! (and i hope your knee is doing better) -j

they did and they do need therapy 😞 lolol i feel every time you ask me questions about the plot and if i'm gonna make xyz happen, it's always something that i already had planned addressing in the next chapter. the only reason that other characters have shown up is because they aren't relevant yet.

yeah they keep in contact! Annie may be living away from all of them, but its really not THAT far away. they live far enough that it's a pain in the ass to get out there, but close enough that they can go visit the town, spend most of the day there, and come back before it gets dark.

next chapter will talk a lot more about the remaining Alliance members, and the comeuppance of a trip to try and negotiate with Paradis (so the '3 years later' final scene). so they all show up for that, and Reiner and Pieck are both going to pretty significant later on. you're right that being around them brings back bad memories.

i love all the cats but rosemary is secretly my favorite!

my knee is better! thank you not, it's not great but better. i got an injection that helped a LOT but it was an awful experience, it was so awful.

#tsuki answers #j anon #idk why im trippin so much #i did screenshots at first and then i was like WAIT thats not accessible to people with screenreaders #idk idk im a little high #annie-isms #trnt annie #cottagecanon #snk #long post

[orionsangel86]

Hey Everyone,

As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.

Long rambling post below the cut...

This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.

It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.

After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.

I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.

I hope she is doing fantastically today.

What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?

Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.

When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.

I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.

Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.

I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.

The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.

I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.

Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.

All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.  

So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.

Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.

So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.

I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.

Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.

#personal #a goodbye message to fandom

[psicostyles]

The one where I get to know you

This might be a sequel since I don’t have a script or ideas to continue yet, but who knows?? This is a draft I found lost on my phone and tumblr and kinda liked the way I used to think when younger. Let me know what you think anyways

**

It’s not like I hated him.

We just don’t get along. I met Harry - the guy I don’t hate - a few months ago. 

We were at a pool party of a friend we have in common. They though we would like each other right ahead since we have “similar taste” according to them. Alright.

We started to chat about nothing in the corner of the pool and I felt a little bored, to be honest. He is a nice guy, don’t get me wrong. But not for me. We haven’t spoken since that. And well, I’m still good this way, thank you. 

But let me tell you what happened. The same friend who threw that party is now hosting a baby shower because guess what? She’s pregnant. Well, that was kinda obvious I guess. 

Back to the point. 

I’m here talking to myself in the same spot we chat the last time we saw each other, about a story who I rather forgot because I got nothing better to do…

 "Hey," 

I look up, seeing a tall man holding two drinks.

"Oh, hey" I answered back.

 "I don’t know if you remember me…“ he said reluctantly "I’m Ha…”

 "Harry," I said interrupting him “yes, I remember you" 

 He smiles nodding at me, sitting by my side afterwards.

 "Here, I brought you a beer” I murmur a silent thank you, and drink my beverage.

 He still sits there, moving his leg inside the water with his beer in his hand looking from one side to another. And I stare at him.

I’m about to say something when Kendra - my pregnant friend - walks from God knows where with her husband by her side holding hands with a massive smile on their faces. They are in the middle of the yard with a massive box in front of them.

 "Thank you so much for being here today" she started “it’s a very special day for us, not only because it’s our baby’s shower…but because we are about to found out our baby gender” everyone starts to clap exited.

Even though this gender things it’s super cliche and way too inappropriate, even for a unborn baby, it’s their day! Not mine. So I clap along, because either way I’m also happy. And I don’t need to be a brat about it. I can have a conversation with them in a near future about this whole thing, can’t I?

 "Let’s do this," said Alex, the husband. 

 3,2,1…  

The box was opened and pink balloons were floating in the air. Classic.

Oops, I mean, yay.

Everyone started to clapping and cheering, and so do I.

 I get up and go hug them - trying not to soke them with my wet legs, and congratulate my friend. Then she started to speaking again. 

 "Enjoying the situation, Alex and I wants to request something from my friends over here. Can you come here, Harry?“ 

 Harry got up from the ground - also a little wet, and came to where we were.

 "Well… Y/N, you know, we’ve been friends for awhile now” Said Kendra “and you’ve been with me through my ups and downs, you are really important to me" 

 "And Harry,” she said facing him “Although we know you not so long, you became our best friend, our personal jokester and our precious baker" 

 Harry chuckled. 

 "All this speech is for actually ask you both if…” we four stared at each other.  ”…you want to become our baby girl’s godparents," they said together. 

Harry cheered exited hugging they both screaming yes, yes!!

 I stayed frozen. Too shocked to say anything. 

Meeting my failed date and being invited to become the grandparent to a child in the same day? Might be too much to handle.

Who I’m trying to deny? It’s too damn excited. 

 The three of them - after their hugging section - stared at me waiting for an answer. 

 "What do you say Y/N??“ Said Alex. 

 "Yes” I finally answered “I will be her godmother”

 ***

Like I said, Harry and I don’t get along.

We’ve been seeing each other lately on behalf of our goddaughter Nina - she’s the cutest little thing I must say.

We had a dinner at Kendra’s place the other night, with a delicious meal and a fantastic glass of wine. I might have had two or three glasses.

Nina is eight months now and I have to admit she’s too smart for age, she skipped the ‘crawling processes’ and went straight to walking. The result was me and Harry chasing her the whole night. Not that I mind, it’s nice to spend some time with him, but after five minutes you get tired and want to get rid of him. At some point, Nina got tired of walking and decided to watch Peppa Pig while she’s was peacefully laid down in her crib.

The adults kept chatting about adult stuff, Harry was sat in front of me and every now and then I feel his glare on me and when I stare back he pretends he wasn’t looking. Nina was already asleep when we decided to leave but, I don’t have a car so, add this to a credit card with no credit you will find a woman who can’t order an Uber. So now, Harry is now taking me home. Might be the excess of wine in my veins talking but in this second I wasn’t so bothered to be in this same space as him for the first time.

The traffic got us stuck in the middle of the avenue at 11pm. He had turned the radio on with music I’ve never head, but I was tipsy that I don’t really know what I was listening to. Both of us didn’t say a word since we got in the car. While he was facing the road I could watch him better, even though was dark you could notice how sharped his jaw is. Or how his hair is getting curly, or-

‘‘Are you staring at me?’‘ I face the road again without saying a word. ‘‘So...’‘ Harry says trying to break the silence ‘‘Are you free next Friday?’‘

I chuckle 

‘‘Are you seriously asking me out?’‘ he looks at me confused 

‘’Is that a problem?” he stares the road. I look to him surprised.

‘‘Not at all, it’s just...awkward” I said “We just started to speak again because of Nina you know... If wasn’t for that I bet you wouldn’t even remember me”. 

He is the one who chuckles now. He starts to drive again and decided that silence was the best option after all. Half an hour later he parks the car in front of my house when I’m almost leaving he stops me saying:

“You know, even if it wasn’t for Nina or Kendra or whatever, I would still try to talk to you. And I respect your decision, it’s okay if you don’t want to hang out’‘ we both smile. I got off the car and he calls me again ‘‘But if you change your mind...” I roll my eyes.

‘‘Good night Styles” he smiles turning on the car and leaving.

****

Kenda asked me if I could spend the night with Nina since her and Alex wanted to spend some time together, I said yes, of course. So after work at a Friday night I’m at their place. They left around 7pm or so and since they I’m playing the babysitter with the happiest baby in the world. Nina is a very - very - excited child. She never stops. Never.

Now it’s around 8pm and I’m already tired. The thing is she loves climbing their’s stairs, from the bottom to the top, and once she get’s where she wants to start over again, and again, and again. Remember I said she learned how to walk very fast? Yeah, maybe she should have waited.

I’m in the middle of the stairs with Nina giggling when the doorbell rings. I take her with me with a pouty face, getting surprised when I answer the door

‘‘Harry?” 

‘‘Nina!” he says ignoring me. Nina straightway leave the comfort of my embrace so she could have his “How you doing my love? Are you good?” 

“Harry?” I try again. He looks at me “May I help you?” 

He enters while I close the door. I follow him ‘til the living room where he puts Nina into her crib. He turns around and faces me with his hands inside of his jacket.

‘‘Alex called me told to come over so I could help you out’‘

‘‘Well,” I said “I appreciate but they didn’t warned me of anything”  

“It was sudden” he said “Are we hungry?”

“We already ate, but thanks”

He shrugged and face Nina again.

“Who missed the nestes grandfather in the word hmm?” Nina giggles. Cheater “I heard you wanna play some more, yeah? Let’s go then”

She grabs her again and says she’s taking her upstairs to the playroom. Now I “can take some rest” according to him. Yeah, okay. Suddenly I don’t feel so tired anymore. I clean the mess we made earlier and hear the giggles from upstairs. I climb the stairs carefully and move to Nina’s room. Her door is almost closed so I give a little peek inside the room and caught Nina playing with muppets laughing with everything Harry - well the mullet Harry was playing, a frog I belive.

“Why don’t you come from behind the door and come play with us, Aunt Y/N” said Harry, the frog with a strange but yeah, actually funny voice.

And so I did. At every terrible imitation of animal he did Nina giggle like it was the funniest thing in the world, as she understood everything we said. I was playing a very badly sheep but she didn’t mind at all. A few hours later she felt asleep right when Alex and Kendra got home.

“We don’t know how to thank you guys” they said.

“Tell me he is coming next time” I thought but I kept myself quiet.

So yeah, here we are again like the last time. I did not have a drive so Harry, the saviour offered to take me home so I accepted. The silence it’s not the uncomfortable as before, most of the time we talked about Nina and how special she is. From one second to another we where at my place. Before I could get out of the car he said

“Remember last time? I asked you out and you rejected me like...Well, you rejected me” he said uma playful tone.

I got out of the car and supported myself on the window.

“Oh, well. Maybe if you ask me a second time maybe I can accept”

He smirked.

“Are you free anytime?”

I smiled at him.

“You know what? Who knows maybe at third time you convince me”

We both smiled. He left and I watched him go.

He wasn’t so bad after wall.

#harry imagine #harry styles imagine #harry one shot #harry blurb #harry styles blurb #one direction imagine #one direction blurb #harry styles #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry writing #one drection writing #psicostyles

[tyonfs]

🐖🥨🧃🧩🚑🏋️💒💫🥫🤹🎢👁️🍽️🗼🌡️📼🤼🪐🗿 For the skz ask game!! (this is a lot omg you're totally cool to not answer them all djsjsj)

omg so many 😳 but this will be fun so ty 🥰

🐖📼🥨🧃🏋���🗼🤼🎢 - post your fav skz memes

(answering these together so i can put ot8 memes together)

+ also tumblr is being annoying so pls take these five instead 💔

🧩 - pick one personality trait from each member

if this is traits i appreciate about them most then:

chan - hardworking

this man always puts in 110% and if you watched the survival show you can see how much he does for skz

minho - straightforward

minho is soso caring and looks after the members. i feel like ppl mistaken his blunt honesty and give him the “meanhoe” nickname for that 😭 but he’s so kinda and i admire that he says it as it is

changbin - magnetic

idk how else to describe this but it’s smthn about the way changbin is able to keep the mood good and make everyone laugh effortlessly (even tho he gets bullied)

hyunjin - loving

hyunjin is just !! so !! full !! of love !! the man literally wears his heart on his sleeve and wants to share and show us everything he’s so cute :(

jisung - warmth

jisung gives me such a “home” feeling idk he’s just so endearing in the way he wants to make everyone laugh and also express his love for music

felix - appreciative

PLEASE this man is so caring and is the source of all good things in the world. stan twt owes felix an apology, he gets so much hate when he’s such a wholesome person and just wants to share endless love

seungmin - leadership

ik chan’s the leader but seungmin has such leader potential. i remember his mbti being the only one with -a and i always see his assertiveness showing in stressful situations

jeongin - potential

i don’t think this is a trait 💀 but i chose this bc jeongin just has ?? so much talent and is constantly improving and showing us the best sides of him, like his growth from the survival show is incredible

🚑 - imagine ot8 in the hunger games, order them from the first one to die to the winner

1. hyunjin - nothing much to say. gonna get snapped like a twig or accidentally step off of the landmine too soon

2. jisung - probs would fall out of a tree

3. felix - he’s gonna trust someone and then get stabbed in the back 😭

4. jeongin - i feel like jeongin would start off solid but just get unlucky or be too hesitant to hurt someone

5. changbin - actually strong competitor. accidentally eats poison berries and dies

6. minho - i think he’d definitely hold it out for a long time

7. chan - most potential but doesn’t have it in him to k word anyone

8. seungmin - and he could probs win without having to k word anyone 😎

💒 - if you had to tattoo one stray kids lyric, which would it be?

probably should I fly to the sky? in sunshine bc that’s my fav song

💫 - who shares your zodiac sign? do you think you’re alike?

chan and i are both libras 👍 i think we’re kinda alike in the way we show love in subtle ways but other than that idk bc i’m such a lazy person 💀

🥫- most played skz song?

omg idk bc i usually just listen to all of their songs bc they have a lot that i like, but i would say maze of memories, sunshine, victory song, chronosaurus, yayaya, and school life

🤹 - what’s you hogwarts house? sort the members into a house

i’m a ravenclaw 😎 as for skz i Think

gryffindor - chan, jeongin

ravenclaw - jisung

hufflepuff - hyunjin, felix

slytherin - minho, changbin, seungmin

👁️ - what’s one thing skz has done that’s given you second-hand embarrassment?

either jisung, hyunjin, and minho getting attacked by seagulls in australia or jisung saying the lyrics to an instrumental song were great

🍽️ - who’s your dream sub-unit?

skz 00 line subunit WHEN

🌡️ - berry, kkami, or seungmong

i am emotionally attached to kkami and i think it’s funny kkami got a dating rumor before skz did 💀

🪐 - funniest skz tweet/meme you’ve seen recently

wait this isn’t recent but i love this one

🗿 - dumbest thing skz has done

hyunjin exposing himself for watching seungjin ship videos on youtube 🏃‍♂️

#tyonfs asks #baekhyuns-lipchain

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the final episode of Hypmic Rhyme Anima /sob/. For one last time, spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7 | Ep. 8 | Ep. 9 | Ep. 10 | Ep. 11 | Ep. 12

I am so not ready for this

ahaha sexy boots you got there ichijuku, mind stepping on me?

Interesting question, what Does happen when someone is hit with multiple attacks from more than three mics? I’d like to see what happens, despite how awful that might be

Thats a hilarious pun there Samatoki

Hmm, interesting set up, I don’t hate it but I don’t like it. 

lmao samatoki snatching the phone away is so like him

Aha! I was right, Iris was involved with the gangs. It certainly explains a lot of her mannerisms and quirks

Hmmm.... did the animation quality go down or something?

Oh samatoki you wonderfully stubborn bastard fuck your later half anime characterization to hell and back. In the beggining, he was at least in character but now he’s been flattened to a rocks for brains brawler. At least he still has super pretty eyelashes I guess lmao

Still with the “-san” huh, samatoki lol you silly dumbass

Iris looks so pretty wtf that hand of her is so cute i love her shes so cute aaaaa

Hn, don’t know how to feel about the girl being the support character, if anyone I thought that would Tom’s role. Because Tom just seems more like a support kind of person, or at least an allrounder especially given the fact that he was able to heal and bring together Iris and Rex. But then again i guess theres the might meants that you’re the leader, it’s not bad I guess. Rex is very obviously the heavy hitter of the team so theres no surprise there

Iris’ butterfly motif is interesting, I’d love to see if theres a reason for it if we ever get the chance to learn more about them

The animation team really doesn’t waste any money making Samatoki’s eyes look super pretty huh

ahaha technicolor lights go brrrrrrrrrrr

lol they all posing even in a situation like this, and the leaders Had to call out everyone’s names. I love how Jyuto jokingly calls Samatoki “Samatoki-sama” just to rub it in that he needs help lmao

Oh they used the second verse of the OP, nice nice. It saves money from having to compose a new song lol

Oh that kind of outline thingy is kinda nice aesthetic. Very cute

oh course its the “You forgot something important” speech

Though I am feriously rolling my eyes at the whole “We won through the power for friendship and this Mic i found” thing

Oh hello you bastard who doesn’t pay the child support

Wait was that spoilers? maybe oops, I’m sorry bout that anime only peeps!

... What was the reason for Saburo threatening the Party of Words then?

Hah, please know that I think that ive rolled my eyeballs out of their sockets, the amount of cheese in this speech is enough to make my lactose intolerant ass hurl

... Otome looks very cute when threatening Rei. Very very cute.

At least their keeping the shit about Rei under wraps which is nice given that the anime is in the business of handing out secrets like candy

NEMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU shes so cute ohmygoshohmygoshohmygo

lol for a teenage prodigy, Saburo is so slow in picking things up. Maybe thats why I connect a lot to him lol

Samatoki consistently has the funniest and best lines wtf this is favoritism lmao

Cat’s and dogs every one of them lmao. I love how at this stage, they really can’t get along, especially with all the bad blood between them. It’s only natural and I think that the banter between the four teams was not only nice and organic but a nice way to show that they still have a ways to grow

Though the ending Was admittedly slightly anticlimatic

I love how the ED and OP for this episode was both new and fresh without wasting any money just by using different parts of the same song. Very nice move on the team’s part

--

And with that, we have come to the end of the season, as well as the end to this little series of my thoughts on Hypmic episodes. This has been such a fun experience that just started out as a documentation to show my hypmic friend later and compare our initial thoughts, but now its grown into such a fun little project. I’ve really enjoyed typing out these thoughts that I’ve had and I’ve really enjoyed the thoughts that everyone chips in as well! 

This series has really helped me keep a clear head throughout this term and I’m very thankful for Hypmic as well as the tumblr community. But for better or for worse, this has come to an end. But if we always look down, we won’t be able to find a rainbow. 

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypmic spoilers #hypnosis mic rhyme anima

[teeforhee]

Fuck, I'm not sure I'll ever get over how much CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, it's the under-18s mental health service in Scotland) let me down as a kid.

It's like this. You're 11 and you're traumatised but you're scared of using that word, you don't know if you're allowed it, but you are traumatised. And you're so anxious you can't breathe most of the time, you can't sit down and speak to any of your friends, you can do your school work but you keep falling apart and everything feels like it's getting worse all the time. You don't fit in, you're weird and awkward but your schoolwork is good so you aren't worrying about your grades, you're not even sure why you feel this way (it's unprocessed trauma, but again, you don't feel like you're allowed that word). You're s/hing and struggling with suicidal ideation, and you're lucky enough to still trust authority figures, so you do what everyone says you should. You trust an adult. And she calls your GP, who is another adult you choose to trust, who you bare your heart to with all of these symptoms that make your feel sick to even acknowledge, and then they make you an appointment with CAMHS. You came in asking for treatment. They referred you to CAMHS. They did not explain what CAMHS was other than what the letters stood for. That's okay - it's treatment, right? They're gonna help. You can talk this through and they'll help- just gotta be careful you don't get institutionalised. You don't want that, yet.

You talk to a CAMHS worker. She's a psychologist. She says it's very likely you have autism to your mother after your first session. Your mother broaches the topic gently. You are overjoyed: there's an answer! oh fuck, this explains so much! but it's not treatment. It's a word. The psychologist puts you on a waiting list and you have 22 sessions of CBT with her, trying to unpack your trauma and trying to build up coping skills. So many of them feel like just denying the truth, so many of them feed into your magical thinking ("the one thing you can control is your thoughts, you must always control your thoughts, good things will happen when you control your thoughts and stop thinking the bad thoughts"), but it's treatment, mostly. You stop seeing her twice- once because you are trying to develop an eating disorder and having a mental health professional who wants to hear how you're doing is totally cramping your style (I wasn't actually trying to develop an ED really, I was trying to cope in ways other than s/h, in ways that felt honest to the situation and real and gave me a sense of control that "controling my thoughts" just wasn't doing). You come back for recovery. You tell her you want an eating plan. By the time she even considers an appointment with a nutritionist, you've moved past that stage in your recovery on your own. You stop seeing her again because you get into an abusive relationship who doesn't really like you having contact with people who aren't him, and he super super doesn't like you not being able to talk to him for a whole hour every week. That part isn't their fault: no one could be gotten me out of that until I decided to; believe me, everyone around me tried, and it didn't work until I wanted I to, the third time.

But I left, again, I was without support for 6 months, and when I came back it was after my father (the earliest source of my trauma) had died. They take 4 sessions compiling evidence as to what treatment i needed going forward, without telling me that was what they were doing (I was trying to build trust with an adult again after 6 months of constant reinforcing that I couldn't trust anyone but my abuser), and then an appointment with a psychiatrist and your mother and a new psychologist. They dismiss and justify the symptoms that most worry me, they have at this point turned down my request to be institutionalised multiple times (including after an aborted suicide attempt, I presume they thought that was fine because made it clear that I did want to live), and they say at the end of the meeting that they are going to give me an official diagnosis of autism and that after that CAMHS has nothing more to offer me.

They say that if after 22 sessions with a psychologist I am still struggling so much (bear in mind that probably close to half of those sessions I was concealing factors that were actively making my mental health worse and which were traumatising me) I clearly can't gain anything more from their service, and anyway, autism isn't a mental illness and CAMHS as a service can only help while waiting for/trying to get a diagnosis, or if you have a diagnosis or a disorder for which they could provide specialist treatment. My very obvious PTSD? nah, no big-T Traumas, and c-ptsd is way too hard to diagnose. I receive a hilarious letter detailing all of the evidence (I mean genuinely insightful but also fucking hilarious and I do want to note down funniest bits and post them hear at some point, stuff like "unusual speech was noted, (exclamations of 'wacky!' while describing his symptoms)") and then they refer me to a charity which, at time of writing, I have had 1 assessment phone call with, and am waiting for a call back for my next and first proper appointment.

They did not inform me when I was first referred that CAMHS is a diagnostic and specialist treatment service and if they did (this was well over two years ago now, I don't remember word-for-word what my GP told me), they did not tell me that meant that they would kick me out to a charity once they figured they couldn't label me with anything requiring specialist treatment. During our last sessions they were unyeildingly focussed on the trauma of my father dying and of the "shock" of my diagnosis (that I had been waiting for for 2 years. yes, very shocking/s) when those were not my biggest problems. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that his death was the last step on a very, very long journey, and honestly one of the least traumatising.

I let them keep the focus there because I desperately hate talking about the actual, recent, debilitating trauma of being in lockdown with an abusive partner for 6 months. That shit hurts, I can't even say his name, but that is the thing that I need to unpack if I'm ever going to be able to go outside in the sun again.

Repeatedly ignoring the requests I made for specific treatment until past the point where I needed it anymore, not informing me how the service I was going to be working with for 2 years even worked in something so basic as "what is this for? what will happen to me if I get a diagnosis they can't give me specialised care for?", telling an 11 year old child that suicidal ideation is "not that serious", a fundamental misunderstanding of what I needed and wanted to hear ('normal' is not a helpful word. 'normal' tells me 'suck it up, everyone experiences this and they're all fine, you're normal, just think better' why are they all so adamant that I am normal? Not even considering my mental health I am an autistic bisexual gnc trans guy, we went past whatever 'normal' means a long time ago, fucking listen to me), at every single step of the way this system has left me in the same state I was before, the only improvement being through support from my friends, fucking Childline (gd fucking bless Childline volunteers, but still, I shouldn't have been getting so little support that that felt like my only option), mental health masterposts on Tumblr, chats with my (luckily) very nice guidance counselor (they're called pastoral teachers here but I know most folks reading this are American or are most familiar with the American school system) and what amounts to gritting my teeth and getting through it.

It was worth it, of course my life was worth it, of course I say the same thing every person who's attempted suicide says, I'm more grateful than words could possibly express that I survived, that I get to go home in a few minutes and feed my kitten and write and message my friends, but for fucks sake it didn't need to be this hard. And it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still waiting on that second appointment with this charity, I'm still 3+ months behind at school, and I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend has been hurt worse by CAMHS, left even more isolated than I was, even more traumatised by the way he was treated, and every single person I know who's been in this system agrees that it's deeply, deeply flawed.

I don't want people to have competitions over who's medical experiences are worse, who's country has the worst mental health system, who's been the most traumatised by their psychiatrists or lack thereof, please. Please don't make this the suffering Olympics. I'm just making this post cause I know, I know that other people have had similar experiences, whether with CAMHS or whatever their equivalent is. Mental health services need serious reform that puts patients first, listens to their needs and requests, that is well funded and well staffed by people who care about their patients wellbeing more than they care about controling other people's lives.

Austerity in the UK is a huge reason why this happened the way it did- my first psychologist left the service to go work somewhere that pays better, leaving just one newly-graduated psychologist that clearly had no idea what she was doing and didn't care to sympathise or show compassion for me.

This shit needs to change, because kids need help, and this is not good enough.

#mine #newt writes #oh boy ask to tag #tw s/h mention #tw school #suicidal ideation #tw eating stuff #tw food #tw eating #ed mention #tw suicide mention #ok to rb

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''you're gonna go far kid'' by the offspring

[snowflake-of-destruction]

vanikai!!

1. How do much do I ship it?: Never heard of it/ Notp / Dislike / used to ship / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / IS IT CANON YET

Fun fact: I started out as maybe and moved to the ship category while writing 

2. What non sexual activities do they like to do together?

Grass is Greener Verse: 

Theater, as shocking as it is that they can fixate on something where the eyes aren't on either of them. Well, there is the pre-show ritual of Kairi talking about how well she would have done as a stage actress. Vanitas more often takes a supportive rather than sarcastic response to this, and tells her she should go to some open auditions. It's far from too late. She's young, hot, and talented (He presumes the last one, but he'd never bet the opposite...and after he sees the one movie she did and some of the commercials...he'll just keep his mouth shut on talented). Sometimes, she'll beam, call him right, and make plans she doesn't follow through on. Sometimes she's noncommittal. Sometimes she'll glare at him, deciding he's just trying to end conversation or mock that she is all talk. Post-show there's also talk--this time from both of them--about how they could have done better in certain roles, which is a couples bonding activity all on its own. HOWEVER, these types of fantasies are not why they love plays. They think is an engrossing form of storytelling, that make worlds come to life and put you in them more than movies or tv. Also, they are simply dramatic nerds at heart.

They also play tennis. Primarily doubles, though you would be foolish to play against them, but they enjoy competing with each other too.

Rock climbing, but at an indoor rock gym. Anyone who asks them if they are training for something/ever planning a trip receives incredibly incredulous looks and scoffing. Not because of the potential danger, because of the very idea of them out in the wilderness...though sometimes Kairi will counter this by mentioning that one summer she worked for her father's, now Axel's, landscaping business. That was getting dirty in nature. Vanitas's response to this is not for this headcanon space

A more canon-verse approach (what do you mean Vanitas not joining the guardians of light post-kh3 is not canon?): There is a lot of sparring. Vanitas helps Kairi advance her keyblade training and just plain get out some of the anger in the grief of losing Sora. Van doesn't go easy and Kairi likes that. Kairi helps Vanitas with any gaps in education without talking down, pitying or even mentioning his strange upbringing, or, the worst, comparing him to Roxas or Xion (because he has identity issues too). I'm not even talking traditional education, though that too if he wants, but education on social situations...which he's not a complete idiot about. He's actually really good at reading people. He just needs a little guidance on what way to use the info, because he only has like five moves and not every situation calls for "taunt" or "threaten loved one". Kairi makes him a much better manipulator. Thanks Kairi. There's also a lot of snuggling, because I say so, that's why. I just see them both as a bit yearning for physical reassurance in their lonely spells, and also the least likely to say it for their own different reasons, so they read it in each other and  just give each other what they need but won't ask for.

Read More before this gets too long

3. Who does chores around the house?

Grass is Greener: Neither, as much as it can be helped. It's a stand off about most of the regular chores, and periodically they have a cleaning service come through that is more thorough than either of them are. More often than not, Kairi is the one that "breaks" over keeping the kitchen clean, and Vanitas about cleaning bathrooms and straightening living areas. Vanitas is very neat as a habit, and Kairi likes her surroundings to show a little bit of how she likes chaos--she just is grossed out by dirty dishes, grease stains, and food crumbs. Cooking is a bit of a fifty-fifty with both preferring quickly assembled meals. Laundry is taken down to nothing-to-wear levels, and then it's whoever needs something first. Though sometimes this all goes out the windows, and Kairi goes through "Look, I'm a fifties housewife" sprints where suddenly everything's spotless and she's cooked a three course dinner and did it all in a cocktail dress because she didn't realize you're supposed to change into the dress after. 

Kinda-canon: Vanitas. He has a lot of pent up emotions and sometimes you have got to stress clean or cook. Kairi would help, but the arrangement of Vanitas doing the lion's share and it seeming to help him definitely works for the self-described lazy bum.

4. Who’s the better cook?

Grass is Greener: Vanitas. Kairi is a bit careless following recipes and doesn't have the innate "cooking sense" in regard to estimating amounts, flavors, heat, or time to freestyle. Vanitas, when he does cook, tends to get really serious about it even though he prefers the simple to assemble, like I said in the last answer.

Kinda Canon: Kairi. Vanitas is slow to adjust from the “food is only fuel not pleasure” mindset and Kairi starts out with a base of her adoptive parents having taught her some things. Vanitas has a sharp learning curve though, bullying Little Chef into helping him (because he's not going to lose) and not realizing that the bullying is what makes Little Chef more reluctant and ensures Remy doesn't teach him all the secrets he does to others.  Anyone can cook, but if you're mean you are taught to cook less well. Once Kairi gets Little Chef tutelage, it's all over.

5. Who’s the funniest drunk?

Grass is Greener: Both and neither in a way. They both have a very high tolerance. They tend to act out more on purpose out of the excuse than act out because of a truly altered state. Alcohol isn't magic. It just lowers inhibitions and neither has those to begin with. If I had to choose though, Kairi is a funnier drunk, because Vanitas's mean streak becomes more developed the drunker he is, whereas Kairi's mean streak, when she chooses to have one, is more practiced and purposeful cultivation instead of a natural harshness.

Kinda Canon: Vanitas. He is not prepared, and once he loses his filter everything spills out, and it's a lot less ugly than some people expected. Kairi just gets giggly and slightly louder, but otherwise doesn't change.

6. Do they have kids?

Grass is Greener: :) :D  Listen. Listen. If Shaky was the one who carelessly put "I don't think it fits me the way it used to" on the Vanikai picture she drew. SUPPOSEDLY this was done for cleavage and for the "help you take it off" joke but I know a dangled plotline when I see it. 

Kinda Canon: That partially depends on the state of the worlds and how many other keybearers there are when they are older. Even in a stable universe, I don't see them having kids young and it being a long discussion of whether they want kids at all, not the least because of the implications of Vanitas's powers and whether they are only his or would be passed down--what could happen to an infant that could summon Unversed and not know how to retract them even if they were loyal especially if it would be hurt by them being vanquished. I see them adopting orphans from other worlds and saying fuck world order more than having kids naturally. 

7. Do they have any traditions?

Grass is Greener: Annual trip to Vegas to recreate the way they met under new created identities.

Kinda Canon:  Vanitas calls every tradition he's introduced to stupid without fail. Vanitas also gets VERY into every holiday, and Kairi is all too happy to indulge. Then, he starts nudging her about teaching him more dumb holidays. Their tradition becomes ALL THE TRADITIONS. They celebrate holidays from every world and from every religion if there's a way to do it respectfully--and if it's not appropriate to participate, then they just learn about it as much as they are permitted--and then they look up and celebrate obscure or "made up" things like Leave a Zucchini on a Neighbor's Porch Day.

8. What do they fight about?

Grass is Greener:  What you would expect. 

Housework. 

Why do you take criticism like a personal attack?

What do you do all day? versus Why are you never home? 

Were you flirting with the waiter? 

Did you even want the baby? Was it a relief when I lost it?

Kind of Canon: Imagine Kairi saying in the same tone as Belle in Disney's Beauty and the Beast "Well you should learn to control your temper!"

No, really, it's mainly about Vanitas being "mean" to people...and then sometimes it's about Kairi doing the same and then blaming him as a bad influence.

9. What would they do if they found their paring tag on tumblr? (If they have one)

Grass is Greener: The flippant answer is that they are really confused about this whole Disney crossover with weird swords thing, and why they are teenagers in so many of these pictures. Don't even get them started on the skirt over the muscle suit paired with the motorcycle helmet Vanitas sees himself put in. When he wears a skirt he has a lot better style, especially if Kairi helps put together the outfit.

But let's take this in a different way. That one bad movie Kairi did is actually gaining a small cult following now years after its release. Someone does a "What Happened to Kairi Emberson? The Answer Will Shock You!" clickbait. The answer...is not shocking but enough people see a photo of Kairi, fine as ever, now Kairi White and looking so happy with Vanitas, and the pair get an objectively creepy because the next few pictures are pulled from social media they don't lock, but well intentioned few people finding and posting more cute pictures of the,  and they become a sparse tag and one that is half joking, but a RPS all the same. Kairi pretends to hate this, but is not so secretly really flattered. Vanitas genuinely hates it.

Kinda-canon:  Kairi loves it. Vanitas is fascinated despite himself. Everyone else is disappointed because they expected flustered denials or anger at those that portray them wrong, but Van and Kairi both just think it's cool.

10. Who cried at the end of Marley and me?

Grass is Greener: Neither. They roasted it for filth. They cried about it much later. Vanitas in the shower, and Kairi the next day when she was over at Xion's, saw her dog Elmo, and it all busted loose.

Kinda Canon: Vanitas. Cue a discussion about how movies work, how they are not real, and Vanitas snapping that he knows that until there are now multiple types of Unversed to take care of. Kairi gently cuddles both her man and the Unversed until equilibrium returns.

11. Who always wins at Mario kart?

Kairi in all universes. Vanitas doesn't care in GiG, but in canon there is a shout of "Rematch and this time it counts!" despite it being the 100th rematch

12. One thing I like about this ship?

That they have potential to understand each other more than people who technically know them better, or at least the concept of being seen a certain way and having a different "certain way" that everyone thinks it would be better if they grew toward instead of just being allowed to be. Princess of Heart and Agent of Darkness aren't really so different after all.

13. One thing I don’t like about the ship?

When it's clear that it's a fill in for people who want Soriku but can't think of anyone but Sora for Kairi, and so pick "other Sora." There's not anything wrong with that outright, and this isn't me annoyed with pair the spares (though that can rub wrong if it is handled wrong or I'm in a mood to make a point about how not everyone needs a romantic relationship), but annoyed with the reduction of Vanitas to "edgy Sora"

14. The song I would say fits them?

Grass is Greener:

Sibella, and I'll quote a verse and a half because clearly this isn't already long enough.

"You are vain and you are heartless and yet

I can feel in you a shade of sadness

That's barely detectable

That I still want you at all

I may live to regret

You're deceitful

You're delectable

You see the fate of a man

Who has had the misfortune

To spend his life caught in your sway

I see Sibella

My Sibella

And I like her that way"

It works both ways. Change whatever pronouns you want.

Kind of Canon: I...don't know. I can't think off the top of my head. 

15. Another headcanon about the paring? (Free space)

Grass is Greener: Even though they think they met in Vegas, they had crossed paths before and probably more than once. I don't have specific headcanons (yet), but this may be something if I ever write the other 20 bazillion Grass is Greener scenes for various characters and relationships that I want to do first.

Kind of Canon:  Kairi makes her own version of the suit and borrows Vanitas's helmet sometimes to do things she would never "get away with" as herself. Vanitas blesses this, helps her with the suit, and hands over the helmet after kissing the visor for luck. He also exposes her as a fake Vanitas by showing up at the worst time on purpose.

#vanikai #grass is greener verse #vanitas #kairi #spiiderbiites