#i hate my everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nugiios · 3 months

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wwhy do i alwayz fuck up EVERTHING ?

everyone would be better off without me.

everyone would be happier.

#vent #haha funny #i want to disappear #poof gone #i hate this #i hate it here #i hate my body #i hate my brain #i hate my everything #fuck.

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aroha-scape · 3 months

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I loved been ill, as I had nothing to offer or nothing to give. Smelling smokes around as people worried about me and I lie on my bed thinking everyone came back to me. For once, I was happy knowing I was loved, without the pretense to give first.

#reality #if reality was like #twisted reality #love #ventcore #tw ventcore #bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd stuff #trauma #vent #i hate my everything #tw trauma #traumacore #bpd thoughts

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jusstleaveme · 5 months

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what is your favourite energydrink??

i need some recommendations

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deceased-butterfy · 2 years

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tw// su1 thoughts

i don't even know why im here anymore. i go to bed feeling so empty that i feel like i don't even exist, i wish i could sleep forever. but in the morning i have to get up and go to school. because i don't want my family to worry, and i don't want the world to know that i'm dying faster than everyone else.

#sui #tw sui implied #su1c1d4l #im gonna die #i hate my everything #su1cide #i want to kms #im dyin rn #su1c1d3 #kill my brain #mental illness #depressing quotes #tw depressing thoughts #tw s3lf harm #s3lf harn

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pinkpilatesprincessworld · 2 years

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Sorry I’ve been inactive I’ll be posting regularly towmorrow I’ve been away with my boyfriend but love you guys 💞

#i hate my everything #pink pilates princess #it girl #slay #lololol #lol #my year of rest and relaxation #slayyyyy #not slay

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just-me-rin · 2 years

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i'm losing the game of life

#depressing shit #depressing quotes #im not enough #i am the problem #tw selfhate #want to kms #i hate myself #i hate myself so freaking much #i hate my everything #rins.txt

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joyfullmango · 2 years

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does anyone else ever wonder if he would have said “yes” if you were prettier? skinnier? would i be in a relationship with him right now? we already talk to each other all the time and are pretty close— he just didn’t want me as any more than a friend. and the girls he’s told me about, the ones he does want, are skinny and pretty and usually kind of small and slight.

maybe he would’ve said yes.

but then again it does kind of seem like i’m just unloveable, unlikeable, and unattractive in general. i never had an awkward middle school relationship because no one ever had a crush on me. i never had a cute little kindergarten “boyfriend” because no one noticed me. i’ve never been asked to a dance or to hang out after school, even to study. not by anyone who’s not one of my best friends.

so, like, what is it about me? what’s wrong with me? is it that i’m too loud, bc i am annoying as fuck sometimes to be honest. is it just the decent-ish face but oversized body thing? is it my weird laugh? my voice? i’m hyper aware of every single thing that could be the tell tale factor, the flaw, the detrimental quality that makes me an acquaintance, a classmate, the girl you ask for biology homework answers. a friend to some, a best friend to a few. and a crush, a first love, a preoccupation, an attraction, to no one.

anyways. maybe he’d have said yes if that thing was fixed. i want to ask him, what is it about me that makes me inadequate? but i know he’d just say there’s nothing wrong with me, that i shouldn’t sell myself short. but still, he didn’t say yes. and we talked every day and we were so close and people thought we were a couple before asking. so there has to be something i can try to fix,

right?

#overthinking #notsojoyfullmango #sad boi hours #friendzone #teen romance #i hate my everything #what’s wrong with me

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 1 year

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i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

#for adblocking--ublock origin is my favorite but adblocker plus is also popular #also i once again highly recommend using firefox especially on mobile #to enable adblock on firefox mobile just click 3 dot menu > addons > addon manager > enable uBlockOrigin #that's for android i assume it's similar for iOS #update it is NOT similar for iOS bc Apple hates you. i'll write another post later #anyway. PLEASE USE AN ADBLOCK ALL THE TIME (except for specific websites you want to support)#your internet browsing experience will be so enormously improved #also on firefox if you want to get past a paywall click the 'Toggle reader view' button as soon as the page loads #(it's on the right of the taskbar. a little rectangle with horizontal lines)#works for most news sites by showing you the webpage text that is hidden under the 'you've run out of free articles' popup #doesn't work for everything but it's worth a shot

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inkskinned · 7 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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aroha-scape · 2 months

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Do you ever get the sense that no matter where you go or what you do, you are not welcome? You will constantly be outside. You'll always be clawing at the window of a warmly-lit house, watching everyone you love feast around a table full of sustenance while you're starving for a crumb. And when they see you, they give you this pitiful look. Half-guilt, half-disgust as they slowly close the blinds. You will always be a monster.