#i hate myself so fucking much i'll never be anything or anyone i'm just nothing that's all i ever was

[frankcastleonlyfans]

Could you possibly do one where Aemond reacts to finding out that he might have to marry Daemon’s daughter? Would he be mad or weirdly happy in a way. We all know what daemon thinks of what his brother has in store for his daughter and he is not having it.

𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄

pairing: dad!daemon targaryen x mom!reader au | aemond targaryen x daemon's daughter!oc

warnings: fluff(?), aemond is his own warning, cussing because aemond has a dirty mouth.

author's note: I'm truly obsessed about this bc I never thought about Aemond's reaction to being betrothed. This is going to be in headcanon format due most of it just being from Aemond's pov. Thank you so much for your amazing idea <3 also wrote this while listening to "the red means i love you" and i'm shipping alymond 😭

read this headcanon for context of this story

reblogs, feedbacks and likes are appreciated. support your content creators 💓 enjoy your reading.

· ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · ୨♡୧ · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ ·

"I know you're lying, Aegon. Don't you have anything better to do? Maybe some young maid to fuck?"

Aegon scoffed, "Well, if you don't believe me, go talk to father about it. I'm just telling you what I heard."

Aemond believed his brother was nothing but a drunk liar, so his word didn't actually meant anything.

But he went to talk to the King anyways.

While walking through the corridors, Aemond thought about what that meant to him.

He wanted to be mad about it, but it wasn't that bad.

In fact, it wasn't bad at all.

He knew Alyssa Targaryen pretty well. He knew how feisty that pretty little thing could be. She did took his eye, after all.

And Aegon wasn't lying.

"I don't hope you to understand, but our line must spread. She's a pure valyrian, and would make to you a good wif– Why are you smiling?" King Viserys questioned, raising a curious eyebrow.

Aemond chuckled, "Have you told Daemon?"

"I did... He was furious about it." Viserys confessed.

"Well, that's great! I'll give these exciting news to my betrothed, myself. I couldn't be more happy about your choice, father." Aemond left the king's chambers without discussing if Daemon agreed or not.

Aemond knew Daemon wouldn't let Alyssa marry him.

He also couldn't care less. His father was the king.

Aemond couldn't put in words the taste of satisfaction in his mouth once he knew how angry Daemon was about his union with his uncle's daughter.

The girl literally took his eye, the least she could do is marry him without complaining.

Oh, but she would be furious too. He knows she's just like her daddy.

"I figured I'd find you here." Aemond said with a smile.

Ever since Daemon gave her her own sword, Alyssa spent quite some time in the training yard when the boys weren't there.

Curiously, Aemond always knew when she was there.

"And what do you want?" Alyssa spat, slamming her sword towards a wooden target.

"I came to give you the great news! I couldn't believe my own ears when I heard it."

"Oh? Did your mother successfully try to kill anyone? I hope it was your grandsire. Gods, I hate that man." Alyssa chuckled and beheaded the target.

Aemond frowned and squinted. He wouldn't fall for her games. He was the one to tease, not her.

"Haha. You're so funny, Alyssa. I bet it wouldn't take long for me to fall for you." Aemond coaxed.

Alyssa blinked a couple of times, processing what he just said.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?" Aemond smirked.

Alyssa took a deep breath before asking, "What the fuck are you talking about, One Eye?"

Aemond clicked his tongue, "Gods, you're just as fucking stupid as you're pretty. It means we're betrothed. I'd be treating my future husband with respect, if I were you."

"Are you crazy?" Alyssa hysterically laughed, "My father would have your head before letting me marry you." She pointed her sword towards the prince, "I would have your head before giving myself to you."

"Kinky." Aemond retorted and lowered her sword with the point of his index. "Who's your father to disrespect the king's orders?"

Alyssa swallowed hard. She had no answer for that. Even the dumbest girl knows the king's word is above everything. And she is no dumb girl.

She left him there and went looking for her father.

She thought about a million possibilities.

Maybe she could run away? They lived in Pentos for a while, she'd do well there.

No, Y/N wouldn't let her go alone.

What about Daeron? If she begged, maybe the king could call him back to King's Landing, so they could get married.

To be truthful, Alyssa didn't want to marry any of Alicent's kin, but anyone was better than Aemond.

But Daeron was the same age as her brother, Maegon. That was kinda disgusting.

"Did you know uncle Viserys wants to marry me to Aemond?" Alyssa stormed into her parents chambers.

Daemon's lips immediately left yours. You groaned in response.

"Maybe knock the next time, Alyssa?" You said in annoyance.

"Sorry mother, but I think what I have to say is way more important than you snogging with father." Alyssa answered with wit.

Daemon smirked, "It's okay, 'Lyssa. I'll talk to Viserys again. You know I'd die before letting this happen."

You rolled your eyes, "You're both being dramatic about it. Aemond is not that bad. He's a bit... violent, yes, but he would never hurt you. I promise you, daughter, violent men can be great lovers." You ran your fingers through your husband's little braids in his hair.

"Don't go giving her any ideas, Y/N." Daemon warned with a stern look, and you snorted.

"She's a grown woman, Daemon. There's a sword in her hand. I don't think you need to protect her anymore." You shrugged.

"Hello??? I'm still in the room, please stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Alyssa crossed her arms.

"Don't worry. I told Viserys you're not marrying Aemond, so you're not marrying Aemond. Is that clear?" Daemon asked, reassuring her.

"Yes, father."

read the second part to this story

#daemon targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen #daemon targaryen imagines #daemon targaryen x oc #daemon targaryen headcanons #daemon targaryen drabbles #daemon x reader #aemond targaryen x oc #house of the dragon imagines #dad!daemon targaryen x mom!reader au #dad!daemon targaryen au

[20-th-centurygirl]

waves

jude bellingham x fem!reader

summary: a late night beach walk reunites you with your ex in the best way possible

a/n: i'm abit unsure on this bc it's been a while since i attempted to write a full fic but enjoy. i also might make a part two if that's something anyone wants to see <3

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

you'd taken a break from the flowing drinks and crowded club to walk to the beach. in hindsight a girls trip to madrid was an idea that should've stayed in your group chat.

the sun had almost set, the gentle sound of the waves crashing against rocks soothing all of your worries. uni had drained you massively and you needed a break.

you knew you couldn't stay much longer, the darkness that was beginning to blanket the sky making you feel a little uneasy. as you were walking back you saw a tall figure at another part of the beach. you couldn't help but feel drawn to him, something about his presence sucking you in. any other time you'd feel unsafe, but this stranger brought you an immense feeling of comfort and safety. you had nothing to be afraid of.

something in you told you to walk over to him. a decision that seemed impulsive and risky but the adrenaline that ran through you told you differently. his head cocked to your direction at the sound of your heels coming his way. you got closer and closer until a streetlight illuminated his face. it was jude.

you had no doubt that his bewildered expression matched yours. "y/n" his voice was confident but his eyes said otherwise. you could still read him like a book no matter how hard he tried to put up a front. "jude" you matched his tone.

a few seconds felt like decades, both of you unsure of what to say. jude broke the tension first "i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you. you know that don't you?" his confidence had slipped and you sensed the vulnerability in his voice "but you did jude. you did hurt me" you whispered back. memories flooded back to you far too fast and the need to you had to leave was overwhelming. you'd forgotten all about jude bellingham and you weren't ready to remember him.

"i didn't think i had a choice. it was end it and give you the chance to follow your own dreams or force you to watch me follow mine. neither of those options were fair but i had to choose the one i thought was right. i know it was fucked and i'm still so sorry for hurting you but i had no choice"

"if you had to do it again what would you do?

"i'd do the same thing. i know it's horrible but i couldn't live with myself knowing i'd forced you to live in a foreign country with you resenting me for taking away the life you've spoken about since we were 13" his cheeks has a few stray tears falling down his face and the sight broke you in a completely different way.

"i forgive you jude. i know why you did it. i hated you at the time but i got into my first choice uni. and i wouldn't be able to do that without you. thank you"

"can i hug you?" he whispered, the fear in his voice unlike anything you'd never heard. you only nodded, allowing him to hold you for the first time in years.

his arms wrapped tightly around you waist, his chin resting against your head as he screwed his eyes shut. you could feel judes tears on your hair, your own soaking his shirt as you gripped him tightly. "i never wanted to lose you, i still love you so fucking much" he mumbled into your hair, kissing you lightly.

you eventually pulled back, still holding his waist loosely. "i love you too jude." his gentle smile giving you goosebumps. "where are you staying now?" he asked, taking your face into his hands and stroking your cheeks with his thumb. "in a hotel. it's only two minutes away. can you walk me back?" he shook his head "no, 'm not letting you stay in some hotel by yourself. come back with me" "jude i can't just-" he pressed a finger to your lips "i'm not bringing you back to try fuck you or anything. you can have my bed and i'll go on the sofa and we can talk everything through in the morning."

"are you sure? i don't wanna intrude"

"yes i'm sure. moms gonna be happy to see you aswell."

you grinned at jude as he took your hand in his. you both walked hand in hand back to his new flat, catching up and reflecting on past memories as you both prepared to make many more.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham blurb #footballer x reader #footballer imagine #football imagine

[imisskacchan]

Mouse

Summary: You were an assassin sent to kill him. What happens when your cover is blown?

TW: Non-con, Kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, Mob Boss Karma

Words: 4k

“Can you handle this task Y/N? If not we will find someone more capable” Lovro asked.

That made my blood boil, as if there’s anyone more capable of killing that bastard than me.

“I can handle it” I say, collecting my gear and walking out with only one goal in mind, Kill Karma Akabane.

I’ve been waiting for a chance to get revenge all these years. It’s only fitting he dies by my hand.

Karma and I grew up together, however we were never friends. He was a self assured asshole who used everyone for his own personal gain. I couldn’t stand him. With both of us being in E-class it was hard to avoid him.

Somehow we always got paired up no matter how many times I asked Koro sensei to not assign him as my partner. Our differences were made apparent every single time he put me on my ass. It was like he was showing me that I was nothing compared to him. I couldn’t even begin to compare. With grades or skill. But besides training he always kept his distance from me. Like he was too good to even be in my presence.

I hated him, but only because I didn’t. He was everything I wanted to be, everything I wanted for myself always ended up falling into his lap somehow.

I Just wanted to prove to him, to everyone, that I was just as good as he was. I never was though. I was a ‘little mouse’ and he was the big bad cat. No matter how hard I trained or studied, I could never reach his level. Well until now.

Now nothing’s going to stop me from completing this mission and proving how much better I am. He wasn’t going to leave me in the dust this time, I'm not going to let him. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I'm the last thing he sees.

I had already gone shopping and chosen the outfits and accessories I needed to ‘play’ his new secretary. It has been so long there’s no way he’ll recognize me.

He’d forget someone as plain and useless as me and that will be his downfall. Like he said he would, he is now the highest ranked politician in Tokyo, however he is also the leader of the Yakuza which puts bounties on his head. Bounties that I'll soon collect.

I text Lovro and let him know everything’s in place for my first day at his office. It’s going to be hard keeping my cool around him but oh so worth it in the end.

He has a hard time keeping assistants because of his sadistic tendencies. I know them all too well from our time in junior high.

His strength will cause his demise. I walk into the building and fight the urge to puke. It’s huge and luxurious, he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve anything.

He’s gotten his power from stepping on others and using them as pawns. I’m going to put an end to it.

I keep my head down as I walk to the elevator, there’s no need to cause unnecessary attention to myself. This is a stealth mission, I have to keep a low profile. Once I reached the elevator I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Here goes everything I've ever worked for.

I press the button to the 50th floor and will myself to calm down. For now I'm just another assistant. I won’t make any moves till I collect intel on the target.

I reach my designated floor and head to your desk. The stand in receptionist eyes me with caution till I introduce myself. A look of sadness crosses her face. She gathers her things from my desk and wishes me luck because ‘i’ll need it’ she says.

She has no idea.

I quickly take my seat and set my things where they belong. I pull out my pen that’s equipped with a wire and set it with the other ones so it doesn’t stand out. I have to memorize his schedule and find the perfect opportunity to strike.

Easy enough right?

I take a look at his appointment book and fuck...this is going to take longer than I thought. He doesn’t have a set schedule, he basically does whatever he wants and everyone else works around him. Hah nothing new there. I place the appointment book back in the drawer and sigh. I don’t want to have to be around him for longer than I need to. I’ll just have to make do with what I have though. Right now Karma was in a meeting so I have a few hours to myself.

I walk over to his office door and wiggle the handle but it’s locked. There’s nothing else for me to really do till he gets back. I sit back down at my desk and go over the plan in my head, I tweak any details that have changed and try to stay optimistic. I just have to get close enough to him so he lets his guard down, even if it’s just for a second, and take my shot.

Easier said than done I suppose. It’s about two hours later when Karma arrives back at the office. He passes me without sparing you a glance as he heads into his office. So far so good, staying under the radar like I'm supposed to. I make sure to get my work done on top of planning how to kill Akabane. The last thing I need is to be fired and lose my chance to end him. It's nearing the end of my shift, the sun has already set and mostly everyone else has gone home for the day. I stand up from my desk and stretch before making my way to Karma’s office. I knock twice before letting myself in.

He’s sitting at his desk scrolling through his phone.

“I was going to head home for the day sir I wanted to make sure there was nothing else you needed.” It pains me to act so submissive for him. He doesn’t look up from his device to answer you.

“There’s nothing else, you’re free to leave” he dismisses me and I nod before taking my leave. If only I could’ve killed him right there.

I’ve been working for him for a week now. Everything has been running smoothly but there still hasn’t been an opening. Somehow I have to get closer to him but I doubt that can happen in a few weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy. I wasn’t cut out for desk work, at all.

Most of Karma’s meetings are private so I can’t attend, when I am allowed to accompany him it’s mostly to political conferences. I do my job, take notes and schedule the next meetings, nothing more nothing less. Karma has barely said 3 words to me since I arrived. It’s perplexing because all of his previous assistants I've interviewed said that he becomes a tyrant after the first day. Maybe his work has picked up and he doesn’t have time? All I know is I'm glad to stay out of the limelight.

It’s nearing the end of my shift again. I was just going to go home without notifying Karma like I’ve done the past few days. I trust if he needs something he’ll ask. I’m gathering my things to go home when I hear his office door open.

“Ah Ms. Blake I'm glad I caught you before you left, could we speak for a moment?” He didn’t give me time to answer before walking back into his office and taking a seat at his desk. I place my bag on my chair and figure I'll come back for it later. I walk in after him, closing the door and taking the seat in front of him.

He doesn’t speak, for a moment he just stares at me. It’s me who breaks the silence first.

“There was something you wanted to speak about sir?” I asked softly. A smirk graced his face as he held his chin in his palms.

“I didn’t think you were stupid enough to take the hit on me Y/N.” My breath hitched at the sound of your real name, how did he know? Do I have a rat? That has to be it.

“E-excuse me?” I say feigning confusion. “Drop the act Y/N, I caught you. I was always the better assassin.” He leered.

“Fuck you Akabane” I say standing up and leaping at him over the desk. Fuck... my other weapons are in my bag I left.

I reach for my hidden knife holstered on my thigh but before I can reach it Karma places a cloth over my mouth. I hold my breath till I become dizzy and he flips me over straddling my legs as he watches me lose consciousness. “I missed you, my little mouse,” he whispers as I close my eyes.

I open my eyes and immediately regret it. My head pounds and my mouth is unbelievably dry. How long have I been out? I sit up slowly wincing as I grab my head. That asshole really chloroformed me. I look around and my heart drops. I’m in a fucking cell... A 6 inch thick clear acrylic wall which leads to a hallway which goes to who knows where is the only exit I see.

The room is bare except for the bed, a small bathroom area with a small shower, and a desk with a chair. There’s no doubt there’s a camera in here somewhere. I’m not in my clothes anymore, instead I'm dressed in gray sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt. That psycho changed me while I was asleep. Fuck... fuck... fuck This is bad, this is really bad. I have to get out. And when I do I'm gonna kill that bastard.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts as I hear footsteps. It’s him.

“Ah so you’re finally awake, good I was beginning to think you would let a little chloroform take you out.” He sneered.

“How long have you kept me here you fucking psycho?” I spat, banging on the glass.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your boss?” He said, smiling eerily.

“When I get out of here I'm gonna make you regret this Akabane.”

“Then I suppose I'm just gonna have to keep you locked in there huh? Little mouse.”

I scream as he walks away, leaving me alone again. ‘Ok Y/N don’t panic, I'm gonna get out of here and wipe that smirk off his face’ I thought. I make my way back over the bed and sit with my knees to my chest laying my head on them. I can’t do anything right now. It felt like someone was stepping on my head and I know I haven’t eaten or drank in days. I’ll have to wait till I gather my strength till I can try and escape. But even if I do, where will I go? I have no clue where I am or how to get out. I have to find a way to get him to let me out of this damn cage. I sob gently as I clutch my knees harder. How did things turn out like this?

I must’ve fallen asleep from crying. I open my eyes and sigh. I’m still here in this hellhole. “I take it you had a nice nap?” Karma says from the other side of the glass. I roll my eyes as I sit up.

“I brought you dinner” he continues, gesturing to the bowl of ramen he’s holding.

“Is it poisoned so I can put myself out of my misery?” you deadpanned. His smile drops into something darker.

“I guess you don’t need to eat if you’re going to say something so horrible, princess.” He says turning to walk away. What is his problem? It’s not like I said I wanted to poison him. My stomach grumbles and I swallow my pride. “W-wait... please don’t go.” I call after him and he halts.

He walks back to the glass and glares at me, tapping his foot like he’s waiting for something. I take a deep breath before I speak. “I’m sorry... for what I said. Please let me eat.” I croaked. That must’ve pleased him because his smile returned.

“Sit on the bed Y/N.” He ordered. Afraid of angering him again I did as asked. He moved to the side of the glass and typed in what I assumed was a code. The glass lifted up like a window would. He walked in and it closed behind him. He sets the bowl on the desk and sets a bottle of water next to it. I look at him, silently asking permission to move and he motions for me to come and sit.

I slowly walk over and pull out the chair, sitting down. I break the chopsticks he brought and slowly begin to eat. I flinch when he moves his hand toward my head. It doesn’t stop him from placing it in my hair and softly petting. I ignore him as I continue eating. I savor the taste of the perfectly cooked noodles and rich broth.

He’s standing behind me now with a hand placed on each of my shoulders rubbing soothing circles.

“It’s still your favorite, right?” He asked. My heartbeat increased as his fingers trail across my collarbone. I silently nod, not trusting my voice to not give away how nervous I am. With my strength diminished it would be significantly easier to kill me right now, I probably couldn’t put up much of a fight. He just hums and continues to explore my form with his hands. I set my chopsticks down as I finish and grab the water bottle. I open it and take a couple sips before I cough lightly.

“Slow down princess.” he says, patting my back. Why is he acting so weird?

“I’m fine.” I say trying to get him to take the hint to stop touching me but he doesn’t. I put down the empty water bottle and stand up, I back away from him and sit back on the bed. I feel a little better now that I’ve eaten.

“I want to leave Karma, let me out.” I say in a stern voice.

“And why would I do that mouse?” He comes to stand in front of me and I scoot back till I reach the wall.

“I’m having so much fun with you here.” He answered.

“You can’t just keep me prisoner, someone will come for me when they realize I'm missing.” I remarked.

“Oh? And is this someone you’re referring to, Lovro?” He asks shrewdly. I open my mouth to say something but decide not to.

“You know Y/N, I couldn’t have gotten you here if it wasn’t for him.” He sighs.

“W-what?” I ask shakily.

“You’re so naive, that’s why I have to protect you from the dangerous world outside.” He grabs my hands and when I try to pull them away I can’t. It feels like I can’t move, my body won’t listen to me. He drugged me...

“What did you give me Akabane?” I’m seething and I hope it shows on my face as I glare at him.

“Don’t look so morose darling, I just needed you to be relaxed.” He sits next to me pulling me on his lap bridal style. I’m trying my hardest to punch, kick, do something, anything. It’s no use, whatever he gave me must’ve been a paralytic of some kind.

Ugh i’m so stupid, how could I let this happen? He holds me so my head is resting on his shoulder with an arm over my legs and the other one is behind me holding my waist.

“I’ve been trying to get Lovro to send you to me for a while. He has been on my payroll ever since I took office.” He brings the hand over my legs to rub my thighs softly.

“You were never cut out for this life Y/N, I needed to protect you, so I finally offered him something he couldn’t turn down.” He whispered and kissed my head.

“He sold you out. All for a place at my table with the Yakuza.” I can’t hold in my tears. I actually thought Lovro cared about me, he was the father I never had. This whole mission was rigged. All I can do is cry against my captor.

“Shhh, it’s ok princess he’ll die for that, but you’re safe with me now. No one’s ever going to hurt you again.” For some reason that made me sob harder.

Sure he was a rat but that didn’t mean I wanted Lovro to die. Everyone has a price, I know that but I guess I didn’t expect this. How long had he known Karma was planning this? Why didn’t he say anything to me? I never even stood a chance against the monster before me.

“You’ll stay here until I can trust you enough to join me in our room upstairs.”

Our room…? This man is crazy. His hands get close to my clothed core and I let out a scared whine.

“I was going to wait till you were settled before I indulged in your presence, but I don’t think I can.” He said, setting me down on the bed and getting on top of me.

“All that time learning about weak spots and mine was you all along.”

“Please... d-don’t.” I hiccup trying to fight with my body to move. I feel his hands trail under my sweatshirt, they feel rough against my skin.

“Don’t worry mouse, I'm gonna make you feel real good yeah? Just sit back and look pretty for me.” His hands come to my hips, tugging down my sweatpants and panties discarding them somewhere in the room. No no no… this can’t be happening.

“Karma wait… I- I’m not-“ He cut me off with a kiss. It was rough and hard to keep up with his pace. He swipes his tongue across my bottom lip and bit down hard. I cry out from the pain and he chuckles lightly, lapping at the blood he drew.

He pushes my thighs apart and situates himself on his stomach between them. I close my eyes trying to imagine being literally anywhere else at this moment.

“All that time in junior high and you were so oblivious… I thought staying away from you was necessary… that if I couldn’t control myself around you you’d end up getting hurt. But now… now I understand you need me to protect you, to look out for you.” I want to scream as I feel his fingers slide inside of me.

“Karma please just… just let me out ok? I’m sorry for trying to kill you but please don’t do this.” I plead.

“Oh baby you are not remotely close to being sorry.” He says curling his fingers and finding my g-spot.

“But you will be when I'm finished.” I gasp as I feel his tongue come down on my clit. Me and my lady parts are about to go to WAR. This shouldn’t feel good… I know it’s the biological response or whatever but still.

“That’s it princess, lose yourself for me.” I try to tune him out but nothing’s working. I clench my teeth trying desperately to hold back my moans.

“I hate you Akabane, and I'll never forgive you for this.” I mutter and he stills. He pulls his digits out of me and brings his hand to my throat.

“Take that back Y/N.” He screams. “Say you don’t mean it.” His voice drops to a whisper as his grip tightens. He almost sounds… hurt? I close my eyes trying to focus on getting as much air in my lungs as possible.

“Okay… have it your way then.” He says before releasing my throat and getting off me. He grabs my clothes from the floor and slides them back on me without a word before he turns to the door. I hear the sounds of the keypad buttons as he types them and I wish I knew the code. When the door shuts behind him and I no longer hear his footsteps as he walks away, I finally give in and let more tears fall. He was willing to go that far… No. I have to stop thinking about it or I’m gonna drive myself insane. I’ve always known he was a monster, he just proved it today.

Despite everything though, why do I feel lonely? Why do I want him to come back to hold me again, to tell me everything’s gonna be ok? It has to be some sort of trauma response right? It’s just my hormones going wild because of this whole situation. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

When Karma comes the next day he doesn’t speak to me. I try to get him to say something, anything but he doesn’t. He just sets the food and water he brought me on the desk and waits for me to finish eating. This goes on for days until I just can’t take it anymore. “Would you just fucking speak to me? You’re literally holding me captive, it's like the least you could do.” I say.

He ignores me. I step closer to him and try again. “You’re lucky I even want you to talk to me, after everything you’ve done I should be giving you the silent treatment.” I spat.

Still nothing.

“Did I hurt your feelings Akabane? What, me saying I hate you ruined your little fantasy?” I push him against the glass with my hands on his shoulders. “Y/N… I’m warning you.” he says slowly through clenched teeth.

“What are you gonna do this time huh? You gonna drug me again? Go ahead, it's not like I have any dignity left after the first time. You took away my choices, my life, and I… hate… you.” I whisper into his ear.

Before I can stop it he flips me around so my back is to the wall and his hand is around my throat. My eyes go wide and I try to push him off of me but he gathers both my hands in one of his and holds them over my head. His knee pushes between my thighs and I will myself to not move.

“You love me Y/N, say it.” He demanded. “You’re delusional Akabane, I’ll never love you.” His hand moves across my face hard. The motherfucker smacked me.

“I’ll make you love me, I have nothing but time, mouse.” He pushes his knee against my clothed core and a needy moan escapes me. Fuck… I didn’t mean to do that.

“You might not want me but your body is honest with its desires.” He places kisses on my neck as he rubs his knee against my clit.

“Fuck… Fuck you.” I say struggling against him, it only adds to the friction against my clit and I bite my lip stifling a moan.

“That’s the plan, princess.” He says sticking his hand down my pants and feeling my arousal I knew was there.

“Fuck baby… so wet for me already.” He growls and my cheeks heat up. I swear me and my pussy are gonna have a heart to heart cuz what… and I can’t stress this enough… the FUCK?

I continue to struggle against him and he must get impatient because he pulls me with him by my hair. He pushes me so I’m bent over the desk and my hands are behind my back held in his. I squirm as I hear him remove his belt before a ‘fwip’ rings in my ears. I cry out as I feel the belt hit my ass.

“Stay. Still.” He says threateningly as he binds my hands together and tugging on them to make sure they’re tight enough. He moves to pull my sweats down and my breath speeds up as I feel the cold air on my wet core.

“Karma wait please… you’re right ok I love you just please stop, you proved your point already.” I pleaded.

“See, I knew you’d come around mouse, now let me reward you.” He said pulling out his length and rubbing it between my folds. All that comes to mind is I hope he pulls out because he’s not using protection. I open my mouth to express my concerns but fail. I gasp as I feel him enter me at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Fuck… so tight… ‘s like your sucking me in.” He slurs as he bottoms out. I bite my bottom lip trying to hold in my moans. Akabane seems too preoccupied to notice as he pulls all the way out of me before slamming back in. One of his hands finds my hips and the other tangles in my hair before he starts pistoning into me.

“K-karm… nngh fuck… please.” I don’t even know what I’m begging for as I feel his cock hit all the right places.

“That’s it baby...shit… so perfect for me.” He groans as he feels me clench around his length. A hand moves in front of me to rub my clit and I see white as my orgasm hits me.

“Yes… fuck, cum all over my cock, such a good girl.” He praises as he chases his own release. I feel his hips stutter and I try to pull off him.

“Wait Karma, not inside.” I beg but it’s useless as he rams into me and I feel him paint my insides white. Tears start to fall again.

“Shh, it’s ok… you’re all mine. I’ll take care of you.” He whispers and I cry harder as I feel his length harden again inside me.

#assassination classroom #Yandere Karma #yandere assassination classroom #karma smut #karma akabane #minors dni

[choke-me-joey]

***EVENT CLOSED, ALL PROMPTS HAVE BEEN TAKEN***

What tf is it?

Hoe-vember is basically my excuse to write endless amounts of shameless Eddie Munson and/or Joseph Quinn smut blurbs throughout November! They'll be relatively short but if there is demand for longer or continued fics, I may consider it!

How do I get involved?

Simply send me a number from the prompt list below and specify whether you want it written about our boy Eds, or Mr JQ himself! I have anon turned on so if you're shy, it's totally fine!

The rules

Firstly, absolutely NO MINORS are to interact with this event. This will be smut smut smut and nobody under the age of 18 should be reading.

If you don't like, don't read. I know the subject of smut regarding a real life person is a sensitive one, so if you don't agree with my writing, please don't send me hate as it will be ignored. I've given you adequate warning.

I won't write for Eddie AND JQ in a single request. This means your request should be for Eddie OR Joe, not both. These are also reader inserts, so nothing like "prompt 4 for Eddie with Joe" or anything like that, sorry!

Once a prompt has been requested, it will be taken off the list! But you are more than welcome to resubmit a request for a different prompt if yours has already been taken.

Before anyone says it, yes these are the same (or pretty much the same) prompts from my @choke-me-levi 1k event...I'm unoriginal and there's so much potential for some GOOD EM and JQ smut here, so soz.

Have fun! And if you have any questions please just message me!

The prompts - all are now taken!!

1. Fuck a baby into me/I'm gonna fuck a baby into you.

2. It's not gonna suck itself.

3. Shit, I've never come so hard in my life!

4. You're so tight, fuck!

5. You wanna come on my fingers, my tongue, or my cock? How about all of them?

6. Ride me baby, make me come for you.

7. Open your mouth.

8. This pussy belongs to me.

9. Keep going and I'll fuck that shitty/bratty/fucking attitude right out of you.

10. Beg for me.

11. Look how well you're taking me.

12. Suck.

13. Make a mess on me.

14. Let me ruin that pretty face with my cum.

15. Sit on my face.

16. Touch yourself.

17. You feel that? I'm so hard for you.

18. I love you, fuck, I'm so close!

19. Mm, you're so wet. Did I do this to you, baby? Is this all for me?

20. You taste so good.

21. Do you want my cock? Tell me.

22. Fuck, stop teasing me!

23. I'm gonna fuck you so good the whole damn neighbourhood will know my name by the time I'm done with you.

24. You're close aren't you? I can feel it, your pussy is gripping my cock.

25. You're so sexy, but you'd look even better with your mouth around my dick.

26. Keep those eyes on me, beautiful.

27. I'm going to fucking ruin you.

28. I want to watch you/I want you to watch me

29. Bend over, baby.

30. We have to be quiet, can you do that for me, princess?

31. That's so fucking hot, say it again.

32. Guess I'll just have to do it myself.

33. Fuck, I'm gonna come baby, tell me where you want it.

34. Push that ass up for me.

35. You want my attention? Better earn it, baby.

36. You want me to fuck you?

37. Look at yourself, you're so fucking nasty.

38. Let me show you how a real man does it.

39. Get over here.

40. Good girl. Good fucking girl.

41. Fuck, please!

42. I wanna taste you.

43. You've missed me, haven't you? Pretty little pussy is sucking me in.

44. Just shut up and fuck me.

45. I need you so bad, I can't wait, I've gotta have you now.

46. There's no better way to wake up than with your mouth on me.

47. Make me.

48. Spread your legs and let me see that pretty little pussy.

49. Wanna fuck?

50. Are you sure? If we do this, I won't be able to control myself

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson imagine #joseph quinn #eddie munson thirst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn smut #joseph quinn fanfiction #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x you #kats hoevember event

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

on an outsiders kick so heres the main gang as things me and my friends have said

Soda: Your wish is my command. Be gay forever

Steve: I'm still straight but I'd fuck you now

Soda: Not that gay

--

Darry: I dont really like you. Why are you always hanging around?

Dally: I ask myself the same thing every single day

--

Pony: I know we're supposed to be saying embarrassing things about ourselves but before we talk about me i'm really upset Two-Bit didnt mention the fact that he was in love with thomas the train

Two-Bit: i watched ONE episode when i was FIVE go fuck yourself

Pony: You have a shrine by your bed

Two-Bit: irrelevant

--

Johnny: I'm not really scared of anything, no

Johnny: but cats freak me out. and so do dogs, sometimes, but mainly cats. and especially ducks. oh, and needles, and doctors in general. also loud noises, sharp objects near me, any sort of projectile, and stoves. but like, thats not that many things

Dally: I understand so much about you now

--

Pony: I'm going to write a novel and all of you are gonna have characters based off you. Any questions about it?

Two-Bit: Am I hot?

Pony: No. Next question

Darry: Am I going to regret reading this?

Pony: For sure. Next.

Johnny: Please dont make me a crybaby

Pony: You shouldnt read this. Next

Steve: Can me and Soda date?

Pony: You already are. Next

Soda: Can me and Steve not date?

Pony: Too late. You know you love him. Next

Dally: You're going to make my character really deep, arent you?

Pony: Possibly. Havent decided yet. Anything else?

Johnny: Is Dally as hot in the book as he really is?

Pony: I'll no longer be taking questions because I'm extremely uncomfortable, but on second thought, you might really like this book

--

Two-Bit, upon walking in on Steve and Soda cuddling: I leave for FIVE minutes and i'm left out of fucking everything. all the fucking time. i hate everyone in this house

Steve: Do you want to lay with us?

Soda: Yeah, come lay with us

Two-Bit, practically dropping himself on them: I'm still mad at you

--

Dally: For some reason Ponyboy is really obsessed with the idea of me being really soft inside and just not showing it so I dont get hurt. I think he wants me to be narrative foils with our other friend too

Dally: How do i tell him i'd change the narrative doom him if i could and feel no remorse without crushing that hope in him

--

Pony: I like to think its a secret but me and everyone around me knows im writing a slowburn, hes only soft to him trope, slight enemies to lovers fanfiction about Johnny and Dally in my head

Dally: the term fanfiction implies i have fans

Johnny: i'm a fan of you

Pony, whispering: they practically write it themselves

--

Dally: Here, i stole this. dont ask questions, just take it

Darry, taking the sleeping pigeon that Dally just handed him with a mildly horrified expression: where did you get this?

Dally: i told you i'd bring back souvenirs from my field trip. no more questions

--

Johnny: Not many people like me.

Johnny: its probably because im kind of a pussy, but i like to tell myself its because i'm annoying because at least then im not calling myself a pussy

Dally: Wait, wait. Who doesnt like you?

Johnny: Huh? Why does it matter?

Dally: No reason. Just, like, give me an example

Pony, in the kitchen and hears all of this: *puts the knives in the cabinet where Dally wont look for them* I dont really want to have to bail anyone out again

--

Soda, to Darry: I think Steve is kind of in love with me, but I really dont want to have to break it to him that I dont feel the same

Steve, with Soda in his lap: *stops playing with Sodas hair* What?

Soda: Nothing, baby, you're fine

Darry: I will never understand you

--

yes, one of my friends did bring a live pigeon back from a field trip. it slept a lot, and we'd hold him all the time while he slept and he'd stay asleep when we passed him around because we had to move. i hope he wasnt sick and is doing okay

#the outsiders #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #ponyboy curtis #twobit mathews #johnny cade #dallas winston #steve randle

[yantao-enthusiast]

the midnights era is so underrated. i'm not getting my revenge. i'm not hopelessly in love. no, i'm staring at the ceiling, know that once i fall asleep tomorrow will start but with my weary consciousness, i'm left with the thoughts of everything i've ever done. there's such a comfort in this subliminal space in this barren time. there's no one to judge me except myself. that one person i dated and never talked to again, do they ever think about me? i hear the crickets chirping while i'm crying in the bathtub. i hate my body but it's the one i have. actually, the world we live in is such a beautiful place and it's so soft and full of wonders that wouldn't exist without its quirks. when i was young, i wanted to be a dancer. i wonder what she would think of me now. she's still here, in my heart. actually she would probably hate me, like everyone else rightfully does. all i do is hurt people and every bit of my kindness is complicated and calculated. do you think about me? do you think about how you hurt me with your complicated bullshit before coming back like nothing's wrong? do you stare at the wall, wishing you did something different just like me? actually no. fuck you. fuck you and fuck everyone who ever hurt me. i'll ruin your life and you'll never know it was me. i'm hot shit and god the bathroom mirror makes me look so sexy. i'm going to put on a sparkly dress and dance because you don't deserve my sadness. oh shit wait i'm in love. that's terrifying. it's delicate and confusing yet so effortlessly simple. okay back to fuck you. i don't even have to do anything. that's how much the universe loves me. that's how much kindness and love is in my heart. oh also i love this person so much. they love me. they don't expect anything from me. they're like the blanket wrapped around me in the darkest hours, keeping me warm, keeping me alive. oh yeah i also orchestrated this person's presence into my life because that's the only way i know to get people to love me. but they know that. and they love me all the same.

oh look it's 3am now. how the fuck did that happen. god remember the time we were going through it? yeah but we had each other. i'm sorry for hurting you, pushing you away during that time when we were both struggling. you just wanted to help. and you did. maybe i'll tell them in the morning. would that be weird? maybe she'll get the message telepathically. man what if nothing wrong ever happened to me. i'll never be that girl. i'll never be the person i would've been if everything was normal in my life. fuck my life. oh right i'm in love. love this handsome fella. he makes me have vivid hallucinations about being in paris. i mean who need to go to paris when i got my baby with me??? who needs to pay attention to anything else? actually. this is really off topic. i cheated on someone once. yes i know i shouldn't have. but i was dying, stranded in a loveless land, and he saved me. yes i shouldn't have cheated on you but maybe you should've loved me. this relationship was a mistake. i didn't mean to love you. but i did. i'm in your arms and i don't remember how i got there. it's wrong. it's right. i never wanted this. nothing else will ever be as good as you. oh god i'm 19 all over again. with just one glance, i'm transported back into that time when i ached with every step, begged for just a piece of you when you're the one who looked at me. i wish i could go back. i am back. i just can't change anything. you have stolen a piece of me i will never get back and it's been so long but you can never get over the pain of losing yourself. but you don't have to worry about that, right? because you never gave anything. just like you'll never give my girlhood back. i wish i could keep anyone else from feeling that pain. i want to tell them all what i've learned from all the years i've been hurt. but why should anyone listen to me? i'm still a wreck, still figuring it all out, shouldn't they get advice from someone who actually knows how to navigate this messy existence? does it even matter? i'm in a state of paralysis, forever wondering, unable to get closure. it's too late. every midnight.

#i'm just saying. #tldr put some respect on midnights' name!!!!!! #midnights appreciation post #THE midnights appreciation post #actually #she's literally just spittin..... #it's giving late night adhd depression babygirl #midnights #midnights era #taylor swift #a tag for my very long posts about taylor swift #<3

[archivalofsins]

My toxic Milgram fan trait is wanting to normalize being a little hater. Like actually stop trying to justify voting a character Guilty it's so fucking pointless and drenched in hypocrisy it'd be much simpler to say I hate them and move on.

Oh, but Gunsli, you wouldn't do that with a character, would you? Yes, and I plan too. I don't think people understand how little I care about people knowing my biases and exactly why I have them. So, for anyone interested in knowing.

Yeah, I hate Kotoko on an ideological level.

I am not interested in her second song, her crime none of it- I fucking hate this lady. The best Milgram is getting from me is either abstaining from voting or voting her guilty every fucking day of those three months. Bu-but why? Well, I don't really have to explain why I can just hate her like I said. I don't need a reason.

Well, it's because she jumped the other prisoners right- Because she jumped Mikoto and threatened to kill him, right? And you like Mikoto that's your bias, right?

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……! [TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.]

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

Like, Gunsli I could understand if you didn't want to vote her Innocent because of that we all have our favorites we're only human.

Mikoto ain't a bitch like Shidou he can take care of himself. I ain't worried about ya'll girl she ain't about it, she a coward, she needed to order weapons because she really ain't that good. Hope she ordered herself a shield during trial two because she's going to need it. I'm sorry Mikoto better figure it out. Love him but uh nothing I can do about that if he gets killed by Kotoko I'll just be disappointed in him.

Outside of that I already didn't like her before she did that stuff. Well, damn what the fuck did she do? Nothing but be herself. I don't like her. I don't believe she's a good person. I don't think she's doing what she's doing now or did what she did before for anything other than the satisfaction of herself.

I find her mentality a direct threat to my personal safety for various reasons and will not support it. How about any of you guys try growing up and going to high school during the resurgence of fascism? Having people walk around armed with military grade weapons as you're just trying to get a book from a bookstore. All while stating they're going to make the world better through violence and see how you feel about people with Kotoko's mindset afterward.

See how any of you feel about it when you're at the receiving end of constant persecution based solely on how people like you are reported on in the news. Something that is never biased, as we know.

Like she was doing a good thing- To some in some people's opinion! I don't have time to argue about why this sort of mindset is dangerous to people who've never lost a thing from it, and I'm not gonna! I'm tapping out before her trial even starts. I did my investigation already I do not care.

So, everybody can miss me with that she killed bad guys shit because I recognize that I just think she's just as bad as they are and knows it.

I'm never voting her Innocent (Forgiven), it's a kindness I'm even considering not voting her at all. Unless I'm getting something out of voting her that way like a secured Amane and Mikoto Innocent verdict she can kick rocks.

Fuck her, the ideology she espouses, her justifications, the hill she lives on, the hill she'll die on and the horse she rode in on.

The worse sort of person to me is some nosey entitled son-of-a-bitch that comes into my life telling me their actions are going to make the world better by any means. So, if I have a problem with how they do things I can either shut up or they'll shut me up. Because useless weaklings should just be quiet and let themselves be protected by them.

Fuck that I'm not agreeing with that because that sort of thinking ends with people who look like me dead. Someone would have to have me all the way fucked up if they thought I'd agree to letting her of everyone here back out into society. There are enough people like that in my immediate vicinity to my ever-growing discomfort already.

So, yeah normalize hating a bitch for no reason. Normalize not having to explain yourself because I'm not about to hurt my own feelings trying to explain how this mentality is dangerous and harmful to people who don't care. Because they'll never see this behavior as the issue it is.

Simply put it's not about anyone else's ability to understand my reasoning behind my actions. The thing most important to me is that I understand the reasoning behind my beliefs, and I at least put forth an effort to interrogate those. Even if through interrogating those things I arrive right back at the answer I started with.

I at least understand why people like Kotoko at the end of the day and recognize this is my bias alone. While fundamentally understanding how someone feels about any of the characters in Milgram doesn't define who they are as a person or what they're willing to let others get away with in the real world. So, I don't feel like I have to defend disliking anyone or how I vote a character because it's my opinion.

I'm just gonna do what's best for me and keep it moving. If she wasn't a character in a piece of media, I'd care more, but she is. So, I can recognize her good qualities. Those are however outweighed by the multiple red flags and sirens consistently going off every second because of my background belting the words,

WARNING! WARNING! IMMINENT THREAT TO SAFETY!

As though I've entered a fucking sundown town at sunset. There is nothing in me that doubts this bitch would commit a hate crime and is therefore someone just unsafe for me to be around. Avid defenders would be like "Um sweety is it a hate crime to get rid of child abductors and criminals?"

I don't know, has anyone seen the film The Birth of A Nation or looked over the historical context around criminality? Or just read how the news reports on people who deviate from norms committing crimes regularly in contrast to how they report on the dominant culture committing crimes? No, I don't think anyone put that much effort into interrogating the ideology of the good looking subtly gender nonconforming lady.

Because they said oh bad guy bad, news said so- So, they deserve to be killed Kotoko is so right go off girl boss.

So here,

Kellie-Jay & the Neo-Nazis | Shaun One hour, fifty-six minute, and fifty-seven seconds long.

How Police Make Up The Law (ft. LegalEagle) | Philosophy Tube Forty-eight minutes and fifty-six seconds long.

The Hidden Rules of Modern Society | Philosophy Tube Forty-four minutes and fifty-four seconds.

The Americanisation of Blackness. TheStoryteller Twenty-eight minutes and fifty-seven seconds.

Triumph of the Will, or, "Yes, You Might Be a Fascist" | Cinema Antifa Twenty-two minutes and fifty-three seconds long.

How Black Americans Monopolized Racism Foreign Man in a Foreign Land Eighteen minutes and twenty-three seconds.

The Cultural Gentrification of Black Britain | EXODUS TheStoryteller Fourteen minutes and ten seconds.

The Need for Gangs? | TheStoryteller Twelve minutes and twenty-six seconds.

Why You Shouldn't Watch The Birth of a Nation (AND WHY YOU SHOULD) | Brows Held High Ten minutes and forty-nine seconds long.

There's a lot of videos that go over a good deal of the things I think about when considering Kotoko's case and mentality. So, anyone interested can go and take a look over this information and think for themselves whatever they want. I won't be discussing this because a lot of people in my opinion are very willing to cut off their brains and let Kotoko get away with whatever just to make themselves feel good.

People liked to discuss how Futa was radicalized through the Internet yet continue to ignore the clear radicalization of Kotoko through mainstream media. People all over widely accept everything put into mainstream media as true or unbiased. Because unlike the internet people believe mainstream media cannot lie without repercussions. Yet this is not always the case and the fact that Kotoko is so willing to end other people's lives over uncertain or extraordinarily little information based off the bias judgements of others as she continues to do even now is an issue to me and something I do not personally agree with.

Especially considering how mainstream media can be biased and get things wrong. She's just looking at what appears to be a more reputable source, a source with more authority than the internet mob then going it must be true because they said it. Just like how no one fact checked Es when they claimed that they were considered an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti because why would Es lie? Why would the news lie? When has law enforcement ever forced a confession out of anyone or arrested the wrong person.

As a news article sits in Harrow about the jumping, we know Kotoko did with the police stating they assume the assaulter was a man. Not even going into the news articles that stated people paid to have information buried. But yeah, the information she had is much more concrete than whatever the hell Futa was basing his shit off of.

#gunsli rambles

[graneymar]

hate fuck with richy

#1. RICHARLISON: "SHUT UP" - "MAKE ME"

SUMMARY: above

WARNINGS: smut

PAIRING: Richarlison x fem!reader

"What? What are you saying? I can’t hear you", I shouted back at my best friend, who was trying to tell me something. The music was too loud, I couldn’t hear anything but the loud, brazilian funk beats. "Ney and I are leaving for a minute, we'll be back soon", she screamed right into my ear. I rolled my eyes at her in annoyance, "Do you really have to do this now?" She shrugged and laughed, Neymar was already standing beside her and tried to drag her away from me by grabbing her waist. "Just go talk to… I don't know, Rafaella maybe? I'll hurry up", she said and was gone in a matter of seconds. I knew exactly what those two dirty little freaks were about to do and I was nothing but mad at her for leaving me alone at a party I barely knew anyone at.

My best friend and Neymar have been dating for a while now. It was his birthday and he decided to celebrate it in Brazil. I got invited as well and of course I was super happy and grateful about being there since it wasn’t my first time in Brazil with them, so I knew most of Neymars close friends, but looking around now, I didn’t see one similar face. The house was absolutely crowded and I simply stood there, looking around and sipping on my drink.

"Y/N, come here”, I heard someone exclaim behind me. I turned around to see Antony sitting on a couch, waving me over to him. "Thank God", I thought to myself and quickly walked up to him, a sigh of relief escaping my lips. Thanks to Neymar I already met all the Brazilian national players; Antony was one of them that I got greatly along with. I sat down next to him and greeted the rest of the team. I looked up to see Richarlison standing right in front of us. "Okay, I have another one", he dragged all the attention on himself and started telling a joke. While everyone was laughing, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him. I honestly didn’t like Richarlison that much, he seemed full of himself and was an attention seeker. His jokes weren’t even funny to be honest. But he felt the same way about me. We didn’t like each other and we never tried to hide it. He noticed I wasn’t as amused as the others were and his face froze. "Are you here to drag everyone’s mood down again?", he asked. I provocatively smiled at him and tilted my head to the side. "Nice to see you again too. How’s life going?"

"Better when you’re not in it", he said, raising his eyebrows at me. "What a kind and beautiful soul you are", I replied before the faked smiled disappeared from my face. He repeatedly shook his head from left to right before placing himself next to Paquetá again. I tried to distract myself by talking to Antony, but Richarlisons simple presence was enough to annoy the hell out of me. When I heard him keep making jokes and his laugh echoing through the room, I felt like I needed to slap someone’s face. I threw him one pissed look before I got up and walked out of the house. I was alone on the terrace, most of the guests went inside or have been in the backyard at the other side of the house. "Why do you always have to act like that?", I heard that maddening voice from right behind me. "Are you following me now?", I asked as I was turning around. "Surely not, but if I'm being honest, I'm wondering why you dislike me so much", Richarlison answered. "Hm, maybe because you are damn conceited and an attention whore?"

"Oh and you’re not seeking for attention every time you're acting like a little bitch, like in this very moment?" I gasped. He slowly made some moves towards me, my eyes going up and down his body. "Did you just call me a bitch?"

"There’s a difference between being a bitch and acting like one", he tried to explain, "Or are you on your period everytime we happen to see each other? Everyone’s enjoying my jokes, people love to be around me. It’s always only you thats behaving so disgustingly." Now that he was standing just a few centimetres away from me, I felt a weird unknown tingle building up in me. "I'm not laughing because you're not funny. They all are being polite while you are embarrassing yourself with senseless jokes." Richarlison shook his head at my response, taking two steps away from me again. "Oh shut up", he said. "Make me", I sassed. He looked me directly in the eyes for a short second, that felt like an eternity though, before he quickly walked up to me, cupped my head in his large hands and placed a long kiss onto my lips. Not even thinking about it that much, I returned the kiss, quickly realising who it was that I was kissing. "What the fuck do you think you’re doing?", I shouted as I pushed him away from me. A wide grin formed in his face. "Don’t act like you didn’t like it", he smirked before crashing his lips onto mine once more. Sadly, he was right. Feeling his lips on my skin felt too fucking good, even though the anger at myself was building up in my body as well. I couldn’t believe what I was doing, but our little make out session started getting wilder and more heated while our tongues found their own rhythm. His hands were on my butt, giving it a soft squeeze. "Let’s go inside", he whispered as he pulled away. I waited for him to go in first hoping no one would notice what was going on. Following him, we entered Neymars guest bedroom. As soon as I locked the door, Richarlison turned me around, pushing my back against the door, finally locking his lips with mine once again. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let out a few noises of pleasure the moment his lips found their way to my neck. He picked me up and carefully threw me onto the bed, quickly getting his shirt off before he got on top me. I bit my lip when he massaged my breasts and placed another few kisses on my neck. I threw my head back, my breath getting heavier as I felt his fingertips on my thighs underneath my tight black dress. I watched his hands roaming up and down my body, feeling myself getting wetter by feeling his hot breath on my thighs while he was placing sloppy kisses onto them. "Fuck", I groaned and slightly pushed him down from me before getting myself on top of him. His surprised face quickly turned into a wide smirk, he tilted his head up to give me another kiss, one of his hands squeezing my butt - the other one making my body twitch by slapping it every now and then. I kissed his neck, my hands going down, tugging on his joggers. He quickly got out of them, throwing them onto the floor together with his shorts. I gasped, the excitement and nervousness rising realising how big he actually is. Richarlison laid on his back again, the massive grin on his face not disappearing for a second. I instantly climbed on top, kissing his lips and grinding on to him. His hands ran up and down my back until he softly started pulling on my hair while we were groaning into each other mouths. I pulled away to pull my panties to the side, not even bothering to take them off, I just needed to feel him now. Richarlison watched me take action, his hands cupping my breasts that were still covered by my dress. I lift myself up, my brows furrowed as I grabbed him and teased the two of us by taking the tip in a little too slowly. Once I lowered myself onto him, I let out a loud whine, needing a moment to adjust him. His lust filled eyes observed me losing all control of my body as I gently moved my hips up and down, crying out every time I fully took him in. "Shut the fuck up or they’ll hear you", he said inbetween his moans. I completely ignored him, I couldn’t stay silent even if I wanted to. "Shut up I said", he hissed, grabbing my waist. "I- I can’t", I somehow managed to answer.

He lift my hip up and sat straight up so we were face to face, repeatedly thrusting his huge hard cock in and out my throbbing pussy. I gasped for air while my moans got even louder than they’ve been before. "Oh fuck I hate you so much", I shouted out before his hand covered my mouth attempting to diminish my whines. His facial expression started changing the moment I felt his thrusts got out of rhythm, letting me know he was close. I threw my head back, the tingling sensation also happening in my body as he placed some wet kisses on my neck. We couldn’t stop ourselves from meaning out loudly while riding out our climax. I climbed off his sweaty body, fixing my hair and outfit. Turning around, I saw Richarlison still laying in bed naked, out of breath and watching me. I looked at him questioning, earning a chuckle from him. "What are you laughing at? This never happened, okay?", I jokingly, yet seriously threatened him. He jumped out of the bed, picking up his clothes and quickly got into them. "Didn’t know having sex with someone you hate from the bottom of your heart would be that good", he snickered as I finally opened the bedroom door to get out of there. My eyes widened as I saw my best friend and Neymar getting out of the opposite room. "What the- Y/N, what the fuck? Richarlison?", she shouted out while Neymar bursted out into laughter. "I don’t know. I don’t know how it happened. Forget about it", I hissed back. Neymar raised his eyebrows, the enormous smile still on his face, "I knew this would happen sooner or later." I begged them to not talk about it for the rest of the night. Richarlison, though, couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear and - what a surprise - immediately told a joke the moment we sat inbetween the Brazilian national team again. My best friend stared at me in shock, realising that I was actually laughing about Richarlisons joke. Something I have indeed never done before. "So, either you’ve been sexually frustrated whenever you’ve seen him before or you’re now developing a crush on him", she whispered to me, making me laugh out even louder.

#football imagine #football imagines #imagine #imagines #richarlison #richarlison x reader #richarlison imagine #richarlison fanfic #richarlison x you #richarlison imagines #richarlison fluff #richarlison smut #football #pombo #richy #fanfic

[im-just-cam]

Hello. My name's Cam.

This is my last post ever. I'll be honest, the past few weeks have been really horrible. To me, Ana is like a persona, another version of me. All though I've tried to love and embrace Ana, she hasn't been that good to me. My hair has been getting thinner and thinner, my nails more brittle, I can barely stand without feeling dizzy and I'm always weak. I've been trying to romanticize Ana but there's nothing fucking romantic about it. It's honestly so miserable. And on top of that, I'm not even fucking skinny. I just thought "what's the point of starving myself and working out for 3 hours a day if no one can even fucking tell". I'm honestly angry and annoyed at myself. To think that I wasted all that time, obsessing over body image and calories, and I'm still the fat friend. I'm still fucking overweight. I'm not skinny. I'm fucking ugly. I hate it. I hate you Ana. I'm annoyed that I wasted so much time glorifying and romanticizing ana when I was so miserable. When most of the time I just wanted to disappear. I'm so mad that I wasted all that time believing that food was my worst enemy. I can't believe how hard I made it to enjoy living. I can't believe how much internal torture I put myself through. I can't believe I thought something as horrible as ana was part of me. I can't believe I just accepted that and never questioned myself. instead of hanging out with my friends and enjoying life, I was at home, in bed because I was so tired. What was the point of all that? I didn't gain anything from it except pounds. Yes, I gained weight instead of loosing weight. What the fuck man. Why would I do that to myself? I just can't believe how much fucking misery I put myself through, all for the sake of being 'beautiful' and skinny and perfect. You know what? Fuck being beautiful, fuck being skinny, fuck being perfect. I'm gonna live life like a normal fucking human. I deserve to be normal. I deserve to live life. Why did I make myself think anything different? So yeah, I'm just gonna stop caring. I don't fucking care about how many calories im eating anymore, I don't care about how many calories in burning. I don't care if I think I need to purge. Shut the fuck up ana. Honestly, shut up. Ana ruined my life. Fuck Ana, fuck eating disorders, fuck being pretty, fuck being perfect, fuck being skinny, since I can't fucking succeed at any of those, I'll just stop trying. What's the point? I'll never be pretty, I'll never be skinny, and I'll never be perfect. I'm disappointed in myself for ever thinking I could. I'm so disappointed because I thought ana was the answer. No it fucking wasn't. I'm done. I'm done trying. I give up. I give being obsessed with calories, I give up starving, I give up purging, I give up all of that ED shit. I'm fucking done man. I'm so tired of trying. I've tried so hard but never succeeded. I'm done. Fuck anorexia, fuck bulimia, fuck binge eating, fuck restrictive eating. Fuck it. I'm done. I can't keep living like this. I'm sorry to anyone who followed this blog for the ED stuff. I hope you can find your way in life. But as for me, I'm done. I choose recovery. This is Cam. Not 'kc4l-cam'. I'm done with that kcal shit. Fuck it. I'm out man. This is my last post ever, goodbye ED Tumblr. Goodbye.

#tw ana shit #ana trigger #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran #tw ed diet #tw ana fast #tw disordered eating #recovery #im done #done #what the fuck #fuck this #bye #leaving

[undead-memes]

PREACHER'S DAUGHTER. / prompts from the album peacher's daughter by ethel cain. tweaked for rp. change pronouns & cut & combine as you wish. (repost)

' i put too much faith in the make believe. '

' i feel it there, in the middle of the night. '

' say what you want, but say it like you mean it. '

' just give it on more day then you're done. '

' i don't need anything from anyone. '

' it's just not my year. '

' i'm doing what i want and, damn, i'm doing it well. '

' you and me against the world. you were my man and i your girl. '

' you were my whole world. '

' you came, and i laughed. you left, and i cried. '

' you told me even if we died tonight that i'd die yours. '

' really, i'd kill myself to hold you on more time. '

' it hurts to miss you. '

' i cry every day and the bottles make it worse. '

' you were the only one i was never scared to tell i hurt. '

' it was love, i guess. '

' and i feel so alone. '

' i watched him show his love through shades of black and blue. '

' show me how much i mean to you while i lie in these sheets undressed. '

' i'd hold the gun if you asked me to. '

' but if you love me like you say you do, would you ask me to? '

' trouble's always gonna find you, baby, but so will i. '

' i'm never gonna leave you, baby, even if you lose what's left of your mind. '

' please don't love how i need you. '

' i'm not above violence. '

' i've killed before and i'll kill again. '

' hell doesn't scare me, i've been times before. '

' tell me a story about how it ends, where you're still the good guy. i'll make pretend. '

' i hate this story where happiness ends and dies with you. '

' i thought good guys get to be happy. i'm not happy. '

' i was too young to notice that some types of love could be bad. '

' i'm tired of you still tied to me. '

' i'm too tired to move & too tired to leave. '

' love's never meant much to me. '

' i started to see you differently. '

' you wanna get my clothes off. '

' baby, if it feels good then it can't be bad. '

' you wanna fuck me right now. '

' if you hate me, please don't tell me. '

' i followed you in and i was with you there. '

' you love blood too much. but not like i do. '

' heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you. '

' need you, love you, love you, love you. '

' love you, saw you, felt you, love you. '

' love you, love you, love you, love you. '

' you'd do well to say yes to me. '

' suffer does the wolf, crawling to thee. '

' he's saying i'm the one, he's gonna take me. '

' suffering is nigh, drawing to me. '

' even the iron still fears the rot. '

' i'm hiding from something i cannot stop. '

' you poor thing. sweet, mourning lamb. '

' there's nothing you can do. it's already been done. '

' please don't look at me. '

' what have you done? '

' make it stop, make it stop, i've had enough, stop, stop, STOP! '

' i am the face of love's rage. '

' i am no good nor evil. simply, i am, and i have come to take what is mine. '

' i was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood. '

' i am here now as you run from me still. '

' you can't hide from me forever. '

' god loves you, but not enough to save you. '

' if they strike once then you just hit them twice as hard. '

' the more it hurts, the less it shows. '

' i think it's about time i put up a fight. '

' if it's meant to be then it will be. '

' i forgive it all as it comes back to me. '

' i can't let go when something's broken. '

' in your basement i grow cold. '

' don't talk to strangers or you might fall in love. '

' how funny, i never considered myself tough. '

' i tried to be good. '

' am i no good? '

' i just wanted to be yours. '

' can i be yours? '

' i'm happier here 'cause he told me i should be. '

' you're so handsome when i'm all over your mouth. '

' am i making you feel sick? '

' i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did. '

' don't think about it too hard or you'll never sleep a wink at night again. '

' just know that i love you and i'll see you when you get here. '

#inbox memes #inbox prompts #rp memes #roleplay memes #rp prompts #lyric prompts #indie rp

[callsign-bunnie]

What is everyone’s worst fears? Like, realistically. And something big- Soap, I don’t want to hear your fear about cockroaches lol.

I'll give an existential fear and an irrational fear. (Also, for the sake of... everything, these are my iterations of the 12 characters and I'm answering these in character, I guess) Horror Night!

Soap: "For an existential, I guess it would be... dying alone. I was an orphan growing up and I would really not like to go back to that feeling. As for irrational... I have trypophobia. I don't get it either, they just make me nauseous."

Ghost: "Losing everything, again. I'd rather have nothing if it means I don't have to worry about losing it. It was... a distinctly awful feeling going home on Christmas Eve to find my entire family was dead and I was alone. I can't do that again. As for irrational, I don't fear anything. (Clowns.)"

Rodolfo: "Alejandro dying. I joined the military with one mission. I've lost a lot of people but I don't know what I'll do with myself if he dies. It's the worst thing I can think of. As for irrational... I'm not superstitious but I cannot look out of doorways or windows at night. I can be outside, but I can't look through them. I can't explain it."

Alejandro: "Being alone. Rodolfo dying is fairly up there, but it's equal with him leaving me, so... Being alone. If he's gone, I will be. Also, I'm terrified of spiders. I hate them."

Price: "Losing my team. It's something I need to face, eventually, but Gaz and Ghost are like my kids. Losing them will be the worst thing to happen to me. Irrational... Rats. I cannot stand rats."

Gaz: "Watching everyone I love die. Ghost hasn't really talked much about it but... I don't think it's something I want to go through. Irrational? So much, I can't pick one."

Graves: "Being nothing. Being lower than dirt with nothing to my name, not even a reputation, would be worse than death. Mimes freak me out. Fucking freaks."

Valeria: "Abandonment. And inferiority. They're equal. But, I've been abandoned and I've been inferior. I will never go through those things again. As for an irrational fear... I don't know, I just face those. The other cartels will do fucked up shit to you if you're caught. It all seems small."

Farah: "Is anyone else a little offput by Rudy's irrational fear? Anyway, failing my people. I have worked for the liberation of Urzikstan for so long that failure is not an option. Also, those weird porcelain dolls. Hate them."

Alex: "Losing my family in any way. Farah, Gaz, Price, and Laswell... I'll do anything to keep them close to me. As for irrational... megalophobia."

Laswell: "It's a repeat here, but losing everything. I have worked hard to keep my family safe. When Shepherd went dark, for a few moments, it was nothing but sheer terror as I wondered what he was willing to do. As for irrational... heights. They make me sick."

Roach: "Being violated. I won't be put in that position again. Also, I'm afraid of the dark, but I push through it."

#bunnie's horror night #blue #Johnny Soap Mactavish #Simon Ghost Riley #Rodolfo Parra #Alejandro Vargas #John Price #Kyle Gaz Garrick #Phillip Graves #Valeria Garza #Farah Karim #Alex Keller #Kate Laswell #Call Of Duty Modern Warfare II #Call of Duty #Gary Roach Sanderson

[bambistan]

A correspondence between jegulus in a homophobic world bc angst.

⬇️⬇️⬇️

Dear Regulus,

It's been a while since we last spoke, but . . . I was thinking of you today.

I was by the ocean, and the greying clouds created a storm as beautiful as the one in your eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away, even as it turned violent.

I fear I'll spend every second of my existence longing for someone I can't have . . . Someone I shouldn't want.

I wish one of us wasn't condemned to live in a man's body. Maybe then, I could love you as loudly as I please.

Maybe then we could've been together.

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear James,

Much to my own dismay, I was excited to receive a letter from you. We'd agreed not to speak - though is writing really speaking?

I share your sorrows, your pain. I know the feeling all too well as it has made a home inside me.

In the darkest hours of the night, I fantasise about how differently things could've gone had I been born a girl.

I miss you.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

Dear Regulus,

I will admit I hadn't expected a reply - I thought you'd hated me. However, I'm pleased to know you miss me.

I miss you too.

I miss waking up next to you. Watching as the sun slips through the crack in the curtains and paints your face in the most extraordinary shade of gold.

I miss having you close to me. Feeling your head on my chest, rising with each breath I take, ever so slightly.

Do you remember that day in the orchards?

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear Jamie,

How could I forget?

We'd exhausted ourselves on the race there and ate almost every apple on every tree.

However - shamefully - my favourite moment was afterwards, in my parents' lake.

I can still recall the feeling of water rippling as you moved against me. The words you whispered in my ear as your grip on me tightened.

I'd sell my soul to go back to that day.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

My dearest,

Regulus,

You have no idea the things you do to me.

If anyone knew, I'm sure I'd be castrated and hung for my crimes - but I'd die with a smile on my face.

Why did we ever stop?

We could go back to that day together.

I need you like I need air. Please come back.

Yours,

Jamie

~*~

Dear James,

Please do not make this harder for me.

You know why I can't go back. There are people who hold such hatred for love like ours.

My parents, the church, everyone in that godforsaken town.

I have to kneel for hours on end in the darkness of the church basement to repent for my sins. To forget you had ever existed . . .

But I cannot.

Even if it hurts . . . I fear that's when I love you most.

Sincerely,

Regulus

~*~

Dear Regulus,

Just say the word and I'll come to you.

Please, my love, I am desperate. It's been years, yet without you, they feel like centuries.

We could run away together - live in the mountains. You always did like caves.

I don't know any other way to ask then to beg, so please please please . . .

Come home to me, love. Let me come to you.

Please.

Love,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

I had hope for a while. I'd thought your inability to write back was due to your travelling.

However, it became apparent that that wasn't the case as you would've reached me already.

I can only assume my feelings aren't reciprocated and your previous letters were nothing but a reminiscence of good times.

I will bother you no longer.

Fondly,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

It's been months.

I know I swore not to write but is it really so hard to pick up a pen and tell me to fuck off?

I'd do anything you asked, including leaving you alone, so just say the word, and I'm gone.

I'll be, but another memory you smile fondly at before passing by.

Sincerely,

James

~*~

Dear Regulus,

You know it's not like me to give up.

I will fight for the things I want - and I want you.

Madly, desperately, I want you.

Feel free not to answer my sorrows, but know that they will never stop coming.

Love,

James

~*~

Dear James,

Come to me.

Love,

Regulus

Yay!! Happy ending.... Or is it?

#james potter #regulus black #jegulus #love letters #i like writing really sappy love letters #it cures my mental illness

[bee-bzz]

some Brazilian songs that represent some ppg couples because I think you guys are missing out on Brazilian music and I'd like to share.

(this is gonna be a long post so buckle up)

Blossick

"They tell me: the world is in your hands

I guess I let it go then

no, of course I don't love you

but in trying to forget you I'm already remembering us

and if I remember, don't answer me

I swear I don't love you, I just had too much to drink" - Não Te Amo (don't love you), Jão

"I won't talk about love, no

because I don't like anyone

if one day I did, what a shame

(...)

and I won't talk about your eyes

it makes me say the things that I'm afraid to

because they show me what I didn't want to see

and I won't even mention your mouth

I won't say I love you

after spending so long trying to hide it

and I don't even know what I'm talking about

every time I open up I give you an opening to fuck me up" - NÃO VOU FALAR DE AMOR (won't talk about love), Lagum

"Why did you never love me?

why did you hurt me

pretended, lied, never loved me

I wish I could tell you that I

never felt anything for you

I wish that I could uncry

the tears that already ran

and if it already ran (it'll dry)

and if it already dried (no one saw)

I will send it there, to the bridge that fell

this letter that doesn't say" Carta Que Nao Diz (letter that doesn't say), Mariana Froes, Rodrigo Alarcon, Ana Muller

Butchercup

"I like being immature with you

I like to give myself and get lost

I want to be able to nag you on your every manner

smoking anything, just to entertain myself

I risk my life just to see you

all of our youth runs through our veins

it's just, I'm weak, fragile and stupid

to talk about love

but if it's with you, I'll do it" Imaturo (immature), Jão

"The first time I saw you

something told me

"this is gonna end badly"

on the second time, I had the same impression

but I'm not one to listen

to my intuition

it's like something between chaos and stress

but that kind off messes me up

in a good way

baby, don't make me crazy

because I already am

it's just, there really should be a test

anything, a simulation perhaps

to avoid getting into a trap

instead of a relationship

you tell me you hate my outfit

and I really love your dress

when I have the chance to take it off

you tell me that you love me

and I hate you

in a strange way

because nothing is weirder than loving" - EU TE AMO (I Love You), Lagum

"Tell me you hate me

but say you don't live without me

I'm a plague

miss "no shame" from your garden

you're jealous

but you love to watch me dance" - Bem-Me-Quer (He Loves Me, like from the "he loves me, he loves me not" thing), Rita Lee

Boomubbles

"I made these blues for Bia

but Bia won't come and hear

I won't censor the beauty

it's in her nature

living loose around here

I composed sweet melodies

so she would be moved by them

I rhymed with melancholy

my day-to-day without Bia

but Bia doesn't care" - Blues Pra Bia (Blues for Bia) , Chico Buarque (he's like a father to me)

Note: translating this man's songs is almost sacrilegious. Please go listen yourself to at least feel the vibe a little bit. He's a master of lyricism.

"Whoever sees you walking past me like this

doesn't know what suffering is

having to see you in this way

always so pretty

contemplate the sun of your eyes

losing you in thin air

in the certainty of a love

thinking of myself as nothing

because without your kindness

I feel so alone

I drown myself in loneliness" Anna Júlia, Los Hermanos

"Love of my life

from here until eternity

our destinies were traced since maternity

cruel passion, unbridled

I bring you a thousand stolen roses

so you can forgive all of my lies

and all of my blunders

exaggerated, thrown at your feet

I really am exaggerated

I adore a crafted love" - Exagerado (exaggerated), Cazuza

#Spotify #ppg #powerpuff girls #rowdyruff boys #ppg blossom #ppg brick #ppg boomer #ppg butch #ppg buttercup #ppg bubbles #blossick #butchercup #boomubbles #ppg reds #ppg greens #ppg blues #Brazil #Brazilian music #chico buarque #los hermanos #rita lee #lagum #Jão #cazuza #mariana froes #rodrigo alarcon #ana muller

[ilovebokutokoutaro]

Blue

Hongjoong x reader

Warnings: suicidal tendencies, suicidal thoughts, self hatred, angst, comfort.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

"i try to live in black and white but I'm do blue"

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

"for fucks sake i can't do anything untill you tell me what's happening...please please anything, this silence is killing me.." he whispered, own eyes tearing up and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

I'm not okay.

I wanna die.

I don't feel enough.

I wanna die.

I'm a disappointment

I wanna die.

I hate myself.....

I wanna die.

There were so many thoughts rushing in your head, tears failing to leave your eyes and so you remained quiet as he stared at you.

"don't wanna talk right now?..." He asked again and you mumbled a shaky yes with a sharp breathe and so he started the car again. "I'll drop myself off first" he mumbled and you nodded.

There was so much you wanted to say, you wanted to die and you had finally convinced yourself to, you had made sure the moment you reach your house you won't be a scaredy cat anymore. That you'd finally set yourself free. The fact your brain couldn't comprehend past the fact you had to die today you couldn't help but chuckle silently.

And even if you weren't so sure earlier the moment he neared his house you were damn sure if you left alone today you won't make it out alive. The drive was barely a minute but the amount of times you considered speaking up was abnormal.

Your eyes widening as he pulled out the seat belt collecting his stuff and each second felt like a whole damn hour, hands trembling as you pulled yourself out of the seat, walking around the car to reach the drivers seat with your head down, eyes still wide open but no tears came out.

And finally the realisation stuck to you, today was your last day with him, last time you ever see him and so you pulled him into a hug. "I love you.." you whispered softly and he let out a shaky i love you too. Before he could even embrace you properly you pulled yourself away from him immediately jumping inside the car and starting the engine.

What snapped you out of your thoughts to kill yourself was the dog jumping in your way, your feet hitting the break and you jerked forward, heart thumping as you realised what you were just about to do.

Eyes tearing up as you drove away convincing yourself it'll be okay....knowing he'd just move on someday either way. The drive to your house was filled with loud sobs filling your small car. "I'm sorry I'm sorry" you yelled out loud as you trembled horribly.

"please.." you begged, to no one in particular, if only your wished passed through to some god. If only you could get rid of such horrible feelings. If only you were never born. And before you know you were standing in front of the mirror, stripped into nothing but a tank top and shorts, the sight disgusted you, it really really did.

God you hated yourself so much. So goddamn much, the scars burning your thighs, stretch marks making you want to scratch it all away, your heart ached as you stared at the reflection of the person you hated more than anything and anyone.

You never looked good, you were never deserving of anything he gave you. You would forever only be a disappointment and you knew you'd regret it for ages to come if you did not kill yourself tonight.

You did not want to do it, you did not want to end everything, but the way it all hurt even when you were okay, even when everything was going well, it still hurt so much, you still wanted to die, no matter how good life gets you could never get rid of the feeling of disappearing forever.

You could never not hate yourself.

And so you stared crazily at your reflection, tears adorning your cheeks and it made you look horrible, you were horrible.

Slowly turning around as you walked out of your apartment, it was 2 in the morning and no one could be awake.

Goosebumps ran on your skin as the wind pierced through your bare body.

The only decision you'd ever like from yourself was living here, in a building so tall that you were sure to die of you jumped from the rooftop.

And you smiled at the thought, taking the stairs to buy yourself some time, wishing maybe you'd not want to die when you reached the rooftop.

Rooftop 2 floor away from yours.

Each step felt heavier than the last, each step you remembered how hongjoong held you, how he kissed you, the feeling of his bare body against yours, the feeling of his hand holding your cold ones, his smile, how much you loved him.

How utterly betrayed he'll feel when he gets to know this, how....painful it'll be for him.

And before you knew you were standing on the edge on the roof, phone in your hands as you dialed his number, you needed him. Soon. You couldn't dare drive, so you sat hugging yourself on the cold edge of the roof.

One ring.

Two ring.

Three ring-

"hello..." His voice sounded groggy, deep and raspy and you could tell he was asleep, no words could escape your teeth, no matter how hard you tried.

After a moment of silence hongjoong sounded fully awake as he uttered out your name in panic, and a sob escaped your lips, "come. Please come." You sobbed and you could hear him shuffling in an instant.

"in a second baby, hold on for me yeah?" He huffed and you sobbed, nodding as if he could see. You really didn't want to die afterall.

"roof" you told him as he asked you where you were, you could hear his keys jingling and the engine starting and sighed.

Were you even ready to face him?

Maybe you weren't, but you really needed him right now.

Really.

"I'm almost there.." he panted out "I love you" he muttered and you could hear him getting out of the car, at this point you were only breathing on the call, not even crying as you waited hopelessly for him.

And barely a fee minutes passed as you heard him panting as he ran up the last few stairs, eyes tearing up as you caught sight of him.

"oh god" he mumbled, dropping his phone as he rushed to you. "What's wrong baby?" He asked but you only crawled in his arms and he sighed wrapping his jacket around your bare body.

Your loud sobs breaking his heart as he coddled you against his chest. "I don't wanna die..." You choked out and you could hear a shaky breathe from him.

"please don't.." was all he mumbled pulling you even closer as he sat with you in his lap. Tears wetting your head as he broke down with you.

"please.." he begged, holding you so tight...as if you'd leave the moment he let go.

And maybe you wouldn't, you couldn't. The moment you saw his face you knew you had to live, for him...for you loved him.

#hongjoong #hongjoong angst #ateez angst #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez comfort #ateez ff #ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez san #ateez yeosang

[realsfriend]

unintelligible rant No. 1

I can't have normal relationships...I can't change the way my mind reacts to things. My roommate/best friend - who has never called me their best friend though I don't know what else I'd be to them - is completely exhausted by my moods, but no matter how hard I try not to, I continue to need constant reassurance. The problem is that no matter how much reassurance they try to give me, it is ineffective. I just convince myself they're lying. When I feel an episode coming on and turn sullen, I can feel their dread setting in, parallel with my mood. They bear the brunt of my moods, and it's not fair. I want more friends, but I'm desperate for the two of us to be all we need. And my wanting more friends is selfish, in the end, because I want them so that I have more people to turn to when I'm in an episode. I don't want more friends for the reciprocal nature of friendship, I just want them so that I can give my roommate a break, so that they don't hate me, so that they don't abandon me. But I feel so broken, and I can't concisely state why. My perceptions are so skewed, but maybe they're not. In a recent social situation I felt like I was one step behind, I felt like I didn't fit. I've always felt that way, in any given situation. I don't fit, and I'm not good enough. Lately, and in the past, those feelings have caused harm to those around me. Not only am I not good enough, I'm not enough at all. I always change the characteristics of my personality according to who I'm with. I don't know who my authentic self is. I feel like other people can cope effectively with feelings like these, but as soon as they set in for me, I am triggered beyond belief and it takes days to get over it. And, usually, I truly have no idea what is real and what is the fabrication of my disease. Why should it be such a big deal what other people think of me? It's like, I'm supposed to have this intrinsic sense of worth, but I can't wrap my mind around why the hell I should have that outside of how other people perceive me. If literally everyone hates you, and thinks you're a piece of shit, how can you still assume you're worth anything? Intrinsic self-worth...fuck it. It makes no sense. I am convinced that I'm the worst person in the universe. Out of everything that is conscious and sentient, I am the worst. I used to pin all this on my body, I used to think it was my body that made me unappealing, undesirable, unattractive, repellent. Now my body image has improved a bit, but big deal. I'm still awful and everything around me is pure wreckage. My best friend can't even talk to me. They want nothing to do with me. This morning, there's no way they didn't realize I was awake, but they walked right past my door anyway. Everyone hates me. I have always wished and pined for this person who would be able to handle me, who'd love me unconditionally with all my flaws and ways I make everything difficult, but honestly no such person exists. There is no reason why anyone should put themselves through a relationship with me. Everyone realizes at some point it's just not worth it to be involved with me. I reel them in at the beginning because I can make myself funny and soulful and effervescent all at once, and then they get to see who I really am and they're backed into a corner because they still somehow care about me and they know that severing the relationship would completely shatter me...they don't know what I'll do, they're afraid I'll kill myself, but even so, eventually being around me is too painful and they leave, and I AM shattered. In this way, I'm just the same as an abuser. I love-bomb at the beginning, and then something in me turns and the people in my life see me for real, and they want to get out but they can't get out. It's my insecurity, which is so big I can't even fucking comprehend the size of it. Insecurity, trauma, fear of abandonment, etc. I'm so exhausted, and in pain, and my pain turns my entire body into this one throbbing flesh wound that screams for attention and love. I just want to be loved, and I want to believe I'm loved.

#actually borderline #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #borderline personality disorder #actuallybpd #borderline #bpd #actually bpd

[diacripticcomplex]

"You're nothing at all, you are a worthless specimen that I should've swallowed!" Mother said to me, she gets like this every time she catches me dozing off or playing around with my brothers instead of studying. I have no idea why she expects so much from me and I'm not even the eldest son. Yet the day I was born I was forced into this lifestyle, I have to be the best, better than anyone if I'm not. Then my mother will try to drown me again.

I remember that day vividly, she threw me in the water knowing damn well I couldn't swim. In her eyes it didn't matter, she knew that if I truly was the best then I wouldn't have drowned. She's right about that though, I am the best and I do prevail. Ever since that day, she became even more abusive towards me. My mother was supposed to be someone who I cherish, but I hated her. Every night after a long day of enduring her torment I would hurt myself, in ways I wish I didn't. I had begun taking drugs to not feel anything, so that I could deal with her shit but even the drugs couldn't help me after a while, so I turned to violence again. This time it wasn't myself.

"Ay..Ayato..!?" Mother cried out as I tore open her flesh causing her fresh scented blood to burst out all over me, I chuckled at this, then I pushed her away from me, and she ran up the stairs, looking at me with such terror in her eyes. "What's wrong mother? You're upset this shirt got stained with your blood? I happened to really like this shirt too..ah but it soaked up your blood, I don't mind that at all." I must've sounded insane to her, I wanted her to fear me. Kanato and Laito knew the plan, but my part was over. I had wounded her so deeply, I enjoyed every second of it, her painful scream, the shock, it was all so hilarious to me, I couldn't help but begin laughing.

Later that same night, Kanato had roasted her body to a crisp, I was finally free to do as I pleased. I could stay out late, sleep whenever I wanted, not study, not get beat every time I spoke back, I laughed out then plopped on my bed, still in the bloody shirt, I took it off and threw it in the fireplace. It is over now. I can finally close my eyes.

Once I started to drift into sleep, I felt the sudden urge to wake up. It was very cold in my room. I did not understand what was going on, the fire was crackling in the fireplace, I started scanning around my room and noticed in the corner, there was a dark shadow, "You worthless child, You will never be rid of me..I will come back!" The irritating voice was a whisper but it sounded like my mother's voice. Fuck...just leave me alone already! My eyes began to get teary, I despised her so much, I just wished the tormenting would end already. "Hahaha! Yes cry, you regret what you did...I'll make sure you regret it for all eternity..!" After she said that in her ghostly voice, the coldness faded away and the dark shadow vanished.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik boys #dialovers #yui komori #diabolik brothers #diahell #ayato sakamaki #diabolik lovers ayato #diabolik lovers community #sadnees #cordelia sakamaki #childhood #monologue #memory #Ayato is a sad boy