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#i hate that i can read just fine

skrunksthatwunk · 4 months

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thinking about when guts sent a bunch of his men directly into zodd's meat grinder without even knowing demons like him existed. and that moment after the fight where casca runs to griffith unconscious on the floor and tells guts it's all his fault. and the time gambino tells him he's bad luck and should have died instead. and about how he tells griffith he cares about his men, and how casca doesn't seem to see it. and the time guts is thinking about casca telling him it's all his fault (after he got griffith hurt) and then griffith comes to him and says (like it's nothing) do i need to give a reason every time i come to save you? or whatever. like he's worth it. like he's worth dying for, and like it can be a choice people make because they value you. like he's a good luck charm, like griffith needs him to reach his goals, his full potential. like griffith is not enough to make it without him. like griffith finds out when guts leaves. fuckin.g gnawing someone else's legs off because i still need mine to run into traffic

#so guess who's rewatching berserk 1997 lol #berserk #i hate griffith i hate him i hate him he's bad i hate him (<- deeply tragically attached to him. im so not normal about him it's fucked)#aghhh can't wait until break so i can read more. i've ended up just consuming the golden age arc over and over for various reasons #and it's so good it fucking rules i just need to keep reading past that too bc that's Also good #and i have! i just have more to read oh hey it's midnight my paper's due haha #(it's fine it doesn't matter genuinely i will be fine)#anyway my older sibling's been buying those bigass tomes they sell and he got a bunch more a while back so like. more to read more to read #also side note but they smell so fucking good it's actually unfair #but anyway i keep on being like nooo i gotta go start over so i can get the momentum and then i get brainstuck/distracted and don't actuall #get very far past the lost children subarc (which i've read i think 1.5 times now)#ANYWYA. berserk good. no i don't ever make content for it but every like 4 months or so it infects me quietly

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oceanwithouthermoon · 3 months

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i am a strong believer in not being rude to young kids on the internet, especially in like kid-friendly media spaces, but sometimes i cant help but wish young kids would stay off of the internet and out of fandom spaces.. like sure, ten year olds are allowed to like saiki k but theyre also the ones that ruin all the comment sections on tiktok or youtube lol..

any time someone mentions a ship, there r hundreds of those "WHAT!! 💔💔 no... saiki x coffee jelly is better!! 😿 if you need to ship, ship saiki x the normal guy! but i ship them in a platonic ship because its better!" "poor saiki.." "saiki doesnt have a crush on satou he just thinks hes interesting, stop shipping them!! 😾" "saiki HATES TERUHASHI !!! HES IN LOVE WITH THE GYARU GIRL!!" comments, and on ANY saiki k video in general there are like "saiki would never be nice to them like that! he hated them!" "this is the most canon saiki k video ever, its so accurate how you made saiki hate all his friends and tell them to shut the fuck up every time they talked!"

i think the youtube comments are all kids (9-13 probably) and the tiktok ones are more teenagers (14-17 i would say).. its annoying either way lol..

#sometimes i like watching those silly gacha saiki k videos #some of them are genuinely just fun and cute and i dont like when people make fun of them just bcuz kids are making them #but some of them are these little 10-14 year olds just dogging on teruhashi for no reason #like these little kids dont have the reading comprehension yet to understand the nuance of teruhashi #and thats fine but they just attack people who tell them their takes are misogynistic #these little kids are learning to hate women at such a young age and it sucks #because the masses (other kids) will agree with them so they think theyre right #plus they dont have the common sense to just be nice to other people instead of promoting their ships on other ship videos #probably because their parents didnt teach them to be kind just like they didnt teach them not to be dumb on the internet lol #i think we should not give kids unmonitored internet access at all tbh #like the solution to this is that until youre like 15 or 16 you shouldnt be able to look at/post whatever you want on the internet-#without someone helping you understand it properly #little kids having unmonitored internet access is so dangerous and can even be full on traumatic depending on what they see/do #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #meows post

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aitsuheart · 3 months

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people who believe "Soriku fans hate Kairi" is just so stupid

I personally like Kairi but she's not utilized much in canon material which is why I really enjoy some fanon or headcanon versions of her

And anyone who doesn't like her though I don't welcome

Hating characters who get in a way of ships is stupid

Also the belief that "soriku take her out" of the source material is also such a dumb take.

If you think that you have sadly misunderstood what some people were saying.

It's usually not relevant to her and I never understood the belief that Sora thinking about Riku or vice versa somehow relates to Kairi

#aitsu heart #Kingdom Hearts #late night thoughts #aitsu heart thoughts #I like Kairi and some sk or neutral fans make dumb interpretations about soriku #Also the idea that Kairi knows about Riku's crush on Sora and helping them get together is so cute to me #Or Riku not knowing Kairi knows about it and it is revealed she knows and Riku just apologizing thinking they like the same person #past sk relationship is interesting if develops into soriku as in they used to be dating but are just friends now #read tags #soriku #if you hate kairi for stupid reasons you can leave #you're not welcome here #not a fan of op Kairi though because it seems inaccurate but her able to handle herself if someone hurt her is fine #i think she should be strong as axel but not stronger than the ones who have keyblades or fightingfor awhile

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godsfavoritescientist · 9 months

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Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.

I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.

Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?

How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"

And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.

So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.

So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.

And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.

And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.

Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.

And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.

So you sail away in a boat together.

And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.

But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.

But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.

You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.

And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-

-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.

You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.

And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.

It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.

And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.

#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this #ford pines #ford meta #this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic #godswriting #<- i need to change my writing tag to this #something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with-#-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved #obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to-#-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict #compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him #feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing #its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are #the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours #-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and #-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends'#like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person!#he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words #I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close #so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no #feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of-#-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them.#and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with #-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given #their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-#-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost-#-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that-#-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would-#-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me #and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.

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catoscloves · 6 months

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enemies to lovers isn't "he's generally an unpleasant person to be around, he constantly puts other people down and disrespects/condescends/ostracizes them, he's cruel and a bully... but his one redeeming quality is that he looks attractive" like. bestie that's not a redemption arc!! or a redeeming quality!!! a person can and should control their behaviors, but how they look literally has no bearing on their worth as a person!

like... this trope is about an initial misunderstanding and miscommunication that leads to mild conflict and resentment of each other,but eventually they move past this rocky start by revealing to each other their humanity and good qualities, and communicating what happened the first time they met so that they can clear up that situation, and slowly becoming good friends who enjoy spending time with each other and eventually become really close, and the realization that one accidental mishap/slip in behavior/aashole mistake isn't what defines a person and sometimes your first interpretation of them is sometimes wrong!! an entire opinion of someone should be formed based on their behaviors, values, actions, and morals, and quality time spent with this person, not because they have nice cheekbones.

#and i can speak to this from experience #because i didn't outright hate this guy we just had very contradicting personalities and were polar opposites which is why we didn't #get along well when we first met #but then i realized how charming and sweet and kind and intelligent he was and i liked him so much for the same things #that I initially found as off putting and negative traits at first #and he had a similar experience with me and we found that our opposing personalities complemented each other #and THEN i noticed that he was literally so fine and had an amazing back and really nice eyes and a charming smile and good hair #he became one of my best friends first and the person i wanted to spend time with the most LONG BEFORE i ever found him physically appealin #or attractive at all #also this post is calling out middle school me because i read tlc and i wanted iko to have a love interest #and it was very heteronormative at the time too #and then the author literally didn't develop her or her love interest character AT ALL and designed them so poorly #and i didn't realize that this wasn't the correct way to do enemies to lovers #or that iko stood on her own as a character and kinney was completely unnecessary and so boring and bland aldjfkfkf #wait i might have to tag this #anti kiko #anti iko x kinney #the way I haven't thought about this book series in years akdjfkdmdl #enemies to lovers #tropes #anna speaks

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crybaby-bkg · 1 year

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cw: slight dubcon

You’re not too sure how they passed any sort of prerequisites in order to get into your senior level class, but the duo must be doing something right, you think to yourself. Looking from the corner of your eye you watch them—Shigaraki, the ash haired one, and Dabi, the one with white hair and burn scars covering the lower half of his face. They never seem to pay attention in class, and yet Shigaraki’s papers are always used as exemplary and Dabi is always praised for his high test scores—even higher than your own.

You turn your nose up at them when they both turn to you, must sense the way your eyes strain from where you look at them in the corners. Dabi waves, a little smirk pulling up his lips, and Shigaraki only stares with a tilt of his head and a whisper to his friend. They unnerve you, the duo, with their empty eyes and haunting little smiles thrown your way, with their taunting calls of tutoring you when you find out that you’ve come third place to them, again.

But maybe you do need the help, the extra support. You don’t go to them necessarily, but instead the library, looking for a tutor. You feel ambushed when you’re greeted by Dabi sitting behind the librarians desk with his own name tag and Cheshire grin.

“Knew you’d need a tutor sooner or later, sweetheart,” his voice is so grating, so demeaning, so—so hot. It makes your thighs squeeze together and your eyebrows furrow. You can’t think of him like that, shouldn’t be getting so close to a scary weirdo that looks like he might eat you if you step too close.

“Shiggy’s in room 205.” Dabi tells you, nods his head over to a back room, and you stay rooted to your spot, too embarrassed to admit that you don’t know where that room is. Dabi cocks an eyebrow at your shifting legs before it all must click to him. He sighs a quiet little ‘ahh’ before he stands, rounding the desk, as he guides you into the private rooms.

When he gets there, Shigaraki is already sitting there with his feet on the table and a game controller in hand. He doesn’t say much when Dabi tells him what you’re there for—an extra boost in knowledge, you chime in, to which they both just snicker at you—before you find yourself sitting between the both of them. Why Dabi is still there is a question you’re still asking yourself, but you try to ignore him when Shigaraki starts explaining difficult topics as if they were the easiest thing in the world while still maintaining first place in his game.

You’re so wrapped up in defending your smarts to Shigaraki when you can’t answer a question, you almost miss the way Dabi pats condescendingly at your thigh. Your head whips around to him, at his hot grip on your skin, eyes widening when you’re met with his close proximity. His eyes are a lot bluer up close, you think to yourself, rearing back suddenly when his smirk is devious enough to send a shiver up your back.

Your pull away is only met with another hard chest against your back, gasping, as you turn to look at the offender behind you. Shigaraki is even closer this time, and you can feel the puff of his breath against your lips, wonder how a persons eyes could be as bright and vivid as his own.

“What’re you—“ your question falls on a pair of silencing lips, Shigaraki pulling you into a kiss so rough that it makes your teeth knock and a groan press from his mouth to yours. Dabi wants in on the action, pulls your face away to kiss sweetly at your lips, hands loosely around your neck as he tilts your head every way he wants.

Shigaraki pulls you back to him, but Dabi follows this time, his mouth still on yours. You gasp, clinging onto both of their shirts when two tongues are skimming and swiping the insides of your mouth, their wet muscles sliding against the others.

“Figured this was all you wanted,” Dabi chuckles against your mouth, grin pulling at his lips when you gasp and start trying to deny it. It’s hard though, when you’re being wrestled onto the table by rough and dry hands, when your bottoms are being ripped down, and your hands are pinned beside your head.

“Get—get off’a me!” You try to wriggle away, but Dabi only tuts down at you, shushes you with a little mocking pout.

“But you’ve wanted this for so long now, didn’t you? We’ve seen the way you look at us,” Dabi’s tone is dismissive, his eyes glued on his friend who moves your underwear to the side. Shigaraki’s eyes are low and hooded as he takes in the strings of slick that snap from your inner thigh, the glossy part of your lips as he spreads your legs wider to accommodate his body.

“Besides, by the time we’re finished with you, you’re gonna be begging for more.” Shigaraki’s voice is downright cruel, before he’s swooping down to lick a long stripe from your taint all the way up to your clit. You groan at that, eyes fluttering, back arching off of the table. Dabi holds you down though, keeps you pinned to the table while his tongue explores the valleys of your skin. You can only lay there and take everything given to you, wondering all the while, how they knew this was a fantasy of yours for weeks now.

#……don’t be mad at me for this but I wanna turn this into a full fic too AKSHDKDJDJDFJ #I just have so much on my plate it’s hard to actually sit down and write something long and good #BUT I REALLY DO!!!!!#the pair of them being a little obsessed w that uptight virgin nerd in their class that acts too good for them #they just wanna ruin you :(((#I’ve only ever written once for shiggy but I’ve been watching s6 on toonami and baby….#I hate to say it but he’s looking mighty fine 😔#okay I’m gonna go try and read some hopefully I can stay focused #—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬#Shigaraki treats! 🍬#—stocked in the back 🍫#tw: dubcon

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