#i hate when i get paranoid

[ikiprian]

Mr. Fenton is a competent teacher. Almost too competent.

If Mr. Daniel Fenton had any more than a BS (with a minor in education), Tim would’ve flagged his profile as a potential Rogue. That’s the way of most charismatic academics, at least in Gotham. (Got a PhD? Instant watchlist.) Instead, he’s Gotham Academy’s newest celebrity, as a young, passionate, out-of-towner substitute while the chemistry teacher’s on maternity leave.

Tim gets the hype. Fenton seems to genuinely love teaching, and is invested in the welfare of the student body. He hands out bananas during exam week, hosts a “study habits seminar” each month to coach effective learning strategies, and the third time Tim falls asleep in his class, he even pulls Tim aside to ask if he’s doing okay. With all the late work he accepts and the protein bars he sneaks Tim, he’s every teen vigilante’s dream teacher. He could’ve been Tim’s favorite.

In fact, Mr. Fenton was Tim’s favorite. Up until Tim walks into Mr. Fenton’s chemistry classroom for a forgotten textbook, an hour after the final bell.

On the board where tallied scores for today’s review game had been kept, “THE CHEMISTRY BEHIND DR. CRANE’S FEAR GAS: ANXIOGENICS, NERI’S, & YOU,” is now scrawled. A detailed diagram of the human endocrine system projects in front of a small crowd of adoring and attentive students.

Fenton is wrist-deep in the skull cavity of an anatomical model. A short tug, and out pops the brain.

It’s plastic. It’s fake.

Tim identifies the nearest emergency exit.

Fenton turns to the door, and in the dark classroom with the projector illuminating half his face, his eyes almost seem to flash red. “What’s up, Tim?” he asks. His friendly grin is too big for his face. “I didn’t know you wanted to join the Just Science League!”

[OR: Danny’s a science teacher at Tim’s school. Gotham’s a pretty wild place, even for someone who grew up a superhero in a ghost-infested town, so he takes it upon himself to start a club teaching kids how to manage themselves in the event of a crisis. These Gothamites are pretty hardy, but a little extra training never hurt anybody! And he suspects one of his students might be a teen vigilante, like he’d been, back in the day. As a senior super, it's Danny’s duty look out for him! Surely, this is the subtlest and most appropriate way to give the kid pointers.]

[Tim immediately assumes supervillain.]

#Danny can’t help being creepy it’s just the way he’s built!! #I like to think Lancer did these things for Danny when he was in HS #and now Danny's emulating Lancer :) #Passing it on! #Tim is paranoid but also like he is SO CLOSE to graduating so like. Does he even want to report this shit to Batman. What if the next chem #teacher's a jerk and Tim fails the class and he never gets his stupid diploma. Bruce already is insisting he finish out HS and maybe get #an ABA before he's allowed back into the company #and Jesus Christ does Tim hate school. He'll worry about Mr. Fenton's burgeoning army of Science Honor Society Rogues on his own time #dcxdp #dpxdc #prompt #tim drake #danny fenton #in case I write more of this let’s tag it uhhhhh #misunderstood mentor au #kipwrite

[supreme-leader-stoat]

"Unreality" Jesse what the fuck are you talking about. I'm a real person urban is a real person robb wells the actor is a real person this is a real post. where is the unreality.

#this is why I hate this stupid tag or at the very least how it's used #like in theory yeah help people who have paranoid episodes or whatever fine #but nobody can ever agree on what ''unreality'' actually MEANS #what is unreality? #it's sarcasm. it's photorealistic art. it's play-along memes. it's when you use figurative language. it's lies. it's literally any fiction. #it's someone in your inbox saying you're harming people by not tagging a post about alien bone fungus from a sci-fi art account #it's that thing tumblr does every year or so where they pick up on a technical term and run it into the ground #so that whatever use it might have had gets diluted into nothing by overuse

[mod2amaryllis]

tiny dumb VENT gross

UGH I'm just venting cuz i never thought I'd be in this mindset but huge part of my depression is that in September we were all ready and excited to start trying for kids, got my iud out, only to find out that one of my migraine injections would require us to wait for FIVE FUCKING MONTHS to conceive. fully taking the wind out of our sails. that is a long fucking time when you're already anticipating it could take that long or longer to successfully conceive.

meanwhile i have a coworker who's accidentally pregnant, going through it in misery, didn't want it, not really looking forward to it. this is NOT me complaining about her attitude, we're very close and i think the stuff she's put up with while pregnant is badass. this vent is that I'm so stupidly frustratingly jealous. and i never ever ever in a million years thought I'd be that person. and this coworker knows and agrees with me LOL we always joke that we need to switch situations NOW. UFFGGGH VENT VENT VENT but just. in my real life I'm open about this stuff, i willingly have given my bosses timelines of, hey, this is how we're family planning so this is how long I'll still be able to do surgeries, and those conversations are always met positively, so everyone was bummed on my behalf that now I'm stuck waiting thanks to my stupid fucking migraines and I'm just GRRRR

I'm jealous I'm jealous I'm jealous, and there's no one to blame, everyone is kind to me, i just have to sit in my unfair feelings while my coworker complains about this stuff that for the first time in my life I'm actively longing for. which is also not to belittle how much pregnancy will suck, it's just. i want that part of my life to start so bad.

we waited a good long time on purpose and are so happy we did, highly recommend, but now that i have to wait NOT by choice, it's weird quiet depression time, i feel stuck.

ok nice to get the words out back to work

#I'm fine I'm fine but the seasonal depression kicking in just refreshed this sadness that I'd made peace with #I'm halfway there 2.5 months down #i always feel like i shouldn't post about it cuz i hate. HATE. the general online parenting scene. #i get paranoid that it'll verge into topics of femininity or the sanctity of motherhood when it's not about that it's just about my sadness #m2a

[autism-swagger]

I HATE BEING DISABLED!!!!!!!!!!

#I hate the constant doctors appointments and tests and procedures! #I hate all the medication! #I hate using my mobility aids! #I hate being so fucking scared and paranoid when I'm alone that my parents feel like they have to invite me on their anniversary trip! #I hate being unable to reconsume specific media because they remind me of my psychotic episodes! #I hate always being late to school because getting up is so hard! #I hate constantly obsessing over whether or not I'm keeping my movements even! #I hate not knowing what not being in pain feels like! #I hate being so goddamn tired all of the time that I can barely keep my eyes open! #and I just have to make my peace with all because I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life!! #I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

[zooophagous]

Aster kitty's appointment got pushed back to tomorrow because the wait times at urgent care were so long that it's now Monday and I could talk to his regular vet after all lol

#ugh i just know they're going to have to sedate him for this #i hate it when pets need sedation i get so unbelievably paranoid

[pixelatedraindrops]

The RainCode community seems to like me okay, but idk about the whump community. I’ve been blocked by two accounts, one of which I relied on for prompts. It doesn’t feel very good… ;-;

#pixel txt. #personal #vent #i hate it when I know I’ve been blocked #because then I get paranoid and ask myself what I did wrong #and bam the insecurity is back :’) #i think one blocks if your age isn’t on your bio #but idk about the other one… #i put a subtle hint to my age if thats whats required #ugh why am i like this

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[shopcat]

people always dress the gang WAY too stylish in modern au things... like i get sometimes it's not about the au itself and they're just putting them in nice clothes but oh my god. they can't dress themselves. any of them. azula Would probably wear really put together outfits and maybe mai but ty lee wouldn't be seen out of some sort of amalgamation of gym clothes to a concerning level. zuko would not wear a leather jacket he would wear the same hoodie for 2 weeks and then switch to another one and they're all like missing the string or the pocket is broken or something. and it's absolutely covered in cat hair just an unreasonable amount. and like hand me down workout shorts. sokka would wear exclusively cargo pants because he has to have all the pockets to put shit in but he never has what he needs when he wants it. like he'll be like i definitely have lip balm or some change hold on and he'll pull out a spare truck part covered in grease a rock and a crushed ziplock bag of limited edition fire flake skittles. katara would wear sokka's clothes. she's NOT wearing a pinterest moodboard... ever...

#🐾 #also modern au's where they just put them in america like oh you're so lame #literally at least just make it a modern version of their own world are you that BORING #genuinely boring. OH it makes me so mad ... #plus i get why no powers i guess but it's always less fun... modern au with powers is always win #atla #☆ #anywya i hate when people just don't think about it #like they always put girls in Modern Stylish Girls Clothes and they'd literally never wear that #none of them would wear STREETWEAR in the way that's being displayed here. they'd just wear .. the normal clothes that inspired streetwear #like esp toph oh don't piss me off. she is literally a little lesbian #like i think katara WOULD wear basic i don't know Normie simple clothes but she wants practical things #and also who says they can't still wear anything cultural like why does modern have to = stripped of everything #i think she'd dress like an amateur kickboxer... #also wrt sokka i know he's not actually like thoughtless and all over the place like that but he IS a teenaged boy #and assumedly in a modern au with no current war he wouldn't be AS protective and paranoid

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[ionlytalktodogs]

Honestly I don’t use tumblr that much anymore. The endless antisemitism has honestly made me fucking exhausted. I have enough of that in real life. But I genuinely appreciate everyone who has read about my struggles and had kind words to say. I’m not retiring my account but I do not go on here much and I’m likely not going to be more active in the future (I’ll still check in from time to time though). Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me through all of this.

#remember when I made a very very personal post about my history with mental health struggles #and it got like 40k notes. and then I got super panicked and paranoid abt the hate I was getting #I’ve gotten WAY more hate from 1k note posts about antisemitism than I ever got from that 40k note post #weird. #idk. #my ramblings

[wutheringmights]

until i can achieve my goal of replying to comments on ao3 in a TIMELY MANNER, take any reply I give as a warning that new chapter incoming soon

#its going to be different this time i swear #i WILL reply within a few days and not WHOLE MONTHS LATER #me rambling #lu ctb #i just never have any idea what to say when people leave compliments and i get paranoid that you all hate it when i do it

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I think we all know, in our heart of hearts, that had Qui-Gon not already hit the problem of Watto being mind-trick resistant he WOULD have simply stolen Anakin and Shmi.

#qui gon jinn #............okay so realistically i hate it when people underestimate the method of enforcement #you can't fuck around with those chips #there's a reason why shmi and anakin are both freed via a legal transaction #it's not because qui gon is a law-abiding citizen #but i'm thinking. #say the mind trick wore off. and Watto could go to an enforcer and get them to set off a secondary detonator #a mechanism that might well exist on tatooine! yeah it's a shithole but slave states are paranoid af #but then i'm imagining him trying to prove that this apparently legal transaction was actually mind control #idk i'm not sure that would work out for him either #on the other hand. #maybe he could prove jedi involvement #then they better have gotten ani to the surgeon quick quick quick or the boy is gonna blow #so. i'm not sure of the risk level here. more information is needed.

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos. #but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum. #this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering. #happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship? #(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.) #but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened. #so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it. #kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature. #so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work) #anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers. #(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

[fossys]

i genuinely hate our online classes

#i get so fucking paranoid on video calls i cannot listen to them or pay attention but even when im off cam muted with the tab audio off #i still am so fucking terrifed that they can hear me and are watching me and that im going to get in trouble #and it is so fuking awful that i cant participate in the meets or do any work during them bcs it makes me feel so awful #and then i get behind on everything bcs i cant participate when they explain things #i wish we could just do the onine classes without the meets #bcs its not like we can fuckin do in person class #god i hate things #-anon #vent #personal #ok to rb

[katyspersonal]

It is always so hard to recover the default settings of my brain after someone had already fiddled with them.

I live completely settled and accepting that nothing in my life will ever get better. That Russia will just keep getting digged deeper and deeper into its grave and I'll never be able to leave it (I am poor, nor I have qualifications important enough). That I'll just die here, and alone, and unloved, and very soon after my mom passes away because I can't fully care for myself. That everything will just keep getting worse, that I'll never reach the civilized world, that I'll always struggle with money for as much as food, that nobody will want to be my family.

But I accepted it, there is no need to worry too much if nothing can be changed. So it hurts even stronger when some asshole crawls back, telling me that he can't have a future without me, how much he wants to take me out of this mess and give me better life, how he has money to buy everything he ever wanted but it all means nothing if he can't buy me gifts and see places with me and meet holidays with me. How he just wanted to have a family at last in his life and only saw me as such - not because I was the only one who would accept, but because he only liked me. Because in the end I dropped my guard and felt hope. My brain completely rebuilt my concept of life and future from "dying alone, cold, unloved and pretty soon" to imagining doing everything there is to do in life together with someone I love.

But apparently he got too scared and uncomfortable with how fixated I became on meeting irl already, since I kept asking him about it? Of course I was impatient! I could not wait to take walks in the places he showed me together, and let him teach me how to cook, and watch all the shows he wanted me to show together, and do house stuff like picking furniture, cosplaying, decorating for holidays, taking care of pets, having long talks before falling asleep etc.. Yet he thought that was cringe and it made me sound "obsessive and entitled" and he went all "woah chill, you should be more HUMBLE and grateful for the OFFER, actually I was not in my right mind when I offered you, I am not really that desperate for you so why can't you just visit me once in a while for holidays or something :)"

And I just can't rebuild myself back to how I used to be right away. The vision of a better future became so apparent, so integral for my thoughts and feelings every day, that I kind of lost the idea. Like walking out of a house only for the door to lock itself behind me, so I can't even walk back in and am stuck outside.

I feel like my life just tries to teach me that I can't be loved or wanted. Why else I keep facing betrayals? Because it should be apparent that if something sounds too good to be true - then it IS.

#/vent #personal #not the first time when someone gets weirded out by how... intense i get when i trust someone #it is hard to actually earn my trust despite me acting friendly and talkative #i am like... clinically paranoid. i am always prepared that my 'buddies' secretly hate me #or that they will leave very abruptly #thats why i become too clingy once my trust is earned - because i am so starved for feeling it #but he like... provoked it. this is different #empty promises and undecisiveness are such a turn off #sorry if this is incoherent ive been crying all day #i guess no one can handle facing the 'real' kat. even those that crawl back begging to see it. #i should just stay repressed and with my shell wearing me instead of me wearing it #look people.. just stop being too nice to me. stop acting like you really love me. #it is clear that whatever is under my shell makes everyone uncomfortable. #that i feel 'too' much and love 'too' much as soon as i feel worthy enough #i guess feeling worthless is the only way for me to not push someone away. #Youtube

[larry-hiatus]

.

#I’m so tired of being the way that I am dude #I’m sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything #I’ve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they don’t have to deal with it #but now it’s just being put on my online friends #and I hate it so much #I don’t know how to change #I don’t know how to not get upset over so much #sometimes I feel like I’ve come far and other times I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all #it’s so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid #do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate? #I just want to be fucking normal lol and I don’t know how #I’m too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time #I’m so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately #but I can’t just keep using that as an excuse #do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because they’re tired of it and know it will happen again? #I want to just hide away #so that people don’t have to deal with me #and it sucks because I’m not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me #I’m just getting my feelings out #now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol #idk man #I don’t know what I’m doing anymore