#i have Several bones to pick with saiki k reawakened

[raspberryjellybrains]

i just want to be a kid who wasn't born like this

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tags: saiki kusuo, saiki k reawakened (more like cleaning up the mess of their implications because Netflix writers wouldn't know nuance if it hit them with a brick), post-canon, mentall illness

trigger warnings: suicidal ideation and disdain towards surviving (this is very big!), mild swearing, canon-typical violence.

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Kusuo spent the rest of the evening digesting and confronting the fact that he was not human.

He was brushing his teeth to the rhythm of not human, not human, not human. The showerhead whispered as it sprayed not human, not human, not human. Before sleeping in the silence created by his germanium ring, his heart beat with not human, not human, not human. Every moment, words echoing between his ears not human, not human, not human.

It had been a very long time since he considered himself fully human; so why did it hurt this bad to have it confirmed? He felt lonely like this, a being in a class of its own, isolated by his unique power. Even Aiura and Toritsuka weren't this powerful. despite being strong psychics, too, he could probably kill them both with a flick, or even a turn of his head without his limiters on. Kusuo should try even harder to cut off his idiots, they'd make it hard and his own will would make it harder, but it was for them. He couldn't have himself losing control and hurting them, wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. Could he die? He could probably figure it out. Is it possible that this curse has revoked his right to love and right to die?

The injustice of it all welled up in his throat, and it was the possibility of what he could do to everyone in the vicinity that kept him from screaming. He didn't want this, never wanted any of it, he was still a kid for fuck's sake! Kids aren't supposed to worry about killing their friends because of some ridiculous powers they never even wanted!

Kusuo teleported to his special spot in the desert to throw what was, if he was honest with himself, a fit. Rocks flying everywhere and screams breaking the sound barrier, he felt a little better. When the crashes ceased, millions of years of nature's hard work lay scattered in chunks all around him and there were tear tracks through the dust covering his face.

A voice that sounded an awful lot like his brother's floated through his head, reminding him how childish he was being. It probably wasn't actually his brother, but he responded with a venous 'fuck you, I am a child.' for good measure.

Feeling irrationally guilty for the damage, he restored time on the landscape around him and used the last of his energy to teleport home. Kusuo changed and later when he lay in bed, he found himself too tired to sleep. The silence he had almost begun to take for granted before bed was gone, replaced by a cacophony of dreams and thoughts from everyone within a 200 meter radius. He almost got up to grab his germanium ring before remembering he had carelessly tossed it into the trash a couple days ago. After laying there a little longer, Kusuo noticed his mouth getting sticky and his face wet.

He was crying. Again. 'I need to get a better grip, come on'  he chastised.

His tear ducts did not listen, rudely in Kusuo's opinion. If he was loud, his parents might hear and come running in. They'd have good intentions, but they wouldn't understand what the problem is, why being this way would make him feel so painfully alone. They couldn't know, he couldn't burden them like that.

It's fine. Saiki Kusuo is not human anymore, not really, and this has rendered him completely alone, but it's fine. He'll manage. He always has, always will. He'll put one foot in from of the other and avoid launching himself into space to suffocate or crushing in his peers skulls by accident or letting himself love and feel. It's what he's always done, what's a little longer?

#i have Several bones to pick with saiki k reawakened #and truly too much experience being bitter about questionable writing choices that alter a character in a fundamental way #by misinterpreting a bit of complexity within said character #basically. #what the fuck was that where they had saiki declare himself superhuman in the first episode #i havent read the manga so maybe its there but legitimately pissed abt that #and then when they reinforce it at the end with his powers returning! #WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? WHAT IS HE THEN??? WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR THEIR UNIVERSE AND HIS CHARACTER??? SLOW TF DOWN!!! #also i think saiki is entitled to throwing walleyed fit at some point so i decided that point is here #(all of them do tbh) #but like. what do you do when your character rooted in normality and humanity is declared to be above that? #what does that mean for the character who's tethered themselves to this concept of sharing the barest sliver of commonality with peers? #i get that saiki does hold himself above others #but you can see in tiny moments by his reactions and emotions that he still finds this concept of maintaining humanity incredibly important #as well as adhering to some form of moral code as a result #someone who truly does not value other human lives #who sees them as cockroaches #would not go to the extent to protect them that saiki dows #is it occasionally rooted in self-preservation? yes. #is it often rooted in a legitimate desire to be decent and good to the world around him? also yes #why would he go to such efforts to be a good and normal person if he didn't think of himself AS a person in some crucial capacity? #so to sweep away this big motivator without addressing the implications #especially without addressing the implications in any capacity #seems like a lazy and poor writing decision to cash out on a popular series #that was way too much and could've been a whole separate post and probably will be #saiki k #saiki kusuo #saiki kusuo no psi nan #tw suicidality #tw violence