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morganaspendragonss · 3 years

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The Broken Soul of TK Strand (1/?)

so, that bonus fic i mentioned. i cannot take credit for it - it is a translation of 'la esencia rota de tk strand' by road1985, which in turn was inspired by my fic, 'out, damned spot'

i am so grateful to the original author for not only taking the time to write something based on one of my works, but also for allowing me to discuss the plot with her and translate it into english, especially when i am still learning her language. the only thing of this that is mine is the translation, and i sincerely apologise for any mistakes on this front 💚

ao3 | 3k | hurt tk, worried carlos, rituals, kidnapping, angst and hurt/comfort

The man leaned out from the alley and watched the scene. He had spent so much time preparing, he had carefully chosen the victim from many candidates weeks ago, and now it had all gone to shit because of a cigarette and some curtains embroidered by an old woman for her grandson.

He liked the fire. It was erratic, unpredictable, and powerful, just like his Lord, just as he himself aspired to be.

He watched the flames and longed to get closer, to touch them and know first hand the home of his master. But he still wasn’t prepared; he was missing one more sacrifice, the last one. He just needed one more soul, and then the doorway to hell would be open for him.

But it wasn’t just any soul he needed; he couldn’t choose the first stranger who crossed his path. That would be too easy - his Lord had told him so in dreams. To open the door to hell, he had to find pure souls which were close to the dark side, good souls that had been through horrible experiences and whose pain could be extracted together with their body’s vital liquid.

With each one of the souls he had already extracted, he had improved the ritual a little more. It was becoming cleaner, more discrete, and it seemed that the police still hadn’t found the other three bodies. With luck, he would finish the ritual before that happened.

But because everything couldn’t be perfect, the fire had ruined his plans.

He had spent days researching the people living in that building. All of them had problems, but David Archings was his target. An orphan and divorced, it was said that his parents died because of him, and this had destroyed his marriage even though the police found no proof. Now he lived alone in a small flat where no-one ever visited him.

He was a sad man, consumed by grief, and few would miss him.

But the fire had taken him before he could do anything, and this delayed his plans.

Or not.

Whilst he watched the flames consuming the building, the firefighters arrived. They worked quickly and in a matter of minutes, the fire was under control and almost extinguished.

He hated these people who always destroyed the work of his Lord. Who were they to put out the flames of the kingdom of darkness?

On more than one occasion, he had thought out teaching the firefighters a lesson, showing that that they weren’t and never would be stronger than the power of his master.

But there were always so many of them, always with police involved. For someone who enjoyed going unseen and carrying out assignments quickly, it would be too complicated and too much work to hurt them.

Despite everything, that night, the cards played a very different hand, one which could solve all his problems.

In that first moment, he didn’t know why he noticed the young paramedic, but there had been something about that that caught his attention. He had a special aura, which changed from dark to light and dark again, depending on the moment.

It was easy to focus on him. If men interested him, he would say that he was truly attractive. If he were searching for a pretty face, there was no doubt that the boy had it. He didn’t know him at all, but he could tell that he had a sad smile which hid fear and regrets - exactly the kind of darkness that he wanted and needed.

“TK,” an older man said, one of the firefighters who, judging by the resemblance, was clearly his father. “We couldn’t have done anything even if we had arrived earlier.”

“I know, but I can’t get the idea out of my head that it was my fault we got here late.”

“It could have happened to anyone.” The older man put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You are one of the best firefighters I know, and now one of the best paramedics. We all have the right to make mistakes sometimes.”

The man began to see some of the darkness he needed for the ritual, but he needed more.

Another man, a police officer, came closer to the young man and opened his arms. The firefighter buried himself in them and the officer kissed his head. It was obvious that they were a couple; they weren’t hiding that they were together, and there was a great love between them. The officer was worried for the paramedic - it almost seemed like it had been taken from a romantic novel.

“Ty, your father is right. You shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. Tommy said that the man was dead before you got here.”

“I know, but I always think that it’s not fair, that things could have gone another way.”

The man smiled; the paramedic blamed himself for these two deaths but it was easy to see that he carried more guilt inside him.

“When these things happen, I remember what happened to me. If it hadn’t been for my dad always worrying about me, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“That’s a thing of the past and, look, thanks to it, you are here. Have you thought about it that way?” The police officer kissed him and they hugged again before leaving.

It was incredible. He had only thought about taking a soul who was close enough to what he needed. But that paramedic who had been a firefighter, that TK, was exactly what he needed. He was a broken soul, an aged vase in danger of shattering into a million pieces. A firefighter, perfect for punishing those meddlers, and, further, in a relationship with a police officer.

But he was surrounded by people and in the middle of a shift; he wouldn’t be able to take him that night. His master had taught him to have patience, so he let him go, taking note of the firefighters’ station number, so he knew where he worked.

The idea that he would have the soul he was sure was the perfect subject excited him greatly. He didn’t want any mistakes or to find him with a perfect family at home, so he decided to wait and do things right.

TK didn’t sleep well that night. They returned to the station after the fire, but he needed time to get to sleep and he woke up many times. When he finally did manage to sleep, he had nightmares about the idea that they could have saved those two strangers.

It wasn’t his fault, not directly at least, but if he had been ready earlier, if he hadn’t forgotten to replace the bandages in the ambulance, they would have arrived on time. Maybe then things would have turned out differently. He couldn’t be sure of course, but the nightmares did nothing but tell him just that.

He got up. Everything was still; with a little bit of luck nothing else would happen and they could finish the shift calmly and go home. But this didn’t make him feel any better, so he made himself a tea - if he had a coffee he wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink - and left the station. There were barely any buildings around it, so there was always a beautiful view of the sky.

A little while ago, they had placed some deck chairs on the small back patio and TK sat on one, with a blanket around his shoulders as it was a cool night. He drank the tea slowly as he watched the stars; they never changed, no matter what happened below. Whether people lived or died, the stars remained unshakeable and, in a certain way, this comforted him.

He liked the idea that there were things that couldn’t be changed, things that always happened in a certain way and, as much as he or anyone tried, it couldn’t change.

He closed his eyes - maybe he would be able to sleep out here, and in the worst case, he would catch a cold and spend a couple of days in bed with Carlos. That didn’t sound bad at all. TK drank the last drop of the tea and tried to relax; he had almost managed it when a noise at his back grabbed his attention.

It sounded like a crack, like branches breaking or something similar. He got up and peered into the darkness but there was no-one there and nothing moved. The sound returned, a little closer; maybe it was a wounded animal or one that was trying to get into the station’s trash in search of food.

“Hello?” TK called, only to feel like an idiot a second later; he already knew that there was no-one there.

He headed towards the trash cans but there was nothing there, and he sighed in relief - he would not have wanted a pissed-off raccoon to throw itself at him. TK turned around, but a dark figure, wearing a large coat or cape that didn’t even show a centimetre of skin, appeared in front of him.

“Who are you?” he asked, taking a step back and throwing two of the dumpsters to the floor.

He received no response other than seeing the gleaming edge of a knife the man had taken from under his clothes as he approached him.

The station lights turned on - throwing the dumpsters had raised the alarm. The stranger turned - he wouldn’t be able to do what he wanted, but before Paul and Judd arrived, he used the knife against him. TK raised his arm in defence and shouted at the sensation of the blade cutting his skin. He stumbled backwards and fell to the floor, but no-one was there save for his friends running towards him.

“TK, are you okay? What happened?”

He looked around him, but the stranger had already managed to disappear. “Where did he go?”

“Who? Hey, that cut looks bad,” Judd said, helping him to his feet.

“There was someone here, he attacked me with a knife.”

Owen and the others arrived a moment later, and searched the station, but found no-one. Judd pushed TK to go back inside so that Tommy could treat his arm.

“It’s not a deep cut, but it has nicked a couple of veins so it looks worse than it is,” his captain said as she finished bandaging his arm. “You said that a hooded stranger did this? It’s possible that you tripped and cut it on glass or a broken bottle.”

“There was someone in front of me, he had a knife.”

“Something tells me that the fire today affected you a lot,” Owen said behind him. “Captain Vega, don’t you think it would be a good idea for him to go home and rest?”

“No! I’m fine, really. That man attacked me and then disappeared.”

But they forced him to go home.

Carlos was waiting for him; he had been asleep but he always left the sound on his phone in case anything happened to TK. Judd had called him and told him what had happened and that TK had been put in a car home.

He met him at the door, barely having time to prepare himself before TK was hugging him.

“I’m not crazy, babe, and the fire didn’t affect me so much that I’m having hallucinations of people attacking me.”

“Shhh, I know. I know you’re not crazy.” Carlos left kisses on TK’s forehead and cheek, and did the same when he took his hands, kissing the palms and the back as he led him to the sofa. “You need to sleep and relax. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“But…”

“But nothing, baby. Sleep, and I’ll stay awake so no-one else tries to hurt you.”

TK wasn’t sure if Carlos believed him or not, but he always felt safe in his arms. He let go and, without bothering to change his clothes, curled up next to Carlos on the sofa. He sighed, feeling his arms surrounding him, and closed his eyes.

They were all right about something - between the last shift and what had happened by the dumpsters, he was exhausted and needed sleep, so it wouldn’t hurt to do it.

When he woke up, Carlos was still awake, reading. By the yawn he gave, it was clear that he had fulfilled his promise and not slept all night.

“Are you feeling better?”

TK looked at his arm, hoping that what had happened the previous night had been a dream. But the bandage was still there.

He nodded. It was stupid to think that someone wanted to hurt him, or that they’d wait around the station until dawn to do it. Maybe it was true, maybe he had had a nightmare about the fire and ended up cutting himself with glass, like Tommy had said.

The kiss to his cheek brought him back to reality.

“Should I make breakfast?”

“We could do it together?” TK offered, but Carlos clicked his tongue and laughed. “Okay, sorry, what I meant is that you make breakfast and I’ll lend a hand.”

“Perfect.” With another kiss to the forehead, Carlos circled his waist and made him get up. He looked happy, with that warm, perfect smile that made TK feel as if nothing could go wrong. “What’s up? Why are you looking at me like that?” Carlos asked.

TK shook his head and the smile returned. His arm didn’t hurt and the fear of the hooded stranger disappeared all at once. He took Carlos’s hand to go to the kitchen and they spent the next hour making a breakfast that, between laughs, games, caresses, and a round of sex on the kitchen island, ended up more on them instead of being eaten.

“Happy anniversary,” Carlos whispered in TK’s ear, feeling the fast beat of his heart.

“Oh, are you serious? We’ve been together for a year today?”

“You forgot, right?”

“Babe, I’m so sorry, I… No, I did forget, but I’ll make it up to you.”

Carlos took off his flour-covered shirt and gave him a quick kiss. “You don’t have to, don’t worry,” he said, before heading to the bathroom.

“Carlos, babe, wait.” TK tugged at him. “Everything’s been so perfect with you. And it’s gone so fast too. When we started dating for real, I didn’t want to give myself hope that we would last and I decided to take it day by day. I was always scared that…”

Carlos took his face in both hands. “I’m not Alex, nor could I ever be Alex.” He never lost his smile; even now that he was hurt, he kept smiling and kissing TK. “And I’m going to be here, with you, forever. I love you, Ty. I love you so much, so I’m going to carry on as if I hadn’t heard anything, and I’ll wait for you at the precinct at six tonight so we can celebrate our anniversary.”

“Okay, though what we just did…”

“That was just the appetiser. Babe, you have no idea what I have prepared for tonight.”

TK worked that shift like normal, though every once in a while, he looked at his arm. He’d convinced himself that it was impossible that someone would have attacked him. Why go to the station to hurt him? Why him? It didn’t make sense.

Luckily, the shift was quiet and it enabled him to rest; they only went on one call and the rest of the day, Tommy and his father both told him to take it easy. But now that he wasn’t thinking about the fire, he couldn’t get out of his head how bad Carlos must be feeling after TK forgot their anniversary.

He had to do something, to somehow make it up to him.

“Can I leave a little early today?” he asked Captain Vega, before telling her everything that had happened.

“Go, buy him something pretty - forgetting the first anniversary is very serious.”

He had studied the area, parking the car somewhere that wouldn’t appear suspicious, but also a place where he could see the soul he lacked.

His blood was perfect; the ritual he had done last night had been a success, and its taste was exquisite. Now all that was left was to take him and prepare him for the final ritual.

He had decided to wait until his shift was over, but there was no doubt that fate was helping him, as he saw him leave two hours early. He got out of the car, seeing him put in his headphones, and raised his hood to avoid the wind.

“Hey, TK!” a voice behind them said, the only thing that hadn’t gone as he expected, the only thing that made him improvise.

He hid the syringe he carried in his jacket pocket and, gripping tightly to the iron bar he’d found nearby, hit his victim in the head.

TK fell to the floor, sounds reverberating around him, barely able to see anything other than white lights.

“He’s already left,” said another voice inside the station.

“I’m… I’m here. Help,” TK breathed, his voice barely there. Even that was painful as he watched the stranger, the same from the previous night, approached him with an iron bar in his hand. “Dad… Judd… Please.”

“For the return of the Great Dark Lord,” said the other man, closing the gap that separated him from TK. He knelt in front of him and placed the iron on his chest. “For the Lord of the Dark to walk the earth, you will give your life, your blood, and your soul. You are the fourth chosen. The fourth cardinal point to mark his return.”

“Please, you’re wrong… I’m not the one you’re looking for.”

“You are. Soon you will see.”

Before TK could say anything else, a second blow to his head left him sprawled on the ground, like a broken toy.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #owen strand #tommy vega #judd ryder #911ls #lone star #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing

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belle-keys · 3 years

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Incoherent thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames (2021) by SJM

Do not expect this to be a critical, unbiased review at all. Eet just ease what eet ease. Spoilers ahead laddies.

*unwanted preface*

Okay, so like, you know those things that are neither objectively perfect nor unproblematic yet you love them and are attached to them anyway? Yeah, this is me with SJM’s writing. See, I been with Sarah and Throne of Glass since March of 2015 and with ACOTAR since the summer of 2015 when I was 13 and honestly, ACOTAR in particular occupied a decent portion of my formative teen years. Eventually, when I was about 16 I sort of ended up getting distracted from YA books and went into my thot and kpop era. A main reason for this is that I found ACOFAS particularly disenchanting. This ain’t about that book (sigh) but let’s just say as much as I was still attached to and in love with the ACOTAR world, I was still able to get very annoyed by the decreased quality of the writing and also the evident projecting Sarah was doing onto Feyre with regards to her own life and experiences (ahem). No, the lack of developed POC in the book had nothing to do with it ironically.

So basically, since the spring of 2018 I haven’t read any SJM yet I never fell out of love with the books either. I’ve sworn off TOG after whatever the hell EOS was, but ACOTAR was always more special and close to my heart by tenfold, honestly. See, the best day of my 2016 was the day I found out ACOTAR was getting the extra 3 novels and 2 novellas. ACOFAS was a dumpster fire but I was actually surprised to really, really enjoy A Court of Silver Flames while it obviously has a couple (multiple) sus facets to it. The susness aside, I thoroughly felt at home reading Nesta’s book despite how irrational that might sound. No, I’m not here to say the book was objectively good but I’m here to say I still enjoyed it despite my love-hate relationship with SJM and her writing. :( :( :(

That being said imma still roast tf out of a couple aspects of it. :)

*the susness*

Aight wbk that SJM like, projects a lot onto feyrhys right. I’m not even gonna deny it. Like as horrible as it sounds, when feyrhys were, like, struggling as a couple and shit in ACOMAF, that’s when I loved them the most but then the shitstorm that was ACOWAR hit and they couldn’t go without boning every two seconds or calling each other mates and shit and basically every character in the book started kissing their asses (except Nesta) to the point where they were infallibly good and powerful and everyone’s heads were lodged up their asses... I got PISSED OFF then, right.

Now, in ACOSF (is that correct?), they were side characters and, gratefully, that romance between them was toned down. But here are some things concerning feyrhys and the Court of Dreams that irked tf out of me, and the implications that they had for Nesta (who is perhaps one of the baddest bitches ever) had me feeling homicidal towards the IC:

Every single time Nesta said shit about Rhys and then Cassian got mad I wanted to SCREAM like yooo let her roast tf out of him like yeah I get Rhys lowkey did a lot for her both directly and indirectly but cmoooooon not everyone needs to be riding his dick like the man HATED Nesta from the get-go. I loved the idea that someone in the book lowkey abhors Rhys just for the TEA it gave me. Like yeah, okay Cassian, I get that he’s your bro but he can SUCK NESTA’S DICK also like my girl is a DEATH GOD.

Here me out: the Inner Circle completely dehumanized Nesta, they completely disregarded her personal autonomy and caged her in which is ironically the very behavior that was villainized when Tamlin did it to Feyre. First of all they restricted her movement, they made decisions FOR her, they withheld from her knowledge about her own powers, they decided what’s best for her and acted like she was a rabid dog the entire time. Only Cassian and Azriel seem more blameless in this regard, but the level of scorn and abohorence and moralizing Feyre, Elain, Rhys, Amren and Mor did towards Nes made my blood boil. At the end of the day, the Inner Circle did the VERY THING they hated being done to Feyre. Whatever happened to the freedom they professed? The autonomy they decided all members of their court deserved? That was all bullshit, or was this switch-up SJM’s way of creating justifiable conflict between Nesta and the Inner Circle... either way, there was no closure about this and the way they dictated Nesta’s behavior whilst completely mistreating her imo.

More on Nesta’s treatment - okay listen the way the narrative had every character acting like Nesta was fricking scum and for WHAT??? Okay, she didn’t hunt when Feyre and they were poor, she was bitchy, she hates the Fae... okay, why is Nesta still being punished for her mistakes like this by the Court? Does their forgiveness only apply to those in their clique? They’re acting like her drinking and sleeping around and her general bitchy behavior is sooooo toxic when they ALL coped with their respective trauma in questionable ways in their centuries of living. And the narrative never condemned them for this behavior either... like cmon they had an “intervention” about Nesta like if she needed to reach a certain moral standing to be lovable or something. Seems to me that only Cassian was willing to love her, bruises and all... “There’s nothing broken to be fixed. You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much - and perhaps hurt others too”. But as beautiful as that it, it seems the IC see Nesta’s healing as her “redemption arc” when I never saw her as a villain or monster to begin with. They acted like she had to become deserving of their acceptance. Bullshit.

No cus more on this... Cassian is the only person who defended Nesta, the only person that wanted to help her heal and grow when everyone else wanted to fix her. He was the only person who was kind to her from the original trilogy (i.e. not counting Emerie and Gwyn). He stood up for her and I’ll gush about them in the next section, but the dynamic between Nesta and the IC was the least enjoyable aspect of the book for me. It was clear SJM wanted to spur Nesta towards the path to healing yet only figured out how to do so whilst only keeping feyrhys as the nucleus of this arc, and so she had them force Nesta into her “special journey” (because she loves them so much, cus they’re sooooo perfect right *rolls eye*), yet, the narrative didn’t quite condemn them for their toxicity towards Nesta at ALL, even towards the end. The good thing is that Nesta did not become an ass-kisser throughout the story and laud them for “helping her” every waking second. Only Cassian didn’t shun her for her inner negativity but embraced her. And Az was pretty cool too, can’t hate him.

Ahem, the ending: okay, I’m not even capping, but I hated that Nesta lost her power for feyrhys. I get that she genuinely did it out of love and shit and I’m not even gonna lie, the thought of feyrhys dying had me on the verge of tears cus as much as I hate them, I also love those bitches. Yet, the culmination of Nesta’s power was, what?, to save feyrhys. This way, the narrative put Feyre at the center of Nesta’s narrative towards the end. And Nesta lost that Death God power that she basically EARNED in that Cauldron. This is the biggest flaw of the story. She fought against her own power to give it up... for Feyre. Like??? What??? Why was that baby arc even necessary????? Why was Nesta giving up her power necessary to fulfil her healing arc which was the POINT of the book??? Like what?????? It left a sour taste in my mouth. No- an abhorrent acidic bitter taste in my mouth.

Elain. I CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL. She completely abandoned Nesta and for WHAT??? For Feyre??? This only served to reiterate from the narrative’s POV that Nesta was scum and again, idk WHY. And also, why tf does this girl mistreat Lucien like this??? LUCIEN AKA MY FAVORITE CHARACTER???

I just don’t get how the narrative reiterated that Tamlin is the worst of the worst when you got Rhys hiding shit from Feyre, hiding knowledge of Nesta’s power from Nesta, all of that. Like, was the entire point of ACOMAF not for Feyre to embrace her power and become her best self? Rhys never for one second tolerated withholding Feyre’s power from her. So why tf does this apply to Nesta? Cus she’s unhealthy? Okay... so what??? Why villainize her like this and imply she’s undeserving of her power and a waste of life??? I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN LIKE WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??? What did my girl do that was sooooo bad that yall needed to treat her like this. Tell me why feyre and amren and varian and rhys all acted like Tamlin in this book. Cardi voice WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS CUS THEY ACTED LIKE THE FRICKING MORALISING SYCHOPHANTS THEY CLAIM TO HATE.

Like bitch??? They’re like those youth pastors that reiterate how broken and messed up people with mental illness are? Acted like Nesta screwing guys was the worst thing ever when they should have embraced her? Like I get she would push them away but really??? “Waste of life”???

So we gon gloss over how Amren was insisting Nesta shut up about the baby business to Feyre (aka hiding shit from her)? How she was implying that Rhys should conquer all of Prythian? Hear me out, even as someone from a Caribbean country that was colonized by the whites, it actually doesn’t bother me when the theme of conquest comes up, like, this is a fantasy novel and colonization does not exist within the same context for me. That being said, like, it felt as if the narrative telling me lil Rhysie is just sooooo perfect that he needs to be High King. Like, I respect the fact that Rhys has no wish to do so. Homeboy never seemed to care for conquest beyond ensuring his Court’s prowess and safety so WHAT WAS THE REASON AMREN??? Like? What kinda crack was Amren on this entire book???

The worldbuilding... listen, the politics and history felt all over the place, felt incoherent and flat honestly. Didn’t bother me as much as it did in ACOWAR but it was just *meh*, not good. Not horrible, but not great. I preferred the world when it was directly the result of Beauty and the Beat and East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

The Fae have lost their *magic*: no cus what I loved about the first book was that the Fae were one with the Courts and felt very fleshed out in terms of their powers and shit, but now only Eric and Lucien and Tamlin and sometimes Rhys have that same magic for me. Like... the sensuality of the Fae in terms of their actual Celtic roots, that which felt whimsical and immersive in the first book, feels lost to me. I can’t explain it but I feel less nuance and orthodoxy in their portrayal. However, I DID love this one line featuring none other than the loml : “Amid the pink and white blossoms, the cold-faced Autumn Court heir looked truly faerie - as if he’d stepped out of the tree, and his one and only master was the earth itself”. LIKE I SALIVATED THAT IS MY MAN.

*good stuffs*

Okay let’s talk about the smut like I didn’t like the word choice as usual like quit with the euphemisms and say cock and goooooo. That being said like, okay, I like how she set up the physical dynamic between Nesta and Cassian cus the sex wasn’t some big romantic climactic build-up like how it was in acomaf like they were being NASTY from the get-go and I respect that drip. Like she did not cap on how porny the smut was and thank God it wasn’t some cliche romantic honeymoon type shit, like it was almost on the ao3 level of smutty goodness. All it was was missing was coarse language and hard kinks but in general, I liked the Nessian smut in this book more than the feyrhys smut in particularly ACOWAR and ACOFAS, like Nessian just do not cap.

Listen... you see that whole part when Nesta was like imagining how awesome it would be to dance Lucifer’s Bachata with Az and Cassian? Yeah, my girl just let her thoughts run wild. Like Nesta makes Feyre look naïve. Like you know how Tumblr porn in 2016 used to be with the aesthetic type shit? That’s Feyre, but Nesta is like on Pornhub level and it’s so fitting I was YELLIN lowkey. I feel like less importance was placed on how meaningful the sex and shit should be in the book and I respect that.

YOU SEE WHEN NESTA TOLD FEYRE ABOUT THE BABY!!! I WAS CHEERING HER ON. No cause they were being so nasty to Nesta especially Amren and then Feyre entered with all of her moralising shit like honey you KNOW damn well what you’re doing to Nesta is what you hate being done to you. Like damn right tell her, cus I could not STAND the double standard.

The whole training the women thing was a nice touch. It was kinda corny but also sweet. That being said, I laughed so hard when I realized how this entire book was Nesta’s quarter-life hippie rebirth where she learns to meditate and work out and read romance books and face her inner demons like this is some real New York college shit. All that was missing was a Starbucks.

Cassian. Man I love this man so much. No like he displayed peak dilf behavior. I think his attractiveness isn’t based on his bravery or his hotness but his humility man. Like he’s not a thot, he’s respectful, yet tough, yet contemplative. He’s contented with his life station yet wants to always be a better person yet is such a strong rock who really loves Nesta not despite her flaws but because they are part of her. I love the way he stood up to Rhys a lot, he didn’t shame her when she was awful to him, and he is protective (annoyingly so sometimes) but he really wanted her to empower herself. Their relationship isn’t perfect (I’m not in the mood to dissect the problematic aspects rn) but they were so sweet together and I didn’t expect to like them as much as I did back when they were lowkey a thing in ACOMAF.

The mates thing didn’t bother me cus I saw this shit coming since 2016. Yes, it’s cliche and annoying but the mates status also, like, has no meaning to me so it is what it is. Didn’t think they NEEDED to be mates but I was happy that them being mates wasn’t the core of the novel and it was secondary to Nesta’s individual healing journey.

Prepare for me to get sappy but another reason why I loved this novel was because it was a story of healing. :( :( :( The road to healing and growth in the emotional sense is always beautiful to me despite how flawed it often is when SJM writes it. I just felt really immersed in the emotional woes and eventual growth of Nesta despite my issues with the book and this is perhaps one of the main reasons that I found it beautiful, because healing as a theme is always beautiful and raw.

More of Nessian but like their relationship feels so real and raw too. No, cus like, it wasn’t tinged in as much fictitious idealism as feyrhys’ relationship was. They weren’t all stupidly in love and seeing each other in the universe and shit, like they just made each other happy and weren’t portrayed as the perfect soulmates who were each other’s yin and yang and whatever thank the LORD. Them having each other’s back was enough and ughhhh Cassian was just so sweet and such a good trainer and so aloof yet passionate like I been waiting to see more of him since ACOMAF so yayyy.

Okay... that scene where Rhys kneels to Nesta and she embraces him. yes. YES YES YES YES YES that shit was the shit that made my year like I want this man to be in her debt for the end of time like this hoe saved yall like big strong high lord better bow to the “witch” like I could hear angelic choirs at that scene like Rhys doesn’t just yield to people so easily so like, it was just kinda epic okay. Little bitchass Rhys with his perfect little river house and emo boi clothes stfu hoe.

No cus I love how Nesta told Cassian she didn’t wanna hear about Feyre’s special journey or Rhys’s special journey or Mor’s like I got fed up of people acting like they epitomized “good” and the “good path” to self-discovery when they can choke on a baguette as far as I am concerned.

*shit no one except me probs cares about*

Eris. So here is the thing. Since 2015 in ACOTAR when Eris was Under the Mountain being all red-headed and cunning and sexy and evil I have been obsessed with him... well, the idea of him I had in my head and how delectably abhorrent he seems (I like villains and side-characters okay). Maybe it was just his name (Eris is a hot name shut up) or the idea of a rich, cunning fox-faced prince in the same universe appealed to me. Either way, I actually never expected by favorite cameo-character to become... important. I’ll die on the hill of loving him. Here is the thing... I don’t want him to be good, in the same way I did not want Rhys to be a good guy in ACOTAR either. I don’t need him to be a secret angel, I don’t need him to be sweet and good like Rhys always was apparently. Honestly, I want him corrupt but likeable and pertinent to the story. That being said, I really want him as the main character for one of the upcoming novels sooo bad like please PLEASE let me see the autumn court and it’s two-facedness please like if not Eris then Lucien as the main character please.

Lucien... aka my fave character since the first book man. Mannn, SJM does homeboy so dirty like I have always loved Russian fables and hence, I am so ready for Lucien x Vassa x Jurian in the Vasilisa retelling with the firebird trope and Koshei. NO CUS in 2018 I was finna write a 100k word fic about this but then I forgot about it no cap, I still have the story plan in my Onenote actually but let us not reminisce. See, my ao3-loving ass wants an angsty poly relationship and also a hot Koshei I have been waiting YEARS for this you hoes, ever since Elain got the premonition of Vassa as a firebird in ACOWAR like God please please please give it to me and make it feyrhys-less as well yasss.

I lowkey wanna suspect Eris is gay and Mor, also gay, knows and that’s why she lowkey kinda tolerates him now. Yet, I cannot be sure and yeah I just wanna say that I kinda want that arc lmfaooo (my ao3-self is showing shut up).

No cus I was TEASED by only seeing a glimpse of Vassa and Jurian but THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR TIME I KNOW IT.

Tamlin living as a beast is so interesting to me. He’s a side-character now but ughhhh he was so mystical and interesting as our good ole Beauty and the Beast beastie like it’s sooooo mysterious and alluring how he’s becoming his own villainous legend like I still care about Tamlin’s blond ass self despite everything.

Give us the snowball fight scene you coward.

I just gotta say Nessian could outsmut Feyrhys any day and that makes me proud.

FRICKING AZRIEL like first of all Mor doesn’t NEED to come out until she’s ready but she gotta let the man down nicely some other way so he can move on. I do not like Elain. Never did. I still do not. I do not, frankly, want a whole novel where she and Azriel fall in love and she rejects Lucien like... okay, I DO want her to reject Lucien so he can be with Vassa at the very least but also I am not interested in Elain’s POV rn. BUT I WANT AZ’S POV AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I WANT MY EMO BOI TO BE HAPPY. This is so frustrating cus Az is a walking DILF right and so, what am I supposed to do now.

I kinda miss the Spring Court just a little. It’s pretty shut up. It got that Zuhair Murad fashion too.

Umm like, what the hell is up with that business with Helion being Lucien’s dad? We need more on this which is why I want a Lucien POV book goddammit.

Yoooooooo yall remember that bitch from ACOWAR who hybern was finna kill and she had a name and everything and then there was some foreshadowing and shit? What’s up with her? Like I can’t even remember her name lowkey but yeah what’s up with that. Was it something like Briar or Briannon or somthing???

Is Mor getting a book? Like deadass I need the Lucien and Vassa book, I need the Eris book, I need the Mor book and I need the Azriel book. Damn. Been waiting 6 years for some of this shit.

Okay that is all for now. Yes, this book has problematic elements at every level but I still loved it yet also hated some things about it. I won’t read House of Blood and Earth nor will I finish the TOG series but I guess I’ll stick with this series which remains near and dear to my soul despite what people gotta say about it. It made me happy and that’s what matters. Nesta is a huge ass inspiration to me as a character and I still wanna see her make the Inner Circle’s life a living hell uwu. I admittedly got HELLA emotional reading this story because it’s nonetheless super meaningful to me even at age 19 and it’s really powerful for me as a comfort book, and I look forward (a little) to what this woman put out next... sort of.

Signing off! Don’t @ me (okay you CAN @ me but idc).

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stolligaseptember · 7 years

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reason #156 why i hate arrow

okay, so ever since this post took off, people have misunderstood my righteous anger about arrow, their treatment of the black canary and how they are trying to convince me that whoever is under that hood is somehow oliver queen?? do they think i’m stupid? no i’m not, that’s not our ollie and everyone knows that.

i chose to make a separate post for this, because the primary post went so many different directions, and i don’t want to call out one single person, because like i said, they misunderstood my intentions and because dAMN AM I SALTY

so okay, first of all; no, this is not about lauliver. i’m a green canary shipper down to the core of me, but i literally couldn’t care less about lauliver. because everyone knows that every and all incarnations of dinah laurel lance deserves someone 10000000x better than arrow!oliver, and especially arrow!laurel. arrow!oliver deserves to burn in a trash pit, but we’ll get back to that later.

no, my anger comes from their mistreatment of the black canary as a myth and all her various incarnations in and of herselves. ?? why they had to do that, this is making no sense, but sTAY WITH ME HERE.

i started watching arrow because i’ve been a black canary fan since i was yay high. imagine me gesturing for something being about three feet tall. black canary is my all time favorite super hero across all genres, mediums, timelines, publications and what have you. she’s just my fave, okay?

and i knew that they couldn’t do a green arrow show without the black canary. there is no green arrow without the black canary.

so i sat down to watch the first episode, excitement up to my teeth, and i was just so prepared. i was about to see my childhood hero for the first time in a live action tv show. i didn’t watch smallville, okay?

and i knew from the first moment i laid eyes on katie cassidy as laurel lance that she was going to be the black canary. i just knew it in my bones. like, it was just meant to be.

and i played along for a really long time. like i kind of understood what they were trying to do, fitting the green arrow mythos into a modern and more “realistic” setting. also, having arrow as the first hero in the universe meant that they had to go about bringing in the other characters and their origin stories in new ways. and i had an understanding for that.

i really, really had.

but there just comes a point where you go “screw it, you done fucked up”.

and i don’t remember when i precisely reached that point, but let’s just put it that i did, okay?

because the arrow crew did not do the black canary justice.

first of all, like i said; i don’t understand why they had to split her into two?? don’t even get me started on whoever that new dinah drake is, i can’t be bothered. and i haven’t gotten the time to get around to watch legends of tomorrow, so i don’t know if the white canary is making any sense, but the black canary is just a??????? like, i love both sara and laurel, they’re both my darlings, but it’s just??????????? what??????????????????

and in the end it doesn’t even matter, because either way, they both end up dead??

what the actual hecking fuck????????

but okay, discarding that, rolling with whatever crack the writers were on, you introduce sara as the seasoned black canary to match the green arrow, which is fine and all, until you kill her and pass the mantle along to laurel, which, okay, i’m still rolling, i’m still somewhat with you for some goddamn reason.

but then you turn around and repeatedly beat laurel down with an iron pole. like, literally too.

and this was probably, in retrospect, where i lost my shit.

that is not what the legendary black canary deserves.

you could have gone about this so many different ways and i’m screaming just thinking about it. let oliver train her!! send her away to some faraway land to have her trained by some weird mystical powers!!! let her have a steadily climbing learning curve, the way any normal fucking person would!!!!!!!!

BUT DON’T FOR FUCK’S SAKE BEAT HER TO A PULP AND THEN REPEATEDLY TELL HER THAT SHE’S WORTHLESS AND IGNORANT AND NOT WORTHY THE TIME OF DAY.

i’m just, i’m just. oh my god. aaaaaaaargh. i’m so ready to punch a dude.

okay. okay, i had to take a break here, but i’m back now, and i think i’m okay. i think.

so. arrow did the black canary wrong. agree or don’t, i don’t really give a fuck. this is my darling, and this is my opinion.

but arrow also completely missed the entire point of green arrow and black canary’s relationship. like, they couldn’t even have gone more wrong even if they had tried.

and that’s what my original post is pointing out. that the black canary and green arrow’s relationship is a partnership. they’re each other’s equals and they treat each other as such. and even if there are power dynamics to play around with in their relationship, of who’s the better combat fighter, who’s the more experienced vigilante, or whatever, they still treat each other as equals. they see each other as equals.

and this is not inherent just to the comics. this is the black canary and green arrow’s relationship throughout all other media. it’s arrow the tv show that screwed it up. all on their own. i don’t know where they got the idea from, but they did.

they decided to screw over one of the most awesome superhero couples in all of history.

and hell, i don’t even care about the romance. they’re just a great duo for kicking bad guys asses. and they respect each other while doing it.

but arrow decided to give oliver every single little chance to belittle and ridicule laurel. and yes, maybe it makes logical sense for him to do it, but that’s because the writers wrote their scripts to make that possible. it’s the writers that decided to belittle and beat down laurel lance every chance they got. they chose to write the black canary off as inconsequential and insignificant.

and as a lifelong fan of hers, that is inexcusable to me. i cannot stand for that.

i refuse to stand for that.

i refuse to stand and witness as a influential multimillion tv show turn my favorite super hero, and a female one at that, into a laughing stock and a ladder for their male titular character's superiority complex.

because whoever they are trying to sell the green arrow as, is not our, my, oliver queen.

oliver queen is a compassionate, dorky and brave man who is trying his best and worships the ground dinah lance walks on.

arrow!oliver is a flaming dumpster fire who deserves to burn.

so yes. i’m angry. and i proudly declare that i hate arrow.

can you blame me?

#black canary #dinah lance #laurel lance #green arrow #arrow #dc #sara lance #here have a rant #tw: swearing

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serve-the-legion · 7 years

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Fire, Brimstone, and a big fuck you to fuckers who fuck around ~ A Special message to fuckfaces penned by Danny G.

To Begin; @puerdelumine is one of the kindest and most tender souls I’ve ever met - online or in person. The guy is an astounding writer with MAD talent and above that has a heart of gold, willing to give chances to people who probably don’t even deserve - that’s his character. I’d trust my friendship in the hands of @puerdelumine above Anduin Wrynn himself. He’s that solid and lovely of a person. The amount of compassion and soft-spoken wisdom this beautiful young man posses has taught me a whole lot on how to look at my own life and my own trials/blessing.

@puerdelumine, like myself, loves Warcraft. He also knows a whole hell of a lot more about it than I could ever wish to. I play a tough game but if the lore ain’t about The Horde then I probably don’t know too much about it as I let on. @puerdelumine on the other-hand is a damned scholar of this stuff - and like anyone who pours a lot of love into something, he has opinions about it. WHO WOULD’VE IMAGINED THAT?? He’s made a great many headcanons and mused with others about a great many other headcanons not of his own making - and he has never gone and told someone to change their own opinions on things... yet he has stated his own - as bluntly and truly as we all deserve to state our opinion.

To get to the point - @puerdelumine doesn’t like wranduin - I sure as fuck don’t like it either. I think Wranduin is a flaming dumpster truck fueled by Tumblr’s fetish with making every damn character in humanity’s collection of fictional works fuck another fictional character of the same sex and/or gender - even if the relationship makes no sense at fuckin’ all. But that’s just my humble opinion and if you don’t agree with that - hey. That’s fine. We can all have opinions. You’re totally free to do what you want and that freedom is your own God-given right to claim. I’m fine with people shipping and creating whatever they damn well please - as long as they can respect other people’s freedom to do the same or abstain from. AKA; not being a fuckin’ cunt to people who don’t agree with you.

So - that sounds pretty reasonable right? Let people believe and do what they want as long as it ain’t hurting anybody. Well on Tumblr apparently that ain’t something that flies - and when my dear friend @puerdelumine stated that he didn’t agree with or RP wranduin - people came after him. They called him a homophobe and another roster of hateful names that I’ve only heard a handful of - but they were enough.

You’ve got people like @apudastra saying shit like “this is literally just code for i hate gays” and then you’ve got bullies like @warmcngerer having the AUDACITY to say horrible and hateful, puss-spewing garbage like, “gays are bad and instead of saying i’m a homophobic piece of shit i’m gonna say they’re pedophiles of shipping it’. WHAT THE FUCK? HE JUST DOESN’T SHIP SOMETHING. AND YOU’RE CALLING HIM A PIECE OF SHIT? WHAT ANCIENT EVIL CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS AND DIED? WHO DOES THIS?

What the actual fuck is wrong with you shit-smeared twat-wads? I didn’t even list em all but some of the other fuckers I’ve seen beatin’ on their bully drums are screaming that “HE’S A BULLY!” For what? FOR WHAT? STATING AN OPINION YOUR TIGHTWAD ASS DOESN’T AGREE WITH? IS THAT IT YOUR MALICE-GARGLING MONSTERS? And that’s just a handful of the convoluted fuckery that’s rotten in the state of this often backwards-as-fuck website. When @puerdelumine‘s RIGHT TO AN OPINION was under attack, @ateish, a beautiful and talented roleplayer, came to this innocent guy’s aid. This of course brought the mouth-breather hoard down upon him as well and soon @ateish too was under attack for their DEFENSE OF HOMOPHOBIA... oh, and by the way, ateish is openly gay (you’re a beautiful child of the stars, my dude). So yeah. As you can see a lot here isn’t making much sense on account these fuckers who are attacking the lovely @puerdelumine aren’t exactly sailing a very logical boat about (no pun intended on the drama spawning, from all things, a fuckin’ ship).

What’s the point of this post? Mostly that I’m angry as fuck and want to smash shit - but it’s not about me, is it? If these foul-tempered, slobbering goblins want to come at somebody who is actually going to treat them poorly - come at me. Because I’ve got more than enough things to yell at you. @puerdelumine doesn’t deserve your abuse or your trashy-ass side-eyes. Shut the fuck up - or if you can’t sew your blabbering lips up - come and give me shit.

I’m more than happy to take it all day long if it keeps you off the asses of well-meaning, beautiful, lovely people who actually show others what it means to be human and be kind... even if they SOMEHOW HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION THAN YOUR’S ABOUT A FUCKIN’ VIDEO GAME CHARACTER. Come and get me. Throw all the shit you want into my inbox and messenger - I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I’M READY FOR THE FUCKIN’ BATTLE OF EVERMORE TO FLY FROM MY KEYBOARD.

Lots of love (for @puerdelumine and those on the side of his defense, not you asswipes coming after a great guy),

~ Danny G.

#Send your love and support to puerdelumine #wrap him in love #he deserves a whole lot more than these shit-spawns are giving him #<3 #//#dash commentary

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thewordonmainstreet · 6 years

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How It Is - The Mess We’re In

Not only do we have a Prime Minister who would rather play Mr. Dressup than answer questions in Question Period, we have a whole generation, who nearly die looking into little black boxes that they can’t stop looking at. The greatest cause of fatality in 2018 and beyond could very well be death by zombie walking. Face in cellphone walking. But that’s okay, let Darwin root them out. We’ve got people who cannot break their addiction to their phones and have to look down at every stoplight. Cellphone addiction may be as powerful as crack addiction. And yes, we still have people who talk with their phone to their ear while driving. $490.00 and a few demerit points is never as important as a conversation.

We have a whole generation of Instagrammers who snap photos of every moment in their life because they want to be living the Kardashian life so much so that they give away everything there is to know about them. And why do grammers’ profiles all look like they’re all so much in debt, always have a perfect house and always latch on to the same trends? I swear, it’s a sea of mugs and sweatshirts with slogans, all rose gold decor, fancy coffee pics, and ripped jeans. Some never really left high school so it seems. Conform or be cast out, or unfollowed in this case. Look at me, I was alive today. I stood by this wall and posed. We have women spending fortunes on Naked 2 palettes and Kylie lip collections and going into debt-by-Sephora whose collection of makeup will not save them, will not make them lucky in love or make them turn heads but they`re a slave to the gram. Same with those who have a new car and they’re so strapped by the payments that washing it is a luxury. I saw that today and couldn’t believe it. A brand new car and was covered in dirt. And then we have every man who has little man syndrome and never really felt like a man driving a big ass truck that they almost have to live in because they can’t afford their rent. I say rent because a $500.00 a month car payment must be hard to do alongside a mortgage, even for a condo. I tell you, the way these men drive and treat others on the road makes me wonder how the hell they have a job to make the payments. Big man you’re really little.

We have parents who are watching their phones instead of their kids. Kids now even as young as infants can tell when they’re being phubbed. So we’ll have a whole generation of kids who had present absent parents. Kids who were always pushed aside will most def feel the need to act out to get noticed. Self-harm may be one of the ways. Put down the phone and pick up your kid. We don’t talk to each other and there are so many desperately lonely people who will never know the real meaning of friendship. I’m one of them. We don’t know how to fight fair or work at relationships. We want everything easy, “perfect”. Don’t you hate that word? Perfect, the “no worries” of 2018. People would rather just end a bad relationship than work on it. I think it’s scary that kids don’t have hope in this world. They see our sad faces, they look to the cars next to them and see every driver is sad, and they see that people are icy cold to each other. Kids know the world isn’t a happy place. Many display symptoms of mental illness at an earlier and earlier age. If the millenials are prone to mental illness in a huge way, I don’t want to even imagine the younger generations. We are trying so desperately to be any level of happy in a world that is harsh and exacting. No one talks to each other, we have a mental health crisis never seen before, and Trump keeps antagonizing North Korea.

Our kids are learning more in grade 2 sex ed, than I did in grade 8 and I think this is so wrong. Kids are probably experimenting with sex by age 8. Why do we have to have 21 genders? Why do I fear the child porn will one day be an acceptable sexual fantasy? It scares the hell out of me but if bestiality is acceptable in some circles, you’re going to see the dark web become just “his sexual interest” and that`s his choice. Some of us are pretty damn sick. And morals, we have none. Most of us act like animals who treat each other horribly because that’s all people do now is treat each other badly and we`ve never known any different. I see younger girls behaving so badly now, loud, brash and repulsive. Is this what men today like? Apparently. We do what we want and who cares what the other person thinks.

The job market is beyond bad and raising minimum wage 27% was one huge dumpster fire. I have seen the little bit of job activity almost completely dry up since the wage raise and I`ve heard stories of many who have lost hours or jobs entirely. There are so many scandals at Queens’ Park that I’ve lost track of all of them. The poor are poor, the rich are about to become poor and the middle class are poor all because of Wynne. Food bank use is up to about 45,000 users a month here in Ottawa. People keep falling through the cracks of a society whose compassion is running on empty yet we seem to have it all, the way that people are so damn offensively positive and technology is just so.....making our lives better all the time. Yeah right, it`s not solving any of our issues, it`s just giving us more to play with.

We allow people to shoot up at safe injection sites yet to get a bed at a drug rehab. centre takes 6 months to a year. People don’t know how to spell or write a proper sentence. Apparently they don’t teach kids how to write anymore. Yes, how to write with a pen. Well I hate to tell you but a kid is going to have to write at some point in his life. At many points in fact. Parents are friends and not parents to their kids. Every parent seems to call their kid “buddy”. Discipline is only a suggestion and parents are weak as anything in being an authority over their child. Never wanting to be seen as that bad parent in the grocery store, the parents tries to negotiate with the child as if they were a hostage taker instead of lay down the law. And rewards are all a part of it. You be good in the car and we’ll get you Timbits. We never want to lay down the law with our kids because that would be messy and we don`t want messy and oh, look at that Mom having a meltdown. We`d rather calm kid and who cares if it cost me McDonald`s ? Speaking of McDonald`s,we spend more time in drive thrus than in our own kitchens. We`ve fallen madly in love with convenience. I`ve never seen drive thrus so packed as I do lately. All kinds of people are making unhealthy food choices in the name of time-starved but it`s expensive.

We love our pets with a mad love because humans always let us down and hurt us. I’ve never seen a generation of people so crazy about their pets and treating them as human. It’s because they don’t talk to us and don’t act like the awful human species we have now does. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my bird, just adore her, but I’ve never seen pets become above importance than humans. Just look at any pet owners` Instagram and you`ll get what I mean. The pet gets all the love and the humans get the leftovers. Read the language too and you`ll see how obviously clear whose winning the heart of the humans.

Online hate.......Why do we feel we have to ignite a flame war and take down anyone online who disagrees with us? Read any comments section and see how fellow adults are really behaving. All we talk about is mental health yet we rip anyone to shreds who we feel is less than us or disagrees with us. Where is the civility? There is none if you`re going to be a part of the debate and open yourself up to being pelted with insults. And some of them can put a person who may have mental health issues in a really dark place. You’re going to see anarchy start to be a thing that everyone is going to want to be a part of. Just like Locke Avenue in Hamilton, ON last week. We’re animals, really and truly animals who don’t know how to treat people when it’s not work or someone else they have to behave for. I feel bad for all those cashiers that see adults having tantrums all the time. I’ve been there. Why be nice if you won’t see her again? We’ve got to teach our kids not to eat Tide Pods, men can’t keep their manhood in their pants and we’ve got kids beating their teachers up in record numbers in the schools. We’re really in trouble here folks.

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