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#i have been using gender identity less bc it is kinda dismissive i don't identify as genderfluid i am genderfluid but for the sake of tags
gettin-bi-bi-bi · 4 years
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i'm a girl and i identify as a bisexual but i just came to the realisation that since few days i've been feeling like i want to be in a same sex relationship with a man and in an opposite sex relationship with a girl, but i actually don't feel bad being a girl so does it mean i could be trans? could there be a different reason i feel like that? i'm kinda scared :(
Anything is possible, I guess. Maybe you are a trans guy, maybe you're non-binary, maybe you're a cis woman. I don't know.
What I do know is that a lot of queer women (even cis ones) have a complicated relationship to gender. It is totally possible to both feel good as a girl and wanting to identify that way and still... you know... wanting to ~queer things up~ in your sexual fantasies or romantic ventures. It may also just be a thing about rejecting traditional gender roles so your brain plays a little "trick" on you and reshuffles the gender cards so you can play the game while making up your own rules (did this metaphor grow old yet?).
In the previous post I also casually mentioned "girlfags" and "guydykes" which are identities that describe an experience that could be close to what you're feeling. A girlfag would be a woman (or woman-aligned person) who is attracted to men "in a gay way" and wishes for those men to reciprocate the attraction "in a gay way". Gender plays a huge role in those identities and the way their sexual attraction relates to both their own gender and that of the person they are attracted to can be very complex. Because how is someone confident in being a woman but wants to be seen/loved/fucked like a gay man? Maybe that's where gender really starts to show itself as the social construct that it is. Humans are so much more complex than a gender binary could ever put into words. And so girlfags and guydykes exist no matter how contradictory their identities may seem.
I kinda relate to the term "girlfag" btw, though I don't use it as a descriptor for myself. But I #get it. When I'm attracted to a man I have a strong sense of that attraction being the thing that's ~making me queer~. Where others would say a woman being attracted to a man is "straight attraction" (nevermind how biphobic that sentiment is) I feel like my attraction to men is inherently queer and thus I relate more to gay men than to straight women. I guess you could say: I want men to be attracted to me more because I'm queer and less because I'm a woman. And for a long time I wished I could "have sex with a man as a gay man". Not to go into too much detail now but despite all of that I never identified as anything other than a woman.
Whether you can relate to that is for you to figure out. Maybe Max or Wes want to add their perspectives as trans men to this bc I definitly don't want to dismiss the fact this could also be a sign of being transgender.
But if you keep identifying as a woman then I don't find it at all surprising that you might have those moments where you basically "gender swap" your fantasies. Sounds pretty queer to me and either way: no cause for concern.
Maddie
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