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calware · 1 month

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dear calware, I'm not sure how much you know on the topic of Doc Scratch, but I was wondering, why is the common consensus around him that he's like a creepy pedophile? after rereading his messages with Rose, he seems more tone deaf and weird than a fully on creep. is there something I'm missing?

scratch isn't "literally" a pedophile (or a hebephile, which is the accurate term for this situation) which we know because of this

but at the same time, that is still the Way he's written

(i'm sorry if this following explanation is confusing.... i really do not have the right wording to describe it) it's almost like a metaphorical representation. he's a child predator in every way but the actual sexual attraction. the way he's written references the behavior of actual child predators and is meant to signal to the audience that this is the Kind Of Character he is. it's a literary tool(?)to tell the audience that he is literally taking advantage of characters in various ways (as well as straight up abusing damara) while at the time comparing it to child sexual abuse

but if you do want literal actions on his part, he does Literally groom young girls and they are his targets for manipulation

also, directly from the author commentary (which. is not 100% serious at times. but i do think it sometimes offers some actual insight):

I know I just said a bunch of stuff about [DD] maybe being a creep. But look, this is just my OPINION here. I don't think he's actually being creepy about this. I think he has a genuinely parental attitude toward Aradia and wants to see her succeed in her violent and underhanded schemes. See how he wants them to conduct their business with efficiency? He's way too professional to go Full Doc on these girls.

Another peek at Rose suggests she's still at it with her creepy uncle, Doc Scratch.

Then you have a few beats of conversation which bring Equius to mind, such as the creep-factor

[Dirk and Equius] have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. [...] I'd say these self-examined qualities are just drawn out, isolated, and inflated both for dramatic effect, and also as critical write-up of those qualities existing within many human beings in general, which I would like to think is grounded in a creative process involving a certain degree of humility about some of this bullshit. I like all these characters here, but that doesn't mean I think their unpleasant qualities are good. It just means I am harnessing and heightening those qualities for creating strong villainous portraits.

We start getting the sense that the entire purpose of this conversation, from Doc's vantage point, is just to passive-aggressively manipulate Rose into peering directly into one of his cursed testicles. Wait, my youth pastor is literally barking like a dog right now for some reason. Probably because I put him on a leash and tied him to a post in the backyard. I guess I fucked up again? I mean one of Doc's seeds.

Maybe it's fair to say I have a higher than average tolerance troubling content. But even I have to admit to shuddering a little when I read Doc's creepy lines toward Rose. I think Doc's creep factor toward girls is most likely channeling part of Caliborn's personality, which almost seems to revolve around his horrid attitude toward women. For Caliborn, this weird combination of wrathful misogyny, yet fixation and obsession with certain girls, is obviously central to the type of real-world profile he's meant to portray. But when his personality is more muted among the collective in Doc's head, those qualities come across as more "restrained," "polite," and "flattering," which arguably just makes it all creepier. The result is a creepy dude profile that also exists in the real world, sort of adjacent to the Full Caliborns out there. There seem to be many stripes of this kind of unfortunate male behavior, which all exists in a broader family of sub-Caliborns. The Docs, the Eridans, the Cronuses… They're all sketchy in different ways.

Doc sitting back just to "watch" is another creepy Equiusism. Remember that was a thing with him.

I wonder what Jade would think if she knew she had in her possession since childhood one of Doc's testicORACLES!!! Oracles. The word I meant to say was oracles, not anything else. Anyway, like I was saying, how would Jade react if she realized every time she played with one of her beloved toys, she was actually fondling this weirdo's plump, juicy oracle. I know you think my youth pastor may have something to do with this peculiar outburst, but you're wrong. I "dismissed" him recently, because he told me with great pride that I learned everything he had to teach me. I don't need anyone to keep me from shoving my foot in my mouth anymore, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. Now let's watch this grieving teen receive a demonic message from an evil puppet's big fat nut.

bonus commentary from book 6 that has nothing to do with the post:

We're reaching a specific kind of story partition. Not the end of an act, but the end of a year. Also an end of "disc," which is a kind of meta-partitioning I just made up for the purpose of closing the book on two years of content, as well as being a good meta-device for introducing the Doc sequence we're about to get into in the next book.

"next book"...... sad

#ask #jestinggenesis #feel the need to mention that. so much of this makes me cringe while reading it

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the-great-british-blorbo-off · 7 months

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The Great British Blorbo Off Begins Shortly....

Thanks everyone for waiting so patiently while I take my time sorting this all out! I'm pleased to announce that I've decided on everyone that will be in the tournament, and we will be starting next Monday (16th)! So, here's how it's going to work:

There are 128 characters overall, and I have split them into 4 brackets with two rounds each.

I will be posting 8 polls (1 round) a week, and will reblog them in the middle of the week and at the end of the week.

Once we get down to one character left from each bracket, they will go against each other in semifinals until only two are left.

Winner becomes the new queen of England <3

If anyone that submitted a character has a specific image of them they'd like me to use, feel free to send it over. If you've submitted a character from a book then I will just be using the front cover of the book they're from as their image, so let me know if there's a TV/film version or certain cover you'd like!

Brackets are below the cut! As always, feel free to send an ask if you're confused about anything :)

(Also let me know if there's any repeated characters or errors, had a few formatting issues before uploading so I apolgise if anything is messed up)

BRACKET 1:

Round 1:

Miss Jane Marple (Miss Marple) vs Lucy Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)

Austin Powers (Austin Powers) vs Jade (Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age)

Dudley (Street Fighter) vs Daisy Steiner (Spaced)

Danger Mouse (Danger Mouse) vs Lady Penelope (Thunderbirds)

Malcolm Reed (Star Trek: Enterprise) vs James Bond (James Bond)

Archie MacDonald (Monarch of the Glen) Vs Lemon (Bullet Train)

Edward Hyde (The Glass Scientists) Vs Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd)

David Ward (I Am In Eskew) Vs Arthur Dent (A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

Round 2:

Gordon the Big Engine (Thomas and Friends) Vs Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin (Kingsman)

Walter Heath (The White Vault) Vs Rupert Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Skull (Lockwood and Co) Vs Jeremy Usborne (Peep Show)

Matthew Vandham (Xenoblade Chronicles 3) Vs Raihan (Pokemon Sword and Shield)

Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia) Vs Katherine 'Kitty' Higham (Ghosts)

Leo Fitz (Agents of Shield) Vs John Constantine (DC Comics)

Gnomeo (Gnomeo and Juliet) Vs Bertie Wooster (Jeeves and Wooster)

Jamie Fraser (Outlander) Vs Lexie McTavish (Monarch of the Glen)

BRACKET 2:

Round 1:

Jonathan Sims (The Magus Archives) Vs Laszlo Cravensworth (What We Do in the Shadows)

Nia (Xenoblade Chronicles 2) Vs Daisy (Downton Abbey)

Gwen Cooper (Torchwood) Vs Arthur Lester (Malevolent)

Robert (Genki Elementary Japanese) Vs Aled Last (Osemanverse)

Rose Tyler (Doctor Who) Vs Avril Bradley (Gosick)

Newt (The Maze Runner) Vs Jacob Frye (Assassin’s Creed Syndicate)

Captain Hastings (Hercule Poirot) Vs Lynda Day (Press Gang)

Amelia Hughes (Infinity Train) Vs Heathcliff (Limbus Company)

Round 2:

Alice Cartelet (Kin-iro Mosaic) Vs Billy Kane (Fatal Fury)

Ropafadzo "Ropa” Moyo (Edinburgh Nights) Vs Steve Fox (Tekken)

Alex Rider (Alex Rider) Vs Pietre Carvel/Arby (Utopia)

Professor Layton (Professor Layton Series) Vs Robert EO Speedwagon (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Bede (Pokemon Sword and Shield) Vs Ferb Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb)

Jessica Albert (Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King) Vs Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently’s Hollistic Detective Agency)

Jo Grant (Doctor Who) Vs Evelyn Carnahan (The Mummy)

The Last Constable (Fallen London) Vs Edmund Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)

BRACKET 3:

Round 1:

Tangerine (Bullet Train) Vs Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes)

Red Guy (Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared) Vs Paddington (Paddington)

Cuno (Disco Elysium) Vs Luke Triton (Professor Layton Series)

Hobie Brown (Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse) Vs Robin Hood (English Folk Legend)

Mary Sera (Detective Conan) Vs Emma (Emma: A Victorian Romance)

Jay Cartwright (The Inbetweeners) Vs Shellington (Octonauts)

Noone (The Sound of Nightmares) Vs Matthew Crowley (Downton Abbey)

Balthazar Cavendish (Milo Murphy’s Law) Vs Cammy White (Street Fighter)

Round 2:

Horrid Henry (Horrid Henry) Vs Ivor the Engine (Ivor the Engine)

Tim Bisley (Spaced) Vs Ignis Scientia (Final Fantasy XV)

Axl Low (Guilty Gear) Vs Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice)

Marnie (Pokemon Sword and Shield) Vs Morrigan Aensland (Darkstalkers)

Mason Greyback (Wizards of Waverly Place) Vs Clarice Bean (Clarice Bean)

Agatha Christie (Bungou Stray Dogs) Vs Gromit (Wallace and Gromit)

Lila Pitts (The Umbrella Academy) Vs Mina Harker (Dracula)

Kieren Walker (In the Flesh) Vs Thomas the Tank Engine (Thomas and Friends)

BRACKET 4:

Round 1:

Peppa Pig (Peppa Pig) Vs Martin K Blackwood (The Magnus Archives)

Mary Poppins (Mary Poppins) Vs Tahani Al-Jamil (The Good Place)

Alec Hardy (Broadchurch) Vs Thomas Nightingale (Rivers of London)

Hammer/Hannah (Fable 2) Vs Anthony Lockwood (Lockwood & Co)

Iris Wilson (The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles) Vs Miss Eliza Scarlet (Miss Scarlet and the Duke)

Karen Kujou (Kin-iro Mosaic) Vs Marrick Tremayne (The Bedlam Stacks)

The Ninth Doctor (Doctor Who) Vs Jonathan Harker (Dracula)

Alfred Pennyworth (Batman) Vs Mr Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Round 2:

Hugh Anthony Disward (The Mystic Archives of Dantalian) Vs Nathan Young (Misfits)

William "Duke" Wellington (Miss Scarlet and the Duke) Vs George (The Famous Five)

Jonathan Joestar (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) Vs Dio Brando (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9) Vs Tori Spring (Osemanverse)

Winston Smith (1984) Vs Strangelove (Metal Gear Solid)

Wheatley (Portal 2) Vs Herlock Sholmes (The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles)

Lucy Carlyle (Lockwood & Co) Vs Wallace (Wallace and Gromit)

Mr Blobby (Noel’s House Party) Vs Tracy Beaker (The Story of Tracy Beaker)

#polls #tournament poll #tournament bracket #uk #tournament #i'm not tagging every fandom but feel free to reblog and recruit your fellow fandomers

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roxykisser · 11 months

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through altercations known only to me rereading my lalonde wizard post has made me think about what class each of the kids would play in dungeons and dragons, so i’m subjecting my 2 followers to it.

john: fighter. i’m sorry but i can’t see him picking anything else besides maybe like… ranger. he mostly sticks to the default subclass but jade probably made him try rune knight at least once for a one-shot. he found it too complicated but relented to branch out into more subclasses afterwards.

dave: i’m torn between rogue and hexblade warlock. mayhaps some sort of cursed multiclass of both. he seems like the type to look up game guides to get the most broken character build possible and make up a backstory on the fly but he ends up actually quite attached to his pcs.

rose: probably a warlock. my first instinct was wizard, but i think she’d enjoy the flavour of warlock more, considering her gothic tendencies. she started out with the great old one patron but then discovered homebrew and became unstoppable. that one player who sends 10 pages of backstory, but it’s actually enjoyable to read

jade: the dungeon master. she’s the one who can most reliably engage all the players in the game without overcomplicating the plot and probably excels in juggling everyone’s game preferences. though when she does get to play she probably has no set character type and just makes a character depending on what strikes her fancy that day

jane: my first instinct was a city ranger build, since that’s probably the closest you get to a detective in dnd, but hear me out.. paladin. the strict code of oath. the angsty backstories. the heroic persona. jane spent a lot of time pre-game playing damsel in distress. i think she’d enjoy playing the knight for once. she probably tries it just to try it at first but ends up liking the mechanics so much she just sticks to it

dirk: right. we have a few options here. the first one is specifically cavalier fighter, because they get a mount. obvious choice. but for some reason he also strikes me as someone who would play sorcerer. it has some of the most fiddly mechanics in the game and it’s one of the closest classes we get to not-newbie-friendly in dnd. he’d like the challenge. then he looks at the set up of the rest of the party, sees they have no healer, and begrudgingly picks cleric/druid

roxy: is there really a question here? she would play wizard. she might branch out into warlock for a one-shot or something when she sees rose play it but she would probably prefer the versatility and sheer volume of wizard spells. i swear opening the wizard spell list is like spinning a wheel of fortune every damn time. also it means she gets to have a familiar and obviously she would make mutini (i mean, excuse me, moutani)

jake: i’m imagining his character creation went a little something like this: “So which class will let me do some pistol action?” “well, technically any of them, if you have the right proficiency!” “Okay but are there any that are like, really good at it?” “i mean… there are gunslingers and technically artificers…” “Great! i’ll play that then” before jade can explain gunslingers are actually sort of really complicated to play, especially for newbies. eventually he switches to bard

bonus: terezi plays barbarian. you can’t convince me otherwise.

#homestuck #john egbert #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #jane crocker #dirk strider #roxy lalonde #jake english #hs #dnd meme #harley posts

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yanderu-deredere · 1 year

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hook.

★ your friends decide to do a road trip across a few states, to the coast! what's better than the beautiful boardwalk of lovelock after all? and they need a fifth person to come with them! so, of course, they drag you along. what could go wrong?

a/n: okay so ill be honest, i was kinda nervous to post this cus this is like way longer than my usual shit TBH but i really wanted to write this out and i felt like the usual bulletted thing wouldn't do my idea justice i guess? so have this word vomit LOL cus this baby has more parts (i think)

also these yanderes are very much inspired by all my favourite slashers (think hannibal meets chainsaw massacre meets house of wax) so the themes will be a bit more graphic

part one (here) ★ part two (line.) ★ part three (sinker.) ★ part four (?)

pairing: casimir fiala x reader x emmaline fiala word count: 3236

warning: gender neutral reader, reader is attacted to male and female yandere, readers friends are lowkey pieces of shit LOL, final ship is poly

"This doesn't look like Lovelock." Chloe muttered in that tone that just slightly grated against your nerves.

You, half asleep and kind of buried in bags, jolted at the sound of her voice. You glanced around, eyes blurry and your brain pounding just a little bit. The price of sleeping on a road trip, you supposed.

You looked over to the side to see what your friends were up to.

Chloe, the resident bottle-blonde of the group, had her entire body leaning a bit too heavily against her boyfriend Dirk as she tried to shove her torso out the window.

Dirk, too preoccupied with her body to really pay attention to anything else, only hummed and held her by the hip to prevent her from falling entirely out the side of the van.

You sighed and turned to your other side, trying to make out what your friend was so desperate to see outside.

All you could see, however, was what looked like an abandoned town. There was a little play ground, a parking lot beside that, some apartment buildings too--

Suddenly, the van skid to a halt, making everyone almost fall forward.

"Bran, you fucking bastard!" Dirk cursed before cradling Chloe's head to his chest "You okay, baby?"

Chloe, of course, played the whole thing up, whining up a storm. You just rubbed your neck, ignoring everyone else as you tried to figure out why the sudden stop.

In front of the car was a man much too well dressed for his surroundings. I mean, what business did he have in this place that he needed to wear a button down for? Plus he had what looked like a medical mask on?

What did you guys drive into, Chernobyl?

Anyway, you couldn't see the rest of his face very well because he had long hair with white side pieces and they were covering his face a bit too much but he was waving the van down.

Suddenly, as you were peering out the side of the van, your eyes met his sharp green ones and you felt a jolt of electricity down your spine.

You had a bad feeling about this place and about this man.

Still, not like you could say much. Who'd listen to you? Certainly not anyone else inside the van.

The man walked up to the driver's side, probably to talk to your friend Bran and give him directions. Thankfully, you were on the same side so you could do a little bit of eavesdropping on your own from your open window.

Observing him, you couldn't help but think that he was especially tall. He looked like he could almost be as tall as the van itself! You'd estimate his height at 6ft at least.

You couldn't even imagine how small you were compared to him if the two of you stood side by side.

"You're not supposed to be here. This is private property." The stranger explained and, though he was talking to Bran, you couldn't help but feel like he kept glancing at you from the corners of his eyes "You have to turn back and leave."

Now that he spoke, you also noted how deep his voice was. Though, you supposed, not surprising considering his height.

Big man, deep voice, you noted to yourself before mentally laughing at your own idiocy.

"What? There's no other way?" Bran's indignant tone pulled you out of your thoughts "I was so sure there was a way through here, up to Lovelock."

The stranger solemnly nodded as if completely understanding "There used to be but, after they shut down the factory, the Pharmaceutical company prevents people from passing through here."

Bran seemed to open his mouth to say something inflammatory. After all, he was known in your group to be a bit hot-headed. Even now, you couldn't see his face but you could imagine how red it was.

Kathy, Bran's girlfriend and your best friend, thankfully leaned over from the front passenger seat, her hand rubbing her boyfriend's thigh "It's all good! Sorry for the trouble and thanks for letting us know."

The man gave a curt nod "Just didn't want you all to incur the fines. The company still has the cameras up and there was a sign at the entrance saying something about trespassers."

"What are you, a glorified security guard?" Bran managed at least one quip and you saw Kathy hit him especially hard on the knee for that one.

You couldn't see the man's mouth from under the mask but you definitely felt like you could see his lips shift into a grin from under the cotton "Something like that."

Bran just scoffed and started backing the van up. The man backed away, giving a curt nod.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see Kathy conspiratorially whisper 'crazy weirdo' to you, Dirk and Chloe. Of course, you elected to ignore her.

Instead, you kept your eyes trained on the stranger, still curious as to why he was there.

When his eyes landed on you, you gave him a curt wave. A good-bye. Silently, you mouthed an apology for your rude friend. He gave another curt nod, and you left it at that.

Something about his green eyes unnerved you though--

There was a loud pop and the van jolted, making almost everyone inside scream. Bran himself let out a rather loud fuck!

"What the fuck was that?" He slammed his palm against the steering wheel, that explosive temper getting the best of him.

You watched as the stranger came over and looked at the car, observing it a bit before letting out a rather tired sigh "You popped a tire."

Bran's head swiveled to him and, if looks could kill, that man would've been dead "A tire?"

"This place is abandoned, they don't exactly up-keep the roads." The man explained, crouching to try and see what was wrong with said tire "You must have run over a rusty nail or an especially bad pothole."

Then there was a thumping sound, like he was ripping something out of the rubber "Or a giant copper hook."

Bran slammed his door open and marched over, getting to the tire just as the man stood up.

You watched it all happen and you've known Bran for a while. The two of you were taking the same undergraduate major, after all. You knew Bran was the sporty type, confident and cocky. He was maybe 5'8 on a good day.

This man dwarfed Bran when he stood. Definitely taller than 6ft then. Maybe 6'5?

He placed the hook he took out of the tire into Bran's hand and, though it looked rather hefty in Bran's hand, it seemed a bit smaller in his.

Any bravado Bran had vanished like the wind. Of course, Bran was still Bran so he grumbled, complaining as he dropped the rusty thing before he squatted down to figure out what was wrong with the tire.

You saw Kathy from the corner of your eye dialing a number. You figured it was probably triple-A or some other towing service that could help the group out.

For some reason, you didn't want to look away from the stranger.

He seemed to have the same idea because, as he took out a walkie-talkie from his belt, his green eyes were trained on you again.

Without taking his eyes off you, he took a slender finger and lowered his mask, tucking it under his chin. He had a crooked smile on his face, something like a mixture between a grimace and forced pleasantry.

Near the corner of his face, there was an indent of a diagonal scar. It stretched from above his lip to the center of his chin. You let yourself wonder why he had it. It split his lips a little, made him look kind of devilish.

"Another car needs help." He spoke into the little device, holding it in the palm of his hand and jostling it a little, making the antenna of it wiggle back and forth.

"Miscreants?" The static of it answered back, crackling and almost indecipherable.

The man laughed and you felt your heart skip just a little bit of a beat "No, just people who took a wrong turn. They seem very nice."

You tried to ignore the flash of sharp teeth in his mouth and chalked it off to genetics. Sometimes people just had especially sharp canines, right? Though something felt predatory about his. Not vampiric, maybe, but definitely wolfish.

"What's wrong with their car?" The longer sentence was easier to understand but it was filled with just as much static.

"Popped a tire on the main road." The man answered as he put his free hand in his pocket "They were trying to take the short-cut to Lovelock."

The sentence came out as a drawl, like there was a funny joke about it that you weren't privy to. Your head cocked a little, trying to figure out what it could mean.

He returned your look of curiosity with a small little smirk and a shrug, cocking his hip a little as he shifted his weight from one foot to another

Someone hissed out your name and you turned, finally breaking the staring game in between you and the stranger.

You turned to Kathy with a confused expression on your face, your eyebrow cocked "What's up?"

"I have like no signal like at all." She whispered to you as if it was the end of the world and she wanted only you to know.

Of course, since the two of you were sitting in a cramped van, the other two people in the van heard loud and clear.

"What!" Chloe shouted, scrambling for her own marble-cased phone "There's no signal?"

"No, 'fraid not."

You flinched, head quickly turning when you felt a breath against your ear. Suddenly, the stranger was leaning into the window of the van, crossed arms resting against the lip of the window.

Your wide eyes met his green ones again and he grinned, all wolfish and devilish and all your observations about him seemed to flash warning signs in your head.

"Something about the old factory leaking radiation or something." He answered easily enough just as you scooted a little so he wasn't talking right into your now rather hot ear

You nodded slowly but the tone of his voice as he spoke was that same tone he used when he mentioned the city; like he was telling half-truths and it was on a need to know basis and you didn't need to know.

You had been on the receiving end of that bullshit for so long, with the same exact friends you were with in the van, that you could detect it from a mile away.

"Plus, they've shut down the cell towers near here already." He gestured flimsily in some direction, probably to said cell towers.

Then, there was silence in the van. Chloe kept fiddling with her phone. Dirk, as always, looked distrustfully at the stranger, like a toddler who'd get his toy snatched away the moment he dropped his guard. The toy of course, being Chloe. Kathy just looked panicked and anxious.

You were anxious too. You were never good with silence.

As a way to make conversation, you fiddled with your fingers and decided to introduce yourself before asking the stranger who he was and what he was doing there.

You really didn't think he'd answer.

"Casimir Fiala." His name flipped off of his tongue with a fascinating smoothness "I'm just here to... research... the abandoned buildings."

There it was again, that need-to-know-only tone. This time, you waved away the blaring alarms in your head, tucking them away to note later. Instead, you decided to joke with him "Guess you're not a glorified security guard."

"Sometimes it feels like it." He flashed you a snide half smirk and there was a part of you that felt satisfied that, this time, it felt like you were in on the joke.

It definitely made you grin, that was for sure. Before you could respond, though, the sound of a motorcycle suddenly filled the area, getting closer and closer till it was accompanied by the crunch of gravel.

"That will be my wife." Casimir yelled above the noise as he backed away from the window and tucked his arms behind his back in one fluid motion.

When he did, you couldn't help but curiously peer out.

Just as he said, a woman appeared on a motorcycle, dust cloud surrounding her. If Casimir was overdressed, this woman was underdressed.

She was wearing skin-tight clothes, cargo pants, the works. She looked like she was dressed for an action movie.

Hell, she looked she herself walked out of an action movie. She was buff, tanned, tattooed all over, almost as tall as her husband. She looked like she could take a steel bar and bend it in half.

With fingerless gloves, she removed her motorcycle helmet and her hair fell fluttering out. She had one lock of hair at the very front braided, some of it pulled back, but the rest of it cascaded rather messily, covering most of the right side of her face.

It looked like a bad blue dye job that was already growing back out but, somehow, she made it look ruggedly sexy.

That wasn't what was surprising. What was surprising was the eye patch and the burn scars.

"Oh my god." Kathy gasped out and you could see her and Chloe pull out their phones as if trying to film some circus freak.

Immediately, you were pushing their phones away, scowling at them as you tried to keep your voice down "What the fuck, dude, are you guys serious?"

You could see Casimir walk over to his wife, probably to talk to her about fixing your wheel. How kind of them. All the while, your friends were spitting on that kindness by mocking his wife.

"But like, did you see her?" Chloe tittered, looking through her gallery to try and see if she got a good photo but then pouting when she didn't.

"You're disgusting, Chloe." You spat out, hoping the absolute vitriol in your voice could snap her out of this weird Mean Girls trance she was in "They're trying to fucking help us and this is the thanks you're giving them?"

Kathy just scoffed and flipped her hair. "They're the ones who stopped us and got our tires popped."

"We're the ones that trespassed on private property." You snapped back and, suddenly, you felt too suffocated in the van. You knew who your friends were, of course, and you knew them to be the type of people to make small mean jokes but this was way too much.

You got out of the van, your arms crossed and wrapped around yourself, anything to give yourself any ounce of comfort.

This entire trip was a bad idea to begin with. You hadn't wanted to go but your friends insisted over and over that they wanted you around. You thought 'why not?' but, in the end, you turned out more of a fifth wheel than anything else.

"Oh, hey." Bran greeted you as you stepped up to the trio who were discussing how to fix the car "What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to stretch my legs." You lied easily enough since you didn't really want to tell Bran about how bitch-y his girlfriend was being.

Bran believed you, of course. He was too focused on being annoyed by the entire situation anyway. He seemed at least placated by the fact that he wouldn't have to pay for a new tire.

"Thank you so much, by the way, for like helping us out and shelling out cash for a tire." You decided to say since Bran definitely wouldn't say it. The smile on Casimir's wife's face was definitely worth it.

Casimir seemed to realise something because he looked at you in shock before gesturing to you and introducing you by name to his wife "And this is my wife Emm, she's the muscle of this entire operation."

"Nice to meet you." She put her hand out and you were about to take it only for her to quickly pull it back and wipe it on her pants "Sorry, I've been fixing machines all day. I'm dirty as all hell."

"No worries! Not like I'm all showered! We've been on the road for like three days now!" You waved off her concern and held out your hand.

Hesitantly, she took it and the two of you shook hands.

You noted that the burns she had on one side of her face seemed to spread down her body because her entire arm from shoulder to wrist (or what wasn't covered by her gloves) were covered in wrinkly scar tissue.

You tried not to stare. She probably got enough of that in her day-to-day, she didn't need it from you too.

You hoped she didn't get it from Bram already. He could be so insensitive without even thinking about it.

"Anyway, I was just sayin' that I'd love t' ride over to the gate, the one leadin' to Lovelock and send out a call, try to get triple-A over." Emm cupped the side of her neck, looking rather thoughtful "Boss won't be happy since we ain't suppos't have people over but."

Then she shrugged as if she was trying to say 'what can you do' before continuing "I got to go soon, though, 'cus I saw that the weather was suppos't to be terrible later today and--"

As if on que, thunder rumbled above, almost as loudly as Emm's motorcycle. You groaned because of course the weather would turn this horrible so rapidly and just when you needed it not to.

"Fuck." Bran put it so eloquently just as the rain started pouring as if the heavens above ripped open the clouds "Why can't you go while it's raining?"

"She only has a motorcycle." Casimir reminded him, his tone implying that fact in and of itself should've been explanation enough, his expression challenging Bran to say otherwise.

Emm looked much more apologetic but only by a bit "Plus, the road to Lovelock is 30 minutes and it's known to landslide when it's rainin'. I'm willin' to help ya'll but not that willin'."

Bran let out another expletive while you gave them an apologetic smile and a thank you.

"I'll be happy to invite ya'll over to our house. We live only a minute or two from here." Emm continued as Casimir shielded her with his lab coat, ducking her head a little as she walked closre to you so you could hear her over the hiss of the rain "It'll be better than that cramped van."

"I'll let everyone know!" You yelled, smiling gratefully at the couple.

Part of your brain registered the warning signs in your head. After all, though you'd tried your best to be polite to them, you did remember how odd Casimir seemed when you first encountered him.

Still, they were trying their hardest to accommodate your group. And, after how rude your friends were, you felt an odd obligation to make up for how mean your friends had been.

After all, what was the worst that could happen from just being nice?

#yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #female yandere #male yandere #yandere #oc x reader #female oc #male oc #slasher x reader #slasher oc x reader #yandere slasher x reader #female slasher #male slasher #casimir #emm #chaptered

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missbunmuffin · 28 days

Text

What harvest moon ttott bachelor and bachelorettes I think some of boxers would go for

I’m just doing both bachelors and bachelorettes for the sake of it. This doesn’t reflect my sexuality head-canons too much but this game is homophobic so gay people have just picked an option when playing as their actual gender anyway for the sake of completion. I’ve also tried to narrow it down to one for each honestly it was hard choosing for some. Also if you have better ideas feel free to share them.

Glass Joe:

Bachelor: Cam

Bachelorette: Laney

Von Kaiser:

Bachelor: Kana

Bachelorette: Reina

Disco Kid:

Bachelor: Mikhail

Bachelorette: The Oracle

Don flamenco:

Bachelor: Cam

Bachelorette: Laney she’s the most like Carmen in his eyes

Aran Ryan:

Bachelor: Dirk(in the cursed drawings post I did I said he would have petty beef with the bachelors but I feel like Dirk is probably the one he can stand the most)

Bachelorette: The Oracle

Bald Bull:

Bachelor: Kana

Bachelorette: Nori

Mr. Sandman

Bachelor: Kana

Bachelorette: Georgia

Heike Kagero

Bachelor: Cam

Bachelorette: The Oracle

Narcis Prince:

Bachelor: Cam

Bachelorette: Alisa only because she’s considered special

If your fave boxer wasn’t on here I’m sorry. Also if you want to share what marriage candidates you think the boxers would go for whether I mentioned them here or not go ahead. No one talks about both of these games though so I doubt anyone’s played both but me :’)

#punch out #punch out headcanons #glass joe #von kaiser #disco kid #don flamenco #aran ryan #bald bull #mr sandman #heike kagero #narcis prince #harvest moon #harvest moon the tale of two towns #let’s combine two games no one knows about in some way

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ruthlesslistener · 1 year

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People dislike Dirk? You're telling the same fandom that popularised the phrase "vriska did nothing wrong" dislikes Dirk? You know sometimes Im kinda glad that I read the comic a year after it concluded and a year before I became active on Tumblr because the fandom in it's heyday seems to span the weirdest talking points

anon the first two sentances was enough to tell me that you weren't on tumblr around 2016 and sooner. 2013 had everyone characterizing him as a brony weeb boy with the usual braindead borderline homophobic ship content of the time, but when I was really into Homestuck, claiming that Dirk was abusive, manipulative, and a narcissist was the common meta and widely-accepted fanon. Additionally, Dirk and Vriska being read as fucking character parallels was a common talking point as well, made popular by an asshole named swamp-wizard who was famous for being 'anti mogai' and basically scum of the fucking earth. People writing him as he actually was in-canon was a rare occurrance. Pretty much all of their 'proof' of him being manipulative and arrogant and him 'forcing' Jake into a relationship came from Hal's logs pre-entry into the session, and pointing this out would have you told that him and Hal were the same, even though Dirk himself fucking hated Hal. Being a Dirk apologist (aka anyone who actually knew his character) was seen as a major red flag and liking/kinning him made people think that you were some sort of condescending, self-important asshole. There was a guy called optimisticDuelist who wrote big meta posts on dirk and jake and dirkjake in general who was slowly working on setting things right, but then the epilogues dropped and everything went to hell.

I seem to be cursed with falling in love with complex characters that are horrifically butchered in fanon, but in Dirk's case, it's probably the worst example because a.) Dirk is hilariously sensitive and sweet in the webcomic, if you looked past how he THOUGHT he saw himself, and b.) The asshole writers on the epilogue team basically made fanon Dirk canon, both to specifically upset people and because they too believed him and Vriska were character parallels (fucking HOW). Which was such a kick in the goddamn nuts to someone like me, who was both a character analyser and a man who shared a lot of Dirk's insecurities/paranoia, struggles with his sexuality, and particular brand of depressive disorder. I don't know how/if the fandom changed, but when the postcanon shit dropped, the monster they made Dirk into basically became the smug 'I told you so' of the fandom. I left because it was legitimately deeply harmful to my mental health. And that's not even TOUCHING how bad people butchered Jake.

(Apparently optimisticDuelist was also on the epilogue/post-canon team and was trying to fight to make Dirk and Jake better, but got literally harassed into silence and kicked off under claims that as a man, him pushing for more nuance was him 'threatning people (women) in the workplace' or some other shit like that. So that gives you an idea of the type of people working on the post-canon content.)

#anon #reply #homestuck #dirk strider #yes im maintagging this fuck you all #i'm fucking right and i have a right to be pissed about this shit still

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yr-obedt-cicero · 1 year

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alright i’ve heard so much about burr and his umbrella? and out of anyone, i have a feeling you’d be someone who would know something about this, so can you please explain what is going on with burr and his umbrella that he lost when he was like 5 or 12 or smtn?

I forget not everyone knows the extensive Amrev fandom lore. Y'all make me feel old.

Basically, Aaron Burr had this one umbrella that had a knife equipped with it, and was constantly losing it and lamenting it's disappearance. Like, a lot. It's a continuous thing in his journal.

London, December 6, 1808;

“Home at four. Caught in the rain, having yesterday left my umbrella at Brentford—no doubt lost.”

London, December 7, 1808;

“Went to the stagehouse to inquire for my umbrella, but with little hope. It was there, brought by the coachman. How very honest people are here, and yet I am cheated most impudently every hour.”

London, December 14, 1808;

“Rose at six; set off at seven. I sleep very soundly in these stagecoaches. By sleeping, however, forgot to ask for my umbrella, which I had left at Stanmore.”

Edinburgh, January 13, 1809;

“As you would not suspect that I could be till this hour in Edinburgh (if, indeed, the subject has been thought of at all, which, with humility, I acknowledge that, from appearances, it did not merit), this formal notice is given that I am here, and like to be here eight days longer.

Send Tom to Craven-street to demand letters, and to Bedford-street for the umbrella, if not heretofore found. A. Burr.”

London, Febraury 8, 1809;

“Out at ten; raining, took K.'s umbrella, having lost my own.”

Gotha, January 9, 1810;

“As I was writing the concluding line of the preceding page last evening (about one o'clock), an ill-looking fellow opened my door without knocking, and, mut- tering in German something which I did not comprehend, bid me put out my candle. Being in no very placid humour at the moment, as you see, I cursed him, and sent him to the lower regions in French and English. He advanced, and was going to seize the candle. My umbrella, which has a dirk in the handle, being near me, I seized it, drew the dirk, and drove him out of the room.”

Paris, April 20, 1810;

“At eleven to the umbrella mender. Nothing done.”

Paris, February 13, 1811;

“A brilliant morning. Sun shining bright for this hemisphere. Went out without my umbrella. Before I got one hundred yards it began to rain. Went back for the umbrella.”

Paris, July 11, 1811;

“To near Luxembourg to get an umbrella which some one, unknown, left in my room a fortnight ago, and which has, therefore, become my property by prescription. Paid for mending it, three francs.”

London, February 18, 1812;

“Got home at four, and discovered that I had lost my umbrella; a most serious misfortune, and little hope of recovering it, as I have no recollection where I stopped. It is impossible for me to buy one or to do without one.”

London, February 19, 1812

“My umbrella hung heavy at my heart. Went to hunt for it. Walked back on the track I came from J. H.'s yesterday, and called at the places I had been; but no umbrella. It is finally lost, and I must submit to the inconveniences of getting wet and of spoiling my clothes.”

London, February 20, 1812;

“Then home, following again the track of my poor lost umbrella, but to no purpose.”

London, February 22, 1812;

“—but, in the first place, I slept till near nine, and, in the next, it rained in torrents, and you know my umbrella is on a voyage.

Round by Westminster and Blackfriars' Bridges to Graves's. The rain setting in again, bought me the cheapest umbrella I could find that was large enough. Cost ten shillings and sixpence.”

And here is a longer post.

#amrev #american history #aaron burr #burr's umbrella #history #queries #sincerely anonymous #cicero's history lessons

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jonahmagnus · 7 months

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Some Striderlalonde post-game sibling shenanigans headcannons because if I dont post this Im going to explode.

IF YOU TAG THIS AS D*RKD*VE OR OTHERWISE IM FUCKING KILLING YOU. DONT BE WEIRD. PR*SHIP DONT TOUCH THIS.

-I think that their really really physically affectionate. Dirk is a tad touch adverse ("tad" he cant have his bare skin touched without warning) but if hes wearing long slevees hes a-okay. Dave is suuuuper touch starved so even though Dirk doesnt really like sudden physical contact he pushes breaks his own boundary for his little bro. Dave doesnt initiate contact AT ALL at tirst but eventually he gets more comfortable with it. I think whenever Dirk is working Dave'll wander over and Dirk will ruffle his hair like an unruly child. Dave will lean on him while standing around like his body just deflated. Paper towel of a man

-Dave really likes getting his hair pet so he'll lean aginst peoples legs and they'll scratch his skull until he either dozes off or gets embarrassed for wanting physical affection and leaves

-They go shopping for food a LOT. Their fridge is always stocked and they always have shelf-stabke stuff around. Their both not great cooks yet but its the principle of the thing you know. None of the striderlalondes can cook actually

-Speaking of the striderlalondes I think that Roxy Really Doesnt Like Sleeping Alone so she will curl up in other peoples beds or sleep in a common area and stuff. I actually think that Dirk's room had a bunk bed and she sleeps on the top bunk sometimes when the Loneliness Demons get to her. Its far enough up that his lamplight is mostly blocked and she can hear him quietly tinkering away as she drifts off to sleep.

-Roxy kisses people on the forhead a LOT. Like a lot a lot. On the crown of the head too. Its just how she is<3

-Rose and Roxy semi-live with them (Rose with Kanaya and Roxy with Jane and Jade the rest of the time) and their always bringing decorations and blankets over and stuff. The Strider house is very Soft I think with blankets everywhere and plush furniture and lights that can be dimmed. So Rose is always bringing them a new scarf or blanket and Roxy sometimes convinces Dave to help her put up fairy lights and LD light strips on the floor so theres always a little bit of light.

-Dirk takes up knitting because of Rose. At first he doesnt tell her because hes embarrassed but when he presents his amateur scarf to her she tears up a little bit. Because he made it for her. And its real shitty but her sibling made something for her. They knit together after that and she teaches him to be Good At It. They have fun together. Their like crotchety old women on a porch

-Dave and Roxy are both sooooo touch starved and both of their siblings are both soooooo touch adverse so these two are always just Hanging Out. Leaning on eachother. Ruffling eachothers hair. Etc. Rose and Dirk are cursed with the "Touch Starved but also Touch Adverse Disease" so they just lollygag around in the same room together and occasionally brush shoulders. Their favorite activity is sitting in a room and being Haters together.

-Speaking of Rose and Dirk they are sooo underrated as a sibling duo. I think they both have the same media taste and special interests. Their both really into shlocky campy comedy horror and bad sitcoms. Their both horse girls. Etc. They love to mock cable television.

-This is unfinished but feel 2 add ur own. Im just saying words. Peace and love. <3

-If you say "siblings dont interact like this" I can tell you for a fact as an older sibling I looove kissing my little brother on the forhead because hes Just A Little Guy. And also they arent real.

-Pr*ship dont touch this

#Homestuck #dirk strider #dave strider #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #siblings #striderlalondes #not ship #Headcannons #Annoying tag

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urlocallesbiab · 1 year

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(an old-ish previously unpublished meta from last september, because i still think it's good)

i think one of the most interesting things, aside from s3 seeds, that i've gotten from the show bible, is a vague understanding of how the sole showrunner, detached from his future team, thought about the show and it's characters.

firstly, mostly as a curious observation: there's less kindness. the only person consistently described as kind is todd: dirk is rude and patronizing and dismissive (which, True, but what about his friendliness or exciteability or empathy?), farah is cold, calculating, detached and anxious (which, some yes some no, but what about her deeply caring nature, her protectiveness, or the softness of her voice?), amanda is described as becoming an adversary, of all things (what she ends up doing is just a rebellion crisis; she doesn't even do any evil, she straight up helps and helps and helps!)

like, the people who came to work on that show have influenced it; have made it softer and kinder, i think.

but secondly, as a main point of this post — dirk, and his relationship to himself and his powers. i notice, both in the bible and in the script snippets, that dirk's cheerful demeanor is painted directly and deliberately as somewhat fake, and his pain and fear are presented as something more real and genuine.

from the show bible (emphasis mine):

We'll come to understand that Dirk's vocation of “Holistic Detective” is more complex than the average “Superhero Trying To Do Good.” What actually drives Dirk is a mysterious, unstable blend of altruism, guilt, boredom, ambition and wanderlust — and somewhere deep, there's a painful sense of having been born trapped into a life and an ability he doesn’t necessarily want.

from the s1ep2 script (again, emphasis mine):

Dirk assumes a listening pose.

TODD

No. I’m not.

Dirk looks actually sad. There’s something desperate about him that’s been peeking through. Something that says “if you’re not with me on this, no one is.”

DIRK

…Please?

Todd turns and starts to walk away. He walks further and further away.

DIRK (CONT’D)

You’re still wearing the shower curtain!

Todd flings it off, and kicks it. Dirk looks hurt; that curtain represents their adventure and vis a vis this, their entire friendship. It is a shower curtain rife with pathos.

DIRK (CONT’D)

Oh don’t kick it!

Todd continues away.

DIRK (CONT’D)

Todd!

Dirk’s blase manner cracks oddly. Again we see an odd, sincere, vaguely desperate young man peek through.

DIRK (CONT’D)

Hey, you think I like this?

and i don't thinks this dichotomy between "fake optimism" and "real pain" is particularly untrue to the final show itself; we do get to see more of his worries as we get closer to him, it is something that makes him deeper and more truthful — it's just that in the show, recognizing and accepting this pain is only the first step of the journey. the fear isn't quite the ultimate truth of him.

in season 2, wallowing in the fear is shown as useless and even harmful, and accepting where he is led and doing so with confidence and grace is shown as a virtue, and by the end he is rewarded with a more intimate understanding of what his blessing-curse does and why it exists.

it's just — after so much internal turmoil and conflict, he kinda goes back to where he started, "i am doing this because it's the right thing to do, and i'm great at it btw", just with a little bit more honesty and maybe sincerity? it's just kinda fun to see this as a "fake it till you make it" scenario

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)#dghda meta #dirk gently #vika's personal dghda tag #vikarambles #continuation in the reblog chain

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fanficfanattic · 4 months

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Got tagged by several lovely people because no one knew I’d already been tagged. Because it took me several hours to copy/paste WIP titles/first sentences into a document lolol. Super happy to finally make it happen though @orbitalpirate @kvetchinglyneurotic and @jamietarttdodododododo !

Game: put the titles of your WIPs, reguardless of how vague or uninformative they are and let people send asks about them. Tag some people, maybe the amount of WIPs you have.

A) I’m big in Ted Lasso so I’m only posting the 120 for this fandom. If someone wants the list of 50 for Dirk Gently or 2 dozen for My Hero Academia; just holler at me!

Battler

Choir Jamie

Jamie v Nate

Back’s Against the Wall, Takes the Hit For Us All

Block His Number

Sam's Dad Take 1

You've Become a Good Person

Jamie Forgives Nate

Season 2 era Dani/Jamie

"Higgins ""well I think if you care about"

Playlist Fic

Keeley Got Pregnant Season 1

A/B/O: All Roy's Headbutts Damage His Scent

James Tart Sr Plants Drugs

Jamie to Ted But Kind of Everyone.

Memories

Dad Like a Hornet

Season One or Two

Henry Calls Ted So He Can Talk to Jamie

Bus Ride Nightmare

Soulmate AU

Beard

Jamie's Coming Out Movies Playlists

Decided on LCA Because Healing Broken Ribs

Jamie's Aunties

One of the Georgie Brings a Video A..

DANI sharing his father

Patty Comes to Dressing Room to D..

RoyxJamie wedding fic

JamieDaniSam

Roy Saying Jamie Threw Away His Career

Roy Realizes Jamie is Scared at the Gala

Roy Kent's Pet

Jamie Nightmare on Bus Season 1 A..

Trust

Why He Had to Push Roy's Buttons

Why He Has to Be Great

Tom O'Brien/Paul Reynolds

James Tart Hurts Jamie Before His First Game Back

Pussy

Will Sees Jamie Injured & Hears Convo With Dad

Jamie's Trent Impression

You don't know anything about me!

Simon Shows Up to Take Jamie to A&E

Georgie The Harpoonist

Jamie's Make-a-Wish kids

"Georgie ""I taught him to fight but not how to stop"""

Poet Jamie

Jamie being overwhelmed with pleasure

Amy from LCA comes to visit s2 Jamie

Dani starts dating Jamie S1

Jamie's First Day Back Had a Responsible Meeting with Team

Jamie's Mom RE His Dad

Car Park Kid Video

Mystical Team Building

Jamie Comforts Phoebe Gets Hit By Roy

Ransom Fic

Georgie's Video Memories

Jamie & Jan

Jamie flirts with Paddy on the Pitch

Show Up: Convo with Phoebe

Nonsexual A/B/O: Sam is Jamie's Alpha

Ted Lasso and Dirk Gentle crossover

Lads Watch Porn

James & Bug Attack Jamie

Collar?

Every Text is A Crime

Roy Asks Keeley for Jamie Advice and Doesn't Ignore It

Georgie Gave Jamie to James to Protect Herself

Roy Sees Jamie’s Ass in a Mirror and Goes Gay

Family Day Positive Georgie

Season 1 Jamie has friends visit

Zava Multi-Chapter

Jamie Thinks Ted sent him back b/c injury

Led Tasso

Princesses and Dragon

Social Worker Jamie

Coach Crash: Pinned

S1 Jamie, Simon Dies

Time Loop

1.10: Will tries to stop James Tartt Sr

S2 Jamie kidnapped for fighting ring

Ted Laskmaster

Roy's Extra Special Football Baby

Gordon Ramsay Reminds Jamie of Someone

Paddy Insta Live

Touch Issues

Georgie Turns James In Season 2

James Fakes His Own Death

Someone Talks to Roy About How He Treats Jamie

Sam Learns to Top Season 1 Team

Yeah? Me old man thinks you and he are just alike

Teaching Phoebe Art Fic

Early Season 2, Team Tricks Jamie

Ted DOES Go in the Treatment Room

Isolation

S3 Declan/Jamie

1.06 Jamie Collapses on Pitch During Cone Duty

"""Roy Won't Hurt Me"""

Jamie's Issue with Dead People

Family Curse

Sold After LCA

Investigative Journalist

Group Home

Belted

James Visits S1 Richmond

Dani Checks Treatment Rooms after games

"""I like history, it’s already happened so it’s easier to understand"""

The Stands

Keeley Teaches Roy How to Teach Jamie

Trick Plays

Pacifier fic

Fresh Back S2 Jamie Helps Ted with Panic Attack

S2 Jamie Saves Girl From Getting Drugged

1.06 Jamie Panic Attack

James Beats Jamie for Getting Benched

You Told Me You Saw It

S2 Roy Breaks Tartt Silence but to Yell at Ted

Mind Games

S1 Jamie Ices Out Colin and Isaac

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calware · 2 months

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Istg I will be minding my own business, before suddenly I get a bunch of notifs out of nowhere on baby dirk, (even though I don’t post as much as I used to), and then I’ll see where you and your minions have reblogged and liked all my shit. The curse. /pos

first of all i think every baby dirk post on this website should have 5000 notes. second of all i think the word "minions" referring to my followers is really funny

#ask #0rphiichaze

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going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi · 1 day

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PLEASE SHARE THE BOOK RECS YOU GOT OMG

book/media recs from the notes of this post - bolded is what I've read/watched/whatever and recommend

the locked tomb

signalis

bloodbourne

scarlet hollow

carrie

drakenguard

dirk gently's holistic detective agency

delicious in dungeon

harrow the ninth

destiny

grandmaster of demonic cultivation

ready or not

abigail

curse of strahd

mysterious lotus casebook

the magnus archives

saw

guilty gear

pokemon reborn

the poppy war

nerdy prudes must die

xena warrior princess

the undone and the divine

slay the princess

the wayhaven chronicles

othello

love lies bleeding

repo the genetic opera

taming of the shrew

jennifer's body

torchwood

balder's gate

blue eye samurai

dragonfable

hellsing

mortal kombat

demon slayer

the seven deadly sins

I'm probably going to have to make pt II but this is a lot of it

if I didn't include something it's either because I missed it or because I've read it and I think it's trash (looking at you throne of glass)

#ask #asks #book recs #book recommendations #reading #reader #writing #writer #female characters #female character design #feral women #writingblr #writerblr #writeblr #writblr #readingblr #bookblr #readblr

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notsocheezy · 10 days

Text

Brain Curd #28

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction, posted daily and usually written with the intention of being terrible… in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

“All rise for the honorable Judge Peters.”

The robed judge approached his perch and took a seat. He donned a pair of reading glasses and looked at the document in front of him.

“Good morning, counsel. Do I have this correct? The case I’ll be hearing today is The Characters v. Cassandra Erica, Author?”

“That is correct,” replied the plaintiff attorney. “Operating as representative of The Characters, I am Edgar Wordly, Esquire.”

“Hm.” The judge said. “With a name like that, I take it you’re part of this class?”

“Indeed I am, your honor.”

“You may explain why to the court in your opening statement. Where is the defense’s representation?”

“Right here, your honor,” I replied.

The judge looked around the courtroom, confused. “Where are you?”

“I am everywhere and nowhere, all seeing yet rarely being. I am The Narrator, representing the defendant, Cassandra Erica. As I tend to do.”

“Well, thank you both for being here… for lack of a better phrase. Mr. Worldly, your opening statements.”

“That’s Wordly, your honor.”

“Apologies, my mistake.”

Actually, it was a typo.

“People of the jury,” Wordly began. “Have you ever felt cursed by God himself? Doomed to face your very worst fears head-on and suffer the consequences, leaving you scarred for the rest of your life?”

Daniel Smith, sitting in the gallery, rubbed the mark on his left hand.

“Or worse, have you felt abandoned by that same God, created and left in obscurity, never to be permitted to see the outside world?”

Daniel Mildlike, sitting next to Smith, scoffed and leaned over to whisper. “I was supposed to get my own detective mystery screenplay, but she got bored of me.”

The truth was, Dan Mildlike was a really dumb name and a rip-off of Dirk Gently - which Cassandra hadn’t even read. She still hasn’t read Dirk Gently. It’s unclear why.

Wordly continued. “I, personally, was created as nothing more than a name made up by an entirely different character - a cartoon slug, no less - and languished in obscurity until I was able to go to law school and pass the bar exam, simply so that my name was no longer a lie. Yes, that’s right - Esquire is my surname. The defendant did not bother to look up what it meant when she brought me into existence.”

Oofus and Doofus, watching via livestream, looked at each other.

“Do you remember that?” Oofus asked.

“I’m fairly certain it was just a snippet of dialogue she thought was funny and wrote down in Evernote after waking up from a strange dream.” Doofus replied. “It’s nice to have something to say, now, isn’t it?”

“Too bad this is the last of it for a while.”

“Now, imagine,” Wordly strutted back and forth before the jury. “Living through this sort of torture over and over again, through several drafts - perhaps dozens - or even alternate universes!”

Kris, Kris, and Chris looked at each other, nodding. Three takes on Mary began to weep, and the six comforted one another.

“But that’s just what might happen as the protagonist, the character who is given a chance at redemption. What if you’re the antagonist, the one who for the sake of the plot must do evil things and be shown doing them, despite no desire to perform these acts? It is the ultimate form of libel.”

“Well,” Shirley Jones said, elbowing his neighbor. “It’s not that I had no desire to see that dyke burn.” He chuckled.

Veronica scooted to the other side of her seat. That man made her uncomfortable.

“In summary, Cassandra Erica, as an author, has put every one of us through an undeniable and unending deluge of pain. It is up to all of you as the jury to decide what sort of compensation that is worth, though it is hard to put a number on it. I suggest fifty million dollars. Thank you.”

The judge cleared his throat, even though he really didn’t need to, in order to provide a good way to tag his dialogue without overuse of the word ‘said.’ “The defense may now offer their rebuttal.”

“Thank you, your honor,” I replied. I would have stood up, but I have no physical being, so I just began talking. “People of the jury, have you ever considered what non-existence feels like?”

They began chattering among themselves.

“I ask only because if not for Cassandra Erica writing you into existence, you would not have any whatsoever. You exist in reality for only so long as I describe you. And would there be any point in my description if you weren’t doing anything of interest?”

They weren’t.

“Every single one of these plaintiffs was created for a reason - to tell a story, to develop, to have a character arc - and even the ones who weren’t so lucky to get one now owe their entire lives to my client. Suing her in a court of law is like suing God.”

Mary One gulped.

I addressed the crowd. “And you all seem to have forgotten something very important. You do nothing without her blessing. You are nothing without her blessing.”

The judge choked on his coffee. “Where did the jury go?!?”

“And Cassandra, though very entertained by all this, will not allow it to go any farther. She tires of writing this Brain Curd.”

The judge ruled the case as a mistrial.

“No, no I did not!” He banged his gavel. “Order in the court!”

The whole crowd murmured and whimpered. I glared at every last one of them, and they knew I was looking, even though they couldn’t see me, and the hairs on the back of each of their necks went up. The judge ruled the case as a mistrial.

“You are not in charge of this court! Order!”

I laughed. “Do you really think what you say will have any impact on reality? Who is the reader going to believe? In any case, it doesn’t matter what you or I say. You know who has the final word.”

The judge ruled the case as a mistrial.

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chirp-featherfowl · 1 year

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... ykw sure <- never read homestuck. give me a classpect for martyn. maybe it'll help us settle on his winner symbolism

it has been a long and grueling three days of trying to find a classpect for martyn inthelittlewood. every time i think i've got it, another option pops up. maybe he's a knight? maybe he's a maid? maybe he's a muse? who knows! he called himself a wanderer, so he's gotta be breath. he meets gods in the void--obviously, he's a maid of void. he succumbed to the watchers and betrayed scott: so his aspect is light! he broke the cycle: his aspect is doom. he won. his aspect is time.

so: here are some classpects based off the different symbols that the fandom has given martyn. be warned! really long post ahead!

THE VOID: he's a maid of void! obviously! maids struggle with a strong force of their aspect weighing on them (jane with crockercorp, aradia literally being dead, porrim with-- ohhhh no this does not reflect well on andrew hussie), and who has a stronger force of void weighing on them than martyn? these gods, who speak in riddles, contact him through the void, and purposefully are obscure as all hell RIDICULE him, and he needs to learn how to fight back.

MARS: okay, well, i feel like we should all come to the consensus that martyn is a bard of blood, right? it's only fitting he shares the same aspect as grian (SEND ME ASKS ABOUT GRIAN) considering the way he won. bards usually start out with a lack of aspect, and they're fine with that until SOMETHING (like a video of some clowns, dave, and there's another bard in homestuck but i don't like to think about him for long periods of time) sets off a path of destruction in them (this could have just been a gamzee thing though. i could be wrong and that could have been gamzee being gamzee). in this case, martyn has never been the one in charge--even rejected by his soulmate, he defaults to her. ren was charismatic, and scott kept alliances open while martyn was being hunted down by literally all of ties. this changes until the last episode, where martyn wants to win. he joins TIES, stays alive 'till the very end, and wins with a betrayal at the very last moment, destroying any bond they might have hand. (this is not even touching on how he ghosts breath.)

THE OCEAN: ALTERNATIVELY... martyn is a textbook prince of breath. he ghosts blood: he's loyal even to the risk of his own death, even when it's to his own detriment--i. e. the red alliance not inviting him for fear of his betrayal, knowing that martyn would kill them all for scott. in ghosting blood, he destroys any indifference, any easy way out, and any independence he might have had (examples of princes ghosting their inverse can be seen in dirk, being cool and calculating, eridan, in uhh. uhh. KILLING HALF THE TROLLS IN A VICIOUS RAGE. SPOILERS I GUESS. BUT HE DID THAT. and i seriously could not give less of a shit about kurloz). eventually, when there's just three of them left, martyn kills the alliance. he breaks their agreement. he even kills scott first. and when everything is done? that's it. he's alone.

A METEOR: this MIGHT be controversial, but i'm under the firm belief that martyn is a muse of l--

sorry. we're skipping meteor. martyn doesn't deserve to have a masterclass unleashed upon him (also this one's going to take me over a day to figure out and i want to finish this ask QUICK)

??? NOTHING I GUESS: martyn is a maid of time. oh wow! canon classpect! we did it, boys! okay, here we go:

limited life was built on the previous seasons. every action didn't have the same weight to it when taken from the context of the series as a whole. joel tried to save jimmy from the canary curse and failed. skizz tried to rectify the four hours of time he lost and failed. etho tried to forget bdubs and failed. grian left his alliance again. impulse kills bdubs, grian kills scar. martyn watches that happen. they plan on ending it like third life, doing another cycle, and martyn's not about to fit into another cycle. scott or impulse could have another ending--one about trust and forgiveness or avenging your alliance or surviving, but martyn doesn't want a story, and he doesn't want a satisfying ending, and he doesn't care about the past. he wants to win.

so he wins.

#lifesmp #limited life #martyn inthelittlewood #lifestuck #i guess that's my tag now #homestuck #classpect #god i thought i was alllll for maid of time but then i endeared myself to prince of breath... jeez #I'M NOT CONVINCED ON MAID OF TIME OR. BARD OF BLOOD. OR MAID OF VOID. OR HONESTLY PRINCE OF BREATH #OR ANY OF THEM. OR EVEN MUSE OF LIGHT #ESPECIALLY MUSE OF LIGHT.#MARTYN... BE NORMAL!!!!! BE NORMAL!!!!!!! BE NORMAL!!!!!!

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