#i have many regrets for joining this fandom.

[soothingmoonlight]

.

#i regret ever joining the silmarillion fandom.... #it has become nothing but a source of pain and frustration to me #it is a place for people who only like certain characters but not others #and i am so so SO freakin' tired of all the horrible takes on feanor especially in regards to his family situation #amongst other horrible takes on him of which there are plenty #now i understand why so many of the people i used to follow 5-6 years ago have deactivated their accounts and left the fandom #at some point you just give up for the sake of your own mental health #i will reblog the posts i have liked so far and after that i am done with it #DONE for good #i will never stop loving feanor for he will forever remain one my favourite literary characters #i will just stop dealing with other people's insufferable edgy hot takes #i will find other things to enjoy and be happy #personal

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

For your celebration about she fell first but he fell harder, with clark kent or logan?

It Got Worse

Clark Kent x Wayne!reader

Bruce Wayne thought that the worst thing to ever happen to him was his darling little sister developing a crush on his best friend, but oh boy, it gets worse.

Warnings: reader is Bruce’s adopted sister, Clark is a SIMP, fluff, pregnancy

WC: 487

Minors DNI

3000 Follower Celebration

“Kal, stop staring at her. You look like a fucking creep.” Clark snapped back to reality, shaking himself from his daydreams. Bruce glared at him with a stern expression, his eyes dark with a raging anger reserved only for those who royally pissed him off.

Clark blushed and looked away, although he was conscious not to look even vaguely in your direction anymore. “It’s not being creepy, it’s being in love.” He retorted with a pout. Bruce scoffed.

“Actually the technical term is stalking.”

“She’s my fiancée.”

“She’s my sister.” Clark harrumphed and slumped down in the conference room chair. Obviously Bruce was going to get the kryptonite from his “super secret safe” if Clark even dared think about looking your way again, so the Kryptonian focused his ears and began to listen to your heartbeat instead. “Don’t.” Batman growled.

“I wasn’t even doing anything!” He whined, throwing his arms up into the air like a petulant toddler. 

“You two are already getting a whole day where the two of you can fawn all over each other and I am being forced to be there. So please, spare me the love-sick glances and blatantly inappropriate thoughts you are having about my little sister, until then.” Considering that the end of the conversation, Bruce turned back to his work, assuming that Clark would follow his lead. 

But instead there was a rush of air, causing the documents that had been carefully laid out on the table to scatter everywhere. With a heaving sigh, the older man looked up to see his future brother-in-law cradling you in his arms, lathering your face with sloppy kisses as you screamed with laughter.

Yet Bruce couldn’t help but smile. He remembered only two years ago when you would frequently collapse onto his couch, spouting about how in love with Clark you were and no matter what you did, he never reciprocated. In desperation for saving not only your happiness, but also his own sanity, Bruce had outright told Superman to ask you out. And he had been living to regret it ever since. 

Yes, you were happy and so was his best friend but the honeymoon phase had never ended. That led to an overabundance of pda, way way too many pet names, and a legitimate concern that Clark would drop dead the moment he saw you in your wedding gown.

You were trying to push your fiancé away, but he wouldn’t budge, instead one large hand slipped under your large shirt to cup your soft stomach. You placed your own hand on top of his as your lips met in an achingly soft kiss. Clark’s blue eyes sparkled with tears as you cooed something to him that your brother could not hear.

By the time the hero fell to his knees to kiss where his hand had just occupied, the realisation slapped Bruce in the face. This has just gotten worse.

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Clark Kent 

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#3000 follower celebration #clark kent x plus size reader #clark kent x reader #clark kent x you #female reader #plus size reader #reader insert #fluff #clark x plus size reader #clark kent x female reader #clark x reader #clark x you #clark x y/n #clark kent x y/n #superman x reader #superman x plus size reader #anon #inbox #wayne!reader

[firesnap]

When I was in law school I was struggling with the worst depression and anxiety combo of my life. I hated going to school, I hated studying, I hated how trapped I felt because I'd paid all that money and hated everything about what I was doing.

I started putting on vods of people playing Minecraft while I was studying to distract me from how frustrated I was. I put on Wilbur Soot, admittedly, because he was a cute looking guy with a British accent and then I fell in love with his content.

I remember the late night streams with a guitar and relating to how, hey, yeah, that's me too. I get it. The things that keep you up at night and that parasocial relationship with a screen that can't answer you back was a strong pull.

I followed his content casually when I was finishing school. And then Covid happened. I got more invested. DSMP happened. I finally gave in and started watching streams live. I gave in and joined fandom.

I made friends. So many friends. I've traveled so much. I've met people and listened to so much music and gotten into arguments with strangers and slept on people's couches and sat in the fucking dessert in August. I don't regret a moment of it. I loved it.

But I can't support someone who is a dangerous person. I won't speculate, or make this about him, other than to please use common sense. The same reason we all critiqued another's creators fans for sticking by him applies here.

I've run an update account about this guy for a while now. Through the nature of looking up articles, finding clips to share, and asks and submissions we receive, I end up with a lot of info I never wanted. But I can't ignore what that information tells me about the person I've been supporting.

I feel like this is an active grieving process. I skipped denial pretty quick, but bargaining has happened. Parasocial or whatever, but so have tears. Anger. So much anger and disappointment. Fear about the relationships I've built and a growing emptiness of feeling like a hobby and community I've loved is now just gone and that it's For A Good Reason. Guilt because someone was hurt, truly hurt, and supporting them has to come first but I am also just. Sad.

Quiet, aching sadness over the loss of not some dude whose content I watched, but every other little thing I'll miss about being around and always having something to look forward to and people to laugh with me about it.

Please be patient. Be kind. Pay attention to red flags and support those trying to work through their own abuse and neglect. I'm sad now, but they need support more than any fan of a band ever would.

#i don't know what's going to happen with this account #i need time

[asagirisfavoritepen]

In this pic, we have an 18 y/o Atsushi, who was kicked out of the orphanage 4 weeks ago. He's starving and he comes to the conclusion that, to survive, he'll have to to rob someone.

Of course, as we all know, he didn't want to do that. He didn't rob anyone. He joined the ADA instead and became "the light".

Everyone considers him a cinnamon roll, in the manga/anime and the fandom.

In this pic, we have a 20 y/o Aku in Beast. 4 years ago his friends were killed and his sister was kidnapped. He's lived by himself for 4 years, taking care of himself and worrying about his sister. He, too, is starving. He's even on the same side of the river that Atsushi was on. And if you follow the timeline, the 2 pics take place at the same time, just in other circumstances.

Akutagawa has the power of Rashomon, so unlike Atsushi, if he tried he could definitely rob someone. But he doesn't. Instead, he finds an edible weed, that isn't even tasty (according to Google it's bitter).

Akutagawa (in the og timeline) is the most feared assassin of the Mafia. And Dazai didn't change his personality in Beast. Just the circumstances.

Do you see where I'm getting?

Atsushi the cutest cutie patootie that wouldn't even hurt a fly was ready to rob someone to survive.

The most feared Mafia assassin described by his friends and enemies (and part of the fandom) as emotionless preferred to eat some plant he found than attack and rob someone.

What I'm saying is that the fandom should really start looking at what the characters are doing and not just what's their trauma. Don't get me wrong, I too love our Sushi roll, but he's not as sweet as he seems. He almost killed Akutagwa so many times and he had no regret. He was ready to get Lucy to spend the rest of her life (probably a week) inside her ability.

And everyone who'd say that Akutagawa did that in Beast just because of Dazai should re-read both the main manga and Beast.

#bsd #beast bsd #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #beast akutagawa #atsushi nakajima #bsd atsushi #beast atsushi #dazai osamu #dazai bsd #beast dazai #bsd parallels #sushi ain't that sweet #and aku ain't that evil #it's just the circumstances #basically #it's all dazai

[sarah-yyy]

what: period cdrama // 40 eps, roughly 55 mins each  where: youku (you can also dl the app) // youtube // coming up soon on viki (usual disclaimer that i do not use eng subs so i don’t speak to the quality of subs) why: do you love watching a poor little meow-meow get tortured in a variety of ways before he decides to go fuck it, i’ll be a demon lord and kill everyone who wronged me?? do you like enemies to fated to kill you lovers??? do you enjoy PAIN AND SUFFERING??? this is the show for you

meet tantai jin, the cdrama fandom’s newest obsession 

cursed prince of the Jing kingdom who was sent as a hostage to a neighbouring kingdom. he’s been unloved and bullied all his life - think, discarded and left to die by his own father, kicked around by servants, begging for scraps of food, abandoned and slowly betrayed by everyone around him... it’s NOT GOOD buddies, you will watch his life unfold and you will become attached and want to let him do whatever the fuck he wants 

surprise surprise this sad pathetic man will one day become

THE demon lord who destroys all of humanity etc etc. look at this wardrobe upgrade??? amazing. beautiful. bad for humanity but great for him. good job, bud, you did well.

ANYWAY this show opens with demon lord tantai jin (affectionate) going on his lil’ murder spree (understandable). the fate of humanity as we know it to be rests on the shoulders of one li susu

to defeat tantai jin, she will transmigrate to the past into the body of ye xiwu (tantai jin’s evil wife who whips him every night (not in the fun way sorry buds) and tortures/bullies him for because it pleases her) to try to kill him while he’s weak, before he turns evil and amasses power. this is for the good of humanity!!! but also he’s truly so pathetic in the past that she can’t quite seem to put her heart into it (there’s also this whole finding his evil bone and getting rid of that before she can kill him problem but HMMM) and decides that?? maybe if she shows him some care and love??? she’ll subvert his murdermurdermurder tendencies????

this is the gist of the show!! there are a few arcs that we go through like all good xianxia cdramas, so we get to see them live through a few different lives (think: ten miles of peach blossom, pillow book etc etc), and every single dynamic between them is SO GOOD!!!!! we have spicy enemies to lovers!! cutesy arranged marriage between strangers to lovers (who don’t communicate enough for them to be happy)!!! star-crossed lovers fated to kill one another!!! 

the show is so goddamn pretty!! the aesthetics!!! the cgi!!!! the costumes ohmygod, i have never wanted to buy so many headdresses before

LOOK AT THIS!!! HOW PRETTY WAS THIS!!!!

he’s got this whole demon look LOCKED IN who else does it as well as my boy tantai jin

this show is very PRETTY but make no mistake there will be a lot of angst!!! that’s part of what makes it so good!! luo yunxi does Tortured, Feral and Deranged™ SO WELL i weep every time i see him on screen, i have truly not been Okay since this show started airing, buddies please join me in till the end of the moon hell, you will not regret it, promise 😇✨

⚠❗ few post-finale thoughts so y’all go into it with full disclosure (and can’t yell at me for inflicting pain on y’all, just know what i am also Suffering™) - stop reading from here if you want no spoilers for the show at all. 

trigger warning: there is some dubcon in ep 14 (stretches between approx. the 25:00-27:25 min mark) between ming ye and sang jiu 

we were all hoping for a happy ending, but this ends on a bad-open scale, depending on how you look at it. @minmoyu​ has helpfully directed me to a happy audio-epilogue which was apparently shot but didn’t make its way into the episode?? we still dk if the footage will be released as an extra?? we can all form a prayer circle and HOPE i guess

the plot is HMM the further to the end we get, probably because they had to cut the eps down, so it’s a little choppy, esp the last few scenes??? idk idk. it’s a bit exhausting to watch towards the end, because you root for ttj so so much and he tries so so hard and SIGH. i need another few working days to digest this, i’m still a bit :/ about the ending

would i still rec the show, post-watch? yes! this show starts off really solid, and luo yunxi carried the show throughout. like. y’all thought lyx was good in ashes of love?? watch him in this. every single micro-expression was flawless. bai lu’s acting is always so dependable, and it’s the same with this show!  

this show has an a+++ ost (i mean it’s got the king and queen of cdrama osts liu yuning and zhang bichen, literally how could this be bad)!! and CERTAIN side characters are so so good (pian ran my baby girl, ye qingyu who grows on you, decidedly NOT bingchang/tian huan/mo nv although i will concede that chen duling’s acting in this show was Incredible). 

#tv rec #till the end of the moon #cdrama

[agentldiddy]

Another thing I love about HTP is how they develop the starting villains.

Now, we are introduced to this sabbat clan and they are all pretty one-dimensional. They are all generally just “crazy murderous vampires” and act as such in episode 1. The most personality they have can be gleaned from their fighting styles (shot beard just pummels everything, ape leaps and tackles at his enemies, Pyotr seems somewhat of a stealthy type, meanwhile Kevin takes a hostage and bends his opponent’s will).

By all means, Ogre Poppenang could’ve just left them like that, but they didn’t.

Shitbeard is a crass biker brute. He also recites many philosophical statements and viewpoints during episode 2, and seems to be jealous that the family have graduated college. He also constantly talks about how much he misses many of the mundane parts of life, such as existing in the sun and eating cream crackers. Additionally, he was turned while donating to charity.

Ape meanwhile is the newest member, not even being Blood Bonded to the others yet. He is also the most excited to be a part of the sabbat. He constantly is trying to say quotes that make him seem cool, help him fit in. He is massively cringeworthy—even in universe—but he is completely earnest. He reminds me of a young kid joining a fandom for a show or game they’re excited about.

Kevin is probably the most talked about member so ima keep it brief: his life was shit. He was raised to lead an ok but mind-numbingly uneventful life. He tried to strike it big, to give his life meaning, and failed horribly, leading him to continue his misery. And just as he’s about to swing his life around, he gets thrust into a world of darkness where he gains status but is enslaved in both body and mind. And once he gets tossed away by his new life, he joins the sabbat, because he feels like it’s the only real choice that would matter for him. That it’s the only one that he can make.

Then Pyotr. While everyone else has something hidden that makes them more endearing, Pyotr is shown to be much more VILE than we have thought. He is a coward who only comes out of hiding when he sees a weak or weakened target, and he is willing to backstab his teammates for any advantage without remorse. And when Kitten points this exact detail out, he gets absolutely PISSED that Kitten thinks he still cares about that (though with how pissed he got, I feel like there was at least some part of him that did regret, and his rant afterwards also serves to reassure himself that he’s a heartless vampire, banishing those feelings of regret and shame to the back of his mind. That’s just my headcanon though). When he diablerizes his teammates, however, he gets more careless. More risk-taking. More reckless. He uses his usual stealth approach less and less, going for more brutality. All of which leads to his death. Also, the reveal that he was a handsome man before his turn, probably turned BECAUSE of it, might factor into how he grew so wicked.

#hunter the parenting #htp #I love how this series can make you feel for characters named stuff like shitbeard

[thebibliosphere]

do you have any advice for someone who might want to get into the writing and publishing business but has technically no connections or experience? i grew up dead set on being a writer but had a crisis over my skills around college age, which led me to dropping my hopes of that career path and pursuing a different major. i’m still in an artistic field (theatre) but now i’m WAY back into writing again and experiencing major career regret. an early career existential crisis of sorts. do you think there are any steps i could take to dip my toes into the professional writing world as a theatre kid/playwright? i eventually think i’d like to publish a few books and short story collections, and i’ve been told by many people online and irl that my writing is very good. i’m really passionate about editing and helping people improve their writing too. i’d like to see if it’s something for me, but have no idea where to even begin. i’ve also only been graduated for a few years so I dont have a lot of career experience as it is. any insights you can offer as someone who’s done it would be immensely appreciated 💖

You don’t need a college education in creative writing to be a writer. Sure, it can help, but it’s not a necessity.

My best advise would be to find writer groups and become active there. If you engage in fandom content online, start building your community and friendships there too. Be around other people who write, and make sure you have the time to write yourself.

Also, a lot of authors have other jobs. Writing as a main job is not sustainable for most people. (It’s only sustainable for me because my readers are feral and my partner has a job that pays the mortgage.) So don’t think of it as choosing one over the other. Writing will always be there for you so long as you engage with it. As for what to do with your work once you’re done, that’s up to you, but self-pub is also always an option if trad-pub isn’t something you want to deal with.

If you’re wanting to get into editing, there are editing courses you can take that don’t require going back to university. But again, join writers groups, join online spaces. Be involved. Building a community of like-minded creatives is important.

[iamcautiouslyoptimistic]

🦅Russell Adler Headcanons

{Author's Note} Since I'm literally obsessed with this man, I thought I'd post my headcanons for him. All of these are based off of his canon backstory and character with bits of my own speculation thrown in so nothing should be too out of left field here. I may end up posting more of my thoughts on him soon so we shall see. Hope y'all like it and I'd love to hear what you think, as well as any headcanons you guys might have! Tagging @littlemissclandestine for this since she's an Adler fan. Let me know if I did this man justice lol🤭

‼️Content Warning: swearing, suggestive themes‼️

~ ~ ~

-Badass asshole

-Takes awhile for him to soften enough to really love someone

-Flirtatious jerk when he has a crush

-Shows he cares through small actions that can be hard to notice, as well as vague, rather backhanded compliments

-Shamelessly stares from behind those glasses of his

-Thinks it’s really cute when you wear his shades but would never admit it

-Stylish with heavy 70s influence

-Probably modeled for a male fashion magazine at some point LMAO

-Definitely knows how to dance

-Seems like the type to meme a bit on British people (specifically Park lol)

-Very sarcastic, sometimes to the point that you don’t realize he’s actually joking because he's always so monotone

-Secretly loves Belgian waffles (this is a reference to that one Bruce Thomas TikTok lol)

-Has a soft spot for the Beach Boys (I mean, look at that 🎶bushy, bushy blonde hairdo🎶 of his)

-Since so many people have asked and teased him about it (I see y'all in the fandom and I will not accept this slander lol) -> his hair isn’t fake, it’s actually pretty soft, very bouncy, he likes styling it

-Very particular about his appearance as it is one of the few things that he can truly control

-Prefers cats over dogs

-Can get obsessive about certain things and lose himself to them (i.e. his search for Perseus) -> Mason quote: “He spent so long searching for Perseus, he didn’t notice when he lost himself.”

-Still struggles with PTSD from his time in Vietnam, which, alongside his obsession with finding Perseus, is what led to his divorce

-Carries a lot of guilt and regret that he doesn’t like to acknowledge

-Started smoking to cope with the trauma of war, now has a nicotine addiction; when he’s really stressed, he chain smokes like a chimney

-Gets restless if he doesn’t have a cigarette

-Doesn’t sleep well and when he does, he usually wakes up every few hours

-Scars - Shrapnel? Abuse? Torture? Animal attack? No one knows and he’ll never tell

-Kiss or trace those scars and he WILL melt

-Difficult for him to let his guard down

-Has a tendency to isolate himself -> Mason quote: "You were never alone, Adler. Only in your own stubborn head."

-Always wearing those damn glasses cuz STYLE but also to hide his eyes to remain as a sort of blank, emotionless slate to other people

-Absent parents who never showed him real love or support as he grew up so he struggles to do the same for others -> they were the reason he joined the army as soon as he turned 18

-When it comes to cuddling, he loves holding you against his chest and running his fingers along your arm, cheek, or through your hair; small but intimate actions like that are his favorite

-Doesn’t like to show emotions at all, even during more intimate moments; he needs some coaxing to relax in that way, which takes time

NSFW Below👇🏻 (it's really not too bad tho)

-Sit on his lap👀

-Will pin your wrists during the sexy times🫣

-EDGING & OVERSTIMULATION

-After his divorce, he's tended to view sex as more of a transaction where both parties are fulfilling needs for each other so he'd be selfish at first but as your relationship progresses, he'd become far more generous

#russell adler #russell adler x reader #russell adler x you #russell adler headcanons #call of duty black ops cold war #cod bocw #call of duty #cod #Ren's writing #mine mine mine

[mikanotes]

goodbyes are sour

connor x gn!reader — 2.1k words

genre: angst sorta! mutual pining in denial

warnings: mentions of guns and killing, kabedon for the sake of science, connor unreliable narrator LOL u have feelings android man… maybe ooc idk. (wrote this w the idea of connor being deviant since the beginning bcs Yeah!)

synopsis: You meet Connor again. Turns out things are much more complicated when you aren’t working together.

author’s note: hi dbh fic?! i Love connor nd i’ve been writing this for a while (crazy since it’s rly short) but i don’t like it much… anyways whoevers alive in the dbh fandom have this!

“Detective.”

There’s just something about the way Connor speaks. The cadence, the pitch, the enunciation of each word. It’s painfully evident that he isn’t human. Everything about him is so machine-like that even his perfect, human-like exterior could not fool anyone. However it is something you got used to. Hearing the android speak your name and call you ‘Detective’ back a while ago felt somewhat unsettling. Now it’s so easy to recognize that it almost makes you feel at ease.

“Do you seriously think I’m an android? I don’t wanna deal with those fucking machines, either. I’d be glad if you put a bullet through them rather than me.”

Turns out hearing him fake being a human is ten times more terrifying than his android speech patterns could ever hope to be.

This was not part of the plan.

You were sent with a unit to patrol around the streets for any android who still hadn’t been brought back or destroyed. You weren’t a fan of this whole assignment, but felt better than the rookies who were sent out to shoot humanoid robots as their first field mission probably did.

It would be fine, is what you told yourself, because you didn’t feel anything towards Cyberlife’s creations enough to be completely uncomfortable with the idea of their blue blood on your hands, though it wasn’t ideal. You could manage. Until the first person you came across happened to be the one android you genuinely cared about.

“I don’t think he’s one of them…” one of your fellow officers murmurs next to you. You suddenly become very aware of the gun he, too, is holding and pointing towards the target. Fuck. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough.

At least this idiot’s performance seems to be fooling them.

You wait one second, then sigh on the second, and finally lower your gun on the third. “You shouldn’t be here.” you say casually, prompting your colleagues to relax and the atmosphere to lighten a little. Your heart is in your throat, however. “We’ve got orders to round up every android we see around here. You should go home. This isn’t exactly safe.”

“I know, I know.” he sighs, rolling his eyes a little, “I was gonna leave anyways, thanks.”

Your coworkers mumble to themselves about how disagreeable this guy’s attitude is and it’s enough for them to miss the wink the latter sends your way as he leaves. You almost regret not shooting a bullet through his head.

Still, you sigh in relief, setting your gun back at your side and running a hand over your face. You don’t think you can continue patrolling in peace. There’s one too many questions in your mind and the key to answering them is escaping from your grasp.

You take the phone in your pocket and pretend to get a call, moving it to your ear and looking at the members of your team. “I’ll join up with you later.” you say, gesturing towards your phone. They nod and walk away, and you do the same, feeling more relieved than ever that these people see you as a leader of sorts. They won’t question you on anything. You hurry towards the direction your so-called partner left to the moment they’re out of sight.

A rooftop door, stairs, and more stairs. You’re jogging down like you’re chasing a criminal on the run. You’re down to the fifth floor out of eight when someone grabs your arm and pulls you out a door.

“Wha—” you try to yell, but a cold hand settle over your mouth. Your body relaxes but your expression tenses. Connor. “Let me go,” you mumble incoherently, surprisingly succeeding in getting him to let you step away.

You sigh and shake your head, turning around abruptly. His ‘human costume’ (which really just was a grey suit jacket thrown over what should’ve been his Cyberlife uniform, glasses, and a cap to hide his LED) is already gone, replaced by his usual attire, just missing his jacket.

“What the hell was that about?” you ask, annoyed, pointing towards the staircase (back there, on the roof) and the android simply shrugs. “Connor.”

“I was undercover, Detective. I thought someone as smart as you would recognize that much.” he says, his tone back to normal. You’d feel relieved if he wasn’t being so irritating. “Was I wrong?”

Your face drops. “No. I figured as much. But what for?” you sigh, crossing your arms.

“Same mission as always.”

“Who are you chasing? Did you find the place?”

“I have no reason to tell you.”

It only clicks then that while you know about Connor continuing his mission after being laid off the case, you’re not part of it anymore. He had to be sent back to Cyberlife, and you should’ve been forgetting about him entirely. You’re still DPD, and you have orders to shoot Androids on sight— Which you clearly aren’t following. He’s right. He has no reason to tell you.

Still.

You grab his arm when he threatens to walk away. You’re not sure what you want to say, but you’re not done talking. He lets you. “Connor.”

“Detective.” he says. You straighten your back and sigh, not breaking eye contact. He tilts his head to the side and his LED flashes yellow for an instant. “You’re angry.”

Of course you’re angry. He’s infuriating. There’s something about how logical and dead-set on following every single rule he is that makes Connor the most annoying individual you’ve ever talked to. Everything he does has to be for his mission. Every single thing.

“Do threats work with you?” you ask blankly, “If you don’t tell me where it is, I’ll get Cyberlife to bring you back, and all that?”

When he takes a step closer to you again, forcing your back to press against the wall, and his LED does not even threaten to change hues, you’re taken aback. Just a bit. It’s the same kind of frustrated attitude you would’ve expected from a human after saying what you just did. But not Connor.

He doesn’t seem frustrated, though. And you know he can look annoyed. He just doesn’t. So he must not be. And you want to find what it is he’s doing exactly, stepping closer to you without even saying a word, but your brain feels like it’s short-circuiting at the distance between you two. You know he does everything for his work. Does he think you have new information on deviants? Does he really believe you would call Cyberlife on him? Is he using his stupid interrogation module on you? Whatever it is makes you even more annoyed.

The silence feels heavy. It makes things worse. It gives your brain time to process how this is making you feel and it’s no good at all. “What?” you break the silence, tone somewhat irritated.

“I’m trying to understand the reason why you’re so angry at me.” he explains simply, like it makes sense. His eyes narrow a bit and the LED at the side of his head flickers yellow for a moment. “And no, Detective. Threats don’t work on me. Not when I can tell you’re lying so easily.” he adds, quieter.

“Shut up.” you scoff.

“I dont think I will.”

“Connor.”

“— However,” he interrupts, “I can step away from you at any moment if you tell me to.”

“No.”

“No?”

What— No?! You register the word after saying it and sigh, face contorting into a somewhat pained expression. You panicked and said it, your mind processing his offer as him leaving you again— With no information and nothing to ease your stupid worries. Now it just sounds odd.

Is that embarrassment?

“You didn’t finish what you were trying to do, did you? You haven’t told me why I’m angry yet. Since you apparently care so much.” you say, tone sounding much softer than before. Your apparent discomposure took away all the bitterness from your voice. Interesting.

Truth be told, Connor knows why you’re angry. He’s not letting you in on the details of what he’s doing despite the time you spent working as partners a very short while ago. He’s spent enough time with people, and you especially, to know that after forming some kind of bond with a work partner, it would be frustrating not to receive information about their mission the way you used to from them—

Especially considering he was still chasing after something you both knew about. Jericho. But he cannot tell you about that. Not… Right now.

What he really was trying to do was evaluate how much of a threat you really could be to his investigation. He didn’t sense any hostility before and he doesn’t now, and you could’ve shot him but you didn’t. But it’s not enough. He needs more time— More evidence that it’s fine. That’s why he pulled you here in the first place. That’s why he pressured you to talk.

He needs to make sure killing you isn’t necessary.

“Because I posed a threat to the stability of your current mission earlier. You wouldn’t have been able to shoot me had I been discovered, and your reaction to your colleagues shooting me would’ve jeopardized your job itself.” he answers.

This reasoning would make sense.

“That’s not it.” you sigh.

Your heartbeat is slowing down. No good. Connor leans his arm on the wall next to you and moves closer. Your heartbeat picks up in speed. It’s almost alarming. He can tell all the details about your physical condition and deduce what you’re thinking or feeling based off of them, sure. But he’s no human. The way he views and comprehends emotions is registered in his system in a much more clear and logic-based way than it is in humans’ brains.

So maybe he won’t ever know why your heart beats so heavily against your ribcage. So he just has to pressure the right places and demand answers. He unfortunately can’t allow you to relax. He won’t get anything out of you if you’re calm. You’re much too turbulent for that.

Or maybe he’ll just have to ask. In a normal way.

“Detective, what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” you scoff, eyes widening. Wrong question.

You seem like you want to be angry but something is holding you back from displaying just how much he gets on your nerves. You sigh deeply and look at him, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so weird. More than usual. Why’d you pull me here if you didn’t want to tell me anything? And I’m worried. What if you really did get shot? Wasn’t Cyberlife supposed to deactivate you? They wouldn’t have brought in another Connor this time. You’re off the case, you— You would’ve died!”

“Maybe.”

There’s circles under your eyes. There always are, but they’re more defined now than they were the last time he saw you. Now that you’re actually being honest, your whole voice and mannerisms betray any of your usual annoyed and dismissive facade. He didn’t think you cared this much, though he understands that some humans are quick to empathize. To a fault.

Now it’s clear he doesn’t need to eliminate you at all. Part of him seems to have grown fond of your company. He couldn’t risk that getting in the way of his better judgment.

“I only pulled you here so you wouldn’t pointlessly chase down the streets searching for me, since I made sure no one would follow.” he says, stepping back and giving you more space, “You’re a police officer. It doesn’t matter what you say you’ll keep to yourself or not. I can’t compromise. This is too important.”

You’re hurt, it’s visible. He’s saying he can’t risk trusting you. He figures that must not feel nice.

The sound of the radio attached to your side breaks this prolonged silence with the promise of separation. You take it, eyes not leaving Connor’s, and listen to your colleague speak. You tell them you’ll be right there. You’re not one to be late. He knows you’ll really leave this time— Too far away for him to hope to talk to you again, if anything goes awry.

You turn the radio off and put it back where it was. “Hope you succeed, then.” you say, bitter, and push yourself up to start walking away.

“Take care of yourself, Detective.” Connor says. Asks. The words come out before he can really think. Something about your voice and this whole atmosphere made him… Feel uneasy. Like he needed to say something. If this is how your partnership ends, he doesn’t believe it should be on such a sour note. He cares doesn’t dislike you at all, so why should it?

You stagger a little, seemingly stopping in your tracks, but moving again no more than a second later. “You too, Connor.”

Somehow, goodbyes had never seemed so sad.

#connor x reader #connor dbh x reader #detroit become human x reader #dbh x reader #connor detroit become human x reader #x reader

[scribble-bunnie]

Let You Go | Tenth Doctor x GN!Reader

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Reader (Gender Neutral, I think, I didn't specify anything)

Word Count: 2.1k

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending that's also kinda Open?

Summary: Fragments of the process of falling in love with you; and the moment it all built up to.

A/n: This is my first time writing for this fandom and I'm only watched till the 2nd episode of S4 so please forgive any mistakes! Also, the Doctor might be ooc (my biggest nightmare, writing ooc characters) but I was possessed last night to write this instead of studying so ofc I will share it. The pacing is all over the place and I'm not the proudest but it's something. I hope you enjoy it regardless <3

also available on ao3!

The Doctor doesn't remember how it happened. It had been too quick, or maybe too slow– or maybe it was both at once, leaving him unable to pinpoint when or how he fell in love with you. All he knew was that it had been easy.

There were moments though– moments when he could remember distinctly the unusual rhythm of his hearts that played only around you. Moments when, in the back of his mind, he had no choice but to admit that he was in love.

The one that hurt him the most to this day was the moment born out of his own anger. It had been at the end of a particularly harsh adventure, one that had left his feelings in a jumble, anger hot and quick to lash out the moment you had pushed a little too far, too close to his heart and to his hurt– he had shouted at you, "Don't you dare! You are not special!"

There was silence for a few seconds, enough to get the Doctor to realise what he had said but it was your response that still haunted him to this day.

"I know," you had said gently. He could see the hurt in your eyes, masked with an understanding and soft smile that was reassured. "I know I'm not special. I'm perfectly ordinary. And isn't that wonderful? Someone special like you needs someone ordinary like me by his side– to remind you that it's okay to be ordinary sometimes. It's not a bad thing, Doctor."

You had inched closer and opened your arms to offer him a hug, a way out of the conversation – a silent way to make an apology. He had taken it, not knowing what else he could have done instead to make you realise that you were wrong. Being ordinary was wonderful, but you were special. Special to him in ways he was too terrified to admit even to himself, so much so that he had said the opposite in a fit of anger because he was scared.

He didn't know how you did it, but you somehow knew that his anger was just him being hurt and scared. And you were always generous with your hugs when anyone was afraid– didn't he know that after seeing you hold so many strangers close while on your dangerous adventures? Those same strangers that he had been jealous of had been replaced by him in that situation and suddenly, the moment was not all that he had hoped it would be. It wasn't a delicate and vulnerable moment like he had thought; he had ruined it by hurting you.

Yet you were never one to hold a grudge. You never really mentioned it, except in passing sometimes when you joked about being ordinary and common whenever an alien or person would think you extraordinary. Every single time, the Doctor regretted not letting you know the truth– but that moment had been one where he couldn't have denied the truth even if he was scared.

There were other times, other memories of you that were a lot more warmer to remember. Like the time when you had asked him, a few days after joining him, whether the TARDIS was alive. He had answered you with a simple yes, and you had just nodded then but he could see you take the time to pet the TARDIS and speak to her sometimes when you thought he wasn't around. It was sweet, the way you were connecting to his only constant through all of time and space.

There was a moment on another planet, one in the far past where an alien species had been under attack from another. The Doctor still remembered the sight of you holding the alien child in your arms while you all tried to escape– had heard the comfort you had whispered into the child's ears despite being scared underneath the surface yourself.

When he asked you about it later, you had just given him a radiant smile and said, "The fear is just my natural instinct, Doctor. But the conscious part of me knows that you are there– and it's never scared because it believes in you."

You believed in him.

Sometimes, he wondered why. On the days when all the two of you encountered was death and destruction, the whispers of the danger that follows the Doctor clanging in the back of his head as hollow reminders, he wondered why you would choose to put all your faith in him. Why would you think that he was special, but you were ordinary? How were you able to still offer him comfort after seeing him destroy planets, species, entire civilizations? What did you see in him, an empty shell of a man he once used to be?

"Doctor?"

Your voice was like a steady anchor whenever he felt like he was drowning in his own thoughts. The loud volume of it was always offset with the gentleness in your tone whenever you spoke to him, and somehow, it always managed to make him feel warm. It sounded a lot like ho–

"Doctor, are you okay?" Your voice was concerned now. The Doctor blinked, snapping out of his own thoughts to look at you. You were holding something in your left hand and reaching out to touch him with your right one. "Is there something I can do?"

"No, no!" He cleared his throat, giving you a bright grin that faded a little at the edges when he realised that you were still staring at him impassively. "Sorry, just got a bit lost in my thoughts there."

You hummed, wrapping your arms around the box in your hands now. The Doctor looked at it curiously; wasn't it one of those cookie tins that you said were always full of sewing materials?

"Was it… about her?" You asked quietly, a little unsure and hesitant. It was the only topic you never really brought up– and whenever you did, you always sounded a little scared. Like anything you said would hurt him too much. Or maybe you were scared to pry too far into his feelings. "The planet we went to today… Did you go there with her?"

He had done that before. You had been there with Martha, when he had taken you two to places he had been with Rose. Never again after that, though.

"No, not this one," he shook his head, trying to look you in the eyes. It was usually so easy, you were always looking at him with wide eyes that seemed to admire him. Now though, you were looking away. He tried again. "I wasn't thinking about her."

"Home, then?" You finally looked him in the eyes, a little tension sucked out but not all. Gallifrey was the second topic you were careful to speak around. You had had your fair share of answers demanded out of him like Martha had, but after that, you had let the choice lie with him whether he wanted to talk about it. And, weirdly enough, sometimes he wanted to tell you everything. Wanted to tell you about the place that once used to be his home. Now…

"This is my home now," he replied quietly, hand slipping to cover yours over the cookie tin. You and the TARDIS. Home. "Anyway, what's this?"

If you realised his terrible attempt at switching topics (which you did, as always), you didn't comment on it. Instead, you held up the box and opened it to reveal not the notorious sewing materials but actual cookies.

"I," you blushed, embarrassed for once. It was surprising, considering you had held steadfast through far more humiliating scenes in all your adventures. Why were you blushing over cookies? "I tried baking some cookies. It's not, it's not much, and they're not all that goo– hey! I'm still speaking!"

The Doctor didn't wait after hearing that you made them. He immediately picked one up to try it. He could tell that the baking powder was just a little bit too much and the mix wasn't done properly in some bits but you were looking at him with a shy smile.

"I thought you deserved a little nice something after the mess our last adventure was," you mumbled, picking up one of the cookies yourself to eat.

"It's good," the Doctor felt a little choked– not on the cookie, but there was a lump in his throat. You rolled your eyes, waving your half eaten cookie at him.

"Liar," you called out, smiling through the action. "I promise the next ones will be better. Or maybe I should try a cake next time. Would you like that?"

The Doctor stiffly nodded, trying to blink away the sting in his eyes. As always, you knew something was off.

"Hey," your voice was soft, concerned. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," the word came out before he could stop it. Somehow, neither his brain nor his mouth had a filter when it came to you. "I just… wonder."

You waited for him to speak when he paused, trying hard to put the words together. Speaking his emotions was always so difficult.

"I just wonder," he tried again, "what I did to deserve you."

"It's just cookies, silly," you shook your head, inching closer. The Doctor hoped you would step even closer. A hug would be really, really nice right now. "It's nothing compared to all that you've given me. I have seen so much, gone all across time and space because of you– I could ask you right back what I did to deserve you."

"It's not," he was struggling but he had to let you know. You looked a bit confused, pausing in your actions to look up at him. "It's not nothing. All of time and space is nothing compared to all that you have given me. That understanding, that comfort, that warmth– I can't find it anywhere else in that time and space you speak of."

"Doctor…"

"Do you remember that time I said you were not special?" He asked quietly, taking a step closer. It was the first time he had done it; usually, you were the one who had to cross the space between the two of you. You opened your mouth, probably to say that it was all bygones, but he rushed ahead with, "I lied. I have wanted to tell you ever since then, that I am just a coward, and a liar. Saying that you're not special… that was just me trying to tell myself that I can't let you be special to me. Because the moment I let that happen, that's the moment I–"

He broke off, frustrated at how the words just weren't coming out the way they were supposed to. What was he supposed to say anyway? It's not like he could tell you his feelings. There was no way you would take it kindly. Not after knowing about Rose, not when you had only ever looked at him with respect and admiration.

"Doctor," your voice was quiet but you were so close and the hum of the TARDIS had quietened so much that he could hear you clearly. "Don't."

Was it possible for both his hearts to sink? He stared at you, tears welling up in your eyes as you gave him a painful smile.

"Don't do this," you added shakily, your arms coming up to hold yourself. Beside you, the cookie tin lay forgotten on the console. "Don't… give me hope, only to take it away. I have been strong, but I'm not strong enough for this."

"What–?" He didn't understand. You closed your eyes and took a step back, a step away from him. Something inside him fractured.

"I have loved you in silence, Doctor," you said quietly, "and I thought I did it well enough for you not to realise. But I must not have done a good enough job hiding it– you know how it is. I'm not, I'm not asking you to return my feelings. I don't expect or even hope you to. All I ask is that you forget it. Forget you know it and let me go on one more adventure with you. One last, if you can no longer bear to see my face after this. Just one–"

"Why one?" He stepped closer, covering the distance you had backed up. "Why not all of them?"

You seemed to have lost your breath as you stared at him. "Y- You mean it? I can stay? You will forget this happened?"

"No," he shook his head, hands reaching out to touch your elbows. With his eyes, he asked you for permission. You would be mad to deny it, when that's all you've wanted for so long now. "I can't forget it even if I tried to. I told you, you are something that I can't find anywhere else in all of time and space. And if you choose me, then I'm selfish enough to not let you go."

°•❀•°

all likes, reblogs, comments are appreciated ♡

#doctor who #tenth doctor x reader #tenth doctor #doctor who x reader #tenth doctor x you #ten x reader #doctor who reader insert #this is scary asf #please don't judge me based on this >< #i swear im usually better #writing for a new fandom is so so scary aaaa

[the-thursday]

Hello everyone, this post was long overdue, and finally, prompted by our beloved Howls also leaving, it's time for me to rip off the bandaid as well.

I would also like to announce a sort of departure from Ranger's apprentice fandom.

I do not know how many from RA fandom era from few years back are still here but I assume mostly newer blogs keep up with this account.

Take a lil history walk with me, if you will. I joined this fandom around 2017-18. I was very active around here, posting all kinds of stuff, fics, takes, incorrect quotes, art and whatnot. I made many friends with whom I had a great time and I am happy and honoured that I am friends with some of them till this day. Fandom became the second home to me as things hadn't been exactly easy irl and maybe I fixated on it too much, but gods know I loved this place so much. And I wish for everyone to experience this happiness and just as I made friends who became a significant part of my life, I wish that for you as well. Being surrounded by amazing and wonderful people and sharing similar interests is one of the most pure joyous feelings in this world.

As 2020-2021 rolled around, some of you know that things in my life picked up a harsh pace and I started to drift away. In 2021 I left the fandom because of that and unpleasant things with one of the people here. It was one of the most gut wrenching decisions I had made.

In 2022, I started gradually getting worse, but also had the courage to come back at the end of the year. I felt happy and welcomed and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen, who supported me and gave me another breath. My mental health kept getting worse but I wasn't alone and that has been everything to me.

Now it's about a little more than a year since I've been back and again, I've met wonderful amazing people who I am happy and honoured to call friends. I don't regret coming back and I am happy I did, however I think it's time for me to go again. And below, I hope to explain why.

Like I said, I've been getting worse. Last autumn and this winter have been very difficult for me and I had to rethink some priorities, as life is going on the time left for me to invest in fandoms is getting thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, among them, isn't keeping up with this fandom. With my next words I hope not to insult anyone. The truth is, I don't find enjoyment in the fandom and content itself anymore, or more like, as much as I used to. I don't exactly vibe with posts for roughly the past half a year and I don't mean this in negative way, I just think it's for me to move on. All of the new people that I've seen have wonderful content and while I don't exactly vibe like I used to, I can see that you're having fun and that's important! People come and go and I do wish all the newcomers and seniors who are still here to have a great time, but I don't think I have energy, capacity and vibes to be part of it anymore. As you know, my blog has been very much inactive for a long time, aside from dumping my dumb sketches or reblogging something here and there. And rather than letting it rot, I'd like to cleanly move on. Anyhow, on self deprecating note, since really it's not like I've been someone prominent I don't think this is a loss to the fandom and this makes it easier for me.

So to summarise, my leaving is about personal things, my life moving and the fact I don't have the mental capacity or motivation to actively keep up.

So what does this mean? I won't be posting RA related stuff on this blog anymore. This blog will turn into a neutral main blog and I'll create one side blog for art that I hope to continue to make and maybe one blog dedicated to the work of Brandon Sanderson.

However, it doesn't mean that I am not up to goof around about RA anymore, however this will be done in DMs. If I sometimes get to draw and post RA related art, it shall be posted on my new art blog with RA tag. However, I don't think there's a high probability of public RA art from me anymore, because 1) need to move on and 2) I have a very strong and maybe confrontational opinion about art in this fandom that has given me a bad taste and discouraged me from enjoying making it and posting it. I won't go into details because I don't want to sour this post for myself and for y'all with it.

I want to thank this fandom for everything it has been for me and for everyone and I wish y'all some happy fandoming!

Yours only,

The Ranger Thursday 11

#rangers apprentice #final goodbye

[markantonys]

today's gawynposting topic is: the "gawyn wants to be a hero" fandom narrative

i think it is complete nonsense to believe he still holds this attitude by the second half of the series, and i will fight brandon sanderson himself on it. we all know that sanderson's characterizations should be taken with a grain of salt at best, and at worst dismissed as inaccurate contradictions of jordan's characterizations, and he simply missed the mark on this aspect of gawyn's character. (in my opinion he struggled with the 3 trakand siblings even more than he did with mat, but that's another topic.) and unfortunately, recency bias makes this the general fandom memory of gawyn, even though it contradicts what we saw of him under jordan's pen.

gawyn's actual arc in this regard is more nuanced. to me, he reads as a representation of a young man who's been fed patriotic idealizations of war ever since he was a kid, and maybe at first he's eager to get a taste of real war, but when he actually does, he's given a brutal and immediate awakening as to the true horrors of war. it is nothing like it was told to him growing up, and he doesn't want anything to do with it anymore, but he's already signed up for it and so he has no choice but to keep going.

and that brutal awakening happens aallll the way back in book 4, the tower coup:

Most frightening to Min, with that blood-masked face and half-glazed eyes, with his body tensed almost to quivering and his hand upflung as if he had forgotten it, he never raised his voice or put any emotion into it. He only sounded tired, more tired than she had ever heard anyone sound in her life.

“If anything happens to them,” he said in that expressionless voice, “to Egwene or my sister, I will find you, wherever you hide, and I will make sure the same happens to you.” Abruptly he stalked a dozen paces away and stood with his arms folded, head down as if he could not bear to look at them any longer.

here min is doing what she does best - completely misinterpreting other people's behavior - but to the observant reader, it's obvious that gawyn hasn't turned into some violent, emotionless psychopath all of a sudden. instead, he's incredibly traumatized by what's happened today and has shut down as a coping mechanism. in fact, his behavior here is very very very similar to trauma behavior rand frequently demonstrates. a later line in this scene even describes gawyn as "brittle, ready to shatter at the wrong blow", aka the same analogy used for rand's whole "hardness vs. strength" arc.

as of today, book FOUR, gawyn no longer has any delusions about battle and heroism and glory. for further evidence, let's take a look at some of his reactions to dumai's wells, this time from his own point of view:

Young, as indeed all the Younglings were—many did not need to shave beyond every third day, and a few still only pretended even that—but Jisao wore the silver tower on his collar, marking him a veteran of the fighting when Siuan Sanche was deposed, and scars beneath his clothes from fighting since. He was one of those who could skip the razor most mornings; his dark eyes belonged to a man thirty years older, though. What did his own eyes look like, Gawyn wondered.

the younglings as a whole are meant to represent young men - boys, really - getting indoctrinated with patriotic ideals to make them eager to join up, and ultimately ending up dead or traumatized beyond repair because of it. these are teenage soldiers being manipulated and used by adults & institutions for their own ends, and yet fandom treats them like they're psychopathic monsters who love to murder their own mentors. jordan literally chose to name them the YOUNGLINGS, guys, like, i think he was trying to say something here.

Once he would have felt regret; he had grown up believing that if two men must fight, the duel should proceed honorably and cleanly. More than half a year of battles and skirmishes had taught him better. He put a foot on the Aiel man’s chest and wrenched his blade free. Ungallant, but fast, and in battle, slow was often dead.

Turning his bay with a sigh, he rode back down to see what the butcher’s bill had been this time. That had been his first real lesson as a soldier. You always had to pay the butcher. He had a feeling there would be bigger bills due soon. The world would forget Dumai’s Wells in what was coming.

in both of these passages, we see very clearly that gawyn has long since lost the idealization of war he grew up with. he is very aware of the true cost of war, and the prospect of future battles fills him with grim resignation rather than eagerness at more chances for Glory. he knows by the ACOS prologue that there is no glory to be found in war, only death. but he keeps on going because he feels trapped out of any other path, and because he feels a responsibility to the younglings and to the white tower.

and so sanderson's TOM passage where gawyn muses about how maybe the reason he hates rand so much is because rand gets to be a hero the way gawyn wants to be - total bullshit. as of the coup and certainly as of dumai's wells, gawyn has been thoroughly disabused of any heroic notions and has no interest at all in being a hero or gaining glory. if we think that incorrectly blaming him for morgase's death isn't a good enough reason for gawyn to hate rand for so long, then i can definitely buy that he hates him because in his mind rand is responsible for overturning the world in a way that caused gawyn all this trauma and loss of innocence and that broke his family apart, but i cannot buy that he's jealous of rand for getting to be the big hero despite being a lowly peasant.

that being said, in AMOL gawyn's characterization is more or less back on track, and his stated reason for going after demandred is because it needs to be done for the good of the last battle and he considers himself someone unimportant who can be risked for the task*. the idea that his motive is Wanting To Be A Hero is a fandom invention caused by that wonky OOC scene in TOM which apparently dictated gawyn's entire characterization forever despite 12 previous books of him not being like that.

*on this note, i came across one more line from his ACOS prologue that broke my heart: the inscription on his spyglass from morgase

“From Morgase, Queen of Andor, to her beloved son, Gawyn. May he be a living sword for his sister and Andor.”

a sword for others' use. that's how gawyn sees himself, because his own mother (along with gareth bryne and many others, i'm sure) taught him to see himself that way ever since he was a child. is it any wonder that gawyn is so self-sacrificial in the last battle without stopping to consider how his death might harm others? a sword is only worth anything if it's useful, and no one mourns it if it gets broken in battle.

of course he knows egwene will be hurt by his death because of the bond, but at the same time, he so deeply thinks of himself as disposable and as a sword meant to protect people who are more important than him that when he is put into a situation where he can sacrifice himself for a chance of saving someone more important (activating the rings which will kill him for a chance of helping egwene escape the sharans; going after demandred for a chance of taking out the person doing the most damage to the light's army without needing to risk more important people in the attempt), he's going to take it. he's a LOT like lan and rand in that way, convinced their duty is to die to protect others, but lan and rand got to unlearn that and live, and gawyn never did. and i am tired of people writing him off as a character meant to embody "cautionary tale of a mediocre white man arrogantly assuming he's more capable than he is" because that is so completely not what his character is actually about, and what his character IS actually about is really fucking sad!

#every time i gawynpost somebody inevitably 'wElL ActUAlLy'-s me with the coldest stalest takes imaginable #thus obligating me to gawynpost again! there are neither beginnings nor endings etc #gawyn trakand #wot #wot book spoilers

[dragon430]

Hi!

I am such a big fan of your works!

If you are taking requests I would love just some cute fluff with Miles Socorro/Spider X a fem human reader. Maybe their first kiss or whatever you are comfortable with 🫶🫶🫶

Thank you!!

Aww thank you! And as you have requested here it is, I hope you like it! Though a fair warning this has no editing besides spelling 😅

Fandom: Avatar

Pairing: Spider/Miles Socorro x Human Female Reader

Summary: You’re uprooted from your peaceful day to go on a small adventure with your friend. Will the embarrassment, insecurities, and uncertainty dredged up be worth it in the end?

Warning(s): None Word Count: 2759

"Come on, (First Name)! Keep up!"

You groan at the tug on your arm, trying to keep pace with the nimble boy in front of you as he effortlessly leaps from vine to vine. "Slow down, Spider! You know I'm not used to this."

By this, you mean the dangerous trek up to the Hallelujah Mountains. The stunning islands that float through the air, almost as if by magic, something you would have no trouble believing had you not been told otherwise. Though while their beauty is as breathtaking as much as it is imposing, you would much rather be studying them through videos in the lab. Where it's safe and you have zero chance of falling to your death should you slip.

Normally you wouldn't even think of leaving the lab without some kind of adult escort, finding too much comfort in the safety of metal walls and uncertainty in the wild beyond them. Pandora was a magnificent place, but for a human, it was a death trap, from hostile Na'vi to Eywa's creatures to even the air. So you sought shelter in the lab where none of it could harm you, and you could study its wonders from a safe distance.

But Spider had been able to easily persuade you to rethink that little instinct called common sense to join him on an adventure. All he needed to do was flash you his pleading puppy dog eyes, and you were strapping on your exopack before you could even say yes. Something that you are now slightly regretting as you ascend higher from the ground you could splatter against with one misstep.

Your excited friend, however, doesn't share your worries or your unathleticism as he jumps from vine to vine as if he was born doing it. Which, granted, is practically true as he did grow up spending more time with the Sully kids than anyone else. And you have no doubt this was a common trip they took throughout their many years together.

"Well, it's not my fault you stay holed up in the lab all day doing nothing but boring science" He doesn't even pause in his trek, easily pulling you along as he responds.

"Oh, whatever, but it's not boring. I actually like science, and it's fun, not that you would know because you spend all your time jumping through trees...Huh, no wonder why they call you monkey boy."

He turns to face you at your taunt, smirking at you over his shoulder, "Whatever you say, science girl."

You playfully roll your eyes, jumping across vines spread farther apart as he pulls you across the gap. Your grip on his hand tightens, keeping him in place as you catch your breath, putting your exopack to work to accommodate your gasping inhales.

He waits for you, like always, but with that cocky little expression that you want to slap off his face...or kiss it off. It really depends on what mood you're in that day, though in the end, you never end up doing either.

When you've caught your breath, you straighten, still holding Spider at your side by his hand imprisoned in yours as you give a light slap to his bare arm.  "Okay, but seriously why are we doing this?"

"You'll see."

And that's the only answer you get as you continue on in your partially unwilling adventure. Spider at least having the kindness to slow down and walk side by side instead of dragging you around by the arm like a child would a dog's leash. Though his excessive teasing of you not being able to keep up is almost not worth his sacrifice on speed.

Soon enough, you reach the peak of the hallelujah mountains without much more trouble. And to your utmost relief, you were also able to avoid any encounters with ikran with Spider's knowledge of the area. The boy carefully weaved his way through their habitat as if it was as easy as breathing, all the while keeping you tucked safely by his side.

And now you're here waiting for...something. Truthfully you aren't sure what you're waiting for. As soon as you reached the summit, Spider gently pulled you down next to him without another word, sitting on the cliff's edge with his feet dangling over it.

You patiently wait for him to say something, to tell you what this long hike was about, but he just sits there, silently staring out across the horizon. Not that you can blame him; after all, the view from up here is breathtaking.

The floating islands tethered together by thick, intertwining vines seem to come to life in the sun's fleeting rays. It illuminates the fauna, rich blues, and purples reaching your eyes as the sun beckons them from their shade in a last dance before the eclipse. Ikran twist through the bobbing stone, their movements quick and graceful as they dive and dip beneath the fog, the mist following their movements in a swirl each time they emerge. Even the mountains themselves are beautiful. What would normally be plain colors are illuminated in the sun's spotlight, casting a halo around each one that passes through. You realize that 'Hallelujah Mountains' is a fitting name for when they look like this, bathing in light and utterly ethereal as they move through the air as they see fit. But even their beauty can't keep you from questioning why Spider brought you all the way up here.

Spider turns to you at your query, a relaxed smile on his face as he nudges his shoulder to yours, "Just watch."

And so you do. You watch as the sun's light is blanketed by darkness, the world falling silent with its absence. And then you watch as it comes alive again.

It starts as a mere glimmer, a flickering of light that you catch from the corner of your eye. You face it, and as if waiting for your gaze, it continues. The very earth ripples to life, vibrant colors blooming before your very eyes.

You gasp in awe, the very air being knocked from your lungs at the sight. Plants move of their own accord, blossoming in a firework of colors as they reach for the moon as if in thanks. Lakes and rivers shimmer, harnessing the moon's shine to guide wandering souls to their calm waters. Beasts of all kinds prowl through the undergrowth, movements strong and graceful, only accented by the glow that flickers across their bodies. And then there are the Woodsprites. They sparkle among the forest, glittering like stars descended from the heavens as they serenely float through the breeze. Pandora is beautiful when bathed in the sun's bright caress, but it is at night when it truly shines.

Turning to Spider, you expect to find his eyes glued onto the magnificent view before you, unable to look away from the beautiful sight. But as you face him, you find his gaze locked on you, completely ignoring the beauty Pandora has to offer.

He doesn't shy away at being caught. Instead, it's almost as if he relishes in the new attention, head tilting to the side slightly as he seems to observe your very soul. And you can't help but do the same, the words you were going to say clogged in your throat, lips slightly parted from their failed exit.

Rich colors reflect off his exopacks mask, swirling in his eyes until a kaleidoscope of deep blues and bright purples shimmer through his natural brown. Golden flecks glitter in them when the moonlight hits just right, and just like below, it sparks something unreadable to life there, something that only grows the longer you look at him.

A soft smile curls his lips, small but offering more warmth than Pandora's sun and heating your skin just as thoroughly. But it's when he speaks that your brain seems to lose all function, all thoughts brought to a grinding halt except the ones featuring him. All because of how softly he whispered your name, in a tone so unlike his normally playful one that it shocked you to your very core. And as if he hasn't deemed you flustered enough already, he starts to lean in. 

Your heartbeat grows fast, thundering louder than a stampede of hammerhead titanothere running to escape an angry thanator. And as the gap between you both starts to close, a tickling sensation erupts in your stomach. Almost as if you've swallowed woodsprites, and they're floating around in there, tendrils fluttering against your insides. But even with the odd feeling, you can't bring yourself to pull away, remaining frozen as his eyes flutter shut, lips but a few inches from yours.

As your lips are about to connect, the clink of glass meeting jolts you both out of your daze, the sound as soft as it was, deafening in the silence that follows it. This time you're both frozen, shaky breaths fogging the inside of your exopack as you try to meet each other's eyes through the haze.

Though as it clears with the steadying of your breathing, you're once again greeted by a sight you've never seen before. Spider's eyes are blown wide, mouth agape as if he's trying to process what happened. But that's not what holds your attention. It's the deep red spreading across his skin like a wildfire that does. The blush starts at his cheeks, but the clearer his mind seems to get, the darker it burns and the farther it spreads until it's sparked down his chest, contrasting with the blue stripes painted there.

You can feel your own face burning, but you force a wavering smirk on your lips in an attempt to hide your own embarrassment. Hoping he's still too distracted to notice the slight quiver in your voice, you break the silence, "Spider Soccoro, di-did you just try to kiss me...with your exopack on?"

And that's all it takes to finally force the rest of the shock from his system.

"What?! N-no!...O-okay, maybe." He physically jumps back, sitting in his original spot before tearing his eyes away from yours. His hands fidget in his lap as he grumbles to himself so quietly that you can only catch the one "so stupid" in self-admonishment.

He's...cute like this. It's a side you've never seen in him as he's always so confident in what he does, and even on the off chance that he's not, he's always able to make a joke about it. But here he is, squirming like a baby viperwolf under your gaze, and you can't help the small chuckle that bubbles past your lips at the drastic difference.

He flinches at your laughter, but you don't give him time to think about it before you reach out for his hand, grabbing it in a firm squeeze. And then you're pulling him up, ignoring his confused questions as you drag him behind you down the path of the hallelujah mountains.

Your roles are reversed this time, you guiding him down the vines as if you've been doing it your whole life while he fumbles behind you, the shock of your actions leaving him clumsy. Though you can't say you blame him, you barely registered what you were doing until you were already leaping from vine to vine. 

But for once, you know exactly what to do, no insecurities in the way as his failed attempt at a kiss shattered them like glass. And before you know it, you're back at the lab, still pulling Spider behind you, who's fallen silent on the journey home. 

You enter the lab, giving a brief greeting to those you pass but not allowing them to deter your plans. Spider follows behind without complaint, his curiosity keeping his focus squarely on you and nothing else.

It's only when you reach your room, the door sliding shut behind you both, that your nerves resurface. You realize that you literally just dragged your friend-maybe more than that now, through the whole forest without so much as a word. But you can't let the embarrassment drown out your next actions, not when you finally know that he may return your feelings.

So you center yourself with a deep breath, removing your exopack and unceremoniously throwing it on your bed. Then you tenderly reach out for his, shaking fingers fumbling with the latches as you try to untie it from his face.

All the while, he silently watches you, awaiting your next moves with bated breath, which makes you all the more nervous. But you persist, finally pulling the mask from his face and tossing it on your bed, wincing when it smacks into yours.

Your turn back to Spider, catching the slight grimace he wears at the noise before it vanishes as you meet his eyes. You don't give yourself time to think before you speak, too afraid you'll lose your nerve if you do, "So I-I know it isn't as romantic as what you tried to do earlier, b-but considering our need for oxygen, it will have to do."

"What do you mean?" He crooks a brow in confusion, head titled in a way that makes his hair roll across his shoulders like a golden wave over river stones.

You allow yourself one more deep, somewhat calming breath before you cup his cheeks, pulling him into a kiss. He immediately freezes at the contact, arms flying to his sides in shock as he stares down at you with wide eyes. Everything in your being tells you to pull back. That you made a terrible mistake, and this will ruin everything between you both.

But you can't. Consequences be damned, but the little sliver of hope that he likes you back stays rooted in your heart like a mighty oak tree, and it gives you the strength to push forward.

So you snap your eyes shut, the lids clenching tightly to keep yourself from possibly seeing his face scrunch in disgust. And even as your fingers tremble against his cheeks, you tilt your head to deepen the one-sided kiss.

Milliseconds trudge on like an eternity as you wait for a response from him, even if it's to push you back. You're almost ready to pull away, apologize for your misunderstanding and beg to remain friends when one of his arms wraps around your waist.

The impact with a solid chest splits you from Spider as you gasp, eyes flying open in shock. They briefly meet his beautiful browns, slowly darkening under the widening of his pupils, before you're pulled closer to him. His other hand cradles the back of your head as he draws you back to his lips. You freeze for only a moment before you allow your eyes to flutter shut, returning the kiss.

It's sweet and tender, full of warmth just like Spider is; the heat washing over you in a comforting wave. But it's also electrifying, sparking within you like lightning that burns across your lips in a way that leaves you craving more. His strong arms tighten around you, like a promise to protect you from any harm, and you feel yourself practically melt in his embrace.

It's only when his hand squeezes your hip that you pull away from him, lightly gasping as you try to catch your breath. When your eyes lift from the floor, you once again find him already staring at you, eyes soft and a dopey smile so wide you would have sworn it would have only been possible for some kind of cartoon character.

You're so caught up in studying his cute expression that you almost miss his words. "You're wrong." Your confusion must have been visible because he gives a breathy chuckle, his hand sliding from the back of your head to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing circles into your skin. "That was perfect." 

It takes you all of a second to realize what he's referring to, but when it clicks, a smile blossoms across your face so wide that your cheeks ache. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him to you until you're chest to chest, so you can whisper into his ear.

"You're such a dork, monkey boy."

His hand that was cupping your cheek slides down, leaving tingles in its wake as it joins his other one around your waist. You're pulled impossibly close, and you relish in the smile you feel on his lips as he nuzzles into the side of your neck. "But I'm your dork, science girl."

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#Avatar #Spider Socorro #Miles Socorro #Avatar x Reader #Spider Socorro x Reader #Miles Socorro x Reader

[a-moth-called-mof]

Me rambling about the fandom atmosphere during November 16th:

With November 16th hitting the corner, I thought now would be a good time to finally post this post that's been in my drafts forever

I genuinely am of the personal belief that November 16th is one of those things where you had to have been there to fully appreciate and experience it at least in my opinion. I feel like the tense atmosphere leading up to the actual event is something that is not widely talked about in the fandom. A brief reminder for the fans that are new here or that missed the stream where the November 16th War was announced: during stream C! Dream revealed that there was a traitor hiding amongst Pogtopia and said it was someone that you wouldn't expect. This one line lead to multiple fan theories going around the fandom ranging from plausible to very far fetched. The fandom turned into one big game of Among Us and EVERYONE was a suspect.

Here's an old post of my mine that I think does a good job showing the mentality of most fans going into November 16th:

There were so many theories and speculations leading up to it and you genuinely had to be there to see everyone's different theories about who the traitor would be and the couple aus I saw come out of it. It made it so that when the event did happen, no one in the fandom knew who trust and NEITHER DID THE CHARACTERS. It was amazing watching characters debate whether or not to trust eachother live. It made it feel like any discoveries or possible leads that were made were realised by the character and the fandom at the same time, especially love that one scene where C! Tubbo and C! Quackity decide they sort of trust eachother and talk about who they don't trust. I distinctly remembering switching between povs and watching the dashboard lose their shit and how current character mains would be like "OH [CHARACTER] IS ACTING SO SUSPICIOUS :0" or just liveblog whatever characters were doing and it was a really fun way of keeping up with most of the characters even if I couldn't physically watch all their povs at once

This is less about the atmosphere but more something I feel like people don't talk about enough: Phil wasn't on the Dream SMP before November 16th and we had no concrete indication he would be there. There were a lot of fan theories and headcanons about him joining and I remember seeing all the art of him joining on November 16th and at the time thinking "Oh that's really cool but I doubt they'll actually do it" SO I CAN'T DESCRIBE THE SHEER EMOTIONS I FELT WHEN HE JOINED?

I honestly still don't think I'll ever forget watching C! Wilbur press the button and watching everything go to shit at once after such a tense buildup. Whenever I tell my irl friends I once stayed up till 5am on a school night to watch a live minecraft roleplay event, most of them joke or express (VERY UNDERSTANDABLE) concern but I honestly don't regret a thing. I'd do it 30 times over just to experience that again and watch my dashboard go apeshit. November 16th will always be one of my favourite events in any media ever.

#ME? FINALLY POSTING THIS? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK #dream smp #dsmp #November 16th #wilbur soot #philza min3craft #mcyt #mof speaks #retrospective or whatever #is this a #dsmp meta #post now?

[daughter-of-sapph0]

I think a lot of transfemme culture is formed and cultivated by how we were rejected and desperately tried to fit it.

like, take transfemme memes. a lot of memes are about how broad generalizations such as "trans women do this thing", the thing being computer programming or enjoying a particular video game. and while I won't deny that a lot of trans women do those things, the vast majority don't. so why are things like programmer socks and fallout new vegas and bionicals and gundam so popular with trans women despite them not being universally applicable?

I think it might have to do with our being rejected as kids and how we would do everything we could to try and be accepted by others.

maybe this only applies to me. I'm definitely not trying to make a broad generalization to explain other broad generalizations. I'm basing this primarily on my experiences.

but when I was in middle school and high school, I used to lie about watching certain movies or playing certain games even when I didn't. I could have been because my parents wouldn't let me, I couldn't afford them, or I just wasn't actually interested. but most of what I was interested was very niche nerdy things like anime and computers and math and art. but in a desperate attempt to join in conversations and make friends, I would lie and say I was interested in the popular things so other people would accept me.

now, years later, the internet connects us and helps us explore our nerdy interests much more. I remember I was the only person at high school who cared at all about undertale, but then I found tumblr and whole communities online who would talk about the game I played. they also got me interested in things I never would have been into otherwise. transgender people online got me into star wars (which I regret) and evangelion (which I also regret but not as much). and there are some things that I've never experienced, but still know about due to cultural osmosis. I know a lot about fallout new vegas and magic the gathering and ultrakill despite never playing them. I would consider myself part of those fandoms despite never really interacting with the content, just because I have so many online trans friends who are into those things.

I think that the most popular things just happened to become transfemme memes due to how many nerdy trans people unapologetically love them online, and people who have never experienced them but are friends with the people who do love them agree with them to fit in.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. it's perfectly fine to be part of a fandom or community even if you don't have a huge interest in it just to be with your friends. I'm not super interested in ttrpgs, but I still play just because I like hanging out with my friends.

computer programming is popular in trans women circles not because all trans women are computer programmers. it's popular because it's a booming industry and the small percentage of trans women who are computer programmers really enjoy it and talk about it online, and their online friends support them and agree with them even if they aren't computer programmers themselves.

idk. I forget where I was going with this. I just think it's really nice how trans women, and honestly the entire queer community as a whole, tends to support each other's niche interests and uplift each other.

#dostxt

[hatredmadeofgold]

Revenge with a vengeance — The tragedy of Sam and Raiden’s canon relationship dynamic

Alternate title: SamuRaiden is THAT deep, actually.

Although MGR does not have as complex or well researched character lore as the main series, Samuraiden as a relationship is a lot more complex than common fandom tropes and interpretations of their relationship suggest. I don’t mind it when people make funny/meme content about these two, since MGS/R does come with its own flair of humour, it’s very exhausting for me as well as a few others I know who enjoy this ship for it to be reduced to just that — a joke. MGR being perceived as ‘goofy’ is mainly due to how poorly some of the character lines translate from Japanese to English, as well as it being more or less evident that either budget, time or both ran out over the course of development, hence the second half of the game feels rushed and underdeveloped. In fact, the great majority of MGR fans do not understand how serious, dark, hopeless and dystopian its message really is and that is saddening.

The world isn’t black and white, neither is it in MGS/R. Sam isn’t the just the villain (never has been, by the way), Raiden isn’t the just the hero (never has been either, by the way), I’d say it’s rather “depends on who you ask”. They are on opposite sides due to the circumstances of how they meet and not because they wouldn’t get along. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, if they would have met before 2016, they might have become friends based on the fact of how much they can actually relate to each other in many different aspects of their personalities, interests and experiences.

Before we get to fight Armstrong as well as during the Sam DLC (also through very subtle hints during their first fight on the train) we learn that Sam is just like Raiden and that Desperado forced him to become a shadow of who he once was, going against his own morals and values and only Raiden reminding him of who he truly was before Armstrong defeated him 2 years prior, ultimately crushing his spirit — he had no other choice, either die there as a failure or continue to live and become Desperado’s/Armstrong’s puppet [until someone would eventually defeat Armstrong and free Sam from his never ending nightmare — Did I already mention that Sam is a really fucking tragic character?]. Sam joining Armstrong’s laughter at the end of DLC is a reaction of fear, not agreement with him or enjoyment. And if there’s one thing that both MGS and MGR are really good at, it’s the accurate and very realistic portrayal of the human psyche under stressful and traumatic situations.

On the other side we can tell from Raiden’s reaction when holding Murasama after killing Sam that he, for once in the entire damn series, questions if that was the right choice he made. We know that Raiden enjoys inflicting pain and suffering onto others, he enjoys murder — but he did not feel that way when he killed Sam. It’s quite the opposite. It’s very subtle and if you’re not very observant like me, easy to miss. But the way his voice turns a bit softer, how his eyes look listless, almost sad; he regrets it. When Blade Wolf asks Raiden if that outcome was really necessary, he does not answer him, because he knows that Wolf is right, it wasn’t. And Raiden pretty much hates himself for it. To his team he confidently says that Sam isn’t a problem anymore since he killed him, but that’s not the same Raiden that he’s that moment in the badlands (which is another implication to me that Raiden doesn’t fully trust his teammates, although they are friends; he has major trust issues and the only emotions he shares with them is either anger or amusement but nothing outside of that). The way he sheathes Murasama is a way to honour him, and as far as I remember this is a ritual to honour a samurai’s defeat or death.

I believe that there has been a silent understanding between the two swordsmen that they respect each other from the very beginning, but they do not say it out loud. This is a case of “show, don’t tell” but also something I suspect has something to do with the game being written by Japanese authors, and Japanese is a high context language, meaning, very little words are needed to get the meaning across, and I think this may also translate into the words these two exchange with each other compared to how they truly feel about the other. Besides, they probably couldn’t truly speak honestly with each other in the first place because of the unfortunate conditions of how they met and were (more or less) forced to fight each other until one of them would eventually succumb to the other’s blade. Codecs and conversations were most likely recorded by their respective employers, and I highly suspect that in Sam’s case, he was even monitored 24/7 by Desperado since he never was an official member of the Winds of Destruction in the first place, and they didn’t fully trust him either.

At the very end of the game during the fight with Armstrong, Sam’s message plays, and we can hear how Sam also speaks with a different voice to Blade Wolf compared to everyone else (and technically, indirectly to Raiden but I cannot confirm or deny that Sam was aware that Raiden would ever hear this playback), it’s a note softer; Raiden learns the truth, which confirms to him that he was right about Sam after all, that they are alike, that they respect each other, and that there was more to Sam’s story than him being a part of Desperado, he doesn’t know what exactly, but he knows now for sure that Sam was not the person he originally believed he was (and lets his team still believe he thinks that way).

Would Raiden truly say Sam’s catchphrase “Let’s dance” before fighting and ultimately killing Armstrong, if he wouldn’t have been going through a gradual process between originally hating Sam to respecting and liking him but unable to ever express that to him or anyone else?

Would he ever admit to anyone what kind of emotional impact Sam had on him, besides the anger and hatred he openly expressed towards him?

Doubt so. Highly fucking doubt so.

Because sharing his true feelings is a liability to him, and Raiden learnt as a very young child that vulnerable feelings such as sadness or guilt would be used against him, so his psyche is conditioned to discard them immediately. But Sam made him feel those things in their full extent and Raiden is fully aware of that, but he would never share with anybody that he ever felt that way about Sam.

He may or may not take those feelings to his grave.

From Sam’s side, we can only guess how he truly felt about Raiden, but we can only guess by the way he hesitated to finish him off on the train during the prologue, the way he smiled at Blade Wolf before his death (which might be likely another case of a silent understanding between Sam and Wolf that the latter would share with Raiden what he knows about Sam or the playback of their conversation itself, if not both) as well as everything he says with giving Murasama to Raiden. Of course, Sam couldn’t even say out loud to Blade Wolf or Raiden that he planned to give Raiden his sword to take down Armstrong, and he had to be as vague as possible with the information that he shared with the robot dog. Not by choice, no. Most likely because he was being watched 24/7, he knew that Desperado nor Armstrong didn’t fully trust him and if they knew about his plans, they’d make sure to finish him off before Raiden had the chance to do so. Sam knew he would die, and that it would be the only way he would ever be free from Armstrong’s grasp. So he chose suicide through Raiden’s blade, and gave him his sword to finish what he could not back then.

The game’s title is REVENGEANCE — Revenge with a vengeance.

They both translate to the same thing in my native language German, but there’s a subtle yet important difference between these two nouns.

“Revenge means when you get back at your enemy who is responsible for hurting you and vengeance is the punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.”

But it was never Armstrong who hurt or wronged Raiden in the first place, and we know he’s an essentially selfish person who does not really care all that much about politics, religion or anything like that and he only fights for himself (I wrote in my essay about Raiden’s ASPD that his motivation to save these children from becoming cyborg child soldiers is a trauma response first and his rather lose and grey morality second) and the few people he cares about, so Armstrong being the one one who ordered to get N’mani killed is not the reason Raiden went after him or was that passionate about getting revenge or retribution on him either.

It was Sam who hurt him — wounded both his body and soul during the prologue — but when Raiden got his revenge, he realised that revenge is empty, that he didn’t feel better, and that he regrets killing him, then we get to the vengeance part. From the moment Raiden held Sam’s Murasama in the badlands, he felt no more hatred towards him and the emotional impact his death had on him made Sam transition from a person he hated to one of the few people Raiden truly cares about.

Armstrong may be the villain of the story, but the person who wanted revenge on him never had been Raiden. It was Sam. Always had been Sam, because it was Sam who got hurt by Armstrong, it was Sam who wanted to get revenge on Armstrong for defeating him and crushing his spirit, it was Sam who wanted to punish Armstrong for making him into a shadow of who he once was, making Sam speak about ideals he didn’t truly believe in (like, who the FUCK even thinks that Sam truly believed a single fucking word of that, because I for sure as hell can tell he never did, he either gaslit himself into believing that for 2 years until he met Raiden or only parroted whatever the fuck Armstrong wanted him to say so he would not get killed on the spot).

Revenge and vengeance are very deep feelings and actions of hatred, feelings that are too deep and complex to be associated with morality, hence why I highly doubt that the title of the game is directed at Armstrong from Raiden’s side at all. That between Raiden and Armstrong is not nearly as personal as it has been between Sam and Armstrong. Raiden eradicating Desperado and Armstrong had been about justice [for the kids being killed and their organs sold], not revenge.

"I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now… Now I'm not so sure. And besides, this isn't my sword."

But when he says this, followed by “Let’s dance”, it became deeply personal for Raiden as well. Because he could confirm that his feelings about Sam had been right, and that Sam wanted to get revenge on Armstrong.

Raiden decides to avenge him, because Sam couldn’t get revenge himself.

Although Sam never told him directly, Raiden understood him from his actions alone, those subtle hints, reading between the lines what the other truly felt and wanted the whole time, eventually passing the “torch” — his sword — to Raiden, to finish what he could not. So while Raiden’s own reasons to finish off Armstrong were (mostly) justice for the innocent lives he destroyed and planned to continue to destroy, they also became feelings of hatred and anger — Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong.

In the end — revenge with a vengeance — is what Sam could get on Armstrong only through Raiden, after Raiden enacted his onto Sam.

Now the question is — if Raiden would’ve never killed Sam, by the chance of him recognising earlier than in canon that revenge is empty and that he won’t feel better after killing him, would Sam go by his example and abandon his revenge plans on Armstrong as well? Or would they fight Armstrong together and get justice?

We unfortunately can only speculate (or write stories about it).

What we can tell from canon though, is that Raiden’s (= Sam’s) passionate feelings of hatred towards Armstrong quickly vanish the moment he finished him off, and he looks into the camera with an empty expression, covered in blood and a crushed cybernetic heart in his hand.

And I think that is exactly what he feels — empty.

Because again, he got revenge and avenged Sam, led by what Sam felt, Sam’s feelings became Raiden’s feelings during that fight with Armstrong. But once that was gone, there’s nothing left. In the case of killing Armstrong, he doesn’t feel remorse or guilt. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Because revenge is empty.

Raiden defeated his enemies — but at what cost?

By killing Sam, he realised what he had actually lost — a potential friend (or more), someone who understood him in a way that no one else did. Perhaps he thought or felt that, if he avenges Sam, making Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong into his own, he might be able to deal with that loss better, but to no avail.

Because, and I can speak from experience as a person with the same mental health issues as Raiden, that emptiness is worse than regret.

MGR’s ending also implies that Raiden abandons his family and friends to fight his own war; essentially taking the same path that Sam once took in his past, ending up in a personal war and revenge act that knows no end, making one bad choice after the next. If Raiden hasn’t already become the villain of his own story by the end of MGR, then it’s just a matter of time until he becomes that.

And the cycle of violence continues, until the story repeats itself, over and over and over and over and over.

Did I mention already that there is a myth around Murasama being a cursed sword, that will drive its user either slowly insane or make them commit suicide if it doesn’t get a regular ‘blood sacrifice’?

—

“I really enjoy murder, but that one, that I will regret for the rest of my life.”

#Samuraiden #samurai #samrai #mgr #raiden #jetstream sam #mgrr #Raiden mgr #Raiden mgs #Raiden mgrr #Samuel Rodrigues #metal gear rising #metal gear rising revengeance #metal gear solid #mgs #anyway I went a little bit INSANE last night and wrote this #basically Samuraiden is at least platonically canon #and MGR is really fucking dark and depressing #BUT THE MAJORITY OF MGR FANS DON’T FUCKING GET THAT #anyway #suffer with me #my writing #golden writing