#i have such a craving for simplicity in my life right now...

[2cutie]

Midnight Challenge

Raiden x Female virgin!Reader

summary: 18 + content! Raiden requests you to join him to dinner after relinquishing in the victory of battle together. You both delved into each other's flirtations and push to see just how far the other is willing to go...

a/n: elder god Raiden(no specific game/media). light master/sub. i like my older men & Raiden supplies. def self indulgent huehuehue

You watched him with a soft expression as he took off his hat and breathed in the calm air. You both had teleported back to the Shaolin temple after completing a mission together, the tranquil and gentle atmosphere much more serene than the energy of the battle. The silence was a welcome contrast and he sighed, content.

Raiden turned to look at you when he felt the stare, his electric eyes shimmering gently. His expression was of calmness and peace, basking in the simplicity of the moment. You smiled gently when your gaze met. The sense of completion washed over him, the battle of the outside world forgotten.

" That was quite the battle. You faired pretty well, old man," you joked in kind, scanning him quickly for any prevalent injuries. You were pleased to find none.

"Yes, I've managed to hold my own." He chuckled softly. "I must commend you for your prowess in battle as well. You fought with remarkable skill and determination."

The praise caused your chest to flutter with pride, and you bowed in generosity. "Thank you, Lord Raiden."

"Enough with formalities. We've fought together on many occasions now, and I consider you a friend. I believe we've earned the right to address each other more casually." Raiden placed a warn hand on your shoulder to righten you.

"As you insist. The feeling runs mutual." You straightened to a stance again, sighing happily. "I feel every time I have the fate to fight alongside of you, it is never less than thrilling. The joy of accompanying a god to battle, I suppose. Thank you for being my unwilling inspiration to improve."

He offered a rare genuine smile. "You are an excellent warrior in your own right. I am happy to serve as your ally."

Your eyes twinkled in delight as a soft blush decorated your cheeks. You fought the urge to bow again, but instead took the initiative to walk beside of him through the temple, seemingly with out a destination. Your footfall echoed softly in the quiet surroundings, paired with the sound of distant monks training.

"There is something refreshing about this place," the god remarked after a break, taking in the aura. "It's still and peaceful, almost as if time has stopped moving." He paused, considering his next words. "Do you ever find the simplicity of this place to be… dull?"

You tilted your head, considering his words. You gazed to the scenery, watching as some leaves blew gently across the air, the grass shifting gracefully. "I suppose… I do. It can be rejuvenating when I need it to be., but perhaps I'm too used to the way of training so now I like things to be a bit more unexpected" Your stare found him again. "Pretty to look at, maybe not to spend continuous time in. Do you find it to be dull?"

Raiden's expression seemed to grow contemplative. "Alike you, it depends. Sometimes I find the tranquility of the temple to be a much needed respite, a chance to reflect and decompress. But other times, I feel that this place can be too peaceful, that I still crave the challenge of battle outside the walls of this place." He nodded toward some of the monk's practicing in the courtyard. "I admire the tenacity and commitment of the monks to the pursuit of peaceful meditation, but battle and conflict remain a central part of my life."

You hummed. "It seems we are not so different. It's a bit amusing to think about."

"I consider you a kindred spirit of sorts."

You willed your blush to go away as he spoke, hoping it wasn't as obvious as it had felt. If he noticed, he did not saying anything. "Knowing you on a personal level, it does seems our souls align in some way." Your voice trickled off for a moment, debating your wording. "I believe you know some of my past, but that isn't something I can say for many people. Our companionship is of high virtue to me."

"I know some of your past, but I would not dare to claim to know all of it. From what I do know, I see someone who's strong and resilient, someone with a good head on her shoulders. Your words and demeanor speak volumes of the type of person you are."

A sigh released from your lips, soaking in the warmth of his words. Perhaps, and you would never admit it, you stumbled just a bit. "I don't know if I would believe that years ago. Thank you. Sincerely."

Raiden noticed a vulnerability in you that you rarely showed. His electric eyes twinkled in the sunlight, pleased to know you trusted him enough to reveal it. "It is my pleasure, truly. I believe that you are the type of person who deserves to hear words of encouragement and appreciation."

He was thrumming strings along in your chest so easily, and he did't even know it. Your body buzzed, as if you had his power coursing through you instead.

You continued walking beside him, wanting to speak more but unsure of what. As you passed a fountain, you spoke. "I should probably shower some of the battle off me. Thank you for another successful battle, and putting up with my company afterwards."

"It was my pleasure to fight alongside of you as well." The god slowed to a stop, nearing the courtyard. He paused for a moment, gazing into your eyes with a certain look you couldn't quite place. "If you will indulge me, may I ask if you have any plans tonight? Perhaps you could join me for dinner?"

"Oh!" You were truly a master of words. "I don't have plans, actually. None. None at all!" Oh gods, just stop talking. "I'd love to join you."

"Wonderful." His expression lit with genuine delight, amusement hidden just below. "I expect you are eager to rid yourself of the battle grime, as well as to get some well earned downtime. I will await your return. Until then, please rest and recuperate."

"Until then," you confirmed. You waved to him as you departed to your bedroom, under the promise of later. As you rounded the corner, you couldn't help but let out a delighted giggle. Your heart pulsed, shy yet thrilled, and continued to your room.

Your well-anticipated shower proved to be more than needed as the warm water laxed your sore muscles. You did small chores around your room to distract your racing mind.

You weren't expecting much for how the dinner may go, uncertain if Raiden even felt any emotion that you did. But even if it was just to be platonic, you were delighted to have the opportunity.

The anticipation made the time go slow, but you were ecstatic when the time came to get ready. You decided not to go over the top to look nice, deciding on a more naturalistic approach. While your heart could fool itself, your mind wasn't set to believe that it was truly a date.

When finished, you returned down the familiar path to the fountain. Unsurprisingly, Raiden was there, his back to you. He turned when you heard you approach.

"Fancy seeing a thunder god here," you teased, stopping in front of him.

"How quickly the tide changes. I recall just a few hours ago, I was the one who asked you to dinner." His eyes glinted in humour as he observed you. You exuded a certain charm and allure that was almost captivating. "You certainly look stunning in this attire."

That caught you a bit off-guard. "Ah, well, thank you. It really isn't anything divine." But you appreciated the sincerity. "You look just as wonderful, as always."

He hadn't changed from his normal clothes unsurprisingly, but was without his hat. His headcap had remained on, and you were a bit disappointed at that.

Raiden smiled at the compliment. "You're too kind. Would you mind following me to the dining hall? I've prepared dinner for us tonight, and it would be a pleasure to share it with you."

"Of course. After you." You stood tall and followed after him, intrigued. As far as you knew, he didn't know your taste palette and that was making you a bit nervous.

Raiden led the way to the dining hall below the temple so you two could dine alone, the heavenly scent of food wafting in the air as you got close. Perhaps you were afraid for nothing. He opened the door for you, and followed inside. He directed you to a decorated table that was laid out with a multidude of delicious dishes, ranging from elegant desserts to spicy foods, and even meat dishes.

You were taken back by just how extravagant it all was, mouth watering from just looking at the savory foods. "Somehow, I had a feeling you wouldn't disappoint, Raiden." You chuckled as you sat across from him, eager as ever. He didn't need to know that wasn't all the truth, and his proud smile made you feel better about your white lie.

The dinner consisted of several savory courses, from a delectable soup to tender and flavorful appetizers, all in impeccable quality. The conversation was friendly and light, compensated around the time you savored the sweet spices. It was little conversation where it was more so talking about nothing, yet it was enticing. But more so, you were thrilled to discover that his ability to be a chef rivaled that of his to battle.

"I fear that no food is ever going to compare to this again."

Raiden smiled at the admiration and leaned back in his seat, pleased. "I'm glad to hear. I am always eager to experiment with new flavours."

"God of lightning, god of cooking on the side. It's almost unearthly how good it all is." Wait… The question posed in your head. You had to ask. "Wait - is it actually unearthly? Do you seriously use your lightning to cook?"

An amused huff of air puffed from his nose, seeming quite amused at how you seemed to believe your hypothesis before even his answer. "I did not, though that is an interesting thought. I was still once very much mortal and have learned to cook the same way any other mortal does."

You hummed, impressed. "I'm now enamored for your cooking. Please, if you ever feel like cooking, be sure to invite me again. I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy normal food again after this," you jested, taking another bite of food in proof. The flavour erupted over your tongue instantly.

"The offer goes both ways, you know," Raiden replied, his tone hinting and cheerful. "I would love to share my culinary with you whenever you want to join me for dinner. I would be interested in tasting your creations as well."

You met his eyes again, a twinge of hope tickling inside you. "I can't calim I'm the best cook, but I'm not so bad that I would kill you." You laughed and finished off the last bite of your food.

"I suppose I can overlook the occasional meal that fails to kill me." He softly laughed with you, a deep and uncommon thing. He continued to gaze over you as you finished the meal. He noticed that the shared gazes would linger a little bit too long. He did nothing to regulate it.

You enjoyed the mutual silence for a moment, but you were getting a bit too curious for your own good as you eyed his headwear. Your expression clearly showed your thought process, face scrunched as you considered asking.

"You seem to be debating on something." He watched closely, awaiting with a curious yet eager expression. "Do you wish to know something?"

"It's dumb." You answered slowly, but eventually laughed. "It's so dumb…. Buut, I was just curious what you keep hidden underneath that headcap, if you'll entertain me. I just thought about how long I've known you and have yet to see what you're hiding." You hoped that didn't sound rude. "Of course, it's completely fine if not. I didn't mean to sound forthright."

Raiden couldn't help but smile, eyes filled with amusement. It was an unexpected yet a charming enough request that his smiled enough for his teeth to show. You added that to a list of accomplishments. "You've piqued my curiosity. I'm always up for a bit of fun." You leaned forward in interest. "Perhaps I will entertain your request, perhaps not. You will have to wait and see."

Your mouth fell open. He did not. "You-" You barked a laugh in shock, but it soon bubbled into guffawing. You dipped your head back, truly amused. "You suck! So bad! I never expected you to be such a tease."

He laughed along with you, his amusement growing at the sight of your mirth. "What, a god isn't allowed to tease?" He voice was playful.

"Now I didn't say that; I just wasn't expecting it. You're always so serious." You leaned back into the chair, crossing your arms over your chests and gave him a once-over. "I'm starting to like discovering these hidden sides of you. You're actually quite entertaining."

Who knew, the god of thunder had a playful side. How unseen it must be.

"I find that there is a time and place for everything. I am not opposed to letting my guard down and having some casual fun from time to time."

"It's honestly fun to see. I consider you a good friend, so it's delightful to know you aren't always so stoic."

Raiden felt something move in his chest. What, he wasn't entirely sure but chose not to dwell on it. "The same goes for me. It is comforting to know that you enjoy my company once you got past my intimidating exterior."

"I figured it came with being a protector of Earthrealm. Can't have the enemies knowing you're a divine cook," you joked and you saw his lips quirk. "Though, it's funny; your brother is such a stark contrast to you."

His eyebrow quirked at the mention. "Fujin and I are similar in some ways, yet so much more different in others. The contrast is certainly engaging, to say the least."

"He says much of the same thing." You chuckled. "I talk to him quite often, when the time permits. He shares stories about the two of you when you were younger, it's endearing how he speaks of it. Also sickening. Though, he did tell me you were one to pull his hair just to spite him when you fought."

"I see he likes revealing some of our more childish habits. I assume he failed to mention any of his," Raiden wore a high-spiried smile, chortling at the memory. "But yes, I've got my tricks."

"Dully noted. Would that be the reason for your headcap? To stop Fujin from getting revenge?" You were being instegative now, knowing that is was simply meant to keep his hair from his face.

It was a playful dig, one Raiden found himself liking. There was an air of teasing between you both, and he was very much enjoying it. "Perhaps I simply wanted to add some flair to my usual attire. I do believe it provides a certain air of authority, if I do say so myself."

You hummed, leaning on the table to get a good luck at it, as if you hadn't seen it so many times before. "You're right. I do believe you are the only one I've seen wearing it."

Passive aggressiveness suited you nicely even if he did catch onto it. "I think it does add a nice bit of distinction, does it not?"

You snorted. "Distinction is certainly one way to describe it. It looks a bit odd in a normal setting, I must admit. However, you do make it look good so at least you can get away with it."

"I'll take that as a compliment then."

The atmosphere drifted back to light conversation as time filtered between the both of you. Dusk turned to nightfall swiftly, the room slowly casting shadows as the late hours creeped in. You were completely enraptured by him the entire night, captivated by the moment. His eyes mesmerized, especially as they seemed even more alight when he spoke. You were too entranced to notice the time filtering by.

But when his eyes flicked to the windows, yours followed. It was completely pitch. "Oh, wow, It's late." You felt panic rise in your chest, trying to decide what hour exactly it was. "I'm so sorry for holding you up. I didn't realize just how late it's gotten."

"No need to apologize," he responded in a gentle tone. ""I myself didn't realize much time passed as well. What's more, I was enjoying our conversation, so I don't mind one bit."

"That's relieving, at least." You rose from your chair. "I enjoyed this as well. You have a bit of a… thrilling aura to you. You are very intriquing."

"Thrilling aura?" He repeated, amusement clear by the choice of words. He stood as well and gathered the dishes.

"Yes, like…. How should I say it." You hummed in thought and helped collect the plates as well, following and returning them to the sink. "I guess because of your status as an elder god, that spending time with someone so high above me feels like it could be 'forbidden'. I know it's not, but I just find it so out of the ordinary to share you downtime. I know I can be boring."

When the plates were placed where they needed to be, you both wandered back to the entrance. "We may be words away in terms of divinity," he began, "However it it is a privilege and pleasure to have spent the night with you. As for being boring, I don't believe that to be the case. You have shared many interesting stories with me, and I have been enthralled by each one of them."

Your cheeks flushed as he spoke, pulse a bit quicker. You shyly tucked some hair behind your ear. "I can say the same… even despite your vendetta to keep hiding what's under your headcap," you quipped. "I suppose I can let that little detail go."

Your curiosity about his appearance was cute. But for now, he liked the air of mystery to it, perhaps if just to ease you more. "Curiosity will only encourage you to continue wondering, will it not?"

You rolled your eyes when you realized he meant to still keep it a secret, but you smiled anyways. Despite the crushing interest, you felt it rather charming that he would play a bit. "Yes, yes, it will. And I'll remained bothered about it until the day." You flicked your eyes back to him, a small glaze of adoration in them. "You have many layers of mystery to you, Raiden. I find great interest in trying to solve them, and that is just one of the many."

"And what if I told you that beneath this was nothing but disappointment?"

You tilted your head. "What it is, premature balding? Or no wait - fully bald. No, no, it couldn't possibly be the secrets of the universe, right?"

Raiden hummed, shaking his head. Each of your possibilities were more ridiculous and humorous than the last. "Perhaps. Any of those could be correct. I could be bald, and not want to bring attention to it so I hide it." He spoke in a fake-slighted tone.

"Somehow, I think you would be able to pull it off. But, perhaps I'm so used to seeing the monks here. Most of them are bald."

"Perhaps indeed. Being on this planet for much of a longer time than you has introduced me to many styles. I realize that you may be correct of me pulling off such an appearance."

"Wha-" You barked out laughing at such a absurd sentence. "That was such an overdramatic and humble way of saying you agree with me! What was that?" You had to double over and grab your stomach, the words replaying in your head. It took a moment, but when you finally were able to straighten yourself, the smirk was still evident. "Perhaps I'm too delirious because it's so late, but that may have been the most hilarious thing I've heard you say."

You reactions to his foolish answer that was more playful than serious was indulging, far beyond amusing. "The night may leave your judgement compromised. But I can't help feel that it has also been truly refreshing, and I believe that the late hour is not the cause of this."

"It has been quite the wonder. I am sad that it is coming to a closure, but if I stay any longer, I fear you'll make me laugh too hard and it'll wake up Kung Lao…. He is truly someone you do not want to anger when he is sleeping."

"We wouldn't want that." He said that as if he had any idea of how hard you learned that lesson. Lucky him. "Your attempts at laughter would prove to be ill-advised."

Your eyes narrowed at him as you walked out of the dining hall, him back by your side. "Whose fault would that be then? Don't make me laugh and it won't happen." You elbowed his side gently.

"I shall endeavor not to elicit any jokes. And if I fail to do so, I shall endure Kung Lao's wrath willingly instead of laughing at you, of course." He leaned in just a bit, barely noticeable. But you caught it.

"What a generous man you are." You leaned against him as well, copying his mannerisms.

Raiden was delighted in the response to his gesture. Every moment was becoming an exchange of teasing between you two, and he found himself enjoying the rapport ever so much. The air seemed to flow easy at each exchange of witty banter.

You found yourself unable to stop smiling as you continued the way to your bedrooms. Your body again buzzed, chest alight. This was a progressive night between you both, even if it was just a friendly thing. "It's so late - dare I even say early at this point - and yet I have absolutely no interest in sleeping. I feel so energized."

"I'm quite awake myself." His body felt invigorated by your presence, admittedly.

"I blame you. I'm typically asleep at this time, so can only assume you have caused this."

"Despite that, I do find it to be quite fulfilling to have you in my company for such a late evening."

You tried to hide your laugh as you looked the other way, over your shoulder. It didn't work. "Careful with your wording there, Raiden. You're starting to sound a bit sultry."

"And is a bit of sultriness bad, if I may ask?" He watched you from the corner of his eye, feigning innocence.

"No, no, I quite welcome it. Just hoping you don't dish what you can't serve." Raiden didn't miss the look of flirtation in your eyes. Nor how you stepped just a bit closer. The night was bringing forth new things and you were starting to see a side you didn't expect from him, and it was making you swell with confidence.

Likewise, Raiden leaned back to you. Your elbows brushed against one another. The clear flirtation was quite obvious, and you both were receptive to it. "I believe I'm quite able to dish it as well as take it. Shall I raise it up a level to make up for that?"

"Will I be wooed by the Thunder God himself? I'm interested of what the next level entails. Please, entice me. I'm curious."

Your bedroom was just up ahead, leaving limited time to explore this bit of flirtation. You didn't want it to end, feared that the moment may be abolished come morning.

Yet he bit at the offer and gave a suggestive reply. "Why should I be the one to entice you? That wouldn't be entirely fair, would it? Perhaps you ought to tempt me in your own way, and then I shall do the same. For balance sake."

His sentence caught you a bit off-guard, but it was a welcome allure. "Smooth, Raiden. Very smooth." Your eyes traced over him, slowly drifting up his body, absorbing all details, and ensuring he could feel wherever your flaming stare landed. Ever so slowly, you up past his broad shoulders before settling to land on his lips, holding the gaze.

You looked away.

You had made the first move into the teasing challenge.

"Isn't there some kind of old saying to not temp a god? And here you are daring me. Regardless, I think I'd do a few sins for you."

His body buzzed. To think his flirtation had set a precedent for how you actually planned to challenge him was enticing. "That would be correct. Though, it would take much more than that to tempt a god such as myself. If anything, it is quite generous to allow you to even attempt to entice me."

"Allow me? Frankly, it sounds like you are wanting me to, since you'd be permitting it." You were putting up a false sense of bravado. Inside, your heart hammered against your chest and threatened to burst from how bad your nerves crept. But this was enthralling, and you were in way too deep. You felt your pulse skip several beats as you saw your door, wondering what exactly this was about to become.

"I suppose you may have me there. The question yet remains whether I would like you to actually tempt me, or if this is merely a game that I'm allowing you to play."

Of course he wouldn't specify which. That was for you to decide.. or to play it out and see. "I don't know if I'd consider myself much of a temptress, though your challenge seems inveigling."

"We shall have to see how the night turns out. Perhaps you have hidden talents that you are waiting to unveil? If so, I would be quite surprised if you are truly not the temptress you so believe you aren't."

He apparently had more faith in you than you did yourself. How curious.

You stopped in front of your room, considered your next plan to action. Opening the door, you turned around to face him. "I hope I can live up to at least some of those beliefs you hold in me. Half of the battle will be finding what you even crave and playing into them." Your eyes locked with his chest again, heat building in you as you traced along the details of his broad muscles. You wonder how they would feel... You pushed the tantalizing thought away for now. You gave a crooked smile, backing into the room, teasingly, cajoling. "I'd be honored to accept the challenge, Lord Raiden… Or would you perhaps prefer 'master' in this setting?" You titled your head. "If you also wish to proceed with this game... lock the door."

Raiden remained in cool disposition as he considered your proposal. He decided he was excited with the turn of events.

The challenge was set now, and the night would either be a fun game or something completely exhilarating.

"It seems that this night will be a time for experimentation between the two of us." He followed you inside, locking the door behind him as instructed. Your core flared in response.

You studied his every movement as he came into your room, watching to see what he did, how he responded. In reality, you had never attempted to seduce before and this was more nerve-wracking than you wanted to admit. You were frightened that you may embarrass yourself, or worse - shun him away.

You were walking an incredibly thin line, but the anixety of the situation churned different at the thought of what may also become, even if only for a night. "Expiermentation often is how people find their delights in life. Hobbies, crafts… Kinks, even."

"I believe we could benefit from a lot of it then. While life is a constant cycle of learning, changing, it is good to explore what we crave."

"And what exactly is it that you crave… Master?" You advanced to him slowly. You had to raise your head up as you got closer, his impressive height looming over you. You were still playing into the 'master', trying to decipher any body language to see if it any any affect.

He daringly leaned in. "If you're going to call me 'Master', you must truly be venturesome to do anything at my orders. Are you willing to prove just how submissive you can truly be?"

"Is that what you desire? My submissiveness?" You whispered the words to him since he was so close, your expression going half-lidded. You gracefully slid yourself down to kneel on your knees, and he watched you the entire way down. In this position, you had to crane your neck further. "If you are curious about that, I can prove to be very dutiful."

Raiden's lips quirked at your response. Your will to submit yourself made his mind turn to all kinds of possibilities. "How voluntary… May I give you an order then?"

You only nodded, remaining in perfect posture as you awaited.

He looked over you in almost a predatory light. But it didn't scare you. Instead, it turned you on. "I find you hair quite enticing." He looked away from your eyes to look to your hair. "I would like for you to let me have free reign over it."

"My hair is yours, master."

A simple enough order. You could do that.

The approval sparked an instant trigger within the god. The fact that you seemed so willing to do whatever he pleased to you was an irresistible thing to fathom. "Good girl."

The praise burned inside you, almost insatiably hot. He strode forward, a hand gliding into your hair. You closed your eyes and gave him the access to do as he pleased, patient and still for him.

His fingers caressed your smooth hair, running his thumb over the texture. It was clear he had you completely enraptured, and the dominant position and control over you stirred deviously inside of him. As he stroked your hair, he spoke: "Have you ever allowed a man to touch you this way before?"

Your eyes opened to only flick away, embarrassed. A light blush painted your face. "No," you admitted.

The shy and embarrassed behavior were exciting to elicit from you. It only made him want to tease your further as his other hand moved to massage your neck. "Then, I feel truly honored that I am the first to be able to touch you in such a way. Do you know what this moment makes you to me?"

Your eyes met his, curious. You shook your head, not daring to speak.

A low chuckle vibrated through his throat. It felt like it reverbrated through you. "This moment makes you vulnerable. And you allowed me to make you so. Do you know how much that says you trust me on some level, that you want to submit to me in such a state?"

You swallowed thickly. You nodded this time.

Raiden's lips curled up in an almost sinister way. To see the desire and lust begin build in you set his mind alight. It was pleasurable, for how easy it was to move you hair in any way he desired. "Good girl. I think you are understanding the game quite well. Now, do you wish for me to stop? Or will you allow me to continue playing with your hair?"

"Continue, please."

"Good answer. Do you know what this makes me want to do?" Another shake of your head. "This game is making me want to lean down and kiss your neck. Is that something you would allow to happen? Would you be able to keep yourself calm while I do this? Or are you already on the verge of breaking down?"

His words were sinful for how much of a tease they were. They made you shudder. "I can remain calm for you."

"Then I shall proceed." He wasted no time to lean down and press firm kisses to your jaw, a slow advancement downward to your neck. His lips were soft, the kisses kind yet lingering and it allowed you to keep composure to start. He felt your pulse and body's reactions under his lips to read your unspoken emotions.

You barely resisted the urge to shiver. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sensation, yet you remained still and pliant for him as you savored the feeling into memory,

Raiden's kisses deepened to being seductive, tongue swirling over your heated pulse points with his fingers twirling in your hair the entire duration. "Have you ever been kissed on your neck like this before? Is this something you are accustomed to?"

"No… This will be my first."

The god hummed in the nook of your shoulder, pleased at the answer. He pressed his body against yours where he could, lips along your throat, your jugular. "Is this something you find pleasurable, or do you find it ticklish perhaps?"

Your mind short-circuted as he pressed against you. You had daydreams about this, but actually feeling his seven foot frame was another thing. You felt small and you were willing to break under him. "P-pleasurable…"

The faltering in your speech made him growl quietly, but you felt it. Your mind was clearly losing the ability to keep itself in check, yet he would not allow you the time to recover as he continued his travel down and moved his lips to cover your collar bone, pulling at your shirt collar. "You're stuttering quite a bit." Raiden shifted his lips to land beside your ear. He mumbled softly, voice just loud enough for you to hear. "Allow me to show you how absolutely irresistible you are in this state of submission. How this is turning me on so much."

You let out a shaky whine at his hot breath spilling against your ear. You hands twitched to touch him, but you would stay patient under his orders. You nodded quickly, eyes shutting.

"It almost feels like you have given yourself up; That I am the one calling all the shots here. You are at my mercy in every sense of the word. I am the one in control now, and you shall allow yourself to be completely submissive to me. Your body and mind belong to me now. Does this excite you?"

His husky voice vibrating through your mind was starting to make your thighs tremble. You nodded again. "Yes, master. My being is at your will."

You fully subjected yourself to him and his heart thrummed. "Excellent, just the way I like you. Keep your eyes closed." He softly placed a kiss on your head, tugging lightly on your hair.

But then he moved away.

You remained where you were, still tremebling softly. His loss of body heat made a shiver work its way up your spine. You worried a bit - worried he may be leaving - but then you heard the telltale sound of clothes shifting. He was undressing.

You wanted to give in to your creeping lust and watch him undress, but you kept your mind set to his command. It caused you to vibrate in anticipation. Your thighs were starting to feel slick as the heat pooled between them.

After a few seconds, you could hear his footfall approach you again. You straighted your position a little taller.

Raiden kneeled down to match your height a bit better. His hands came to land on your shoulders. "Open your eyes," he uttered softly.

Your eyes opened sluggish, trying to hold onto at least some control. Your body flamed as you were greeted with his bare chest displayed right in front of you, old scars and freckles prominent against his skin. You forced your eyes to continue onward and not get distracted. They trailed up his neck - how nice it looked and how you craved to give it the same attention, if not more, than he did to you. His shoulders moved slowly with his deep breaths, and there was a slight flush to pigmentation. You continued to eye up his body, noticed his lips again.

Then, your breath hitched. Your vision dialed to his exposed hair. It was a striking and pure white colour, rather long and healthy as it brushed against his sun kissed shoulders. It draped across him beautifully, some strands framing his defined face in a perfect compliment. He looked like poetry, and you weren't even a poet.

You were still for quite awhile, silently detailing it all to memory. You craved to touch him.

Raiden released a soft sigh as the look in your eyes glistened. He felt flattered under your gaze. "Do you want to touch me? If you so wish, I will allow it. I think you've earned it."

"May I please?" Your question was so quiet you weren't sure if he had even heard it.

"Yes, you may."

Relief washed over you. You shifted, softly bringing your hands to him. Gently, you expiermentally ran your fingers through just the ends of his pure white hair. The plush feel was almost ethereal, so gentle and calming to touch. You ran a thumb against the texture, as if to check it was true, before moving up to his scalp, running your fingers through the white strands. It was perfect, there were no knots; just smooth and elegant, beautiful hair. He clearly cared for his hair despite keeping it hidden. You pushed back hair from his face, tucked it behind his ear ever so lightly as if it were delicate and not a deity. He remained perfectly still for you.

"You're so spellbinding, Raiden," you whispered in complete honesty, forgetting the submissive title to just compliment him earnestly. You trailed your hands up his chest and stopped at his cheeks. You swiped over his lips. He had kissed your neck, your skin, but his lips against yours were still foreign.

Perhaps your mind was getting ahead of yourself. Perhaps you were entranced by his beauty.

Raiden kept silent as he watched your thoughts and admiration pass over your features. It was clear to tell you were becoming enraptured, but he preffered you in this state of mind.

Your desire finally caught up to you. You had been haunted by the thoughts of his hair and his lips for so long, and they had presented themselves before you. How could you not give in?

You gingerly brought yourself closer, kissing him in a featherlight embrace. It was ever soft, sweet and innocent, an experimental touch. You fingerpads ghosted at his jawline.

He didn't resist you, but didn't move. His lips remained still as you kissed him, allowing himself to bask in the feeling you gave him, and for you to take what you wanted.

You broke away after just a moment, eyes still closed. You allowed him a second - if he wanted to pull away, to tell you to stop. He did not. So you kissed him again.

The next time you pulled away, you remained a small distance away. Your sigh landed against his lips as you entertwined breaths. Your eyes opened and took him all in once again, his true beauty stark. You could feel yourself slowly losing the battle of falling completely and helplessly in love. "Sorry," you muttered, hands crossing behind his neck. You chuckled. "I guess that wasn't very submissive of me."

"I rather like it. It allows me to see how far I can push you into becoming infatuated with me."

"If that is what you want, you're a bit late. I've been infatuated with you for quite some time."

The admission striked a chord within him. "And have you had fantasies about me for this long too?"

Your hands froze. You shot him a glare, cheeks flaring. Guilty. "Perhaps.."

Of course he had to turn the serene moment into something filthy.

He could not surpress his grin. "Just perhaps?" The god waited for your expression intently.

"More than perhaps… I have fantasied this and… more than this on multiple occasions."

What an inviting revelation. "And what would this 'more' entail exactly? I would love for you to tell me."

You thickly swallowed. "I've had quite a few… thoughts and visions. M-most of them, um, though.." You hated how you stuttered, but his predatory watch was doing nothing to alievate your lust. "I've imagined y-your head between my thighs."

You weren't sure if there was a greater sin that telling a god straight to their face that you envisioned sex with them. Yet, it didn't make you feel dirty.

Raiden's eyes were locked onto you to watch you flush red. He openly smirked. "Continue, please."

You didn't think you could blush any harder, yet you did. The heat between your legs burned deliciously as you recalled the vision. You were leaking. "You were.. Er, your tongue. And mouth. You had me on my back as you ate me out. S-sometimes, I was on top and you let me ride your face. I fantasized about that the most."

He thoroughly enjoyed that more than he thought he would, and a low growling moan of approval slipped from his mouth. It was satisfying to know how aroused and hot you were becoming for him, and how you had been imagining him before. "Your dreams are quite vivid. And now, I'm starting to get some visions to add into these fantasies of our own. Would you like to know what I'm envisioning now?"

You were too flustered to answer with words, so you nodded, rubbing your legs together.

His hands ran up your thighs. You weren't as sly as you thought. His face inched closer to your ear again, voice filled with eroticism. "I'm now envisioning you on your back, with myself between your legs as they're strung over my shoulders, your breasts moving in time with each thrust I pound into you. Your nails cut into my back to ground yourself."

You breath turned ragged as he listed the sinful details. Your body flared, pulse thumping harshly against your ribcage. Your blood felt scolding, and it all coursed to your core. Your body twitched without your notice. "Yeah? Anything else you'd like?" You licked your lips, suddenly dry. "Any other fantasies?"

Something with how his voice was more of a growl was turning you into putty. His voice, so close to your ear, reverberated through your body, the illusion of you both being one. So close, so bound together. His voice felt like it was fucking you in itself.

Raiden devoured the site before him, your utterly breathless and trembling body made a hunger within him grow. It felt primal, and he resisted urges to take you for himself then and there. His lips ghosted over yours, breath touching yours as he spoke to stir you even further. "That one in itself is quite the vision alone. But I do have another… Would you like to hear it?"

"Yes… please."

His hand came to cup your chin. "Close your eyes." The hand slowly shifted down to the back of your neck.

You shuddered lightly and obeyed, your vision darkening once more.

He slowly leaned you back, where he was leaning over you yet still elevating you by your back. His voice was becoming deeper and rougher as he began to speak in a more seductive tone. "You're on top, and your hands are on either side of me as you gyrate your hips back and forth, pleasuring yourself and using me to your own benefit. Your head is thrown back and your eyes are tightly closed, enjoying the pleasurable sensations that I am giving you."

"Fuck!" Your body shuddered against your will, and the friction of your movement made you moan. You imagined his vision quite clearly in your mind with your eyes closed. You felt as if his words spoke of reality, your body reacting in kind, leaking as if you could truly feel yourself atop of him, riding.

You were making Raiden become breathless as well, seeing the image of you playing before him. He knew what was happening, he wasn't a fool. You were causing the same affect on him, pleasure building within him without even having touch him. You were a deviant. "Your body is trembling, your breathing is heavy and your moans are echoing off the room. Your legs are tightly gripped around my waist, shaking, and you're holding yourself as tight to me as you can. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you're close to your peak, and you're letting yourself go completely."

Your head dips back, the words washing over you. Your mind was running rampant with the visage of his words. Your body followed along with the story, and you whimpered pathetically in his hands. You felt a rush start to rise quickly inside of you.

"You're reaching your climax, your breath becoming more rough and raspy. You're grabbing onto me taught as if a lifeline as your body begins to shake uncontrollably and your legs begin to tremble even more. You release on top of me, you squeeze around me."

You moan, absolutely wretched, and your body follows exactly what he instructed in his story. Your hips gyrate as you feel yourself climax from his voice alone. He pushed you so far over the edge that you didn't care how pitiful you seemed as your hips moved to their own motion. You clutched his shoulder and moaned into his neck, riding your high.

Raiden panted as he felt your moan again his throat, eliciting a shiver up his back. He loved the sight of your body letting itself go as your moan grew louder to the visions of pleasure he delivered to you. Hips lips came to meet yours once more in the midst of your release, from the fantasy of your shared creation.

You kissed him hastily in return, moaning against the taste of his lips. Suddenly, you tugged him over top of you as you pulled your back to the floor, seeking his friction. In the new pose, his mouth began to nibble on your neck. You wrapped your legs, locking them over his hips, pressing him down to your mound. You ground against him so he could ride out his own release with you.

That was a feeling he was enjoying to its full extent, one he barely felt in his lifetime. Feeling the heat of your body against his, the feeling of your soft body rubbing him this way, the damp wetness through your clothes. He growled low as he began to rock himself against you, back and forth. His lips trailed up your neck with small bites to mark before landing on your lips one final time, and he rode out his own release.

The feeling of it all made you gasp, pushing his head further to deepen the kiss and milking him for all his glory. He was big and the feel of him rubbing against you made you feel carnal. Your legs tightened in the daze of your ecstasy when you felt his body release against you.

As he broke, he groaned against your lips and you drank it down, thirsty for it. When the kiss broke with a trail of saliva connecting, he resigned his head back to the junction of your shoulder.

His body relaxed within yours as he willed himself to regain composure. Your hand in his hair slowly released its grip to a soft pet and he sighed at the feeling, combined with your body heat. He allowed himself to relax in the afterglow, waiting for his breathing to regulate.

You freely panted, and when he felt his mind was stable enough, he looked back to you. Your palm caressed his face, as if confirming he was truly still there and that had happened. "Fuck, Raiden… You're fucking good."

You were too strung out to even care that you were cursing to a god.

His eyes shut as you left soft little kisses up his cheekbones, grabbing your hand with his own. He was still in his own dazed stupor, breathing slowly. "I could say the same for you, goddess."

"Mm." You dropped your legs off his hips, glowing at the petname. "If that's how it is with only just talking about our fantasies, I can only imagine how it will be when we actually do them."

Raiden's body started to relax with yours, the heat of the aftermath a soothing warmth. He felt a tiredness start to creep, but your words kept him awake. "I completely agree." He pressed a kiss to your collarbone.

You rested with each other in a comforting silence. His body temperature was almost unnatural, basking you in a serene state as you lightly played with his hair. He leaned into the touch. "How.. how did I do for my first time seducing?"

You just had to know.

"This being your first time still remains a complete shock to me; you had completely overtaken me. I'd say you earned the title of a temptress."

That was a relief. A delight, even, to know you fell a god's resolve. "Seeing as you were my first, I'm glad it know it was enjoyable to the both of us." You felt him smirk in your skin. He would be very much inclined to be more of your 'firsts'. "Am I right to assume that this isn't a game? That you wanted me to tempt you? Truly?" You knew he could feel your pulse quicken in your chest as the anxieties phrased your questions. You wanted to know what this meant, exactly.

Raiden pulled himself from your arms and you felt your stomach drop. But he his head draped to yours, pressing your foreheads together. "Correct."

You kissed him, needing to express your gratitude. This time he kissed back, stroking your arms. How you'd love to suffocate yourself in his kiss… "I'd like to make those fantasies you spoke of come to life, Raiden. I imagine you'd look quite beautiful below me. Now that I know what your hair looks like, this completely adds a new layer to my visions. You'll look so delicious from above, your hair draped over the pillows…"

He huffed in merit as you trailed off, your thoughts clearly displayed in the glint of your eyes. "Oh? Your thoughts still run rampant even after what we've just done? You're quite naughty indeed."

You chuckled and pushed yourself to sit up a bit, wincing a bit of the feeling of your wetness inside your clothes. "Don't worry, I won't ask you for a second round, old man." Besides, you really wanted a change of clothes.

"Another quip to my age?" He helped you stand. "I'd say I can keep up just fine."

You took his hand as he led you to the bathroom. You leaned on his side and pressed a kiss to his chin, really the only place you could reach on tip-toes with him standing straight. "No worries, I'm into older guys." You gifted another kiss. "And you did extremely well." Another one. "We'll ensure you don't break a hip in the future."

"Is that so? Well, if you truly believe that and want to treat me like your personal toy, at least give me a few weeks to recover first before you ride me."

"Mm, we'll see." He sets you down on your bathtub rim and you run your hands over his chest. You gaze was nothing less than affectionate and his responded in kind. "Truly though, Raiden, I did want to thank you. I know I was persistent to know what your hair looked like. I find you mesmerizing; I hope to see you like this more often."

"I'm pleased I could sedate your curiosity in some way." His voice was soft, sweet and it dared to lull you before you could both clean yourselves.

"I think you actually managed to tire me out, admittedly. I think I'm just going to clean a bit, change and sleep. You're… welcome to join me and stay the night, if you'd like."

The smile he gave you was so charming, so handsome on him, you considered taking him again. You supposed you could wait. "I would be pleased to wake up beside you in the morning. Are you sure that's alright?"

"More than alright. I just know the morning sun looks so wonderful on you. I will be anticipating it."

The words made his heart melt with each passing moment. Your words, your praise, and just yourself, truly captivated him. "I will as well. Sleep well tonight. I am certain I will be in your dreams throughout the night."

#mortal kombat #mk #mk raiden #raiden #raiden mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat raiden #raiden x reader #raiden x you #mk x you #mk smut #i hate naming fanfics lmao #my art

[therapycat21]

All Right Now Part 10

Travis Kelce x Famous!Reader Description: The reader catches the eye of famous footballer Travis.

Warnings: None

Social Media AU

It has officially been a year we have been together and engaged for two months. And It’s been absolutely amazing. Travis and I have been talking and trying to jot down ideas for the wedding and trying to get a head start so It can be easier for us later on.

Everytime we sit down and scroll and try to find ideas it has been nothing but overwhelming, there is a lot that goes into a wedding. Everytime we look at places or themes all I want to do is elope somewhere with our family but I highly doubt Travis would be down for that. Since I was a teenager I always thought a big wedding was too much,

Too much time

Too much money

When all the other girls would talk about their future weddings it would be all out with the most outrageous stuff but me on the other hand, I loved simplicity, even now that I’m more known everyone expects the big and extravagant event, I mean I’m okay with a small quick ceremony and then a party that is more out there afterwards for everyone but other then that, I crave the normality and the simplicity of it, and If I’m gonna get married once in my life It needs to be exactly how we want.

“Why do you look so focused?” Travis breaks me from my thoughts from where we sit at the dining room table, I look up from where I was staring into space on my phone. I shake my head putting my phone down I sigh “It is a little overwhelming I guess, I don’t know I just think I’m overthinking it.” I tell him. 

Travis nods his head slightly “what are you overthinking?” he questions “literally everything, the venue, the guest list, the food, hell even if we do round tables or not” I snort “who said we have to do any of that?” he tells me, confused “what do you mean?” I asked him “I mean, why do we have to do any of that, who said we can’t get eloped and then have a party afterward” he smiles at me before grabbing his phone heading to the couch “just think about it” he says.

I sit at the counter a little stunned before rushing after him “Wait a second!”. All I hear is him laughing as I jog after him.

Time skip—-

“Are absolutely sure about this?” I asked apprehensive to Travis, In return all I get in response is a smile that takes over his entire face. Travis grabs my face into his hands “I’ve never been more sure about this baby” We smile at each other before Travis turns back to the open laptop resting on his legs, he taps the screen confirming the payment for the marriage license, I turn to him squealing “oh my god! I can’t believe we just did that!” I jump on him plastering his face with small kisses, laughing from excitement.

I pull away “so that means we can do it whenever we want?” I question he nods his head in agreement “Whenever we want baby” I smile in acceptance before smirking “so that even means today?” I ask he turns looking at me shocked “you would marry today?” he asks like that’s even a question.

I nod “of course I would, that’s never up for debate” I tell him, now waiting for a response. He nods his head slowly before belly laughing, grabbing me into a full bear hug and scattering kisses all over my face as I laugh. He let's go, jumping off the bed pulling me with him.

“come on, let’s go, we are getting married today, I gotta call mom, dad and Jason so they know where to meet us” he runs off into the bathroom excitedly to get ready. I laugh before turning to pick up my phone to call mom. 

The call finally connects and my moms voice greets me “so, you’re never gonna believe what’s happening today” I tell her smiling.

Time skip—-

I stare into the mirror at my reflection, I’m wearing a simple white dress from one of the many award shows I’ve gone to. The door opens and I see my mom’s head poke in with a grin “hey, how’re you feeling?” she asks fully entering the room, shutting the door behind her. I give her a shaky sigh in response “I’m so nervous, what if he changes his mind?” I asked her.

Smiling she brings me into a hug “seeing how that man looks at you and seeing how he puts you on such a high pedestal, I have no doubt in my mind that man will never change his mind about marrying you” she tells me, I can see tears starting to cloud her eyes, “Oh mama” I say pulling her tighter into the hug.

We hug for a little longer before she moves out of the embrace and slightly shakes my shoulder “Okay, let’s go, we have my son-in-law waiting probably scared to death” she laughs. I smile before giving myself a once over in the mirror and we head to the door to the ceremony doors.

My mom loops her arm through mine as the doors open and I’m greeted with the small Kelce family on one side and a few of our friends on the other. We start to walk.

I smile at the girls, Kylie and Jason before my attention is brought to the podium.

Travis wears a black suit looking absolutely amazing. I could see the tears forming in his eyes from the doors, causing me to start tearing up as we got closer to him. As I step up onto the podium with Travis’s help, I greet the officiant with a smile. Travis grasps my hands in his warm ones.

The officiant gives a brief smile to the both of us “okay, let’s do this shall we?”. I look over to Travis once more “you sure about this?” I jokingly asks he belly laughs “Oh baby, I’ve never been more ready.” I nod turning to the officiant “let’s do this”.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist:

@whitemanswhore3

@bxdbxtxh15

@cixrosie

@kkrenae

@the-untamed-soul

@calirindo

@armystay89

@hotwheels1108

@awatt31

@bobthe-turmpetman29

@goldenharrysworld

@chimchimmarie

@jmamas92

@itsdesiree86

#travis kelce #travis x reader #allrightnowseries #famous!reader #kansas city chiefs

[sciderman]

I think Peter finding out Gwen was not a perfect angel is even more heartbreaking because she had things to figure out, some looking into herself to do.

And when she died, yes she had her whole life in front of her, college, a job, dreams...ect. But for Peter, she was already all she would be as a person, her futur was things to do, not a person to becomes.

And it hurt even more, realizing she could have grown.

oh yep – oh yep. that kind of is - yeah. that's the crux of why peter and gwen in 9319 fell apart. peter parker was so, so resilient to change.

change is a threat, to him. it's terrifying. change means people leaving. change means him not being able to keep up. change means uncertainty. instability. change means unanswered questions.

peter - peter craves something simple.

he always craves easy answers. he wants things to be straightforward. he wants things to be bland. he wants things to be uncomplicated for him. things are always - always so complicated for him.

he's so resilient to things becoming too complicated for him to understand. and gwen was one of those things. one of those things that he so desperately wanted to be uncomplicated.

gwen kind of starts recognising this, and it becomes something she's afraid of. gwen knows that she has to evolve. she knows there are things she needs to figure out. and she knows there are things peter needs to figure out, too. but peter won't hear it.

[x]

peter won't hear it, and gwen's suffocating because of it. gwen has the desire to evolve - to accept that something is wrong and she and peter both need to face it, but peter's in denial, and knows he's in denial.

but peter doesn't want to believe that he and gwen could be anything less than perfect. gwen is an angel, and his lifeline, and the only good thing about him.

[x]

right now in the process of writing girl's night - the flipside to boy's night, where we're in gwen's head (for the first time!) and we get to see just what her anxieties were. and, oh. my bread-and-butter - existential nightmares.

and - well, we're kind of seeing it resurfacing, with 9319 peter of present. he craves simplicity, but is dating the most complicated man in the world. misfortune ensues.

#sci speaks #ask-spiderpool #meta

[possibilistfanfiction]

can i say i absolutely love how you write ava being casually nonbinary so much. there are no fucking words to describe how much i fucking love your in depth exploration of butch beatrice, especially as an asian genderqueer sapphic who relates a lot to beatrice, your fics about it is definitely some of my top fav fics in the fandom, and like lowkey inspiring to me in my own journey to better accepting my queerness and exploring what it means for me, but also on the other end of the spectrum, i just love the casual simplicity (not sure if that’s the word i’m looking for) you write ava being nonbinary with

ava’s nonbinary, and it’s just a simple everyday fact of life just like the grass is green and the sun goes up and down everyday, there’s no need to dwell on it because ava doesn’t need to dwell on it and maybe her relationship or feelings about gender will change or get more complicated in the future or they won’t change one bit, but that doesn’t matter because it’s not the future right now and they’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it

[lil teeny bit of nb ava for the culture]

//

'hey,' ava says, trailing a hand up and down the inside of your forearm, 'do you... do you care?'

you have absolutely no idea what she's talking about; you care about a lot of things, and, more and more, there are plenty of things you also let fall to the wayside: sometimes they just are.

'do i care about what?'

ava sighs, scoots a little away from you on the couch, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. 'that i — i don't feel like i have a gender, or whatever. like, i'm a girl, i guess? but only because that's what people thought, and told me. but i don't feel like anything else. i mean, first of all, the gender binary is a tool of colonial oppression and white supremacy, especially when employed by the church —'

'— yes, that's true —'

'— but also, i have a literal divine battery pack keeping me alive, allegedly —'

'— the halo definitely is keeping you alive, we know that —'

'— and i've been to, like, realms and stuff. met a few gods; fought a few demons. fell in love with you.' she smiles softly. 'so it's just... limiting, to me. it feels limiting, to be one thing.'

'i don't think binary gender makes sense to me either,' you say, allow yourself to admit. ava probably has figured it out, even if you haven't been able to say it: you wear a binder some days, and you don't feel anything against she/her pronouns but there's masculinity and androgyny you crave, that you're just starting to feel steady and free enough to explore. 'i feel it differently than you — for me, being a woman is a particular experience that matters, but not in the way people want women to be. i don't know, it's a work in progress.' she squeezes your hand with a gentle smile. 'but, ava, i only care insomuch as you're the love of my life, and i want you to feel seen and cared for, just for who you are. i want to know you, whoever that is.'

she swallows and rests her head on your chest; the documentary about mushrooms she had put on in the background plays quietly. 'thank you.' she turns so her nose is pressed against your sternum, hugging you tight. 'i just know it's taken you a long time to, like, be okay with your own sexuality, and i didn't want to throw you for a loop if you were feeling really comfy with, you know.'

'being a lesbian?' you ask, try to keep the laugh out of your voice. 'i certainly don't want that to ever exclude gender expansive people, even if it's a word i like.'

'well, of course,' ava says, her breath warm through your t-shirt. 'you're you; you're the best there is.'

'i don't know about that.'

'nah, it's true. i do know. i'm the beatrice expert. god says so too, direct message. hotter jesus, remember?'

you do laugh, this time, and rub comfortingly up and down her spine, still your hand over the faint, warm hum of the halo. 'no matter what pronouns you use, or what name feels right, or what your gender expression is, i love you. i'm queer, which is expansive and abundant.' you have to swallow because, maybe for the first time ever, you believe the words wholeheartedly. your friends and your therapist and books and music and shows that you love have said them; you have said them, before, but not quite like this. the grace you want to give to ava is far beyond the grace you have ever allowed of yourself. 'queerness is infinite. and so is my love for you.'

ava sniffles and then wipes her nose with the back of her hand, props herself up on an elbow and kisses you. 'the same goes for you, you know that, right?'

'yes,' you say. 'i — i hold it close, often.'

she pauses, holds your jaw in her palm, and then kisses you. you kiss her back, with your eyes closed, with tears pressing at them that won't fall, not this time.

ava doesn't hesitate a few days later when she introduces herself to a few of your friends and says that they can use any pronouns; she tries on one of your binders one afternoon and then frowns and laughs and says, god, i love my boobs but then quietly makes sure to massage your shoulders every evening after that. she tries on any clothes she wants, picks out a suit one day that she whistles at when she sees herself in the mirror, and then laughs. there's quiet nights and loud brunches and your friends who consistently use different pronouns for ava without batting an eye, and it makes her smile even as she dumps salsa that will be way too hot on her chilaquiles and then has to eat them trying to hide a grimace. you don't know how to have that much freedom, not yet, but ava holds your hand and leads you along, always.

you're figuring it out, the loosening of limits you'd set so tight within yourself; ava's figuring it out too: how to be, and how to become when, of course, there's still cruelty — but there's infinite abundance too. you turn back to the documentary — all the fungi that weaves its ways in and out of the world, for longer than you can imagine. all the fish in the sea; all the stars in the sky — a steadfastness and a wonder and a joy, to exist beyond. to become.

#who knows maybe this will spiral too lmao #anyway i love them & what i love MOST is being queer!!!!! it's the fucking b e s t :) #butch bea 🥺🫡 #shes a baby in this but u know it's Happening she is Realizing Things #but idk i feel like in rly lovely partnerships friends or romantic like ur queerness makes the other persons queerness like... #have room to grow too? #idk. but they're like that lol #avatrice #avatrice fic #prompts

[auspicious-manner]

riff x short!latina!reader who has a very heavy accent and is extremely shy. riff and her are secretly dating and he teases her a lot and it's all cute and fluff? ty, love ur writing!

i’ve missed writing for riff 🥲

female reader x riff

warnings: none

Confidential Couple

•

“good afternoon, riff.” Y/N said in her thick puerto rican accent, meeting up with him in a secluded alleyway.

riff looked up from lighting his cigarette. “hey Y/N, how’s my lady feeling today?”

“good. and you?”

“my day has gotten a whole hell of a lot better now that you’re here.” riff replied.

riff and Y/N both knew how bizarre of a partnership their relationship was. gringos weren’t supposed to like puerto ricans, and vice versa. especially when riff is the leader of the jets, infamously known for being overprotective of their territory.

Y/N and riff met completely on accident. one day, riff stumbled across a group of puerto rican men beating up on a girl who he believed to be white at first. when he scared the men away and saw that the girl was, in fact, not white, he felt the need to help her anyway. normally, in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t have helped. but she seemed different than all the girls he’d been betrayed by in the past. she carried herself differently, and riff took note of that right away.

riff tried not to become friends with Y/N. and Y/N tried not to become friends with riff. she was extremely shy, and she didn’t want to let her walls down for riff. when Y/N mentioned to him that it was a regular occurrence for the group of older men to beat her up, riff couldn’t help but feel remorse for her. that was a weird feeling for him, as he had never truly experienced it before, especially with a puerto rican girl. given her inherited introverted nature, riff wanted to keep the men that hurt Y/N at bay for as long as possible.

riff tried his hardest to avoid Y/N because he knew if any of the jets saw him anywhere near a puerto rican, he’d practically be exiled. however, something about her kept drawing him back. maybe it was because he desperately craved an escape from living his life as a gang leader. whatever it may be, as more and more time passed, the more often he found himself with Y/N. eventually, a casual friendship developed into a secret romance.

riff opened his arm to give Y/N a hug. given her small stature, she rested her head just below his shoulder in the hug, and riff reached down to reciprocate it.

“what would you like to do today?” Y/N asked, pulling away.

“not like we can go many places, right?” riff replied, taking a puff from his cigarette.

Y/N loved her relationship with riff, despite hating how secretive it had to be. she completely understood why he needed to keep it a secret, it was just a downside to falling in love with a gang leader.

she shrugged in response, looking down.

“you’re extra quiet today, what’s wrong?” riff asked bluntly, stepping closer to her.

“i’m always quiet, riff.”

he laughed and ruffled her hair playfully. “i know that, i just thought you seemed even more quiet than usual, that’s all.”

Y/N shrugged. “i know, i just wish we could do more together. i wish we didn’t have to hide.”

riff sighed, rubbing her shoulders with his hands. “i know girly girl, but it’s safer for the both of us if we keep it a secret. my boys find out, i’m dead. your people find out, you’re dead. the more secretive we are, the better.”

Y/N looked down, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “we can still have fun today.”

after more discussing, the couple decided on playing card games, eating snacks, and resting for the whole day at riff’s place.

riff’s hang out spot was an abandoned train car in the junkyard. he had set up a small table and a bed for him to rest on. for him, it was home. Y/N liked the simplicity of his “house”. she wasn’t into everything lavish and grand.

Y/N couldn’t decide if riff let her win at cards over and over again, or if she was actually really good at them. but, she also figured riff would actually play every so often so she would lose, and riff could tease her about being bad at cards. regardless of the outcome, she enjoyed this valuable time with him.

after a few hours into one of their last games, riff sat up in his spot, holding up a finger that silenced Y/N.

“riff, what-”

“shhh!” he interrupted, listening. Y/N sunk back in her chair a bit.

then, she heard it too. it was the sound of footsteps growing closer and closer to riff’s train car.

“shit,” riff started, standing up. “you gotta hide.”

“hide, seriously?” she whispered back.

“yes, i mean it. these people will not approve of you, and i don’t want them to hurt you, now hide!”

Y/N scrambled to find a sufficient spot to hide in riff’s small abode. suddenly, she realized there was just enough space under his bed for her to hide.

“go, go!” riff said, helping her under the bed. when she disappeared, he sat quietly at his table when a knock sounded on the metal outside his home. Y/N held her breath, trying to keep anxious tears from spilling out of her eyes.

“who is it?” riff asked monotonously.

“a-rab and tiger.”

riff lit a cigarette and took a quick puff. “come in.”

they stepped into his train car and looked around. “who were you talking to in here, riff?” a-rab asked.

riff kept the cigarette he was smoking resting on his lips. “no one.”

“so you were talking to yourself?” tiger asked, not believing riff for a second.

“yes.” riff said coldly, with a sharp “s”.

a-rab squinted at him, before smiling playfully. “you hidin’ a girl here, riff?”

“no.”

“then how ‘bout we have a look around?” asked tiger.

“not like you can even look around much, this is a small place.” riff replied.

meanwhile, Y/N watched the feet from outside the bed walk past multiple times, and it took all of her energy to not make a noise. she was frightened of riff’s friends.

she watched as a pair of shoes stopped in front of the bed, and before she knew it, a pair of eyes that weren’t riff’s caught sight of Y/N. she snapped her own eyes shut, hoping that if she didn’t see him, he wouldn’t see her.

“oh tiger, i think i found something.”

“a lady?” tiger asked, bending down to take a look.

“yep, riff’s hiding a lady.”

“and for good reason too,” riff started harshly. “there’s a reason she had to hide when she heard you two. she doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

“we just want to meet the lucky gal.” tiger said.

“no means no, tiger. now leave.” riff said with a very stern tone.

tiger and a-rab exchanged looks, before going on either side of the makeshift bed and lifting it to the side before riff could stop them.

tiger and a-rab gawked at the sight before them. “woah.” they both saw that Y/N was puerto rican, and not white like they had expected. she had light tear marks on her face.

Y/N looked up to the men and saw their confused, angry, and hurt faces before backing herself as close to the wall as possible.

“you assholes!” riff yelled, storming over to the two jets.

“riff, what the hell is this?” tiger asked.

“how could you do this to the jets? how could you betray us like this?” a-rab continued. “she’s puerto rican!”

“you guys didn’t have to see this. i kept this a secret for a reason. you guys stormed in here and did your own thing, and now we’re all angry. you two need to leave. as your leader, that is an order.” riff yelled, stepping closer to the boys.

Y/N watched the scene unfold in front of her in horror. tiger turned to her, and began to speak. “what have you done to riff?” he started. “he used to be like us. what kind of puerto rican witch shit did you do to make him like you?”

Y/N froze, trying to find words. she stuttered as more slow tears fell out of her eyes. she hated that she was so shy.

“look, she can’t even speak when spoken to, lousy pig!” a-rab yelled.

“hey!” riff yelled again, pushing the boys towards the opening of his train car. “the only person that gets to say anything about Y/N, positive or negative, is me, you hear? now scram before i take a chain to your head.”

he pushed them again and they ran out, not looking back. riff watched as they ran far away.

riff whipped his head around and saw Y/N crying on the floor. he walked over to her, sat down next to her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. she leaned her head in and rested her head on his chest, and riff kissed the top of her head.

“i’m sorry, Y/N. i’m so, so sorry.” riff said quietly, gently rubbing her arm.

Y/N lifted her head up and looked at riff. he turned his head so his eyes met hers. “i was scared, that’s all. i guess this crying is a little over dramatic, isn’t it?” she said, laughing a bit.

riff wiped her tears away. “yeah, it is.” he teased.

Y/N giggled, and riff laughed back. “i’m kidding, you handled it just fine. i’m happy they didn’t do anything to you.”

the two sat comfortably together until Y/N fully calmed down. when she did, they stood up, and riff looked down on her. he held her hands in his own for a moment, and then he let go of one and placed it on the side of her face, tilting her head up so she looked at him.

“you know, i always forget how short you are.” riff whispered.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “riff, ni siquiera vayas allí. don’t even go there.”

#mike faist #mike faist imagine #mike faist riff #mike faist x reader #riff x reader #mike faist fanfiction #west side story #wss riff #riff imagine #riff fanfic #riff lorton

[lonelylonelyghost]

Love me, love my voice - a Cdrama where good things happen to good people

Fair warning - it's the fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed the Earth, so if you crave some drama and violence at the moment, then maybe save this one for later.

The plot of this drama is extremely simple. A university student, going by her second identity online as Sheng Sheng Man, produces/sings traditional style music. Due to a coincidence she gets acquainted with Qiang Qing Ci - a very famous but mysterious voice actor who never shows his face in public, with whom she bonds over a shared passion for good food. And a slow, gentle love story starts from here.

If you are tired of misunderstandings, love triangles, stupid decisions and unnecessary conflicts between your romantic leads; if you want to witness healthy relationships, tight friendships and just an ungodly amount of cuteness - then you came to the right place.

(Also there's a lot of cooking and/or eating delicious food. In every episode. Really, don't watch it when you're hungry, you'll die)

Now, I don't usually read or watch something that has romance at its front and center (though there are always exceptions, albeit rare). But I'm obsessed with Under the Skin, and I loved Word of Honor, so I decided to give Tan Jianci and Zhou Ye a chance for at least one episode, and well - here I am, writing this whole thing after watching the show and then even reading the original novel.

Qiang Qing Ci (or Mo Qing Cheng irl) is a smart and kind man, a doctor, who can cook and has an absolutely gorgeous voice that he uses for good but could use for evil (Tan Jianci could hypnotize people and I wouldn't even mind tbh). How can he work as a doctor and actor simultaneously, you might ask? That's Cdramaland for you, baby! His outer softness doesn't mean that he is completely harmless however. For all of you little freaks out here (myself included), there are some *ahoy!* moments too

Sheng Sheng Man (or Gu Sheng irl) is a girl surrounded by the love of her parents, five slightly overprotective cousins and her friends. She's shy and a bit sheltered, but not stupid, and Zhou Ye's acting makes her character very charming instead of the cringe that is usually associated with this kind of type of girl on screen.

Almost every character there is a good person, and you know, sometimes you just want to see those kinds of people have a great time. They do what they like for a job, fall in love, go on holidays, have friends that are ride or die for them and vice versa. There's no jealousy and backstabbing, all problems are resolved quickly, and everybody can actually COMMUNICATE.

One thing that I'd noticed while watching that surprised me a lot - is how everybody's acting is so relaxed and natural. When they're in a group together, you genuinely believe that all of them are good friends with each other in real life too. The light teasing, interrupting one another while talking, their mutual support and closeness. The actors probably had a lot of fun while filming. And goddamn, it's so good to see it! I'm also insanely jealous.

Music

Traditional music and the profession of voice acting are as much of main characters as our romantic leads are. The way that it was shown was so full of love and respect for the craft and people involved in it, it's amazing.

Despite the simplicity of the plot, there are still moments of heightened emotions, and people there deliver! Their acting shines through especially during the on-stage performances.

That "Swan Song" broke me. I swear, during this whole performance I was bawling my eyes out.

(also insert here a joke about Shen Yi probably being able to recreate Qiang Qing Ci's face based on just his silhouette).

(This is a Night Show in Yangshuo that the characters attend at some point, "Impression Liu Sanjie", an absolutely incredible performance, and I'd pay all the money I don't have to go see it personally)

Side characters (a completely self-indulgent section):

This is a rare Cdrama where there are no annoying side characters. I love them all and would kill anyone who'd think of bothering them even slightly.

These are MuMu (outwardly cold but actually very kind and empathetic) and MoBai (a lovable dumbass), a couple of cosplayers that pop up here and there, and nothing that you say will convince me that they're not together.

(And sure, you can read it as purely platonic friendship between bros, but honestly why would you. Also, I think the creators made a perfect recipe to avoid the wrath of censorship - just get two guys, occasionally make them say that they're single and looking for girls, but then show them always together, and just don't explain anything.) (Watch me finding a subtext even in the straightest show I've watched in years.)

The same goes for singers Fei Shao and Wang Ke, except for they're both bumbasses, and I love them dearly.

Dou Dou Dou Bing, a manager of their recording studio as well as the voice actress, and she's awesome.

Jue Mei Sha Yi, a voice actor, a CEO of his own company and the one that the Viki's live comment section thirsts for A LOT.

Feng Ya Song, a voice actor and a pediatrician as a side gig, and he's cute.

Geng Xiao Xing, a friend of Gu Sheng, works for some app (?) that collaborates with the voice studio. She's also cute and I like her hairstyle.

... And some others.

***************************************************************

If what I've described here interests you at all, then feel free to check it out. I think this is a good show to watch right now, as we all collectively try to crawl out of the winter depression.

This has been your friendly ghost from Abyss, with some recommendations on how to distract yourself from the horrors of existing（*＾-＾*）

#love me love my voice #zhou ye #tan jianci #cdrama #i really really miss you #I swear this blog is slowly becoming tan jianci blog #I'm thinking of watching Advisors Alliance next #and re-watch Under the Skin #and not to be sappy on main but I hope that only good things happen to all the actors and the crew #romance

[carpenoctem-if]

Hiiiii Tom! Hope you are well.

Could we please get some non spoilery RO facts. Maybe their favorite things to do if they have spare time or favorite food, just random facts if you please.

Ps. I kinda love Leto already 😭

Hey, there. All my clients had influenza the last couple of weeks, well, so now I am in for the fun, too 😅 Being sick sucks. But all in all I'm fine 👍🏻

I hope you're well, too.

Favorite things to do:

A likes to ride on horseback for many hours to nowhere in particular. They crave that sensation of freedom since being able to hold themselfes in the saddle (at the tender age of six). Their father Edmund had to send Leto to search for them a couple of times. It is still a mystery to everyone if A simply lost track of time or had tried to run away, though.

Leto. My special snowflake... It was a long time ago that they'd been able to roam freely through corridors to even be able to pick up a sort of hobby tbh. In the past they enjoyed to swim. Right now their favorite thing to do is to daydream. It's something they fiercly hold onto. If having the chance to they' ll be quite the formidable story teller.

Z likes to observe common folk. Their relatively easy way of life is kinda fascinating for them. Besides that they like sparring and are quite versatile. If the need arrives Z could be quite deadly with a simple fountain pen and they tend to turn to such seemingly non-lethal things in fights for the fun alone.

Favorite food:

A loves bred and cheese. It's a rather simple dish but that's the point. As a child they just pretended to like it most 'cause it was infuriating for Edmund that his heir insisted to eat food a mere commoner ate. But A began to love the simplicity in it. Most stuff they are served is kinda overstimulating for them.

Leto loves fish. They hunt them themselves. Maybe also 'cause they love to swim.

Z likes salads and extremely cherishes all kinds of berries and fruits. It's hard for them to kill animals. Even harder to prepare them afterwards. They try to hide their aversion to meat though.

#your guardian #your assassin #your master

[deweyedlikethedoes]

entropy’s grace

i was accepted wholeheartedly

but at what cost?

the loss of my salvation?

the decay of my soul?

i let it seep in slowly

black liquid entropy

dripping in my crevices

a part of me craves it,

while the other part hates it

a small still voice beckons me

but it's drowned out by apathy

grace was my name

indifference is my new identity

some call it backsliding

god calls it sin

at first raves seem harmless

until sin creeps its way in

they love me when i'm drinkin

they love me when i'm high

they love when i'm a vixen

all the while i can feel my spirit die

morality inches away from me

but there's more to life

there's more to me

there has to be

procrastination is my middle name

i'll push you to the back of my mind

and hope you'll still be there

when i'm no longer in this bind

they've now abandoned me

i wish i could fly

let the birds or the god above tell me

how i can redeem myself in the sky

i’m left to pick up the pieces

my shattered ego reaches

so i retreat into solitude

away from the multitudes

away from the prying eyes of digital gatherings

the timelines, the statuses

the constant sensory scatterings

it has become too much for me

time to sit alone with my thoughts

and spend some time on bended knees

i’m no longer in the mood

for capriciousness

so i’ll hide away

work on myself, leave it all astray

the ones who have deserted me

don’t deserve to see my growth unfold through the likes of a phone

to see my smiles or my laughter

and my expressive eyes that are like deep like water

all i really need right now is quietude

and simplicity

because i’ve finally realized

that not everyone deserves that kind of access to me

#abstract poetry #emotional poetry #poem #spilled ink #language #whisper girl #trip hop #jesus christ #jesus #christian #christian poetry #dark poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #Spotify #entropy’s grace

[handypolymath]

Mad Larry Disease Bed-In for Democracy - “about us” edition

Exhausted from doing laundry yesterday (a whopping 3 loads. took me all day. plus a nap.), I thought I’d catch up on a couple meme asks. I’m not trivializing, the last MLDBIFD post took me several hours, and kept me from pushing myself in stupid ways. Covid is the Gom Jabbar of fatigue/headache/fever for me. I’m trying not to worry about a lot of shit I can’t control right now.

@mikanis​ tagged me with these q’s:

nickname: feldman

height: 5′1″/154cm

last search term: ‘Randall Skeffington’

song stuck in head:

Devil Inside Me - Matt Berry

Green Tara mantra

Ugly Americans theme song

the tinnitus crickets are telling me my brain is warm

follower count blocked count: thousands upon thousands. i like to scroll through the notes on a lot of posts, and weeding that garden is key.

dream job: i’ve never dreamt of work, only being able to make something good, or make something better

wearing: men’s black satin pajama bottoms, Busty Girl Comics tee, resting : ( face; once i take a shower that is

book/movie that summarizes you: The Jerk

favorite song: Itsy Bitsy Spider, but only if you do the hand motions too

aesthetic: Aughra

favorite author: a couple times in my life I’ve encountered a story i had to get smarter (or softer) to process; very often fandom is the forest where that headtrip mushroom grows

random fact:

@khaleesa​ tagged with with these q’s:

3 ships: Nadja & Laszlo, Bruce & Natasha, Gonzo & Chickens

first ship: Gonzo & Chickens

consuming: are you implying i’m some kind of phagocyte? forgive me, i’m feverish. i have a bag of snacks in reach, and four active beverages

watching: aurora star projector on bedroom ceiling

last movie: Glass Onion, as I pick out layered glazes of mise en scene and shot composition, and confabulate the messy venture capital fueled polycule inferno sfumato of interpersonal dynamics. Birdie shazams the song when Yo-Yo Ma is in her Masque lockdown pod; he provides an explanation that highlights the themes of complexity out of simplicity, 3-act structure, puzzles, and also shows us Peg’s the curious cat while Birdie is the golden retriever wearing a lampshade. Oh, no, this isn’t Alpha it’s just a lamp.

last song: yoga nidra, after i get that shower in, which is after nachos

reading: half a page if i’m lucky, but “The First Signs” Genevieve Von Petzinger and about twenty stacked behind it in my kindle queue

craving: nachos just arrived

Took me all day, off and on, and it kept me out of trouble and taking it sleazy, thank you both : )

#ask me anything #mad larry disease bed in for democracy

[capseycartwright]

there’s a dream i had, that i wish i could tell you about -

a fantasy, really. a life where this quiet friendship we’ve begun to share sets alight and doesn’t burn brightly, no, because i am so exhausted from being burned out so quickly and absolutely by love that doesn’t last, couldn’t last, because like a struck match we burned right to the base before we ever had a chance.

no, i had this dream where our fire caused by our friendship would slowly smoulder, beautiful in the way it’s consistent and familiar, soft and warm - the kind of fire that sets your world alight with a warm golden glow, comforting and cosy, a place of safety and home.

i think that you and i share a lot of the same dreams, and one of those dreams is a life bathed in that golden glow: adventure and certainty and a world where friendship slowly evolves into More. that’s the dream, isn’t it? i don’t want a meet cute, not really, because meet cutes have only ever proven to be brief moments of joy that pass far too quickly, before i have ever had time to truly enjoy them. no, life has shown me that what i really crave is a meet slow: a life where a friendship catches fire and burns low, and slow and still brightly, because that’s the love that will last, i think - and i have loved and lost and loved and lost and lost and lost and i am so over losing the people i think i could love before i ever get the chance to love them. no, i can say it so definitively and certainly that what i crave is forever -

and that’s the dream had. it was so vivid, even in its simplicity: a quiet sunny evening after work and a sense of certainty i have never experienced in my life.

the concept of forever scared me, once - the idea that you could want the same person for the rest of your life, and that it could work, but it doesn’t scare me anymore. no, no - now, the idea that you could build a life with someone and be bathed in that warm, golden glow, that’s a beautiful thing to me.

maybe it’s just getting older that’s making me say this but i am oh-so ready for the work needed to keep that fire smouldering slowly - the blocks and the sticks needed to keep it alive are the things i have spent years working on alone: communication and honesty and above all else a sense of wanting to build a home of my own and those are things i want to share the burden and the blessings of.

i had a dream i wish i could tell you about -

and maybe one day, i will.

(and maybe one day, i’ll get to live it)

#lets..... not even talk about it #in which i ramble #my writing tag #anyways this is one of those moments where if i remove the thoughts from my brain maybe i wont want to scream anymore #pls enjoy

[minwooks-moved]

was tagged by the lovely @chamhwis to answer some cute questions ♡

favorite time of the year? : hmmm…. probably spring !! but more specifically toward the end as it’s usually like . the perfect temperature outside to sit outside and it isn’t too terribly rainy — that, and all the flowers & trees being bloomed/awake…. shows a new beginning for life that’s really just so lovely <3

comfort food? : my momma’s chili !! something about is just so <3 warm(outside the obvious jfbffj) <3 either that or fudge brownies <3 i learned how to make them quite a few years ago, so the process of making them also helps me feel better ^^

do you collect anything? : ahhh, i casually collect quite a lot of different things, but for the sake of simplicity … jdbfjf — i collect albums, bracelets/scrunchies/hair-ties, and flannels <3 spending money on myself isn’t like . really fun to me rn unless i really, really want something jfbjf — so i’m picky about what albums i wanna buy when i have the opportunity ! gotta really like the album / concepts for the album for me to really wanna spend the $25(or more) on them <3 so, i don’t really collect for specific members / albums. just having the album by itself is fun for me — will say it’s super cute to see others collect like . certain members & such ^^

favorite drink? : right now it’s sweet tea !! and lemonade — particularly strawberry lemonade <3

current favorite song? : hmmm…. because i’m me and can’t pick just one, i’ll share three which are: wat.1(mcnd), burning bridges(sigrid), and loved you(bae173) <3 [special mentions: bottom of the ocean(golcha), humph!(wsjn), & love you when you’re gone(daya)]

favorite colors? : green + blue + purple !!

last song? : beautiful by ikon <3 !

last series? : going to b real honest & say i don’t watch like … a whole lot of tv these days but . i got halfway(i think anyway) through the first part of the new of stranger things season (before the second part came out) & then just . didn’t really wanna watch it anymore for reasons / i just forgot 😵‍💫😵‍💫 ( i have been slowly watching / catching up on right! just THAT! on yt .. but i don’t think that counts djdbdbd )

last movie? : uhhhhh…. i think it was the new batman movie months upon months ago ?? though it could’ve also been the exorcist — a watch which i very much regret giving my time to as like . i actually hate that movie 💀 i get why it’s a classic but also… relied too much on shock factor + was also too slow-paced for me :< ( i don’t watch a whole lot of movies either .. in case you didn’t notice fjfbjfn )

sweet, savory, or spicy? : sweet !! i have a big sweet-tooth … not quite to a fault as i do try to keep myself in check here lately, but .. a lot of foods i often crave / want have a bit of sweetness to it(somewhere ….) .

current craving? : really, really craving some type of apple cinnamon / just cinnamon treat — like apple pie or a cinnamon roll <3 & i really miss my friends rn :( i haven’t seen them in person since like . the s..kz tix debacle :,)

thing you’re currently working on? : one/two of the other prompts for the vity gtkm thing !! and also editing ciiphrs teasers for blind <3

tagging the stunning @soonyouns @soonwnu @cyatual @hoshranghaes @seohopeful @seungyounchoz @sinzational & anyone else who sees and wants to answer them too ~ 💓 ( no pressure to anyone tagged to do it btw !! totally optional 💞 also sorry if you’ve already been tagged fjfbfjf )

#sorry this took a sec ….. i kept getting ✨distracted✨ #thank you for tagging me !! 🥺🥺🫶💘💗💖💞 #tag games <3 #*bbietag

[janzoo]

Get to Know Me(me)!

Under the cut for length -

Tagged by @e-dragoons

Current wallpaper: Right now it’s a generic one from the phone’s background collection, I think. I changed phones relatively recently. It’s nothing fandom-y right now but I like the simplicity. *shrug* On my old phone, this artwork of La Muerte from “The Book of Life” was my wallpaper pretty much the entire time I had it.

The last song you listened to: “Anti-Hero” by Sekai no Owari (thanks again lol)

Currently Reading: Fanfiction...been struggling with getting through an actual book for a while now.

Last Movie: Puss-In-Boots: The Last Wish

Craving: Nothing at this exact moment?

What are you wearing right now: Simple black t-shirt, denim shorts, and orange-black striped socks from Halloween.

How tall are you: 5'5″ I think

Piercings: I used to have my ears pierced, but I recently let them grow in and will use clip-ons/clip-on adapters going forward.

Tattoos: None yet

Glasses? Contacts?: Nope

Last drink: Matcha frappuccino

Last show: The Mandalorian

Last thing you ate: Starbucks ginger molasses cookie

Favourite colour: Blue

Current obsession: Final Fantasy XIV

Unrelated Obsession: uhhhhh D&D dice?

Any pets: A cat named Princess

Do you have a crush on anyone: Besides my husband, no lol

Favourite fictional character: Just one? Impossible. But I’ll give you an old favourite - Rock Lee - and a new favourite - Haurchefant. (...what do you mean they’re almost the same character no I don’t have a type >.>)

Tagging: Whoever wants to! With a particular no pressure tag for @sariastrategos and @starrysnowdrop

#meme response

[itsjustsun]

When the hermit finally speaks.

You know I do this often disappearing into the night & hiding. I’m always gonna be like this. The truth is the world scares me. Not really my world, but the reality of the world is really scary. A lot of us aren’t really ourselves at all so I retreat. It’s my way of protecting myself and being intimate. The absolute right to privacy. A big part of me find myself chasing these ideals that’s not even remotely destined to happy for me. So many possibilities and so many dreams. I guess the reality of my life the things I thought I wanted I don’t want. What I want the most is peace & the ability to have a strong peace of mind. Mentally I’m fucked. Just like the rest of us. And I finally don’t have this fear of just not existing not being this thing or portraying this fantasy. I want reality. Simplicity. Security. Stability. And love. I’m not craving nothing else if those things come from self it comes from self. If it comes from my work situation it comes from there. I know I have hella possibilities and hella opportunities to explore certain things, but I guess my question is why now? Why the fuck now? I don’t wanna rack my brain on what on when on how. Feel like resting on just calling in gratitude what’s here and in reality all I’m gonna do is grow some shit and be alone. I guess the truth is it’s hard to feel beautiful in a world so cold. It’s hard to simply understand and I get it. I’m beginning to, but that lack of awareness has created a lot of pain at one point. I guess my luxuries in life is different. I don’t really see myself living too luxurious as far as material just comfortable and happy. It’s actually very tearful life is beautiful very beautiful and all phases of life to me and I’m no longer choosing to identify with the struggle. Life is beautiful.

Honestly just trying to find the time to pick up a new book I’ve been wanting to read or just take all day to cook one meal as I sip wine or whatever, but work is calling. The time I’ve had for recovery has been beautiful incredibly beautiful and I’m eternally grateful for it. I’m grateful for the love. I’m grateful for just all of the opportunities I am sincerely blessed and i acknowledge it. I’m not living this woah is me. I have a lot and that in itself is a blessing.

You know your boy has been slacking. Drinking. Enjoying myself but now it’s time to buckle back down on this health routine. I have some body goals and life goals tbh I’m manifesting. Step 1: is complete and wherever I go next I would love to settle even if it’s not completely at least for a while. Get to know what living slow feels like. You know becoming my own boss the grind is slow very slow, but it’s welcoming and I actually enjoy it. Starting a new job hopefully soon(just completed my background check) I just wanna make my money and dip. Lol. I dropped my cashapp below if anyone just wanted to help out a bit in this trying times. Lol. Working since a baby I now understand why my mom wanted me to enjoy my youth not only that, but also why she wanted to preserve it even tho my childhood was far from normal. Someone asked me a question on my NGL. Who do I miss the most? My mom. In real life you know I’m known to be this beacon of light, but bro that shit hurts. I remember just being separated how painful that was for me now her passing. To loose the only person you feel you could trust. I miss her. I wish I could hug her. I wish I could’ve experienced my mom in ways others got to with their mother. She loved the fuck out of us, but work, mothering & being drunk in love which is beautiful & inspiring life got in the way of our relationship sometimes. It’s funny how she still teaches me even with her not being here. To always move with love even in the presence of pain, fear, sovereignty and union. It’s just crazy to me. You know she wasn’t a saint mama had a real nasty and cruel side. But she loved and loved hard and loved on everyone around her. I guess when you’re used to just loosing ppl I’m used to people just falling from my grip. It’s the willingness to really be a part of the world kinda begins to fade. Honestly even thoughts of no longer existing in the world. I’m just like meh to the charades. Tired of ppl feeling like we have to pretend we don’t. We don’t and that’s what I’m learning. It’s oh fucking kay. But the truth of her loss makes me feel angry, it makes me sad, it makes me upset bc I didn’t feel like she got the justice she deserved. It hurts a lot. I can’t even explain. You know how you know things you can’t even say or the horrors you’d have to admit to yourself. It comes with a lot of guilt and shame. It comes with a lot of uncertainty how the fuck do I deal with all of this without the need to distract.

Gardening helps deal with the pain. The mental trauma that I keep having flashbacks about. I’m just helps slows the mind. My mind is always racing it’s like I can’t stop it and I know it comes from internalizing everything I kinda don’t speak on a lot. Really bc I don’t have the proper surroundings you know. I’m used to being the one with the level head those can speak too. I don’t have that. You know that was my mom as I was for her. Very level headed my peers, friends, and acquaintances are as well, but some are just not in the same phase of life at all. Those that are we talk we love on each other, but it’s just really hard to trust fr. I don’t trust myself truthfully and I’m done with the fantasies. I’m done being a fantasy and I’m done building a fantasy. Only real shit. Honestly when everything around is built on a fantasy it would never last and it time we stop treating ourselves like that. From our sex to our career or just general lifestyle it’s all a fantasy. The only thing that is important is the way we love & the fact that we’re living. How you been living? Good?Well I hope so.

Email for any booking info: [email protected]

Cashapp:

$222sun

-Sun

[fantasticswaggirl]

DOPAMINE IS NOT HAPPINESS

Dopamine is not happiness. I learned this from an NPR reel while I was scrolling through Instagram on the toilet. I deleted the app immediately after acting on the impulse dopamine creates if you don’t wait the two and half minutes for the sensation to pass, so the science says.

It made me think of imbalanced brain chemicals, widely accepted as the root of depression and other mental illnesses that we take world-altering psychiatric drugs to fix. It made me think of how emotions felt optional when I was on SSRIs, which is an image that now frightens me. It was probably the happiest I had been as a pre-fully developed frontal cortex adult, however, when I think of my medicated self, I think about how dramatically different the emotional experience felt compared to the previous four years of my adult life.

On SSRIs, I was convinced that an emotion-free life was a more present and grounded one. As those who were raised in a dysregulated household will relate to, my mode of expression in response to strong emotions was one of violence, paranoia, or deep shame. Not knowing how to control my reactions, I felt betrayed by emotions. Thoughts similarly felt out of my control. The narrative in my head was that I was responsible for my shortcomings and incapable of change. Lexapro turned it all off: the big reactions, the noise in my head, and the paralysis of anxiety. I could finish my final assignments, apply to jobs, clean my room; be a good roommate, friend, and partner. However, despite these drastic improvements, I felt disconnected from my creative self. I had a bad case of writer's block to the point where I could not touch my journal without quickly losing interest (flipping through the pages now there was a clean 5-month break right after the medication kicked in). While part of me was distressed over losing the creative urge, a greater part of me was relieved that I could exist in peace. If losing my edge meant feeling comfortable in social settings, I was all for it.

Toward the end of being medicated, I started to have manic fantasies of how I would be off of anti-depressants. My creativity would come back in troves as I pioneered my own career as a cultural critic/ model/actress. I could cry fully and dramatically on the LA metro as I listened to Crying and H Mart, and it would inspire me to write something as heart-wrenchingly perfect as Michelle Zauner, propelling my career as a published author and world-renowned musician (was really into the multi-hyphenates at the time).

The sad reality is the grass is always greener. Now that I am off SSRIs and refamiliarizing myself with the strong emotions that once felt like home to me, I crave simplicity. Because when I was on SSRIs, I was quick to end romantic or platonic relationships and call this “setting boundaries.” I was happy to reap the benefits of gentrification in my $1000/month art deco duplex in East Hollywood because the thoughts only went as far as myself. A world without anti-depressants means seeing the beauty and horror in all things. I am overwhelmed by the impact each action I take has on the reality around me. I constantly want to work hard at something I care about knowing process is part of the prospect, but I am paralyzed by choice.

It also makes me think that if dopamine, like the millennial reporter suggested, is a fear response instead of happiness, happiness must be the antonym of fear. Something alien to the flight, fight, freeze response all other emotions are indebted to. My cat as I’m writing this is biting my pen. He’s trying to stop me because he knows I’m reaching a greater truth.

Maybe then I can blame dopamine for my bad behavior. Like the late-night texts I send to boys who never cared about me. Or for when I spend an hour in front of the mirror stabbing the pustules on my skin until my face is red and blotchy and look in the mirror the next day horrified at the tiny lines around the areas I squeezed. Or for when I go out and need a beer or cocktail in hand at all times to not feel socially handicapped, but am filled with anxiety over the loss of control that comes with being inebriated. I should set a timer for 2.5 minutes before I do anything so I can make sure that I live a dopamine-free life. People would think I’m autistic, but people already think this and I’m okay with that.

This would register as a different kind of autism than the kind I probably have. It’s the kind of autism I want to have. The numbers and math kind. STEM girl autism. Capital-friendly autism. I want this kind sooo bad. If I had STEM girl autism, I would have coded my own game at age 10. I would’ve been on varsity as a freshman and doing calculus and theater at the same time like Hermione Granger. I would have been recruited by MIT for my talents, finished in three years, got hired by Google straight out of college, and put a downpayment on a house all by the time I turned 26. Then, I would retire by 40 after getting a purple heart for my calculations during the war effort. All of this would be possible because of my 2.5 minute formula and hyperactive right brain, which is why I need to get back on Lexapro immediately.

[alyosiuscreightonward]

Just the other day, I was driving around and the following songs came up on my playlist. My playlist is on shuffle, so I am clueless as to what song will play next. There are occasions when I hear the first eight bars, I immediately click to the next song.

Now, I know I’m like a Klingon. I just won’t let it go. Other times, I just fucking walk away and you could be standing right next to me and I will look at you and hold up that Pariah Carey sign, “I Don’t Know Her.”

Here are the songs and the order they played in: “Stay With Me,” Bette Midler; “Fantasy,” Pariah Carey; “I’m On Your Side,” Angela Bofill; “All The Love In The World,” Janis Siegel; “You’re My One and Only,” Jennifer Rush and lastly, “I Am A Rock,” Simon & Garfunkel.

I know I have a contentious relationship with my L.A. Based Photographer. I had blasted him, dragged him, insulted him and even pulled him out from underneath the pedestal I put him on. I still to this day, I just don’t understand anything. The only thing I know is that I continue to manifest our eventual meeting in person, and what happens when we are face to face, that’s the good, bad and ugly.

These songs are universal. I don’t give a shit, but at some particular moment, and you cannot deny it, we’ve all had these feelings and we all can very simply compare and relate to these feelings. Don’t give me that shit, motherfucker. Yes you have and you fucking know it.

Bette mentions, “…when is it my turn to have someone grab ahold of me…” Absolutely never happened in my case. Maybe someone can tell me about this and how it feels. Since I cannot compare and relate to this experience, I’d really like to hear someone’s perspective.

Pariah she mentions, “…but its just a sweet sweet fantasy baby…” I know all about fantasy and I know all about reality too. I’ve fantasized about punching people in the face, but I know I can’t do that since they’re cheaper than spit.

Angela. I first heard this song done by Jennifer Holliday and she absolutely slays it. Though when I heard Angela’s version, I was gobsmacked. The simplicity in the way she delivered it, wow. The pain was real and the silence was deafening. The lyrics say, “…I’m on your side to be you…” I know that feeling. I will allow you, I will give the wide berth you need, but I’ll support you regardless if that is what is called for at that moment.

Janis. Her first solo project away from her main gig, The Manhattan Transfer. I was living in NYC when this album came out in the early 1980s. I was also in the midst of my second boyfriend, Johnson. Gawd. He was beautiful. Those dark eyes. Those full lips. That wiry and thick hair. His skin was so smooth. He was a great lover and a great boyfriend. I’m sorry it didn’t last. I moved to Brooklyn and he stayed in Queens. I typed the lyrics out and had a co-worker sign Janis’ name and she wrote, “Thank you for everything, Johnson. All my best, Janis.” Now, it was plagiarism but the heartfelt sentiment was front and center with Johnson. The lyrics says, “…everybody has their day…” Yes. Everyone will have a day, a moment, when they’ll rule the world. Then everyone else will rue the day that they did you dirt. “…underneath it all you crave affection…” Child. Please.

Jennifer Rush. “…without you in my life, I only exist…” What’s that feeling like? What does it mean to you? I know I can say quite clearly say that I do not know how people can have that feeling. I think I may have felt that way and possibly still do because I project that onto my mother. Without her, I wouldn’t be here. I just don’t merely exist with or without you. Trust and believe. Yes, through my all my moments in mental health crisis and moments of clarity, I know I exist because I have touched someone’s life. Good or bad, I know those who have encountered me certainly will not forget me. I’ll prompt them as I had done once before and I’ll watch them cringe. They’ll clench their sphincter and either get a lump in their throat or in their stomach.

Paul Simon. Art Garfunkel. Dayum y’all. Seriously y’all. Don’t tell me that you haven’t listened to this song and not felt it. If you say that you haven’t felt it, I’ll call BULLSHIT!! “…if I never loved I never would have cried…” You cannot say nor can you tell me that you’ve never cried over someone who could not love you back the way you wanted to be loved. “Debase myself for the love of another to see if I could stand not being wanted when I really wanted to be wanted.” Ntozake Shange. Dayum Skippy. When she wrote those words, I was just 16 when I saw “Colored Girls” on Broadway. That show, to this day, touched me in such a beautiful way. Then when I saw the movie that Tyler Perry did, I was sitting there in the audience in that movie theater in Austin lip syncing every word and giving you such a performance. Now some will ask how does a white guy know a black woman’s pain and how do you know her story? Simple answer: Shirley MacLaine - in a previous life you punk ass little bitch, but I am not asking you to believe. I’m just telling you my story.

I hold myself accountable for the pain and anguish I have caused my L.A. based photographer. I take ownership and responsibility for my actions towards him. It’s true, neither one of us knew back then and neither one of us will ever know in the years ahead. Though I will continue to manifest our eventual meeting. I know I have crossed the line many times with my photographer, there are some things that I will never do. “I’ll do anything for love but I won’t do that.

I’m back. I took a few days off.

Just yesterday day, as I was driving around, another song came on. This time it was Marshall Crenshaw. Yes, Bette did a cover of this song. “You’re my favorite waste of time.”

I took some more time off.

So I can think about my own words, my own feelings and I can easily vomit my feelings here where no one reads my shit. My drivel. Who gives a flying fuck on a rolling doughnut about this insignificant little shit who sits in front of keyboard for no apparent reason.

“Stay With Me” - is truly a heartache and when Bette did this song and put in that little bit of dialogue, well, it sent me over the edge. Who wouldn’t love to have their partner (or whatever label you decided to use like fuck buddy or friend with benefits), actually think about this song and imagine, if that person did not want you to go and after a little of bit of give and take; you two did actually work it out. “Fantasy” - well it is Pariah and she’s an entire subject unto herself. Yet when she puts in the beat and the chorus from The Tom Tom Club starring Tina Weymouth, it brings me back to being at the roller rink. Though the lyrics do tell you that it is a legitimate fantasy y’all living in because that’s how I feel about Pariah and this song. Again, please let me point out, sphincter muscles are like opinions, everybody got one. Now, looking at Angela versus Jennifer. Both renditions of the song absolutely slay. Though I had only heard Jennifer’s version for years and I know every breath in that song. However, I knew of Angela because my ex-boyfriend had turned me onto Angela. If memory serves, Cissy Houston had putt out an album with the song, “Break It To Me Gently,” and I was like, yo, it’s Cissy Houston. No flies, y’all. Even Cissy’s cover version of “Down In The Boondocks,” originally done by Billy Joe Royal, again, no flies. She ready to slay that shit and she did. Then when he made me listen to Angela Bofill’s version of “Break It…” I was beside myself. The ache, the pain, the raw emotion and her phrasing. That piece of cake was gone. The cookie was gone. No crumbs left. Just an empty plate and an unused napkin. BOOM! Angela owns it and there is no reason to re-record that song.

Now, there’s Janis Siegel. Originally with The Manhattan Transfer, this was her first solo project back in 1982. I clearly remember playing at a nightclub in Cambridge, MA, I had tickets and did not go to see her. Well, after that I went to see many shows by myself because I was sick and tired of begging someone to go with me. I would tell them, just show up. I’ll buy drinks, dinner and I’ll even pay for the taxi home. Yeah. Never again. No ma’am. Anyway, I digress. Even all these later, I truly love that song. I mean seriously, who wouldn’t want to give or receive someone’s love for no apparent reason. Parents and siblings are one thing, but just another person with whom you connect with on some level and when you’re together, the tension is palpable and it exudes from every single pore. Oh. Gawd. That would be beyond. However, we all know it ain’t happily ever after which is a song by Donna Summer. Great album.

Now, Jennifer Rush. Granddaughter of famed violinist Isaac Stern. Wildly popular in Europe and I’m thinking only one song that she co-wrote was made popular by Air Supply, Laura Brannigan and Celine Dion, “The Power of Love.” From my faulty memory, I had worked with a guy who invited me over to listen to Jennifer and also he turned me onto Dutch Singing Sensation, Anita Mayer. We sat there in his flat and listened to her catalogue. She even did a duet with Elton John. I feel it’s true, he is my one and only. I will most likely go to my grave without ever seeing him but I continue to manifest it, that we will meet. I know that he invaded my dreams and I usually don’t dream and I usually do not recall them as vividly as I remember this most recent one. He was there. As much as I attempt to deny those feelings, deny the images and deny it all, he was there. I cannot shake the feeling. I have scream, or very quietly say, I hate my life sometimes and the whole episode gets put back in its shoebox and placed back on the shelf in the closet of my memories (Reference to Curtis Stigers’ song, “To Be Loved.”)

“I Am A Rock,” we all can compare and relate to this song. We all have had these emotions at some point in our lives. We know that there are so many variations of being a rock or causing a rock slide on a dangerous curve in the middle of rainstorm. Yeah. It’s a two lane blacktop and the scenery is like a painting, picture perfect. But God Damn!! Who’s driving this internal combustion contraption? My mind runs to the many movies I’ve seen where the car is whipping down from a chateau on the side of mountain. There’s just a guard rail and the surf crashing below. By the way, the drop is at least a hundred meters.

I also know that using or referencing other people’s words can be a cop out. A crutch. A Hoyer Lift. Yet the universality of the words, the presentation by the person singing it resonates deep within. We’ve all seen and heard plenty of people saying that this song or that song saved me from my own hand. Without those words, without that song, I may not be here today. We’ve all heard it before. I can listen to Jacques Brel sing in French or in Flemish, and he can be so devastating. I’ve heard the song sung in English and I know every note, every breath in all three versions, but it wraps me up like a blanket on a rainy evening. I then feel safe and warm.

With my contentious relationship with my LA Based photographer, I leave you with this one last song to dissect. It’s by Linda Eder and it’s a cover of a Joni Mitchell song, “Both Sides.” Having called him once, I was so fucking high and I was in such a state of mind, and when he picked up the phone, I said to him, “It’s snowing, dude.” Stating the fucking obvious much? Yes, I was that high. He too could look out the window, and he could also see people coming into the lobby and stamp their feet and shake their coats. I was seventeen. I’m sixty-four now. I’ll always be his lighthouse keeper. I will perish alone on my gulag archipelago in the deepest recesses of my mind. Yet these songs will bring me joy. Though I think I’ll add one last song just to fuck with you. “Sick of You,” by GWAR.

#dear diary #no your not the only one #i wrote this for me #inside my mind #my words #ramblings #my writing #pity party #lgbtq #my music #music therapy #bette midler #janis siegel #jennnifer rush #angela bofill #cissy houston #simon and garfunkel #linda eder #pariah Carey #mariah carey #other people’s words #Curtis stigers #just why #bipolar depression #marshall crenshaw