#i have survived child abuse

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

#abuse #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #child abuse #child abuse tw #mental health #it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up #if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right... #...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren #it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke... #...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)... #...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark... #...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning... #...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense #if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why #i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO... #...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens #if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors #you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents: make your reality unsurvivable to the point where you have to withdraw into your own mind and live in a fantasy world in your head in order to make it thru

abusive parents: You're living in your head! You're never gonna survive in real life!

#i survived real life BY living in my head and i still do so #if not for my alters i would have nothing to live for #i need to fix them #abusive parents #toxic parents #child abuse #dissociating to survive abuse #living in fantasy to survive

[abnormalpsychology]

#might be one of my favorite memes I’ve ever made 💀💀💀 #like. you have to laugh #you guys ever heard ‘this feels like it isn’t about me 🎵🎶🎶🎵 #from crazy ex gf #that’s what living w them is like 💀💀💀 #surviving abuse #child abuse #abuse cw #abuse tw #gaslighting #narcissistic abuse #parental abuse #parental trauma #posting it here instead of the trauma blog bc I love it too bad and it’s that funny to me hfjwjwnqnjfjfd #bbge.text #ijbol

[brainworms-all-night-long]

So shower thoughts gave me the most painful and saddening realization about Tails

He is just so little, like tiny, really really small. Even currently in the cannon when he's around 8 years old. He's just a little guy. So imagine how fucking disgusting and vile a person must be to see this young, innocent looking child and decide they can hit and pick on it. That they can physically and verbally abuse a tiny defenseless fox, just because of an odd genetical mutation.

I sometimes feel bad when I clapp an annoying ass fly and think about the fact that I killed a living being for too long. But people on Westside Island just looked at a poor orphan fox kit that probably couldn't even properly talk yet and went, "oh yea let's beat him and cement it in his head that he's a freak undeserving of love."

It genuinely hurts me to think that anyone slightly older than him could, without much of a problem, just grab him by the scruff of the neck and be free to do basicaly whatever with him. It's not like back than he had any power or strength to stop it, because he was just a weak child bellow the age of four.

And another painful thing was that it wasn't just one person tormenting him. It was a group, almost an entire village. And not a single person thought to step in to save that kit becasue he was concidered a freak. So there was no reason to bother. No reason to care. You either engaged in the bullying or you ignored it.

If it were not for Sonic running around at just the right time, than Tails probably would've went Nine's route of using his talent of inventing as a means of protecting himself. Had it not been for his kid genious either however... I just, fear he would've been beaten to death, possibly never feeling like he deserved to live in the firts place.

All that and he was just.. a little child.

#sonic the hedgehog #like ig mobians have s l i g h t l y differrnt aging than humans #and can probably survive on their own very young #but that still doesnt change the fact that Tails was a baby #like actuall young child when people decided its ok to abuse him because of his extra tail #and I just #mgmfmfm #im in tears #dedass getting emotional over a fictional anthropomorphic flying fox whos name is ''Miles per Hour'' #please please I just #i need to hug #this little guy #please #tails the fox #miles tails prower #tw child abuse #sonic angst #edited cause bs spelling mistakes #silly brainworms

[fluffydice]

TW Abuse

Aren feels guilt over clinging to his abuse, because he’s looked up to his Pops for so long as a role model, as someone who he should aspire to be.

But then he interacts with a toddler, or a little kid, or even people his own age. He can’t help but think about how fragile they are, how easy their skin would give way to bruises and blood, and he wonders how you could have something so precious and vulnerable, one that looks up to you with adoration and unadulterated trust, and tear it to shreds.

And he knows it was wrong, but he still tries to convince his friends otherwise. Because if they agree, that means it’s something he has to let go. He doesn’t have to look it in the eyes and ask questions that he won’t ever get an answer to.

#abuse is easy to look at objectively from far away because they’re not a person to you #because the person experiencing it clings to the good memories and pretends it makes up for the bad ones #or worse when it’s a parent who you know has gone through the same #and sometimes you have to look at it and realize change isn’t possible for someone who can’t quite leave survival mode #WOC are taught to keep silent and play clean-up afterwards #and they ask their kids to be happy because they’ve been granted better circumstances #but we forget that no matter how many tools you have you’ll never know how to use them if you’re not taught #asking happiness from a child who has never seen it from a parent will never result in progress #we teach our children to learn from our mistakes instead of from our examples #because change is fucking hard for yourself but all you can do is cling to the hope that maybe it’ll be different for them #sorry got rant-y there lol #I used to write a lot of poetry maybe I should try again and see if I can answer some things for myself #tw child abuse #kuboyasu aren #Saiki k

[masquenoire]

Apart from upper body surgery, Roman didn't require much else to maintain such a masculine figure. When he was dropped as a baby, the resulting fall damaged the pituitary gland in his brain, causing his growth (and aggression levels) to go haywire the day he hit puberty. Before then he remained a very small child, one easily pushed around by his parents but remembering every strike, every insult and slap he suffered at their hands until he was old enough to fight back. It came as a nasty shock to Mr. and Mrs. Sionis when the child they resented for years as being slow, ugly and unfeminine seemingly transformed overnight into an uncontrollable monster hellbent on tormenting them at every opportunity.

#💀 || musings #💀 || headcanons #gender dysphoria tw #gender dysphoria cw #child abuse tw #child abuse cw #I just remembered I never really talk much about Roman's issues as a trans man? #He does take testosterone injections to maintain his musculature but that's about it #He's very inclined to mistrust doctors and medical procedures after getting locked up in Arkham #Treating him like a freak in his opinion #The rest of his body though? All natural #And his parents HATED it #It's all their own fault for dropping him on his head the day he was born #Otherwise he might have turned out very differently #But yeah Roman's angry for REASONS #He literally can't help it due to the injury his brain sustained #Frankly it's amazing he survived to adulthood bc of repeated neglect #Like letting him suffer from a rabid racoon bite bc they'd rather not be late to the big bash the Waynes are throwing #Leaving Roman at home alone to suffer all weekend and nearly DIE #So yeah Roman is a modern marvel as to how durable the human body is 😂 #Can I force myself to do one response today let's see #Wope up very late and very tired bleh

[hiveswap]

,

#as a child i thought i would die the way they did sometimes #im lucky that i survived and that ot never got truly bad like this because i know theyd have never called an ambulance for me neither #i was a lot younger at the time but it hurts so much that i know a lot of what this nex must have went through #my circumstances were so different and i really dont want to like. make this about myself. #but sometimes i want to believe in a heaven because i know there wont be justice in earth. these kids will get to live on as normal #but the person they killed wont. #nothing ever comes of these things #bullies are abusers and murderers it's always serious and adults never do anything because so many teachers would participate if they could #so many people in the school system need to be taken out the back and shot it's unbelievable

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

People say they want complex characters with complex relationships but y’all couldn’t even handle She-Ra and the princesses of power

#she ra and the princesses of power #spop #people who survived childhood abuse together deserve to work though they’re trauma and decide to stay/get together if they want to #yes Catra and Adora were toxic #THEYRE SITUATION WAS TOXIC #and Adora LEFT #SHE DID WHAT SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO #they were codependent #but how could you not be in they’re situation #Adora did what she was supposed to do #and Catra spiraled #she did what she had to do make herself feel safe #like a lot of people would have done in her situation and with her child #but then she started to do the work to do and be better #I love you shera videos essays by five by five takes

[eternally-tired-cryptid]

Tbh a LOT of criticisms of popular animated princess movies are based on half remembering them as a child and making assumptions

#jasoer rambles #yall i was obsessed w Cinderella as a child. i watched that movie near daily and played Cinderella when i wasnt watching the movie #that movie isnt abt leaving an abusive sotuation for a man or having a man rescue her #its about a girl who was taught to be kind and care for her family home and did despite all the abuse hurled at her. #its about a girl who saw all the things that would be hurt and uncared for in her absence and stayed to care #its about a girl who the moment she saw a chance at freedom not just for herself but her animal friends she cared about. she took every aven #ue possible to achieve it. regardless of the prince's knowledge or ability to help. because she finally had a way to survive if she left. an #d she took it because she was kind and loving but when there was another option in life she knew she deserved better than her abusive step #family. shes lovely and strong and kind and i adore her

[philsmeatylegss]

Winner by Conan Gray is so growing up with a bpd parent core

#ITS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE WHOEVER KNEW YOU #THAT ALL YOU EVER WANTED IS TO FIGHT #I WAS JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE #YOUR CHAOS #WELL LOOK AT HOW ITS PAID OFF #before y’all get pissy I’m not saying bpd parents are inherently traumatic I’m saying the kind of trauma it causes is very specific #especially since a lot of times the intentions are good and they don’t realize it’s abuse #also it’s not just her fault I’m fucked up my dad has AVPD which if you know the basics of both disorders #HORRIBLE COMBO #literally could not have a worse combo #and to add on that? #an autistic child #so not just on her #but this song #yeah it hits #rae’s rambles #delete later #conan gray

[good-to-drive]

You ever notice how the people who think it's their moral duty to hate John for what he did to Julian are the exact same people who would turn on you and call you toxic the moment you started showing symptoms of an abusive childhood? It's almost like extending no compassion to people whose childhood fucked them up isn't actually helpful to people who had a fucked up childhood

#i say this as someone who was physically abused as a child #it's a complex and difficult thing to exist within the cycle of abuse and most ppl never have to think about it #so I get why they black and white the situation #but its so destructive #i especially see it with paul stans tbh #using slurs against the mentally ill to explain why paul is better than john #acting like only certain trauma deserves empathy #just generally being incredibly toxic to people who have survived child abuse while seeing themselves as white knights #the beatles #john lennon #hot take

[furiousgoldfish]

what I thought traumatized me: Violence, Threats, living in a state of constant anxiety and terror, thread of insults and everyone agreeing I’m worthless and deserve to be punished and also asking for it

what also traumatized me but I didn’t know it did: Neglect, emotional abandonment, lack of attachment to any of my caretakers, lack of a safe caretaker to be able to attach to, lack of acceptance, lack of community, lack of positive touch, lack of acknowledgement, encouragement and attention, people around me being treated differently without an obvious reason, social isolation, lack of clarity, withheld knowledge,  inflicted guilt and shame for not knowing, blame for the abuse, being denied my own vulnerability and helplessness, being held responsible for the abuser’s feelings and actions, gaslighting, lack of love, being completely ignored while in great amounts of pain, lack of continuity, lack of clear and easily followed rules, lack of resources, being alone in developing traumatic disorders, lack of protection, being forced to feel unlovable and disgusting from how my environment was treating me, lack of parental love, lack of family, lack of justice, lack of conversation, emotional pulls on my compassion and care, lack of anything I could count on, nobody being on my side, being forced to see myself only thru the abuser’s perspective, not having access to knowledge of human rights or any kind of protection I was entitled to, being exposed to toxic culture of victim-blaming and abuser-defending, emotional manipulation that planted catastrophizing as sabotage in my head, being smear campaigned, society turning their back on me and letting me figure it out all on my own.

#trauma #child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #neglect #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #damaged psyche #starved of everything human needs to develop #of course one would develop anxiety and fear of society #but i mostly didn't realize how much neglect has hurt me #nobody looking at me with concern or wondering how was i doing #how i was coping with all that violence #how was i surviving it #if i needed help getting thru #if i needed help being told that i'm not that bad and i don't deserve it #that is what buried me #if i had one ally #it would have been different #but there was nothing and nobody #just me and my dissociative disorder

[mediumsizedpidegon]

i think yuzu deserves a little murder. as a treat.

#bleach #kurosaki yuzu #this is about isshin: the man who decided that the best way to “teach” his son was to hit him when he least expected it. #I know bleach intends it to be funny slapstick but it really really isn't. isshin starts hitting his kid when he's NINE YEARS OLD. #and isshin is hitting ichigo as hard as he can. he's kicking him awake. this is not an environment a child can SURVIVE in much less an adul #it only takes one mistake for ichigo to get hurt irreparably. how many times has ichigo fallen over and hit his head? Got a concussion? #sprained or broken his bones? there is no world in which ichigo and his sisters who are WATCHING and unable to stop this #feel safe in isshin's house or with isshin. #the moment that isshin first hits ichigo is the moment that all three of them are orphaned. that's the moment where their father dies #and ichigo is the one who picks up the slack. he's the one who parents his siblings. Masaki dying destroys ichigo's childhood but #the first time isshin hits him is the moment that ichigo the child dies. #and imagine you're yuzu. you're yuzu who can't remember your mother and the word 'parent' makes you think of your older brother #and there's a man in your house. he's loud. he laughs a lot. and he hits your brother-parent without his smile budging an inch. #you can't remember your father but this is not him. he's dead. he died years ago. #There's a man in your house. And he's killing your brother. One day he's going to actually kill him. #so you have a choice: your brother or the man in your house. #it is a very easy choice #tw abuse #my posts

[thisisreal-really]

WHERE IS A SUPER LONG THINK PIECE ANALYZING THE PARALLELS BETWEEN SAM WINCHESTER AND WILL BYERS WHERE IS IT AND HOW DO I MANIFEST IT INTO EXISTENCE

#will byers #sam winchester #me talking about sam and spn in 2022? this was not in my 2022 bingo card #no no you dont get it; it is something about the characters who have been living with trauma all their life #starting from difficult childhood because they could never be what their dads expected them to be #it's about the characters whose fate have been set from the beginning by some external force #that handed them the terror and incomprehensible horror with no escape #it's about the characters who have to carry the burden they have never wanted #IT''S ALSO ABOUT THE NARRATIVE BURDEN #why do i survive? because someone have to tell the story because without you the story ends and like it or not you have to be alive for it #IT's ALSO ABOUT CHARACTERS WHOSE GENTLENESS VIEWED AS WEAKNESS #BUT IT'S NOT #IT'S ALSO ABOUT RETAINING A KIND SOUL DESPITE ALL THE FORCES IN THE WORLD TRYING TO CHANGE IT #it's also about the toxic and abusive parent and child relationship and how one can break free from that #IT'S ABOUT!!! #stranger things #fuck not to mention the lost of autonomy through literal demonic possession #the boy with demon blood and the boy carries a piece of the mindflayer #the parallels are paralleling im losing my mind