#i have to wake up at 8 am I'm already crying

[greatooglymooglyyy]

Bone Tired- Matt Sturniolo

a/n: since i did chris, might as well do matt. i think i like writing these. send me requests if you want and let me know what you think? also there is a bonnet mention cus y'know... i'm mixed. idk

contains: fluff, cussing, light kissing, alludes to sex but nothing on page, established relationship, 800+ words

I groan as I wake up from the feeling of suddenly being way too cold. I glance over to my left, where, of course, Matt has rolled the entire damn duvet around himself like a burrito. I sigh and check my phone for the time. 8:34am. Might as well get up, I guess. I sit up, getting ready to slide out of bed, when I feel something tug me backwards. Matt pulls me into his side and back under the covers before curling around me.

“Where are you going?” He asks, voice still thick with sleep and his eyes barely cracked.

“Ohhhhh, so you wake up when I'm getting out of bed but not when I'm over here freezing to death for half the night?” I joke, snuggling my head into the crook of his neck.

“That’s on you; it’s eat or get eaten in this blanket game.” He says back, a hint of a smile in his voice.

“I really do have to get up soon. I have plans this morning.”

“Do they involve leaving this bed?”

“Bro-”

He makes the wrong answer buzzing sound and I fight back my laugh.

“Matty.”

“Better. Still no.”

I’m silent for a few seconds before I play my favorite card. I face him, weaving my fingers through his hair, and whisper softly, “Baby.” And I watch him melt, like he does every single time. "I don't like pet names,” my ass.

“When’re you coming back?” He asks, leaning in close and dropping kisses down the side of my jaw.

“Tonight.”

He sighs and untangles his body from mine. “I feel like I never see you in the daylight anymore.” He says as he slips out of bed and stretches.

“I know. I know. It's busy season at work, and they are killing me.” I say, following him out of bed into the bathroom. He turns the shower on while I start to brush my teeth. When I’m finished, I look into the mirror and meet his eyes, finding him leaning on the wall and watching me.

“You know you can quit, right?" He says, for maybe the 100th time this month. I roll my eyes and turn to him, preparing to give him my whole independent woman spiel. But as soon as I open my mouth, he cuts me off.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re Hercules. Shut up. The water is hot. Come on."

I laugh and lift my arms, letting him peel my shirt off for me then follow him into the shower.

***********

I turn my car off with a sigh and lay my head against the steering wheel, trying to convince myself to get out of the car. After 15 hours straight of dealing with the most annoying customers the world could hand me, walking seems like a big ask from me right now. I tap my hand against the steering wheel, wondering how much my back would suffer if I just slept here tonight.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I look out my window to see Matt looking in equal parts annoyed and concerned. I unlock my door, and he swings it open, leaning his head in.

“Are you insane? Chris said he heard you pull up 20 minutes ago. Why are you just sitting in a car at night in Los Angeles? Do I look like fucking Batman to you? If you go missing, all I can do for you is cry.” He rants, reaching around me to undo my seatbelt.

“Sorry.” I say, my words almost slurring from how tired I am.

He pauses, probably expecting way more attitude from me. “Alright. Come on. Let’s get you in bed."

He pulls me out of the car and picks me up like I'm a small child. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, appreciating how lucky I got with him. When we’re back in his room, he puts me down on the bed, goes to my drawer to find my favorite big t-shirt, and hands it to me.

“You got this part, or you want the full toddler experience?” He jokes, already heading off to the bathroom.

"You've never had any problem undressing me before.” I shoot back as I finish slipping it on and crawling under the covers. He laughs and comes back with my bonnet, makeup remover, and moisturizer in tow.

I look up at him with what has to be the goofiest smile on my face, and he scrunches his face up at me as he begins taking my makeup off.

“What?” He says, his tongue slightly out as he focuses on getting off my mascara.

“You love me.” I whisper, half to myself.

I feel him pause his movement for a second as my statement rattles him, but he quickly recovers. He continues as if he didn’t hear me, but I catch the slightest smile on his face before I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

“Very evident, kid.”

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo oneshots #matt sturniolo fluff #sturniolo fluff #nick sturniolo

[swxxtsxcchxrine]

I feel like i need more emphasis on Miguel's level of nasty because he is just messy. point blank period. imagine he's got you on all fours, your face is stuffed into the sheets of your shared bed, he has your arse in the air all the while his face is stuffed right in your pussy. he's sucking and slurping on your cunt from the back because he knows you like it. maybe too much. one hand is laying comfortably on your bum cheek while the other holds your hands in place on the small of your back to diminish any attempts you have to run away. not that you would anyways. his face moves up and down your slick slit, his tongue prodding at your tight hole. he groans in satisfaction as you push your hips into his face and cry out a silly version of his name. his hand squeezes your cheek in affirmation "that's it, bonita," he praises. his words go straight to your sticky cunny as he slurps loud enough for the neighbours and their mothers to hear. he lifted his head momentarily just to spit on your puckered hole: watching as the fat glob slides down the globe of your arse, not before catching it with a finger and sliding it in. he feels you tight hole squeeze as he stares in awe. he lowers his head back onto your throbbing clit and starts suckling on it, drinking up your sweet juices in tandem. he shakes his head from side to side receiving a high pitched sob from you in return. he brings down his heavy hand to slap your soft bum, hard. he rubs the sore spot as his finger continues to work on your ass. he's moaning and groaning, whining and whimpering into your cunt that he loves too much. "Miguel...you have to stop, i need a break PLEASE!" you plead no avail. infact, he pushes another finger into your tight hole. you silently plead he's not hoping to stuff his hefty cock into your puckered hole. it's already too overwhelming for you. he's still playing with your hot pussy while still at it with your rim. he removes his fingers from your asshole and watches it clench and unclench uncontrollably as your orgasm hits like a truck. he lewdly spreads your cheeks apart, mouth agape, watching your tight holes squeeze around empty air, waiting so patiently to be filled by his pretty, long, thick, heavy, pleasurable, delicious, tasty, mouth watering, eye rolling, name yelling, soul snatching, creaming and screaming, sobbing and rolling around the floor, toe curling, earth shattering, squirting fountains, mood lifting, dopamine giving, life changing, powerful thrust, pretty, dark brown tipped - remember nips match tips - veiny all over, a proper 8-9 inches, he's definitely a grower, he grows while he's inside of you so its the most delicious stretch everr, undeniably good, leg shaking, heart wrenching, name forgetting, drooling, mind dumbing, mind breaking, back arching COCK.

i'll glad be on my knees for THIS man. 🥴like im not even joking brooo ill do jumping jacks on the d just for him he can dump ALL the cum he wants in ME, i'll gladly be the mother of his children. i swear, ill be the perfect little wife for him. he wakes up in the morning to freshly made breakfast and coffee. his clothes are washed, dried and ironed to perfection. his shoes are clean and polished, his shower is already running at the perfect temp. he comes home from work? i'll great him with a fat kiss and a home cooked meal. the recliner is out the tv is on his favourite show, when he's getting ready for bed, its ready made, his clothes for tommorrow are out and im waiting for him in bed. i need him so bad he doesn't understand i'm so upset why isn't he real. like...who am i ever going to find thats gonna compare? will i ever find someone that compares, omg imagine if i don't...☠️☠️☠️☠️ see lemme not God forbid🙏🏾

🫨 (ignore that i just wanted to use the emoji ibr)

#smut #across the spiderverse #into the spider verse #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara smut #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel x black reader #miguel x black reader smut #spidervere smut #spiderman smut

[pixiekiwi]

Comfort || Stiles Stilinski x fem!Reader

a/n: if you’re interested, i am writing a stiles stilinski x fem!oc on my wattpad linked here: veggiekiwi

warnings: angst, mentions of death

words: 897

—

“I’m so tired.”

Were the three words that finally broke you, hearing them uttered from your boyfriend’s mouth.

Your eyes widened with fear as you turned to Stiles, who was attempting to sleep next to you, after a week of nightmares, waking up screaming - he had probably gotten a total of 8 hours of sleep in the past week. Your heart broke at the sight of him looking at you, something unexplainable swam in his whiskey irises illuminated by the moonlight.

“Oh Stiles,” you whispered, turning your body towards his, your hand traveling to his pale cheek. He was cold, which scared you, and he was crying, which scared you even more. Stiles was never known to break easily, he was a man of honor, portrayed himself as strong, when inside he saw himself as weak.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” he admitted quietly, tears falling down his nose as he stared into your eyes, “I’m afraid to sleep (Y/N),” he paused. His own larger hand goes to your chin, brushing it softly before retracting it, “I'm afraid.”

You felt like sobbing right then and there, hearing those words fall from his mouth. After the past year of fighting supernatural, it was rare to hear Stiles admit to something like that, after his father almost got sacrificed, after almost losing you. He had to be strong, and especially in front of you.

It wasn’t your turn to be comforted though, instead it was his. You pulled his body into yours, his head resting under yours as you kissed the top of his head, his shoulders beginning to rack with sobs, “I just want to sleep Y/N. I’m tired of these nightmares, the days I think I’m dreaming-” He cut himself off, wrapping his strong arms around your lower frame, they almost felt weak.

You shushed him slowly, stroking his hair in comfort. Truthfully, you didn’t know what to say, you hadn’t gone through what the boy did, so you let him cry into your chest, holding him as much as needed, letting him release the feelings he was keeping within himself.

“It’s okay my love,” you began to whisper, “It’s okay to be tired, you’ve gone through so much, you’re only 17.” You continued to stroke the boy's hair, one hand moving to his back, “You’re the strongest person I know, Stiles.” You admitted, and this was true, out of the whole pack, you truly believed it.

The boy in your arms shook his head slowly, “That’s just it (Y/N),” he whispered, moving from your grasp to meet your eyes, “I’m not strong, I feel so weak. I’m human, I can’t do things the way you can, the way Scott can, I can’t do anything.”

You furrowed your eyebrows at the revelation of the boy's feelings, “Stiles…” You began, your voice low, “That’s not true,” you shook your head, your hands going to the boys under eyes wiping away the tears that continued to fall. “You’re the smartest, strongest person I’ve ever met. You are constantly there for the pack, we can always count on you for anything.” You kissed the boy's cheek tenderly, “You always figure shit out.” You smiled weakly at this statement, hoping to cheer the boy up, which you did slightly. His eyes lit up as they stared into your own.

He shook his head, wiping his tears haphazardly, “You don’t get it.”

Your heart shattered at these words, your eyes casting downward to your legs entangled with his. He was right, you didn’t get it, you never really would. But that wouldn't stop you from trying to understand, Stiles needed you to, whether he knew it or not.

It was silent for a while, your eyes drifting back up to the boy in front of you, his eyes already on you. “I couldn’t have done any of it without you (Y/N),” he spoke, his voice hoarse from crying. His hand moved to your cheek.

You held a small smile at his touch, something that’s always comforted you, “We couldn’t have done it without you. I couldn’t have done it without you Stiles.

His head shook, “I almost lost you (Y/N),” his voice broke with these words, tears fell again at the thought of that fateful night, you in his arms, dying. “There was nothing I could do to save you, I couldn’t take your pain, I couldn’t heal you-“ you cut him off, your gentle hand going to his chin.

“Stiles.” your soft voice echoing in his ears, “I don’t need that from you, what you did, holding me there, comforting me,” you stopped yourself, attempting to hold yourself together, thinking about the way he begged and pleaded for you to be okay that night. “You were everything I needed Stiles.” you pursed your lips, pulling your body closer to his, “You always will be.”

Stiles accepted you moving closer to him, he wrapped and arm around you and used his other to tilt your chin upwards, kissing you tenderly. As he pulled away there was a look of hope in his eye, but something else that you couldn’t decipher. He smiled weakly at you, “I love you (Y/N),” he whispered, his brown eyes scanning your face.

You pushed yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around his frame and muttering into his bare chest, “I love you Stiles.”

#stiles stilinski #teen wolf stiles #teen wolf #x reader #teenwolf #teenwolfxreader #femresder #teenwolfoneshot #beaconhills #kpixie rambles #fanfiction #stilinski #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinksi oneshot #angst #teenwolf angst #angsty oneshot #stiles stilinski angst #void #nogitsune #werewolves #void stiles #stiles stilinksi x femreader

[kiiwiigii]

Night-Time Reading

Alec x Fem!Reader

Summary: You are having a rough day managing your POTS/CFS. All you want to do is relax and Alec is there to help.

Warnings:

Fluff! Nothing but tooth rotting fluff.

Word Count: 400+

Requested?: Yes!

So I'm going through a really rough time, I'm disabled (pots and CFS) and my cfs is acting up badly cause school started and I've been so busy I haven't had a break period, constantly walking and running and being busy. now I have a three day weekend so my body is letting myself feel the consequences of pushing myself too far, so I was wondering if I could suggest some comfort? Alec with a mate that either has cfs or just has some symptoms and just him keeping them as comfortable as possible while they're in pain Common symptoms (including the ones I'm going through) - joint pain (I can barely go up stairs and walk -extreme temp fluctuations (really hot to really cold quickly) -brain fog (brain is foggy. I'm too weak to open a bottle of coke so I left it open and while talking I tipped it over and forgot it was open) -migraines/headaches -sore throat -trembling -really tired but can't fall asleep and/or sleeps for a really long time Thank you for listening 🫶🏼 -🦊

A/N: Hey nonny! I am so, so sorry it has taken me this long to write this. Honestly, I was (and still am I suppose) intimidated to write this, simply because these illnesses are not something I am not even remotely familiar with. But I also want to thank you because it's a good writing exercise for me. I'm also sorry that you're having such a rough time. I can't even imagine. So here's a fic, just for you, darling. I hope you're feeling better.

Another A/N: So the wonderful and amazing @alecvolturi did an amazing edit of Alec reading the first bit of The Hobbit. Please give it a listen as you read. It's PERFECT.

Miserable.

I was fucking miserable.

It began just by sitting up. I could feel the migraine building, and I was already in the throws of a hot flash. It didn't help that the pain in my joints was flaring up again.

It was 3 a.m. and I was already this close to crying. I couldn't remember the last time that I had a proper nights sleep. I just wanted one day, one day where I didn't have to be in pain or worry that any movement I made would set off a whole other series of symptoms, all of which almost all of them were painful.

"Darling?" Alec was next to me, his cold hands running over my heated skin, trailing goosebumps behind in his wake.

His hands were a sweet, cool balm on my flushed skin. It gave me a little relief. I leaned into him, enjoying the cold. His lips pressed to my forehead.

"Scale of 1 to 10?"

"7 to 8." I mumbled.

One would think with how long that I've lived with this disease that I would have a high pain tolerance. That couldn't be further from the truth. I could already feel a few tears slipping from beneath my lashes. I just wanted something to make the pain go away.

I whined as Alec disappeared, only to reappear with my meds and a bottle of water a moment later.

"Here, drink." He handed me the pills and water, and I took them gratefully. He pulled the comforter from the floor where I had kicked it off, bundling it back up on the bed for us to lay down on. He then grabbed my phone, pulling up my favorite playlist, the one he made for me to help me calm down when I felt like shit. The music started flowing through the speaker near my bed at a low volume.

"What book, darling?" His eyes were already scanning my bookshelves.

"Uhm…" I blinked back at him slowly, trying to process what he said.

"How about The Hobbit?"

"Perfect." I rasped with a small smile.

He was next to me again in a flash, his back against the headboard as he pulled me gently to him, a pillow already ready in his lap.

"In the hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit." His voice lilted over me, and I felt myself begin to relax as his hands gently ran through my hair and along my neck.

The fine mist that signaled the use of his gift began to unfurl from his fingers and I felt myself begin to numb. The first time he had done this it had been disconcerting, but now I welcomed it with relish. A small reprieve from the pain. I smiled to myself, letting my eyes slip closed as I listened.

Then finally, sleep came for me.

{Masterlist} // {Request Guidelines}

Taglist: @alecvolturi @lack-lust-3r @rosedpetal

Wanna be notified when I post a new fic? Ask to join my taglist!

#alec volturi x reader #alec volturi #volturi #twilight #reader insert #fanfic #fanfic request

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my husband to stop taking NyQuil?

My father in law came to visit for Thanksgiving and gave my family (me 30F, and our kids 2F, .5F) covid. It's hit my husband (31M) the hardest. He has a terrible cough that hurts and sounds awful. He can't sleep without taking NyQuil to suppress the cough. I am not able to take any medicine other than Tylenol for my headache, because I am breastfeeding the baby.

This wouldn't matter much because I am not nearly as sick as my husband, but I am not getting better because I am not getting sleep. Neither kid will sleep longer than 2 hours at a time, they take about 30-45 minutes to settle back down, and they usually end up waking in a staggered schedule that means I literally do not get to sleep the entire night. As soon as I lie down from getting one back to bed, the other will start crying. My husband will handle the toddler from 8-11pm, then takes NyQuil and doesn't wake up until after 10 the next morning. He is essentially dead to the world until he wakes up naturally. I am alone all night and morning with no sleep and two crying children. My mental health is tanked, to the point where I'm having intrusive suicidal thoughts for the first time in almost 10 years. I haven't had more than 90 minutes of sleep at a time in 5 days, and no more than 4 hours in a 24 hour period. I am incredibly lucky that I have unlimited sick time available at work.

My mom has been able to help us a couple of times when we were truly desperate, but she is disabled (and also has covid because she had my in-laws over for coffee while they were in town) and I don't want to ask too much of her because she truly can't spend that much energy on us without severe impact to her own health.

My husband will get no sleep without NyQuil. I won't get much more sleep since the baby only calms by breastfeeding, but if my partner handles the toddler wake ups I could get maybe an hour more sleep, and I wouldn't feel so alone.

Would I be the asshole if I ask him to stop taking NyQuil and we both so more or less sleepless?

INFO I couldn't fit in nicely but I can imagine people asking if this were a parenting circle: 1) he isn't a great help during the day already because he's sick. I'm doing most of the childcare and all of the cooking and cleaning during the day while he lays on the couch coughing. Him not getting sleep would not noticeably impact his daytime behavior. When we aren't sick, he is a stay at home parent and I work full time. 2) my baby is sick, this is not the time to sleep train her by letting her cry until she falls back to sleep. 3) My toddler up until this illness was excellent about putting herself back to sleep if she woke in the night. Now she is having nightmares and getting upset about her stuffy nose and crying at every little thing because she has sinus pain and doesn't understand it. She is too young to take decongestants and spits out any Tylenol we try to give her.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check in - October 18th, 2023 🎀

Hello my lovelies <3

Here's a little update for today!! It feels nice to be posting again!

🩷 What I Ate Today -

Breakfast - southern style hashbrowns with ketchup, a cup of coffee

Pre Workout snack - one medium banana and a 3/4oz single serve cup of jiffy peanut butter, 1/4 scoop of preworkout (in water ofc)

Lunch - 1 large bowl of protein pasta w 2 slices of buttered bread, a coffee

Dinner - 1 bowl of spicy ramen with a small handful on shredded cheese

Snack - 1 bowl of mint chip ice cream

Extra - 3 cups of coffee TOTAL

Feels like a lot and I did go over my eating goal for the day but it is what it is, I had an emotionally rough day filled with a lot of crying, a therapy appointment, and a lot of calming down from my boyfriend over video call. Rough days happen, and I tend to let myself just feel the emotions in order to sleep easy and have a better next day!

🩷 Personal Accomplishments -

Made it to the gym, attempted a glute workout (left early due to frustration, lack of proerpr form, and to minimize risk of injury)

Wrote down everything I ate and my workouts in my new fitness and health journal

Showered

Did both morning and night skincare routines

journaled a little bit

brushed teeth

did a large load of laundry and put away all clean clothes

washed dishes

had a therapy appointment

cleaned up parts of room, put away new stuff

There were no academic accomplishments bit I am going to complete a good amount of homework before my cooking shift (for my cooking class) tomorrow. I've been trying to take it easy in a way that doesn't set me behind in my academics.

I broke down crying today with my boyfriend. I realized I've been feeling like such an imposter lately. Like I don't deserve all the good and all the accomplishments I've achieved. Like this life I'm living isn't real or this is the calm before some storm. I just feel so undeserving of everything. I feel inadequate, like I'm not good enough for a lot of thing. I feel like I'm perceived as this good daughter, good friend, good girlfriend, good employee, good student, good person but that it's not actually true? Though my boyfriend and my father have both reassured me that it is true and I am doing good. They've reminded me that I just need patience, discipline, and consistency in my habits and that everything is going to be and already is okay. I'm lucky to have such a loving boyfriend and such an awesome dad, too. The men in my life are the people I look up to most <3

🩷 Personal ToDos, Oct 19th -

morning + night skincare

morning cardio workout at the gym

read a chapter or two of a self help book

shower + brush teeth AM/PM

wash comforter + air dry

morning and night guided journal

morning stretching

Daily journal prompt

zoom call with boyfriend

sleep 6 to 8 hours

track all food and fitness in journal

complete 1 duolingo lesson

complete 1 busuu leson

complete 1 kanji review lesson

🩷 Academic ToDos, Oct 19th -

pre lab 8 quiz anatomy lab

lab 7 lab report anatomy lab

component 2 psyc class

nutrition chart: toddler nutrition class

quiz 10 psyc class

culinary nutrition ch 10 quiz

chapter 12 and 13 quiz nutrition class

My goal is to complete all of that between the time I wake up at 5am and 2pm with my morning routine, workout, meals, and getting ready for my cooking thing all in between. But I can do it, I'm not worried. I'll have the time to do it all! I just need to manage my time and not be on my phone as much.

I'm trying to get back into listening to podcasts and watching more producitve and healthy vlogs from youtubers I enjoy! I'm currently watching vlogs and content from Rebecca Jay, Michaela Bento, The Bliss Bean, LenaLifts, truly.jia, Study to Success, Lindie Botes (her earlier language videos), and Mikalya Mags. My favorite podcast is The 5AM Miracle: Healthy Productivity for High Acheivers by Jeff Sanders.

If you have any health, lifestyle, fitness, or productivity youtubers or podcast recommendations please comment them or inbox me so I can check them out!! I am always looking for new content to enjoy!!!

til next time lovelies 🩷

#pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #self care #self development #self love #wonyoungism #health & fitness #it girl #mental health #physical health #that girl energy #that girl #it girl energy #clean girl #coquettecore #coquette girl #high value woman #green juice girl #pink academia #pink aesthetic #pink blog #college studyblr #studyblr #japanese langblr #langblr #health and fitness #university student #girlblog #girl blogger #girl blogging

[ultraviolet-cello]

Day 8 of the tristamp analysis marathon and jesus christ i am!!! really excited to do these now because people have been adding onto/being nice abt my stuff and that's super cool. Thank you again to @tristampparty for running this! I didn't manage to join in on the book club last year so it's nice to have a fun little event all the same

[But as for next book club,,,, well. I'm extremely transgender about trimax and would love to join in]

As always, spoilers for trigun stampede and trigun maximum! Also some CWs for Vash-typical passive suicidal tendencies and discussion of his psyche

So! Episode 8! I have.... mixed feelings, on how Tristamp portrays Knives. On one hand, I definitely think that we're being lead to believe that Vash has always been a peace-loving kid and that Knives has always had those tendencies, which would set up for season 2 to break that down. I hope.

The one thing I couldn't figure out, ofc, is the Knives not needing to eat thing - My friend millions-dykes theorized a black hole/white star dynamic a little while ago [as seen in the screenshot. I'm Organ, they are Nagito Malmonella]

aaaaaaaaanyway, we still get these little instances of knives just being a kid, and it's the funniest thing in the world to me. Vash is also apparently in tune with him enough to pick up on that and it's such twin behaviour.

There's also just a lot of cases of Knives smiling or being giggly around Rem, which,,,, he's such a mama's boy like we know this but it's so nice to have it reinforced. This theory of Knives having always been cold/standoffish just doesn't track - the only time he usually seems uncomfortable is when Rem touches him or when he talks about Plant stuff - particularly when he's talking about being different to Vash. Knives, to me at least, is a tad autism-coded :]

OKAY TO THE SCENE[TM]

So obviously this has changed from when we first saw Vash tell the story. Vash's sequence of events runs as follows:

Vash walks up to the little hill that Knives is laughing maniacally on top of -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked! -> Vash confronts him with "How could you do that?" -> Knives reassures him with "Don't worry, I left the Plant ship" -> Knives says "I even got Rem killed!" -> Knives points out that Vash is his accomplice, but does not elaborate why. "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, isn't that right Vash?"

Now the sequence of events in this version is provably more accurate (the same audio is used in the black box recording discovered later), and goes as follows:

Vash wakes up from the escape pod and goes "Nai, where are you?" -> He spends some time following Knives' footsteps where he sees the crashed pods and fire and Knives laughing on the hill -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked!" -> Vash says "I can't believe you killed Rem!" -> Knives says "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, it was you who told me the passcode - Am I right, Vash?"

So there are several inconsistencies in these two versions of events, most notably for me is that Vash is the one to bring up Rem. If the 1st telling was correct, it would imply that Knives wanted to kill Rem, but that part is conspicuously absent, because Vash is the one that brings her up.

Vash's retelling also omits the fact that he was the one to give Knives the passcode, shifting more blame onto Knives. It's very very interesting to me. Finally, Knives mostly has his back to Vash when he dissolves into laughter again. Which is a technique often used to hide if you've been crying or are having a hard time keeping some emotional responses down.

And I'm not even done with this flashback! The scene where Vash just lies down and wants to give up is,,, Well, in Trimax, ever since Tesla, Vash has struggled with suicidal ideation - he's the one that asks for Rem to just kill him, and that's heartbreaking, but we also see a bit of that leaking through here again, where he just wants to lie down and give up. It also gives me hope we're gonna see that Tesla aftermath scene in the next season, because that'll be breaking Vash down into his more complicated, messy parts.

Okay so I do think that the subtitles Aniwave uses are... a little bit Wack, I'm pretty sure that they're unofficial and probably a bit wonky, and I'm only slightly conversational in Japanese so I have 0 idea about this, but hey I think someone should inform Wolfwood, for no particular reas- [I am dragged away by security]

[I did check the dub, which referred to Plants giving birth which I think is much more likely to be accurate. But it'd still be funny for Wolfwood to have to sit through Plant sex ed so neither of them get pregnant]

Rem really was very, very young,,,,,

There are four photos here, but only one is given to Vash. I wonder why,,,, Possibly to gauge his recognition of Knives being in the photo, or keeping the other three to learn what they can about Knives.

The night/day progression cycle here doesn't really match up with Vash's little tally, so I don't think it's counting days. Given that he apparently went to say hello to everyone in cold sleep while on the ship, I think it's a little more likely that the tally marks are for them....

Do we ever actually get to hear Rem say the blank ticket thing in a flashback? I don't recall it, but it is said to Vash after the whole Stabbing Incident in Trimax, so that's possibly why they've kept it from us.

Theeee markings under this Plant's eyes match Elendira's, which. Obviously Elendira in tristamp is part plant there's just so many little details that lend themselves to it,,,

The HAIR COLOUR CHANGE AAAA

I like the little wall of Vash baby pics in the background here, but he still didn't get any of his 3 other ship pics back :(

Finally, Vash's line of "an Independent will make up for what an Independent has done" is interesting because his guilt complex really does spiral, huh. The reason Knives telling him "Oh, you just feel guilty for the Big Fall, huh?" in a later ep fucks him up so much is because like. That is kinda true to an extent. Vash is his own kind of self-deluding, but that only really starts spiraling at about this point in time.

Alright, setting up for a Day of analysis tomorrow, because I have many thoughts and feelings surrounding Knives (I love him very dearly and I hate him a lot (affectionate)) and we Will spend some time talking about Trimax Flavour Knives because my understanding of him is fundamental to my understanding of Tristamp Flavour Knives.

Thank y'all for the fun comments and theory addons!!! I'm having a lot of fun and we're really getting into how [normal] I am about Trigun!

#cli speaks #trigun #trigun stampede #tristampparty #cli analysis

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

Alright y'all. I am officially ✨panicking✨ about Knox starting school in a few weeks. I think you all know our sitch but in case you don't, my SIL has watched him in her home since he was ~4 months old. I've been full time WFH since he was 1 so the structure is... lacking. We do aim for bed by 8:30ish but he is not a morning person and sleeps in often. I'm going to start working on waking him up earlier and ultimately need to be at like 7 AM wake up to be at school by 8.

What will make our lives easier in the morning? I'm thinking lay out clothes the night before. Prep breakfast if possible. Have his backpack ready for the next day the night before. Anything else?

Also, how do I get over the fear of him crying all day for me? Or the teacher ignoring him when he needs help with something? Or that he will never eat at school and starve? Or that he won't make any friends or kids will be mean to him? I've been able to protect him his whole life and the thought of letting go of that control is really making me spiral. Also I know these are (mostly) irrational thoughts so maybe just some words of encouragement from the more seasoned mamas who have already done the school transition.

I'm not ready. 😭

[sortofanobsession]

omg I’m so glad you’re alive and I hope you’re feeling better. Can’t wait to read your Ted lasso writing again<3

Author's Note: ask and you shall receive...

Content warning: injury, hospital, surgery, anxiety, fear, cussing (it's Roy so duh) Crying.

Paring: Roy/Jamie

No Show Roy-o

Jamie paced the locker room. The team just watching him. 

Everyone's eyes snap to the door when someone starts to open it but they are disappointed when Ted and Beard walk in. The two coaches look at each other and then the team before heading into the office. 

"Okay, something is wrong," Ted says as he sets his backpack down. 

"Clearly," Beard replies. 

Ted watches the team through the window and notices all the attention on Tartt. Well, then he knew where to start.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" Ted asks as he approaches the striker. 

"Roy didn't show for training this morning and he isn't here yet."

"Has he ever missed before?" 

"The man actually lives to wake me up at 4 am to order me around," Jamie states. "No, he never misses. Not without a text at least."

"Did you call him?"

"I'm not daft," Jamie huffs. "Several times. No answer. Now it goes to voicemail."

"Some of us tried too," Isaac says. "Nothing."

"Keeley hasn't been able to ring him either," Jamie says. "Should I call his sister?"

"You have his sister's number?"

"For emergencies, and Phoebe," Jamie admits. 

"Hold on, you have contact with Roy's niece?" Ted asks. "She's what? 8?"

"That's really the important part to you now?" Jamie asks.

"Kinda, odd friendship there," Ted admits. 

"She insists I'm Roy's best friend, and Roy says it's for emergencies. She has a very different definition of emergencies, like you said, she's 8."

"Okay, fine," Ted says. He could let that go for now.  

"Do you think this counts as an emergency?" Jamie asks. 

"Let's see if he is doesn’t show, not just later than normal," Ted says. 

But when time comes to head out to the pitch and Roy still isn't there Jamie cracks and texts Roy's sister. She texts him back that she'll check his place. And that gives Jamie some reassurance as he begins training. He gives Ted his phone in case she or Roy calls. Ted initially thought it was silly, but about an hour in she does call. She tells Ted that Roy wasn't there and the fact he isn't answering for her is unusual. Roy would never ignore a call from her or Phoebe. But she also insists that Roy can handle himself. And she'll let them know if she hears anything. And that makes Ted a bit nervous. They were just about to take a break when Phoebe called Jamie. She is crying and Ted actually does call Jamie over for this one. And Jamie, still in his kit, drags Ted inside. Changes only his boots while still on the phone and whispers to Ted to get what he needs. 

"Where are we going?" Ted asks but does as Jamie says because something feels very wrong here. 

"The fucking hospital," Jamie hisses, not to be mean but more so Phoebe doesn't hear. 

"Oh, that's bad, yeah, let's go." Ted nods and follows Jamie’s lead. 

"We're on the way Phoebe, just stay there." 

Phoebe runs over and hugs Jamie when she sees him.

"Hey, Phoe," Jamie says and despite the fact she is 8 years old, Jamie hauls her up into his arms for a hug. And Ted is almost envious of how easy that seemed for him. But Ted is still very confused. "You remember Coach Ted?" Jamie asks her. She nods as Jamie sets her down. 

"Hi Phoebe," Ted says. "Are you okay?" Ted asks. 

She shrugs and looks over. Ted sees a doctor he had met before, but she looked out of place in street clothes. 

"Hey, Doc." Jamie hugs her. "What happened?"

"Still trying to sort that out," she says.

"You're Roy's sister?" Ted finally asks. 

"Oh sorry, yeah, Coach Lasso, Doc. Doc, Coach Lasso."

"Thanks Jamie," Ted says at the less than helpful introduction but Jamie is already being pulled away to the waiting area by Phoebe. 

"How much did Jamie tell you?" 

"Absolutely nothing," Ted admits. 

She shakes her head. "Right, Roy was brought in about a half hour ago. A friend of mine on shift recognized him and called me. They think he was hit by a car but we have no idea."

"Oh wow, I am so sorry, that-" Ted starts to say but she stops him.

"Thank you, he's in surgery now, I assume you will want to let Ms. Welton know. He might be out for a while."

"Yeah, right, good calls must run in the family," he says. 

"Something like that," she says before going to check on Phoebe. 

She leans in and whispers to Jamie that Roy is in surgery and it's a waiting game now. 

Ted calls Rebecca and Beard, then Keeley. Keeley is there in less than twenty minutes.

"Keeley?" Jamie asks when he sees her. She hugs Phoebe and then him. 

"Ted called," she says and smacks his arm. 

"What was that for?"

"You didn't call me!"

"I was busy with her," Jamie says, gesturing to Phoebe. Thankfully she had her headphones on and was curled up in a chair. 

"Fine, that is an acceptable excuse. Here," she hands him a bag. "I ran by Nelson Road and got your stuff. Sam had made sure it was packed up. They're all pretty worried."

"They aren't the only ones," Jamie glances at Phoebe. 

"Does Ted know?" 

She glances out the window to where Ted was clearly on the phone with Rebecca or Higgins.

"Know what?"

"About you and Roy?" She says.

"Nah, didn't know if I should tell him. We haven't talked about it."

"Well, I think this might genuinely blow your cover."

"Hasn't yet," Jamie says.

"Jamie, I know you. You're managing right now because of Phoebe, but the minute you see him, you-"

"I know," Jamie seems to deflate. "I am trying so hard but-" 

"Oh babe," she hugs him and grimaces. "I love you, Jamie but do us all a favor and change. I'll stay with her."

"Yeah, right, okay," Jamie says as he heads to the toilets to change. 

"Where's Jamie?" Ted asks when he gets back.

"Changing out of his kit, Ted there is something I need to tell you, the boys might get mad, but Jamie is going to need someone and as much as he tries to hide it he is terrified."

"Okay, lay it on me," Ted says.

"Roy and Jamie have been secretly dating since just after international break."

"Wow," Ted says. "That's…new information." He admits. "Does explain why he has Roy's sister in his phone. And why he was so worried when Roy didn't show up for training." 

"They were keeping it a secret because well, for a lot of reasons, but I believe that ship might have sailed based on the fact Jamie didn't even change out of his kit."

"Did change his boots," Ted says.

"Probably not easy to drive in," she says.

"Probably," Ted agrees. 

"Please don't make a big deal out of it, Jamie wasn't going to say anything because he wasn't sure if Roy would want him to, but Jamie brought you for a reason. He brought you because he trusts you and Roy trusts you. And I know you won't hold this against them."

"Heck no, I'm glad they have each other, just surprised is all. You think Jamie is just a ticking time bomb in this one?"

"Definitely," Keeley nods. "And I'm not sure what will set him off."

"Thanks for the heads up, I'll keep this between us unless something happens."

"Thank you, Ted." 

Keeley heads back to work after they promise to keep her in the loop. Roy's sister comes back a bit later to tell them that Roy was out of surgery but it would be a bit before anyone could see him.

"You should be at training," is the first thing out of Roy Kent's mouth when they walk in. He glares at Jamie. 

"Uncle Roy!" Phoebe rushes over and hugs him as best as she can.

"Hi, Phoebe," he says before looking at Jamie. 

"You really think I would stay at training after they called me?" Jamie challenges.

"Yes, not much you can do here," Roy says.

"How hard did that car hit you?” Jamie narrows his gaze at him. “Because clearly your brain is rattled, old man." 

"How you feeling, Roy?" Ted asks to get the two to quit being so grumpy.

"Like I got hit by a car," Roy states.

"You did," Phoebe sniffles. 

"I'm okay, kid," he says. Earning a scoff from Jamie. Roy glares at him. "You should-"

"Oh, Jamie Tartt's not going anywhere," Ted assures him. "Rebecca already knows you'll be out for a while, and sorry boys, but the cats out of the bag on this one."

"You told him," Roy glares at Jamie again.

"I did not," Jamie looks just as shocked. 

"Keeley told me," Ted says. "Because she was worried Jamie was handling it too well."

"Of course she was," Jamie complains. 

"You did cry, like a lot earlier," Phoebe says. 

"Thanks for that, Phoe," Jamie says, his tone less than amused at being called out by a literal child.

"Phoebe, why don't you help me find your mom and call Keeley," Ted says. 

She seems to weigh her options.

"And stop by the vending machines," Ted adds.

"Okay," she hugs her uncle again before following Ted out. Roy looks over at Jamie and can tell he really is hanging in by a thread.

"I'm fine," Roy says. And Jamie doesn't even say anything, just crawls in the bed beside Roy. Roy grunts but manages to shift a bit to make them both fit. "Better?" Roy asks once Jamie is practically molded into his side. 

"Yes, much," Jamie says and he buried his face in Roy's shoulder. 

"Why am I not surprised?" Roy's sister says when she walks in. 

"Not my idea," Roy says.

"Not complainin' though, yeah?" Jamie counters.

"Tear his stitches and I'm banning you myself, Tartt," she says.

"Ouch, Doc," Jamie says. "But fair."

She hums as she sets to checking his vitals. 

“Pain?” She asks.

He grunts.

“Roy,” she starts but Jamie beats her to it. 

“It's either now or you have to admit it when Phoebe gets back,” Jamie says. And whether it is because he's right or that Jamie's so close to losing it Roy knows he needs to answer. 

“Fine, 6.”

“Right,” his sister says.

She makes a few notes.

It was quiet again when she left. 

“Are you mad?” Jamie asks.

“That I got hit by a fucking car?” Roy counters. That seemed like an obvious question. Of fucking course he was. He could have died. His mind circles back as Jamie shifts. 

“That people know,” Jamie corrects. “About us.”

Roy considers it as best he can with painkillers in his system. And he really doesn't fucking care because Jamie is there with him and despite how he was acting before he was glad he was there. It had been terrifying to think he might die when he has people that need him. 

“No,” Roy finally answered. “Needed you here, and if that's the fucking cost. Fine.”

“Good, because I think the team knew something was up, but that might have been because I couldn't sit still.”

“When have you ever fucking sat still?” Roy posits.

“This was worse,” Jamie tells him. “I'm sure Will is going to be pissed at the state of my boots. Pacing constantly on a hard surface.”

“Well get you new fucking boots,” Roy assures.

“Least of my worries, love,” Jamie admits, carefully shifting so he can see Roy's face. “Scared the shit out of me when I couldn't- you weren't answering. No one could find you. You never-”

“Fuck,” Roy says because Jamie has tears streaming down his face and he hates when that happens. He hates that it's because of him, even if he had no say in what happened to him. Despite the ache it causes Roy reaches up and brushes as many of those tears away as he can without risking his stitches. “I'm-”

“Don't!” Jamie starts to pull away. The striker knew what he was about to say. Jamie vehemently shakes his head, causing Roy's hand to have to fall back to the bed. “You are not fucking fine, Roy,” Jamie states, and it was clear what little hold Jamie had on his feelings was slipping. “Because I’m not! Phoebe isn’t either. You nearly died! I can't…do you think I want to do any of this shit without you? Because I fucking don't.”

“Not fucking asking you to,” Roy says, and it probably comes out more aggressive than he intended because Jamie was no longer tucked against his side. The footballer was on his feet, having wound himself up to pacing again. And Roy's chest always gets tight when Jamie does that shit. He needs Jamie to be okay. But he knows he probably said that wrong when Jamie glares at him. 

“You didn't fucking have to,” Jamie retorts. And that's fair. 

“Fucking hell,” Roy grumbles, attempting to sit up so he can better track Jamie's movement. 

“Don’t do that,” Jamie grumbles as he moves back to help him. “Hurt yourself and your sister will boot me.”

“Then quit fucking pacing,” Roy tugs at Jamie's arm until he sits on the edge of the bed. Roy sighs, ignoring the ache in his ribs as he does. 

“I'm not fucking dying, Tartt. Fucking doctors made sure of it.”

“Barely,” Jamie says.

“But they fucking did, and that's fucking that.”

Jamie scoffs but doesn't bother arguing. He was anxious and still thinking about how much worse things could have been, and how much could still go wrong.

“Look at me, Tartt,” Roy demands. Jamie does. “I know this is a fucking mess, but I will be fucking fine. You know why?” Jamie shrugs. “Because you lot won't stop until I am. You, my sister and Ted fucking Lasso, are all fucking determined. Throw in Keeley and that fucking team. I probably won't get a fucking quiet moment til I'm back at the dog track. So fucking do it.”

“Are you telling me to take care of you?” Jamie asks. 

“Going to fucking do it anyway, yeah?”

“Of course,” Jamie nods. “What do you need me to do?”

“You're here, so things are already fucking better,” Roy states. That has warmth spreading through Jamie's chest because Roy has less filter than most, but it would appear he has even less now. And it's oddly sweet.

“Yeah, I'm here,” Jamie says as he shifts to prop his knee up on the bed and takes Roy's hand in his. The fact Roy seems to relax even more has Jamie smiling for what feels like the first time all day. “And you heard the gaffer, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me.”

“Good, going to need help with the kid,” Roy says. “She is going to be impossible to get rid of.”

“Don't lie Kent, you love every second of it. You love that kid.”

“Not the only fucking one,” Roy states. 

“That loves Phoebe? Of course not, she's adorable and-”

Roy squeezes his hand. 

“That I love, you fucking muppet. Sometimes I wonder why but fucking hell, Tartt. I fucking love you.”

Jamie grins. “Fucking love you too, you prick.”

Roy tugs him until Jamie lays back down beside him. There is a knock at the door. Jamie goes to get up but Roy doesn't let him. 

“Well aren't you two adorable,” Ted says as he and Phoebe come in. 

“Fuck off, Lasso,” Roy grunts.

“Uncle Roy,” Phoebe starts.

“I know, kid,” Roy says. 

“Your mum probably knows where his wallet is more than he does,” Jamie says.

“Could probably finally cash out that tab I've heard about,” Ted adds.

“Oi, don't give her fucking ideas.”

“That's two,” Ted states. 

“Fucking hell,” Roy mutters, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the pillows. 

“Three,” Phoebe giggles. 

“I got you,” Jamie quietly tells Roy. Jamie grabs his wallet from his locker and tosses it to Phoebe. Phoebe gives him a look. “He's been through it, so I'll take the hit for him.” Jamie grins. Phoebe just shrugs and takes three quid from him.

“Now he owes you,” Phoebe says, setting his wallet on the table by his phone, which he had set aside to focus on Roy when he initially crawled into the bed. 

Roy glares at him, but it doesn't bother the striker. 

#tw: injury #tw: hospitalization #tw: hospitals #tw: hit by car #tw: crying #tw: cursing #tw: cussing #tw: fear #tw: anxiety #tw: medical procedures #tw: medical emergencies #tw: medical treatment #tw: medication #tw: mentions of death #ted lasso fic #royjamie #jamie x roy #roy x jamie #jamieroy

[englishboylover]

(rosekiller raising child, one-shot)

"Get up already, it's already been fucking 8 am." Barty said as he was hustling Evan roughly, he was trying to wake him up since 6 am and clearly he wasn't successful enough.

"Ssshh, let us sleep! And no fucking swearing in front of her." Evan murmured in his sleep, he had no intentions of getting up.

"Babe, us?" Barty was rubbing his temples. "She's not even sleeping, she's playing with you." he said lovingly whilst looking at her little body next to Evan's.

Evan woke up in instant and kissed her cheeks, "Are you now old enough to make fun of me little one?" and started tickling her.

"Daddy, stop! Dad, help me please." she was laughing so hard that she was barely talking.

Barty pushed himself next to Evan and joined them "You deserved it," said while laughing "but you both need to get up now. Come on Evan, she'll be late for school and we'll be late for work and-"

Evan kissed him, as usual. It was the only way to make Barty stop, he had the energy of talking for an eternity if he was given the chance. "Alright my babygirl, take Alyssa and have a breakfast and I'm going to get ready. I can take her to the school today."

"Are you not going to have breakfast?" Barty was obviously complaining, Evan was sure he prepared amazing food for three of them and had to make them eat it.

"Darling, like you said, I'm late. And my job requires discipline unlike yours." Evan said as he was getting dressed. Barty let out a laugh and took a comb to braid Alyssa's hair. She knew this process so she quickly sat down on his lap.

"Daddy is boring, isn't he? You're so lucky that you have me."

Alyssa turned to him immediately "Uncle Reg says you're both pathetic and he'll adopt me when he gets the chance."

"Oh yeah of course he says that, it's a classic Regulus behaviour." Barty said playfully as he continued braiding.

"That egoistic bastard." Evan said under his breath so Alyssa couldn't hear. She probably heard tho, but there was a bigger problem. "Hey, hey! My love, are you okay?" Evan sat quickly on his knees in front of them, soothingly caresses her cheeks.

"What's wrong with my little princess?" Barty was apparently worried which made everything worse and Alyssa started crying.

Barty and Evan both hugged her and didn't say anything until she was calm enough to talk. "Now, what happened?" Evan asked.

"Dad, is he really going to take me from you? I mean obviously I love uncle Reg but I don't want anyone else to be my parents." she was trying to wipe off her tears.

"Oh my goodness, of course not." Barty pressed her to his chest while caressing her hair "He's joking. Because you know, sometimes we annoy him and that's what close friends do. But he actually loves us so much, especially you. He would never do something to make you feel sorry."

"And we would never let anyone to take you from us. Not even Uncle Regulus," Evan and Alyssa both smiled to each other "You're the most important and precious girl in the whole world. Dad and I promise you that we will never leave you alone, alright?" Evan chose his words carefully, to make her comfortable as much as possible but he meant every word he said. No one even dares to touch her unless they want to be in a grave. Both Evan and Barty were trying so hard for her to not hear about the things they did, she must have grown up purely without witnessing the cruelness of the world and known them as her safe place. On the other hand, they would set the world on fire for her without thinking twice.

Because Evan was the one who she was looking for when she was scared, moody, ill etc. he was her hero while Barty was her best friend who made her laugh everytime. So Evan had to make sure he was convincing enough with his words.

"I'll actually call Reg today and tell him that you're only our baby, is that okay?" Barty was still laughing but he tried his best to stay serious.

"Okay!" Alyssa was finally happy again. They both relieved and kissed her cheeks smoothly.

(thank you for the idea! @chace-vito, I'll probably write more of this if any of you like, your ideas are important for me <3)

#you're daily rosekiller content #you're welcome #i came up with the name Alyssa because it means noble and it fits #marauders #the marauders #marauders era #rosekiller #rosekiller raising child #evan rosier #evan rosier is hot #evan x barty #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #barty x evan #regulus black #slytherin skittles #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #marauders oneshot #marauders headcanon #dorcas meadowes #pandora lovegood #marlene mckinnon #harry potter marauders #marauders incorrect quotes #incorrect marauders quotes #incorrect marauders #rosekiller fanfiction

[msrandonstuff]

Just me venting about things that'll happen.......

I was on Pinterest reading some stolen posts from Tumblr, as one does, and I came across this one:

And it fucked me up so, so, so good....

The parts where op says "i was so worried when you woke up sick when you were three. you don't remember you were sick." and "you don't like to be home alone but even if you don't see me just knowing I'm there makes you feel better." And "I'm terrified you compare yourself to me. I love you. I don't know if you like me. I want you to."

And just.... It hit home so much....

I normally wake up at around 9, 9:30 am, and at Saturdays, you peacefully stay on the living room while I'm sleeping, and you sometimes come by just to ask "haven't you woke up already ana?" when he sees that I'm awake, but on my phone. And normally when I have to leave him alone at home cause both mom and dad are working you want to cry cause you don't want to be alone, even if when we're together all we do is you stay playing minecraft while i watch youtube.

I want what's best for you, I will always love you. I don't know what or who I'd be if it weren't for you in my life.

I read this today and it hit me so deep because i remembered that in (probably) less than a month I'm gonna have to move to another city for college and while we'll still visit each other and talk constantly on the phone, I'm still gonna miss him so fucking much.

He will be 8 next month, and sometimes he remembers that I'm gonna leave and he starts crying begging me to stay to wait for him to turn 18 so we'll both leave together, and why am I gonna leave him alone, and all I can do is to just hold myself together to not cry with him cause I gonna miss him so fucking much.

From me talking it sounds like I'm gonna go live 20 hours away, and not 2 hours, but still, he is my little brother.... All I want is for him to be happy and I've always protected him in everything. I don't want to leave him alone and I want to wait until he's 18 to come with me. But I can't cause I need to live my life as well, but I don't know how i could explain that to an 8 year old that just wants his older sister to be with him and not leave him alone.

I love him so much it physically pains me in thinking of leaving him, but I need to. I want to study. But fuck it hurts so much....

#like.... I'll have to move in the last week of march if im accepted for the first semester of college #and I'm Not dealing with it well lmao. #personal #I've already cried so much tonight #fuck

[destinysbounty]

Listen I KNOW that it's a cheap trick to keep reusing Zane's death theme any time something particularly tragic happens to him, but dammit it WORKS! Every time! I straight up can't get through his farewell recording in season 11 without getting at least a little teary-eyed. I KNOW they're doing it to play with my emotions but I can't help it 😭

To my knowledge, there are three instances of Zane's death theme being used (if I'm missing any, feel free to correct me!) First when he died in season 3, then in his fight with Mr. E in season 8, and lastly during his farewell recording in season 11. And while I'm sure this was entirely coincidental, I noticed that the one connecting thread between all three scenes - aside from something bad happening to Zane - is a theme of isolation.

Take Zane's battle against the Overlord, for instance. In Decoded, Zane confesses to having felt 'alone' when he died, to such an extent that he locked away that trauma and that loneliness in a digital puzzle-box in his head so it wouldn't hurt him anymore. Sure, Zane was empowered and comforted by memories of his friends in his final moments, but he was still all by himself up there.

And when he fought Mr. E, the final shot the camera focuses on as the music begins, is of Zane lying lifeless at the bottom of a canyon, all by himself, with all his friends too far away to help him. He'd done everything he could to help his friends, to further their investigation, even going so far as to intercept a coded message in his final moments of consciousness, but he'd failed. And as he lays there, unconscious and shut off, his distress beacon flashes to notify his friends of his location. They're coming, but they're all still far away. Until then, he is helplessly on his own.

And when he was recording his farewell message, he was definitely alone (I mean Vex was there but he didn't exactly know about that). He recorded that message as a farewell in the hopes that someone, anyone would see it and know who he was. Remember, he wasn't specifically addressing his friends in the message, just whoever happened to find the recording. He wasn't saying goodbye to his friends, necessarily, he was just....he just wanted to be known. He wanted someone, somewhere out there to know his name and know that he existed, and that he loved his friends. Using their memory to comfort him, even if he can't have their presence.

It makes sense though, right? For about 40 years, Dr. Julien and the falcon served as Zane's only company. And we don't know how long Zane wandered with amnesia, but we can reasonably assume that was a pretty lonely period of his life - especially since he very quickly adopted the ninja as his family, like by episode two he was already emotionally attached, yall this guy is so lonely. Then there's the months he spent imprisoned on Chen's island, separated from all his friends and unable to even remember their names (or his own for that matter). And how he struggled in the wake of Pixal's disappearance from his systems during HoT. And how poorly Zane handled Cole's perceived death. His literal decades spent lost in the Never Realm. Him and Pixal being the only ones left while everyone else got trapped in Prime Empire.

And let's not forget that the moment Nadakhan deleted Pixal's data files from his neural drive, Zane wished himself away then and there. This guy is so lonely, yall.

Just....I could make a full freakin thesis paper on Zane and loneliness, but I don't want this post to get too long. Rest assured I am crying about this either way

#me? overthinking about legos? perish the thought #ninjago #zane julien #zane ninjago #ninjago zane #ns3 #ns8 #ns11 #ninjago rebooted #ninjago sons of garmadon #sog #sons of garmadon #destiny post

[not-souleaterpost]

ENTP CRONA DUMP

Not going back on my word, just forgot to post a dump of "ENTP Crona" stuff I planed to just post all at once in a year, but after trying to stop doing stuff like that, I just thought I post what I had and be done with it.

, the thing even I don't really find funny, but I think I have to do it to get it out and book end it. A lot of it isn't really funny, some of it may sound a bit edgy or abrasive, but it's just in good fun, still putting it under the "keep reading thing" because of the amount and shittyness of the "content" Enjoy or yeah...sorry

ENTP Crona experiencing a soul rejection, screaming in agony because of not being able to deal with figuring out if "video games are art" or "video games aren't art" is the more contrarian oppinion at the moment

ENTP Crona reading shizophrenia symptoms on google "Wow, he is literally me"

ENTP Crona fleeing into the desert, going down a hole to cry

Ragnarok "Wait, the cow already killed Medusa a year ago, why we doing this bitch shit again?"

ENTP Crona "I posted a deliberately controversial and edgy meme into the group chat again, when they all see it, I wont be able to deal with how angry everyone will be..."

Soul: "You cant just nonstop spam shit on the internet, people will think you don't have a life"

ENTP Crona: "But I kinda don't..."

Soul: "Still writting on every single subject for 10 hours straight must be tiring and exhaustive, take a break"

ENTP Crona: "But I wrote everything in the last 5 minutes

Soul: "Heh, dont like partys either? Guess reading the room can be stressful even for somebody as cool as me sometimes-"

ENTP Crona "No, I can read it just fine, just then choose to say the thing that sets the roof on fire and regret it five seconds later.

ENTP Crona trying to figure out if Maka subscribes to the theory that Holden is a child abuser himself in "The Catcher in the Rye", only if yes, to arguee that not even the creep teacher was one and it is a misreading, and its actually about idk, read it in school so cant even come up with an explantion.

ENTP Crona trying to cheer up a crying Maka, after she got made fun of for liking bad music by Soul

"No, I like Speeding bullet 2 heaven too! Well except the Beavis and Butthead skits, even I am not that contrarian"

ENTP Crona curled up in the corner of the dark dungeon, not able to face the world, cause liking Ringo Star is to mainstream now but changing to hating him is just too painful...

ENTP Crona after everyone gets confronted with their lives just being fiction

"Well actually I prefere the anime ending"

But after mostly everyone agrees

"But, actually the manga works in a certain way afterall-"

ENTP Crona during the anime only scene where Maka and Crona talk about Maka's mom - its the same scene lol, remember those 4th wall breaking snide comments Crona barely managed to not blabber out loud lol

ENTP Crona "Marvel movies were allways bad"

Marie "Oh you aren't dumb and incompetent!"

ENTP Crona "Why did it took me 8 hours to put together the IKEA table?"

Marie "Oh dont be to hard on yourself, screwing in the table legs upside down could happen to anybody!"

Maka confronting Medusa: I'm here to save ENTP Crona and Mary!

Medusa: Nah, they both are still stuck in the maze going in circles

ENTP Crona after a tourist asks for directions in Death City: "I'll be honest, even though I am living here for years now, I myself cant deal finding my home without google maps"

ENTP Crona "I'm the Joker, baby! (Jared Leto version)"

ENTP Crona "-oh so a glorbo, or smol bean, cinamon bun is a charachter like Paulie from the Sopranos!"

ENTP Crona after trying to read "Finnegans Wake" "Damn, thats how high I still have to climb..."

ENTP Crona watching X:RA "Wow, I actually get 90 percent of the wordplay! This show is great!"

MGMT Patty : "Time to pretend..."

*ENTP Crona visualising all the different ways to take out and kill the people around*

Ragnarok "And I thought I was the psychopath! We aren't even eating souls anymore, whats guipi wrong with you?

ENTP "Grocery shopping is boring and I thought about the 3 different storys I'll never write down enough for one hour..."

ENTP Crona "-and that's why the metodology that is used to diagnose diseases by only relying on a checklist of data points that may have many different origin points is flawed

Stein "I am the doctor with 10 years experience, take your antibiotics prescription and get out!"

Stein, litting a cigarete after ENTP Crona goes out after apologising "Damn, the kid may be right, shit..."

ENTP Crona be like "Actually, I think Epstein is still alive"

ENTP Crona "Yeah Myerrs brigs and Horrorscopes are the same... Because they both actually are describing something and aren't completly wrong, if you know you know...

ENTP Crona actually getting a tatoo even though it is a stupid thing to do in general, because thats the only way to remember Maka's birthday. Cause aint nobody remembering more than 4 digits...

ENTP Crona using all experience and time to reflect, to start a dramatic uplifting speech that leads into Maka defeating the Kishin with a punch- Ah wait thats just what happened in the anime again lol

ENTP Crona: "I wore a dress for most of my life, yet that is not as embarassing as riding on an electric scooter"

ENTP Crona "Oh ofcourse I'm to scatterbrained and lazy to actually finish a webcomic, that's why I included an in universe callout by a charachter, so I will stay motivated out of spite and want of being better than those, proving the mean pixels wrong!"

ENTP Crona: -the setting being the aftermath of a nuclear testing site is a brilliant synedoche of our society pre and post world war 2, how the atomic age is nearly unrecognisable, being both so much more advanced that previous incarnations do not even look human in retrospect, while exagerating ourselfs into cartoon versions of ourselfs do to paranoia and stereotypes, shared faster and faster, that we soak up like Sponges, being the perfect worker and consumer in one - in a way thats Rock Bottom, the breakdown of communication, only restored by recognising the humanity of the other, even if they look at us with even more potent disgust than we already do.

Maka: Wait, I thought these iceberg videos were just supposed to list of fun facts and triva about Spongebob

ENTP Crona: What gave you that idea, Maka?

TERF Maka: I STILL hate J K Rowling

EC: "Borat is racist-"

M: "No the joke is that he exposes the prejudices of the common american person-"

EC "against Kazakhstanis"

M: "No no- wait... you are right..."

EC: "If MF Ghost was with the culture, it would have used Phonk instead of Eurobeat"

EC: "Where the fuck is Marioh Judah?"

*EC annoys excalibur into quitting*

EC :"Im like prince, everybody thinks In gay but actually im homophobic-"

EC: "Non-cellular phones actually had their purpose - like if somebody called them, you would either know nobody is home, or the person who answered could either inform you where the one you are calling is if you didnt reach the person or just find them - also the fact it was in the same spot ment nobody lost it and could allways find it when needed and it never ran out of battery, also-"

M: "If you don't like the phonecase I gifted you just say so...

R: "Dude, dont we still use mirrors for comunication"

EC "Think Im constrained by the limitations of canons?"

TRAD Tsubaki "Well they didn't make a sign of the cross in the church, so they kinda deserved being slayn by Ragnarok..."

M "Hey you are looking down, everything ok?

EC "Thanks for caring, but the thing is, to explain it all, all the connections and reasons and evidence would make me just look more weird and whiny, and this all, including the fact that I cant even say why I cant say without being whiny and long winged is part of it...

EC "I used trouble not descending into negative loops of self pity and disgust with myself and the world... But then I just developed a hyperfixation on not-having-hyperfixations"

???? Death: IDK

EC *reading the bible* "It even predicted people obssesing over lolcows with the whole golden calf story, damn...

EC: Rip Kissinger

EC: Slouching? No, I'm just posture-divergent

EC: I do love myself - one has to love even their biggest enemy...

EC in the future:

M: Are you really ready for children?

EC: I accidentally watched a trailer for despicable me 4, and after hearing all the pandering 80s song and repetitive family hinjix humor I just thought "Oh, how cozy would this be to watch with my Kids and Wife!"

So yeah, I CAN deal with it

#ENTP Crona #Crona #Soul Eater #Au #Soul Eater Au #worst thing I ever came up with #this is it #besides iceberg uploads and links #also by the end I abriviate entp crona to ec #includes a few bonus four letter modifiers for other charachters....

[prxslzzzy]

I’m sorry. Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

(not my gif)

Nat and y/n get into an argument over nat focusing more on work, it eventually ends up with y/n leaving and they are separated for a weeks and resolve their issue and get back together.

~

3rd person pov:

"You never pay attention to me anymore! I pushed it aside at first but over the course of a month now it's worse. I get you're job is important but so am I..... I'm important to you right?" y/n explained and asked as if she wasn't sure nat still loved her.

Nat looked at her in disbelief, "of course you are y/n! I'm sorry that my job is time consuming but I can't help it." nat spoke.

"But you can, you know you can. it seems in this relationship that you care more about work than me. and before you say it, I'm not exaggerating. you come home and you go to the lab, when you finally decide to sleep it's 4 am, and I'm already asleep. I wake up, you're gone, I never see you all day, I miss you nat." y/n exclaimed trying to hold in her tears at the memories of restless nights without nat by her side.

Nat thought for a second. she never realized it was that bad. nat opened her mouth to say something but no words had come out. y/n deeply sighed and made her way out the door. "y/n!" nat called out after her but y/n continued as if she never heard her chant. nat flinched as the door slammed shut.

It was lonely. for both y/n and nat. they hadn't spoken since the argument and nat regretted her actions deeply, y/n on the other hand felt guilty, she knew she was right but she still felt awful that she didn't try and cooperate with nat. y/n spent some time at an old apartment... alone.

Nat stayed at the tower but stopped talking to others as she effortlessly drowned herself in work to distract herself. many restless nights alone... lonely morning, no comfort, y/n was right.

After much consideration, it was 3:29 am. Nat sighed and changed into a basic outfit she had lying on the floor, got in her car and drove to the one place she knew y/n would be. her apartment.

Nat stared at the hall building above her. was she ready to do this. she couldn't let y/n leave her, they needed to fix this issue. she hesitantly opened her car door and locked it reaching for the door handle of the main doors, she walked inside.

Nat nervously walked to the elevator before pressing 8. the elevator dinged and the door opened. nat felt like she couldn't move but her brain operated her to step forward. she quietly made her way to the entrance of y/n's apartment.

There wasn't much light in the hallway, just the moonlight from the window, or any light that was shone beneath the door of whichever apartments lights were on. nat took a deep breathe. she hadn't gotten much sleep, and she felt like she hadn't spoken in days. the noise that had only come from her mouth was sobs, she hadn't spoken a word and it felt odd.

She knocked a few times. she patiently awaited for someone to open the door. she knew y/n was awake as she could see the light shining beneath her doorstep. the door opened slowly as if y/n was unsure who would be at her door at 3am... she had an idea who it may have been. (never open the door at 3am for anyone kids- 💀)

Nat saw y/n, she also looked like she hadn't slept in days... hell even leave her apartment. she sniffled as she looked like she was just crying. they took one look at each other before y/n motioned nat to come in. she closed the door and turned back to the direction of her girlfriend.

"Look. I'm so sorry. you are completely right. I should've paid more attention to you, I don't know why I working so hard, and I will not make an excuse for this because you deserve the world y/n. you probably don't love me anymore but I'm so sorry for the way I treated you." nat explained and she felt 600 pounds fly off her shoulder as she took a deep breath and tear slipped her eye.

“Oh nat. of course I still love you, how could I ever not love you. I think I was over reacting, I shouldn't have left. You can work and stuff but it would be nice to be with you." y/n replied stepping closer to nat. "of course babes. I love you too. I promise I'll I'll pay attention to you." nat smiles.

Y/n grinned back and aligned their lips together. it was so satisfying to kiss nat again for y/n. they both needed this, to be together once more. nat held on right to y/n as if she was about to be gone forever.

Nat wrapped her arms around y/n's neck and y/n cupped her cheeks.

The kiss had sadly ended, "stay the night?" y/n asked wiping the tear away from nats face. nat pecked y/n's hand, "let's go to bed." she replied dragging my y/n to the bedroom.

—

the end :)

#natasha romanoff #nat romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #black widow #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #mcu oneshot #mcu imagine #iron man 2 #the avengers

[kit-teung]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme ):)

template by @fiercynn, tagged by @hereforlou! this is exciting, thank you so much for tagging me <3

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

i'm (na)tasha, a freelance artist from eastern europe, i really love mountains, lemons, teal colour and when it's hot as hell outside. you might know me from c-drama/novel fandoms - that's what i mostly draw on my main blog (which i'm being weirdly secretive about, but if you want to know the url you can message me about it off anon)

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

episode 5 was trending on here and a mutual who abandoned tumblr almost completely suddenly came back to reblog like 15 rooftop kiss gifsets in a row, scream in tags and then disappear again which made me go huh. what's all this then. lemme check out the first episode. and then by the time episode 6 aired a few days later i'd been already all caught up (can't remember exactly but since i have a tendency towards binge-watching i have a suspicion i watched all five episodes nearly in one sitting). for some personal reasons i'd rather not get into i never got a chance to create anything back then when it was airing and after, and so here i am finally joining the fandom more than a year later!

favorite ship(s)

(apart from the obvious) 📢📢📢TONGYOD📢📢📢 !!! also i was never big on crossover ships but then our skyy 2 happened and altered my brain chemistry

favorite character(s)

sometimes it's pran, sometimes it's pat. i don't control the part of my brain that decides which one of them to hyperfixate on out of the blue

favorite episode(s)

(again, apart from the obvious) i really love episodes 2-4 where they get to reunite and just hang out with each other. i love you bus stop shenanigans. also episode 11 because i'm a sucker for beach episodes, especially when they are mellow and bittersweet

favorite scene(s)

episode 8 balcony scene my beloved. inkpa darkroom confession scene and the way love's voice was trembling as she was on the verge of crying. also that bit in episode 11 where pat wakes up alone, goes out and sees pran playing the guitar outside and pran turns to greet him and SMILES SO SO BIG ugh my heart is doing somersaults as i'm typing this

one thing you would change about the show if you could

put pat in crop tops. cmon

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people? 

any of the artworks by @thatgothsamurai, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @shikanji, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @hereforlou, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @kornswasianguyswag, but especially this one

this fanvid, the best fanvid ever that i've accidentally stumbled upon when searching up "bad buddy same page" (i think i was looking for the mock trailer lol)

this fic by @oldlace

this fic by @aroceu

and a special shoutout to all the wonderful gifmakers and meta writers, you guys are the real mvps <3

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

well, i haven't drawn much bbs fanart yet, but from the ones i've done so far i especially love this inkpa

also pls look at this korn i drew in the bbs discord server

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

does same page count if it technically wasn't in the show ah no wait pat sang it in episode 12 damn it ok this one i guess

idk anything else you want us to know?

this show's name in my native language is a pun that i can't explain

unfortunately i don't really know anyone in this fandom yet (unless.. @aroceu have you done this thing?), so i'm not tagging anyone, but if you're reading this and you really want to do this, you can say i tagged you!

#bad buddy

[equallyshaw]

The Medicated Series: features OC's with medical issues such as depression, anxiety, physical disabilities such as MS or Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as any other autoimmune disease such as Crohn's, endometriosis, infertility, etc. (not an autoimmune but you get it).

I feel, as a person with a physical disability, that there is a lack of representation and have always wanted to see myself in y/n stories. Always have and always will.

In my writing, it will have inclusivity, not exclusivity.

Love you all, stay healthy and safe.

I'm starting off with rheumatoid arthritis since this is what I have, and have so much to say ! haha. Enjoy xx

Links for information regarding rheumatoid arthritis:

https://www.cdc.gov/arthritis/basics/rheumatoid-arthritis.html

https://www.arthritis.org/diseases/rheumatoid-arthritis

triggers/warnings: medications, disformity, and talks of depression/anxiety.

Cale Makar Medicated Series Master post:

Original Character: Eliza Nicole James, 23 years old. Brunette Hair, Blue Eyes, short and curvy.

Word count: 4k.

——

Today was like any normal day. My hands are stiff, my knees unable to properly move, probably shouldn't have had that Chinese food last night but alas, here we are. When I have something like Chinese, Mexican food, or pizza, my body goes into overdrive, and well, it wants to stop working even more so than it already does. I'll wake up with night sweats which is exactly what happened this morning, and now I am walking like a penguin trying to make coffee in my kitchen as well as some toast.

“Bad morning?” my best friend/godsend/caregiver Becca smiled from her computer in the little breakfast nook. I nodded, holding onto the counter with whatever strength I had. “Fuck.” I rasped, realizing I didn't grab my coffee creamer, “Here.” Becca said getting up and bringing me my coffee creamer and giving me a hug. Today was a rough one. My rheumatoid arthritis hasn't been this bad in a while. I go through periods where I'm up and then others are down and today I was down. I’ll need a shit ton of Tylenol to get through. Maybe the full 6 before 4 pm today when I get off of work.

It is currently 7:30 in the morning and i have to get to work by 10, since i have a physical disability, i am allowed to work 10-4 every day - most days. Some days I work less and others I can work a full 8 hours. But today might be only 6 if i can manage. But wait no, today we were having this hockey team come in and visit kids that had terminal illness’. I am a social worker working with kids who are like me or similar, where we will never get better. Never. Go figure.

Becca helped me back to my room to help me get started on my morning routine since she could see I was having a day.

“Okay pretty girl, what pants and shirt today?” she asked, looking in my closet as I sat down on my bed. I bit my cheek before responding, “anything that looks good. I don’t really have the energy or ability to decide right now.” I breathed , realizing that the brain fog was kicking in. When that happens, I tend to get dizzy, the inability to concentrate and sound a bit drunk due to my words slurring.

—

As soon as I walked in, I noticed a bunch of people with microphones and cameras and I groaned internally as I walked down the hall. Eric noticed me as soon as I walked past him and a huge group of guys, the hockey team I believe.

"Eliza!” Eric called after me, and I continued to trudge towards my office and once I walked in I noticed a Trenta iced coffee waiting for me and I smiled, I could cry happy tears right now. My body always could use so much caffeine at one time. I never did not have enough energy. Eric walked in and gave me a sad smile behind me, “Eliza, you should have told me how bad it was today. You didn't need to come in.” he said looking at my cane that i was sporting. I waved him off, taking a big gulp of my coffee as I sat down.

“Thankyou ric, i appreciate it so much.” I murmured and rested my eyes for a second. The energy to get from the outpatient pavilion doors to my office seemed like nothing to a ‘healthy’ person but for me, it was like climbing up mount everest sometimes. Eric sat down across from me, speaking into the walkie he sported sometimes for events. “We should be able to start in 15 minutes. Our star speaker should be ready then.” he said, talking about me and I groaned out loud. Eric took notice and leaned forward on his knees, inspecting me.

“I'll be fine, even if I stumble over a few of my words and they think I'm drunk.” I sipped some more coffee, preparing myself for the day ahead. eric gave me a hearty laugh, knowing full well the extent of my comments.

—

“Now, I would like to introduce you to our very own warrior, miss Eliza James.” Eric announced looking at me at the side of the stage and I smiled, handing him my cane as he met me. He gave me an inquisitive look and I shook my head, smiling. I began to walk towards the podium, walking almost perfectly now that the 3 Tylenol I popped in the car ride over were kicking in.

I looked out over the crowd that was filled with hockey players, media, doctors, therapists, and so many of the warriors themselves.

I smiled before speaking, “good morning and welcome to the Denver Medical Center, Hillside outpatient pavilion for our little warriors. Who, like me, face an uphill battle day in and day out. We are incredibly grateful for your support, especially during these trying times.” I paused, taking a shaky breath.

“I first came here when I was 12, not understanding what my body was going through. I remember the first day I woke up with the inability to move. I could not get out of bed for a month after that, barely functioning to be able to eat and sleep well. I did not know why my body was giving up on me, I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. How could a little girl who did everything right- be dealt this card in life? I went through many weeks not understanding what was happening until I came here, after a long few days of testing and blood work. It was the day after I turned 12 that the incredibly kind and understanding Dr. Hart - who is here today - told me what I had. And told me that I was not alone, that I'd never be alone. And she was right, after many months of fighting through pain and virtually relearning how to walk every morning again, how to hold a spoon, a pen or how to properly sleep, I came to this hospital and met people just like me. I met people like Martha, Phillip, James, and Piper who are all here today. Who I am so very fortunate to work with every day.” I paused, smiling at them in the crowd. “Without the help that I received many years ago, I wouldn't be standing here today. I wouldn’t be who I am, doing what I love. Without the many years of physical, occupational, and talk therapy that took up my youth.” I paused taking in a breath. “And finally, many people ask us, “how do we do it?” “How are you so resilient?” and I always respond, what other choice do we have? What other options do we have? And every day with the little warriors in front of us, people witness that being in pain and living with it is possible and maybe just maybe, we won’t have to be so resilient. Thank you.” I finished smiling a grateful smile.

What I didn't notice was how moved some of the hockey players were, and the tears that brimmed their eyes over the unimaginable. Yeah, it's unimaginable until you wake up one day with it.

I walked back towards Eric, with a smile on my face as he clapped happily for me. “You did so well!” he grinned before walking past me to finish the opening and then we could get around to the hockey players meeting the patients. As soon as he was finished, I walked over to the kiddos and said good morning to them.

Martha, my favorite little Irish dancer, jumped up and gave me a big hug, “How are we doing today M?” I asked bending over a little bit to face her and be on her level. “It's okay! I can bend my fingers more today than yesterday and my hand’s aren’t as puffy.” the 7-year-old beamed. “And oh my god that's makar!!!” she said in a smaller voice, and i peered over to look to see who she was looking at and not realizing who was who. I smiled, looked back at Martha and grinned, “Wanna go color?” I asked and she nodded excitedly as her mom laughed. “Always down to color anytime, any day.” she mused and I giggled understanding her excitement. I took her hand and began to walk with her towards the play area as well as the ‘playroom’ that was used for music therapy and art therapy. Which I help facilitate and run. Five minutes later the players all shuffled in and began to walk toward different kids and began to hang out with them. I was sitting at the coloring table with Martha rubbing circles on my deformed knee. Let’s just say it was bumpy and had no cartilage left, so I was literally joint on bone.

“Hi. is this seat taken?” a young voice asked to the side of me, Martha eyed me. That nervous little chick. I shook my head, “no not at all.” I said with a small smile, taking in the hazel-eyed dark blonde-haired boy. He smiled and sat down in between Martha and I. “So what are you drawing?” the hockey player asked. Martha didn't say anything. “She's a bit shy, give her some time.” I said getting a bit closer to the guy and he nodded looking back at me.

“My name is Cale, what’s yours?” he asked after a few minutes of coloring. cale. “Mar-martha.” the young girl said and Cale smiled. “You have a pretty name, Martha.” Cale mused and Martha blushed. So did cale. “And you are Eliza right?” Cale asked, facing me a bit and I nodded.

“Hey Shelley, I'll be back. I need to go speak to Dr.hart for a few minutes.” I said to Martha's mom and she nodded. Okay, you can do this. No falling now. I pushed back the chair a bit to give myself some room, hoisting myself up and putting my weight on the table. Cale and Martha eyed me, making sure I was ok.

I stood up, flexing my knees a bit and sighing. “You ok Eliza?” Cale asked concerned and I looked down at him for a second before nodding, “Just another day with these old knees.” I half-joked before turning on my heel and walking towards the hallway. Dr. Hart looked up from her desk, before getting up and meeting me halfway. “Bad day?” she asked and I nodded. She nodded, walking over to her desk and grabbing a doctor’s script. “10 mg prednisone. Now.'' She said handing me a doctor's order and I thanked her before heading down to the pharmacy, not without letting a social worker know and having them tell Martha that if I could - I'd be back.

It was a few hours later as I was sitting at my desk, going through some paperwork before I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and saw Cale and I motioned for him to come in.

“Hey- you forgot this.” he said moving the cane closer to me and my eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh! I will never go anywhere without this thing.” I said standing up to grab it. “Thankyou.” I said smiling as I reached for it and he nodded, “Here sit down.” I motioned toward the two seats in front of my desk. “How was Martha? Did she come out of her shell?” I asked and he nodded, grinning. “She's funny and spunky for a 7-year-old. She chirps like a pro.” he said and I laughed. “Oh yeah- keeps you on your toes.” I said and he laughed.

“But that's good. Things like this-” I said referencing the event, “make things sometimes less stressful. Even though when you grow up and don’t have the opportunity to do things like this, as a kid it’s what you look forward to. It takes your mind away from everything, even just for a little bit.” I said rambling before catching myself. “Sorry, didn’t mean to talk that much.” I said with my cheeks going red. He gave a smile, one that I couldn’t read. “All good, I like hearing you talk.” he said before catching himself, “I mean, I like hearing what you have to say. It’s eye-opening and raw. Which I think the dads in the group needed to hear. That things could change one morning and have it not be the same.” he said honestly and I nodded. “It still doesn’t get better, even 11 years later- my dad still gets upset and how he can’t help me in the way he wants to or ‘protect’ me.” I confessed. “13 years? Wow.” Cable said dumbfounded. “Yep, I'm still so young and it's daunting and honestly depressing thinking about the rest of my life. I never thought I'd get to 18 let alone 21. But here I am at 23.” I added and he took that in like a sponge. “Well I'm glad you’re here, it seems as though you are making an impact. And mean so much to these people. Is it true you helped start this wing of the hospital?” he asked very curiously. I nodded, “Yep, there was a room in the hospital next store where we would meet 2 times a week. Here, we meet every day if possible or we have rotating kids that come for therapy and to simply be a kid with others who are going through the exact same thing.” Cale nodded in awe.

Like yeah, it's one thing to be passionate, but it's another to feel the joy come after putting in the time and effort to help kids just like you. It’s more than rewarding.

“You ok?” he asked after a moment of silence. “Ye-yeah, brain fog is bad today and I also got some steroids so I’m in a funk.” I laughed and he did too. “I hate to be forward- but could I possibly get your number? Take you to coffee or whatever you feel comfortable with?” Cale asked and I froze. I looked him in the eyes, not registering what he was saying. “Uh- wait what?” I asked before realizing what I had said. “Could I possibly get your number?” he asked, feeling nervous. “Um, hmmm. That's a first.'' I said, chuckling and closing my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. “Nobody has ever asked me for my number before.” I said, reopening my eyes. Cale was taken back by that. She was gorgeous, down to-earth, and friendly, how could somebody not like her? “Here.” I said handing him my card with my email and work cell number there. “I just want to let you know, there is a very real possibility that I will cancel like I could wake up one morning feeling fine- and then bam as soon as I’m heading out the door, I have to go back to sleep or stay in because of something. '' I said, hoping he’d understand.

“If you do, there will always be another day. I promise.” he smiled a genuine smile that made my bad knees crumble as I stood up. “That's a very sweet cale, but you might be thinking differently when the time comes.” I said hoping he’d understand and I wouldn’t have get my hopes up. “Again- they’ll be another day. Or if you feel comfortable, I could always bring food or coffee over and we can hang out that way. I just want you to feel comfortable.” he said, hoping she’d get the message that he wouldn’t leave or ignore her. I nodded, “thanks cale.” and smiled.

“Now, if you don't mind- I'm outta here for the day.” I said, grabbing my laptop bag and cane, and heading out the door. “Wait, do you want me to help you?” He asked me as he followed me out. I shook my head, “I might look like I’m fragile but I can do a lot by myself.'' I said confidently and he nodded sporting red cheeks. We came up to the pavilion doors, meeting some of the hockey players that were waiting around. As soon as Cale walked up, they noticed me and smiled.

“Thank you guys again for coming out today, I assure you the kiddos won’t stop talking about this for months. It made their year.” I said smiling and they nodded. “Of Course! We had a really good time, I believe we are coming back in a few weeks to do this again.” a tall blonde and beautiful man said. mental note: gabriel landeskog. I nodded, “We will see you guys then.” I said before walking out the electric sliding doors.

“Bye James! Please don’t fall!” Eric joked/yelled from the counter, as Becca pulled up. I opened the door, and waved back to Eric, chuckling a bit. “I’ll try my very best for you, Ric!” I mused before getting in the seat.

“You wouldn’t believe what just happened.” I said as I sat down in the car.

“Ouuu tell me!!!” Becca said as we pulled away. “A hockey player asked for my number.” I said shyly. “Wait!!!!” Becca said, looking over and screaming at me. “Oh my god oh my god!!!! This is the best news!!” Becca exclaimed, causing me to laugh.

“Uh huh, just wait until he sees how many issues I have and then he’ll start running for the hills.” I remarked and she gave me a frown. “No, don't think that. He talked to you after hearing what you had to say spoonie. (autoimmune nickname) Don’t doubt yourself. You don’t realize how much of an enigma you are sweetie.” she said, grabbing ahold of my hand.

“Yeah right.” I said starting to get even more defeated. My phone buzzed in my lap, and I looked down to see a text from an unknown number.

“Text me a time and place, and I'll be there. No rush, just let me know whenever :)” the text read.

“He even put on a smiley face!!” Becca pointed out making a turn at the light.

Maybe just maybe, cale was giving her the time of day, that she deserved so very much.

—

It was a month later, that the team and orginization were going to be highlighting and honoring the kiddos from the pavilion. It warmed my heart to see how much the team was getting out of these little kids. So when I got a call from Joe Sakic himself, I was floored. They personally wanted me to facilitate the evening in whatever fashion I wanted and they’d provide anything and everything for us.

Martha and I walked hand in hand into Ball Arena, it was two hours before puck drop and we were going to see the team before the game started. Well, they were- I was just there as moral support for Martha.

Martha beamed as we walked through the tunnels, rambling on about seeing Cale again. Her and cale had become thick of thieves the few times he had been around. Sometimes on his own without the team, to see Martha and ofcourse me. We had been talking for pretty much the whole month and even had made it to two dates outside of my apartment, the other two were in my sanctuary. Cale had been so sweet and understanding, but it was only a matter of time.

Martha noticed Cale from down the hall and pointed at him, and began to get even more excited.

Cale and a couple of the other players were playing soccer, getting into the zone for the game, and relaxing a bit. “Martha, he’s busy. We will see him in a bit, ok?” I said leaning down to Martha’s eyesight and she nodded with a bit of a pout. “Were gonna go meet Sakic ok?” I said and she nodded as we headed towards Joe Sakic’s office with the nine other kids that could make it tonight. We walked past the group of players, with me attempting to keep them all in line, making sure they got to the first destination. They were like any other kids, they were excited to see the players and had to be reigned in in order for them to not disturb the players. We walked towards the office and saw the king himself, waiting outside of his office talking to my manager- Eric who wouldn’t miss this for the world.

“Hi, guys!! How are you doing?” he asked the kids as we got closer. All ten of them began to shout, and go crazy. It was a sight to see. I watched from behind them, taking in their excitement, and laughed at the whole ordeal. This is why I got into social work, to see things like this happen. And Joe Sakic was taking it all in like a pro, kneeling down and commenting on their jerseys and hats, etc. He was also quite the jokester too. After a few minutes of watching from afar, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Cale. I smiled widely, taking in his presence. “Hi Cale, how are you?” I asked turning around to give him my full attention. “I'm good, how are you today? Any surprises? I see you don’t have your cane.” he asked and I shook my head. “No, thankfully. It’s a good day.” I mused. “Well I am glad. You excited for the game?” he asked and I nodded, “This is actually my first in person game ever, so Martha promised me she’d show me the ropes. Her family being season ticket holder and what not.” I joked causing him to grin. Speak of the devil. “Cale!!!!!” Martha screamed jogging past the rest of the kids and Joe Sakic, and Cale opened his arms and kneeled to her height. Oh, how it would be lovely to kneel again.

Awhile later, the kids were running around or tempting to run around the locker room greeting all the players and having them sign their jerseys. I stood in the doorway leading into the hallway, feeling somewhat overwhelmed but kept telling myself to deal with it because who knows when this would ever happen again. I looked towards Martha who was in front of Nathan Mackinnon giving him pointers on how to not fall so much since the last game, apparently he kept falling. Nathan was enjoying this very much and played along with it, taking her notes and corrections very seriously. Even another player, Erik Johnson joined in with his so-called notes. Martha was a gem, everybody could tell. “You alright? Ever since we walked in here, you’ve been quiet.” Cale asked me as I stepped out into the hall for a brief moment. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just wanted to find some coffee and a pretzel and call it an evening.

“Yeah-yeah I’m fine.” I said giving him a fake smile, which he didnt believe. “Im exhausted, I need to find some coffee and just chill. As much as I love all of this, it's overwhelming. Not gonna lie.” I confessed and he nodded. “Is there anything I can do?” cale asked, hoping he could ease some of the burden. “I’ll be fine, we will be heading to our seats shortly.” I said and he nodded. “Will I be able to see you tonight after the game?” he asked hopefully and I frowned. “Probably not Cale, I will be passed out as soon as the game is over. I know that’s not something you want to hear, but that’s me. I’m afraid.” I said and he shook his head, putting a hand on my arm. “How many times do I have to tell you, that whatever you can do is perfectly fine?” he said genuinely causing a chuckle to escape my lips. “Okay, ill text you though. No promises.” I said as the kids started to walk out.

“Pretzel time, Eliza!!!” Martha shouted causing Cale and I to laugh. “And coffee!” Shelley, Martha’s mom added and I pointed at her with a grin. “You know it!” I mused before turning back to cale. “Have a good game.” I said and he nodded and thanked me before heading back in the locker room.

“Have a good time, James!” I heard from behind me, seeing Bo Byram and I rolled my eyes laughing and waving him off.

“Now let’s see what all this hockey fuss is about, Martha.” I joked causing her to groan playfully and ramble about everything that had to do with hockey. It was time to make notes if I were to continue to see Cale.

What Eliza didn’t know was that she’d be seeing a lot more of Cale inside and outside of work in the coming months.

…

And I know cale wasn’t featured a lot here— but he will be :)

I hope you guys enjoyed it!! I can’t wait to dive more into there relationship.

Let me know!

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