#i have trouble telling people how i feel

[hassianlovebot]

like on one hand i understand why people don't like subira at first, but i'm also getting tired of seeing people shit on her without actually getting to know her. and i know how that sounds, but she's literally fine. like yes death to cops but the in game order lady isn't the evil witch come to kill zeki and reth that everyone thinks she is. and they would know that,, if they did her quests,, or at least spoiled themselves and looked at the wiki,,,

it's getting embarrassing honestly

#spoilers #like Please just look at the wiki aldghlj #like trust me i understand the initial hate cause i didnt trust or like her at first either #but then i looked at the wiki to see what was going to happen #and realized it wasnt that bad #and then i did the quests and realized she's literally fine #like the order absolutely still sucks imo but she's fine #seeing hate when she first came out was chill and expected #seeing hate now after people have had every chance to get to know her and the quests is just embarrassing #if you dont want to see spoilers then dont keep reading these tags #but she Literally says that she doesnt hate zeki and that he's just being controlled and manipulated by the cartel #which he is!! that's literally what he tells us!! #she literally says that at most he would just have to pay a fine like my guys #and she doesn't know about reth at all #and by her lvl4 quest she doesnt trust the order as much and starts to doubt them #LIKE #she's not even evil! she genuinely believed in the order's mission but she changes her mind once she's presented with them being assholes #and again she's not even trying to hurt zeki or get him in trouble!! he's gonna pay a fine at most!! that's all!!! #and from what we have seen from her i genuinely don't believe that she would be against reth #she would absolutely feel bad and it could even end up being her wake up call to how the order's mission isnt good #and people would know that if they took the time to read her wiki or do her quests #but instead they make bad jokes about 'how dare people like the hot older lady who ends up being really nice and caring grrrrr' #like ajhdgljdag #begging you guys to just read the fucking wiki dude #its not really spoilers if you have no intent to actually do her quests #it gives the same vibes as when people say that reth is super boring and just the dumb cook because they havent gotten to know him #like this whole game is about lore and secrets and characters not being what they seem #im not saying people Have to like her but i am saying you look silly when you hate on her without doing her quests #yeah the devs actually just told me you can only hate her or make jokes about hating her After you complete all her quests #sorry guys :/

[snzluv3r]

being so incredibly sick and not being able to take time off work is actually the most draining thing i have so much guilt about getting other people sick and so much frustration because the entire reason IM sick is because nobody else is allowed to take off work either i’m so sick of this

#like my coworker had the flu last friday and wasn’t allowed to call off she tried and my boss made her come lmdao #i would’ve gone the fuck back to sleep and ignored her call but #god #i’m so annoyed #if i have a 103 fever at work all day on friday the first thing yoh say to me about it #should not fucking be #“you better rest all weekend so you’re good to go by monday #like #my boss was saying how it was unfortunate she didn’t know i felt so bad #WHY WOULD I EVER FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING YOU THAT J DID?????? #she’s the most non empathetic person in the world like #one of those people who will compare every little ailment yoh have to her own life #so of course when i got in trouble for wearing my winter coat inside because of the chills #she was like #i’ve been cold all week and i didn’t wear my jacket! #FUCK OFF #none of this even makes sense i’m just rantinf

[aceofstars16]

It’s 7:30 in the morning and I’m exhausted but I don’t know if I’ll be able to fall asleep again any time soon….

It’s like I was *just* starting to heal from having my heart and trust shattered 3 years ago, and now it’s happening all again, only this time I don’t have the church to go to for comfort/prayer/encouragement. And instead of a friendship I had for 2-3 years, it’s a church I’ve been going to for TWENTY TWO YEARS

I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone, this can’t actually be happening, right?

(I’m not okay, I keep crying and I just want to wake up from this nightmare)

#I don’t even know what to tag this as I just can’t #I was literally just telling my counselor that I feel like I’ve never had the ‘years of plenty’ #only the suffering and trials…and now this happens to seem to confirm that #and it doesn’t help that I was already having trouble trusting the leader after last year #and now it’s like a big ‘I told you’ from my brain which isn’t gonna help me trust anyone in the future #I was already having a hard time taking chances and trying to trust again ans NOW THIS #I know I should at least try to sleep again I just…I don’t even know anymore #I’m not even gonna tag this as any normal stuff tbh #how about just #aceo get her heart broken again #not to mention I’m terrified I’m going to fallback into the numb empty depression pit I only just kind of got out of #and faith? bro I understand how people left the church or faith cause it is HARD to differentiate between the church and God #I’m still trying to pray and stuff I just feel so empty and I can’t do this again #it doesn’t help that the church claimed that they felt ‘lead’ to this crappy situation whatever THAT means #I only heard it second hand tbh…I just…can this stop please? can this all just be a horrible dream that I wake up from? please

[laniidae-passerine]

see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back

#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine #Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better #because she doesn’t really like hospitals either #and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles #and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine #and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin #you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways #always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients #and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer #everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t #(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people) #she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’ #only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’ #and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her #and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares #that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much #she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic. #Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters #I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away) #they’d have been so cuteeeee #rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here #martha jones #rose tyler #dw #doctor who

[aq2003]

i think twelve and clara are starting to make sense to me but i don't think it's what moffat intended or how the ppl that like them see their dynamic

#they are so obsessed with each other but not as people but the ideas of each other. #twelve's whole character to me feels like the grieving immortal that no longer has anything as a buffer #between him and the weight of the universe. so he sees clara as this culmination of every one of the companions he's lost before #and that adds up. what w/ eleven meeting versions of clara and seeing them die. that adds up w/ clara's presence in heaven sent #faceless and just telling him what to do. she is the companion he cannot fail this time (but he also #cannot reconcile how one of the reasons he keeps someone like her around is /because/ she's mortal) #meanwhile clara bc of her time in the tardis and how she was treated by eleven. thinks herself to be more than she is #she thinks she's owed so much in her life and she thinks she can handle all of it. like ten in waters of mars #so she views twelve and the life in the tardis as an affirmation of what's so extraordinary about her #which is also how she sees danny. i think her character really sings if this is the main idea w/ her relationships with others #bc it's how the doctor acted around her when he first met her. not seeing her as a person but as an idea a mystery a means to an end #so of course as someone who becomes more and more like the doctor as time goes on it makes so much sense that this would be so central #just like how w martha's doctorfication arc it was about self-sacrifice and violence and death. bc that's how ten acted around her #twelve and clara still have the standard traits of doctor and companion of course. the doctor saves the companion when they're in trouble. #the companion remembers to care when the doctor forgets. but they're going through familiar motions as they #start to lose more and more of themselves by being around each other. bc they don't really see the other person #and that's why their dynamic is so obsessive and toxic #dr who #12 era #now this reading has made both characters make a lot of sense to me but also this has tanked my enjoyment of hell bent #in how clara's arc resolves. i won't elaborate more on that until i actually get to it on the rewatch though

[ganondoodle]

i would like to thank everyone who send me encouraging asks, i genuinely didnt expect to get so many, i hope it is fine that i will keep them in my inbox to avoid spamming your dashboard with them but also, pirmarily, bc i would like to cherish them where i can easily find them again qwq

(and i can confirm, it was mostly from a long and exhausting work day, but not all, so yes it did help <3 )

#ganondoodles talks #im bad at receiving compliments #if you cant tell already #mjfkdlmjklsdmvgkldfmyl #one thing i do worry about is that most if not all people like how i color my art #yet i keep changing it around and have trouble deciding which ones to take #you might think i know what im doing but i genuinely dont #plus something i still struggle with is also sth people sy they like #i still think my designs are rather plain and uncreative compared to what other people can think of #like i see their deisgn and think man .. why didnt i think of that #but now i cant do it bc i feel like im plagiarizing #or however you spell that #i was accused of it once and it has stuck to me since #and yes to the few people reading my book long tags #your reward is gonna be real soon #im just struggeling with pixel art atm #q-q

[arklay]

DIANA x ALBERT WESKER / template.

#mine. #pair: ewskers #oc: diana #click for better quality ♡ #posting this before i start changing more things lmao but yes i went nuts and made my own psd from scratch... don't look at me #changed ages to birth years cause of how much time passes in the story!! and also gives cheeky fc for you hehe runs away #the checkboxes make me scream like he almost had a clean sweep it's so funny. and he could've had one more i'm not even joking. cause their #first kiss was technically both of them... like idk how to explain this but they were already standing close then diana moved even closer #and was tracing his jaw and such and they were just lingering while holding eye contact but he was the one who actually closed the distance #so i mean... yeah. she was just about to and he beat her to it!! but diana made the move to get them into that position in the first place #is what i mean. i just couldn't give him more it was already too hilarious lmao #can't tell if i like the lil icons but i can't doodle so peace and love on planet earth but yes i'm happy with how this came out hehe #clueless levels are cause they are clowns <3 i have a lot of thoughts about all that but yes they both take hints in some aspects but i #think they both have trouble telling if they are genuine or not or if they are misreading the situation or whether something is romantic or #not (unless ofc it's over the top and ridiculous. ahem. excella. cough. explodes her with my mind) but yeah hit him with the tism so he's #learnt how to read people very well as he's gotten older but i think when it comes to actual just genuine like wanting to get to know #someone and not just someone wanting to get in his pants he seconds guesses it a lot. and diana's all stems from being rattled by her past #experiences oughguhh and i mean her not actually having experienced proper feelings for someone until him lmao but she's got trust issues #also there were so many tropes i could use (thank you to bestie elliot for helping me finds names of things) but i had to do i got you a #drawer specifically because that moment has such a special place in my heart!! like i need to finish the wip where i talk about that cause #it makes me so silly i'm not even joking #anyway omg i hope the mentions work because doing this on the legacy editor after copying the html for beta one because the image just #didn't want to work in the beta image for some reason rip

[textualviolence]

okokokok you know what. the lesbian label fits me best specifically because i hate romance & falling in love i think all that shit's stupid. The only thing thats worth it in life is having a tension filled two-little-girls-on-the-playground-pretending-to-be-horses level intensity friendship where basically no words or outside concepts exist beside the deep fascination and kinship you have with another human being & its a friendship to the outside world but on the inside its an unspeakable understanding of self & other with no limits or boundaries as to the aspects that are concealed and revealed and the kind of intimacy that is possible & the only rule is having fun and keeping up the synchronicity thats vibrating between your two spirits. Sorry if that makes me sound like a cringe hippe but genuinely people who are like i wanna fall in looooove im like your desires are lame & small and i pity you. Romance-love is inferior to playground bff friendship-love in every way but we live in a society that does everything to hide this fact from people....why.....

#& i don't mean a sexless friendship i really mean all types of intimacy are possible. but they're not EXPECTED theres no script #sex happens if it feels relevant & interesting but otherwise why would it #& this kind of thing genuinely does go beyond gender its just that men are usually incapable of letting this happen #its what i have with my gf by the way we're best frieeends but also i want to know a lot of people this way #except almost no one gets it...its my burden in this life to try to make people understand #when you turn an intense friendship into a romantic rship you lose something invaluable and then its gone forever #not because you've added sex into it cause you can in fact do that. its just people don't know how. its a careful & difficult process #you have to remain present & not lose yourself in a movie script that tells you what to do & how to be. instead you have to keep being #yourself & only doing things that arise naturally. people have no trouble doing it until they get self conscious & then its impossible #do you see my life burden

[girlbob-boypants]

As a small piece of unimportant advice:

Try to move away from describing enjoying/experiencing media as "consuming content."

#girlbob.txt #id elaborate but i dont feel like it #the jimquisition did a good video on the word consumer that id recommend tho #and a video im having trouble placing cited how politicians/businessmen pushed the usa from a needs to a want based economy #specifically pushing to reframe things as consumption focused #and i think you can tell a lot by how people act when they 'consume' media and fan media

[wachi-delectrico]

Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one) #Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right? #'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!' #That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!' #And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

[kybercrystalhealing]

(thinking again about how JFO constructs the dark side as addictive, harrowing but also such a relief in its way; as something that, should you choose to turn from it, you must turn away from not once but again and again and again. love it when something comes along 45 years later and Recontextualizes.)

#replay is going great!! #malicos remains delightful. they really said 'what if maul and kenobi were one single person' #last time through i was obsessed with how the game explores trauma #and this time i'm just fascinated by how Paranoid it feels at times. #who do you meet in this game who you can trust? #even Prauf seems like he's going to betray Cal for a moment. #cere is obviously lying. greez is obviously in some trouble. merrin's motivations are never entirely clear. #people actively tell cal that saw has his own agenda. #cal overtly acknowledges that malicos is obviously not what he claims to be. #even cordova you have to wonder about! and by extension even the DOG (BD-1). #it really so precisely captures this moment in the timeline #the confusion and fear and suspicion.

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time) #and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die. #and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus. #but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help. #but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation. #i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.

[coffee-bat]

btw anyone else from my chronic pain homies just. lose the ability to judge your pain level/scale pain

#like at this point i have no idea what's the norms i dont know how normal people judge this #i dont know how to describe how im feeling #the guideline ive set for myself to determine 'severe pain' is if its forcing movements out of my control- #-(like having to double over or legs giving out) or if like #im throwing up or my eyes are watering #but #bc im in literally constant pain i dont really. perceive that kind as WORSE #its only my body that reacts #for me almost all pain feels the same at this point #and its so frustrating #i wish i could have a normal relationship with this #and high tolerance is a fucking curse #ive been initially denied medical care multiple times bc they said that 'if i was actually experiencing (thing) i- #-would be writhing and screaming'. only for it to thenbturn out i WAS going through the thing and just dont react that much bc im used to it #sometimes if i have trouble finding a point of reference i TRY to imagine how id feel about it if i wasnt me #if i was a normal person who isnt used to constant pain #and sometimes it works to help me determine if i need medical help #but lately i havent even been able to imagine being 'normal'. ive lost my point ofvreference. #and its just. so fucking frustrating knowing youve been forced to toughen up against your will and now literally cant tell if youre indanger #ramble #personal #chronic pain #ive almost died bc of this once so far #i waited for days and then when i finally went to a doctor it turned out id have been dead if i waited a day more💀 #but of course before they found that out they ALSO disbelieved me bc i have fucking dignity and wasnt writhing on the floor.

[feral-radfem]

Hey if you're a non-radfem and you want to make a complaint that radical feminist critique keeps getting applied to you because you hang around radical feminist spaces here is my advice: leave.

Honestly, I'm so tired of seeing this shit. Go find some other places to hang out. I don't care that you came here because everyone else kicked you out for being a "transphobe". That does not make it our responsibility to soften our movement and our criticisms so that you feel comfortable in a movement you have no intention of of committing to. You are welcome here on the basis of being a woman, however, if you can't handle the feminist action that goes on in these spaces, then you need to leave. That is a you problem, not ours. I'm tired of hearing y'all whine that we don't coddle you enough and then adding anecdotal evidence of feminist harm or strawmen arguments for why you're justified in doing patriarchal actions were other women are not. There is not a single identifier or life experience you can tell me that is going to make me think that you deserve to be exempt from the same criticisms I would level at any other woman. If you're an adult, you should be mature enough to hear them. If you are not mature enough to hear feminist critique, you need to leave feminist spaces.

if you want to be self-serving, it is completely your right to do so. I've heard a number of you in passing claim that you "don't want to be feminist, you want to be people". Which, while that's an insulting sentiment as a feminist, just demonstrates that the only person y'all care about is yourself. You see being a person as inherently being self-serving and self-centered. First and foremost, it's all about you. That level of selfishness is pathetic and frowned upon in collective spaces. Feminism being one of them.

Just save us all the headache and go away. Y'all are one of the only groups of people on the internet who are able to piss me off in seconds, istg.

#lily responds #literally any of you who do not have a vested interest in the liberation of women refuse to do feminist action and #then still feel entitled to control how these space is function #f*** off. we have enough trouble holding spaces where we can have these discussions because we are feminist in the first place #we don't need a bunch of non-feminist women coming in and telling us that we are hurting their feelings and they #want us to do something about it. we're not doing s*** about it. #if you can't handle the fact that the things you're doing harm other women then stop f****** doing them #don't get mad at us because we're pointing out the damage you're doing and the damage in the messages you're helping perpetuate #you can log off and go experience all the spaces in the world that aren't made specifically for radical feminism #y'all hear that we're here to serve women in the effort to liberate all women and think that means we're here to serve you personally #I may be responding directly to a person regarding this soon but I'm so irritated I can't edit my post at the moment #I will make it clear here that I don't think every woman of the groups I just listed is doing this at all #I think it's a minority however I'm tired of these minority group of women using these identifiers to justify being a shit feminist #or justify why they don't have to be a feminist but should still have all the entitlement to the feminist spaces we create to talk about #our movement. these are feminist spaces first women's spaces secondary #I don't even know how to tag this because the specific people I want to reach is you fucking entitled ass orbiters #you who take advantage of the fact that we are welcoming to any woman to be divisive in our movement when you don't wish to be an activist #in the first place. or you want to claim the title alone and do good action but get us to stop criticizing ur anti-feminist actions #there's clearly enough of you that y'all can create your own gender critical non-feminist spaces. just leave us the f*** #alone. #also when you use being gay as a justification for why you shouldn't have to be a feminist you make all us lesbian feminist look bad #there are plenty of feminists who recognized that we are women and therefore benefit from women's liberation #y'all are so f****** annoying #some of my tags may not make sense because I just listed just about every group of women there is realized I listed every group of women #and then erased it because I realized that was a lot of words for no reason so those are the identifiers I'm talking about in my tags

[bylertruther]

me saying will does not hate himself for being gay =/= me saying will is somehow magically not affected by homophobia or the abuse that he's endured his entire life because of it. nor is it me saying that he has never once had doubts or negative feelings/thoughts about his sexuality and what it's made of (and will make of) his life.

intrusive thoughts are normal. no marginalized person can go through life without ever experiencing them or any of the other things that come with being discriminated against. it's impossible, unless you live in a bubble in the middle of nowhere untouched by society.

will isn't a super confident character. we've seen that multiple times and it is literally a plot point more than once lol. i'd be shocked if there are people who have been in similar positions that haven't ever felt weird, different, or down in the dumps for how they're treated for things they can't control. we've watched will suffer with being different on-screen. i know that he's felt bad for being a freak that gets babied by everyone.

i still don't think that that is indicative of internalized homophobia.

internalized homophobia, as in self-hatred over being gay, as in actively believing the negative stereotypes about yourself and thinking that there is something wrong with you because of your sexuality.

not internalized homophobia, as in "wow, being gay is hard" or "wow, this aspect of myself means i have to be careful around other people" or "wow, being this way is making my upside down-related alienation even worse". those are normal things to experience and go through. he's some poor nerd in the middle of nowhere, midwest, usa, in the eighties. nowhere did i ever say he wouldn't feel those things.

but hating himself for being gay? actively hating himself? as is suggested by my post, where i state that multiple times? i just don't think so. i explain myself multiple times, but i don't think his actions suggest hatred. he wouldn't lean into it if he hated it.

i never said will was the happiest, most confident guy in the entire world and that he's 100% self-assured in his sexuality and never experiences anything negative because of it. i just said that i find the canonical evidence for self-hatred over his sexuality, aka internalized homophobia, to be lacking.

#sorry but...... every weird kid dyke or not experiences tht alienating I'm Different feeling. i'm talking abt people who say that will #byers believes the homophobic rhetoric and thinks he's disgusting for being gay and hates himself for it and wants to be different. #i'm not talking about the normal experiences of every gay person ever. i'm talking about internalized homophobia. and how will would not #make artwork for his crush where he's got a heart on him + confess his feelings to him + claim alan turing to be his hero + never change #if he hated being gay and hated himself for it. will is a sad kid sometimes. he tells us himself when he says he sometimes feels like a #mistake. but he said it himself: SOMETIMES. we All get negative thoughts and have to carry what was done to us and think before #we tell someone we're gay. that is very different from self-hatred. will didn't look troubled in lenora. i highly doubt he was hating #himself lmao AND IF HE HATED HIMSELF FOR THIS THEN WHY WOULD THE DUFFERS SAY THEMSELVES THAT WILL WANTS #TO GET THIS OFF OF HIS CHEST AND MAKE HIMSELF UNDERSTOOD. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO REVEAL AND SEEK UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE IF THIS IS SOME #THING HE HATES. WE'VE SEEN HIM HIDE THINGS AND FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED BEFORE. HE HAS NOT BEHAVED #THAT WAY WITH HIS GAYNESS. SO WHERE IS THE SELF-HATRED. #caps for emphasis not because i'm yelling btw. #but anyway! #mine

[calliopeebles]

maybe he'd finally listen if his beak was frozen shut.

felt like drawing some angsty weird route stuff

#weird route #deltarune #berdly #noelle #i didn't even realize that the ice was over his beak specifically until i was done with the drawing #and then i came up with that caption #i still think that there's really something to the fact that berdly specifically is the guy who gets the boss fight that ends in snowgrave #iirc spamton neo just got iceshocked #and noelle could just try to convince herself that all of the darkners she was made to kill were all just characters in her dream #even though they were real she doesn't have any tangible evidence of that #but berdly is a 'real person' #and he's not waking up... #but aside from that though #he's the obnoxious know-it-all who doesn't listen. he's not a very good friend #if you wanted to #you could read the snowgrave scene as noelle getting some catharsis by destroying this symbol of her trouble speaking up- #this person who's supposedly her friend but who just bosses her around and never listens to her. who hardly seems to know her at all #at least not nearly as well as kris does #he's the one who tells people how noelle feels instead of noelle speaking for herself #you kind of want to see noelle kick his ass right? and i guess she kind of does with the shaking him up bit in the normal route #so on paper it almost feels like her defeating him would be awesome #overcoming this symbol of all the shit that keeps her down #but then you remember that berdly isn't a symbol. he's a teenage monster boy #yeah he's a bad friend... but do you think he's like that deliberately? #maybe he's just awful at reading people #he was trying to stop you from harming noelle #quite a lot of what he does in chapter 2 is partially based around doing what he thinks noelle wants- but of course he's always wrong #because he's not good at listening and picking up on how she feels #and she sure as hell isn't going to just speak her mind #but it's pretty clear he care about her immensely. and not just for selfish reasons