#i have two presentations and a test today. th. yeah

[bro-atz]

1024UB CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

word count: 2.4k

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

San was doing his best. He was really trying to get his head into the dates. He wanted to enjoy his dates with Iseul, but every time they went out, San just spaced out. No matter what they were doing, San felt absolutely nothing. No butterflies, no anxiety, no excitement— nothing. It wasn’t that Iseul repulsed him or anything, but he felt like he was forcing himself to enjoy the dates. He liked the dates, but it just didn’t feel right with Iseul. He wondered if there was something wrong with him. Did he lose the ability to have feelings? He didn’t feel numb, but he didn’t feel mentally present.

He couldn’t help but think if he was lying to himself when he had that crush on Iseul. He thought to how he felt when he first had a crush on her, but it must’ve been so long ago because he just couldn’t remember any of it. He would look at her face and think about how objectively pretty she was, but his heart would not beat faster. His heart was pretty static.

Was he lying when he told Iseul he liked her? Was he lying to himself about liking anyone? Was he the group sociopath destined to never love anyone? He overthought everything about himself and his life on his dates with Iseul. For instance, he was on his third date with her, and his mind was anywhere but there.

They were at a coffee shop— not Ze Cafe as they were still testing the waters with their relationship— to get coffee and chat. That should have been simple for him. It was just grabbing coffee and talking; but no, he overcomplicated it. He tried to make this seem like a bigger deal than it was. It was a date for crying out loud. There should have been more feelings than his annoyance at his overthinking.

She was pretty much talking for the two of them while his brain was somewhere in the clouds. What happened to the way he liked her voice? The little laugh she had at the end of every joke? San was thinking about the girl in front of him but he couldn’t even hold onto any of the things she brought up— he knows that she said something about the lab, Yunho, Gyuri— wait, Gyuri?

“Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t catch it,” he asked her.

“I could tell you weren’t,” she responded with a sigh. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, why?”

“You spaced out. Tell me what’s wrong,” she put her hand on his.

Normally, the places she touched would tingle and he would feel like he was burning up under her touch. Nothing happened when she touched him this time, or the past two dates, or even when he confessed.

“You’re spacing out again,” she sighed.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I’ve just been stressed with classes—”

“Choi San, don’t lie to me.”

San was completely taken aback. He looked at her, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised. He couldn’t really decipher the look on her face— she wasn’t angry, but she looked stern, like she was a teacher and he was failing class.

“I just want you to honestly tell me what’s going on,” she said softly, her hand no longer resting on his.

“Nothing’s going on…”

Iseul sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “San, we may have only gone on three dates, but we’ve been friends for a long time before that. You’re not acting like yourself. You keep spacing out, and not just today, but the other two times we went out, too. When you told me you liked me, it didn’t feel like you were saying it.”

“What do you mean? Of course I was the one who said it. Who else was there last night?”

“Why did you take that literally—” Iseul cut herself off to stifle a laugh. “I meant it sounded like you were saying it with your head, not your heart.”

The best way San could describe himself in that moment was the spinning Mr. Krabs meme. Iseul really hit the nail on the head. He’d been overthinking literally everything, even this. How did she know him so well? She knew him better than he knew himself, and he also barely knew anything about her. You would think that he would know her after being friends with her for almost four years, but clearly, that was not the case. Why didn’t he know anything about her? What the hell was wrong with him?

“Oy, Earth to San,” she waved in his face and snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts once more.

“Sorry…”

“I’m not mad, San. I just want to know what’s going on so I can help you. Be honest with me.”

“Honestly? …Honestly I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Clearly— I mean, huh?” Iseul caught herself.

San looked at her skeptically before continuing. “It’s true that I did like you, like I had a crush on you. I liked you for so long, too, but I think after Bora came into the picture, things changed.”

“How did Bora change how you feel about me…? Oh my God, don’t tell me you like Bora!”

“What?! No!”

“Then why’d you bring her up?” Iseul looked completely and utterly confused.

“Timeline wise! I can’t tell you what month and day it was that things shifted because I honestly don’t know when they did, but what I do know is that post-Bora, my heart changed before my brain did, which is why I keep overthinking everything,” San explained to the best of his ability.

Then, the weirdest thing happened: Iseul smiled at him. He basically admitted to her that he had no feelings for her, and here she was smiling? It was so weird, until she said, “You have no idea how happy I am that you’re being honest with me.”

“Why do you say that?” San was trying really hard to not be weirded out.

“I feel like I’m finally talking to the San I knew again. The past three dates, I felt like I was dating some random guy, not someone I knew. It was so weird, and a little uncomfortable.”

That made sense to San, but he still responded, “Ow, okay.”

“No, no, I’m not calling you weird or uncomfortable! I’m saying that if a relationship is supposed to work out, then the beginning of it shouldn’t feel like a giant question mark. You should be able to be in the moment, not somewhere off in la la land.”

For the first time in a while, San felt his emotions return. Everything made sense for him. He was forcing himself to go on these dates because liking Iseul was all he thought he knew. Relief overcame him, and he actually smiled. It wasn’t a forced smile or anything, either; he was genuinely smiling. Things were starting to fall into place.

“Iseul, I love you.”

“…Romantically or platonically?”

“Platonically. You really, wow, just… the words aren’t coming to me right now, but thank you. You are such an amazing person, and I’m so glad I got the chance to have a crush on you and go on dates with you. You’re right, though. It’s not fair to either of us if we force ourselves to be in this relationship.”

“I’m glad I could help!”

The two smiled at each other, and there was a brief wave of relief that seemed to overcome both of them. Then, San suddenly realized, “Wait, I hope you’re okay. I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way—”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t catch feelings like that, especially because of how detached you were,” Iseul laughed. Still, her laugh didn’t make his heart fly like it used to, but it did make him happy.

The two shared a couple more laughs before leaving the coffee shop. They were going to head back to 1024UB together, but Iseul got a phone call from Yunho saying he fucked up the control group data or something like that. Iseul huffed as she said bye to San and ran away to the lab. San took a deep breath— he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He couldn’t help but have a skip in his step as he went back to 1024UB.

He did the craziest thing on his way back— he realized he hadn’t talked to Gyuri properly in a couple weeks, especially after he started going out with Iseul. He thought back to the night Gyuri got really drunk and cried for Seonghwa in his arms. He thought about how he felt, and he felt his chest tighten. Deep down, he knew that he was starting to feel different about Gyuri, but he didn’t know what kind of feelings those were until he talked to Iseul. So, he decided to call Gyuri to catch up on conversations and intimacy. Kissing Iseul didn’t do it for him, but the thought of kissing Gyuri? He could feel his blood rush through his body.

The phone rang twice before she picked up. San could hear Gyuri panting, which honesty alarmed him— he didn’t think Gyuri would pick up in the middle of having sex, but the noise on her end made him think she was.

“Hello?” she answered breathlessly.

“Hey, what are you up to right now?”

“I’m at the gym.”

Relief washed through his body. Thank God— but why was he thanking God? For the fact that she didn’t pick up in the middle of sex or that she wasn’t having sex with someone else? San shook his head to stop himself from overthinking again. “Oh…” he felt so stupid with that response.

“Why’d you call? I thought you were on a date with Iseul?”

“Yunho fucked something up again,” technically he wasn’t lying to her; he was only telling her part of the truth.

“Of course he did.”

“Anyway, meet me on the roof when you’re done. I want to start a new anime,” he said, hoping she’d get the hint.

The line was quiet for a second— he couldn’t even hear her breathing. “…Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way up there.”

“Okay. See you.”

“Bye.”

San didn’t run home, but he did walk a little faster than usual. He got home and considered changing. He wasn’t wearing anything particularly fancy, just a standard “boyfriend look” with an oversized tee and ripped jeans. His hair was styled a little, though, so he messed it up a little while looking in the mirror. He could physically feel his heart beating in his chest. San was definitely putting in a little more effort for Gyuri than he had for Iseul. Right before leaving his apartment, he grabbed a couple of soju bottles, then he made his way up to the roof.

There was a cool breeze in the air when he got to the roof. He set the bottles on a table and sat on that table as he waited for Gyuri. He didn’t know how long she was going to take, nor did he really care. As long as she was going to meet him on the roof, he was fine. He sat and stared at the stars for God knows how long— he didn’t want to check his phone. He didn’t want to see if Gyuri texted him.

San heard the door to the roof open. He turned to see Gyuri standing there with her hair slightly wet. She was wearing bike shorts and a long sleeve shirt, something so minimal, but she looked amazing to him at that moment. San hopped off the table and walked towards her as she stood there mildly confused.

“Hey, what happened? Why did you…” she trailed off as he got closer.

He pinned her against the door and locked it, his eyes gazing into hers. His heart was beating faster by the second, and a small smile crept onto his face as one hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her in, the other cupping her face softly. He brought his lips to hers slowly, tenderly; and he felt it. The butterflies swarmed through his stomach all the way up to his chest. He couldn’t stop kissing her— he didn’t want to stop. He wanted this feeling to last for as long as possible. He wanted her to make him feel like the world was rotating too fast and that he had to hold onto her to keep steady.

He pulled away, leaving Gyuri speechless. She tried to get a word out, but San didn’t give her the opportunity to let her speak. He wanted to hear her voice, yes, but not yet. All he wanted was her pressed against him. He never lost his feelings— he just left them with Gyuri after that night she cried in his arms, after he saw her at her most vulnerable. He tried to deny his feelings by dating Iseul, but that was never going to work. Now, he was just mad that he wasted all that time ignoring how he really felt.

San didn’t dare say a word to her about his feelings, though. He just kept kissing her, the same way she had that night. He was happy that she was kissing back, that her hands were pressed against his chest and the back of his neck. Every moment that he took a second to let the two of them breathe, she would try to talk, and he would interrupt her with a chain of kisses.

During one of those chains, he carried her to the turfed area on the roof and laid her down gently. He hovered above her and looked at her, taking every part of her in. It was Gyuri. It was definitely Gyuri.

“San, wh—”

He interrupted her with another kiss. “Don’t say anything.”

Without a second to waste, San’s lips trailed down her neck, leaving light kisses as he went. His impatient hands pulled her shirt off and slipped her pants off, leaving her wearing only her underwear. Her face was bright red as he kept exploring her body like he’d never explored it before. He loved the look on her face. It only made his heart beat faster.

Just as he requested, Gyuri didn’t utter another word, and she also suppressed her moans as San had his way with her on the roof, the stars shining brightly above them.

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1024UB tag list: @dalsuwaha @eyeryis @choisanswifexo @haebaragisworld @dazzlingstarrs @hongjoongswifefr @yjpumas @my-lightspirit

network: @cromernet

apply here to be part of the taglist!

#broatz #cromernet #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic #ateez san fanfiction #san x oc #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez college au #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #san smut #choi san smut #san x original character

[garutonaagent]

Maika Fantasia - Chapter 1: Catch Dream (2 of 5)

(Note: Using “Bubble Translator” and making slight tweaks in case of broken English, here is a loose translation! Due to photo limitations per post, only screenshots of specific moments will be present; otherwise, it's dialogue translated- I hope that's okay!)

Chapters: Prologue: Part 1 / Part 2(&3) Chapter 1: Part 1 / Part 2 (you are here!) / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 2: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 3: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 4: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 5: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 6: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 7: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 Chapter 8: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

Location: in town

Yume: Uwah...

Udzuki: It's amazing, what a big city...

Yume: Y--yeah...! A lot of people and cars too...

Yume: I think I'm getting a little nervous...

Udzuki: It's still early, Yume. The real thing is about to start, right?

Yume: Th--that's right! What's next for the audition?

Udzuki: There there, let's keep our spirits up.

Udzuki: Ufufu, there's the spirit.

Yume: Ehehe...

Udzuki: Well then, let's go.

Yume: 'kay.

Location: Audition venue

Yume: It's...uwah, so many people are here!

Udzuki: Well, it seems like our numbers...should be seated around here.

Yume: O--okay! ...haa, my heart is pounding.

??? (Himari): And that's why, that's why, that's why, as Himari, I knew it!

??? (Hayu): Mm, I think it's good you're doing that - self-promotion is important, after all.

Yume: (Those girls...seem to be around my age? They look like they're having fun.)

???: Ah, isn't that weird? Our (1) seats are here!

???: That's right...excuse u-s.

Udzuki: Oh, here you go.

Himari: Thank you kindly~! Ah, I guess you guys are gonna take the test as friends, just like Himari and friends?

Hayu: H--hey, you can't start talking all of a sudden, it might get annoying! The audition's about to start...

Yume: Oh, no! It's totally fine!

Yume: In fact, I'd be happier if we could talk like this because it'd ease the tension!

Udzuki: That's right, so thank you for talking to us, we're friends too.

Hayu: I--I see. I'm glad to hear it.

Hayu: My name's Hayu Natsuhadzuki, and this girl is...

Himari: Himari Harumiya's the name~! Feel free to call me Himari (2)

Yume: Oka-ay! My name is Yume Hinaga!

Udzuki: I'm Udzuki Konohana.

Himari: Yume and Udzuki! Nice to meet 'cha, nice to meet 'cha~!

Yume: Mm, nice to meet you. We just came out of Tochigi today and were excited about the magnificent venue and town!

Udzuki: Where did you two come from? Outside of Tokyo perhaps?

Hayu: Ah, yeah. We came from Saitama.

Yume: Ah, it's quite a place isn't it?

Himari: Well, even though it's called Saitama, Himari and friends lived in a pretty rural area.

Hayu: Yeah, Himari's house is a big ranch.

Yume: A ranch...! That's amazing, is there a cow or anything?

Himari: Of course! Lots of cows! I even drank fresh milk this morning!

Udzuki: Wow...! That's righteous!

??? (Sarah): Ufufun, you're talking about somethin' fun. I like milk too.

Yume: Eh--...

Sarah: My name's Sarah Nodoka, and I'd like to make ya acquaintance from now on.

Himari: Sarah-chan, the way she speaks is so cute (3)! Himari is also starting to show some characteristics!

Sarah: Ufufu, thank ya kindly. (3)

Hayu: You're good, Himari. Even as it is, it has an impact.

Himari: Really? Is that so? If that's the case, that makes me happy-!

Sarah: Ufufun, a very energetic and cute puppy.

Yume: Fufufu...

Udzuki: Yume, what is it?

Yume: Ehehe...well, I was just hoping that all five of us pass the exam.

Himari: Oh, that's great! We could form a group and do activities like Crystalia!

Hayu: I--I wonder if everything will go okay...

Udzuki: I would be happy if that happened.

Sarah: Ufufun, group activities are so wonderful.

Yume: (Could we be an idol group...?)

Yume: (Yeah! That would be really fun!)

/////

1 = Himari uses "Himari" as a pronoun for "I" and tends to use "Himaritachi" instead of bokutachi/watashitachi/etc for "we". 2 = Himari's writing preference spelling her name is in hiragana (ひまり) rather than kanji (陽葵) 3 = Instead of "arigato"/"arigatou", Sarah says "arigatonen" -- possibly implying she has an accent or a dialect, along with a few other sentence deliveries

#maika fantasia #idol mobile game #idol mobage #maika fantasia story

[lunarblazes]

i want to die. her entire likes page is just fanart and analysis and then MY SIMP POST. I SAID I WANTED TO MARRY HER CHARACTER IN THE TAGS.

#I’VE POSTED ART IN HER TAG BEFORE WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS POST #just. put me down. just end it. i cannot do this #the ONE TIME i forget that pearl looks through her tag and she does THIS #I MENTIONED HOSTILE STARS. that might have been the LEAST cc noticeable post ever actually. #‘pearl doesn’t even know you exist’ wrong now she knows i’m the one who’s simping for her sdv rp character and an axolotl goddess #i cant even explain this to anyone in my life. they would tjink i’m insane #i have two presentations and a test today. th. yeah #if this spirals into a pearl follow i’ll. i’ll just quit #god can you imagine. i don’t want to #now all of china knows you’re gay #sigh. sure. yeah. this is worse than me putting my pfp in office as a lesbian flag icon i drew #lunar winds

[batwritings]

I know I sent in something earlier- but I can't stop thinking about this (also if this makes you uncomfortable I apologize- you don't have to write it)

Dream and Sapnap and they're sharing the reader and theyre degrading and praising the reader, giving them commands over a video call- slowly making the reader their slut- and so it slowly becomes a regular thing where they all call and just go at it

being shared over a call by sap and dream > literally anything else

there's just something about being shared by them just seems so hot to me- is that bad?????also I apologize again for having sending in alot of asks- I just have smut brainrot (specifically sapnap)

-🦔

....hot damn! You’re on fire today!! Legit if you ever want to simp over this man, hmu my discord is in a previous ask (or you could message me on here but only if you’re comfortable!). Enjoy~!

Warning! There will be some degradation and talk of subspace in here! Please be careful when reading!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your breath came in heavy pants as you followed the instructions from the two men in your ears. You’re watching the two men watching you back as your one hand was rubbing furiously over your sex. Your other was stroking along your neck, pretending it was Dream’s. You were so, so close to your orgasm you could almost taste it.

“Slow down slut,” came Dream’s voice, hard and commanding. “Not going to have you cumming this early, or without permission.”

Reluctantly, the hand that was touching your sex slowed to an agonizing pace. You knew the punishment you would get if you disobeyed, and while it was honestly so damn tempting, you knew better.

“So good for us,” sang Sapnap’s praise. “So sweet and obedient.”

“Th-thank you sirs,” you slur out, getting delirious from how much they had edged you over the course of the better part of an hour.

“As they should be,” Dream spat, watching you intently for any sign of deviation. “Whores like them only know how to beg and obey. Isn’t that right Y/N?”

You whine at his words, adoring the degradation along with the praise. “Yes Sir,” you respond weakly.

Dream smirks and nods. “Faster.”

Immediately your speed picks up, hand tightening along your throat. You could feel your orgasm tingling along your spine. It was taking all your mental capacity for you to even find the words, but you eventually sputter out, “Gonna cum. Please. Can I?”

Dream hums in fake contemplation. “That’s all that’s on your mind isn’t it?” he says with a disgusted tone. “Pathetic. But I suppose it can’t be helped. What do you think Sapnap?”

“I think we should let them,” he says, slowly stroking his own member. “They’re so pretty when they cum. And they have been pretty good.”

You’re barely holding on at this point, forcing your climax back by sheer will.

Finally, Dream clicks his tongue and looks you dead in the eyes over the computer screen. “Fine, fine,” he sighs. “Cum for us you stupid whore.”

Your end hits you like a freight train, nearly knocking the wind out of you as you cry out in pleasure. Your whole body tightens in on itself in your computer chair as you ride out your orgasm, barely having the mind to follow Dream’s instruction of tightening your hold on your neck. The praise from Sapnap is a mere fuzz in your ear as you collapse back, panting heavily.

“I hope you don’t think you’re done,” Dream’s harsh words cut through the fog in your brain and you lift your eyes to look at him properly. “That was round one. Go get the present I so kindly got you.”

You nod, shakily standing from your chair to retrieve the box that had come earlier that day. Inside was a lovely little vibe, but no remote. You pulled the tag keeping it from being tested and brought it back to your desk.

“Put it inside for us sugar,” Sapnap asks kindly and you do so.

Before you can begin to question them you feel the toy turn on, at what had to have been the highest setting. All the air feels like it’s pulled from your lungs, a bit of pain mixing with the pleasure. You tear your bleary eyes open to see both boys fiddling with their phones on your screen. Oh. There’s the remote...er, remotes.

“Surprised?” Dream asks with a knowing smirk. “We figured you’d deserve some form of reward, for a lowly slut that is.”

You moan loudly at his words, babbling out a string of curses mixed with “thank you sirs”.

“Aw,” Sapnap coos, breathing a little quicker now. He lowers the setting from his end to watch you squirm as he strokes himself. “You’re so cute Y/N. Love it when you get to feel good because of us.”

You whine from the lack of friction only to nearly screech when Dream turns the toy back up again. They keep you like this for a while, letting you ride the waves of overstimulation and pleasure as they turn the levels up and down. Finally your second climax starts to creep up on you and you beg in a mess of words for your release.

“Cum for us babe,” Sapnap says this time, breathless. “You can cum with me, yeah?” Sure enough the two of you hit your orgasms nearly simultaneously, you nearly bending over with how much pleasure was drilled into you as Dream cranked the level on your vibe.

You’re incoherent when you feel it still going, so you tap on your table twice. All at once sensation stops and even Sapnap’s heavy panting slows to a near halt. “If you can talk, can you give me a color baby?” you hear Dream ask quietly.

It takes a few beats, but you finally mutter a soft, “Red”.

All sternness and venom is gone from Dream’s voice then, him working with Sapnap to praise you on how well you did for them. They’re so quiet and gentle with their words you just might cry as they work you out of subspace slowly. You really were lucky to have them.

#bat writes #anon reqs #🦔 anon #sapnap x reader #mcyt smut #dreamwastaken smut #sapnap smut #mcyt x reader #dreamwastaken x reader

[jkstompers]

just to study | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader

summary: your seat partner asks if you’re free after class, just to study.

genre: fluff, college!au, established friendship, flirtationship, mutual pining, they go to a ‘frat’ party together, also yugyeom! a sweetheart<3 we love him.

warnings: mature!!, mentions of alcohol + alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, strong language, SEXUAL TENSION, mentions of dick sucking??, hints of a wet dream on oc’s end, very strong urges to kiss each other but no kisses today </3, that’s pretty much it!

word count: 7.4k (i...kinda went overboard)

authors’ note: hello!! this is a pt. 2 to sleepyhead! it’s based a few weeks after so yeah <3 also the pacing is kind of weird but… i don’t really know how being drunk is so............(＞人＜) i’m sorry about that! one scene was inspired by this post haha it was just so cute to think about i had to do it. ALSO i literally haven’t taken anatomy since high school so i just used random terms from quizlet T_T pls excuse that as well! but otherwise, enjoy!!!!!!!!! (っ^_^)っ

(if u see any typos...ignore them pls T_T)

side note: imagine jk looking like this when he goes to the party lmao classic fboy look with the camo bomber and his piercings ugh <3

banner pic creds here ! <3

you made it to class on time today, woke to your alarm and even had enough time to eat breakfast before you came. in a particularly good mood, you made your way up the stairs to the row jungkook was sitting in, hoping that the seat next to him was empty (you didn’t have to hope, jungkook always saved the seat next to him for you, no matter what.)

“good morning, ___!” jungkook’s voice greets you the same as always as soon as you appear next to him. he moves his bag out of the way for you to sit down.

he looks especially cute today. his long floppy hair framing his face, his sweet smile beaming up to you. you wonder how dumb you looked drooling over him for a minute before you replied, “hi jungkook, how are you?” with the same smile on your face that you show him every time he sees you. it never changes, but it never fails to make jungkook’s heart skip a beat.

“i’m doing okay, you?” he answers while you pull out your laptop.

you didn’t have a chance to reply before your professor starts talking. informing the class about the test that’s planned at the end of the month, finals in two months, and then dropping the bomb that there’s a quiz tomorrow about the things you’ve learned in the past week. a slight panic takes over you, although you didn’t know why, you understood what he was teaching and you were retaining all of the information well. but when the professor pulls up all the information on the screen to review it all, all of the words and pictures overwhelm you.

to make things worse, jungkook is to your left, not paying attention to a word your professor is saying. instead, playing some game where he has to click his touchpad an obnoxious amount of times. your attention is split between jungkook’s erratic tapping and the notes that the professor projects onto the screen, even though his computer barely made any noise, his incessant movement was distracting you.

“jungkook, you’re taking notes and playing a game?” your voice comes out as a rushed whisper. there’s a snort that comes from him before he nods. you couldn’t be mad at him. “there’s a quiz on all of this tomorrow, you know?”

“i know,” he continues to tap and click, the motion growing incredibly annoying. you didn’t know why you couldn’t have just tried to block it out, but he was just so close to you and admittedly, you looked at his hands, a lot. the way that his fingers tapped against his keyboard and his veins that accentuate his already beautiful hands, it was free art you could look at, how could you not? at this point, you’re contemplating holding his hand to make him stop tapping.

you were in the middle of typing when he finally stops, leaning back and stretching his arms up into the air. you let out a sigh of relief, until he starts again. apparently he reached the next level on his game, tapping even faster, if that was even fucking possible.

quietly, you groan. turning your attention solely on him. you place your hand on top of his, the tapping ceasing almost immediately. “please, jungkook, you’re distracting me.”

he looks at your hand before he looks at you, his chocolate doe eyes wide to the action. he gulps, “sorry.”

you remove your hand, focusing back to the presentation. jungkook feels the heat from his cheeks travel to his hand. the feeling of your hand on his wasn’t something he was expecting to experience today, but he wants nothing more than for you to do it again. he exits the game tab and changes his focus to the lecture.

or moreso, you focusing on the lecture.

you look so cute. your cheek pressed up against your fist. he stares at the way that your forehead creases in concentration. he taps on your arm that’s resting on the table, “hey, you look like you’re stressed out.”

you turn your head slightly to look over to him. “that’s because i am,” you send him a quick smile before you go back to looking at the projection.

he furrows his eyebrows, “why? you’re smart, there’s no need to worry about what you get on this.” you were an a+ student, never anything less than that. jungkook knows that you ace every test that you take, so he doesn’t quite understand why you’re so stressed.

“because jungkook,” you groan. you expected a lot from yourself, sure b’s were okay, but a’s and a+’s were what you wanted and what you thought would make you feel satisfied. there was no way you could explain this without sounding like an overachiever. so you just sigh, “i’m just not really prepared.”

jungkook thinks of the perfect way to spend more time with you, snapping his fingers before suggesting, “we should study together after class, studies show that studying with someone else will give you an a+, guaranteed.” the confidence in his voice makes you smile, and helps you ease up a little bit.

you raise an eyebrow, a laugh creeping up from your lungs. “source for that statistic, sir?”

he taps his right temple, the gesture making you snort. “no but seriously, i’ll help you out,” he assures. his laptop turns towards you to show you all the notes he took, different words highlighted and colored differently.

you act like you think about it, staying quiet for a minute or so. but you know the answer was yes no matter what. “just to study?” you tease. jungkook raises his eyebrows in surprise, an amused smile on his face, “just kidding, we can go to mine? i owe you for the ride you gave me like two weeks ago.” you tap your fingers against your laptop nervously, your teeth taking in your bottom lip as you ask. you haven’t had a guy over to your apartment, not since you’ve moved in. there’s a certain anxiousness that comes with the suggestion.

jungkook nods, “sounds good.”

“okay, again.” you brush your hair behind your ears, preparing yourself once more for another pass of the flashcards. the two of you have been at it with these cards for the past hour or so, you were determined to get these right no matter how long it took. jungkook knew you were gonna get it down, you only had three more cards, these ones specifically stumping you.

“aponeuroses,” he looks at the card and then to you.

“connective tissue that forms a broad sheet which attach muscle to bone or muscle to other muscles,” you speak confidently. jungkook nods, moving onto the next card of the set of three.

“endomysium,” he reads the card. you hesitate on this one for a second, he plays with the corner of the card until you snap your fingers.

“that’s the connective tissue surrounding the… the— uh, oh! muscle fiber?” your brain works extra hard. jungkook rewards you with another nod, flipping to the last card.

“fascia.”

“dense connective tissue,” you begin, pausing to think of the rest of the answer. you start biting your thumb nail, knowing there’s more to it but it’s not coming to your brain quick enough.

jungkook just stares, watching your facial expressions as you search for the answer in your brain. this could be the worst crush he’s ever had, he thinks you’re cute when you’re just sitting there, thinking. he doesn’t remember ever liking someone this much, most of the time his crushes went away after a few weeks or so. but it’s almost been an entire year since he’s started crushing on you, and it still hasn’t stopped. you still manage to find a way to make his thoughts surround you.

“separates and holds individual tissues? it’s the one that extends into the tendons, right?” you perk up after a minute or so. your brain finally coming up with the answer. you blame jungkook’s presence for slowing you down. maybe you shouldn’t have accepted this offer to study together, because how could you focus when jeon jungkook is sitting right in front of you?

“you’re amazing,” he praises, setting the flashcards down onto the table. you blush at the compliment, jungkook takes notice, but he doesn’t mind, he thinks pink is pretty on you. he’s never wanted to kiss your cheeks as much as he did now, and trust, he’s thought about it many, many times. “all done?” he asks after staring at you for the longest time.

you nod, “just gonna highlight these terms to review them later so i can get it down 100%.”

jungkook watches as you diligently reread your notes and highlight them. an apple on the table taking his attention away for a second when he realizes he hasn’t eaten at all today. he takes a bite, the loud crunch noise seemingly startling the both of you. it makes you turn your head and raise an eyebrow towards him.

“sorry,” he chews, “hungry.”

your stare lingers a little longer than you wanted it to. his cheeks are full of apple, you can’t help but laugh a little. “there’s still the sticker on it,” you point out.

he turns the apple around to see the blue sticker. peeling it off, he holds it on his fingertip, an idea sprouting in his mind to see that sweet smile of yours again. so he places the sticker on your cheek, your gaze moving from your screen to him and then to the fruit sticker now stuck onto your cheek. “get it? ‘cause you’re sweet like this apple is,” he smiles.

oh my god. you blush embarrassingly, your entire face flushed pink as you hide your cheeks behind your hands. he laughs at your reaction. jungkook was feeling bold today, so he moves forward, gently taking your hands away from your face to see the cute pink tint he caused. he sits back, admiring your pretty face.

you feel yourself burning hotter and hotter the longer he stares, looking everywhere but his face, too scared to make eye contact. you look back to your computer screen, “um— there’s pasta in the fridge— if you’re hungry, i made it last night.” you offer, but he declines politely, telling you that he has to leave pretty soon because his friends are expecting him to join them today.

begrudgingly, you watch as jungkook packs his things up. he thinks about how content he felt hanging out with you today, and how he wanted to do it again, as soon as possible. a thought pops into his head before he opens the door to leave. he turns on his heel.

you weren’t expecting the sudden turn, accidentally bumping into his chest. “oof! sorry.”

“it’s alright,” he laughs, helping you steady yourself by holding your shoulders. “i just wanted to ask— uh, my friends are throwing a party tomorrow night, do you— do you wanna come?” his words come out jumbled, jungkook never fails to trip on his words whenever he’s near you.

tomorrow night...it’s a friday tomorrow, the quiz is tomorrow, why the fuck not? a stress reliever from all the studying you’ve done. “sure,” you answer after a minute or so of deliberation. you look up at him with a smile, suddenly realizing how close the two of you are.

your eyes flicker between his eyes and his lips, the close proximity makes you hold your breath. “great! i can pick you up? be your DD?” he quirks his head, a smile that matches yours on his face.

you nod, “yeah, i’d like that.” with that, jungkook takes a step back, widening the space between you both as his right hand goes to hold the strap of his bag.

“okay, i’ll text you the details.” before he turns around, turning the knob of your front door and letting himself out. before the door closes, he sends you a wave, one which you reflect as he pulls the door closed. you move up and lock the door, your forehead resting against the cold metal slab.

you wonder if this crush will ever advance into something more. neither of you really push the agenda, most of the time just cutely flirting with each other and only talking to each other during class. maybe this party will be a chance to further the bond the two of you have. you could only wish that you could drop this nervous shield that pops up everytime you’re around him, but jungkook is just so cool. the campus heartthrob, everyone wants to be him or be with him.

for the rest of the day, jungkook seems to occupy your mind, as he always does. when you get to sleep, the fantasies of jungkook’s lips on yours drift you into a deep sleep, one that eventually leads to a dream that has you rubbing your thighs together. his hands were all over your body, his cologne that you were so familiar with tormenting your nose, it all felt too real. so when you woke up to the sound of your alarm, sweat beaded at your hairline. you took deep breaths, cementing the fact that he isn’t here, and he certainly isn’t doing those things with you right now.

it was not helping that you dreamt of him sexually on the day of your quiz, the one that you were immensely stressing over. now, you’re gonna have to walk into class, act normal around jungkook even though your brain produced pornographic images of him, (it’s not the first time, but it’s the first time you’ve had to face him right after it happened) and ace this quiz.

you tried almost everything you could to have cleared your brain of your dream sequence. taking a shower, eating breakfast, studying once more, etc. but when you’re walking into the lecture hall, flashes of the dream and the sound of his imagined moan echo in your mind.

you walk up the stairs with your eyes down, not sure if you could make eye contact with jungkook without turning red. “hey, ___, good morning!” the familiar voice greets you.

“morning,” you reply, dryly. taking the seat next to him and silently taking your laptop out, waiting for the professor to start the quiz. jungkook seemed a bit taken aback by your cold answer, but he took into account that you’re probably just super nervous and stressed out because of the quiz, so he doesn’t take it too personally. instead, just sitting back in his chair and waiting patiently to take the quiz as well.

at this point, you were psyching yourself out, swearing that you already forgot all of the terms. if you were quizzed on the parts of male anatomy, specifically jungkook’s, then maybe you could ace it, but the terms that you were working oh so hard to memorize yesterday slip from your mind. when the professor tells you to separate and start the quiz, you start to bite your thumb nail again.

jungkook takes a look over at you, noticing the bad habit of yours. he gently takes a hold of your arm, pulling your thumb away from your teeth. the action causing you to make eye contact with him and his big doe eyes that hold so much love and light. you find yourself a bit speechless then, too many thoughts running around in your mind.

he whispers, “you’ll do great, okay?” the statement soothing your nerves. his voice somehow makes your body relax, even though you thought you would freak out if you made any sort of contact with him.

“you— you too, good luck,” you mutter. a half smile on your face. you were grateful that jungkook broke you out of your trance, his words of encouragement suddenly placing you in the testing state of mind. the images from last night's dream seem to put themselves away for now.

the next twenty minutes are complete silence. everyone focused on the questions before them. of course, you zoomed through the quiz, prepared for the trick questions and the harder ones that come up. jungkook finishes after you. it wasn’t a surprise, jungkook didn’t even have to try, you swear you’ve never seen him stress out before. nobody was perfect, you believed that, but jeon jungkook was the closest to it.

“okay, class! the quiz will be graded by tonight hopefully, you’re free to leave,” your professor alerts the class. jungkook waits patiently until you’re standing, following you down the stairs and out the door.

you decide to speak first, since you greeted him with such a dry response this morning. it wasn’t his fault that you dreamed of him on top of you, so why were you punishing him for it? “how’d you think you did?” you asked, turning to look at him.

he shrugs, “good i guess, i think i fucked up on one or two questions.”

“was it the striation part? i think i messed up on that one too.”

he shakes his head, “you know you aced that, don’t lie.”

you stay silent, the two of you walking to the campus parking lot. neither of you engage in conversation as you usually do. the images of last night’s dream slipping into your consciousness once again. you try to shake your head, to rid yourself of the thoughts. nothing else to distract you from them because jungkook was oddly silent the entire walk. you fear that he can actually read your mind and see all of your thoughts. if he could, he doesn’t mention it. not saying one word to you until he walks you to your car, greeting you with a ‘see you next class!’ before leaving to go to his car. not even mentioning the party to you, you start to wonder if he regrets inviting you. up until you heard your phone ring when you parked in the lot of your apartment complex.

[10:24 am] jungkook: hey! forgot to remind u about the party 😫

[10:24 am] jungkook: ur still down to come, right?

[10:28 am] you: hi! yeah :)

[10:28 am] you: is there a dress code or smth? haha

[10:29 am] jungkook: not that i know of 😂

[10:30 am] jungkook: u can wear anything u want

[10:30 am] jungkook: ur cute whatever u wear

[10:31 am] you: oh stop it jeon ur making me blush

[10:32 am] you: but tell me :( should i wear something casual? pants? a dress?

[10:34 am] jungkook: 😂

[10:34 am] jungkook: it’s kind of like a frat party…

[10:35 am] jungkook: so anything is okay

[10:37 am] you: ah okay

[10:37 am] you: i’ll surprise u then ;)

[10:40 am] jungkook: alright :)

[10:41 am] jungkook: i’ll come by around 9 to pick u up? sound good?

[10:42 am] you: yeah! gives me enough time to nap and get ready lol

[10:44 am] jungkook: great :) see u then cutie

you wake up from your nap around one, you had more than enough time for you to get ready for a party. so you decide to clean your apartment first, little chores to waste time before you get yourself dolled up. when you finished, it was around seven thirty. you washed your face, brushed your teeth, all that good stuff before sliding on a simple black bodycon that you got last summer. styling your hair and spraying on your favorite perfume before looking at yourself in the mirror. this wasn’t too much, right? lots of people wear stuff like this to frat parties, so you didn’t find it too fancy. the notification sound from your phone goes off, you move to check and see if it was who you were expecting.

[8:54 pm] jungkook: i’m here :)

[8:54 pm] you: ahh gimme a sec i need to pee haha

[8:55 pm] jungkook: take ur time cutie

[8:56 pm] jungkook: i’m right in front

jungkook only really had to wait about five minutes. the visual of you walking out of your apartment doors, looking the way you did, was breathtaking. his jaw drops, mouth slightly agape as he watches you walk up to his car through the passenger window. you are so gorgeous. it’s probably the first time jungkook’s seen you in clothes that really compliment your figure, most of the time you show up to class in hoodies and sweaters. so greedily, he takes in the way the dress hugs your curves deliciously. he shakes the thoughts from his head to get out of the car and open the door for you.

“what a gentleman,” you tease, getting into the car.

he joins you soon after, “you look...gorgeous.” jungkook doesn’t seem so shy now, his eyes taking in your beautiful self.

“thank you,” you blush under his stare. “is it too much?”

“no! no— not at all, all eyes will be on you tonight.” he smiles, turning the car on. now you were able to gawk over him. a simple outfit, all black with a black and white camo bomber. his side profile is perfect, his long hair draping over his face so gracefully and his piercings somehow sparkling in the dark of the car.

he doesn’t drive too far, somewhere in the suburbs where the big houses are. a huge iron gate in the front, seemingly too fancy for a frat party setting. jungkook rolls his window down to greet someone waiting in front of the gate with a couple of other guys.

“jeon! you’re late dude,” one of the guys gives him a handshake through the window.

“sorry man, i’m here now though,” jungkook laughs. the guy giving him the greenlight and opening the gate for him, jungkook parks inside on their stone driveway, decorated with a fountain and a beautiful garden.

“your friend lives here?” you inquire, impressed by the look of the place.

he nods, “fancy right? his parents are ceo’s.” makes sense, and it would also make sense as to why they were throwing a frat party here, rich sons always seem to stir up trouble whenever they’re bored.

he steps out of the car to open the door for you, always a gentleman. he takes your hand and helps you out, the two of you walking to the huge open double doors. as soon as you walk in, the smell of alcohol hits your nose, you try your best not to cringe. the blare of the speakers is the second thing you notice, along with the shouting of jungkook’s friends greeting him. “who’s this?” one of them asks, referring to you.

jungkook seems to hesitate at first, not really knowing how to introduce you. he settles by saying, “this is ___!” not attaching any ‘friend’, ‘classmate’, or anything to the introduction. his friend holds his hand out to shake yours.

you take it with a smile on your face, “i’m yugyeom, it’s nice to meet you!” a smile that reflects yours is on his face, it made you feel welcome. you were never really the type to go to parties, your time is spent working and/or going to school, but this interaction helps you ease up a little more.

“hello, yugyeom!” you reply, shouting over the music.

“do you wanna take a shot?” he asks. pointing to the enormous kitchen where they’re housing all the alcohol, you look to jungkook first who’s paying more attention to his phone rather than the conversation you were just having.

you shrug, “why not?”

yugyeom leads the two of you to the kitchen, jungkook following behind you blindly. he looks up from his phone, done with whatever business he was dealing with to ask, “where are we going?”

“taking a shot,” you answer, pointing to yugyeom who’s already pouring three shots.

“dude, i’m not drinking, don’t pour three.” jungkook tries to stop him before he fills up the third shot glass but his arm knocks yugyeom’s in the process, the bottle spilling the clear liquid into the third shot glass.

“i’ll take two,” you suggest, feeling a bit wild and down to venture out of your comfort zone.

yugyeom smiles at this, “i like her, jeon.” he hands you the two shot glasses full of vodka, jungkook stands next to you and watches as you down the first shot. your face cringing as soon as the alcohol touches your tongue.

“you didn’t even give her a chaser,” jungkook notices, scolding yugyeom who's already downed his shot and is sucking on a lime. “here, suck,” holding a slice of lime up to your lips. his choice of words disorienting you, especially since he was holding the lime up to your mouth instead of just handing it to you. your eyes flicker between the lime and his face, but nevertheless, you suck. sinking your teeth into the sour fruit. jungkook’s eyes zeroed in on how your lips wrap around the slice, slightly grazing his fingers. it’s not long before you’re making a cute scrunched up face from the sourness. “good,” he praises. you don’t deny the slight burn your lower belly felt when he said that to you. you swear he was making sex eyes to you, but you couldn’t tell. he broke eye contact with you soon after, throwing the fruit into the trash below the table that the alcohol was perched on.

yugyeom hands you another lime for your second shot, this time no jungkook to hold the fruit for you. the second shot burning down your throat with the lime chasing after, both yugyeom and jungkook cheer, congratulating you for being a trooper (even though two shots were their warmups).

the next hour or so, jungkook brings you around. he introduces you to his friends and making conversation with them. one certain group, you didn’t really enjoy. a group of five girls, clearly swarming jungkook as soon as he turned around from talking to another one of his friends. the girls ask how he’s been doing, all of the basic conversation starters. when jungkook tries to introduce you, they all turn to you and give you a little head nod before turning their attention back to jungkook. he stands there, conversing with them longer than he had with any of his other friends, and you found yourself getting, hm, jealous.

so you search around the room crowded room, looking for some way out. your eyes spot yugyeom in the backyard through the huge sliding doors, sitting on one of those lawn chairs with the one next to him empty. you decide to leave the group you were currently getting pushed out of and join yugyeom. he notices you when you step onto the grass, trying your best not to sink into the dirt with your heels. “you doing alright? where’s jungkookie?” he asks, sitting up.

you plop down onto the lawn chair next to him. “he’s in there,” you point to the house, “with five girls.”

the last bit of the sentence makes him laugh, a cackle where he holds his stomach because he was laughing so hard. “do you want a shot?” he offers after he recovers from his fit, pulling a tequila bottle out from nowhere.

but you agree, “two, please.” he fills the two shot glasses, but not completely like he did with the vodka earlier. there were no limes, or any type of chaser for you to take around, so you take the two shots like ripping off a band-aid, quick.

“you’re a funny girl,” yugyeom compliments when you’ve downed the shots.

“thanks?” you cough, the feeling of the alcohol still burning your nose and throat, “what did i say that was funny?”

“i think it’s because i’m tipsy, but that joke you made about jungkook being with five girls was hilarious.” he slaps his knee, almost making himself laugh up a storm again, but you weren’t laughing.

you raised an eyebrow, speaking with a serious tone. “it wasn’t a joke, he’s in there with five girls.”

yugyeom tries to collect himself, sitting properly on the lawn chair when he asks you to clarify, “you mean he’s fucking them? or he’s talking to them?”

you’re silent for a second before replying, why did you say it like he was in there fucking them? maybe it’s because he might as well be, so engrossed in whatever the hell they were saying to even notice that you were gone. “just talking to them,” you reply.

“that’s what i thought, jungkook isn’t like that anymore,” yugyeom nods his head, pouring another shot out for you.

“anymore?” you ask. he hands you the shot, you hesitate this time, starting to feel the effects of the first four shots you took. he doesn’t push you to take it. he just leans back onto the lawn chair as he sighs.

“you could say he’s retired,” he shrugs.

the term makes you laugh, “...a retired fuckboy?” you sit back into the lawn chair as well, looking up to the night sky. the shot glass forgotten on the table next to you. your body feels like it’s floating.

“yeah, he hasn’t really been doing stuff like that recently,” yugyeom spills. you stay quiet after he feeds you this information. yugyeom offhandedly telling you that you shouldn’t be jealous makes you feel guilty. why were you even jealous? jungkook was technically still just a friend to you. just because the two of you flirt every now and then doesn’t mean you’re together. of course he would be surrounded by girls, just look at him!

“there you are! i was looking all over for you,” jungkook interrupts your inner monologue. his voice comes from across the lawn, you look up to see him walking over to you and yugyeom.

“hi, jungkookie,” you smile up at him. the alcohol having more of an effect on you the longer you let it sit in your stomach.

he almost freezes up at the nickname, looking over to yugyeom and asking, “did you tell her to call me that?”

yugyeom holds his hands up in innocence, “i didn’t tell her to do anything, she’s like five or six shots deep though.”

you take the shot that was forgotten on the table and down it. “six,” you clarify.

“alright, slow down, iron liver,” jungkook jokes. yugyeom stands from the lawn chair, receiving jungkook’s telepathic signals to get the fuck up to he could talk and hang out with you.

“play beer pong with me later, ___! i’m gonna go look for eunwoo,” yugyeom points to you, giving you a thumbs up before leaving the backyard and moving into the house.

“feeling okay? think you might throw up soon?” jungkook asks, replacing yugyeom in the chair next to you.

“feel like i’m surfing, you know? like wavy,” you answer. the feeling was hard to explain, you weren’t dizzy but at the same time your brain was telling you to stop moving, even though you were completely still.

“ah, you’re getting there,” jungkook snorts. you didn’t have much willpower to answer, so the two of you sit there in a comfortable silence before a group of people coming towards, all greeting jungkook and you. they offer you a red cup, despite your current predicament. leaning against the chair and your droopy eyes, telling them that you’ve taken too many shots. a lightweight at her peak.

jungkook tries to deny it for you, but with a smile, you accept the cup. it was filled with the fancy mixed alcohol juice they had. “thank you,” you place the cup onto the table, “i’ll drink it.... later..” your words begin to draw themselves out. jungkook somehow finding a way to make the entire group leave, making it just the two of you again.

“give it to me, you’re starting to slur your words.” his hand is open, laying on the table and waiting for you to surrender the cup.

your eyes flicker from the red cup, to his face, then to his hand. a smirk on your face when you hold the cup up to your lips, tilting it back and drinking the cursed juice. you weren’t able to down it all, it was too much, you drank maybe ⅔ of it. you cough, taking in a deep breath as you try to steady yourself.

you weren’t sure if it was because you were drunk, but the way that his face looks in the moonlight was so pretty. so you just had to tell him. leaning forward, you speak, almost a whisper, “you’re so handsome.” you drag your finger across the expanse of jungkook’s hand. “did you know i have no gag reflex?” you smile, not your typical sweet smile that he’s used to, but a devilish grin.

jungkook’s eyes widen, his cheeks flushing immediately at your remark. “alright, you drank way too much.” he takes the red cup from your hands, dumping it out onto the grass in front of you both.

“hey, i wasn’t done,” you pout, but jungkook didn’t give you much time to mourn your spilled drink before he was holding your arm, lifting you from the lawn chair you were sitting on. “where are we going?” you ask, trailing behind him with your hand in his.

“gonna get you some water and something to eat,” he answers. the two of you move through the house, jungkook pushes through groups of people and makes sure you’re safe behind him.

“i have to pee.” you tip toe to tell him your emergency in his ear. he stops at the stairs, knowing a bathroom where no one else goes. his friend specifically telling him to use that bathroom when they have parties because the other ones get way too gross.

he brings you up the stairs to the guest bedroom, opening the door to reveal one of the biggest rooms you’ve seen. “the bathroom is there,” jungkook points to the door on the left. you nod, your wobbly legs making their way to the toilet.

jungkook sits on the bed patiently, waiting for you to finish. he hears the flush and the sound of the sink running, the door opens and you’re coming out of the bathroom, pulling your dress down. “are we gonna have sex?” you utter, slurring the end of your sentence. your alcohol poisoned mind taking over your ability to speak.

his eyes widen at the question. “no! no— oh my god, this is just the room with the cleanest bathroom, we’re not—“

you’re next to him now, “you don’t want to?” you pout. glassy eyes looking into his.

“no! i mean, yes, i want to but— fuck, just— just not now, yeah?” jungkook stumbles over his words, his face blushing a blood red. your pretty face peering up at him makes him even more flustered, his hands start to sweat.

“okay,” you nodded. your drunken brain deciding to stop the interrogation of jungkook’s desire for you. to which jungkook lets out a sigh of relief, taking your hand and bringing you out of the room, down the stairs, and out into the driveway. he brings you to his car, opening the passenger door for you. “wait, are we leaving already? yugyeomie wants me to play beer pong with him,” you complain, wiggling your hand from his grasp.

goosebumps appear on your arm when you make it outside of the house. jungkook notices when he turns around to look at you. without a second thought, he takes his jacket off and places it over your shoulders. the newfound warmth shielding you from the cold night. he didn’t mind the breeze, especially since he was still recovering from the stunt you pulled in the guest room.

“we can come back later if you want, let’s just go grab something to eat first so you won’t regret this tomorrow morning.” his explanation is pretty solid according to your drunken brain, so you oblige, moving to sit in his passenger seat.

he joins you in the driver’s seat not long after. “can we get mcdonald’s?” you ask as soon as he sits down.

a smile appears on his face as he starts the car, “sure.”

the drive made you feel a little dizzy, it makes you laugh. “you okay?” jungkook asks, but you nod your head. he’s so sweet, always asking if you’re okay, making sure you weren’t feeling too awful, etc. it only makes sense that you were falling head over heels for him.

“totally fine,” you look over to him with a smile on your face. he’s so fucking pretty, his side profile is something you could rave about for days. as he’s pulling into the mcdonald’s drive through, he’s talking into the intercom, ordering the two of you something to eat when you’re suddenly mumbling, “mcflurry, kookie, oreo mcflurry.”

he looks back to you, an amused smile on his face, “oreo mcflurry?” he repeats. you nod, “okay, anything for you.”

he reiterates the request into the intercom and the server gives him the greenlight. he drives forward and waits until the next car moves up, in the time being, he looks to you. your head laying up against the door and your eyes slowly blinking, warning him that you might fall asleep. so he reaches into his backseat, his arm looking for the water bottles that he usually keeps in his car.

“hey,” he taps your arm gently, “drink some of this first.” he hands you the water bottle, you blink slowly, trying to figure out what he was handing you. once you realize it was a water bottle, you take it, opening it and gulping some of the water down. jungkook is grabbing the food when you’re screwing the cap back on. he parks somewhere in the parking lot and tells you to start eating.

you grab your mcflurry first, the feeling of the cold ice cream on your tongue soothing your dizzy brain. “yum,” you think out loud.

jungkook laughs, taking out his hamburger while he takes out your chicken nuggets. “make sure to eat some of this, yeah? don’t want you throwing up and hating me.”

the thought makes you smile. jungkook was taking such great care of you. sure, he let you down the alcohol like it was nothing, but you never opposed to it, always taking the shot because you wanted to. now jungkook is here, taking care of you, because he wanted to. you knew that if it were anybody else, they probably would have left you at the party, letting you fend for yourself. the sudden warmth in your chest makes you want to tell jungkook everything.

with his jacket wrapped around you instead of him, you can see the bulge of his arm muscles peek out from the short sleeved shirt he was wearing. even drunk, your brain seems to travel back to the images from your dream. “you know, i had a dream about you, a reeaaaallllllyyyyy dirty dream, jeon jungkook.” you blurt out the confession before your thoughts catch up with you, the alcohol still very much blocking off the common sense part of your brain.

he tries his best not to overreact, but you had a dream about him? a dirty dream at that? it awakens something in jungkook, but he pushes it down, ignoring the feeling as he asks, “you did? what was it about?” he curious as to what you meant and what your dream entailed, but he didn’t want to push too far. especially since you were drunk and most likely just spilling everything because your brain doesn’t have the willpower to hold it back.

you stick your hand into the bag to steal some fries, stuffing them in your mouth. “oh, you don’t wanna know,” you chew.

jungkook quirks a brow, “well, was i good at least?” he jokes.

you scrunch your nose, nodding nevertheless. “too good, couldn’t even focus during the quiz because of it.”

jungkook is silent for a second. the conversation making him hot even though he wasn’t wearing his jacket anymore. so he clears his throat, trying to change the subject in a subtle manner. “is that why you were so mean to me this morning?” he pouts, connecting the dots.

you laugh at the question, “sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear.”

with that, the rest of the time is spent eating. jungkook makes sure that you ate enough and drank enough water, the empty water bottle in his cupholder as proof. “do you want me to take you home now?” he asks, the two of you finished eating and now a silence takes over the car.

“are you going back?” you ask, fiddling with your fingers. he thinks you’ve started to sober up, or maybe have gotten to the point where you just want to sleep.

he shakes his head to your question, “honestly, i’m kind of tired, but if you want to go back, we can go.”

“no, i’m okay,” you decline the offer. jungkook laughs, starting the car again and driving back to your apartment complex.

you take this time to try to get yourself together. you know you’ll regret confessing to jungkook that you had a wet dream about him in the morning. but in the moment, it felt right to confess, (to your drunken brain of course). you tilt your head back, pushing your head against the headrest, and suddenly, you’re reminded of the stars jungkook has on his ceiling. you were silent as you admired the lights, jungkook takes a look at you when he’s stopped at a red light.

so cute, he thinks, staring up at his ceiling like it’s the real night sky. when he pulls up to your apartment complex, he wishes the night could be longer, that he could spend more time with you. he parks the car in the front, exactly where he picked you up. you’re looking to him now, your hands in your lap and your heart seemingly beating three times as fast as it usually does. it wasn’t the alcohol.

“did you have fun tonight?” he asks. his voice never fails to make you melt.

you nod, “i did.”

“i’m glad,” he smiles. there’s a small silence before he speaks once more, “also, y’know, you don’t have to stress yourself out so much, i know you might have expectations for yourself and stuff, but you should give yourself a break from time to time.”

the alcohol’s effects fading slowly from your brain when you start to realize that the entire reason jungkook invited you out was to help you destress. it makes you fall even harder, he was so thoughtful. even though a party wasn’t your scene, he invited you to give you a glimpse into how he has fun and hoped that it would help you loosen up a bit. you were grateful for the mental break he provided you.

you didn’t reply, purely because you were thinking about how much you want to kiss him right now, but it wouldn’t be right. when he speaks up again, there’s a nervous lilt in his voice, scared that he’s overstepped. “if you need anyone to help you— i don’t know, let loose? you can— you can always call me.” he scratches the back of his neck.

but you try your best to reassure him, smiling at the offer. “i will, thank you for tonight, jungkook, i really enjoyed it, despite being a lightweight.”

he laughs, staring at the way your face cutely scrunches when you giggle. he too, is fighting the urge to kiss you, because right now isn’t a good time. he wants to do it right. he doesn’t want to fuck it up with you. so instead, he hops out of the car and moves to open the door for you. helping you out of the car and walking you to your door, your hand in his.

“i’ll see you in class?” you turn to face him, squeezing his hand.

he nods, “yeah.” his signature bunny smile coming out to greet you a goodnight. “text me before you sleep?” he requests. you give him a thumbs up before he’s letting go of your hand and you’re sticking the key into your door, it’s then that you realize that you’re still wearing his jacket.

“oh!” you exclaim, taking the jacket off and handing it to him. but he holds his hand out to stop you.

“keep it, you can give it to me the next time we hang out, or something,” he suggests. you try to hide the growing smile behind a nod.

you hold onto his jacket, “goodnight, jungkook.”

he sticks his hands in his pockets, sending you another grin, “goodnight, ___.”

jungkook drives home, his empty apartment welcoming him. he plops down onto his bed, not even bothering to change out of the clothes he was in because he was that tired. the events of today running through his mind.

he hopes you don’t think he was doing anything with those five girls. he saw you walk away when you did, he tried his best to escape the conversation, but they kept pulling him back. he gave up after ten tries of trying to get away, standing there for a good fifteen minutes listening to them babble about how much they missed him. jungkook had never rolled his eyes so many times in a conversation.

the talk the two of you had after was another thing taking over his mind. your dirty flirting and your dream you mentioned in the car had his imagination running all over the place. he didn’t want to push you when you explained, but he was very curious as to what he did in your dream, and how good it was for you to have it run through your mind all day.

his phone rings next to him. he turns and opens it, a smile on his face when he reads your message.

[12:32 am] you: hi jungkookieeeeeeeee

[12:33 am] you: im sleeping noww

[12:33 am] jungkook: alright cutie

[12:33 am] jungkook: goodnight! again 😂

[12:34 am] you: goodnight <3

he turns his phone off after that. looking up to his ceiling with a dumb smile on his face. his mind thinking of you and only you.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fan fiction #jeon jungkook fanfic #writing #bts #bts fic #bts fanfic #jjk #jjk fic #jjk fanfic #jjk writing #jungkook writing #fluff #smut #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #mine #jeongguk fic #jeongguk fanfic #jeon jeongguk #jeongguk #jeon jeongguk fic #bangtan #bangtan soyeondan #bangtan fic

[smol-and-grumpy]

EUPHORIA - Chapter 11

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Chapter Warning: Flangst, NSFW

WC: 3946

A/N: Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​ <3

This series is more than two weeks ahead on patreon!

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Once back in Dean’s loft, Y/N spends time unpacking and notices that he’s made room for her in his closet. There’s empty drawers as well as an empty coat rack by the door. 

Her heart flutters strangely in her chest. He didn’t have to but he did. What does that say about him?

After unpacking, she takes a shower to wash off the day and brushes her teeth. She slips into her panties. Just panties, because that’s what she usually wears at home, and takes a book into bed with her. She figures that she might as well try to stay up as long as possible because Dean’s on a completely different schedule to her. She can mostly work remotely and she doesn’t have fixed times that she needs to be in the office unless there’s a deadline to be met and they are usually in the evenings. Since they’re going to be roomies, she thinks that she’s going to try to adapt to his schedule.

She has a day off tomorrow anyway because Dean had asked her to. She wonders how the anniversary party will be. Apparently, there’ll be a couple of celebrities who will show up. She checked out the club’s website while at work. 

It’s about 3am when she feels so tired she can barely keep her eyes open and Dean’s still not here. 

*

Y/N wakes again when she feels something warm between her legs that makes her jerk awake, thinking that she wetted her panties. 

Dean’s looking up at her from between her thighs, face buried in her cunt, tongue lapping at her folds. 

“Oh my god, Dean,” She chokes out, already so close — hence, she realizes, the thought of peeing. 

How long has he been licking at her? She turns her head to see that it’s almost 5am. 

“Mmm-hhm,” He raises his eyebrow and looks up at her, humming as he does, while he continues to lick her, continues to fuck his tongue deep inside her pussy. He’s careful not to use his hands and she wonders if it’s because he still thinks that she’s sore. 

Her hands fists in his hair and she can’t help but grind her pussy deep into his face because she’s so close.  Oh god, he’s so good with his tongue. 

“Fuck, don’t stop,” She moans out, arches her back and basically starts to hump his face, all the shame she had before is thrown out of the window. 

She feels his arms sneak around her thighs, his big hands going underneath her ass cheek and he lifts her hips up, so he can have better access. She helps him by hooking her legs over his shoulder.

Dean’s scruff rubs along the apex of her thighs. His talented tongue licks between her folds to suck at her little stiff bud, the slurping and licking sounds loud and obscene. 

“Please don’t stop, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Her hands searches for something to hold onto, and finds it in the form of the bedsheets because Dean’s head is too far away.

“Mmm-hhm?” He hums. Is he really asking her a question now? She doesn’t know, can’t possibly concentrate.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” She breathes out and clasps one of her hands over her mouth.

“Mmm-hmm,” Dean hums, before she hears lips smacking and then a whisper, “Come for me, baby,”  before he seals his lips around her clit again to suck and nibble at her nub.

The humming. Oh god, his humming sends her over the edge and she’s shaking violently. She comes with a trembling of her thighs, squeezing Dean’s head in between.

“Oh my god,” She pants when she comes to her senses and releases him from his confines. 

Dean chuckles low, before he climbs up her body. He smells fresh, in fact, she now notices the scent of body wash in the room. She didn’t even notice that he came back and showered as she was sleeping so deeply. 

He kisses along her naked chest and nibbles along her throat, his face feels wet. He kisses her then, sucks at her bottom lip, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,”

*

The next time she wakes up the sun’s high in the sky. Dean’s already up and dressed, but not in his usual suits. He’s wearing jeans and plaid. 

He notices her stirring and comes around with a coffee in his hand. He places it on the nightstand, “Hey,” Dean sits down, smiles bright and white. Almost too bright this early. He leans down, kisses her forehead, “I’m busy the whole day, but I’ll try to make room for you, okay?”

Right. Today’s their party. 

She yawns and buries her face deeper into the pillow, making Dean laugh softly, “‘K”

When he’s gone she gets up, thinks about taking a shower but she figures that she’ll do that later when she has to change into her dress. Oh god, she doesn’t know if she’ll have a dress suitable for the party at all. At least she can’t think of a dress off the top of her head.

Maybe she should go shopping, but she’ll see if she can get an apartment viewing appointment so that she can kill two birds with one stone.

Later, when she’s up and functioning, Dean walks in and joins her on the couch. As she finishes her call, he raises one eyebrow at her because she said that she’ll be there in an hour . 

“Where are you going?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can go and view an apartment. And I think I need to go dress shopping. I don’t think I have anything nice to wear.”

Dean pulls her into his lap, and she can’t say that she minds. She’s come to like the place. He wraps his arms around her, places a kiss on the top of her head and leaves it there. He seems to be thinking, because he doesn’t say anything for a long while. 

“Okay,” He finally says, “I’ll send Cas with you. He has a card from the club, he can pay for the dress.”

Her eyes widen and she tilts her head to look up at him, “No, Dean.”

“Yes, Dean,” He chuckles, “I would go with you myself but I can’t get away. Just make sure that you’re back by the time the guests start to show up.” He gets up from the couch with her still in his arms and drops her back onto the couch unceremoniously, making her giggle. Dean leans down again, kisses her lips, “I just wanted to see how you were, I’m needed downstairs. I’ll tell Cas, okay? He’ll be ready when you are.”

“‘K,” She nods, and watches him leave. 

  *

  Y/N’s sitting in the car with Castiel and it’s weird, to say the least. But again, it was weird seeing Dean the first time too, although she can’t really compare. Cas was never in her class. He was two grades below her so she barely saw him. 

He drives her to her possible new apartment, and they try a little small talk to test the water. She asks him a couple of things about their school, but Cas closes up immediately. Apparently, he doesn’t like to talk about that and she makes a mental note never to bring it up again. 

“So, you like working for Dean?” She asks, figuring that if he doesn’t want to talk about his past, maybe he’ll want to talk about his present. 

Cas’ eyes light up and he smiles, “I love it.” 

He says it with so much enthusiasm, it blows her mind. 

“You don’t mind orgies and sex rooms, then?” 

“Oh,” He chuckles, “At first, yeah. But I got used to it pretty quickly. It’s really just a job, Y/N. It’s business, and it in no way represents how I am in private.”

She raises her eyebrows, “Do you take part?” It blurts out of her unintentionally and she squints her eyes, realizing that it might have been too personal. She stammers, tries to right her wrong, “It’s just… you know, uh, Dean, he said that his employees can take part if they want.”

Castiel chuckles at her helplessness, “Don’t worry, it’s okay,” He looks over to her and smiles, “I do occasionally, if I’m really in the mood. It certainly doesn’t happen every day. I don’t even think it happens every month but yeah, I do.”

Y/N bites on her bottom lip, eyes staring at the hand in her lap. She’s not sure if she should ask Cas? She isn’t sure if she wants to know the answer to the question that’s burning on her tongue. 

The car comes to a halt in front of the apartment building and instead of getting out, Cas turns to her, “You wanna ask if Dean’s done it, right?”

Well, she wants to ask, yeah, but how can she say that. She’s not sure if she wants to know the answer to it.

She trains her gaze on her hand and shrugs making Cas laugh. 

“Maybe it’ll help to ease your mind if you know that I have never seen him doing anything in the VIP rooms or in any other rooms for that matter,” Cas says, and adds, “Dean’s quite the businessman when he’s working. He doesn’t mix work with pleasure and he’s kind of private about his life and builds his reputation around it. That’s why he has me. I’m the face of the club, not him.” Cas pauses to look at her and she tilts her head, staring back at him. He grins smugly, “And if you really want to know, I’ve never seen him showing  anyone the rooms they way he showed you. Also,” He leans closer, invading her space in the car and whispers into her ear, “I knew back in school already that he had a thing for you. Everyone with a set of eyes knew it, Y/N. I didn’t think he ever stopped having a crush on you.”

Great. She’s the only one who didn’t know it then. Fabulous. She groans out and Cas laughs louder. But how does Cas know that Dean never stopped? She gnaws on her bottom lip and there’s a sudden realization.

“The classroom.”

“Exactly,” Cas nods, “He was going crazy setting it up and went above and beyond to make it as authentic as possible.”

*

The apartment is really great, at her top limit but she can technically afford it. It’s not far from her work, so that’s a pro . It’s a little further from Dean’s apartment, which is probably a con but she’s learned that one can never have it all. 

Later, Cas takes her to a boutique downtown after the viewing. Apparently it’s the place where they usually buy their costumes for the employees. 

A woman smiles brightly upon seeing Cas, but her smile falls when she sees that Y/N is with him, but maybe she’s just imagining it.

“Hey Carmen,” Cas greets the brown haired woman.

“Where’s Dean?” Is all she asks.

“Busy.” Cas answers short. Y/N can feel Cas’ hand on her lower back and he pushes her forward, “I need a dress for her,”

Carmen eyes her up and down and smirks, “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“Uh,” Y/N starts to say, but realizes that she doesn’t fucking know. 

“Sequin, rose gold,” Cas jumps in and Y/N widens her eyes at him to which he winks, “I think that’ll suit you.”

“Oh,” Carmen says, and she dashes back into the store to come forward with a sequin dress in rose gold but the cleavage is so deep, it probably reaches to the middle of her stomach. It’s short too. It would most likely not cover the whole of her ass. 

“Carmen, we don’t want to whore her out.” Cas shakes his head, “A long dress please. Something with a slit up her leg?”

“Sure,” Carmen says and goes back. The woman doesn’t look too happy. 

  Dean walks into his loft when she just finished with her shower. 

Dammit , he’s too late. If that stupid press guy could have talked faster, he would have been here on time to join her. 

She’s standing in the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe, her hair wet, her cheeks flush from the warm shower. Cute is what it is, and Dean can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. 

“Hey,” He says, hands working on his plaid. He unbuttons it and shrugs it off his shoulders, dropping it onto the bathroom floor. 

“Hi,” She smiles. Their eyes meet through the mirror.

He rids himself off his shirt and starts to undo his belt. When he’s finished, he’s naked and walks to stand behind her, lowering his face to her neck and kisses her there. She smells like summer meadow and honey. He could get used to the smell. Could get used to smelling it every day, actually. 

“You’re already finished,” He pouts a little for effect, his arms going around her waist, reaching under the robe to touch her bare skin.

“Yeah,” She smiles and turns around in his grip, “I need to keep going if I want to be finished by the time it starts.” She stands on her tip toe, leaves a kiss on his cheek before walking out. 

Dean thinks that’s probably wise of her not to let him kiss her for real, because he knows that he wouldn’t be able to resist and that would mean that he, the owner of the club, won’t be ready by the time guests start showing up. 

After a while, she walks back into the bathroom with her toiletries and starts to apply her make-up. Dean doesn’t really know why she needs it, but he knows better than to ask dumb questions. 

“How was apartment hunting?” He asks while he washes the shampoo from his hair. 

“Good,” She looks over to him, a brush in her hand and powder in the other, “I think I’ll take it. It’s affordable,”

“You know that you don’t have to take the first decent one, right? You can take your time.” He soaps up his body, avoiding scrubbing too long at his cock because it’s on half mast already just seeing her standing there.

“Dean, really, it’s great. Cas says so too,”

“Huh,” Dean exclaims, “Does he now?” Dean walks out of the shower, dries himself off with the towel and wraps it around his hips. He sees her gaze through the mirror and he smirks, “Well, if Cas says so. He knows the city, I trust him.”

He reaches out and works around her to get to his things in the cabinet and Dean thinks it’s not hard at all. Not hard to fit her into his life and work his way around her. To give her her own space and be himself at the same time.

“Cas told me his aunt used to live in the building next to that one, so I guess I’m going to be safe.” She tilts her head up to the side, grins at him and he leans down, has to kiss her to conceal that he’s been busted. She knows that he’s really afraid that she won’t be safe out there on her own. 

“When will they let you move in?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. Probably in a couple of days. Cas knows the owner of the apartment by the way. He said that he knew the guy's son.”

That’s great isn’t it? It probably means that she’ll get special treatment and she’ll get the apartment for sure. It’s good, but it’s also bad because he’d like to keep her around longer, he’s not going to lie about that. They probably still have a couple of days. A couple of days that he gets to wake up next to her, so there’s that.

Dean applies deodorant and brushes his teeth while he watches her through the mirror. Watches her squint her eyes when she applies some mascara, her mouth twists in a weird way and he has to hold himself back so as not to laugh out loud. 

Yeah, it’s definitely easy.

*

He’s ready before her, and waits by the kitchen island for her to finish. He hasn’t seen the dress yet, but from what Cas said, she apparently looks great. Dean’s a little jealous. He would have liked to be the first one to see it on her. 

Dean’s engrossed in his phone when he hears footsteps. He looks up to see her walking towards him, a vision of rose gold, legs poking out of the slit when she walks. She looks like a dream, and Dean wishes he could ask her out to prom again, and do it properly this time around.

“You look lovely,” He says and weaves an arm around her waist when she’s close enough, pulling her closer to kiss her temple. He doesn’t want to mess up her make-up, which is a weird thought because he can bet that by the end of the night, there won’t be a lot of make-up left on her face anyway. Jesus, he’s getting hard just thinking about having her to himself after the party.

“You look great too,” She says as she smiles up at him.

“So,” Dean says, as he rubs along her naked arms, “Just to let you know. There’s going to be a red carpet. There’s going to be a lot of press and cameras. If you don’t want to do any of it, you don’t have to, alright? But, there will also be press inside, even if you aren’t exactly the center of the picture, you’re most likely going to be a part of one, and given what happened yesterday, I don’t feel good about it either. So if you want to stay in, that’s okay for me, too.”

It really is. He doesn’t lie. He’d rather have her safe than out there, giving the person who’s out for her the satisfaction in seeing them out in the open. 

“Okay,” She nods, and adds, “I’m not walking the red carpet,”

How did he know that she was going to say that? She was never one that likes to be in the center of attention and Dean can’t say he minds that.

With her next breath, she says, “But I wanna be there. You spent so much money on the dress, I don’t wanna ruin the night for you.”

“You really don’t need to worry about that.”

“Just,” She looks up, with a little crease between her eyebrows and Dean quickly kisses it away, “Don’t leave my side, okay?”

He grins before he leans down to kiss her. He doesn’t even mind now if the lipstick transfers to his lips, “I would never,”

The flashlights are blinking outside, cameras clicking loudly. It sounds like machine guns going off. People shouting for someone to look their way. It’s pretty scary if she thinks about it. She never liked having photographs taken. There weren’t many that her mother took of her while she was little either. She absolutely hated school pictures. But she remembers the old year books, remembers that Dean always had a cocky grin on his face. Also, he never minded getting his photograph taken randomly, whilst she avoided it like the plague.

Dean’s hand is still on her waist and they’re walking towards the front of the club. She hesitates when they walk outside, but she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that they’re just off to the side and not actually on the red carpet. There are two bouncers next to them who shield the entrance of the club from curious eyes. 

He turns to her and looks down, “You wait, here, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

“Can’t I wait inside?” She pouts, and Dean rubs his hand along her arms. Looking over his shoulder, she can see Cas already on the red carpet, smiling into the camera lenses.

“I’d rather have you where I can see you,” Dean smirks, but it’s a weak one. There’s more to his words and she wonders why he wants her where he can see her, but she can’t dwell on it or say anything because Cas already calls out for Dean and then all eyes are on her too. 

“Right, I’ll be right back,” Dean kisses her cheek before he walks over to Cas, putting the dark haired man into a playful headlock.

Y/N watches from a safe distance, having taken a couple of steps further back. She watches Dean and Cas smiling into the camera, sees them walking from one photo op mark to the other. They are joking, laughing. Both of them look so good, so carefree and relaxed. Like they were born to do this. She knew that Dean was good with cameras, but she never knew that Cas would be either. He was like her back in school. He has changed so much and she quite likes that. Maybe one day she can be like Cas. 

As soon as the pictures were taken, Dean’s quick to be by her side and guides her back inside, leaving Cas to greet the people and celebrities. She thinks she recognizes some important people too, some sports personalities, actors, politicians. She’s astounded that they want to be linked with a club like this. But again, only members know what’s really going on inside on the second floor of that building. Maybe some of them are members? She wonders if she’s seen some of the people in there. She can’t really tell, didn’t really look at their faces when they are naked and grinding on each other.

Dean walks her to the bar where Garth is serving them drinks and he lets her sit on the bar stool while he stands next to her, casually leaning one elbow on the bar top.

They watch as Garth places their drinks in front of them, a huge smile on his face.

“So, what is it about tonight?” She asks Dean. 

It might be a stupid question, because she was so wrapped up in her apartment being burgled that she never got a chance to ask. She knows that it’s the anniversary of the club, but she has no idea what to expect. She takes a sip from her martini while Dean drinks from his tumbler. Garth didn’t ask for their order, he just knew what they wanted. She’s surprised that he still remembers.

“We celebrate the fact that I have survived five years,” Dean chuckles lightly, “But it’s actually all PR,” He takes a sip from his tumbler, “We’re closed to members tonight. The party’s only down here. There are about two-hundred guests but there’ll be a lot of press people around. So, it wouldn’t hurt to smile every now and then.” His hand reaches up to thumb at her lip and she opens her mouth, sucking in his thumb, and swirls her tongue around it, making Dean groan. She then bites at it and he has to laugh. She’s laughing with him. 

He leans down further to kiss her. When he parts, Dean tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“So,” She starts to say, the grin on her face is cheeky, “You say upstairs is closed, even for me?” 

Dean looks at her and his eyes that were glistening has gotten a shade darker. He groans audibly and her smile widens, “Fuck, you’re something else, you know that?” He claims her mouth, it’s bruisingly hard, “We get the first part over with, and then I'll take you up.”

 Chapter 12

#euphoria #dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #nathalie writes

[tefanfics]

Changes

Chapter 60

The light outside the windows was bright. The sun hit the white snow on the ground, causing the perfect sparkle. I sat comfortably on the sofa with a hot cup of tea nestled in my hands while Alexander sat in his play pin, surrounded by toys. The television was on but mostly for background noise. I was having a hard time paying attention to anything but my sweet boy, though occasionally I stole glances at the Christmas tree.

The tree was huge- bigger than anyone I had ever owned and it was real, which was also new to me. The smell of pine filled the living room and kitchen constantly and I had no complaints.

I leaned further back into the couch, taking a deep breath as I shut my eyes for just a moment. This year had gone so fast. Alexander had been born in May and I was having a hard time believing that almost seven months had passed already.

My eyes shot open as my phone began to ring. I smiled as I saw the picture on the screen, answering the FaceTime call immediately.

“Hello, handsome,” I answered.

“Hey, babe,” Taron greeted. He offered a grin of his own. “How’s my lovely wife?”

“Exhausted but good.” My eyes shifted from the screen, checking on Alexander.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Taron questioned. He tried to hide the concern but there was no use. I recognized it immediately.

“Couple hours,” I said sheepishly. “I napped when Alex did though.”

Taron sighed. “You need sleep, Rose. I know it’s a struggle sometimes but you need it.”

At Taron’s words, Alexander began to babble. He turned himself around, reaching for me. I sat the phone down and stood up, pulling Alexander from the pin and putting him on my lap. I held up the phone again and both boys smiled.

“There he is!” Taron exclaimed. “Are you taking care of your mummy?” Alexander squealed, revealing a few teeth. The two went back and forth though I began to zone out.

“Babe. Babe? Rose?”

“Huh?” I blinked furiously and focused on my phone. “Sorry. Just sort of… yeah…”

Taron frowned. “It’s okay. Promise me you’ll try and sleep tonight.”

I nodded in agreement. “Okay.” Alexander began to squirm so I put him back in his play pin, focusing on him rather than my phone. “Three more sleeps, right?”

Taron stayed quiet. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him shifting in his seat.

“T… Only three more sleeps until Christmas Eve. You’ll be home on Christmas Eve, right?” I asked as I looked at him again. The look on his face said everything. “Babe, it’s his first Christmas… You can’t miss it.”

“I want to be there. I want to celebrate Christmas with you both,” he started. “One of the director’s assistants said they had my ticket and today I found out it had been double-booked. I’ve been looking all day to try and find a flight that will put me home Christmas Eve but every airline is booked.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he shook his head. “I know I can be home on the 26th, first thing in the morning!”

“That’s the day after Christmas, T.”

“I know… I’m so sorry. I’m trying to find another way, I promise you I am.”

My shoulders dropped, my heart sank and I looked away as I gave a little nod. “We’ll figure it out I guess,” I sighed. “I’m gonna get off here. Get us some dinner, maybe go to bed early…”

“Babe, it’s 4 in the afternoon.”

I tried to hide my disappointment but we both knew better. “Alex didn’t have his afternoon bottle so he’s probably hungry.” I was lying. I was hurt and sad but I didn’t want to make Taron feel worse about the situation.  “I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

“I promise I won’t miss Alexander’s first Christmas, Rose. I love you too,” Taron answered, though there was confusion in his voice.

I ended the call before either of us could say anything else. I knew it wasn’t his fault but it didn’t make me any less upset.

I tossed the phone down on the couch and went to grab Alexander a bottle. I warmed it up, chewing on my lower lip as I tried to ward off my thoughts. After testing the warmth of the milk, I grabbed Alexander and pulled him to my lap again. I cuddled him close as he ate. He truly looked like Taron, especially when he smiled.

The rest of the night went smoothly. Alexander went down easy for the night and I opted for a bubble bath before I tried to sleep. I poured myself a glass of wine before running the bath water. As the tub filled, I checked my phone and read the few messages from Taron.

I’m so sorry for earlier. I’m trying to figure out how to fix this. I won’t let either of you down, I promise.

Give our boy a kiss from me. I wish I were there so I could run you a bath. I hope you can relax and get some sleep. Love you xx

I smiled softly and snapped a photo of the tub, bubbles growing as the water rose. I sent it to him, followed by a short message.

Great minds. I love you too.

Maybe I should’ve responded to the Christmas problem but I wasn’t sure what else I could say. So instead I undressed and lowered myself into the tub. I turned on Christmas music on my phone and sipped on my wine, humming along as I shut my eyes. My favorite Christmas song started to play- Please Come Home for Christmas by the Eagles. Normally I got excited to hear the song. This time… Not so much. All I could think of was Taron and the possibility that he wouldn’t be here for Alexander’s first Christmas.

I shoved the thought aside for the rest of the night and the next couple of days. It was Christmas Eve and I was doing everything that I could to keep myself and Alexander happy. He wasn’t quite old enough to understand everything but truth be told, it was more for me than him. We made cookies- well I made cookies and he ate the frosting before I had a chance to put any on the cookies. We built a gingerbread house, where Alexander ate the gingerbread man. I kept up my parents’ tradition of one gift on Christmas Eve, which were always new pajamas. I dressed our son in his Santa Claus covered pajamas and made our way to the living room.

The tree was plugged in, the multicolored lights shining brightly and showing off all the ornaments and presents sitting proudly under the tree. I sat Alexander on the ground as I grabbed all the throw pillows and sat them on the ground in front of the sofa before grabbing the copy of The Night Before Christmas. I flipped off the lights, leaving the dim lights under the cabinets in the kitchen on and lowered myself down to sit in front of the sofa. I leaned back against the pillows and pulled Alexander closer to me.

“Hi, sweet boy,” I cooed, kissing him on the top of the head. “You ready for your first time hearing this classic?” Alexander let out a little squeal, clapping his hands together. I grinned and began the story. “Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse…”

I carried on, accepting Tux at my other side and giving him scratches under his chin. Alexander barely made it through the whole story before falling asleep at my side. I laid down more, carefully cradling Alexander. I managed to pull the blanket off the sofa and over our laps as I held my boy.

I turned on Christmas music, letting it play softly as I laid there and took in the beauty of the Christmas tree. The longer I laid there, the more reluctant I was to move. I didn’t want to wake Alexander and I was growing tired myself. Finally I let myself begin to doze off.

I stirred, hearing something in the house. I checked around for Tux but he was nowhere to be seen. I assumed whatever the noise was had come from him before moving Alexander on to my chest. He stayed asleep the whole time, his pacifier in his mouth. I smoothed his hair and shut my eyes again, keeping my arms around him. I knew I needed to put Alexander in his crib but I wanted to take in as many cuddles with him as I could.

Sleep was threatening to take over again. I did my best to fight it off by focusing on everything around me. The tree, the music, the decorations in the room, Alexander snoozing… The feeling was magical but I was missing Taron more than anything. I let out a gentle sigh at the reminder that I had no clue when he’d be home. I kissed Alexander on the head again, reminding myself that I would still give him the best Christmas I could.

I heard a noise again, turning my head toward the direction of the entry way. I furrowed my brows, waiting patiently for Tux to appear on one of his late night run throughs of the house. I gave him a minute but he never came so I turned my attention back to the tree. I yawned, wondering if it was time to put Alexander and myself to bed.

“There he is!” A gentle voice came from the opening of the living room.

My head turned quickly, landing on the figure standing there. I slapped a hand to my mouth and did my best to stay quiet.

Taron shrugged off his coat and hurried to the spot beside me on the ground. He pulled the blanket over his lap and slid his arm under my neck and shoulders. He placed a kiss on my cheek and put a careful hand on Alexander’s back. He raised his phone, checking the time. “11:59, still Christmas Eve.” He smiled proudly at me.

A wave of relief ran through me. My shoulders relaxed and the breath it seemed like I was holding finally went free. “You made it,” I said quietly.

“With time to spare. Did you know that a train ride from Barcelona to London is about 12 hours?” He asked.

I shook my head, letting out a soft chuckle. “You rode a train for 12 hours?”

“I promised I wouldn’t miss his first Christmas,” Taron said, kissing my temple again and snuggling in close. The time on his phone ticked over to midnight, leaving Taron to look at me again. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

#taron egerton #taron #taron egerton x reader #taron x reader #taron imagine #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton imagines #taron fanfic #taron fanfiction #taron egerton fanfic #taron egerton fanfiction #Kingsman #kingsman secret service #kingsman golden circle #rocketman #eddie the eagle #robin hood #Billionaire Boys Club #TaronChanges

[tortie-tales]

Friendship Ch. 4

"Walk faster, Joey! We're going to be late!" I yelled, smacking his shoulders. We were currently in day two of him giving me a piggyback ride to school. Tristan offered to carry our bags so Joey wouldn't break his back, but Joey was still moving really slow.

"I'm trying! You're so heavy!" he said, sighing dramatically.

"Oh? So I'm fat, huh?" I asked quietly.

"That's not what I- OW!" I pulled his hair. "You asked for it, Wheeler!" I yelled. "Now mush!"

"That's it!" He squatted down. "Off!"

"Fine!" I hopped off of his back with a huff. "Weakling," I muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear me.

"Oh boy," Tristan groaned.

"Did ya say something you little punk?!" Joey yelled. I screamed and ran, laughing like a maniac. Joey chased after me, fuming.

I ran as fast as my legs would take me.

I feel like I could do anything! I have so much energy!

I started cackling again, and soon the school yard was in sight. I looked behind me and saw that Joey was hot on my heels. Then I slammed into something and fell on my butt.

I looked up and saw Kaiba glaring at me.

"Sorry!" I grinned at him and saw that his glare lessened slightly.

"Why do you look like a raccoon?" he asked, irritation very present in voice.

"Oh my gosh, I stayed up all night last night! I know so much math now!" I started laughing again. "I've also had ten cups of coffee! Oh speaking of which, I need to pee. Wait, I need my bag. Where's Tristan?"

I stood up and looked around, but the only familiar face I saw was Joey, who was currently dying from all of the exercise.

"I'll talk to you later Se—" My eyes widened. "—Kaiba. Good luck on the math genius, test!" I skipped over to Joey, not daring to look at Kaiba after I almost called him by his first name.

"Joey, where's Tristan? I need my stuff." I poked his arm a few times. He ignored me, still focusing on catching his breath. Tristan walked up to us, bags in hand.

"Yay! I really need to pee. I also need more coffee." I stretched my arms out like a child waiting for a piece of candy.

"(y/n), how are you not tired?" Tristan asked, handing me my bag.

"Well, my dear diurnal friend, I have had zero sleep, which in itself makes me hyper, and I have also had a lot of caffeine to keep me awake—" I took a sip of coffee "—which is making me even more hyper. I may look like a raccoon, but I will pass this test." I took another sip of coffee, content with my explanation. "I'll see you guys at lunch!"

My classes went by quickly. I passed most of the time thinking about Kaiba. He seemed shy around me, nothing like what Joey made him out to be.

Man, I thought to myself, completely ignoring what the teacher was saying, he looked hot in those sweatpants.

The bell rang, signifying the end of class and the beginning of lunch. I stood up, stretched, and walked out of the classroom. I saw Kaiba walking out.

"Kaiba!" I ran over to him when he stopped. "Do you want to eat lunch with us?" I asked, before taking a sip of coffee.

"Not today, (y/n), I'm taking Mokuba out to lunch. Maybe some other time," he stated. He walked off before I could respond.

I hummed and walked around, looking for Joey.

That was kind of mean, but whatever. I can be annoying and overthink when I drink a lot of coffee.

I went to take another sip of coffee, and frowned when the warm liquid failed to hit my lips. I opened the travel mug and saw that I was in fact out of coffee.

Ugh. Joey, where are you?

I took out my phone and went on the group chat.

Psychopath: Where are you guys? I'm out of coffee :(

I stared at the group for a few minutes and no one answered. I shrugged and began walking to the cafeteria.

They're probably already getting food.

I walked by the office, carefree, and then I heard yelling.

Is that Joey's voice?

I walked up to the doors and saw his familiar figure standing there, along with Tristan and Téa. My heart dropped down into my stomach as I slowly opened the door.

"...Joey?" I asked quietly. The yelling came to a stop and Joey whipped around to face me. He looked scared. "What's wrong?" I asked, a little louder this time.

"(y/n)," a voice behind him said.

No. No not him.

My breathing quickened and I felt a pang in my chest.

"Chris?" My arms started to tingle.

"(y/n), I'm sorry," he stepped out behind Joey and into my view, "I didn't know how else to contact you. You blocked me every way possible, which, I don't blame you, but I had to give you a warning. Dad's emptying your bank account. I tried to tell him to leave you alone but, you know how he is. He wants you to come home," his voice was hoarse and quiet, and I could tell he was telling the truth. Knowing that, however, didn't stop the rising panic in my chest.

"Th-thank you f-for t-telling me," I stuttered, having trouble putting the sentence together. The side of my right hand became numb.

Chris nodded and walked out the door. Joey walked up to me and looked at me.

"(y/n), let's get you to the nurse's office," he said, and offered his hand for me to hold.

Tears started forming in my eyes, and I felt my stomach twist. "I'm going to throw up," I whispered, choking back sobs. I grabbed his hand and he walked with me to the bathroom. Téa walked behind us, and Tristan stayed to explain the situation to the receptionist.

When we got to the bathroom stalls, Téa walked in ahead of us. I heard a few thuds and crashes, and a terrified girl ran out, clutching her bag.

Téa came out and waved us in. "It's empty now." She locked the main door so no one would walk in.

I went into the first stall and threw up, my body finally ridding itself of the remainder of the coffee that I had consumed over the past 14 hours. A bottle of water came up by my face, which I gratefully accepted and used to wash out the bitter taste.

My arms were still slightly tingly, but I could feel my hand again.

More tears came out, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. Joey hugged me while Téa stood guard at the door, probably ready to fight whoever tried to come in. I looked up and through tears saw a dent on the stall door. I started laughing.

"Joey, did Téa kick the stall in?" I asked, calming down slightly.

"Wha- oh boy. Téa, come here for a second." Joey shook his head while Téa walked over. "Did you kick in the door while that poor girl was using the toilet?"

"Yeah. I'll do anything for my friends," she stated confidently with her hands on her hips. She looked at me, and we both burst out laughing.

"Why are ya guys laughing?! You probably scarred her for life, you know. She'll never be able to use the toilet at school again." Joey looked concerned. This just made me laugh harder.

"Thanks, guys. I feel kind of better now," I said tiredly, "after school I am going to sleep for a year."

"You're staying? Are you sure?" Téa squatted in front of me.

"Yeah, I didn't pull an all-nighter for nothing." I smiled weakly and got up, dusting my skirt off.

~~~~ time skip to the end of school ~~~~

"I definitely failed that test," Joey groaned, his head on the desk. I patted his back.

"It's ok, Joey. I'm sure McDonald's would love to have you," I said, smiling. Joey groaned again. "In all seriousness, it will be fine. Worst comes to worst, we can find some way to raise your grade if that's what you want." I patted his shoulder and stood up. "Do you guys still want ice cream?" I asked.

Joey's head immediately perked up. "Sure," he said, his classic grin on his face.

"Actually, I have to pass this time. I have to go to work. You guys have fun, though!" Tristan said, before grabbing his bag and leaving.

"Alright then, let's go," I said, looking around. I wanted to invite Kaiba to come with us, but he didn't show up for class.

~~~ another time skip ~~~

"Joey, if you want me to pay for you, you can only get two scoops. I don't have that much money on me," I sighed, looking at the flavors. "Go ahead and order."

"I'll take a scoop of rocky road and a scoop of caramel, please and thank you," Joey said, excited.

I ordered a scoop of (favorite flavor) and paid for our food. Joey and I started walking towards the park.

"Joey, what bank do you use?" I asked quietly. If my father wanted to take my money, then fine. I'll just make more. "Also do you know any apartments that are empty? I want to move in case he was able to get my address," I said quickly, before shoving a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.

"I don't have a bank," I smacked my head, "and I'm not sure about any apartment buildings that are looking for tenants. I could help you look later, though," he offered.

I sighed. "I might have to take you up on that." I chewed on my spoon, nervous. Should I get another job?

My body reminded me of my lack of sleep by forcing me to yawn. I stood there, irritated.

"Joey, I'm going to go home and sleep for a solid year. I'll see you later," I said, suppressing another yawn. I threw my cup in the garbage and began walking away.

The walk from the park to my house was short and uneventful. As soon as I got home, I locked the door, put a chair up against it, locked all of my windows, and flopped into bed. I set an alarm for school and passed out.

For those of you who skipped the scene, here's a recap: (y/n)'s brother, Chris, came and told (y/n) that her father had emptied her bank account and wanted her to come home. This induced a panic attack from (y/n). She, Joey and Téa went to the bathroom, where Téa proceeded to kick down stall doors and scar an innocent girl for life.

#seto kaiba x reader #seto kaiba #kaiba x reader #yugioh x reader #yugioh fanfiction #yugioh #yu-gi-oh #yu gi oh #x reader

[flooffybits]

History not Chemistry

Idol: Kim Minji (Dreamcatcher)

Request: Yep

Anon: Hello~ May I request a JiU highschool! au in which the (fem) reader is in need of tutoring for a subject and the teacher assigns JiU as the reader’s tutor. If your inbox is full of requests, I don’t mind you not doing this one because I don’t wanna overload you with any more requests 🥺👉👈

Author’s note: you’re not overloading me! feel free to send requests any time, I won’t mind

Staring at the little note your teacher had given you, you had to refrain from groaning as you entered the library and looked around. She suggested that you get yourself a tutor when she noticed the dip in your grades, so after a quick talk, you found yourself assigned with one of the school’s most popular girls as your tutor.

You just wanted to dig yourself a hole and be buried in it because of your embarrassment. It wasn’t even because you were dumb, you just struggled with finding the motivation to study about all the dead people who really didn’t interest you on how they made the world that it is, now. There was so much that you had to memorize that it only ended up frustrating you until you basically just said fuck it and moved on.

While you wallowed in your misery, you failed to notice three girls walking up to you until a hand was waving right in front of your face. You pulled your head back a bit, flinching before giggles invaded your ears. When you turned to look at the source, you shrank to see the three smiling at you. The one who was waving earlier, grinned at your expression before she decided to speak. “Hey, Y/n, right? Miss Choi told me you needed a tutor for history.” Her voice sounded so nice and you wondered how you never got to talk to her before this very moment.

“Y-Yeah. That’s me.” You said as you stood up and rubbed the back of your neck. “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.” You apologized and she waved her hands in front of her, smiling more before she patted your arm. “It’s not a problem at all! I get that not everyone likes the subject.” She assured you before she turned to her friends. “This is Gahyeon and Yubin, by the way. They’re a year below us, but they wanted to come with me to the library for a project they’re working on.”

“Call me Dami.” Yubin tells you, a friendly smile on both the younger girls’ faces. “We won’t disturb you guys. I hope your studying goes well!” Gaheyon said before raising her fist. “Fighting!” You couldn’t help but smile back at them before watching as they went to another area in the library.

Minji soon cleared her throat to gain your attention, her smile not once disappearing before she’s taking the seat across from you as you both sat down. She opened a notebook before looking up at you. “Okay, so can you tell me a bit on what you have a problem with in particular?” She asked, much more serious compared to her earlier facade and you blinked at the quick change.

“Oh, uh, I just can’t seem to find myself motivated to read up on corpses.” You say honestly and she pauses. Her head cocked to the side before slowly leaning back, her expression becoming a bit more amused while you shifted awkwardly in your seat. “Are you serious?” She chuckled and you looked away, your cheeks burning.

At least you were honest.

A little laugh fell from her lips before she’s closing her notebook and then putting it aside as she thought of something that could help you with your situation. “Well, this is… new.” She bemused while tapping her finger against the table. “How about we make the tutoring fun? That way, you won’t find it boring and we can both have fun while doing it.” She suggested and you slowly nodded your head as she clapped her hands. “Alright! Let’s get to it.”

Confused, you watch as she begins gathering her things while you stayed on the spot. She looked over at you before waving her hand. “Come on, Y/n, let’s get going.” You weren’t sure what she had planned out, but you grabbed your bag and followed her out of the library, unaware of the pairs of eyes that followed after you.

..

You and Minji agreed to meet every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. That way, the topic would still be fresh in your mind and you wouldn’t be taking up too much of Minji’s time. Every Friday, you told her that you didn’t mind having a shorter period so she could have fun with her friends and do everything else she wanted to do, and she was pretty much agreeing to the arrangement without complaint.

The first session, she took you out to the park and began to add in some little facts about it. “I don’t get how this is helping me study.” You told her with the same confused look and she lightly smacked your arm. “I’m trying to tell you why it’s important to know where things started.” She tells you before she cracked open her notebook and began to associate everything from the past and present.

It was a bit bizarre at first, but after a while, Minji would take you to so many different places while talking about the topics that were covered in your class. And it did help with keeping things interesting. You were able to remember the things Minji would explain during your sessions and you found yourself not only learning, but enjoying the older girl’s company to the point you both considered each other as friends.

Minji, on the other hand, was enjoying this new approach. It wasn’t like her typical tutoring where they stayed at a cafe or library, but she was able to be more herself rather than just teaching another student.

And aside from the topics, when you would both take a break from studying, she found herself opening up to you and vice versa. She was able to notice the little quirks you had and how you would crinkle your nose whenever she said something cheesy or just roll your eyes then laugh when she pretended to be funny.

It made her happy that she was able to befriend someone so down to earth.

She took charge of where you would go for your tutoring sessions, just wanting to see how she could surprise you with the random places and seeing the cute confused puppy-like expression on your face when she does.

Your grades were slowly climbing back up and Minji could see the pure joy in your eyes when you excitedly showed her your test paper. She wrapped you in the tightest hug she could muster, squealing in excitement and then congratulating you with a smoothie during your next meeting.

“Okay, okay, so how about this one.” She said when she pointed to one of the stands and you hummed before looking at her. “I mean, it doesn’t look too bad.” You say as you further inspected the things that were being sold.

“It’s cute!” She exclaimed in protest when she grabbed your arm, making you laugh when she shook it. “I have these at home. It’s nothing new.” You tell her and she gasps when her head turns to look at you in disbelief. “You’re joking.” But you shrug your shoulders while smiling at her in a teasing manner. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Who knows?”

Like your usual meetings, Minji has taken you to a different place, which so happened to be the fare that you’ve been excited to come to. When she learned that you weren’t able to come due to all the studying with exams coming along, she decided to make it her own personal mission to bring you, hating the sad look that appeared on your face when you told her about it.

“Oh, Jiu, I didn’t know you were coming here.” A voice behind the two of you said and you spotted Gahyeon and Yubin, smiling as you waved at them, then a few other girls that you recognize as her friends.

The redhead beamed at the others before she’s gesturing to you. “I wanted to take Y/n here since she needed something to help her.” She answered and the tallest among them looked confused. “Help her with?”

“She’s the girl Jiu unnie is tutoring.” Yubin told them and realization dawned on their faces before wide smiles spread on their lips. “Ah, so this is the girl you’ve been hanging out with.” The girl you recognize as Siyeon, smirked. “I’m curious how you’re able to teach her when you’re out doing all of this.” Handong, one of your classmates in literature, said with her head cocked to the side.

“It’s to make things more fun. History is a really boring subject so I wanted to make it less boring by hanging out!” Minji explained, her cheeks tinted with a light shade of pink when she felt the incoming teasing her friends were about to deliver.

The girl that spoke earlier, just smirked mischievously while nodding her head. “Well, we wouldn’t want to keep you from your studying.” She said before throwing her arm around Gahyeon’s neck then pulling her away. “Have fun!” Yubin waved before the rest of their group left the two of you and you looked to Minji, noticing that her face had gone red.

“Are you okay? You look flustered.” You ask worriedly and she quickly shook her head before flashing her signature smile. “Let’s just keep going.” She told you, gripping your arm gently as you both walked around the fare.

..

A week before the exams, Minji asked you to meet her at the cafe right outside the campus like she usually would when it came to your study session. You didn’t question it. When you got there, she was already sitting by the window with your favorite drink already there.

She looked up at you and waved her hand as you came nearer. “Hey. I know this is a little more mellow compared to the other places I brought you to.” She said while fidgeting her fingers under the table. “It’s fine, I don’t mind it. It’s relaxing.” You assure her before taking a sip of your drink.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” You ask her and she lifts her head up while scratching the back of it. “I, uh…” Her cheeks flushed and she was mentally cursing before the words fell from her lips. “I was thinking… we may not have history together, but we do have chemistry.”

You quietly put your drink down on the table, staring oddly at her as her face grew redder by the second. “I… what?” She groans while burying her face to her hands and shook her head. “God, why did I think Sua’s stupid line would work?” She mumbled to herself while you coughed lightly.

“Is everything alright?” You ask carefully, though you did admit that she was cute with how flustered she was being. “Where did that pickup line come from?” You ask and she takes a quick sip of her drink before clearing her throat, hoping to brush off the embarrassing moment before she looked up at you, but when she saw the light smile on your face, she quickly averted her gaze and whined.

“Stop looking at me and let’s just do this.” She complained, making you giggle before shaking your head. “Okay, okay. But just so we’re clear, we share history class together, which is why you’re the one tutoring me in the first place. But I do agree that we have chemistry between us.”

She was about to interrupt you before you could tease her, but as she heard the half of your sentence, she felt her heart leap in her chest as she looked at you with wide eyes. “You… I…” Hearing you laugh made her start smiling again before she quickly reached over and shoved you. “God, you’re such a jerk.” She laughed along with you.

“Well, judging by that really cringey pickup line, I’m making the assumption that you like this jerk.” She smiled lightly at that and sighed. “Well, you aren’t wrong.” You share a smile before you picked up your bag and drink, gesturing for her to do the same. “Come on, I think I have a place where we can study.”

Grinning, Minji picked her things up as well before she followed you out, her hand slipping into your own as you exited the cafe together.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher scenarios #dreamcatcher imagines #jiu dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher jiu #jiu #kim minji #jiu scenarios #jiu imagines

[undertalethingems]

Bark at the Moon Chapter 16: Troubled Present, Troubled Past

<Previous / Next>

Or read on my Ao3>

Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: The brothers seek Alphys' help--but that means revisiting bad memories.

Papyrus stretched to his full length, neck straight, arms extended, tail flicking out behind him. All in all, he was easily twice as long as his couch--he didn't remember this form being so long, but then, perhaps he'd grown since those days in the lab years ago. Refreshed, he stood back up, shook out his bones, and gave a short huff. He had to focus. He was going to try something he'd nearly given up on, and he could only hope the time away had renewed his ability to do so. He focused inward, feeling out the vibrant flux of energy within him that gave him life and strength. If he could just nudge the right bit into place...

The door clattered open and Undyne bustled in, bags of fresh groceries looped over her arms. "Heya, Papyrus! I got you all the stuff on the list, I figured I'd have an easier time carrying it than you."

Papyrus snapped his eyes open. "Ah, thank you Undyne! I'm sure I could have managed, but that's very thoughtful of you. Sans will be happy to hear he's restocked on ketchup, no doubt!"

"Oh yeah. They had a sale on the big ones, so he should be good for a while," Undyne replied with a laugh.

"Oh no--I never get those for him, he sees it as an excuse to go through them too fast! Oh well, I suppose we'll count it as a treat."

Undyne laughed again. "Wow, you know, I think you guys are the only people I know of who run out of something because you get more of it than you need."

"It is ridiculous, isn't it?" Papyrus agreed. "But, that's just how Sans is."

"How's he doing? Any more nightmares?"

"No, thankfully. I finally got him to sleep in his room again--he's napping now."

"That's good," Undyne said, joining him in the living room now that she'd set things down. "What's the plan for today? You up for doing puzzle maintenance yet?"

Papyrus frowned, flexing his hands. "Maybe inspection, but unfortunately, I don't think my fingers are quite up to the task! They're much better than they were, but I still haven't been able to manage writing again, much less the dexterity of an expert puzzle engineer... Like I used to be..."

Undyne patted his shoulder. "Hey, you'll get it, you just gotta keep working right? Actually, that reminds me--I've been meaning to ask you guys... I've been wondering if maybe Doctor Alphys could help figure out why you're stuck. I dunno how much she'll be able to tell you, but she's super smart and it's gotta be better than nothing."

Papyrus mulled over the suggestion. "It's worth a try! I was actually trying to change back before you came in."

"Oh geez, sorry if I interrupted..."

"Well, you did, but I don't think it was working anyway," Papyrus said with a huff. "I really don't understand why it's so stubborn!"

"Then let's go see Alphys!" Undyne said cheerfully. "I was actually messaging her about it earlier, and she said she's free, so if you're ready I don't see why we should wait any longer."

He leapt to his feet. "Then let's go! Oh, I suppose it'll interrupt Sans' nap... Well! He can sleep later! This is important!"

Papyrus charged upstairs, excited by the prospect of making a breakthrough. While he'd grown to be comfortable in his beastly form, there was still much he missed about the other shape he could assume. If nothing else, he just wanted to know how to shift between the two again, and Undyne was right--trying to figure it out on their own hadn't worked. It was time to call in another brilliant mind.

"Sans! Sans, wake up--"

He got a weary growl in response.

"I know, I'm sorry--but listen! Doctor Alphys wants to help us figure out why we're stuck, and I'm not waiting a moment longer! I know it's not a priority for you, but..."

At this, Sans opened both eyes to look at him, then pushed himself up and shook before lumbering out of bed. Ever since they'd gotten him back--really gotten him back--he'd been making more of an effort to accompany him in whatever he was doing, even if he didn't participate. Papyrus was just happy to see him up and about, and he supposed that was why Sans did it--but he seemed better for it, and it meant he shuffled after him as he lead the way back downstairs.

It was a short jaunt to the Riverperson, who looked them over before muttering something about wearing more pants. They shifted to make room as the trio clambered in, and in moments the boat was speeding to Hotland. Papyrus hadn't taken the ferry in ages--it was thrilling to watch the water whip past and feel the wind weave through his bones. Sans seemed to be enjoying it too, laying with his head on the boat's rim and watching the world--their tiny corner of it, anyway--go by.

Hotland's warmth could be felt long before they reached the dock. Undyne dipped her arms into the river, splashing water over her face and fins in preparation before they disembarked. They bid farewell to the Riverperson, then headed for the stairs. Papyrus winced--he'd forgotten how strongly it smelled of sulfur here, and there were other scents as well--sharp, metallic, the essence of molten rock.

It was the first thing he'd smelled after escaping the lab.

The lab.

It was at the top of those stairs. It was where the Royal Scientist worked. Where things got made. Tested. Broken.

Papyrus continued walking, ignoring the pit of dread that lay between his ribs. He knew that Alphys would never hurt them. She was a brilliant scientist, but also a good person who'd given him a puzzle for his route despite barely knowing him only a few months ago. He knew this. She was friends with Undyne, and he trusted Undyne would never befriend a cruel person. It would be fine. They would be fine.

They crested the top of the stairs, and the lab loomed. Papyrus tried not to stare up at the structure as they approached, its plain white walls tinted pink by the glowing lava roiling below. White, white walls...

They approached the entrance and the door slid open, making him jump. Sans looked over at him, and he pretended not to know what he was curious about. He had to keep it together--he'd wanted this, it'd be silly to go back now! Only Alphys worked here anymore, not him. She was stepping out now, somehow looking happy and nervous at the same time.

"Hiya Alphys!" Undyne greeted brightly--Papyrus noted she was wearing a softer than usual, but no less wide, smile, and tried to focus on that. "We finally made it! It's good to see you."

Alphys smiled, but her hands fidgeted. "Um, yeah, ha ha... it's g-good to see you t-too... Did... you guys have a good ride over...?"

"It was very short!" Papyrus blurted out, unsure whether he'd sounded cheerful. He wasn't going to think about it.

"Yeah, the Riverperson was all like 'whoosh'," Undyne elaborated, striking a pose the Riverperson definitely hadn't. "It's like they knew we're on an important mission!"

Alphys started. "R-right! Important, ah hah... um... So, do you guys... want to come in?"

"Yeah! That's where the magic happens, right?" Undyne said, and Alphys looked like the pink tint to her scales had nothing to do with the lava.

"I-it's, um, science, but... yeah! You're right, um, let's go in... Th-though, I haven't cleaned, I'm sorry, it's a h-hot mess..." she trailed, then added, very softly, "like me."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Undyne dismissed with a grin, "considering our favorite hang-out is a literal dump."

Alphys burst out laughing, covering her mouth. Papyrus was glad she and Undyne were having a good time, but it was all he could do to keep quiet when everything inside him was screaming. He just had to not think about it, not remember how he'd been made in the depths of this very building, then pressed and prodded and isolated and hurt--

The others--even his brother, moved to go inside. Papyrus stayed frozen in place, staring after them. How could Sans be going in, didn't he know, didn't he care, he had to--they had to--

He lunged forward, slipping under his brother to hoist him onto his back. Run! Claws scraping as they dug into the dense basalt, he whipped around and surged forward, across the bridge that led back to Waterfall and heedless of anyone's cries. Get out, get out, run! He could feel Sans shift precariously, kicking to get either his attention or keep his balance--it didn't matter which. Papyrus galloped on, breath ragged as he wove through the tunnels that connected Hotland and Waterfall as fast as his legs would carry him.

Run, keep going, get somewhere safe, get far, far away--a feeling, more than words, spurred him on, even when he felt the weight on his back disappear. A familiar crevice loomed, and without a thought he leapt, vaulting up the walls and scrambling down the narrow passage at the top.

A safe place, a place to rest, a place to hide.

-

Sans shook himself out, panting; he'd only clipped from his brother's shoulders moments ago, but Papyrus had long since disappeared down the dim passage. His chest was sore where his brother's spines had interlocked with his ribs; while it had held him in place, it was hardly comfortable, and Sans winced as he trotted after his brother, trying to catch his breath. He gave a ragged howl, trying to call him back--they'd been ok, the man was long gone, they didn't have to be afraid anymore...

Sans had noticed his brother was jumpy, on edge since they'd set foot in Hotland--but he hadn't expected him to run like this, and he was worried. Was his brother going to disappear again? Would he be alone? Had all their effort been for nothing...?

He tried to utter another howl, but the call trailed as he staggered to a halt, exhausted. He still hadn't fully recovered from their stint in the forest, and didn't have the strength to keep running. All he could do was sit miserably in a pool of shallow water, trying to breathe and steady the magic racing in his chest. And if he was honest, Waterfall was putting him on edge. It was where the flower had kidnapped him, taken him from his brother when he needed him most, worn him down to instincts and spite, then tried to ruin their lives. He growled at the memory, then shook his head. It was no use dwelling on the past.

Heavy footsteps sounded from the passage behind him, and he turned to see Undyne and Alphys pounding towards him. They caught up, and regrouped.

"You okay?" Undyne asked breathlessly, and he nodded, giving a low hoot as he looked down the passage in the direction his brother had run.

"Gotcha. I guess we just keep looking for him... Any idea why he ran? I thought he was all for this..."

That would be hard to answer. Sans knew what said answer was, but he wasn't about to relay it. He shrugged.

"O-obviously," Alphys wheezed, "s-something about the lab scared him, if he ran."

Undyne sagged, then turned to him. "Do you guys always run from your problems? 'Cause this is getting kinda ridiculous."

Sans sighed. He'd been called out, but usually the running wasn't so literal. It was getting ridiculous at this point.

"Eh, whatever. Hopefully he hasn't gone too far. C'mon."

"Just," Alphys gasped, holding up a finger as she clutched at her chest, "j-just one sec--eep!"

Undyne hefted her up on one shoulder, then looked to Sans. "You need a ride too?"

He narrowed his eyes, chuffing with laughter. Alphys looked like she might faint--Undyne really had swept her off her feet. He was gonna ruin it.

He cut right above Undyne's other shoulder and grinned at the little lizard as he landed, who only squirmed more in embarrassment--but her crush was obvious, and he was always up for some good-natured teasing. Undyne only grunted, clearly weirded out by his sudden appearance even as she braced him with her other hand.

"Ugh, I am never going to get used to that. Okay you nerds, let's go."

She took off, picking up speed and sending up plumes of water as she barreled through puddles and streams. All the while, Sans kept an eye out--he'd never be good for what he'd been made to do, but he still had all the skills. Even as Undyne sped along, his keen vision let him spot important details. Deep scrapes in the mud, a smeared footprint, scattered stones--Papyrus had definitely come through--

And then Undyne skidded as she turned to face the wall--but it wasn't a wall, it was a ravine, and Sans noted the fresh mud that dotted the rock face, leading upwards. If he craned his neck, he could just make out a dark spot some twenty feet up--the entrance to a tunnel. Undyne didn't seem surprised to see it.

"Huh... Hold on guys, this is gonna be tricky with both hands full."

She backed up to take a running start--but Sans did some very fast thinking. The right number flashed in his mind--and they were standing at the top of the cliff, right at the passage entrance. Undyne quivered beneath him--then set them both down as she dropped to her knees.

"O-okay. I... am REALLY never getting used to that," she uttered, looking shaken.

Sans couldn't help but chuff again, and clapped her on the shoulder with a clumsy paw before turning to venture down the hidden passage. Lowering his snout to the floor, he sniffed rhythmically, taking in the trail. Wet mud, lingering sulfur, what they'd had for lunch--it was all there. He gave a short bark to the ladies who still hung back in shock, then began making his way down the narrow tunnel, ducking and weaving through its twists and turns. Soon, the light filling the passage wasn't coming from his own eyes--the tunnel opened up into a grandiose cavern, studded with outcrops of enormous, glowing crystals.

But Sans didn't care about the scenery. His brother sat on the edge of a small, clear lake on the far side of the cave, and Sans could hear him shuddering from where he stood at the entrance. He warbled after him, but Papyrus only flinched and dipped his head. Sans sighed, and ambled over to sit beside him.

Finally, Papyrus drew a shaky breath and spoke. "...I'm sorry for running, brother. I tried not to--I tried really, really hard! B-but... that place... there's so many bad memories... I couldn't let us go back there... I couldn't...."

Sans crooned sadly. He understood completely. Going back to the lab and reliving those memories had instigated his own transformation; Papyrus had every reason to despise and fear the place, to want nothing to do with it ever again. He'd been brave to even consider it, and Sans didn't blame him for being overwhelmed at the last moment. Sans sighed, and bumped his head against his brother's leg.

"I don't know what to do, Sans. Undyne, Alphys... what are they going to think...? I ran away for... for no reason, as far as they know..."

Sans stared out across the lake for a while... then turned to him with a firm expression, hoping his brother would understand. Even if the man who'd made them was long gone, the consequences of his actions were still around--and it wasn't fair to make Undyne and Alphys deal with them without knowing the full story. It was time to stop running.

Papyrus studied him, then looked away nervously. "I can't. I can't, Sans. Not after I tried to forget. Not without you... to help... say things..."

Sans huffed, then warbled a long, meandering cry. He didn't have his voice, even if he had a lot of his thoughts back. It couldn't be him. He looked back at his brother pointedly, then nuzzled him again. He knew Papyrus could do it, and Unydne and Alphys would be here soon. It was now or never.

Papyrus gave a shuddering breath. "Where do I even start, brother? What do I say? What if they don't treat us like real monsters anymore, what if they tell everyone--"

Sans batted gently at his brother's snout, continuing to give him a steady gaze. Papyrus stared back, and slowly--he seemed to calm down. He just needed to trust him on this.

"If... If you're sure, Sans," Papyrus finally said, and he responded with an affirming grunt.

"O-okay. Okay... I'll... I'll do it. They're our friends. I can do this."

Sans leaned into him again, then turned as footsteps finally echoed behind them. Undyne and Alphys emerged looking a little worse for wear, but smiles crossed their faces as they saw the brothers were alright.

"Sorry we took so long," Unyne called, sounding breathless, "but Alphys got stuck a couple times and I had to punch some rocks to get her loose."

"That's alright," Papyrus replied. "I... needed some time to straighten my bones out anyway."

Undyne snorted at the phrase. "Hey, I'm just glad to see you're okay. I'm also glad you only ran here, and not to the middle of nowhere again."

"N-no, I didn't want to do that again," Papyrus replied with a wincing smile. "I don't think Sans would be very happy with me. Not to mention, I wouldn't be happy with me."

Sans barked confirmation.

"Well, that's good, but I just... I dunno why you guys keep running away like that," Undyne said as she finally approached, Alphys only a few paces behind her. "I've been worried about you ever since Sans first said you were missing. You say it's fine, but... you keep running, so after everything that's happened I don't know that it is."

Papyrus wore a bittersweet smile. "It's not."

Sans could hear how much it hurt him to admit the truth, and even Undyne seemed surprised.

"What... what's going on then, Papyrus?"

He shut his eyes and began trembling again, his breathing hard. Sans looked up at him, then leaned into his side, applying a steadying pressure. His brother could do this, he knew he could--and he'd be there supporting him all the way. It took a while, but slowly, Papyrus calmed enough to speak again.

"Um... Y-you... you might want to sit down. There's. Th-there's a lot I have to tell you. I... I haven't... We haven't been entirely honest with you... a-and for that, I'm very, extremely sorry."

Undyne and Alphys exchanged looks, then slowly sat on the cave floor.

"It's okay Papyrus. Go on," Undyne encouraged.

Papyrus drew a deep breath, steeling his nerves--then spoke. "What we said back when all this started was true--I really have been able to switch between forms all my life. But. That. Is about it. Because... the rest of the truth is painful. Very painful. We... we didn't want to scare you, or upset you, or... change what you thought of us. By telling the truth."

"What do you mean?" Undyne questioned, voice low.

Papyrus shifted anxiously, looking to the floor as he continued. "I... I've been running, and I ran away from the lab today... because that's where we were made."

"Made?!" Undyne burst, while Alphys stared in disbelief.

"Wh... what d-do you mean, made?" she pressed. "H-here, in the lab? Who? Wh-when?! How?! Er--s-sorry, I j-just, I'm sure you'll get to that, I'll be quiet..."

Papyrus gave her a weak smile,  then closed his eyes to begin. "Y-you see... A long time ago... but not very long... there was a man. A scientist. Who thought monsters needed weapons that could think for themselves. At least... that's what I gathered. U-um... my memory of it isn't very good..."

Sans didn't know much more about it than that himself, though he knew Papyrus remembered a fair amount more than that. But the reason for their creation... why the man had made the choices he did...? They knew why they'd been made, but not really why, and maybe they never would.

"Th-that's okay," Alphys assured, "j-just keep going with what you do remember."

Papyrus nodded, then continued. "S-so, after a lot of work... this man... made Sans. B-but... Sans wasn't what he wanted. He was weak, small... and too clever for his own good."

Sans uttered a smug snort. He'd cheated at a fair few puzzles back in the day. It was a solution, wasn't it? But their creator had never really wanted weapons that could think for themselves. He just wanted creatures that could follow his orders. He never had gotten it right--as Papyrus was about to explain.

"S-so, the man kept working, and after a while... he made me! But, little did he know, I was also too clever! And he, in fact, had made a terrible mistake. You see... we weren't supposed to be monsters. We weren't supposed to have souls."

"Weren't... supposed to..." Undyne echoed, brows knit.

"Yeah," Papyrus affirmed, nervously. "It was pretty awkward for him. But, he had work to do, so, it, didn't stop him."

"S-stop him... from... god. God. Dammit. He experimented on you?!" Alphys burst, hands slapping to the cave floor and surprising all of them. "He--and you--you were his kids, technically! And he didn't--oh my god. I can't--! I... I'm s-so sorry--no wonder you didn't want to go into the lab... It must mean so many awful things to you... god.... He didn't care..."

She wasn't wrong. Sans' earliest memory of the place was being locked in a barren kennel and left alone for a few days. What he'd been made to endure when most monsters were learning to talk and play... It was a wonder either of them had coped as well as they had.

"Well, it wasn't so bad sometimes!" Papyrus replied brightly. "Many of the tests were just solving puzzles or running obstacle courses, and it was always nice when we got to do things together. That always made the other tests a little more bearable."

Sans nodded, then leaned a little harder into his brother's side, uttering a reassuring croon, and Papyrus returned the gesture. As long as they were together, they could get through anything. That had always proven true--back then, and now as well.

"O-other... tests... like...?" Alphys asked, out of morbid curiosity, and Papyrus balked--but obliged. He made a face, and took a deep breath before answering.

"W-well, they were unpleasant, to say the least. I don't even know what all of them were for... Samples, o-of the insides of my bones... taking my soul and stretching my magic thin to look at it better... seeing if I needed sleep or food... Just to name a few! Wowie, I'm glad those are over..."

He shook himself out to relieve the stress, and Sans couldn't blame him. The doctor had been reluctant to test him so rigorously due to his poor stats... at first. But he remembered the needles, and too-bright lights, and pain even as someone used healing magic on him just so he wouldn't die. He'd never understood the point of it. Papyrus was shivering now, and he could only continue to press against him to comfort him.

"H-he... he really didn't care then," Alphys said quietly. "A-and I th-thought my mistakes were...  God... What did he do when he found out you guys could change forms?"

"I remember it clearly!" Papyrus replied. "He was utterly speechless. We'd surprised him with our abilities before, but this was completely unprecedented! However, it was not a discovery that made him happy."

"I... I bet not..." Alphys huffed bitterly.

"No wonder you guys were so desperate to change back," Unydne stated, looking somber. "This wasn't something you wanted, and now you're trapped like this... Knowing why they exist now, I take back everything I said about these forms being cool. I'm sorry..."

Papyrus shook his head. "No no! It's okay Undyne--not only did you not know, but despite everything, I think they're cool too! No other monsters have this ability, and while there's a lot that makes living in this shape hard, there's lots of things it's better at! I can run faster, my senses are improved, my reactions are quicker--as long as I keep myself sharp, I have all of that plus my regular charms! We can't help how we were made or what happened to us, but... we can at least try to be proud of what we are. And that's not what the man wanted us to be."

He looked to Sans, and he gave him another reassuring coo.

"Wow... that's really brave of you," Undyne said quietly. "I'm glad you guys got out of there in one piece then. I... don't know if I could have gotten through something like that."

Papyrus offered a nervous smile. "We didn't really know it could be any different. At least. Not at first. But, the man had assistants, and they'd talk... they didn't know we were listening, so... we learned quite a lot from their careless chatter!"

Undyne shook her head in disbelief. "Still, no one should ever go through anything like that... But, I guess there's just one last thing I really want to know... One burning question. Tell me where this guy is... so I can KICK HIS A--er, his BEHIND, all the way out of this sorry mountain."

Papyrus managed a weak laugh. "I appreciate your feelings... As it is, his behind has already been kicked."

"So, where is he? H-how... how come I've never heard of him? Was it covered up?" Alphys asked, eyes darting as if secret agents might pop out of the shadows.

At this, Sans sat up to make an exploding motion with his claws, and the two ladies frowned.

"An explosion? But nothing down here's ever exploded," Undyne reasoned, then wore a sheepish smile as a thought came to her. "At least, not any huge explosions that, uh, killed anyone."

"What Sans is referring to," Papyrus explained, "is both an explosion and implosion."

The two ladies looked at him skeptically.

"Um, so... we only ever heard bits and pieces, and a lot of it didn't make sense until we looked into it later... and we still don't know everything. But... the man and his assistants often talked about their other work, thinking we wouldn't understand them. One of their projects... was some kind of time manipulator. One day, their experiments with it... went wrong."

Sans made the exploding motion again--this time wearing a smug expression.

"You exploded him?" Unydyne surmised, incredulous.

"Only sort of!" Papyrus hastily deflected. "I only activated the machine. Sans threw him in. And! It's not like we knew it would explode! I don't remember much of the fight, or what happened after... but, we woke up, and the lab was broken and empty. There were no assistants, no doctor... It was empty."

"Wow. Well, I'm glad he's gone," Undyne said, sitting back, "even if I don't get to bring him to justice personally."

"What'd you do next? I-I mean, you must have escaped, b-but..." Alphys urged, and Papyrus nodded.

"Naturally! It ... was kind of scary, actually. We'd gotten separated in the eximplosion, and didn't find one another until well after we'd both made our way out. But, it was funny--we both came to the same conclusions, didn't we Sans?"

Sans nodded.

"That's right! We both, independently, realized... that no one else knew about the lab, the doctor, or his helpers. It was like they'd never existed--only we knew the truth. So we hid, and watched--and ever so deftly inserted ourselves into regular society! We also swore to ourselves--never again would we wear beastly forms. That no one remembered or knew made it that much easier to pretend none of it ever happened, so when we finally reunited, we... never mentioned what had separated us."

Sans nodded again, then snorted. A lot of good that had done them.

"So... that's the whole story, huh? Wow..." Undyne uttered. "I was a little mad that you'd lied to me about this, but... when it's something so big, and complicated... Man. I don't know that I wouldn't have done the same thing."

"Y... yeah..." Alphys trailed, seeming like she had a lot on her mind. "You felt like hiding everything, from everyone... was your only option."

"Even from Sans, huh?"

Papyrus nodded, looking somber. "Yes. I ran... that first time... because I didn't want to remind Sans, and put him through those memories too. I didn't know what, if anything, he remembered. A-and, if he didn't, then I didn't want to scare him by suddenly not being myself... I didn't want to come back until I wasn't a weapon anymore."

"Geez," Undyne uttered. "Yeah, I can kind of see why you'd think running was your best option."

"Yes, well, it didn't work," Papyrus huffed. "I know that now--though, Sans, why did you stay away after you escaped Undyne's visit? You left, and I..."

Sans' heart twisted, and he buried his head into his brother's chest with an apologetic warble. He hadn't meant to leave him alone. One day, he'd find that flower and pay him back for that. He seemed to be very good at returning favors.

"Well, you can tell me later," Papyrus sighed, then turned to look back at Undyne and Alphys. "So... now you know. We're... not... really monsters... the way anyone else is."

"Wh--no way!" Undyne blurted. "You have souls the same as the rest of us! So you were part of some weird, secret experiment, so what?! You guys are twice the monster that guy was."

Sans squinted, then laughed, and both Undyne and Papyrus glared at him.

"Oh my god! I didn't mean literally."

Alphys snorted. "W-well, I'm just glad he can joke about it. I can't even begin to imagine everything you guys went through... but now I want to help you even more! B-but... I understand if you don't want to go near the lab again. M-maybe I can make whatever I need portable..."

"Do whatever your brilliant mind thinks is best! I'm still a little nervous, but..."

"Hey man, c'mere," Undyne said, leaning forward to give him a hug. "Thanks for telling us, and... trusting us, I guess. I know it wasn't easy."

"Thank you... f-for being our cool friends," Papyrus replied, clearly trying not to cry. "I... I'm very glad... and I--I can't speak for him, but I think Sans is too."

Papyrus looked down at him, and Sans nodded. He hadn't wanted their secret to get out either, but now that it was--to people they could trust, at least--it felt like a little more weight had lifted from him. He turned to study Undyne and Alphys; they both looked sad, and he hated it--happiness was scarce down here. But maybe happiness didn't always let you move forward.

"Hey, what else are friends good for?" Undyne replied. "We'll be behind you every step of the way, cheering you on! I think I said it before, but I'm gonna say it again: I WON'T REST until BOTH of you are back where you want to be. I don't care if that's running around as a dragon-horse-dog-thing or on two legs as long as you guys are happy. That's all I care about."

Alphys nodded quickly. "Me too! I, um, know we're not as close, but... Hearing all this, everything you guys went through... Like Undyne said, I'm glad you trusted us. I... I need to, um... take care of some things first, I think... b-but, if you still want m-my help... w-well, I'll do what I can, okay?"

Papyrus shut his eyes gratefully. "Thank you. Sorry I, er, interrupted today's, things... But! That doesn't mean we can't try again! I won't be defeated yet! I am undefeatable!"

They couldn't help but chuckle at his optimism--it was a welcome sight, and Sans nuzzled him again before flopping dramatically to the cave floor. He hoped no one minded if he called this day a wash and napped.

"Sans, however, may be defeatable. He'd certainly defeated by lots of activity," Papyrus commented, earning more laughter.

"Well hey--maybe we shouldn't do any like, sciency stuff, but maybe we could still hang out, watch a movie or something," Undyne suggested, perking up, and Alphys lit up.

"O-oh! I know it's, um, inside the lab, but! We could watch on my big computer screen! I don't know if you like human TV shows b-but I found a new one in the dump the other day and I've been meaning to watch it, it sounds really interesting--! B-but! If you guys want to watch something else, th-that's fine too, I can watch it some other time--or we can do something else, we don't have to go in the lab, ha ha..."

Papyrus furrowed his brow, deep in thought--then stood. "No. You know what? Let's do it! I want to make memories of the lab that don't involve horrible torture!"

Undyne choked on her laughter. "Oh my god Papyrus. That's one way to tackle it!"

"And this is another!" He pounced on her, and they tussled while Alphys and Sans watched with amusement. Undyne emerged the victor this time, dragging Papyrus behind her in a headlock as she walked up to them, beaming.

"Alright, now that that's settled, should we head back?"

"Sure," Alphys giggled, getting to her feet, "though hopefully it involved less running. And squeezing."

"What, you think the rock's just gonna grow back?" Undyne teased, ignoring Papyrus' grunts as he tried to free himself. "We shouldn't have any trouble getting out, so I don't know what you're worried for."

"F-fair point," Alphys giggled. "Guess we should get started, then..."

Sans looked up from where he still lay on the cavern floor, and did some quick calculations. It would be hard, but...

The room flickered.

They were in Alphys' lab, right in front of the computer. Sans panted--moving that many numbers took a lot out of him. But so did walking all the way back.

"Sans!" Papyrus scolded, finally breaking free of Undyne's grip now that she was too stunned to maintain it. "You can't just keep shortcutting everywhere! It's very lazy! And what's worse, you've subjected all of us to said laziness! You're going to become a bad influence!"

Sans laughed despite being short of breath. He wasn't sure, but it seemed likely Papyrus was the only other person who had even a chance of doing that kind of thing--and he wasn't about to start. Besides, it was too fun to use it to mess with people to ever stop.

"W-well, it, certainly saved us a lot of time," Alphys wheezed. "I'd ask, questions, b-but I don't even know where to start, ha ha... Not to mention he still can't talk..."

Sans snorted. He wasn't giving up all his secrets today.

"Let's. Watch something," Undyne forced out, choosing to ignore the matter for now. "I dunno about anyone else but I'm ready to relax."

"Agreed! And, I have to say, the lab looks... pretty different, so I'm not feeling so scared," Papyrus said, slowly sitting. "It's amazing what cartoon characters in frilly pink dresses will do for the mood of a place!"

"H-hey!"

Sans listened to the banter as they set up the computer and argued over what to watch; he didn't care much either way and knew he'd fall asleep well before the halfway point anyway. All that mattered was that his brother's fear had faded, and he was laughing and playing again. In the very place that had caused him--both of them--so much pain... They were taking something back, after so much had been taken from them.

It felt like a turning point.

But he was too weary to think about it. Alphys had brought down a conveniently-folding couch and tossed them some blankets to get cozy, and they'd all settled in to watch some of her human movie collection. As the opening theme of the first film rose, Sans let his eyes drift closed. There'd be time for serious matters later--and at least for now, there was nothing to fear.

#undertalethingem writes #gaster blaster au #bark at the moon fic #sans (undertale) #papyrus (undertale) #alphys (undertale) #Undyne (undertale) #hmmm don't think i have much to say =u=;

[dailyaudiobible]

07/29/2021 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 24:1-25:28, Romans 12:1-21, Psalms 22:19-31, Proverbs 20:8-10

Today is the 29th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it’s great to be here with you as we continue our journey through this week and push ourselves into the end of the week. And obviously we’ll get there, one step at a time, day by day taking the next step forward together. And our step today leads us back into the book of second Chronicles. We’re reading from the New English Translation this week. Second Chronicles chapters 24 and 25 today.

Commentary:

Okay. Our reading for the book of Romans today, the letter to the Romans is potent. It is, at least in…to me, one of the most potent clear descriptions of what life is supposed to be looking like, what our postures and motivations are supposed to be looking. Like we’re moving through the theology of Paul and we’re understanding, like okay we’ve died to the law, we’ve been resurrected with Christ, sin doesn't have a claim to us, all of the things that we’re discussing about the transformative nature of salvation, the things that happen because we believe. We believe leave Jesus. And often when we acknowledge…when we acknowledge to ourselves that we still struggle with plenty of things that plague us from our history or our presence, and there are times that it feels like, you know, we’re not being transformed without moving forward. Sometimes it feels like we’re moving backward and what it this supposed to look like? And, so, we can look at…at the things that are laid out in the New Testament as essentially a new law that we have to live up to and the same result happens. We realize we can't make ourselves perfect. We have no power to do that no matter what color prescription gets laid out about how we should be living. It's difficult for us to be perfect all the time. And yet there are postures of our hearts that we do have a say in, right? And we do have a mind and although it may play tricks on us we do have a say in what we are going to put into action. And we have all kinds of thoughts swirling in our minds, but we do have a say into what we going to then engage our body to participate in. So, we do have control we just…we just can't keep self-control 100% of the time. Paul lays out today a picture of what this transformation process should be looking like within ourselves and within the body, the body of Christ, the followers of Jesus on this earth, what we’re supposed to be living into and what our lives are supposed to be. And there are plenty lists like this found in the Bible. So, you know, we’ll go back through this, but rather than going back through this and looking at the ways that were failing and just kind of allow the condemnation to descend upon us, so that we’re like, yeah, I can't…just I can't…I can’t keep up with all this. Let's look at what's described here because what's described here will be what we want and what we’re going for. And we’ll also see that we’re failing at it, but let's at least ask ourselves, are we even trying at these things? Because not trying, yeah that might be failing, but trying to live in this direction, beginning to move toward these things slowly, systematically, that is transformation, but we have to be participants in it. In other words, we have to collaborate with what God is doing with in us by surrendering to what He is doing within us rather than shutting it down and trying to take control and being our own sovereign, which we probably know pretty well leads us in ways we don't want to go. So, let’s kinda look back over what Paul is saying today. He says that we should present our bodies as a sacrifice, a living one, like not one that's, you know, gonna die and be burned up, a living sacrifice, Holy y and pleasing to God. That's where we start. And according to Paul, that's reasonable. So, it's not beyond us, it’s the default, it's the reasonable thing that we should do in response to the love of God for us. We’re told to not conform ourselves to this present world. In other words, to conform ourselves and use the tactics and convictions of the world around us. Instead of that we’re supposed to be being transformed by the renewing of our mind, renewing of our mind. Re-new. New all over again of our minds. We’re actively participating in this. We’re actively cooperating and collaborating and purging the things in our minds that lead us in all kinds of directions, whether that be in action or in stuff that we push down inside of us and hold their, bitterness and rage and anger and jealousy and envy. When these things come up into our minds and get triggered that's when we capture them. We observe what's going on. We see where that is leading us. We surrender it to God, which is reasonable and allow the renewing of our mind so that we are then awake and aware enough to test and approve what the will of God is, what is good and well pleasing and perfect. And that just gets us through the first two verses in Romans that we read today. Paul goes on to tell us we should think more highly of ourselves. Then well…then we should, and we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to each other. Rather, we should be sober about who we are and know that all that we have has come from God. God is…I’m quoting Paul. “God has distributed to each of you a measure of faith. For just as in one body we have many members and not all the members serve the same function. So, we who are many, are one body in Christ and individually we are members who belong to one another, and we have different gifts according to the grace given to us.” So, Paul’s saying like, yeah, this isn’t a game of comparison, this isn’t a game of being better than, this isn’t a game of even measuring up, this isn't even a game. All you have to do is be. You have been gifted by God. Do that. Be that. So, Paul is like, if the gift you were given this prophecy then do that, if it's serving then do that, if it's teaching then do that, if it's exhorting then do that, if it's giving and contributing then do that sincerely, if its leadership than do that with diligence. If it’s being merciful, then do that with cheerfulness. There are things that are true of you that have always been true of you that need to be offered to God's people and to the world, not so that you can be validated, not so that you can compete or be better than somebody else, or that you can be less than somebody else, so that you can be who you are. And do we not spend most of our lives in a struggle in that direction just trying to be who we are while being confronted with all of the pressures that are pulling us in a million directions and pulling us apart so that we’re not whole. Paul’s saying yeah, live…live your life as a living sacrifice. That’s a reasonable thing to do in response to God who has come for you, who has come to rescue you. Be who you are. Let the glory of the Lord shine through you as compared to no one else. And then he goes on to say, love must be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another with mutual love showing eagerness in honoring one another. Do not lack in zeal, be enthusiastic in spirit, serve the Lord, rejoice in hope, endure suffering, persists in prayer, contribute to the needs of the saints, pursue hospitality, bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse, rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep, live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associate with the lowly. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Consider what is good before all people if possible, so far as it depends on you. Live peaceably with all people. Is this not the life we’re invited into? Is this not where we’re trying to go? Is this not who we want to be? Because this is the description of what it looks like to be transformed. And we can look at these things and see the places that we’re failing but we have to be fair and say am I even trying? And let's try with all of our might knowing that in our own strength we cannot sustain perfection, we cannot sustain any of this. I mean just get a bad night sleep and you can't control your day. But can we look at these things and know that they all have action involved. Like this is a collaboration. We’re not just going to be able to sit on the couch and be sanctified. The things Paul says are actions, things that we have to participate in. Like be devoted, do not lack in zeal, rejoice, contribute, bless and do not curse, rejoice, live in harmony, do not be haughty, do not be conceited, do not repay anyone evil. You see, these things aren’t just gonna happen. We have to do them. We have to try. We have to live in this direction and read train ourselves, renew our minds, retrain the way that we react to things. So if we’re used…if our default position is to strike back when we’re struck, whether…whether physically or with words, if somebody is gonna bring some kind of thing against us with words then we’re gonna strike back and take them down with even harsher words. If that's our default position we have to catch ourselves in it and understand that we’re supposed to bless those who persecute us. We’re supposed to bless and not curse. We have to try. We have to retrain ourselves by opening ourselves to the renewing of our minds, the Holy Spirit's activity in our lives. So, we have to catch ourselves and remind ourselves this isn't the way I'm going. And, so, to go where I want to go I have to do this differently. We have to re-train re-new, collaborate in the renewing of our minds. And, so, there's an awful lot here in just a few paragraphs from Paul today that really…really affects the way we live. And let's take that into our day and ponder it.

Prayer:

And Holy Spirit we invite you into that, into that pondering. In fact come Holy Spirit and reveal to us the places that we’re not even trying, because that would explain so much, so much of the state of affairs of our lives. Help us Jesus we pray. In your mighty name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top or there are a number of numbers that you can use depending on where you are in the world. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you're in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to dial. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible community this is Diane Olive Braun from Newburgh IN an encourager, one of many. It is 6:55 AM on July 27th 2021, and it is Tuesday and we have the story of how great great kings came against Jehoshaphat. And he had several options, but he chose the right one, he chose to stay in the presence of the Lord and to yield his will to the Lord and to say we can't defeat this vast army, we don't know what to do but our eyes are on You. Holy Spirit help us to remember this story of Jehoshaphat and how he went to the Lord. He did not deliver himself. He trusted himself in the hands of the Lord and that is the safest place to be. So, we trust ourselves in your hands, we are your very own children. You are our very own God, and we love You and we magnify You and we glorify You and we humble ourselves under Your mighty hand…

Hi DAB family it's James here from the UK it's been a long time since I've put in a prayer request but here I am and here I’m…this is what I'm doing. I'm…I would really appreciate prayers for my family. In particular, our family holiday is coming up. It's been a really stressful year. And I know it's been a stressful year for so many people. But we are just loggerheads a lot of times with our three teenagers and, you know, it goes…it moves…it changes from a relationship with our kids where you can go on a holiday and you know that people are going to be, you know, really having…having a great time to one where, you know, this is going to be putting ourselves through quite some ordeal. But I feel like this is a really important time for us to be together. And, so, I'm just asking for prayers that we would be able to humble ourselves in front of each other and allow ourselves just to be real, be natural, be normal, but also be respectful and just rekindle a sense of family. And, so, I'd really appreciate your prayers for that. Thanks. Thanks family.

Hey Brian, hey DABbers, hey happy family. I just wanted to share…Oh my name is Mary and I've been listening now for maybe…well just started at the beginning of the year and I just wanted to share that I had a dream last night about the Global Campfire and how it's like this constant flame. And then I’ve thought Oh my gosh what a symbol of the Holy Spirit this Global Campfire that we share together. So, I just wanted to share that because I thought that that was a…a really nice God inspired dream that I had about just how wonderful and we’re so blessed to have this community. So, Brian I just thank you so much for doing this for all these years and for bringing us together. No matter where we are in the world, we have this eternal flame of this Global Campfire. So, I thought that was cool. Anyway, everybody have a great day and we’ll see you around the Global Campfire. Bye.

Hey faith fam it's Holly Heart. Career of Contrite Spirit I really like the story you shared about helping someone both physically and spiritually it helped…it brings me such joy when I can help people. I'm sure it does you too. Dear Lord please watch over Jose and please let him get the help that he needs. Joe the Protector. Dear Lord please watch over my brother Joe. He needs help at his new workplace, which is full of non-believers Lord. Use him to help save some of those fellow workers or clients. You have a purpose for him in being there. Joe my husband’s also in the same kind of situation at work and it is very difficult. I am praying for you both. Cindy from California. Dear father please help Cindy heal the cause of her RSD. She cannot bear the pain and needs you to comfort and to heal her. Thankfully Overcome. Congratulations on making it an entire year. I'm glad that you have lots of people praying continually for you and now I am one of them. Dear Lord please watch over Thankfully Overcome and please help her continue on this path that she is on towards you. Zach. Dear Lord please watch over Zach's marriage. He needs Your guidance. They both need to feel You’re loving touch so that they can treat each other the same way. Esther from Orlando. Dear Lord, please help to guide Esther in her living situation. Please help to alleviate the fear she’s having because with you Lord there is no reason to fear Anonymous. Dear Lord, please watch over the anonymous caller who said she needed a new beginning. She lost her husband brother and family dog. So much pain. She is not in this pain alone Father. Her…she has a daughter and two sons, and they also need healing and a new start. Please help bring them Your divine peace. Please help her find a good career so that she can care for her children and please help them find an exceptional living place. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Good morning this is Emily in Minnesota. High DABbers. Brian's message today, oh, so great. Psalm 22 1 and 2. My God my God why have you abandoned me. I groan in prayer but helps seems so far away. I cry out during the day, but you do not answer and during the night my prayers don't let up. Lord Jesus thank you so much for hearing our cries, understanding our grief and our pain and loss and suffering on…in this world. Things I’ve heard in the last few years in my story from others I cannot imagine. There are no words. You're living out my worst nightmare. Our society is not comfortable with grief, loss, lament. Our tears are better when wiped away around others. I've seen this. I've learned to journey through my grief and lament one tear at a time at the foot of the cross with a Father that knows earthy brokenness and suffering and listens unconditionally when I know it and not. Please continue to lift up my family through our losses. As most of you know, my parents are…my families out of state and I have a brother who lost his wife to cancer with a young family in November 2020. My parents are simultaneously diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia in the summer of 2019. I have another brother who is homeless and is struggling with mental health or addiction out of state. And then I lost my son, college freshman, to suicide spring of 2019. My own family is to choosing to turn away from God in this time of loss but they know His presence and I continue to pray. Thank you. Have a wonderful day.

[rainbowglittr]

Love and Marriage - Chapter 9 (Mature- Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

Chapter 9:

"Jessekins!" I called out as I walked thorugh the front door. It had been a long and busy day at work and I was tired. I put my keys down in the key rack.

"Do you have to call me that?" Jesse called out from the kitchen.

"Yes I do, my love!" I walked into the kitchen. Jesse was assembling tacos he leaned over so I could give him a peck on the lips.

"I hate this kitchen, it's too damn small. How was your day, Love?"

"Too long. Some dumbass mislabeled one of our test runs so we had to do the three hour test all over again. And guess who the dumbass was? Me! I was the dumbass who wasn't paying attention and had to stay an extra two hours to rerun the test. I could've slapped myself. I'm tired. How was your day babe?" I leaned against the counter, facing Jesse.

"You're not a dumbass. I got some interesting news today from the studio. I don't think you're going to like it though."

"Okay, great start. What's up?" Jesse snuck a glance at me and then started to talk.

"So the studio is sending me to L.A for a couple weeks to work with some new artists they signed." He started.

"That's great isn't it?" I asked as I washed my hands.

"Yeah except one of the artists I'll be working with is my ex, Imani."

"Imani is a singer."

"You've heard of Imani Redd?"

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone, stop the presses, rewind the tape. Imani Redd is your ex? The ex that cheated on you and then dumped you? Imani Redd is that ex?" Imani Redd was a rising R&B singer. She was always in and out of the gossip blogs and always in some social media beef.

"Thanks for that and yeah, Imani Redd is my ex. I never told you? My mom never told you?"

"No, negro! No, you never told me that Imani Redd was your ex! You guys always went by her first name so I just assumed it was some girl named Imani, I didn't think it was the singer! How could you not tell me?" I said as I slapped his arm.

"I thought you knew. She's one of the artists I have to work with while I'm there."

"You're right, I don't like that. Why do you have to work with her?" I asked as I stole a piece of meat from one of the tacos he was making .

"Because if I don't, I won't be working with anyone good anytime soon. They'll stick me with crap projects." He said finally turning around to face me.

"How do you feel about it?" I asked.

"I'm not thrilled but I gotta do what I gotta do." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't be like that. I don't want to work with her, it's strictly professional."

"It always is until you get to talking and working together and then all of a sudden you're reminiscing, and old feelings start to reappear, and then someone catches feelings and I end up going to jail because I stabbed you after catching you with your ex."

"Why do you jump to violence so quickly?"

"Don't push me and you'll never have to find out."

"Baby I promise, nothing's going to happen. We'll work on a few songs and that's it. No catching feelings, and more importantly no stabbing."

"The most important part is the catching feelings part because if that doesn't happen I don't have to stab you."

Jesse held my waist. "Seriously Jay, nothing's going to happen. You trust me, right?"

"I do trust you, but realize that nine times out of ten, when a guys says do you trust me and the girl says yes, that guy does something completely untrustworthy, right? " Jesse looked me straight in my eyes.

"I promise you nothing is going to happen between us. I love you. You know I know what it's like to be cheated on, I would never do that to you. You know that. "

"I know. It's just hard. It's going to drive me crazy though, you almost married that girl, Jess. You guys have history. You guys have a lot of things in common. Does this not seem like a giant red flag to you?"

"I love you, I only have eyes for you. I'm not going to do you dirty. If you trust me, you won't have to worry about a thing. If you don't you're going to be worried for nothing cause I ain't sleeping with her, I don't want her in any way. It's just work and strictly professional." He said.

"Look I trust you, you've never given me a reason not to. But, there are two conditions, one, You better answer ALL my calls. I don't care if you're in the middle of writing or recording the best song you ever wrote, you better answer. I don't care if you're in the middle of dying, you better pick up. And two, you should NEVER ever be alone with her at any time in any place no matter what. Understand?" I said, looking into his eyes.

"Yes, love. I promise." He said pulling me close and kissing me. I unraveled myself from Jesse.

"I'm also taking Di with me, I think she deserves a little vacation, she's made a huge turn around. "

"I agree. Wait, you're leaving me alone? No fair."

"I'm sorry. But unless you can take off..."

"Which you know I can't."

"Then you have the whole house to yourself and my mom."

"Screw you." I said, pouting. I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"I thought we agreed you're too old to pout." I stopped pouting and continued glaring at him. He was now getting a salad out the fridge.

"I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"One, I don't want your sex. Two, you're making a lot of promises tonight. "

"One, Ouch, my ego. And two, I keep my word."

"Don't spoil her while you're there. I know how you are."

"I'm her big brother, that's my job. You're spoiled too."

"Yeah, but my dad did that, not my older sisters." I scoffed.

"That makes a lot of sense. I'm going to call Di down. She's probably talking to that boy." He said. Diana was still interested in the intern she was caught making out with and was alway texting him.

"I thought you said 'that boy' was nice?" I said raising an eyebrow at him.

"Not nice enough."

>>>>>>>>>>

"So I have good news for you Di." Jesse said as we ate dinner.

"Yeah?"

"I'll be going to L.A for three weeks and you're going to come with me."

"I get to go to Cali?" She yelled.

"Yeah, you gotta hang with me the whole time though but yeah."

"Yeeessss!!!" She screamed. She practically jumped into to his arms to give him a hug, almost knocking him out of his chair.

"Okay, okay, okay. Chill. You gotta hang with me the whole time. Mom said not to take my eyes off of you for a second, so well be in the studio for most of our time there, but we can still do cool stuff, like go to the beach, and I know you'll want to go shopping." He said. I groaned.

"Why rub it in?" I said. I let my head smack the table.

"I'm sorry baby, we'll talk about later Di."

"I'm so excited!" She said as she sat down.

"I hope you guys have a good time. When do you leave? You never told me." I said. I was already dreading it.

"Sunday night. Well get into L.A in the middle of the night our time but over there it'll still be evenings since they're behind us and well still be able to sleep." He said.

"Send me pictures, you know I love pictures."

"We will!" Di said.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

I thought really hard about Jesse going to write with his ex. I know he had no feelings for her. I know he loves me, and I completely trusted him, but I couldn't help but to feel uneasy about it. That's his ex. But at the end of the day I trusted him and I knew he would do right by me, so I had to stop stressing about it. Plus, would he really fall in love with another woman and cheat on me with his sister there? No. That would set a terrible example.

I sat on the couch and watched Jesse bring his and Di's bags down the stairs. They were just about to leave for the airport. I waited until Jesse got to the bottom stair to say "Do you need help?" He gave me a sarcastic laugh look and put the bags by the door. I was scrolling through Instagram when all of a sudden I felt a giant weight land on my lap. Jesse adjusted himself on my lap.

"So I told you I would make it up to you. So I hid somewhere in the house two presents for you. Good luck." He smiled.

"What if I don't find them?" I asked.

"Oh, I know you, you'll find them. And if you don't there's some diamond jewelry that's just gonna collect dust somewhere in the house. "

"You got me diamonds?"

"I told you I'd get you something sparkly. " he said. I pulled him on top of me, our lips naturally moving together. I put my hand on the side of his face as our tongues danced around each other. He shifted on top of me so he could grind our crotches together. My hands moved to his shoulders. He started leaving a trail of kisses down my neck, sucking extra hard where it was sensitive.

"You're going to leave a mark." I breathed out.

"I know." He said. After giving my neck one last kiss, he returned to my lips, moving his hips against mine at the same time, the friction of our jeans rubbing against each other turning me on more.

"Didn't you get enough last night? Don't start something we can't finish." I said into Jesse's ear.

"We better stop before-"

"Jesse, I'm ready- Ew! There's no door, how am I supposed to knock? And unsee that?" Diana's voice rang out from the stairs.

Jesse gave me one last kiss, whispering in my ear "we were about 4 seconds away from me having a big problem."

"Just get up." I laughed. We sat up and faced Di.

"Sorry, we'll be away from each other for a few weeks so we won't be having our usual nightly hot and nasty, banging against the wall sex-" Jesse started to say.

"Shut up!" Me and Diana said. Diana was covering her ears. He laughed as I slapped his arm.

"Don't torture her, behave." I said.

"I will. Di," he said, throwing her the car keys from his pocket. "While we make sure I have everything and say goodbye, you can sit in the car, get the air started and play the trash music you like."

She caught the keys. "Yess! We have to get to the airport in like thirty minutes. " she said as she walked out the door.

"Just enough time." He said, climbing on top of me.

>>>>>>>>>>>

We got to the airport in just enough time. I spent the ride to the airport using foundation to cover the marks he left on my neck. Diana laughed when she saw us all disheveled and marked up. (It got a little competitive between us and considering our skin was brown I didn't think love bites would show up as vividly as they did.)

When it was time to board the plane, I gave Diana a hug.

"Be good, and watch out for your brother."

"I will, I'll miss you." She said.

"I'll miss you too. Love you." I said, waving to her as she walked to the boarding door. Jesse hugged me tight amd kissed the side of my head.

"I'll miss you, Lovebug." He said, smirking. I hate that stupid pet name.

"I'll miss you too, Jessekins." I said matching his smirk.

"I love you, Jay."

"I love you too." I said, kissing him slowly.

"Make sure you call as soon as you land so I don't freak out, take pictures, ANSWER ALL my calls, and don't fuck up with your ex." I reminded him. He picked me up, my arms went around his neck and my legs automatically wrapped around him.

"You got it, my Queen. If you need help adjusting let me know." With one last kiss, he put me down and boarded the plane with Diana. I sighed and started walking back to the car.

I hope they have fun in L.A.

Cause I sure as hell missed them already.

#love and marriage #original story #original writing #writers on tumblr #black writers #black characters

[rushingheadlong]

Dear Friend, We’ll Carry On - A Brian/trans-m!Reader fic

Summary: You’ve known Brian since the early days of Queen, but when he comes to New Haven on his solo tour you haven’t seen him in years. You’re both different people now but, as the saying goes, the more things change the more they stay the same...

Wordcount: ~9.5k

Tags/Warnings: Trans-m!Reader/Brian, some light angst and H/C, eventual smut (fingering & oral, Reader receiving, and some light cumplay)

Notes: This is, I think, officially the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written. I know I say that a lot but the entire fic takes place around Brian’s October 1993 New Haven concert (the one with the Yale tank top) so that should really tell you everything you need to know. I might write a follow-up fic, or just a shorter epilogue as well - but we’ll see if I ever actually get around to that.

The only other thing I’ll note is that is the Reader is American, so American terms have been used over British ones (i.e. “pants” instead of “trousers”) and this is cross-posted to AO3 here.

It’s only been a few years since you last saw Brian, but when he first walks into the diner you almost don’t recognize him. If it wasn’t for that same wild halo of curls around his head you’d think you were looking at a stranger, because there’s a tightness in his shoulders and a stiffness in his frame that you’ve never seen before.

Even the other patrons around you seem uncertain of him, casting double-takes in his direction as if they aren’t really sure if they recognize him or not. There was a time when Queen couldn’t step foot in America without being mobbed, but too much has changed in a decade and now Brian looks more like a lost child than a world-famous rockstar.

You wave to catch his attention and Brian spots you immediately. He smiles, bright and wide and so familiar that it makes your chest ache, and he finally looks almost like himself again.

He quickly crosses the small room and you stand up to greet him. Brian pulls you into a tight hug and this is achingly familiar too, the way your shorter frame fits against his, the gentle nuzzle against the top of your head as Brian curls around you, the soft sigh as Brian relaxes into the embrace and some of the tightness starts to bleed out of his body.

“I’ve missed you,” Brian says when he finally pulls away and the two of you take your seats at the table. “You look…” His voice trails off for a moment and you brace yourself for the word that you know is coming next: Different. It’s what everyone says these days, after all, not that you can blame them. Five years on testosterone and nearly eleven months since your surgery have radically changed your appearance - and you haven’t seen Brian in person since your transition started, having been out-of-town when he last performed in New Haven back in March.

But Brian smiles and the word he goes with, to your surprise, is simply, “Good. You look really good, Y/N.”

“Thanks,” you say, with a smile of your own. “And you look…”

Sad.

There’s still grief in the depths of Brian’s eyes, a slightly haunted look that wasn’t there before Freddie’s death and the end of Queen tore his world apart. He’s allowed his grief, of course he is, but it still tears at your heart to see Brian’s kind face marred with anguish, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

You know better than to tell him any of that, though, no matter how true it may be, so you find yourself settling for a different adjective as well. “Tired. Tour getting to you, is it?”

Brian laughs, the smallest huff of amusement and admits, “It’s been rough at times, yeah. Been too long since I’ve done this, and it’s different from what it was with- with Queen.”

He busies himself with the menu for a moment, and you graciously don’t comment on the slight stumble at the mention of the band that was his entire world for two decades. “Anyway, it’s been good though,” Brian finally says. “Nice to be playing again, and the new group is great.”

“I’m sorry I missed your show the last time you were in Connecticut,” you tell him.

“Nah, don’t be. We were only a support act then, you’re getting the full performance tonight,” Brian says. A small, uncertain look crosses his face and he asks, “You are coming tonight, aren’t you?”

“Bought my ticket the moment they went on sale,” you assure him, and Brian smiles in relief.

Your conversation is briefly interrupted by the arrival of your waitress, and once when she leaves with your orders Brian says, “I have a backstage pass for you, if you want it. You can hang out before the show, watch from out front, and security will let you backstage again before the encore so you don’t have to deal with trying to leave with the crowd when it’s all over.”

“Really? That would be great!” It would certainly give you more time to spend with Brian, though you know from the many Queen concerts where you were able to get backstage that it’s likely to be in somewhat of a state of pandemonium leading up to the start of the show. “Hey, is there anyone in your road crew that I might remember?”

You know not to tack on from the Queen days, though it’s obvious that’s what you mean. Another sad look crosses Brian’s face and you know you’ve still made a mistake, even before Brian says, “Ah, not really, no. Jobby left, so my guitar tech is new, and Ratty and Crystal obviously aren’t around… Oh, Spike’s touring with me, though!” You give him a blank, apologetic look and he sighs and adds, hopeful, “Keyboard player? He played with Queen back in the 80s too…”

“You had someone different on the Hot Space tour, I think,” you tell Brian.

“God, has it really been that long since we played the US?” Brian shakes his head. “Seems crazy, doesn’t it? How quickly a decade passes…”

“And how much changes in that time,” you say without thinking. Another pained look crosses Brian’s face and you quickly try to steer the conversation towards less depressing territory. “I mean, I’m surprised you recognized me at all today!” you say with a small laugh.

“Well, of course I recognized you! Why wouldn’t I?” Brian asks, just as your waitress returns with your drinks.

You wait until she stops fussing over Brian and leaves again before saying, “I don’t know, Bri, why would you recognize me? I look pretty different than I did before…”

“Oh, yeah,” Brian says. “That.”

You didn’t really want to bring the topic up but Brian’s response, no matter how casual, is exactly why you knew you had to. You met Brian when you were still going by your dead name, before you had even comes to terms with your gender and back when you two were still hooking up every time Queen came to the US. He was one of the first people you came out to, because you saw him so rarely that if he reacted poorly it’s not like it would have impacted your normal daily life.

Brian didn’t react poorly though. No one in Queen did, and if any of the roadies had a different opinion you at least never had to hear it. Brian easily adjusted to calling you “Y/N” and “he” during your increasingly infrequent meetings in the 80s, those rare weekends when you could afford to fly to LA or he had the time to meet you somewhere on the East Coast, but this is still the first time that he’s seeing you since your transition - the first time he’s had to see you present fully as a man, without binders and baggy clothes and uncomfortably short hair to hide behind.

And you know all too well how much of a difference that can make, to some people.

But not, apparently, to Brian. He smiles and offers you a small shrug and just says, “You’re still Y/N - I mean, yeah, you look different but… Well, like I said before, you look good. You look more like yourself, if that makes any sense at all. Like you’re just a better version of who you always were.” He shakes his head and adds, “Sorry, that probably sounds ridiculous…”

“It really doesn’t,” you tell him. “That’s exactly how it feels to me.” Your whole chest feels warm with affection, and even though you’re reassuring him in the moment you feel incredibly comforted by his easy acceptance and understanding of a topic that not very many others in your life have embraced.

Brian’s smile brightens a little, and your stomach swoops at the sight. You’ve never been in love with Brian, not romantically anyway, but sometimes you still find yourself getting overwhelmed with how much you love having him in your life - as a friend and, in the past, as an occasional bed partner.

Only it seems like today your libido missed the message that the two of you aren’t hooking up anymore. You thought you had gotten past the initial spike to your sex drive that happened when you first started T, but looking at Brian now - with his wide smile and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his shirt half unbuttoned to expose most of his chest - makes you almost squirm with how badly you want him again.

It doesn’t help that Brian once admitted to you, years ago when you were both far too drunk for your own good, that the occasional man does catch (and hold) his interest. It doesn’t help that you know Brian was always enthusiastic about hooking up with you, at least when you used to do that before you came out and started transitioning. And it doesn’t help that, when you look across the table at him, his earlier sadness has been replaced with a familiar glint in his eye that makes you wonder if his repeated “You look good” comments might hold a little more meaning than you originally thought.

You want to test the waters, see if Brian is thinking of your previous hook-ups like you now are… and you almost do, before you remember what it could cost Brian to be seen flirting with another man in public. Even the hug he had given you in greeting was risky, nevermind that that’s how he’s always greeted you before you transitioned. So you settle instead for only asking, “How long are you in town?”

Brian grimaces. “We got in late yesterday, and we’re only here for one more night. We’re driving over to Providence in the morning for tomorrow’s show, then there’s a day off so we can head out to Chicago. And then…” He thinks about it for a moment, before laughing and shaking his head. “For the life of me, I can’t remember where we go from there. But we only have seven or eight more shows in the States, and then we have some time off before we go to Japan at the beginning of November.”

At one point, you would have followed him around to all those stops on the tour - or at least spent a week or two in Queen’s bus, curled up by Brian’s side during the day and spending your evenings watching their shows from wherever you could find a spot, before eventually catching a flight home from some random city halfway across the country.

But those days are long behind you now.

“Well, you should come back to Connecticut during that break and visit me some more,” you say, and you can’t help the slight teasing note that creeps into your voice.

What you’re not expecting, though, is for Brian to give you a knowing smirk and say, “Maybe I’ll do just that.”

Your mouth drops open in a small “o” of surprise, but before you can respond your waitress comes over with your food - and when she leaves Brian launches into a story from one of his shows earlier in the year, and you let the moment pass.

No matter how much time accidentally passes between your meetings, it’s always easy to fall back into conversation with Brian. His story reminds you of a different rock show you had been to a year ago, and then Brian tells you about some festival he found himself at, which happens to be in the same area where you’re planning an upcoming vacation, and the resulting travel talk branches out into any topic imaginable, until Brian catches a glimpse at the time and swears under his breath.

“Shit, I’m needed over at the theatre.” He stands up and starts to pull out his wallet, but you stop him.

“No, Bri, I’ve got this,” you say, throwing enough bills down onto the table to cover the check (and a large enough tip to make up for how long the two lingered around just chatting). “Any time in particular I should plan on getting to the theatre myself?”

“You can head over with me now, if you want,” Brian says as he leads the way out of the diner, holding the door open for you behind him.

“Nah, I need to change into something more fitting for a rock concert,” you say, gesturing to your suitable - but certainly plain - outfit.

“You look-”

“Brian May, if you tell me that I look good again I’ll kick you!” you interrupt with a laugh. “No, give me a chance to pretty myself up for you and then I’ll head over.”

It doesn’t quite register that the “for you” slipped out until you see a look of surprise cross Brian’s face, a look that settles into something a little more amused as he smirks and says, “Well, I’ll definitely be looking forward to seeing you soon, then.”

He pulls you into another quick hug and your face is hot with embarrassment, and you can feel yourself get redder when Brian murmurs in your ear, “Don’t take too long now, Y/N.”

You know he’s teasing but there’s a note of arousal in his voice as well, and you feel your dick start to stir with interest even through your lingering embarrassment. “I’ll get changed and hurry right over,” you promise in a low voice, and you can’t help but feel smug when you see Brian’s eyes darken in hunger.

You don’t live in New Haven proper and today even the quick drive back to your apartment feels like it takes too long, when all you want to do is still be with Brian… but you’re hoping, if you play your cards right, that you’ll be spending a lot more time with Brian tonight than you had ever originally planned.

Picking out clothes feels less like a daily battle than it ever did before you started transitioning but you still take some time to consider what to wear over to the theatre, finally settling on skinny jeans and a Yale shirt. You’re considerably older than most of the university’s students but you’re still cursed with a babyface that T hasn’t aged quite enough yet, and you figure that faking some school pride can’t hurt when you’re going to be mere blocks away from the university itself.

You grab a pair of rolled-up socks and hesitate for a moment before discarding them, and tying a flannel shirt around your waist to hide the lack of bulge in your pants. An old leather jacket and a few swipes of eyeliner finish off the look, and even if you hadn’t already been flirting with Brian you’re pretty sure you’d win an invite back to his hotel room now anyway.

You take the bus back over to New Haven, rather than worrying about finding parking near the venue, and although security gives you an uncomfortable once-over as you show him your badge it isn’t long before you’re inside the theatre and looking for Brian once more.

Soundcheck is just wrapping up and you let the sound of Brian’s voice lead you towards the stage. He’s engrossed in his work and you watch him from the wings as he talks about some technical detail with one of the roadies. He seems relaxed enough, at a quick glance, but you can see his fingers tapping anxiously against the front of the Red Special and tension starting to gather in his shoulders again.

It’s a far cry from how he was before the Queen shows of old. Back then, even if he was a bit on edge or the band had fought during soundcheck, Brian retained a certain amount of confident ease - something which is noticeably absent in his demeanor now. You wonder if it’s due to the lack of Queen and the stability that Brian had based his routines around, or if it’s because of the added pressure of his role in this new band… though, truthfully, it’s probably a little bit of both.

You wonder if you still have a right to meddle, if you can ask Brian how he’s really doing and still expect an honest answer from him after all these years. Then Brian spots you out of the corner of his eye and his face lights up with happiness again and the tension starts to bleed out of his frame, and you decide to let sleeping dogs lie - at least for now anyway, because you have more important (or at least more fun) things to focus on.

Because Brian isn’t nearly as subtle as he thinks he is as he gives you a lingering once-over, before he passes over his Old Lady to a tech that you don’t recognize and crosses the stage to pull you into a hug. This one isn’t as intimate as the one at the diner, more of a quick one-armed embrace that he might give to any of his male friends, but he still whispers in your ear, “You look good, Y/N.”

You pull back, gearing up to poke fun at Brian for saying that yet again, only to see the smile pulling at the corner of his mouth and the glint in his eyes that tells you that he’s teasing you. That doesn’t stop you from huffing a little and saying, “Excuse you, I think I look damn good in fact.”

Brian laughs, the sound catching the attention of the rest of his bandmates. If he notices, though, that doesn’t stop him from murmuring a quiet, “You do look damn good. Gonna make it hard for me to get through the show, knowing that you’re-”

“Hey, Brian!” the other guitarist calls out. “The pizza for the crew just got here, we good on the soundcheck?”

“Yeah sorry, we’re all set!” Brian yells back. He shakes his head and says to you, “Sorry about that.”

You shrugs. “Not the first time your work has ruined the moment.” It used to be Roger banging on the dressing room door while the two of you were in the middle of things, but you’re still used to the interruptions.

“Well, we’re not likely to get many moments in private until after the show,” Brian says, his voice pitched low so no one can overhear the two of you.

“I was thinking that we’re getting a bit too old to disappear into a supply closet together,” you joke, though you keep your voice low as well.

Brian snorts. “Yeah, I don’t need Spike or Jamie finding me in flagrante when there’s a perfectly good hotel bed waiting for us at the end of this.” He hesitates for a moment, biting his bottom lip, and finally asks, “That is where all this flirting is heading, isn’t it?”

“That’s what I was hoping.” You grin wickedly at Brian and add, “I didn’t dress up nice just for the hell of it, you know.”

“Good to know,” Brian says, with a wide grin. “C’mon, I wanna introduce you to the band.”

Brian does have a full, proper band touring with him. Jamie is the guitarist who had interrupted Brian greeting you, Neil is the bass player, and Spike is the keyboard player that Brian had mentioned during your lunch earlier. The backing vocalists are Catherine and Shelley, and the last you’re introduced to is Cozy, the drummer. You don’t recognize him at all but clearly Brian is expecting you to, judging by his slightly exasperated sigh when you don’t react to his name.

“Oh, leave it be, Brian. Not like my pride’s hurt at all,” Cozy says before Brian can gear up for his explanation. “I’m just glad to finally be meeting Y/N.”

“Finally?” you echo, giving Brian a sideways glance.

“I may have mentioned you once or twice…”

“Or three or four or forty times,” Spike says dryly.

“You can’t count times I’ve mentioned him in passing over the last decade!” Brian tries to defend himself.

“Decade? Try the last day,” Jamie says as he too joins in the conversation. “If the drive down here yesterday had been any longer we were going to draw straws to see which one of us was going to knock you out just to get some peace and quiet!"

“I was not that bad!” Brian protests but he’s laughing, and so is everyone else, and it’s not quite Queen but you can see the niche that Brian has carved out with this new group of people and it makes you smile to listen to the friendly ribbing and jokes.

“We tried to get him to call you when we stopped so maybe he’d shut up for a bit, but he refused,” Cozy says to you.

You were at work yesterday so Brian wouldn’t have been able to reach you anyway but instead of pointing that out you join in with the teasing yourself. “Well I wish you had, so I could’ve pointed you in the direction of the right pizza to order…”

Brian groans at the familiar argument and says, “You complain about this every time I come to New Haven!”

“Well, start ordering from Frank Pepe’s instead of Sally’s and we wouldn’t have to keep having this conversation!” you tell him.

“I didn’t know pizza was that big of a deal in Connecticut,” Neil says with a laugh.

“It’s not, not unless you’re a New Haven local,” Brian says, with the tone of someone who has been forced to listen to this lecture more times than he cares to remember.

“Are you a local then, Y/N?” Shelley asks. “Or did you come down to meet up with Brian?”

“Nah, I’m a local - well, local enough, I live over in West Haven.” You pluck at your shirt and add, “Didn’t go to Yale, but I’ll pretend to support the university while I’m practically on their campus.”

“I think that’s Brian’s plan for tonight too,” Jamie says, giving Brian a friendly nudge with his elbow as he passes him. “First thing he did when we got in yesterday was have someone run out to get him an appropriately local tank top for the encore.”

“A tank top?” You can’t help but laugh. “In all the years I’ve known Brian I have never known him to wear a tank top! I’ll believe that when I see it!”

You keep chatting with the band for a little while longer but eventually everyone splits up to double-check their instruments, get changed, and take care of the thousand little things that always seem to get left for the last minute.

“You should probably head out front,” Brian tells you eventually. He still needs to get changed into his own stage outfit, even though you’ve been listening to the audience trickle in for the last ten minutes.

“Yeah, probably,” you agree. You want to lean up and kiss him but even here, in the doorway to the dressing room, you know better than to risk it. Some of Brian’s bandmates seem to have an inkling of what’s really going on, but the last thing you need is for anyone else to see the two of you like that. “I’ll catch you later then?”

“I’ve already told security to let you backstage before the encore,” Brian says. He looks like he wants to kiss you too, but he settles for giving you a bright smile and another quick hug. “I’ll see you soon enough.”

“I’ll be seeing you soon enough at least,” you joke and you let the echo of Brian’s laugh follow you out.

You hadn’t bought a floor ticket originally, but security finds you a spot by the stage where it’ll be easy for you to duck out again later. A few people near you give you curious looks, but luckily none of the double-takes that you’ve come to dread, and no one asks you about the backstage pass still hanging around your neck as the theatre fills up around you.

When the lights finally dim the audience roars and cheers, almost enough to drown out the opening bars of what you can barely make out as The Dark - before the lights slowly come on and Brian is standing center-stage, singing the title track from his debut solo album.

Brian’s voice is amazing. You’ve always known that, even if Brian has never really considered himself to be much of a singer, but you’re spellbound at his performance - the way he balances the guitar with the vocals, the gorgeous harmony of a full band supporting him, his backing vocalists providing a depth that takes you by surprise. It’s not Queen, none of it is, but it’s good, and Brian owns the stage like he was born to do this.

You’re so taken by Brian’s performance that it’s not until Brian sheds the long coat that he initially wore out on stage that you take in the outfit he’s wearing: A loose white shirt with an ornate vest, paired with a pair of tight pants that you think have buttons sewn all over them… until Brian wanders closer to where you’re standing and you realize that they’re actually grommets. You can’t tell if there’s a lining to them or not, but the possibility that that’s Brian’s bare skin peeking through the tiny holes makes your mouth go dry with want.

Brian’s solo material is as excellent as it sounded on the album. You never doubted that it would be, not for a second, but you’re taken a bit by surprise by how well the Queen songs work in the setlist as well. It’s not Freddie singing, or Roger on the drums, or John on bass… but with Brian still on guitar, and Spike clearly knowing his way around the keyboard parts, it all works. The crowd cheers as loud for Tie Your Mother Down as they do for Love Token, and your heart swells with pride for everything Brian has achieved with this album and this tour.

And then Brian grabs an acoustic, and sits down on a stool by himself towards the front of the stage, and you know what is coming even before Brian asks the audience if they’re ready to sing.

“There's a special reason for this song. I didn't write this song, so by right I don't have- I don't have much of a right to be singing it,” Brian says. “But I'm going to do it anyway, because this is in memory of just about the best singer the world has ever seen.”

Everyone around you is cheering but you think you’re going to cry. You want to jump onstage, pull Brian out from under the bright lights and somewhere quiet and private, where you can wrap yourself around him and reassure him that Freddie wouldn’t care that Brian was singing his song at all. You want to take Brian and steal him away from the world, from everyone who still demands Queen from him and everyone who won’t let him grieve in peace.

You want to find somewhere that the two of you can hide away together, until you never have to see this sort of open anguish on Brian’s face again.

The song is as gorgeous as it ever was when Freddie sang it, and the concert continues from there with Brian giving no indication that he had bared his heart and left it bleeding on the stage while the audience sang and cheered him on.

Brian loses the vest eventually, and you’re close enough to the stage that you can see the sweat starting to bead along Brian’s temple and the column of his throat. It’s a strange sort of whiplash, going from the emotional devastation of Love of My Life to feeling like you’re going to die if you don’t get your hands on Brian this very second. He’s always looked damn fine while playing the guitar, but seeing him fully in control of the stage and belting his heart out on every song - when he remembers to get back to his mic in time - is driving you crazy with want.

We Will Rock You doesn’t dovetail into We Are the Champions, like you were half-expecting it to, but even after the band leaves the stage you’re left stunned and entirely captivated by their performance.

“Hey!” A security guard taps you on the shoulder. “You’re the one who’s supposed to head backstage again, yeah?”

You nod. You had almost forgotten about that, and you follow the guard through the crowd to the backstage door, which he opens and motions for you to go through. You walk back, finding yourself in the wings near the stage where the band is quickly toweling off and grabbing a drink before heading back out for the encore.

Brian is quickly shucking off his sweat-drenched shirt and pulling on the tank top that had been mentioned earlier. It’s a simple white with YALE printed across the chest and it hangs loose on Brian’s slim frame, leaving his arms and a good portion of the sides of his torso exposed to the world. You’ve seen Brian naked before but somehow this feels more sinful, and you can feel your dick start to twitch and and your core throb with interest, especially when you realize that Brian is still wearing the same pants as before.

“Please tell me there’s a lining in those,” you say in a slightly strangled voice, motioning towards Brian’s legs and the grommet holes that have been teasing you all evening.

Brian wipes his face with a towel, and only gives you a wicked smirk and a knowing wink in response. “Catch you after the show,” he says, as he’s handed a guitar - an acoustic, you notice belatedly, not his Red Special - and he walks back onstage with the rest of the band.

You’re still distracted by the sight of Brian in an honest-to-god tank top, his sinewy arms on full display, that you almost miss Brian saying, “You might think this is a sad song, but it ain’t.”

And for the second time that evening you find yourself caught off-guard by the genuine, heart-wrenching emotion in Brian’s singing - but the pain that was there during Love Of My Life is now nowhere to be seen. Maybe it’s because you can’t see Brian’s face, or maybe it’s just the warning he gave at the beginning of the song to let everyone know that it wasn’t supposed to be sad… but for the first time, you think you’re beginning to understand how Brian is starting to move on. You think you can see the ways in which sharing his grief with the world like this is healing for him, in a way that you never would have expected.

It still hurts to hear Brian sing, “I don’t believe in being Queen anymore - I just believe in me. Just you guys and me.” But it’s a hurt that’s tempered by the memory of Brian laughing with his new bandmates backstage, the genuine happiness you’ve seen on his face despite the moments of grief that still come through, and you know that even if Brian might not be entirely okay… at least he’s getting there.

And then the song ends and Brian launches into the familiar opening riff of Hammer to Fall, and you let yourself get swept away by the energy and the music.

Your heart races at the sight of Brian rocking out to the heavy Queen tune, your arousal simmering again with every flash of the stage lights that catch on those grommets or cast dark shadows along the lines of the wiry muscles in Brian’s arms. There’s a strangeness to it still, a part of you that’s still a little turned around from the sudden change in mood in the theatre, but that part quickly fades when Brian glances your way and gives you a wink, before sidling up to Jamie to keep rocking out on the guitar part.

You bite your lip to stifle a groan and wonder if Brian is dragging this song out for longer than normal just to torment you. It’s just not fair, none of it is - not the tank top and grommets leaving Brian lewdly on display, not the hot stage lights making sweat bead along his brow, not his quick fingers flying over the strings of his guitar as the song finally, fucking finally, comes to an end and the band takes their bows one last time.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Brian asks you as he hands off his guitar. The question is innocent enough but the look in his eyes is anything but, and for a moment you feel an irrational burst of hatred that this isn’t a Queen show and you no longer present as female because all you want to do is push Brian against the closest wall and kiss him breathless.

Instead you grit your teeth and say, “Loved it, it was great... Please tell me you don’t have to stick around for long.”

Brian throws his head back and laughs, and you have to stamp down the urge to bite at the column of this throat. “Nah, no interviews or meet-and-greet’s tonight. Just have to get changed and-”

“Don’t change,” you interrupt.

“Oh?” Brian raises an eyebrow and smirks at you. You huff at him, hating that you can’t tell him exactly what he’s doing to you in that outfit, and you’re about two seconds from deciding that you don’t care who sees or overhears you when Brian says, “Alright. Let me just grab my wallet and we’ll head out.”

It doesn’t end up being quite that easy. Brian still has to check in with a few people about the travel plans for tomorrow, and it takes some time for the crowds to disperse and a car to arrive to take you two back to the hotel. But luckily the rest of the band just waves Brian off, some with knowing smiles, and none of them hop in the car with you or ask Brian to stick around backstage for any longer than he already has.

It’s torture having to keep your hands to yourself, and after a few minutes you decide, screw it, it’s dark enough that the driver won’t be able to see anything - so you reach out and trace around one of the grommet holes, dipping your finger in to tease at the delicate skin of Brian’s thigh. “These are more than a little indecent, you know,” you murmur in a low undertone as your hand creeps further up Brian’s leg.

Brian catches your hand and laces his fingers with yours, which is fair because you can hide your arousal when you get to the hotel far easier than Brian can. “Indecent is going a bit far, I think,” Brian counters.

“Mm, well, they’re giving me indecent thoughts, at least…”

“Care to share some of them?” Brian asks, and even though the question is quiet you can hear the heat behind the words.

You shrug and glance at the driver, who - if he can hear your conversation - at least doesn’t give any sign of it. “Been wondering if I could get some laces between those grommets, tie you up in a pretty little package…”

Brian inhales sharply and you smile, all teeth and wicked intentions, as he shifts next to you and says, “Didn’t think you liked being the one doing the tying. You always used to want to be the one getting tied up.”

“Oh, I still do. But I can’t help it if those pants start giving me ideas…” you say, and Brian’s quiet groan of frustration feels like music to your ears.

You’re grateful that Brian is already checked in so you don’t have to stop by the front desk, but you still struggle to keep your hands to yourself as Brian leads the way up to his room and unlocks the door. Once you’re inside, though, both of you are on each other in an instant as Brian crowds you against the wall and you finally, finally get to kiss him.

It’s just as perfect as you remember. Brian’s lips are soft but he kisses you with the same passion that you remember from years ago, fierce and demanding and just the right side of rough. He nips at your bottom lip, a move that’s always gotten your blood racing, and when you groan he slips his tongue into your mouth to plunder every inch of you.

You’re so much shorter than Brian and you know that it has to be uncomfortable for him to lean down so far to kiss you, so when you finally pull back to catch your breath you loop your fingers through the grommets on his pants and start tugging him towards the bed.

“Oh, I definitely love these pants,” you tell him, and Brian just laughs and tries to kiss you again. You push him down so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed and that puts you at a much more equal height, making it easy for you to tangle one hand in his curls and slide the other along the bare skin of his arm and shoulder. “And this tank top too, fucking christ…”

Brian is still laughing as he finally captures your lips with his again and yeah, that’s a much better use of your time than continuing to talk about his admittedly excellent wardrobe choices. You think you could spend the rest of your life kissing Brian and die happily at the end of it all but you’re still craving more, so you nudge Brian’s legs apart and move in closer to him.

“Wait, wait-” Brian says, breaking the kiss before you can press fully up against him. He’s breathing heavily and his lips are red and kiss-swollen, and you want to lean back in and keep kissing him senseless, until both of you are breathless and desperate for more.

But you know Brian wouldn’t pull the brake unless it was important so you swallow down the impulse to keep touching him and instead ask, “What is it, Bri?”

“We haven’t done this since you’ve… Well I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Brian says. There’s a flush rising on his cheeks that is no longer entirely due to arousal and his embarrassment is palpable in the room.

You know what Brian is trying to ask, even though it’s been a while since you’ve had to have this conversation with a partner. You untangle your hand from his hair and let go of his shoulder so you don’t get distracted as you tell him, “I’m fine being penetrated, if you want to go that far, but we’re gonna need lube. I don’t get as wet as I did before starting testosterone. And I have a dick. Don’t call it a clit.”

“Okay,” Brian says with a nod. He looks serious, and that’s actually a little comforting for you to see. “What about… I mean, if I, er, penetrate you, what do I call…?”

“Don’t,” you tell him. “There’s not really any term I’m comfortable with yet.”

Brian frowns. “If you’re not comfortable, I can get you off without touching that part-”

“No. I’m fine with you penetrating me, honestly I am, just don’t try to talk dirty about what you’re doing,” you say.

“Okay,” Brian says again. “Anything else I should know?”

You hesitate for a moment, because you don’t really want to talk about this… but you’d rather talk about it now rather than have it come up when you’re both naked and more in the moment. “I had chest reconstruction surgery. I don’t have much feeling up there but there’s- there’s scars, and you don’t have to touch them-”

“Do you not want me to touch them?” Brian asks, gently cutting into your nervous rambling before it can really build momentum.

“They’re… not pretty. They didn’t heal up nicely,” you admit, and getting those words out is hard. You still feel ashamed to admit that your surgical results only look good when you have a shirt covering it all up, and you’ve had more than one hookup where you kept your chest covered the entire time.

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Brian says, with a small smile to soften his words and help put you at ease once again. “Do you not want me to touch your scars?”

You have to think about that, and the only answer you can give Brian is, “I don’t know. I don’t like touching them and no one else ever has. If you want to you can, and I’ll tell you to stop if I need to?”

You don’t mean for that to come out as a question but it does anyway, and Brian doesn’t hesitate to nod in agreement. “That sounds good. Anything else?”

You shake your head. “No, that’s everything. Can we just get back to making out now?”

Brian laughs but gently pulls you back in close, keeping one hand on your waist as the other gently cups your face. “Yeah,” he breathes, and then his mouth is on yours again.

You kiss him back fiercely, tangling one of your hands in Brian’s curls again as you lean up and lick into his mouth. You rock against Brian and his legs are spread wide enough that your hips meet his. You moan at the feeling of his bulge rubbing against you and Brian groans at friction against his hardening cock. Brian’s hand that was on your face drifts down, trailing along your side before snaking between the two of you and popping the button on your jeans.

“This okay?” he asks, fingers just teasing along the waistband of your boxers.

“Yeah,” you breathe against his mouth, and as Brian’s hand slips into your underwear you deepen the kiss to distract yourself. Brian’s touch feels good and you don’t want him to stop, but there’s still a nervousness to being intimate with another person - even if that other person is Brian, who you trust implicitly and who has touched you before.

You moan as Brian’s fingers find your dick and brush teasingly along the head, but you’re surprised to hear Brian groan again as well. “Fuck, you’re big,” he breathes as he rubs over your dick, feeling out the shape of it as you harden beneath his fingers.

You can’t hold back a laugh at Brian’s comment. “I’m really not. Just grew a little, that’s all.”

“Grew a lot you mean,” Brian mumbles against your lips, but your retort is lost in another whimper as Brian slides his fingers along your dick again.

It feels so good, his nimble fingers tracing along the exposed head of your dick and trailing down to gather what little slickness they can to smooth the glide of his calloused fingertips along your most sensitive parts. Neither the years nor your transition have not dulled his familiarity with your body and all you can do is cling tightly to his shoulders and pant and whine against his mouth as Brian brings you close to your climax at a frightening speed.

“Wait, stop,” you manage to get out, and Brian’s hand is pulled out of your pants at a lightning speed. You laugh at the look of worry on his face and quickly assure him, “I‘m gonna come too soon if you keep that up.”

“So? You look gorgeous falling apart for me,” Brian says.

He starts kissing down your neck and you tilt your head back to give him more room even as you tell him, “Yeah, but I can’t go more than once now. Get too sensitive, and not in a good way.”

“Ah, well then,” Brian mumbles against the hollow of your throat. He nips at that spot and then soothes it with his tongue, before pulling back and saying, “C’mon, get up on the bed, let’s do this properly then.”

You snort but pull away and quickly start stripping down and Brian stands up to do the same. You watch, mouth watering, as Brian throws the tank top to the side and shimmies out of his tight pants. His cock is hard and precome is already beading at the tip, and you want to drop to your knees and take Brian deep into your throat until he’s coming undone around you - but you’re startled from your thoughts as Brian gently pushes at the hem of your shirt and asks, “Will you take this off too?”

You hadn't quite realized that it was still on and you hesitate for a moment, before pulling it over your head and tossing it aside as well, and then you’re left fully exposed before Brian. You’ve been in this position before but never quite like this - never with a beard and so much body hair and scars across your chest and your dick just barely poking out from your surrounding folds.

Brian takes a step closer and kisses you again, as hot and harsh as ever. “God, how are you still so fucking beautiful?” he says as he pulls away.

You laugh, your moment of insecurity forgotten as you retort, “I could ask you the same thing, Brian May.”

Brian laughs and shakes his head, and pushes you back towards the bed. You lie down and Brian follows you, covering your body with his, his cock rubbing against your hip as he kisses you once on the mouth, then down your neck and chest, and finally across both of your scars as well. “So beautiful,” he murmurs against your skin and you shudder at the feeling of this part of you being touched for the first time.

“I can’t feel that,” you admit to him when he licks experimentally over one of your nipples. “They don’t have feeling, and the scars don’t either.”

“Mm, well what about here?” Brian asks, kissing further down your torso. “Or here?” Another kiss, just above your belly button. “Or here?” Another, just above your dick, and you’re laughing and arching against him, trying to get his mouth where you need it.

And then Brian’s mouth closes around your dick and your laughter is lost in a loud moan as Brian gives a small, experimental suck and pleasure overwhelms your senses. “Bri- oh, fuck, Bri-” you pant, hands clawing at the sheets and pawing over Brian’s head as he pulls back to kitten-lick around the head of your dick.

It’s almost too much, too intense, and luckily Brian seems to figure that out on his own because you’re pretty sure you’ve lost the ability to speak. He moves away from your dick for a moment, moving down further to lick around your core. It’s messy and sloppy wet but you only realize what Brian is doing when you see him suck a finger into mouth to wet it, before bringing it towards your entrance.

“This okay?” he asks, rubbing along the outside for now. “I don’t have lube, and I don’t want to hurt you…”

“‘s fine,” you manage to get out and then Brian is pressing his finger inside of you. You whine as he starts to move it and you can feel yourself starting to get a little bit wetter with every thrust.

Brian pushes a second finger inside as he leans back down to lick a stripe along the underside of your dick, and the almost-uncomfortable fullness is a welcome contrast to the lightning of pleasure that skitters up your spine as Brian’s mouth reduces you to wordless moans and whines. He’s always been good at this, with his wickedly clever tongue and long fingers moving deep inside you, but it’s so much more now that you’re on T - more sensitive, more overwhelming, physically more of you for him to work over.

“Bri, Bri, Bri-” you moan, and his name and a tug on his hair is the only warning you can give before your orgasm crashes over you. You arch against his mouth and writhe on the bed as he keeps his mouth over your dick, his tongue flicking against the head over and over, his fingers still trying to move inside you even though you’re clenched so tightly around them that it almost hurts.

The whole thing is almost painful but in the best way possible, pleasure racing through your entire body, your dick and core throbbing as overstimulation sets in. Your loud moans turn into high-pitched whines that cause your voice to crack and you don’t know if you want to tell Brian to stop or keeping going forever because it’s too much and you’re in ecstasy but god, it’s too much-

When Brian finally moves away all you can do is lie underneath him and try to catch your breath, even as your dick still twitches with the final aftershocks of your orgasm. You came so hard that you’re nearly crying, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and your brain so scrambled that you don’t know if you want to laugh or sob but you’re boneless and riding high on endorphins as Brian kneels over you, one hand quickly stripping his cock.

“I can-” you mumble, trying to reach down to help him with a hand that doesn’t quite want to cooperate with you, but Brian uses his free hand to pin yours down, lacing your fingers together.

“Next time. ‘m not gonna last long,” Brian admits. “Fuck, you’re amazing, Y/N, do you have any idea what you look like now?”

“I’d look better with your cum on me,” you say, and where that came from you have no clue - some deep part of your sex-fried brain dredging up that idea without any conscious involvement from you. You can barely even speak and the words come out more as a mumble than anything remotely sexy, but it’s still enough for Brian to groan loudly and fall over the edge of his own climax.

His cum hits your chest, covering your scars and landing across your belly, and it’s a little gross but it’s also a little hot. It’s not something Brian ever did to you before and with how easy it was to fall back into having sex with him after all these years, there’s a part of you that lights up in happiness at finding something new to it all - even something as unexpected as this.

Brian collapses next to you on the bed, also panting heavily, and it’s quiet in the room for several long moments. “I need a shower,” you eventually mumble to break the silence. “Before this dries in my body hair.”

Brian snorts. He has one hand flung over his face as he catches his breath, but he moves it as he rolls over onto his side to look at you. “Sorry about that. I can get you a washcloth-”

“I can get it myself,” you say, though you’re not actually sure that your legs are working yet. “Especially since I didn’t even get you off myself.”

“Didn’t need you to,” Brian says. “Seeing you fall apart like that nearly did me in completely.”

“Still.” You don’t like not reciprocating for your partners, even if Brian doesn’t care. “I’ll blow you in the morning to make up for it.”

That gets Brian laughing, and he stands up and stretches out. “Well, I’m not gonna say no to that,” he says as he walks into the bathroom. You listen as he wets a washcloth in the sink, and when he emerges you motion for him to throw it to you so you can take care of the mess yourself.

He does, and as you wipe yourself down you ask, “What time do you have to leave in the morning?”

“Not that early. Noon, one o’clock - somewhere around there,” Brian says as he lies back down on the bed. “Think it’s only a two hour drive over to Providence.”

“Mm, that sounds about right, yeah.” You toss the washcloth aside and flop back down with a comfortable sigh. You look over at Brian, who’s propped up on one elbow so he can face you properly, and you grin. “If we run out for lube and condoms in the morning, you can fuck me properly before you go.”

You’re expecting Brian to laugh and he sort of does. There’s a small huff of amusement from him, but there’s also a furrow starting to form between his brows that makes you a little worried. But before you can ask if everything is alright, Brian says, “I have a better idea. Come to Providence with me.”

Out of everything that Brian could have said, you never would have expected that. “What?” you say with a small laugh. “Brian, I can’t!”

“Why not?” Brian asks. “Are you working tomorrow?”

“Well, no,” you admit. You knew that you weren’t going to be in any shape to go into work in the morning after the concert, so you had taken the day off to give yourself a proper long weekend.

“Then come to Providence,” Brian says again. “Come to the show tomorrow night, and then we’ll drop you off in New Haven on our way back through on Saturday.”

It’s a tempting thought, and you’re a little scared by how much you want to say yes. You sit up, scrubbing a hand over your face with a small sigh. “Brian, I…”

Brian sits up as well and keeps a respectable distance between the two of you - and that helps, knowing that the two of you can have a serious conversation about this even though you’re both sitting in bed together. “You’re thinking too hard, Y/N,” he says softly. “What’s on your mind?”

“That I’m not in my 20s and I can’t go on tour with a rock band on a whim anymore,” you say. “And that I don’t care, and I want to go anyway. And I’m-" And you decide, to hell with it, you can't keep dancing around this any longer. "I’m worried about you, Brian. You get this sad look in your eyes, sometimes, that scares me a little to see. And I’m trying to figure out if sticking around for longer will make things better, or if postponing our goodbyes will just make everything worse in the end.”

Brian doesn’t say anything immediately. You glance at him, a bit nervous, worried that your honesty may have been crossing the line - but Brian doesn’t look upset or angry, merely thoughtful, and you stay quiet to give him the space he needs to think over his response.

“After Freddie… passed,” Brian says slowly, “I didn’t want anything to do with Queen. It hurt too much and I just wanted to move on. And this new band, and this tour… None of it is like Queen was, and when we first set out that’s exactly what I needed. But seeing you again… having that bit of the past come back to life… It’s made me realize that I think I’m ready to face Queen again. The band may be over but it’ll always be a part of my life, and I think I’m alright with that now.”

He smiles at you and it’s small but completely genuine, and there’s no hint of sadness in his eyes as he says, “I want you to come to Providence because I’ve missed you. I liked having you backstage, and I liked performing knowing that you were waiting for me at the end of it all like you always did before. But if you don’t want to come with me, you don’t have to. I’ll still visit at the end of the US tour leg, if that offer still stands.”

“Of course it still stands,” you say, because that’s the easiest part of Brian’s response to address.

This isn’t 1978 and you aren’t 29 anymore, and maybe you shouldn’t run off with a rockstar for the weekend. But this is Brian, and despite the years that have passed and the ways in which both of you are now different, maybe not everything has to change.

“Is it going to be a problem with the band if I tag along?” you ask.

Brian’s smile brightens a little. “Nah, the band’s not going to mind - and I won’t let the roadies say anything about it, even if they want to.”

That doesn’t mean it won’t be risky, and it’s definitely more than a little impulsive - but there’s a familiarity in the spontaneity, a flashback to years past when you never hesitated to put your life on hold to follow Brian on the road. And you find yourself starting to grin a little as well at the idea of having that again, even if it’s only for a day or two.

“Alright then. Yeah, I’ll go to Providence with you,” you say and Brian, laughing and grinning madly, leans forward to kiss you in delight.

#brian may x reader #brian may x trans reader #brian may fic #brian may fanfic #queen band fic #my fic #brian #(I am really proud of this one and writing it was a wonderful distraction while I was away so I hope you all enjoy it too!!)

[ericsonclan]

Both or None

Summary: Omid and Christa decide to give adoption a try.

Word Count: 3370

Read on A03: 

“Well, that was even better than I remembered,” Christa got up to turn off the TV. “I remember getting bored with It’s a Wonderful Life when I was younger, but it’s really grown on me over the years. I can’t believe this was our first time watching it to-” She paused as she noticed the expression on her husband’s face. “Omid? You OK, honey?”

“That was… magical ,” Omid breathed, his voice a bit shaky. His eyes shone with unshed tears. He decided to use the end of the blanket they’d been sharing to dry them. “Holy shit, I did not expect to get that emotional over a movie made back in the 40’s. But seeing George fall for Mary and build a life together and their kids ,” Omid held a hand out in front of him. “Zuzu’s petals,” he whispered before letting himself fall back against the couch, an arm thrown over his eyes. “God, I’m such a sap,”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” A gentle smirk played on Christa’s lips as she lifted her husband’ s legs to make room for herself on the couch.

Omid peeked at her from under his arm. “Stuff like that makes you think about what it’d be like if it wasn’t just the two of us here for Christmas,” A darkness fell over Christa’s features and he immediately backstepped. “Not that we need to talk about it. Forget I even said anything,”

“No, it’s out in the open now. We should discuss it. Besides, it’s been months since the test results came back,” Christa absentmindedly tugged at the toe of one of her husband’s socks. “I know it’s all either of us have been thinking about. It’s why we haven’t made any big travel plans for the summer like we usually do and why you haven’t started Christmas shopping and hiding my presents all over the house,” She looked at Omid with a warm, teasing smile before growing serious once more. “The doctors were pretty clear: even if we threw all of our savings at this, there’s no guarantee it will make me fertile,”

“But if it does, it will all have been worth it,” Omid argued, shifting to sit up. “If that’s what you want to do, I’ll fully support you, one hundred percent,”

Christa pursed her lips. “I’m not sure that it is. I’ve never been one to believe in miracles. I’d rather put our money toward something we’re sure would work than throw it all away on a pipe dream,”

“Well, there are other options. We could find a surrogate,”

“That feels too messy. To have another woman give birth to our child then keep her out of the baby’s life?” Christa shook her head. “Seems like a recipe for disaster,”

“Well, how would you feel…” Omid glanced up, meeting his wife’s eyes, “About adoption? They wouldn’t be ours by blood. I’m not sure how important that is to you,”

Christa was thoughtful. “I’ve certainly considered it these past couple months. If you’d asked me a couple years ago, I’d probably have said no, that I planned to have a child my own damn self. But the cards are stacked against us now and that’s really made me think if I want to give everything I’ve got to give birth to a child of my own when there are thousands of kids out there right now who need a home,” She looked back at her husband. “What about you? I don’t want you to feel like you have to move forward with something like this if it’s not what you truly want,”

“Honey, do you think I would have brought it up with you if it was something I was against? Have I ever been dishonest with you?” Omid caught the knowing glare in his wife’s eyes and cleared his throat. “Let me restate that. Have I ever lied to you about anything other than eating your fries?”

“You haven’t,” Christa ran a hand along his leg. “So… are you serious then? This is something you want?”

Omid’s gaze was steady now. “We’ve been trying for kids for years now. If it was going to happen it would’ve by now, and we’ve done the testing to figure out what’s wrong. Thinking about all the kids who are out there wishing for parents for Christmas… wouldn’t it be the best Christmas ever if we could make one kid’s wish come true?”

Christa felt her own throat constricting with emotion as she listened to her husband. “It would,”

Omid’s smile was bright. “Then let’s do this!”

Things moved quickly for the Farhads once they’d decided to pursue adoption. What they’d heard was normally a months if not years long process shortened itself when a window of opportunity appeared for them not two weeks later. A local foster shelter had need to relocate to a new facility and was looking to place children in homes as quickly as possible. If they found a kid they bonded with there, they really could have them home in time for Christmas.

As they pulled into the parking lot, Omid noticed how nervous Christa was looking. She wasn’t obvious with her fear, but he could see it in her eyes and the tension of her shoulders. Reaching out, he gently took her hand in his. “Hey, it’s gonna be fine. We’re playing this by ear. If we find the right kid, great. If not, we’ll get there when we get there,”

Christa nodded, taking in his words. “Right. We’ll see what happens,”

With that the couple headed inside. After checking in and filling out more paperwork, they were led to the playroom that was used for visiting hours. Dozens of children were in the room. Some ran around screaming and chasing each other while others kept more to themselves, playing quietly together or some on their own. It was a lot to take in.

Omid cleared his throat. “So, something we should probably have talked about before we came here: do we want a loud one or a quiet one?”

“Well, quiet would probably be preferred over screaming, but it’s not like loud is necessarily a bad thing,” Christa sidestepped some scattered toys on the floor. “A ‘loud’ child could have confidence and charisma. On the other hand, a quiet child could be imaginative and bright. Either one could work,”

“True,” Omid’s eyes scanned the room. “So, do we go through the room systematically or-” He was cut off abruptly when one of the youngsters barreled right into his gut, knocking all the air from him.

“Omid!” Christa hurried over to help him. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah,” Omid wheezed. He looked down at the child who’d run into him who was looking up guiltily. Some of his dreadlocks had fallen into his eyes, obscuring his freckled face.

“I’m really sorry, mister!” the boy exclaimed. “I didn’t see you there. I was just trying to hide before-” Suddenly he stopped, looking wildly round himself before jumping behind Omid and clinging to his leg in fear. “I can’t let him find me!”

“What? Is someone after you, buddy?” Omid asked, trying to look back at the boy while keeping his leg in place.

Christa knelt down to be at eye level with the child. “If anything’s wrong, you can tell us,”

The boy looked at the both of them with wide eyes. “I’m hiding from Justin,” he whispered, his voice a conspiratorial whisper.

“Who’s Justin?” Christa prodded, eyeing the boy up and down. He was certainly skinny. Were they feeding him well enough here? If she suspected even a hint of abuse, she wouldn’t hesitate to report it even if it wrecked their own chances of adoption today.

“One of the other kids here. He’s really mean. And he never gives me a turn, so I had to steal it,”

“Steal what?” Omid asked.

Slowly, as if afraid they would steal his treasure too, the boy showed them what he was clutching in his arms: a beat-up old xylophone. It had clearly seen years of use. The instrument was faded and dirty with two of the keys missing. The strand used to attach the mallet to the xylophone had long ago broken, the mallet now jammed unceremoniously in the open space left by the furthermost missing key.

“That looks awesome!” Omid exclaimed. “I can see why you wanted it so bad,”

The boy’s eyes lit up at his approval. “Yeah, I had to take it otherwise I wouldn’t get a turn. Miss Martin always tells us to take turns, but then Justin hogs it for the whole time and when I try to grab it from him he punches me. So this time I took it while he wasn’t looking,”

Christa smiled down at the boy. She liked his spunk. “Sounds to me like a smart move. Can you tell me your name?”

“I’m Louis,” He smiled brightly at his introduction, revealing a missing tooth.

“It’s nice to meet you, Louis. I’m Christa, and this is my husband, Omid,”

Omid lifted a hand in greeting. “That’s me! So Louis, can you tell us how old you are?”

“8 and a half. I’ll be 9 in July,” Louis declared, puffing up his chest.

Omid smiled. “Eight is a great age. Hey, do you think you could play a song for us on your xylophone? We’d love to hear one,”

Louis began jumping with glee at the request. “Yeah! I know a ton of songs! Here’s one of my favorites!” He immediately plopped down criss cross applesauce and began to play a lively tune that sounded to Omid and Christa like “Three Blind Mice”. As soon as he was done they both applauded, causing Louis to practically glow with pride before he launched into another song.

---

 An hour flew by as the three of them sat in a circle, listening to Louis’ music and asking him questions about his life. The boy was eager to answer everything, clearly attention-starved and eager to be seen. Christa and Omid shared several looks and knowing smiles as they got to know Louis better and better. They couldn’t believe their luck. The very first kid they talked to and he was the most charming tyke either of them had ever met.

When they finally reached a momentary lull in the conversation, Omid cleared his throat, drawing Louis’ attention. “Well, Louis, I’m sure you know why Christa and I are here. Would you like to come home and spend Christmas with us?”

Louis’ eyes lit up like gemstones before suddenly darkening. Without a word he ran off, leaving his xylophone behind.

Omid and Christa shared a puzzled look. “I have to say, that is not how I saw things panning out,” Omid mumbled.

Christa placed a comforting hand on her husband’s leg. “It was our first try. Maybe we’ll have more luck if we meet some of the other kids,”

“But Louis was so cute! I got really excited,” Omid pouted, looking down at the abandoned xylophone. “I really thought he was the one,”

“I did too. I’m not sure why he responded like that,” Christa looked towards the clock on the wall. “There’s still an hour or so until visit hours are over. Want to keep looking?”

“OK…”

Just as the couple was rising to their feet, Louis came running back over, this time dragging another child behind him. He looked up at the couple with determined eyes. “It’s both or none of us!”

Omid and Christa looked at the young girl Louis had brought back with him. She looked to be about his age, but smaller and even skinner. Her short blonde hair was messy and unkempt and she slouched forward, holding her arms tightly against herself, her eyes trained on the floor. The couple shared another look. This wasn’t what they had expected.

Omid knelt down in front of Louis once more. “Y’know, Louis, we were just planning to foster one kid for now. But I’m sure we could bring you back for visits-”

“No!” Louis screamed, shaking his head firmly. He took a step back, still holding the girl’s hand. “I’m not leaving Violet! Nobody ever wants to adopt her ‘cause she’s shy, but she’s really cool and strong and-”

“Shut up, Louis!” the girl hissed, pulling back her hand. “Just go home with your new stupid parents!” With that she was off like a shot.

“Vi, wait!” Louis ran after her frantically. Christa and Omid followed suit. They eventually stopped by some children’s desks that had been pushed against the wall. Violet was hiding underneath one of them, her knees pulled up to her chest. Louis was holding on to the metal bars on either side of the desk, trying to reason with her through sniffles. “C’mon, Vi! I told you, they’re really nice! And I don’t wanna leave without you! You always look out for me and punch the other kids when they’re being mean to me. So I’m gonna look out for you too!”

Christa felt her heart ache at the sight before her. They couldn’t separate these kids. Louis clearly adored Violet and she had a feeling that Violet cared deeply for him too considering how upset she was at the thought of him leaving. She knelt down beside the desk, looking at the two kids. “Ok, here’s what we’re going to do. Louis, you’re going to go with Omid and talk some more so that Violet and I can have some time to get to know each other. You can be right over there where you can see us the whole time, OK?”

“I brought the xylophone with me and everything!” Omid added, lifting up the instrument in one hand. “We can jam out to some more tunes!”

Louis still looked worried, but he nodded, stepping aside so Christa could take his spot. He and Omid walked a slight distance away and sat down together.

Christa scooted over so she could sit beside the bench, able to see Violet but giving her enough space that she could make a run for it if she liked. “I figure you don’t want to talk right now, Violet. That’s fine. I’m going to share some things about myself and my husband, and if you want to listen, you can,”

Violet remained silent, her face hidden behind her knees. She was going to be a tough egg to crack.

“You know, when I was your age I didn’t care much for other kids. I used to punch them if they started to annoy me. It wasn’t a good thing to do, but I had a hard time breaking out of the habit. Sometimes I wondered if my parents wanted another daughter, one who wasn’t so serious or violent all the time. But they never said anything to prove my fears were true. They stuck by me and loved me and I’m still close to them today,” Christa glanced over to see if Violet was listening. It was hard to tell. She’d just have to keep going.

“My husband and I came here today because we heard that the foster home is relocating. A lot of kids are going to be moved around. I bet you’ve been worried about that, wondering if you’ll be separated from your friends. Change is going to come no matter what. If you’d like to stick with Louis though, my husband and I could take both of you home. We’d like that very much,”

Still nothing from Violet.

Christa sighed. “This doesn’t have to be a forever decision. Omid and I are taking things a day at a time. If you decide to come home with us but you don’t want to stay forever, that’s fine. But we’d love to at least give you and Louis a wonderful Christmas together. We can promise you that,”

“… said… one,”

She had spoken! “What was that?” Christa leaned forward, trying to hear Violet better.

“You said you only wanted one,”

“That was true at first. But that was when we only knew Louis. We were thinking to start with one, but Omid and I would love to have several kids. Starting off with two might be even better,”

Violet was eyeing her warily. From her behavior and body language, Christa was sure she’d been through some sort of abuse in her past. It saddened her to see someone so young already hurt and afraid.

Christa adjusted her position, sitting down cross-legged for more comfort. “Tell you what: there’s one hour left for visiting hours today. For that time you and I will talk and get to know each other. You can talk as much or as little as you like. At the end of the hour, I’ll ask if you want to come with us. If you do, great. And if you don’t…” Christa paused, feeling the weight of her next statement. “If you don’t, we won’t make Louis go with us either. We’re not going to separate you two.”

Violet’s eyes widened at Christa’s words. She hadn’t been expecting that. Hesitantly, she nodded.

“Alright then. I’ll start off first. Let me tell you about how I met Omid,”

---

 Christa talked for most of that hour. She shared stories from her life, her favorite movies, colors and foods, funny anecdotes about Omid, anything she thought would help Violet warm up and trust them a bit more. Violet only spoke a few times and just a sentence or two each time, but Christa appreciated each interaction. Violet had a soft, gentle voice, much lighter than she’d expected. Her green eyes were huge and got even wider whenever Christa said something that surprised her. As much as she’d entered this conversation with Violet as a show of good faith, Christa found herself growing fonder of the girl with each passing minute. Was she really that much of a sucker, falling for each lonely kid she met? Christa didn’t think so, but she also didn’t care. She wanted Louis and Violet to come home with her and Omid. She wanted them to be happy. And she’d do everything she could to make that happen.

When the hour was up, Christa crouched a bit closer under the desk, reaching out a hand. “Need some help getting out?”

Violet took Christa’s hand, her own hand small and limp in hers. As she came out from under the desk she blinked slowly as if readjusting to the light of the room.

“Alright, Violet. I told you the choice was yours. Would you like to come home with me and Omid?”

Violet didn’t look at her. Instead she watched Louis and Omid. Christa’s eyes followed hers, observing the pair. They looked so happy chatting with each other, like two peas in a pod. Louis was teaching Omid one of his tunes on the xylophone and Omid was doing his best to hit all the right notes, though he didn’t always succeed.

Christa turned back to Violet, watching her. Her expression was unreadable, almost stone-like, but Christa thought she could see the smallest smile upon her lips as she watched her friend. Violet caught her staring, glancing up at Christa before her gaze turned to the floor. Her hands were clenched in fists by her side. She was clearly afraid of all of this change. But she hadn’t said no. Christa waited in silence, hoping that the miracles she didn’t believe in would prove her wrong this one time.

“Yes,”

The word was short, small, soft-spoken. But Christa heard it. A smile broke out of her face as she knelt down to Violet’s level. “I’m glad. Thank you, Violet, for taking a chance on us,” She motioned towards Omid, giving him a thumbs up. Immediately the two boys were scurrying over, Louis tackling Violet in a hug.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Louis cheered. “This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!”

This time Christa knew she saw the smile on Violet’s face, small but clear. Christa shared a look with Omid, both of them smiling at each other before turning to Louis and Violet. They would keep them safe and happy, no matter what. They were coming home.

#fanfic #omista #twdg louis #twdg violet #everett bunch au #twdg christa #twdg omid #louis violet brotp

[angst-king]

I didn’t ask for this pt2

(Trigger warning harsh language, mention of rape against a minor..I do not own BNHA or any canon characters)

It was the next day and Kaminari had woken up in recovery girl's office. His body felt heavy and sore, his head still hurt and his memory was a little fuzzy since he was still groggy. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Denki noticed the bandages and memories started to flood his mind. He shook lightly, holding his knees to his chest but the seemed to make him short of breath. "Oh good you're awake, how do you fee Kaminari?" Kaminari shrugged, he didn't know how he should feel "s-sore" his voice was hoarse from lack of talking. He winced and grabbed his throat, Recover girl reached into her mini fridge and got out a bottle of water and held out a two different pills. "Swallow these for me bud, these should help you." Denki silently did as told and swallowed down the pills and water. When he was done he looked to her and asked quietly. "C-can I go to my d-dorm?" Recovery girl nods, lowering the bed and allowing the blond to get down. Dizzily standing up, his toes curled at the freezing tile floor the brought on shivers. Keeping the towel around himself  Kaminari made his way back to the dorms. He didn't think about the fact that he was wrapped in a blanket and scattered bandages, barefoot. Luckily when he got inside the common room was empty, he must've woken up early or they were already in class. He went up to his dorm, opening the door, the blanket dropped when he got into his room. An overwhelming feeling of disgust, and shame washed over him as he looked at himself in his mirror. Quickly grabbing some clothes to change into, he goes into the bathroom and starts the shower water. When the blond was ready to get in, the bandages were unraveled  and trashed them. Stepping into the hot steaming case, Denki took a deep breath in and sighed. He started to wash himself up, his washing of the light foamy soup turned to harsh scrubbing with tears streaming down his face. The memories made his skin feel hot, sticky, and all around disgusting. His hands were trembling and his saliva felt utterly cold, this was anxiety! He didn't even react to the hot water pouring right down onto his head. He could feel his world spinning and voices overcrowded his mind. 'you fagot freak' 'you cheated on him and he deserves better'  'you disgusting fagot' 'you're weak and disgusting!' Finally stumbling and slipping into the back of shower, Denki fell to his knees and cries. Soft sobs emit from the male who could hardly believe what had happened to him the night before. When Denki gathered himself enough to get out, he staggers to his feel and wobbles out. Grabbing a towel he dried himself off until he got dressed in a comfy off the shoulder pastel dark blue sweat shirt and grey sweat pants. Heading back to his dorm as he lets his hair air dry, he shuts the door and locks it. Denki got into bed and under his covers, wanting them to swallow him up and make him disappear. In class the students noticed that the white board had the words 'just take your seats'. Noticing their electric dunce wasn't in class, the students seemed a little concerned. "hey I though Kaminari was coming back last night? He usually does?" Spoke Sero, Kirishima nods "I know, and he usually texts us." Bakugou did his usual 'tch' and rolled his eyes "I swear if that witch did something to him, again I'm going to blow him to pieces and take his cats." Midoriya then came over with his phone "Shinsou texted me to ask if Kaminari came back since he never got a text from him." That only made the Bakusquad worry more, obviously Bakugou didn't show it like his friends. The group was soon interrupted by Aizawa who walked in looking more tired than usual. It was just exhaustion, he seemed to have something on his mind as he came in. The students could sense this, and hurried to their seats. Some were getting out their pencils since they knew they'd have a test today. Aizawa halted them, "Put your pencils away please" his voice left no room for argument even if it was soft. The students obeyed with confusion written on their faces. Aizawa then seemed to be thinking through the silence of his kids. Before anyone could ask him anything he sighed before starting up again. "As some of you may have noticed, Kaminari Denki isn't present today. His situation is something I will not disclose with vivid detail but I will tell you that he may not come for a little while. Please do not pressure him for answers. What I will tell you is, be careful when you leave the school campus especially at night. If you leave to go to town for groceries or to see family, please leave with a friend. I understand you teens like to be independent, and that you're heroes in training with well working quirks but. Things happens and there will be people with quirks that they can manipulate you, that can p-paralyze you." Aizawa tried to hide his own emotions but, his students could tell that something had happened and, that this was their teacher's protective fatherly side coming out. Kirishima hesitantly raised his hand, Aizawa nods allowing the red head to speak. "I-Is Kaminari okay?" Aizawa sighed "physically for the time being yes, mentally we don't know, please don't force answers from him...he's been through too much." He says the last part quietly so his students couldn't hear it. The students remained silent "The test will be an automatic A for you all...the test is canceled." this confused his kids but then didn't question it a loud, not wanting him to change his mind. To be honest Shota canceled the test because he couldn't take that situation, that scene of his violated student out of his mind. It sickened him to see his student in such a state. Sure he was a pro hero and had seen horrific crime scenes and had been in many mutilating battles but. This was one of those times where the ball hit too close to his house. The Bakusquad couldn't take their minds off of what their teacher had said and they were wondering what had happened to their dear friend. They knew not to pressure him for answers from the way Aizawa spoke. When he talked about walking alone at night and about people capturing you with their quirks. It brought chills down their spines and a sickening feeling that something terrible happened to Kaminari. Their lunch table was quiet and dull with out their bubbly blond dunce, to liven the mood and do something to have them belly laughing. Silently eating, and thinking the worst in their heads as the time seemed to go on forever. They wanted to see their friend, to check up on him, let him know that they were there for him but. Would that be too much? Would that be wrong? No. It should be right, they're establishing trust and not badgering him for a story. So there's nothing bad about the intentions as long as its addressed correctly then it should be okay. So who would raise the suggestion? "hey guys, d-do you think we should check on Kami? Not to pry but just to make sure he's alright and stuff." She was hesitant to ask this but smiles when Kirishima agrees. "yeah I mean, he's our friend so why not." Bakugou did his classic 'tch' as if he didn't care but responds. "Not that I fucking care or anything but, I know you dumbasses would be upset if I didn't come." In truth Bakugou was worried, Kaminari was like a brother to him he just never would admit it to anyone's face yet. Sero smiles "Yeah alright I'm in, though we probably shouldn't ask too many questions." After school the bakusquad got to their dorms, almost forgetting their plans to visit their friend until dinner. Mina helped Bakugou clean up after dinner while Kirishima was putting the left overs in the fridge when she remembered. "Oh shit guys we need to go and check on Kaminari!" Kirishima face palmed and nods while shutting the door. "Yeah, well we can see if he's hungry and get him something if so." Added Sero, Bakugou hopped off the counter top he was sitting on and now they were heading up to Denki's dorm. Walking up to the door, Mina knocked softly, waiting a few seconds the door was cracked open then slowly opened it a little more seeing his friends. "H-hey g-guys." You could see the tear stains, red puffy eyes, slightly red pinkish sniffly nose. The bandages, the slouching, shaking and his slightly jittery behavior. "Hey Kami dude, can we come in?" Denki looked a bit anxious but nods, stepping aside to let his friends in. "Kaminari are you okay?" Asked Mina worriedly, Denki sniffed and wiped his watering eyes with out a vocal answer he just shook his head. "do you want to tell us what happened?" Kaminari slowly went back over to his bed he shrugged all he could get out of his rough voice was. "I-I didn't want this" Reaching out to comfort him, Kaminari flinched from his Sero's hand. He couldn't handle being touched right now as he still felt disgusting and scared. Holding onto himself tightly and curling up into a ball. "Oh Kami hun, whatever happened must've been horrible. Just so you know we're here for you man." Encouraged Mina "Yeah dude we're here if you need someone to talk to." Kirishima added earning a small nod from Kaminari. Clearing his throat he fiddled with his fingers, lips quivering as he talked. "Th-thank y-you g-guys...b-but e-even you w-would l-leave me if t-told you." His gaze was down and his eyes watering. "Kami dude no way would we leave you, I mean its not like you murdered someone right?" Sero asked Kaminari nods, the raven haired student continued. "It doesn't have to be in graphic detail man but, whenever you're ready, you can tell us."  The care in his voice seemed to ease the blonde a little, holding onto the cuffs of his sleeves he huffed. "O-Okay then...I-I-" For some reason Kaminari could hardly get out much, his breath began to quicken and tears ran down his face as his chest heaved. Mina was quick to react softly rubbing his back made him jump a little but her comforting touch helped. "shh its alright man take your time, right now just focus on your breathing." Coaxed Kirishima, it took some tears, gasp, stuttering and shaking as Denki explained with not too much detail. In the end Kaminari was curled up under a blanket with his friends there to comfort him.

#Kamarinari denki #shinkami

[sal2724]

Paryushan Parv

Heyy Guys….. This is the longest I have not written a blog since I started. The thing is I am super busy and super lazy these days. First of all, the bomb which suddenly fell on me was I am having my like most important common entrance test for college in next 15 days and for which I have not at all studied. Second I am jain and as paryushan parv is going on (about which I am going to tell you guys today) and I am having a 7 days straight ekashna and 8th day full fast. So yeah here I am trying to update a new blog after a long time. Peace out.

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Paryushan Parva is the king of all festivals for the whole Jain community living across the globe. Thus, it is also known as Parva Dhiraj.

This year it is from 15th August to 22nd August. Every Jain tries to follow the basic principles of Jainism during this festival, which are:

 ·         Right knowledge

·         Right faith

·         Right conduct

 These are the three most essentials for attaining liberation and Nirvana. We can easily understand the word Paryushan by breaking it into two parts: Pari means to recollect yourself and Vasan means at a place; Overall it means to know yourself or recollect yourself at a place in your spirit.

 WHAT IS PARYUSHAN?

Paryushan is the time for making up and cleaning the dirt, which is in the form of karma collected on our soul. The festival stands for the celebration of spiritual awareness and is one of the most important annual festivals of Jain religion. The festival lasts eight days. Every year this festival of Paryushan starts on Shravan Vad 12th or 13th and ends on Bhadarva sud 4th or 5th (late August – September).

  WHY IS PARYUSHAN CELEBRATED?

 This festival gives everyone a chance for self-analysis and deep introspection. It also reminds us that life’s eventual and main aim is not the pursuit of materialism but to attain the state of Nirvana. Paryushan stands for some of the most important practices like:

 ·         Nonviolence (Ahimsa)

·         Engaging in self-discipline (Sanyam)

·         Partial or complete fasting Penance (Tapah)

·         Study of Scriptures (Swadhyaya)

·         Introspection (Pratikraman)

·         Repentance (Prayaschitta)

 HOW IS PARYUSHAN CELEBRATED?

 During Paryushan, Jains study religious books and scriptures which are based on principles of Jainism. Pratikraman is also performed by many Jains during the festival. The word Pratikraman is made from the combination of two words, Pra meaning return and atikraman meaning violation. Literally, it means returning from the violations.

 During the Paryushan days, below mentioned are the five essential things Jains try and observe:-

 ·         SADHARMIK VATSALYA: It means the welfare of the other fellow Jainis.

·      ��  AMARI PRAVARTAN: Following ahimsa or non-violence is also one of the major aspects of this festival.

·         ATTHAMA TAP: Fasting for days is also considered as one of the major aspects. People also practice ayambils which means one meal of tasteless food, during the whole day. 

Other forms of taps are:

 ·         Ekashana: Eating only once a day

·         Byasana: Eating twice a day.

·         CHAITYA PARIPATI: It involves daily visits to temples, pilgrimage to holy places, paying respect and devotion to the Lord Mahavira through worship, prayers, and meditation.

·         KSHAMAPANA: It is one of the most significant parts of celebrating this festival. Kshamapana means forgiveness. It involves asking for forgiveness from all the people whom we may have hurt in the past or present life. It also includes forgiving those who have hurt us and forgive them for their shortcomings and weaknesses.

·         SAMVATSARI: The last day of this 8-day long festival is Samvatsari, and it is the most important of all. Most Jains try to have a fast and get together to perform the Pratikraman. This is also the day where everyone asks to ‘Forgive and Forget’ – Tass Michami Dukkaram.

 Paryushan is not just a festival to rejoice and celebrate; instead, it is a ‘parva’ in which all Jains try to discipline themselves. People try to live with the utmost simplicity and try to purify everything, from food to clothes and thoughts to deeds. Jainis don’t eat underground beets and roots. Meals are avoided after sunset. People also do Vaas and Upwasa to purify their souls and body.

Unfortunately, the bad news is this festival of purity is nowadays taken as a burden by new generations. They only take it as a burden when they have to follow many regulations. They do not understand the foundation behind observing this festival. Still, the gurus and marasas are trying to rebuild the faith in the religion like it was used to be in the older days.

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I hope I told you something new today and this blog was worth reading and I didn’t waste your time!!!

#paryushan #paryushan parv #samvatsari #jain #jainism #religion #information