#i haven't been able to listen to this song without crying so that's a thing too

[the-bleeding-weave]

So ive been thinking of bloodweave (as usual) and i was listening to one of my fav songs, Hyacinthus by Aidoneus and i got an idea.

The song tells the greek tale of Hyacinthus and Apollo the sun god. Hyacinthus was a mortal spartan hero who was renowned for his strength and beauty. He caught the attention of Apollo who quickly fell deeply in love with him and Hyacinthus reciprocated. They quickly became inseparable, playing games together, Apollo taking him on rides in his solar chariot, they were madly in love. Until one day they were playing a game where Apollo went to throw a discus to Hyacinthus but unintentionally hit him fatally in the head. Apollo tried everything to heal him, even feeding him ambrosia as a last resort but none of it worked, and Hyacinthus died in his arms.

Apollo was so grief stricken he begged Hades to kill him so he could be with his lover but him being a god that was impossible. So he mourned for many years, lamenting the fragility of his mortal lover.

Now why do i bring this up with regards to bloodweave? Well first and foremost Astarion is obviously near immortal and Gale is a mortal human man. Humans are one of the shortest lived races in Faerûn, living only about 80 to 100 years. Meanwhile, astarion is a vampire who could theoretically live forever.

The following is a short little fic i wrote based on this thought and i figured itd be fun to use it to explore their personalities, including the less healthy aspects of their relationship 😈

The stars danced and shimmered across the sky like micca powder in sunlight, the light of the moon bathing two lovers sitting on a hillside. One of the men, Gale, turned his head to speak to Astarion.

"You know I've noticed how... anxious you've become recently. You've grown very protective of me, not that I mind of course. I appreciate your affection, I really do. I've never felt this comfortable with someone in my life."

"Is there a problem? Am I coming off as aggressive?" Astarion sat up almost startling Gale.

"No no no, it's ok! You're not doing anything wrong. I was going to say that, well... I'm worried about you. You're obviously very very stressed out about something related to me and I want to know what it could be."

Astarion thought for a while in silence, staring into the distance.

"I've been thinking about you and it hit me that... one day you will die, and there will be nothing I can do to save you."

Gale sat up at attention.

"I will continue to live for centuries and remain just as vibrant and alive as I am today, but you will only get weaker and weaker for the next 60 to 70 years," Astarion began to choke up, "you will get sick one day and no antidote or healing spell in the universe will be able to save you. And I will have to watch helplessly as you suffer."

Gale leaned forward and put a hand on his shoulder, but before he could speak Astarion continued.

"I can't bear the thought of losing you, humans are so so fragile. I... I love you more than anything in this bloody universe and it is fucking agonizing knowing one day I will be forced to spend the rest of my eternity without you," his words were strangled by tears.

Gale finally cut him off with a firm hug, hushing him in his ear.

"I hear you, I know there must be some way we can fix it. And I will do everything in my power to find it. I... I haven't felt more accepted and understood in my whole life since I met you, I want to see every beautiful thing you have to offer," he pulled away enough so he could press their foreheads together, "I will move continents if it means we can stay together, I promise."

Astarion sniffled as Gale kissed away the tears on his cheeks. He reveled in Astarion's love, for the first time he felt needed, he had sufficient confirmation that he was enough. Astarion, a man so famously hard to break, was openly sobbing at the prospect of losing him. In the same way he hurt to see his lover cry, he also felt an overwhelming tidalwave of relief.

#bg3 companions #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #gale of waterdeep #galestarion #bloodweave

[asa-do-your-thing]

Asa’s Shuffle pt. 2 - NSFW edition

5 Songs - 5 Scenarios

(I listen too much Frenchcore and Techno, urgh i had to skip so much)

Can I Kick it? - A Tribe called Quest / Aegon II

Morning Sex.

Morning Sex was always a privilege that you had to earn the night before, preferrably with hard deepthroat

You had to have given him such pleasure, such comfort that he let you sleep next to him

You’d usually wake up before him so you began cudlling and caressing him gently you he could stir gently

He’d absolutely have morning wood and made sure that he pressed it into your stomach or between your asscheeks 

He’s insist that he’d only start ‘fucking’ after lunch. You were privileged enough to enjoy... sex. Especially the more intimate positions like Missionary. 

He’d order his maids not only to clean him up, but also you, especially you.

You had to shine like a pure snowflake for him

Parading you out of his chambers down to breakfast would almost make him horny again

Don’t Be So Shy - Imany, Filatov & Karas / Rhaenyra

Remember the times you kissed your best friend in the club? 

And maybe went back to her apartment afterwards? 

Yeah that’s the vibe. 

Rhaenyra liked to overindulge as well and you were always there with her, the ever so trusting and discreet lady-in-waiting

Harwin wasn’t around and both of you knew she’d get absolutly horny when she drank more than she should 

So one thing led to another

And you ended up sprawled, naked, on her bed

You never experienced something like that before, so it felt almost twice as intense as with any other man

It was sloppy as hell, but who cared? It felt absolutely amazing 

Pleasuring her was easy, it was almost like she was already positively disposed to you

She came more than ever before, your hungry mouth never letting go of her throbbing pearl

So when both of you had absolutely run out of energy, you collapsed next to each other and pretended nothing had happened the next morning

although Rhaenyra seemed to overindulge more often as of late 

leichter//kälter - Edwin Rosen / Aemond

Nothing stung as badly as knowing he didn’t love you

You knew that that’d be wishful thinking, it was an arranged marriage after all

His visits to your chambers were once each month, just enough so he could get you pregnant without having to ... fuck you more than necessary 

He'd never hurt you, he's way too polite for that

But he always tells you he 'has to do it out of duty' until you get pregnant

Usually Doggy style or Snake style so he didn’t have to look into your cold, emotionless face 

absolutely no aftercare whatsoever. 

Maybe a courteous kiss on the forehead, that was all

Leaving you bare and crying on your bed

Although sometimes, when you did manage to get in his good graces he'd kiss you and embrace you

Maybe even use some fingers

But that usually just ended up hurting you even more when he would return to his normal state

Cruel Summer / Bananarama - Jacaerys

He knows he shouldn't see you

You haven't been wed, after all and you're both so young

But who would find out?

He'd be extra careful with you, trying his hardest not to leave any hickeys and making sure that you're as quiet as a church mouse

That would be so hot for him, the forbiddenness of it all

You told him to wait with his cock so you would still technically be a virgin

But one hot summer night as you were both hiding in the gardens he couldn't take it anymore and claimed you as his

He savored your sweet cunny

Pushed your wetness back inside you with his fingers, grinning up at you as you bit into your fist trying your hardest not to mewl for him

Finally, not being able to resist anymore, he pulled his breeched down and carefully entered you

He would kiss you, hoping nobody heard you

... until a guard found you.

But that's okay, Jace will always stand up for you and take the blame, especially if the punishment might be to marry you.

Maggot Brain - Funkadelic / Helaena

You were her safe haven

She was your angel

It never really mattered to the both of you if you would cuddle yourselves to sleep

Or if you would let your orgasms tire you out

What mattered most was that you were both there for each other

The Ying to the others Yang

You never felt the need to fuck her, neither did she

It was all pure love

Every kiss, every moan, every orgasm

Pure perfection

Of course there was nothing you wouldn't do for her

Especially after Aegon had summoned her to his bedchambers

You made sure she wasn't hurt and massaged her, trying to alleviate her discomfort

It was the only time she felt in control of her life, being able to spend time with you and pleasing you

#fanfiction #house of the dragon #hotd aegon #prince aemond #hotd x reader #aemond imagine #asas music recs #asas rambles #asas fics #helaena targaryen #helaena smut #jacaerys velaryon #jacaerys smut #queen rhaenyra #rhaenyra smut #aegon smut #aemond smut #Spotify

[artbyace]

assigning mitski lyrics to marauders characters !!

cuz all my favorite things have to make me so sad and i love being miserable apparently. i added explanations that r pretty 50/50 on how much i pulled from canon or just sprinkled in headcanons

Reach out the car window tryin' to hold the wind / You tell me you love her, I give you a grin / Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape / So I follow the white lines, follow the white lines / Keep my eyes on the road as I ache - Strawberry Blond

Remus about Sirius while watching him date girl after girl in school

Mom, would you wash my back? / This once, and then we can forget / And I'll leave what I'm chasing / For the other girls to pursue - Class of 2013

Regulus because mommy issues (same ) and those last two lines are so jegulus angst

I haven't given you what you need / You wanted me but couldn't reach me / So you went into your memory / Relive all the ways you still want me - Should’ve Been Me

James, how he never moved past Regulus’ death and spent his whole life looking for him in even the smallest details (really Regulus talking to James)

If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses / Then I wouldn't have to scream your name atop of every roof in the city of my heart - Once More to See You

Dorcas, because this lyric is just absolutely her pining over Marlene. personal HC that Marlene struggled with internalized homophobia so she constantly pushed Dorcas away, fearing what people may say. Dorcas just wanted to give her everything

Still nobody wants me / And I know no one will save me / I'm just asking for a kiss / Give me one good movie kiss / And I'll be alright - Nobody

Peter, feeling constantly on the outs of his friend group and just horrible about himself. Feeling as though no one would ever love him because he wasn’t as handsome as Sirius, funny as James, or intelligent as Remus :((

And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five / Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child /And I don't wanna go home yet / Let me walk to the top of the big night sky - First Love/Late Spring

Sirius. this one feels pretty self explanatory but how Sirius had to stand up to their mother and protect Reggie as a kid. escaping ‘home’ and finally being able to live freely and cry and experience emotions and heal his inner child. this whole song is So Sirius to me

And autumn comes when you're not yet done / With the summer passing by, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me - Francis Forever

Mary having to outlive all of her friends and ultimately not being able to stand it without them. they were her summer. (also there’s definitely an autumn/lily tie in i could make here but i’ll let that speak for itself)

One morning this sadness will fossilize / And I will forget how to cry … / And then one warm summer night / I'll hear fireworks outside / And I'll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry - Fireworks

Remus trying to move on with his life and forget Sirius after believing he was the one who had betrayed Lily and James.. but always having those feelings and grief resurface at the slightest memory of Sirius :(((

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted / Apologies from the intercom / And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy / They'll think of me kindly / When they come for my things - Last Words of a Shooting Star

Regulus dying, but being so okay with doing so because he was dying doing the right thing. he died thinking Sirius and James and everyone else would know that he died defying Voldemort, and they would finally love him for it but they would never get to know T_T

You're coming back / And it's the end of the world / We're starting over and I love you darlin' / And I am done, dear - I Want You

Sirius or Remus about each other respectively. they’d finally made it back to each other after Sirius escaped Azkaban, but would never be able to live the life full of love they deserved .

#these are pretty angsty so beware #idk if anyone will appreciate this but me but #i can never resist crossing over of two hyperfixations #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #peter pettigrew #dorcas meadowes #regulus black #mary macdonald #lily evans #wolfstar #jegulus #marylily #dorlene #txt #marauders #marauders era #the marauders #marauders headcanon #mitski #mitski lyrics #song lyrics

[amurderof-crows]

Tracklist Breakdown #1

One of the central motifs in I Can Always Hear You Sing (available to read here) is music; it's hugely important in the lives of the characters and in the structure of the work itself. Every chapter is named after a song that relates to the events of the chapter, and is preceded with some lyrics from that song that say a lot about what's to come.

I'd thought I'd do a breakdown of why I've chosen the songs and the lyrics that I have. Because I'm definitely 110% normal and sane about this (this is a lie, I got my autism diagnosis 2 days ago).

This will contain spoilers for the story so maybe read that first. Now without further ado...

Track 0: Nostalgia

Track 0: Nostalgia - Suki Waterhouse

I just need to know that you are happy So if it couldn't be me, then go ahead, forget me I traced my steps back to where we first met And hold the memory 'til you slip away I talk about the past like I talk about you I leave out every little thing that I don't like remembering I miss you more than I say I do You had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me

Track 0 is a short prologue, set further down the timeline than the opening events of the story. It gives a glimpse into Amara seeing that Kace's band, Vengeful Glory, are returning to their home town to play a gig and her realisation that she wants to see him.

The lyrics above are the ones I chose to preface this chapter, from the song Nostalgia (Suki Waterhouse), which is an absolutely gorgeous track if you haven't listened to it.

At that point in the timeline, Amara is realising that she doesn't want things between her and Kace to end how they did back when they last saw each other. That they want to at least try to be friends with him, if that's what he wants to. Amara very much wants to take the final steps towards healing after the trauma of their initial break up, to share with him why she did what she did, to give them both closure. And if they can't be anything else, then at least they can leave in peace?

(editor's note: that's a real fancy way of saying this a soulmate AU)

Although the prologue is told from Amara's perspective, the song is a reflection of both of them in that moment. Kace has always been haunted by Amara's decision and not knowing why she decided to end it. Despite healing from that break up and moving on the best he could, for Kace, the words I love you have never felt quite the same since her. He definitely doesn't think about anymore, especially not when he's writing songs

(this man is a simp and is definitely still thinking about her)

The lines from that little section that I think resonate for them both are

I miss you more than I say I do You had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me

All they wanted was to build a life with each other. But they were ripped apart by a history of trauma, their own internal struggles, and the people around them. That has kept them apart for so long and this moment is them both tuning into what their hearts want, admitting what they haven't been able to. It's an impulsive cry for love, for the person that they connected with in a way that they have never felt again.

It is also major foreshadowing because they reunite in the same gig venue (The Bridge) that the beginning of their breakup happened in.

I traced my steps back to where we first met And hold the memory 'til you slip away

(editor's note: it's a whole cyclical structure, this moment foreshadows so much)

This song, as a prologue, establishes their need for closure from what happened, and how they will always be drawn back together.

↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

#ao3 writer #authors #book blog #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original story #actually autistic #my ocs #i love them so much #this is a soulmate au and no i'm not sorry #special interest #definitely very normal about them so very normal

[erikatsu]

✮ NEW YEARS APPRECIATION ✮

i just wanted to take some time and thank those who have been with my through the year. first off, i want to thank my followers, especially those that have been with me since my first blog (rip spookydraken u r so missed).

*cue the golden girls theme song* i would like to give special thanks to:

✮ @twdottore — cat, u have been through 1838384 shit shows with me and we are still rockin' n rollin' together. you are my rod, my platonic soulmate. i want to thank you for always encouraging my wild ideas and listening to me rant ab theories and world building. thank you for all the fanart you send me, and all the tiktoks. thank you for always indulging me in selfship ideas and comms. you're my best friend and ilym (i win). i am so so glad u rang in the new year w me last year, and that you're still with me this year. here's to more.

✮ @dxlucs — ur the bubblegum to my marceline. thank u for dealing with me 15 dms + 3 texts in a row, for being there for my biweekly existential crises, and for allowing my to info dump even if it takes you a minute to understand what im getting at. i'd be so stir crazy without u. im so happy we became friends and that we're as close as we are now. i rmr when i fangirled over u following back LMAO. ily and thank u for tolerating me /lh

✮ @myalbedo — bestie. u always know what to say to make someone laugh. ur one of the funniest people i know and you don't even try. thank you for all the cute stuff you send me, for letting me scream when the 'tism gets to be too much, and for threatening to beat people with ur cane for me /lh. im glad that we've gotten close too. stay hot bitch /lh.

✮ @hanmas — ur so unapologetically urself and you inspire me to do the same. i love all of our meta-talk, our 4 am chats, and u giving me excuses to sneak away from work to run a domain w u. i'm so happy we're ikea gfs. i'm gonna buy u the most expensive candy and the giant ikea bear. ily, pretteeist girl in the whole world.

✮ @mxnjiros — ik ur not active here as much, but i love when u come back and my notifications are flooded by you. ur so supportive of ur friends and it shows what a big heart you have. i'm very thankful that i can call u a friend.

✮ @sennsational — i adore u, y'know? ur so talented and creative and every time you drop a new event i'm mind blown. u r one of the sweetest people i have ever met, and here lately u've been that refreshing sip of water i didn't realize i needed. thank you for that, and thank you for being so genuine.

✮ @dilu3 — i never know what you're gonna say and i think that's exciting. you could have me sobbing over my faves or almost peeing in laughter. you're so funny and sweet and i'm glad that we've gotten closer. thank u for letting me scream ab stuff to u and giving me good laughs

✮ @suyacho — you're also another person who is so genuinely sweet. you match my energy and also encourage me to keep going even if it's hard sometimes. thank you snow, for our little talk and crying over itto with me

✮ @alhaithms — i had to include u even though we've only talked outside of asks like three times. but each time i was able to tell how kind you are and it was so easy for me to hold conversation with you, which im not the best at honestly :,) thank u for being so warmhearted and immediately making me feel safe coming to your blog. i hope that we become better friends in the future <3

✮ mutuals — for my more recent moots who i don't know all too well yet, thank you for giving me the opportunity to make your acquaintance and for future friendships. you are all so unbelievably talented and i admire you all so much. if we haven't talked, it's probably bc im too shy/nervous to approach but i will with some time. if we have talked, im super glad we're starting friendships.

i hope the new year is full of good things for all of you. please be kinder to yourselves, you're doing great.

#eris stfu ᝰ

[miqotepotatoe]

Seeing as everyone is making next gen Ninja kids now I may as well share my own that I have hidden away. (I will draw them out when I'm not having art block, so take these gatcha life 2 references I made.)

Honeycomb

Dahlia Brookstone - The youngest of the Brookstones and the team, and the first mortal host to the Element of Crystal. When she was very young, she was very clingy to her parents, mostly towards Cole. She would cry if she wasn't being held by her dad. She's mostly grown out of the seperation anxiety, but is very much a daddies girl.

CJ (Cole Junior) Brookstone - The oldest of the triplets and inherited the Element of Earth from Cole. A spitting image of his father both in appearance and personality, though CJ is a lot more reserved than his father due to how sheltered his childhood was.

When CJ was very young, he got very sick. His parents were horrified to learn it was the same disease that took Cole's mother far too soon. Luckily, medicine has progressed greatly since then so it was much more treatable. This did mean he spent most of his childhood in the hospital, missing out on stuff like school and birthdays. However, CJ found comfort in music. Listening to it, singing songs, playing insruments. It made the dreary days at the hospital much more barable.

By the time he was 14, he was in remission and able to go home without having to ever return to the hospital. But the treatments had weakened CJ's immune system, so he wears a face mask most of the time for extra precaution. His Elemental Powers developed shortly afterwards, and although Cole was cautious about CJ becoming a ninja, he allowed it, so long as CJ is careful.

CJ's main weapon is a scythe, just like his dad.

Flint Brookstone - The middle of the triplets and inherited the Element of Light from Lucy. Just like his mum, Flint is a ray of sunshine who loves to party. His personality is very colourful, often switching moods on the fly depending on the situation. He can go from a joyful clown to spilling your darkest secrets.

Flint is very much an artist, he uses it as a way to express himself. The moment he discovered hair dye he dyed his hair a mismatch of colours. Street art is his favorite thing to do, going off to dark parts of the city and creating something to brighten someone's day. His artist name, Sunny Dangerbuff, is well known across the run down streets of Ninjago, but no one knows who Sunny really is...well except his family.

He uses an axe as his weapon of choice.

Clive Brookstone - The youngest of the triplets and the only child to not have any elemental powers. The most reserved out of the kids, and prefers their own company. They were very insecure of themselves, being surrounded by people with increadible powers while they had nothing. They spent a lot of time wth Dahlia as she too didn't inherit any Elemental Powers, it made them feel less alone.

That is until Dahlia started to manifest a never before seen Elemental Power and she was getting praised by all. Anger and envy towards their family started to manifest. Why didn't they get any powers? Were they not worthy enough? This culminated in an explosive "fight" between Clive & Cole, well...Clive was screaming and shouting at their dad while Cole tried to calm his child down.

In the end, Clive ran away, and they dissapeared off the face of the world. They haven't been seen in months... (kids having a villain arc yo)

She was very close to Clive, the two of them being the only ones without elemental power, but they grew distant after Dahlia awoke to the Element of Crystal. She blames herself for her older sibling running away.

Dahlia is very much an outdoors person, enjoying going on hikes with her family and climbing anything she sees. Cole likes to take her up the mountain his mum took him up when he was younger. She would've loved Dahlia.

She weilds a warhammer into battle, just like her dad.

Kailor

Elio Jiang-Smith - First born of Kai & Skylor, inherited the Element of Fire from Kai. Unlike other Masters of Fire, Elio is very calm and relaxed, with some of his mothers sass and charisma. He always has his heart out on his sleeve, allowing others to vent out to him and he does his best to help them out. Very much the team therapist who needs therapy as he doesn't really think about himself.

When not training to be the new Master of Fire, Elio helps out as his family at their resturant blacksmith forge fusion. He helps his mum out in the resturant, often taking orders, dishing out meals, manning the registor or his favourite cooking in the kitchen. The kitchen is Elio's favourite place to be. He loves cooking up meals for people, though he tends to get very fussy if the meal isn't going according the plan. One of the rare times Elio exhibits the Jiang-Smith rage.

He uses a spear just like his aunt Nya, specifically a yari.

Ruby Jiang-Smith - Youngest born of Kai & Skylor, inherited the Element of Amber from Skylor. The one who clearly inherited all of Kai's hotheadedness and rashness, Ruby is force of chaos, and Wyldfyre's influence doesn't really help. Instead of a ninja, she becomes a martial artist, fighting with various martial art styles mixed with elemental powers she's replicated. She also knows the art of chi-blocking, a technique that blocks ones chi preventing them from fighting back, it also temporarily stops elemental masters from using their powers.

When not fighting anyone that comes her way, Ruby helps out her family at their resturant blacksmith forge fusion. Ruby often helps out her dad at the forge, learning to make weapons. She mostly makes and fixes weapons for the team, but sometimes Kai gives her free reign to let her creative juices flow, resulting in some crazy but effective weapons. Blacksmithing is the only time you'll see Ruby so calm and focused.

She doesn't really have a weapon, but sometimes will pull out some brass knuckles for some extra oomph to her punches.

Jaya

Kairi Walker - First born of Jay & Nya, inherited the Element of Lightning from Jay. She is a weeb, her love of anime stemming from when she was a young child. Sora got her into it, so blame her. She also gifted Kairi the cat ear headband and tail for her 8th birthday and she is never seen without them on, even in her ninja gi.

She, along with Elio, CJ & Minnie, train under Lloyd to master the Elements of Creation. She's very outgoing and once you mention something of interest to her, she will not stop talking about it. You mentioned that anime about magical girls stuck in a time loop, enjoy Kairi lore dumping onto you. She's also very clumsy, tripping over everything and falling down stairs.

She weilds chain weapons like her dad, but her preference is the flail.

Raine Walker - Youngest born of Jay & Nya, inherited the Element of Water from Nya. Unlike the others, Raine chooses to become a samurai instead of a ninja, becoming the Aqua Samurai. He trains under Nya & Pixal, learning how to use his elemental powers from Nya and sword fighting techniques from Pixal. They both taught him mechanics so he can make his own samurai gadgets like a grappling hook or his own trademark samurai mech.

Raine is very much a worry wort like his dad, always overthinking and freaking out over every little thing, but also very headstrong and determined like his mum. He's also one of the few to hold a braincell along with Elio & CJ. Kairi jokingly calls them "the braincell trio" as they always the ones getting everyone out of trouble.

He weilds a pair of katanas just like his uncle Kai.

Pixane

Minnie Borg - Only child of Zane and Pixal, had the Element of Ice passed down to her by Zane. Minnie is both the youngest and the oldest, as her AI had existed just shortly before the Merge, but she has only recently upgraded to a proper nindroid body. She would've upgraded a lot earlier, if the Merge and everyone getting scattered across the world didn't throw a wrench into the plans.

She's very much a mix of her parents, being a bit naive but sassy and selfless. She wouldn't hesitate to leak your internet history if you annoy her. Zane passed on his Elemental Powers when making Minnies power core, using a portion of his heart from himself & Pixal (they all have ⅓ of the power core).

She weilds shurikens just like her dad.

#ninjago #ninjago oc #jaya #kailor #pixane #honeycombshiping #lloyd: I don't need kids #also lloyd: (adopts arin & sora) #oc: cj brookstone #oc: flint brookstone #oc: clive brookstone #oc: dahlia brookstone #oc: elio jiang-smith #oc: ruby jiang-smith #oc: kairi walker #oc: raine walker #oc: minnie borg #ninjago: 22nd century ninja

[maddstermind]

I'm crying at some of these titles - but also Lemon Demon is making more sense now knowing you know Homestuck (this is a compliment btw, I'm adding some of their songs to my list (Knife Fight)) ANYWAY - pls tell me more about howie dies dot jpeg and 999 999 laughing for real right now- On a more serious note - we're doing it man, we're making this happen You've been updated to Warheads cause my face currently resembles sucking on one I'm losing my fuckin mind rn

Yes, YES, I highly recommend pretty much everything Lemon Demon has every done. Listen to Bustin', it's hilarious. (As far as I know, Lemon Demon/Neil Cicierega has nothing to do with Homestuck, but they do have a similar vibe lmao. Also I'm honored to be upgraded.)

OKAY WRITING THINGS YEEHAW.

howie dies dot jpeg Snippet:

President Howard Goodman sat at his desk in the Oval Office, alone. The orange light of the setting sun filled the room, silhouetting him with his back to the window. He was alone. He kept telling himself that.  There was no one else in the room, hadn't been for hours as he demanded to be left alone for the rest of the day, but he could not convince himself that he was actually alone. He felt watched. Every shadow out of the corner of his eye looked to be a person, or a beast, or some horrific fusion of the two. It was worth mentioning that Howard hadn't been sleeping well lately.

About: The other (joke) working title for this was "Howie's Hot Girl Summer." The real title was "I'll Find You In The Next Timeline." It was meant to be for the 2023 Hatchetfield Big Bang (which I host!), but I got swamped and wasn't able to work on it for long. It's a timeloop story about the (fictional) President of the United States, Howard Goodman. And also he's in love with the mysterious military man, General John McNamara. I'll probably eventually get around to finishing and publishing it. Someday.

999 999 laughing for real right now Snippet:

"When I meet my soulmate, I'll tell you about all the colors, okay?" Light teased her about how she'd be able to describe colors without using examples, but she was stubborn. She swore she'd tell him what colors were like. "Alright," Light ruffled her hair, "you better keep your promise, then." "I will!" She grinned, though he didn't see it. He didn't have too, though. He just knew.

About: This fic is from [claps] 2017! I always meant to get around to finishing it... It's called "Prism of Light," and its a Zero Escape soulmate AU, the one where you start seeing color when you touch your soulmate for the first time. It's Light/Aoi (Snake/Santa) and I only got about two chapters in, but it is on AO3 for the curious. (It's not very good.)

we're doing it man, we're making it happen Snippet:

At age nine, Max saw a picture of Mothman and decided that was what they wanted to be when they grew up, and they've been working towards it ever since. Their desire to discover the bizarre often led to them believing too easily — luckily for them, Lizzie was always there to balance the scales. While she also had a keen interest in the weird, she was more skeptical, thinking things through more thoroughly before deciding whether or not to believe them. Together, the two had spent their years of friendship exploring the island town of Saint Hazel, following every possible lead in hopes of finding any scrap of strangeness in the sanitized town. They'd had their fair share of successes, even if it was never anything as grand-scale as Max hoped.

About: The actual title of this one is "The Conspiracy Gang," and it almost belongs in the "mix of both" category. It's an original work that is based on a roleplay of Starkid's Hatchetfield series done by me and my friends; the main characters are/were our OCs for the universe, but I love them so much I wanted to write a version of their story on my own (with my friend's permission, of course!) Max is my character, and Lizzie belongs to my good friend @cosmic--static! I haven't gotten that far into writing it, sadly, because I've been so heavily focused on Auberon. But someday!!!!!! OH ALSO ITS A COSMIC HORROR STORY FORGOT TO MENTION LMAO

#ask game #novel work #writeblr stuff #the-grim-and-sanguine #hope you find these fun lmao

[hotarutranslations]

25th Yoyogi 2nd Day! 2nd Performance!

Hello! Project 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT

I'll also write about the 2nd day's 2nd performance!

Speaking of I also want to write about this,

Through all of the performances, The opening VTR was really wonderful……🪩✨️

Live Hello! Project videos from since it was formed, It was a VTR that connected to the most recent things but,

At first it was like a world I had only seen in video, a world I longed to be apart of, Gradually, the seniors who have directly helped me, Still in the world where I'm a junior member of the group, While thinking, I love them-- I love them--, The first time I participated in a live was shown…… That tour, Its only things I know from this tour, and it also showed Covid's Kachou Fuugetsu,

I'm also a part of the history, I…recoginize it…for real……

.😭😭

25 years is really really amazing but, I thought like, is it really 25 years packed in!? Isn't it an amazing history………

Further, the 2nd performance, For me, it was the appearance of the people I had direct experience with🪩✨️

Morning Musume '23 got to sing "Dance de Bakoon!", it was super fun, although it isn't my song, I was happy that I could dance to it without checking the choreography as its ingrained in me

For Buono!-san, The, "Momochi is here today too---!" showing the ribbons on their pinkies, hearing her singing, I was bawling

For Buono!-san, Towards my past self, Why didn't you pay more attention to them? I'm seriously angry about that, its a regret of mine in particular👹👹👹

It doesn't matter when you fell in love! There are people who often say that, (I also really think that way!)

I have never been so envious of those who followed them since then……

Including the cheers in the venue, It was really a wonderful song to listen to🍀

Thats right,

and,

after that,

I wrote that I was crying but that's how I felt, I performed right after that so I was desperately holding it in

.😭❤️‍🔥

Suzuki Airi-san's "DISTANCE" I danced to it with Hirai Miyo-chan!

My favorite Suzuki Airi-san song, who I adore……

On this big stage, Being able to experience Suzuki-san's singing while dancing, It was reallyyy fun❤️‍🔥

The push and pull of her singing voice, It came directly to my ears, ⚠️I don't know how how she is so charming, Since she was drawing in with her singing, it felt like I'd draw in a bit with the dancing, is how it felt, there was a bit of a gap…..intentionally…… I'm moved that the composure and power exists, upon the back of the really cool Suzuki-san

I have seen her sing many songs, its amazing how she always draws in the audience with her charm

……😭👏🫣🫣❤️‍🔥🥹🪽

Excuse me, I can't put the meaning into words

Dancing with Miyo-chan like this just the 2 of us, Its actually the first time so, I'm also very happy about the 2 of us with that😳❤️‍🔥

Thank you very much for the really wonderful opportunity!

I wore my hair in a ponytail to match dancing to DISTANCE! It was a coincidence that Miyo-chan also had a ponytail!

Also,

It continued with C-ute-san and Berryz Koubou-san songs

In joining Hello! Project, I got see, lots and lots of seniors🤍

At that time, they have the presence of older sisters like, I can't reach them… and, as I get older, when I reached their age, I couldn't help but compare myself to my seniors, wondering if I could be them, I still haven't reached them at all

Yesterday, I saw everyone became even more and more wonderful woman, like, I can't reach them--! I happily thought this

……do you understand……🥺🥺

I will always love and admire them

Hello! Project certainly, I think it will be like this forever! Aah! Its pretty wonderful!

😂lol

Thats it for today!!! We've switched over and started rehearsals for the fall tour!!! Fuu,,!

Please come and support us in the fall tour!

see you ayumin <3

#Ishida Ayumi #Morning Musume '23 #Morning Musume #Suzuki Airi #Hirai Miyo #Hello! Project #Translation #Blog

[neverneglectyourdirtymind]

sometimes I can't find enough ability to give any attention due to other stressful situations but I always have mindset and wish to do so. I really really have not met anyone yet that is compared to that one person I knew that was always respectful and always there for me when I was struggling and he always listened and truly cared about my happiness as well as uplifting my spirit and I definitely miss him so much more than he could ever understand. I was in a bad wishing to harm myself or die and he was always trying to be supportive and he never ever put his hands on me in a bad way like others have and he put his hands on me in a perfect way for a short time that I will never forget and wish to experience his affection and his hugs that lasted long but never long enough and his energy was electric volts run through me with his touch along with the way he always walked into my home playing me a Volbeat song and every single song from that time until even now years later has been his in my mind even if someone else plays it I always think about him. I miss you so much my friend and I still love you so much. I am really struggling with life with my health and everything included and that song from Sixx a.m. you always played is definitely a good one for me nowadays. I could cry thinking about that song and I remember the tears you shed once outside your work place when I spoke of it and I could cry in front of you without worrying that you thought I was weak and you never took advantage of my weaknesses to mistreat me. I can't ever show my tears or weaknesses with others because they try to do me wrong then and everything about you is everything that I really miss. I never watch movies since you left and I can't find my smile because I've lost it for awhile and my hair isn't long or something I am able to enjoy and I don't spend hours on my makeup anymore either the way I used to spend time listening to music and playing with it in my bathroom. I will survive and get better again but it seems like I might not make it through this. I miss my Mama and Dad and the world is so different and horrible with everyone else heartless and mean or cruelly indifferent. I miss you. 💋💔💔💌

Clinton, I would listen to a thousand more songs setting beside you again if I could.💯🦋🚀🚀🛩️✈️🎢🎡🎪⚾🏈🎱🎸📼📺🛋️☂️📓I hope you have been writing everything crazy in my life because things get really crazy and I still survive it lol. My port is still amazing but I wish I could read personally something like that one time.

Rambling Love heartbreak and lonesome life. Huge hugs and kisses lasting forever with you would be great.

#mythoughtsss #sexypoobear #just saying #lovers #Spotify

[sole-soul-sold]

22/04/2023

Tell me how you move on from something.

Tell me how you get over something.

I want to know how it's so easy for someone to just get on with their lives after something that might have deeply affected them, ends.

I understand it might not be "easy" per se. BUT! They make it look so simple. So lovely and breezy. Kudos to them, for being able to hide their emotions so well. I can't.

I try, but I can't. Sure, acting complacent, otherworldly, or like I don't give a shit, is every day's work now. Blaming my asshole-ness on stupid hormones, while convenient, is still exhausting.

And annoying! So annoying. I can't help it when my hands start doodling things in class. Sketching out people and words that I know will make me cry later. I can't help the way my mind goes into overdrive when I listen to songs that remind me of what things were like in the past. How normal things were in the past, and how badly I want to go back to it. Even when I know that would be my undoing.

That's the thing, even if I crave the comfort of history, I don't want a repeat. It's silly, because that also bars me from trying new things. And I know that I haven't been physically or mentally held back by anything that is not my mind. It's all in my head and I know that! And the apparent lack of time in my life is just a convenient excuse.

Everything in my life works in cycles. Stupid, monotonous, boring, incessant cycles. I just want a hiatus, if not a complete block. I want to be able to listen to 'formidable' without thinking about what someone else thought of it. I want to be able to go places without having to think about what happened when I was last there. I want to be able to eat vanilla ice cream because I want to, not because it was someone's favourite. I want to be able to wear pink and green and yellow, without having to think that they were once their favourite colour. I want to be able to look at a guitar without contempt, watch the last episode of FRIENDS and cry for the right reasons.

I don't want bits and pieces of my past erased from my memory, no. They've shaped me and I will forever treasure the way they made me feel. Good and bad feelings, alike. I just want them to not affect me as much anymore. It's been a long time. It's high time. I should get my shit together. And for the love of me, and solely myself, stop using the past as an excuse to shun from experiences of the present.

Did any of that make sense to you? Dear God, I'm going to need mind maps for ranting too now. Wish me luck?

[khaleesiofalicante]

I haven't come here to SCREAM about the last couple of chapters, so I'm here to fix it!

An incomplete list of the things I loved about chapter 48:

EVERYTHING OMFG

Lmao no but seriously: the first part was so hard to read but so worth the wait!! I was clutching my phone without being able to look away because it was so we'll written and it broke my heart all over agai!

Max calling him for hours till he answered bc "They have always been equally obsessed with each other"😭😭

"What else to do but be consumed by Max Lightwood-Bane?" PLS SIR STOP I'M ALREADY CRYING

The whole fucking scene where David's tells Mallory she won't win because she doesn't have what it takes to love Max and telling her that whatever she does, he will undo and he will find his way back to him. I shit you not, I've read that part at least 7 times by now. I'M OBSSESED

The bit with the knife. IT MAKES SENSE NOW AND I WISH IT DIDN'T. GET THIS BABY A BREAK😭. Also now I understand why he wore the long-sleeved tshirts because it made AJ cry :)

I read that someone had a theory that Lance returned for his pink pony and that was why he was at the house and why David threw it away and I would like to personally congratulate them for guessing it tbh bc for me it clicked s second before jdhdkd

I love the way we see David's pain and his trauma from his POV as something he's still trying to understand and work around and how that pain only answers to him, so doing all this by himself was kinda necessary.

When Max asked him if he loved anyone else other than him, the answer seemed so simple. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

"I don't need a reason to love you. I never have. You existing is reason enough for me to love you." Stay with someone who loves you for the simple fact that you exist 💙

David moved forward at that. He didn't know how not to. I love how he thinks this or "How could he refuse?" "How could he say no to that?" "How could he deny when it was Max who asked?" In every universe because YES HE'S NEVER BEEN ABLE GO LET GO OF THIS MAN

The fact that David is always refered as "greedy" because he never has enough of Max is everything to me and in this essay I will-

The whole scene where David was touching Max HOLY FUCK IT WAS EVERYTHING I COULDN'T STOP READING IT AND AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL I MUST LOOK AWAY BECAUSE ITS SO INTIMATE!

AJ GOT THE ROLE!!! FUCK YES I'M SO PROUD OF MY BABY🥺🥺

The fucking white lilies tattoo😭 and the only blooming one being all around David's name. You really said I'm not done with flower symbolism and I love you for that💙

Arthur walking in on them and being like why yes this make sense they just had a heartfelt confession will be in my top ten favorite moments jdhsjsjsj

"Goodnight, mon ange" I'm in tears right now ok?!? It's the second time we've heard present David say it (the first one at the Maldives counts?) And it just turned into my favorite thing 🥺🥺🥺🥺

This was what it felt like to be alive. He had almost forgotten. David chuckled to himself and covered his mouth. HE FEELS ALIVE!! I AM BEING SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!

The wink at lbaf left me looking at my ceiling for like 15 minutes so I think that tells you everything you should know.

I loved everything about it. The way you give so much emotion and intensity to a chapter and the beautiful way you write it mean so much to me. Thank you for this wind story once again 💙

Thank you. I cri 🥺🥺🥺

Here is a song I listened to over and over when I wrote this chapter (especially when I wrote the flashback scene) - Indila - Tourner Dans Le Vide 

#IALS

[bo0zey]

I hope you're doing ok, I only read about what happened at riot fest through someone who saw some of the people who fainted and had to be taken out, but to be in the situation that you were is so terrifying. I really wish I could whisk you to another concert of theirs, it breaks my heart that arseholes who have no regard to others' wellbeing ruined your experience. (And reading your post about how gerard was trying to control the crowd, I couldn't stop thinking about how disturbing it must have been to watch people fainting left and right and having to be surfed out of the crowd, and people still continuing to push.)

i'm okay!<3 i went home and hit the Hay afterwards lol. my abdominal cavity was still rlly sore tho lol like i couldn't eat my burrito once i got home :( which i shouldve expected cuz i couldnt even drink water without sharp stabbing pangs from my diaphragm n intestines still on bad terms with each other skjskjng . but i was better the next day :) . and i was so sad for the band you're 100% correct i can't imagine what they must've been thinking up there having to perform while so many people were getting hurt :/ . like gerard handled everything so well, better than the event organizers ffs, and i was so mad because then the tabloids were released ranking the 13 most "dangerous bands/crowds" at riot fest & MCR was right up there and it's like!!!!!! the band was doing everything they could to keep the crowd safe, pausing between every damn song, literally ZERO bantering from gee in between because he was too busy counting the steps he wanted the crowd to take back.

that's why i'm still kinda annoyed abt me almost fainting bc i know it's not my fault but i still feel so stupid n weak bc i feel like everyone thinks it's my fault too and i 'couldn't hang' but i was literally being crushed from all four sides of my body and my nose was in this stinky bitch's armpit like:((( it's not fair. and like i tried not to let the fact that i was almost barrier, ~1hr away from seeing the band whose music was literally the only thing i listened to from 12-16yrs old when my mom was sick and dying and i deadass had nothing left that resonated with me aside from mcr & the boys' side projects for 4 years straight. it sounds corny as fuck but it honestly felt like a dream come true to be able to see them live and so up close like??

but i'm not gonna lie i couldn't stay positive lol. i was in a fog and dissociated for their entire set. n like the fact that i was 1000000s of feet away from my original spot so i couldn't even see them on stage, just the big screen, it just made the dissociation worse because everything had already looked and felt unreal and now mcr felt unreal too but like in the worst way possible, like they actually WERE NOT real and i was watching a youtube video at home lol. and i've literally never tried so hard in my LIFE to re-ground myself because i wanted to be at least somewhat present for this once in a lifetime chance u know?? so i tried singing along but i couldn't because it made the shooting pains so much worse. then i tried just mouthing the words but the pain kept getting worse and i literally had to leave during the middle of TKFY because i was getting nauseous and lightheaded again. aside from the pain i truly couldn't feel anything while watching them perform i was just so numb from everything and i couldn't stop crying because i deadass felt zero happiness, and that realization made me cry more because they weren't even happy tears, they weren't the ones i'd expected to cry. it was honestly one of the worst feelings i've ever experienced, feeling nothing, just numb as fuck inside despite being live and present at the concert of the band that had at one point made me feel everything, every emotion, tenfold all at once. and there i was 10 years later, feeling nothing. tis a veerrrryyyyyy hard pill for me to swallow lol n im still tryna choke it down. i haven't been able to listen to any mcr songs since bc i'm afraid i'm going to experience the same empty feelings again orrrrr worse break down and cry like a little bitch n feel sorry for myself bc i was so.close. to having this 1 thing i always wanted but never thought i'd be able to have and then *poof* IT'S GONE. like i can't have shit in this world lol i jsut wanted to give my inner child some peace and remember happier days before mom was gone and what happpens instead??? god yanks mcr away from her too lmaoooo. it's like funny and ironic tbh idk. and then ofc for their last song gerard played cancer and i was 10000000000000 of feet away in pain while my stepmom tried 2 find me water n im just sobbing next to some trashcans bc suddenly im 12 years old realizing i just lost the last piece of my childhood n mcr can't soothe me anymore and mom isn't there either and now i truly have nothing left inside or outside myself that makes me happy:-). like i don't think i've EVER even cried to cancer bc i didnt think it was /that/ sad and my mom literally died of cancer and i still never cried??? But idk that was another weird sad thing that jabbed the knife in deeper lol.

but also ik why gee played it, they were supposed to close with TKFY but played cancer bc it's their slowest 'saddest' song which would hopefully make everyone chill the fuck out & leave without trampling each other. which, AGAIN, gerard is literally an amazing fucking frontman for once AGAIN going out of his way to try and mellow ppl out n keep everyone safe aND FOR TABLOIDS TO ATTACK THEM calling them the most dangerous band like!!!!!!!! it literally wasn't their fault ppl are just fucking idiots and don't understand BASIC PHYSICS/HUMAN ANTOMY DKDFNSKD. ngl the only reason i'm not wrathful abt the article is bc it's validating 2 me n my experience that Yes that crowd was actualyl fucking awful and what happened to me was OUT of my control n therefore it wasnt>:(my>:(fault>:(((

#anon i am so sorry for leaving what shouldve been a diary entry in my own personal journal at home in the answer to ur ask #i just have a lot of feelings i guess and i feel like no 1 understands how sad i am and it wasnt my fault ok like im literally #going into emergency nursing i THINK i know what a fuckign crush injury is and how the human anatomy works like !!!!!! #i've been to GA concerts with 0 food in my stomach 0 water 0 sleep and hella alcohol and I WAS FINE #i barely even drank at riot fest #also i remained dissociated until i got home n went to bed and it was probably one of the worst episodes i was so out of body out of touch #i think every1 who wants 2 invalidate me should come 2 my house and let me crush their abdominal organs and lungs :) come see for urself!!! #im not even gonna get into how upset i am w myself for feeling alienated from mcr #maybe i sound dramatic idk but they meant Everything to me so it was jsut so devstating to feel nothing from them anymore #riot fest #ask #ramblings

[sevicia]

Love songs don't work too well on me when they're sad.

I don't have anything to cry over, I've never even been in love.

I put on a sad love song, about any situation (a breakup, an unrequited crush, a loss), and I feel so incredibly frustrated. I feel so sad, so miserable over never having someone who comes to mind when the word "you" is sung, I feel like my life's gone sour and empty and there's nothing I can do to ever fix it, especially when I find that I don't actually care to meet new people and would rather spend time doing things that concern only me and me alone.

And it makes me happy! It makes me feel good, to finally be able to say "I like this, I made this, I want to do this more!" without feeling like a total liar who only says what he thinks he should say in order to get people off his back.

But then I'm alone, truly alone, and my brain's so tired I can't think up any games to play or stories to spin, and I'm alone and empty and it feels so horrible to be unable to think of anything but what I'm feeling, what I don't deserve to be feeling! My eyes itch, my stomach hurts and I can barely breathe from trying not to make any noise. I hate it so much! It drives me crazy! What reason do I have to be like this? I haven't tried. I don't think I'm capable of trying!

It's pathetic, I can't talk about it when I know someone's listening. I'm crying about love. I'm crying over things that haven't happened yet, things that won't ever happen. I'm crying and I can't explain it in a way that'd make sense to anyone, not even me, but I know it's about love, and knowing it's about love makes it so, so much worse.

I hate wanting love, because I know I am loved! I am loved as a friend, as a pet, as a student, but never as a lover. The way I look, or rather the way I am, makes me feel disgusting for wanting this.

I know I should be satisfied with what I have, not grateful nor indebted but satisfied, because I know I deserve this love I get, it doesn't really matter that I can't understand it. It makes me so happy to have people who look out for me, even when I'm too useless to really do the same for them. I love saying stupid things, sharing meaningless details about my day, watching them do just about anything, most of all I love making them laugh with the stupid things I say. I'm flimsy and unreliable and immature, but I hope I can be a safe place – a distraction from whatever they might be going through. I can talk for hours on end; all they have to do is put up with my stuttering jokes. I can't fix their problems, since my advice usually comes just from theory and observations, no practice available – all I hope for is to make them feel better, even if just a little, even if it doesn't last long.

I'm not sure why exactly I deserve to have people who love me, but I am so happy they do. Knowing they love me allows me to love them back, it allows me to stop being so scared of showing them, of letting them know how much I love them.

It makes me so happy, yet so bitter towards myself. Why aren't I satisfied? Can't I just stop wanting what I'll never have? My life's never been better, I have never been so unafraid, but I still can't fully relax, all because of this stupid want I feel. I say "want", but it's a lot more like a craving that won't ever be satisfied.

Feeling like this, knowing who I am? It's disgusting, repulsive, ugly, idiotic, pathetic, sad. No one will ever look at me that way, people have told me so. Not in those words, obviously, but being told "you're so lovable!" and "I don't know, I can't imagine you ever dating anyone for some reason" five sentences apart doesn't leave much room for interpretation, does it.

I know I am a dog. People who say they're dogs (or dog-like) usually mean they are loyal, or aggressive, or playful or loving, or some combination of any of those.

But the kind of dog I am is all about being loved. So very loved, cherished, yet always separate.

It's not something you can fix. I'm part of the family, I know this, but I'm still a different species. My time runs different from yours. Sometimes, a lot of the times, I don't understand what you're saying, but you sound happy, so I'm happy, too.

I chase you around and I do tricks so you'll smile at me and tell me I'm good. I never feel bad about this, I don't see why I should! I love doing tricks!

You take good care of me, dress me up in winter and take me to the vet when I get sick. I never make a scandal, I'm so well-behaved!

At dinner time, I sit at your feet. I already ate, I never miss a meal – I sit at your feet, maybe lean my head into your lap, only to ask for pets, but never food. I never, ever ask for food, no matter how good it looks or how yummy it smells.

You eat while I lay under the table. Sometimes you comment on it – "Isn't he so good? He never asks for human food!" – and hearing it makes me proud, in a way. I focus on my tricks, on making you happy, never on asking for what I can't have.

I'm such a good dog.

My mouth waters. I can smell every single thing you're eating, and it smells so, so good, I just wanna jump up on your lap so I too can have a seat at the table! But I've done it before, and being so close to the food is torture. The smell is even stronger, I salivate even more, and from here I could just lean over a bit while you're not looking, try and grab a bite...

Yes, I could grab a bite, but I won't. I stay put and jump down eventually, going back under the table. I can still hear your chatter, the sounds of cutlery, of chewing, I can tell you're having a really good meal.

A meal that I can't partake in.

Physically, I can, of course, but I know better than to try. I know my place is down here, yours is up there – it's not that you think I'm lesser, it's just how it works. You can't think of a dog eating dinner at a table without laughing, it just sounds so silly!

So I stay under the table, I hear you laugh and chew and swallow it smells so good, my mouth waters and waters and I drool all over myself, but I already ate. Now all I've got are cravings for *your* food, which you won't give me, *can't* give me, because it's people food. Sure, I could eat *some* of it, but then I'll start begging for it. It's better if I don't know what I'm missing out on.

So bad, so bad, I wanna eat it so bad! But I know my place: at your feet, well-behaved and taken care of. So cherished I could never hate you.

But I do resent you. The way you get to sit at the table without sticking out like a sore thumb, the way it's *natural* for you to sit at the table and eat whatever you want.

It's just so unfair, to be so different and have to watch as everyone around me eats while keeping my mouth shut, never whining or whimpering.

I am a dog. You love me, but I'm different from you; we could never stand the same, wish for the same.

I'm so tired. I need to sleep. So tired. I wanna wake up a different person. I'm so sorry I keep wanting more, I'm so sorry I can't get used to this, it's so hard. It hurts so much

#diary #a poem when I wake up is lovely sometimes but often it just ruins my day #sorry for the gigantic ''vent'' post. it will happen agai #again***

[xreloveutionx]

Just some questions^^

Do you have freckles? - No

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? - Coffee with sugar and oat milk, I like iced coffee, sometimes tea, I like herbal tea without sugar

What was the last song you listened to? Ms. Jackson - Outkast

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? Stomach, sometimes side

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Of course :-D

Do you prefer drawing or writing? I love to write (it's very important to me to have a diary for all of my thoughts), but I also like drawing (although I do it too rarely)

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? I just use one

What’s your favorite band/artist? Falling in Reverse, Currents, Polaris, Clann, Daughter, Damien Rice

When is your birthday? In April

How tall are you? 1m 62cm

What color are your eyes? Blue

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? My friends <3

Fears? Too many

What’s your favorite color? Certain shades of green

What’s your favorite season? Forever spring <3

Want any tattoos? What of? Yes <3

Want any piercings? Where? No

Who is the last person you texted? One guy from a dating app

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? I have many best friends <3

What/who do you miss? My soulmate, whom I haven't met yet

How was your day today? I was tired all day

How much sleep did you get last night? 6 hours I guess

Do you believe in aliens? Quite possible

When was the last time you cried? Why? I shed a few tears today

What’s your favorite decade? I couldn't say

What are some seemingly childish things you like? Many things :-D

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? "Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden" (Stefanie Stahl) & "Bin ich traumatisiert?" (Verena König)

How are you, really? Currently I experience more and more moments, where I really love life, but there are also times where I struggle with a lot of things

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? It really depends

What are you looking forward to in the near future? Going on little adventures with my friends & of course dancing in clubs

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? Having a great relationship & beeing able to travel again

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? I really don't know..

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open because I live alone

What’s your favorite flower? I really like sunflowers, but I guess I don't have a favourite flower, they are all great

Do you currently have a squish? I don't even know what that is xD

Do you like your middle name? I don't have one^^

Do you prefer dogs or cats? Cats <3

Do you have any phobias? Agoroaphobia, Social Phobia, Emetophobia, Cynophobia

Do you stay up late? Oh god yes :-S xD

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? I freaking love the beach and I miss it so much I could cry

What’s your favorite cartoon? Maybe Spongebob (but only the old seasons)

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs /

Do you have siblings? How many? Sadly no

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? My friends <3

Is there anyone you would die for? No

What do you need when you’re sad? Hugs, Cuddles, Comfort, an open ear, understanding, but when I'm alone it's always music

Have you memorized your phone number? Yes, I have the same one for years

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? My mum

What does your last text say? "Klingt nicht so prickelnd 😅"

Wild Card. Any question, ask away. /

Quelle: https://www.tumblr.com/bakwaaas/747229608121925632/asks?source=share

[karamacrisk]

꒰ 18TH BIRTHDAY OUTING꒱

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

Present Day Tijuana Mexico

❝ ROSARIO CONESA CAN YOU PLEASE TELL US THE STORY OF HOW YOU MET THE BIGGEST NARCOS IN MEXICO? ❞

"And why should I answer such a certain question?" Rosario raised an eyebrow while listening to what the journalist was saying. It had been over years since her last encounter with Mexico's most notorious leaders, and yet she is sitting here today telling her story.

"Have you worked with them before?" The journalist questioned Rosario back. What kind of answer was she hoping to say?

"Yes I did." She answered, biting the finger tips of her red file nails.

"Do you still have contact with Miguel Ángel Gallardo or Rafa Caro Quintero? Anyone recently who was involved in the cartel world?" The journalist questioned eagerly at Rosario in front of her. Rosario twirled the piece of her hair that was on attached of the back of her shoulders not knowing what to say.

"No, I haven't been able to reach out to them." She responded in a soft tone.

"Can't you at least tell us about your first encounter with them?"

Years before (1980s)

"Happy Birthday to you!" The crowd of people sang the last words of the song once Rosario took a step to blow out her birthday cake candles. The crowd cheered as she finally made her wish for something special. Today was a very important day for her entire life, it was her 18th birthday. Rosario was finally an adult now and was ready to experience things like she had wanted her whole life.

"My baby is all grown up!" Her mother wiped away her tears trying not to cry again. She couldn't bear to see her two daughters becoming adults. Their mother wants the best for her girls to marry some wealthy rich American man and live somewhere in the United States. They weren't having that, the two women wanted find someone better; to do that was to find the perfect man for them.

"Feliz cumpleaños, hermana." Sofia cheered, as she chugged the last sip of her champagne. Rosario was one year older than her, but the two did have a healthy sibling relationship growing up. Most of the times, the sisters would often fight a lot when they were younger. Now they're teens well almost adults now, they couldn't dare to have a day without each other. The sisters treated one another like best friends and got a future ahead of them.

"Thanks Sofia, I really appreciate it." Rosario responded, grabbing herself a glass of water. When she saw her best friend, Salma walking towards her holding a gold box with a red ribbon attached to it. Her and Rosario were very close since childhood, they also reminded each other like sisters. Although her and Sofia reminded as best friends that they are, the three of them did quite get along.

"Happy birthday girl, I've got something for you. I hope you really like it." Salma handed her birthday gift. Rosario set her glass on the table to open her present, which came to her surprise was a gold necklace having the initials that read BFF.

"Guau, muchas gracias Salma, me gusta mucho." Rosario responded, admiring the expensive jewelry that her best friend had just bought for her.

"Por supuesto, cualquier cosa para mi mejor amigo." Salma replied back, smiling at Rosario. Just then Sofia walked over to her sister carrying an expensive black shopping bag.

"Um, hello? You didn't start mine yet. So here you go sis happy birthday." Sofia hold the bag out waiting for Rosario to open her sister's present. Inside it was a sparkling purple dress with a pair of white heels.

"Oh my god, thank you so much sis, you're the best. But what exactly is it for anyway?" Rosario asked, holding onto the dress waiting for a response.

"That's because we're going out to party silly!" Sofia giggled, coming from excitement. Although they've partied before without their parent's consent. Sofia has been waiting for this very moment since the day her sister turned 18. She wanted to take her out something special for the both of them to have quality time together.

"Absolutely not you two. Do you know what time it is? It's too late to be out partying all night. You have classes tomorrow." Rosario and Sofia's dad retorted, not wanting them to go out this late.

"Oh come on dad, it's my birthday I'm old enough to do what I want now. We're not children anymore." Rosario rolled her eyes trying to get her dad to understand.

"Yeah dad, she's 18 after all. please let us have some freedom for just one night?" Sofia agreeing with her sister that didn't like to be told by her parents what to do.

"Muy bien, supongo que puedes ir, pero asegúrate de volver a casa a las diez o ambos están castigados." Their dad warned them.

"Thank god!" Rosario and Sofia both signed in relief.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get dressed already." Sofia suggested grabbing Rosario's arm heading upstairs with her.

"Salma you going or not?" Sofia continued, turning around to face her. Unfortunately Salma was kinda the fun one throughout the group. She would most likely host parties for her friends when her parents are not home. Rosario and Sofia would often come to one of them when they're hiding from their parents.

"Sure, I'm coming too, I'll be at my car waiting for you two." Salma responded walking out the Conesa household. Just when the sister's parents assigned the maids to clean the entire room including the kitchen and living room while the guests were still leaving.

Rosario and Sofia had reached their bathrooms to get ready to celebrate. Rosario had just got into her dress already and was now finishing the touches of her hair to the point where she was about done curling. She was now on the makeup part, powdering blush on her cheeks. Meanwhile Sofia wore her red dress, putting her loop earrings on. She step out of her bathroom to head to sister's room to check on her.

"Rosario are you about done yet?" Sofia asked, stepping inside the bedroom to see if she was there. But it turns out that her sister was in bathroom as well finishing up her looks.

"I'm almost done, just give me a minute!" Rosario shouted, applying her red lipstick on with her bathroom door which was close for Sofia to hear.

"Well then hurry up, we don't want mom and dad to change their minds." Sofia sighed shaking her head thinking that this girl takes all day.

Rosario was now officially done getting ready. She took one last look at the mirror to make sure if there's no smudges against her makeup before she could manage to leave her bathroom. She looked absolutely gorgeous with her purple dress on with her hair filled with curls and heavy attractive makeup on.

She step out of the bathroom like she was doing a fashion show walk to impress everyone.

"Holy shit, you look stunning girl, let's go." Sofia complimented, dragging her arm with her to head downstairs.

"Thank you, you too." Rosario responded, waiting for what their parents think of them going out.

When they made their way into the living room, the parents were already in the kitchen eating a slice of cake. They stopped for a second to turn around to see that their daughters were dressed up and were ready to go to the club.

"Alright mom and dad, we'll be right back." Rosario assured them that her and Sofia were gonna be safe going out to celebrate.

"Remember what your dad told you girls?" Their mom reminded them to remember what time they should head back home.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said 10 got it." Rosario and Sofia both said in unison. They really didn't like their parents to suggest a curfew for them. The sisters were old enough to stay out all they want to party and have fun.

"You girls can go now, but don't be out too late." The dad warned them once again.

Rosario and Sofia walked out of the door of their large house to meet up with Salma. Surprisingly she stood outside of her car waiting for the two sisters to show up here. Unfortunately she did see them walking while she had her arms crossed wondering what took them so long.

"Finally you guys are here. What took you all day?" Salma exclaimed, knowing what was taking them all night to get dressed.

"Hey don't look at me, Rosario was the one that was taking all day to get ready." Sofia pointed at to her not taking the blame for her sister.

"Oh just shut up, will ya?" Rosario rolled her eyes not wanting to hear about Sofia's shenanigans.

"Anyways are you girls about ready to celebrate birthday girl's night out?" Salma inquired with excitement coming from her.

"Actually, we were thinking that we should walked over there. I mean it's not that far away, it's way closer to our house." Sofia suggested, with Rosario nodding her head in agreement.

"That's fine by me. What're waiting for? Let's go." Salma said, walking with the two sisters following along. The whole time Rosario and Sofia were talking about troubled issues at home and dealing with their strict parents.

"I can't believe dad told us to be home by ten like we're just some little kids." Rosario groaned, not liking the idea of her dad telling what time she should head home. Their father was the secretary of education and was all over protective when it came to his daughters, however they happened to be the wild ones.

"Yeah, I know right?! You know what's even worse?! They even want us to marry some gringos." Sofia scoffed of how their parents chose their future husbands.

"Like I'm even aware of, especially for that gringo Ryan. I can't believe they even found a guy like him, he's not even my type. I don't like everything about him, his Spanish sucks and he's too ugly. Imagine living a life with him?" Rosario complained, not wanting to marry some American but rather someone from Mexico.

"Estoy con ustedes, chicas, en eso, ni siquiera podía verme saliendo con algún gringo que personalmente no elegiría ser mi marido." Salma agreed with each statement they were saying.

"I'm supposed to marry someone who's even better, At least yours doesn't try too much, Rosario." Sofia pointed out, but soon their conversation was interrupted with the sound of music thumping everywhere. They had finally made it to the club.

"We're here!" Salma shouted, grinning at the two sisters who nodded their heads. They made their way in, not knowing they would capture male attention. They were all pretty young girls, Rosario would always get excited to talk to men. Men that she was truly attracted to, and not some man she was forced to be an a relationship with.

"Aquí está tu bebida." Sofía giggled, handing Rosario a drink, not knowing if she was unsure if she should take a shot.

"I don't know." Rosario shaking her head if she should drink on her birthday.

"Oh, no seas un coño ya." Sofía teased, chuckling still holding the cup out for her.

"Yeah, loosen up it's your birthday." Salma agreeing taking a sip of her alcoholic beverage.

Rosario began to look at the crowd of people who were on the dance floor having the best time of their lives, and turned to look at the cup that Sofia had just poured for her. She realized that she tonight is her birthday and should be the one celebrating the time of her entire life. Rosario just shrugged her shoulders and grabbed the drink that was sitting on the table.

"Fuck it!" Rosario smirked, slowly drinking down the alcoholic glass. It burned her throat but it tastes good. After a couple of more drinks were passed around, the three of them were on the dance floor dancing with no care in the world.

"Hola, señoras." Rafa walked up to the ladies, having been admiring the way that they dance for the entire night. Rosario felt strange to see that this guy looked familiar that she had seen him before. Earlier, her and Sofia both saw him stormed into their classroom out of nowhere, and that didn't make this any better when it came to her anxiety.

"Another round. And could you clear some of these empty glasses?" Sofia shouted to some of her other friends. Rosario raised a brow seeing her ignore him and hoped that maybe the red colored shirt man could just leave them alone.

"Oye, ¿tu amigo es sordo o algo así?" Rafa shouted over to the loud music. Rosario looked up at the guy and back at her sister, who continued to dance.

"No, es mi hermana y no es sorda." Rosario responded by hitting Sofia's shoulder, realizing what was going on. The four stood in complete silence, only staring at one another. It was awkward and Rosario was waiting to hear what he was going to say.

"I've been watching you three dance for the whole night. Wondering if any of you want to dance?" Rafa asked with a hint of confidence in his voice. Rosario nearly gulped hearing this while Sofia was laughing at the guy while looking at her sister.

"Oh, that's sweet. But I don't want to get you in trouble. It looks like you need a job." Sofia joked, grinning at Rosario. She knew this better than this, you should never interact with some man especially like this. He could cause any harm or even worse put them in all of risk.

"I'm not a waiter."

"What?" Sofia exclaimed, giggling once more. Rosario even crossed her arms, sipping at her drink. She didn't know what to do at this point but wait and watch. I mean she couldn't tell her to stop, it was her sister after all since she was enough to make her own decisions.

"Are you sure? Because you do seem to look like one." Salma laughed with an agreement.

"I'm not a fucking waiter." He whispered loud enough for them to hear. Sofia and Salma laughed, looking back at Rosario once again. She sighed disapproval.

"Girls, we should probably head home it's getting late." Rosario yanked one of their arms, who quickly let go. Rafa noticed how annoyed Rosario appeared, but he wasn't done.

"Me and my sister saw you on campus right? I think he kidnapped our professor?" Sofia gently yanked Rosario's arm, grinning every time Rafa spoke. She was always aware of what he was, Rosario could even tell by his vibe and not to mention the many men who practically were protecting him. But she kept her mouth shut, knowing this information couldn't be tossed around easily.

"Oh right Sofia, that story that you told me before. He just immediately bust in out of nowhere to kidnap your professor." Salma giggled making Sofia nod her head.

"I returned him in one piece, didn't I? And that fucker was loaded with money. How about it?" Rafa chuckled, staring directly at Sofia. Rosario even felt like a third wheel, but there was no way in hell she was leaving her younger sister and best friend alone no matter how uncomfortable this situation was.

"I have a boyfriend." Sofia lied, titling her head to the side. Rosario was confused since she knew Sofia didn't, but agreed to follow along to get this guy to leave them alone.

"¿Y vosotros dos?" Rafa asked, referring to Rosario and Salma.

"¿Nosotros?" They both snarled, not wanting to entertain this man. Rafa grinned, observing how bold they were.

"Have boyfriends?" Rafa clarified. Rosario and Salma both laughed looking away for a second. Sofia was cracking up now.

"Yes we do." Rosario and Salma both lied exactly like Sofia. In truth Rosario hadn't had a boyfriend for almost three years and wasn't up for one right now. She rather preferred to focus on herself and not have to rely on a man for anything in life.

"The three of you are lying. Come on, dance with me." Rafa continued to push, attempting to get one of the girls to dance with him. Rosario wasn't having this anymore and wanted to leave, but Salma and her sister wasn't the type to leave parties so early.

"Give me one reason why not, and I'll leave you girls alone." Rafa said. Rosario took a glimpse at Salma and Sofia, who both chuckled.

"Don't say anything stupid." Rosario warned, referring to Sofia, but she knew quite well this wasn't going to stop her.

"Fine I'll give you three." Sofia replied to Rafa's question. Rosario sighed, knowing this wasn't going to go well, her sister had the worst mouth ever and couldn't shut it whenever she was told to.

"Your shirt. Your pants. And your boots." Sofia turned back to Salma, laughing like they were maniacs. Rosario was unimpressed, not knowing what this man could do. It was dangerous to mess with someone like that and she was worried that because of this, they could be in trouble. Rafa was clearly angry by this and leaned in close to Sofia.

"But we all know what we like it's underneath." Rafa leaned in whispering to Sofia, who reacted by laughing with one of her friends. Rosario gave her sister a look and peeked over at Rafa who walked off. She was getting unusual vibes and couldn't point a finger at it.

"I'm going to go home. I hope you two have fun without me." Rosario told Salma and Sofia who simply ignored her. Giving up, Rosario grabbed her purse and started to walk out of the club. She had enough to drink since she doesn't want to get drunk for her to make her way home. Even though Sofia coming along with Salma would have calmed her nerves. Something about Rafa was odd, and she knew she wanted nothing to do with that.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Rafa ran out of the club chasing Rosario, who began to pick up her pace. She held tightly to her diamond necklace but screamed when Rafa expectedly followed her.

"¡Qué quieres ahora!?" Rosario yelled. Rafa was irritated and saw the girl turned around to face him. He didn't want to hurt her he only wanted to talk to her.

"Calm down. I wanted to ask you about your sister." Rafa explained to Rosario, who knew better off not to run off away from him.

"What's there to ask about her? Like she said she has a boyfriend. Take a hint." Rosario sternly said, which startled Rafa. Never once did dare to raise their voice at him, especially a woman.

"She does not have a boyfriend. I'm not stupid, and what are you so afraid of? I'm not gonna kill you." Rafa laughed, seeing the scared expression all over Rosario's face. She didn't find it funny, and instead remained furious and frightened by him.

"You think I look stupid, huh?" Rosario looked up at Rafa who was by what she was implying.

"¿De qué estás hablando?" He chuckled.

"Eres un puto narco con el que no debería estar hablando." Rosario whispered at him. Rafa took a step back and smirked. Rosario tried her best not to be intimidated by him, but that was coming impossibly every second for now on.

"And that interests you? Working as a narco?" Rafa looked down at Rosario, who was surprised. Wasn't this part of where he denies it or perhaps kills her, she thought to herself. She was astonished and shook her head.

"No that's a terrible business that wouldn't be aware of getting involved in. Look, I don't want any trouble. Just leave me, my sister, and my friend alone." Rosario swallowed the gulp in her throat and walked off. Rafa smiled, knowing well enough that she was lying and threw his cigarette off the ground.

Present day Tijuana Mexico

"Rosario are you hearing me?" The journalist stared at Rosario, who had explained the first part of her story.

"Yes. Sorry, it's just the memories keep popping inside my head. It was like yesterday, It was my 18th birthday and I was at the club with my sister and my best friend. That's when I met Rafa Caro Quintero, if I hadn't gone out the night. Maybe, my life would turned out different. Because this is the first part of my long journey of how I got involved in the business." Rosario reached for her golden necklace with BFF initials written on it that her best friend gotten it for her was hidden under her purse.

"Are you still in contact with your sister?" The journalist questioned, observing the sad expression on Rosario's face.

"No. After the arrest of Rafa Quintero, I stayed remain in the business while she reminded back home with my parents. The last time I spoke to her was two years ago after the arrest. She told me she was fine and was still recovering after the arrest. I've only heard the same thing these past decades from different people. They all say she's fine and was living happily, but how could I be certain?" Rosario closed her eyes trying not to cry. She was a strong woman, but when it came to her family it was her weakness.

"If only I had married that hideous gringo, everything will probably be different. Maybe I would be sitting here today talking to Sofia instead of a journalist. Don't you think that's a little insane? That in only one night, everything can affect how the rest of your life turns out?"

Author's note

Thanks so much for reading! I'm planning on deleting my other story since didn't like it and wanted to try something different. This is fictional but I change some of the parts.

[bluenight-radio]

140422

blue night radio ♡ (77th broadcast)

stream: mixcloud

at 22:30 it sounds like the audio is cut? but unfortunately it was the same in another upload.

little notice: i’m planning on moving away from mixcloud but until i find a good website i’ll link to home where the kazoo is’ uploads on mixcloud. this is bc i unfortunately don’t have my pc where i’m currently studying so i cant make uploads myself, but i want to be able to continue posting on this blog.

guest: none

commercial break: none

translation:

"J: Put in effort and you'll get the same amount of returns. Even if it does not show now, there will be good results if you press on."

credit to k's listography.

cute parts: at 22:15 jonghyun says something along the lines of "before, i knew a hyung who owned a café. it wasn't in hongdae but in apgujeong. there [something with customers which i didn't understand] i sang once. it was short(?)" and then i think he says something about missing times like that? i'm not sure so pls don't quote me on this haha. at 56:45 jonghyun laughs in a cute, embarrassed way (because the listener (or listeners daughter?) requests shinee's honestly). at 57:50 jonghyun talks about the lyrics, he says "i wrote the lyrics of honesty. i wrote the lyrics while thinking about the people [who are] always close to me." at 1:06:00 he reads a message from a listener, it reads something like this "i always listen to blue night [then i couldn't understand what he said after this, just something about the listener being embarrassed because of their age?]" then i think the message read something about them not having courage (to send a message to blue night) but tonight they had/got courage. then it reads "yes, that's right, i'm pregnant. [then i couldn't understand what was said once again, but the listener refered to the baby in the belly as "princess"]. to my happy, handsome husband; i'm sorry, thankful and i love [you]. embarrassingly, i want to request toy's a song to my daughter." jonghyuns reply to this is something i didn't understand but then he says "later, when i get married and my wife is pregnant, i'll just sit beside her and tell her" (maybe he is talking about the listeners message to their husband? "i'm sorry, thankful and i love you"?)

then at 1:13:00 jonghyun reads a message from another listener, it reads something like "for the past year i've been travelling abroad. i haven't been able to listen as much to blue night. and now when i tuned in jonghyun is the dj. [unfortunately i couldn't understand the next part]" then the listener says "when i was feeling alone (there was more to this part than that but i unfortunately couldn't understand) there was this one song who gave me strength, it's mate yearning." then they say something about the first time they discovered mate (which i couldn't understand) and how they have been crying a lot to this song when listening to it alone. "there was a person i was in love with, i loved them very much, but in the end we broke up. one year has passed and i'm still looking to meet someone new, to like someone, and to love someone." the next part i yet again didn't understand, but the message ends with their song request, which is *surprise* mate's yearning. jonghyun replies something along the lines of "you were abroad i see. mate, jung joon-il, is the vocal [of the group]" then he says something about his voice which i sadly couldn't understand. he continues "when some more time has passed, i'm sure your heart will be ready, without you having to try [so hard]."

as usual!!! do not take my crappy-translations as accurate because they are not!! even more this translation, because there were so many parts/things i couldn't understand.

song list: here

picture: none

tweet: none

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#140422 #blue night radio #jonghyun #종현 #푸른밤 #guest: none