#i hear about other arcs through recaps on tumblr and just go 'that's nice'

[uncertaininnit]

@ inniters this us?

#for real #i literally never ever watch the smp EVER if tommy isnt DIRECTLY involved #i hear about other arcs through recaps on tumblr and just go 'that's nice' #the less a character knows/talks to tommy the less i watch them #i love the dsmp ccs. #but it's time to come to terms with this #tommyinnit #dream smp #mcyt #dsmp #dreamsmp #inniter #inniters #tom simons

[tjkiahgb]

On August 13th, 2018, at 8:20 PM, TJ Kippen performed a basketball-themed apology rap for Buffy Driscoll and completed his redemption arc. In doing so, he became a full and complete hashtag good boi and fulfilled this blog’s ridiculous destiny.

This post is scheduled to go up on August 13th, 2019, at 8:20 PM. It only feels right that I retire this blog on the one year anniversary of that moment.

Okay. It’s not that dramatic. I’m not deleting my account or logging out forever or anything. I’ll be around. I’ll check in and like some posts and hang out like the kid who graduated high school but won’t leave. He keeps coming back and acting chummy with the teachers and it’s like, doesn’t he have better stuff to do?

The point is, my queue is depleted, my drafts are empty. I don’t have a shift in fandoms planned. I don’t have anything planned. It’s time for me to turn my attention to other things and stop thinking about this show and writing about it and working on this blog.

So that’s basically the tl;dr of this whole deal. I’m going to write some rambling personal stuff so if you don’t care, which most people probably won’t, then thanks for reading and thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun.

Okay, lemme ramble. And if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ve probably heard some of this already, but whatever, this is my goodbye post.

Way back in October of 2017, I came across a post on a website for TV news that said “Disney Channel to Feature Its First Gay Main Character in Andi Mack Season 2″. I didn’t know what Andi Mack was, and I hadn’t watched Disney Channel in well over a decade. I remembered reading about the two moms on Good Luck Charlie when it happened, but I also remembered that it was, you know, mostly nothing. A lot of controversy for what was just a quick little thing. But this headline noted that it was a Main Character. And I’m reading the article and it’s talking about how he’s going to have this journey in season two and the producers had talked to GLAAD and other groups to get it right, and I’m like, wow, this is pretty cool, this really seems like they’re putting some respect into this. (I’m also thinking about how much young, closeted me would’ve killed for something like this.)

So I set my DVR to record it not knowing what to expect. Mostly thinking it was just going to be your standard Disney Channel show: cheesy and corny and bad jokes, but I’ll catch the coming out scene and it’ll be cool to see how they handle it and that’ll probably be that.

And then I’m watching the episode and I’m like, this is... not bad? In fact, more than not bad, this is way better than it has any right to be. And then I got to the coming out scene, which was so well done, and I’m just... shocked. This is like Pixar. Like, it’s for kids, but I can watch it as an adult and pick up on themes and subtleties. This is not like the shows from my childhood. Where was this show when I was growing up?

Next thing I know I’m watching the next episode. And the next one. And I’m starting to care for these characters. I can forgive a lot of issues with plot if I care about the characters and what this show did, maybe as well as any show on television, is made you care for the characters, from top to bottom.

So now I’m watching the show regularly. At some point, I went back and binged through season one on DisneyNow. I’m in, as a casual viewer at this point at least.

And then I get to 2.11, and the swing scene happens, and I watch it wordlessly, and it ends, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I could not believe what I just saw. I thought for sure this show was just going to have a couple of coming out scenes and that would be the end of it. Had I really just watched a scene that was hinting at a gay romance?

I wanted so badly to talk about it with someone else to see if they were seeing what I was seeing, but, as you may not be surprised to learn, none of my adult friends were watching Andi Mack. So I started looking around online. And I eventually found my way here, to this site, to the tag. And people were seeing what I was seeing. And people were excited about it, and I was like, okay, cool, I might’ve found my community.

So I started lurking around here. And I would check in after 2.12 and 2.13, and I was really starting to enjoy it. Most of the stuff I watch that I care about I’ll watch with friends or family and talk about it with them, so I never really thought being a part of a fandom would be worthwhile. Plus, I’d hear about shipping wars and other nonsense like that, and I’m like, I’m not going to make an account to argue with people over fictional characters’ relationships.

But what I was finding about this community was that it was more positive than that. There were arguments, sure. You’re going to get them in any group of people. But for the most part, people just seemed happy. They were posting theories and memes and gifs and jokes and fanfics. And they were celebrating the characters and developments. I don’t know if that’s special to the Andi Mack fandom or not, but it seemed special to me.

That’s around when I started thinking about making an account, during that hiatus between 2A and 2B. But I was like, do I want to commit to this? What’s the point of my account? What do I want to say? And at some point in the hiatus, I was checking the tag, and I saw a gifset. It was by an account, since deleted and gone, but who, at the time, was very prominent in the fandom. And the gifset was all about attacking Tyrus. It was trying to take everything nice about what had happened between TJ and Cyrus and stomp on it. Tyrus was like a little baby ship at this point. People were just starting to get into it, the numbers weren’t that big. There wasn’t even really a name for the ship back then. The Tyrus tag was mostly that professional wrestler and the CJ tag was even worse. And this account had decided they were going to use their platform to try and make this small group of people in the fandom feel bad about liking their ship. I just remember thinking, why? Why be like that? It just seemed so unnecessary. And for the briefest of moments, I thought, okay, maybe I’ll make an account to be a troll and argue this stuff. And then I was like, nah, that’s just going to make the tag worse. When you see someone trying to ruin things for other people, you can give them attention and power, or you can just do your own thing.

So what I decided to do instead was to make an account that would add to the positivity I had been seeing. To just be one of the many voices doing fun stuff to drown out the bad. I could put out dumb posts to hopefully make people laugh, or eventually start writing recaps to give people something to do after watching the episode. There wasn’t really any bigger goal than that. Kill some time while celebrating the show and making the tag a more fun place, if only incrementally.

I’d like to think I did that. That I haven’t written or made too many things that have bummed people out and that most of my posts have hopefully made things better for people who wanted to hang out on here and talk about the show.

That’s all. At the end of everything, that was all. Just try to leave a net-positive wherever you go.

So that’s why I joined tumblr. Here’s why I stayed.

I am an unemployed writer. I’m an employed something else, but I would like to be an employed writer and I am currently not. And what that really means is I’m an unread writer. It means I write stuff and I try to convince people to read it and buy it, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, my stuff sits around waiting and hoping to be read. And when that’s the case, you can start to feel doubt.

What I didn’t realize when I started this account was that I would also be getting positivity back. I mean, I probably should have. It was the whole reason I started this, because I liked the positivity here. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be returned to me.

But it has. It has tremendously. Just writing this silly stuff that I do and putting it out there and getting feedback on it has meant so much to me. People saying something I’ve written is funny or interesting or just saying that they enjoyed it is such a confidence boost. You feel like, okay, people like my jokes or the way I think or whatever. There’s an audience for me somewhere. People who will get me. I just need to stick with it.

That’s what you all have been for me this last year and a half. More than just making this a fun place to share our love of this show, you’ve made this a place for me to feel seen.

I try not to tie too much of my self-esteem to the amount of interaction my posts get. (Seriously, don’t do that, it can be really unhealthy. I’m like, if a post flops, it flops. No biggie. Move on to the next one.) But every note I do get on something I’ve written lets me know I’ve done something right. The reblogs, the likes, the follows, the nice messages in my inbox, the comments on the posts. Any of it. All of it. It lets me know I’ve been read. It makes me feel like I’ve made a connection. And that means the world to me.

So thank you, to any and all of you who participated in this thing with me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my experience on here. Thank you for being so cool that I wanted to join your group in the first place and thank you for being so great afterwards that I’m eternally happy I did.

It’s meant more to me than you could possibly know.

Keep the positivity.

- Jay

#blog stuff

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 146: Why Are We Still In This Basement

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kirishima nearly gave up on his dream of becoming a hero after freezing up during a sudden villain encounter. But then he watched an old interview with his hero Crimson Riot, in which Crimson admitted that he felt fear just as much as anyone. He said that having a manly spirit doesn’t mean being confident or not feeling fear; it means doing your best to live your life without regret. After hearing this, flashback!Kiri had a quick montage and turned into first-day-at-U.A.!Kiri, dyeing his hair and spiking it up and declaring that he was saying goodbye to his former self. Back in the present, our current beat-up Kiri thought to himself that he still gets afraid regularly, but that what he fears most is reverting back to the way he used to be. Hot Gum -- who, you will recall, had charged up an attack by absorbing the energy from the villain’s punches -- told the bad guys they had underestimated Kirishima’s manly heart, and then punched the shit out of them.

Today on BnHA: Hot Gum flashes back to when Kirishima applied for an internship at his agency. He was excited to have someone with Kiri’s “can-do energy”, but Kiri admitted that that was all he had, and that he wants to be more than that and be someone who can protect people. Back in the present, Chance the Rappa is all “I’m not dead yet!” and gets back to his feet. Hot Gum is all “oh shit”, but then Rappa directs him toward a room with first aid supplies and tells him to tend to Kiri’s wounds. He says that both sides are basically all out of strength, but he wants to continue the fight because he really!! loves!! fighting!!!, and so he wants the others to heal up because he’s taken a personal interest in them -- Kiri especially. Hot Gum heals Kiri up and congratulates him on being acknowledged even by the enemy. We then finally! cut to Overhaul, who’s headed down a corridor with Eri and one of his minions. He’s holding the finished quirk-be-gone serum, and he tells his new “temps” -- Toga and Twice -- to get to work.

I may or may not have lost my patience completely and started ranting and raving halfway through this chapter. Just giving y’all a heads up. I kind of hit my limit lol.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 176 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

OHHHHH SNAP YOU GUYS LOOK AT THIS

LOOK AT ALL OF THESE LOSERS

OH I SEE, DEKU, SO YOU STILL CAN’T TIE A FREAKING HALF WINDSOR, BUT YOU CAN TIE A BOWTIE HUH. OR IS THAT A CLIP-ON?? OH MY GOD IT’S A CLIP-ON ISN’T IT

MEANWHILE BAKUGOU WILL STRAIGHT UP JUST NEVER WEAR A TIE NO MATTER WHAT. BUT OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM ALL DRESSED UP LIKE A KHR CHARACTER, YES, GOOD, I LIKE THIS

BEST JEANIST IN THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER I SEE YOUUUU

AIZAWA DIDN’T BOTHER TO DRESS UP EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW HE’S CAPABLE OF IT. JUST WORE HIS NORMAL PAJAMAS UNIFORM LIKE USUAL. LAZY ASS

MIRIO I MISS YOU ARE YOU DEAD

ALL MIGHT WEARING A SUIT THAT FITS OH MY GOD. EVEN WITH IT BEING SCHOOL BUS YELLOW IT STILL LOOKS GOOD

TODOROKI’S BODY LANGUAGE IS MYSTERIOUS AND HILARIOUS

PRETTY MUCH ALL THE CHARACTERS FROM U.A. AND THE INTERNSHIP ARC ARE HERE, BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS MISSING SUCH AS RECOVERY GIRL, NAOMASA, AND THE STUDENTS & FACULTY FROM SHIKETSU AND KETSUBUTSU. AND OF COURSE ALL THE VILLAINS

AND YET BEST JEANIST STILL GOT TO BE THERE EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOW LAID UP IN A HOSPITAL SOMEWHERE. GOD BLESS YOU

the hype text is talking about the climax of the battle against the Eightfold Cleansers. dare I hope?? this arc has gone on for a bazillion years. and it feels even longer due to me taking such a long time to read it. but I recently passed chapter 100 in the tumblr recaps, and I thought to myself that I’d better get going again or before I know it I’m actually going to catch up and not have anything new to post lol

all right! so Hot Gum just finished punching the shit out of those two villains and now they’re KOed. thank fuck

but Kiri isn’t looking good omg

GET HIM SOME HELP

Kiri’s weakly mumbling “who’s there” and Hot Gum is all “IT’S ME, FAT GUM, I’M JUST HOT NOW”

Kiri’s really out of it and muttering that he’ll protect him. “gotta do... what I can...”

and wow. are you guys really gonna do this to my emotions right now. really. really

now we’re flashing back to the first time they met, I guess! they’re at FG’s office and FG is all “wow Tamaki you actually brought a friend”

and he recognizes Kirishima from the sports festival and he likes the cut of his jib!

he’s complaining that Tamaki always gets too nervous at the festival “and ends up in last place every year!”

then how did he land this internship with you I wonder

(ETA: ??? mystery)

Kiri says that Fourth Kind said the same thing at his previous internship (about liking rambunctious guys with guts and a positive attitude)

but he says that’s all he has

oh shit Eijirou I thought we were done with your angst. this isn’t fucking fair, I yield already

YOU’RE NOT SWEETIE, YOU JUMPED IN TO PROTECT HOT GUM LIKE A CHAMP. JUST HANG OUT THERE AND REST NOW

-- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

BUT THE HYPE TEXT. SAID. WE WERE REACHING THE GODDAMN CLIMAX

THEN FUCKING DIE ALREADY!!!

Hot Gum is thinking a bunch of “oh shit why isn’t he dead, I used up all my shit, we’re screwed” thoughts, and meanwhile I’m wondering if this arc is actually going to end, like, ever

can we please rescue Eri already please!! the Kiri flashbacks were good but even those went on for so long, and why the fuck is this stupid basement arc being dragged out like this?! WHY. I GIVE UP

Chance the Rappa is telling Hot Gum to tend to Kirishima’s wounds. at first he refers to him as a kid, but then he changes it to “man”

whatever dude I don’t even care. that’s so nice that you respect him, now could you please LIE DOWN AND DIE ALREADY so we can save Eri!! and find out what happened to Mirio! and see what Aizawa and THE GODDAMN MAIN CHARACTER are up to jesus christ

but no we’re still in this scene! Hot Gum’s staring at him like “are you serious”

all of this happened because Horikoshi started working on that fucking movie. that’s it, isn’t it. all his energy was going into that and he started neglecting the actual series. and we get stuff like this that no one fucking cares about and it should have ended five chapters ago

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually starting to look back fondly on the damn Hosu arc. remember Stain?? he may have never shut up, but at least he was defeated within a reasonable amount of chapters, and didn’t lead a bunch of heroes through a boring maze to take on a bunch of fifth-tier villains. who don’t even have interesting character designs because they’re all wearing THE SAME GODDAMN MASK. AND IS THIS SOME SORT OF PURGATORY, OR WHAT

but fine! gotta power through! so now Tengai is also sitting up because OF COURSE HE IS, and he’s telling Rappa not to act so selfishly, and to remember his duty, and blah blah blah

aaaaaaand Rappa’s stomping on his face

THEN FUCKING DIE!!! HOLY SHIT I’M GOING FULL BAKUGOU HERE. IS THIS HOW HE FEELS ALL THE TIME. NO WONDER HE CAN’T STAND ANYONE

Hot Gum’s asking wtf does Rappa want, and Rappa says he wants them to kill each other

now he’s telling us his life story!!

he came from an underground fight club where people were allowed to use quirks

did he actually kill all of them. psycho

now he’s screaming at Hot Gum that he really wanted a good fight that actually challenged him. “the kind of power that only comes from putting your life on the line”

he says the two of them met his challenge, “especially the red-head”

please leave him alone. you’re already well on your way to becoming my least favorite character in the whole fucking series, which, wow

he’s shouting for them to heal up so he can continue their death match

you... do realize that’s not the greatest incentive, there

Rappa’s walking to the fucking door

Hot Gum is all “you know you lost the fight and you’re gonna be arrested, right?”

but Rappa says he didn’t lose and that if nobody dies then it’s a draw

and Hot Gum’s just watching him like “wow what a weirdo”

and now he’s picking up Kirishima who looks so small in his arms! :/

:|!!!!

Rappa is STILL there for some reason, and he’s all “I want another proper go at killin’ him!”

WE KNOW. YOU WON’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER HAS JUST BEEN YOU NOT SHUTTING UP. AND IT’S PROBABLY ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FOURTEEN-PAGE CHAPTERS, ISN’T IT. IT IS, ISN’T IT

EVEN KIRI’S SLEEPING FACE CAN’T SOOTHE MY FRUSTRATION

EVEN THOUGH IT’S SO PURE AND SWEET AND OH MY GOD PLEASE HELP HIM

jesus fuck, we finally cut to another scene, and just for a moment I dared to hope we were finally cutting back to something else relevant

but no

I mean, I won’t complain that they’re taking the time to show how Kirishima got treated so he didn’t fucking die. that makes me feel a little better. but if they don’t cut back to Deku and co. within the next page, I’m about to full on lose it

what the fuck is this guy doing here??

so we’re just best friends now. he’s just gonna hang out with you all for the rest of the arc

and why not, let’s ask him all about his past, because it’s so fucking interesting. fuck

and with that, we cut to another two-chapter flashback all about Rappa’s fight club. and it features no fewer than seven new side characters, several of whom end up getting their own flashbacks. because that’s all life is anymore. it’s flashbacks and side characters all the way down

but really he’s just answering that he became a villain because Overhaul’s the only guy he ever lost to

Overhaul why couldn’t you have just kept him disassembled

ooh we’re actually gonna see it

if only

god damn it Overhaul

(ETA: so how come he remembers all this anyway? when Overhaul did the same thing to the Tarantino gang, they lost all memories of their encounter with him. his control over his quirk is so great he can even control whether or not a person’s memory stays intact?? damn, Overhaul)

lmao since then he’s gone on to challenge him five additional times. wtf. what did you expect to change

Hot Gum is like “um so you’re telling me Overhaul could take on this guy with all his speed and power like it was nothing?”

well, yes. since all he has to do is touch him, and poof, dead

so he’s wondering why Overhaul is making his underlings do all the fighting for him while he runs and hides

because that’s what underlings are for, Dumb Gum

he asking what does Overhaul want to do

(ETA: yeah you stfu Tengai)

that’s not very specific or helpful

oh shit. but he’s adding that he overheard him talking about how he’d be “spreading” something, “and lots of it”

ERIIIIII

WHOSE HAND IS THAT ON HER ARM, IS IT HIS?? YOU FUCKING CREEP

oh my god finally finally finally we’re getting back to the fucking plot

I’m not even relieved. I feel more like someone who just weathered a natural disaster and is all “how am I even still alive”

so we’re going back in time a bit to right after the invasion started

don’t think about how they could have cut right to this and shrunk the cast down to just the essentials and cut Kiri’s fight time in half without losing any impact. don’t think about how we could have been done with this arc already. don’t think about

okay so the guy in the hooded cloak (I straight up forgot his name, it’s been ages. future me will have to pick up my slack) is carrying Eri, who looks terrified

(ETA: oh is that how it’s gonna be. lol. this is Chronostasis, everyone. and I’m pretty sure past me thought this was still the bearded babysitter guy tbh. but just wearing a cloak now. in my defense, there’s literally no way to tell that it’s a different guy)

they’re talking about the future of the Precepts

Hood says this is the end for them, but Overhaul says that as long as he and the boss are around, the Precepts won’t die

apparently most of their henchmen are loyal to the boss and not Overhaul

oh snap look at this

“finished” product???!

holy shit. it may have been a while, but you can bet I haven’t forgotten the most intriguing thing about this arc

-- HOLY SHIT?!

VILLAINS THAT I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT OMGGGGG

TOGA!! AND TWICE!!! MY TWO FAVES!

YOU GUYS AREN’T ALLOWED TO DIE JUST FYI!! I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU GUYS AND FUCKING RAPPA STICKS AROUND INSTEAD, I WILL RAGE QUIT THIS SERIES

fucking finally something interesting is happening omg

so I guess next chapter will be what I was hoping for from this chapter. lol this was almost a complete waste of time. talk about last minute saves

BONUS:

Bakugou out here saying what we’re all thinking

why are Sero and Kami so damn zen. you guys are MIA too, you know. is it really so funny to see Baku all pissed off that it’s worth not being in the story yourselves for 40-something chapters? ...okay, fair enough. you trolls

but I’m sorry Horikoshi, it says a lot that even you acknowledged this in an omake, joke or no joke. it means he definitely noticed how the arc reads in hindsight and how long it stretches on for

thankfully I’m pretty sure this is the last of the really dull chapters. League of Villain antics are just around the corner, and then our best boy Mirio will finally be up to bat. finally a light at the end of the tunnel y’all

#bnha #boku no hero academia #kirishima eijirou #fat gum #overhaul (bnha) #past me really went and used this chapter as my own personal punching bag lol #I thought about editing some of the ranting out #since at times it was getting pretty off track and repetetive #but tbh this is how I motivated myself to finish the chapter #by yelling and complaining the whole time #so in the end I left it all in because it is my authentic reaction to this part of the arc #so here it is now preserved for all time lol #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #sorry guys I messed up the tagging on this one #my bad :(

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 6 “Uncovered”

This is a re-posting from Nov. 4th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

So much for Thursday/Friday postings. This episode ripped my heart out through my teeth, so you know I've gotta get thoughts down on paper. What’s today’s theme? The folly and inexperience of youth, but as much as I want to dive straight into my impassioned defense of Ozpin, we need to make sure that we unpack the new intro first. And, you know, the rest of the episode...

The highlights have already been circulating for the last week, most notably the animation of Ozpin’s (presumed) past reincarnations… and the fact that the one right before the guy we think of as Oz looks like a dad. He looks like Tai’s brother. One of these Ozpins is not like the others and honestly I kind of love it. Seriously though, in the realm of actual analysis there are a number of details I want to make sure we put a pin in before moving forward. Let’s make use of our good friend the list:

The beginning is super fluffy with the gang hanging out while waiting for the train, Ruby chasing after Weiss, and Blake watching them fondly. Out of the whole group Yang is the only one who appears upset, staring morosely out the window where we get a flash of Adam. I think this is significant given that she seems to be the most volatile of the group right now. As we’ll see, though most of them have beef with Ozpin, Yang is the one instigating the fights.

We have a moment where the camera moves through Maria’s eyes and then immediately does the same with Ruby’s. Are Maria’s eyes also important? Perhaps her semblance is connected to her blindness somehow.

We see (I think??) Roman’s hat blow by right before the hooded person (Cinder) is broken up by red slashes across the screen. Omg could he actually come back? I mean yeah, he literally got swallowed whole by a grimm, but he also might have cut himself out a la Hannibal Chau style. Please bring back my flamboyant fave and have him get revenge on Cinder. That would be so very excellent.

There’s a young woman (Salem) staring up at a statue of Oz. Last week it seemed weird that this statue looked so very much like his Vol. 1-3 reincarnation, but considering we’re in Jinn’s story world she might be borrowing imagery that the gang is familiar with. Either that or the reincarnations tend to look like each other in time? Idk. To be decided.

Jaune slams Ozpin up against a freaking wall. Given how this Volume is going so far, I’m pretty confident that it’s Ozpin and not Oscar. Wonder if Jaune is finally going to confront him about his part in Pyrrha’s death…

Plenty of potential WhiteRose (as mentioned in the first recap). Seriously, I try to keep shipping out of these (a few Ozqrow jokes aside…) but I’ve also gotta call any potential setup as I see it, and given the happily chasing after her, using her glyphs at the end, the final shot of Weiss helping Ruby to her feet, Ruby collecting dust cartridges later in the episode, her calling Weiss's name in Jinn's world, Weiss doing the same for her… all of this could just be them re-developing their relationship after the separation. Could also be something more.

Also in terms of that final shot: having the whole group—Ozpin included—standing together and facing down some threat is very reassuring after this week’s episode. Ngl lol.

Finally, we have those grimm arms reaching out to drag Qrow into darkness, notably while he’s drinking. “Wow,” I say to myself. “Those arms sure do look a lot like Cinder’s!”

Oh look. We open on Cinder.

Classic rule of television: if you don’t see a body they’re not dead yet. (Unless, apparently, you’re Ozpin.)

(…but maybe not Roman.)

She’s clearly terrified, waking up in water with her eyes darting every which way, groaning when she finally pulls herself to shore. It’s always good to throw your villains into moments like this where their basic—human—instincts take hold. It makes them a little more sympathetic (if not more justifiable) and therefore more compelling. At this point I really have no desire to see an attempt at a Cinder redemption arc, but even I’m wincing at that panicked look on her face.

She’s having trouble summoning up her power, presumably because she just got her ass beat by another Maiden. It comes back pretty fast though, which really helps put into context how powerful these women are. Even freezing them from the inside out is only going to knock them out of commission for a little while.

Cinder takes a look way up to where the tree stands and pounds her grimm hand against the rocks in frustration. Apparently these things are ridiculously strong because it opens up a crack in the mountain, letting a sliver of light shine through to her face. (A trope normally reserved for the heroes.) Cinder then uses her One Punch Man powers to break out, considering that her flames are still sputtering.

Outside she meets a sweet, no-name woman who makes the mistake of stopping to help. Cinder steals her clothes, her money, and presumably kills her. RIP nice lady just trying to do her grocery shopping.

We realize that Cinder woke up weeks ago as we move into another flashback at the house. There the team has their first conversation about the relic.

Ruby: “We need to take the relic to Atlas?”

Qrow: “That’s what Oz said.”

For all his banter and bluster, Qrow is a very passive character. He has so little faith in himself that he needs to put it in others—so he fosters pretty much all of that onto Oz. Ruby is the one who subtly questions why they’re taking the relic all the way to Atlas. Qrow is the one who just reiterates that these are Oz’s orders, so that’s what they’re gonna do. Right now he’s not questioning his general and I’ll be interested to see if and how that changes after the events of this episode. One of the reasons for Qrow’s dark descent in the intro?

We have a funny exchange where Ren points out that the borders of Atlas are closed, but no worries. They have a missing Schnee heiress to get them through! What’s less funny is when Qrow mentions that they actually wanted to seal the relic back up in the vault but can’t because they don’t have access to the Spring Maiden. Cut to a guilty looking Yang. Not that they’d have much chance convincing Raven to help them (what is she up to with Tai??), but again: Oz isn’t the only one keeping secrets.

Ozpin comes out leaning heavily on his cane and wincing with each step. Hmm. Another indication that, despite his power, he’s surprisingly fragile? I’m still wondering how Cinder won that fight and it looks like he isn’t recovering as quickly as the rest of the group, despite the fact that everyone took a beating in Haven. Something to chew on.

Still talking about the relic, Jaune mentions that they don’t know what the thing actually does and we get to see Ozpin’s conflicted expression before he whirls around with a smile. He’s clearly weighing what he should and shouldn’t tell them, secrets later revealed in the episode. He says that the relic has a “wonderful and incredibly dangerous ability”—important wording! We’ll come back to that. It can answer any three questions every 100 years, provided they’re not about future events. Ozpin claims that the questions were asked before the relic was sealed away so, sorry, no knowledge to gain right now.

Jumping a little farther into the episode, we also continue the plot-line with Cinder sneaking around in the dead woman’s clothes, realizing that she’s very much a wanted criminal now. She heads into this super sketchy spider gang and asks for information on Team RWBY and the others—not going back to Salem then—throwing down the woman’s lien as payment. The leader assures her that she’ll have their locations within a week… despite the fact that she already knows where they are. The “big guy,” Hazel, was asking first.

Back with the group. Ruby finds the relic lying nearby while Yang tries desperately to get her bike out of the snow. Despite having agreed to this plan of separating and stranding themselves, Yang is expressing her frustration by treating it like a cruel trick of fate, complaining about that as well as the fact that they’ve “gained a defenseless old woman.” After Maria introduces herself and comments a little about being hard of hearing, blind, and how her glasses need a tuneup, we slam hard into the heart of the episode. Good. I’ve got things to say about how these kids are acting like… well, kids. Yang has basically just had a temper tantrum in the snow and Qrow rightly points out that they need to try to keep calm so as not to attract more grimm. Yang—as we expect—uses this opportunity to segue back to the relic. She wants to know why Ozpin lied to them. Oscar thinks they deserve to know too and forces (maybe?) the switch.

“I didn’t lie,” Ozpin says. He just didn’t provide them with all the information. This immediately sets Yang off because that’s just a technicality. An excuse. Right? Well, yes and no. Do people sometimes manipulate others by doling out pieces of information and then claiming, “I didn’t really lie”? Yes, absolutely. But there’s also something to be said for adults withholding information in an effort to protect their charges. Like… if a kid asked you how someone died there’s a BIG difference between saying, “They were murdered” vs. “Oh, well the murderer tortured them for days and then sent pictures of it to their family and then gutted them very slowly….” Yeah. Sometimes you don’t need that kind of shit weighing you down and in this case Ozpin has an additional, practical reason for not telling them that the relic attracts grimm: their worry would just bring more. Which is exactly what I said last time. Telling them wouldn’t change the situation—there’s a very good chance it would actually make things worse—so he tried to give them what little peace he could.

Weiss: “You know, I’m getting real tired of people choosing what’s best for me”

An understandable statement? Sure, but Weiss is still a kid. Yes, 14, 15, 16, and even 17yos are still kids, whether we want to give them the label of “teenager” or not. It’s sometimes hard to remember given their responsibilities, but Team RWBY is still a collection of developing brains challenging thousands of years of experience. Kids never like it, but sometimes adults do know what’s best for them. All of this is complicated by the abuse in their lives—notice that Yang (Raven), Weiss (parents), and Blake (Adam) are far less trusting of Ozpin than Ruby is—but that doesn’t change the fact that a teenager is not equipped to make these world-altering decisions in the same way an adult is. Combine this with the fact that they have implicitly acknowledged Ozpin as their leader and them thinking they can challenge his well thought-out choices in this manner is a big problem.

Ironically, Ozpin and James have a lot more in common than they think they do when it comes to leading: they both understand the importance of compartmentalization, it’s just that James is more obvious about treating subordinates as subordinates. Ozpin cozies up to people and then they’re surprised when they don’t have his ear. As I said before, you can trust your army without giving them every single secret. That’s dangerous, and the girls aren’t entitled to dangerous information just because they want it.

Ozpin says he’s not entirely sure why grimm are attracted to the relic (another lie?) and we learn that he was the one who spun the story of Lionheart’s heroic death. Again, Yang sees things in a very black and white manner—that’s another lie and lies are bad—and Ozpin angrily argues that Lionheart doesn’t deserve to have all the good he did erased by his final mistakes. That's a pretty loaded conundrum and I’m definitely not equipped to untangle it. Rather, I’m more interested in how the girls are completely unable to consider that viewpoint. Because (common theme here) they lack the experience that Ozpin does. To them Lionheart was just a Bad Guy and should be treated accordingly because they’re teenagers who have never faced a betrayal like that. They might have a very different reaction if, years down the road, one of Team RWBY succumbed to Salem and betrayed them in the end. Would Blake want Yang’s name forever tarnished if she gave in and joined Raven? Would Ruby be okay with the whole world thinking nothing but awful things about Weiss if she went dark? No, it’s more complex when you love someone… but they’re too young to understand that yet.

Age matters here. Experience matters.

Just as important, Ozpin is an emotional, flawed human being who is being cut very deeply right now. That is, the girls have 100% condemned Lionheart despite the good he did in the past… and Ozpin has no doubt done things just as bad, if not worse. Though unintentional, their rejection of Lionheart’s worth is a rejection of Ozpin’s as well. If they can’t consider forgiving Lionheart for his mistakes, how could they possibly forgive him? “Does one lapse in judgement truly negate all of his good?” he asks, a question he no doubt poses to himself all the time. As Ozpin defends his friend he’s also trying desperately to defend himself and what he’s hearing from Yang is, “No. You’re irredeemable.”

Whether we consider Ozpin’s past to actually be irredeemable or not, that’s a pretty hard blow. Remember last recap I pointed out how shocked he looked at Ruby’s support? It’s because this is what he’s used to hearing. Everyone (like Qrow) looks to him to be their leader and then reacts with fury when he makes decisions they don’t like; people insist they care for him and then condemn those who have made far fewer mistakes. And he’s been dealing with this for thousands of years. Honestly, I’m surprised the guy can even get out of bed anymore.

“Do you really think Leo was the first?” he growls when Yang insists that he can trust them. Of course Leo wasn’t the first to betray him and, as Ozpin points out, he said those exact same words. You can trust me. Ultimately, why are these kids any different? Because they’re the heroes? No, that’s the perspective of the audience. From behind our fourth wall we know that Team RWBY is trustworthy, but Ozpin has no such reassurances. If a friend he had for years could suddenly betray him like that, what the hell is stopping a bunch of former students who are already frustrated with him?

Also… just pointing out… Yang insists he can trust her and then two seconds later she, along with Blake and Weiss, have their weapons pulled on both Ozpin and Qrow. So he can trust them… but only if he does what they want and tells them what they want to hear. And people question why Ozpin has trust issues.

I do want Ozpin to trust more—both for himself and for others—but my god does he have good reasons for holding back.

Sadly, we don’t get to see Yang try to grapple with the revelation that she’s parroting Lionheart’s words (because, as I’ll discuss a bit below, RWBY ultimately dodges any real sticky moral questions and segues back into simple story logic). Instead the conversation is derailed as Ozpin realizes that the relic is missing.

Ruby has it, but she’s not willing to hand it over. So much for my theory of her sticking by him this Volume. At least right now, she’s acting as much like a kid as any of the others. In what I think is a reckless move, Oscar realizes that Ozpin is hiding something from them and briefly takes control, telling Ruby to say the name Jinn.

She does and all the snow stops.

A sort of genie appears and says that she was created by the God of Light to “aid humanity in its pursuit of knowledge.” Jinn then reveals that Ozpin did lie outright. There are still two questions left.

And with this revelation we come to the crux of the matter. His own very personal history aside, compartmentalization aside, why doesn’t Ozpin just give the gang all the information they want? Why all the lies? Because they’re children and right now they’re acting like it. Yang isn’t interested in making sure everyone gets to a safe place after Qrow mentions that they’re probably attracting grimm, she wants answers right now and she won’t move until she gets them. They’re not considering the hypocrisy of demanding Ozpin’s secrets when they’ve all had (and for some still have) secrets of their own. The girls aren’t responding logically to Qrow’s innocuous “Hey” later—why does he deserve their wrath?—they’re reacting with pure emotion, pulling their weapons on him for daring to just try and voice an opinion. That is an incredibly extreme reaction and in my opinion shows how little they’re thinking through their actions right now. They are, to put it bluntly, acting like a bunch of bratty teenagers. They want something and the adults in charge won’t let them have it, despite having numerous good reasons for withholding it (both practical and personal). So they throw a fit. The only difference is that instead of stomping their feet these girls have crazy powerful weaponry and a relic at their disposal.

All of this culminates in the release of Jinn. Let’s think back to that moment in the house: Ozpin tells them that the relic has a “wonderful and incredibly dangerous ability”—emphasis mine. Do the kids stop to wonder why the ability to answer questions is called incredibly dangerous? No! They’re just fascinated by the shiny new toy. Ren thinks it’s cool, Blake is amazed, Yang notes that picking the right questions would be a big responsibility but doesn’t back down from the challenge, and Nora immediately leads them in a charge to determine what they’re going to ask. Not one of them says, “Hey. What’s the catch here?” They’re all ready to jump into asking three questions without thinking through any of the potential repercussions of messing with an ancient object they know absolutely nothing about.

This no doubt tells Ozpin, as it told me, that they’re still kids and as such are in many ways still thinking like kids too. They don’t have the experience and the maturity yet to consider the consequences of their actions. What? Do we think someone as controlling as Ozpin just let two questions remain without a very good reason? That it’s a coincidence that immediately after he—or someone else—used the first question the relic was sealed away? No, there’s some downside here… but the gang never considered that possibility. So rather than explain all that and risk them insisting that they use the questions anyway—as kids are wont to do—Ozpin says the questions are used up for now. That way there’s no risk to them.

I’m thinking that when Ozpin charges Ruby he’s trying to reach her to protect her somehow. It's not just about him keeping his secrets. Jinn’s smoke is reaching for her too and he’s trying to get there first. He’s flawed, yes, but he’s not going to attack her. When has Ozpin ever been violent towards them? When has Ruby ever hesitated to defend herself? This isn't an experienced Huntsmen going on the offensive, nor a talented Huntress scared for her life---it's a desperate man and a young girl panicking at this mess of a situation. Because let's be real, if Ozpin had wanted to take the relic by force he easily could have. But he wouldn't do that. He’s not the one who drew his weapon here. No, if there’s a catch attached to these questions he wouldn’t want Ruby to pay it. He literally begs her on his knees not to use the relic… and when that fails he gets desperate and uses incredible speed to try and reach her before the magic does.

Remember, he wanted to immediately seal the relic back up in the vault and would have it they’d had access to the Spring Maiden. It might not just be because they’re worried about the relic falling into Salem’s hands. It sounds like there’s danger attached to using it too…. and people would absolutely be tempted to use it.

As we see here.

Ruby says, “What is Ozpin hiding from us?” WHICH IS ABOUT THE WORST QUESTION YOU COULD POSSIBLY ASK.

That’s not a targeted question to help you understand what Oscar was hinting at before. That’s an entirely open ended question that, depending on how Jinn works, will show you every secret Ozpin has ever had. What kind of fucked up invasion of privacy? Granted, we don’t have time in RWBY for something like that to actually happen—looks like Jinn is going to show us Ozpin’s greatest mistake/regret, something he thinks they’ll abandon him because of—but that doesn’t change how horrible that question was. I don’t care if the girls are right that Ozpin needs to work on trusting people more. You know how you don’t help people do that? By forcibly pulling all their secrets out into the open without their consent. Ruby’s question wasn’t just horribly invasive, it wasn’t thought out at all because no matter how frustrated she might be I don’t think she’d ever want to do that to a person. She, like the rest of her team, isn't thinking clearly.

Finally, you know what the real kicker is? All of this—everything I’ve mentioned throughout this scene—is done in front of Maria. What’s the latest definition of oblivious immaturity? Demanding that your leader reveal his secrets in front of a complete stranger.

Honestly I wanted to rip out my hair through this whole part of the episode. It’s easy to identify with Ruby and the gang because they’re our protagonists. The show wants us to empathize with them, but in this case it doesn’t change the fact that they’re acting their age and making really uninformed decisions. Despite the huge range of ages in this fandom, sometimes I feel like I’m watching RWBY very firmly from an adult’s perspective while the vast majority of the fandom is watching from the perspective of our heroes. They see the mean adult keeping secrets—and in a black and white universe secrets are bad!—while I’m seated firmly in Camp Context. It’s like that post about watching The Little Mermaid at different stages of your life:

As a child: She loves him! How romantic…

As an adult: You love him? You’re sixteen and you met him yesterday!

The thing is, I know RWBY isn’t going to take that adult perspective. That’s not how most stories go. Ozpin’s secrets will be revealed, he’ll probably be forgiven, and he’ll learn the lesson that it’s Bad to keep things from your friends. The intricacies of the situation and his very justifiable reasons will be brushed aside because he’s not our primary hero. Ruby is and her view of the world is that nearly blind faith in humanity. She doesn’t understand that after thousands of years Ozpin’s fractured faith doesn’t mean he can’t encourage others to be better than he is, she just pouts and says he should trust them specifically because he preaches trust as a general principal. At its core RWBY follows the simplistically moral logic of a fairy tale and though that’s great in many ways, I’m still at times frustrated by how the show introduces adult viewpoints without ever having the narrative justify them. Ozpin tells the group that he has more experience than them and has carefully considered his choices, but we’re encouraged to frown at him like the rest of the cast. Except Ozpin is right! He’s right!! He’s right and he should say it!

But most people don’t seem to agree with me. Oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We end the episode with Jinn’s magic reaching the group before Ozpin can reach Ruby. They’re all seeing the same vision of a castle and a beautiful woman, Jinn’s voice telling them a fairy tale:

“Once upon a time there stood a lonely tower that sheltered a lonely girl named Salem…”

So Salem’s backstory coincides with whatever Ozpin is so terrified of them figuring out about him. Full disclosure: if he starts crying next episode I will also be an emotional wreck. Here’s hoping that whatever the girls see, they’ll start mending their trust in one another once it’s over. I’m not sure I can take a whole Volume of everyone eviscerating Ozpin for trying to protect them, himself, and the rest of Remnant.

What’s he doing? His best. It’s far from perfect, but give the poor immortal a break.

Here’s hoping for one in episode three!

Other Details of Note

Of course it’s raining when Cinder leaves the vault. We need appropriate atmosphere for her dramatic collapse and rejuvenating murder lol

Except can we please have women remove their heels when everything goes sideways? I’m sorry, but if I were that exhausted and injured getting the spikes off my feet would be the very first thing I did.

Love that they essentially gave Maria’s glasses eyelids. Makes it very easy for her to express herself.

Okay so we pretty much know for a fact now that Ozpin and Oscar are starting to share thoughts both ways. I can’t imagine that Ozpin went, “Yeah so I’m still hiding something and you can figure it out by saying ‘Jinn’ to the shiny relic over there, but don't tell anyone else, okay?” Oscar is starting pick up on things as they (presumably) merge.

The relics are entities! And now we know why the the statue in Haven was of a woman bound in chains—she’s Jinn. Look at Ozpin’s dramatic ass designing lairs that reveal secrets no one realizes are there.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, old man”—evidence that Ozpin either used that first question himself, was there when it was used, or has used the relic at another time in the past.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #mymetas #RWBY Recaps

[daqtranscripts]

Ep. 3 Transcript

Ep. 3 Transcript: Alpine Escape — Chapter 3

Begin:

Sophie: Previously on “Dungeons & Queers”...

[RECAP WITH MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND]

Sophie: It’s a frigid night in the mountains, and we see a group of assorted humanoids — humans, elves, dwarves and other, less common races — huddled together for warmth inside dome cages made of sturdy wood.

Kenway: Thanks for your stories. What’s your name?

Ellywick: My name is Ellywick Faelover Wandfidget the Ambiguous.

Kenway: My name is Kenway.

Lazza: Are you good at a fight?

Defiance: Is this to be some sort of a jailbreak, then?

Lazza: Hey, if we live through this… I’m Lazza.

Defiance: It is a pleasure to meet you, Lazza. I’m Defiance.

Sophie: Okay, you all quickly make your escape and head down the dark, wooded path, and before you catch up with the rest of the villagers, you see a familiar fresh face in Kenway as he smiles at you and says…

Kenway: I knew you all wouldn’t let us down!

[END RECAP]

Announcer: This show is part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative.

[THEME MUSIC]

Sophie: Hello everybody, and welcome to “Dungeons and Queers,” where the “Whose Line…?” references are made up and the rolls don’t matter! I’m not even trying anymore and it’s, like, the fourth episode.

Credence: [GROANS] Where the introductions should be re-recorded…

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: ...and… [BREAKS DOWN LAUGHING[]

Mara: ...Where Sophie should put some thought into a pun before it’s time to record the pun.

Sophie: Yeah. Well.

[COUGHS]

Mara: I hope this isn’t, like, indicative of the rest of this arc. [LAUGHING]

Sophie: Does anybody have a pencil? No, I have a pencil.

Credence: [IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT] I brought my supplies!~

Sophie: I was prepared!

Credence: [CONTINUING SOUTHERN ACCENT] I’m ready for school!~

Sophie: Okay, um, so! [SIGHS] Basically, I have a little bit of reading to do, which I thought was a good place to start this off, and then I’m going to introduce a new mechanic to you all! Which you are not going to appreciate!

Mara: [WEAK CRY]

Credence: [RETURNING TO NORMAL VOICE] I had a feeling… You didn’t have to… You didn’t have to do that.

[LAUGHING]

Mara: [SARCASTICALLY] For me? You shouldn’t have.

Sophie: Yeah, well.

[CROSSTALK OF CREDENCE AND MARA BEING SARCASTIC TO SOPHIE]

Sophie: I wish you would not have. Yes, yes. Anyways… Before we get started, I want to let the fans know that — I wanna remind everybody, I guess — that this is a d/Deaf-accessible podcast! We do have transcripts, and if you are looking to help make that happen, in return, I am willing to give you early access to these episodes! So if you’re craving, wondering what is gonna happen, get in contact with me via email or Twitter or something like that, and we will talk and, basically, there’s a Google Drive folder with some files in it that I can share with you, and basically you can listen to the episode early with the understanding that you are going to contribute to the transcription. Which basically just means you type what you hear! And the format of it is pretty clear if you’re on there, so if you’re interested in helping out with that… I know that our d/Deaf fans would really appreciate that, and, you know, there’s even some non-d/Deaf folks that would probably appreciate it too. I mean, whenever I watch a movie, I always have the subtitles on, you know.

Credence: Yeah!

Sophie: And there’ll be times when I’m listening to podcasts where they’re audio dramas and there was so much sound going on, and they had, like, people talking through a crackly speaker, and I was sitting there like, “I need to look up the fuckin’ transcript because I can’t tell what this garbled audio is supposed to sound like, is supposed to be saying, and it was plot-relevant.”

Credence: Yeah! I mean, I… I have sensory processing disorder, and that can… Podcasts are actually one of the few things that helps with that for me, because it’s mostly visual stimulus that makes it very difficult for me, but I know for other folks, like, being able to just focus on something without any kind of visual component is incredibly difficult. So there are so many reasons why it’s nice to have these, and I’m really glad that we are committed to making this accessible, and folks who are willing to help are fuckin’ radical! And...also you get to listen to the episode early, but if you leak ANYTHING… [LAZZA VOICE] Lazza will find you.

[LAUGHTER]

Mara: And honestly, sometimes we’re just garbage podcasters and the crosstalk is unbearable, so, you know.

[VARIOUS AGREEMENTS]

Credence: Oh, GOD, yeah. We’re doing pretty good…

Sophie: Yeah, we’re doing okay! It’s a little hard, because three of us are talking into one mic, so there’s not much I can do when some of us start crosstalking. I can…

Mara: Build a crosstalk spray bottle. “NO! BAD!”

Sophie: Yeah, if the problem is Credence, then I can just silence Credence’s audio. I think that only happened just once, where, like, Joe was making a really funny joke and Credence was laughing too loud, and it was like, “I’m just gonna ~tweak~ this out.” But typically, the problem isn’t just Credence. But we’re actually looking into…

Credence: Thank you! I appreciate it!

Mara: We’ll just get a little spray bottle and you can spritz Joe or I if we’re being naughty.

Sophie: But anyways, we’re actually looking at getting involved with a local artist co-op that has a podcasting studio in it, so if our sound quality suddenly improves at some point, you’ll know that we’re involved with them, ‘cause they have really, really incredible setups there. But anyways!

Joe: It’s a marvel what people can do when they actually pool resources and get together and help one another.

Mara: WHOOOOOAAAA…

Sophie: Yeah, well, I mean, I’m an anarcho-communist, so…

Joe: Same.

Sophie: I’m all about this artist co-op, like…

Mara: [SARCASTICALLY] Nah, co-ops aren’t good.

Credence: It’s fuckin’ radical. I’m super jelly of the setup that you guys are gonna be able to check out.

Sophie: Yeah, the only downside is that it’s mostly volunteer work, which means the wheels turn slowly, so they built this wonderful space because people are very motivated when it comes to building things and buying things with grants, but they haven’t put an online signup sheet to use it yet, to like, use the space, so like… I can’t use it yet even though it’s there and it’s just sitting, empty, and I keep emailing the guy but he hasn’t emailed me back, so we’re just waiting for the wheels of unmotivated artists to turn there.

Credence: Before we get started, should we talk about ways to get in contact with us?

Sophie: It’s all on the cover art of the podcast.

Credence: Like, I don’t know, do you folks wanna share your personal Twitters?

Sophie: Oh yeah! We should go around and say our name and pronouns and reintroduce our characters and stuff like that and, you know, who we’re playing, our characters’ pronouns, and then if you wanna be like, “And my personal Twitter is @this,” or whatever, we can do that. So, my name is Sophie Lastnameredacted, I am the DM, so I’m playing a whole bunch of characters, although only one that’s been introduced right now, his name is Kenway. And basically, you might know me from the “PolyAM Radio” podcast, where we talk about polyamory and unconventional, young, queer, trans relationship styles and stuff like that — it’s a blast, you should come check it out if you haven’t — and my pronouns are she/her/hers!

Mara: Uh…! I’m Mara Sunshine, I use they/them pronouns, I am @marasunshine2 on Twitter, and I am playing — and I have to break out this full name, it’s never gonna get used, ‘cause it’s unwieldy, but I’m a gnome — Ellywick Faelover Wandfidget the Ambiguous. More names to come, I’m sure. They are a bardic gnome or a gnomic...bard…? I don’t know. And they also use they/them pronouns.

Sophie: Joe.

Joe: I am Joe Alias, my pronouns are they/them/she/hers. And I play Defiance, who...same pronouns, they/them/she/hers. Defiance is a tiefling war cleric. I don’t have a Twitter as of yet, but if I eventually set one up, I will let y’all know.

Sophie: I will say that the Twitter app is actually excellent at managing multiple accounts. Like, it’s not like Tumblr, where it’s like, you have to completely sign out, and…

Joe: Boo!

Credence: Tumblr’s the worst, that blue hellscape.

Joe: Ain’t that the truth.

Sophie: Credence?

Credence: Yoooo! Okay! My name is Credence It-Has-Nothing-to-Do-With-Clearwater-Revival. My pronouns are he/him and I play the character of Lazza the half-orc barbarian. Lazza’s pronouns are she/hers and if you wanted to reach out to me on Twitter, my handle is @aliensatemybaby.

Joe: Nice!

Sophie: Of course it is.

Credence: Yup. [LAUGHS] Gotta stay on-brand.

Sophie: Yeah, yeah! Okay…

Mara: Real quick — is that supposed to be like “dingoes ate my baby?”

Credence: Oh, you bet.

Mara: BLESS.

Sophie: Okay! Um… So… Now that we’re ten minutes into this recording…

Credence: Ah!

Sophie: Let’s actually play some fucking D&D!

[ALL SAY “HELL YEAH” IN VARYING FUNNY VOICES]

Sophie: Okay, so, where we left off, the villagers had gone — had been rescued and had gone down that path and you were going down the same path to follow them. Kenway had waited back behind for you—

Mara: What a good boy.

Sophie: Yeah, what a good boy. He is the Resident Good Boy™, like three baby golden retrievers stacked on top of each other in a trench coat.

Joe: What!

Mara: Bless!

Credence: Lazza does not trust him.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: Just so everyone knows.

Sophie: To be clear, is that because Lazza has a thing about dogs, or just because…?

Credence: He is a CHILD! You did talk about how he is a HUMANOID CHILD, so I don’t know why this has anything to do with DOGS—

Sophie: Just ‘cause I described him as a puppy-dog of a person.

Credence: No, just kids.

Sophie: Oh, okay.

Mara: See, and Ellywick is just, like, “YES.”

Sophie: “Yes. Good.”

Mara: “YES. GOOD. My people, but not.”

Credence: “I can look you in the eye.”

Mara: Yeah, right?

Sophie: Yeah!

Mara: “You have a lot more whimsy than the average human. Cool. We’re good here.”

Sophie: But anyways, the four of you kinda run ahead, and Kenway leads you to where this group of people is sitting, huddled and cold, in the forest, and you all make way for — basically, there’s a local village that some of them have heard of called Northpass Haven, and it’s famed as kind of a frontier-style town, but very...it has a long history of being attacked by orcs and stuff like that and surviving. So it’s the kind of place that if you were to bring an orc horde to their doorstep, they wouldn’t necessarily bawk, just in case you all are pursued. So these villagers follow their shepherds, you three, on this cold night, as beings do when they correctly identify their only hope for survival. With little protective outerwear, these prisoners move slowly and begin to falter in the face of the relentless mountains.

You now face a terrible choice — allow the group to stop and find shelter for the night and risk losing the head start you achieved by killing the orc guards and making the orcs think they were under seige and close up and bar their doors, or you can continue on and risk the deaths of some of the older and younger villagers due to exposure and cold. Make your choice and inform their fate — drive them on or find shelter?

So basically, this is a new mechanic that I told you about that you all will not appreciate. These villagers are relying on you, but at the same time, you are all trying to make your escape as well, and you have to decide, basically — if you stop for the night, you will take a long rest, you will gain all your health and your spell slots (not that you all have taken much damage) but I can also...if any villagers die will be based on the survival checks that you all make, and there will be a much better chance that no one will die, versus if you continue on, you will lose some of the villagers, but you will maintain the head start that you’ve gotten, which means that you’ll probably...orcs probably won’t find you.

[GROANING AND MUTTERING]

Credence: I’m really glad that I got a proficiency in survival now.

Mara: See I know how Mara the person wants to play this, but I think Ellywick could go, really, either way with this, which kinda sucks. Perks of being chaotic neutral, I guess. So I think… I guess, question one, how are the villagers looking?

Sophie: As I said, they’re not really dressed for this. This wasn’t really an expedition that they were prepared to make, and a lot of them had had their outerwear stripped of them. So they’re looking kind of bad off. Most of them look like they could keep going, although they’d be very miserable, there are some older and some younger folks who don’t look like they’re doing so well, but basically, they’re all looking to you for instruction.

Credence: Okay, should we be… I almost think that, like… Mara, what you said, like, you wanna do versus what Ellywick would do is kind of...there’s some discrepancy there, so I almost feel like it would be better to talk about this in-character…?

Sophie: Yeah, absolutely, I think this is a conversation that needs to happen between characters.

Mara: Ye.

Sophie: Especially because, like I said, your alignment should inform your decisions, but it shouldn’t ever — in my mind — totally restrict your decisions. Because I mentioned in the intro episode, I think, there was literally a Star Wars expanded universe novel where Darth Vader stopped Emperor Palpatine from killing a Twi’lek orphan, and he’s a classic lawful evil character, so like, going against authority and stopping the slaughter of an innocent isn’t really Vader’s MO. And he went on to do more really gruesome things after that, but his gut reaction was still “no.” And there are reasons for that — there are character reasons, because Vader is a very conflicted character. I’m not even gonna say he’s an overly-compelling character, but he is a conflicted character.

[SOFT CHORUS OF AGREEMENTS]

Sophie: So, you know, this decision could be informed… To use Lazza as an example, Lazza’s not a “good” character, Lazza’s a neutral character. Lawful neutral. But if part of Lazza’s code of honor is you’d never leave anyone behind or something like that, then that could inform this. So I want you all to think creatively outside of your alignments, like, “Oh, I don’t know, I’m neutral, ‘cause an evil character would just leave them behind and a good character would maybe stay with them.” You know, a good character in this case might also leave them behind just because, it’s like, “Well, we have to protect as many people as possible, and we have the orcs behind us, and if we stay, we might not survive.” ‘Cause I will say, in the morning, they are gonna notice you’re gone and they’re gonna send people after you. That’s not me as a DM giving you hints or anything, that’s a conclusion your characters have probably made. So I think this is absolutely an in-character discussion, and I am super excited to step back and listen to it!

[CHUCKLING]

Sophie: Sorry about the sniffling, by the way, everyone. We all have colds.

[LAUGHTER AND CONFIRMATIONS]

Ellywick: So… What do we do, guys?

Lazza: Ah… Shit. Well, Ellywick, how many of ‘em are getting too slow to keep up a decent pace?

Ellywick: I… I don’t know…

Lazza: You’re a cleric, right?

Defiance: Um, that would be me, actually.

Lazza: Sorry. Sorry! I just met you guys.

Mara: All magic users look the same to you! [LAUGHING]

Lazza: [EMBARRASSED SPLUTTERING]

Credence: [VERY QUICKLY] #NotAllMagicUsers!

Lazza: Okay, Defiance. How many of these folks can’t keep up a good pace?

Credence: [STAGE WHISPER] Can we do, like, a medicine check or something, DM?

Mara: God, are you there?!

Joe: Yeah, why not? Do you think medicine or perception?

Sophie: I think perception, ‘cause medicine is your ability to heal them.

Joe: True. [ROLLS DICE VIOLENTLY]

[SOMEONE BLOWS A RASPBERRY]

Mara: Ooh!

Credence: Did you throw a rock?!

Sophie and Mara: You might as well have!

Sophie: It’s a critical miss.

Joe: Wow.

Credence: It’s because you threw a rock.

Ellywick: Um…

Lazza: Okay, so, fuck! At least they’ve got heads!

Defiance: Yeah, I don’t know! They’ve got heads!

Sophie: They seem cold to you, that’s what you got.

Mara: [ROLLS DICE VIOLENTLY]

[PAINED LAUGHTER]

Credence: Did you also roll a critical miss just now?

Mara: I did!

Joe: Holy cow!

Credence: You cannot rely on Lazza here!

Sophie: It’s kind of dark and hard for you to tell.

Mara: Naughty corner!

Credence: Dice shame! Okay, Lazza’s gonna roll perception here. [ROLLS DICE GENTLY] Okay, sloppy dice.

[INDECIPHERABLE MUMBLED CROSSTALK]

Joe: You already said we’d kinda notice the fact that people are stumbling.

Sophie: Yeah, but you wanted to know how many are gonna fall behind and stuff like that.

Joe: Oh!

Credence: [ROLLS DICE GENTLY]

Sophie: What’d you get?

Credence: Agh! I’m sorry, I keep getting sloppy dice! [ROLLS DICE GENTLY] Well, I got an 8, which is better than fuckin’ everybody else!

Sophie: It seems to you like there are about maybe a fourth of the people who are so young or so old that they’re having trouble keeping up. That is not to say that you will lose a fourth of them tonight, or something like that, that is just saying that, you know… It is a considerable number of people that are going to be hurting bad if you do it, if you continue on. And I’ll tell you, I’m factoring in — I’ve got, basically, in my head, kind of, with this — factored in the fact that you have a cleric and stuff like that and the cleric, aside from burning actual spell slots, is going to be trying to use cantrips to heal and stuff like that to keep people going. If you want to use spell slots on them, that’s a choice that you have to verbalize to me, and that might change something or whatever, but you will also lose those spell slots. So… I’ve got some of those things that y’all are talking about factored in already.

Lazza: Okay. So it looks like a fourth of them are really struggling.

Ellywick: You know, I don’t think it makes much sense to free all of them from those cages just to let them die out here.

Lazza: Oh, I don’t—! Look… It’s… The path to Northpass Haven is treacherous on its own. We don’t have any supplies. We don’t… We’re gonna lose people. So if we make sure we, I don’t know, get as many people…

Credence: So Lazza’s kind of like, conflicted right now. But she keeps playing with this pouch around her neck where she keeps these stones…

Sophie: Yeah, sure, sure.

Credence: And she’s just kind of… She pauses for a second, and then…

Lazza: What about this — we send the people who are doing the best up ahead. Y’know, the path is hard, but it’s easily marked. They’ll be able to make it. They won’t have to worry too much about tracking it. But what if we send the folks who are doing the best up ahead and we stay back with the folks who are struggling and try to get them on their feet a little bit better, and then, if we get some ~visitors,~ maybe we can get some supplies out of them.

Defiance: [SURPRISED] I don’t think that’s a bad idea, actually! Especially if there’s some way…

Joe: I guess I’m a little bit curious. Since we did free that group of elves, too, do any of them have any knowledge or ability to either track or help us to better hide?

Credence: Or heal?

Sophie: So basically, what I had envisioned for this is that, kind of all of these — even the elves — are civilian elves, basically.

[CROSSTALK]

Joe: Not particularly woodsy?

Sophie: Yeah, yeah. They’re not like… One of them is a barrel maker, and one of them is a potter, and one of them is a carpenter, one is a candlestick maker, yeah, sure. You know, innocuous, everyday jobs that, even in the forest, groups need.

Credence: Okay, well, that aside…

Lazza: So what do you guys think? Ellywick, what do you think? We stay back with the folks, we try to work on getting them on their feet a little bit better, heck, we could even try to backtrack and ambush some of the orcs as they’re coming and trying to look for us. We could get some supplies out of ‘em. I mean...I dunno.

Ellywick: I, ah…

Defiance: Do you know if it’s typical for them to all come at once or to send, first, a scout or two?

Lazza: Well, I mean, each...everybody had their own smaller raiding party. So, you know, there’d be...four to six people.

Credence: Sophie, I’m trying to base this off of what I thought I remember you telling me last time?

Sophie: Yep! Yep!

Credence: But, um, okay…

Lazza: So it’s — and especially with terrain like this, it’s easier to travel quickly in small numbers… As we know here, this isn’t going exactly great. They’ll probably be sending out parties of… I wouldn’t say more than six or seven. Which, if we can get the drop on them, we might be able to get some stuff so we can at least clothe the folks who are struggling the most and give a head start to the folks up the path.

Ellywick: But what happens if the orcs go after some of these people?

Lazza: I mean…

Ellywick: Then they’re even worse off.

Lazza: Well, no shit, Sherlock! But like...being dead sucks!

[SOFT SNICKERING]

Defiance: The general idea, if I understand you correctly, Lazza — either way, if the orcs went toward the healthier people, they’ll find us first, and they’d have to get past us.

Lazza: Exactly. [STAMMERING] We give, we give ‘em a jump start and we can focus on hiding these folks who are struggling, try and get ‘em a bit better, and-and hopefully, by-by-by ambushing these guys, we can, you know, we can get some clothes, at least, for ‘em.

Ellywick: Alright. We can try it.

Defiance: If we can at least give the weaker amongst them a bit more rest, perhaps I can try to heal some of them, or at least give them some sort of medical attention… Mayhaps they’ll become just strong enough to eventually catch up with everyone else.

Ellywick: I can help a little with the healing too.

Defiance: [PLEASANTLY] Oh! That’d be much appreciated.

Lazza: [ENTHUSIASTICALLY] And I can carry at least, like, two kids! So, like…!

[LAUGHTER]

Ellywick: You do that!

[INTERMISSION — INTERLUDING THEME MUSIC]

Sophie: Hello everyone! Welcome to the middle of the show! My name is Sophie Lastnameredacted and I am here with...the ads! Sorry.

So we don’t have anyone who’s taken out an ad on the show yet, which is totally fine, but I just wanted to remind everyone that we are offering ad slots starting at just $5/episode. These are some great opportunities to get your book or online shop or podcast or whatever you want immortalized.

I also want to talk to you all about our Patreon. The link is on your cover art, and we have reward levels starting at just $1/month, and it would really help us out if you could donate, because, actually, we are considering going weekly with our episodes! And it would really help to have a little bit of financial assistance in doing that. That’s a really big undertaking, and it’s gonna take a lot of work from the people doing the transcripts and the person editing the audio — me — and that would be a huge help if you would consider supporting us! I’ve mentioned in previous episodes what the rewards are, and I’m sure I’ll talk about it again eventually, but right now, I just want to keep it brief as I can for this episode, ‘cause there’s some cool stuff coming up that I really want y’all to get to!

I wanted to take a moment to thank Acqua Toffana, our current only Patron, thank you so much! I also wanted to remind everyone that if you Tweet about the show using the hashtag #DungeonsAndQueers, you might get an NPC named after you. We’ve got some NPCs, not so much in this episode, but coming up in the upcoming episodes, that are named after some people who Tweeted about the show that are probably gonna become pretty big parts of the campaign! As long as the characters don’t go murder-hobo on them. We really appreciate your support, we would appreciate it if you could tell at least one friend about us this week, because we did not have the money to advertise, so if this is gonna take of, it’s gonna be by word of mouth.

I also wanted to mention real quick — I mentioned transcripts earlier, and if you’re interested in helping us continue to make this podcast d/Deaf-accessible, then join us and become part of our transcription program! You’ll get access to early episodes and a bunch of other cool stuff — well, I shouldn’t say “a bunch of other cool stuff” — you’ll get access to early episodes, and you’ll get my eternal gratitude and you’ll be part of our little group that’s working on it. It’ll be really cool and fun, and you’ll be part of, you know, making media for people who communicate a little bit differently, which is always an excellent thing.

I also want to give a shout-out to kenwaylights, who is transcribing this audio right now. I am eternally grateful for you, you are absolutely the best, and I just want everyone to know how amazing you are.

I think that’s everything that I wanted to get through! Next episode might be up next week, depending on how quick we can get through ‘em. We’re gonna do a little bit of experimenting and try going weekly with our episodes for a little bit and see if that works, see if it’s doable for us. If we do decide to do that, there may come weeks where we occasionally skip uploading an episode, and I’ll try to let y’all know on Twitter when that happens. It’ll generally be around things like exams and stuff like that. But right now, we have a pretty big back-catalogue. As I’m editing this audio and everything, we’re actually already into the second arc of the show, which is really exciting! But I want to get these episodes out there so people can listen to them, and hopefully support our show!

So, yeah! Just thanks a million, and I hope you’re enjoying this content… Ooh! And one more thing that I wanted to mention — so, generally speaking, in Dungeons & Dragons, when adventurers go adventuring, they’re not necessarily fleeing captors, they are going into dungeons and finding loot and things like that. And, you know, certainly we’ve had an unconventional start to this podcast, and I’m not gonna necessarily say that the rest of the podcast is gonna be totally conventional, but I will say that there are gonna be times where I want loot for them to be able to find! And I think that having them find 100 gold pieces or whatever is useful in utility, but I don’t think it’s as interesting from a storytelling standpoint. So that’ll certainly happen, but I also wanna lay down really cool magic items and artifacts for them to come across at various points in time.

So if you’ve got a favorite magical item in D&D, whether or not it’s a homebrewed item, send it to us by email or on Twitter or whatever! Just email or Tweet at us! And it might very well end up in the show! I’ve got an interesting mechanic that I think is gonna be, maybe, introduced at the end of the second arc, maybe? In between the second and third arc as far as a way for the players to pick some of their own magic items and stuff that they wanna buy, because I don’t wanna make it too accessible within the story where it doesn’t make sense, but I think that part of the fun of D&D is having really cool, useful, and sometimes a little bit broken, items that enrich the story. So if you could help us out with that, please please please, it would mean so much. We’ve already gotten a few suggestions on Twitter, but if you’ve got more, please send them to us.

So thanks a lot for listening, next episode will hopefully be up next week and...don’t date your best friend’s dad and don’t date your dad’s best friend? No, that’s the wrong podcast! I will talk to y’all later! Bye!

[END INTERMISSION — INTERLUDING THEME MUSIC]

Sophie: Okay, so explain to me, in a sentence, what you all are doing.

Mara: We are sending the stronger people ahead and we are staying back for a long rest with the people who are not doing quite as well.

Sophie: Oookay! Take a long rest. Cool.

Mara: Can you give me back my pencil that you absconded with?

Sophie: This was from my backpack…

Mara: Oh! Someone absconded with my pencil! Hmm. Oh! Never mind.

Credence: I feel like Lazza is looking kind of pleased with herself at this point. ‘Cause, like, last time her plan wasn’t great, and it seems like this plan was a little bit better?

Sophie: Yeah, she completely sidestepped my moral quandary, so.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: That’s what you do when you’re Lawful Neutral!

Sophie: Yeah, well.

Credence: Um, uh… I was gonna ask something, and now it’s just gone. Never mind. Oh, actually, yeah! How are the villagers reacting to Lazza at this point?

Sophie: I think they’re… I think that a good deal of them are trying to keep a healthy distance, but a lot of them are probably looking at you with more confusion than with outright fear. I… You know, more confusion than outright fear, and they’re not like...it’s kinda like Defiance’s situation, where they’re not thrilled about you, but in this instance, they’re glad you’re here. Do you know what I’m saying? Does that make sense?

Credence: Mhmm.

Sophie: Like, you’ve kind of proven yourself to them.

Credence: So, do we need to roll, like, survival stuff to see if we can keep— Well, okay, first of all… Mara, Joe, do you think it’s better for us to have them...like, should we find a place just off the path a little bit where we can hide them?

Joe: Yeah, I think so.

Credence: And then we can rest and kind of patrol the path.

Mara: Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.

Credence: Okay, I’m gonna roll — hold on. Would investigation or survival…?

Sophie: I think, um… Survival, we’ll say.

Credence: To, like, find a good spot and see how many survived, or do we do separate rolls?

Sophie: Um...no, I think just one is fine.

Credence: Okay.

Sophie: ‘Cause your survival is going to be, in this case, dependent on your ability to find a place.

Credence: Right. [ROLLS DICE] Uh… Well, that’s gonna be a 16. It’s not terrible.

Sophie: Okay! Yeah, you are able to find a...it’s not super well-hidden or anything, so it’s not really a place you can stay, but you’re able to find a cave, and hole up in there for the night. And I think with a 16, you said?

Credence: Yes.

Sophie: I think with a 16, I’m gonna say none of the villagers die that night, but they’re not magically energized in the morning or whatever. Like, this did them well, and you didn’t lose anyone, but a good night’s rest wasn’t exactly had by all, and even if it had it wouldn’t have been...these people probably need days to recover.

Joe: Does it aid at all if I use a medicine check?

Sophie: I was kind of factoring in that you would make a medicine check, but if you want to make a medicine check, that’s fine.

Credence: Well, and like, I mean, they’ve got better rolling for that than just me doing one survival check.

Joe: [ROLLS DICE] I got a 24.

Credence: HOLY SHIT.

Joe: [FUNNY VOICE] I rolled good!

Sophie: I think with a 24, you… Again, with a roll that good, they’re better off in the morning than they were, but again, this is putting a Band-Aid on a pretty big cut in this metaphor.

Joe: Before the long rest, would it be possible that maybe I can make an assessment and see who’s the worst off and use cure wounds?

Sophie: Again, I think with these people, part of the problem is they’re young and old, and that’s not really a condition that you can alleviate.

Joe: Gotcha. Okay.

Credence: It’s exposure, like, there’s no wounds. It’s just…

Sophie: Yeah, exactly. Mmkay, actually, so… You’ve got about 30 of the villagers go on, and about 10 of them stay with you, including Kenway. And… [HUMS TO SELF IN THOUGHT] Yeah! So now you all are taking a long rest; you regain any spell slots you spent, everybody’s up to full health, and we are gonna take some time to have some conversations. Is there any conversation that y’all wanna have with each other, or…? If you say no, that’s fine, I’m not expecting you to say certain things or whatever, it’s just that this is an opportunity to get to know each other if that’s what you think your characters would attempt to do.

Mara: I think Ellywick probably wants to try and figure out Lazza, at least a little bit, ‘cause like...it doesn’t really make sense, you know?

Ellywick: So, not to be rude here, but um...you seemed like you were pretty good buddies with those orcs back at the keep, there… Why are you running away?

Credence: So I’m picturing them, they’re kinda sitting around the fire, and Lazza was maybe kinda sitting off by herself before Ellywick came to join her.

Mara: Probably, yeah.

Credence: And she’s got the stones that were in her little pouch, she’s got them out in her hand now and is rubbing them together.

Lazza: Look, the point is, I got you out of that mess. What more is there to it?

Ellywick: Well, I’m a sucker for a good story, and that seems like a pretty interesting story. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine, but...I dunno, we’re sitting here, so you might as well tell me.

Mara: Should I roll, like, a persuasion or something?

Sophie: Ah, if Credence thinks you need to.

Credence: Uh… You know what? Yeah, I think you do.

[LAUGHTER]

Mara: Oh no, you’re gonna let the bard roll persuasion.

Credence: Well, what am I— Would this be a contest, DM, against my…?

Sophie: Yeah… We’ll say it’s a persuasion versus a wisdom check. Not a saving throw, just a check.

Credence: Okay.

Mara: [ROLLS DICE, PAUSES, BURSTS INTO RAUCOUS LAUGHTER]

Joe: Ooohh…

Credence: Oh no. What?

Mara: Nat 20, so…

Credence: Yeah, that’s not going anywhere!

Mara: 25 when you add in my modifier, so…

Credence: Yeah, no, no. I get it.

Lazza: Well, I was born in a cabin, and…

[EVERYONE BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

Credence: No, no.

Joe: Entirety of my life story.

Mara: Right?

Lazza: Well, I’m glad you asked. So…

Mara: Breaks out into a big musical number. Ellywick’s, like, entranced.

Credence: [SINGING A TUNE] No. I think Lazza just is staring into her hand for a second.

Lazza: Look, I know it’s easy to think that all orcs just act like that, but I just… I couldn’t do it anymore.

Ellywick: Well, why’d you do it in the first place?

Lazza: I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Ellywick: I can understand that. Well, uh… I’m glad you made the right choice, Lazza.

Lazza: Yeah. Well, we’ll see. We might get killed in a lot worse ways. I think… I think I’m glad I made the choice, too.

Mara: I think Ellywick kinda takes out their sword and leans on it, and is like, “Well, I’ve got this bad boy over here, so, ah…” [CLICKS TONGUE RHYTHMICALLY]

Lazza: Yeah, you also have the ability to make somebody fall over in hysterical laughter, which, by the way, that was fucking terrifying! And I think I should let you know, I don’t really trust you! So…!

Ellywick: [NONCHALANTLY] Eh, don’t worry about it! I won’t use it on you unless you piss me off!

Mara: And they kinda grin up at you.

Sophie: I don’t think Lazza’s comforted by that…

[LAUGHTER]

Mara: Probably not!

Credence: Lazza just kind of closes her fist around those stones and puts it back into the little po— the little satchel, and, like, very, very intentionally walks across to the other side of the fire…

Mara: I think…

Credence: ...and lies down very far away.

Mara: I think Ellywick knows about the “gnomes will steal your teeth in your sleep” or the “gnomes will steal your teeth” superstition, and they kinda call after Lazza—

Ellywick: Be sure to watch your teeth tonight!

Mara: And they don’t mean it at all, they’re just fuckin’ with Lazza at this point. Just a little mischievous shit.

Sophie: Just an awful person.

Joe: Christ…

Credence: Lazza, like, doesn’t say anything, but she...purposefully pulls her axe closer to her, like she’s holding it like a stuffed animal…

[ERUPTION OF LAUGHTER]

Mara: Great. Yes. Good.

Joe: I sorta think that, like, if this were a video game, a little thing would pop up in one of the upper corners saying, like, “Lazza will remember that.”

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: Lazza will not forget that. Um, thank you, that was a wonderful interaction.

Mara: Oh, yeah, yeah. [GIGGLING]

Credence: I don’t know, is there anything… I think… It’s not because I don’t want our characters to get to know each other, it’s just like, Lazza’s not...particularly, after having just done this escape thing, and like, now being responsible for her ex-captives’ safety, I think she’s just kind of… She’s not in a sharing mood.

Joe: Right. I think for their part, Defiance is...pretty busy with trying to tend to all of the people. It’s not so much that they’re ignoring anybody, they’re kind of making themselves busy.

Mara: I, um… I think Ellywick can kinda tell that — and after that conversation with Lazza — I think they can kinda tell that, like, Defiance is obviously busy and doesn’t wanna talk, and Lazza really doesn’t wanna talk, and Ellywick’s okay with that. But I think they kinda just take out their pan flute that they were able to conceal on them, and they sigh sadly, and they go…

Ellywick: Well, it’s not Tania’s lute, but I’ll go back for that someday.

Mara: And they kinda glance off into the distance and they have this little murderous glint in their eye because it’s their goddamn favorite lute. But they take out their pan flute and just start playing some songs.

Sophie: Yeah! Um, before you start playing, you hear a voice from behind you meekly say…

Kenway: What’s a lute?

Ellywick: You don’t know what a lute is?

Kenway: No. I’ve never seen one before.

Ellywick: It’s a, uh…

Credence: Who’s talking?! I’m sorry.

Sophie: Kenway.

Credence: Okay.

Mara: I think Ellywick… I have to stop saying “I think” before every goddamn sentence! Ellywick takes out a stick and kinda draws in the dirt the outline of a lute and then the strings and everything and goes…

Ellywick: It’s a musical instrument, and this one was pretty special. It was given to me by a fae queen who I spent some time with.

Sophie: Yeah, I think Kenway kinda sits down next to you, and says…

Kenway: Well, I know what it’s like to have things you don’t want to lose.

Ellywick: Oh yeah? Why’s that?

Kenway: Well, I… I’m not an adventurer, and I’m just a kid, but you’re a bard, and your lute helps you do magic and stuff like that and it protects you, and you protect it. And I’ve got something similar.

Ellywick: What is it?

Sophie: He kinda looks around and then, kinda satisfied that no one else is really paying attention or around, he pulls out this large gold coin that doesn’t really have the mark of any currency you’ve ever seen on it; it’s not just a gold piece, it’s...akin to how you might look at a silver dollar now, where...you could probably get something for that, but nobody really uses it as money.

Mara: Mm.

Sophie: You know what I mean? And he says…

Kenway: Well, this was my dad’s, and he gave it to me before he died. He told me that as long as I have it, it would keep me safe. And things haven’t been perfect, but...when I look at what’s happened here, I have to believe that this thing is keeping me safe and got me rescued and got y’all not to leave me behind.

Mara: Ellywick kinda smiles and puts their arm around Kenway’s shoulders and is like…

Ellywick: Well, I’m glad you have that coin there.

Sophie: So I think Lazza actually sleeps uneasy, just because she was hoping to have some sort of contact with her ancestors by having this big, important thing.

Credence: Right. Also I think we’re taking turns doing the watch and stuff.

Sophie: Yeah, yeah. And as Ellywick is by the fire, gently playing the pan flute, Lazza kind of drifts off to sleep, and…

Mara: Joke’s on her, Ellywick’s bewitching them! No. [GIGGLES]

Sophie: So as Ellywick is playing the lute—

Mara: [FAKE-ANGRILY] PAN FLUTE.

Sophie: Pan flute, pardon me…

Mara: They don’t HAVE their lute!

Sophie: No they don’t.

Mara: Wonder who did that.

Sophie: Yeah, well… Probably God. So, Ellywick is playing their pan flute and Lazza is drifting off to sleep, and actually, in your restless dreams that night, Lazza, you hear the pan flute in your dreams, which is probably unsettling. But actually, at one point, and I think probably Lazza doesn’t know her musical instruments very well, but at some point, it changes.

[GENTLE HARP MUSIC]

Sophie: Instead of the light, airy sound of a pan flute, it turns into this beautiful, melodic strumming noise, and it sounds like strings being plucked. And it’s harp music. And the dream suddenly becomes very vivid. You don’t really see much of anything, it’s mostly colors and shapes and feelings, and you hear this harp music, and in the midst of this vision, you hear voices whispering… This cacophony of different voices, which, normally, I think when you hear your ancestors, it’s maybe two or three voices intermixed, very few, but this is all your ancestors are all reaching out to you at once with one phrase, three words.

“Trust the harper.”

“Trust the harper.”

“Trust the harper.”

“Trust the harper.”

Credence: This is really cool…!

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: But wouldn’t it be “harpist”…?

Sophie: Nope.

Credence: Okay.

Sophie: “Trust the harper.” The voices swell a little bit, and maybe you hear one voice in particular that’s like, [VICIOUSLY] “Trust the harper!” And you wake up with a start.

Lazza: Ah!

Sophie: And Ellywick is still playing the pan flute, and I think…

Mara: I think they kind of look over, though, like…

Sophie: Yeah, like, Ellywick stopped playing the pan flute and is like, “You okay?”

[LAUGHTER]

Lazza: What the hell is a “harper”?!

Ellywick: You know, I’m not too familiar with harps. That’s not my bag. But I think a harper is someone who makes the harps.

Lazza: [GROGGILY] Okay… I’m gonna go scout for a little bit.

Credence: I think Lazza wants to get away from this music as quickly as she can, ‘cause she’s a little disconcerted that something that felt like it was involving her ancestors got mixed up in the music of a bard. ‘Cause now she’s not sure if she was bewitched or not, I guess.

Sophie: Okay! Sure.

Ellywick: Have a good patrol!

Lazza: [GRUNTS]

[LAUGHTER]

[OUTRO — THEME MUSIC]

#DnD #dnd 5e