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dolugecat · 3 years

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On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my post #mp100 headcanons #welcome to my hc #asd #autism #actually autistic #kageyama shigeo #mob #mp100 meta #Japanese society #japanese culture #meta #mp100 analysis

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rhysismydaddy · 3 years

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Unholy Matrimony Pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nesta’s part of the Damnation Series.

OOF this took so long sorry. I rewrote it, changed it, then deleted it entirely about 9 times. I literally started writing the version before you, from scratch, on Sunday. All parts are linked below, so I’m only tagging people on this version! To go to the next chapter, there is also a link at the bottom <3

ALSO, an important caviat: Nesta is an only child in this one! I originally wrote it for her to be adopted and not know it, but it wasn’t really relevant to the story, so... idk. Just ignore that plot hole I guess.

Parts 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 -- pls like each part I’m insecure

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~Cassian~

“You’re getting married.”

The glass of bourbon halfway to my mouth pauses, because despite being known for being rash and unpredictable, even I’m surprised by the sudden change in conversation.

My eyebrows raise as I look over at Rhysand, my best friend and Capo, trying to figure out if this bastard is serious. His tone says he is, but that doesn’t make sense, because before a few seconds ago, the word “marriage” was in neither of our vocabularies.

He’s been single for as long as I have, although I’m starting to suspect he’s got a bird in the city. He’s too damn happy these days, and the other day I saw him laugh at something on his phone.

Which is weird, because we both know long-term commitments don’t really do well with our lifestyle.

We were raised to not give a shit about anything except the job. We kill without remorse, live in the shadows, and whatever other shitty euphemism you want to use. Settling down in some suburban, picket-fence prison has absolutely no appeal to Made Men.

Don’t get me wrong, most of us get married at some point. But never for love.

Some men choose a bride that’s pretty and sweet. Someone who will donate to charity and help clean up their image. Governors’ daughters, women from old-money families, and social princesses make up this category.

Some men marry to advance their station in the Family. Second sons who will never inherit the business marry daughters of Underbosses to get a nice boost to their status.

And then there’s the ones who are forced to marry by their capo--ie. me-- so they choose whatever attractive woman that’s in the Family and available. Those are always the happiest.

But regardless of the reasoning, marriage in the mafia is heartless, political, and for me, unnecessary.

I know I’ll have to pick someone eventually, but there aren’t a whole lot of desirable options at the moment. Not many of the other Underbosses have daughters that are over the age of fifteen right now, and I have no interest in doing the child-bride thing.

Plus, there’s no way I’d marry someone outside of the family. At my rank, it isn’t an option.

That leaves... a widow?

The only one I know is Ianthe, and considering I highly suspect she killed her last husband and the fact that she’s crazy, there’s no way in hell I’d legally bind myself to her for life.

So he must be joking.

I take a pull from my cigar and look over at Rhys with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. To who, exactly?”

“Volchonok.”

The Wolf Cub.

The cigar snaps in my fingers.

“You’re fucking kidding,” I say, honestly hoping that’s the case. He’s either that or insane, and I’d hate to lock someone who’s like a brother to me in a padded room.

Rhysand’s unflinching gaze doesn’t change, but his tone morphs from that of my friend to my boss. “You will marry her, Cassian.”

“She’s a fucking Russian,” I spit, not understanding. That should be reason enough for him to be joking.

In our world, being Russian is a crime similar to stabbing the Pope.

We’ve been at war over New York with them ever since they decided to try and get a stronghold on the east coast, and I’ve killed more of them than I can fucking count. Now I’m marrying one?

“Yes, she is, and so is her father, Alexei Olov.” Aka the Bratva Boss responsible for blowing up half of St. Petersburg last year when the local police refused to buy his weapons. “You will marry her, move to New York full time, and run the city with her by your side.”

“Why? Two or three more years, and we’ll have the city anyway.” Every day the Russians get weaker, and I’ve been responsible for pushing them out of my city block by block.

So there has to be a reason we’re suddenly okay with the enemy.

Rhysand sighs. “It was his idea, not mine. Orlov has agreed to sell our coke in Moscow and Seattle instead of his usual dealer and will supply us all the weapons we need for five years. There will also be no more midnight raids, bullshit arrests on bullshit charges, or missing shipments. He’s offering you a dowry, too.”

I don’t need his money, but the old fashioned term makes me laugh.

“Yeah? And how much does he think his wolf cub is worth?”

His lips twitch. “Ten million.”

“She must be a real pain in the ass, then, if he’s going to pay me that much to take her,” I chuckle.

Not that ten million dollars is anything but pocket change for the man. Orlov may be losing the fight in New York, but the bastard is richer than sin.

Selling arms to half of the entire world will do that to a person.

“I hear she’s beautiful,” he says, trying to tempt me to not fight him.

“Then you marry her,” I shoot back, not ready to give up the argument.

“I don’t feel like it.” Fucking typical. Rhysand sighs. “You and I both know we can work this deal to our advantage, so what will make you say yes?”

He could order to me to say yes and I’d have to, but he hates enforcing that kind of authority with me.

So I think it over, make a show of lighting a new cigar. “I want Sera.”

It’s a burlesque club in New York I’ve always been a little envious of, owned by Orlov and operated by his men. I’d tried to buy it a few years back but hadn’t had enough leverage on the Russian to strongarm him into selling.

Now I do.

Rhysand--the only one who knows about my failed attempt to buy the place--nods and tells me he’ll make it happen.

“When’s all this happening, anyway?”

He looks like he might laugh. “Wedding is in a month, but she’s flying in tomorrow night.”

A quick laugh forces its way out of me. Also typical of him to give me absolutely no time to change my mind.

Well, I have a month. That’s already longer than any relationship I’ve ever had.

Sighing, I stand and shake his hand, cementing the deal before I can even lament the loss of my bachelorhood.

~Nesta~

“Chto sluchilos?”

I slide my gaze to my father, because seriously, that’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard.

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Everything.

“Nichego,” I lie, assuring him for what feels like the tenth time as I look out the window. The plane picks up speed and lifts off, taking me towards an uncertain future, an uncertain place.

I might have told him nothing’s wrong, but inside, I’m screaming.

Three days ago, I woke up to find a marriage contract on the pillow beside me. There was a blank space where my name had been typed and a pen waiting for me to remedy that.

I still haven’t.

I’m not signing anything until I meet this... Cassian.

God, what an Italian name.

An image springs to mind, one of a slumped-over, hairy-chest beast with slicked back hair and a gold chain.

I know it’s stereotypical and hopefully incorrect, but I’ve never been to Italy and Alexei strictly forbids me watching movies that portray Italians as anything except revolting.

But looks aside, there’s one thing I don’t need to guess to know.

My future husband will be like all the other men in my life: controlling.

Men in the world I live in take what they want, don’t ask for permission, and feel like they’re entitled to anything and everything. I’ve dealt with it my entire life, so it’s more amusing than anything at this point.

I guess I’m a bit non-traditional in that sense, considering most of the women around me have no problems taking orders from their fathers or husbands. But Alexei and I figured out pretty early in life that wasn’t going to work for me.

As he frequently likes to tell me, I started telling him to fuck off when I was five.

What did he expect? All the kids I hung out with were the opposite sex and at least five years older than me, so my vocabulary and mannerisms became pretty... colorful early on.

Regardless, I’m just not looking forward to having to deal with yet another man who thinks he can control me.

“Ty vresh',” Alexei accuses, lips twitching. You’re lying.

“Konechno.” Of course.

Of course I’m upset, but I understand what’s happening. I might have found out about it three days ago, but I’ve known it was coming for far longer.

As the only child of the great Alexei Orlov, Wolf of Moscow and Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, I’ve been told my entire life that I will one day be used as a pawn to gain more power.

It would--should--piss me off, but I’ve also been told I’m to one day take my father’s place and run his company.

So by gaining more power for him, I’m also doing the same for myself.

Not that I really give a shit about that kind of thing. I started officially working for Alexei years ago, and I already have enough money saved to never have to work again.

But in the Bratva, there’s no getting out. I was put in this world by birth, and the only thing that will take me out is death.

In case it isn’t obvious, I’m not a typical business woman.

My father is an arms-dealer.

A less than legal one, if you believe the heinous lies the media spreads about him.

He sells weapons to governments, private armies, and whoever the fuck else has the money to buy.

He’s also built himself a shipping empire to haul said weapons around the globe, runs the drugs and prostitute rings in Moscow, and has enough real estate to rival most small countries.

It probably sounds like I don’t care, and that’s because I don’t.

I like what I do in the sense that I have a mind for business. I went to business school and graduated at the top of my class, and I enjoy running the clubs and hotels I have. Trained by Alexei himself, I’m ruthless in negotiations, enough so that people started calling me the Wolf Cub by the time I was twenty.

But despite being good at it, I’m not particularly fond of the aspect most people think of when they picture my career in the Bratva. I detest drugs, have never hired a prostitute, and don’t really enjoy selling arms to bad people.

The alleyway meetups, the broken bones and bullet holes, and the blown up houses are all a little tiring to me.

Sure, it sounds exciting. And for a while, it was. I used to lose myself in the chaos, used to enjoy coming home with busted knuckles. But I honestly just got tired of it.

Right now, I don’t have to deal with it as much because Alexei’s still alive. But when he dies and I officially take over the family business, I’ll have to be more involved. Even if the thought makes me want to sigh.

I pull out my laptop and look over the financial report for Sera, my newest club in New York. As predicted, everything’s running smoothly.

I turn the laptop around to show my father, grinning when he pulls out his reading glasses and leans closer.

“Starik,” I tease. Old man.

He flicks my forehead, then reads the report and nods. Then he turns to his phone, probably playing Angry Birds or some shit, and leaves me to work.

The plane ride goes by quickly, and by the time we’ve landed in Chicago, I’ve gotten ahead on my schedule for next week, slept, and changed into what I’ve chosen as the “meeting my future husband” dress.

It’s simple and sleek, the black material clinging to my curves without being obscene. It’s long enough to hide the holster on my thigh, not that I feel in any danger with four personal guards stationed near me at all times.

My heels click as I make my way down the plane stairs and across the tarmac to the waiting sedan, and once my luggage and belongings are unloaded, we head to the Italian Capo’s house.

We’re meeting here, finalizing the contract, and then Cassian and I are flying to New York.

My new home.

“Try to look happy,” Alexei tells me, his heavily accented English almost ridiculous to hear. He speaks English only when he’s in the states, and considering he hasn’t come here since I graduated B school two years ago, he’s a little out of practice.

“I’m ecstatic,” I say, intentionally using a word I know he doesn’t understand.

His eyes narrow, because it isn’t the first time I’ve used this trick, but he doesn’t call me out on it. We continue to ride in ecstatic silence, eventually pulling up in front of the Capo’s... house.

It’s almost obscene to call it that, considering it’s fucking huge. Like obnoxiously huge.

I heave a sigh, step out of the car, and take in my surroundings. The neighborhood’s quiet, likely filled with friends of the Cosa Nostra too scared to make any noise.

A butler--seriously, a butler--opens the door and welcomes us inside, and as soon as I step in, I have to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

The amount of dirty money in the air is suffocating. It drips off the vaulted ceilings, down the artwork on the walls, across the marble floors. It’s in the little details of the crystal chandeliers and the mahogany staircase.

Ridiculous.

One look at Alexei’s disgusted face says he’s thinking the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re rich. Grossly so. Alexei could have ten houses just like this, if he wanted them.

But he doesn’t. He owns property all over the world, but most of it is commercial or apartment complexes--property that makes him money, in other words. This, however, is a massive waste of capital.

The butler leads us further through the house and into an office where four men wait.

One is immediately identifiable as their lawyer, his over-priced cologne making me have to resist the urge to sneeze. The humongous man in the corner is hired muscle, if the boxy shape of the guns under his jacket is any indication.

The man behind the desk is obviously in charge, so I’m guessing he’s the Capo. Rhysand or Rhyland or something weird like that. He takes me in silently, bright eyes not seeming to miss any details.

That leaves the man leaning against the desk to be Cassian Azara.

My fiancé.

Our eyes meet, his golden gaze beautiful and wild, and I have to remember to keep my expression bored.

Because the stereotype, the horrible image I’d conjured up in my mind, couldn’t be further from the truth.

For one, he isn’t hunched-over. He stands tall, leaning a hip against his Capo’s desk with obvious confidence. But I see more than just self-assuredness in his eyes. He seems a little too rough around the edges, wild gaze almost like he’s daring someone to swing at him.

If the confidence didn’t already make him attractive, his looks sure as hell get the job done.

His hairs long and dark and curly, half of it pulled up in a rouge manner that clashes with the suit he’s filling. He has a few days’ stubble, too, like standing still long enough to shave just isn’t an option.

His shoulders are impossibly wide, narrowing down to trim hips and legs long enough to make him tower over everyone in the room.

His knuckles are tattooed and split open, and there’s a cut above his eyebrow that tells me I was correct to assume he’s a fighter by nature.

Usually, that would be a deterrent for me, but there’s something about the way he’s dressed in a dark suit jacket and crisp white shirt while also looking so untamed that has me cocking my head to study him some more.

He studies me, too, beautiful eyes taking in the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes offset by pale skin. He looks at the dress like he can see everything underneath, and I have the strangest urge to blush. Jesus, he’s toxic.

He’s attractive, is what I’m getting at.

Which is not what I had planned on, considering I’d been trying to think of a plan on how to not sleep with him, but suddenly that’s all my mind can focus on.

His lips twitch like he knows what I’m thinking, and I realize we’ve just been standing here staring at each other for a bit too long.

So I turn back to Alexei and shrug like I’ve seen what my future husband has to offer and aren’t impressed in the slightest.

I toss the marriage contract on the desk, grab the Capo’s fancy little fountain pen out of his hand, and sign my name on the blank above my name.

Cassian watches, but I ignore him entirely until the ink has dried. Then I look up at him through my lashes and wink, turn on my heel, and leave the room.

~Cassian~

I think I’m in love.

Fuck.

She hasn’t said a single goddamn word, but the way she looked at me has me feeling itchy all over, anticipation and nerves rolling through me. I feel like I feel before I fight or something exciting happens.

Like I’m primed and ready and need it to happen now.

Nesta Orlov, my bride to be, is nothing like I expected.

I was fully braced for some meek little woman, similar to most of my friends’ wives, to come in and smile and say hello.

But nope. Nesta didn’t smile; she came in like she was walking onto a battlefield.

And she didn’t smile. She looked me over, clinical blue gaze noticing too much, and left me feeling winded. God, she’s beautiful. Just looking at her made me hot.

She also didn’t say hello.

Just signed the contract and left, like this was nothing more to her than a boring business deal. I mean, that’s what it is, but... I don’t know, I expected more of a reaction.

I’ve heard from some Underbosses that their wives cried or raged when they were forced to sign, but shit if that were the case with Nesta. She honest to God looked like she didn’t care.

Alexei, on the other hand, does look a little pissed about the situation, but I couldn’t care less of the old man’s opinion. He’s signed the contract, so to me, he’s irrelevant. Regardless, he and Rhys proceed to iron out some of the details about the wedding and other shit I’m not paying attention to.

Then they shake hands, and the Russian warlord turns to leave.

He reaches the door and looks over his shoulder at me, and there’s amusement in his cold gaze as he mutters, “Udachi.” Good luck.

As soon as he’s gone, Roman and the lawyer follow, leaving me alone with Rhys.

He slides the contract to me, and I sign my name next to hers, making this shit official.

“This should be interesting,” he comments, vague as usual.

I sigh, because I have a feeling interesting isn’t going to cover it.

_____________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @elorcan-trash @januarystears @emikadreams @sjm-things @santas-dwynwen @thebitchupstairs @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @masstrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #acosf countdown #acosf #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acosf fanfiction #a court of mist and fury

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nakey-cats-take-bathsss · 3 years

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Tag Game! Tagged by one of my faves, the ever lovely @stealing-jasons-job

1. Why did you choose your url?

My username is so weird lol I get asked this all the time and I wish I had a better answer but I literally just love videos of those hairless cats taking baths. I also think the word nakey is really funny which pretty much tells you everything you need to know about me. I didn't plan on posting fic when I came up with this name and now I'm too attached to it to change it to something practical or more poetic.

2. Any side blogs?

None currently but there are some old ones lingering around...

Somewhere out in the universe is a hipster blog filled with poetry and short stories about boys who didn't like me back in high school but it is long lost and I have no idea what it is called. It is probably a repurposed to scam people into clicking RayBand Sunglasses links by now. There's also a really really old Dramione fic blog running around somewhere that I used when I wrote in the Harry Potter fandom.

No need to talk about my "fitness" blog that was basically thinly veiled orthorexia

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I think since just before the height of the popularity so like 2010? I fell out of it with everyone else and was really pleasantly surprised to find that people are still hanging around here when I came back two years ago haha

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No. I'm highly impulsive and a terrible planner. If you see posts on here, I am here haha I don't have that kind of foresight.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Honestly I have no idea, I was having a tough time and wanted to write and the rest of this has just been a really happy accident.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's real cute isn't it?! It's so hard to find aesthetic faceless pics with brown skin so I had to take the opportunity. It's just so vibey, isn't it?

7. Why did you choose your header?

Yellow is such a joyful color!

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I'm not very tech savvy I have no clue how to figure this out? It's probably a moodboard of some kind! I'm not big on text posts haha

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I have literally no clue. But I have made sooooo many truly incredible friends on here. I'm infinitely grateful for all of them. Y'all have become such a genuine source of joy and support in my life, I truly cannot express how much you mean to me.

10. How many followers do you have?

982 and I suspect a significant percent of those are porn link accounts and spam because at least one of those follows me a day. Idk what the point of follower counts on here is, but I love all of you, even the Pornbots. This account is also super old so some of them might be dead blogs too.

11. How many people do you follow?

589

and none of you are pornbots and I love y'all even more.

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I've made crackposts?

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

I notoriously hate my phone and I have this app that lets you grow a tree if you don't use your screen. It's very cute, I grew 5 peach trees today. But long story short, it's not super often, maybe once a day. I try to check notifications every day though because I do absolutely love interacting with y'all.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Hahahah I wish I was bold enough to do this because I've been tempted to do it more times than I can count but conflict makes me squirm and also cry. I do get intensely annoyed when I see tone-deaf discourse about mixed race people though so I'll always go to bat for that one.

I did lose my shit one time and tagged something as "nakeycats has fucking snapped" which haunts me in my tags to this day and makes me laugh now.

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

I get it. I mean, I'm not one to tell people what to do and I don't always love the tone it takes on but the general sentiment of it isn't unfounded. There has been a general shift away from reblogging even though it's the only way content gets traction on this site. From a content creation standpoint it's disheartening to put work out there and know that nobody is seeing it. So much love and work goes into writing and it really does suck sometimes. That said, people are going to do what they're going to do, it's not going to stop me from putting work out there.

16. Do you like tag games?

I adore tag games! I love everything about them! Every time I get tagged in one it's like "me? really?" and then I consider us to be besties haha.

17. Do you like ask games?

I really like them and I used to love doing them when we did BWC! Some of the games get hard to keep track of now but this was such a good way to meet people and I'm grateful for it. That said, I LOVE ASKS. If you ever need to vent or rant or tell a joke or chat or practice your emoji usage HMU I'm always down.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Is Tumblr famous still a thing? I would probably just tag my friends in this since they're all famous to me and I'm convinced a lot of them will be famous one day for writing or creating in some way ( @stealing-jasons-job and @queenemori specific point to you in particular)

I will give a special shout-out to @burninghoneyatdusk because I was a massive fan of her writing and then we became mutuals and I was like "omg!! the author of this fic love! A star is following me back!" haha so that was a fun moment when I was first dipping my toes in the fandom and it did feel like someone famous followed me. Also she is rad and very humble considering how talented she is.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I can't even bring myself to have a crush on someone in real life.

Plenty of friend crushes though.

20. No-pressure tags:

@elora-lane . @natassakar . @ninappon . @burninghoneyatdusk . @obviesbellarke . @queenemori . @franklyineedcoffee . @carrieeve . @infp-with-all-the-feelings and anyone else who wants to do it

#tag games #personal #nakeycatstakebaths

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sillyguyhotline · 3 years

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sorry if you've already touched on this subject in the past but what's your opinion on the theory that either mai, ranmaru, or hinako could be humans? or maybe all three of them are humans? & who do you think is the person on the bed in miley's room? :0

I’ve been so bad at getting to asks lately, so I’m so sorry for taking so long to get to this, BUT

I’m really fascinated by that theory, honestly! It really makes me wonder about the victim videos, and whether any of them were fabricated or altered in some sort of way. I also have to wonder why, exactly, Ranmaru and Mai’s victim videos were hidden away. I have to assume that Hayasaka’s was hidden away because of his cursing out Sara, and because thus far the game seems pretty strongly geared towards favoring Sara, I doubt they’d want to willingly give up information that casts so much shadow on both Sara’s reputation and the nature of how the Death Game came to existence. However, there has to be a reason why Ranmaru and Mai’s tapes were hidden on the first floor, where nobody was supposed to find them.

I feel like Ranmaru and Mai are both suspicious in their own individual ways; Ranmaru’s victim video is incredibly odd, and Mai’s behavior in 3-1a is also peculiar. I’m obviously not the first to reference this evidence, but Ranmaru doesn’t have any visible damage to his bandages in the victim video, and the video simply ends with a fade to black. He even remarks on how he doesn’t feel any pain at all as he’s “dying,” and we don’t get any context as to how he got into that situation at all. Most of the victim videos give us some sort of context or an opportunity to infer what the fatal blow is, but Ranmaru’s gives us nothing. Even Sara describes his death in the video as being similar to someone falling asleep. The circumstances around his death are incredibly vague, and it’s highly possible he didn’t even die at all.

In regards to Mai, while her victim video isn’t quite as suspicious (we pretty clearly see the bullet going through her head)

Her behavior during 3-1a is still pretty peculiar. For one, her red gloves (which we see Ranger sporting) are missing, and while every other participant got a copy of their clothes back, she didn’t. Furthermore, her skin is warm and soft to the touch, and she even has a few sprites where she’s blushing despite the fact that dolls such as Ranger have been clarified to have no blood. Note also that out of all the dolls, she’s the one who makes numerous comments about what she can no longer do because she isn’t human anymore, as though she needs to constantly reinforce that notion.

This also makes me think back to an idea proposed in the 2-2 main game, when Q-taro was accused of placing the cards and he immediately countered this by responding that the camera footage could have been fabricated. This was later proven to be untrue, as he admitted the footage was real, but I have to wonder if the idea of fabricated footage will come up at some point later on. This may not be related, but Ranmaru’s disk was found in the same room that the Sara and Kanna dolls were; maybe a doll of him was used to create the victim video? Perhaps the computer was used for editing the videos as well? Anything’s a possibility. There’s also the fact that in both Mai and Ranmaru’s videos, they’re staring directly into the camera and addressing it; in the other videos, the victim’s face is either completely obscured or their line of sight isn’t directed toward the camera. (Hayasaka and Anzu are both looking offscreen, Kurumada is looking at the button, Megumi’s face is cast into shadow and everything but Hinako’s legs is offscreen). Could this potentially mean the videos are staged? Who knows.

Also, Hinako is INCREDIBLY suspicious; the black-haired person in the portrait room could be written off as simply her dying her hair at a later point, but that combined with the fact that her face is never shown in her victim video is really odd. Additionally, there’s the fact that in her victim video, the one thing established about her is that she is grateful to be dying and that she’s wanted to die for awhile. Her doll, however, is hell-bent on surviving and is scornful towards anyone who even tries to help out the humans for fear that it will lead to her own death. This could, of course, be attributed to the fact that their personalities are still stuck as they were 3 years ago, but it’s a very odd contrast and it makes me wonder how, exactly, her personality became so exceptionally different. It makes me wonder if Hinako really is a doll, or if perhaps she’s replacing a different person who was supposed to be in the game? I’m not sure.

Also, I really have no ideas as to who’s in the bed. I really want it to be Kai, but awhile ago one of my friends told me that’s probably not likely, so I’ve kinda ruled him out. Therefore, I’d suspect that it’s one of the dolls who might be human? Idk tho.

this was a really long post oh my god but ty for asking

#long post #depressobean rambles #depressobean’s asks #anon #yttd meta #yttd #kimi ga shine #dolls

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inkshifter21 · 3 years

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Happy Pride Month! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎

I decided to do celebrate with some art I created showing my characters’ identities from the Harry Potter fanfic that I’m creating. Alisa is homoromantic, and when trying to find flags for the design, I was very surprised to find out that the flag I used had only been created just a few months ago! In MARCH of 2021!!! It’s pretty crazy (in a good way) how even now, more sexualities/identities are being recognized, and the flags are being updated/created

Link (wont let me paste, sorry if I write it out wrong):

lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/homoromantic

Chloe identifies as biromantic, while Elijah is questioning. Jasper is straight, and is an ally. I incorporated the rainbow colors from the flag created by Gilbert Baker in 2017, with the white and black ally stripes. According to @mythicalpiranha who’s post I saw regarding Gilbert Baker’s passing, the lavender represents diversity. Like them, I also believe that this flag should be known and used more

Link:

gilbertbaker.com/flags

So I identify as homoromantic. Though some people who identify as homoromantic may/may not be sexually attracted to people, for me, I knew for a pretty long time that I identified as asexual, and it took me a while to figure out my sexuality (or I guess romanticism in this case? Idk) I knew my mom and my sister (it’s just the three of us) would support me if I came out to them. We’re not a very religious household, though we are Quakers. I had told my sister, who was also questioning her sexuality, and we talked about it casually. I would have told my mother as well around that time, but because Trump was later elected that year, I didn’t want my mom to have a reason to worry about and/or lecture me about being safe and only tell those who I absolutely trust (understandable), since she has always been a bit overprotective, but not like crazy or anything. And she knew that with Trump in office, I could become more of a target.

It wasn’t until perhaps a month or so after Trump was in office, just before my 16th Birthday, that in Creative studies (theater/art class), us artists and writers were in a group together, discussing our art/writing as we always did each week. One discussed a play they were writing which incorporated bits of their own story of accepting/coming out as bisexual. I was interested in reading and maybe helping out with writing their play, so I asked them, and they were happy for the help. We became friends during our interactions of the script, and I learned a lot while reading it and doing my own research, being pretty new to the LGBT+ community. I read some of it during my free period that day (and also correcting spelling mistakes since they usually wrote it on their phone). Reading what I read that day also encouraged me to come out to my mom. Basically on the same day that I began reading my friend’s script, I came out to my mom. I began the discussing to my mom on the car ride home by first explaining the script that I had just started to read and that I was helping edit it, which allowed me to tell her, so it wasn’t immediate or out of the blue. I came out to her, saying something on the line that I liked girls, but romantically. She knew that I was uninterested in people sexually, but didn’t know the term asexual at that time, so I explained the term to her. My mom of course said that she loved me no matter what, but then began the lecture I excepted about being careful with the time we were in. She also mentioned that it made sense for me to come out about this time, since she knew teens around my age begin to figure themselves out more. My mom admitted that she somehow expected me to come out as transgender, since I was a little bit of a “tomboy.” Probably because I liked sports, but my sister also liked sports and the two of us often played with both girl toys and boy toys (Barbie, playmobile, and some other toys that I don’t remember), though we both identify as cisgender. Back in 2018 when watching Boy Erased, my mom also revealed that she had suspected that I liked girls when I was about 4 or 5 years old, but had kept quiet about it, unsure if she was right, and wanted to ask when I was older, or wait to see if I would come out. Shortly after coming out to her, I had been using the term “asexual lesbian,” but it wasn’t until a little before my 16th birthday that I came across the term homoromantic through a ted talk, and from then on, I used homoromantic to identify myself. This is often a term that I have to explain the defenition of when coming out, though I had only come out to a few people, and the term I don’t think is very well known of. I have first heard of the term homoromantic used in an episode of Everything’s Gonna Be Okay, from the character Drea (great show on Hulu. Highly recommend it!), and this was pretty recent, only a few weeks ago since that episode aired, and this made me like the show even more, since I can relate to Drea! Throughout many films/shows that I have watched showing LGBT representation, I never came across someone who identified as homoromantic on screen before, though I still really like them (Degrassi next Class, One Day at a Time, Love Victor, Special, The Mitchells vs the Machines, etc.) before Everything’s Gonna Be Okay. So yeah, that’s my coming out story.

Thank you so much Mom and sis for supporting me 😊

And thank you lovely people for taking the time to read this

This is weird, don’t know why it thinks I liked my own post

#happy pride 🌈#pride parade #pride month #hphm mc #harry potter #hp fanart #art #hp fandom #fanfic #hp fanfic #artwork #fandom #harry potter fanart #lgbt #lgbt+#lgbtq #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #everything’s gonna be okay

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romanticrising · 4 years

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Thinking of You//JJ Maybank x Reader

Inspired by Katy Perry’s song Thinking of You (highly recommend you listen to that while reading this)

Summary: I’m bad at these but basically the reader was dating JJ before her parents went full Kook and she tries to move on and starts dating this new guy but JJ comes back into her life and smut ensues

Warnings: smut, swearing, mentions of alcohol and drug use, probably some angst in there, cheating, probably something else I’m forgetting

Michael is not a real character, he’s just some guy I made up for the sake of this

This takes place before, during (kinda), and after Season 1 but the plot of the show isn’t super relevant to the plot of this

This is also my first time writing like a whole smut thing so idk if its good or not

Part two is here

I once thought breaking a bone would be the worst feeling ever. I was wrong. The worst feeling was losing JJ.

I got swept up into Kook life like grains of sand in a swell. My life went from surfing and stealing kisses to cocktail parties and Rafe Cameron. Almost immediately after JJ and I called it quits, I got pulled straight into the whirlwind that was Ward’s eldest. He was sweet when he wanted to be, and reckless. He didn’t have the recklessness I loved about JJ, but a more dangerous kind that was intoxicating all the same. Of course, it didn’t help that he was developing a cocaine addiction, but I was drawn to him. Our relationship was flawed; there was no doubt about it. But I let myself believe I had feelings for him. It was either that or let the hole JJ had left consume me.

The first time seeing him after our breakup was at the infamous kegger down at the Boneyard. We locked eyes across the beach after he downed a beer to impress some girl. Just looking into his light blue eyes was enough to stir up memories of our time together.

“Morning, beautiful,” he murmured, his voice drowsy from sleep. I barely stirred from where I was lying with my head on his bare chest, just offered a hum in response. This was my favorite place to be, wrapped up in him, me in nothing but my underwear and his T-shirt, him in nothing but his boxers. My legs were sore from the previous night and I knew I had a ton of hickeys I would have to cover up later.

“What if we took the Pogue out into the marsh today and spent the day there, just you and me?” He was trying to wake me up now, tracing patterns on my lower back under his shirt.

I grumbled in protest but pulled myself off of him. I blinked a couple times to get used to the sunlight that was quickly filling my room. JJ always looked good, but seeing him sprawled across my sheets, cheeky grin playing at the corners of his mouth made me think, Holy fuck, I love this boy.

“Okay,” I said, swinging one leg over his lap and straddling him. I brushed my hair to one side and leaned down to catch his lips with mine, loving the way he ran his hands up my bare thighs. “Or, we could just stay here…” I pressed kisses along his shoulders and up his neck, slowly rolling my hips down onto his. He growled low in his throat and rolled me over, pinning me to my bed.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, baby,” he said between kisses.

I curled my fingers through his blonde hair. “Prove it.”

The next time I saw him was at Midsummers, and the sight of him in any kind of uniform was enough to make me choke on my champagne. He always did look hot in a collared shirt. I watched him run into the coat room, and I watched the security guard carry him out moments later. I watched him disturb the stuffy atmosphere of the party and run off with Kiara and Pope. I wished so much that I could’ve gone with him, but he made it very clear he didn’t want anything to do with me when I went “full Kook,” and besides, my place was here now. With Rafe.

But Rafe broke up with me after he realized I was still in love with JJ. Of course, he didn’t know it was JJ; no one did. We kept our relationship secret, which was another reason why I couldn’t vent about losing him to my new Kook friends. I couldn’t even vent about him to Kie, not that she would want to talk to me. It wasn’t my fault my parents had chosen to abandon the Cut after they went full Kook and dragged me along with them.

So I found an outlet in the only place that had ever calmed me down before: the ocean. I went night surfing whenever I could, and slept on the beach when I was too tired to make my way home. Sometimes I would run into couples sneaking around at night or drunk teenagers around a bonfire, but they never bothered me. I stayed out of their way, they stayed out of mine.

One night as I walked up the beach with my surfboard, I noticed a dark shape watching me. It creeped me out until I realized that it was just some guy probably trying to sober up. Except, then he called my name.

We sat side by side in silence for a while, listening to the water. It was easier when I couldn’t see him. Easier when I didn’t have a constant reminder of what I was missing. When it became too much, we spoke at the same time. That was us alright: so in sync we spoke simultaneously.

“Look, I’m sorry I—”

“JJ, I—” We laughed for a moment, and then we realized we weren’t what we used to be.

“You go first,” he said.

“I, uh, thanks.” I paused. What I was about to say was going to break my heart, but I had to let him go. If he wanted me back, he would’ve said something by now. “I just wanted to say I think you were right to call it off.”

Silence. Then, “Yeah.”

I turned to him. “What were you going to say?”

“It doesn’t matter. Have a nice night.” He stood up, brushing the sand off his shorts. I wanted to call out to him as he made his way up the beach, but I didn’t. Better to let it lie. We were over, for good.

A couple months went by, disrupted only by the scandal of John B and Sarah getting lost in the hurricane after he supposedly shot Sheriff Peterkin. I head rumors that it was Rafe who’d killed her, but I tried to stay out of it. I was busy making a fresh start with a new guy, a Kook named Michael. He was clean cut: a golfer who took me out to dinner on the weekends and touched me like I was a fragile sculpture, nothing like the way JJ used to make me feel. He was safe, good for me. My parents liked him. He never drank too much or smoked. He opened the door for me, and called me every night. We slept together, maybe once or twice, but every time afterwards I couldn’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like if it had been JJ instead. I knew it was wrong, but when I kissed him I pretended I was kissing JJ. It seemed that the more I tried to get him out of my head, the more I fell in love with him.

A couple weeks into dating Michael, I went night surfing again, just for the hell of it. At one point I got tired of surfing and left my board on the beach so I could just swim. I pretended the salt water was washing away my feelings for JJ and the heartbreak that was still all-consuming. That was the kind of relationship we had: all-consuming, intoxicating. Every moment I was with him felt like its own little vacuum of space that was just us. He introduced me to his friends, not as a girlfriend, but as a friend. We didn’t tell anyone about us, because we didn’t want to give up our secret rendezvous. I bet the rest of the Pogues suspected, but they never said anything.

We fought like a married couple, and made love like every time was our last time. I helped him take care of the injuries he got from his father. We spent almost every night together, laughing, drinking, getting high off his weed and each other. He felt it too, the magnetic pull that never kept us apart for long. Maybe we were soulmates, if you believed in that kind of thing.

The first time we said “I love you” was also our last time, although we didn’t know it. We were sitting on the roof of a new Kook house that was under construction, looking at the sky. I was wearing his shirt, the one he gave me so I could be with him even when he wasn’t there, and we were talking about what it would be like if we found the gold. We didn’t have fully formed plans, really. We were just speculating on what seemed like an impossibility, but one just within our grasp. And then he said it. He looked at me, kissed me softly, and whispered, “I love you.”

I repeated it back to him, and we spent the rest of that night whispering it back and forth, so excited by the prospect that we had found someone who loved us as much as we loved them.

The next morning, I found all my stuff packed up in boxes and a moving truck my parents told me was bound for our new home in Figure 8. They had wanted to surprise me with our new Kook-dom, assuming I would be happy to be moving out of the Cut. But leaving the Cut meant leaving JJ and the other Pogues, and the life I’d grown up in.

After we moved, they spent the next few days talking shit about all the people we’d grown up with, making it known to the south-siders that we were Kooks now, and making it known to the Kooks that we were one of them. All the other Pogues seemed to want to drop me after that, but JJ and I met up every night, until one night my mom caught us. It wasn’t me she was mad at; it was JJ. She called him things I’d never heard my mother say before, telling him he was trash and I deserved someone who could give me everything I wanted in life. It must’ve really struck a chord with him, because when I went to apologize on her behalf the next morning, he was lying next to some tourist he’d picked up for a one night stand.

That was when we broke up. He said my mom was right, that I deserved better. I told him I didn’t care, because he was the one I wanted. In the end, it didn’t matter what either of us said; whatever we had was done.

The memories still hurt me, but as each wave crashed over me, I let each one go. When I finally walked out of the water, the sky was starting to turn pink. I had a moment of déjà vu when I saw someone sitting beside my surfboard. I knew it was him, and that made me angry. I had just worked so hard to get over him and I was finally starting to move on.

I tried to ignore him, but in the end we had to talk. Maybe closure was what we both needed, more than getting back together. So I sat next to him, just like I had the last time.

“I was wrong,” he said. Hearing those words come out of his mouth startled me. He continued, “I haven’t thought about anything but you since we… And now that John B is gone, dead or missing, I don’t know, I really need someone— you. I need you.”

That was exactly I wanted to hear. So why wasn’t I happy to hear it?

“I miss you too, JJ. But these last few months… I met someone. He’s good for me. I don’t know if I love him, but I think I could.”

JJ nodded, running a hand through his hair. “So you just go off with your new Kook boyfriend and leave the Pogues behind, right?” He got up to leave. I stood up too, and grabbed his wrist.

“JJ, that’s not what I meant. I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.” He froze.

“You said love.” He turned to face me, running his hand up my arm. Goosebumps erupted all of my skin. All this time apart and he still had this effect on me.

“Yeah, so?” I didn’t quite understand what had caught his attention.

“Love, as in present tense. Love as in you love me, as in you’re still in love with me.” I always loved how his demeanor could change from sulky to euphoric in a matter of seconds.

“What does it matter what I said? I’m with Michael now.” There were two ways this could go, and I wasn’t sure which I preferred.

“Yeah, and you sounds so happy about that.” He brushed a strand of hair away from my face, drawing me closer. He still smelled the same: sea salt and rain, and vape smoke. I ran my hands up his bare chest, barely conscious of what I was doing. Some part of me knew this was wrong, but all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears.

“JJ, we—” I never finished the thought because then his lips were on mine and it was like our first kiss all over again. It was hot and passionate and needy, and his hands were everywhere. I wanted to touch him too, to memorize any new marks on his skin that hadn’t been there last time. At some point we fell back to the sand but all I could feel were his lips and his hands. He moved from my mouth to my neck, kissing me along my collarbone and nipping at the skin there while his hands untied the back of my bathing suit. He lifted the fabric over my head and his hands were at my breasts, rolling my nipples between his fingers as I arched into him and grabbed at his hair, his shoulders, anything to leave my mark on him like he was doing to me.

And then I was straddling him, feeling his erection poking into my leg as I grinded my hips down onto his. He let out a soft moan of my name, pulling me even closer so we were chest to chest. His skin was warm, mine still wet from the ocean. I caught his lips with mine, kissing him like it would bring him back and make everything else go away. The desire that was clouding my mind subsided for a moment when he rubbed my core through my bikini bottoms and I realized what I was doing. I pulled away.

“JJ, we can’t do this. I have a boyfriend.” He moved his fingers away and my body protested at the loss of contact.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” That was all I needed to hear. Seeing his lips swollen and his eyes dark with lust pushed all thoughts of my Kook boyfriend from my head. So I kissed him again and moaned softly against his lips as I felt him push the fabric of my bathing suit aside and slip his finger into me. He pumped his finger in and out for a moment before adding another one and curling them against my walls. I dug my nails into his shoulders before reaching for his shorts. He chuckled and stopped fingering me while I struggled with the button on his shorts. He helped me undo them and leaned back while I reached into his boxers and slowly ran my hand down his length. He sighed, biting his lip softly and closing his eyes.

My core was aching from the loss of contact and all I wanted was him inside me, so I pulled his boxers down, freeing his erection. I moved my bathing suit to the side and I pumped him a few times with my hand before lining him up at my entrance and sinking down onto him. He moaned in surprise and his eyes flew open. I took a few moments to adjust to his size before rocking my hips against him. He sat up, pushing himself further into me and helped me slide up and down on him. I moaned as he hit a spot deep inside of me that I’d only ever felt him reach.

“God, I missed this. You’re so wet for me,” he sighed into my ear, bucking his hips into me. We found our rhythm, deep and passionate, exploring each other like we had the first time. He talked softly into my ear, telling me how much he loved me, how good I felt, how much he missed me.

He sped up his thrusts and I moaned his name loudly, thankful that no one was on the beach in the early hours of the morning. I bounced up and down on him, pulling his hair and tugging his bottom lip with my teeth. I felt my stomach clench and before I knew it, I came around him, cursing and moaning his name. He came soon after, helping me ride out my high before I pulled myself off of him and fixed my bathing suit. He looked at me, grinning lopsidedly.

“Thank you. For that and for everything.” I said, grabbing my stuff and blowing him a kiss goodbye.

“Wait you’re just going to leave?” He protested, fixing his shorts and boxers as well and slipping on sand as he ran after me. He grabbed my hand and I set my surfboard on the ground, letting him pull me into him.

“JJ, I have to go. My parents will be super mad if they figure out I’m gone.”

“Baby, please. Dump your tool of a boyfriend. I’m here, and I love you. I’m sorry I let you go.”

“I love you too, but this shouldn’t have happened. I have a boyfriend and as much as I love you, I’m with him right now. Maybe someday.” I kissed him softly, then picked up my board, and headed up the beach, leaving him alone as the sun came up.

#outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #obx #obx fanfiction #jj maybank fanfiction #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank x reader smut

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endearingsalt · 3 years

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I’m rewatching Journey to Babel and I have a *lot* of feelings

and i also have pumpkin liqueur with ice cream and you should too

i have BIG feelings about the very first shot of sarek being one where spock and bones are in the foreground as spock tries to teach bones the ta’al and the two are doing their banter as normal. like sarek boards the enterprise probably knowing spock would be there, and there’s huge fanfare, all eyes on him, except for one person, and that person is his son, who’s too busy talking to his friend to fuckn bother looking up for him

what kind of an asshole do you have to be to not return the ta’al, at all, ever, much less to your own child, like i don’t even fuckn care that they’ve been estranged for 18 years, what the fuck @ Sarek

and jim and bones agree with me. they have that quick exchange as the tension grows and sarek looks away, and i’m RIGHT there with them because they KNOW what a big deal this shit is and right out of the gate for seemingly no reason this guy’s just gonna insult spock like that

we see bones think about trying the ta’al for all of one second and then my boi puts his hand back down and i’m like good, he doesn’t deserve your well-wishes

and when amanda comes up?? when sarek presents her to jim??? she brushes past spock without so much as a glance. i hate them both so much

now. we all love to laugh about jim asking if spock wants to beam down to visit his parents and then having to get told that “.....these.....ARE my parents....” but i’d also like to point out that jim’s original plan was to have spock show sarek and amanda around, likely because of a mix of being the first officer + being a vulcan. when sarek asks for someone else, jim and bones make eye contact again, and this one is more steely than the last. they were surprised and annoyed at the unreturned ta’al, but they’re both straight-up pissed now, and they don’t even know the tea yet. i would like to suggest jim goes out of his way to point out that spock is both well-regarded and a fellow vulcan, all while also trying to give him an out for a few hours, since none of them are happy about being around this many politicians anyway, and there’s clearly something Up with these two specifically. idk i really like that the timing and tone indicates jim specifically chose to offer that to spock because of what had just happened. of course it really blows up in his face, but, well, how could he have known considering none of these people chose to fuckn tell him

on that note, damn, we all talk about this one, but what the hell was spock’s plan huh? did he think jim knew, somehow? did he think he’d have a chance to explain later on? did he think he could get away with no one ever finding out? was his sole purpose truly just to sow chaos? did he try to find some way to explain all this beforehand and just kept falling short until the deadline was upon him and he just went in blind hoping for the best? not very logical in any case but wow is it a mood

the first. and i mean THE FIRST FUCKING THING amanda says to spock is “after all these years among humans, you still haven’t learned to smile” okay lemme just break down all the ways i’m in a damn rage over this

FIRST OF ALL, when they + jim arrive in engineering where spock is, he doesn’t seem to have been aware they were coming, and his back was to the door at the time, which means they effectively snuck up on him. he gets up, turns around, and settles into parade rest, as he do. he doesn’t acknowledge them beyond that, and jim continues the tour past him, graciously attempting to end the brief and unexpected encounter smoothly. need i remind us all that both sarek and amanda actively chose to not acknowledge spock before this; indeed, sarek actively insulted him twice, and amanda settled on simply acting like she’d never seen him before in her life. they set the tone here. his reaction in this scene is simply falling in step with what they had set, and is actually on the polite end of that.

amanda breaks this no-contact with an immediate insult both to spock as an individual and to his vulcan side, which she knows spock highly values. furthermore, her exact words are something many of us have repeatedly heard. they are invalidating words that seek to shame a person for not presenting what they have deemed the correct emotion at the correct time. they’re invalidating enough when used on a person who is actively happy and just doesn’t show it in the way some are used to seeing it, but that isn’t what’s happening here. no, here amanda knows exactly what she and sarek have done to alienate spock just in the last 5 minutes, let alone the last 18 years. she knows precisely why he would be on edge here, and seek to avoid another encounter. she’s fully aware of his discomfort, and chooses to make her first words to him scolding ones.

his response is measured, and scans as normal, but there’s tension in his tone, as there rightfully should be under the circumstances. and yet her next words are scolding him for not visiting her, despite the fact that he and sarek are estranged and she knows that, despite the fact that she’s given him not a single fuckn reason to do so in both scenes she’s been in so far.

can we talk about “my wife, attend” and “mr spock, a moment if you please” and the fact that the parallel is completely obvious and jim is really clearly doing it so that spock can show off after it became clear that just walking past wasn’t gonna be an option (thanks, amanda). that ALSO immediately blows up in his face, but dammit, he’s trying. i feel for jim here honestly. he keeps trying to help spock out and at every turn he accidentally does the worst possible thing. anyways spock takes off, thankfully, and i sure hope the man gets to go have a solid meditation time before the dinner later, because Lord knows he’ll need it

so then sarek, that little sniveling bitch, bows out on the rest of the tour. because “offense is a human emotion,” but pettiness is SURE vulcan. the humans are now alone. important to note that jim did not hear what amanda and spock just said to each other. all he saw was that the second amanda had an opportunity to speak to spock without sarek hearing them, she took it. he therefore likely thinks (correctly, to a degree) that he and amanda are on better terms. he’s also more comfortable with her because she’s human. so the first thing he says, after finally letting himself actually show some of the massive discomfort he’s been feeling this whole time, is “i don’t understand him,” meaning sarek. he’s hoping to gauge amanda and get some insight on what the HELL is wrong with sarek. and he and amanda hit it off! amanda is charming! they’re cute together! meet the mother-in-law is going well, and based off the way amanda says “he is a vulcan; i’m his wife,” it seems pretty clear that amanda is woke to The Premise from the get-go. meet the son-in-law is going well. jim then tackles the big question. the father/son estrangement.

“spock is my best officer. and my friend” says jim immediately, because amanda’s response indicates the sarek isn’t wrong for the way he just treated spock, and wow is jim not gonna stand for that for a second. we love to see it.

amanda is wearing this “concerned mother” expression as she talks about how it’s “hard” for spock to be split between humans and vulcans, as if she ever actually understood any of that when she so clearly doesn’t.

let me. let me get this straight. let me just. let me really just. get this hammered in here. “it’s logical,” says amanda, for sarek and spock to have not spoken as father and son for 18 years, because spock chose starfleet, and sarek had wanted him to carry on the family tradition at the VSA. sarek is so fucking upset that spock chose a different career than the one he wanted him to have that he cut contact for nearly 20 years, and, amanda says, “it’s logical.” “it’s the vulcan way.” “it’s a better way than ours, but it isn’t easy.” what about this is the vulcan way? what the fuck? what the FUCK.

anyways. stubbornness. a human trait. that grin. yeah, these two are tight now, as shitty as amanda may be.

this post is about spock’s family life so i won’t rant about the colored marshmallow wine.

jim: *kicks back a shot as he has to listen to sarek speak words*. what a mood

bones: now’s my time to shine. my time to learn all the dirt on spock.

spock: no, please, no

amanda: now is my time to shine. my time to sow chaos

this is it. this is why spock tried to not let bones know who sarek and amanda were. this was it all along

“you embarrassed spock this evening” says sarek, to amanda, when they are alone. “not even a mother may do that. he is a vulcan.” i’m gonna cut a bitch, i swear, this guy, this guy thinks telling your son’s friends about a childhood pet is worse than not returning the ta’al, what the fuck. don’t act so fucking high and mighty sarek. don’t even start with me.

TO AMANDA’S CREDIT, she needles sarek about how he actually is proud of spock and just doesn’t want to admit he’s been wrong for the last 18 years.

their marriage is cute i’ll give them that

“threats are illogical and payment is usually expensive” IS a baller line, even though it comes from sarek. see this is the thing, sarek and amanda both have redeeming qualities. i can’t quite manage to hate either of them completely. which is what makes this episode so good.

mm. i really like how bones just like, really tries to avoid outing sarek as a suspect, and just looks to spock instead. we love to see it.

“sorry, it couldn’t have been me, i was busy having a heart attack”

“sorry, can’t argue, am having a heart attack now”

the vulcan way is to time heart attacks to the most dramatic times possible

spock: jim, please, please stop trying to make me feel feelings about my father. i am NOT prepared for that shit right now, for the love of surak.

also, this episode said “uhura is a vital member of this team” and we love to see it

someone get amanda a damn chair, her husband’s in the middle of dying

spock: wow. i was dreading this trip but i did not anticipate having to deal with the fact that i still care about my shitty father

OOOOOOOOKKKKAAAAYYYY. when spock puts together the plan to use the drug on himself and then give the necessary blood to sarek, amanda is the one to explicitly put it together. when spock says yeah, still under the “emotions? none here, all i have is Logic,” we cut back to amanda, who goes through several emotions in the close-up. she knows. she knows spock’s quick willingness to take the risk is stemming from care for sarek, despite the fact that he’s been an extremely shitty father. she also looks maybe a little guilty. and i hope she feels that way. some guilt would do her good.

this whole episode really sucks for bones. he’s just trying to be a decent medical practitioner and no one is respecting that.

oh here’s kirk’s ass

gosh this fight scene is fucking outta nowhere. i fucking love this show. it’s weird as hell. what the HELL is this fighting technique. and passing like that? i’m losing my mind what the hell

THAT SAID this episode REALLY sucks for spock. homeboy’s already going through some massive shit and then jim gets critically injured. we hate to see it

oh no. oh shit. here it comes. the worst scene. the scene that makes me want to throw things at the screen. here we go

FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK. YOU.

this isn’t even a vulcan-based decision. This is the kind of decision a human in the same situation would also have to make. spock CANNOT hand over command right now. there are dozens of delegates on board. the captain has been critically injured. there is an extremely dangerous, unidentified ship just outside. there is so obviously a scheme at work. there is immediate danger to hundreds of individuals, and as first officer, he has a duty to the ship. he literally says all this. he literally says that he would do it if he could without abandoning everyone else. this decision is logical, but it is not devoid of emotion. he states that clearly. but does amanda listen? no. she doesn’t. her ears are closed in this conversation. she only has one goal here: shame spock into obedience. and when he refuses to yield, she gets aggressive.

i get it, okay. i do. this situation is awful for her. she’s stressed to the max. she has an outburst, a mistake. but what she does isn’t acceptable. it’s awful, it’s horrible, i hate her for it so much.

i have more i could say on this subject, but this post is about the whole episode, not just this scene.

“we cannot disregard that philosophy for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.” your 1 is showing mr spock. also i love you. i’d ask you to marry me but you’re already married

oh, i hate her. OH, i hate her.

the gaslighting, folks!! the shaming!!!! the emotional manipulation!! i hate it!! i hate it so much!!!! OHHHHHHH MY GOSH I HATE THIS

oh wow i’m gonna have to make a second post just about this scene later. i can’t type it all now. i don’t have time and also i’ve get too emotional

spock can’t even talk it out with jim because jim’s busy being near death in the same damn room as his father, and he can’t go to bones because bones is busy trying to keep them both from dying, and he can’t go to uhura because uhura is busy tracking the threat.........ohhhhh i hate this so much

the hand he puts up against the door that will ultimately mirror wrath of khan, only this door isn’t clear, and the gesture isn’t returned....... i hate this so much

jim, finding out about all the shit that’s gone down while he’s been unconscious: can’t damn a man for his loyalty. YES JIM YES. this is what we love to see. everyone else sees spock’s actions so far as disloyal to his father. only jim has seen them as acutely loyal, to starfleet. AND he’s willing to put himself in danger to let spock off the hook.

spock, looking from jim to bones back to jim: mm. i sense bullshit. and you know what? plausible deniability. yeah sure i’ll go save my father’s life.

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, that the plan jim made upon waking up assumed spock was overly cautious in thinking scotty shouldn’t be put in command. he intended to let scotty take over as soon as spock was gone. then. after a mere few seconds on the bridge, he changes his plans. spock had been right. spock was RIGHT to stay in command. VINDICATION.

okay i don’t even think amanda should be in the room right now but she should CERTAINLY have a damn chair

spock, in the middle of an operation: okay WAIT actually i just figured it ou- *is sedated* this is just like hermione getting petrified

wow this episode really sucks for bones. the poor man’s doing surgery on vulcans in the middle of a space battle.

jim, immediately: is spock okay. don’t give me this bullshit is hE OKAY YES OR NO

the end scene is sweet. EXCEPT FOR SAREK BEING A BITCH, AS HE FUCKN DOES. “one does not thank logic” fuck you man

“Logic, logic, FUCK your logic” - let amanda say fuck edition

we do like to see sarek finally speaking to spock of his own free will, but he’s still an asshole

okay this bit with the triumvirate. very cute. a nice ending. we need some release after that damn episode.

i can’t believe i made it to the end. i started at 8:15 and it’s 10 now.

#marie talks #star trek

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sherlollydramoine · 4 years

Text

Welcome to the Tumblr-Dome Bitch! Pt 2

Warnings: Language, anonymous fake Tumblr death threats, some hilarity, and idk.. Just enjoy!

So here is part two. I hope you all enjoy because this was way too fun to write.

Word Count: 1823 (I really should have just written this as a fic, but I was feeling lazy and I’m tired) this part two. I’m going to have to write a third part to this and it’s going to be funny and hopefully we’ll get on to some sexy times in part three

(PART ONE)

You wake up several hours later and the first thing you did was check your phone. Unsure if you dreamt or hallucinated last night. Did Rami Malek really come to your apartment, find your smutty fanfiction and then get addicted to Tumblr while sitting on your couch?

Checking your Tumblr notifications you see you had several messages from Rami’s blog ItsMeRami.

ItsMeRami sent a post.“Wow people are so creative. I’ve never said or done shit like that in my life.”

“I just got six messages from people asking if my blog was the real Rami. I said ‘as if’. I’m cackling.”

ItsMeRami sent a post “Holy hell that was kinda hot, I think we should try something like that. Or maybe you aren’t into the possibility of calling me Daddy?”

“ItsMeRami sent a post. “What in the actual fuck is this weird shit?!”

It’sMeRami sent a post. “This is.. I have no words.”

“This Peen blog is fucking hilarious. I might have to specifically start wearing no underwear all the time, and whenever cameras are about start thrusting my hips.”

“Wow. I never realized just how visible my dick is when I don’t wear underwear.”

“Omg Free-Rami’s blog is hilarious. Some of these people on here are crazy but I love her sarcastic responses.”

“I hope you don’t mind. Since we follow each other now I started looking at some of your other blogs you follow… wow. Just wow.”

ItsMeRami sent a post. “This is pretty interesting, maybe I should role play as Snafu for you, that could be fun. You seem to like a lot of posts about Snafu. This piece was interesting. Maybe we should find a train and… “

ItsMeRami sent a post. “I’m.. what the fuck.. You warned me about this place being a hellsite, maybe I should quit while I’m ahead. This is too much.”

“I hope to God we’re still on for later because I want to try some of this stuff with you. By the way, I really loved the pieces you wrote. The question is do you want it quick and dirty or slow and sensual? Maybe both? We could do both right? Shit, I need to get off of here for a while and actually go to sleep. This is why I don’t do social media dammit, and damn you woman, what did you do?”

“Hope you are getting some good sleep. Good night..er morning.. I’ll message you in a few hours. XOXO”

Finally having read through a majority of the messages you type a response. “Your responses to this place of Tumblr hell are the best things the internet could ever offer. I just woke up and I can’t stop laughing. I will look at all the individual posts later. You can always deactivate your blog later if you don’t want to keep it. Noone will fault you for that. As for tonight.. Bring it however you want, Daddy..or Sir.. or Rami.. whatever you want to be called. It’s alright. We can figure it out when you get here. What time were you thinking? I can make or order us some food and we can chill for a while.”

Your phone alert lets you know that there is another notification, thinking it was from Rami you picked it up. It wasn’t though it was from your friend @free-rami

“Hey girl, have you seen this new blog ItsMeRami?”

You almost choke.

“No. Why?”

“There is a rumor going around that given the title that maybe Rami is really on Tumblr.”

“I highly doubt that, it’s probably just someone trying to stir some shit or something.I thought Rami doesn’t do social media? Though Tumblr is fairly anonymous so if he were to pick any platform to actively use this is the best one do so undercover.”

“Yeah that’s what I thought but some of the stuff that’s been posted on there is interesting. It’s almost written as if it really is him or someone who knows him.”

“I’m about to shower, but I will def check it out when I get out”.

“Cool, let me know what you think. I’m curious….”

“Will do, though it most likely is just some crazy fan or something.”

“Probably. People on here are crazy as hell sometimes.”

You finished your shower and ended up checking out the ItsMeRami blog. What you found had you laughing your ass off. For someone not very savvy on social media, Rami sure took to Tumblr quickly.

A favorite thing of his, is apparently to go search for fan photos and reblog with random commentary about ‘I don’t remember this’ or ‘You look so happy’ or ‘What the hell is that guy wearing?’ or ‘Who the hell does this guy think he is?”

You are apparently going to have to have another conversation with him about the meaning of anonymous. Damn his inbox and message box must be full.

It wasn’t until you started to find his fanfiction reblogs that his comments really became hilarious.

``I don’t think I’ve ever ripped someone's shirt off with my teeth, but maybe I’ll have to try it. Any volunteers?@yourTUMBLRurl’

‘Why is she calling me Daddy? I’m not her father. That would be really inappropriate.’

‘Yeah sex on a beach is a no-go for me. Have you ever done that? Sand gets everywhere, including places you don’t want it to.’

‘My eyes are beautiful, aren't they? But I’ll never tell exactly what color they are, I like reading about other’s hilarious descriptions of them.’

‘Holy shit, you wrote about a character you guys haven’t even met yet?! That’s so cool, and maybe, just maybe, your characterization of this… Detective Cutie Pants is almost spot on.’

‘Wow. Benjamin fanfiction. This is.. That’s some old stuff right there!’

‘You all really love Snafu don’t you? He was a fun guy to play. I’m glad you all think he’s sexy.’

‘I’m not gay, but this is beautifully pornographic’

‘Wow that was quite a read. Personally, I’ve never actually had a threesome but it sounds quite exciting, and exhausting.’

‘This is just perfection. The setting, the writing, except those leather pants did not come off that quickly or easily.’

``I'm pretty sure my homie Elliot probably wasn’t as bold as he is here, but very creative fresh take on things. I’m going to pass this along to Sam to see what his thoughts on this are.’

Deciding to message your friend @free-rami back, all you had to say was “Whoever this is I highly suspect is just trying to do an impersonation. I mean isn’t his username for this the same as that email from the Rami Undercover Online piece from the end of the summer? Honestly, I just think it’s someone trying to rile people up.”

“I think you’re right, it’s just weird. Why would someone do this?”

Likes, attention, followers? Who knows? I’m pretty sure that it’s fake. There is no real information in the profile so it’s hard to tell, I think. No telling with the loons that are out there.”

“Did you notice that they reblogged nearly your entire masterlist?”

“Yeah I woke up to a ton of notifications. I’m going to send them a message and see if I can get to the bottom of this.”

“Let me know how it goes.”

“Will do! :)”

You message Rami again and hope that he will see it under the millions of messages that he may likely be receiving now.

“WTF!!! I thought you wanted to remain anon? Seriously? Those comments were fucking gold though but you’ve got the whole internet in a tizzy now! I’m sure this shit has already been tweeted, facebooked, snapchatted, or instagrammed. CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN AT 555-730-0054”

He messages back with “I’m not really sure what’s going on here but I have a ton of notifications and messages, I barely saw yours. Thankfully you are the only person I follow so I figured out how to message you that way. I see your other message now. I’m going to call in a second but yeah… I might have actually gone too far on some of those comments.”

He obviously hit send and then immediately called you because your phone started vibrating in your hand.

“Hey you!”

“Hey you too! Sooooo.. What the hell did I do last night?”

“Started a fan frenzy, a shit storm, a kerfuffle, chaos. I’m on my laptop right now and I’m watching my notifications go off like crazy all of a sudden. I’m thinking that people may have figured out that I’m the only one that you follow, and they may suspect that it’s me doing this. Hold on, let me pull some asks.”

Your ask box suddenly had 596 asks.

“Are you pretending to be Rami?” “How do you know Rami?” “Are you Rami?” “Wtf is going on?” “Are you Rami’s girlfriend?” “Eat shit and die bitch.” “You know Rami and you didn’t tell us?” “I think you are a slut. You should probably go slit your wrists.” “THIS IS INSANITY! RAMI JOINED TUMBLR AND RANDOMLY FOLLOWED YOU? WHY YOU? MY BLOG HAS BETTER CONTENT!”

You just let out a deep sigh as you talked to Rami for a little bit longer. He agreed to come over later and you’d make him dinner. You read some of the anon messages that you started to receive and he just kept apologizing.

You told him your plan and he agreed that hopefully it would work, but you were unsure if people were willing to take the bait.

The post you made said this:

I, yourTUMBLRurl, swear that I am not the individual going around and impersonating Rami Malek on Tumblr (ItsMeRami). I do not condone that behavior, but I think that it’s also best that at this time to withhold any speculation about who this individual may be. If it really is Rami Malek then let him make that known when and if he chooses to do so.

You then hit your inbox and deleted the hundreds of asks that you’d received mostly anonymously some full of hate and others just curious.

Okay, I had to break this up again (PART THREE)

@the-real-ramimalekpeen @mrhoemazzello @xmxisxforxmaybe @txmel @spacedustmazzello @ramimedley @hissom1933

#rami malek #rami malek fanfiction #rami malek fluff #rami malek hilarity

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

Text

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)... like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am... why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

#personal #lgbtq #pride month #idk what to tag lol #thank u for giving me the confidence to do this daniel lol...#maybe i'll b able to come out to my family who knowsss

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