#i hope concerts are able to exist while i have this interest but i don't think so :(

[celestialulu]

oooooooo you wanna tell me about nalu kpop au oooooooooooo you wanna tell me about nalu kpop au soooo bad

I feel like this is gonna be hard to do as a lot of the things I thought of bounced off of your ideas lol,, sorry if i accidentally stole ur ideas... anyway heres my thoughts on a nalu kpop au (its gonna be a LONG post i have a LOT of thoughts my baddd):

Well first of all I make a pinterest board for most of the aus I think of, just for a general idea and aesthetic and heres the one i did for that !!

(sorry it may not be that great I just needed some stuff to visualize it lol)

-Honestly i'm indecisive and cannot decide if I would personally put them in a group or if they would be soloists. I do think Lucy would suit being a soloist and it has a lot of potential if she were, reasons like her being from a prestigious family could be interesting with lucy feeling isolated and lonely a lot.

-Following the last point, maybe a lot of people in the industry might not really feel the need to talk to her much or have pre-existing assumptions about her and how she would act.

-Natsu (also a popular idol in the industry) first interacts with Lucy at some award show and he knows of her and loves her songs and performances but in that moment he doesn't really connect the dots and realize it's her, but he knows that she feels familiar for some reason.

-They talk a little and Lucy is surprised as she doesn't speak to many people that aren't staff or management and forced promotional stuff. She's a little awkward and she tends to talk a lot and rant because of that and Natsu thinks she's kinda weird (but in a nice way). They're cut off from that and don't see each other for the rest of the evening.

-Natsu realizes it was Lucy a few days later and no one believes that talked with her.

-They become close friends after being tasked to do a collab stage performance together.

-They practice a LOT, of course because they are hard workers but also because they enjoy spending time together and spending time together outside of work would cause rumors.

-The pure tension they have while practicing some of the moves for the performance.

-Natsu getting hit on the head of how attractive Lucy is after they go all out in one of their final practice sessions when shes sweaty, hair completely sticking out everywhere and wearing comfy baggy clothes which she wore for the purpose of practicing. (and also vice versa for Lucy)

-Natsu and Lucy looking hot (and cute) as fuck on a magazine cover photoshoot together.

-And alternatively, Natsu or Lucy looking hot as fuck for a solo magazine photoshoot and the other seeing it and having their own crisis.

-After the collab stage they aren't able to hang out or meet, even though Natsu has tried to on his on accord but his management has to make sure he doesn't, and although Lucy also misses hanging out with him she doesn't want any rumors to circulate and Natsu makes it his mission to try and find her at any event she might also be attending.

-They text and call a lot. Natsu often gets teased by others because of how much he smiles and laughs while texting Lucy.

-Natsu sends Lucy pictures of ANYTHING that has her on it in public. (posters, magazines, billboards etc etc)

-Natsu and Lucy start to hang out again after Lucy accidentally gets a little tipsy at some event and it's a casual event so Natsu is able to be the one to take Lucy home.

-Then starts the secret meetups, them dressing up in disguises and heavy clothing to even travel to somewhere private like each others home.

-Natsu has the most HIDEOUS disguises btw and Lucy tries to act peeved but she can't help but smile at the silly disguises.

-Lucy attends one of his tour concerts, she wears a bright ribbon in her hair she knows he's seen her wear before hoping he might see her in the audience. He texts her excitedly after the concert asking if she was really there.

-Natsu gifts Lucy matching friendship jewelry for her birthday (could be a necklace or bracelet but for this I like the idea of a necklace more) They both wear them 24/7.

-they hide it for a LONG time… like we're talking MONTHS and then they accidentally slip up and one day people find paparazzi pics of each where the matching jewelry is seen.

-Then they get CRAZY dating rumors like it is EVERYWHERE…

-Lucy is freakinggg the fuck out and Natsu just feels bad because Lucy is so anxious, he couldn't really care less about the public thinking Lucy is his gf but he does get it as rumors like this can damage a career and he knows that.

-They keep silent and carry on as though nothing happened and the rumors sort to die down after a while but theres still those odd few people who believe in it.

-Lucy doing a sexy cunty stage performance on a big big show, and Natsu is attending in the audience and someone slyly filmed his reaction where he is very visibly stunned and very confused about his feelings for her. It circulates social media a lot.

-Lucy sees this video but makes herself believe he isn't into her like that.

-Natsu acts completely indifferent to the video so people won't ask him about it.

-As much as most people would act like he doesn't know Lucy at all after the rumors, on tv shows he doesn't hesitate to sing or dance to her songs publicly.

-People notice how much Natsu and Lucy are very comfortable with each other, teasing and arguing endearingly with each other on a reality tv show.

-They start hanging out publicly without caring after this.

-Them writing lyrics about each other in songs, and Lucy is VERY angsty and poetic about it.

-Lucy getting drunk and asking Natsu "What would we be if we weren't this?"

-Natsu thinks she means career wise, and starts to think of what he would be if he wouldn't be an idol. She clarifies she meant them as in their relationship with each other. He can't answer.

-After that, it's a little awkward. Natsu doesn't know if she remembers. She does. But she doesn't dare act like she does.

-It gets a bit more crazy as they are asked to do another collab stage together after the success of the last one. They accept because, yknow, its like the best way for them to hang out privately without crazy disguises and the like.

-As if the last collab performance was bad enough without the choreography being an average dance this one is WAY WORSE. a lot more contact. a lot more closeness.

-The ending pose of the performance is Lucy laying on the floor and Natsu leaning over her.

-One day, they practice for HOURS straight trying to get it right and perfect the dance. After going all out, and in the ending pose Natsu is looking down at Lucy's messy hair and flushed face and her wide eyes. He kisses her.

-They ditch practicing for the evening and end up making out in the dance practice room for a while.

-Their new collab stage gets leaked when Lucy breaks her ankle and carries her down the street fast as FUCK where there's a really close hospital nearby. He feels bad as they have been practicing so much as an excuse to hangout with each other.

-They basically become "official" after that, but still try and keep it secret from the public. It kinda falls apart after pictures come out where Natsu clearly has a hastily wiped lipstick mark on his cheek and Lucy's neck is littered with hickeys.

-People connect the dots with Natsu and Lucy acting insufferable with each other in public, Natsu cheering his lungs out and supporting Lucy so loudly, and Lucy likewise but a little more restrained than him.

-Natsu once went viral for punching someone trying to get too close to Lucy.

-They never officially state they're together but they don't hide it as much after a while and then in the future one day it comes out that they're literally engaged.

-They have the cutest wedding pics ever and Lucy plays a song she wrote about him before they got together at their wedding.

-Then they're happily supporting each other's activities as a married couple, Natsu commenting and reposting everything Lucy posts and being very loud about her comebacks. Lucy is the same.

This is long as fuck and there's probably so many other things to say but this ended up basically being a whole as story instead of odd headcanons this probably makes ZERO sense. my bad. hope you enjoy anyway <3

#i might as well of made a full length fic with this LMAO #im scared a lot of these dont scream nalu specifically but i did try #its nearly 2am and i have college so sorry if this is bad <3 #fairy tail #nalu #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel

[gayalienwilde]

My secret fairy gift to @thomtrebond one of the longest analyses I've ever written until now (so much so that I'm still working on this). Truthfully, I was afraid that The Whole Shebang podcast had already said all there was about the Oscar Wilde references in Velvet Goldmine, and it has been a while since I've read The Picture of Dorian Gray, but while writing and doing research for this (I've studied more for this analysis than I ever have for school lmao) I realised things that I hadn't thought of before so this was a surprise for me as well! Also, since this analysis is gonna be split into different parts I'll link them all once I'm done with them. I hope you enjoy your gift <3

Part one: The importance of being Jack Fairy

When thinking about Velvet Goldmine and Oscar Wilde I'm reminded of the first episode of the miniseries "Queers" (2017), although I can't stand Mark Gatiss (Sherlock trauma) this episode is well written and just thinking about it makes me cry. There will be spoilers for the episode in this analysis, so be warned.

For the people that don't care about spoilers here's a small summary of what you need to know to understand this analysis: in the episode, titled "The Man On The Platform", the protagonist, a WWI soldier, gets asked about how gay men recognise each other, and he answers saying:"A certain liquidity of the eye." Later in the episode, he recalls a story from his teen years, while waiting for a train with his family he sees a prisoner getting taken away, he meets the gaze of the prisoner for a second and he feels seen by him and thinks "He knows me for what I am", after that he learns that the prisoner is Oscar Wilde.

In Velvet Goldmine, it's the pin that creates this connection between the characters and Oscar Wilde, Jack is able to find himself and others quite like him after finding the pin, and later we have all the young queer fans relating to Curt and Brian. The movie shows that self recognition through the other is an important aspect of queer communities, having an example of queerness to relate to or be inspired by makes it possible for people to find each other and learn about themselves.

In Jack's case, Oscar Wilde is not only a connection to queerness but also an inspiration for his art. Jack Fairy is the personification of art, specifically born from aestheticism's idea of "art for art's sake" Jack's persona is just that, beauty that exists simply to be beautiful and reveal nothing, the movie adds to this by never making Jack Fairy speak, even during the Death of Glitter concert he's either reciting a poem or singing, the little we know of Jack's inner thoughts is shown in the flashback of him as a child, adult Jack Fairy is a complete mistery to us.

What's interesting about this is that, unlike Brian, we never feel that Jack's persona is a manifactured one, even if we know nothing of him, and his looks and aesthetics are obviously thought out, he still appears much more genuine than Brian. Following Wilde's idea of art as an amoral creation that never expresses anything other than itself (in true wildean paradox fashion Wilde himself doesn't always respect this rule), it then becomes obvious why it doesn't matter if we know nothing about Jack, the way he presents himself is enough to express everything he wants other people to see, he's being truthfull to himself never trying to justify or moralise his art or himself but simply being, any possible reading or interpretation about his persona becomes then nothing more than the viewer's own thoughts or ideas projected onto him and do not necessarily reflect the truth, adding to the allure of his persona and making it a perfectly malleable art medium, free of bounds or expectations (apart from beauty, which is of course what all art, according to Wilde, should strive for).

On the other hand, Brian constantly trying to add a message to his aesthetic ended up being to his detriment since what he was saying was being fed to him through the record company to attract press, not leaving then any room for interpretation and putting strict barriers around his art, and of course to define is to limit causing his entire act and persona to never be as authentic feeling as Jack's. It's clearly artificial but not in a camp way, even if it might have started off that way, the alien and uncanny later becomes fake the same way advertisement is, planned and trying to get your attention for money, reaching the peak of uncanny valley with Tommy's way too pristine looks and character.

But even after having roasted him I have to admit that Brian's character has a much bigger connection to Wilde's work than Jack does, since Jack's story is more inspired by Divine from Genet's "Notre-Dame-des-fleurs", even having a scene from the book remade almost exactly in the movie, with Jack it makes more sense to compare him to Wilde himself since, just as Wilde became one of the major exponents of aestheticism and homosexuality in England, in the movie Jack is one of the original inspirations of the Glam Rock movement and an iconic figure in the queer community of the 60s and 70s, so of course he'd be the one to find the pin and carry the legacy of Oscar Wilde.

Tune in next whenever I post it to see me roasting Brian more in part two

#VGsecretfairy2023 #velvet goldmine #pointed epigram #movie analysis #ending this analysis by saying Jack Fairy is an icon and no one will be able to reach his levels of cuntyness #Also if anyone wants a link to the Queers episode feel free to ask me (it's a 🏴‍☠️ link so I hope you have a good adblocker lol) #"Peak of uncanny valley” new favorite oxymoron btw

[lawain-dimensional-heroes]

"Have you always felt the crushing weight of responsibility upon your shoulders?" // Dragged from my own ask memes , Ai for Miku ?

hey thanks for making me write this tear jerking response hope this long arse answer is to your liking! :')

"Ever since I've met new friends in Lawain City...When it comes to contractual obligations..? Yes."

Contractual obligations.. Hearing made her heart sink already.

"Ever since my early idol days I didn't have to deal with that, not before, not after I joined MEIKO-san and KAITO-san's team, the team of my biggest idols."

"Even if we are talking about other kinds of obligations I didn't feel the weight back then. I had fun performing in front of the crowd and I didn't think much of the future, mostly because I didn't have anything outside of my idol life. My idol life gave me something that I could call my own."

It was an experience she really hoped didn't turn the way it's going now.

"By the time our team crew big enough to the point contracts were officially needed, I wasn't bothered by it at first-- heck, I don't think most of us were bothered by it at all. It all seemed fine so far... Some time later, we grew so big that we had been doing world tours. It went nice thus far, even with the tiny slip ups here and there, but it bother us...And then we find out our next couple of concerts were being held in a city we thought didn't exist. Lawain City...It sounds strange-- almost out of this world and it was... But we chose to do it anyway."

When it came to talking about it she had to take a few seconds to think of a way to say it without making her tear up.

"...At first it was like our life was going mostly normal, with some unique oddities here and there. Like in that city those who are under the age of 18 who are working are required to at least go to school to study, but we get financially compensated by it's government. So I thought that it was just another thing I need to get through so I can do concerts until we're done..." She started clinging to her own legs, wrapping her arms around those while still making eye contact.

"...But man, I wasn't ready for the reality I faced at that point. Back when I was just an ordinary girl I wasn't much liked by many-- not that they hate me, it's just that they were not interested in being friends with me. In that other school in Lawain city however, the difference was night and day even if I went by another alias I can't deny that people were more willing to make friends with me, with my first friend there making the biggest difference."

Remembering these experiences, Miku's trying to be stoic enough to continue the conversation.

"...I have classmates there who became friends. I wasn't the most popular kid there but I had friends. That first friend of mine treated me like I was just his friend, even if I basically revealed to him who I really was. He didn't see as just another idol, but a friend who he can have fun with, share experiences, talk to. You know, like friends are. It was at that point where I had the realization that I cared about being here-- cared about staying in that city. The contract was somewhat in my mind, but it was many months till we have to deal with that."

"Halloween came and...I decided to dress up as myself for the Halloween party at school-- I did it because I wanted to be myself for a moment while people won't think a second that they really had a famous idol at school. There was supposed to be a performance there too, but the one who should be there wasn't able to come so the party almost ended up in a downer. As an idol wanting to keep the mood up, I decided to perform, not as my alias, but as myself-- as Miku. I thought revealing my identity was a mistake because I might get too much attention. In the end I felt like it was a mistake, but not on that part. My schoolmates were enjoying and they still treated me as their equal. These days after that party I enjoyed school a lot more than back in my early days..."

"...I was liked for once, I had people who genuinely cared instead of just either being nice for gains and that party just amplified that...A month later, Rin and I found out it was just months away till our last concert in Lawain City. After these concerts, I will have to leave my classmates, my new friends...M-my first friend who I gotten close to."

"...Okay me, don't cry..."

She had to wipe a few of the tears that were falling from her face.

"B-by then I wanted to stay there-- outright wanting to make that city my new hometown, but I can't cause I am still contractually obligated to go back there. It hurt but I thought I wouldn't be alone...Then I found out Rin and Len were arrested for causing trouble, but instead of being imprisoned or something, the police officer who arrested them knew of their status as orphans and adopted them, since they knew that the officer was my first friend, who he was also good friends with them at that point. I was happy for them, but the realization that I had to leave my close friends at that point stung more. I didn't want to leave that city even more now..."

"...So here I was, realizing that...I-In after a few months, not only will I have to say goodbye to the city, to the people, friends, but also close friends and colleagues...And by then, I realized that I regretted having that contract, b-But by then I can't go back...So all I can do is to push on, even if it hurts.. Then the next day I brought the two to their new home, they even let me stay here...W-with him too...By then I wondered why it's hurting me that deep still.. But then I realized the biggest reason why it hurts the moment I tried to say what was in my mind to him..."

"I...Couldn't say it. It was like my voice was gone the moment I wanted to say it, b-but I can't...But I needed to say it..." She now couldn't stop herself as she let those tears she held back flow.

"...I couldn't do it-- I couldn't leave this place, I couldn't leave him-- I'd miss him TOO MUCH. If he wasn't there we wouldn't have parents for Rin and Len to finally be raised under, we wouldn't have had the fun stupid times that teens should have, we wouldn't have found out what our life could be life outside of idol life-- I wouldn't have felt like my wellbeing mattered without him! YES I know that there must be people who care in our team but STILL!....With the pressure of obligations, pressure to meet the fans' expectations.. I'm just a girl with a limited mental capacity to deal with these things-- a girl who wants someone in her life to have someone who supports me and he's there to ease this burden, to enjoy life together-- and it's only a limited time till I have to leave him!"

"But we're idols, right? we can't have these things like a normal private life with someone who we can go on a date and marry and even if we do our life gets ruined because of it by some of the worst of our fans and even our bosses."

"So why is that when we're doing our best to lift everyone's spirits--"

"That we can't have anyone who can lift ours!?"

#ask answered #Vocaloid-02 | Hatsune Miku #shermphibia

[28whitepeonies]

It's both funny and sad to see larries get so angry for the truth in this article. it's not surprising that people that make fun of Olivia for dancing, her clothes, her face, her age, her career, her words etc are having the hardest time with this interview. I'm shocked that they are shocked. I could have told you jan 4th 2021 ( and I have been telling people since then) that no version of Harry would be happy with the way Olivia is treated. We have known Harry for 12 years and no matter if you think he is gay/straight, bi etc no version of Harry would appreciate what larries ( and het harries) are doing to her. Even if Harry is with Louis or with Olivia, what Olivia is having to deal with is insane. The problem is that a lot of larries think that Harry ( and Louis) hate Olivia ( and Eleanor) they way that they do. So they think all of those comments are OK because in their mind the boys would like it. And when they say "hey guys, that's NOT ok because that's just plain old hater activity" they struggle because it's not what they told themselves was OK. Every time she is with Harry the same fans make fun of her being a bad mother even though she has a 50/50 custody. Even though they know that that week she doesn't have the kids larries still make comments about how she left her kids. How many of those fans make fun of Louis, Liam and Zayn's fatherhood and them being bad fathers every single time we see them without the kids? 0. So trying to act like a victim and being like " but we are just holding her accountable. We are obviously not just haters at this point" is hilarious sad to watch. All of those things that people are doing to Olivia have ZERO (0) with holding her accountable. But also how long are you going to hold her accountable? Why are we not holding the boys accountable? Why can we look at their concerts and not bring up every little mistake they have done but when Olivia as much as breathes.....here comes people on social media reminding us to hold her accountable (while of course making fun of her age, body, clothes etc). Let's be fair and remind everyone every time Louis is on stage that he said the n* word. Let's mind everyone that Harry wore a native American headdress every night as well. If we are going to hold people accountable let's do it then.

Hi anon

This is a lot of words, even for me, so I am just going to share three thoughts in response.

a) I actually have a huge issue with this idea that fans can ever hold Harry, or any celebrity, accountable. Firstly because I am unclear that fans have any suggestion of how they will do this beyond simply reiterating the thing that they did that was harmful. Secondly because I think to be able to have an impact on someone in terms of accountability, you need to have a relationship with them through which they are invested in your views and interested in learning about why the thing they did was harmful. As fans we have neither that relationship, nor if I am quite honest do I think we have evidence of a level of interest from Harry in learning about and working to reduce the harm caused by wearing that Native American headdress or the other things I can think of that he has done/does still. For those reasons, my issue isn't about fans holding people accountable - it's about them consistently calling out Olivia and ignoring the serious harm Harry (and the others) have perpetuated.

Basically, I wonder what it is that fans hope to achieve when they say they want to hold anyone accountable? I saw a tweet suggesting Olivia should post an insta story apologising - but if that’s all it is, who will that benefit?

b) I don't think that Harry being all 'TPWK' is the reason fans should know better than to direct mysoginistic hate at women like Olivia Wilde. I think fans should know better from a point of not perpetuating double standards and directing more hatred towards women for existing. I've said before that the impact of this on Olivia is not my real concern, my real concern are the other women seeing it every day and internalising that hatred further. And if there is one thing I really, truly despise it is judging the parenting of a woman on the internet, parenting is tough enough on women, in the public eye and in life generally, without you adding to that burden. As always, I agree about the double standards.

c) A combination of both the above. If you are calling out Olivia for being a fake feminist and you are perpetuating misogyny I am sorry to say you are not doing any of this out of concern for feminist values or to make a better world for women. And this is a great opportunity to not react defensively but perhaps take a look at yourself and your actions/words and whether you could be less awful.

#anon #its another one #long post #I could go on forever #I am trying not to #there are obviously things harry has said about equality but they’re so surface level that I don’t think we could consider them #meaningful enough to think he’s doing anything actively #to either learn or to do anything with that learning #that article said during lockdown he read Bell Hooks and Ibram X Kendi #and reading is wonderful but what’s he doing with that now #I think probably not anything and I’m not suggesting he should but simply saying that this idea of accountability from fans is weird

[cricketwrangler]

Anyway the thing that's particularly bizarre/hopeful/foreboding to me is: while on the same snri I still take (as in, other than now being on and off Adderall, I cannot solely contribute this to chemical treatment of innate major depression) 2-4 years ago I was constantly in a state of anhedonia.

I could very rarely muster any semblance of excitement or interest even at the idea of hobbies or activities, let alone enough to motivate me to do them. If there were a circumstance where I was able to do something that would otherwise be enjoyable to me, it just wouldn't be. (This is being framed in opposition to when you know something will be enjoyable but there's too many steps or barriers to actually do it.) Didn't really desire much other than food, weed, sleep, and wanting some path for this to not be the case.

I remember particularly logan going to a Rise Against concert with a friend and I was just guiltily relieved to have some time to myself. Apparrently it was a small stuffy room and much more like an old school punk type concert (it was the kickoff for a tour). Everyone was super cool to my boyfriend in a wheelchair (a pregnant woman was like here between the two of us, we're getting up front) offering to crowd surf him and he got a guitar pick from the dude. Nowadays and most of my life, a concert like that would be a Life Experience for me. I knew at the time though and know still that I was right--if I had gone with him, I would have been just hot and bored and dying for it to be over. There was not the capacity to enjoy it, so I don't even feel regretful for my decision.

I dont know all the factors that have brought me out of that existence, and I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be mentally as far as this type of thing. I know a lot of the things that have helped, though for better or worse, they all have the same conundrum: doing things that make you Happier are hard to do when you're not on the medication you need to be capable of doing them Happy.

#last one i think who knows

[rinskirt]

does ami still know how to use tumblr?

i figured i could start journaling again. tbh i always liked long-form journaling a lot more than short-form blurbs and updates. twitter is more for memers, or people who like to make big, bold statements. i like to flesh things out, or think in pointless circles, which usually means 10-tweet threads no one asked for cluttering up their timelines. my posts aren't funny, or entertaining. i feel like i come off as really annoying on twitter. which for a long time has sucked and made me use of the site unpleasant. especially since it seemed like the last one left. but with twitter falling, where else is there to go?

i wish we could just bring back livejournal. i feel like the way hey separated things into communities--so you weren't forced to get annoyed over memes that aren't even for you in the first place, or diatribes about ships that are only logical and enjoyable to the people who ship them--was sincerely superior. i miss it. sadly, i don't know if it will ever come back since social media prioritizing engagement means the more people who see something, the better--even more so if it starts a fight because that will mean even MORE engagement, and even MORE clicks, and the cycle just keeps going.

tbh, for a couple years now i've been thinking it would, mentally, be so much better for me if i just quit social media. then i wouldn't have to see my friends' super exciting lives while i'm sitting home alone for the nth weekend in a row. it would mean less comparing myself to other people. more time to spend on doing things that would actually better my life. but it's a scary thought. because i'm so used to social media, so used to relying on the constant presence of others, would i still reach out to people? do i even know how to reach out to people anymore, without just screaming into the void that is twitter and hoping someone hears? will everyone forget i ever existed if they no longer see my tweets? or, worse, will they actually be glad i'm not on their feed anymore? would leaving social media just mean i'm alone from here on out?

idk. this is the dumb shit that haunts me. i grew up on the internet and on social media--was a part of the first generation to do so--so it's hard to envision my life without it. (really, social media is probably why my ability to reach out to others is so stunted...) plus, as an otaku, you kind of need social media to connect to others who share your interest. at least, you do if you're not an intensely outgoing extrovert. which i am most definitely not.

going to the genshin concert made me long so much for at least one actual flesh-and-blood friend who would want to go with me to stuff like that. i had so many feelings and thoughts that i just stewed over the entire walk back to the station, and then the hour and a half train ride home. all around me were people discussing it excitedly during every intermission, but i just kinda sat there and stared into space, listening to everyone around me talk, taking in all their thoughts and feelings and not being able to share any of my own.

i'm not someone who minds doing things alone. i think because of who i am, and the life i live, and the illness i've been dealt, i couldn't survive if i wasn't willing to do things alone. i feel like maybe that's a very lonely thing to say, and a very lonely way to think, but it's just my reality. i decided to abandon my entire life in the states where i already didn't have a ton of friends, and i came to a place where most of the people are just as shy and unwilling to reach out to strangers as i am. plus i continue in this limbo of moderately-okay-but-not-great japanese, at the level where you plateau if you don't speak much. and i don't speak much. i have a lot of trauma around speaking. it takes a very safe atmosphere to coax it out of me.

i was considering starting a journaling style that i saw recommended, where rather than writing, you record yourself speaking your thoughts and feelings. and while i know that would probably be very therapeutic and helpful for me in the long run, i haven't been able to bring myself to do it. in a book i've been reading lately, "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk, he discusses how trauma freezes the part of the brain that processes language, and makes it hard to actually discuss what you're feeling. that's always been a problem for me. i don't want to talk about things. i don't want to put certain feelings and thoughts into the world. i don't even know how. not even to my phone in the privacy of my home.

but i do want to try it, if i can get myself to that point. i really do want to get better. i want so badly to stop being afraid of everyone in my life, of being abandoned by them, or being hated by them if i open up and show them the worst of me. if i admit how lost and sad and trapped i feel a lot of the time. i feel like i look like such a negative person, such a bitchy and whiny sadsack of a human, but it's because i'm afraid of everything. i'm like that annoying small dog that's so afraid you're going to kick it and so it makes itself as unpleasant to be around as possible so you just leave it be. if no one likes me, if everyone just leaves me alone, i'm safe. i can't be hurt anymore.

for how sad this journal entry comes off, though, i feel like i've been in an okay place mentally lately. the fact that i've been going out and doing stuff again is a sign of that. for a long while i remembered the first year i was in japan, how excited i was to go out and just do things, even if i had no one to do them with. but sometime around covid, that started slipping away--i stopped leaving my apartment until i was invited out, and stopped going to restaurants and shops and events unless someone would hold my hand. but i'm finally in a place where i feel like i've started to rebuild a bit.

i've been thinking a lot lately about what my priorities are, and what i can do to achieve those things, so i can have some semblance of peace and stability in my life. and right now, i feel like i want to just prioritize the idea of feeling good about myself and good about my life. i worked so hard to get to where i am now, and it feels like such a waste to be living it miserably. and while part of me can't help but feel like being miserable is just the hand i was dealt with my anxious, weird brain, i want to try to do something about it. i don't want to just continue to be sad about things and let those things fester even if they're things that can be changed.

so for now, i'll change the things that are in my power to change--my diet, my sleeping habits, getting enough exercise, doing more of the things i enjoy, cutting out more of the things that make me miserable (no matter how fun and addictive they seem in the moment...), and just being kinder to myself if i fail in any of those at any given moment. i want to feel like i am some power over my life again, however little.

anyway. now that i've made myself cry writing this, i need to run to the store. but it truly is therapeutic to actually type all this out. i enjoyed it. i missed journaling. i'll have to do this more often.

#personal: journal

[enluv]

seeing their s/o at their concert

— ot5 txt x gn!reader

genre(s): pure fluff (as apparently always nowadays)!!

coco's ♡ note: i miss going to concerts so bad so I wrote this! i hope you all enjoy <3

◖ yeonjun!

His heart literally swells with so much love and pride. He'd be mid verse all in but the second his eyes meet yours he just feels so proud. He'll continue his performance as if nothing is going on but internally he is beyond excited. Yeonjun takes pride in his job so to see his s/o front in center watching him, man it really makes doing what he loves so much better. He'll seek them out after the concert and thank them for being their. (He also jokingly asks if they want an autograph...yeah he's happy but still his usual self!)

◖ soobin!

#1 shy boy goes to...Soobin! As soon as your eyes meet his already redden cheeks, they'll turn an even brighter rosie color. Trust me he is so excited to see you in the crowd but man is he timid about it. He loves you and he absolutely adores that you're supporting him but he'd get so embarrassed. After a while though, he'll start thinking that he absolutely needs to do his best and will show off his best stage presence. The boys will tease him about it after having spotted you too but he doesn't care, as long as you enjoyed the show, and of course you did (having taken lots and lots of pictures/videos to show him later claiming them to be your favorite parts)!

◖ beomgyu!

This man...oh this man. He becomes the definition of confident. I mean okay yeah Beomgyu is a confident guy but as soon as his eyes land on your figure amongst the crowd, he's gone. He loves that you're there to support him and no one else (yeah okay beomgyu as if the others don't exist???). His movements become even cleaner, more precise, and his eyes are focused on soley you. It's as if he's trying to say, "this is all for you," and to be honest...it is. He radiates this new form of energy that just makes the crowd go wild and it's all because of you. After the show he'll continously ask if you saw certain parts and boast (in a sweet way) about how his s/o is the best for coming to watch him!

◖ taehyun!

Taehyun falls into a bit of a trance. It's no secret how much he loves to perform and be on stage, so knowing that you're there watching him and listening to him, his love for you just sort of amplifies. You're taking time out of your day to come see him and he appreciates it so much. Not only does he want to make his fans proud but you as well and knowing you're finally able to see his hard work, really pays off. The thing that really sets him off though, is seeing you sing along to their songs, oh boy does he just turn so lovestruck. His entire being is filled with these sweet emotions and it's just such a nice feeling to him. Once the show is over and you're reunited he'll pull you close and whisper all the loving thoughts he has. It's a really nice moment that the two of you share.

◖ hueningkai!

Oddly enough, Kai is the complete opposite of all his members. He doesn't change much but his nerves flow away and he becomes calm. His mind that was once filled with worries, is now filled with the thoughts of you in the stands watching him do what he loves most. It's really one of the best things to happen to him. Performing is a hard thing to do, especially when you share the stage with four other just as talented people so he gets jitters and thinks of "what if's" but with you there, watching him with a smile, it's all okay. He'll thank you for coming after the show and silently vow to repay you in some way later on.

coco's ♡ note: hehe hi this was fun to write so I hope you all enjoy it <3 I'll be back to writing for enhypen soon, so stay tuned for that if you're interested!!

#txt fluff #txt reactions #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt headcanons #txt x reader #txt ot5 #choi soobin #choi beomgyu #kang taehyun #hueningkai #choi yeonjun #choi yeonjun imagines #choi soobin imagines #choi beomgyu imagines #kang taehyun imagines #hueningkai imagines #tomorrow x together crack #tomorrow x together fluff #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together scenarios #tomorrow x together

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

hi I'm back again. Anyways; as always you don't have to answer if you don't wish! How do you think the residents would react to a young Pureblood MC? (I'm talking about young like a minor.) With that Gen Z in a nutshell personality. Obviously no romantic feelings, just in your opinion how do you think they'd react? all of my questions are just "coincidentally" oddly specific aren't they, totally

Oh shit whaddup I love the idea of Gen Z MC!!! Young pureblood it is, here we go! I’m going to be moving from the assumption that they’re like Comte/Leo; very sympathetic to humanity and sometimes have existential crises (trauma babeyyyyyyyyy). As such, I’ll also be assuming she’s not super close to her family given she rejects the larger vampiric hierarchy/superiority paradigm, memes and modernity, all that jazz

I hope this fits the bill! c:

Under a cut bc is a lonnnnnnng boi~ Click after Napo to see everyone else’s! No explicit triggers that I’m aware of, but if anybody sees anything I missed feel free to let me know

Comte’s reaction:

Absolute baby, he has decided this is his grandchild--no he will not change his mind or take constructive criticism. Get’s ESPECIALLY concerned when he starts to see signs of that “nothing in life matters 😎” nihilism, but doesn’t pester them about it or becomes naggy. Growing up he had similar issues with the prospect of eternal life surrounded by creatures with a mortal lifespan, so he doesn’t judge. He’s more like nah we all hit that vibe, let’s see if we can get their mind off it c: I feel like Gen Z really understand and appreciate the importance of culture and art, so I feel like they would bond a ton over trips to museums/plays/concerts! Invites them to tea time if he ever sees them particularly silent (ah yes, repression) or particularly tired, and does his best to ensure their safety without being intrusive (has briefed the men to escort/accompany her as needed, though Sebas usually does it).

If he sees fangs out around baby he will thrash the shit out of the perpetrator--unless it’s an accident. No excuses. That’s a child. Doesn’t give a FUCK if they’re another pureblood even with all the arranged marriage bullshit. He said what he said. (Remember that biting between vampires or vampire + human relations is considered something that’s only done between intimate partners, so he is having none of that for a minor)

Leonardo’s reaction:

Also certified granddad, but he’s the one that enables shenanigans and is just like “oh worm” when it comes to the existential dread (it’s a Tuesday). At first though Leo is basically that meme like: (Stupidman = Leo, Maddie = MC)

Not all purebloods are necessarily dangerous, but most are either incredibly indifferent to the plight of others (especially humans) or actively range from like playing social mind games to being sociopathic murderers/etc. the list goes on. As such, Leonardo is suspicious to no end until he sees that the kid really doesn’t have any ill will in her. She jokes with Sebas (they quote vines on the daily) and works with him normally; even when Leo asks Sebas he’s just “????? bro she’s just my kouhai, thanks for worrying tho”. One day he’s tasked with escorting her to grab groceries and assorted things for the mansion, and she freezes in place before bolting across the street. Turns out she saw a kid trip in the road and fall, and a carriage was moving fast from the other side--it likely wasn’t going to be able to stop. She scoops up the kid and holds them close, and when the parents try to thank her profusely she just seems more uncomfortable with the praise than triumphant. She didn’t want the kid to get hurt. If she could do something about it, it was as simple as that.

From that point on they’re hella chill and hang out together, usually just bonding in silence. If they’re an artist, he’ll offer them pointers and technique manuals--will help however he can. If not, they’ll just be reading together in the library now and again. If she falls asleep, he’ll tuck her in and watch over her (cue red eye meme when the door opens, but then it’s just Vincent so he c:). He’ll often pay close attention to her eating habits to make sure nothing’s amiss with her health since she’s still a growing pureblood. If she struggles with what she is a lot (given she’s sympathetic to human beings) he’ll synchronize his Rouge drinking with hers to make sure she doesn’t starve herself ;-;. Even if she’s just forgetful about drinking/eating, he’ll do what he can to make her life easier (that’s how he shows his affection uwu)

He will, of course, also tease her about being a baby until she kicks him in the shin while Comte sighs and tells him to knock it off with a smack upside the head

Napoleon’s reaction:

Not granddad energy, but you better believe he’s in a weird territory between sheer admiration and “I am your older brother now, eat your vegetables” “But I don’t even need vegetables” “Eat your vegetables and I’ll take you to a crepe shop” “............deal” 

Basically it’s unlikely MC is super close to her siblings or even has any (pureblood children are a rare feat) so she’s like......wary, but then she just ???? this is.....kinda nice? Just having somebody that cares in a chill way, but still fully encourages her to throw men across the street if they’re hurting women/children (high fives her every time). He’ll often invite her to the swordplay lessons with the kids alongside Isaac’s teaching; she’s free to join in the learning, or honestly just hang out with people closer to her age (he’s v concerned about her having friends that she can relate to and talk to freely). 

Protective in a subtle way, like Leonardo. Escorts her places and helps her carry groceries without fail when Sebas is running other errands. She becomes his crepe shop cover buddy whenever he has an intense hankering for sweets: “wanna go to that crepe shop around the corner” “you’re just too chicken to go alone, fool” “do you want crepes or not nunuche” “............BOKBOKBOK” “aight that’s it **gives her a noogie**” (they go anyway and have a marvelous time rating the crepes from best to worst, they got a whole list goin’) 

Glares Arthur down if he so much as LOOKS in her direction

Mozart’s reaction:

Mozart is just the “what is with this sassy, lost child?” meme. Doesn’t dislike them, but they are just not remotely threatened by his haughty disdain by any extension. And he HATES IT. The MC is always just “Okay, boomer” and he just ?????? He doesn’t know what it means but it’s openly dismissive, so he mad.

Like idk if y’all know this meme, but it’s the same energy as:

It’s only when he notices she’s always punctual and careful with his requests that he starts to warm up. For example, she makes him a mocha by combining the way he likes his coffee and hot cocoa to perfection when he falls asleep at his piano. (She feels bad for him after Comte explains because--though he’s got a stick up his butt--he’s clearly distressed in his new surroundings ;-; Plus, the kind of perfectionism Mozart exudes is an extension of internalized shame, and when she begins to see that she really shifts her approach.) As such, he begins to soften to her presence. He begins to see that she isn’t indifferent to his existence, it’s more that she sees no need for intimidation and believes admiration is earned (basic respect isn’t a privilege, it’s a right). When he figures that out, he stops being so barbed and terse--starts to relax. Offers to let her stay and listen to his pieces if she wants, and she’s honestly touched given his clear struggle with vulnerability. Cuddles with Schelm at the window as he plays, and they become good friends. 

As a result, Mozart becomes fiercely protective despite her sturdier nature as a pureblood and has hissed venom at Arthur about the fact that she is off fucking limits. Doesn’t leave her alone in the same room as the other men unless it’s with Jeanne or Comte; he don’t trust like that.

Arthur’s reaction:

Sweating a lot at the sudden collection of baleful eyes sticking to his back everywhere he goes, but figures he brought it on himself to an extent. That being said, he can’t really get a word in edgewise given she just walks away when he tries to engage in conversation or compliment her.

Tough nut to crack this one, but he doesn’t let it discourage him. The only way she’ll give him the time of day is to play chess--and she kicks his ass soundly every single time. He’s fascinated by her extensive analytic ability, but she keeps silent about her strategies and thinking. Dazai and Theo always love to watch him get his ass handed to him, but he considers it a really interesting experience; it gives him insight into her mind, no matter how much she tries to hide. Patient, efficient, brutal--this kid has seen some shit, probably.

It’s after that point he just concedes she probably won’t let him in, though it doesn’t diminish his curiosity about the future; and perhaps traces of dread. What does the future look like for both her and Sebastian to be that stoic and aloof? It worries him...

Vincent’s reaction:

Vincent is v v impressed by her sense of self, and honestly sees a lot of Theo in her. She’s a little more reticent than Theo, but she has this same commitment to protecting the vulnerable and penetrating through the lies/shitty convictions of others. She is not a person who bends easily, but even so there’s a quiet kind of gentleness to her: she always chats to him v calmly, asks if he needs anything and is doing okay, doesn’t get impatient when he drops things or forgets his apron for the laundry. I think he would respond very positively to her presence, even if it wasn’t intentional. He just brightens up like a little sun and asks her out to picnics for fun; he has no greater intention than enjoying her smile and silly antics (he doesn’t always understand the references, but the way she executes it with so much dry wit--like Theo--makes him laugh). He just feels the warmth of family/familiarity around her ;~;

Ironically, they’re both exceedingly concerned for the other because they’re too self-sacrificing jkashlgdks like this is 100% a case of “I can’t let a young lady risk getting hurt” “Vincent I’m literally indestructible please just let me do this” “But it still hurts” “But I don’t want you to scar--” (This conversation extends so long that the author felt it would be more beneficial to add an etc. here). 

He admires her and trusts in her abilities more due to the nature of her maturity, treats her like a cherished friend and sometimes younger sibling (not condescending but very indulgent; gives her the last of his sweets for example, or pats her on the head when she’s feeling gloomy--more of a wholesome puts her first). But make no mistake, he will throw hands in milliseconds if she gets ganged up on or can’t handle a threat--he just lets her handle most things bc she’s capable~

Isaac’s reaction:

Torn. Because on the one hand, she’s very serious and conscientious about her work--doesn’t want to inconvenience or trouble anyone--and he relates to that heavy.

HOWEVER.

She’s also got insanely chaotic energy when the mood strikes, so when Dazai starts doing his random shitfuckery you better believe MC is upping the ante. (I’m talking AH. ENSLAVED MOISTURE. levels). So Isaac essentially oscillates between thankful for her fortitude to bashing his head against a table for every second he knows her.

In all seriousness though, I would see Isaac as being pretty concerned. Like Vincent, they’re both self-sacrificing to a fault--and he doesn’t want that for her, especially given how young she is. Often tells her not to overdo it or to ask for help if she looks overwhelmed, though it’s not condemning; he says it softly with a neutral look on his face. (He considers it a Certified Mood^TM). He just wants to give back all the care she puts into helping around the house. He doesn’t feel right watching a kid work so hard without reminding her that she should find time to have fun and live for herself too. There will be plenty of time when she’s older to get serious.

He has a fairly easy time interacting with her because of his experience with kids; he takes her seriously (when she’s not clowning) and treats her autonomy with respect. If anything, she’s probably the protective one. She knows he’s an aberrant so she pays laser attention to when he’s suffering and brings him Rouge (not scared because she’s stronger than him and not human lmao, and she sees no need to put Sebastian at risk). When that uni pres pesters him, she goes cold and angry and asks the man to step off when she sees him start to downspiral. They’re essentially on equal footing (he has more life experience, she has more bodily strength/confidence). They're just chill and kind with each other (babies of the mansion, beloved by all).

Theodorus' reaction:

Because he is a manchild, he will be chill/generally indifferent until Vincent starts being indulgent with her (bro-con). He won't be violent or anything like that, but he will pout a storm and try to verbally shoo her away. Because she's a woman, intelligent, and likely a feminist--this will become hilarious because she will not remotely take him seriously. She will just ignore him or roast him in seconds before moving on with her day. Otherwise he doesn't care much because he doesn't have time to play babysitter (unless there's no one else to help).

At the most, he'll make sure she's safe and use the excuse that Vincent would be upset if he did anything less. If she likes/loves dogs and plays with King while she's there, he'll soften up and thank her for taking care of him. If she makes hella pancakes, he'll be the proudest about it--ruffling her hair. If she protects Vincent in any capacity, he'll be torn between jealous, grateful and impressed; he likes a kid that can hold their own and take responsibility within their abilities.

So their relationship is v much like a chill uncle with their niece; fond, but not necessarily super close or spend a ton of time together. He has his priorities, but he won't be an asshat (mostly).

Jeanne's reaction:

Jeanne is confused on so many levels. He doesn't dislike her spunk he's just staggered by her level of sheer reckless, righteous rage. (And he's a bit wary in the face of another pureblood as a potential enemy) but after a bit more time around her he relaxes. She's fairly simple to understand when you get to know her; cares about others to a fault, existential dread, overworks herself. Stays watchful, but he just treats her like the younger kids that Napoleon brings by the weapons shop when they need armor for practice. It can get a little funny because he’ll just be like “uhhhh uh kids like sweet stuff right? Here have some of the macaroons somebody brought by earlier, I don’t like ‘em that much anyway.” And she just “??? Thanks???” He doesn’t mind being around her, just doesn’t really know what to say so they often fall into comfortable silence after exchanging small talk. She likes that he isn’t complicated; what you see is what you get with Jeanne. It’s nice not to have to keep her guard up every second of the day,

When he sees her feeling particularly down, he’ll take her to that little field of white lilies behind the mansion during a full moon night. The silver light seems to make the petals emit an ethereal glow, and she makes him a flower crown in thanks. He listens kindly if she wants to talk, and if she doesn’t--that’s okay too; he’ll just give her a head pat.

Honestly he finds a lot of relief in the fact that she's a pureblood, because he feels less nervous about her being fragile or her getting fatally hurt when he’s not around. Will still be very gentle with her and protect her when she’s in proximity

Mission Status: Fucking Wholesome

Dazai’s reaction:

Big brother time? It’s big brother time!!!! He instantly makes it his subtle mission to look after her, though he’s v lowkey abt it. She takes one look at this depressed mofo climbing in through the window and just goes “aw yeah, this guy FUCKS” and they become besties at a glance. They basically make a game out of who can be the most absurd whenever they’re in the same room. Comte and Leo find it utterly hilarious, Napoleon is digging a grave for Isaac in the backyard (we all know his heart won’t be able to take it. Mozart is probably next. A moment of silence for our fallen.)

I just imagine them like that one post (@/acoolguy):

Dazai: You ever have to shake your leg because there’s a rock in it? MC: That’s your bones Dazai: Every day I learn some more

He’ll always share treats with her and brings her along for walks if she’s feeling wanderlust; he knows how hard it can be, how restless the heart becomes so far from home. He does his best to distract her with their ongoing jokes, but one day it starts raining very suddenly while they’re out. He rushes her under the nearest tree with broad, broad leaves and settles his haori/overcoat over her head. He looks incredibly serious as he looks to the sky--almost glowering at the dark clouds gathering, He doesn’t look at all like his usual fun-loving self in that split second, even though he’s back to his good-natured chirping “Guess we’ll just have to wait out the downpour. MC, are you cold? I should have been more careful.” She shakes her head and shares the coat with him, holding it out insistently until he relents. Their hands brush and she notices they’re freezing, but she doesn’t say anything. She seems to sense he has a lot on his mind, and leans her shoulder against his. The silence feels fragile; she doesn’t want to risk shattering it--shattering him. It is often said that it is an act of great courage to wipe away someone’s tears. But it can also be an act of great gentleness to turn away, to pretend one cannot see them fall (whether visible or not).

One day, after MC returns to her own time, Dazai returns to his room to find two shadows hanging from his window. Though a little crude--they’ve obviously been made by a beginner--it’s clear what they are. Rain ghosts. (Sebastian later explains it was MC’s wish that he have them, and Dazai only smiles very, very gently in response.)

Shakespeare’s reaction:

MC gets one look at him and knows something’s off. She can’t quite tell what it is, but he doesn’t feel like the rest of the family. She can sense something behind him, something lurking; but she can’t quite place it. (Comte has mentioned before that purebloods can sense each other, so I imagine MC knows right off the bat he isn’t a normal sired vampire--she just doesn’t know enough to identify exactly what it is.)

That being said, she is sus. He keeps talking like some kind of weird ass court jester/fae, and she hated his work when she had to do it for school (only enjoyed the Hamlet memes because, let’s be real, that shit is uproarious). When he tries to coax her to see Vlad with him, she says “'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you cannot play upon me.” And he just freezes in place before he starts laughing. Considers their battle of wills well-played, and warns her not to go out alone--doesn’t bother her again. Though sometimes enjoys listening to her conversations with others for good roast material. (No he is not taking notes, no this new chara is just fire and feral for no good reason--nothing to do with MC)

Sebastian’s reaction:

The l o r e, MC. Give him the forbidden pureblood lore. Will be incredibly curious and ask about what vampires are like outside of the mansion, for science of course. If he senses discomfort though his questions will die down completely--it’s not his intention to make her uncomfortable. He’s just curious! 

Despite his stoicism he’s actually a very, very understanding and warm person.  Will listen to any teenage jadedness or hopelessness with fond patience, recalling the days he was similar. He’ll offer what advice he can. He’s not one to be preachy, but if he sees someone at a loss, he’ll offer what he thinks might be a productive direction for them. Given her removal from her home and parents--even though she’s already well into high school--he’ll sympathize deeply with her position. Will be a firm but gentle guardian (hello Mansion Mom #2), offers her candy every time she does a chore exceptionally well or offers assistance without prompting. She’s sus and takes it reluctantly at first, but after she tries one in private secretly loves them. Sebas is just silently “you like krabby patties don’t you, squidward”. If she’s honest, she’s comforted by the sense of normalcy and care he gives, the harmless joking and easy respect for others (unless otherwise provoked).

When she finds out about his hobby considers him to be a Fucking Nerd^TM and wants to shove him into a locker, but in reality is endeared by how much he genuinely cares about the men. She thinks it’s a harmless fascination, and she senses the oddest...ephemerality about him. Because of this, she becomes pretty protective; he’s a human and he’s too nice for his own good. While she identifies in one sense, she worries in another. Pureblood are sturdy, but humans can’t necessarily sustain that kind of constant self-giving for long...

Also bc my tag game too strong adding it here: #i love the prospect of pureblood MC trying to bring Sebas and Napo together #MC: bruh i got this #Sebas, full of gay panic: wait, MC nO--

Meme tl;dr in the tags also for your enjoyment! I’m sorry this one took a little longer than most to finish!

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp leo #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp theo #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp jean #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp sebastian #gen z pureblood mc #i had a lot of fun writing this! I hope this met your expectations friend! c: #comte and leo: uwu grandparents #mozart: okay BOOMER #napo: HAHAHA shithead siblings i love it #arthur and shakes: wouldn't you like to know weather boy. 'where are your parents??' (parts one and two) #vincent and isaac: BRUH S A M E S I E S #theo: **meme voice** 'is there anything worse than a rapist?' BOOM 'a child.' 'N O!' #jeanne: endearing but out of touch uncle while dazai is WOOOOO LET'S DRINK BLEACH uncle #sebastian: ah yes ty for the modicum of brain cells and competence that also shatters gender norms my good bi bitch #**Gilligan's cut to MC and Dazai wearing sunglasses and matching hats that read 'i put the (me) in disappointment'**

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for elliot

This reading is for Elliot, a very sweet Yoonjin bias who sometimes (often) finds himself thinking about Kim Taehyung. Can you blame him? Thank you so much for your patience, love. I hope you enjoy and are staying safe a well. <3

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon makes for a very mysterious, contradictory personality, with Cancer existing on a highly emotional and reserved plane while Libra yearns to roam, explore and adapt to their surroundings. You are all at once highly sociable, deeply enjoying the company of others, and private - often swimming away on your own to escape the harsh realities of the world - enjoying  a cozy night in with a good book or podcast almost as much as a delicious dinner out with a large group of friends and acquaintances. Those who don't know you well may accuse you of being a bit unsteady, seeing all the ways in which you adapt to your surrounding and feed off of others energies. Your close friends and family know that you are just water and air, constantly seeking balance and harmony in your relationships above all else. All three of your placements are geared towards security and balance, and at your core you crave stability and a strong foundation in your home that is calming, peaceful and without too much tension or unpleasantness. It is because of this that you are drawn to creative artistic pursuits, though you likely hold a more traditional full time job to ensure you are financially secure and comfortable. Those possessing your star placements are innately empathetic, nurturing of others and self-critical of self. While your Virgo rising lends itself to additional self-criticism, towards others you are incredibly soft, sentimental, and supportive - if only you showed more gentleness towards yourself! It is likely that you are loved by many, serving as a strong emotional refuge for family and friends alike, who admire your compassionate, trustworthy and purposeful nature.

A true lover of life's simple wonders, you are likely to gravitate towards the arts, spending your free time exploring museums, galleries, concerts, and any other large gathering around creative ideals. On one particular early fall afternoon while exploring an outdoor exhibit in the city with friends, your eyes gravitate towards a man playing a piano in the square. His presence is magnetic to you, your eyes immediately  drawn to his slouched posture as his fingers stroke each key, his face covered by short, black hair and a black cap. The shadow of the mysterious figure piques your curiosity, enough for you to approach him to have a closer listen, the melody floating through the crisp air of the changing seasons. It is almost as if in that moment nobody else is in the square - just you, the music and the mysterious gentleman - until his fingers stop moving, as if breaking from a trance. Fully immersed in his own world, he doesn't notice you standing there until several minutes later, his dark eyes moving to meet yours in a moment of instant attraction, one that only two water signs could possess.

Imagine your surprise when you find out that the presumably down-and-out aspiring artist is actually the esteemed Min Yoongi, a fact that he conceals until you're on your second or third date.

Ever the optimist and hopeless romantic, your Cancer Sun lives to love and be loved, both platonically and romantically - longing for a partnership that is all encompassing. This is amplified by your Venus in Leo, which makes you a lover of big love (think grand displays of affection, gift giving, and passionate quality time.) You want to spoil a partner, seeing no reason to skimp or cut corners for the people you love and expecting the same adoration in return. This is especially true once you fall hard, as it often takes some time for people to get past the barriers of your outwardly serious Virgo rising and your impenetrable deeper Cancer shell. At first you will keep your feelings close, waiting for the other party to reveal themselves to be genuinely trustworthy and open before letting them into your inner world. Once in love, you want to pull out all the stops, becoming the most nurturing, adoring lover - almost as if making up for lost time of keeping your emotions reigned in for so long. Yoongi's Pisces is also cautious in love, but it does not take long for him to show the range of his emotions, his romantic energy and empathy all at once making you feel secure and understood in ways that you do not often experience with other signs - signaling that it is okay to open up and be vulnerable. You are drawn to Yoongi's artistry that flows out of him, the sparseness of his words that hold meaning in every syllable, and he adores your compassionate nature - thinking of you as a true friend and companion, though the connection is very much a romantic one. A Cancer and Pisces are likely to spend countless hours tangled up in their sheets, hands softly caressing every inch of each other before even becoming overtly sexual. This is a duo that is incredibly intimate, enjoying savoring each and every delicious moment in each other's company and romantic spirits. You could undoubtedly spend the rest of your life laying next to Yoongi as his fingers graze your hair, cheek and neck, sweet nothings pouring into your ear. You naturally connect on an innately intimate level, the tone of his voice enough to rile you up long before his long, skilled fingers even begin to move down past your neck, chest and belly button. In bed, Yoongi brings a gentleness alongside just the right amount of kink to set you on fire.

Your desire for romance cannot be outweighed, however, by stability and comfort. A Cancer, while a hopeless romantic, is not excited by the idea of a tumultuous, unpredictable love wherein.spontaneity reigns. While you are ruled by water as a Cancer, your Libra heart and Virgo moon crave balance and relative predictability - something that our Pisces Yoongi wants but often escapes him in his quest for greatness. Yoongi's Venus is in Aries, making his love is a bit more impulsive and spontaneous, Ultimately, after many nights in bed alone with your partner huddled in his studio, you realize that Yoongi's more free-flowing Pisces spirit proves to be a bit too fluid for your Cancer heart. The dissolution of this relationship is extremely challenging given your shared emotional depths, and there is surely a continuation of the relationship via long, late night phone calls and sentimental texts until one of you breaks it off to preserve your sanity and wellbeing. This is a pairing that makes a lifelong, profound impact on each other, likely prompting Yoongi to write some of his best work to date.

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon is not likely to be single for too long, very much preferring the company of a romantic partner to single life. Luckily for you, people are inherently drawn to your warmth, which lies beneath the surface of your Virgo rising but is quickly detectable by some. You're happy to find yourself approached by a handsome stranger while browsing through an indie record shop downtown, his fingers floating across the top of the album you've taken interest in. That's a great album, are you a fan? You aren't sure how long you are in the shop chatting up the boy, who introduces himself as Kim Namjoon, before you're off to grab a coffee at a nearby cafe.

It takes many months of seeing Namjoon the Virgo - who would prefer to be alone with a good book than in the presence of bad company - to reveal a more emotional side of himself. Despite approaching you first, Namjoon is not exactly suave, his endearingly goofy mannerisms a result of his high level of independence and time spent in solitude away from prying eyes. This relationship begins as more of a friendship with two generally cautious people tiptoeing around their emotions, wondering who is going to take the risk of revealing their true self first. But after some time it becomes clear that his more business-like, stoic Virgo exterior does not stand much of a chance against the depths of your Cancer emotion and Libra charm. When partnered, you are your person's biggest cheerleader, and it is your emotional range and empathic powers that can successfully soften the coldest heart as you only see the good in others - never the bad. Early on, much of the relationship is spent with you intently listening to his ramblings or championing his many professional creative endeavors - his words like poetry to you as he workshops new lyrics, projects, or his dreams of the future that he will so clearly put into action as a result of his . The Virgo is happy to open his mind to you over countless walks along the river or through lush parks outside of the city, a bond forming from your desire to be needed and wanted if even as a supportive listener. He senses your genuine interest in his thoughts - not for his status as a celebrity but who he is as a person. Your empathic qualities, while natural to you, are also a form of protection against getting hurt: speak less frequently, and you won't need to reveal many of your insecurities around your own potential. More than anything, Namjoon wants you to open up and let him in to your world. your innate strengths and talents, bringing you away from all of your negative self-talk and doubt around your abilities - something he can relate to deeply as a Virgo Sun. Maybe it is the warmth of his brown eyes as he tells you how special you are, or the way the sun rays perfectly hit his brown hair, but you can't help but believe him.

Once you are able to move into understanding on a deeper level, you find that Namjoon is one of the most sentimental, loyal people you've ever known. Namjoon's Venus is in Scorpio, meaning that despite any hurt he has experienced in the past, he is a true romantic at his core, looking for his one true love and willing to devote it all to that special person. The Scorpio is notably possessive in love, which serves to both frustrate and excite you in just the right ways. While your Libra moon may be naturally flirtatious, Namjoon is the one that holds your heart, and you enjoy being consumed by his love through song and writing - with his Mercury in Libra, you are likely to be his muse in all things creative. This is a pairing that can spend endless hours nestled in bed reading a book, bouncing ideas off of each other, and exploring each other's hearts before diving into the physical. You, Cancer, are the sexual initiator, wanting to know him body and soul - exposing him to an entirely new emotional plane of sexual connection. For the Virgo man, sex is often just another thing to be skilled at, and you are able to expose the innately vulnerable, emotional, and outwardly animalistic nature of his sexuality. The sexual relationship between these two is almost transcendent, with you taking the reins as the boss to show him the ropes, allowing him to unlock a different side to himself and learn how to please you. As someone who gets off to the idea of learning and achieving, expect marathon sessions in each other's arms (and mouths).

Ultimately, Namjoon is the member best able to bring you the stability you crave alongside an unwavering emotional commitment, with an earthly ability to firmly ground you when you are lost at sea. He will allow you to swim into your solitude - as you need from time to time - but you can rest easily that he will always be there when you are ready to return to reality. More than anything Namjoon is a provider, his mind working over time to help you solve your problems and achieve your dreams with his quintessential Virgo intelligence and flare, likely pushing you to pursue your creative ideas full-time instead of shying away from your potential and making sure you have everything to feel secure. You are someone who becomes a better person when in love, flourishing under others affection, and with Namjoon you have a special opportunity to truly come into yourself and achieve more than you ever imagined. Meanwhile, you provide a level of nurturing that he so deeply desires and a softness that he so desperately needs and few others can provide. In this partnership, you are the caretaker of the physical and emotional realm, while he is a provider in a more literal sense: making sure you have everything you need financially to create a sanctuary home base curated for the two of you to create and restore yourselves when the day is done. This is a duo that is steadfast and secure, prioritizing home and family and partnership over frivolity and spontaneity, appreciating travel and gallery openings abroad but also knowing how to take comfort at home with nights in and a vinyl on a record player. It is in this secure, stable lifestyle that you are both stimulating and fulfilled. Overall, this astrological pairing is comprised of two very synchronized and amenable plane, existing on a very calm, comforting foundation that is impossible to shake.

#bts #bts astrology #horoscope #bangtan #bangtan astrology #bts fic #cancer #virgo #libra #pisces #love #compatibility #creative writing #kim namjoon #min yoongi

[kpopscenario]

SVT (Vocal and Performance Team):

S/O fangirling over Monsta X or Got7

Jeonghan

You two were on his bed, it was late evening and you just finished dinner half an hour ago. Now you were on your phone and playing the new Monsta X song for the hundreth time. Jeonghan was paying attention to the tv but bobbed his head in the beat of the song. „It‘s actually a good song“, he said eventually and looked at you when you whimpered or waved your hand for air. He wouldn‘t mind that you weren‘t paying much attention to him, he loved to see you happy. Still, he‘d lay his head on your shoulder and watch it together with you.

Joshua

„Joshuaaa! He‘s so talented! Look at that dance break, holy-“, he‘d fall on the couch next to you and watch the video as eager as you. He would probably don‘t be that talkative while watching as you but there would be a lots of ‚Ohhh‘ and proud head-shakes from him. When the video‘s done, he would giggle at your cute face, that still had that happy, excited expression on it. „Okay, one more time!“ „Yayyy!“, you‘d kiss him on his cheek and cuddle against you.

Woozi

Jihoon would be on his laptop while you had your head laid on his shoulder and watched the comeback stage performance of ‚Shine Forever‘. Every two seconds you‘d whine and sing along here and there. „Ahh I.M. Shownu, yesssssssss“, sometimes you just repeat the beat of the song. Jihoon wouldn‘t mind if you kept fangirling over them, it wasn‘t annoying and he was happy when you were happy. „Their vocals are no joke, hm?“, you asked and got a ‚Hm‘ as in ‚Yes‘ back. „And their visuals make me question if there even are people that can at least be compared to their beauty? I mean look at them, every man looks like a trashbag next to them!“, now he looked up. „Wow, thank you for hanging out with a trashbag then“, he grumbled which made you crack up. „I mean I would hang out with Jooheon but I guess we don‘t get what we want?“, you giggle and after he sighed and was ready to leave the bed, you quickly hugged him like a koala. „You know I‘m jokinnnng, I have the cutest trashbag here that ever existed!“, he tried so hard not to laugh but failed and got back on the bed.

DK

You were at home, you on the couch and he in the kitchen and preparing a snack. The new music video of Got7 just came out and all you were doing for the last twenty minutes was streaming it and jumping around because of the video. He quietly sat next to you and saw that you only had eyes for them so he would make remarks to make you see him. „Woah, I can dance like that too.“ „I mean it‘s not even that high, have you heard my angelic voice?“, and so on. You would giggle at his cute comments and after the video was done, you kissed him on the cheek and cuddled against his chest. „I know I know, sorry that I‘m all over them but...the comeback is so strong?“, he giggled at your puppy eyes and you ended up watching the video all day.

Seungkwan

You groan loud, desperate after seeing the ‚Stuck‘ music video again. „Seungkwannnn“ „Yes? You need something?“ „The only thing I need now is holy water because“, you groan again and shove the phone in his face. „That choreo! The high notes! The rap! How?“, you whine around which makes Seungkwan roll his eyes amused. He watches with you. „Kihyun literally is the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on, he‘s too perfect!“ „Hey...yesterday you said that I am the most beautiful man you had ever laid your eyes on“, he pouted and crossed his arms so you look up at him and giggle. You lay the phone away and wrap your hands around his shoulders and lean against him. „Sorry, baby, that was of course true.“ „Thank you.“ „But Kihyun is second place!“, he gasped dramatically but then laughed. „Well, at least he‘s behind me, that‘s all that I wanted to hear.“

Jun

You guys would be in the living room together just going through some channels trying to find something that seemed interesting to the both of you, which would be a much harder task than you'd think. After about half an hour you would just sigh theatrically which would make him grin at you. "You're so dramatic, let's just watch some music show or something!", he'd say which would make you pout slightly but nod. You just turned on some chart show and then finally cuddled into Jun who basically was waiting for this the whole time. You guys would lazily hum to the songs you'd know and just make some funny remarks and give compliments to the artists. After a while the song 'Lullaby' by Got7 would appear on the screen which would make you sit up abruptly again, much to his displeasure. He would let out a small whine due to your sudden absence but you wouldn't even hear him, you would be too caught up by the music video. Whenever Yugyeom would appear on the screen you would just smile really brightly and let comments out like 'Ah his voice is so nice!' or 'He dances so well, wow'. You'd pretty much have heart eyes at this point. Jun would just pout and look at you while you'd be gushing over Yugyeom. After the mv would be over you'd try to cuddle back into Jun and give him all of your attention again but he'd cross his arms over his chest so you couldn't cuddle him. "Baby, can you open your arms?", you'd ask him with a smile on your face but he would just shake his head like a small child which would make you giggle softly. "Whyyyy?" "Go cuddle Yugyeom...", he'd whisper which would make you laugh and shake your head. "No! I wanna cuddle you baby! Don't be jealous.." "but you were literally fangirling over him! Do you act this way when I'm on screen?" "No, when you're on screen I completely lose it! Ah, especially when you look into the camera like you always do... that doesn't compare to Yugyeom at all", you'd say while dramatically grabbing onto your chest where your heart would be which would make him laugh now. "Ah you really are dramatic, y/n-ah, but okay... i'll accept this.", he'd say with a smile on his face which would make you smile brightly at him. "You're so handsome baby... and your performances, damn. And when you go through your hair with your hand.." "Stooooooop", he'd blush slightly after you'd cover him with compliments, you both would end up in each others arms and just giggle, completely forgetting the music show on TV.

Hoshi

Soonyoung and you would be laying in bed both of you having your headphones in while watching some videos on your phones. Your head would be on his chest and your legs would be intertwined with his, so even though you weren't really doing anything together, you'd still be enjoying each others presences. He would be watching some interviews or the latest dance practice video to see how he could improve even more while you'd simply watch some variety shows. After a while you'd end up watching Monsta x-ray, like always, and you'd just laugh your ass off while watching them doing some weird things. Soon Soonyoung would be rather confused about why you were laughing so hard, he loved seeing you laugh but he definitely wouldn't be used to you laughing this much. He would be curious to see what made you laugh and just look at your phone, after he'd realize what you were watching he'd grin brightly. You'd stop the video and look at him with a smile. "Jooheon is so incredibly funny, I fully understand why you guys are friends, and he's also so cute and nice...", you'd simply say with literal heart eyes which would make him laugh. "I know right? Even in real life! He's so cool and funny! I have so much fun with him, and their music is so good!" "Agreed! Shoot out was so good! Jooheon is such a good rapper, I always get goosebumps", you'd say which would make him nod enthusiastically. "I know right!!! Also their concerts are so nice! They have so much stage presence!", he'd say excitedly which would make you laugh. You'd both take off your headphones and just talk about Monsta X. You guys would be literally fangirling together which would make the whole scene look hilarious. You may be a Monbebe, but Soonyoung is the ultimate monbebe out there so you'd both have lots of fun talking about all of them. "I thought I'm the fangirl here, turns out you're even more of a fangirl than I am" (He might even take you with him when he goes out with them so you'd see how funny they were even in real life)

The8

"Not gonna lie, Shoot out was such a good comeback, have you seen Shownu? And Kihyun? Also I.M's rap? Also the dance? Wow. That's art right there!", you just couldn't help it but talk about the MV the whole day ling which would make Minghao just smile fondly at you. He wouldn't be the type to really get jealous, he'd rather be caught up by the passion in your eyes when you would be talking about them and their music in general. He would find it incredibly cute how you'd stumble over your words while trying to describe just how much you loved their new comeback and album. He would have probably been the one that had already gotten you the album since he'd have a lot of connections. He'd just know how passionate you'd be about Monsta X and he'd love to support you. He would give you the album after he heard you talking about how much you'd want it. "Baby... you're so good to me!", you'd fondly say while hugging him tightly. "You really like them... and you're really passionate about them so, why not support you?", he would be so supportive oh my god. He would also make sure you'd be able to go to their concerts and get some of their merch. "They're really your favorite band, huh?", he'd ask with a bright smile on his face which would make you giggle slightly. "They're second place... i love seventeen more...", you'd state while looking at him fondly. "Ah, is that so?", he'd ask teasingly. "Definitely... also if you didn't notice, you're my favorite!" "I sure hope I am!" "... Jun's really close to becoming number one tho, just so you know" "I'll take your album back" "I'm just joking baby!!!!", you both would just laugh together and support each other in every way possible.

Dino

"Jackson is really fit...", you'd randomly say while being too caught up in Got7's mv 'Hard Carry'. Chan would be sitting next to you on the couch watching the MV with you. "I mean... he's okay" "And his smile is really handsome!" "I mean-" "and he dances really well!", he'd look at you slightly offended but you wouldn't really notice until the mv would have ended. After seeing his expression you'd probably start laughing since he'd just look too cute to handle. "Why are you so offended, baby?" "You're basically fangirling over him!" "No I'm not!", he'd proceed to look at you with an expression that would say 'yeah, right' which would make you sigh slightly. "Okay.. maybe I'm fangirling slightly!" " 'Slightly', you're basically drooling! That's not good! You should be drooling over me!", he'd say with big eyes which would make you giggle softly at his actions, in his head he probably seemed like a cool boyfriend but in your eyes he just seemed like a lost puppy. "I'm not drooling over him, baby... but I can't deny that he looks really, really good!", you'd tease him which would make Chan glare at you. "I look better!" "Hmm... well...", he'd glare even more and that's when it would start. That boy, oh my god. He would literally look for his best pictures and compare them to Jacksons, he also would show you his best stages and dances which would just make you laugh and tease him even more. "You're so cute, Channie", you'd simply say after he'd give you the 56th argument on why he was better than Jackson. You would sit on his lap and hug him tightly which would make him shut up for a second. "I'm just joking baby.. you know I actually think that you're much better than him, right?" "... obviously, look at me!", you'd just laugh at his offended expression and kiss him slightly which would finally make him smile again. "But you gotta admit that he does actually look good.", he would roll his eyes with a smile still on his face, but after a while he'd give in and nod. "I mean... he doesn't look bad, I guess.." "but you're more handsome" "Thank you, that was obvious", you'd both just continue joking about it and just have a good time.

#seventeen #seventeen fic #kpop #seventeen reaction #seventeen request #seventeen dino #seventeen the8 #seventeen jun #seventeen hoshi #woozi #jeonghan #joshua #seventeen dk #seungkwan #yoon jeonghan #hong jisoo #moon junhui #kwon soonyoung #lee jihoon #xiu minghao #lee seokmin #boo seungkwan #lee chan #vocal team #performance team #kpop requests #kpop reaction #kpop scenarios #seventeen scenario

[spookyshake]

I'm REALLY sorry I don't want to seem like a weird stalker or anything but I was looking through petpages and I really wanna know.... is the reason why Imawa looks the way he does because of the fireworks? What's his connection with the twins? (I assume they were the two little kids in the picture w/ young!Imawa) And what does the hissi inn keeper/cult leader do in terms of cult stuff? I really love your ocs and your art!

NO WORRIES!! I’m extremely flattered you’re interested in them, so thank you!(and honestly I’m quite a bit of a petpage stalker myself hahaha)

Brief answer: -Imawa and the Twins are siblings! Imawa is the eldest by a large margin.-The fireworks are more of a recurring visual symbol/theme than anything else-The Innkeeper uh…she and the cult are outwardly altruistic, BUT SHE DEVOURS PEOPLE……

Long answer: I actually have some concept art/material that I’m currently working on for them, so here’s a REALLY HUGE barely coherent dump of some details I’ve been mulling over. Things are subject to change as I go along and refine it, but the general ideas are here.(warning:  heavy-ish stuff ahead…?): 

[Imawa and the Twins]-They’re siblings!Imawa is older than them by about 10 years or so, and acted more as a caretaker/parental figure.-They’re a bit of a (perhaps overly) tragedy-wrought family.-From a remote farming village in the mountains of Shenkuu, their family was ostracized within the community on account of an ancient offense from generations ago.The offense, the crime, the taboo- whatever it was that occurred in the past was clearly no longer relevant in the present, but in such a sequestered society, it was simply convenient to have a scapegoat for ill happenings and misfortunes.Thus, the family lived under extremely poor conditions.-Scorned by the community and avoided like the plague by the villagers, the only thing they could rely on was each other; family was the most important thing.-The Twins were the lights in Imawa’s bleak life. He wanted nothing more than for them to have a better life, and often went out of his way to keep them entertained by crafting little trinkets and toys with whatever he could find.He’d probably do ANYTHING for them.(the general basis behind the Fireworks images/short script)-The Twins themselves were often perplexed by the odd rules they had to follow in order to stay out of trouble with the village, as they didn’t understand the nuance behind the shunning they experienced.They were blissfully unaware, and were mostly content to just spend time running around and playing in the mountains as kids do; but they were also very curious.-The family consisted of the 3 siblings, and their parents. -Was very close-knit despite their hardships, and maintained a meager but otherwise peaceful existence on the very outskirts of the village settlement.

[EXCEPT THINGS ALWAYS GET WORSE]-While the twins were still very young, their mother had succumbed to an otherwise curable illness; they weren’t able to get any medical attention due to the taboo placed upon them by the villagers.So she died a tragically preventable death :’ (-This was the true start of everything going down hill, though it wasn’t immediately apparent. -Their father fell into a deep depression after the loss of his wife, but he tried his hardest to keep going for the sake of the children. A listless and meek man, he always made it a point to warn the children to stay out of trouble with the villagers.-Imawa became extremely protective over the twins after the passing of their mother-He felt a great anger towards the cold-hearted villagers and a helplessness towards their situation. -(Around this time is when the past-firework image is placed chronologically)-(Some drastic(?) series of events happen that causes the 3 siblings to end up at an orphanage run by the Cult; still working the exact details of this part out)

-(The whole family is so miserably prone to misfortune, big or small, that I’m fairly certain there’s something more sinister going on in the background of the village, which I might expand on later from a different perspective)

[Imawa - Then and Now]-Originally a Grey Kacheek. -Weak of constitution, he couldn’t really help his father out much in the fields so he took to doing household chores and looking after his younger siblings.-KIND OF A ‘MOM’…..since their mother died while the twins were still very young, he sort of naturally took on this sort of role (perhaps unknowingly) to fill that void. 

- (This quality remains at his core even in the present day. While generally unfriendly and distrustful of others, he really looks after those that are close to him (Paskur, Delivery Grundo) and hides surprisingly high domestic skills. Also kind of obsessive about keeping places tidy.)

-Was always very resourceful and mature for his age, and quick to learn.-Young Imawa initially hoped to take the Imperial Exam and get a governmental job at the capital, in order to improve the family’s living conditions and just get away from the poverty and scornful villagers. …Things didn’t really pan out in the end.

-While at the orphanage, he was scouted by some shady Virtupets officials for his unusual intelligence (the non-civilian, Dr.Sloth-associated Virtupets?)Desperate to grasp at any opportunity to help his siblings lead a more normal life, he took their offer to be trained and employed at the Space Station, on the condition that the Twins would be properly cared for at the orphanage through his salary.

-He failed to take into account how his absence would affect the young twins. -Shoyru Boy, too young to understand how their older brother was looking out for them, became increasingly distraught as he felt convinced that Imawa had all but abandoned them.This lead to his great fear and anxieties towards abandonment; family was always the most important thing, but what can you do when even family leaves you behind? Their mother, their father, and then Imawa- it was far too much for him to handle.-Kacheek Girl became inevitably chained to her twin as his keeper; while they’ve always been at each other’s side, it took on a much graver meaning as she was now his only mental support. She had to quickly take on a role of responsibility, though she kept holding onto a vague hope that Imawa would come back for them soon.

-While working for Virtupets, Imawa willingly elected to be mutated, as his frail body was starting to fail him– he couldn’t afford to die.-It was largely successful, and granted him a body with an enhanced metabolism and sensory processing. His previously failing eyesight became exponentially sharp and clear.BUT…. it also made him extremely sensitive to light and sound, and prone to crippling migraines.(He LITERALLY can’t quite see the fireworks the same way as he did before :( )-By taking this decision however, he became very afraid of returning to the Twins, and having them see how horrendously he’s changed. Kind of dug his own grave, in a way.-Convinces himself that he’s monstrous and hideously twisted at heart and his mutant appearance an apt reflection of that…..BUT he’s actually very much soft-hearted, with a rational perception of morality and common sense.….However, that doesn’t mean he won’t follow through with questionable or morally reprehensible orders. 

[The Cult]-At the surface the cult appears as a sort of charity organization, and often runs food drives, charity events, volunteer programs, and other humanitarian (N…neopetarian??) efforts. -They have a pretty good reputation and nothing seems very suspect, save for the sometimes EXTREME sense of self-sacrifice the members seem to display.Maybe a bit TOO friendly, as well.- The Twins play a part in this by hosting charity concerts and personally helping out at events. The cult supports and organizes their idol activities, and the staff members consist almost entirely of cultists.The plan is to spread the influence of their ideology through mass-media (and in doing so, roping in new members)-The cult tends to target and appeal to those that are in bad situations and are prone to influence; the poor and displaced, youths with issues, those fraught with heavy worries and problems, individuals without a place to belong, etc. Sometimes you also have the types with savior complexes that need fulfilling, or just general do-gooders who are drawn to the idea of doing good for the community.-The cult provides a tightly-knit, supportive community structure bound by the idea that ‘Everyone can help each other if you give your selves willingly’

[What’s actually happening behind the scenes]-Hissi Innkeeper has a delusional belief that she’s a manifestation of the Thousand-Year Martyr, an obscure altruistic figure from a local legend whose story acts as the foundation for the cult’s ideology.-She idolizes the Martyr as her ideal of true beauty– Self-Sacrifice.In fact, she’s so enamored by the very idea of the Martyr that she’s come to believe that SHE /IS/ THE THOUSAND-YEAR MARTYR.She’s both a worshipper, AND the idol of worship itself.-In order to fully ‘become’ the Thousand-Year Martyr, she’s gone to excessive lengths to prolong her life and maintain her beauty– emulating the supposedly immortal figure.-Initially her methods were pretty benign.She dabbled in things like traditional medicines, cosmetics, charms and potions, weird diets, prayer and offerings, spells, etc.But when they didn’t have the effect she desired, she began dipping into more…questionable, occult practices.-More bluntly: She EATS people, under the belief that their flesh and blood will give her new life.-She’s one step away from becoming a real monster.

-While she truly believes in and endorses the cult’s main ideology of Self-Sacrifice, it also serves as a perfect ideology to condition her most devout followers into willingly offer up their flesh and blood.-The conditioning process usually starts off with smaller, secret gatherings that call for ritual offerings of blood, which gradually escalate as the devotees become entrapped in the mythos of the process.-Some of the funds that support the cult were gained by devotees who gave up their worldly possessions, as part of the gradual sacrifice process.-Not everyone in the cult is aware of the more sinister side; there are many peripheral followers that just attend the seminars and charity events, and don’t go much further than that.

[The Cult’s Structure, summarized]—Outer Layer—-Charity organization.-Ingrains members into the community through kind acts and philanthropy, and introduces them to the altruistic(?) ideology behind the cult.-Relatively benign, but often uses peer pressure as a tactic to indoctrinate new members.

—Middle Layer—-The actual ‘Cult’ level. A cult of personality combined with a mystery cult.-Cultists are initiated into the secret rituals and formally introduced to the ‘mythos’ behind the cult.-The Innkeeper/Cult Leader serves as a proxy and avatar to their idol of worship (Thousand-Year Martyr), and adds an occult/mystic element that asks for the cultists to offer up their blood in the name of the Martyr.-The Martyr itself is characterized to the cultists as a sort of conceptual being or divine force that exists within everyone– omniscient, benevolent, sympathetic, compassionate, forgiving, and able to bring about miracles….but requires the worshippers to first show their own ‘kindness’ in return.

-The cool bonus is that you get your very own pretty cultist garb, made from Hissi Innkeeper’s (shed) skin. WOW WHAT A DEAL!!

—Inner Layer–-Hissi Innkeeper’s personal circle.-If you’re here you’re either really high up in the ladder, or completely ready to be served up as dinner.Maybe both.

[Innkeeper and the Twins]-The Innkeeper considers the Twins to be like her very own children, and she dotes on them dearly.-She took in these unfortunate twins from the orphanage (sponsored by the Cult) during one of her visits, and she’s since raised them as her own and indoctrinated them into her cult.-….However, she’s not above using them for the purpose of the cult. They act as her close agents for monitoring and spreading the cult’s activities at a wider scale.-The Twins also participate in and sometimes lead the blood rituals.-While Shoyru Boy is completely loyal and unquestioning, Kacheek Girl holds a fear that one day they may be next on the platter.She can’t really run away or even confront the Innkeeper though, as she does feel a deep appreciation and obligation towards her for taking care of them. There’s also the fact that she couldn’t ever leave her brother behind and betray his trust….-A bit of a complicated ‘Hansel and Gretel’ sort of situation.

#[]asks #◆Concepts #★Imawa #★[Cultist 1] #★[Cultist 2] #★Yaochi #◎Cult #◀ Past

[the-keeper-of-my-keys]

Im sorry, but can i ask you something about abuse? I dont know if im being abused, i feel bad for even considering it. My mom ignores me when i ask how her day was, and if i ask her to do something she makes me feel bad about it because she buys me things i don't even ask for. She'll talk to me but only when she feels like it. Ive done the housework since i can remember and i can't ever do anything for myself, i think because i only know how to take care of her and my sister. (1)

(2) she makes me feel awful about my inability to finish my school work or study for my driving test, but at the same time i do have time to do it, but no drive. My future doesn't matter to me at all. Everything around the house that goes wronh is automatically my fault. Recently i confronted my autistic sister about her not eating and it upset her, and my mom yelled at me about it even though i was just worried for her. Im starting to think we only matter when what we do affects her.(3) in her defence, she's a single mother suffering from depression and anxiety and she does support us and buy us luxuries like my phone and computer and new clothes, and she paid for me and my friend to go to a concert awhile ago. I feel like a bad person for thinking she might be abusing me, but now she's making my nana feel worthless and annoying like she has me, and i think i'm starting to see her games. At the same time, i'm only 16, so i might be blowing things out of proportion.(4) i'm gonna leave it there. There are other things i can think of that might classify as abuse, but they arent major and i feel horrible for asking in the first place. If you don't want to answer this it's fine! Please delete it if it makes you uncomfortable or anything and im so sorry for spamming you with my problems. If i'm not just crazy and it is abuse, what do i do? I turn 18 in 2 years but i cant do anything for myself. This is my 3rd year in 9th grade bc i cant pass. I just want out._____________________Hi anon, first of all you do not have to feel bad! I’m glad to help and this doesn’t make me uncomfortable. This is probably going to be a long answer, so bear with me.So I don’t have a ton of information here and I’m not an expert so I can’t give you a for sure answer, but from what you’ve said here it definitely sounds like something is not right, and it does sound like abuse to me. It especially sounds like neglect, which in my opinion is a form of abuse. But it also in some parts just seems like clear cut and dry emotional abuse. The part where you said she makes you feel horrible about not being able to finish your schoolwork and stuff -- she shouldn’t be saying things that make you feel that way. She shouldn’t be blaming everything on you. And I think it’s also really neglectful of her to not realize that there’s a reason that you aren’t able to pass your classes? Like stuff like that doesn’t just happen for no reason, and she is ignoring the root cause -- I’m guessing it’s your stress -- and she is ignoring the emotional reasons that you are probably not doing well in school. If she isn’t interested in making sure you’re okay and the real reasons for this, she’s very self-absorbed.Here’s some possible psychological stuff on your mom that I was kind of getting from your messages. Sorry I might be totally off so if I am just ignore this. It sounds like your mom is having a lot of problems of her own, and isn’t dealing with them first, so she’s ignoring all of her responsibilities and pretending they don’t exist. And it sounds like she buys you random things to make herself feel better, so she can say she’s a good parent, and maybe tries to do something nice because she secretly feels bad? But she probably also thinks that buying you things will also get her out of the other parenting things she’s obligated to do, and that if she buys you stuff once in a while, she won’t have to do the things she really doesn’t want to. It’s also probably a subconscious (or even just conscious) mind game thing, where she thinks if she buys you stuff once in a while, you’ll stay and won’t leave. She wants to keep you there forever with her and drain your energy, so that you’ll be taking care of her and she doesn’t have to take responsibility. But she is your caregiver, and is supposed to be taking care of you, and she hasn’t been. It also seems like she’s been doing this for awhile, probably your whole life. She’s making you the parent, making you responsible for your sister and for her, and your mom is acting like she’s the victim and is pushing her problems on you, making you deal with them. In a healthy family, there are clear boundaries, and it kind of seems like there are no boundaries. While most of the time your mom is making you the parent, this time when you tried to get your sister to eat and were parenting in a way your mom didn’t like, your mom stepped in and was like “wtf I’m the parent this is my role so stop it because you’re not doing it how I want you to.” And I can understand how shitty and confusing it must be for you, my parents do that a lot -- it’s really confusing as a kid to have your role be like a parent most of the time with no clear boundaries, and then randomly your parents step in and take that role away, when you’re used to it.But your mom’s psychological problems don’t excuse her behavior at all. It doesn’t invalidate the abuse, because it sounds like abuse. Her depression and anxiety don’t excuse anything either. There are tons of people with depression and anxiety, that don’t do as shitty things as she does. It might honestly just come down to that she’s just kind of a shitty person, and doesn’t care about other people as much as herself, and won’t care for her family. I hope you’re not offended by that, but she doesn’t sound like a great mom at all.Maybe you’re only 16, but also you’ll be an adult in two years. I’m 16 too, but by the age of 16, people usually have their head on straighter, and kind of have more of an idea of what they want. At least that’s what my therapist told me. I know it’s hard not to believe your own thoughts because your mom might make you think that all of your ideas are invalid because you’re “not old enough” or “flawed” in some way (even if she didn’t say that, that might be the message you’re taking from it), but trust me when I say that for a lot of things, you’re able to trust your own judgment. You’ve come this far.I believe in you and you will make it through this! You only have two more years left until you can leave, and then this will all be over. And you say you can’t do anything for yourself, but I know you can and I know you’ll make it, because you were taking a step for yourself by sending me these messages and trying to figure your life out :)If you’re worried about not knowing how to take care of yourself, I would focus for now on becoming more independent from your mom, the most you can be, so that you’ll be prepared for the outside world when you turn 18 (or whenever you decide to move out). The internet can be your parent if she won’t be. You can learn almost anything about everything with a quick search, and you can teach yourself how to take care of yourself and support yourself. I’ll link  adulting masterposts here and here if you need any resources, it’s helped me a lot for sure! I hope this helped at least somewhat, and if you need anything else or wanna talk don’t hesitate to send me a message :) 

#ask #abuse #advice #toxic parents #neglect #Anonymous