#i hope me articulating my thoughts helps u articulate ur own

[honeytonedhottie]

hyper girliness⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

this post is just my take on what girliness is to me and how i incorporate it into my life bcuz its a lifestyle for me. being super feminine and feeling happy and beautiful in that way is how i choose to live and this post is just talking about how i go about that. ofc with anything that u consume. take what resonates with you and leave the rest but i hope you'll enjoy.

GIRLY MINDSET ;

i think of very highly of myself, like a princess. i did lots of self concept work to get my self concept to where it is now and i can confidently say that my self concept is just as flawless as i am. because i think so highly of myself, i treat myself accordingly. something that i reinforce in my thoughts is to treat myself like my favorite doll.

what does it mean to treat yourself like your favorite doll? PAMPER yourself, treat urself sweetly and preciously and your body and mind and soul will thank you tenfold. every investment that u put into urself whether its mental or physical will give you the highest ROI then anything else can because its YOU.

IN TOUCH WITH GIRLINESS ;

im rly in touch with my girliness when im practicing self care or doing something creative (like girlblogging for example) to me, femininity is expression and creativity and energy and beauty so anything that resonates with those four words is enriching my own girliness.

pampering and self care time every single day is a MUST

dancing or stretching

most tension for girls at least, is stored in ur hips, so whenever ur doing stretches or when u dance, i like to focus on my hips movements so that then i can release tension and let energy flow. doing so helps me to feel super in touch with my girliness and my femininity in general, so things like belly dancing and yoga.

PAMPERING ;

manis/pedis WEEKLY or every two weeks, u dont have to get them professionally done if u dont want to, but mainly focus on being well kept and well groomed and moisturized.

making sure my hair looks pretty and to my liking

being EXTRA during shower time ; using high quality and sweet smelling products, using body oils and body butters and lotions. taking bubble baths and using fancy bath milks and bubble bath.

GIRLY INCORPORATION ;

you can glamorize even the simplest of tasks by being super girly. here are some examples of incorporating girliness into mundane tasks. girliness is lots of ROMANTICIZATION

studying -> using cute stationary (mine are predominantly pink) decorated notes, cute study playlist (i listen to subliminals) keep an adorable space to study and wear a cute outfit

GIRLY CODE ;

being sweet and gentle with everyone (including urself) is SUCH a girly move and it makes u so pleasant and doll-like. theres no need to be nasty for no reason, cuz thats not hot. so mind ur p's and q's. say thank you, articulate ur feelings and ur thoughts. also, me saying making an effort to be nice is girly code does NOT mean that if someone is coming at u some kind of way that u shouldn't stand up for urself bcuz u absolutely should, but rly emphasize grace.

GIRLY ACCESSORIES ;

bracelets

anklets

purses

head bands

mini-skirts

on an ending note the main keys to girliness from my experience is all about how u treat urself, and that'll translate to how u treat others. and this post can serve as your reminder to pamper and spoil yourself bcuz u deserve it ✨

#advice #self concept #it girl #becoming that girl #self care #self love #that girl #it girl energy #honeytonedhottie⭐️ #girly #im just a girl #dream girl tips #dream girl #dream life #hyperfemininity #just girly things #girly girl #dolly #princess #pampered #prissy #self healing #femininity #self care routine #pamper routine

[mrsnancywheeler]

HEYYY omg ur post about reader isolating herself from her friends and finnick trying to help ease her back.. :(((( TFT HE CRIES BC HE JUST WANTS HER TO GET BETTER AND HE CARES SM FOR HER… IT HURTS 💔💔

But I can’t stop wondering about how confused Beckett and Tallulah might be when the reader comes back from the games bc of all the propaganda they consumed. about how a victor should act after winning the games. they would understand at first (bc of what happened w conway), but when its like months after her games and she still isolates herself is when they get concerned. Idk what do you think? im just saying things lolll

& i can imagine after the dinner, sweet girl’s initial thoughts are “omg that went horribly” (shoutout anixety/paranoia, they’re like this🤞) but finnick reassures her, “no it didn’t, please u did great :(“

BUT PLEASE WITH THE READER BEING THE BRIDESMAID TO BECKETT AND TALLULAH’S WEDDING :((( just imagining finnick also being there and just them being so cute. He def gets emotional and its not even their wedding

Also, unrelated note: im finally seeing hadestown this week and TRUST i will be thinking abt this series during most songs LMAO

ok this was a mess and i don’t organize/articulate my thoughts well but just wanted to share😋

—🦅

HI POOKIE 💋💋💋

so yes, like they've been fed this idea that victors should be happy because they love opulent lifestyles, have their own tv segments, are so beloved and finnick has very much played into this capitol darling image. so that idea cracks when reader plays the part in public for parties and for the media, but she's completely hollow in day to day life. so they realize that it's not really what they're told, there's a much darker side to winning that hidden that they know better than to ask about or be curious about. so they learn from finnick what they can do to support her and slowly push themselves back into her life and help her open up.

she works hard the whole dinner to not put on a persona, to just be herself and it's hard for her. she's anxious, nervous and it's obvious. beckett's jokes don't land, she adds little to the gossip him and tallulah bring, some nods and sometimes she forces our small things that add to story or commentary. it's enough for them to believe there's hope and that she just needs more support. after they leave she sits at the table still, head buried in be hands.

"they hate me, I wish I was the person I was before."

he's shaking his head ferverously, taking her hands in his. "no they don't. you did so good sweet girl, so proud of you."

he absolutely gets emotional watching her in a gorgeous bridesmaids dress, walking in the precession, makes him want to give the same thing to her. especially when she's told him about the whole process and made small mentions of what she likes versus doesn't, so he's got wedding things completely down for them. although he's anxious about asking, he's nervous he'll scare her off and about her mental stability. so he holds it off and as we know he waits too long.

AAAA I'm so excited for you, have fun, I hope you enjoy it. let me know how it is and anything you thought of!

you're all good, I literally got so excited when I saw it was you, my own eagle screech happened 😭❤️

#wanda 💋 #🦅 anon #finnick odair x reader #the lakes #the river

[lucky-draws]

hii I was just wondering if there are any songs you associate with particular mgs characters or ships? any playlists? I need recs for mine!! ty <3

HELLO!!! um OK i don't have any playlists of my own but there are definitely a bunch of songs i associate w mgs ppl/ships... (apologies in advance for a lot of them being by the same band LOL)... erm maybe what i’ll do is i’ll just list them here first without any explanation but then under a read more i will post the same list but with some thoughts/specific reasons why so you can choose whether to listen blind/draw ur own conclusions OR to read my thoughts beforehand etc, i wont talk abt every song tho just a few of them, SO yeah: by Depeche Mode: Judas - ocelot Bottom Line - ocelot Halo, Personal Jesus, Only When I Lose Myself - bosselot In Your Room - bosselot, or any other ship (horny) (lol) Never Let Me Down Again - kaz Walking In My Shoes - big boss Mercy In You - otasune/david pov Black Celebration - otasune Barrel Of A Gun - david, maybe venom snake too Policy Of Truth - sort of kaz and bb but more generally just like. lies. betrayal. etc. just general horny songs by the modes which u could apply to whoever include Rush, Higher Love, World In My Eyes (< that one’s kind of bosselot?) by the Pet Shop Boys: Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money) - Kaz (lol) Pandemonium - bosselot? Two Divided By Zero - otasune? vaguely... by Kraftwerk Computer Liebe/Computer Love - dr strangelove/strangeboss (lol), also maybe otacon actually (idk if there are any others by them i’d specifically relate to a character BUT. just the general electronic loneliness might bring some vibes to a playlist....i will just list some of my fave kw songs for fun lol: Radioactivity, Radioland, Airwaves, Ohm Sweet Ohm, Neon Lights, Pocket Calculator...) by Duran Duran Is There Something I Should Know? - very vaguely bosselot View To A Kill - a cheesy james bond film song but that makes it snake eater esque and therefore kind of bosselot or mgs3 in general (snake eater itself also definitely works as a bosselot song....get that tree frog in your playlists) by The Jam Thick As Thieves - bbkaz? ok that’s all i got for now rly, apologies that these are all the same kind of uh genre sort of. if u dont like depeche mode or synthpop in general then i guess this was no help at all.......LOL.......really tho depeche mode and metal gear just fit so well together in my opinion it’s a win if ur a fan of both....

so yh anyway hope u manage to fill your playlist!!! have a good day :-) <3

ok errm i wont talk abt every song bc that would be a lot but i’ll do the ones i have the most to say abt/think they need explaining/can actually articulate something abt:

Depeche Mode:

- Judas - ocelot and his devotion to bb. religious suffering. martyrdom. all the shit ocelot does for big boss. yeah.

- Bottom Line - kind of ocelot also, his devotion to bb again but specifically like. idk 'the apple falls, destiny calls, i follow you' was the line that made me go (!) bc i saw a post on here where someone i think it was a user called captmelbourne mentioned the whole. ocelot born from a snake shaped scar thing. 'destiny and shit' was the words they used i believe and like! fucking. exactly that... idk. ocelot and bb being so weirdly horribly intertwined bc of the boss is what makes me go insane every time

- Never Let Me Down Again - i sort of relate this to bbkaz like from kaz' pov...the 'he' the song talks abt being bb...'im taking a ride w my best friend. i hope he never lets me down again. promises me im safe as houses (as long as i remember who's wearing the trousers.)'..... just the whole kaz caught up in euphoria of being w bb except we know and maybe he himself knows that it will not end well. bb's power/control over and eventual betrayal of kaz etc. u know?

Pet Shop Boys: - Pandemonium - maybe the type of music itself doesnt feel that bosselot-ty but the lyrics sort of are, from bb’s pov marvelling at ocelot’s general lunacy, ‘in major trouble since u were almost a minor’...’sometimes i think we’ll both explode’...just their crazy dynamic basicly - Two Divided By Zero - you could see this as like philanthropy otasune, always on the run kind of thing....? idk its just a song that i like LOL ...half of these are like my fave songs anyway that i also happen to go (!) what if i forced this to be related to mg somehow LOL

Kraftwerk - Computer Love - just makes me think of strangelove + the ai pod, loneliness, literally ‘computer love’ in terms of building the ai as a replacement boss kind of thing.....and also maybe more generally otacon? makes me think of him pre-meeting snake, his lonely nerd era etc Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know? - only vaguely bosselot but i class it in similar vibes to snake eater ish, just the cheesiness, ‘don’t say ur easy on me, you’re about as easy as a nuclear war’ is very metal gear i think LOL, just in general mgs3 bosselot meeting, same w View To A Kill The Jam - Thick As Thieves - just vaguely bbkaz, ‘like a perfect stranger you came into my life, like a perfect lone ranger you rode away..’ just friendships falling apart etc...more childhood friends in the song than uh whatever bbkaz are but ya know, just vibes

#i actually answered a similar ask a while back and i probably said a lot of the same songs but idk i didnt feel like just #bringing the old post up i wanted to do it again ...i have probably got a tiny bit more insane since then after all #let me know if theres any here i didnt talk abt that u want to talk abt idk #and also sorry if none of these were to ur tastes LOL #lisette mumbles

[bostonkreme]

I need 2 collect myself, they are all such genuine fine lambskin sluts. tuck me in bed & read me pierre lapin wtf. let’s do this

karl urban gets this unhinged murderous look on his face and I want him to direct it at me

frenchie mon coeur my good trainspotting bitch, are you even alive? I love you. I hate myself. If anything happened 2 u I’d bomb the national archives. c’mere i wanna shave something funny in ur hair. I know u took my fishnets but im not mad they obviously look great. alexa play nuxx by underworld before I START. SCREAMING. just kidding play that song by toulouse. I will risk it all & end up dead or incarcerated.

kimiko could make me do whatever she wanted, queen of cooking & dancing & murder. I wanna be her so bad. I will settle 4 adoring her

would also commit such serious crimes for mothers milk, he makes the slightest facial movement & I am on the edge of my seat. the tension when he pauses. he makes me wanna be a better person fr this is all so grey I’m fine

so so confusingly attracted to jack quaid, he’s exactly age appropriate & I love a well meaning comedic disaster, but…lineage. I know it’s you parent trap, I’ve got mail ok, I can’t look at you knowing I wanted to fuck your parents before I even knew what that meant. you look exactly like both of them get away from me

I’m upset about starlight going full instagram face. but I get it. everyone has filler, that’s not what I’m talking about. I understand that nose jobs are basically a welcome mat for an entertainment career, but when ppl in their 20s get buccal fat removal??? etc

it makes me sad, she was SO cute in jessica jones & is obviously gorgeous now, I just hope she’s okay later in life. I worry about people who seriously alter their faces super young!! fucking look at what they already did to dove cameron, for gods sake someone explain. I thought the point of cosmetic procedures & plastic surgery was to touch up what you already have AS you age or change something that makes you really insecure, but we are spitting out carbon copied barbies FULLY FACIALLY TRANSPLANTED BEFORE AGE 30 at a rate I cannot handle!!

discover the joy of playing with every weird kind of barbie why don’t u. how…what’s the long term testing on that much surgery in your 20s for purely cosmetic purposes? how does it hold up & affect your nerves? who was patient zero. do you realize what it looks like after a decade when a surgeon didn’t do your eyelids EXACTLY right? who wants to worry about that??

help I actually don’t know, I’m just frustrated in a way that is hard to articulate. obv I have my own image hang ups like we all do & I’m not saying erin moriarty specifically got a full head transplant & none of this is on her at all. she should do whatever & not have to explain it & when she shows up somewhere looking like this I’m like………

carry on madam, as u were, I would never even dream of challenging you??? I can handle that our eyes no longer both squint unevenly when we lopsidedly smile. and the outrageous editing, do ppl really always do that outside of photoshoots? yes. they do. wtf. none of these pictures match & you’re already so good looking. why must everyone have the exact same face without even the slightest defining characteristics. and almost everyone doing this was pretty much already industry standard gorgeous to begin with???

decided I’m going grey AND getting so much filler. I would like the sexy old witch package, just age me right up I’m tired. where in the hell was I going w this. oh jesus christ that’s right yeah I’d die 4 starlight like I do not have any notes for her I don’t think. god, so much happened I really don’t know

maeve. maeve?? QUEEN MAEVE. I will rip out every single inch of every single metro line with my bare hands & become the movie volcano. I will sink the entire eastern seaboard into the atlantic if you ever scare me like that again. love you.

the a-train storyline was like watching the writers meticulously craft two perfect beautiful puffy little cannolis & then when I’m about 2 cry at the sheer wonder of these pastries in front of me they shove them both in my ears at mach speed

antony starr is so gifted at making me hate him, I can’t even tell if he’d be attractive with brown hair bc the picture when I pause is too small and I’m already so afraid

I can’t look at chace crawford without thinking abt that girl who publicly shit herself in front of him, what a fucking queen, I know I have the screenshot somewhere bc I would never delete it. shelly miscavige is still missing btw

they gave black noir some dialogue & that was rly where they went with it. an episode that dealt so much additional trauma to my already fragile psyche that it straight up canceled out what I was already carrying around in real life. what if we all died with him in first person lmfao. my fucking synapses quit firing. I am no longer a girl, I’m a fucking iPod touch with a cracked screen playing map of tasmania by amanda palmer & I will remain this way probably at least thru the end of the week. do not plug me in or take me off repeat 1 okay just let me vibe, thank u

jensen. another very specific kind of ‘it’s 2005 and channel 3 the WB is blaring on my fatback tv with a huge antenna & we can’t acknowledge gavin degraw or he gets louder’ type of brain damage. wait now it’s 2009, do u guys wanna see my bloody valentine 3d? yeah it’s only been 5 mins but this guy is definitely the deranged killer. his friends like. abandoned him in a mine shaft.

I actually feel bad 4 him if he’s completely straight bc he definitely got offered so much dick in late 90s LA

this bitch is lifted shifted higher than the ceiling. did god take away his dog or did I hallucinate that. idk that was the best/worst month ever and I didn’t make it to the last season but I also don’t wanna say how far I did make it

what the god damn fuck do u want me 2 say

how’s it hangin coward why’d you put a sock on it

oh right the character. he’s the worst. what if we made stucky happen except he’s one person & he’s fucking himself. what if we rolled those two enormous old fruits into a stale swisher & let charlie sheen smoke it behind a gander mountain

red headed crazy girl from jessica jones is holding this show together. the affection I feel for her is tangible. she can rip out my hair instead, I’ve got extra fr

HOT SENATOR. I CANT EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, GOD. MY BRAIN TURNED OFF EVERY TIME. IT’S VICTORIA. ALSO QUEEN OF MURDER

cherie 💕🥰💖 we will have a winter wedding. im thinking bordighera but whatever she wants

resurrect the milf. I can’t stand the udders and this psychotic prick needs his fucking mommy milkies bc no one ever fucking loved him and actually I shouldn’t even have to factor that in for that choice to be on the table. im kidding that would be dumb but what happened to her fkn baby lmfao was it super. don’t talk to me about the other kid I CANT

laser baby’s day out is still the best part of this universe. I believe that firmly

the real life political echoes are feeling a little too on the nose. kripke, I’m FINALLY ready to fight u and win. ugh, good job I think 😂

im good. im fine

#said while levitating & furiously ashing a pink sobranie that went out 20 mins ago #Ali aren’t u glad I posted this on an empty side blog instead of texting it to you #fine I’ll tag this but do not perceive me #the boys

[warmthpdf]

today was so good aaah i feel in love with the world again and with life and with the people in /my/ life :')

#went to the park with two of my best friends and it was sunny and i wore a dress for the first time in years #but i wasnt scared and i wasnt anxious and we hugged a lot and laughed so hard and it was comfy #and it just felt like home and it felt like the project was *actually* over now and i could breathe again #and i had a monster for the first time and juno cant get over how small my hands are when we compared <////3 #dax has been kin assigned as my dad ☹ #but aah omg today was so good and it just makes me !!! SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER AND MY BDAY #AND IM JUST!!!!! IM RLY NOT AFRAID RIGHT NOW. OF THE FUTURE AND GROWING UP AND BEING LEFT BEHIND #because its all so trivial and irrational to be afraid of things that havent happened yet and probably wont because heres the thing! #maybe the people who love me.. do!!!!!!!!!???? #maybe i can be loved and maybe i dont have to be good enough for that or be pretty or fully healed or recovered #and i dont have to perform or pretend. i can just be me and become me - whoever that is yk :) #ive never been more excited for my 18th and to have the best summer i can and be with my closest friends ever and live n survive n be okay #feeling hopeful and in love with the world and my friends and the fact i get to exist with them #i dont love being myself yet and i dont really know who that is yet because itd be attaching fixed words to a not fixed state of self #im constantly changing and i want to be okay with that. and i will be i think #i think ill get there and i have people who will still be there when i get to that point #maybe my fear of change is linked to that whole thing of fearing things ending and therefore friendships ending #like if an old version of myself ''ends''. will the love that people have for me end too ? idk a weird self centred but not unfounded fear #THINGS TO WORK THRU HMMM.. TUMBLR TAGS ARE NOT THERAPY BUT THIS IS MY LIL DIARY OF SORTS IG #i hope me articulating my thoughts helps u articulate ur own #i love u goodnight im going on a train for the first time in a longggg time tomorrow and im nervous but so excited #mine

[sourholland]

okay i know u were a in a hiatus just some days ago so feel free to ignore this but, i thought of this and for some odd reason it reminded of u and your writing? idk anyway i just thought it would be cute to do something like matching bracelets, or that change your painting every 5 minutes challenge from tiktok or any crafty romantic activities with timothée? it just gives me tiny apartment in paris smoking a cigarette naked in the morning vibes and in my head that’s literally him lol. love ur writing, hope youre doing well beb! <333

Mon Amour || Timothée Chalamet

a/n: i adore this request, u are creative as fuck and allowed in my inbox at anytime lovely :) psa, not my art! those two pics just sort of fit the vibe and the sketch is a reference, i switched up the request just a bit <3 also i listened to la vie en rose by edith piaf while writing, so i feel like it sort of fits the vibe :))

cw: nudity, language, suggestiveness

The white casement windows were slightly ajar, only a few inches above the floor with a bit of space before hitting the ceiling at the top. Through the space you could see the Eiffel Tower in the distance, a light breeze filtering through the small Parisian apartment.

Timothée had purchased it before you’d began dating, but it soon became a home away from home. Between traveling so much and several much needed breaks, you’d both spent a lot of time within the tiny space. It was like a step away from the outside, decorated in a way that could have been easily mistaken for a 90s interior.

Paintings were strung up on the wall, a white blanket skewed over the back of the sage green couch at the forefront of the room. There was no television, only a radio on the windowsill beside the balcony. It was old, lulling the tune to a French theme. The hardwood floor was always like ice in the mornings, clothes thrown all over the ground from the night before.

“Mon doux, mon tendre, mon merveilleux amour—bonjour.”

What a way to wake up, you thought.

Timothée’s voice rasped into your hair, his French accent thick when he fell into it carelessly. It was a good morning you’d never grow tired of, his curls tickling the apples of your cheeks as he leaned into you from his side of the bed. His arm was wrapped around your waist, tightening as you shifted to look at him.

Fortunately, you’d picked up on a bit of the language while staying in France so frequently. Timmy had helped tremendously, teaching you the basics and continuing to show you everyday. You listened to several podcasts in French now, retaining the intricacy of the dialect and articulation.

“Good morning,” you smiled at him.

The white duvet was nearly hanging off the bed, legs intertwined within the milky sheets. You were topless, all but a pair of light pink cotton underwear remaining on your person. He wore a simple pair of grey boxers, hanging low on his hips.

His head was laid on the pillow beside yours, hair spilled across the silk in a mess of dark brown curls. You took a handful of his hair in your hand gently, pushing it out of his face and leaning in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. It was a look you’d never get tired of, his pink cheeks and cluster of small constellations peppering his nose.

The air smelled of sex and vanilla, the hum of music only adding to the ambience. Leaning over to the side table, you planned to pick up your cellphone and snap a quick picture of Timothée. You caught a glimpse of your open sketchbook, though. The tan sheets of paper were littered in drawings, some truly very good.

“Can I draw you?” You asked him, grinning incessantly as he yawned and nodded.

“Draw me like one of your French girls, Jack,” he murmured, referencing the Titanic humorously.

Giggling terribly, you picked up the book and flipped to a clean space. He sat up, leaning back against the headboard and reaching to his own side table. He plucked a cigarette up and stuck it between his lips, lighting the end and inhaling dazedly as you sat up in bed as well.

Going to pluck his white button down off the floor, planning to cover your bare chest, he pulled you back up to him with a shake of the head. You rolled your eyes, leaving your breasts uncovered and maneuvering yourself to straddle his waist.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to seduce me,” you smirked, beginning to sketch out the curve of his jaw.

“You’re sitting on top of me naked, of course I’m trying to fucking seduce you,” he chuckled, taking another drag of the cigarette.

A rush of cold air left a shiver down your spine, his hands rubbing up and down your unclothed torso. You shaded around his nose with a charcoal pencil, it was hard to capture just the right angle of his fluttering eyelashes. In the sketch, his eyes were shut and a look of euphoria was dawning on his features.

He cupped your breasts, running the tip of his index finger along the perky bud of your nipple. This earned a slap in the arm from you, shaping his eyebrows and beginning that mess of wild curls. The song had changed, the buzz of another French melody filling the small space.

You leaned forward, letting him stick the cigarette between your lips and taking in a deep breath. With your non-dominant hand, you pulled it from your lips and flicked the ashes into the tray Timothée held out to you. Handing back the remainder of the stick, you finished shading his Adam’s apple and couldn’t help sitting forward a bit.

Bringing your lips to his bobbing throat, you kissed up his jaw and landed on his lips gently. Sitting up, you finished the last of the sketch and initialed the bottom corner to claim the piece of art. Spinning the pad of paper, you put it on display for his to see.

“I love it, mon amour,” he flushed. “But I can guarantee that my view is a lot better. Can I draw you this time?”

“I can think of at least ten other things we could do,” you whispered, setting the sketchbook back down onto the side table.

taglist - @moonythemilf @pradastardust @xxxlaura @ivegotthepetertingle @pogueslandia @peterparkerbae @beneskataa @reddir14 @cowboywrites @l0versstyles

#timothée #timothée chalamet blurbs #timothee chalamet blurbs #timothee chalamet imagine #timothée chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet imagines #timothée chalamet imagines #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet #elle’s fics

[oh-katsuki]

dont feel inclined to share! i just had to spew this word vomit to someone bc literally none of my friends watch aot~

but alas, sometimes i feel so fawking DUMB bc i used to be one of those eren stans that would blindly defend eren despite what he did in liberio. and this was around dec 2020/jan 2021 ://. BUT THAT CHANGED THOUGH THE MORE I READ INTO THE SERIES THANK FUCK. i think that was majorly bc i didn't want to come to terms that he was MEANT to be the worst fucking person and villain at the end of aot that brought on the demise of many. especially since the series followed his story and his aspirations/goals from the very first episode i felt inclined to stay on the "same side".

there's still a little piece in me that still likes eren as a character (ewwy i know :p). but i find that its important for a majority of eren stans (god, esp the ones on tiktok that are like "lawyering up to protect eren every Sunday<3" no. ur missing the point. he's not meant to be defended despite the outcomes of his actions. even EREN stated how he knew what he has done he couldn't ever be forgiven for) - to understand that blindly defending and dismissing his wrongs hinders his role as the antagonist/anti-hero (which he is now) and is just straight-up weird.

where was i going with this? honestly idfk SORRYlolol, but i read every single stance/take that you have of eren and honestly seeing it from the perspective of someone who doesn't like him is eye-opening and honestly if anything aids in like further understanding his character? like its good to see both sides of the coin! idk but i hope you get what I'm trying to say?

TLDR; I'm not good with words but i just wanted to say your opinions on eren are mwah and valid. ALSO I HOPE YOU GET UR NECK TATTOO EVENTUALLY U'D LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD WITH IT ♡♡♡♡

HI HI HI OKAY IM SORRY IM RESPONDING TO THIS SO LATE BUT I HAD TO GATHER MY THOUGHTS.

u made so many good points here and articulated it in a way i couldn't before!!

lemme just start this by saying that sometimes blindly defending a character is fun and ik that most of the time its for shits n gigs (and it does, indeed, make me gig). like i like eren as a character. I think he's interesting and well written and his struggle is a really nuanced one that makes him fun to watch. I just don't like him as a PERSON. like he just grates on my dislike button.

that being said... YES. exactly. I think that blindly defending eren because you like him / think he's hot takes away from the actual story of aot and the genius that is his character. eren essentially became his own enemy. it's tragic and ik it's sad to see a fave character go bad but he's meant to be the antagonist. i think (personally) that blindly defending him and his actions absolutely takes away from the experience of watching aot, a show in which good and bad is incredibly nuanced.

morality in aot in general is a bit shoddy because they live in a world in which being morally good essentially means standing by and doing nothing. that being said, it takes away from eren's character arc to describe him as either holistically good or holistically bad because he is neither. he's a boy with too much responsibility and a personality too brash for the burden passed onto him, and it resulted in him committing atrocities.

i just think you're right. seeing eren as the anti-hero / antagonist he is makes watching the show a MILLION times more enriching (for me personally).

I'm glad that my dislike of eren didn't take away what i meant for you / helped you experience the show in a different way 😭😭😭bc tbh i was just being a bitch to him for funsies LOLL

#[ 🏩 – chatting ] #aot spoilers #aot manga spoilers

[jungshookz]

hey cee, this might be a long post... but I’m a 2nd year student currently majoring in biochem and I recently had a quarter life crisis about my major and potential life career. I feel like I’m not smart or motivated enough to continue stem but I feel like it’s too late to change my major to something else I’ll find more interesting/enjoyable. but what can I do with a biochem major if I don’t plan on grad school?? I feel like I’m already in too deep and idk who I am or what I enjoy the most or what I want to do with my life. I crave creativity but I also like science and the two just don’t intersect??? I also have to choose between stability/making my parents happy and my own happiness. pls do you have any advice or just words of comfort?

!!!! 

okay i can already feel that i have a lot to say so i’m going to put this under keep reading and i apologize right now for the very long response but once my brain gets going it will not stop until all the words i want to say are on the page :D 

in second year i was still bright-eyed and hopeful that i’d get into the creative writing major programme which was why i basically planned the first two years of my university life arounD the creative writing programme and not anything else but i decided to go to see an advisor just to discuss a backup plan in case things didn’t work out (they did not work out) and basically i was like so if i don’t get into the creative writing major can i switch to a literature major or even a HISTORY major and would i still graduate on time with enough credits?? and the advisor said ya you’ll be totally fine even if you switch majors so u have nothing to worry about!!! obviously this is just from my own experience but since you’re still in second year if you end up switching to another major you’ll probably be fine!!! i highly suggest going to see an advisor and planning out different routes :’)) it’s definitely not too late!! 

i totally get how u feel!!! the only reason why i was so sure that i was going to get into creative writing was because i’m.,,. not very good at many things,.., but telling stories was the one thing i thought i was decent at so when i got rejected my plan b immediately went into action and i became a literature major! i’m going into my fourth year next year and i still feel like i’m not at the same level as my peers in terms of being able to properly analyze literature and articulate myself in a way that makes me seem intelligent!! i honestly don’t know what i’m going to do with a literature major / creative writing minor in terms of jobs BUT i think the exciting part about venturing into the unknown is that you get to discover new things about yourself along the way!! (i like to think about it like ur standing in a big empty space and every step u take lights up under your foot and makes a soothing little chime :’)) 

my point is ur still in second year so you have some time to figure it out!!!! and again i really do think going to an advisor is really helpful + sitting down and talking to ur parents would probably be helpful as well! my mom’s convinced herself that i’m going to find myself a job at a lawyer’s office as some kind of secretary and when i asked her how she came to that conclusion she was like well.,,. lawyers need.,., people who read.,,. and ur a literature major who knows how to read,.,., and i was like ?? but at the same time :-)) because at least she’s still being supportive about it :’)) 

i’m reading over my answer now and realizing that 98% of what i said is pretty useless but!!! life is crazy and we’re all just trying to figure it out!!! 

#answered #ask cee

[whentherewerebicycles]

I've seen you talk abt the youthsss and black and white morality before & it made me think, because (I think?) you teach college, & I feel like I wasn't really able to start grasping actually messy/complicated realities until I had graduated and lived in the world a bit longer. I think the internet has led lots of young people to really strong verbiage around things and by nature of being young and starting to have stronger convictions I think it gets mobilized as a more binary yes/no response that they're encouraged to champion. idk if it's any consolation (or if u even want consolation!) but I really felt like I changed most dramatically in the few years after college when I left the bubble. you're doing important work to help kids break out of it sooner tho!!! I just want to add some hope that so much of it is sort of age related or development in my own experience. luv all ur thoughts on this stuff as always!

oh for sure!! I think you’ve articulated it so well here. it’s absolutely a phase in people’s lives where we are so unshakably confident in our convictions—probably because underneath we are so unsure of who we are and are doing SO much grappling with those big questions of: what kind of person am I? what do I believe? who do I want to surround myself with? who am I away from my family/hometown for the first time (both both physically away but also emotionally trying to disentangle yourself from your upbringing)? I feel like it’s such an emotionally tumultuous time and in many ways such a scary time, because a lot of our bedrock certainties about the world and ourselves are being challenged for the first time, and we’re going through a new stage in the painful, messy, exhilarating-but-terrifying process of individuation.

I was talking about this with my best friend (who is a high school teacher), and we were discussing how one of the strange things about teaching the same age group for a long time is that you don’t get to see any of the growth that happens after that life phase. and then you also see that very specific life phase over and over and over again, with each year bringing you a fresh new crop of kids who are going through the same phase as the last group. I think for me that can create this false impression in my mind that nobody is growing at all—they’re all just cycling through the same conflicts and getting stuck in the same stubborn black-and-white certainties over and over again. I’m not sure I’m articulating that well, but when I’m feeling cranky or ungenerous my feeling is kind of like, “oh my god, they never change!!! they never grow!!!” which is unfair to kids, lol, because it’s not their fault that I’ve seen ten years of kids go through the same cycle! for me it’s the tenth time but for them it’s all brand new! it’s why I sometimes wonder if it would be good to move around more between age groups, just to give myself a deeper understanding of how the self evolves through these different life stages. when I only look at my tiny little slice of people’s lifecycles it’s easy to get stuck in the same black-and-white certainties that often frustrate me in the kids I teach, lol.

I also just think maybe I can work on deepening my empathy and compassion for kids, too—like prioritizing empathy and curiosity in the way I narrate my classroom experiences to myself and others, and also practicing that savoring mindset of just, like, consciously noticing and taking time to value those little moments where you see a spark of growth, or where you can feel a kid really genuinely (and courageously!) trying to grapple with complexity without falling back on easy but reductive certainties. because those moments absolutely happen all the time, but my perception of what is happening and the story I tell myself about it is shaped by what I pay attention to, and it can be easier (but lazier/less honest) to pay attention only to the negative or the frustrating aspects. anyway this is all to say: this was a very good ask, and it’s giving me some things to think about!!

#I need only think back to my own bullheaded certainties in college lol #it’s mortifying!!

[itsbaditsgood]

ok ajsdhkjdlmlsak I just!! do not want to ruin anyone's experience of it bc I know a lot of people seem to love it jsdkjks to kiri I've been like IT'S SO COOL HOW ARE U FEELING and right now I'm just like WHAT IS GOING ON WHY DO I FEEL TERRIBLE ABT THIS

I like the production from like a technical standpoint I think it was really cool (not as good as Ashe's album but that is high standards!!), even tho it leaves a weird hearing aftertaste (I immediately fell into all of my comfort albums right after I'd finished n I stilll don't know whyyyy), her voice is wonderful and I like the tone BUT. i heard she's been talking abt how she's like "bringing back pop punk" but she is Not? there were like. three... songs.? four? that were upbeat and about two (I think brutal and good 4 u) that sounded anything like actual pop punk (and the rest are........sad? breakup songs?)

like compare: Grace Vanderwaal and her two recent songs (punk rock, not pop punk, but similar to brutal like really vaguely) or Louis Tomlinson and Kill My Mind/Miss You (pop punk, good 4 u passes the vibe check of british pop punk sjdkjsjlsdk). brutal is swag but like why aren't there more brutal songs!!! that one was good even though the lyrics are uh,,,, jshdksdkj anyway. her voice is lowkey made for the genre though I am not in the corner of the genre with those kinds of voices

ok though u know what the thing is, Olivia said she's bringing back pop punk but the thing about pop-punk is that it's messy and proper instruments and actually having fun and messing around with the instruments and being loud and absolutely not ignorable, because it's punk. brutal does bring that to the table but it's like one song, swear words are not really punk (they are just making me go damn it olivia let my kid sister listen to your music sjdkjsd the dichotomy of being 17 and also a disney star? in 2021?). the aesthetic is not flower filled grocery stores and butterflies and pop and aesthetic things djdskdls??? like!! I think maybe that's why I'm like, this is Wrong, to just throw some pop punk songs in alongside like nine breakup songs? and yet have those songs be kind of like the strongest points in the album aside from drivers license and hope ur ok. at this point it has been like three hours of me trying to articulate and now I have brutal stuck in my head and I want more brutal-type and less drivers license-type. she could just say she's just being Olivia and not have put a label on it genre-wise tho? that would have been neat I would have expected less and it encompasses more of the album itself

can u tell. I am very sad and I just want actual new pop punk/punk rock music if there's no proper amazing songwriting happening sjhfkjdsdslk that is my beloved little corner of music and I was like noooo!!!! Olivia!!!! but I did cry at hope ur ok so like.

i would like to know how she still made an 11-song album drag I do not think I've ever seen someone do that before djskdsl all of the ballads are just the same help

OKAY THAT WAS SO LONG I HAVE DELETED THAT PARAGRAPH I SWEAR. JUST. THE BALLADS ARE NOT COHESIVE. The songwriting isn't solid enough to stand on its own and don't have clear imagery and storytelling (like Taylor Swift?? or uh Lorde both of whom she says she takes after) to distinguish themselves and I suspect she has been learning poetry from instagram and stuff please start reading good books and learn how to not word vomit (we are in the same boat tho it sucks) ms rodrigo. neither are the melodies/little instrumental riffs/hooks (which are nonexistent sjhdsjksd let the brain hang onto something!!! deja vu and good 4 u have them though they're not ballads, but like the melodies??? think heather by conan gray. it has that hook, and there aren't strong hooks throughout the album I don't think), and she also could have just done the EP??? I think it'd have been smarter for a debut specifically because it's easier to make a good EP than a good album (like listen, Dodie and Ashe didn't release albums until now, it's not like a dumb thing to do to cover up flaws, it's letting yourself grow into making big bodies of work) and she could make a stronger album later with more experience like, she didn't need to "prove herself"? *meme voice* sometimes... playing it safe is better. especially when u are seventeen and like. super in the spotlight gosh she's probably gonna get a bunch of critical thingies idk what they're called. the album I think probably jams but also it's so much of an average teen 2021 album idk. I think she'll grow into it though so maybe it'll get better with time!

anyway this is long I am so sorry June. like 80% of this is me going ok but where's the pop punk was I lied to sfdgfhjk

many thoughts happened huh

#june gets an ask #ink tag

[oddishfeeling]

Hi I was wondering if you have any advice on what to do when you’re feeling sad. Also do you have any relationship advice I guess generally on keeping a healthy relationship? I really admire how thoughtful, down to earth, and articulate you are. Thank you so much ahead of time! 💫💓

u are jus a sweet baby. 

my advice is pretty cliche so i want to expand on the whole “communication is important” thing, since we all know this, it’s like.. how do we do it? im finding that it involves trusting the other person enough to open up, maybe even giving them the benefit of the doubt, also validating ur own feelings enough to speak up abt them, and it even requires a certain type of bravery that u may need to muster up the first few times ur vulnerable. 

communication is important bc mind reading doesn’t exist! u can’t do it, they can’t do it, and the odds are that when u guys try, u will be wrong. 

im still struggling with being up front about things and immediately mentioning them bc i tend to mull things over and minimize whats bugging me, don’t be like that! u don’t need to ‘grin n bear’ anything u don’t need to ‘suffer silently’ not for anyone who means it when they say they love n care about u! 

hope this helps somehow 🦋

[waterrtribe]

just here to let u kno i would Love to hear ur thoughts on katara as the mom friend 👉🏻👈🏻

lksdjfklsdfj okay disclaimer: i’m not very articulate so i don’t have a full coherent Thought about this so get ready for some word vomit and a scary glimpse of the disconnected thoughts in my brain. i promise, what i lack in coherency i make up for with my love and passion for this show and for katara herself. also this got long so...bear with me. 

i’ll start off by saying that i think about the episode The Runaway a lot. It’s the one where Katara and Toph get into it about how Katara tries to mother them all the time. at one point sokka explains that their mother died when they were so young that in his mind, Katara basically took over Kya’s place. he said something along the lines of, “when i try to picture our mother’s face, i just see katara’s,” a line which still makes me very emotional every time i watch.

anyway, i see katara being The Mom Friend with sokka, with aang, with toph, and it’s very sweet!! i love the Gaang’s dynamics and how much they all love and support each other. still, i can’t help but feel kind of....indignant on katara’s behalf?

i think it’s because i’m older now, so i’m just hyperaware of these characters’ ages. when i was watching this show in 2007 i didn’t understand quite as much. all of the weight of their trauma and responsibility really hits me harder now. so i see the rest of the gaang get to act like their age a lot of the time and just be able to be Kids (as they should!!), but with katara, it seemed to me like she gets to do so less than the rest of the gaang.

i know we can say “well that’s just because she’s the mom friend and it’s part of her personality.” still, i can’t help but focus on the fact that the reason katara is The Mom Friend in the first place is because of a combination of her mother dying at such a young age and her having to step up to fulfill that role plus the general gender roles instilled in her while growing up. i think i’ve seen some posts floating around that mention how sokka and katara ended up adhering to more traditional gender roles because sokka had to fill his father’s shoes after he went off to war and katara had to fill her mother’s after she died. so going off of that, sokka and katara both bear responsibilities and pressures that they shouldn’t have to when they’re just children.

there’s still a difference between the two, however. sokka is still a very goofy, fun-loving character who can make cheesy jokes and get into all sorts of hijinks. he’s allowed to be childish, and it’s fun to watch him be childish. katara, on the other hand, always has to be the mature and levelheaded one. when i think about this contrast, i think about The Desert episode from book 2. they’re wandering the desert and katara is the one keeping them on track. aang, of course, has his own worries about appa being taken, and toph is unable to navigate the desert very well because she’s not used to moving in the sand. that leaves sokka and katara to lead the way. but then, sokka drinks the cactus juice. don’t get me wrong--i’m aware that whole bit was comic relief and adds levity in a very emotionally heavy episode, and i love it a lot! but i still can’t help but notice that sokka is the oldest, and he’s the one whose character arc is about growing into the strong leader that he becomes in book 3. yet, katara is the one leading the way here while sokka’s allowed to check out and be our comic relief. katara’s never really allowed to let loose in the same way.

i can think of two instances where she’s allowed to let loose a little and both of them end up with her facing serious repercussions for them. there’s the part in the first episode when she goes penguin sledding with aang and she’s enjoying herself and she says, “i haven’t done this since i was a kid!” and aang replied, “you still are a kid!” which is so telling (also this reminds me of when aang basically had the same exchange with zuko later but this post is long enough without me talking about zuko lol). katara hasn’t really been able to be a kid since her mom died. and when she allows herself to be one in this scene, she and aang end up accidentally setting off a booby trap from an abandoned fire navy ship which lights up a flare that leads zuko to her village. the other instance is in the episode i mentioned earlier, the Runaway, where katara wants to have fun with Toph and pull a scam with her in an effort to stop being The Mom Friend and just be A Friend, and that ends with them being arrested. even when it was her turn to pick a vacation spot in the library episode, she picked the misty palms oasis because it sounded relaxing, but that didn’t even go the way she wanted it to because the oasis was no longer an oasis. there are so many times where katara wants to just be a kid and relax, and the narrative seems to almost punish her for it.

(quick note: i can think of some moments where katara isn’t necessarily levelheaded and is impulsive and that’s in the cases when she’s actively trying to fight to protect and help people in need, which still kind of proves my point because she’s not impulsive for herself and for the sake of acting her own age; it’s to fight oppression and injustice. and that’s not childish at all.)

this extremely long ramble brings me to my Thought about how katara is a perfect example about how quickly we expect young girls, especially brown girls, to grow up. katara is a kid just like the rest of them. she’s a powerful warrior just like the rest of them. she is a war hero just like the rest of them. but she also has to be the The Mom Friend. and i think, despite the fact that she’s able to fight the gender roles forced on her by becoming a warrior, she’s unable to escape them entirely. this isn’t to say she can’t enjoy being the caretaker and being the mom friend, but that doesn’t change the fact the writers wrote her that way in the first place.

that also leads to my dissatisfaction with katara’s life post-atla. it seemed to me that despite all of katara’s power, her accomplishments, and her drive to fight for what she believes in, ultimately, motherhood prevails. this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. i’m sure katara loves being a mom!! she’d be great at it!! and there is nothing wrong with a woman who wants to be a mother and only a mother!! nonetheless, from a narrative standpoint i can’t help but resent bryke a little for making it so.

i’ve had conversations about this and people have mentioned that the legend of korra is a show that should stand on its own so the less amount of contact with atla characters, the better, and i agree to some extent. but what strikes me is that they brought in zuko to participate in the action at one point. toph shows up as well to help her family. but we get very few interactions with katara as anything other than a healer, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. that doesn’t sit right with me.

i can’t help but think about the episodes in the legend of korra season 1 when they’re dealing with Yakone, the bloodbender. katara doesn’t really come up at all even though the episode introducing bloodbending, the Puppetmaster, was one of the big katara-centric episodes. at one point toph mentions that katara hasn’t joined in on the action because she’s old and tired, so she’s ready to leave these things to the young ones. but even in the flashbacks to Yakone’s trial, sokka, toph, and aang are all there, and katara isn’t. you would think that when faced with a bloodbending enemy, katara would be there, but she’s nowhere to be seen. that will always bother me.

anyway, my point is that katara is the embodiment of what we want young girls to be. we want them to be mothers. we want them to be caretakers. we want them to act like grown women, and we punish them when they don’t. katara is The Mom Friend because she stopped being a child when her mother died. that’s why katara always talks about her mother’s death and why it had such a huge impact on her. when kya died, katara took over her role as a mother for her entire village and for her friends and later, for her own family. katara became a mother as soon as her own died. kya’s death forced katara into womanhood. kya’s death marked the death of her girlhood. kya’s death is when Katara became the Mom Friend.

i just really wish that the narrative gave katara more chances to be a child again and recover her lost girlhood just for a little while.

so yeah. those are my thoughts on katara as the mom friend. i hope this was satisfying in some way if u managed to get through this whole thing 😭 

#atla #atla meta #katara #if this makes even a tiny bit of sense i'll be happy lmao #i did not proofread this at all so if something doesn't make sense lmk and i'll try to clarify #anyone is welcome to add to the discussion by the way #i know there are plenty of more articulate people than me jsjkfsd #also if i am wrong plz tell me bc i am often wrong #maybe i just forgot some episodes where katara can be a kid and i'm just a dumbass #silvermlst #answered

[silverjirachi]

Do u rly 100% believe ur not a woman? If u dont mind sharing how did u figure that out? How can u separate urself from ur body like that? We r our bodies! I cant wrap my mind around it even tho I have dysphoria. Also women are the most oppressed class of people 2 this day so it seems really really stupid 2 let our oppressors claim womanhood. We r all born from vaginas. How do people ignore history & reality? Is pretending ur not who u r a coping mechanism? Wouldnt accepting ur body b healthier?

Hi there!  I considered not answering this because I don’t want to fan flames or stir discourse because I don’t want other people to get wrapped up into something that is 100% about me. I try really hard to cultivate a positive, lighthearted environment in all of my online presences.  But honestly your ask isn’t worded hatefully, and I think what I have to say is important and might help someone else, so I’m going to answer it. But I probably won’t answer anything else and there better not be any funny business in these notes.  If there is, I would like to politely ask people not to engage with it.  Please leave me, and everyone else in these notes, alone.  I am writing this for me, to answer your question about me, and I’m writing this in case there’s a baby enby out there who is exactly like me who who needs to read this today.

With that disclaimer aside...,

Yes, I really do 100% believe I am not a woman.  I unfortunately cannot easily explain how without falling into the traps of words like masculinity and femininity.  But it’s the same as any other identity.  How do you know you are a woman?  Is it something that you identify with, feel a personal relationship with?  Or does it ultimately only come from your body alone, and you feel absolutely no connotations or connections to it whatsoever?  Did it come to you through your body?  I know people who 100% identify with their assigned gender, but can’t really articulate how or why without falling into these same binaries.  And I know people who 100% DON’T identify with their assigned gender and cannot truly articulate how or why.  It doesn’t even have a lot to do with masculinity or femininity.  A lot of our language just doesn’t have the words to describe such an internal experience.

It is true that there is a very specific type of oppression that comes with being born in a female body- or a body that would otherwise assign you female at birth.  From what I can tell, that’s what a lot of this really relies on.  I don’t think anyone who is AFAB and nonbinary or ftm is really denying that, at least not from my experience.  I’m sure they’re out there.  But we, by and large, HAVE had the experience of discrimination in some way or another because of our “femaleness-” our ASSIGNED femaleness.  (Something that got thrown at me was the idea of female socialization- it’s true, I was socialized as a female bc that’s what my body “looked” like and that’s just what our society assumes).  But just as there is a very specific kind of oppression that goes along with being AFAB, there is also a very specific kind of oppression that goes along with being mtf, and there is a very specific type of oppression that goes along with being a poc and any of those other categories.  That’s at the core of intersectionality.  Different parts of our identities interact with each other in different ways.  People experience oppression and privilege in different ways and at different times depending on where they fall in this mix of race/class/gender/ability etc.

I also have body dysphoria, and it’s true our bodies can define a lot of our human experience (after all if I didn’t have a body I wouldn’t have dysphoria, right?? Godddd what a life).  But also because I have dysphoria, I do not think that our bodies should be the defining characteristic of our identities.  Bodies and presentation can cause a lot of our social interactions- including oppression- but I think to say woman and woman’s experience = female body is quite a limited summary of the issue with little nuance, and it’s also quite limiting with the way our society is changing.  This is why I heavily prefer terms like assigned female at birth.  This can imply that such a person may have had a socially female experience (like me) in part due to their body, and thus was socially assigned to be a female, but just... also isnt a woman for some reason or another.

I also think that what we strive to do is not to ignore history (I think very few people are denying the way women have been treated in history, and are still treated to this day) but we hope to build from it.  I think that’s why feminism and gender studies get lumped together.  A lot of feminist activists/scholars (many were both at the same time) led our current strides into gender constructivism.  I studied a lot of gender essentialism when I started my thesis, and to be honest, I saw the point behind it in the context of the time, but we’ve shifted in understanding and context since then.

And, in full disclosure, at the start of this whole adventure, (and i am SURE this will be used against me) I really did identify with being a woman.  I thought it was awesome to have the body I had and when I started witchcraft I did actually fall into that really easy trap of tying the female experience to magic.  (Honestly because I HATED my body and looking back that was probably a way to cope with DYSPHORIA and not the other way around).  And isn’t inherently harmful to have a working magical relationship with your body like that, but it is harmful when you think and say that’s the only way people can exist and the only way people can be magical.  But over time, I just started to change.  Nothing traumatic happened, I’ve been incredibly fortunate and privileged my entire life, it’s not a coping mechanism, I just started to identify with womanhood less and less, for no real particular reason- nothing about me personality or preference-wise changed.  Just my own internal view of myself.

I also got the words for gender euphoria.  And I noticed more and more that, if I was being honest with myself, that that was always how I had truly felt.  While it’s true gender roles shouldn’t exist, just like any other role or label, it’s different when someone chooses that role for themselves versus when they have it thrust upon them.  As a child, like many other AFAB children, I had the idea of womanhood thrust upon me, with all the roles and stereotypes that went along with it.  It’s fucked up in the first place, don’t get me wrong, but I knew people who embraced these fullheartedly, I knew people who didn’t.  But some people who didn’t still identified with womanhood, others became ftm, others became mtf.  I had “woman” thrust upon me, didn’t identify with it, rebelled against it, tried to rationalize it by accepting that I could be a “woman” without falling into gender stereotypes because there is no ONE correct way to be a woman (which there ISN’T), still didn’t feel right, did a full 180 and started buying pink lingerie and worshipped Aphrodite, that worked for a while and was overall a positive experience that helped me hate myself a little less, but at the end of the day, no matter what I did, I still did not identify as a woman.  What does happen to me, however?  I get a burst of euphoria when I am called a boy.  That makes me feel like I’m being really seen.  I actually resonate with that after years of not resonating at all with womanhood no matter how I sliced it, and that’s why it feels so fucking good.  I tried to identify as a woman. Believe me, I tried like all fucking hell.  Even though my presentation is still read as mostly female (I would disagree strongly with it but alas society and their fucking gender roles), I am quite the feminine boy-something to me, and I don’t have to justify that to anyone.

So TL;DR no it’s not a coping mechanism, I have lived a life full of very accepting, open-minded people and I won’t deny that I have that privilege, but in spite of that i STILL did not view myself as a woman, no matter how hard I tried.  I’ve actually generally accepted my body except on the days my dysphoria makes me want to throw my boobs across the room, I don’t think it’s denying history if we’re building from it, gender roles are fucked up.  I recognize that my experience being AFAB- and others who are AFAB- comes along with a particular type of oppression, but that’s why I prefer the term AFAB because it indicates the experience you’re talking about while also leaving it open to considering other experiences like my own and the experiences of other trans and nb folks.  In a few years AFAB might be outdated as a term and then we’ll find more terms to help figure this whole mess out.

TL;DR;DR no it’s not a coping mechanism and anyone is welcome to think that this is simply part of the horrible fallout of female socialization, and anyone is welcome to think that i’m mentally ill for identifying like this. people can think or say all they want about me but it won’t change the fact that I’m a boy-something and it won’t change all the years I struggled trying to figure that out.

Thank you for allowing me to write this all out, I think I really needed to.  This is something that had been floating in my brain forever, and explaining it all to you actually made my thoughts that much clearer.

Now everyone who sees this- please respect my wishes and please don’t clown in these notes if it spreads.  I’m tired enough about this as it is today.  I’m tired enough about fucking gender as it is.  We’re all fucking tired.  What I’ve shared today is about me and me alone and I want to keep it that way.

#gender stuff #discourse #seriously i know people are gonna comment on this but i wanted to share it bc i thought it was important to say #but i REALLY don't want other people wrapped up in MY OWN issues and identity #anon #asks

[kkulmoon]

Freaking Dumblr :(( absolutely good for nothing. Didn't send me a notif, if i didnt check your blog and scroll thru i woulda miss it >:( tumblr fite me!!

And yeah!! I do scanslation, been doing it since i was 12 😂 it been a while. I used to own a pretty big group too but then I quitted cuz dramas in scans are abundant and i rather waste my times on something else. Nowadays i'm pretty much do work for whichever groups that need help. I would tell which group it was but... that would reveal me 🤫

Okay things i love about myself part 3/10: I like my height. I'm 150cm so i am very short, and i used to HATE being short cuz i get tease a lot but now i learn to love it cuz i get call cute while hiding my evil side hehehehe 😈

Hehehe they says "be careful what you wish for" and I wish for PAIN!!!! I lost my shit over them all the damn time but blood sweats and tears.... i will never get over it.... THREW ME STRAIGHT BACK INTO MY VAMPIRE PHASE THAT I THOUGHT I GOT OUT OF AND I HATE THEM FOR IT

Hmmm, do i like the current version of myself? In some part, i do like how much I've matured. But i do wish to change a few things, maybe able to articulate my thoughts better. The way I say things tend to be from A straight to C instead of from A to B to C (does that even make sense?) So people misunderstand me oftens, and I may cause some unintentional hurts so I want to fix that in the future. What about you?

I'm glad you had a productive and healthy day!! Joon would definitely been proud 😤 i spent my day trying to win back my kitty's affection cuz she recently got a surgery and is wearing the collar of shame and is hating everyone 😭 she won't let me pet her just stand up and sashay away, what a brat >:(

I swear we're both writing novels and taking up people's timeline 😔 #sorrynotsorry.

Question of the day is: what are some of your pet peeves? -Valley's Lilies @valley-lilies

i sent a petty email to support about it and they fixed it so now i am happy lol, well until next time it happens 😔srry about having u scroll i rb a lot 😭

OH DAMN 12??? wow, what was i doing at twelve 🤔?? nothing productive i know ;(( oohhh i am srry about the drama that must rlly suck ;// i have so much love for scanlation groups tho especially the ones who share their conversations on the manga. then you must speak japanese, right?

awwww you’re so tiny and fun sized uwu, i’m literally almost 20 cm taller than you 😳, short people rlly are cute tho at least all the ones i know, except for this one kid in high school who i played soccer with, he was sooo annoying like pass the goddamn ball once in a while 😠O.O you have an evil side  you say? what is it you’re hiding 👀??

anon valley’s lilies you lost some rights after putting me through the mental torture that is joon in a crop top but you’ve earned them back cause bst was just WOW SUCH A COMEBACK!!! hey i’m telling you, you never truly get over ur vampire phase, NEVER 🤪i still go back to it once in a while and they pulled it off so well, such a visually pleasing cb, you know that joon scene with the smoke ,that was when joon being my bias was CEMENTED for eternity ughhhhh

oh yeah you’ve definitely matured if you’re able to look at the way you communicate and find flaws... and yes it does make sense, i mean you know what B is in your mind, it might even seem so obvious that you don’t mention it and end up at C directly, or at least that’s how things have appeared to me. hmmm i want to change my behaviour, like conceptually i know what i should be doing but actually getting to it is a big hassle, i have a tendency for self destructive behaviour in certain areas of my life ;(( i’ve gotten much better but there’s still a way to go, like saying no, i NEED to start saying it more often, i’m way too lenient at times 😩

namjooning activites are the most healing, plus i am interested in learning how to pick mushrooms cause we’ve gotta a lot were i live. speaking of healing, what are your favourite healing activities? awww poor kitty ;((( she’ll come around, all cats have attitude problems according to me lol. i hope she’s feeling well, despite the collar ;))

folks you heard what she said, typing novels i shall continue to do lol 

#valley's lilies 💞 #asktrail #anontrail

[ghostfruits]

hey can i ask a personal question for the members of ghostfruits; how do u guys personally deal with suicidal ideation and self harm? i notice that theres alot of mentions of death/depression/suicide/etc in your comics, and im a huge fan of you guys and im currently struggling with my own demons and thought I would ask. i hope this isnt too intrusive, feel free to ignore me.. - a suicidal, depressed fan.

i know we’re in public rn but i’m gonna just talk to u like a person, real quick. im going to talk to u like i would have if u were like in front of me

its like 2am and so im worried i might not be as lucid as i think. im sorry in advance if this is like, whole gibberish

im gonna speak for just myself, as the the person who is most often inserting specifically that kind of shit into our work, but definitely not like, the only person on this side like massively struggling with a similar variety of things

i dont know

a lot of people seem to be making work about problems they Used To have, and like ways they Used To feel, and like overcame, and then it becomes safe for them to make like, art about it. like the turmoil happens behind the scenes and then they like open up abt it publically after the fact via art. or at least like thats what im seeing happen, or like, ppl talk abt like "i made this bc it would have helped me figure my shit out sooner if someone had made s/t like this for me" and the like, probably dissappointing truth of it here is i'm bleeding in like real time. i dont have solutions to it. you and me are both in the immediate thick of the same kind of emotion. i didnt manage to puzzle it out. when i was 9 i started feeling like i wanted to kill myself and im 25 and ive wanted that, still, the entire time. i dont all the way know why its like that. sometimes i used to think it was like, a reaction to specific kinds of hardship or loss or dissatisfaction with my circumstances, but lately ive been worried that maybe good things or good times or good feelings are just like, distracting me from something that is my Actual desire, that being dead is the path im just like occassionally straying from. when i say that out loud i have a really easy time imagining a second person telling me that isnt a healthy thing to be saying or feeling, which usually means it isnt, but thats like, really how i am feeling, that is really where i am at with it. that probably means i dont have any business directing another persons like, outlook on it

so

while i cant tell you how to live with it, or cope with it, or manage it, bc im not doing any of those things, i can tell you really confidently that i dont think you should be dead, and you're being misdirected by either yourself or the world or like something else altogether into thinking thats the key that fits into whatevers in front of you. i know i dont know you, but i know like, a lot of people, and iv never felt like any of them should be dead. ive never met anybody who i thought itd be like fine if they died. theres people im hugely indifferent to, theres people i hate, there are people who have hurt me or others enormously and ive still never thought in earnest like "this persons best plan of attack i think is to kill themselves"not like anybody. not like anybody ever. iv said some fucking wild shit abt niggas but iv never said that, and i cant imagine ever saying it. or thinking it, or feeling it. i dont imagine youd be like an exception to that

thats easy to say, but, im not the person who has to live with it tho. thats easy to say to you but you still have to wake up tomorrow and live out whatever has got you so fucked up you're at like, a death point with it, and if youre coming here to ask abt it, youve probably exhausted a lot of other options already ill bet. and its like, probably wack as fuck to meet like another dead end here too. i dont know if youre still reading this even. i probably wouldnt be. iv had madd niggas hem and haw at me forever abt "temporary problems permanent solutions" and then just like shuffle me out of their office or living room or whatever and expect im not supposed to like pop myself on their doorstep. niggas acting like im fucking playing. like i got it out of my system bc we had one conversation and now im supposed to go eat lunch and be regular. idk. id be very mad at me, if i were you. i dont know if you are, but i wouldnt blame you for that. the reason i say all this is to articulate like;its possible that after hitting another roadblock here, youll feel like, "ok then fuck it" and like set your sights on just like, doing it. like bc i didnt have any jewels for u it would like reinforce it maybe. i would like u to consider this tho;

theres MADD niggas smarter than me. i was extremely useless to you just now. this is not like the pinnacle of help you're ever going to get. the answers you need for this exist even if youve already turned over a dozen rocks and theyve all been like, as useless, as this, tht has like absolutely no bearing on if the next rock will have useless shit under it. every single time u flip a coin it has the exact same chance of going one way or the other. this like did not have the medicine u need in it but the main thing i would want to stress to u is that it *does* exist and uve just had like a supremely shitty time finding it

somebodys got it. the only thing i can like confidently promise u is that somewhere, somebody, definitely knows the answer to this. u might be the person even. im not sure. /i/ def havent found it but like its in the mix somewhere. idk

i cant prove it to u but im positive ur not done yet, & you should stay

i didnt read back over any of this after i typed it, & so im gonna apologize again if it was just like, fullblown nonsense

#tw suicide #stvn #Anonymous

[gg-astrology]

Your posts for sun/moon placements are fantastic and I was wondering how would you describe someone with their sun in Scorpio + moon in Sagittarius. Thanks!

Aaaaah thank u so much!! 💞💞💞💞 And thaNK YOU FOR REQUESTING!! 💞💞💞 This is the LAST COMBO and then we’ll have ALL 144 COMBOS!!! 🙌💞💞 

[Below Cut: Scorpio Sun - Sagittarius Moon 🥢]

Mischevious, Devoted, Intensely Loyal (to self AND others) 

‘We ride or die’ but if we don’t Ride Hard or Die Hard-- if we don’t have a Chance of Dying (or Riding) then its Not Worth it 

(plays HARD like Hard Hard)  

Impulsive and also-- like, self-destructive??? probably has problematic Favs/Kinks they get Called out For often

WANTS to be called out--- that in itself a kink at this point smh 

‘ugh roast me more’ its not like ur masochistic its more like it fulfills your need for personal/intimacy and knowledge about urself exposed by others 

Relating urself to others?? But also?? the info being personalized or personally (secretive)-- only known to you prior-- is important??

It’s like having a dirty lil secret about ur oopsie 🔞or inner thoughts exposed turns u on?? 

Anyways this isn’t a calling out sdkjfnkjn I jus wanted to Ask ‘hey What the Fuck’ sometimes but ok its.... its ok to be like that we Get it

The tea has to be piping hot and spicy as hell for u to 🍵oof that hits the spot 😩💦👌

I’m a PG-13 blog but honestly???

The kind of people who goes ‘hnnnnnnnng theyre so bad, but i want them BC of that :((’ 

Consult: your addiction to making bad decisions because 1.yolo and also 2. you WANT it so you gotta GET it (emotional gratification/ Sagittarius mutable- physical)  

I tell them not to do the thing bc they were complaining about it (’should i do it?? i know its bad and I don’t want to :(((’) and then half an hour later they text me  ( ‘so.’ )

and Oh my God i Know they Did the Thing. 

Ok ok anyways.....let’s get to the more technical side of thing

BESIDES THIS THING 

Scorpio/Sagittarius are also humanitarian, strong impulsitivity that comes with the intuition of Scorpio combined with the spiritualism of Sagittarius.

You’re guided and often well-educated, or atleast, you seem really articulate in your thoughts and research. You often guide others with your casual/laid-back manner, and you have an easier time sinking deeper into the bigger things, the bigger project/picture and pulling out what’s crucial/necessary to pull out-- dissecting and simplifying them into something others can understand/relate to as well

You’re a joy to be around, mostly because you’re so chill and easy-going. Within that however, you have a strong independent need to have space and not be restricted. Your personal freedom/boundaries, your belief and your behaviors. If anyone tries to compromise that (even you) you feel agitated or alert and would want to distance yourself away.

Emotionally you don’t want to be compromised, you don’t want to be tied down even though you DO desire to get to that later (Scorpio). You want to keep your options open, most of the time you have a goal/desire in mind of what you’re looking for (directive and strongly intuitive) 

Even though some people might misunderstand you just by looking at you (bc you’re often a little rbf or minding your own business) -- you’re usually aware of the bigger picture, of wanting to spread and help others through your path, knowledge, discoveries/findings. To be expansive and encompassing, because you are ultimately kind to others (humanity as a whole honestly) and wants unity with others as well.

You don’t mind the hardship, the path to spiritual knowledge comes with it’s set of challenges and you don’t deter from it (ambitious in a way?) you take things step by step, but you always have an eye set on the highest peak of the mountain.

It’s admirable, because you’re often unorthodox (Scorpio) you question the norm, the acceptable. You want to seek/trail blaze your own path (through learning from others)

It comes with the territory that you’re often a little more blunt/straight-forward and candid. Sometimes even to-the-point and ‘I said what I said’ about some stuff than you realize. Learn how to use tact, or at least a modicum of diplomacy with others. 

You often sabotage yourself when it comes to ‘let people think what they think’ of you, instead of trying to help them get to know you better you close yourself off. You have to make more of an effort to let others in and to -- y know, talk and connect to others in a friendlier way. Give people a chance.

You often shut people down too fast, or self-protect yourself by saying ‘well if we don’t click then we don’t click’ --you’re not letting the greatness and kindness that you actually have through. Try to bring this forward, be a little softer instead of trying to be a ‘hard badass’ all the time.

Like most Scorpio, it comes to the point where you look towards your own goals and forget to look after others. You think once you’ve achieved your own successes, maybe people will come to accept/acknowledge you and maybe some won’t.

Your ideas and thinking is very ‘let it be up to fate/people’ -- if others or dumb then they’re dumb--- please don’t be like that

The lesson Scorpio/Sagittarius brings is that you ARE kind, open and affectionate. But the moment you become selective/exclusive of those to yourself/your groups of close friends. You immediately shut yourself off from opportunities to be loved or understood by others

It’s your own?? Self-doing?? That you expect to have people to hate you and thus you act out a certain way and THEN people hate you?? It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy you’re living

Confront: perhaps, your own autonomous/freedom-loving nature. You grip onto it so hard that it becomes your core motivator for closing yourself up.

You may sometimes think ‘well if I have this then I don’t need anyone else’ and then it leads to a cycle of ‘I love me and only me’ and flip to the extreme ‘I’m so lonely I hate me I want someone else’

Don’t let yourself fall into that 💀 Learn to help yourself by opening up more and being less judgemental/prejudice, learn to be diplomatic. Hold your tongue, don’t take everything so personally or intensely all the time. 

Learn how to have fun and be cool about stuff, and also try to expand your social group to becoming bigger and bigger. Think Aquarius-- instead of keeping it confined all the time. Reach out to people and don’t judge them/intimidate or test them. Just--- be nice to people.  So you can have a better time as well.

Alrighty!! 💞💞💞 Thank u for asking aaaaaah 💞💞💞💞 I hope u enjoy!! 💞💞

#scorpio sun #sagittarius moon #scorpio #sagittarius #anon #asks