#i hope thats okay though!!

[lilybug-02]

Pain is a great motivator…

Part 26 || First || Previous || Next

—Full Series—

Meanwhile Toriel:

(Loud noises don't wake her up usually.)

Artist note: I’m so proud of this :))) I know it’s a lot of dialogue and reading, but dialogue is grueling work for me. I’m glad with the art and for the amount of pages I made in such a relatively short time span -w- page 5 was super fun to work on. A lot of blood, sweat, and hours here... :) The backgrounds were a big bore tbh, but I finished them! Yippie!

#CHARA WTF DO YOU MEAN “COMPUTER”???? #lol i hope you guys dont hate me for what im doing in the next update. #IS THAT A MAC OS??? #Yes......owo'' #Kris and the Gang are LITTLE now. I've pixelated them and turned them into little game characters! #FINALLY!! #I never thought I would be going so far in the story to explain WHY Kris pulls out their SOUL and opens Darkfountains even when they killed #Berdly in Chapter 2. Pain can make people do horrible things. #Uhhhhhhhhh anyways. :3 I hope you liked it! I made this post a little too long for my liking and didnt get it out when i wanted too- #but thats okay! As long as people enjoy it :) #bread #art #deltarune chara timeline #deltarune chara timeline comic #seriously though #long post #man am I glad I switched over to the limited color palet! It helps me feel alot more relaxed uwu #This is....way over 16 hours of work q-q #chara #asriel #susie #kris #asriel dreemurr #kris dreemurr #kris deltarune #susie deltarune #deltarune #comic #my art

[deerspherestudios]

This is not a Question, I just need to say that Thank you for the existence of this game, is like my comfort zone after playing other yandere games with more dark side (if you get me XD) ANYWAYS i adore tour artwork and i hope you are getting now enought rest... and sorry for the lots of questions before (^///^)

Ouughh tysm for the sweet message! ;;v;;; <3 As a fan of yan VNs, I do agree they tend to share certain vibes; considering it's the yandere trope - they're almost always associated with darker themes. But it's what I signed up for haha! (And I hope y'all are in it for that too. Please proceed with caution!)

#mushroom oasis vn #jar of fireflies #idk if i missed it or already answered ur questions though #hope thats okay!! <3 #i do feel bad missing questions but sometimes its a little repetitive/too specific for me to answer #but ty for the support!

[cacaocheri]

You should in fact infodump about poptropica, also have you considered doing a DCA Poptropica crossover to unite the interests together?

1) I love you so much dude I hope you're doing well 2) poptropica infodump would take AGES this thing has lore so I will spare you a ramble for now 3) I . HAVE NOT. BUT COULD YOU IMAGINE SUN AND MOON WITH THE BIG BOBBLE HEADS

no? because I can

oh my god they look so much more cursed than I expected I'm laughing my ass off

#guys new au? poptropica dca au anyone? #where they just look like this thats it #my art #dca fandom #sun fnaf #moon fnaf #also friend if you really DO want to hear a poptropica ramble #you have to ask about a specific island #because just dropping all of the lore is way too hard #like first decide if you want book lore or game lore #(thats right there is a book) #and then we go from there #i could tell you aaaaalll about my favorite island though #cryptids my beloved #harold mews ny beloved #OKAY OKAY BUT YEAH YOU GET THE POINT #i fr appreciate so much that you are always asking me to info dump about my interests though<33 i love you so much #just know this isn't me trying to avoid talking about it there's just SO MUCH to talk about its hard for me to focus! #but yes thank you again man <3 i love you hope you're doing well #we should chat again sometime #ask #poptropica

[r0semultiverse]

What changed Ice Prince Finn back to normal & where did he get a crown from?

Was Finn stealing a baby what ended up changing him as a person in the Farmworld universe? Similar to how Marceline kept Simon prime grounded & humane for a while.

Maybe Jay Mertens (I think that was his name, the eldest son) reminded him of his little brother too.

As for how the crown came back into the Farmworld reality, that would be because of whatever wacky effects are happening from Fionna & Cake going through the multiverse. Scarab was also messing with the multiversal TV's insides.

Going back to Farmworld Finn's little brother, maybe he was the one who broke the crown since I doubt a coward like the destiny gang leader would have been able to do it (or there's some sort of timeline loop going on with a bunch of the crowns that'll get shown later). This is assuming the little brother is alive, but we don't even know that for sure. There is just a lot we don't know.

edit: I see what y'all are saying about the old episode, seems like Prismo didn't wipe anyone's memories, he only made it so the crown would be destroyed. People still remember The Snow Man AKA Ice Prince Finn & what he did with all of that magical power. I also still think Jay Mertens could be the baby at the end of the flashback at the start of the episode.

#I just really don't think anime shades guy could have pulled this off; but maybe thats just me #I feel like something more is absolutely going on here & that part of the info/time gaps isn't just a product of limited time per episodes #something something time loop I'm not sure #if anyone else has any ideas about this please do share them! 💜 #Jay mertens seems like he could be an up & coming wizard. I hope Finn is okay though! #I was really tired when making this theory so it's absolutely possible I missed something; plz let me know! #mine #op #farmworld finn #ice prince finn #ice finn #finn mertens #adventure time fionna and cake #adventure time fionna & cake #adventure time spoilers #adventure time #jay mertens #adventure time theory #farmworld #atimers

[luck-of-the-drawings]

VIOLATOR!! DESECRATOR!! TURN AROUND AND MEET THE HATER!!

VEEERRRY HAPPY WITH WILLIAMS LIL SCARY ARC. HORROR MOVIE BOY. LIL ZOMBIE GUY. UNDEAD AND PIIIISSED OFF LIKE CMAAAHHHNNN I HOPE HE KEEPS THAT CHAINSAW FOREVER. IF YOURE UNDEAD CAN YOU STILL GET A NICOTINE ADDICTION? I SURE HOPE SO!

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi pd spoilers #william wisp #FIRST: IF YOU DONT PUT ROB ZOMBIE IN YOUR WILLIAM WISP PLAY LIST I KILL YOU. SECOND: BEHOLD MY EASTER EGGS. FIRST EASTER EGG IS THE CHAINSA #I WROTE CHAINSAW ON IT A BUNCH BC I DIDNT WANNA DRAW DETAILS. ALSO ITS FUNNY. SECOND EASTEREGG IS THE LOBOTOMY CORP HOODIE. #THIRD : HEY KIDS YOU WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY? QUOTE FROM HELLSING ABRIDGED. REMEMBER HELLSING ABRIDGED? YEAAAH YOU DO #OKay those are the easter eggs. also i hope william actually gets into smoking i think thats SO funny. also its cool as hell #like with the blue wisp fire n everything? COOOl as hell i hope he gets his leather jacket back too. REMEMBER KIDS! #smoking is COOL AS FUCK but also itll kill you so dont. if ur undead its fine though. #IN OTHER NEWS! williams 'need a hand?' bit was SO fuckin funny. like it didnt need to be that funny. I WISH I COULD ANIMATE THIS WHOLE SHOW #ITS SUCH A CLEAR CARTOON IN MY FOUL BRRRAAAAIIINNN!!!!!! SPEAKin o my foul brain i LOVE SWIRLS!! CAN U TELL??? #I LOVE DRAWIN WILLIAM WITH THE SQUARE/ROUND SPIRALS DEPENDING ON HIS MOOD. ESPECially in the black/white/grey arc #i draw him with only sharp spirals in that arc. the spirals soften once he chills out tho. YOULL SEE IN THE NEXT DRAWING I POST #guyyysss i love william so mmuuuuch i project all my middleschool gothness onto him and it makes me so happy #im sO GLAD I FIUCKIN FIGURED OUT HIS HAIR BTW. IT LOOKS SO GOOD NOW. LOOK AT ME IMPROOOVOEEE AAAAAIUURURUGHHRAAAUUGHHHHHHH

[verflares]

this all being said about the light dragon and how it is definitely the biggest highlight of totk (for me at least), i Do think a lot of the reaction to it Is dependent on botw and zelda's characterisation from that game... a lot of which is kind of lacking in totk because of her more passive role (e.g. you are told about her + see her actions after they have already happened)

like. if you didn't already really like zelda and were sold on her relationship with link (and not even just from a shipping zelink perspective, like. just UNDERSTANDING they have a strong bond from everything they've gone through together) then i'm not sure if any of that stuff in totk would've hit as hard as it did. the game does very little to build on what we already know about them, which i think is both a letdown to new players (which. i am not sure why they are playing the sequel before botw, but that is how totk acts most of the time lmao) and returning ones, and as time goes on it's become harder for me to blame people for not caring for it as much.

what a truly odd game

#which also makes it bizarre that totk treats itself like its Not a sequel. even though it is at the same time #ugh the names are escaping me but i am pretty sure this is a thing thats happened in other Sequel games too #just acting like the first one never happened or only when its convenient. stuff like that #i would loveeee to know how bad covid hit totks plot development or whatever. if anything. else they may have been planning #theyve gone on record saying that apparently the plan was for zelda to Always have turned into a dragon #and assumedly the beginning/ending parallel as well (eg hands and link catching her) #but i have to assume or at least HOPE that the buildup may have been stronger. idk man its so strange truly #ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING but i do find this discussion intriguing. and i LIKED totk even despite my criticisms #its genuinely some of the most fun ive had in a video game ever and creating content for it and talking about it has made me very happy #this being said. there are some choices that were made and i do not and likely will not ever understand them #because they said nah we're done now. bye <3 #like oh okay. thank you aonuma. can i at least have wind waker on switch now please #personal.txt

[prototypelq]

Things I know about BG3:

- almost nothing except basic DnD combat&characters knowledge, and I tried to avoid spoilers

- karlach x wyll is a ship the fandom is sleeping on

yeah, couldn't keep my hands to myself and checked out their story and how are people missing out on them? Oh, well, at the very least they are amazing BFFs, have personal stories very much tied to each other, and have great dynamic between the two. I am just choosing to see all of that through the shipping glasses, but lemme tell you, they enhance the show a lot

#they are great for each other i love them) #wish there was an option is games with companions to play the matchmaker pfff #though picking a character to play yourself is not the worst option to see that happen too thanks larian #tbh more rpgs need an option to just play As companion it's so cool #much better than custom nobodies the writers need to Try to account for #plus larian are much better at mechanics than they are at characters to be honest #not to say what I've seen is bad more like I was kinda hoping for dragon age kind of companion interactions between each others #but that is clearly not the case for bg3 and thats okay #still means i have a craving for party rpg with character interactions but oh well #(guardians of the galaxy are Looking at me now...feel like its going to be my new years holidays game) #for now I need to focus on dmc5 I Will beat SoS at the very least #bg3 #karlach #bg3 karlach #wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll #karlach x wyll #wyllach

[gunsatthaphan]

"I’m scared I won’t do well.”

- requested by anonymous ♡

#war of y #mostachi #most x achi #torufirst #war of y ep18 #toru takizawa #first piyangkull #gif request #this is really cute lol #also that buddy line from achi was so weird so i changed it lmao hope thats okay #still fits the context though

[fredgar]

redraw of an older fredgar piece 😊

#my art #fredgar #edgar valden #freddy riley #idv #you all WILL love this. OKAY? PROMISE. NOW. #i mmight turn on reblogs for this one because i like it a little bit #but thats only if someone wants to rb it #OH i can respond to REPLIES with THIS BLOG now too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #so exciting #it took me ~5-6hrs to make? #so thats pretty awesome i think im getting Faster #i really need to work on my actual things now though #decided to make the sketch runaway and record keeper again because i realized the poses between them were similar #and i wanted to see if i improved (kind of? i definitely shade more complicated but comparing this to my other pieces its not as much impro #ement as id like) #anyways i hope you guys like it #hopefully i can get back into drawing again soon #this is the first fanart piece ive made all of 2024 #:( #wanted to make one earlier but im just. ugh

[skunkes]

Being vague about it bc things can and will go wrong for me at the very last second but I might finally experience a Win tomorrow. 🧿🧿🧿

#talkys #im going to have to bust my ass again to remake all the money im gonna lose but this is #in fact one of the things i was saving for. and i do need it. #i hate having mental illness brain though bc im convinced im using up all my luck for the year already #like ive been begging for something good to happen every day and universe is like okay you get the One and thats it #wah ...we will see. i hope it leads to better things...i really really hope #i hope things get better for everyone in general i feel everyones been having an awful yr so far #anyway i might cry when it happens bc im still convinced it Wont bc things keep going bad for me #i really really want it....

[1o1percentmilk]

u guys ever think abt how one day not a single one of the buildings that exist now will exist then. like it might happen in a year when someone decides to destroy and renovate the place it might be a decade in some nuclear war or it might be millions of years in the future when humanity is dead or moved off to another planet. but at some point every building you know now will be destroyed in some way

do u ever think abt that

#i talked about this once with my friends and they just kinda went like ''eh'' #idk #destruction is something i think about a lot i like the teardown more than the buildup #im building myself up now so that i can destroy myself later #but anyways... humanity.. just here temporarily #nothing is permanent and thats okay #if it were up to me though i hope the last person to ever exist has a bunch of cool buildings intact or not to explore!

[hylianane]

Breathing into a paperbag thinking about the possibility of Elbaf digging the conflict from Water 7 back up again and maybe exploring some long-term repercussions of Luffy and Usopp’s fight that not even they themselves were aware of and and and and and-

LISTEN. the Water 7 Saga absolutely rewired the way I understood the crew and how each member views themselves and the roles they play. And it’s been some time since the Strawhat’s exploration of the New World has allowed them to really take time and consider themselves and each other like that again.

And Elbaf just sounds (MUAH) like such a wonderful opportunity to do exactly that, it sounds perfect, primarily in the way it ties all the way back to the Strawhat’s early days on the Grand Line. And when you look at the presence of the Giant Pirates in Little Garden and Enies Lobby, what they share is that both times the Giants Served the purpose mirroring the conflicts between the crewmates and highlighting the importance of loyalty and comradery. Shit writes itself. Come on Elbaf don’t let me down. Come on Usopp I know you can hit us with another world shattering arc just take the stage love.

#remember when Dorry and Brogy’s story served to introduce us to Zoro and Sanji’s rivalry #by showing that even though they fight constantly theyd break if they lost each other and deep down they are still crew #and now we have an unresolved death pact looming over the two of them #Remember when Kashi and Oimo taught Usopp that the cost of loyalty can b great and harrowing but it is beyond rewarding for the right perso #just when he was doubting wether he was truly strong enough to stand at Luffy’s side or at all capable of the bravery needed to be a pirate #and now he’s going to have to look these friends and allies in the eye and be the one to show them all that his decision to remain- #-a Strawhat has brought him #when asked to look at his journey so far and ask himself if he’s truly reached his ideals will he be able to smile wide and say yes? #or will the seeds of doubt and anxiety start planting themselves in his heart again? #hell you know what would be rlly cool for me. If throughout this arc EVERYONE began losing themselves to their own doubts BUT him #Like okay okay thats an exaggeration but do you get what I mean? #Usopp staying calm and collecting and making tough calls and getting back up again all without realizing- #-that he’s truly acting like the Captain he always wanted to be #thatd be so good. god i hope this upcoming arc hits harder than crack #one piece #elbaf #usopp #monkey d. luffy #strawhat pirates

[liquidstar]

new oc batch ready! 8 more of these guys lol. the whole deal with this set is they’re from the artisan guild- lunar flair! intentionally spelled like “flair” as in “style” or “a flare for ____” rather than “flare”

basically all the members of the guild are different kinds of artists with different niches (and varying degrees of diva-ness). it’s pretty easy to tell who does what based on the everything about them, but if you want more info their bios are still under the cut!

Name: Jupiter

Name Origin: The planet of course

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 52

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Lightning rods

Ethos (Power): Gigantomachy. He can make himself (even more) giant

Flaw power is based on: His overly protective nature, especially where the guild is concerned.

Notes: Literally the nicest guy ever until you provoke him though

Name: Erinome (Erin)

Name Origin: A moon of jupiter, the exact meaning of it’s name is murky but it can refer to grace or purity

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 13

Guild rank: 2 star

Weapon: A Book.

Ethos (Power): Poetic Imagery. Illusions cast forth by his her poems that change the appearance of the physical environment

Flaw power is based on: Her escapist indulgence in fantasy

Notes: You know, like, the pen is mightier than the sword and all that.

Name: Pictor

Name Origin: The constellation meaning “painter”

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 23

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Giant paintbrush

Ethos (Power): Ardor. He can create three-dimensional things with his paintbrush. However they are not animate or alive.

Flaw power is based on: His conceited nature in regards to his own work.

Notes: Goes to museums to talk about how he could probably do it better anyway

Name: Oberon

Name Origin: A moon of the planet Uranus, it gets it’s name from the king of the fairies in Renaissance literature. Notably in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night's Dream

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 29

Guild rank: 5 star

Weapon: Rapier

Ethos (Power): Fantasia. An illusion of changing his own appearance.

Flaw power is based on: His theatrical nature, of course

Notes: Why is he ourple?

Name: Syrma

Name Origin: A star in virgo, it’s name refers to the train of a garment (Typically worn by actors in tragedies)

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 25

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Giant needle

Ethos (Power): Binding threads. She can create stitches on any solid objects and bind them to each other. Including people- The stitches are manifested energy and do not hurt.

Flaw power is based on: The dependency she often has on bonds- i.e. threads that bind people.

Notes: She makes and models all her own clothes.

Name: Parumleo 

Name Origin: A star in Pisces, it’s name means “small lion”

Pronouns: They/he

Age: 19

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Microphone bardiche

Ethos (Power): Persuasion. If they can make you laugh you’ll temporarily have to follow his orders. Though it’s too weak to call full-blown mind control, and fairly easy to snap out of.

Flaw power is based on: His desire to be liked by others.

Notes: They’re like a lolcat. They can haz cheezburger.

Name: Leda

Name Origin:  A moon of jupiter, the name means swan.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 28

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Duel ribbons

Ethos (Power): Poise. Complete and utter weightlessness.

Flaw power is based on: Her carefree and utterly absent-minded nature.

Notes: You guys know swan lake right? Well, there ya go.

Name: Styx

Name Origin: A moon of pluto that gets it’s name from the river of the underworld. Yeah it’s also a rock band.

Pronouns: She/they

Age: 20

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Axe-guitar.

Ethos (Power): Vibrato. Powerful soundwaves cast by her axe-guitar

Flaw power is based on: Her brash and blasé attitude

Notes: Calls everyone “baby” or “babe” because they’re a cool rockstar.

#finn's ocs #oc references #finn's art #YAY i finally get to post my funny little artist guys #i feel like its fairly obvious what each persons gimmick is but just for the sake of brevity (for anyone who doesnt wanna read the readmore) #in order #jupiter doesnt have a Specific art bc hes the guildmaster and you can think of him as more of a teacher of sorts #erin is a poet/writer. pictor is obvs a painter. oberon is a thespian. syrma is a seamstress #parumleo is a comedian. leda is a ballerina. and styx is a musician (or straight up rockstar) #since these characters are all like.. trinary characters they dont go all Too much deeper than their gimmicks #but thats why theyre fun to design bc its like. what if [thing] was a guy LOL #also i wanted to try some new stuff out w their designs (like syrmas dimples for example) so i hope they look okay? i hope so... #also leda and how shes literally the least clothed character ive ever made. shes going to catch a cold for sure yeah #parumleo i worry about bc i had a fairly similar color pallet for asterope (but no red) so i hope he still stands out. the lolcat.... #oh also if erin and oberon's powers sound similar that's on purpose too. shes like his protege #i feel like out of all of them though pictor is like the prime example of guy who should be in an artist guild LOL #like the most archetypal. most ppl think of painters when they think of artists #but i wanted different types in there too. #painters writers actors even funnymen and rockstars. they all belong. theyre all weird about creating #anyway im glad i can finally post them now ^_^

[pinkeoni]

Willing to be controversial but I do not think Mike's family relationship or coming out to them is a point the show sees as important. I feel like that is more of Will's arc if anything due to how it has been emphasized throughout the seasons. And I know it is like a popular take but I don't think the show will add a homophobia plotline to Mike's character. I think he's just gonna come out to Karen, and Karen will be understanding and Ted will not give a shit.

Where is that Reddit comment that says “Oh you poked the bear”?

Since this tends to be a bit if a touchy subject for some, I wanna try to answer in as nuanced a way as possible. And since this is kind of an exhausted topic, I’ll put it under a cut.

So starting with whether or not Mike is going to come out—

At this moment in time, I think Mike is much farther from being ready to have a coming out moment than Will is. Could it still happen? It could, and at that point it would depend on how the show handles it. I would honestly really appreciate a coming out scene, but I don’t think it’s a necessity for Mike’s story to be satisfactory. Mike is still gay even if it’s not explicitly stated. Furthermore, Mike can still reach a state of self acceptance without telling other people, it’s so long as he accepts it for himself that is the important thing.

As for the family thing...

I think it would be inaccurate of me to say that Mike's family and home life doesn't effect Mike. Of course it does, in the way that it does every character. And considering how much of a presence the Wheeler family seems to have had in every season, it would be stupid of me to say that they won't have an appearance or that they won't be connected to Mike's arc.

So I think that Mike's family relationship will be there, and it'll have value in the same way that everything in the show has value, big or small, however I don't think it's false of me to say that Will's family relationship is probably going to be more of a central focus.

This isn't me comparing traumas (which is a thing that can and does happen) or saying that Mike's experiences aren't important, but looking at how they function in this story, especially with the knowledge that Will is going to be a major focus next season, then it's reasonable to assume that the Byers family is probably going to be more at the center than the Wheelers.

There's also a lot more unresolved with the Byers family ie Lonnie and his involvement, and yes I am still so confident that he is coming back, if not just from the fact that Jonathan keeps bringing him up in every season. There's also a lot of mystery surrounding Lonnie, whereas with the Wheelers most of it is all there on the table.

My take on the Wheelers is that they are complicated. Perfect parents? No. Abusive? No. I'm not really gonna state where I stand on the "neglectful" debate as I feel like that word exists on a sliding scale that changes depending on who is using it. I was talking about it with Jo @wheelersboy and we agreed that the biggest problem with the Wheelers is that they are passive conformists, which I talk a little bit about in my AIDS post. They conform passively and have the privilege to not have to confront the consequences behind it. When they are at the town hall meet and come face-to-face with the extreme end of conformity, it's a huge smack in the face for them. By the end of the season, they begin to slowly de-conform.

I think that Mike’s core conflict has to do with his feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, and it will end with him realizing his worth for exactly who he is. I think this is absolutely influenced by his exterior environment, but ultimately it will be up to Mike himself to solve this conflict.

#okay idk if its actually as nuanced as possible but thats generally my take 🤷🏼‍♀️ #i see the take often that st is an ensemble show which… is TRUE but at the same time some characters do get more focus than others #sometimes to the detriment of other characters and sometimes just because thats how main characters work #will is probably going to have more focus than mike next season because we were told this. #it doesnt make mike unimportant though #but yes one characters story is going to be more central than the other #my hope is that each character gets the proper amount of time necessary for their individual arc even its wishful thinking #which may not mean equal screentime for each character

[lacecap]

how do you get your colors pallets to be so united while also having accents?

i love you all so much and i will try my best to answer this but i am not the person to go to for art advice. NEVERTHELESS. i will try.

when it comes to color palettes i'm a large proponent of unabashedly stealing the palettes of other paintings/drawings you stumble across. really dissect and study why you like the art that you like!! adjustment layers & other overlay effects can be your friend too

i personally like using a textured brush + a soft muted color as an underpainting in order to help set the mood & color for a piece, the texture that seeps through is also really nice to have on what would otherwise be a plain background

^ small process gif of my last drawing, maybe it'll help (?)

#i am very bad at advice. the best i can offer is some insight to my process. thank you for asking though #most IMPORTANTLY of all.. !!! u should have fun with your colors. and well some agony too if you really want to get better at art #but i would hope we all create art for the love of it #sorry all i can say at this point is what everyone else says.. look into color theory do your studies etc.. #AND LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!!!!!! okay thats it from me #gif warning

[orcelito]

As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.

#speculation nation #bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!! #well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol) #but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad. #i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning) #he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay #but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and #thats my dad. Thats my Dad. #im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go #dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone #so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant. #and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one? #take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say. #but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did. #seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him. #makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me #we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad. #sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today. #negative/ #death/ #hospitals ment/ #idfk. sorry