#i hurt my own heart writing this! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamofbecoming · 7 months

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y’all i literally never have omegaverse thoughts but here i am having omegaverse thoughts (i blame witcher fic, characters who can smell emotions are just too damn juicy *shakes fist* ineeeeex!)

omegaverse fics where characters can parse individual emotions from specific people in addition to a personal base scent are confusing for me, logistically. you know? like as a trope, they’re amazing and convenient and they lead to fascinating little complications in communication and i eat that shit up with a spoon, but like. how does it work??

so then i’m thinking, okay, obviously it’s something you pick up naturally using cues from your family as a child, and your friends and classmates as your social circle widens as you age. the way we pick up slang or body language irl, right? that could work. you know what happiness smells like because it’s what your mother smells like when your dad comes home with flowers. you know what sadness smells like when your friend at school is allergic to chocolate so they can’t have any of benji’s birthday cupcakes. that kind of thing. but it’s all semi-unconscious, and some people have gaps as they grow up because they’ve never been exposed to something before

my point being, where is my fic where steve is driving dustin to the snowball and he gives the kid a few last minute pieces of advice and promises to be there to pick him up later and dustin gives him that big bright gummy smile and the car fills up with…what the hell is that? i mean it smells good? but steve’s never smelled anything like it. maybe in passing, but never directed at him and definitely not so strong. the hell is this kid feeling?

and he doesn’t ask, doesn’t want to look stupid, so he just tells dustin not to do that weird growling thing again and boots him out of the car, but he keeps smelling it. on dustin, mostly, but also the other kids sometimes, once even on mrs. henderson when she had to work an overnight and he told her it was no trouble at all to stay on the couch and keep dusty company. and it’s so weird and he doesn’t understand it at all but it doesn’t seem bad, or dangerous, so it’s probably fine?

and then he asks robin out on a bathroom floor and gets shot down immediately, and he pivots on a dime and rearranges his whole worldview for her in about ten seconds, and he’s halfway through a chorus of total eclipse of the heart when that scent swells again, soured a little by the drugs but big enough to fill the whole bathroom. and he doesn’t ask until after, until all the dust is settled and things are calm even if they’re broken beyond repair, but he doesn’t mind looking stupid in front of robin, really, so it’s okay to ask.

and she gives him this look, like he just took his nailbat to her heart, and then she flings herself at him and hugs him tighter than anyone ever has in his life, and she explains. and then he’s crying too

where is my fic where steve doesn’t know what love smells like

(well, turns out the fic is here)

#hiiii i made my own heart hurt with this one #if i wrote this it would turn into steddie but that isn’t the point #y’all get it #omegaverse #steve harrington #dustin henderson #robin buckley #platonic stobin #my writing

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 5 months

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This drabble is born from a really angsty brain riot with Bonten's origins, that happened to me after reading this words from @just-sp-in-inginthevoid :

"Bonten is a memorial for Izana, its symbol, its members’ tattoo come from Izana’s earrings and the (天) ten of Bonten 梵天 from Tenjiku 天竺, the (梵) bon of Bonten 梵天 comes from Brahman 梵. (...) There’s no need for Senju to have the same role as Izana in Bonten if she’s not dead."

(I always pictured Senju being death in that timeline, but the reality of the kanjis being literally THAT... ajfshgsjgejgrjg, the pain of this. Wakui, you know how to break us every timeline! 😭)

Bonten was born from pain.

(drabble of the day that Bonten was created)

Warnings: I'm so sorry, this is just angst and hurt/no comfort. I wrote it as an attempt of coping with canon and how painful is Bonten timeline when you actually look closer to it. It's from Koko's POV and everyone is just broke and devastated in their own way. Again, I'm so sorry :(

(English is not my first language, so be nice please 🙈)

Most people think Bonten is synonymous with fear.

But they are all wrong. Kokonoi knows better.

Bonten is synonymous with pain, it was born in it.

He still remembers the day that Bonten was created, even if it wasn't the official date, any of the executives would pinpoint the exact same moment.

Probably, only Koko could actually offer a coherent narrative of that night. The only outsider of all the chaos unraveling in front of him.

He still has nightmares of what he saw. But is not what happened what haunts him, no. Is the voices, the faces surrounding him.

Wakasa covered in blood, his eyes looking completely empty. His blank stare, like he couldn't believe who this blood belonged to. Benkei's hand on his friend shoulder, tearing up like a baby.

Takeomi curled up in the floor, sobbing next to his sister's body. Saying “it should've been me” over and over, the older man stuck in a loop of guilt and denial.

The former members of Tenjiku looking shocked, not moving a finger for what was supposed to be their gang, their leader. Koko spent enough time with them to know that, even if they were ruthless, seeing the leader of another gang being shot like that... Was too familiar.

Anyone who looked at them could see they never agreed with that. The ghost of Izana Kurokawa still lingered over them.

Kakucho was shaking, his lips trembling. The rain and the blood mixing with red snow in the scarred boy's mind.

The Haitani brothers unconsciously getting closer to each other. Ran pulling his arm around Rindou in a protective way, the younger one allowing it without complains. Both of them staring at Sanzu, terrified with the possibility of being on the pinkette boy place.

Sanzu's screams were the worst of it. The excruciating pain in his voice while he was holding Senju's body. His little sister's body. How he looked at Takeomi, tears rolling down his cheeks, his gaze filled with hate when he spoke to his older brother “I agree, it should've been you.”

Mikey standing there, the void in his eyes while his knuckles kept dripping with South blood. The man's body at his feet.

That gaze, dark and lacking of any emotion. Pure void that swallowed everything around.

(That swallowed them, trapped them like moths that flied too close to the sun)

Bonten was born from pain.

Bonten grew in pain, thrived with it.

And, Kokonoi is sure that whatever destiny awaits for them...

Bonten will die in pain.

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shima-draws · 7 months

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NOT THE KIERAN VILLAIN ARC I’M SO UPSETTI SPAGHETTI

#Wait. This feels. Familiar…#Teenage boy who’s always been an outcast…just wanting to prove himself..#Just wanting to be acknowledged…and yet when he finally feels like he’s made a friend…#They unintentionally betray him…and that sets him off…and he can’t see past his own hurt and anger…#And then he betrays his friends BACK. And it’s a MESS. And he keeps SPIRALING #Yeah that’s REEAAALLL familiar #Sideeyes Varian #Anyway I just KNOW Kieran’s gonna get worse and it’s going to break my fucking heart. God DAMMIT #Might have to write a fix-it fic for this. Lmao #Shima speaks #Pokemon #Pokemon SV #Pokemon SV DLC #The Teal Mask #The Teal Mask spoilers #Pokemon spoilers #Kieran #Pokemon Kieran

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blinkpen · 8 months

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beating myself to death with hammers (casually spitballing ideas for HYPOTHETICAL Bad Ends) for NO fucking reason, but be a pressure valve on my own current turbulent emotions, we are all so lucky i prefer happy endings and healing and shit long term, things have the potential to be fucking RUTHLESS otherwise

aauauururrrghghhhh here have a song too get annihilated with me losers i am choosing to channel my inner over-indulgent emo angst lord right now entirely of my own volition for i am immune to irony poisoning

#cosmic horror #i keep crying like a little bitch over this #this really is just me from fucking middle school rn this is so middle school angst glurge writing isnt it #i'm sorry #but it works for what it is doing for me #hurt me good tragisad gays timeline i absolutely do not have the heart to have be what actually happens #i'd burn my OWN house down #oc babble #charlie k #zoetrope #necrin #death cw #blood cw #body horror cw #emeto cw #just in case #wow this is the worst Vore Day ever

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kikizoshi · 2 months

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can we form a coup against asagiri and make you the writer instead? genuinely... I am not taking the Fyodor immortal information well.. please help............................ ( ´，_ゝ` )

Oh, I would absolutely not do BSD well either. I just wish Asagiri had stuck to his roots more. He was a great comedy writer, and the beginning of the story was great for it. It's the action and Death Note stuff he can't seem to get mastery of. But for the immortal part: I'm not entirely sold that Fyodor's immortal, yet. It seems like yet another twists that will twist to reveal oh, shocker, he faked his memories to confuse Sigma/the ADA... or something. Could very well be immortal, but not 100% guaranteed.

#bsd #anon #I still support his right to write his story however he wants #and a lot of people seem to enjoy this sort of shock-value shounen writing he's doing now #I just happen to hate that sort of story #so when BSD pivoted to that I was dragged along into it because of Fyodor and Nikolai #and get salty whenever characters who own a part of my heart and soul are subjected to bad shock writing #and yes I know the version of them that I love the most exist within my own perception #and are a product of the years I've spent working on and developing them for my own stories #but I still love and adore the originals too #and so it's painful and irritating #because the characters are no longer the main focus of the story #it's all about the shock... the next biggest thing #Nikolai's doesn't have a motive to be the ferryman I need to get all the characters in the same place/start the next arc? No problem!#he just wants to kill Fyodor now. problem solved.#how did he use his Ability to get Sigma to France when his Ability only travels 30m at a time?#eh don't worry about it. I made an omake about it so you know I know it's an absolute joke #Nikolai's whole character and Ability practically changed just for convenience... for the story and shock #so as a fan of character-based stories it hurts that sometimes characters just aren't respected at all #with Fyodor I know it's more a case of Asagiri's vision of him seems to have changed as the story progressed #in that realm I'm so happy that BSD is serialised because it means I still have the initial version of Fyodor that I loved with all my hear #when I really can't stand Meursault!Fyodor at all and wish he would just die already so I could be fully free

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nautical-nasa · 3 months

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Shocker another Logan angst drabble!! This one is heartbreak themed!!!

CW: Intense Depression, mentions of SH and $u!c!d£

Stay safe. This one is heavy.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It’s funny how they call it heartbreak.

Not because the heart doesn’t actually break, no.

It does break.

It breaks the second you see that text message. That god forsaken photo.

You feel the sharp pieces of this vital internal organ that is meant to keep you alive literally shattering inside of your chest, slicing everything in its path with pure unadulterated sorrow.

It feels like a stab wound.

Your lungs feel tight and they constrict and squeeze. You inhale deeply, trying to pull oxygen into your lungs.

And god you wish for nothing more than for the pain to just stop.

You pray for a stab in the chest, because at least then you have a physical reason to feel that pain, and not just a collection of pixels on your iPhone screen.

No.

It’s funny they call it heartbreak because it’s describing in such a simple word, exactly what happens behind the shield of flesh and ribs as you try to process the information in front of you.

It’s such a complex emotion, one that only stems from the most intense feelings and grief. One that usually happens without any warning.

That’s part of what makes it so effective as a predator of the heart. You never see it coming. It’s like a bobcat stalking it’s prey, waiting for it to let it’s guard down before it goes for the killing strike.

You wonder if animals experience heartbreak as intensely as humans.

It’s ironic that the most critical part of the body, the organ that keeps you alive and is protected by its own castle of bone, can be affected so harshly by things as simple as emotions and feelings.

You wonder if it’s a flaw of development.

Heartbreak comes with it a lot of cruel realizations and assumptions.

That you weren’t enough. That you were too late. That you needed to try harder. That all of eager hoping was for absolutely nothing. That you wasted your damn time curling in your own bed fantasizing that additional warmth beside you during the lonelier nights.

You realize you will never be the same again.

Ever.

Almost as if your genetic code changes, the sheer pain of your heartstrings tearing altering your DNA and mutating.

And it’s not just something you feel in the moment.

No.

This will be following you like a shadow for awhile now, clawing at your heart, trying to rip it even more. Trying to get the blood to bleed out, the organ crying red. Trying to run your body ragged and dry.

And god you want to let it.

God.

You want to let it.

.-.-.-.-.

Logan blinked as his thoughts finally ebbed away into the back of his mind for a brief moment, sparing him for the first time of the mental agony since he opened the photo message from Oscar.

If you showed it’s contents to anyone one else, they would comment on how it was cute, innocent even.

But for Logan it was the just the nail in his coffin, slamming in with an echo and condemning him to his home six feet under.

It was a picture of Lando and Oscar in Australia. The Aussie was grinning at the camera as he held it up, while the Brit had his lips pressed against the tan and speckled cheek of the other man.

It was captioned “Guess who’s got a boyfriend?!!!”

Logan had left it on read for the entire time he zoned out, his hands shaking until the screen faded dark from lack of use.

He took a deep breath as he swallowed, trying to pull himself together just enough to reply and not look suspicious.

Because now he could never let anyone know about his feelings.

He didn’t want the pity or sympathy. He just wanted to move on, he just wanted to breathe easy again.

He wanted to go back in time the last 30 minutes and throw himself from his hotel balcony so he’d leave this Earth without ever learning this information.

But alas, God has never been so merciful to him.

He was eventually able to send a short reply of “That’s awesome, mate! Happy for you!💪” throat burning at how the lie felt on his tongue.

Because there was not a single amount of truth in his response. He was anything but happy and this was anything but awesome.

But it was too late.

God dammit it was too late.

Just like on the track, he was too fucking slow.

Maybe that was just his god damn destiny in life. Maybe he was just fucking meant to be the second choice, the one on the back, the one in the dust, the one picked last, the slowest one.

Look at him world! Number 21 in a 20 driver competition!

Are you fucking proud of him?!!

Logan couldn’t hold back the pained laugh in his throat, tears streaming down his face as he clutched his fists, nails digging into his palms.

He hoped he would pierce the skin.

His mournful laughs turned into sorrowful sobs, his body folding forward into the soft surface of his comforter, letting the fluffy fabric swallow his noises of agony.

He just let himself unravel like a newly purchased skein of yarn, tumbling off of the work surface and spiraling out of control. When it will finally be wrapped back up, it will never be as pristine as it once was.

He’s not sure how long he stays like that. Just letting himself bathe in the pain he felt. But he was aware of what drug him out of it.

A soft buzz. Like a bee breaking through the first quiet of winter into spring.

Logan lifts his head, face hot and sticky with thick tears as he reaches for his phone.

It’s a message from Alex.

“Are you okay?” It reads.

Logan chokes on a sob at the question, shaking his head to answer it to himself as he slid open on it to answer.

He tries to think of something intelligent to say in response. But he just can’t.

So instead, he takes a simplistic route.

“No.”

It doesn’t take long for him to get a reply from the Brit, the words on the screen making him whimper as he carelessly chucked his phone off of the bed, not even flinching to the sound of it hitting the floor.

“I’ll be right there.”

He hopes the impact broke it.

Logan curls into his teal and orange Miami blanket as he waits for the eventual arrival of Alex. The Brit had a key to his flat, so he knew he could get in on his own, which the American was thankful for at the time.

The night melds together during that time. Seconds and minutes and hours become unrecognizable.

He’s hardly even aware of the burning tears on his cheeks still flowing, or the soft whisper of Alex arriving into his room, a chilled bottle of water in his hands as he steps into the darkened space, full attention on the American.

Logan really isn’t sure what happens after that. Nor does he care. His mind has been overloaded and as a result it’s shut down. It needs rebooting. The browser inside his head needs to be refreshed.

God if only it was that easy to erase the happenings of their lives. To just tap a garbage bin icon and never have to see it again.

Except Logan will have to see it again.

He’ll have to put on a brave face and interact with Oscar and Lando. He’ll have to bear the pain of reliving the pain of memories he used to treasure, and grieving for the ones he will never be able to turn from fiction to reality.

But tonight, in the dark of his room, aside from the light of a television cartoon illuminating the space, Logan could be weak. He didn’t need to put on a brave face and pretend he wasn’t hurting.

And so he was. He let himself be taken into Alex’s arms as the Brit soothes him with whispers and hums, comforting the broken hearted boy in front of him that he had come to care about like a brother.

He would get through the night. That was a guarantee.

But Logan had no clue how he would face the next day.

Week.

Month.

Year.

And he had no clue if he would survive them either.

He tried to focus on the firm warmth of Alex’s body, distracting himself from the demons inside of his mind. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he had calmed down to some degree. But when that was, he had no idea.

At that very moment though, one thought had been prevalent in Logan’s head, ricocheting around his skull and echoing its message repeatedly.

I don’t want to live through this.

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oshiawaseni · 1 year

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When Katsuki was fallen on the ground…. he probably thought about Izuku rushing to his side and offering his hand to help pick him back up like he’s always done since they were kids

Katsuki needed to see his hero’s kind hand now more than ever... but it wasn’t there, at it’s usual place, outstretched and waiting for him… and he started crying because he realised that Izuku wasn't coming to save him this time…

so Katsuki focused all his resolve on doing his best to be strong for Izuku instead.

“Don’t give up, Dynamight! The guy you’re waiting for will… Deku will definitely come!”

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go-catch-a-chickn · 2 months

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but this is not the end

Newt in death, is not smiling, but there’s no furrowed brow either, no stress painted on his face. He has nothing to worry about anymore. Sonya has no idea what the future holds for them, but she hopes that Newt has gone to a place as dreamy and safe as the island they are headed to. She doesn’t want his soul to miss out on paradise.

Sonya expected to go to Safe Haven with her brother at her side, but then everything goes wrong. They never get to reunite as siblings and it leaves Sonya heart broken upon the arrival at Safe Haven. When Sonya is given Newt's necklace it brings her unexpected comfort.

or: Newt is a ghost in the Safe Haven

written as a secret santa gift for @astralpenguin 💖💫

read on ao3

#yes i broke my own heart with this fic and i cried multiple times while writing it #major character death #hurt/comfort #sonya tmr #newt tmr #harriet tmr #thomas tmr #sonyarriet #newtmas #tmr #the maze runner #my writing #my moodboard

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seiya-starsniper · 7 months

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.

#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended #and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time #it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly #but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did #At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic #and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default #and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior #and realize the world doesn't end when this happens #my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either #I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all #and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc #I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it #but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private #for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings #instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own #thank you #I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that #I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it #but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me #this last part is taking me AGES to write #because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this #and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened #which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me #and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree #I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities #but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.

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soupbtch · 29 days

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uh oh it’s “getting emotional about ed teach” o’clock again

#24/7/365 #started to write a post and it is turning into a ficlet and I am hurting my own heart writing it #having a normal one over here #ofmd #our flag means death #danny.xls

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ghostbustermelanieking · 2 months

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for anyone who follows me and writes, fanfiction or original stuff... is it normal for pretty much no one in your personal in-person life to be interested in your writing? like i've got people who might read the odd short story i wrote, but usually if i ask someone to read something they just never do, and i never have anyone asking me about it, so like... is that normal?? does the average person not care if their friend or family member is working on a novel?

#i had a friend in sixth grade who was VERY enthusiastic about my writing #and i guess i never realized how special that was or how id never have that again #even with other writing people like....#and i KNOW people are busy and have their own busy lives but......#i tried to explain this to my parents (stupid) over christmas like... making it clear that i kind of got it but it still hurt mw #THINKING THEYD UNDERSTAND bc they are ARTISTS #but instead i got oh people are busy and your stuff is too scary for me personally #like ok yes I GET IT #but it's fucking discouraging when i pour my heart and soul and all my talent into work and NOBODY in my life cares enough to read it #or wonder about it #even with like... if i have a friend who's into something i wrote fic for i'll try to share the fic #but they wont read it #it's just a bummer #is this the universal writers curse?#writing

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 3 months

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Well... I was having brain riot and making fun of Sanzu's silliest moment ever (the train xD), because I always thought it was hilarious that he planed something so chaotic that could go so wrong so easily (yeps, ignoring the implications of who he was willing to sacrifice for Mikey). And suddenly, I thought "What if no one stopped him and everything went the worst way possible?"

And bam, this drabble was in my mind and I needed to write it and share this pain. I'm so sorry.

Hits Different

(this is a train wreck)

(drabble)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Summary: Apparently, when it comes to the Sanos a train wreck and a plane crash aren't that different.

Warnings: Manga Spoilers. Angst. Hurt/No Comfort. I'm pretty sure the summary itself is a big warning of where this is going. Expect only pain and a broken Sanzu. I'm so sorry, really.

(English is not my first language, so be nice please 🙈)

Sanzu looks around, a big grin on his face. He did it, he managed to derail the train and ran over the pests that dared to compare themselves to his king.

Their irritating noise sounds a lot better turned into screams while he walks katana in hand, admiring his work. A familiar pink hair tries to steal his attention from the corner of his eye, but Sanzu doesn't stop. He's an only child, why would he care to check if she's even breathing?

There is only one thing that matters, only one focus on his mind amongst the bloodshed that he created. Mikey. Making Mikey proud, being finally acknowledged for what he's capable of doing. Earning his rightful place next to the king.

Sanzu turns his head when he hears an annoying voice screaming. Hanagaki. That fucking cockroach survived. He approaches to him, clenching his hand around the katana, decided to finish the job.

He's going to do it, he feels the adrenaline, a smirk plastered on his face now that he's finally close enough. Close enough to recognize the blonde head sticking out of Hanagaki's arms.

No.

No. It can't be. No, no, no, no. How? This can't be, Mikey was on the top of a container, he planed everything, he made sure, he... No, no, no!

Suddenly, reality hits him and Haruchiyo's world comes crashing down. Whatever delusion was feeding his mind disappears, he can't breathe. He looks around gasping for air and all he can see is blood, body parts scattered around. People screaming in pain, the smell of death.

Wakasa. Benkei. Senju.

Senju.

It's a fucking carnage and it's his fault. This was what he wanted. But it wasn't, it wasn't, this is not what it was supposed to happened. Why is this happening?

Haruchiyo's body collapses, his legs don't answer him anymore. The katana falls to the ground next to him. He pukes, completely horrified by the views. He's breaking, shaking, crying, unable to control himself.

“Mikey... No... He wasn't supposed to be down here...Mikey...”

His voice is weak, the words don't even make sense between whimpers. But Hanagaki looks at him, still hugging Mikey's body, something indiscernible in that pair of eyes that burns Haruchiyo's soul.

“Mikey isn't dead, he's still breathing. He was on top of that container, but he fell when the train...” Hanagaki stops, seemingly trying to pull himself together. “Mikey fell and hit his head. I'm gonna take him to the hospital, you can help or get out of my way, I don't fucking care anymore, but I'm taking him to the hospital. Are we clear?”

Haruchiyo just nods, allowing the hero to pass next to him with Mikey's body hanging on his arms. A chill runs down his spine when he feels it. When he feels that again. In that exact moment, he knows. Mikey is never going to wake up, he will whiter for years before finally dying.

'Laugh, Haruchiyo'

A maniacal laughter escapes his mouth. The universe is mocking at him, the cycle repeating itself.

It was always going to end like this, wasn't it?

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #me writing🌻#tokyo revengers fic #drabble #hurt/no comfort #angst #original timeline #sanzu haruchiyo #sano manjiro #hanagaki takemichi #kanto manji arc #sanzu angst #the fact the last one is a tag xD #i broke my own heart

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tcfactory · 2 months

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What do you think about the whole rapist Bingqiu situation? You made a comment about it under one of your posts.

Okay, this is going to be a bit long. The tl;dr. is: I really don't care either way tbh.

On the comment I kinda jumped the gun a bit, because I recently got my hands on the books (finally, they were supposed to get here in December) and I read the extras first, because I haven't read them before and was too curious about them. And I really quite dislike the Wedding extra, but I dislike it because I don't enjoy how MXTX writes sex scenes in general, not because of anything it's about. Is the scene rape? Eh no, on second read Shen Qingqiu never withdraws his consent, despite having a shit time. Having a bad first time w/ shit communication is not a crime, especially between these two idiots.

Would Binghe have stopped if he did withdraw his consent and outright told him to stop? I don't really think so, no. Like, you can say all you want about Shen Qingqiu never being direct with what he wants and playing hard to get and wanting to be coaxed along with this gay shit, but that's something we, the readers, know. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember it ever being established as something that Binghe knows for sure - and with how hot and cold Shen Qingqiu was to him all this time, how he still hides behind his masks even at the end, I don't think "I just assumed you were playing hard to get" is good enough. So the possibility of him hurting Shen Qingqiu despite not meaning to is still very much there. Ignoring the withdrawal of consent is still rape regardless of Binghe's intentions - and we all know how deep Shen Qingqiu can get in his own head when he thinks about denying Binghe something he feels that 'the protagonist deserves' now that he regards himself as the harem stand-in, he would not fight him off if Binghe seems adamant to have him even if he says no.

And honestly that's fine. It's one of those things they need to work on post-canon. You could write a pretty neat hurt-comfort fic around it imo, of Binghe getting so jealous one day that he falls in that pitfall, and the reparations and open direct communication they need to do afterwards. Or just ignore it altogether, let Binghe's protagonist halo prevent any serious misunderstanding in the future. These are characters, not real people. Their dynamic is weird enough that you can just as easily write them a happy post-canon relationship or a situation where their respective habits of hiding their true selves from each other and Shen Qingqiu unintentionally encouraging the worst in Binghe culminates in something awful down the line. Nobody actually gets hurt one way or the other.

#shut up tc #tw rape mention #svsss #I don't much care to dig too deeply into Bingqiu tbh #because they are not really the type of characters I enjoy writing #shen yuan bless his heart is a fun narrator but he would give me an aneurysm if I tried to write his pov #so yeah. I'm kinda side eying people who are like obnoxiously loud about policing how others are supposed to feel about this #there seems to be this air of denial about Bingmei still having this festering darkness in him which just flattens his character to me tbh #Bingmei is still very capable (and oftentimes seems very willing) of hurting the people around him and is only restraining himself #because he wants to get together with SQQ and Binghe thinks he would disapprove and that's fascinating #why ignore that?? it's like 70% of what makes Bingmei interesting. anyway #I'm happy to stay in my lane and enjoy my own horrible blorbos #so I really don't care much at the end of the day

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redm3tal · 5 months

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cw: implied death / parental death

Lance week day 4: angst.

Pokémon characters have both parents be alive and kind challenge (level: impossible).

not much to add onto this one other than Lances dad is very dead when Lance was very child. maybe that’s why he has such a fatherly aura…

edit: he’s just a little kid in these.. just a little guy.. my heart..

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anidealistatbestburntoutatworst · 1 year

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kunikidazai and shakespeare,,, what a duo

i leave it to the imaginative little ppl reading this to come up with a preface

dazai: “i love you, kunikida”

kunikida *brows furrowing a yearnfull sadness coming over him*: “dazai- you say you love rain, but yet you open your umbrella. you say you love the sun, but you always find a spot in the shadows. you say you love the wind, but you close your windows the first you hear of its rustling . these reasons dazai, are why i am afraid when you say that you love me too.”

#crying over my own blurb lmao #i can’t escape the kunikidazai brainrot #kunikida x dazai #i hurt my own feelings #bungo stray dogs #i tried to write a kunikidazai fic and made myself so depresso espresso i had to stop lmao #kunikidazai #knkdz #literally made myself sad #bsd kunikida #bsd dazai #bsd ships #this is my comfort ship (makes content that requires comforting)#ah yes unrequited love wooohoo #they’re so special to me #why can’t i just write fluff for them #i chose violence #can’t they just hug or something please #my heart can’t handle it #im crumbling at the thought of them #i quoted this and shocker i do know where it’s from #shakespeare #bungo gay dogs #when will it be their turn to be happy #*sobs so hard into my pillow i forget how to breathe*#bsd anime #bsd #make of this what you will #i am too tired to think of a preface but this fandom will take it into their own hands #god i love them *passes out*

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add1ctedt0you · 8 months

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Can someone tell me... What I am supposed to do now?

#MY HEART #He took so much agency #He acted so recklessly wanting to help #And what happened?#He did what he feared the most: he hurt his loved ones!#The Yling Patriarch' arc is everything to me #He was a traumatized teenager and he was writing his own tragedy with the others!#I love him #mar reading mdzs

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