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seungkwansphd · 1 year

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cast me in a better light

pairing: musical actor!Joshua x pit orchestra member!YN word count: 5.9k synopsis: Joshua is a great singer and actor, you can admit that, but would it kill him to have some rhythm? The Christmas musical really will fail if you can't figure out how to read his cues, but he's wondering if you'll ever realize that he's sending you a different kind of signal, too. genre/themes: romance, fluff, grumpy/sunshine dynamic, allusions to a bad breakup, hallmarkian romance, lol.

a/n: this is part of the @svthub snowventeen collab! you should check out all of the other wonderful writers & stories! also these are the songs i drew inspo & lyrics from (don't sue me) griff - on foot in front of the other ariana grande - santa tell me (slow & reverb)

You balled your free hand into a fist as you turned back in your sheet music for what felt like the thirteenth time. It was your third rehearsal with the cast for this year’s Christmas musical and you were wondering if you could get away with strangling the lead, Joshua Hong, with your bare hands. You weren’t even working on anything difficult, but this man could not seem to sneak through a back alley with any sort of consistent rhythm pattern, so consequently you had nothing to follow. Your beats on the high toms kept missing his footsteps and everyone’s patience was wearing thin.

“Joshua, YN?” Janet cleared their throat, “Can you two spend some time together working on this? We need to either decide on a set tempo or work out some visual cues so that YN can follow your footsteps. We do need to move on for today though.”

“Of course!” Joshua smiled brightly at the orchestra conductor, “We’ll make time!” he gestured theatrically in a way that made you want to throw your drumsticks at him.

“Great,” Janet nodded at him before looking back down at the score, “Alright, let’s continue,” they lifted their baton, leading the pit through the second number.

“You still want to do dinner?” you asked Tetiana as she packed up her violin and bow.

“Yes! Although…,” she trailed off, pointing to something behind you.

Furrowing your brows, you turned slowly to see your one and only leading man, Joshua Hong. It was highly unusual to see cast members down in the pit.

“Hey YN! Thought I’d get your number so we can coordinate a few practices to nail down the walks,” he smiled at you.

“Ah sure,” you nodded. None of this would be necessary if he could just walk like a human person.

“Do you have regular days that work well? Or what do you think?”

“To be honest, my schedule is pretty irregular,” you answered honestly, thinking through the various jobs that you had lined up over the next couple of weeks. “I have a chunk of time free on Thursday between two and three pm?”

“That should work! I’ll text you to confirm,” he nodded, running through his own schedule in his head.

“Sounds good,” you raised your eyebrows at him, “Don’t get lost on the way out,” you couldn’t help but tease.

Joshua either didn’t hear you or didn’t respond as he walked backstage, but Tetiana laughed at your joke, which was enough to satisfy you.

“Ready to eat?” you asked her with a smile.

“Yes,” she laughed heartily. She wondered just how difficult of a time Joshua was in for during these one on one sessions.

❄❄❄

“Why can’t we just do a simple 2/4 or 4/4 pace when you walk from stage left to the alley?” you asked, slightly irritated already.

“Because it’s not what the character would do,” Joshua rebutted, as if what he was saying made any sense. “And depending on the show, the atmosphere may be different, so I want to leave it open for interpretation!”

“I-,” you cut yourself off, remembering your conductor’s words. “Okay, well then can we implement some sort of physical cue? Like a shoulder movement or something? I need to be able to follow you,” you suggested.

“Can you just watch how I move and see if there are any physical cues that I'm already doing?”

“Sure,” you sighed, gesturing for him to do his walk.

You watched him closely, eyes traveling from his shoulders to his fingertips and then back up to his torso, hoping to pick out some sort of movement that corresponded to his footsteps. You’d never seen Joshua at such a close distance before. From the pit, he was little more than the rough outline of a person, but up close you were forced to acknowledge how handsome he was. As you watched him move, you also realized that Joshua was much broader than you would’ve guessed. You were surprised when the thought hit you. Things were certainly easier when you watched him from a distance.

“Well?” he asked, turning his head to look at you after completing his exaggerated walk.

“Sorry, can you do it again?” you asked, shaking your head briefly to clear your thoughts.

“Yes,” he nodded, moving to start again.

You crossed your arms, tongue dragging across your teeth as you regarded him. Without even having to look, Joshua could feel your eyes rake up and down his figure as he walked and walked and walked. Your eyes burned into him intently and for someone who was a professional performer, he was surprised to find himself somehow nervous. Your tongue toyed with your left canine until you finally noticed that there was this little thing that he did with his chin just before he took a step. You might be able to work with that.

“Okay, I think I got something!” you clapped your hands together in relief, moving to the keyboard that was set up across the room from your drumset. “Okay, can we take it from here?” your fingers played out the closing melody that directly preceded his walk.

“Oh, yes?” Joshua did a double take. The way your fingers ran across the keys took him by surprise. “You play piano as well?”

“I’m a professional musician,” you wrinkled your nose up at him, “I can play several instruments.”

“Ah, of course,” he flushed.

You keyed out the melody again, leading him into his walk. He waited for you to cross the room to pick up your drumsticks before he started walking and you half-managed to follow his footsteps this time.

“That was better,” you shrugged, “We’ll need to keep working at it though,” you shrugged, eyeing the clock. You had to leave soon if you wanted to make it to band rehearsal on time.

“Oh right, you had to stop at three,” Joshua nodded, following your line of sight.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. The hour had passed quickly, most of it spent bickering, unfortunately. “When are you free next?”

“Saturday is pretty open as of now,” you suggested. “Would ten-thirty in the morning work?”

“Yes!”

“Would you mind actually meeting at my house? I have band practice right before and it would be nice not to have to drive here and set everything up.”

“Oh, sure I guess? What’s the address?”

“I’ll text you,” you smiled gratefully as you packed your drumsticks away, “Have a good day!”

❄❄❄

Joshua double checked the address before he got out of his car. He was halfway to the porch when the sound of music out back caught his ear. He was quite early and figured it wouldn’t do any harm to check it out. As he got closer to the source, the sounds of keyboard, drumset, and guitar became more individually discernible and these ensemble sounds worked together to complement the lead vocalist. Was this the band rehearsal that you had been referring to?

Joshua finally rounded the corner of the house to face a detached garage where the band was rehearsing. His eyes went to the drumset first, where he expected to see you. The large man seated behind the bass drum, however, was decidedly not you and so his eyes flitted around until they landed on the person standing behind the keyboard. You were playing and singing with such joy on your face and it made him stop in his tracks.

“I didn't think I'd get back up I didn't think I'd be alright again You know it's easy when you're young, bounce back and whatever You just bounce back like it never happened”

You sang with your eyes closed, fingers gliding across the keyboard with an ease that startled Joshua.

“I put one foot in front of the other today I stretched my arms out wide and it felt real strange And then my legs, they started shaking and my hands, they started quaking 'Cause things just take longer to heal these days”

The tenderness with which you sang the last lyrics triggered a small burst of warmth in his chest and when your eyes opened to meet his, his heart jumped fully into his throat.

“Oh, you’re here,” you blurted into the mic without thinking, surprising your band mates.

“Hi, yes,” Joshua cleared his throat, “Sorry I’m early!” he waved at everyone good naturedly.

“Who is this?” your bassist, Elena asked, eyes dancing curiously at you.

“Joshua, he’s the lead in that musical I’m working,” you shrugged, for some reason embarrassed that he had seen you singing.

“Oh nice!” your drummer stood up to introduce himself, “I’m Amir, and that’s Elena. It’s nice to meet you man!”

“Hey thanks! Nice to meet you too,” Joshua smiled back at the large man, “I didn’t know you sang,” he remarked at you.

“I mean…we barely know each other,” you couldn’t help but remark.

“I guess that’s true,” he chuckled good naturedly, “You guys sound great!”

“Thank you” Elena chirped excitedly, “You should follow us on social media!”

“Please,” Joshua nodded way too genuinely, pulling out his phone and looking over Elena’s shoulder as she showed him the band’s various handles.

You knew that didn’t make any sense. You should want everyone and their mother to check out your music, but there had always been an unspoken separation between the cast members and pit orchestra and so it felt very odd to be letting Joshua into your life in this way.

“Do you wanna take that again,” Amir asked you, bringing your thoughts back to the present, “Or did you feel good about that?”

“I felt really good about that, actually,” you nodded and you meant it.

“Me too!” Elena chirped in agreement.

“Cool, well we’re done a little early so if you two need to work on whatever you need to work on, we can make ourselves scarce. But…,” Amir turned his eyes to Joshua hopefully, “If you might wanna jam with us…Elena and I have been learning ‘My Shot’ from Hamilton!”

“Oh hell yes,” Joshua answered seamlessly.

“Right on!” Amir nodded excitedly, sitting back down behind his drum set as Elena wiggled excitedly.

You gestured towards the microphone stand as you got out of the way for Joshua. He pulled the mic out of the stand and your jaw dropped when he started…rapping?

“Hey yo, I'm just like my country I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwin' away my shot”

Amir’s grin grew wider and wider as he picked up on Joshua’s flow. You watched, eyes widening with amazement, as he just continued and continued. You knew it was a silly stereotype, but you didn’t ever think you’d see him rapping and you were surprised at how decent he was at it. You could tell that he was out of his usual element, but he managed to still have a swagger and presence that was quite different from when you’d seen him during rehearsal. Elena’s delight grew unbridled as they ran through a good amount of the track before Joshua ran out of breath.

“Sorry!” he laughed apologetically, “I don’t typically rap,” he smiled genially.

“No, don’t apologize man, that was awesome!” Amir shook his head vehemently.

You grinned as you watched the three of them bond. Amir and Elena had always had such open and welcoming personalities, so it didn’t surprise you that they connected with Joshua immediately.

“Of all the things I never thought I’d see,” you remarked as you looked at him with a newfound appreciation.

“I mean we barely know each other, right?” he couldn’t help but throw your own words back at you. He must’ve been still reestablishing his blood oxygen equilibrium, because there was no other explanation for why he winked at you.

You blinked.

“Well, we ought to get out of your hair cause we’ve probably eaten into enough of your rehearsal time,” Amir spoke up after exchanging a glance with Elena. They both packed up quickly and made themselves scarce as you settled in behind the drumset, adjusting the stool way, way down.

“That was fun,” Joshua smiled at you as you warmed up.

“You were perfectly on beat there! So if you could just do that while you walk,” you teased, eyes creasing as you smiled at him. Joshua opened his mouth, but you cut him off, “I know, I know, that’s not what the character would do,” you shook your head playfully at him.

You were pleasantly surprised that the next hour passed quickly. It was probably because Amir and Elena had helped break the ice a little bit, but you felt a lot more comfortable with Joshua today. In turn, he also seemed more open to your input and you were able to work out a decent system for establishing a walking or transition pace. Eventually, you got bored and worked on a few other passages before your stomach interrupted with a loud rumble.

“Was that your stomach?” Joshua asked, surprise evident on his face.

“Yes,” you laughed sheepishly, “I should eat something. Do you want to take a break? I’ve probably got something we can snack on.”

“I wouldn’t mind a snack,” Joshua smiled at you in a way that was disarming.

“Okay, follow me then,” you turned away, nervous, allowing him to follow you, “Don’t judge me, I know the place is a mess!” you disclaimed as you led him through the house. Joshua’s eyes widened with wonder as he inventoried the many, many instrument cases scattered around your house.

“How many instruments can you play?” he looked at you in wonder.

“I, uh,” you made a face as you counted in your head. “All of the strings and most of the percussion instruments.”

“What? That’s amazing!” Joshua gaped at you. He was truly impressed.

“Thanks,” you chuckled, a bit shy at his obvious admiration. Avoiding his gaze, you searched through your cupboard for something to eat.

“Can I try this?” Joshua gestured to the cello laying on the ground while you slid two frozen waffles into the toaster.

“Sure!” you called over your shoulder as you moved to the fridge. Waffles and cereal it was! You laughed to yourself as you heard some fiddling followed by a few noisy scrapes.

“This sounds horrible,” he remarked to himself as he continued to drag the bow across the strings determinedly. You couldn’t fight the smile that spread across your lips as you watched him out of the corner of your eye. You were surprised that you still found him endearing as he continued to make such grating sounds.

“You’ll have to adjust the pin,” you gestured to the bottom of the cello as you approached him, assessing the situation. “Here, hold this for me,” you lifted the instrument to the appropriate height and waited for Joshua to grab the instrument. You reached down between his legs and pulled the endpin out so that the cello sat at a better height.

“Okay, that looks better, now let’s address this grip,” you smiled, grabbing his hand and adjusting his fingers so they held the bow in a less awkward way. You didn’t notice, but Joshua’s Adam’s apple bobbed erratically when you moved to adjust his other hand on the neck of the cello. “You might actually be good at the cello,” you remarked, taking his left hand into your own. “You have these nice long fingers!”

Before he could respond, the waffles jumped in the toaster, pulling your attention away. It was just as well, because the best Joshua could’ve offered was a garbled cough with the way you had managed to fluster him. Blinking rapidly, he stood, placing the cello back on its side.

In the kitchen, you reprimanded yourself mentally as you placed the toasted waffles onto plates. Joshua did have nice hands, but you certainly didn’t need to be saying that out loud! Wordlessly, you brought everything to the kitchen table and gestured for him to sit.

“Hope you like Cap’n Crunch,” you laughed, “It’s the best I can do with no notice.

“I love Cap’n Crunch,” he smiled genuinely, “So do you teach as well?” he asked between mouthfuls. You nodded and worked through your own mouthful of cereal before answering him.

“Yes! I teach a handful of students, mostly string instruments.”

“Wow, that is really amazing,” Joshua beamed at you one more time before you ate in silence. The crunch of the cap’n filled the room and you were struck by the odd sense of intimacy that filled the moment. You wondered if it was one sided before you finished up and resumed practice

❄❄❄

Joshua couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering to you in the pit. You were laughing easily with some of the other musicians and he was surprised at the way he felt almost jealous? It made sense, of course, you knew them much better than you knew him. Prior to this show, you’d never even interacted, but after spending some time with you over the weekend, Joshua had had a lot of trouble keeping you out of his mind.

“Ready to get started?” Janet tapped their baton against their music stand.

Everyone directed their attention to the podium and flipped to one of the big dance numbers. It was quick and before long you were deeply immersed, trying to keep time with their steps.

“Very good, nice work!” Janet clapped happily, more than pleased. “Joshua and YN, great job nailing down the transitions as well! They’re looking much better.”

You smiled back, pleased as well. Joshua instinctively looked towards where he knew you were, even though it was too dark to see you anymore.

“Hey, YN!” you heard Joshua’s now familiar voice as you were on the way out of rehearsal.

“Hey, nice job today,” you smiled at him.

“Thanks to you,” he felt inordinately pleased to receive your compliment. “Hey if you’re not busy, do you want to grab some coffee?”

“I’m not, but why?” you asked.

“I-, do I have to have a reason?” he paused, furrowing his brow.

“I mean, I guess not but this is a little unusual. The cast members typically don’t acknowledge our existence,” you chuckled. You were probably being a little unfair, but this was also true.

“Well, you’re not exactly making it easy,” he pushed back, raising an eyebrow.

“…Fair point,” you had to admit. “You’re right. Let’s go get coffee.”

Joshua beamed.

“I like Almanac, but where do you like for coffee?”

“I like Almanac too!” Joshua’s eyebrows raised in surprise, “See we’re more similar than you give us credit for.”

“I already admitted I was being unfair,” you raised your brows at him, heading towards your favorite coffee shop.

“So how was the rest of your weekend?”

“It was pretty busy, but good! Yours?”

“It was also good,” Joshua smiled. You watched the way the corners of his lips curled up in a catlike fashion. “I had some free time after our practice, so I went to visit my mom.”

“Oh, nice! Does she live close? Far?”

“A couple of hours away, so it’s not too far. She’s getting a little older now, so I try to visit regularly and help around the house however I can.”

“That’s sweet of you,” you smiled. Joshua had always seemed like a gentleman and this was consistent with that.

“It’s the right thing to do,” he shrugged, opening the door to Almanac for you.

“YN!” the roaster, Sam, greeted you, “And Josh?” He did a double take when Joshua followed you inside. “Do you two know each other?”

“We do!” Joshua nodded, “You weren’t kidding when you said you like it here, huh?”

“I take my coffee very seriously,” you threw him a pointed yet playful look. “What’s interesting today?” you turned back to Sam.

“For you? I think you’ll like the Burundi best? Very juicy and complex,” he regarded you for a second. “And for you, Joshua? I think the Honduras? Nutty and more chocolatey notes.”

You and Joshua both nodded. When it came to coffee with Sam, you’d both learned that it was always best to go with dealer’s choice.

“Do we want these for here or to go?”

“I, uh…?” you looked at Joshua, this had been his idea to begin with.

“Here?” he suggested, hoping you didn’t feel obligated.

“Sure,” you shrugged.

“So how do you two know each other?” Sam asked as he bounced around behind the bar, grinding beans and prepping pour overs.

“We’re both in the Christmas show,” Joshua answered first, gesturing vaguely towards the theater where you’d just walked from.

“Well, he’s in it. I’m in the pit orchestra,” you felt the need to clarify.

“You’re in it! There’s no musical without the orchestra!” he insisted enthusiastically.

“I would agree with that,” Sam chuckled, intrigued at your dynamic.

“You know what I mean though!” you scrunched your face at Joshua, “If you say ‘I’m in a musical’ people think you mean the cast!”

Joshua blinked down at you. His lips curled up at the corners, amused at your fervor. Sam watched with a grin on his face as you and Joshua bickered playfully.

“Okay, here’s your coffee kids,” he finally interrupted, sliding two ceramic cups across the bar.

“Thanks Sam,” you beamed at him before turning to search out a table. It wasn’t terribly busy, so you were able to grab seats at the bar looking out the window. “So did you have something you needed to talk to me about?” you asked, shifting slightly to face him.

“No, I just wanted to spend some time with you,” he laughed, leaning back in his chair.

“What?”

“What?” he asked, a little confused that he kept having to explain why he wanted to be around you. You were incredibly talented and interesting, did you not see that?

“Sorry I’m not good at making new friends,” you chuckled wryly.

“You’re okay,” Joshua smiled. “I was actually hoping to ask you about your music making process. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh?” your eyes lit up. This was a topic that you could talk both of his ears off about, if he let you.

“Yes, I was wondering who writes your lyrics and whether you have a process for it. Like lyrics first and then music or vice versa?”

“That’s a good question that’s impossible to answer,” you grinned at him. “Amir and Elena and I tend to each write our own tracks, but we do ask each other for input. For me, I write the lyrics first and fill in the music around them. Elena is the opposite and Amir does both, depending on his mood. Do you write music?”

“I have tried in the past. But I’m primarily a vocalist, so I never really got to the part about filling in the music,” he chuckled sheepishly. “I can get by on guitar, but that’s about it.”

“It’s certainly not easy,” you laughed, “And then there’s the issue of baring your heart and soul to the people who do actually listen.”

Joshua enjoyed the way your eyes sparkled as you talked excitedly about your music making process. You didn’t seem to like to talk about yourself otherwise, so he hoped he could learn more about you through your music. Your next show was already marked down in his calendar and he couldn’t wait for the day to come.

“Sorry I’m talking your ear off!” you chuckled, bringing your mug to your lips.

“I like it,” his eyes creased as he smiled at you, resting his chin on his hand, eager to hear more.

You blinked. His statement was so straightforward and caught you off guard. You weren’t able to fight the heat that crawled up your neck, so you pretended it was a win that you hadn’t choked on your coffee entirely.

“Oh my gosh, I have to get going,” Joshua’s eyes widened when he noticed the time.

“Oh, okay!” you nodded. “Sorry, I told you I could talk forever about this!”

“Don’t be sorry. Time passes easily with you.”

“This was fun, thanks for suggesting it,” you stepped past his compliment and through the door purposefully. “Oh, it’s snowing!” you gasped, extending your palms upwards to catch a few flakes.

“Pretty,” he murmured, eyes watching you as snowflakes landed in your hair.

“It really is,” you turned towards him, fully beaming now. You loved being outside for the first snow each year. You and Joshua exchanged a laden glance before you couldn’t stand it anymore and excused yourself. It was cold out, but you almost couldn’t feel it.

❄❄❄

“Are you gonna sing tonight?” Elena asked you, eyes bright with curiosity. You tended to be fifty-fifty when it came to karaoke night. Sometimes you were in the mood and other times you weren’t. Tonight you were decidedly on the fence, so you planned to just go with the flow.

“Not sure yet, but I am here to support you,” you grinned, nose scrunching affectionately at her. “Is Amir coming?”

“Yeah, but he invited someone else so he’s waiting outside,” Elena nodded.

“Oh, okay!” you shrugged. It wasn’t unheard of for others to join you, but it wasn’t frequent either. You wandered to the bar to grab a beer while you waited.

“Yo!” you jumped slightly when Amir’s booming voice was accompanied by his hands clapping down on your shoulders.

“Jeebus,” you scrunched your face up at him.

“Two pilsners, please?” he signaled to the bartender before pulling you into a hug. “How’s things?” he asked as you headed back towards Elena.

“Pretty good! How are yo-oh?” you stopped mid-sentence when you saw Joshua sitting with her.

“Hey,” he smiled gently, waving at you.

“What are you doing here?”

“I invited him!” Amir stated as a matter of factly as he took the seat next to Elena at the picnic style table. You climbed over the bench on the other side, taking the spot next to Joshua.

“We’ve been chatting,” Joshua explained helpfully.

“Oh,” you nodded, though you were full of questions, “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” he nodded, left knee nudging yours under the table.

Your heart flipped in your chest. You hadn’t seen Joshua since your post-rehearsal coffee, but he’d certainly been on your mind. If you squinted, in the right light, you would almost think that he was interested in you. But then again, you’d also thought things with your last partner had been going well just before they’d broken up with you too.

“What are you singing?” you asked, pulling yourself out of your thoughts.

“Well it has to be holiday themed, so that narrows down our choices,” Amir stroked his chin playfully.

“Have you decided?” Joshua turned to you, eyes curious.

“I’m not sure I’m going to sing yet,” you half-smiled at him.

“Oh come on! I’ll sing if you sing,” he offered.

“Why would I care if you sing or not?” you countered.

“Hm. You’re telling me you don’t want to watch me make a fool of myself singing Mariah Carey?” he teased, corners of his lips curling up playfully.

“Wait,” you blinked, “Wait, no I really do,” your eyes widened as you processed his words.

“You’d better pony up then,” he threw you a playful look as he brought his beer to his lips.

Elena watched Joshua with severe interest as he watched you wrack your brain for Christmas songs. He was so clearly interested in you, but she couldn’t tell whether your obliviousness was purposeful or not.

“What about ‘Santa Tell Me’?” she suggested, electing to help you out of your misery.

“Oh! I do like that song!” you smiled at Elena gratefully, “Will that do?” you turned to Joshua, an eyebrow raised expectantly at him.

You honestly expected him to say no and request a rendition of something much more embarrassing, so you were caught off guard when he cocked his head to the side and raked his eyes over you before nodding. Elena’s eyes widened before they flew to Amir to see whether he’d been paying attention to this exchange. As was typical, he seemed blissfully unaware as he drank his beer.

“Do we sign up? Or how does this work?” Joshua asked, craning his neck towards the MC.

“Yep, they have a sign-up sheet there!” Amir nodded.

“Shall we?” Joshua turned to you, extending his hand towards you.

“We?” you couldn’t help the question that escaped your lips.

“I don’t trust you not to chicken out. I would like to watch you put pen to paper,” he grinned mischievously at you.

“Me? Chicken?” you gasped, offended. “I would never!”

“Then let’s go,” Joshua chuckled cooly.

“Fine,” you scoffed, placing your hand in his and following him to the MC’s station.

“Amir!” Elena squealed as she watched you leave. “I think something’s going on?”

“Oh yeah, Joshua likes YN,” Amir shrugged, nodding as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Wait, what?”

“He told me. Why do you think I invited him?”

Elena’s mouth hung wide open at this revelation. Of all the things she never thought she’d see, Amir meddling was pretty damn near top of the list.

“Am I going first or are you?” you asked Joshua as you held the pen above the sign-up sheet.

“I’ll go first,” he shrugged good naturedly, “It was my idea after all.”

“Okay,” you nodded, scribbling his name and then your own just below it, “No backing out now.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he winked at you. He couldn’t seem to help himself from teasing you tonight.

You watched, fascinated, as Joshua chatted with Elena and Amir. You’d have thought they’d known each other for years, but when you sat down to do the math, you were surprised to realize that it had really only been a few weeks since they’d met. It was a pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. Pulling yourself out of your thoughts again, you met Elena’s gaze, which was loaded to say the least. When she realized you were no longer spacing out, her eyebrows raised as her head jerked subtly, yet meaningfully, towards Joshua. You knew what she was saying and you maybe even agreed. You just needed to have another mental breakdown or two before you decided what you wanted to do about it.

“Oh, I’m next!” Joshua announced as he watched names on the screen flicker by.

“Break a leg,” you beamed at him. He faltered for a moment at the genuine openness of your smile.

You watched with a mixture of excitement and secondhand embarrassment as Joshua started his rendition of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. It was stupid, but you were surprised at how good he was. He didn’t take himself too seriously, hammed it up when it was appropriate, and by the end of it you were smiling widely and singing along. In fact, you were enjoying yourself so much that you practically forgot you were meant to sing after him and rushed on stage at the last minute. Joshua handed you the mic with a playful chuckle, fingers brushing for just a moment.

“Santa, tell me if you're really there Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year Santa, tell me if he really cares 'Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year”

Joshua smiled as he watched you sing. He wasn’t surprised that this song resonated with you. While perusing your music, it had become apparent to him that you’d gone through a big breakup sometime in the last year. He could certainly understand the reluctance to get involved with someone new, but he also hoped that he could prove himself to be a steadfast friend and potential partner.

You smiled impossibly wide as you grooved to the background music; you really did love this song! Inevitably your eyes moved back to your table and you paused when Joshua caught your eye. His eyes had creased into semi-circles and his lips had curled up just slightly at the corners as he watched you. Your brain stuttered and for whatever reason, the next lyrics that left your lips were from the explicit version instead.

“Oh, I wanna let him unwrap me, like oh-woo-oh Get on top of him, by that fireplace, oh-woo-oh But I don't want a new broken heart This year I've got to be smart”

Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise as the crowd erupted in whoops and cheers. The way you’d held his gaze while singing had left his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

“Eee, you did so good!” Elena squealed excitedly when you returned to the table. It took every fiber of her being not to scream over your sudden improv. “I love that slowed version too.”

“Really good,” Joshua half-smiled, thinking furiously about when and whether to make a move.

“Thanks,” you giggled shyly, grateful for the residual adrenaline of performing. “When are you two up? I kinda want to go out and get some air, but I don’t want to miss you guys!”

“We’re not for a while, go for it! Bring us some beers back too,” Amir waved you away playfully.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon!” you waved briefly before heading out the door to the patio.

The gears continued to turn in Joshua’s head until Amir and Elena simply couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dude, what are you doing?” they demanded in unison.

“What?” Joshua looked up, slightly startled.

“Go get ‘em! Now’s your chance!”

“Now?!” He looked panicked.

“They wanna let you unwrap them, like oh-woo-oh,” Elena sang playfully at him.

“Get on top of you, by that fireplace, oh-woo-oh!” Amir harmonized before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

Joshua stood up. They were right, this was the opening. He headed towards the door he had seen you exit through and found you standing outside alone.

“Gah, I don’t know how you do it!” you started chattering when you saw him, “I still get such nerves about performing in front of crowds like that!”

“It doesn’t really ever go away,” he smiled reassuringly, stepping towards you. “Cold?” he asked, watching you blow warm air on your hands.

“I was hoping the fresh air would help me calm down a bit, but now I’m just cold,” you laughed sheepishly.

Joshua chuckled, folding his long fingers over your hands and pulling you towards him. You swallowed audibly as you looked at him, heart pounding even faster now.

“You are a captivating performer and a talented musician. The nerves never really go away, you’ll just get better at managing them,” he gazed deep into your eyes. “You made me feel a lot of feelings up there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I’ve heard that version before,” he teased, grinning at you.

“I didn’t-, I don’t,” you floundered, but you didn’t really have much of an explanation. You had simply been flirting with him and he was flirting back.

“Can we go out on a date?” he asked, “If things go according to plan, we’ll be here next year too.”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as you realized he was quoting your karaoke lyrics back to you. It was so corny and yet…it was working. You pushed up on the balls of your feet, leveraging his grip on your hands to pull him into a kiss. You could feel him smile against your lips and when you pulled away, you could see that a single snowflake had landed on his nose. What in the Hallmark movie?

❄❄❄

Thanks so much for reading! Would love to hear what you think and please also check out the other 'snowventeen' fics!

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morallyinept · 22 days

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i am a fic writer, and admittedly I don’t read others works as much as I probably should because any free time I have is usually spent writing if not one of my other hobbies. i do try though. but you both write AND read a colossal amount, how?! how do you consistently write so much? you publish so many fics and I cannot wrap my head around it. what’s your process and what keeps you motivated? i’ve been struggling with motivation for a number of reasons lately and one of them is because of sort of feeling like a waste of space here on tumblr. I have friends and readers and moots that I’m grateful for but…I don’t know. i wish my blog was more like yours sometimes. i feel like i post and then I’m just a ghost and people forget i’m here.

Hey Non! 🖤

The short answer is, I have no life 😝 Kidding, I'm just super organised, I think. But there are some other factors...

I'm a pretty fast reader, (I was a freelance proofreader for a while) so I can read pretty quickly, and I utilise my lunch breaks at work, or the downtime before bed to read too. Chronic insomnia also helps! 🥴

I'm big list lover (as you might've seen) and I really utilise my likes to bookmark stuff I want to come back to and add to the Fic Rec List. I try to update it weekly (or bi-weekly if I'm busy) so things don't get lost in my likes. I also use my rec list as my own way of tracking what I want to read in future/have already read. I then try to reblog it once I've read it (something I'm trying to be better at, admittedly).

With regards to writing, a lot of my stuff is written in advance, so stuff I post is queued up from weeks/months ago when I wrote it, except things I write on a whim when an idea comes and I wanna post it quicker. I write a bunch of GIFLETS usually in a day, for example, as they're pretty short and will give me weeks of fics to post.

Writing is my passion, so I write a lot. I've been writing since I could write my own name pretty much.

I joke about having no life, but lately I've had additional free time due to having a back injury, (I'm ok!) so I've been resting and able to write more than I usually would, so I'm taking full advantage of that too with forward planning. That will slow down considerably though when I go back to work in a few weeks.

I utilise my free time, and writing is my main hobby, alongside doodling. I do make time for other things though. I don't spend 100% of my free time constantly writing. Again, it comes down to organisation, I write notes (a heck of a lot of notes!) and keep WIPs in order etc...

Scheduling/queuing posts is something I do a lot too, so it proabably looks like I'm always online posting and reading, but I'm actually not. It's all stuff I've queued up ready to go and can forget about.

I probably spend around 1-2 hours a day updating my queue, designing banners/posts etc... and then responding to comments/re-blogs, ASKs etc... and that's not all at the same time, it'll be spread out throughout the day too. Some days more than others, and other days not at all.

Same with writing, I'll spend time doing it daily or dedicate a sole day at the weekend if I have no plans, and limit myself too so I don't burn out or forget about other things, like adulting. (I should probably mention I'm single and live by myself, so I have plenty of time to do my own things without worrying about spending time with a partner or anything. I do make time to see my friends and family regularly though.)

What keeps me motivated? Well, you guys, for one. Readers and interaction. Music. Pedro, of course, and my own thoughts (thots). But being organised really helps me so I don't burn out.

But I just wanna mention that I too, struggle with motivation. I've had writer's block a few times lately and have often considered my own place here too at times. And you're not a waste of space, I can assure you. Everybody brings something different to this fandom, I think. And that's a good thing. Variety is the spice of life, afterall. ✨️

Primarily, writing for your own enjoyment should come first. I know that's easy for me to say, but I honestly don't give a damn about the number of notes my posts get, I much prefer the engagement personally.

I write for me, because I enjoy it. But I get that everyone's reasons are different, and I know it can feel disappointing and leave you pondering "why bother?" When you don't necessarily get the engagement you hope for.

I guess it stems also a little to that old saying you get out what you put in. On outward appearance, it seems like I put in a hell of a lot, 😅 but it really comes down to me just being a little regimented and utilising my time as best as I can, I guess.

I could wake up one morning in the future and decide I don't want to do this anymore, so I'm enjoying doing it for now. Plus, I suppose the more followers and engagement you have, the more it could become difficult to stay on top of that too... I guess it's a balancing act to some degree.

I think it's important not to compare yourself though. Everyone has their own lives outside of Tumblr, and some may not be able to post as much as they want to, and that's perfectly okay. Being here isn't a race. You're not on a deadline, so don't put unncessary pressure on yourself.

Your own blog/corner of the internet is yours and unique to you. Be proud of what you've made it into. 🥰

Hoo boy, I rambled on a bit! 🫣 Oops! But I hope that answers your questions, lovely.

Love you! 🖤

#jett's asks #pedro pascal fandom #writing

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feyhunter78 · 4 months

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do u have any tips for growing ur blog?

Hmmmm this is a good question! 💗 My top piece of advice is if you focus on growing and your numbers you’ll be miserable and drive yourself crazy. Also, I wouldn’t say my blog is really thattttt big compared to some other blogs, but I think what worked for me is:

1.) Consistently - post and keep posting even if it’s not fics, you don’t *have* to have a posting schedule, everyone knows I don’t, but I try to not go like 4 days to a week without adding something new to my blog

2.) Find your niche - mine is definitely now ridiculously indulgent fics and soft smut, also making memes

3.) Don’t be afraid to get personal - I tell y’all shit I’m sure no one cares to hear about, stuff that might be embarrassing or stuff I know people would prefer a new chapter to, but I post my thoughts anyways bc it’s fun and helps build connection with your readers!

4.) Boost others - I love when people make things for me or send me asks, even if they have nothing to do with my current stories! I also like to just randomly reblogging fics I like, artwork, jokes, whatever I just happen to enjoy.

Mel’s memes and all of Smokey’s artwork are my two main things I personally like to fawn over and force everyone to see when they come on my blog and I think showing public appreciation is always good!!!!

5.) This is one you just cannot control and that is timing - Sometimes new things come out and your fic is swept up in the wave of excitement or something old remerges or a trailer to get released and people turn their eyes back to that fandom!

People like to rag on “jumping on the bandwagon” but if you have something you want to put out for a fandom who cares if you’re only doing it because it’s popular? If it’s a good work and you actually care about what you’re making then I personally don’t consider it disingenuous

(Shit I said it myself when I started writing Pink Pastels, I didn’t see the movie I just kept seeing Miguel everywhere, read a dozen or so fics and got struck with an idea. That being said thqt only bc works I do my research to make sure there’s no glaring errors.)

I hope this helps!!!!

Edit: also I don’t get involved in ANY drama, I stay in my lane. I am a grown women, I will not argue with someone on the internet about anything💀

#meg talks #mail time #have I made it????#do I seem big enough people want my advice on growing🤧🤧#I just be writing and posting and y’all come to see the show #which I love bc I live to perform

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beefromanoff · 10 months

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Going Under Ch. 2

summary: Bucky Barnes is assigned to head the security detail of an internationally beloved singer named Gianna as his next mission.

characters: Bucky Barnes x OC

soundtrack: girls chase boys - ingrid michaelson

warnings: fluff, pop star fantasy x love story, set in an AU where the Avengers reunite after Civil War, pre-infinity war, slight angst, hurt/comfort, lonely reader/OC.

author’s note: this is my first ever fanfic, so please be kind! I have so many chapters written but not edited, so prepare for spam. enjoy xoxo

chapter list/links - xo

_________________________________________________

chapter 2

Bucky stood at the back of the empty auditorium, watching as Gianna rehearsed her set for the tour. He had to admit, he was still impressed. The tour had three solid weeks under its belt, and he hadn’t gotten tired of hearing her sing yet. Although he was required to be where she was for her protection, he never minded rehearsals. Her voice was powerful and soulful, and it filled the room with a sense of energy and passion. It had all the beauty of her real performance, without the thundering sounds of the crowds. This was quickly becoming his favorite part of the job.

Gianna was wearing a silk slip dress with a thick knit cardigan hanging off of her shoulders, and her hair was stacked on top of her head in pink curlers, carefully placed by Kate before rehearsal. He was always confused about how she managed to be cold underneath such hot lights, but if she ever forgot her cardigan or a sweatshirt of some kind, she’d sucker Bucky into running back to the bus to grab it for her. He had half a mind to just keep an extra jacket on him.

As he watched her tap her earpiece to make sure it was in place, Bucky couldn't help but feel a pang of attraction. As he watched her move across the stage, her voice rang out in the otherwise silent room. Her bare feet padded across the stage. She waited until the very last second to put her shoes on before each show, to the point that sometimes Bucky worried she would miss her cue. So far, she always made it work.

As she finished her set, Bucky stood from the front row, clapping slowly. Gianna turned to face him, a smile spreading across her face.

"You know, you don’t have to clap every time" she teased, her blush giving away that she didn’t mind a single bit.

Bucky grinned. "I clap when the performance warrants applause.”

Gianna's blush deepened, and she smiled as she was being tugged offstage to finish hair and makeup. He followed at a distance, going to resume his normal post outside the dressing room until the show was about to begin and it was time to get her backstage.

To his surprise, he hadn’t minded the first few weeks of the tour. Gianna kept her team small and close knit, so there weren’t many people with them consistently besides the four of them that had flown in together. The band traveled separately so they could bring their families. The daily schedule was strict, but Bucky liked the routine. Gianna was easy to like, always kind and seemed to overflow with sunshine despite her grueling schedule.

They hadn’t spent much time together over the past few weeks, but the first leg of the tour was coming to an end and Bucky knew they had a day off coming up soon. He didn’t know how Gianna would want to spend it, but he was sure if it was him in her shoes, he’d choose sleeping. Something told him she didn’t feel the same way.

The morning of their first day off, the sun was shining bright over Panama City Beach, and Gianna was excited to spend her day off exploring the little beach town. She was even more excited to get to know her mysterious, brooding head of security.

The night before, as he was walking her back to her hotel room, she had asked Bucky to spend the day with her. “My only other friend here is Tom, and he’s 55 years old.” Gianna joked. Kate had made it clear to everyone that she would be sleeping all day and was not to be disturbed unless there was a “hair or makeup emergency”.

“Well, doll, Tom might be a better option for you. I’ve got another 50 years on him.” Bucky joked. Gianna rolled her eyes and lightly shoved his shoulder, her hand feeling the firm metal beneath his leather jacket.

“You know, one day I want your life story too. I know you got a case file on me the size of an encyclopedia, but here I am wondering how on Earth I’m supposed to respond to you telling me you’re my great great grandpa’s age.” She teased.

Bucky had guessed by her cavalier reaction that she’d already done some of her own research. He appreciated how calmly she handled the unusual bits of information he threw at her in their daily interactions. He wasn’t sure how much she knew or wanted to know, but he figured the conversation was inevitable. She could Google it herself, so he’d rather be the one to tell her things from his perspective. Just....not yet.

“You know you don’t have to ask me to hang out with you, that’s my job.” Bucky said, bumping his shoulder back into hers as a rebuttal to her teasing. “But for the record, I’d love to.”

Gianna smiled at him over her shoulder as she slid the keycard into her door and went inside. “Night, Buck. See you in the morning, maybe 8ish?”

He nodded at her and waited until the lock clicked in place before walking across the hall to his room, eager for 8am to roll around.

Their first stop was a coffee shop.

Gianna was surprised to find out that Bucky didn't have a signature coffee order. “What do you mean you only drink black coffee? That’s for red eye flights and hotel rooms only, not when you have another option.” She feigned shock.

“Well, they didn't have fancy lattes before I joined the military, and unfortunately, Hydra didn't have an espresso machine.” Bucky said, holding his hands up in mock innocence. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” His blue eyes scanned the long coffee menu for more variations of espresso and milk than he even thought possible.

Gianna thought it was adorable that he was overwhelmed by the wide world of lattes and made a snap decision.

“We’ll take one of everything, half hot, half iced. Oh, and two croissants please.” She smiled and passed her card to the confused and slightly starstruck cashier. As she signed the receipt, she must have felt Bucky’s panic because she winked and told him that the record label was paying for it.

After Gianna took a few photos with the staff members, she and Bucky camped out at one of the small wire tables on their quaint patio overlooking the beach. They sat, sipped, and sampled all the coffees until they found his favorite: a hazelnut latte.

“Slightly sweet, smooth, and classic. I can totally see it.” Gianna said, holding her two personal favorites in each hand. Bucky grinned and took another sip of the latte, which looked adorably small in his metal fist.

“If this kicks off my coffee addiction, I’m blaming you.” He grumbled.

“It’s about time I rubbed off on you, we’ve only been inseparable for three weeks. You were bound to pick up some of my habits, and it was either excessive coffee drinking or singing in the shower.”

“It had to be the coffee, because I already sing in the shower.” Bucky said in his normal deadpan voice, stopping Gianna for a moment because she could neither tell if he was kidding nor picture him singing in the shower. Not a bad mental image though.

As they walked along the beach, they spotted a pier and stumbled upon some carnival games. Gianna saw the signature strong man game where you swing a rubber hammer to a strike plate and see how hard you can hit it. If the bell dings, you win and get a prize. If not, you’re out $5 per attempt.

Bucky and Gianna stood and watched as several boyfriends fell short and failed to get their girlfriends a prize.

Putting on her widest eyes and poutiest lip, Gianna gave Bucky a look implying she wanted him to try.

“No. No, absolutely not.” He shook his head stubbornly. “That wouldn’t be fair.”

“Okay Barnes, after everything you’ve been through, I’m sure you’re entitled to an unfair advantage at a carnival game.”

He smiled, although she had shown her hand and revealed she knew more about his past than she was letting on. At least she was letting him tell her at his own pace. He signed and handed a $5 bill to the man working the game, then took the hammer and looked at Gianna.

“I hope you’re happy.” He brought the hammer up over his head and slammed it down onto the strike plate. He hit the machine so hard that it sank into the splintered wood of the boardwalk and rested about a foot into the boards themselves. The machine operator was in pure shock.

“So, can we take a prize then?” Bucky asked, to which the operator nodded furiously.

Gianna chose a giant stuffed bear, although Bucky wasn’t sure they had room on the bus for it. He took one look at her giant smile and decided he’d let the bear sleep in his bunk if it meant making her this happy. He reached for the bear as he saw Gianna struggle to keep it from dragging on the ground.

"Doll, this bear is almost as big as you," Buck said, laughing at the sight of her struggling to carry the stuffed animal. He threw it over his shoulder and helped her up the sand as they walked back to the hotel.

"I know, it’s amazing!" Gianna replied, grinning from ear to ear. "I’ve always wanted one of these, but I’ve never actually been to a carnival. This definitely crossed an item off of my bucket list. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Today was SO much fun. This was the most fun I’ve ever had with anyone who’s being paid to hang out with me.” As she spoke, Gianna looped her arm around Bucky’s and walked closer to him. He tried to ignore the warmth spreading through him when she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Bucky smiled, feeling grateful for the time he spent with her, and not just because he was paid to do so. "Anytime, doll. I'm glad we got to spend the day together. Thanks for helping me be less of an out-of-touch old man."

After making sure Gianna was securely in her hotel room with the bear, he crossed the hall and thought of how he wouldn’t mind starting every day with a hazelnut latte across from her.

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x oc #winter soldier fluff #winter soldier #sebastian stan #avengers

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bluepsi · 1 year

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So I know tumblr is full of helpful depression and anxiety takes already but I’ve recently started being more active in combatting my mental illness and I’d like to share a few things that have helped me tremendously. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety and on and off severe depression since I was a kid and I’ve found that counseling and medication don’t really do it for me. I’m more of a “I’ll feel better about a problem being fixed if I’m the one fixing it” kind of person. Everyone deals with mental illness differently but hopefully some or even just one of these can help you too.

1. Go touch grass. That’s a joke. But seriously, go outside for a bit. Don’t plan on doing anything in particular outside, just be outside and make that the objective. Even if it’s just standing on the porch for a second and getting some fresh air, it’s a good sort of mental palate cleanser, if that makes sense.

2. Get a vitamin regiment. This one was interesting, because I started talking vitamins daily mainly to feel a little better about my physical health cuz my diet isn’t the greatest so I wanted to be able to get more nutrients. But I noticed after not even 2 weeks of taking vitamins every morning that my mood significantly improved. In hindsight idk why I was surprised since your brain and body need certain amounts of nutrients to function properly. If you’re like me though and suck at routines this may be a bit difficult but try to stick with it. And you may be wondering where to start but even if it’s just a daily multivitamin, it will help.

3. Go. To. Sleep. Earlier. THIS one is the hardest. Like Jesus effing Christ fixing my sleep schedule was hard as hell. BUT, I finally get why this is such a common one. I probably went to bed consistently around 2, 3 sometimes 4am for years and would wake up around 12-1 pm. Because of my class schedule this semester, however, I had no choice but to start going to bed earlier. And I’m so glad for it. I know the night time is when we get to actually enjoy ourselves and try to earn back the couple hours that work stole from our day, but I promise, waking up just a little earlier in the morning will make your days so much better and you’ll feel like you have so much more of it to do things. Plus it just feels kind of nice to be awake in the morning as the world is waking up. I know that sounds lame and cheesy as fuck but whatever. I cannot stress enough how much fixing your sleep schedule by even a little can benefit you.

4. Don’t clean your room. You read that right. Don’t clean your entire room. Clean only one small part of it. Clear clutter off your end table. Take dirty dishes to the kitchen. Get that pile of laundry off your chair. Sweep/vacuum your floor. And no, this isn’t some sneaky “if you start with just one thing you’ll end up wanting to clean your whole room muahaha” mind trick. If it has that effect, great. But don’t do any of these things with that as the objective. Having an entirely clean room is magical, but getting it clean when you’re having a bad mental health day is next to impossible. Trust me, just take that 1-5 minutes to just clean ONE thing. You’ll immediately feel better.

5. Look forward to something. Alright this one’s a little tricky, but it has one of the best effects. It’s not as simple as finding a hobby, but try to find something that you do once a week, every week. For me, I found a dodgeball meet up at a local rec center. Not only is it fun as freaking hell, it allowed me to meet and socialize with people around my age. And it gave me something to look forward to every week, which immediately made me happier. I found this through a friend, but I imagine you can Google a local community center or find something on social media.

6. Treats. This one’s probably the more redundant “hehe treat yourself be comfy and cozy grip a warm mug with both hands in a baggy sweater” kind of take, but don’t underestimate it. Typically food is the best one for this. Think of a food or snack that you just LOVE above all others. Keep it stocked always. When you feel crappy, remind yourself that your favorite thing is in the cupboard. When you have a good or productive day, reward yourself with that treat. For me, it’s goat cheese. I fucking love goat cheese probably to an unhealthy amount. I eat it with raspberry preserves on toast every single morning; not only does it look like one of those high-aesthetic Pinterest breakfasts so I feel fancy, it tastes so god damn good. Plus it’s a decently healthy and filling breakfast, which in itself is also a huge mental health boost. Anyway, treat yourself.

7. Slow down. This one is a little hard to explain but hopefully it will make sense. One reason I feel anxious so often is that everything I do or have to do, I think that I have to fly through it and finish it as quickly as possible. I think that the sooner I finish a task, the sooner I can get back to doing what I want to do. But I end up making myself jittery and super anxious. So by the time I get to relax or play a video game, I’m still in hyperspeed rush mode. I feel like I have to rush through it and get to the enjoyment as quickly as possible. I completely forget to just take my time and unwind. I feel like this can apply to a lot of aspects of life in general. Just breathe and slow down.

Living with mental illness takes a lot of work. You have to work and struggle to just feel okay. But if you’re like me, feeling some degree of control and ability to take charge of your mental health feels so great and empowering. Even if you just pick one of these and find that it helps, I’m so happy for you and you should feel extremely proud of yourself.

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iknewiwouldregretthis · 10 months

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i have not yet gotten a therapist like my doctor told me to do in february but i have a lot on my mind which means it’s time to make a long post so i can put those thoughts somewhere else

i like my job. it isn’t very fulfilling but i like the people i work with and i like that they let me work from home once a week so i can schedule all my appointments on that day and i like that as a company they want to support their employees and all that. but. it’s a very weird place and there’s also a lot of bad things. like the fact that i’ve had almost no work for six months and every time i ask for more work or suggest things i can do, there’s some reason it won’t work. “we’re not ready to pass that to you” or “that won’t be compatible with our new systems” or “the time it would take to build that system isn’t worth the small amount it would get used” and that’s fine! all of those are valid reasons for me not to do something! but every month i have like 35 total hours that i do work! and the rest of the time i’m just sitting there and i know it’s nice to have a salaried job where i get paid to do nothing but it’s miserable. i mentioned to my dad that i was thinking of getting a second job like some sort of low maintenance online data entry so i could do it on the down time of my first job and he was like “you should work on professional development instead. take classes. maybe see if you can get an MBA online. train skills that you’ll use in your next job. you don’t want to have one job forever, right?” which i hadn’t thought about. i’ve never had career goals and when i got this job all i was looking for was something officey that was pretty consistent. and i’ve been here almost 3 years which is the longest i’ve ever had a job (not including the three years i was an RA in college but that didn’t include summers so)

thinking about leaving is weird, but also being at the job has gotten weird and not just because i sit in my cube all day and do nothing. my best friend at work was having issues for months because she got a new supervisor who kept trying to micromanage her and thought she wasn’t doing work because my friend wasn’t doing the work in a visible way like the supervisor thought she should. my friend asked for a sabbatical or short term leave so she could take some time and get her shit together a bit and instead they fired her, citing that she was already on probation (which was a whole other bullshit thing. they wouldn’t let her transfer departments and wouldn’t tell her why but scheduled a meeting with HR that got pushed back 5 times over 2 months and when they eventually had the meeting they told her she was on probation because she was doing the work the same as she always had which worked for the old supervisor but not the new one. she got in trouble when i stopped by her desk to chat with her so we started doing weekly walks and all she could ever talk about was how she had another meeting with her supervisor where she asked for clear guidance and direction and got none). it’s been really weird at work without her and now one of my other best work friends is retiring. i still like my department except one, but i feel like all the people i like at work are slowly leaving. and if it’s just a job where i don’t like anyone and i don’t do anything then there’s no point in staying right? but also things might look up.

it’s still better than looking for a job but i’m not sure how long that’ll hold.

the other problem is that i’m bad at looking for jobs because i don’t have good quantifiable skills. i’m good at working with people and solving problems and doing a bunch of other things that don’t show up well on a resume. my friends make jokes about not knowing how i got this job but to be honest i’m not really sure how it happened either. they saw some sort of potential and i’m grateful for it because i sure do love acquiring money to live. and also a lot of the people. theoretically i could keep in touch with them but they all live in the next city or two over from me. and i have no idea how that’d go. when i lived with my sister i never did anything or went anywhere because i was always exhausted. maybe once i move into my new house i’ll have the energy to have friends at a slight distance. i hope so.

i also feel like maybe this isn’t really real problems. maybe i’ve been living in “get out of a bad situation” mode in my home life that once i finally got out of the bad situation, my brain didn’t know what to do and started looking for a new bad situation to worry about getting out of. maybe i’m overthinking it all because i’ve been living with my dad for almost seven weeks with another week and a half to go. even though it’s better than living with my sister by several orders of magnitude it’s still tiring being a long term guest in someone else’s house. i’m so ready to go home and move and finally live somewhere where comfort and contentment are on the table and readily available and then look at my life from there and see how i’m doing. and also then get a therapist because i will finally be able to look up therapists in the privacy of my own home with no one around (an inexplicable sticking point for my brain)

i can’t stop thinking about the “when it’s all okay i’m going to make a cherry pie post” because 1 cherry pie is my favorite and 2 it will all be okay when i move to the new house and it’ll be a little while before i can make a cherry pie from scratch but absolutely day 1 i am going to the grocery store to get a frozen one to cook so when i’m unpacking in my brand new house and putting my furniture together and may or may not have internet yet i will make the house smell like cherry pie and then i am going to eat it for dinner and probably breakfast the next day.

11 days.

#mine #personal #it's a long complainey one folks but if anyone wants to come by my new house on move in day for cherry pie you can #let me know because i will want to eat a lot of cherry pie and if you want more than a piece or two i'll have to get a second pie #this is fine though i do not mind

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earth2carmen · 1 year

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I haven't really been posting tbh I kinda forgot about this shit my life been so busy lately just work work work I dont have any days off I work 7 days a week, 2 jobs and one of them is third shift which in itself its hard asf not bc the job is hard but because I have to stay up until 7 am and come in at 10 or 11 depending on what they schedule me on, I have lost 15 pounds since feb 19th or around that date and its now march 5th so that's really good, at this rate ill be at my goal weight soon. just gotta keep consistent that's the key. my diet has literally been consisting of a sf vanilla iced coffee from McDonalds, gateroade zero, bacon and egg salad and sometimes if im feeling crazy LMAO a Big Mac w out the bun. so basically staying under 25 carbs a day, I found keto bread so that w sum better. I be fucking that shit up, I have to get on top of my school work bc I haven't been doing it. me and my moms relationship hasn't gotten any better , we joke and have fun but after an hour we can't be together its too painful, we argue and fight like so bad. we can't be around each other for long and that hurts. I love my mom but im seeing that its toxic for us to be together and I know I am part of the problem no matter how much we make each other laugh its not worth the damage and strain it puts on our relationship and each other. with that being said I am not cutting her off I just need to set extremely healthy and stern boundaries. I can't allow myself to suffer anymore. I need to rest even if it means being lonely. im tired for fighting for peace. if she won't change certain behaviors its up to me to remove myself. hopefully one day we can truly mend but after I told her about what happened to me and she said I was lying, I truly felt a small piece of myself remove myself from her, I felt so detached and just in overall shock, I never would have thought she would do that EVER. after she said that the next day she was still mad at me and this carried on until later that day and she acted like nothing happened, we haven't spoken of it since and I won't bring it up but definitely that changed my outlook on her. and its so hard when I work with her, so I have to see her everyday unless I want to call out but I dont have time for immature games and being petty, I need to pay my bills and get my shit together. im fucking grown and won't let her control my emotions anymore

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well-fuckyouthen · 2 years

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I started a new job last week, and I was so hopeful that even though it was something kind of new for me that it would work out, but I just know it’s not the job for me. It’s kind of depressing working in an assisted living facility, so many of the residents just aren’t fully there, and it reminds me a lot of my mom- even though she’s so much younger than them, she’s got their attention spans. I’m starting to grow close to a few of them, there’s David and Alaina, they’re a cute couple that grew up on the island, you can tell how much they love each other. Alaina doesn’t talk much, I’m not sure if she can, but David always knows exactly what she wants. He was the first resident to remember my name, we’ve talked about our high schools- he asked me if I knew my alma mater and I said “who knows their alma mater?” Apparently he does, even though its been probably sixty years since he’s been a high schooler. Then there’s Waltraud, she’s younger than the rest of them, but she has a hard time remembering words for things. I like to talk to her, she reminds me of my mom in a way. She usually stumbles into the dining area well before lunch time, and is always shocked that it’s so early and if she’s the first one there- usually David and Alaina are the first to sit down, but she beats them there sometimes. “Well, now I feel bad that I’m the first one here.” I’ve heard that a few times, and I always say, “well, someone’s gotta be the first” I like to sit and talk with her before any other residents come in, even when she’s not in my section. She moved to the States from Germany in the 70s.

Then there’s Betty, she’s feisty, I like her a lot, she’s very spunky. She likes to sit in my section, and asks where I’ll be working for dinner so she can talk to me. The first time I met her, I asked what she’d like to drink, she said “You!” and I said “i won’t fit in a cup” she thought that was funny and likes to crack jokes a lot. Judy is another fun one, she drinks wine all day- I would too if I was that old, and didn’t have to drive anywhere, she sits and talks to Sam for a long time- I think they’re dating.

The only real perks about the job are that I’m getting to talk to people again, and after 2 months of not working at all, that’s a really big perk, that and the fact that I get lunch and dinner at my job, so I don’t have to cook or buy groceries anymore. During my interview, I gave them my availability and they said that they’d be able to give me the days off that I needed, but wouldn’t be able to schedule me for mornings only- which I thought I was fine with, but I’ve learned that I can’t stand working the evening. The first week I worked, they gave me split days off, and when I reminded them that I needed two days in a row, and at least one of them need to be a weekend day. Johnathan said he’d fix the schedule, now I work all weekend and have two days off during the week. I guess we’re closer to what I told them I could do, but I’m still being scheduled outside of my availability.

I just feel bad because it seems like a good company to work for, and I know that the residents need consistency, and that it’s better for them not have the staff change frequently, but I just can’t do it. Especially for only 14 an hour, that’s not enough to live off of anywhere- especially somewhere that has a stupid high cost of living. And not making tips anymore.

I have another interview at a coffee shop even closer to my apartment this week, and I know that I’ve got a good shot at it, my resume has over 10 years coffee experience on it. I think I’ll get it, and then I’ll be making decent-ish money again. Hopefully I’ll have something good before Will comes home, I feel pretty bad about myself that he’s essentially had to support me for the last few months, but I also know that’s what we’re supposed to do for eachother.

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shawnjacksonsbs · 2 years

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Kindness is never weakness, working hard isn’t ever really selfish, and right will never be wrong no matter what anybody fucking says.

Don't be scared of those who judge you. Show them that you know the right way to be awesome. 7-16-22

"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." - Maya Angelou

Between some getting over being sick, and my full work plate and tax schedule I've had to postpone our visit from 2 of the grandlittles until the following weekend.

Sucks a little (a lot), but it's not like we’re not going to get to see them at all.

Work is still work and we're riding on the very finite edge of comfortable and uncomfortable. I'm still hoping we don't sway too much. I feel like if we can maintain exactly where we are now, or better, for a few more weeks we'll know whether or not the economy is going to pull us up and itself out.

I really do feel like that’s why our leads have slowed slightly. On the plus side though, several of the jobs we got, and that are coming in, are larger than average. It's a delicate balance. Lol no lol

Umm, just hot, and staying tired.

Long, long days to keep us ahead of things. Like even when I do get home before 6 or 7 pm, I still have "homework" to do. I even have several breakdowns and 1 proposal to put together over this weekend.

I don't know what else to write about this week. But hey, at least I'm still writing, that's key! Right?

And . . .technically, it's Friday evening and on my way to shower I stopped for just a second and, here I am, that way this ready to go to post first thing in the morning.

In closing, I am still getting to live a far better life than I deserve I should have ever had a chance at. From loved ones to clients to personal possessions to career opportunities I still couldn't be more grateful every fucking day that I’m alive than I currently am.

I live here, in case you didn't know;

666 Gratitude Ln

Kindness, Kills, 01432 USA

(Not my actual mailing address by the way)

Now I’m going to have to google that address. lol

Anyways, look . . .work hard and be nice. It's not as difficult as a lot people make it out to be. The next right thing will always be easier, and more obvious to do than coming up with excuses, feeling like a piece of shit, and having others look at you like you're lacking. The really kool kids know the difference. Believe that.

99% of the time, when you are left asking yourself what you should do, if you’re being honest, you already know. It's in your heart. Just listen to it.

Remember to share your love, your laughter, and your light with the dark world around us, and be kind in spite of judgy peers. “ ‘Cause fuck ‘em if they’re the ones who can’t take a joke.” Amirite?

Follow your heart. It’s the only one telling you your whole truth.

We just need more people to shine, so we’ll go out strong with a quote, that’s an oldie, but goo. .(nope). It’s an oldie, but its. . . . .god damn gold (that’s what it is). . .maybe silver. . . Just pick a “precious” metal and move on. Lol Its perfect for when I need it. And I know it’s supposed to be here, because you’re reading it.

Until next week;

"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right.

. . . .

When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- "No, YOU move." Captain America aka Steve Rogers

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risaonda · 4 years

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more :)

#venus ambassador give us a post #hi <3 LOL #im thinking tho bc i hesitated 2 write that last tag #i am already aware of this. but sometimes im reminded i rly do have a rough time like #referring to myself as disabled. believing i do have a disability. like i have a weird thing abt that. internalized <3 #and its so funny bc thinking abt it i know it is like 99% caused by...home life LOL #growing up talking abt issues i am experiencing and not being taken seriously or being told im faking shit #so nowadays i force myself to power through immense pain bc Its Not Real Lole :)#i joke but when my work schedule is consistent. i work 2 days a week right #my manager said maybe that'd b easier on me and thats why i agreed 2 it bc i still need money but my pain #but literally i work the 2 days and then the days off i spend basically always in bed trying to recover until next shift #like...after working just 2 days. LOL.#not even full shifts. i work 10 hours a week. like bro <3

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jpegjade · 2 years

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Whirlwind (S. R.)

Spencer Reid was going on a date. With someone. Someone he met on a dating app no less...

It had been a year since Maeve and Spencer needed to “get back out there,” as his coworkers said in the past few months. Yes, they gave spencer time to grieve but he needed a companion. He needed someone to spend time with. He needed someone to think about when the nights were long and filled with nightmares. He needed someone to care about him, as much as he tried to deny it.

Living in an apartment alone became so much more daunting when the hole inside of him was cut so deeply. He found himself unable to concentrate, no motivation, loss of interest. Yes, telltale signs of depression. But it’s been over a year. After giving himself time to grieve, he felt like he could do it again. He could get back out there and try for once.

So that’s what he did.

“We’ve been talking for over 2 weeks.” You typed into your phone with one hand while your toothbrush was in the other hand, cleaning your teeth after your shower.

“And he’s consistently kept your interest?” Your friend responded in the messenger.

“Yeah, he’s kept it long enough for me to consider going on a date with him.” You typed, smiling to yourself.

You spit out the toothpaste and rinsed your mouth, thinking about how ready you were to get back out there. So many times, the people you met on dating apps intrigued you for 2 hours and you kept moving. You didn’t really have time to do anything serious with people who wouldn’t put in the effort to respond to your cheesy jokes so for this guy to hold your attentiion for 2 weeks without any major red flags? That was a miracle.

You looked at yourself in the mirror one more time before walking out the door, ready to drive over. He was supposed to get off at 5pm but, according to him, he pulled a working lunch so the two of you could spend time together earlier in the day because you had some work projects to do for later in the week.

He listened and helped you plan the schedule you needed, even suggesting that you could skip the date and work on the projects. He was. so sweet but you needed a break from all that was included in work projects. You needed some time to do something you WANTED to do, not had to do. You loved your job, loved creating for a living but it got cumbersome and you wanted a break from creating and you wanted to just exist.

Pulling into the apartment complex driveway, you turned down your music so you could see how to get in. The gate was open on one side so you just drove in and parked, texting him you had arrived.

“On the way!” his autocorrect sent the message.

You sat in your car, engine running, while you watched a lanky boy swiftly walked towards your car.

“Hi.” He said, exasperatedly sitting in the passenger seat.

He was taller in person. You asked him his height earlier in your conversations because he seemed tall from his profile picture. You remember his response was slightly insecure when you asked. You weren’t asking to prove a point or anything, you just wanted to know how tall he really was. When he said ‘something over 6 foot’ was what he said, which made everything make sense with the height.

“You look so large for my car.” You blurted out.

You didn’t mean to say anything rude or out of line, you just felt comfortable with him in the car with you. You didn’t know how that was possible but he made it seem so easy whenever the two of you talked. He always made everything seem so effortless.

“I think your car looks small for me, despite my height making your perception of relative object size change…” Spencer drifted off when he noticed you looking at him with the widest eyes at everything he was saying.

“Your voice is nice.” You said, quietly.

“Oh… Thank you.” Spencer blushed, trying not to smile too hard.

“You’re very welcome. So… Where are we going?” You asked, adjusting the temperature in the car. You only used the air conditioning system when you had a certain amount of gas in the tank. You just filled up the tank earlier today so it worked out because it felt a bit warm for a day like this.

“I was thinking that we could get a smoothie and then go back to my apartment upstairs?” Spencer said, timidly.

It was a weird feeling to go from talking to someone constantly for a little while and then seeing them in person. It was something that made you feel alive… Something that made you feel like it would be an interesting experience.

“Or…” You started, putting your car in park. “We could skip the smoothies and just hang out here. You always say you never have enough time to do anything at your apartment. We can play Nintendo Switch games and watch Survivor and just hang out, if you want...”

You watched as Spencer paused, thinking about your proposal. His eyes shifted from you to the window behind you as he thought about his options.

“Okay, deal.” Spencer said, getting out of the car.

Following up the stairs to his apartment, you wondered if there was something you were missing. Were there any red flags that something could be wrong? This was going too well for it to be something so… easy. He made everything seem so easy.

It started with sitting on his couch, surrounded by books and stacks of thoughts on paper. You wondered how he thought this was ‘clean’ since he said he cleaned his apartment earlier. It didn’t bother you until thinking about what kind of thoughts he puts on paper made you lose a race to a guy who didn’t even realize the cultural significance of Mario Kart in the first place.

Then it led to laying down in his bed, cuddling. Innocent and soft, your head rested over his chest while he absentmindedly told you about his mom. You didn’t know what their relationship was but you knew it was strained, at best. The way he talked about her was so kind but it sounded like a big weight on his shoulders.

“Don’t let me fall asleep.” You said, listening to his heartbeat in the quiet room.

Spencer hummed to let you know he understood before he drifted off himself.

The two of you fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and steady breathing. You couldn’t tell him but that was the best sleep you had in god knows how long. you needed that.

“Hey,” Spencer gentle patted your shoulder, trying to wake you slowly.

“Hmm?” You said, groggy and tired. Shit. you fell asleep.

“I think you should head home before we get too deep into sleeping.” Spencer rubbed his eyes, grabbing his glasses off of the side table.

You didn’t notice before but he looked incredibly cute with or without his glasses. You liked the glasses on him, though. They added a level of sophistication that seemed to mimic his intellectual thoughts.

“Okay, you’re right. I have to finish that project…” You sleepily mumbled.

“Tomorrow. Or later today, technically.” Spencer looked over at the clock. “I need you to text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.” You smiled.

Walking out the door, he grabbed your hand and laced his fingers in yours. Despite his long legs, he was walking slowly. You hoped that Spencer felt how you did about this whole night.

“Text me when you get home safe, okay?” Spencer said, reluctantly letting your hand go.

“Okay…” You said, gazing up at him.

His eyes looked so pretty, even under gross lamp lighting outside. A smile on his lips, the ones that looked to kissable.

“Can I kiss you?” Spencer asked, his gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips.

You wanted to kiss him from the first moment he got in your car. Everything was going so well that you didn’t know what to do but you recognized your body taking over by nodding, inviting Spencer to kiss you as soon as you gave him permission.

A perfect way to end a perfect night, you thought as you drove home.

Turning the lock into your house, you quietly dropped your keys onto the counter since you assumed that your parents were sleeping.

“I made it safely. Thanks for sending me home…” You typed, hitting send.

It felt like cloud 9 wasn’t the right way to describe how you were feeling. There was something euphoric about the feeling and cloud 9 seemed so far beneath you at this point. You were floating into space, just like you knew you would.

He was everything you ever wanted. He was exactly like the boy who you talked to all day every day. The boy who understood you without even knowing he did.

“Good. I was staying up until you got home safe…” Spencer’s message made you go warm inside as you walked to your room, quietly trying to navigate your parents’ house. .

“Well you can get some sleep now… But before you do, I guess this is the part where I tell you I had a good time tonight?” You hit send and went to change into your bed clothes.

“I had a really great time too. I want to do it again in the future. But I need to tell you something…” You read the message expecting something terrible to happen.

And you were right.

“I don’t want to see or talk to you until I get my feelings sorted out. You were the first person that I’ve been with since my ex was killed… I don’t know that I can give you everything I am right now until I get over her. It’s not fair to you.”

You reread the first section of the message, specificially the first sentence. A tear slid down your cheek… What was happening right now and why was he still typing? You put your phone down and watched as the text bubble came through again.

“I just saw you and all I could do was wish that it was her… You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who sees you for you, not has their mind absentmindedly somewhere else or with someone else the whole time they’re with you…”

You were stunned. You just risked coming in at 2am into your parents’ house and for what? For this?

“Oh.” Was all you could manage as you felt the tears beginning to stream continuously.

“You were the first person that I was with and now… I don’t know that I can be with anyone else but her right now.” Spencer continued typing.

“You don’t have to explain…” You hit send, begging him to stop.

“I didn’t think I would be this attached… To her or you. You can hate me for it. You have every right to. I just saw you and I haven’t really given us a chance…” Spencer was still typing but you didn’t want to hear anything more.

Putting your phone on silent mode, you let yourself get wrapped up in your blanket and cried. What was the point? Of any of it? Why you?? Why did this always happen to you?

#spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine

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shepherds-of-haven · 3 years

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I hope you’re having a great day Lena! I was just wondering if we could have any fluff facts about the shepherds as a whole! Like fun tidbits of how they interact with each other, what some of them do if they have the same day off, does anyone host weekly game nights?? I hope that makes sense! Reading the recent short story on Patreon I love seeing how the characters interact with one another and now I need moreeeeeee🙏

Ooh, great question! I’m feeling curiously tapped dry at the moment, so I’ll probably have to reblog this as more ideas come to me; I’m so happy you’re enjoying the short story, btw!! 💖

Some group dynamic headcanons:

Many of them steal clothes from each other. Briony wears a cute sweater of Shery's (she asked), Ayla gets cold so she just takes one of Red's jackets from a chair (she didn't ask), Chase gives Tallys his scarf one day and Riel corders Trouble a pair of gloves from a fashion line he favors because his old ones are holey and they get into an argument about it... This leads to some recruits mistakenly thinking that the captains are all involved in some sort of mass relationship because they keep walking out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes. (The recruits believe a lot of really dumb stuff, if you couldn't tell. They LOVE gossip. It's like a competitive sport in the compound)

There is a weekly card game night, initiated and organized first by Chase, but it grows bigger over time, with snacks, cakes, drinks, and new games being procured! I'd actually say it's more like every ten-fourteen days or so than on any set weekday, and is typically proposed by anyone who senses that they or others need to blow off some steam. They all tend to meet in a private common room and either just chill and play some card games and casually drink and listen to music, or they get LOUD and raucous and play more risque non-card games (like Question or Command/Truth or Dare). The loud nights are more like once a month or bi-monthly, though! They take place in the captains' lounge so dumb recruits don't get to join! It's rare that they're in there all doing the same thing, though: maybe half will be at the table playing card games while others will be broken up into smaller groups, say arm-wrestling in the corner or playing chess at the smaller table or reading, but they're all there! Game nights are almost never held unless everyone is there, which is extraordinarily difficult to schedule, but they all make an effort to make it happen--even those who first had to be dragged into it, like Blade or Riel!

Speaking of chess games, Red and Riel have a standing game where they complete at least four more moves every night that they're around and able to meet up after dinner. Planning their next move helps them both break up the monotony of the day, and it's something they enjoy immensely. However, whenever he gets called away on a mission, Red gets sick with worry that Riel's been cooking up all sorts of schemes while he's been gone, so sometimes on the road he has, like, a schematic that he doodles on trying to anticipate Riel's next move, and it's very nerdy and ramps up in joking Anxiety. Riel, graciously, goes easier on him on nights after he comes back from long trips, though he denies it

Similarly, Blade and Trouble have a standing training session once a week where they just beat the crap out of each other. This is generally where they do the majority of their talking

Briony and Ayla first had an agreement that they would get the other one up if they overslept (Briony tends to be the one who oversleeps while Ayla is better about being up at dawn, but Ayla is really grouchy if she went to bed late and Briony is the only one who can handle her), which morphed into doing runs and sparring together at dawn and having breakfast frequently!

The girls have a standing spa night once a month where they all get together in a room (usually Shery’s) and basically do sleepover stuff and relax and chat and catch up for a few hours. This also sometimes involves showing each other new outfits that they bought that month! Sometimes there are even group baths in the big common bath, but these are rarer because Shery is shy and Tallys doesn’t like sitting in hot water getting pruny

Chase and Trouble drag Red and Halek to go drinking with them around once a month; sometimes Blade is persuaded to go if Trouble can get the drop on him and punch him hard enough to wind him. It’s complicated

Riel and Shery, of course, have tea together once a week! You’re not allowed if you can’t bring a chill vibe (Riel’s rules). Tallys, Lavinet, Halek, and Red are occasional visitors; Briony is allowed on a good day. Blade would be allowed but he has 0 interest

Similarly, Lavinet hosts a weekly brunch, either in a courtyard or at some restaurant in town! Typically it’s a girl thing and Ayla, Briony, and Shery are the most consistent attendees, but Chase has snuck his way in there often, and Riel, Halek, or Red pop up occasionally!

Tallys and Halek cook together! It’s not all that often and doesn’t seem to have any set way of materializing--it just happens somehow--but they both very much enjoy it! Sometimes they cook dinner for the whole group and have a little dinner party that they both secretly get excited for! Sometimes Shery bakes the dessert!

Riel noticed that Tallys has a little garden that she spends time weeding, so he sends gardening tools or special seeds when he thinks she needs them and she leaves baskets of vegetables or vases of flowers in his office. All of this is done without exchanging a word

Chase sporadically teaches Briony acrobatics and things like tightrope walking, just randomly whenever they’re both idle. She teaches him how to gut people with bare fists and also sometimes they paint!

Caine caught Red grazing in the pantry late one night and now it’s like a Thing where they pass each other in the kitchen and Red sort of just looks the other way re: Caine’s bedtime and what on earth he’s doing up so late and Caine doesn’t tell anybody that Red is just absent-mindedly eating a loaf of bread at 2 AM because he was too busy working to remember to eat dinner. It’ll be like, “there’s some turkey leftover from dinner in the cold box” “oh hey, Caine. thanks. ...so, what’s the news from the midnight watch tonight?” “i’m going to go hunt ghosts on the seventh floor with my friends!” “...okay! have fun!”

Lavinet has a monthly shopping trip where she updates her wardrobe, and it is very common for others to accompany her around the city and just shop while they drop! Common partners are Shery, Briony, Riel, Chase, and once memorably Blade, who didn’t know what he was in for!

Trouble and Ayla are wildly competitive and keep arm-wrestling each other for money; this becomes a bi-weekly sporting event that is eagerly attended and bet upon by third parties

There was ONE group karaoke night. ONE. Most of them got so blackout drunk that they swore to never do it again. Even now, several of them go green whenever they hear a popular bar song (“Don’t Piss Where You Plant Your Flowers”) being sung, especially badly

The game of "telephone" gets really bad in their group. It's like, Shery will say to Briony that she's worried because she thought Riel looked a bit peaky and feverish. Briony will say in passing to Trouble that Riel is getting sick and Shery is worried. Trouble will say to Tallys that Shery is worried sick because Riel is bedridden. Tallys will be mixing herbs and Chase will ask what for and Tallys will reply that Riel is sick, but because she's mixing herbs, Chase will surmise that the sickness must be quite advanced, and will later say, "Damn, have you seen Riel? Seems like he's really sick." Red will interpret this as "I have seen Riel for myself and have determined that he's extremely ill." At least four people will bust into Riel's room, expecting him to be on the verge of death, despite the fact that they saw Riel that morning. Riel will be fine and very annoyed at the intrusion.

They rarely go out as a group to bars and establishments outside of the compound (too chaotic as well as risky, for one thing, and also, recruits don't need to see their superiors like hanging out of bushes and dancing on tabletops drunk out of their minds, and also, "Mages can't drink" (lol)), but when they do deem it a worthy occasion (Trouble's birthday, say), the girls are very punctual when getting ready, and the boys are almost always extremely late due to various shenanigans (Chase forgot that he put a booby trap on Red’s door, covering Red with flour, or a cat somehow slips into Trouble’s room and steals, like, a detonator or an important key, and they have to go chasing it across the city). This has led to the girls coming late on purpose in order to even out their arrival, but mysteriously, this has only led to even later start times, meaning they often don’t get started until like 10 or 11 PM when the most well-intentioned souls meant to be in bed by midnight... that never happens, either!

One such night once led to them ending up on a ridge in the Sun’s Embrace, like a mile outside of the city, in order to watch the sun rise together, because hiking in the dark while blasted out of their minds sounded like a really good idea. They all made it, and the dawn was spectacular, but the moment was ruined when Tallys said softly, “It’s the beginning of a beautiful new day--” punctuated by Trouble abruptly throwing up in a bush and Riel just flat-out passing out

#Shepherds of Haven #group #group dynamic #all characters #found family #drinking #cw: alcohol #drunk #shenanigans #party #parties #long #long post

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Yours Truly (Pt. 1)

Requested By: Some of you!

Pairing: Jisoo x Fem!Reader

AU: College

Word Count: ~ Part 1 -> 9,786 // Part 2 -> 7,433

Warnings / Misc. -- Pining, Angst, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Hey everyone! I finally have a few days off, so we're back to our (semi) regularly scheduled programming with this fic! I really hope you enjoy it; lmk what you think :)

PS ~ Once again, I had to split it into two parts to appease the Tumblr Overlords.

♡ Happy Reading ♡

Part 2 -- Click Here

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

1.) A Day In Class

Where does true beauty come from?

Is it strictly based in someone's DNA, rooted entirely in the attractiveness of their features? Or is deeper than that; does it extend from their soul? The very essence of stardust and personality that makes them them? Is it in how they interact with others? How they carry themselves?

You, being the wannabe philosopher that you are, love hearing people's answers to those questions. Every response is unique in its own way, altered depending on the person asked, and you find that to be one of humanity's most wonderful qualities. Like snowflakes, we're all different; as such is our definition of beauty. It lies in the eye of the beholder, subjective in its nature, and you find that comforting. Just think: if 99% of the world's population found you unattractive, 78,000,000 would beg to differ.

Though, for one person, you're sure those rules don't apply. She's objectively beautiful, and no one even attempts to pretend otherwise.

Who, you may ask? Kim Jisoo, of course -- head of your school's student council, resident girl next door, and keeper of your heart. She's poised in every way, and refined to the point that you question if you're even deserving of knowing her. Humor and kindness radiate from her no matter where she goes, so it's really no surprise that so many people love her.

A tap on your shoulder pulls you from your thoughts, and you turn to look at your best friend. "Yo, Y/N. What did you get for number 32?" Jeong asks from his seat in the row directly behind you, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Your history professor likely wouldn't take kindly to being interrupted during his lecture, so you choose to show him your answer instead of responding out loud.

Jeong thanks you and continues to work on the activity you finished nearly 15 minutes ago, leaving you to half-heartedly listen to your professor. You're a good student, but even you have a limit to how much monotonous speaking you can handle in one sitting. As his words drone on, you roll your neck -- intending for the action to relieve some of the tension in your aching muscles; you're in for a surprise, however, when you lock eyes with none other than Jisoo herself. She offers a warm smile and wave, and the innocent actions send swarms of butterflies to take flight in your stomach. After sitting there for a moment, dumbstruck by her beauty, you snap to and return the gesture, making her giggle quietly.

Huh. So that's what angels sound like, then.

She turns back to her work after a minute, flipping the page every so often as she follows along with the lesson. You take note of how her eyes dart across the materials laid out on her desk, how her fingers mindlessly flirt with the edge of her sleeve in contemplation when she gets to a question that stumps her.

Never have you ever found yourself in such inner turmoil before. The sight before you begs to be seen -- to be admired -- but class continues on. As much as you try to fight it, your resolve eventually crumbles; foreign concepts now falling on fully deaf ears, you allow yourself to be entranced.

2.) Out In The Square

A Few Hours Later

Throngs of people stretch out before you, everyone making their way to various parts of campus as the blazingly hot sun beats down on them. Some run like their lives depend on it -- likely having overslept or missed campus transit -- while others take their time, catching up with friends and gossiping all the while. The soft pfft of sprinklers set up across the sections of lawn around you can be heard, going off every so often, and occasionally they're followed by the shouts of some unfortunate people getting soaked.

"You're so lucky, Y/N," Jeong groans from behind you. A grimace sits on his face as he flips through the pages of his Trigonometry book, looking for the reference graphs again. "No more classes for the rest of the week and you don't have any more assignments to finish? Remind me again how to become a teacher's pet, please." You roll your eyes with an amused smile, leaning back on your elbows to talk to him.

"I'm not a teacher's pet, Jeong. I just do my work on time instead of partying every night." He picks up a leftover piece of bread from the picnic basket that sits to his right and tosses it at you in retaliation to your little remark.

"I don't care what you say, those parties are always epic. One of these days I'll convince you to come along."

You shake your head, knowing there's no way you'd willingly attend one of them. From his stories, all those "epic" nights consist of is ridiculously drunken beer pong, sweaty people doing jello shots, and regrets.

"Not in a million years, loser." You say adamantly, not letting him trick himself into believing he's capable of swaying you.

With one last muttered phrase of, "we'll see about that," he returns to his studies, and you turn your attention elsewhere.

Scattered light filters in through the leaves of the tree you're sitting under, wrapping you in a blanket of warmth as your eyes scan across the crowd again. The sight brings to mind an idea that always fascinates you: everyone you meet is busy creating their own stories, writing and rewriting new possibilities and endings for themselves with each new choice they make. You can hear snippets of their conversations -- see instances of some having their best days while others are living through their worst -- and it really puts things into perspective. Although we may appear as side characters in those books of life that others are writing for themselves, we have no idea what they're going through at any given moment. So, you believe, that makes it all the more important to leave a positive impact on them; whether it be a kind smile, holding the door, or even a simple compliment, you're determined to have your legacy be one rooted in kindness.

Speaking of kindness in human form…

There she is, you think to yourself, feeling that all too familiar pitter patter of your heart pick up. Jisoo exits Building C, where her latest lecture just ended, and rushes down the stairs with her books in her arms. She's studying to become an actress, as far as you know, and you can't help but smile at the thought; she'll make an amazing star someday.

You watch as she meets up with 3 other girls, whom you immediately recognize as Lisa, Rosé, and Jennie, and they eagerly bounce their way over to the refreshment truck that one of your school's clubs had been so considerate to hire. It's the perfect day for a cold treat, after all.

Jisoo's dark hair flows in the gentle breeze that rolls in, looking like silk as it rides the currents. She's gorgeous in every way, and you can't help but be smitten; besides, it's not like you're not alone in your pining. She practically has the entire student body wrapped around her finger.

"Y/N, don't forget to blink. You're staring pretty hard," Yuqi says, raising up onto her elbow beside Jeong. He laughs with her, but his eyes remain glued to the notebook paper he's scribbling his work onto.

Your eyes dart away following her statement, and you know you've been caught. "I thought you were asleep," you bite back, attempting to hide the blush of embarrassment that's quickly flooding to your cheeks.

"I was, but I guess my intuition as your best friend woke me up. It's my mission in life to tease you."

"So I've gathered," you sarcastically smile at each other, making stupid faces like always.

"You love me," she flips her hair over her shoulder, appearing self-assured with the smirk that tugs at her lips.

"Do I though? I don't know sometimes..." she socks you in the arm, making you chuckle.

"All jokes, babe. Don't pout," you pinch her cheek until she grins, and then she begins telling you all about the dream she just had.

----

Jisoo leads her gang over to one of the nearby tables, making sure to choose her seat strategically. A special someone caught her attention earlier, as they have from the moment she first laid eyes on them months ago, and she hasn't been able to fight the urge to admire them. She watches as they laugh along with something their friend said, tilting their head back as the cheerful noise rings out. She finds herself smiling along, imagining what it would be like to make them laugh like that; it's a uniquely wonderful sound, and she can't help but adore it.

They lean across the blanket they're sitting on and dig through a picnic basket, retrieving what seems to be a sandwich packaged up in plastic wrap. One of their friends exaggeratedly thanks them, tackling them to the ground in a messy hug with a shout of gratitude that even Jisoo can hear from across the square.

"Earth to Jisoo!" Jennie says, raising her voice slightly as she snaps her fingers in front of the unnie. The former jolts back to attention with a little jump, clearing her throat to gather her thoughts.

"You know, you could always go talk to him. I've heard he's sweet." She tells the other girl, noticing the look of longing that's befallen her features.

"Yeah, Joy has Art with him on Thursdays. I think his name's Jeong or something like that." Lisa butts in before taking another lick of her ice cream.

Despite being so smart, the girls are really oblivious sometimes; Jisoo wasn't looking at him at all. She was looking at you.

She doesn't know if now is the right time to tell them that, though. She hasn't officially come out to them, but she isn't afraid that they won't accept her -- she just wants that moment to be special, and sweating in the middle of the campus square doesn't seem like the golden opportunity that she's been hoping for.

"Just eat your treats, knuckleheads." She concludes, taking a spoonful of the shaved ice she opted for instead of ice cream. The truck had multiple types of treats, with all kinds of different toppings and flavorings lining the walls.

"Okay…" Rosé trails off before adding, "but don't say we didn't try to help when you start wishing you had said something later." Jisoo uses her spoon to lower the one that Rosie had raised accusingly at her, reassuring the girl that she'd be fine.

She knows it's a lie, though; as the 4 of them later toss their trash in the bins and make their way to the student council room, Jisoo sneaks a last wistful glance at you, wishing she would've had the courage to start a conversation.

3.) One Step Closer

Friday, 1:34 PM -- A Few Days Later

"Hey, Minji. How many do we have today?" You wave at what kids have already been dropped off, your presence making their little faces light up with joy.

Your coworker responds from across the room, tossing a couple stray toys into their labeled baskets to keep the space tidy. "10 or so, I think. The last ones should be arriving soon." You nod and take off your coat, setting your things in one of the small cubbies against the wall just beyond the entrance.

"Y/N!" A small voice shouts from behind the counter, hidden from view. You smile deeply when you realize who it is, and you quickly dart around the corner to say hello. His chubby hands cover his mouth, but they do little in hiding his adorable grin. "Seungbum! How's my little munchkin?!" He squeals and runs into your arms, giggling loudly when you pick him up and spin him around. His dark hair sways from side to side with the movement, the slight waves sticking out in random places. A few seconds later, he wraps his arms around your neck and pulls back to look at you, settling into your secure hold.

"Can we play when Jia gets here? I promised her I'd show her the new trick I learned, but I wanna show you, too."

You smile at the sweet sentiment. "Of course, buddy. As long as you eat well at snack time, we can play however much you want." You raise an eyebrow at him, showing your authority, before saying, "I saw you put your veggies in your pocket last time and skip to dessert, so it'd better not happen again." He lowers his head after realizing he had been caught, and a hint of redness flushes his cheeks in embarrassment.

"Okay Y/N-yah."

You tickle him to make sure he knows you aren't mad at him, and soon he's laughing again. "Now, go wash your hands and get settled at the table, please."

"Yes ma'am." His tiny sneakers squeak against the floor as he races off towards one of the lowered sinks that borders the kitchen wall, and you shake your head with a smile.

Not even a second later, you feel a soft tug at your pant leg, and you turn around to find the source.

A head of brilliantly auburn hair is the first thing you see, and its shade compliments the child's outfit perfectly. "Hi sweetheart. Are you new?" You squat down to the young girl's level, noting how she shyly toys with her fingers as they rest in front of her. She nods, the movement so subtle that you almost don't notice it.

"My name's Y/N, and that awesome lady over there," you lean closer to her and point towards your coworker, "...is Minji. You can stay with us today, or you can play with the others, okay?" She nods again, her mannerisms letting you know just how shy she really is. Gently taking one of her hands, you hold it and look at her with a reassuring smile, asking, "Will you tell me your name?"

"I'm Aera." She meekly says, only maintaining eye contact for a second or two.

"That's a beautiful name," you compliment, seeing progress as she lightly smiles at your words. "And I love your bow," you add, touching the delicate material that rests near her ear, nestled into her straight locks. It has cherry blossoms and butterflies on it, all vibrant and neatly colored.

"Thank you, I picked it out myself." She perks up a bit now, raising her head to look at you with a proud smile. "Wow, really?" You put on an impressed expression, wanting to boost her confidence even more. "You'll have to help me choose one the next time I go shopping, then. You're great at it." The praise makes her chuckle, and her eyes squint into soft crescents in the process.

After stealing a glance at the table where everyone else has already gathered, you realize that they're waiting on you to start. "Alright, Aera, it's time to grab a bite to eat. Do you want to sit with me, or are you ready to be with the others?" You tilt your head to the side, asking the question softly so she doesn't feel overwhelmed. Having had this job for a while, you've gotten the hang of adjusting your behavior to put them at ease.

"With you," she says, growing a little timid again at the idea of mingling with them yet. "That's perfectly fine." You reassure her, smiling one more time before standing and leading her to the room. Her hand remains clutched in yours, wiggling around slightly from the height difference as she looks around.

"Who's ready for some snacks?" Minji asks the group, laughing when they all raise their hands and get excited. Their high pitched voices carry around the room as they discuss what foods they want to trade with each other, and soon everyone is happily munching away. You rub Aera's back sweetly as she eats some cucumber sticks, swinging her feet through the air beneath the short chair you retrieved from the table for her. She looks up into your eyes with a smile, melting your heart with the cuteness of her full cheeks. You squish them before turning away, feeling your 6th sense kick in as you scan your eyes across the rest of the group.

"Seungbum…" you warn, catching the way he's mischievously eyeing the carrots laid out before him on the table. He pokes at one of them and sighs, eventually giving in as he takes a hesitant bite of it. With some more convincing, he finishes the rest of the pack and gets started on his dessert.

----

Honestly, you feel sorry for the birds outside.

They must have had hundreds of mini heart attacks upon hearing the somehow earth-shattering roar of the 10 young kids, all blasting out the side door towards the playground. Some of them automatically race towards the swings or slides, while others approach the basket of toys and sports equipment. Aera, however, hangs back, her entire hand wrapped around just a few of your fingers. "What do you wanna do?" She shrugs, looking around at the different activities that the others are already starting.

"I can push you on the swings, or we could race. There're some monkey bars and a merry-go-round, too, that nobody's using right now." You suggest, hoping to catch her interest with one of them. Her attention snaps up to you at that last option, and she dramatically drops her jaw. "Did you say merry-go-round?" You nod with an amused grin, laughing when she lets out a cute noise of joy. After pointing her in the direction of it, she dashes off ahead of you and makes her way to it, only stopping to make sure you're still coming with her once she gets there.

"Hold on tight, little one." You advise, cheering when she giggles in anticipation. Her chuckles fill the airwaves as you spin the bar around, making sure not to pull too hard and make her too dizzy. You were once a kid, too, though, so you make it a point to add some serious speed every now and then to keep her entertained and happy. You remember playing on these all day when you were her age.

---

"Auntie!" Aera shrieks, excitedly thundering towards the fence that borders the playground. You finish cheering Seungbum on after watching his trick, grinning as he tries to flirt with Jia; she looks impressed. You turn around at Aera's commotion, feeling your eyes practically pop out of your head at who you see standing on the other side.

"How was your day, my love?" Jisoo asks sweetly, leaning over the metal divider to run a hand through her niece's hair lovingly. She still hasn't noticed your presence, and for that you don't know if you're relieved or saddened. Watching her interact with the young girl is quite adorable, though, and you're distracted from your personal gay panic for the time being.

"I've had so much fun. And Y/N-yah said she likes my hair clip! I told you this one was prettier than the one with just trees on it!" Aera says smugly, happy to have her decision pay off and prove her aunt wrong. Jisoo tenses up, not expecting to hear your name right now. Seeing that this is her first time picking Aera up, she had no idea you work at the daycare; though she'd be lying to say that it comes as a surprise -- you're a very warm person, so it's no wonder that you're good with kids.

As per Aera's request, you walk across the playground and join her in front of Jisoo. Now it's your turn to be shy; you sneak a glance at the student council president and immediately feel your cheeks heat up, so you busy yourself by patting Aera on the head. She hugs your leg and settles against your side, causing Jisoo to raise her eyebrows. "I'm impressed, Y/N. She usually doesn't open up to new people very easily."

"Ah, I'm surprised that such a cool girl like her wanted to hang out with me." You tease, tickling her side lightly when she hides behind the material of your shirt. "Do you want to come in and see what she drew today? She's definitely skilled." You suggest, trying not to sound too hopeful as you muster up the courage to look at Jisoo again. She's already smiling at you, a soft sort of adoration shining in her eyes as they rake over your features. She accepts your offer, and you walk over to the gate to let her in. Aera demands that you carry her, so you scoop her up into your arms as you make your way back into the daycare center. Her head sits on your shoulder, and you can feel her playfully making faces at Jisoo the entire way; her tiny frame jolts with each loud giggle she lets out, and the sound makes you smile.

---

"Yeah, she was my sidekick for the day." You respond to Jisoo, continuing your conversation as you watch Aera remove her drawing from the cork board that she taped it to earlier. Displaying the kids' artwork is something that you advocated for when you first began working here, and you're so glad you did; they always get excited to share their works.

"She's a lucky girl, then." She says, doing her best to ignore the feeling of your eyes on her. Focusing on anything other than you is already hard enough for her, but she knows there'd be no hope left if she gives in now.

"Y/N helped me draw this. She doodled Dalgom in the corner," Aera cheerily says, breaking the slight tension in the air as she approaches the table. Most of the other kids have already been picked up, and Minji's watching the handful that haven't.

"It's not very good," you cringe, scratching the back of your neck. You've seen him a few times since the beginning of the year, whether it be on walks across campus with Jisoo, or perched on her desk during "bring your pet to class" day.

"It's adorable; Dalgomie will be honored when I show it to him." Jisoo says with a nod, shutting down your insecurities within a second. You fail to contain the laugh that slips past your lips, disbelief present in your voice as you ask, "You're going to show him?" She looks at you like you have 3 heads. "It would be a disgrace not to."

With a breathy chuckle, you say, "You're so strange. I like it, though."

Jisoo smiles at that, and the three of you discuss all of the fun things you did that day. Jisoo tells you about the classes she had to sit through, and even how she stepped in gum and had to borrow a pair of Rosé's shoes.

---

All good things must come to an end, though, and after about half an hour of talking, it was time to say goodbye.

You lead them out the door and down the sidewalk as per Aera's request, yet again (that child is basically a mini dictator at this point, but she's cute so she gets a free pass). As she rustles around her bag in search of her keys, Jisoo accidentally knocks her earbud case out, sending it tumbling to the ground. "Oh! Here, I'll grab it for you." You kindly offer, stepping past her to retrieve it from the grass. She takes it from you with a word of gratitude uttered in that angelic voice of hers, and you begin your goodbyes upon hearing Minji call your name.

"I'll see you around, Jisoo. And Aera, I expect to see you next week." You wiggle a finger at the little girl, donning a shocked expression when she pretends to bite it. "Can't you tell we're related?" Jisoo asks with a smile, ruffling her niece's hair. "The resemblance is uncanny," you laugh, watching as both of them join in with you.

"Y/N, come on!" Minji whines, sounding like a toddler herself. You initially go to brush off her request in order to spend a few more seconds with the two of them, but when she stands in the doorway, entering your line of sight, you see why she's so desperate for your help -- two of the children still waiting on their parents are climbing on her, about to knock her over at any second. Her face is beet red from the effort she's exerting, and her hair is mussed wildly.

"Oh shhh---" you start, catching yourself when Jisoo widens her eyes at you and goes to cover Aera's ears, "--shiitake mushrooms!" You finish with a nervous smile, gaining a stunned laugh from your crush. "Bye girls; gotta go. I'm on my way, Minji!" You call out like a superhero, running to her aid as fast as your legs will carry you.

Jisoo watches you wrangle one of the squirmy kids off of her and initiate a tickle fight to distract him and give Minji time to deal with the other one. She smiles like a dork at your actions, realizing she would be content with watching you all day. You're a natural with them, and seeing you in action is something she wishes she had the chance to do more often. With that, she turns around and picks Aera up; the youngster nuzzles into her embrace, lazily slumping onto her after having such a tiring day. As Jisoo goes to take a step forward, she notices something on the ground: a piece of paper. It's been folded neatly many times, and it reminds her of the notes she would always pass to her friends back in elementary school. Her curiosity gets the better of her, and she can't resist the urge to pick it up.

"To The Girl Who'll Never Know I Love Her"

Her eyes scan across the words and she unfolds the note, making sure to keep a steady grip on Aera with her other arm. An almost unnoticeable signature is scribbled in the bottom corner, and she nearly scares Aera by squealing in pleasant surprise.

It's your name, curled into the letters that are so uniquely yours; the paper must've fallen out of your pocket when you bent down to get her case earlier.

After buckling her niece into her car seat and climbing into the driver's seat, Jisoo unfolds the note again and begins reading. She's like a giddy kid all over again, and part of her feels bad for giving into temptation. She reasons with herself by promising to give it back to you the next time she sees you, and that manages to rid her conscience of some of the guilt she feels. For now, though, she's eager to see what it contains.

The first thing to catch her eye is a poem written neatly underneath a doodle of a rabbit, likely serving as some sort of label. Everyone on campus knows of her nickname and resemblance to rabbits, and she can't help but hope that your drawing wasn't simply a coincidence.

Poison, is what you are

A bittersweet mix, intoxicatingly beautiful

For one glance from you

Steals every breath I had so foolishly believed was mine to take

For one smile from you

Sends me reeling, falling all over again

She nearly swoons at the words, rereading them multiple times over and imagining you saying them to her. She wonders how the syllables would fall from your lips, which ones you'd stress to alter the meaning into whatever you imagined when you wrote them. Whether or not they're written for her, she may never know; all she's aware of right now is how they make her feel, and how that feeling is one that she never wants to stop experiencing.

4.) Practice Makes Perfect

2 Weeks, 3 Exams, and 1 Mental Breakdown Later

"Coming!" You call out, using all of your strength to push your rolling chair away from your desk and across the room towards the door.

"Y/N L/N, at your service," you say, doing a little bow in your seat. Upon looking up to see who's in front of you, your eyes lock with the same girl who's been living in your mind rent free ever since you met her.

"Jisoo!" You announce a little louder than intended, scrambling up into a standing position before kicking the chair backwards. You wince when it collides with something behind you, filling the room with noise as a few of your knick knacks clatter to the floor. Jisoo has to fight to contain the smile on her lips, pursing them as she looks towards the ground so as to not embarrass you.

It's too late though -- you've already made a fool of yourself, and right in front of your crush, no less.

"What can I do for you?" You ask, finally relaxing your face from its previously scrunched up position.

"Are you busy right now? I have a favor to ask and you might be the only person who can help me out." Her eyebrows raise inquisitively at you, quirking up in that special way they always do when she's focusing in class.

She could ask you to do just about anything, and you'd be agreeing without hesitation; no questions asked.

"N-no, just doing a little studying is all. How can I help?" You'd normally curse yourself for sounding so shy, but she looks especially gorgeous tonight and you can't even blame yourself for it. The fluorescent bulbs of the dorm's hallway fail to even put a dent in the glow she's radiating, and that's no small feat -- those horrible little things are usually capable of making anyone look bad, and yet, once again, Jisoo manages to break the mold.

"Mrs. Choi assigned a rehearsal for me tonight, and I need a peer to score how well I do. I trust you to do it." She says, having no idea how much her words are affecting you.

Review portions of the semester are crucial to every major's success, but arguably none so much as those studying to be actors. The peer and admin reviews that they receive account for a large chunk of their grade, so you can imagine how nerve-racking it would be to put that kind of power in someone else's hands. You're touched that she trusts you with it.

"I'd love to help, Jisoo. Just curious, though: why don't you have one of the girls help? They probably know more about it than me, after all." Everyone knows how close JenChuLiChaeng are, so her decision to choose you is genuinely intriguing.

Shit. For some reason, Jisoo hadn't anticipated that you'd ask that question. The thought had never crossed her mind earlier, when she was preoccupied with convincing herself to come in the first place, so she has to think something up on the fly.

"They're all busy with work. Couldn't afford to lose any precious cramming time, you know?" She says, a hint of nervousness behind the small laugh she lets out. It's uncharacteristic for her, considering she's usually so confident all the time, but you think it's adorable.

"Ryujin's the same way," you tease, turning your head to look at your roommate. She's across the room on her bed, reading through her book as she holds her middle finger up to let you know she heard your comment. "What a sweetie," you coo, blowing a kiss at her that makes her roll her eyes and smile despite herself. She pretends to be hardcore, but after spending the past few months with her you've discovered that she's actually the human embodiment of a cinnamon roll.

"Well," you say, turning back to Jisoo, "when do you have to start?"

She pulls her sleeve back to glance at her watch before returning her gaze to you. "Gotta be back at the dorm in 10 minutes."

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, the inner honor student in you already panicking. "10 minutes?! It's all the way across campus, Jisoo!"

She laughs at you now, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. "I'm kidding; we still have a couple hours. You should've seen your face, though. Priceless."

"That's no way to treat someone who practically has your grade resting in their hands." You say smugly, a little smirk playing on your lips when her jaw drops dramatically.

"You wouldn't dare," she narrows her eyes, referencing the notion that you might give her bad marks because of that little prank.

"Maybe, or maybe not. Perhaps I'll be merciful if you take me to get something to eat first."

"Food as a peace offering? Alright, I can do that."

You smile, doing a dorky little cheer at that. "Okay, I'll be right out; just give me a second to make myself look presentable."

Jisoo accepts your words with a curt nod, but she wants to tell you that you already look more than presentable. When you first opened the door earlier and she saw you in your study glasses, she couldn't help but smile like a fool; you're adorable, especially to her, and she wishes you could see that.

A couple minutes later you exit your dorm and find her leaned up against the hallway wall, her hands fidgeting in front of her. Is she nervous?

"So, where would you like to go?" You ask, pulling the thin material of your jacket over your shoulders. It's lightweight -- seeing as how the weather doesn't call for a large one -- and it feels soft against your skin.

As the two of you fall into step with each other, she responds, "It's up to you, princess. Since I'm at your mercy and all." Her smirk is visible in your peripheral.

The nickname causes your heart to flutter in your chest, thudding around even harder than it had before. "U-uh, how about the noodle place?" You suggest, trying not to cringe at the stutter in your voice. You've heard that she likes chicken and ramen, and that shop is known as the best restaurant on campus for it.

"110%. You know me so well," she says dreamily, batting her eyelashes at you with a silly smile.

"Called it," you retort, brushing your shoulder off nonchalantly. "Now come on, I'm hungry and ready to spend all of your money." Her hand slips into yours when you reach down for it, almost instinctively, feeling like it was meant to be there all along, and you tug her down the hallway towards the elevator.

----

"I know! If Mr. Johnson assigns another project like that then I'll politely be jumping out a window."

Jisoo laughs at how animated you are, even having to stop chewing her mouthful of food momentarily to make sure she doesn't choke. She really loves hanging out with you; you make everything fun, and all of the stress she feels on a daily basis seems to vanish into thin air.

"I did pretty bad on that last one," Jisoo adds, grimacing as she remembers her score.

"You literally got a 93 out of 100, shut up." You shake your head with an amused smile, reaching across the table to snatch a piece of gimbap from her plate.

"Hey--" she goes to yell at you, but her phone vibrates against the table, successfully stopping her.

"Hello?" She answers, silently starting a chopstick war with you when you reach for another piece. When the person on the other end begins talking, she stops playing in order to concentrate on what they're saying.

"Did she cancel?" She asks, furrowing her brow as her lips form into a natural pout. She sighs, rubbing her temple gently as the conversation continues. "Okay, I'm out with a friend right now, but you can go ahead and head that way. We'll meet you there. Alright, love you, too. Bye."

You raise an eyebrow, wordlessly requesting info about what new plan you're being involved in. "That was my brother; the babysitter cancelled on them last minute, so we have to watch Aera for a few hours." Jisoo loves her niece dearly, but she can't deny that she wanted to spend the evening alone with you. She's afraid the little girl will steal all of your attention away, as childish as that may seem.

"You're such a good person," you compliment, only to frown when she brushes off your words. "I mean it, Jisoo. You always take care of everybody around you; it's admirable. Now take the compliment or I'll team up with Aera later and tease you."

She rolls her eyes with a smile, saying, "You're gonna do that regardless."

"That's not the point," you pout, stomping your foot on the ground lightly.

"Fine; tis I, Jisoo, the greatest person in all of existence. Happy now?"

"Ecstatic." You beam at her, returning back to your cheery self. "I'll go grab some boxes for us, okay?" She nods, and you scurry off on your mission.

----

Back At Jisoo's Dorm

Images flash across the large, flatscreen TV mounted to the wall across from you, displaying scenes of whatever cartoon the network decided to air right now. Aera isn't being picky; she's content with sitting in your lap, mindlessly fidgeting with the necklace that loosely dangles from your neck as she remains entranced by the screen. Your arms are around her to make her feel secure, and her small frame racks against you with every sweet giggle she lets out anytime a new joke is told by one of her favorite characters.

Jisoo observes from the kitchen, leaning back against the countertop to settle in while she waits for Aera's favorite snack to heat up. She watches as you point to various things on the TV, having her name the ones she knows and teaching her others that she doesn't.

She loves seeing you like this. You're beaming in that special way that sets her heart on fire, and the flames are only fanned when you turn to look at her. Somehow, the sight reminds her of the first time she met you:

It was orientation week -- the beginning of the school year -- and you were taking a tour around campus with some of your friends. You were lucky to have them; you'd only kept in contact with a handful of people from high school, knowing full well that most of those relationships were only rooted in superficiality, never meant to last. But this motley crew was different; they saw you for you, and all of you genuinely enjoyed each other's company. It didn't have the same air of awkward tension as the fake friendships had -- this was real and honest, and you thanked your lucky stars for them on the daily.

All of you had managed to get into your dream schools, and the reality was bittersweet; you'd all be moving away from each other and beginning your own lives, having less and less time for each other in the process. You were beyond proud of them, and yourself, for that matter, but it still hurt to think that they wouldn't be just a few blocks away anymore. That you couldn't just swing by their house to go on a late night drive through the city like you used to. As exciting as your new experiences were bound to be, part of you was terrified; your life up until now had been fairly safe, creating a little security blanket to protect you from all that life had in store, but now you were on your own and the idea was a bit daunting. The memories you made together comforted you, though, and kept the sadness at bay.

"Dude, this place is sick. How did you manage to make it in again?"

"Because she's smart, dumbass. We should be asking you that question."

"Ouch, (Friend's Name), that hurt."

"Do you still have those chips from earlier? I'm starving over here."

"Yeah, here, they're in my bag."

Pockets of separate conversations can be heard from behind you, all of your friends chatting away while you walk ahead of them, map and schedule in hand. The campus is fairly large, and with so many buildings and classrooms it's easy to get confused. You continue walking, running a finger along the map to trace the path you intend to take towards the Help Center.

In your preoccupied state, you don't even realize that you're headed straight for a trash can that sits on the sidewalk, mere seconds away from colliding with it.

A passerby notices just in the nick of time, reaching an arm out in front of you to prevent the accident with a noise of warning. You tense up, not expecting the sudden interruption, and look up into the eyes of your savior. Her dark orbs peer back at you, an innocent gleam in them when she sees your lips slowly tug into a smile.

She mirrors your actions, neither of you saying anything yet. You couldn't utter a word even if you wanted to; her beauty leaves you speechless.

"That was close," she says quietly, only to you. Your friends have almost caught up with you now, still busy with their own conversations, though they'll tease you once they see a gorgeous stranger's arm wrapped around you.

"Thank you," you breathe out, clearing your throat as you take a step away from her.

"Ooh, who's this, Y/N?" One of your friends coos, garnering a chorus of childish "oohs" and kissy noises from the others. Why are they so obnoxious?

You apologetically glance at the girl one more time before turning around to respond to them, but she speaks up before you can.

"Kim Jisoo." She introduces, facing them with a wide smile. It's easy to see that she's done this before; her tone is pleasant and light, not even a hint of hesitancy in it. She's used to being the center of attention; you can tell by the way she carries herself and commands the space.

"I see you guys are taking a tour, right?" She looks between all of you, though her eyes linger on you for a second too long to be brushed off as 'just friendly'.

You nod, saying, "I can't find my last class. It's a Gen Ed one; World History, room 435. The map says it's in Complex D, but the room was vacant when we went by."

She listens intently, paying attention to your every word. "They must've handed out the old maps by accident, then. Mr. Johnson had to move rooms to accommodate larger class sizes. When do you have him?"

You unfold your schedule again, gazing down at the slightly crumpled sheet until your eyes find their target. "Tuesdays and Thursdays, 1PM."

Upon registering what you said, Jisoo does her best to contain the grin that threatens to spread across her face. "Ah, same as me! I can take you to the room, if you'd like. That way you can find it next week." She offers, pleased by the fact that she'll be seeing you more often. Your cute mannerisms have already thrown her for a loop, and she wants to get to know you better.

"That would be great." You let out a relieved laugh, releasing the worry you felt; tours are meant to end within 20 minutes or so, and before Jisoo came you were afraid you'd never find your last class. She's saving the day again, it seems.

"Great, follow me," she smiles warmly, placing a gentle hand on the small of your back to turn you in the right direction. When you give your friends one last glance over your shoulder, you find them giving you thumbs up with smirks on their faces. One of them puckers their lips at you, and you stick your tongue out in return.

You're not sure what they'll end up doing while you finish your tour, though it'll likely involve either skating or eating fast food. They have each other to keep themselves entertained, so you're not worried about them in the slightest. You make a mental note to text them when you're done to meet up again.

Jisoo smiles like an idiot when she realizes what's happening behind her, failing miserably to hide it when you spin back around and give your full attention to her.

"What?" You ask, leaning in closer to her to nudge her shoulder when she looks away, blushing.

"Nothing," she shakes her head, only to be prompted by you again. "You're just cute, is all."

You have to use all your power to hold back the squeal you want to let out at hearing that. Kim Jisoo, as you now know her to be, thinks you're cute? You must be dreaming.

"That's funny, I don't remember turning into a mirror."

"Yah, babo!" She chuckles, not expecting that as she smacks the back of your head with no real force. The two of you share a laugh and continue talking while you make your way to the room.

Beeping sounds from the microwave bring Jisoo back down to Earth, causing the pleasant memory to fade more and more with every incessant signal that cuts through the air. She grabs a couple heat guards and approaches the machine, carefully opening the steaming package and pouring its contents into a big, shareable bowl. Though it may be Aera's favorite food, she'd be damned to not make enough for the two of you as well. After all, keeping her entertained will take plenty of energy.

"Did this princess order one heaping bowl of popcorn or am I at the wrong castle?" Jisoo plays, padding into the room with a bright smile on her face as she looks over at her niece. The smell of her snack snaps Aera back to reality, making her eyes light up with pure joy as she leaps off of your lap and runs to Jisoo. She wraps her arms around her legs, thanking her in that sweet little voice of hers as she gazes up at her aunt with stars in her eyes.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chants, wiggling her body around in excitement. She lets go when Jisoo goes to walk to the couch, following close behind her like an eager puppy.

She approaches you again, making grabby hands for you to lift her onto your lap even though she's more than capable of getting up there by herself. Nevertheless, you pull her up with a humored grin, watching as she puts her hands in her lap and patiently waits for the two of you to get a bite first. Her ability to follow manners is commendable, though the slight twitch of her lip when she gets a whiff of the food is pretty adorable.

"Dig in," you say around your mouthful of food, locking eyes with Jisoo when Aera jumps at the opportunity to follow your instructions. You never have to tell her twice when it comes to food.

"Yep, definitely related."

Jisoo laughs at your comment, reaching over top of Aera to flick you in the forehead. She shrugs at your pained exclamation, uttering a nonchalant "Sorry, not sorry," as the two of you crack up together.

----

"Y/N, how the hell did you manage to do that?" Jisoo whispers, not bothering to censor herself when she sees Aera fast asleep in your arms. It's not like she could hear her anyway.

"She was already kinda tired when she got here; I just made sure to get that last little bit of energy out with the games. Have you forgotten that I know a thing or two about kids?" You tease, turning to her with a smile when you finish walking up the short staircase.

"You don't understand: usually it takes us hours to settle her down. She's just a totally different person around you."

"Must be my awesomeness."

"Hmm, must be," Jisoo hums, quietly opening her bedroom door for you and watching as you carefully lay Aera down. You tuck her under the blankets with care, making sure to brush the hair out of her face and adjust her pillow a bit. Jisoo leans against the doorframe, adding the scene before her to her list of reasons for loving you. Seeing you in such a domestic situation gives her baby fever, and she has to push the persistent feeling away.

"Ready?" You whisper with one last look over your shoulder, giving Jisoo your undivided attention once you confirm that Aera's alright.

"Let's do it," she says, pulling the door to but not latching it. The two of you will be in the living room, just down the hall, and you want to be able to hear her in case she needs something. So responsible.

You take in the dorm as Jisoo leads you towards your destination, amazed at how much bigger it is than yours and Ryujin's. This one has separate rooms equipped with their own personal bathrooms, a decent kitchen, and, of course, a living area. Clearly, having ties to the school and being president of the student council come with some major perks. Your socked feet pad against the hardwood floor, and you close what little distance is left between Jisoo and yourself to press your body against her back, wrapping your arms around her. She lets out a little noise of surprise, but doesn't protest; she tucks one of her hands into your clasped ones and uses the other to rub your forearm.

A few moments later you plop down onto the couch and get comfortable on the cushions. Jisoo digs around in her bag that leans against the tv stand, searching for the script of her upcoming production. Her shirt rides up slightly, giving you a perfect view of her beautifully sculpted stomach, and her skin looks ethereal as it glows in the soft lamplight of the room. Embarrassed for admiring her in such a way, you avert your gaze, failing to notice how she subtly bites her lip as she approaches you; she planned that little show, and it worked.

"Okay, so here's the scoring sheet," she hands you a semi-formal looking paper, along with a pencil and clipboard to use as a stabilizer. "I'll be reading from the first few pages on my own, but I was wondering if you'd fill in for the male lead for some of the other parts? It's a lot easier to get into character if I have someone's energy to feed off of."

You smile at how cute she sounded with her little rambled request, and nod. "Of course, Jisoo. I doubt I'll be any good, though." She releases a sigh at that, happy to have you agree; her plan is coming along nicely, but there's always room for things to go wrong.

"I'm sure you're better than you think."

"Stop sucking up, Chu. Flattery won't make me raise your grade," you warn, pointing the pencil at her sternly. Your tone sends a shiver down her spine, though it goes unnoticed by you.

"Let's just get started." She concludes, doing her best to keep from getting too flustered under your already watchful eye.

----

Her show is well underway, caught somewhere towards the end of act two, and you're enthralled by the performance she's giving. The paper that once rested in your lap is marked up with comments of praise and proud annotations to accompany your high scoring, though now it lays forgotten about on the coffee table, serving no purpose any longer. You finished all of the required sections necessary for your peer review, and now you're just enjoying the journey that Jisoo is continuing to take you on.

You look back up into her eyes after reading off the lines of the character you're filling in for, looking completely unskilled next to the pure talent that she's exuding. She stands from the couch, looking down at you with an exasperated expression as she remains in character.

"You don't get it!" She raises her voice slightly, though not loud enough to wake Aera. Even while in the intense mindset she has to be in for her character, she keeps one foot in the reality of this world, making sure to behave appropriately.

"Enlighten me, then." You stand and retort, shifting a bit closer to her after reciting your line.

"Only when I'm with you do I feel true happiness. Your kind eyes bring me comfort like no other; I'm safe in your arms. For you, my love," she pauses, her eyes brimming with tears from the emotional words she's spent so much time rehearsing. "...there isn't a thing in this world that I wouldn't do." Your breath is held tightly in your throat, and your hands subconsciously grip onto the material of your jeans.

Only now do you realize how close the two of you have migrated to one another; she's merely a breath away, so close you can feel the warmth radiating from her. You swallow thickly, feeling your nerves come alive with every second that passes in heated silence, neither of you knowing what to do now. You've lost the desire to read your next line, and she doesn't seem too upset by that fact. Her eyes slowly scan over your features, and the lovesick look in them makes you question if she's still in character or slipping out of it.

After her gaze darts down to your lips and she licks her own without even realizing it, you seriously begin hoping for the latter of the two options.

She searches your face for any sign of refusal as she leans in closer, now bringing her arms up to wrap around your waist and lightly ball the material of your shirt up into her fists. Your hands rest on her shoulders, and you glide your fingertips over her jawline. A singular nod is the last form of consent that you give her before she pulls you closer.

Her lips ghost over yours, receiving some of the vanilla balm you applied earlier; her breath hitches when you tug at the collar of her university sweater, teasingly taking her bottom lip between your teeth. She wants to savor this moment, so she fights against her urge to dive right in and get lost in you.

Within seconds, she's kicking herself for that decision.

"Auntie? Y/N?" Aera calls sleepily from just around the corner, making the two of you spring away from each other. When she appears less than a second later, you realize how close you had been to getting caught. Jisoo refuses to meet your gaze when you look towards her, and that simple action disheartens you a bit.

"Hey, sweetheart. Bad dream?" You ask, using your inference skills after noticing the way that she's clutching her stuffed bunny close to her chest. Her lip trembles as she nods, and the sight breaks your heart. Quickly, you pick her up again, assuring her that she's safe and that you'd slay any monster that dared to hurt her, even in her dreams. A small smile tugs at her lips, and she brings a fist up to rub her eye. "How about this: I'll do a quadruple check of the room for you, and stay with you until you fall asleep. Sound good?"

She utters a tired, "Yes, Y/N-yah", before laying her head on your shoulder and waving a goodbye towards Jisoo as you take her back to the room.

Four sweeps of the room and one fight with a ghost later, you tuck her in again and lay a sweet kiss to her forehead. "Love you," she mumbles lazily, making your heart melt. Kids say that phrase quickly, without even realizing the weight that it has, but you're always glad to accept whatever they imagine it to be. Whether she loves you for playing with her, tucking her in, or defending her honor against imaginary monsters, you don't really care all that much -- she loves you in the ways that she knows how, and that's all that matters.

"I love you, too, Aera. Sleep well." You tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and settle against the wall, prepared to come through on your promise.

----

"Hey," you start, albeit a bit awkwardly.

"Hey," Jisoo returns, pushing her leftovers from the restaurant around her plate half-heartedly. You approach the marble countertop that she sits behind, silently begging for her to look up at you.

"Should we talk about earlier?" You quietly ask, picking at imaginary imperfections on the surface of the countertop.

"What about it?"

"We practically kissed--"

"It was in the script to do so, Y/N." She says, finally looking up at you. She sounds a bit hostile now, like she's getting defensive for some unknown reason.

"Oh," the simple utterance is all you can manage, seeing as how your brain is running a mile a minute. You want to ask if it meant anything else to her -- if she would've taken it farther, had Aera not walked in -- but you don't. Her tone serves as enough of an answer, and you're not sure you could stand to hear her verbalize your fears anyway.

"Well I guess I should go, then." You retract your hand and put it in your pocket, realizing how stupid you were for thinking she could like you back. She doesn't; she was just in need of a helping hand tonight, and you offered that. You shouldn't have tried to turn it into anything that it wasn't.

Hearing the disappointment in your voice makes her want to confess right then and there, but something still holds her back -- some force is yelling at her to keep her feelings hidden for fear of rejection. "I can drive you."

You shake your head. "Nah, it's okay. I'll have Ryujin come get me. You can't leave Aera here and I wouldn't want to have to wake her up just for you to drive me across campus." Jisoo agrees, realizing that she didn't even think about that at first.

"Goodnight, Jisoo." You say, heading off towards the front door. She returns the gesture, reminding you to be safe as she locks it behind you and watches you dial up your roommate's number. Before long, she pulls into one of the parking spaces in front of the dorm, and the two of you drive away.

Click Here For Part 2

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magicrowiswritingstuff · 3 years

Text

“What Do You Call Me?” - Din Djarin x female!reader

Summary: You try to note down and learn all the words Din speaks in Mando’a but there are a few whose meanings you just can’t figure out on your own. So, you have no other option than to ask him what the names he is calling you actually mean.

Warning: Din speaks some Mando’a (yep, still a warning), … I don’t think there is anything I should warn you about tho, it’s only a short fluffy oneshot... happy Valentine’s Day! 💜

Category: fluff

Words: 2.500

Notes: There is no use of (Y/N) in this one! Note 2: I finished this piece two hours before it was posted (I scheduled it and immediatly went to bed afterwards) because I really wanted to have something for Valentine’s Day… so it’s not beta-read at all. I normally read through my writing at least twice but that didn’t happen here.... it’s late, I’m tired… hopefully Din isn’t too OOC and I don’t cringe too hard tomorrow morning when I re-read it and delete it because I’m embarrassed. Fingers crossed! Note 3: I must add that it was rather relaxing to finally write something under 8.000 words…

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“What Do You Call Me?” – Din Djarin x fem!reader

It's no secret that Din's really smart. He's very knowledgeable and you really admired all his knowledge about different cultures and languages. You were especially fascinating by whatever language sometimes slipped over his lips, often when it was just the kid, him and you. After a while you figured that it was most likely Mando'a, the language of the Mandalorians. And the more it happened, the more often the words slipped from his mouth, the more curious you got and you began to wonder what exactly all those words meant. So, you had started to note them down on your datapad, or at least their pronunciation because you had no idea how to actually spell the words. You could write down their pronunciation fairly well but with what you really struggled was with their translations. Only a few were fairly easy.

When yet another cable went lose somewhere in the walls of the Razor Crest and Din yelled "HAR-chak" after noticing the problem you knew it had to be a swear word or something along the lines. Maybe "shit" or "damn it" but you never were too sure about it. Languages were tricky. Sometimes there just wasn't a translation for a specific word, and you could only note down a rough association. But you made it your mission to at least try. To try noting them all down, give them a translation or context in which you heard Din use them and learn them. It was hard, especially when you just couldn't figure a consistent meaning out. And you couldn't ask Din. Well, you could, but you didn't want to. Din didn't know about your little mission and you wanted to keep it that way for now. You wanted to surprise him with your effort, you wanted to be able to from at least one sentence before bringing it up because for now you were a bit too embarrassed and unsure. You wanted to impress him. You huffed and glanced up at the streaks of silver and blue that were swirling around the Razor Crest while in hyperspace. You were sitting on one of the co-pilot seats, legs perched up and pressed to your chest. Biting your lip in concentration you pushed your hair back with your free hand, the other one was holding your datapad, as you sighed deeply. You were frustrated, there was no other way to describe it. All the letters you wrote down seemed to laugh at you whenever you glared at them in anger when you weren't able to decipher their meaning. With a groan you put the datapad down on the floor beside you. You just couldn't look at it anymore, and stretched all your limbs away from your body, melting into the seat. You tried to focus on your breathing, to calm down your frustrated thoughts. Your goal of forming at least one sentence seemed even further away now than when you started your little mission. There were just too many inconsistencies. Sometimes you thought you finally figured out what the nickname he called the kid by meant only for him to call you by the same name. You were sure that Din wasn't calling you by a name that would translate to "child". You furrowed your brows. At least you hoped so for his sake. But one word that left you especially baffled was "REE-yay". You couldn't quite pinpoint when he started to call you that but it must have been very early on. And you could never figure out a consistent usage or meaning. At first you thought that it maybe just meant girl or woman? But you weren't so sure about that anymore. It somehow didn't feel right. The word felt too … intimate to only mean girl or woman. You huffed and scratched your neck in an attempt to soothe the aching and to sort your thoughts. You just wanted to figure out what he was calling you at that point. You didn't even care anymore if you had to ask Din to finally figure it out. You just wanted some clarity. "What are you worrying about?" You leaned your head back to look at Din who was standing behind you, his hands on the back of the seat to either side of your head. For a moment you just stared at him, in awe of how the flickering lights of hyperspace reflected on his armor in such a stark contrast to the void of his black visor. Something so typically Din in a way. You quickly shook your head and lowered your gaze when you felt heat rise to your cheeks. "I'm not worrying, just thinking" you mumbled and crossed your arms before your chest. Din chuckled lowly behind you and then sat down in the pilot seat beside you. "What is my verd'ika thinking about then?" Your body tensed, not only because of the new nickname but primarily because of the "my" he had put before it. What did he mean by that? What was he calling you? My friend? My buddy? My ... woman? You almost yelped at that thought but managed to force your jaw to stay shut. With your eyes wide and round you stared at the Mandalorian. His gaze was lowered and focused on the switches and buttons before him but not in an embarrassed manner or in an attempt to hide from your gaze. He seemed carefree and relaxed. He wouldn't just call you "his woman" and not react, right? You faintly nodded at yourself. No, this nickname meant something else. It had to because you weren't sure if your heart could take anything else. You blinked and noticed that Din was now facing you, his head tilted to one side in question. With heat rising to your face once again you noticed that you hadn't answered him yet. "Ehm, nothing really. Nothing important, don't worry." You bit your lip and cursed silently at yourself. This could have been your chance to ask him. To ask him what all those names meant. But you didn't. _______________ "Can you hold this, ner ka'ra?" Din asked and handed you a tool without turning to look at you. "O-of course" you stumbled and took the tool from him, so he had a free hand to grab the cable that had come loose yet again. You gulped and pushed your hair back while you glanced at Din's back as he continued to work. The nickname he had called you was already well known by you. He had started to call you that and that other word "REE-yay" more frequently ever since one week or two. Almost no other nickname or word in Mando'a left his lips anymore, which made it rather difficult to achieve your goal of learning one sentence in that language. And you still had no idea what the nicknames meant either. You figured that "nair" translated to "my" but that only made your face heat up even more than before. "Riye?" Your eyes snapped back to his dark visor that was now turned to you. Embarrassed you realized that you had spaced out and probably missed something he had said to you. "What?" you asked, your eyes wide and unblinkingly staring at his helmet hiding his eyes from you. Din let out a sigh and completely turned around to face you. You gulped and redirected your gaze upwards. "Something is on your mind. What is bothering you?" "Always so direct" you joked and laughed nervously, fumbling with the tool in your hand. "Riye" he addressed you carefully but with a slight warning in his tone. He was serious. You bit your lip and stared down at the ground, not able to hold his gaze. But you stayed quiet. With your mind racing circles in your mind, you couldn't decide if you wanted to finally ask him or not. When you felt hands on your shoulders your head shot up and met with the void of Din's visor again. You gulped, your eyes flickering from the visor then to the wall and back to his visor repeatedly. Then you let out a long sigh. Without a word you put the tool in your pocket and instead grabbed your datapad and quickly pushed it against his chest before you could retrack again. Perplexed Din lowered his head to stare at your hands before he slowly took the datapad from you. Silently he read through all the words you had typed down. "I tried to note down all the words you speak in Mando'a and translate them" you began to explain, fiddling with your hands while your eyes were directed to the floor once again. "But I only managed to figure out their rough pronunciation and write down some notes, I... I really struggle with their meaning" you continued to ramble. When Din didn't react after a few long heartbeats, you cautiously glanced up at the silent Mandalorian. He was unmovingly staring down at your datapad, his body completely tense. Then suddenly his head snapped up to meet your gaze. "When did you start doing that?" Confused you blinked for a few seconds, trying to sort your thoughts. "Ehm, a few weeks? Maybe two months or more?" you guessed and shrugged your shoulders. "I didn't tell you because I wanted to at least learn one full sentence to surprise you with it but..." you didn't finish and just gestured to your chaotic notes that mostly consisted of furious question marks. Din looked back down at the datapad. "Why?" You furrowed your brows. "Why?" you asked to make sure you heard him correctly. The Mandalorian nodded, his helmet still lowered but you weren't sure if he wasn't maybe looking at you. Out of reflex you pointed at him. "Because..." you cleared your throat. "Because of you." Your clasped your hands before your chest after that, your eyes darting around again in nervousness. Din slowly lifted his head and you felt his gaze burning on your skin form behind the visor. Both of you stood there, frozen and not daring to breathe for what felt like an eternity. You bit your lip and began to fumble with your hands again. "I-" Din started. "I don't know what to say." You couldn't hold back your laugh, the nervous giggles that finally spilled over your lips as you shook your head. "Sorry" you said breathlessly, the laughter still very noticeable in your voice, though. "I don't know why I'm laughing." That made Din laugh, too. He handed you back your datapad when you had calmed down. "I'm impressed" he stated and pointed at the device. "Most of the pronunciations are correct. But the translations..." He chuckled lowly and stemmed his hands against his hips. You crossed your arms before your chest and raise done eyebrow at him. "What do you call me then?" "What?" Din asked perplex, the laughter suddenly vanished from his voice. He almost sounded... flustered? Or at least surprised. "You said the translations of the words were wrong so teach me what they really mean" you proposed with your chin slightly raised in a challenging manner. You grabbed your datapad again and looked through the words as you continued. "Most of the words I wrote down are nicknames, so what are you calling me?" Din froze, you couldn't even see his chest rise and fall anymore. Now you were pretty sure that he was flustered and embarrassed. Or maybe even scared that you would figure out the meaning of his nicknames for you? Your body vibrated in anticipation, eager to finally get to know what all those nicknames mean. "Din?" you asked, eyebrows furrowed. "What does "REE-yay" mean?" For a few more moments he stayed still before he cleared his throat and tilted his helmet away from you, staring at the wall behind you. "What does... riye mean?" he questioned, his voice uncharacteristically high and trembling. You hummed and nodded. "Ehm, it means..." he started and directed his head back to face you. "It means favor, benefit or good turn." You furrowed your brows. "Good turn? Benefit?" you asked confused. "What does that have to do with me?" "When used as a term of endearment it means that this person, upon meeting, changed live for the better" he explained quickly. "Just like how you change my life for the better." Your eyes grew wide. "Wha-what?" Din slowly reached for you without another word and placed his gloved hand on your cheek that was already burning again in embarrassment. "You made my life better, riye. You and ad'ika, the kid." Your breath hitched in your throat as your eyes stared into the void of his visor, selfishly longing to peek behind it to see if his eyes were equally as wide as yours. "I-" you began but you had no idea what you even wanted to say. Your eyes darted around again as you tried to find the words, any words. But Din's hand on your face, his thumb drawing slow circles on your cheek, made you shiver and gasp for air. You had expected a lot but nothing like that. You hadn't been prepared for that confession. You had no idea what to say, so instead you just let your datapad fall to the ground and placed your hands to either side of his helmet. Din tensed but when he realized you weren't about to move any further, he let his hand wander from your cheek to your eyes, covering them completely, leaving you in the dark. Then he placed his free hand over one of yours. The touch sent shivers down your spine and you felt your heart beat repeatedly against your ribs in anticipation. Then he slowly guided your hand up, lifting his helmet in the process. It didn't move up much, just enough for him to place his lips on yours. Your heart skipped a beat when his lips melted over yours, dancing against them, tugging at your bottom lip ever so slightly. You gasped and stepped closer, pressing your chest against his. Even with his hand covering them you shut your eyes tight, as you soaked in the feeling of his lips, rough and soft at the same time. The heat spread from your cheeks to your neck and further down until it settled in your stomach. The flames in your belly hungrily fluttered and stretched towards Din, craving his touch and more. Your fingers began to tremble against his helmet, unable to hold onto anything. You let out a short whine at that and pressed even further into him. The coldness of his beskar, however, did nothing to soothe the fire in your veins. Slowly Din pulled away, his lips still hovering over yours, touching ever so slightly. "You changed my life for the better, too" you whispered into the dark, a small smile adorning your face now. And before you knew it Din's lips were back on yours.

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Permanent Simps: @buckysalefty

Din Djarin Simps: @theflightytemptressadventure / @sarahjkl82-blog / @remmysbounty / @cali-beaches-wakes-and-boards / @idekah / @freeshavocadoooo / @dindaddy / @wonderless-screwup

If you want to be added/removed/switched to another taglist at any point just let me know!

The crossed out names I couldn’t tag normally (I had to do some coding for it to work) so PLEASE check if “Allow this blog to appear in search results” or anything similar regarding tagging in your settings is turned ON for your blog! I hope that works so I can tag you more easily the next time, BUT if your name is still crossed out the next time shoot me a message to let me know you turned it on but it still isn’t work, please. I’ll try to find another solution for it then.Thank you! 💜

#the mandalorian #din djarin #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x female reader #din djarin x female reader #mando x reader #mando #female reader #reader #x reader #star wars x reader #fluff #just fluff #the mandalorian oneshot #the mandalorian imagine

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