7 and/or 18 💖
7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?
answered here!
18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.
This was one of the ones I was scared to get lol but I'll try! Don't get me wrong, flattery gets you everywhere with me but actually picking out something that *I* like from my own fics? Can't think of a thing tbh, so I went with the scene that's been the hardest one for me to write so far - just because the content is pretty heavy (for me), and it took a few changes and rewrites to get to where I was satisfied with it as a plot device.
(Our House, Chapter 3 spoilers)
Armand and a girl; maybe seventeen, eighteen years old. Beautiful, high Slavic cheekbones, smudged eyeliner accenting her light blue eyes, dark hair. Armand halfway behind her, his hands cupping her bare tits, fake vampire fangs in his mouth, his head turned slightly to mimic biting her throat.
"Eleni," Armand said.
And Lestat, he's there too. He's taking the selfie, pupils blown wide, his cheek pressed to the girl's head, blond hair everywhere, an arm going around her head to rest his hand on Armand's shoulder. Not inherently sexual, more familial than anything, the three of them laughing; a teen's photo for fun and mild shock value.
[So this was where I had to decide how exactly I wanted Armand to present the history of his relationships with his ex-girlfriend and Lestat to Daniel. We get a bit more from Armand's POV later, but it doesn't really expand beyond what we're shown here. This is what's relevant to Armand right now, and this is what he wants Daniel to know. The rest will come later (when I decide what the hell "the rest" is). One of the best writing tips a friend gave me is: even if you're writing from just one person's POV, you need to know what the other people in the scene are thinking.]
Armand passed the phone to him wordlessly, mentally checking out. Daniel could see it in the dimness of his eyes, in the tiredness of his shoulders. Emotional or chemical—something drug-induced? Daniel had no way of knowing.
[Concerned Husband Danny is my fave, this was one of his times to shine. I wanted to make sure he's hyperaware of Armand right now, not taking his eyes off him for a second.]
"Just like Paris."
"She's pregnant here," Armand reached up and tapped the screen. And, dear God, was that a great distraction or what?
[Oh shit! moment, hopefully for the reader and Daniel both.]
"Really?" Yours? went unsaid. Armand heard it anyway.
He nodded, barely. "We were so young... Just reckless, stupid street kids that had no way of knowing better. But I loved her, and she loved me."
[It was important to me that it's clear Eleni was a meaningful and formative romantic relationship in Armand's life, even though he's older and married to a man now. He's bisexual, and Eleni was truly his first love.]
"Is she still in France?" Daniel asked, perpetually curious to a fault. It was the reporter in him. He was an intelligent man, he'd already figured out the loaded implications behind a child Armand never mentioned to him before. Abortion, most likely, given how young they both looked.
"Eleni?" Armand arched an eyebrow, as if they'd been talking about anyone else.
Daniel nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah, she is," Armand smiled in the empty way some people have a tendency to do, "Cimetière des Innocents.”
[My baby boy is broken inside, and I needed y'all to know that. Also, Les Innocents name-drop!]
Damn. "I'm sorry, love." It seemed to Daniel he was saying that a lot lately.
[By this point, it's already been a couple months of drama, and Daniel's gotten one bombshell aside from this one dropped on his head tonight. He's a saint of a man, but every person has a limit before they start burning out and idk if y'all noticed... but Armand in this fic... he's a lot, okay?]
Armand sighed, "Do you know what she said?"
Rhetorical question, and he continued, "She said it was a miracle, that it was God himself giving us a second chance. Telling us to clean up our act, get clean, find other ways to survive, to provide. And I believed it too."
[This part was weird for me because I was trying to tap into what a girl who'd been raised with a Catholic mentality might think. I never said Catholic, but clearly, she was religious to quite a degree and my mind went to Catholic. Kind of trying to channel the CoD fervor into something else here, and also pull stuff from my own life experiences.]
He sighed again, "We were just kids." Armand looked and sounded a lot like a kid just then.
He took a minute to lean against Daniel's arm, playing with the zipper on Daniel's hoodie. Up and down, up and down. Zip, zip, zip. "Well, I guess God changed his mind."
[I feel like Armand is such a classic C-PTSD case in almost every universe I write him. I mean- he is in canon! And reverting to child-like comforting behaviors when confronted with a stressor/trigger can sometimes be part of that, so I tried to have it come out here - as well as emphasize the fact that he feels secure enough around Daniel to act that way in front of him in the first place, instead of retreating into himself and/or masking.]
Daniel gently massaged the spot below Armand's ear, silently urging him to continue.
"The week she was supposed to give birth; it was June, it was so hot already. She went to see her father. She said she wanted him to know, the man who had abandoned his daughter to chase the drink. Oh, he was furious. The neighbors heard him screaming—calling her a whore, a sinner, a useless junkie."
[This one was hard, and unfortunately, it's a common enough scenario in real life. Some children just are unwanted and unloved, and they're treated that way. Definitely hurt to write.]
Armand paused for a breath, letting his head loll against Daniel's shoulder, pressed his face against Daniel's neck as if he wanted to feel his pulse against his skin. "He pushed her down a flight of cement stairs. She hit her head, Danny."
[Originally, I was going to have Eleni die by suicide after having a miscarriage, but just seemed much more potentially triggering to an audience since miscarriages are something many people do experience (though I definitely do tag). Ultimately, I just didn't think it was necessary to go that route to achieve a similar impact. As a writer, this one almost hurts me more because the difference is that in this version, she was excited for her baby and her future with Armand, their little family. She wanted to live!]
Daniel wrapped an arm around Armand's chest and pulled him close, tight enough to hurt. Not lovingly, to comfort, but with the instinctual urge to get him out of harm's way, too many years too late.
And now Daniel knew, or at least he thought did—the reason, or a reason, why.
A reason Armand had taken such a keen, uncharacteristic interest in the preparations for Lestat and Louis's daughter.
A reason why "introducing" Armand and Lestat had had an outcome akin to throwing a jungle cat and a rabid dog together in a cardboard box.
A reason behind Lestat and Armand playing Russian roulette now, as Daniel understood it. Using the needle to simultaneously reconjure and numb the memories of who they’d been once upon a time—Lestat, without expectations and responsibilities, wild and free; Armand, about to have a family for the first time in his tragic life, in the worst circumstances possible.
And, finally, the reason Armand seemingly lost his mind and started begging him for a baby one arbitrary evening in June, out of the clear blue fucking sky.
[Listen... this fic was originally going to be a fluffy, mildly hurt/comfort two chapters. Suddenly, I had to come up with a decent enough reason for Armand to be going off the rails. This is what my brain gave me.]
Armand sat up and reached for the phone in Daniel’s hand, swiping to the left and handing it back to him.
"My only blood family," Armand murmured, touching a blurry ultrasound image on the screen that didn't especially look like anything at all. "A little girl," he smiled, sweet and subdued, the glow remerging only to fade from his eyes, confirming what he knew Daniel had already deduced, “who died along with her mother.”
[Can't lie, this is the one and only time I have ever cried over anything I wrote. I imagined what the baby looked like, if Armand ever got to see her or hold her. I named her. I'm so sad lmao I'm so sorry to end on this note. But this was actually interesting to remember, and I miss this fic in a way I haven't in a while, so thanks for the opportunity to ramble about myself I guess!]
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Do you have any opinions on how they handled the sex scenes of last episode ? Why they made the choice to make it a bit "harsh" ? What was the purpose ? Was it to insist on the fact Ari is treating sex as a way to connect but right after the act she kinda feels empty (the close up on Sasha/Tom face after the scene and the dialogue they had in the dinner made me understand it like that) ? And if so, did they succeed in your opinion ? Or did it felt like a scene they put out there as shock value and they didn't really put much thoughts about it ? And Is it not the case for many sex scenes in film and movies nowadays (they feel "forced" in some ways?)
Sorry that's a lot of questions lol and I'm not even sure myself where I stand yet, but because of the whole homophobic weirdos taking all the space I haven't read much about peoples thought about the scene and I enjoyed reading your criticism of the show so far so I thought I could ask
PSA : I truly hope this doesn't sound like a puritan ask with homophobic undertone. Im bi myself and don't have issues with sex in the media as a concept. There are many movies and shows where it's just beautiful (and hot) to see and make sense in the storyline, and I love it (Normal People and The Handmaiden comes to mind for ex) But I'm not sure most pieces of fiction nowadays succeed in that area, And for TCR I'm having questions about the thought process behind the whole Ari/ Jonny sexual life arc
Thanks for this ask, Anon.
Part of why I’d have wanted more screentime for Johnny and Ari is because it seemed to me that we got something potentially meaningful from both Ep 8 sex scenes—and not just the sex but the way that it told us something about the alters’ relationships with those two men, how they felt about the men, how they felt about themselves (more the case with the Ari scene), and I thought, I really wish we stayed with these characters and relationships for longer because I want to know more about them. For Ari, it was the dancing/sex and the conversation with Jerome from prison; for Johnny it was the escapism via getting high and the sense that he almost enjoyed his time with Angelo. But then both were over in a flash. I felt that I got the shorthand version only of those relationships—like, okay, Ari was able/willing to be sexual but afraid and unwilling to connect emotionally, and Johnny was reckless and shameless because of his addiction—but I got the sense that there were seeds of more specific, more complex characters/relationships there that never had the chance to grow, and that was frustrating. Like those scenes could have been in episode 1 of a different show to set up the characters/relationships, and the next 9 episodes could have taken us somewhere really compelling with them. The sex seems relevant to the Billy/Danny story, too, because the inciting event to the DID was sexual abuse.
So to come back to your question—I don’t think the representations of sex and surrounding scenes were gratuitous or primarily for shock value, but I think the fact that the characters/relationships are barely more than sketches robbed those scenes of the emotional & dramatic value that they might have had in a better show. To me they were like little flashes of greatness.
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5 headcanons abt ur main TMA/BNHA au pls basil :)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM HELL YEAH OKAY SO
(spoilers for "These Statements Certainly Have Their Quirks (Main Series)" up through chapter 2 of the epilogue, i know a lot of my tumblr followers prolly havent read it so im putting it under a readmore just in case :D)
1- The news crew (yamada kaori, the news anchor; enatsu azami, the meteorologist; and goshima taro, the miscellaneous other things guy) are all in a polyamorous relationship and have been for a while now :)
2- detective tsukauchi would have been in deku's domain if i couldve gotten away with not addressing it at all; however, that isn't possible, and thus he's in that hunt domain that's 100% a criticism of cancel culture
3- a lot of the class who have alignments have different appearances from canon that weren't mentioned anywhere and i have no way to bring that up- for instance, mido has a little scar on his head from the debris that avatared him, shouto is physically more faded and washed out looking than canon (his hair/scar are more of a pink than red), bakus eyes look brown from a distance bc he has some green in em but theyre mainly red hence. brown.
4- beholding wants aizawa sooooo bad but aizawa just straight up said "no <3" like. he has specifically avoided beholding bc in the section presentation he made the connection between the eye fear entity and his own quirk and was like "oh. i should avoid that" and he did. successfully. for fifteen years. king shit
5- this whole series is about adding fears to mha but adding quirks to tma was a thing that did happen and im legitimately upset that i didnt get to explore that further.
5a- jon had a whole ass character arc in this version of seasons 1-3 regarding his quirklessness. he used to have such a complex about it and now he doesn't. growth! i would write it but it would be a canon rewrite but with quirks this time, and none of those quirks are big enough to affect the plot in any meaningful way so it would just kind of suck tbh
5b- martin has lighter fingers. like flint-and-steel kind of lighter fingers, his finger pads are made of a stiff material such that when they encounter friction from snapping or something, they make sparks. martin wears gloves whenever he's in the institute for fear of lighting a book or document on fire, which is a valid concern. s3 finale was done by him using his quirk instead of a lighter
5c- tim had a light-making quirk where he could make little multicolored lanterns of light, pretty much their only purpose was to be decorative. he could move them around, but nobody else could touch them or else they would dissipate. danny had a similar one that could have been used offensively, because he could form the light into shapes and it was completely tangible to everyone/everything- it was very powerful and everyone told him he would be a good hero, but he decided against it
5d- sasha had a technology-related quirk, possibly the ability to guess passwords or something like that. not-sasha's quirk was to make any software malfunction at will- and sometimes against her will (so she said).
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actually i wanna talk more about this because Danny and Lori could've really been something if the show creators didnt constantly sideline Danny for Steve. And I'm not just talking about romantically (tho loridanny is my beloved) but h5o creators have a history of almost distorting characters from their initial forms in order to fit them into meaningful relationships with Steve when they're actually so much better suited to be friends with Danny
Chin and Kono are really the only characters in the show who are equally close to Steve and Danny (though that changes a lot in the later seasons as well) and its something that bugs me a lot
Lori and Danny are both from the mainland, both from traditional law enforcement, both have very strict ideals about police procedure (until they warped Danny completely) and could've honestly been such good friends and had a really meaningful bond. The same goes for Lou and Danny if I'm being totally honest -- I never understood why they continuously tried to force Lou and Steve together, when literally nothing would've happened if Lou had bonded with Danny instead. Even Adam and Tani start out with really meaningful relationships with Danny -- but those relationships end up getting sidelined for their relationship w Steve.
Hell they even do it with Jerry. Jerry is Chin's friend from highschool, and yet somehow by the end of the show: Steve is the guy Jerry is closest to.
I know that Steve was the main character and its important to show him as a vital part of the show, but there's so many dynamics in the show that I personally feel would've been better suited to be Danny focused -- and would've given so much more depth and nuance to these characters
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Mystery Girl
Pairing: Danny Rand x Reader
Word Count: 1.7K
Warnings: None
Summary: When Peter finds out that one of his teammates is dating someone he makes it his mission to find out who it is. Even if the answer is right underneath his nose.
Peter was suspicious of everybody. He didn’t know who to trust, not even his own teammates were above suspicion. He had taken it upon himself to solve the mystery that had been plaguing the school the past month. No one was to be trusted.
He would solve this mystery, in spite of his teammates telling him to leave it alone. He would solve it and then he’d get bragging rights for a month.
It all began one day when they were sitting in the cafeteria. It was an ordinary school day, or so he thought. He had no idea for the storm that would come later in the day. He hadn’t been prepared for it either.
“Hey, Danny!” Smiled a girl that he vaguely recognized from his Biology class stepped to his table at lunch. The team, seemingly knowing what she was here to ask suddenly quietened down and stared the two of them down with creepy grins.
“Um, you don’t have to, but, um, would you, possibly want to go on a date with me sometime?” She asked cutely, gently pushing a strand of hair away from her face.
“Oh. I’m sorry, but I have a girlfriend.”
Embarrassed, the girl quickly uttered out apologies and scampered away to her table where her friends were waiting to comfort her. But what was left at their table was a gaping Peter who gasped so loudly when he heard it that everyone side-eyed him.
“The moral compass Danny Rand? Lying? Who are you and what have you done with my friend?” He teased, pointing the plastic fork in his face and he completely missed the incredulous looks the rest of the team has been sending him.
“I wasn’t lying.”
“He just did it again!!”
“Parker, are you drunk? Danny has a girlfriend.” Sam said as he tried to figure out whether Peter was being serious or if he was trying, keyword trying, to crack a joke.
“What? He doesn’t! (Y/N), you believe me, right?” He asked, turning to you and everyone wondered whether he had gotten a concussion this morning during his journey to school.
You on the other hand, looked extremely amused as he waited for an answer. You coyly leaned on one hand, smiling at him and playing along, “Of course I believe you. A good looking, athletic, sensitive guy having a girlfriend? This must be a thing of dreams.”
Danny coughed from beside you and you turned to him with a mischievous smile. At your gaze he could only chuckle and turn back to Peter who was staring suspiciously at him.
“Okay, yeah, Danny’s cute, Danny’s smart, Danny’s so great. So, he’s really dating somebody?” He asked, his clueless expression making you want to laugh. He really had no idea. Some superhero he was. He couldn’t sniff out a mystery if it was right beneath his nose.
So, when he huffed at the rest of you not giving him any answers and promptly stomped away like the child he was, he completely missed yours and Danny’s hands intertwined underneath the table.
You suppose it was partly your fault that he hadn’t even considered you as a suspect since you were so affectionate in general. You always held Sam’s hand during mission reports, drawing shapes onto his palm when you got bored. You regularly snuggled against Luke during movie nights when Sam began hogging the blanket and you felt cold. It wasn’t foreign for you to kiss Ava’s cheek goodbye and Peter would be lying if he said that you didn’t show a lot of your affection to him through touch.
Maybe that’s why he was so quick to dismiss the possibility of you dating Danny, because frankly, you might as well be dating everyone with how affectionate you were.
So, he completely ignored the way you intimately hugged Danny or when you kissed his cheek hello, or when you laid your head in his lap, because to him, that was just your personality.
Really, you completely understood why he hadn’t stopped to consider you as a possible girlfriend.
But even then, some of his guesses were downright insulting.
Still, you listened to his theories with an indulgent smile, wondering if he would ever figure out that the answer was right Infront of him. Quite literally.
Thankfully, the bell rang, saving you from his mindless chatter and you quickly stood up from your seat, ignoring the headrush in favour of getting as far away from Peter as possible.
“I gotta go, Pete. I have lab. I’ll see you later though.” You told him, gently ruffling his hair before turning towards your boyfriend. An idea struck through your head and you immediately heard evil laughter play in the back of your mind. You wanted to see how far you could push Peter’s obliviousness.
Leaning down to press a kiss to Danny’s cheek, which was dangerously close to the corner of his mouth, you caught a glimpse of Peter’s indifferent face and snorted. He really was so clueless.
“Bye, love.” You said, loud enough for him to hear and picked up your bag to leave, smothering your laughter by pressing a palm to your mouth when you heard Peter reply with a ‘Bye-bye, honey.’
“Peter has been texting me non-stop about possible girlfriends.” You laughed as you slid onto your boyfriend’s lap, an arm looping around his neck to keep you stable, “I’m quite offended that I’m not a contender but oh well, I guess I’m just too out of your league.”
Danny chuckled and leaned in to kiss you soundly which you returned, humming pleasantly when his hands settled at your waist and your fingers gently raked through his hair.
The sound of the door sliding open was enough to have both your head turning. You still remained in his lap though, with his arms wrapped tightly around you.
And in came the master detective himself, immediately asking you if you had received his texts, not even batting an eye at the two of you, not even when you shared a sweet smile and cuddled closer to him.
He did eventually notice though, because if he hadn’t, you’d have to chalk him up as oblivious and blind.
“Uh, (Y/N)?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t you think that’s a little close? I mean, he has a girlfriend.” You pressed your face into the crook of Danny’s neck, trying to stop the laughter that bubbled out of your chest. Eventually though, you did turn to him with a smile.
“Yeah, he does have a girlfriend, I guess it was insensitive of me,” You started, smiling as Danny’s grip got tighter on your waist, not wanting you to get up just yet and you were tempted to give up the charade then and there and cuddle your adorable boyfriend to death.
“Danny, dude, come on. I know the two of you are close but if your girlfriend sees you like this, she might break up with you.” You were giggling now.
“Yeah, Danny, your girlfriend might break up with you if I sit on your lap any longer.” You told him, laughing at the pitiful look on his face as you sauntered over to the couch, plopping down next to Peter, who immediately showed you the improved list of potential candidates.
You skimmed it absentmindedly, until your eyes locked on a certain name and your eyes went wide, “Peter why is your name on this?”
“Well forgetting who I was dating seems like something I would do.”
“You’re never going to figure this out, web-head.”
It took him a week to finally crack, throwing his phone onto the couch in frustration as he ran his hands through his hair. A week of gathering intel, interrogating and spying and he found nothing.
“Okay! I give up! You win!” He complained, scratching his head in frustration as everyone just stared at him, surprised from his little outburst.
You had been waiting patiently for this for a week and it had been just as satisfying as you thought it would be. Although you were extremely surprised by his lack of perception towards your blatant displays of affection towards Danny.
“Wait you still haven’t figured it out yet?” Sam asked, voice laced with absolute disbelief. How could someone so stupid be the leader of their team?
“Yeah, no need to run it in bucket-head. Our friend here is incredibly sneaky when it comes to his relationship.” That was a total lie considering you had been cuddled up to his side since he came into the room.
“Okay you want a hint? She’s literally sitting on his lap right now!”
He finally looked up to see you tucked into Danny’s side and you waved at him.
“That’s not his girlfriend! That’s (Y/N)!”
You all collectively groaned.
“What? Oh.”
“I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore.” Danny whispered into your neck, placing a kiss to the skin there and you squirmed as he peppered more kisses, tickling you.
“Technically we weren’t hiding anything in the first place, Peter was just too stupid to notice.” You murmured, hands grabbing handfuls of his blonde hair as you pulled him into a deep kiss.
“You wanna know something?” You whispered to him after you pulled away, burying your face into the soft pillow that the two of you were sharing. He hummed, letting his fingertips draw small circles onto your skin.
You cupped his face, squishing his cheeks and giggling when he grinned widely, “I’ll tell you? Are you ready?”
“Mm I’m ready.”
“I love you.”
The meaningful smile you sent him was contrast to the teasing ones you had been sending him. His gaze softened and if possible, he would have pulled you even closer.
You leaned in once again and kissed him sweetly before pulling back and gently rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones. At this moment, he felt so loved, so warm and your eyes were overflowing with the love that he hadn’t experienced before.
He wished this could never end. That the two of you would just spend eternity holding each other and loving one another. It was at this moment that he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving you.
“I love you, too.”
He smiled, leaning closer to you to capture your lips again, running his hands along your spine as your eyes fluttered close...
“Ew, gross! I have to watch this now?!” You pulled away with a groan.
“Give it a rest Peter!”
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Love on the Line - Part 2
I hope y’all are ready for the heartache because this chapter absolutely destroyed me. Please read the warnings because this chapter does deal with quite a few heavy issues along with ripping your heart to shreds. Let me know if you’d be interested in another part? Thank you all for the read! Part 1 HERE
Masterlist
Henry Cavill x Reader
Word Count: 2360
Warnings: heartbreak, break-up, language, mention of self harm, pure unadulterated angst
******************
Today was a day where she just wanted solace though the impending doom of forethought clouded her every sense. She wanted to blink and will the world around her to magically disappear enjoying her descent into darkness. Y/N sought to feel anything at all but alas she felt wholly empty. It was slowly but surely killing her, picking her apart piece by fucking piece. She hadn’t had the chance to speak with him, hear his once soothing voice on the other end of the phone. Just nonchalant texts messages brimmed with no meaningful purpose. But is that what she wanted the entire time? Possibly so.
That’s what made her friends poke into her business, snoop until they found an answer worthy of their liking. Y/N knew how to play their games and say whatever it took to make them stop their line of questioning. It was her equivalent of mourning the future she mapped out. Her phone chimed alerting Y/N of its annoying presence. ‘Catching a connecting flight out of LAX to meet with Danny and, finally heading home baby! ETA tomorrow late afternoon.’
Great, there was no stopping his arrival now that he was officially coming home.
She had so many grand plans in her dreams, promises of a life she now questioned if she ever wanted at all. The blade felt cool against her skin, she begged for the sweet release for the air latched in her lungs to be set free, but no such luck today. Old habits die hard. Blood dribbled onto the marble sink as relief flooded her system, endorphins pumping as her vision momentarily darkened. For a second, all was calm and she relished in the fleeting feeling. Y/N finally released the breath scratching at her lungs. She was anxious and just wanted to sleep away the day while morph into her sheets.
Curiously, she didn’t remember when she became exhausted. She didn’t remember when exhausted was no longer exhausted, and it just was. The tiredness seeped in her bones and she accepted this state of being with utter apathy. Y/N frowned down at the piece of jewelry that once sparked joy, reminiscing on the night Henry proposed. Now the ring on her finger was beginning to weigh too much for her to fathom. So, Y/N did what was best and sadly slide the diamond off her ring finger and back into its elegant box.
~The Next Day~
Y/N paced their chic living room floor awaiting his and Kal’s arrival. Mentally prepping herself over the strong points to hit in their conversation trying to build her courage and morale. This would be easier if I wasn’t in love with him. Just then, she heard the sound of the garage door open and an engine decease. It was now or never. Realistically, Y/N knew she couldn’t keep a straight face for very long but at the same moment so ached for his touch, for his gentle kiss, and for one more unscathed instance. She inhaled deeply and soothed her nerves to the best of her ability. The front door opened, the pitter patter of paws hit the ground first, greeting her with overwhelming enthusiasm. Y/N kneeled to Kal’s level letting the dog lick her cheek powerless to the loyal Akita before her.
“Darling, where you are?” His voice echoed through the foyer in search of Y/N as he found her with Kal. He rushed towards her, wrapping his arms in a warm embrace and brought her close. He buried himself in the column of her neck kissing a trail of the gentle kisses and inhaled. Everything about this woman lit his insides of fire and now she was tangible, a reality he was more than happy to clasp on to. Hands finding his tamed locks, Y/N intertwined her fingers pulling him in leaving no space between their bodies. Stay strong. Stay focused Y/N.
“Is it even possible to miss one’s smell?”
“You’re home.”
Y/N stepped out of his warmth missing the fleeting scowl etched on Henry’s face.
“Can I get you anything to drink; Scotch possibly? I’m dying for a drink.”
Henry couldn’t put his finger on it but something didn’t feel right. As she reached the wet bar, he took in her appearance. She had lost weight; her bones were noticeable now. She turned his direction with glasses in hand. Her cheekbones were too pronounced, she quite frankly looked …fragile?
“Here you go, babe. Welcome home.”
His hand clasped over hers holding her stare before retrieving the glass.
The liquor deliciously burned down her throat. He refused to bite his tongue any longer; “Y/N, is something the matter?”
She ogled the bronzed liquid in her glass before clearing her throat; “Yes.” Henry’s eyebrows raised in concern reaching out to her as Y/N took a step out of reach.
He barely heard her before a whimper left her; “Please don’t touch me, Hen.”
Bewilderment override his body leaving his brain in the dust.
“Love, what’s wro—” Before he could finish, his phone beeped notifying him of an incoming message. He reached in his back pocket wanting to silence the damned thing before reading who it was from.
‘Anya: Make it home safe? I’m lying in bed alone and can’t help but think of your taste. See you soon?’
Y/N watched in disbelief at his attention pulled elsewhere. So much so that she didn’t comprehend the glass shattering onto the tile floor and blood sliding down her wrist. She clenched her fist in blinded anger reminding herself of the pain as the shard dug deeper into her flesh.
“I’m standing right in front of you. I always have and yet you refuse to even acknowledge me. I can’t even maintain your attention god forbid you put your phone down for five minutes. How do you think that feels when the one person you’re in love with can’t even give you the time of day?”
He drank in her disheveled appearance, her blotted checks streaked with tear stains, her messy hair from constantly running her fingers through, and lastly, the hurt that lay just behind her blue irises. He’d never hated himself more than in this moment. Ever so gently he leaned closer into her frame craving her closeness but she remained a step further. She ducked away in disgust swatting his hand from reaching her face. Henry attempted to cover up the shock from overtaking his chiseled features. He’d never seen her so on fire in their entirety as a couple.
“I said don’t fucking touch me. You sicken me. Is that what you wanted to hear, huh? Do you think it’s fun being invisible to the one person I thought had my back?” She refused to hold back her emotions anymore allowing the storm to overflow.
“YN... please let me...”
“What? Let you explain? What possible bullshit are you about to spew in hopes of changing my mind?”
“I love you. Don’t ever underestimate my feelings for you.”
Sighing, she inhaled a much-needed breath of air before composing herself, at least to the best of her abilities; “Henry. Stop. Please, I’m begging you. My chest feels as if it’s been pried open and my heart ripped from my body. My blood boils through my veins yet is tinged with ice. You’re breaking me into a million little pieces. You must see what you’re doing to me.”
Melancholy dripped from her voice as he silently berated himself, shaking his head in defeat. His eyes glazed over slightly in an attempt to find his own composure, to quill the manic pounding residing in his chest. If he were being honest, it had been quite some time since he last looked at Y/N. Genuinely looked at her. No facetime, no phone calls. And she was right, she was ripping at the seams. How had he not noticed? The chilled atmosphere left the pair suffocating, grasping onto their last truth of reality as quietness laid between them.
“You pride yourself on your so-called honesty. So, now’s your time! ...are the rumors true?”
Henry’s eyes immediately averted to the cement ground below wishing to buy himself another second of borrowed time. But with no such luck, he let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realize had been lodged in his lungs.
“Yes. But I didn’t sleep with her.”
YN bit her lip to keep a wail from slipping out making her insides inflate with sadness. She knew it was all too good to be true. Her stomach churned at the mere mention of her name.
She sniffled trying to look anywhere but at the handsome god displayed in front of her but to no avail met his calm blue eyes awaiting hers.
“Okay.”
“Okay? That’s all you have to say?”
Y/N’s fight was fast depleting and she wasn’t sure how long her energy would remain before perching upon empty. If she was being honest, all she wanted to do was bury her head into his warm chest willing his past mistakes away and reuniting them with their life...the life they built together. But that was no longer an option she could look forward to any longer. He made damn sure of that before returning home from filming. And worse, TMZ had the pictures to rub salt in her fresh wounds.
Her silence was killing him increasing his anxiety foolproof.
“Please Y/N say something, anything! I deserve your wrath and anger. A shout would be better than nothing.”
But to his surprise, she remained frozen unable to show what was running through her mind.
“There’s nothing left to say. You made a choice and with that said choice allowed for the entirety of our relationship to simply vanish. I deserve wholesome and unconditional love, not some half-ass attempt. It must’ve been so lonely in Budapest for you that you just had to fuck somebody else. I totally get it.” Her sarcastic tone finally freeing her most inner thoughts.
“I didn’t have sex with her! Woman, listen to the words I’m saying.”
“Don’t you dare patronize me. Look me in the fucking eyes Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill and tell me what happened.”
“A silly mistake. We had just wrapped and headed out to a local pub down the way. It had this amazing terrace and all I could think is about how much you would’ve enjoyed the view, the architecture of the city. Drinks led to shots and before I knew it, someone pushed me into a bathroom stall. I remember hearing the lock click, Anya tugging at my belt, and not having the restraint to push her away. I closed my eyes and pictured you, I swear it. God woman, I missed you. It wasn’t until I came that I realized it wasn’t you.”
“Did you ever even maybe think about how I get being hundreds of miles away from you? That maybe I was just as lonely. But guess what? I didn’t go to a bar and stick my tongue down anyone’s throat. Jesus, Henry, I’m not even sure I even crossed your mind. Do tell me though; are you apologizing because you got caught or because you feel bad?”
His question left her stunned. This wasn’t how he saw this scenario playing out in his head. Y/N glanced down at the beautiful ring residing on her delicate finger. The one she had forced herself to put on that morning. The diamond ring she once so blindly admired now felt like a ton of bricks forcing her stomach to stir with resentment.
“Filming was chaotic and I just slipped. A fucking lapse in judgement. I’m an asshole Y/N but you must know how much I regret causing you any amount of pain.
“Temptation is an impossible beast to tame. But worry no more for you are a free man now.”
“That isn’t what I want.”
She smirked at him before letting out a loud huff; “Sometimes we don’t always get what we want. In this case, we’re both losers.”
Henry shook his head in disagreement unable to process her words before she spoke again; “Perhaps, somewhere, someday, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.”
“Don’t say that my love. Please give me another chance. We can work through this; I know deep in my bones there is no one else for me in this life.”
“To what Henry? To make a fool out of me once more? To show the world your power of forgiveness?”
“Be rational Y/N. I asked you to fucking marry me for god’s sake. I want you as my wife, to be by my side!”
Her throat dried at his words of admittance. It was still her dream too. When she closed her eyes YN pictured him in a wonderfully fitted tux waiting for her but now he had trampled her trust.
“I, I want to be the last person who ever kisses you… Please, hear me out. I know that sounds weird, like some sort of death threat.” Henry continued to stumble in attempt to find the words his brain was spewing; “This is it for me, darling.”
His words sunk into her encapsulating her very presence. It was everything and more she had craved to hear. But now his pretty words were tinged with guilt and cheapness leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.
“You’re not in love with me, not really, you just love the way I made you feel. And you’ve definitely proved that others can make you feel the same just as easily. Stop playing the victim. You did a shit thing and it kinda makes you a shit person now. The sooner you accept that the easier it will be to comes to terms with your new reality. The one without me in it.”
Before Henry fully processed her words, he suddenly felt an object being placed into his right palm. Her slender fingers atop his before throwing him a pitiful frown. Slowly prying his hand open, the glimmer of the engagement ring laid desolate as blood bombarded his eardrums. After all, how often do we get a second chance?
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Tags: @maggiemoo1892 @thedeadhearted @giveusbackourbucky @elinalfrida @thereisa8ella @henry-cavlll @onlyhenrys @threeminutesoflife @princess-of-riviaa @omgkatinka @littlefreya
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for @mitchellandhighway
or, three times ben said i love you and one time callum heard it
i love you always forever (ao3)
I love you.
Ben had said it a lot, actually. Just, not exactly to Callum’s face. There was an element of vulnerability to it, to say those three words to someone who looked at you as if you had hung the moon and the stars in the sky – and that was a vulnerability that Ben Mitchell, under no circumstances, would show. But he loves Callum, and with that feeling of butterflies and sweetness bubbling over in his stomach, Ben couldn’t help but say those three short yet meaningful words out loud, even if they were to nobody in particular.
1
The first time he spoke the words aloud, Callum had made Ben a cup of morning tea, alongside his cereal. Ben knew that Callum wasn’t a lover of either tea or coffee, and lived up to his sweet nature by the only hot beverage he enjoyed being hot chocolate. Despite this, ever since they had first gotten together, Callum made sure that Ben’s favourite teabags and coffee sachets were always stocked up in the flat, and it made Ben feel instantly at home.
Callum was due at work early that morning, a meeting on the other side of London with another undertakers, yet Callum still gave himself precious time to spend with Ben.
“What did I do to deserve you, eh?” Ben asked from above his mug.
Callum leaned down, put his hand through Ben’s hair, once, twice and then cupped his face, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Must’ve been an angel in a past life.” Callum responded. “Though I’ll believe that when I see it.”
Ben swatted Callum’s thigh, and then pulled him in a for a hug, wrapping his arms around Callum’s legs, his face pressed to his abdomen as Callum rested his hands at the back of Ben’s neck.
“I’ll see you later tonight, alright?” Callum said, causing Ben to look up at him through his eyelashes.
“Call me when you get there.” Ben said. That was their thing now. Always checking if the other one was safe.
“Always.” Callum confirmed and pressed a kiss to the top of Ben’s hair, smiling into his hair. “Been using my shampoo again?”
Ben hummed in response and watched as Callum picked up his bag and walked out of the flat door. He heard footsteps descend for only a few short moments before he smiled to himself and whispered: “I love you.”
2
The second time Ben had said those three words to Callum, he was fast asleep.
Callum had the ability to fall asleep wherever he was, even if he did look uncomfortable. Ben was never surprised when he felt Callum’s head lean on his midway through them watching a film, because it had happened that often now.
This time though, they had spent the whole day together, the rain pouring outside, obscuring the view from the window into a mash up of shapes and colours with no recognisable features. They hadn’t changed out of their pyjamas, Ben wrapped up in one of Callum’s hoodies, and Callum’s arms around him. Ben played aimlessly with Callum’s bare thigh, drawing patterns of swirls and hearts and words onto Callum’s skin. Callum would never admit it for fear of ruining the moment, but his heart completely flipped inside him when he felt Ben write ‘Callum Mitchell’ across his skin.
“One more episode?” Callum asked, putting his lips on Ben’s head, inhaling his scent.
Ben smiled up at him and nodded. “Don’t go falling asleep on me though.” He said. “I actually want you in bed tonight.”
Callum grinned and pressed keep watching.
Ben got his wish. Callum had actually managed to stay awake as long as the show went on, and they had both ended up in bed together. The second Callum’s head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep, his mouth slightly ajar, exhaling warm breaths onto Ben’s skin. His hair was fluffy, pressed to his forehead and Ben knew that it would irritate him in the middle of the night, so with his index finger and thumb, he swiped Callum’s hair back, smiling to himself at Callum’s exposed forehead showing a little furrow between his eyebrows.
“You’re beautiful.” Ben whispered, trying to not wake Callum up. He lightly touched Callum’s cheek, and smiled when Callum instinctively leaned into to the touch. “I love you. I’ll be strong enough to tell you that properly, one day.”
3
Callum was always aware that Ben came as a package deal. He could deal with his family, having been brought up in an equally as chaotic one himself – albeit with significantly less London’s answer to the mafia about them. Callum could handle the Mitchell’s, but the one person he couldn’t handle, was Lexi. The thought of Ben’s little girl terrified him. Not that she was particularly terrifying herself, of course, she was a tiny little girl and Callum was six foot and towering over everyone. But he knew that if Lexi didn’t like him, that would ruin his and Ben’s relationship.
Luckily, it never came to that. Lexi had taken their relationship in her stride, and loved nothing more than waking up in a morning and eating her breakfast with Callum, sitting on his lap whilst the television plays out her favourite show. She started to refer to him as ‘Cal’, and he’d even been given the highest honour of being guest to one of her royal tea parties.
Ben looked on at Callum and Lexi as he picked her up, swinging her around. All three of them had days out together, taking Lexi to different parks, letting her burn off her childish energy by letting her run about on the grass, doing cartwheels and handstands. “Don’t make her sick!” He shouted. “Lo would never forgive us.”
Callum looked back at Ben and grinned, holding his hand out and waiting for Ben to reach him, engulfing his hand, intertwining their fingers together. “Ready to head back?” Callum asked, swinging their connected hands between their bodies, watching Lexi running ahead of them.
“Yeah.” Ben said, resting his head on Callum’s broad shoulder. “Can we get ice cream first?”
Callum smiled. “Suppose I can spare a couple of quid.” He squeezed Ben’s hand and shouted out to Lexi. “Lex! Want some ice cream?”
They barely had to wait for a response, because she stopped what she was doing and started bouncing up and down on the spot, her blonde hair flying all over the place. “Yes please Cal!”
“The princess has spoken.” Callum said softly. “And Lexi.”
Ben’s jaw dropped open in shock, before he laughed in disbelief. “You better start running.”
Callum grinned, pressed a kiss to Ben’s lips and set off running, catching up with Lexi. Ben waited back, his lips tingling from Callum’s touch. He watched as Callum picked Lexi up with ease, placing her on his back. Ben shook his head softly, unable to take his eyes off of the two most important people in his life.
This time, he said it louder. Above a whisper, but nowhere near loud enough for anyone to hear him. “God, I love you so much.”
+ 1
I love you.
It was the early hours when Ben finally admitted it to Callum’s face, the day before his birthday. He’d managed to somehow climb out of bed and find all the presents he’d hidden away, and made a start on wrapping them before Callum had realised that Ben was missing.
I love you.
Ben was deaf. Callum, temporarily blinded with his eyes shut, not wanting to ruin the surprise element of his presents. There was a joke in there, somewhere. “Ain’t nice is it?” Ben asked. “Not knowing what’s going on all the time.”
I love you.
Somehow, Callum’s words always managed to melt Ben. He knew all the right things to say, even if he wasn’t aware of it. “Look, maybe you won’t be like this forever. Hopefully, the operation will work. But you are like this now, Ben. And if your dad don’t want to know, then he don’t deserve you. Because who you are Ben, is amazing. Dealing with all of this is amazing, and you are stronger than him, or Danny, can ever be. And yeah, you are deaf, yeah. And you might always be deaf for the rest of your life, but that is okay. And if your dad can’t be there for that, then I am.”
I love you.
Tears formed in Ben’s eyes at Callum’s words, his bottom lip trembling. In his chest, his heart beat trebled, and Ben was scared that Callum could hear every thump of his heart. Blood rushed to his head, his temples aching, and Ben swore he could hear every word that Callum spoke to him. The thoughts had been swirling around Ben’s brain for months now, and in recent days and weeks he had been thinking of all the ways he could say it. None of his ideas resembled a moment like this, but without connecting his brain to his mouth, the words finally escaped.
“I love you.”
Callum opened his eyes and shared a look at Ben, a look of contentment and love and bewilderment and shock and Callum couldn’t think straight.
Ben had tried to go back on what he said but he couldn’t. Callum reached down and tapped his hand, bringing it back up and pressed fingers to his chest, pointing towards himself. Then both hands pressed to his chest. Then a finger pointed in Ben’s direction. Ben knew what he was saying, of course he did. He’d secretly learned it days ago, and had put it at number three on his list of ways to say those three words to Callum. Ben looked on in shock, despite knowing that Callum loved him. Barely seconds later their lips were interlocked and all Ben’s head was capable of thinking was: I love you and you love me.
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Casey Affleck Gets Philosophical About Life, Time & The Whole Damn Thing
“Time,” reflects Casey Affleck, “is something I have been thinking about lately. It is ironic how the older you get, the better you are at being patient. With less time left, people become better at waiting. But this year, I feel much older and a lot less patient. I guess you’ve got to accept that time is never wasted? That doing is no different than not doing? That you can’t kill time no matter what you do, and that no matter what you do you can’t prevent the opposite from happening either? I don’t know. It’s a double-edged sword.”
It’s a Wednesday afternoon in early January, and Affleck and I are doing the Zoom thing, ostensibly to discuss his two new movies, the recently released indie Our Friend and the upcoming 19th-century period drama The World to Come. Yet our virtual tête-à-tête has become far more interesting, jumping wildly from his love of trains and travel to weightier topics like family, the future and the search for something more, something meaningful.
“I like the idea that time is an illusion. That past, present and future are all happening at once. I like it even though I can’t totally get my head around it. But either way, the me in the mirror gets older every day.”
Like most of us, he’s not only had plenty of time on his hands in recent months, housebound in L.A., but he’s tried to use his downtime wisely. “I tried to use this year of quarantine constructively,” the 45-year-old Oscar winner says. “I tried to see it as a winter season for shutting down and restoring something inside, but I just couldn’t. I’m not that evolved, I guess. I didn’t take up a new hobby or learn an instrument or get better at ‘self-care.’ If anything, I let my better habits and routines fall off. It was all I could do to keep my head above water and help buoy my friends and children when I could.”
As a guy with two teenagers at home — Indiana, 16, and Atticus, 13 — it hasn’t been easy, but he’s doing his best. He tried taking his sons on their annual camping road trip over the summer, but it was short-lived. Instead, he’s been focusing on making a happy home. “My kids don’t get to see their friends a lot, so I’m doing a lot more stuff with them, coming up with activities for the three of us, which they mostly hate, and I mostly let drop. And then I try again with the same outcome 90 percent of the time.”
While trying to create innovative plans to sustain his boys, he came up with one he thought might do some good, too. In June, he launched Stories from Tomorrow, a social-media initiative focused on creative writing by kids.
“At the beginning of all this last March, the first thing that occurred to me was that the quarantine would have a big impact on young people’s emotional well-being — the disruption they’re going to feel is really going to affect their mental health more than anyone else,” he says. “When I would sit down to write creatively, I felt better. But I couldn’t get my sons to journal or do creative writing much. I didn’t want to twist their arms about it. So I was like, ‘I’ll make a social media platform that inspires young people to write creatively, because it is such a good way of working out difficult feelings. And the way I will do that is have well-known people read the kids’ writing publicly.’ I knew that hearing your own writing read was exciting. I thought it would be really inspiring, that creative writing would be a great outlet for kids stuck at home.”
He enlisted some of the biggest names in Hollywood, including Robert Redford, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Jon Hamm, Matthew Broderick, Kyle Chandler and Danny Glover, as well as two current costars, Vanessa Kirby and Jason Segel, and arranged for donations made through the program to go to children’s hunger nonprofit Feeding America and Room to Read, which supports female education. He reached out to schools in Africa, Asia, the Middle East and Haiti, hoping to create a global community.
Affleck was excited to make progress, to have done some good, but the initiative didn’t take off as planned. “In the end, an Instagram account for creative writing by tweens just couldn’t possibly compete with the quintillion bytes of daily data generated online. I don’t know. But I tried! And anyway, since then lots of other organizations started doing basically the same thing, and they are more organized than I am, and they have done a better job. So be it.”
Yet, adults have been disrupted, too, including Affleck himself, who is aware that, relatively speaking, he has gotten through mostly unscathed. “Am I happy? I mean, I’m relatively okay. It’s been a hard time to find balance and to keep it. I would say it’s been a hard time in my life, but I know that it’s been harder for other folks. So far we haven’t lost anyone, and we haven’t lost our house. And I rediscovered that when you’re feeling bad, there’s nothing better to do than to try to help other people. Being of service not only helps others but is a great way of getting outside of yourself. Also — and I really believe this — I think this time will be remembered as one when our country made leaps and bounds in the right direction; we are changing and growing and it’s uncomfortable, but we will be much, much better. I wish I could see the next couple hundred years. It’s going to be amazing.”
At the end of the day, it’s family that’s keeping him going. “Having my kids around and being able to spend so much time with them has been amazing. It is the brightest silver lining in all of this. They are what gives me the most joy. They are funny and smart and interesting and interested. They are just the best company ever,” he says. “Anytime I try to parent out some ‘teaching moment,’ I find they are two steps ahead. They help me make sense of stuff just as much I help them, if not more. I don’t have any answers, but batting the questions around, back and forth, is a good way of coping.”
CALEB CASEY MCGUIRE AFFLECK-BOLDT feels he is luckier than most. Although he and many of his peers have gone jobless for a full year, he spent 2019 working hard. He had not one but three films done and dusted prior to the start of the pandemic; the last one wrapped a week before mandatory quarantine. Two of these have back-to-back release dates: the tearjerker indie Our Friend came out in January, and sweeping period drama The World to Come will be released February 12. Thriller Every Breath You Take is slated for later this year. “I am so, so, so glad I spent 2019 working that much. It is what kept us afloat all through 2020,” he says.
The films themselves are radically different, but there are a few common threads. In both of his winter releases, Affleck plays a man who has lost a family member and whose marriage is in shambles. In both, he is a man in pain.
In the LGBTQ masterpiece The World to Come, which revolves around the love that blossoms between two married women on the mid-19th-century American frontier, his character, Dyer, says very little but manages to convey a wealth of emotion with his eyes alone. He may seem stoic, but he is suffering.
“The World to Come is a story about a couple who have lost a baby. They’re dealing with the grief in totally different ways and having a very hard time coming together again,” he explains. “My character wants to heal that by having another, but his wife [played by Katherine Waterson] is coping in a different way. She is severing all emotional attachment to him because it triggers more and more grief. She [only] seems to come alive when she is with their neighbor, a woman on the next farm [played by Vanessa Kirby]. He wants his wife happy, but he also would like her to love him. To me, this is the story of how couples can have their relationship shattered by a sudden loss. And it’s definitely a beautiful story about two women who feel that they have to hide their love and find the courage to love each other anyway.”
Affleck likes layers. He himself has many, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s drawn to roles written as fully formed characters, not caricatures. With Dyer, that’s abundantly clear. “Crisis is fun to play, [and Dyer] is in an interesting crisis,” he says. “I think he’s a really good person — a really decent, solid, loving person — which is what I loved so much about playing him and what I love so much about the writing. It’s more interesting when there’s no bad guy, just a conflict of circumstances and feelings that get so complicated that it drives two people apart.”
In Our Friend, a different set of circumstances drives the leads apart. Affleck and Dakota Johnson take on the true story of Matthew and Nicole Teague, whose imperfect marriage was strained by his long absences and her affair, neither of which seem at all important when she’s diagnosed with terminal cancer.
“To me, Our Friend is really a story about how petty grievances between people can divide them and then be forgotten when a gigantic tragedy is dropped in their laps. [Matthew] was wronged, it’s true — his wife cheated on him. On the other hand, he wronged her in a bunch of ways; [they] were just more passive and not quite so salacious. He wasn’t around. Matt got to be a dad and he got to travel the world as a journalist. He left her to take care of the kids. She wanted to have a life too, she had dreams of her own — she wanted to be a singer, she wanted to work — but she didn’t get to do that. She just got to be a mom. She was left holding the bag, and it wasn’t fair.”
He spent a fair amount of time immersing himself in the journalist’s life while filming in Fairhope, Ala., in 2019. (The film’s title is taken from Teague’s award-winning Esquire essay, “The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word.” The friend in question — played by Jason Segel — is a man who puts his life on hold to help the family during their darkest days.) But he did not become Matt Teague, which is an important distinction. “[Director] Gabriella Cowperthwaite asked that we not portray the personality traits of the real people. No accents, no mannerisms. [But] I did steal his style, because I had never seen someone nail the dad look any better than Matt. I say that with affection.”
As for the dreams Nicole gave up for her family, Affleck says, “If you were to ask Matt, I’m sure he would acknowledge that he was neglecting his role. He was neglecting her dreams, and that is a part of marriage, supporting what the other person wants. Like all relationships, it was complicated.”
Like life itself, really. This is why he can identify with both sides. He understands Nicole’s pain about the deference of her dreams as well as Matt’s desire to escape through travel — especially now, when Affleck himself has been completely grounded. Since the age of 17 he’s taken 20 cross-country road trips. His love of driving is secondary only to his enthusiasm for trains: Amtrak is his jam. He even fantasizes about owning his own train car one day.
Immersing himself in each location — whether it’s the sleepy Alabama town of Fairhope or the more exotic locale of Romania, which served as a stand-in for the East Coast of the U.S. in The World to Come — is actually one of the most desirable parts of the acting life, he says. “One of the things I love about working as an actor is that you go to some brand-new place and the community invites you in in a way that they don’t usually if you’re a tourist,” he confides. “You get to see what it’s like to really be there and imagine yourself living there.”
And he has — over the past ten years he’s spent so much time in cities including his hometown of Boston; Vancouver, British Columbia, the location of Light of My Life; Atlanta, where he shot the 2016 action flick Triple 9; Argentina, where he made Gerry; Dallas, for A Ghost Story; Calgary, Alberta, where much of the epic western The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was filmed; Our Friend’s Fairhope set; Cincinnati, for The Old Man and the Gun; and Braddock, Pa., where he filmed the 2013 drama Out of the Furnace. “I have loved moving in and settling down and living a character’s life and then moving on. But I feel most at home in places that are struggling to get by. It reminds me of the neighborhood I grew up in. I feel lighter in those places, more relaxed. I feel like myself. I fit in.”
For him, the where is almost as important as the who — immersing himself in the place is imperative to understanding his character. This is part of what makes him such an accomplished actor — he and most of the parts he plays merge. I draw a crappy analogy about how the characters are like a coat, which he very obligingly works with. “You have to build the coat from all of the scraps and pieces of yourself; all these characters are made up of little pieces of me,” he says, noting, “Obviously, sometimes they can’t be. Sometimes I have no connection whatsoever, and those are the jobs I look back on and I either feel nothing for, or worse. But sometimes you have to take the job that is available, like most people in the world. You know? I don’t think my dad wanted to be a janitor. But he did it.”
He’s won an Oscar, a BAFTA, a Critics’ Choice Award, a Golden Globe and an Independent Spirit Award, among others, and appeared in films that run the gamut from box-office juggernauts like the Ocean’s 11 franchise and Tower Heist to indie darlings like brother Ben’s directorial debut Gone Baby Gone and Manchester by the Sea. He has even written and directed, most recently 2019’s Light of My Life, a bizarrely prescient movie about raising children in a pandemic. At this point in his career, he should have his pick of parts. “Not really,” he says. “There are a lot of people out there who have done good work, who are driven, and who have something to share. I have never been someone studios embraced as a ‘movie star,’ never knighted. I have always had to fight for the parts I have gotten. And you know what? That’s fine. Let me fight. It’s how I cut my teeth, and it is how I will keep them sharp. You can’t ask for more than a chance to be in the ring. Also, movies and TV aren’t all I care about. Sometimes I think, ‘Well, jeez, I have to work, and there are two jobs available to me, and the one that isn’t as good is the one that is close to home and I can see the kids, so I guess I am doing that.’ I love movies and really try hard to make them good. I really bust my ass every day when I get the chance to make one. I care more about my family than any movie. It’s not [always] the job I love, but this is the reality of my life. But maybe life will be long enough for a few more chapters.
The forward momentum of his future is an interesting topic. At the moment, he isn’t so much planning for the future as he is exploring it, because Affleck is not someone who likes to live with regret.
“I guess [at the end of the day], regret should be reframed as a reminder to be different,” he observes. And so, with this in mind, he embarked on a personal journey several years ago and decided to go back to college (at the Simon Fraser University in British Columbia). He had completed two years at Columbia University, but he never graduated — his film career kept getting in the way.
“I went back to school because I hadn’t finished, and I wanted to think about new things in a way that school can help you do,” he says. “I couldn’t go in person, so I found a strong online school and got started. You know, I’m 45, and I just thought, ’This is halftime. This is where you hit the locker room and think about how you want the rest of the game to go.’ You know what I mean? Like, ‘Okay, we went out, we played our best, we didn’t know what the other team was going to be like, we made some mistakes, we are in the game, so let’s adjust like this.’ Also, I’m not sure I want to be an actor forever. I had made a small pivot from acting into directing, and into producing more. And I like to direct movies. The most satisfying creative experience I’ve had in a long time was being a director. But ultimately it wasn’t quite enough. So I wanted to go study some of the things I was interested in. I wanted to do more with my life.”
Although he needed general credits to graduate, he found an unexpected passion for juvenile justice along the way, with a particular focus on alternative accountability programs. “I don’t know where this will lead me, or why I am so interested in it, but finding and implementing better systems for addressing harm and conflict among kids, adults too, but mostly young people, is something I care about. And the work that I have done so far has been fascinating and deeply rewarding.”
When I ask if this stems from his own experiences as a troubled kid growing up in Cambridge, Mass., with Christine, a single mom — his parents divorced when he was 9; his father, Timothy, an alcoholic tradesman, checked into a rehab facility in Indio, Calif., when Affleck was just 14 — he muses thoughtfully, “I love my parents and think they both did the very best they could and cared a lot. Period. Did I get into some trouble as a teenager? I got into some trouble when I was a kid, and I struggled a lot through high school with depression and substances, yes. Much of it I didn’t even know wasn’t normal. I don’t know if I was ‘troubled.’ Either way, as an adult, I’ve come to see that, regardless of how I compare to anyone else, I want less conflict in my life. That might be part of the reason why I’ve been so interested in learning about better ways of resolving conflicts, both with children and with grown-ups. It isn’t something they teach in school for some reason. Man, there is a lot they don’t teach you in school, huh? A lot you’ve got to learn on your own.”
And on this journey, mistakes will be made. That’s par for the course, and Affleck is no exception. “I have made so many mistakes, but life is the time for mistakes. I do believe people should hold themselves accountable and repair harm they have caused. That is important to me, and I try hard to do that whenever it is called for: apologize for mistakes and repair them,” he admits.
This is when our conversation, as such conversations are wont to do, comes full circle. Before we say goodbye, Affleck remarks, “You know, I heard Bono talking on Howard Stern’s show, and he said something about Frank Sinatra that was interesting. He said that he heard two versions of Frank singing ‘My Way.’ One version was recorded when Frank was young, and the other version was recorded when Frank was old. Each had the exact same words, same arrangement, same everything. But when Frank was young the line ‘I did it my way’ sounded proud, and when Frank was old it sounded humble. Whatever else time does to a person, I think it also does that.”
[source]
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Nicknames
Masterlist
x female reader
Ever since she met Steve mcgarret her life had changed. Almost a year ago she transferred from her job as a detective in California to the HPD. She had helped 5-0 on several cases before Steve asked her to jump ship at HPD to be on his team. While the prospect of immunity and means and a swanky office were incredibly inticing it was the handsome man standing in front of her with a smirk that could end a world war that made it pretty impossible to say no. While she prided herself on not getting swept away by a nice smile and intense eyes. There was a first for everything.
When she started with 5-0 she quickly noticed that the team was like a family, and she was happy to be a part of it. She also noticed that the handsome commander was going through something, she managed to deduce (or ask Danny) that he had his heart broken by a woman named Catherine.
Over the next 6 months Y/N and Steve began to gravitate towards each other. Steve would partner her up with him when Danny was away, they would stand closer and closer to each other while watching jerry run down a case on the screen, when it was time for paper work Y/N would end up working on the couch in Steve’s office or vis virsa. Danny noticed of course and kept quiet as long as he could. To Y/N at least, he had been encouraging Steve to make a move for months now but knew he just had to wait the both of them out.
One morning while working on a case Steve had pulled a chair up to Y/N’s desk to work through an idea he had with her. They had a classic hallmark movie moment when he went to hand her a paper and their hands touched. Their eyes locked and she was waiting for him to make a stupid excuse to move away from her. Instead he cleared his throat and said “y/n I know this might be a leap but I really like hanging out with you, will you go out with me tonight? Or we could stay in and watch a movie? I’ll cook for you!” Y/n was taken aback for a second but lucky for her she was quick on her feet. “Handsome, strong, and you cook but still nervous to ask a girl out huh?” She replied, earning a throaty chuckle from Steve. “I’d love to have a stay in date with you tonight. What are you gonna cook for me?” “It’s a surprise” Steve said with a smirk wiggling his eye brows causing y/n to laugh.
After solving the case and finishing up paper work the team called it a day early .Steve stopped off at y/n’s office to “pick her up” for their date when they saw an awkward Danny standing in the doorway. “Uhhh Steve... Catherine is here she uh she’s asking for you” Steve’s face paled at her name. “Uh alright let’s go see what’s up shall we?” He asked motioning for her and Danny to come with him. Y/n and Danny exchanged worried looks as Steve turned to walk out the door. “Catherine, Catherine? Like broke Steve’s heart and stomped on it Catherine?” She whispered to Danny as she walked by “That’d be the one.” He replied
They walked out to the main room. Her stomach dropped at the sight of the beautiful woman, she assumed was Catherine standing in front of her! “Steve!” She whispered as she ran to hug him. Steve hesitated for a moment before hugging her back. Y/n knew then that the course of the evening had just changed from “1st date” to “catching up with ex girlfriend who broke your heart” and she had no idea where that left her.
Catherine had explained that a man she had been after for months with the CIA had just fled to the island and she needed the help of 5-0. Y/n didn’t miss the glances Catherine was stealing as Steve gave out the orders. She couldn’t blame her... she’d been in a meaningful relationship that had ended when she had been promoted to detective in her precinct in California and knew there would always be feelings there. However she also knew that Catherine was looking longingly at the man she had been falling for for the past year and that man had finally asked her on a date before she waltzed back into his life and she wasn’t taking it too kindly!
The team had all been given their orders and where about to split up. Kathrine was paired with Steve, y/n with Danny. Y/n knew as the person with the most intel and the leader of the team that it was logical for Catherine and Steve to be paired up but that didn’t sway the anger she felt welling up inside her.
Y/n finished putting on her vest and went to walk towards the door when Steve grabbed her arm gently. He gave her a long sweet kiss on the cheek and said with a smile. “This doesn’t change our plans okay sweetheart? It just alters the timing a little, I’m really sorry about this.” Y/n couldn’t help giant smile or the feeling in her chest, not only at what Steve said or the kiss but also the nickname he used for her. While this eased her worry she still couldn’t shake the feeling in her stomach as she watched how easily Catherine and Steve slipped right back into working side by side.
This feeling lasted through out the whole mission. Especially after Catherine’s reaction to Steve getting punched by the suspect as he put him In the HPD cruiser. Catherine had his face in her hands assessing the bruise and y/n watched as she leaned in whispering to him . She quickly turned on her heal to take her seat in Danny’s car as she told him to drive. Danny of course noticed how quiet the usually quippy y/n was on the ride home, and assumed he knew the reason, but waited for her to bring it up on her own.
After watching her mope as she finished her paper work, Danny had finally had enough. He walked into y/n’s office and said. “Alright y/n/n we talking about this or what?” “I was pleasantly surprised at how long you left me with out the interrogation” She answered as Danny laughed sitting down on the chair across from her. “Y/n I saw the exchange with Steve today before we left. I know my boy and he has it bad. I have spent months berating him to finally make his move with you and in classic Steve nature he has the worst timing.” Danny says “ I don’t know Danny I know we have feelings for each other but now that she’s back maybe I should just take a step back” “y/n there is no way in hell i’m letting you do that with out a fight, I’ve put a lot into this relationship.” “I know man ... but I I can’t go through this again.” She catches herself off guard as she gets chocked up. “ I know I haven’t shared much about that part of my life but let’s just say I’ve been pushed to the back burner a lot in the past and Danny I can’t accept being second best with him. I just can’t.”“y/n listen to me...” Danny says before you cut him off”.
“I’ll never be able to compete with Catherine !” She says while blinking back tears. “There is no competition y/n” she turns to the deep voice she hears behind her and is faced by a serious Steve. Danny squeezes her arm in support as he leaves. She wipes her stray tears as she turns to face Steve.
“Come on you’re Steve mcgarret everything’s a competition in your world!” She says trying to ease the tension she feels. “Not when it comes to you!” Steve says looking her straight in the eye. “Steve we don’t have to talk about this. We can just go back to the way we were yesterday no harm no foul.” she says trying but failing to be convincing. “Y/n I don’t want that. I told you none of this changes our plans. I have been trying to ask you out for months” He chuckles but still has a serious look on his face. “I know Steve but Catherine is back now and she said herself she might stay and I know how it is with exes I just I... I can’t compete.” She says and calmly as she can, which isn’t very calm at this point. “Y/n I told you...theres no competition”
“I know you only just asked me on a first date but we work together Steve, and you’re my best friend on this island, so I wouldn’t have said yes to tonight if I didn’t see a future relationship with you and I know you’ve probably been debating this in your head for months before asking me out.” She says “You talked to Danny didn’t you” Steve said. Y/n chuckles but looks down at her feet in thought again as Steve says “But you’re right I’ve thought this through and I see a future with you y/n. And believe me when I say there is NO competition here” He says pushing a stray hair behind her ear.
“Steve” She says in almost a whisper “You almost married her! You’re always going to love her and I get that I do... but there is no way I measure up to her...” y/n looks down at her shoes “and I just, I’ve always been second best and I don’t think I can take being that to you.” Steve took her hands in his and swooped his head down to meet her eyes with his.
“Y/n... yes I loved Catherine , yes I was going to propose and when she left it crushed me. But sweetheart, I survived!...” “You survive everything” y/n huffs under her breath with a half chuckle. “But that’s the thing though darlin’...” Steve says in a serious voice “after Catherine , I never thought I’d feel that way again... and then you came into my life and I felt something totally different, that I have never felt before and I know we haven’t even been on a real date yet but honestly if I lost you... I don’t think I would survive.” Steve says and while his words were confident she hears the crack in his voice and notices the way his eyes are now on their feet rather than meeting hers.
She doesn’t know what to say... did the great Steve Mcgarrett just admit he wasn’t invincible? Did he just say losing her would be what brought him down? The usually sceptical y/n found her self confident in the man standing in front of her. She smiled as she took a hand out of his to tilt his chin up to look her in the eye. “I’m sorry did you just admit there is something in this world you can’t use your ninja stills to beat?” Y/n says with a chuckle Steve smiles moving his free hand to cup her cheek. “Y/n there are a lot of things I never thought I’d admit but there’s this sneaky thing about you that makes me wanna tell you everything” Steve says as he strokes her cheek.
“Yeah you have that about you too... but your secret is definitely that cute little smirk, it’s like my kryptonite! And don’t even get me started on those nicknames! Y/n laughs. “You noticed that huh?l” Steve asks smirking “Noticed it? It took all I had not to kiss you every time you said it” “hmm I’ll have to remember that” Steve smirks.
Steve looks at her a bit more seriously “but y/n I don’t want you to go into this with doubts” “Steve I trust you, I do and I believe you when you say I’m not your second choice. And I know that if the roles were reversed and my ex came waltzing in here we’d be having a very similar conversation and I’d hope you’d believe that I choose you too.”
Steve laughs as he says “If your ex walked through that door there’d be a lot more punching.” He says pointing to the door “I have much less self control than you.” Y/n laughs as she leans into Steve’s hand still stroking her cheek “you feel that strongly about me huh babe?”
Steve smiles “I sure do” Steve chuckles “babe huh? I like it” “Oh yeah?” Y/n asks. “Yeah sweetheart, I do” Steve smirks. “I told you what that nickname makes me want to do” she laughs. “Oh I remember” Steve says leaning closer. Y/n leans in closing the gap between them. Steve’s other hand moves to y/n’s neck pulling her in Slightly. Y/n’s hands travel to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. The kiss is sweet but not lacking heat after waiting so long.
They pull apart both smiling. Steve takes y/n’s hand in his “Ready for that date I promised you sweetheart?” y/n smiles. “More than ready Babe”
They walk out of y/n’s office hand in hand past a cheering Danny on the way to their first of many dates.
Not my gifs!!!
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Affinity - Ch. 20 (10.20)
Friends, this show is killing me. For your angsting pleasure, below please find chapter 20 of my coda series. As I was writing this a line from a Robert Frost poem lodged itself in my brain, so I had Steve think of it too. (”As dawn goes down to day / Nothing gold can stay.”) I feel like it may be the epitaph for Season 10 (probably should have saved it for the title of another fic... come to think of it, I still can...)
Affinity - McDanno, A03
Chapter 20
Steve walks past the fountains and sparkling infinity pool, weaving his way through the strategically placed lounge chairs until he gets to the beach. The Four Seasons Resort on Maui is an unusually ritzy location for Danny to choose for a spring break trip, but he got some kind of amazing deal and has been looking forward to spending this time with his kids for weeks.
Steve had been touched when Danny insisted that he come along too. At the same time, he was wary of impinging on Danny’s limited family time, and a little hesitant to take off the same week as Danny when they were trying to keep their relationship quiet. They had finally agreed that Steve would join them for the weekend, and so here he is, in his swim trunks and slippahs, gazing across the sand in search of his partner.
He hasn’t been looking for long when he hears a squeal, followed immediately by an armful of young boy.
“Uncle Steve!” Charlie exclaims. “You’re here! Come swim with me!”
Steve promises that he will, then slings the boy upside down over his shoulder and proceeds down the beach, much to Charlie’s amusement.
He finally sees Danny and Grace, sharing a large beach blanket. Grace spots him and smiles, standing up and coming over to give him a big hug as he slides Charlie back to the ground.
“You look great,” Steve says, and Grace gives him a sassy smile. She’s so grown up, he thinks, but keeps it to himself – he remembers how he hated when people said that to him, as if it was some remarkable observation. But she has, and it makes his heart ache just a little. It’s been a long time since Grace was the one to run up to him and grab him by the hand, demanding that he get in the water and play with her.
Grace seems to see something in his expression that gives her pause, and she grabs Charlie by the arm and tugs him towards the water. “Come on, kiddo,” she says, “get your body board, I’ll go in with you. Steve can’t go swimming yet, he hasn’t put any sunscreen on.”
Charlie looks at Steve wide-eyed, as if he’s committed a felony, and Steve nods. “I need a few minutes to get ready,” he says solemnly. He winks a thank-you to Grace as the kids race off together towards the surf.
Children out of the way, Steve finally sinks down on the beach blanket next to Danny. It’s some kind of thin colorful fabric, like the parachute pants from the 80’s, and it feels nice on his bare feet.
Danny is stretched out on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms, showing off his deltoids and triceps. Steve could look at him all day, broad shoulders narrowing into a trim waist, a sliver of whiter skin showing just above the waistline of his black swim trunks.
Danny’s eyes are closed, but there’s a small smile dancing around his mouth. A moment after Steve settles next to him Danny opens his eyes and his smile broadens, stretching his face.
“Hey there,” Danny says, reaching out to pet at Steve’s arm. “’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” Steve sits cross-legged, setting his backpack down and letting out a long breath. “It was an easy trip over. Quick flight.”
“Good.” Danny shifts to his side, propping his head up on an elbow. Steve can feel Danny studying him as he looks out over the water.
“Steve, you okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” Steve replies automatically. He’s not, not really, and he knows it. He’s pretty sure Danny knows it too, even though he’s barely been here a minute.
It’s not as if he doesn’t want to confide in Danny. It’s just the opposite. It’s all threatening to spill out, and he doesn’t know how to control it. Steve can’t stop thinking about the call he got last night, right when he was deep in painful memories of his father, hiding out in the garage and playing that tape. The unexpected call from the lawyer was a stinging confirmation of how much he still doesn’t know about his parents, and will probably never know.
After he hung up on the lawyer, Steve had braced himself on the work bench and narrowly avoided hyperventilating, focusing on his breathing and the feel of the wood under his fingers until he calmed down. Then he packed up the tool box and went back into his house, accepting a beer from Adam and ribbing Hirsch and generally pretending that nothing had happened.
He thinks he did a pretty good job of it. He’s had a lot of practice. But he can never hide this kind of thing from Danny, at least not for long.
Danny reaches up to grab at the collar of Steve’s t-shirt, tugging him closer. “Lay down,” he says. “Relax.” Danny’s brow is creased with concern. Yup, he’s not buying it.
Steve stretches out on his side, mirroring Danny’s position, and runs a hand over Danny’s head. His hair is sticky with salt, and Danny makes a face. “Cut it out.”
“You’re cute when you’re sunburned,” Steve says, hoping to lighten the mood.
“I’m not sunburned,” Danny replies, gazing down over his bare chest and arms. “Too much fur.”
“It’s a protective coating,” Steve says, touching the soft hair on Danny’s chest. “Lucky you. Your face, on the other hand-”
“My face is fine,” Danny says, grinning. “Your face, though – different story. I can’t stand your face. Hate it.”
“Oh yeah?” Steve says, moving closer. “You sure?”
“Definitely.” Danny leans in and kisses Steve lightly, just a touch of his lips to Steve’s. “Awful. The worst. Don’t want to be anywhere near it.”
They kiss for a few minutes, cognizant of the fact that while the beach isn’t particularly crowded at a luxury resort like this, it isn’t private, either. But it’s enough physical contact to ground Steve, to soothe him. When they break apart, he feels like he can breathe again.
They spend the afternoon alternating between swimming with the kids and lazing around on the beach, and it’s perfect. Steve gets to ogle Danny’s broad chest and strong arms as he carries Charlie on his shoulders through the waves, Grace declining to participate in the chicken fight but chiming in with rules they make up on the spot for their lopsided challenge. He pulls his phone out of his backpack only to snap photos of Danny and Grace strolling along the water’s edge, or Charlie making sandcastles. He does not think about work, or mortality, or Doris. Much.
They order food from the beach side café, poke bowls for Grace and Steve and chicken wings and fries for Danny and Charlie, and eat it on their beach blanket, rinsing their hands clean in the ocean when they’re done. Steve and Danny drink beer and tease Grace about how she’s still too young to drink (she is, although as she’s at college now she just rolls her eyes at them when they refuse her a beer).
Charlie begs for ice cream and so Steve goes back up to the café to get them each a double scoop of gelato.
The sun is just starting to set, a breeze making Steve’s skin ripple with goosebumps, when Grace stands up and gathers her things. “Sorry we have to go,” she says. “Charlie and I have plans.”
“It’s Avengers movie night,” Charlie explains. “Danno won’t watch them anymore, he says he’s mad about Endgame.”
Steve raises an eyebrow at Danny, and Danny just shakes his head. “We’ve been over this. The time travel plot makes no sense, it wouldn’t work that way, and getting Cap back together with Peggy is completely out of character-”
“I don’t like that they killed Iron Man,” Charlie says. “But it’s still my favorite movie ever.”
Charlie and Grace give them both hugs, and Danny tells Grace not to let Charlie stay up too late, which just earns him eye rolls from both siblings, and then the kids say goodnight and traipse off towards the hotel.
“I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one that has to listen to your Marvel rants,” Steve says, laying down on the blanket, hands behind his head.
“It was a stupid ending. They sidelined Bucky and went full no homo in pairing Cap up with Peggy. And Charlie’s right, there was no need to kill a main character just for dramatic effect. It was a stupid way to end the arc. An insult to the fans.”
“It’s just a story,” Steve says.
“Stories have meaning,” Danny replies. “Representation matters.” Danny gives Steve what is likely meant to be a meaningful look, and Steve laughs.
“You’re a Stucky fan, aren’t you?” Steve asks, and he watches as Danny’s face goes slightly red.
“Obviously.”
“I miss Jerry,” Steve says. It’s not a non sequitur, and Danny gets it. Jerry was their enthusiastic guide to all thinks comic book related, and they had spent many an evening watching movies and arguing about their favorite characters. Danny can fly his freak flag high with the rest of them given enough beer.
“Me too.”
Having Jerry leave the team had hurt almost as much as losing Chin and Kono. A long forgotten line pops into his head, a remnant from something he had to read in junior high English class. So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.
Steve sighs and closes his eyes, beating back the sudden urge to cry. His emotions are all over the place lately. He’s got to get a hold of himself.
They lie in silence for a little while, listening to the echo of live music now coming from the pool area. It’s a traditional Hawaiian band, with a female singer singing a romantic song about a lei of stars.
Danny’s hand slides over to Steve, and Steve pulls his arm out from under his head and takes Danny’s hand, their arms warm as they press together. The sun has almost set, and the sky is streaked with pink and orange light.
“This was a great day,” Steve says quietly. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Danny makes a soft noise in his throat. “Of course. I wish you had come for the whole week.”
Steve wishes with all his heart that he could have been with Danny and the kids for the whole week, but he still believes he did what was best. He doesn’t like how Danny sounds a little hurt, though. That’s not at all what he had intended.
“I’m sorry, Danny. I just… I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
Steve can feel Danny turning to look at him, but he can’t look back, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the sky. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Can you try?”
Steve shakes his head. Danny’s kids are ‘ohana, they are part of his family. But he’s still just their uncle, not their dad. Danny will always have a connection with them, a legal bond with them, but it’s different for Steve. He doesn’t have any right to them. He can’t keep them with him any more than he can keep Danny.
Danny, who is looking at him with such concern that it makes him want to cry all over again. Or run away, go back to Oahu and sit in the dark by himself, waiting to see what new heartache Doris is about to put him through. He has no idea what’s in the package the lawyer is bringing him, but he is sure it isn’t anything good. Nothing about Doris ever is, in the end, no matter how hard Steve tries.
“I love you,” Danny whispers, turning to wrap his arms around Steve. “I love you. I’m right here.”
Steve lets Danny pull him in, curling up against him as the sky goes dark and the stars come out. He’ll tell him soon, about the phone call and the package from Doris, and Danny will scowl and curse and stomp around, upset on his behalf and upset at feeling helpless to do anything about it. But for now, Steve just wants to focus on being close to Danny for a little while more. Right now it’s just the two of them, no one else. He wishes it could always be this way.
“I love you too,” Steve says under his breath, knowing Danny can hear it. He tightens his arms around Danny, inhales the warm scent of his skin, and tries to let Danny’s love fill his empty spaces.
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So i’m back on my bullshit soulmate AUs and I’m thinking of the common ‘names of your soulmates on skin’ thing
And I was idly thinking of Jon/Elias, as one does, and I was like “awkward for Jon to realize his soulmate is his boss” and then I thought about the elias is jonah theory and i just
“awkward to realize your soulmate is the apparently dead founder of the institute you work at and are trapped in”
(Jon’s soulmates are obviously: Georgie, ‘Jonah’, Martin and Gerry.)
(Tim’s were Danny and Sasha, so you can imagine the horror here)
(Elias’ is Peter and Jon and, oh, Smirke. How delightful that’d be.)
(Sasha’s were Tim, Michael -- but it appeared as Helen, or just blurred lines sometimes -- and maybe another dear friend she had outside of the institute)
(Melanie’s was her dad, and Georgie)
(Basira’s obviously Daisy, and maybe a member of her family as well)
(Daisy’s Basira, and I want to say that maybe sometimes soulmates appear on your wrist at random late in the game and daisy and jon are ALSO soulmates but i also love the idea that soulmates isn’t just the only way to create huge meaningful relationships, so, NOT Jon.)
Daisy and Martin actually get along because they both only got one name on their wrist, which is rare, I’ve just decided. It’s well-known that people have multiple soulmates in their lives (and well-known that having a soulmate doesn’t mean it’s romantic necessarily) (though well, if they’re not family and they’re someone from a different gender than you, people are going to make assumptions because of course they will)
but Daisy’s only got Basira, and Martin’s only got Jon.
(okay probably all archives people had other soulmates not from the work place -- again apart daisy and martin --- but just, we don’t enough for me to speculate more)
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how was the finale fam? what is our status, tell me everything
You always make my whole week with your asks @gottaboldlygo
McDanno Review H50 – 9.25
Okay, honestly, I was so churned up by the way Lenkov answered these questions in that interview that I really embraced myself for a hard impact. So, I frantically scrolled through my Twitter to get the latest news on the season finale as soon as it was aired. I got all the info and I knew what I could expect. So, uhm, this impact never came. But still, I needed some time to muse over each scene to calm down enough to get my words into a coherent state.
My gorgeous friend, @gottaboldlygo you always make me grin goofily when I read your ask. And I always feel treasured that you want to read my take on the last episode. I gladly obey. I hope it makes some sense. I could easily fall in love with the way you ask me. Seriously, so seductive. Even if you didn't want to make it sound like that. It has a special effect.
So, Whassup? Howzit?
I plunge right into my fandom heaven!
GUYS! I NEED TO SCREAM BECAUSE THERE'S SUCH A RESEMBLANCE TO SEASON ONE! DID YOU FEEL THAT, TOO! OhMygoD!!!
Okay, get this. Jesus! Do you remember the ending of season 1?
There was Danny, getting back together with Rachel, too. At least he tried. But Steve got arrested when Wo Fat overpowered him, making it look like he killed the Governor. Danny made a decision in a split second and no way he could leave Steve. He never wanted to but he ended up with Rachel again. And the tides turned again. The shit hit the fan for Danny relationship wise and it got him on a painful, heart-wrenching trip. We all know that. Charlie was a result of the time he spent together with Rachel.
But Danny stayed with Steve because Steve, guys, Steve is Danny's universe. It was from the get-go. The only difference here is that Danny never actually told Steve anything about his plans with Rachel, time issues and such. And of course, Danny also knew Steve wouldn't approve. Steve never asked for any decisions. Danny made up his mind because Steve held his heart in his hands. And Danny just ended up with Rachel because of his yearning of having an intact, well-functioning family he could take care after. And they were young and Danny is shy when it comes to approaching the one and only, he really loves.
And here we are at the end of season 9 and history repeats itself. There's Danny, again hooking up with Rachel and spending time with her, not telling Steve. No, he actually lied to him, blunt and born from a hunch that Steve wouldn't agree on the fact that he tried to get back with Rachel. Because it doesn't make any sense!
And again, there's an ugly twist in the actions. From zero to hundred in a split second everything turns again. We don't know who's got shot at the end of the season but the uttered words from Danny: "Oh my God!" were clearly audible as the last sentence from this season. And if anything might happen to Steve, I'd sell my soul that Danny is going to stay by Steve's side, come what may because Danny loves Steve, is in love with Steve, wholeheartedly. And he would once again turn his back on Rachel to be there for Steve. I just hope Danny's wise enough to use condoms this time. He's such a moron sometimes. But Steve loves him. Damn, he does.
So, that’s the resemblance between those season endings. Quite interesting.
Danny hasn't told Steve what's going on with Rachel. Steve has asked many times after Grace's accident if there's something up between him and Rachel. So far, Danny has denied any affair, any love interest. Because he's afraid of Steve's reaction. Because Danny isn't sure either! It's not a healthy ground he walks on with Rachel.
Danny has a funny way to cope with tension and with telling the truth when he knows it's going to hurt someone else. Or when he knows it's not the right thing to do!
Danny behaves secretively. He tries to brush off Steve's curious questions and…man…I had to laugh. Steve sees right through Danny attempt to hide it from him. Steve knows Danny and he knows that there's something going on with him and Rachel. He toys with Danny just to test the waters if Danny's willing to share. Steve's actually amused. I never got the feeling that he feels threatened by what's happening between Rachel and Danny. It's just like Danny can't really face the fact that he and Rachel are history. Nothing to prove there. And Steve reads Danny's fake attempts to act cool. I mean the way Steve didn't let go of that phone call and just tells Danny right in the face that he knows Rachel's on the phone. God, this made me laugh.
For sure Danny sat at his desk afterward and he knew he had to be honest with Steve. So, he tells him later that day and even then, Danny can't admit that he lied to Steve. And Steve teases him, goes easy on him but the way Steve's smiling during the whole scene shows that he can't take anything seriously. Rachel and Danny? It's just a big joke to him and at that point, I guess, Steve also has learned one lesson: Danny has to get burnt twice to finally understand that Rachel isn't it.
And let's be honest here. Danny isn't convinced that he does the right thing. He knows, he fucking knows, that this is bullshit but it seems he can't stop himself from falling deeper into this shit hole. He can't end a relationship. The same happened with Melissa. He knew there was something wrong. He couldn't even tell her that he loved her because he didn't. But he just kept being with her until he didn't
And another VERY INTERESTING FACT is, that Danny MADE HOLIDAYS WITH RACHEL IN HAWAII. Huh? What does this prove? Ah, so many signs that this won't work. And whenever Steve forces Danny to talk about Rachel, Danny squirms, he deflects, he brushes everything off. He hides. Damn, he behaves so funny because he knows it's wrong! Period!
Danny has a serious case of eleventh-hour panic. Meaning he's middle-aged (he referred to himself as very old) and he's still single and without a serious relationship. So, he takes what's there. And that's Rachel at the moment.
The guys had some great spirit in this last episode from season 9. Danny called Steve 'babe' and that didn't happen for a long time until now. Steve was relaxed and whenever he was around Danny there was either some meaningful tension or a playful smile around his lips.
BUT: Yes, when Danny came into his office Steve braced himself. He crossed his arms over his chest and stayed that way, shielding himself from what may hit him in the chest (heart). He never loosened up.
And Danny, c'mon guys, he asked for permission to sit! SERIOUSLY DANNY? YOU FEEL THAT DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE? That was meaningful because Danny respects Steve and he's afraid of what he might think of him.
From my point of view, Rachel isn't a threat. She's there, yes, but she's kinda floating above and without having Danny's heart. Maybe this is very difficult to understand but I feel that Steve's safe. Steve feels safe, even Danny is on holidays with Rachel. Rachel will never have permission to enter the depth of Danny's heart. Not in the way Steve owns that place. Only Steve has the key to this unique place. And Steve knows that.
So, where are we?
Nothing changed much on the surface. We have proof that Danny is back together with Rachel. They had sex I'm sure of that, they're back in a love affair, in a relationship, they went on holidays together and I just hope Danny pulled a stupid hoodie over his dick. If Rachel gets pregnant…I don't know. I can't go there right now. I don't want to jump too far ahead. I would fly over to Hawaii and smack him myself over the back of the head.
Steve's seems to be cool, or fake-cool, about what Danny has going on. He knows he can't stop it. But during the night there is for sure some serious hurt and loneliness lurking in the dark. Steve's still grieving. Joe's ashes in his desk drawer still kinds of throws me for a loop. But so far, Steve's coping well with what's going on. He's not dating anyone.
The guys have still a unique bond. McDanno is fully alive and breathing for my senses.
The cliffhanger – it wasn't the ugliness I've expected. Someone got shot, maybe – maybe not. Also possible. Jerry yelled "Gun!" and there's a shot and a longer pause until we hear Danny's "oh my God!"…
It could also be that when this stupid, reckless, selfish mother did miss that she ordered her son to draw a weapon and point it at Steve. Maybe this little guy stands now at the ready, pointing a gun at Steve just like his father did when the SEALs came to kill his grandfather.
I've read a version that they killed off Steve that he could leave the show. And that's utter bullshit in my opinion. Because without Alex/Steve no H50. Simple and true.
And Lenkov's way to whip up the fans with his interview paid off. Everyone watched H50 and the ratings went up! Without money no H50. It's a business. He spiced up my week that's for sure.
End of freaking long essay!
My God! I hope any of this makes sense. Thank you again so much for your ask! Hugs!
***
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Teen Wolf, season 3, Stiles has a crush on Derek, mentioned Derek/Ms. Blake
As Derek and Ms. Blake—“Jennifer, or Jen, actually, if you guys want”—slowly take their togetherness public, Stiles finds himself on the receiving end of more than a few sympathetic glances and one strange conversation with Danny. And Scott. And Allison. And Lydia. And...Peter.
Or, The One Where Everyone Tells Stiles to Hang in There, Baby, but He's Really Not Sure Where There is, or What He's Supposed to be Hanging On To.
--
Stiles really couldn’t go anywhere in the school without hearing about it.
“Wait, our totally adorkable English teacher is going out with Derek ‘I’m Really Hot, But Also Might Be a Serial Killer’ Hale?”
“Yes, they were drinking milkshakes! They were actually drinking milkshakes and eating burgers and fries like we’re in ‘Happy Days’ or something! I almost died!”
“That is so super cute and also really gross; I don’t want to think about my teachers’ sex lives.”
“Hm, that’s really tough, because, Derek Hale is…Mmm.”
“Oh, he’s very ‘Mmm’.”
Stiles slammed his locker shut, “Just to clarify, ladies, are we talking ‘Mmm…donuts’ or is it more of a Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup ‘Mmm-mmm, good’?”
The two girls just stared at him before shaking their heads and walking away.
“Good talk,” Stiles called after them, rolling his eyes.
It was all over school by third period, “totally adorkable” Ms. Blake was going out with Derek Hale, who, even though he was arrested on suspicion of murder, was still really, really hot.
“It’s like a bad dream,” Stiles moaned, “No one will stop talking about it.”
--
At lunch, Danny sat with Scott and Stiles, of his own free will, sans Lydia and the others from the lacrosse team, even Ethan was nowhere in sight, and without any blackmail on Stiles’ part.
“Hey. Danny.” Stiles said awkwardly, raising his eyebrows at Scott to try to figure out exactly what was going on. Scott shook his head, but greeted Danny just the same.
“Hey, man, what’s up?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to Stiles, Scott, would you mind?”
Stiles perked up, his eyebrows raising high, “Talk to me, like talk to me, like, like, talk-talk?”
Danny immediately looked as if he regretted sitting down, but slowly shook his head, “I mean, talk as in have-a-conversation talk, not…whatever you’re thinking of.”
Scott was looking between Stiles and Danny with an uneasy smile, only getting up when Stiles gave him a slight nod that it was alright.
“I’ll be back later, I guess. See you soon-ish?”
Stiles waved Scott off and turned back to Danny with a huge smile on his face.
“So, are you gonna ask me out—”
“No!” Danny backtracked, “I mean, you know I’m with Ethan, right? And that thing in the locker room was just a joke, I was kidding.”
“I was desperate and you took advantage of that. Gotta say, not your finest moment.”
Danny sighed, “Well, here’s my formal apology: I’m sorry, Stiles, for using your desperation as a means to entertain myself.”
“Thank you, and by the way, you missed out on an awesome cuddle-session, so, you know, your loss.”
Danny shook his head, “This is not what I came over here to talk about, how did we get so off-track?”
“It happens sometimes,” Stiles shrugged. “Usually around me.”
“Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about,” Danny looked around the cafeteria and leaned in closer, “Derek Hale.”
Stiles leaned in closer too, a bit too much, as it made Danny jerked his head back, “Derek Hale, why? Did Ethan say something about him? Did you hear Ethan talking about him?”
“What? Why would Ethan be talking about Derek Hale—who, by the way, is totally not named Miguel and definitely not your cousin, don’t think I hadn’t figured that out.”
Stiles kept his face as blank as possible, “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re still a horrible person, Stilinski,” Danny said, sounding far too much like Jackson for Stiles’ comfort, “But, oh my god, this is still not what I came here to talk about!”
“Okay,” Stiles leaned back, “Promise, no more interruptions from me.”
Danny let out an exasperated sigh and lowered his voice even further, “I just wanted to let you know, even though this is not my place at all to say this—that a relationship with an older man never works out. Especially when you’re in high school. I’ve been there and it was awful. You’d do much better with someone your own age especially since you’re not even out yet, fully, and if you wanted,” Danny continued in a long-suffering tone, “I could, maybe, set you up with someone—”
Danny glanced up to see Stiles’ mouth hanging open, a half-masticated bite of hamburger in full view.
“Or, you could just wait till college to date guys, or anybody,” Danny said under his breath, sliding his tray from the table and going back over to sit with Ethan, who looked like he was trying, very poorly, not to laugh. His brother, sitting across the cafeteria with Lydia, wasn’t even bothering to hide his laughter.
Stiles still had his mouth open even when Scott had sat back down and forcibly closed Stiles’ mouth himself.
“So, what did Danny want to talk to you about?” Scott asked, reaching once again to close Stiles’ mouth. When Stiles still hadn’t responded, Scott lightly slapped him on the cheek.
“Ow!”
Scott looked at him sheepishly, “Sorry, you were stuck.”
Stiles swallowed and reached up to tug at his hair, like he was trying to wake himself up, “I just had the weirdest conversation.”
Scott looked behind him at Danny, who was trying to get his boyfriend to calm down with an unamused expression on his face.
“What exactly was Danny talking to you about?”
“He was warning me of the dangers of having a romantic relationship with an older guy.”
“Oh,” Scott looked down at his lunch quickly, “That’s…nice of him.”
Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah, really nice of him, very pre-emptive since I am definitely not dating an older guy.”
Scott started shifting his corn around his plate, “He was probably just trying to make you feel better, you know, about…”
Stiles waved his hands back and forth, “About what, Scott? If you know something about my life that I am apparently not aware of, please let me in on it!”
“That,” Scott sighed loudly, “That Derek and Ms. Blake are seeing each other, and everyone’s talking about it and it’s not easy to listen to, especially when you…”
“When I what, Scott?” Stiles said impatiently, staring flatly at his friend.
“When you have a big crush on him,” Scott blurted out, obviously uncomfortable talking about it. “I mean, you didn’t really have to tell anyone, though I would have been totally cool with it—you liking guys, not you liking Derek, but not because Derek is a guy, but because Derek is Derek—but you know I would’ve been cool with it, when have I ever given the impression that I wouldn’t have been cool with it?”
“I…” Stiles stared, but apparently Scott was not done yet.
“I would’ve been totally supportive, I would’ve tried to talk you out of it, but I would’ve been supportive. Because you can do so much better than Derek! I mean, Danny, Danny and I will find you a nice boy, your own age and not a werewolf, somebody as smart as you and as funny and plays video games and doesn’t go around biting people—unless that’s what you’re into, you don’t have to tell me, no judging, this is a judgment free zone—and I’ll make sure he cares about you and doesn’t ignore you, or I’ll kick his ass.” Scott looked intently at Stiles. “I’ll kick anyone’s ass for you. Even Derek’s, especially Derek’s.”
“Scott, while I have no doubt that you can kick Derek’s ass, there’s no need,” Stiles smiled.
Scott wrinkled his eyebrows together, “Stiles, it’s okay; you don’t need to put on a brave face. I remember how much venting time you needed when Lydia and Jackson got together, so, lay it on me.”
Stiles shook his head, “I’m telling the truth, I am definitely not stupid enough to get involved with Derek. I really don’t care that he’s dating Ms. Blake, except for the fact that she’ll probably be in danger every other day and now that’s just one more person to look out for, Scott, and with all these deaths, I’m starting to think we can’t do anything about it. That everyone we care about is going to die.”
There was a silence at the boys’ lunch table after that, which neither of them broke till the bell rang.
--
Next period for Stiles was English, with Lydia and Isaac, though Isaac wasn’t at school that day, not that Stiles’ blamed him. Stiles had stayed home a whole week when his mother had died, Isaac could afford a break for Boyd’s death as well.
Ms. Blake, dedicated faculty member she was, had been back to school teaching after her kidnapping, though she did look at Stiles differently now. Stiles had successfully avoided talking to her one on one so far, in spite of the meaningful looks and longer-than-polite stares.
--
“Hey, Stiles!”
Stiles spun around, “Allison?”
She raised her eyebrows at the questioning tone, which Stiles thought was a little unfair as she had never actually sought him out on her own, even when she and Scott were dating. So Stiles figured he had the right to be a little confused.
“So, what’s up?”
Allison took a breath, “Werewolves are not worth it.”
Stiles shook his head, “You lost me.”
“Take it from me, Stiles, it’s not worth it to date a werewolf, even when you know about them or think you understand them. There’s just a lot of pain and heartbreak and no matter how you feel when you’re with them, everything is not going to turn out okay.” Allison glanced over Stiles’ shoulder, “I should go, that’s all I wanted to say.”
Allison turned around, leaving Stiles speechless and Scott coming up behind him with a pained expression on his face.
“What, what were you talking about?” Scott asked, though Stiles figured he had heard everything.
Stiles shrugged his shoulder before turning around to face his friend, “Don’t know, just another crazy member of the Poor Stiles Pity Party For No Good Reason Organization.”
--
“As someone who’s had sex with a werewolf and wasn’t traumatized by my father trying to kill him, I can say that you’re really missing out.”
“This is not how I thought it would go when you and I discussed sex.”
“I’m going to chalk up that statement to you being of a fragile disposition right now,” Lydia said in a lilting tone of voice. “However, I can tell you that you that you dodged a huge bullet with Derek Hale. Not only are you not ready for a serious relationship, he is light years away from having one as well. Some serious counseling needs to go into that boy before he’s even ready for holding hands. Even taking his abs into consideration, I really don’t envy Ms. Blake right now.”
“This keep happening to me,” Stiles said incredulously. He’s done asking why, obviously no one is going to answer.
“Because everyone knows about your massive torch you’re carrying for Derek—so shut up, I'm trying to console you.”
“I don’t need consoling,” Stiles interrupted, “There is nothing to console me about. Derek’s dating Ms. Blake, no big deal! Whatever everyone thinks they see when I’m with Derek is absolutely wrong—I don’t like him!” Stiles finished in a huff, breathing heavily and causing Lydia to raise her eyebrow at him.
“See what I mean, you’re both not ready for a serious relationship. There has to be a certain amount of maturity before—”
“I don’t like him!”
Lydia nodded her head and pursed her lips, “Of course you don’t,” she said condescendingly. “I’ll just let you continue on in your denial since I’m not going to waste my time helping people who don’t want to help themselves. So you just,” Lydia faltered and looked around the hallway, “You just ‘Hang in There, Baby’.”
Lydia finished the most unhelpful pep talk ever by patting Stiles on the shoulder daintily. Stiles watched her go simply because he was stunned and not to do with any other reason he may have watched Lydia walk away in the past.
Also, they had finally found something Lydia was really bad at.
--
“I see I’m stuck on babysitting duty again.”
“Funny, that’s exactly what I was going to say.”
“You see, Stiles, we’re so alike, it’s why we get on so well.”
Stiles had to physically bite his lip to keep himself from saying ‘like a house on fire’. That’s just the kind of petty bickering Peter inspired in Stiles, though that comment might earn him some neck mauling. The two were holed up in Derek’s loft while the rest of their gang chased after the Alpha pack downtown. Apparently Kali had made a remark about how many relationships fall apart when one of them is a workaholic, spending her nights alone in the school, which had Derek very proactive about hunting them down. Stiles thought it was about time.
“Here I am, the distrustful werewolf who has been severely weakened and forced to team up with the clever human, who really can’t do anything except annoy people to death.”
“With that sparkling personality, it’s a wonder why no one likes you.”
“You’re right,” Peter said, sounding like he didn’t think Stiles was right at all, “That was unfair of me. You can be useful at times.”
“Thank you, that really means a lot,” Stiles rolled his eyes and pointedly slouched against the wall. If he wasn’t so wary of Peter, he would’ve turned his back completely.
“Speaking of Derek dating your English teacher, how are you dealing with that? In my experience, teenage heartbreak is dealt with by listening to soft emo music and liberally applying ‘guyliner’.”
Stiles did a double-take, “What the hell…”
“Perhaps you went the more traditional route of a tub of Cookie Dough ice cream and renting ‘Pride and Prejudice’.”
“Stop talking.”
“If it’s any consolation—”
“If you’re the one saying it, it’s probably not going to be,” Stile interrupted.
“You could do a lot better than Derek. All familial ties aside, my nephew is an idiot. You should be with someone who’s at least as clever as you, maybe someone a little bit devious.” Peter’s smile grew a bit wider, “Have you given any more thought to whether you want the bite or not, Stiles? The offer’s still on the table, we could be really good together.”
That was when Stiles decided it was time to leave. Death by pack of Alphas was better than whatever the hell Peter was doing.
--
"I saw Derek Hale and your English teacher out tonight."
Stiles didn't look up from his computer, but made a sound acknowledging his dad had spoken.
"They looked, close," His dad continued, taking a few more steps into the room. Stiles quickly closed the website about Celtic druids and brought up a paused game, wishing the ground would swallow him because, yeah, he could deal with everyone else asking it, but if his dad—
"So, are, how do you—would you like to talk about that, or your, uh, feelings on things, or something?"
Stiles puffed out his cheeks and exhaled sharply, "Nope. I'm all good here."
The sheriff nodded, "Yeah, yeah, okay. But, whenever, you want to, just tell me, or you could even talk to your guidance counselor—"
“Dad, seriously, nothing to talk about.”
Mr. Stilinski turned to leave, but hesitated and walked over to Stiles, who was staring resolutely at the screen.
"I’m not saying I would’ve approved, but, anyone who doesn't want you is an idiot, just for your general knowledge," He kissed the top of Stiles' head, "Good night, I'll make pancakes in the morning."
Stiles forced a grin so wide his tears were pressed out of his eyes and down his cheeks, where they were harshly wiped away.
"Sounds great, dad."
"And bacon. Real bacon." He said pointedly as he walked out the door.
“Dad,” Stiles said, spinning around, “Thanks.”
The sheriff paused in the doorway and turned around, "I love you, Stiles."
“Love you too, dad.”
"I can arrest him again if you want me to."
"Dad," Stiles groaned, “Totally not necessary. I had a crush, he didn't sully my honor.”
“He better not have.”
--
End
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Lol what?
-me the entire time I watched this episode. I don’t have that many thoughts because I don’t care about any of this at all. LeT’s DiVe iN!
Danny
Remind me who the Delgados are again? I mean, don’t actually bc I don’t care. But I feel like I’d be more invested in this storyline if I remembered.
But damn @ straight up showing a murder like that on screen. That’s A Lot for this show.
Oh the psychic lady is back? This should be fine
I am seriously missing how these cases are all connected. I guess that’s what happens when you spread some story out into 3-4 episodes over two full seasons like what’s with this lame attempt at a cohesive story arc?
We’re moving on to this club setup situation and all I can think about is all of my Questions about this whole phone/wire situation, but it’s fine
Oh, hooray, they caught the guy who killed Linda. Nice.
I don’t know how I feel about this last psychic scene. Like... it’s meaningful, and a Big Deal, but also.... is it that meaningful? To let this psychic lady who Danny’s met like twice now convince him to take off his wedding ring? I would’ve much rather seen that happen over a conversation with Frank or Henry - actual important people in Danny’s life who can offer some insight as two men who have also lost their wives - instead of this nobody psychic getting that role.
Frank & Lena
Dude Frank’s Big Three are hilarious.
Bit ~presumptuous~ of Lena to go around telling folks she has the commissioner’s ear when she’s never met the dude, lol
About to be Frank’s sister??? Um lol I don’t think that’s how the whole in-law thing works but okay
Did Frank Reagan just say the word “icky” on my TV? Lol what? 😂����😂
GAWD it’s like they’re preparing for war up in the PC’s office. Everyone is sooo awkwarddddd
Lena Janko is ridiculous like, to the point where I can’t even enjoy this 😂😭
“Very masculine” is 100% a nod to “Nice place Reagan...could use a woman’s touch though” except it’s not a nod in a cool way, it’s like the writers rewatched that scene and changed it a little bit so they didn’t have to start from scratch 🙄
GAWD say Edit one more time. Please
Frank is a bigger person than I am yo I would’ve shot that shit right down the second she started asking for courtesy cards like I don’t care whose mother you are
“I KNOW SHE’S VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT THESE THINGS, I WOULDN’T WANT TO UPSET HER” LOLOLOLOLOLOL OF COurse, New Eddie is Very Sensitive and Easily Upset
How widespread was this scheme of Armin’s that apparently people have recognized the Janko name everywhere Lena has moved to? New York is a big city dudes, I’d think she could find some luxury high rise somewhere that isn’t run by her husband’s victims. Like considering Jamie and other cops had never heard of the case back in the day, how Big could it have really been? Lol whatever I’m thinking too much. God knows the writers don’t think when it comes to this shit.
This rich old lady with her tiny cat-dog is my all time favorite Blue Bloods character
“Looks like we might not even need to see the security footage!” Lol @ Garrett with those Detective Skillz
Lena is back in Frank’s office and what is with Frank’s hand gestures/body language? Lol it’s weird af like Frank Reagan should not be pressing a hand to his chest like that 😂
EDIT lolol
I can’t force myself to feel invested in this whole Lena situation oh well
Family dinner
I’m bored of this. they’ve had this exact same conversation 2948 times in the last 9 years
But it’s worth noting that Eddie didn’t cross herself after the prayer which lol, will probably make some people mad (I’ll be lurking on the Facebook page later folks, behave yourselves) but I appreciate it. She’s not Catholic, she hasn’t become Catholic, hooray for reality or whatever.
Jamie & Erin’s case
Lol @ Eddie screaming Jamie’s name on this scene. I thought he’s only Sarge at work? 🙄
Related: you’re still trying to tell me nobody at their damn precinct suspects a thing? Bullshit.
Daaaaaamn @ this bar fight yo.
Jamie Reagan does terrible CPR. I die laughing every time that shit crosses my screen. It’s TV, yeah dude, but like, can we at least make it look a little more realistic? Get his hands in the right spot? If I ever die in a bar fight or dentist’s office somewhere, Jamie Reagan is not who I want responding.
Convenient of this drunk trashbag to admit to the crime as soon as he’s out of earshot of everyone else.
The dude survived all the way to the operating table? LOL NOT AFTER THAT SHIT CPR
ARe yOu CaLLiNg mE a LiAr?! All I can think of is this Classic Moment:
Jamie said “wHaT DiFfErEnCe dOeS iT MaKe?!” twice in thirty seconds, in case anyone still thought this show is well-written and not sloppy
Say TO MY FACE one more time, Jamie. To mY FaCe
Lol that scene in Erin’s office is... fine? It exists? I don’t care about anything all I can think about is where is Anthony’s sixteen-year-old foster son? 🙄
WHY IS ANTHONY TRACKING JAMIE DOWN AT WORK to intervene in his ~professional disagreement~ with Erin? UGH like what makes Anthony so important that he gets all these roles? He’s not A Reagan yet he gets solo scenes/storylines with Erin, Jamie, and Eddie this season?
Why does he even exist? To turn Erin’s lawyer storylines into detective storylines. It’s dumb and demeaning and doesn’t let us see Erin doing her actual job and “Anthony” should not even exist as a role on this show. In this essay I will
“THE BOY SCOUT’S GOT SOME SPUNK AFTER ALL” lol @ that entire sentence
God I’m only halfway through this damn episode someone save me.
LOL @ Anthony yelling at this poor Statue Of Liberty chick. And LOL @ the stabby ragey drunk with fancy lawyers dating some girl whose job is Performance Art in Times Square. 😂😂😂
And now Anthony’s yelling at both of them in his office? I mean I’m all for anyone yelling at Various Reagans but w.h.y. does Anthony exist.
Except LOLOL 4ever @ Anthony pouring himself two shots and then peacing out, CLASSIC.
THE FINAL DINNER SCENE: Frank Officially Meets Lena
Lol this opening of just Frank and Jamie is awkward af
Eddie’s so nervous and jittery. 😂 “I would like... to introduce you.... to my mom...? Maybe?” It’s funny and for once I’m not bothered by this whole Demeanor on Eddie (it makes sense for her to be nervous about introducing her mom to Jamie’s family) but also don’t start talking to me about how this could/should have occurred during Jamie and Eddie’s pre-engagement dating relationship that we were deprived of, it’s fine
Eddie and Jamie’s cute little “hey...hey” was like, the most meaningful/cute/appropriate-for-an-engaged-couple Moment they’ve had all season, so thaf’s where we’re at now.
Lol I’m so pleased @ how Nothing that scene was.
I’m going to go give my three dogs a bath. It’ll be more fun and interesting than this episode, so. ✌️
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9.15 reaction under the cut!!!
is it just me or is every vaguely spanish speaking villain nicknamed “el diablo”? but hey, so far the only thing we’ve seen him do is tip well, so i’m inclined to not hate him too much, to be honest.
we’re barely a couple of minutes in and rachel is flirting. that is... flirting. at least danny looks slightly confused about it, omg (and hey, same) (but you know what the sad part is? i actually really love this premise of rachel and charlie taking shelter at danny’s during a storm and it could be so nice to see danny have a good relationship with his ex, but i don’t, as in do not, want them to turn that relationship into something romantic again, which clearly the show is angling for at the moment)
i’m glad they mentioned grace, though! no disappearing kids this time around! yay!
it’s kind of funny to me that the show keeps using “hpd doesn’t have enough man power so let’s send tani and junior out there to help them out” as a reason for why they’re doing hpd work, because i don’t actually mind, but... is calling on two people from five-0 who never even graduated the police academy actually going to do something about their problem in any meaningful way?
a shady guy who is staring at people from a car and says some cryptic spanish things on the phone!!! i think we’ve found a second Bad Guy, gasp
now he has a gun AND a knife. subtle.
not an actual complaint, but as a european sometimes i’m randomly reminded just how intensely American this show is, gosh. bad guy from random non-us country who has KILLED people, HUNDREDS, and death would be TOO GOOD for him so we need to put him in our WORST PRISON. [insert random speech from steve about a Good Navy Man who served his country and had a picture perfect american family that died]
tani and junior’s banter on the phone while they’re both driving through the storm is giving me life, aww. love them
there’s some heavy danny/rachel flirting and. i have SUCH conflicting feelings about this, because on the one hand, as an isolated scene, completely cut loose from all context, i actually think this is cute and the actors are good together and i like it? but there IS context and that means that this is a VERY BAD IDEA and it makes me extremely nervous. at least charlie comes to the viewer’s rescue with his reminder that he’s there too and he needs food, dear parents, you can’t feed him with misplaced sexual tension
random fbi guy has been chasing el diablo down for ten years and “that man cost me EVERYTHING I CARED ABOUT”. i’m so sorry, five-0 writers, because i know this was probably meant as very serious and gripping and you did your best, but i keep having to laugh at how perfectly, beautifully cliché this is
jerry and lou performing first aid on the wounded officer was a nice scene! i’m not sure how realistic it was, but i like that they took the time for that. usually random extras who get attacked either just die or are immediately whisked away into an ambulance or another random extra’s waiting arms.
charlie being put to bed is always sweet!! (and i like the parallels with that time steve put him to bed - more evidence for the Steve McGarrett Is 100% A Real Parent To Danny’s Kids argument)
fjdkfdjkfd oh my GOD this MUSIC after rachel implied they could use danny’s bed together WHY
and then they’re playing a dice game together instead of having sex. fjdkfjdk this is the GOOD kind of fake out, haaa.
not being able to hear your prisoner when he screams for help is kind of not great, oops
so they can’t keep their prisoner in the cell they had him in until now (because it’s full of gas) and they can’t keep him in the hallway, so steve says that their best option is to lock the guy in steve’s office. steve’s completely glass-walled office. are you... are you sure that’s your very best option?
lou’s story is nice!!! so far jerry and lou keeping watch over this injured guard might unexpectedly be my favorite plotline this episode.
of course all three of the fbi guys are taken out immediately so steve has to fight the Bad Guy all on his own in dramatic hand to hand combat. oh no, steve, babe
adam storms in just when steve is done. adam, my friend, your timing is awful.
i’m almost disappointed that junior came in and shot the guy that tani was fighting because i kind of loved that bit? tani managing just fine all on her own in that house full of people who aren’t very friendly towards her is my jam (although i will admit she was in a bit of a pickle there, at the end, so junior’s rescue might have been for the best :p )
i love charlie, omfg. he SHUSHES his parents (“i’m watching this!”) when they start up with some awkward nonsense about why they were sleeping on the couch together. thank you, charlie, because i didn’t want to hear it either. you’ve been all around wonderful this episode.
i’m not appreciating the meaningful looks between rachel and danny while rachel says “i had lots of fun”, but, you know, i can deal. it’s all been a lot less terrible than i was bracing myself for, i think? there’s been a lot of flirting but we haven’t seen anything explicit (no kisses, no actual sharing of beds, no literal “hey let’s get back together!” talk) and with a bit of willpower, it’s entirely possible to read this episode as very friendly exes looking after their kid together and having a fun night playing board games and falling asleep on the couch (with possibly some overt flirting from rachel, i’ll admit, but danny never really outright responds to that? so it could be interpreted as one-sided flirting, mostly)
there’s a knock at the door and it’s STEVE. AMAZING. adam could learn a thing or two from steve’s timing.
charlie launches himself at steve which is also very A+, and there’s a steve and rachel hug, which, unexpected, but i’m on board
steve: “also wanna make sure there was no... disasters, you know, natural or- otherwise.” I’M YELLING. that’s a jealous steve. you cannot convince me that wasn’t a jealous steve, or at least one that was unsubtly hinting “don’t date rachel don’t date rachel don’t date rachel”, especially with the camera cutting to rachel right after he says “or otherwise” while he talks about disasters that could have happened last night, holy shit
“that was a little awkward.” STEVE. I LOVE YOU
okay, this final scene i’ve seen, but can i just say that i absolutely love this??? i mean, a lot. A LOT.
“oh, i don’t call it a bribe. i call it pancakes.” YES, steve, you GET YOUR DANNY PANCAKES. EYES ON THE PRIZE.
and danny sputters and asks if steve is five after steve gives his very specific pancake order, but he GOES TO THE KITCHEN ANYWAY.
this is the happy end i didn’t even know this episode could have
final verdict: okay. OKAY. i’ve been very scared about how this episode would turn out, so maybe that has something to do with my feelings about it now because i’ve been expecting the absolute worst, but in the end i didn’t really mind it that much at all? most of the plots were pretty interesting, danny and rachel did some flirting but didn’t actually get back together (yet, because it is very obvious that they’re going there now, but i’m not thinking about that too much until it becomes an actual problem) and there’s absolutely room to interpret their interactions differently from what the writers probably intended (as in, room to ignore the romance they’re hinting at). and that last scene where steve suddenly turned up and got his pancakes?? that was perfect. 10/10 for that. best twist ending i could have hoped for, awww.
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An ode to Ward Meachum
With the event around @ironfistweek starting today, it's once again time for another "why I really like absolutely love this character" rant... or maybe not rant this time, because aside from the fact that the show's cancelled, there isn't that much of an issue with anything in this series. At least not as much as there is with certain others.
Well, let's start with the obvious - the eye-candy. The attire, that slicked back hair, being manly yet still slightly elegant... okay, that won't get us very far. But it had to be said, especially in contrast to Danny who looks rather boyish (fight me!)
To be perfectly honest, Ward actually was the one character I couldn't stand in the beginning. Most of that came from his hostility and skepticism towards Danny, which was quite harsh at first. Sure, the skepticism is more than understandable right from the beginning, but the way Ward acts on it is a little questionable at first. Instead of at least trying to be nice and polite, he's openly hostile and seems to not even be open to the possibility of Danny not only having survived but also coming back to New York. Once we actually get to know him a little more and start to see glimpses of the relationship with his father, things start to look very different or at least allow a very different interpretation of why and how Ward is in denial. It's not just about business but also about protecting himself from the emotional turmoil that comes Danny being back and being someone different from the boy he knew.
Protection, reliability and a sense of security and certainty (or at least the need for those things) seems to be a general core theme for Ward, as his relationship with Danny gets better once he realises that the guy doesn't actually want to oppose and fight him but protect the city those whom he holds dear - and despite the difficulties they had as children (which may actually come from the age gap which was relatively big when they were young), Ward definitely falls under both categories. The intention to help, work together and protect are even more important and meaningful when you realise that from what we know, those were things no one ever did for Ward in the past.
The other interesting and surprisingly likeable thing about Ward is how he has his issues (one of them being the addiction, the other being the lack of stable and healthy relationships), he doesn't get stuck within this vicious circle of self-pity and at least tries to fight his demons. Sure, it takes time and it is a fight that's hardly over even at the end of season two, but a quick-fix would've been boring and unrealistic. Not changing at all and being completely dark, moody and broody would've been even worse though, as we can see with certain other franchises and shows (definitely not talking about DC and the arrowverse *cough*).
Well, that's it for today and I really hope you guys try to spam the tag as much as you can.
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